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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,254
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
2
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Good morning, Lucy.
3
00:00:33,083 --> 00:00:35,585
Fortunately, I'm not the sensitive
type.
4
00:00:35,585 --> 00:00:36,586
Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel.
5
00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:37,587
I'm so terribly busy.
6
00:00:37,587 --> 00:00:39,589
You know what day this is, don't you?
7
00:00:39,589 --> 00:00:41,091
What day is it?
8
00:00:41,091 --> 00:00:44,094
This is the day Ricky goes over my
household accounts.
9
00:00:44,094 --> 00:00:45,095
Well, so long.
10
00:00:45,595 --> 00:00:46,596
Oh, now, Ethel, don't go.
11
00:00:46,596 --> 00:00:48,598
I need your moral support.
12
00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:51,601
I don't think I'll ever get it
figured out.
13
00:01:03,113 --> 00:01:05,115
I know I'm a fool to ask this
14
00:01:05,115 --> 00:01:06,616
but what are you doing?
15
00:01:06,616 --> 00:01:08,118
This is my system for paying bills.
16
00:01:08,118 --> 00:01:10,120
See, I throw them all up in the air,
17
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,122
and those that land face up are the
winners.
18
00:01:14,124 --> 00:01:17,127
By the winners, you mean the ones you
pay?
19
00:01:17,127 --> 00:01:18,128
Uh-huh.
20
00:01:18,128 --> 00:01:20,630
Well, what happens if they all land
face up?
21
00:01:20,630 --> 00:01:22,132
Well, then I just switch.
22
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I only pay the ones that land
facedown.
23
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:26,252
That figures.
24
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,253
Oh, what's the use?
25
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,756
I can't afford to pay any bills this
month.
26
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,757
RICKY: Honey!
27
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,758
Yes, dear.
28
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,259
Are your books ready for me to see?
29
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,260
Yes.
30
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,261
Let me know how you come out.
31
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,262
All right.
32
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:42,068
Okay, let's see what shape your
accounts are in this month.
33
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,069
I'm afraid...
34
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,522
Well, honey, if you're too busy this
morning...
35
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,523
Oh, no, no, no, no.
36
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,991
I wouldn't miss this
37
00:01:47,991 --> 00:01:49,993
for all the money in the world.
38
00:01:50,493 --> 00:01:52,745
And that's probably what it'll cost
me.
39
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,249
Hmm...
40
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:58,751
hmm...
41
00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,253
Is it interesting?
42
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,187
Very.
43
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:05,041
50 cents for the newsboy.
44
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:08,044
39 cents for toothpaste.
45
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:11,047
15 cents for nail polish.
46
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,267
$245 for miscellaneous.
47
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,639
Miscellaneous?
48
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,374
Yeah, miscellaneous.
49
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:22,725
Would you mind telling me
50
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:25,228
what comes under miscellaneous?
51
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:28,448
Oh, you know, rent, groceries,
telephone, electric, gas--
52
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:29,749
stuff like that.
53
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,451
Oh, that kind of miscellaneous.
54
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:32,452
Yeah.
55
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:33,453
Uh-huh.
56
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:37,757
Well, I'm glad to see you paid this
month's bills.
57
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:40,410
Well, they're not exactly this
month's bills.
58
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,428
Oh? They're last month's?
59
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:44,631
No, they're not last month's either.
60
00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:47,167
You don't mean they're the month
before last?
61
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,918
No, but you're getting warmer.
62
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,724
What month's bills are you paying
now?
63
00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:58,444
Jingle bells, jingle bells
64
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,597
Jingle all the way
65
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,183
Oh, what fun it is to ride...
66
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,185
Wait, wait, wait.
67
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:09,689
Morbid curiosity makes me want to see
more.
68
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,724
The lights have not been paid.
69
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,726
The water hasn't been paid.
70
00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:15,728
The phone hasn't been paid.
71
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,264
Why they haven't been turned off, I
don't know.
72
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,600
Well, I've been going around stalling
our creditors.
73
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,417
Huh?
74
00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:23,036
I jollied them out of it.
75
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:24,370
Oh, you did.
76
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,371
Yeah, except that this month
77
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,708
I'm afraid they're going to want more
money and less jolly.
78
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,344
Lucy, this is absolutely fantastic.
79
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,346
It's just unbelievable.
80
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:36,849
I would like a logical explanation of
it.
81
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:40,987
Well, I'd like a "lowgical
splanation" of it, too.
82
00:03:43,106 --> 00:03:44,357
I make good money.
83
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,859
I bring it home and it disappears.
84
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:49,362
Now, what have you been doing with
it?
85
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:53,433
I sank it all in a phony gold mine.
86
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,485
(forced laughter)
87
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,304
(sarcastically imitates laugh)
88
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,039
That's very funny.
89
00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:01,791
I thought you'd like it.
90
00:04:01,791 --> 00:04:03,793
Yeah. Well, I got something very
funny to tell you, too.
91
00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:04,794
Oh, you have?
Yes, I have.
92
00:04:04,794 --> 00:04:07,297
You know, you've used up your
allowance
93
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:08,798
until next February.
94
00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,800
And you're not going to get
95
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,802
any more money until then.
96
00:04:12,802 --> 00:04:14,087
But, Ricky...
97
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,856
And not only that, but you can't have
any more charge accounts.
98
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,725
I will handle all the money
99
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,226
and pay all the bills.
100
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,728
Now, isn't that funny?
101
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,731
But, Ricky, you can't do that to me.
102
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,400
Well, now, honey, I know that this
seems very harsh to you right now,
103
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,902
but we got to get our finances in
order
104
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,404
and teach you a lesson
105
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,406
and this is the only way.
106
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,408
But, Ricky, you're so smart.
107
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,910
Can't you think of another way?
108
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,912
No!
109
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,415
(wailing)
110
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,417
Look, if you can get the bills paid
111
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,419
we'll go back to the old arrangement.
112
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:47,920
Until then, it's got to be this way.
113
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,422
Now, come on, come on.
114
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:49,922
Give me a kiss.
115
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,428
Hmm, salty but nice.
116
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:56,929
See you later.
117
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:00,933
How'd it go?
118
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:01,934
Oh, just awful.
119
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:03,403
He did something he's never done
before.
120
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:04,604
What?
121
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:07,974
He cut off my charge-a-plate.
122
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,243
No!
123
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:11,944
Yes, and it hurt, too.
124
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:15,064
Aw, you poor little thing.
125
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,566
Hey, I'm on my way to a radio show
126
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,066
and I got two tickets.
127
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,067
Why don't you come go with me?
128
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,569
It'll take your mind off your
troubles.
129
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,570
No.
130
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,072
Oh, come on, it's the Freddie Filmore
Show.
131
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,576
You know, the one called Females Are
Fabulous.
132
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,896
I just came from a show called
"Husbands Are Horrible."
133
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,214
Come on, put your coat on.
134
00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:33,716
No, if there's one thing I don't feel
like doing today,
135
00:05:33,716 --> 00:05:34,717
it's going to a radio show.
136
00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:36,719
But you might win a prize.
137
00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:39,222
Well, you go ahead, Ethel.
138
00:05:39,222 --> 00:05:41,224
The first prize is a thousand
dollars.
139
00:05:41,224 --> 00:05:43,226
Well, what would I do with a thousand
dol...
140
00:05:43,226 --> 00:05:45,728
A thousand dollars?!
141
00:05:45,728 --> 00:05:48,731
Uh-huh.
Well, come on, what are we waiting
for?
142
00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:50,233
Well!
143
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,522
Females are Fabulous.
144
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,025
(applause)
145
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,526
Welcome to another session
146
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,928
of Females Are Fabulous,
147
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:05,531
our very outstanding program based on
the theory
148
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,133
that any woman is willing
149
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,135
to make an idiot out of herself
150
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,787
in order to win a prize.
151
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,789
(applause)
152
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,908
Now, our first contestant today, a
lovely little lady
153
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,311
who's going to try for our thousand
dollar jackpot,
154
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,712
Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
155
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,215
Come on out here, Mrs. Ricardo.
156
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,718
Oh, we're going to have a lot of fun
157
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:26,719
aren't we, Mrs. Ricardo?
158
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,221
Yeah.
159
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,156
Tell me, how would you like to go to
the beach this afternoon?
160
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,225
Oh, I'd like that.
You'd like that.
161
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,926
Well, of course, we can't go to the
beach
162
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,528
so we're going to do the next best
thing:
163
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,130
we're going to bring the beach to
you.
164
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,481
Bring the beach in here, fellows.
165
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,482
Come on, get it right in here.
166
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,983
That's it, set it right down there.
167
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,485
Oh, isn't that a beautiful beach?
168
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,486
Come on, right onto the beach.
169
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,487
That's it, Mrs. Ricardo.
170
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,988
Oh, look at that sand.
171
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:46,989
Isn't that beautiful?
172
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,491
Hey, why don't you take off your
shoes
173
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,493
so you can wiggle your toes in the
sand?
174
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,995
Don't you always do that when you're
down at the beach?
175
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,497
Yes.
It's a lot of fun, isn't it?
176
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,499
Get it on her, boys, get it on her.
177
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,500
That's it.
178
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,502
Oh, say, isn't that beautiful?
179
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,503
I tell you,
180
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,505
that really does something for you.
181
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,506
Long bathing suit.
182
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,007
(chuckles): Yes, sir.
183
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,008
Oh, and then, too,
184
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,510
we've got a beach umbrella here.
185
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,512
You know, we wouldn't want you to get
sunburned.
186
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,514
The sun's awfully bright down here at
the beach
187
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,015
and we do want you to feel...
188
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:14,016
Oh, that's real fetching, that is.
189
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,017
Yes, sir.
190
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,520
Yes, sir, that really does something
for you.
191
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,988
You all ready for our little game
now?
192
00:07:18,988 --> 00:07:21,240
Well, I'll tell you what we want you
to do.
193
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,158
You know the song
194
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:23,659
"My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean"?
195
00:07:23,659 --> 00:07:24,660
Uh, yeah.
196
00:07:24,660 --> 00:07:26,662
You do? Lovely little song, isn't it?
197
00:07:26,662 --> 00:07:27,663
Yeah.
198
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:29,665
Well, what we want you to do is sing
that song,
199
00:07:29,665 --> 00:07:31,167
and every time you mention something
200
00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:32,518
that has to do with water
201
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,454
we're going to do our best to make
you feel
202
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,456
that you're right down at the beach.
203
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:36,956
Are you ready?
204
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:37,790
Yeah.
205
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,258
Okay, you go ahead.
206
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:43,713
My... My bonnie lies over the
ocean...
207
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:52,221
My bonnie lies over the sea...
208
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:06,252
My bonnie lies over the ocean...
209
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,764
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me.
210
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,668
Oh, no, now that time, you see, I
didn't squirt you
211
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,921
because the last line had nothing to
do with water.
212
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,722
Now, do you get the idea of our
little game?
213
00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:28,224
Yes, I see.
214
00:08:28,224 --> 00:08:29,225
Sea!
215
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,083
Listen, I've got a notion...
216
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,017
An ocean!
217
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,190
Oh, that was wonderful, Mrs. Ricardo.
218
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,575
Yes, sir.
219
00:08:45,575 --> 00:08:47,577
How about giving her a big hand,
folks?
220
00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:56,085
Oh, naughty, naughty, naughty, Mrs.
Ricardo.
221
00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:58,087
Well, where's my thousand dollars?
222
00:08:58,087 --> 00:09:01,591
Oh, no, no, you don't get the
thousand dollars for this.
223
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,092
This was just a little test
224
00:09:03,092 --> 00:09:05,411
to see if you qualify for the
thousand dollars.
225
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:08,347
And she does qualify, doesn't she,
audience?
226
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,349
Yes, sir.
227
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,351
Now, in just a minute, I'm going to
tell you
228
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:14,287
the simple little thing you have to
do
229
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,138
in order to actually win the thousand
dollars.
230
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,724
But first we want to present a check
for a thousand dollars
231
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,477
to the winner of last week's jackpot,
Mrs. Peterson.
232
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,480
Come right on in here, Mrs. Peterson.
233
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,989
Well, now, Mrs. Peterson,
234
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,491
it wasn't so tough going over Niagara
Falls
235
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,993
in a barrel, was it?
236
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,495
Well, here's your check.
237
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,504
She seems to be a little shaken up.
238
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,506
Yeah, well, I'll be seeing you.
239
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,509
Oh, no, no, Mrs. Ricardo, now you
stay right here.
240
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,511
This next little stunt is very
simple.
241
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:56,512
It is?
Oh, yes, yes.
242
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,014
I take it you're married?
243
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,015
Yes.
244
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,017
Never been married before?
245
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:01,867
No.
246
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,269
You've never been married before.
247
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,770
Well, now, I'll tell you what's going
to happen.
248
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,572
We're going to send a man out to your
house
249
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,024
and you introduce him to your
husband.
250
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,008
Where's the catch?
251
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:10,209
Catch?
252
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,410
The gimmick.
253
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:16,032
Oh, I did forget one simple little
thing, yes sirree.
254
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,034
You're to introduce this man to your
husband
255
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,535
as your long-lost first husband.
256
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,837
My long-lost first what?
257
00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:23,623
You don't seem to get the picture.
258
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,125
Now, look, you're sitting at home at
8:00 tonight,
259
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,127
this man comes and knocks on the
door.
260
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,130
You open the door, you greet him with
tears in your eyes,
261
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,131
you pull him into the room
262
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,634
and you introduce him to your present
husband
263
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,635
as your first husband
264
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,637
whom you thought had disappeared.
265
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,339
But what will my husband say?
266
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,190
(chortles gleefully)
267
00:10:41,190 --> 00:10:43,192
That's what we want to know,
268
00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:44,694
isn't it, audience?
269
00:10:44,694 --> 00:10:47,196
(applause)
270
00:10:47,196 --> 00:10:49,198
Yes, sir, now, Mrs. Ricardo
271
00:10:49,198 --> 00:10:51,701
if you can keep up this little
masquerade
272
00:10:52,201 --> 00:10:53,486
until midnight tonight,
273
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,988
our man is going to give you this
$1,000.
274
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:56,989
$1,000?
275
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,491
How about it?
276
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,994
How about letting me go over Niagara
Falls in a paper bag?
277
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,996
Ah, no.
278
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,998
Now, you have exactly three seconds
279
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,500
to make up your mind.
280
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,001
One... two... three!
281
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,002
I'll do it!
282
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,504
I knew you would
283
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,006
because I always say "Females Are
Fabulous"!
284
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,008
Give her a big hand, folks!
Come on!
285
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,515
Well, that takes care of everything
on today's program
286
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,016
except Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.
287
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,518
Here's her address.
288
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,019
Now, let me get this straight.
289
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,354
I show up there at 8:00 tonight,
290
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:31,490
And she'll introduce me as her first
husband.
291
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,491
That's right.
292
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:33,993
Now, here's the thousand dollars.
293
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,494
She keeps up the pretense until
midnight
294
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:36,996
you give her the money.
Got it.
295
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,497
Good luck.
296
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:39,498
I'll need it.
297
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,502
What a way to make a living.
298
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:45,004
(sputtering)
299
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,399
(banging)
300
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,400
I'll get it.
301
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,401
Get what?
302
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:16,902
Somebody knocked.
303
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,906
I was trying to make the lighter
work.
304
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:21,907
Oh.
305
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,910
Why, are you expecting someone?
306
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:25,911
Who, me?
307
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,413
Who would I be expecting
308
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,914
at this time of night?
309
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,916
(laughs forcedly)
310
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,921
Lucy, you seem awfully nervous
tonight.
311
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:36,922
Me, nervous?
312
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,925
Why, I was never calmer in my life.
313
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,444
Thank you.
314
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,946
Are you sure there's nothing wrong?
315
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:01,947
No, of course not, dear.
316
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,948
(phone rings)
317
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,450
I'll get it.
318
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,951
Hello?
319
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,957
No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong
number.
320
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,961
Lucy, I never seen you act so
jittery.
321
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,463
Are you sure everything's all right?
322
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:18,964
Of course, dear.
323
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,466
Well, why don't you do something?
324
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,967
Yeah, I'll do something.
325
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,469
You haven't finished those...
326
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,971
You haven't finished those socks for
me yet.
327
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:26,972
Oh.
328
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:27,973
Why don't you knit for a while?
329
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,975
Yeah, that's what I wanted to do.
330
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:11,901
Yes?
331
00:14:11,901 --> 00:14:13,903
Madame, can you spare a bit of
sustenance
332
00:14:13,903 --> 00:14:17,106
for a deserving human who has met
with a terrible accident?
333
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,107
No!
334
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:22,745
Any odd jobs for an honest,
able-bodied man?
335
00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:25,197
No, and we don't allow bums in this
building.
336
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,599
Bums!
337
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,417
I think it only fair to warn you,
Madame,
338
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:30,419
that you are laying yourself open
339
00:14:30,419 --> 00:14:31,921
for a libel suit.
340
00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:35,207
You get out of here, you
good-for-nothing tramp, or I'll call
the police.
341
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,710
Aha! I thought you'd change your
tune.
342
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,711
Change my tune...
343
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,213
Well, it'll do you no good.
344
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,715
I'm leaving.
345
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:44,717
Not up there.
346
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,685
The street's that way.
347
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:53,692
What deplorable manners.
348
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,933
Lucy.
349
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:01,901
What?!
350
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,072
I just want to know
351
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,575
how you're coming along with my
socks.
352
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,076
Oh, just fine, dear.
353
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,078
I'm almost finished, see?
354
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,583
I guess I got carried away.
355
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,584
(doorbell rings)
356
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,085
I'll get it.
357
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,588
Ah, good evening.
358
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:23,589
I wonder...
359
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,091
Darling, after all these years
360
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,593
you've come back.
361
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,594
I have?
362
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,497
Yes, it's so good to see you.
363
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:34,900
Well, it's good to see you, too.
364
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,902
I, um...
365
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,404
I beg your pardon.
366
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:39,905
Oh, no, don't go.
367
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,907
I want you to meet Ricky.
368
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:44,410
Ricky, I don't know exactly how to
say this,
369
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,912
but I want you to meet my first
husband.
370
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,414
How do you...
371
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:50,416
Your first what?
372
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:51,417
Husband.
373
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,685
Husband?
374
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,669
What kind of...
375
00:15:53,669 --> 00:15:54,670
Now, Ricky, Ricky, don't get excited.
376
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,671
Let's all sit down
377
00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:57,589
and talk about this calmly.
378
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,592
Yes, let's all sit down.
379
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,597
Sit down, Ricky.
380
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:09,601
I don't feel like sitting down.
381
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:10,602
Now, listen, you,
382
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:12,604
what kind of a gag is this?
383
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,476
Well, it's really nothing, dear.
384
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,477
Nothing?
385
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,446
Well, it's just that a long time
ago--
386
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:22,564
before I met you-- I was friends
with...
387
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,566
You were not friends.
You were married.
388
00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,369
Yeah, just a little bit.
389
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:30,122
A little bit?
390
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:32,908
Well, all right, I was married to...
391
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:33,909
Harold.
Sam.
392
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,912
Sam.
Harold.
393
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,415
All right, all right, so you were
married
394
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,418
to Harold, Sam, Julius or whichever
his name is.
395
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,919
Julius!?
396
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,388
You stay out of this.
397
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:47,890
How long were you married?
398
00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:50,392
Well, it was just a matter of weeks.
399
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:53,395
Really, it's not worth talking about,
Ricky.
400
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,848
Not worth talking about?
401
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,850
Ha!
402
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,354
Well, we were married for a very
short time
403
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,857
and then Harold had to join the
service
404
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,910
and then I learned he was missing in
action.
405
00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:11,413
Aw... oh, oh!
406
00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:14,416
It was for the battle of the Argonne
Woods.
407
00:17:14,917 --> 00:17:17,419
The Kaiser's troops were all about
us,
408
00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:21,673
and Blackjack Sherman Pershing put
his hand on my shoulder
409
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,108
and said to me, "Sam"--
410
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,461
he always called me by my nickname--
411
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,464
"Sam," he said, "gather about you..."
412
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,465
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
minute.
413
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,467
Look, the battle of the Argonne Woods
414
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,185
was in the first world war.
415
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,386
Yes...
416
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,355
That was 33 years ago.
417
00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:38,557
Ewww...
418
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,564
How old were you when you got
married?
419
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,533
I-I was very young.
420
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,135
Yeah. As a matter of fact, how old
are you now?
421
00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:53,455
65.
422
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:55,240
What do you think, I'm a dope or
something?
423
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,742
You couldn't possibly be 65.
424
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:57,743
I couldn't?
425
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:00,746
Of course not, look at you.
426
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,748
55 yes, but not 65.
427
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:07,719
Don't you care what he says, dollface
428
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,721
you still look good to me.
429
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:10,722
A tu te calla la boca
430
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:13,225
y no le digas a mi señora
"dollface".
431
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,727
LUCY: Ricky, Ricky, now don't get
excited.
432
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,729
I was married to Harold, and that's
all there is to it.
433
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:20,232
Well, that's true-- I know it must
come
434
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:23,235
as a horrible and surprising
disclosure...
435
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:24,736
but the children are entitled
436
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:26,238
to their true father.
437
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:27,739
The children?
438
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:30,742
Yes, my little darlings.
439
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:31,743
Where are they?
440
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:35,047
Don't you have them?
441
00:18:36,331 --> 00:18:40,536
You've misplaced them again.
442
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,038
You always were forgetful,
443
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,540
weren't you, uh, uh...?
444
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,042
What's her name?
445
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,044
Well, I always called her Red.
446
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,429
Now, Ricky.
447
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:51,797
You stay out of this.
448
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,664
What's her name?
449
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:53,465
Ricky.
450
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:54,967
Lucy, I told you...
451
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:55,968
Ah...
452
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,970
the forgetful little Lucy.
453
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:03,475
How well I remember the first time I
heard that lilting name.
454
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,477
It seems like yesterday.
455
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,197
In fact, it seems like today.
456
00:19:09,698 --> 00:19:11,200
Now, look, am I going crazy or
something?
457
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,202
Neither one of you is telling the
truth.
458
00:19:13,202 --> 00:19:14,703
Now, why would you want me to think
459
00:19:14,703 --> 00:19:16,705
that she's married to you in the
first place?
460
00:19:16,705 --> 00:19:18,207
Well, uh...
461
00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:23,378
Lucy, I want the truth.
462
00:19:23,378 --> 00:19:24,379
The truth?
463
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:28,800
Yes, were you or were you not married
to... him?
464
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,269
Yes.
465
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:31,470
Well, that does it, I'm packing.
466
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:32,387
Packing?
467
00:19:32,387 --> 00:19:33,889
Of course.
If we are not married,
468
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:35,891
you can't expect me to stay here.
469
00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:39,411
Besides, you want to be alone with
your husband.
470
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:40,679
But, Ricky...
471
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:41,680
ETHEL: Psst!
472
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,935
Did that man from the program get
here?
473
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:47,936
Yeah, he's here.
474
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,440
I don't want to take up any of your
time.
475
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,442
I just wanted to find how you were
making out.
476
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,943
Okay.
Can I take a peek at him?
477
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:55,944
Yeah, go ahead.
478
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,447
(gasps)
479
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,449
What's that bum doing in there?
480
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:01,950
What bum?
481
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,635
That tramp-- he was down at my door
482
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:06,038
not ten minutes ago asking for a
handout.
483
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,506
He's not the man from the program.
484
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:08,507
Oh!
485
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:11,009
Take your hand out of that drawer.
486
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,511
The honeymoon is over.
487
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:14,012
What do you mean going on up those
stairs
488
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:16,014
when I told you the street was the
other way?
489
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,016
Good-bye, Lucy.
490
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:21,019
Good-bye, Ricky.
491
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,021
Wait a minute, come back here.
492
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:26,024
Now, now, now, I resent this
intrusion upon my person.
493
00:20:26,024 --> 00:20:29,528
Those are my life's savings you're
taking from me.
494
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:40,038
On your way.
495
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:45,043
There is no need seeing me to the
door.
496
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:50,749
Mother told me to expect days like
this.
497
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,751
Get out!
498
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,621
The nerve of some bums.
499
00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,926
Now, Mrs. Ricardo, if you don't mind,
500
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,928
I think that I am entitled
501
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,931
to a little bit of an explanation
502
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:08,433
of what is going on here!
503
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,434
Oh!
504
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,936
Uh... Oh, Ethel, would you excuse us?
505
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,938
I have a little explaining to do to
Ricky.
506
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,440
You sure have, dear.
Good night.
507
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,944
Now, now, Ricky, sit down, dear.
508
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:19,945
Sit down.
509
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,447
Wait till you hear.
510
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:25,951
It's so funny and it's so simple.
511
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,952
Well, what is it?
512
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,453
Well, you know this morning
513
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,222
when we had that discussion about
money.
514
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,173
Well, Ethel and I...
515
00:21:31,173 --> 00:21:32,174
(doorbell rings)
516
00:21:32,174 --> 00:21:33,175
Oh, I'll get it.
517
00:21:33,175 --> 00:21:34,676
No, no-- I'll get it.
518
00:21:39,181 --> 00:21:41,183
Is this the Ricardo residence?
519
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:42,684
Yes.
520
00:21:42,684 --> 00:21:46,638
Darling, don't you recognize me?
521
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,140
It's Arnold.
522
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,142
Well?
523
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,745
Ricky, I want you to meet my second
first husband.
524
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:00,285
Now, Ricky, listen to me.
525
00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:01,219
Please listen to me.
526
00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:03,689
That's what they asked me to do at
the radio program
527
00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:05,190
in order to win that thousand
dollars,
528
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,692
and I came home and I tried to do it,
529
00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:08,527
and I don't know who that first man
was
530
00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:09,728
but I was never married to him
531
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,530
and this is the man from the program
532
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:12,531
and he's my real first husband
533
00:22:12,981 --> 00:22:14,299
but I was never married to him either
534
00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:15,617
and that's the truth, so help me.
535
00:22:15,617 --> 00:22:17,502
Now, if you don't believe me, you can
leave.
536
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,404
That is the most ridiculous story
537
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:20,405
I've ever heard in my whole life.
538
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:21,907
But it's true, Mr. Ricardo,
539
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:24,743
and your wife didn't start explaining
until after midnight,
540
00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:26,445
so she wins the thousand dollars.
541
00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:27,796
Congratulations, Mrs. Ricardo,
542
00:22:27,796 --> 00:22:30,082
and thanks for a very pleasant
evening.
543
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,083
Thank you.
544
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,084
Good night.
545
00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:33,585
Good night.
546
00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,089
You give me that, Ricky Ricardo.
547
00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,590
That belongs to me.
548
00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:39,591
Let's see.
549
00:22:40,592 --> 00:22:42,594
Rent, $250...
550
00:22:42,594 --> 00:22:44,596
grocer, $100...
551
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:47,099
charge account, $575...
552
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:48,934
utilities, $74.50.
553
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:52,237
Well, you got some change coming.
554
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:53,739
Well, I should hope so.
555
00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:55,240
There you are.
556
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,242
Ricky!
557
00:23:03,682 --> 00:23:07,753
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org
558
00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:21,316
ANNOUNCER: The part of Harold was
played by Mr. John Emory.
559
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:24,319
Freddie Filmore was played by Mr.
Frank Nelson.
37862
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