Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,298 --> 00:00:03,002
All my life, I felt like I was
just going through the motions.
2
00:00:03,425 --> 00:00:05,604
Walking left, walking right.
3
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:08,740
As if I were a background
character in my own life.
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,542
And then I saw her.
5
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,278
We locked eyes. And that was it.
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:17,616
I loved her instantly.
We've been together ever since.
7
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,619
They don't usually let us talk.
8
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,788
I shot my first husband!
9
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,493
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
10
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:32,230
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
11
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:35,433
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
12
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:40,005
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
13
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:45,110
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
14
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,846
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
15
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:48,947
Aah!
16
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,518
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
17
00:00:58,811 --> 00:01:00,192
Wow!
18
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,660
"Wow" is right!
19
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,261
We couldn't sleep either!
20
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:06,665
Tomorrow is the big day!
It's all come down to this!
21
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,000
The overnight class trip!
22
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:12,671
To the most romantic city
in the world... Philadelphia.
23
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,939
Two nights. No parents.
24
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:18,143
You're going to literally fall
in love in the City of Love!
25
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:20,278
Well, it's the City of Brotherly Love.
26
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,482
And, brother, you're gonna fall in love!
27
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,753
Steve, tell us again about Milk Girl.
28
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,223
- Again?!
- Give us the goss, boss!
29
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,226
Well, as you all know,
she's a tenth grader.
30
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,028
Oooo!
31
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:39,631
She sits in the front row
of my AP Philadelphia class,
32
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,300
puts her backpack on the
left side of her chair,
33
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,435
and she drinks
34
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,770
- a [BLEEP] ton of milk.
- No cap.
35
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,573
I've been in love with
her from afar all year,
36
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,376
and this is the trip
where I turn afar...
37
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,579
into... a-close.
38
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:00,985
- Is that her?
- No.
39
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:03,055
- Is that her?!
- Guys, I promise,
40
00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:05,057
when you see her, you will know.
41
00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:06,124
Eee!
42
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,727
Francine, please, try to be cool.
43
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:14,199
Guess who just transferred
into AP Philadelphia!
44
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,668
I heard you guys were
going to the US Mint,
45
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,671
and I've always been super curious
46
00:02:18,673 --> 00:02:20,338
about what money looks like!
47
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,141
I figured we could sit
together on the bus
48
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,545
and you can catch me up on
other Philadelphia stuff,
49
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,414
like how a cream cheese became a city.
50
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,615
- He can't!
- He can't!
51
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,417
Would that I could, pal.
See this cooler?
52
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,752
Full of milk.
53
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,421
I'm talking skim, whole,
almond, unpasteurized,
54
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:39,291
milk of magnesia,
should the unpasteurized be a problem.
55
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,294
So the plan is,
I sit next to her on the bus,
56
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:46,231
dazzle her with the milk buffet,
just lay a solid foundation.
57
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:49,167
By the time we get to the
Rocky Statue part of the trip,
58
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,169
we'll be practically engaged.
59
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,772
O-M-G, O-M-G, O-M-G!
That's gotta be her!
60
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,707
She's here! O-M-G! Don't look!
61
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,175
She's perfect just like you said
62
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,445
There is just something
so sweet about her.
63
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,647
And even though I don't
know her name yet,
64
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,649
I know we are destined to be together.
65
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,985
Listen up! I only teach this class
66
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:10,155
for the free trip to Filthydelphia.
67
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,792
I look forward to it all year.
68
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,295
I'm counting on you kids to be cool.
69
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,197
Woo! That's strong!
70
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,733
This is my boy Marty.
71
00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:23,135
Normally, I'd have some
teachers or parents chaperone,
72
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:26,204
but lucky for you, Marty is in town
73
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,807
and he's looking to get out of town.
74
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,676
And now attendance.
75
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,813
I... I see, uh, Milk Girl.
76
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,482
There's, uh, Milk Girl's Little Friend.
77
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,084
And, uh, yeah.
78
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:42,621
Y-Y-Y-You know what?
It... It looks like you're all here.
79
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,423
If you're here, just get on the bus!
80
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:52,631
'Scuse me! 'Scuse.
81
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,800
Sorry! Coming through!
82
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,837
Um, what do you think you're doing?
I'm sitting here.
83
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,038
AHHH!
84
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,840
Unh! Aaah!
85
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,842
Don't freak out. It's vintage.
86
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,044
This fox has been dead
for like 70 years.
87
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,912
I wear it to remind me of my grandma.
88
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,115
She was a stone-cold fox.
Still is actually.
89
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,518
And what a bitch. I really admire her.
90
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,919
I can't believe it!
91
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,388
That my grandma is my best friend?
92
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,589
What? No.
93
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,325
I was supposed to be sitting
next to a girl up there.
94
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,994
I had the perfect plan.
95
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:25,197
We were gonna fall in love on this bus.
96
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,199
Well, your "perfect plan"
had a fatal flaw...
97
00:04:27,201 --> 00:04:28,600
love doesn't exist.
98
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,868
Anyway, hi. I'm Ali.
99
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,203
Well, I'm Steve.
100
00:04:31,205 --> 00:04:33,538
And that's insane.
Of course love exists.
101
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,606
No, it doesn't.
102
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,875
It does, and it conquers all.
103
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,478
Me and that girl up
there are soul mates.
104
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,679
Which girl?
105
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:41,814
The girl drinking milk.
106
00:04:41,816 --> 00:04:43,281
What's her name?
107
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,950
"What's in a name?" Shakespeare.
108
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,285
So you don't even know her name.
109
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,421
You're distracting me.
I have to do something!
110
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,956
- Something embarrassing?
- I'm writing a note
111
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,226
asking her out on a date
once we get to Philly.
112
00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:56,961
Smart move... weird and embarrassing.
113
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,963
Pass this up to Milk Girl.
114
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,965
I can't believe I get to watch this.
115
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,034
Believe it, honey.
116
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,836
That's a ghost pepper.
117
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:07,572
AAAAHHHH!
118
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:10,442
Help! Somebody help me!
119
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,651
Hi, Steve! How's it going back there?
120
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,854
I need a drink! Please! AAAHHH!
121
00:05:21,856 --> 00:05:23,655
Heh! Nice try, kid!
122
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,790
You're an amazing chaperone.
123
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,462
Ugh! Ahh...
124
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:33,132
Hunh!
125
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:41,606
Well, my life is over.
126
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,475
So, she got your note.
127
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,477
She says... yes.
128
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:48,914
♪ Love conquers all! ♪
129
00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:53,118
We actually never met Milk Girl,
130
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,520
but we've adjusted our
wills to include her.
131
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:58,457
Oh, we were hoping you
could tell us how you two met.
132
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,260
Us? He picked me up
on the side of the road.
133
00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:03,795
Anyway, back to Milk Girl.
134
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,396
She's a tenth grader...
135
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,466
Drinks a [BLEEP] ton of milk.
136
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,138
♪ Bada BA ♪
137
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,274
♪ Bada BA ♪
138
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,476
♪ Bada BA ♪
139
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,678
♪ Bada BA ♪
140
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,012
God, I love Philly!
141
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,548
Philly is the Paris of America.
142
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,084
Yo! Wha kinda steak dja'get?
143
00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:26,818
Wiz wit plus peetzer?
144
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,753
Mm. Ye lookit dem jawns.
145
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:32,624
Mm, the food,
the language, just gorgeous.
146
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,827
I can't believe people
wonder why I do this.
147
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,297
♪ Bada BA ♪
148
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,365
♪ Bada BA ♪
149
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,901
♪ Bada BA... ♪
150
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,503
Thanks for meeting me.
151
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,572
The janitor told me this spot
had the most romantic view
152
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,975
of the Holiday Inn across the street.
153
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:53,512
Got milk? Heh. Why, yes, I have.
154
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:57,382
So, I've been watching you,
not in a creepy way,
155
00:06:57,384 --> 00:07:02,187
and I know I don't "know" you,
but I feel like I do,
156
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:05,590
and I hope you won't mind me
saying so, but...
157
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:09,728
- I love you.
- Oh, my God, Steve. Of course you do.
158
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,332
And you do know me. And you do love me.
159
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:14,733
Because...
160
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,802
I'm Reese Witherspoon.
161
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,003
What?
162
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,671
This is so great!
163
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,072
- It is?
- Yes!
164
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,208
I had to go undercover
as a high-school student
165
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,411
to prove to the studio I could
still play a 17-year-old.
166
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,480
They said if a boy asks me on a date
167
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,883
and says he's in love with me,
they would make the movie!
168
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,685
So thank you, Steve.
169
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:37,022
You single-handedly greenlit
"Election 2: Omaha Drift."
170
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,358
Wait. Do you even like milk?
171
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:40,759
I hate milk.
172
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,795
I'm just a really good actress.
173
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,265
Oh, my God!
174
00:07:46,848 --> 00:07:48,034
_
175
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:52,037
I also do my own stuuunts!
176
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,474
How did I meet babe?
177
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,711
Well, actually it's a great story.
178
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,880
How did we meet, babe?
179
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,282
You don't remember how we met?!
180
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,518
Okay. Here's how we met.
181
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,056
Did we meet at a Braves Game?
182
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,493
Who are these people?
183
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,765
And then Reese Witherspoon
just jumped off the roof.
184
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,168
This is crazy!
185
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,103
Have you seen these?!
186
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,638
What even are these?
187
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,174
You grab one, you get like 30.
188
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,311
Philadelphia is full of wonders.
189
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,715
Oh, my God. My parents keep calling me.
190
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,116
What am I gonna tell them?
191
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,185
I went to Philly and
didn't fall in love?
192
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,656
I think that girl in the fur
coat threw something at you.
193
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,661
Hey! You! What are you throwing?!
194
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:52,064
- Eggs.
- There's eggs?!
195
00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:55,267
Okay. This I gotta see.
196
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,135
Sorry. I was just, like,
197
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,204
trying to hit you in the
face with all those eggs.
198
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,739
That's not an apology.
199
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,074
Everyone shut up!
200
00:09:02,076 --> 00:09:04,677
Marty is missing! So is the bus.
201
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,345
Here is a napkin with some
places I think we were at.
202
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,148
Pass it around, take a photo,
commit it to memory,
203
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,816
w-whatever you have to do.
204
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:15,220
Here's the plan... buddy system.
That's all I got.
205
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,621
Whoever you are standing next to
206
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,357
is your partner for
the rest of the trip.
207
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,895
Do not separate. Do not lose each other.
208
00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,363
I'm still rolling my face off.
209
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,965
It goes without saying that everything
210
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,500
we were supposed to do is cancelled.
211
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,903
I don't want to hear that you
guys were at the Liberty Bell
212
00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:32,971
or Betsy Ross' house or some shit.
213
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:36,241
You have one objective...
find my friend!
214
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,310
Whoever finds Marty gets an "A,"
215
00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:41,113
and whoever doesn't find him gets an
"F"!
216
00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,882
Move, move, move, move, move!
217
00:09:46,387 --> 00:09:48,787
I don't even know
where Reese Witherspoon
218
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,322
was hiding the parachute.
219
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:53,458
So you're, like, dramatic, huh?
220
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,527
- That's your thing?
- That's your takeaway?
221
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,796
Don't you think my story's insane?!
222
00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,064
I once saw Gwyneth
Paltrow sunbathing naked
223
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:01,800
on top of a moving car.
224
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,335
Actresses are cool.
225
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,003
Can I tell you what your problem is?
226
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,538
That'd be perfect. Why don't you?
227
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:09,274
You have high expectations
and you think things matter.
228
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,809
But nothing matters.
229
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,545
"Nothing matters."
Will you listen to yourself?
230
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:17,082
If we don't find Lewis' friend,
we'll get F's in the class.
231
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,817
That doesn't matter to you?
232
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,218
Now you're getting it.
233
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,754
Oh, no! Gum!
234
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:25,757
There's gum on me! Who would do this?!
235
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:30,162
This is what I mean when
I say you're dramatic.
236
00:10:30,164 --> 00:10:31,563
I really thought I was in love,
237
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:34,099
but she was never even an option.
238
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,568
Are you right? Is love not real?
239
00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:39,972
It's good you found out now.
Some people never learn.
240
00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:42,106
Oh, man.
241
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,575
How are we gonna find Marty?
242
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,445
I'm a heartbroken child
in a strange land!
243
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:48,713
Calm down, Dame Judi Dench.
244
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,450
My family moved to Langley last year,
but I'm from Philly.
245
00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:55,253
This is my town. Hand me that napkin.
246
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:58,323
Oh, cool.
My dad's favorite strip club is on here.
247
00:11:01,195 --> 00:11:04,062
- Hi. Hello.
- Yao. What can I get you?
248
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,331
Um, I'm hoping you could help me.
249
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,333
Ye, ye, aright. Wit or wit-out?
250
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,736
I, uh... I'm sorry.
I don't speak the language.
251
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:16,208
I'm looking for a large drunk gentleman!
252
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,877
Okay. Ye need to get yaself
sorted and stop yellin' at me.
253
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,279
I'm so sorry. It's just that...
254
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:25,617
I don't have a chaperone
or a partner or a bus.
255
00:11:26,491 --> 00:11:28,553
And I don't know anything!
256
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,356
And I'm all alone!
257
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,425
Oh, oh. Don't cry, dude. I'll help ya.
258
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:35,627
Lou! I'm taking the rest of the day off!
259
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:39,297
Anne Marie, I swear to Christ if
you do this again you're fired!
260
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,965
What did you say ta me?
261
00:11:57,451 --> 00:12:00,585
He's used the same needle
for the last five people.
262
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,654
It's fine. We're sisters.
263
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:04,589
So, the guy you're lookin' for
264
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,658
got his belly button
pierced around 2:00 a.m.
265
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,993
And then he drank a
bunch of ink and ran out.
266
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,328
Cool.
267
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,866
Does your chest tattoo say
"[BLEEP] Dallas"?
268
00:12:13,868 --> 00:12:17,102
Yeah. Cowboys can suck my [BLEEP].
269
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:20,672
So, when are we gonna
270
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,807
start looking for my principal's friend?
271
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,877
Yo, snot,
whaddaya think happens when you die?
272
00:12:24,879 --> 00:12:27,479
- I don't know.
- Well, I do.
273
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:29,147
My uncle Jimmy fell off the 700 level
274
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,616
at the old Veterans Stadium
trying to reach a foul ball.
275
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,219
He was legally dead for four minutes.
276
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:35,688
You know he got that ball, though.
277
00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:38,490
Anyways,
he says what happens when you die
278
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,425
is you sit in a room waiting for God
279
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,961
to tell you if you were a
big enough Phillies fan.
280
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,898
Ohh. I didn't know that.
281
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,166
I feel like I could tell you anything,
Snotter.
282
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,702
I'm really glad you're my boyfriend.
283
00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:52,170
- I am?!
- Uh, you bet your tits you are.
284
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,311
We've been almost everywhere on the list
285
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:01,113
and have no useful information.
286
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,447
Here's what we do know...
287
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,116
you're obsessed with the little napkin.
288
00:13:04,118 --> 00:13:05,718
I am not obsessed with the napkin.
289
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,588
You're in a strip club,
and you haven't taken your eyes off it.
290
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:12,124
These women are off-duty.
They deserve their privacy.
291
00:13:12,126 --> 00:13:14,859
So, they were here around midnight,
but got kicked out pretty fast.
292
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,729
I guess they kept
trying to pay for drinks
293
00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,130
with a fake credit card?
294
00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:22,200
It wasn't even a credit card.
It was a sticker of a cat.
295
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,269
They wanted to donate plasma?
296
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,538
No, they came in looking to get plasma.
297
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,873
They were very clear about
not wanting to donate any.
298
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,009
They did, however, want to donate sperm.
299
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,278
Not something we do here,
but before I could answer,
300
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,148
one of them had relations
with our mail chute.
301
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:40,885
This is so stupid!
We're never gonna find this guy!
302
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,354
Aah!
303
00:13:42,356 --> 00:13:45,758
Aah! Unh! I give up.
304
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,293
I know a great place to eat close by.
305
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:52,164
It's not on the napkin, though,
so you probably don't wanna go.
306
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,833
Screw the napkin. Nothing matters.
307
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:57,235
Hey, can you give me
a ride to New York City?
308
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,703
Or Washington, D.C.?
309
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,973
Or maybe we could go
skiing in the Poconos!
310
00:14:00,975 --> 00:14:05,177
Philadelphia... three hours
away from a lot of great stuff.
311
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,447
This place is the best.
312
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:10,915
I used to come here all
the time with my friend.
313
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:13,786
It's probably the spiciest
restaurant in Philly.
314
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,119
Can you handle it?
315
00:14:15,121 --> 00:14:17,055
I'm a new man. Bring it on.
316
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:20,058
Speaking of spicy, check them out.
317
00:14:21,996 --> 00:14:23,128
Oh, my God.
318
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:28,066
Whoa. Hey, Ali.
What are you doing in town, bud?
319
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,469
Umm... we... uh...
320
00:14:30,471 --> 00:14:32,137
We're on a field trip.
321
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,339
Oh, man. That sounds lame.
322
00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,408
What up? I'm Darix, and this is Royce.
323
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,076
I'm his girlfriend!
324
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,612
We just said "I love you"
for the first time!
325
00:14:41,816 --> 00:14:45,617
See, Ali? Love is real.
326
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:48,553
We're celebrating at our
fave spicy restaurant.
327
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,555
We love spicy stuff.
328
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,258
Well, have a good... field trip.
329
00:14:54,428 --> 00:14:57,162
They seem fun. How do you know Darix?
330
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,698
He's... my ex-boyfriend.
331
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,834
Well, not "boyfriend" because he...
332
00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:06,438
We don't believe in labels. Or love.
333
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,906
Do you want to leave?
334
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,174
We can't just leave.
335
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:12,711
It will look like I'm upset.
And I'm not.
336
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:15,980
I'm actually really happy for him.
337
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,185
Steve, don't! That's a Carolina Reaper!
338
00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:24,456
AAAAAAHHH!
339
00:15:25,468 --> 00:15:26,859
Ow! Ow!
340
00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:29,528
I'll have what he's heaving.
341
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,998
Hey. I know you ate that pepper for me.
342
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,401
You think I liquefied my insides
343
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,336
just to get you out of that restaurant?
344
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,604
No way.
345
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,939
That hospital was on the napkin,
346
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,941
and I'm obsessed with the napkin, so...
347
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,143
I'm sorry you had to
throw up and have diarrhea
348
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,478
all over the place.
349
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,347
I prefer to think of it as
throwing up and throwing down.
350
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,084
Take my coat. You must be freezing.
351
00:15:52,086 --> 00:15:55,087
No way. I love this dress.
It's nice on me.
352
00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:58,257
Don't be an idiot. Take it.
353
00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:17,910
My queen,
why are we hot-wiring a cop car?
354
00:16:17,912 --> 00:16:20,178
Because we ain't got the keys, ya dope!
355
00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:29,787
I saw this raisin in 2007 in the lobby
356
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,857
of the Ambassador Hotel in Chicago.
357
00:16:31,859 --> 00:16:33,525
It was just sitting there on the floor.
358
00:16:33,527 --> 00:16:37,863
And I thought it was a bug.
But, no, it was a raisin!
359
00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:40,199
And now it's my raisin.
360
00:16:42,639 --> 00:16:44,802
Guys, I'm sorry
I didn't call back sooner.
361
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,604
It's been a really wild 24 hours.
362
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,941
Why are we still talking to you?!
Put Milk Girl on!
363
00:16:49,943 --> 00:16:52,678
Actually I have some bad
news about Milk Girl.
364
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,146
You're scaring us, Steve!
365
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:56,148
She's gone. She was...
366
00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:57,883
What the hell do you mean "gone"?!
367
00:16:57,885 --> 00:16:59,951
How could you let this happen, Steven?!
368
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:02,688
- She was...
- We were gonna invite her to Christmas!
369
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,822
We made a jacket for her that says
370
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,759
"Milk Girl is in Our Family Now"!
371
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:10,028
Sorry? I-I didn't ask you to do that.
372
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:14,366
Dad drained our pool
and filled it with milk!
373
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:17,969
What are we supposed to do with
a pool full of milk, Steve?!
374
00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:20,839
Umm, guys, I got really high
375
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:24,042
and I accidentally ordered
a truck full of cereal,
376
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,045
and it just got here,
and I don't know what to do.
377
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:30,582
I tried to eat it, but it's just so dry!
378
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:34,853
Steve, it looks like everything
just might work out after all!
379
00:17:34,855 --> 00:17:36,522
Get the giant spoon, honey!
380
00:17:36,524 --> 00:17:38,590
I'm workin' on it.
381
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,862
- I couldn't sleep.
- I couldn't either.
382
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:45,931
I just can't stop
thinking about that kiss.
383
00:17:45,933 --> 00:17:48,266
Me neither! It was absolutely...
384
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,268
A mistake, right? I mean, that's not us.
385
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,604
That's not who we are.
It obviously didn't mean anything.
386
00:17:52,606 --> 00:17:54,472
So I think we should just forget it.
387
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,009
Plus, it was unprofessional. You agree.
388
00:17:58,863 --> 00:18:00,212
Everyone wake up!
389
00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:02,948
Where is Marty?! What the hell, guys?!
390
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:06,484
If you don't find him by 9:00 a.m.,
you're all expelled!
391
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,286
And I'll also kill you.
392
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,888
I'll start killing one of you
393
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:12,758
every five minutes until he is found.
394
00:18:14,362 --> 00:18:16,762
Starting... now.
395
00:18:16,764 --> 00:18:19,765
I was just sneakin' to my cousin's room!
396
00:18:21,963 --> 00:18:24,102
I freakin' love you!
397
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,772
I freakin' love you, too!
398
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,777
I guess you've never
heard of Tasty Cakes,
399
00:18:31,779 --> 00:18:33,979
or you would have thought
that was really funny.
400
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:37,849
Steve, it seems like you're
trying to be really quiet.
401
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:39,752
I'm not trying. I'm just...
402
00:18:42,923 --> 00:18:45,123
♪ Bada BA ♪
403
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,125
♪ Bada BA ♪
404
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,261
Oh, look. Steve's running and crying.
405
00:18:49,263 --> 00:18:51,397
♪ BaNaNa NaNaNa ♪
406
00:18:51,399 --> 00:18:53,465
♪ BaNaNa Na-Na Na-Na ♪
407
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,333
♪ Ba-Baaaaa! ♪
408
00:18:57,404 --> 00:19:00,472
Steve! Oh, my God! I'm in love!
409
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:01,807
That's great, man.
410
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:04,610
Don't worry, buddy.
We're calling for backup!
411
00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:07,479
Dispatch, we got a kid
smooshed between two vehicles.
412
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,015
He looks more jacked up than
the Phillie Phanatic tattoo
413
00:19:10,017 --> 00:19:13,819
my cousin Donovan gave me under the
bleachers at the Mummers Parade. Over.
414
00:19:13,821 --> 00:19:16,421
- Steve! Are you okay?!
- Not really.
415
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,091
I knew it!
You were being really quiet before.
416
00:19:19,093 --> 00:19:22,027
Well, now I'm hurt more than before,
like, physically,
417
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:24,896
but I was hurt emotionally first.
418
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:27,899
When someone tells me a
kiss we had was a mistake,
419
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,501
it... it bums me out.
420
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:32,570
You're one of the kids
I met a couple days ago!
421
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,373
And I know what you're thinking,
but I'm not being dramatic,
422
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,842
I'm just being real.
423
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:38,444
You say you don't have
any feelings at all
424
00:19:38,446 --> 00:19:41,046
and that nothing matters,
but it's an act!
425
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:43,982
You're the Dame Judi Dench, not me.
426
00:19:43,984 --> 00:19:46,785
I like you.
I know that's not a cool thing to say,
427
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,253
but I'm not a cool guy.
428
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,856
And if you don't like me back,
I can take it.
429
00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:52,924
But you have to tell me how you feel.
430
00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:56,127
Steve, let's talk about this later.
431
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,063
No! Nobody touch me!
432
00:19:58,065 --> 00:19:59,465
I'm not going to the hospital
433
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:02,668
until you tell me how you feel about me.
434
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:04,069
Fine. I like you.
435
00:20:05,339 --> 00:20:08,073
Marty! He's back! Ha ha ha!
436
00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:10,008
You thought he was dead!
437
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:13,011
Crying in your room all night. Ha ha!
438
00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:15,747
I think everyone learned
a valuable lesson...
439
00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:18,884
Marty always comes through!
440
00:20:18,886 --> 00:20:21,487
When we first met, we hated each other.
441
00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:23,755
I didn't hate you.
I just thought you were a dork.
442
00:20:23,757 --> 00:20:25,757
And then Milk Girl
was Reese Witherspoon,
443
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,092
and we became friends.
444
00:20:27,094 --> 00:20:28,694
And we're still just friends.
445
00:20:28,696 --> 00:20:30,628
I know you like me. You said it.
446
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,364
- I'm not sure I ever said that.
- She said it.
447
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,632
You were smooshed
between a bus and a car.
448
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,767
I was, I was.
449
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,769
You were refusing medical attention.
450
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:39,437
Yes, yes, that too.
451
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:43,108
Anyway, she's a tenth grader,
and I'm still in ninth grade,
452
00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:45,643
so I'm not allowed to make eye
contact with her in school,
453
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:49,715
but in a couple of years,
we'll both be upperclassmen,
454
00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:52,184
so we'll see how it plays out.
455
00:20:52,186 --> 00:20:54,252
Yeah. I guess we'll see.
456
00:20:58,392 --> 00:21:00,059
Bye-bye! See you soon!
457
00:21:02,232 --> 00:21:03,954
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34200
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
