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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,819 You know what really grinds my gears? 2 00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:08,260 Cars today. 3 00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:10,130 What's with all the beeping? 4 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,860 My ex-wife's car used to beep every time you backed up. 5 00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:14,419 Bitch, I know I'm backing up! 6 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,000 I'm driving you! I'm in charge! 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,670 I can't tell if you're mad at the car or your wife. 8 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,440 Well, a little bit of both. 9 00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:25,270 Well, you've been talking about it for an hour and a half now. 10 00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:28,180 And he doesn't even own a car. 11 00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:29,690 You know, if you're gonna sit at my table, 12 00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,350 you got to listen to my jokes. 13 00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:33,010 Oh, you're telling jokes? 14 00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:35,050 Is that what's happening here? 15 00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:37,690 Oh, so you don't think I'm funny, do you now, Margaret? 16 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:38,960 Well, how about this: 17 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,990 a doctor, a priest, and the prime minister of Morocco... 18 00:00:42,030 --> 00:00:45,490 Hey, quit telling bad jokes. I need water. 19 00:00:45,530 --> 00:00:47,030 [GASPS] 20 00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:50,500 Cheese and crackers! 21 00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,630 Is this tap? 22 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:57,350 Why do you keep going on those crazy hikes 23 00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,470 with Gorgeous George? 24 00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:00,210 I have enough self-esteem issues 25 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,139 without Gorgeous George telling me 26 00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:04,760 I look dumpy in my Umbros. 27 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,390 Who's Gorgeous George? 28 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,400 And if he's such a jerk, 29 00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:08,860 why are you calling him gorgeous? 30 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,560 Well, just look at him, Margaret. 31 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:17,220 He's a New York six, but a Arizona ten. 32 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,879 He's the activities coordinator. 33 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,180 It's an elected position, and it's totally gone to his head. 34 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,500 Activities coordinator has totally gone to his head? 35 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:29,700 Yeah. 36 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,540 [LAUGHS] You are new, aren't you? 37 00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:34,740 He is a petty, vindictive man 38 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:37,750 who uses his power against anybody he doesn't like, 39 00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:39,450 and he does not like us. 40 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,200 Uh-uh. I once scuffed his moccasin, 41 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,920 and he installed a vending machine 42 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,850 right outside my room, so every night, 43 00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:47,399 it's, "Cachunk! Cachunk! Cachunk! 44 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,500 Cachunk! Cachunk! 45 00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:50,330 Cachunk!" It's-it's the soda cans. 46 00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:52,960 - "Cachunk!" - I got it, Charlie. 47 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,630 And the worst thing about him is he's incredibly unfunny. 48 00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:58,070 Tennis, anyone? 49 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,970 [WOMEN LAUGH] 50 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,470 That wasn't even funny. 51 00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:04,380 Now, what he should've said is, 52 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,740 "Who's over here making all that racket?" 53 00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:08,439 See, then he shows them the racket. 54 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,450 Now-now that's a joke. 55 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,450 Well, well. 56 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,799 Let me just take a peek 57 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,050 under the lid of this trash can over here. 58 00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:19,250 Ah, yeah, just as I thought: 59 00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:22,490 four of the biggest losers I've ever seen. 60 00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,160 You don't even know me. 61 00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:27,260 Oh, Amanda, don't I? 62 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,930 My name is Margaret. 63 00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,100 Very well, I don't know you. 64 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,340 But if you're associating with these losers, 65 00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,980 you're a loser, too. 66 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,810 Yeah, well, you might have me there. 67 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,880 Why, Sidney, I'm surprised 68 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:47,120 you're not icing your ham-like thighs right now. 69 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,920 The sound of them chafing this morning scared the birds away. 70 00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:52,820 Man, get the hell out of here. 71 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,200 Go tell somebody else some corny-ass jokes, 72 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,940 - and that's "jokes" in quotes. - Mm. 73 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,300 I just wanted to remind you degenerates 74 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:03,360 about the activities coordinator election this Friday. 75 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,100 I urge you to do 76 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:08,150 what every lady's done in this complex at one time or another 77 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:10,200 and "Say yes to George." 78 00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:15,810 Toodle-oo, trash. 79 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,480 Bye, George, have a nice day. 80 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,220 You know what we need to do about Gorgeous George? 81 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,350 Yeah, drag his ass out in the desert, 82 00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:25,850 tie his ass to a cactus, 83 00:03:25,890 --> 00:03:29,360 and let the vultures eat him bite by bite. 84 00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:30,440 No, no, no. 85 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,600 One of us needs to run for activities coordinator 86 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,630 and beat him. 87 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,970 Well, okay, but my way would be a lot more fun. 88 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:44,180 ♪ ♪ 89 00:03:55,760 --> 00:04:00,660 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 90 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,199 I really think we can do this, guys. 91 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,580 If we could beat George, 92 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,280 Sid, you'll never have to go on a hike again, 93 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,360 Charlie would finally have some peace and quiet, 94 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,020 and Hank... Hank... 95 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,230 What is your problem with him again? 96 00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:15,240 The man's a criminal. 97 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:18,410 He steals laughs when he doesn't deserve them. 98 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,879 Well, he has been running unopposed for ten years. 99 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,900 He's complacent, and we're hungry. 100 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,020 I think we really have a chance to beat George. 101 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,250 Slow your roll there, rookie. 102 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:31,360 Now, the way I see it, this guy's gotten complacent, 103 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,550 but we're hungry. 104 00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,890 I think we have a chance to beat this George. 105 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,590 That's what I just said. 106 00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:39,230 Listen to him, Margaret, he's onto something. 107 00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,099 I don't have to listen to him. 108 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:45,030 I will think about all the stuff I just said a minute ago. 109 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,770 Now, who's running? 110 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,039 So you don't know everything. 111 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,460 It's obviously Charlie. 112 00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:53,370 There are some very premium nuts in this mix. 113 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,110 Charlie, really? 114 00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:58,110 Yeah, you're a woman, I'm black, he's gay. 115 00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,800 We're trying to win an election in a retirement community, 116 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,880 we're not putting together a college brochure. 117 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,760 Charlie's our man. 118 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:08,120 Well, I accept, and I think if we can focus on the issues... 119 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,590 Hey-oh! Pistachio! 120 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:14,740 All right, well, if Nut Boy is going to be our candidate, 121 00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:16,900 we're gonna have to run a negative campaign. 122 00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:19,000 We need to dig up some dirt on George. 123 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,970 Really? Why can't we just have a fun mascot 124 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,640 like that Geico gecko? 125 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,610 [LAUGHING]: He makes me laugh. 126 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,810 Or-or an Activities Lizard 127 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,910 who eats bullies and sings sometimes. 128 00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:32,599 Lizards don't eat people. 129 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,160 They blow flames at 'em. 130 00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,580 That's dragons. 131 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,200 Lizards can be dragons. 132 00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,230 What about Komodos? 133 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,819 Well, as your candidate... 134 00:05:39,820 --> 00:05:42,320 What about Komodos, Margaret? 135 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:45,760 What... What is this? 136 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,160 Why are you people in my office? 137 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,830 We're taking advantage of your open door policy. 138 00:05:50,870 --> 00:05:53,130 I don't have an open door policy. 139 00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:55,640 You know, I think we're trying to say the same thing. 140 00:05:55,670 --> 00:05:58,170 We're here to register Charlie 141 00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:00,770 as an official candidate for activities coordinator. 142 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:01,880 ALLISON: Yeah... 143 00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:05,150 That's not a thing you need to do. 144 00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:08,350 So do you decree that he is a official candidate? 145 00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:10,580 You just show up to the town hall on Friday. 146 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,100 - You don't need a decree. - Uhp! 147 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:14,490 - I heard a decree. - I heard her, too. 148 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,060 - Nice work, Hank. - Okay. 149 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,960 Now, can we please go dig up some dirt on George? 150 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,520 Margaret, write this down. 151 00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:25,400 Elections are not won with dirt and negativity. 152 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200 They are won with charm and charisma 153 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,510 and, most importantly, jokes. 154 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,710 Comedy, that's the weak spot for Gorgeous George. 155 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:38,040 Yeah, more like "Bore-geous... Bore-ge." 156 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,480 No, see, that's why I'm gonna be writing 157 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,536 the jokes from here on out. 158 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,850 You missed "Bore-geous Snore-ge." 159 00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:46,850 That's how you win an election. 160 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:52,090 ♪ ♪ 161 00:06:52,130 --> 00:06:54,630 All right, let's get out there and charm some voters. 162 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,780 - Okay. - Listen up, you may learn something. 163 00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,006 Well, at least he looks great. 164 00:06:58,030 --> 00:07:01,070 Sid, you're a regular Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. 165 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,680 I did my best. 166 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,279 His entire closet is filled with 167 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,760 free T-shirts from the bank. 168 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:09,410 - All right, so get in there... - Yeah. 169 00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:10,680 - uh, don't be weird... - No. 170 00:07:10,710 --> 00:07:13,220 ... be charming, and hit 'em with that great joke, 171 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,426 - and get the hell out. - Okay. 172 00:07:14,450 --> 00:07:16,080 - [CHUCKLES] - Walk in the park. 173 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,750 I feel like I'm watching the Titanic leaving the dock. 174 00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:23,090 Not everybody died on that ship, Margaret. 175 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:25,790 Hi. I'm Charlie. 176 00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:29,360 I'm not weird; I'm charming. 177 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,530 Here's a personal story. 178 00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:34,640 In 1998, I was abducted by little green aliens. 179 00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:37,479 I'm new to politics. 180 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,910 How do you feel this is going? 181 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,919 And I was so surprised to find 182 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,540 that they call it "outercourse." 183 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:50,620 Wow, I did not think it would go that well. 184 00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,420 Charlie, you diarrhea'd the pool. 185 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:58,760 You diarrhea'd the pool with everybody in it. 186 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,200 You're out, and so are you, Hank. 187 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:02,500 I'm in charge now. 188 00:08:02,530 --> 00:08:04,330 Wait a minute, what you mean you in charge? 189 00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:07,440 Your candidate just described being anally probed 190 00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:12,270 by aliens as "a great learning experience." 191 00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:17,080 I said "annually probed." 192 00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,010 Although both are true. 193 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:22,150 You better stop talking smack, Margaret, 194 00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:24,300 and get on the Charlie train. He's your candidate, too. 195 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,660 Not anymore. I'm running Sid, and we're gonna kick your ass. 196 00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:29,980 What? Moi? 197 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,460 Yes, "you-ah." 198 00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:33,190 He's cute. He's funny. 199 00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:34,279 Everybody loves him. 200 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,140 He's our best chance of taking down George 201 00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,330 and you. Let's go, Sid. 202 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:40,330 Wait, where's your spine, Sid? 203 00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,150 You gonna do everything this woman tells you to? 204 00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:43,860 - Well, no. - Let's go, Sid. 205 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,490 Oh, you guys keep in touch. 206 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:54,420 All right, we have got a lot of work to do 207 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,696 if we're gonna win this election 208 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:59,180 and prove that I am much, much smarter than Hank. 209 00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:02,730 First off, I'd like to say it's an honor to be tapped, 210 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,060 but I'm not sure I'm ready for this. 211 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,370 The only thing I've ever run for 212 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,540 was my life at a Kid Rock concert. 213 00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:13,370 Aren't you tired of being a doormat? 214 00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,410 Aren't you sick of going on those hikes? 215 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,580 Well, yes. 216 00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:18,210 Well, then, you got to get mean. 217 00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:19,649 Oh, I don't do mean. 218 00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:22,180 Let's just do my lizard mascot idea. 219 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,270 Give him a catchy slogan. 220 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,570 Uh, like, "Vote for Sid." 221 00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,570 [HISSING]: Sss-sid. 222 00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:35,060 Okay, see, that, uh, that's a snake, not a lizard. 223 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,500 But at this point I'm just gonna go ahead 224 00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:40,100 and embrace that reptile fixation. 225 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:41,579 So if you want to be a lizard, 226 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,050 you're gonna have to be a mean lizard. 227 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:44,380 But I want to be a fun, 228 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,770 singing lizard, like Kermit. 229 00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:48,740 Kermit is a frog. 230 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:52,510 I am not a zoologist, Margaret. 231 00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,060 This is politics, kiddo. 232 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,350 Come on. You got to get nasty. 233 00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,890 Say something mean about George. 234 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,550 Okay, well, here goes. 235 00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:01,999 Uh, and I feel awful saying this, 236 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,579 but sometimes he just takes way too long 237 00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:06,140 at the salad bar. 238 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,940 That's not mean enough. You need to get angry. 239 00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,099 I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 240 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,560 I'm gonna be George, okay? 241 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,459 [MIMICS GEORGE]: Well, well, well, Sidney. 242 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,270 Looking a little mushy around the middle, 243 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,560 - aren't we, Sidney? - Well, that's not very nice. 244 00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:19,950 What are you gonna do about it, thunder thighs? 245 00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,740 - Stop hitting yourself, Sidney. - [GROANS] 246 00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:24,410 Th-Th-That's enough, George! 247 00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,596 You're mean and you're a bully, and sometimes when we go 248 00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,620 on those hikes I just want to push you off a cliff. 249 00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,890 [NORMAL VOICE]: That's what I'm looking for. 250 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,890 Oh, that felt great. 251 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,320 But what am I becoming? 252 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,220 A viable candidate. 253 00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:40,840 All right, now we got to get this joke right. 254 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,176 - Okay. - I made a poster for you. 255 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,400 Shabam! [LAUGHS] 256 00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,830 Wow, who the hell is that? 257 00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:49,170 It's you, man. 258 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,770 Oh, I thought it was Braveheart. [CHUCKLES] 259 00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:54,270 - Aw, for... forget the poster. - Okay. 260 00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:56,410 Now, I'm gonna show you how this joke can kill. 261 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,700 Okay, a doctor, a priest, 262 00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,720 the prime minister of Morocco walk into a bar. 263 00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,526 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. [CHUCKLES] 264 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:06,520 Morocco is a constitutional monarchy. 265 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,620 I'm gonna pound your head into dust 266 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,460 if you keep ruining my damn joke. 267 00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:16,159 All right, I want you to sit here, listen, and watch. 268 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,500 And don't say nothing. 269 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,630 Punam, come here! 270 00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,600 Is this about your lemonade? 271 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,340 [SIGHS] Sorry, but we're just slammed right now. 272 00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:32,380 Yeah, uh, I just want you to listen to this joke. 273 00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:36,120 Oh, fun. I'll be an easy laugh, too. 274 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:37,599 I did mushrooms last night and 275 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,200 they haven't fully worn off yet. 276 00:11:45,590 --> 00:11:46,690 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah. 277 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:49,700 All right. A doctor... a priest, 278 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,200 and the prime minister of Morocco walk into a bar... 279 00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:54,670 [LAUGHS] 280 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,670 That's hilarious. 281 00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:59,070 Ugh, I did not see that coming. 282 00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:01,340 I never said the punch line. 283 00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,219 Oh, well, that's your mistake 284 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:06,180 because the punch line's the funniest part of a joke. 285 00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:09,350 [YELLS NONSENSICALLY] 286 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,549 ♪ ♪ 287 00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,919 We are making you a good luck lasagna 288 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,000 - for the election, Georgie. - Ooh. 289 00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:20,860 With extra cheese. 290 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,900 Extra cheese? 291 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,640 Yes, please. 292 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,860 Now, don't forget... 293 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,099 say yes to George. 294 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,759 Actually, do forget to say yes to George, 295 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,020 because George sucks. 296 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,440 Good start. Get meaner. 297 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,880 Well, well, well, 298 00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:44,320 if it isn't Snow White and her one dwarf, Chafey. 299 00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:48,250 You know, I heard a little rumor that the freak show party 300 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:50,390 is mounting a run against me. 301 00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:53,560 Oh, really? Well, I heard a little rumor myself. 302 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,119 It'd be a shame if your voters knew that 303 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,200 you had calf implants. 304 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,930 Outrageous. 305 00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:03,940 These are natural calves. 306 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,099 Perfectly sculpted from years 307 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,980 of tiptoeing out of bedrooms. 308 00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,280 - Ladies' bedrooms. - [CHUCKLES] 309 00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:11,420 More like tiptoeing out of the 310 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,950 Tucson Center for Leg Enhancements. 311 00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:17,050 Dr. Kapnakian says hello. 312 00:13:17,090 --> 00:13:20,390 Larry Kapnakian is a liar! 313 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,790 I'll see you at the town hall tonight. 314 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,560 [SCOFFS] 315 00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,730 Oh, that felt great. 316 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:28,800 I don't want to stop. 317 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,460 Don't stop. Keep going. 318 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,230 Well, uh, what have we here? 319 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,960 Is this a painting of dogs playing poker? 320 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:41,010 Sid, what are you doing? 321 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,740 You smear George, not the voters. 322 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,840 Well, before you correct me, Margaret, 323 00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:48,050 perhaps you should correct that ugly sweater. 324 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,959 Just because it was on the sale rack 325 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,420 doesn't mean you have to buy it. 326 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:57,620 This is my favorite sweater, and I paid full retail. 327 00:13:57,660 --> 00:13:59,290 Where, at the gas station? 328 00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,260 Ooh. 329 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:03,220 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. 330 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,600 The lizard is out of his shell and he's snapping. 331 00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:08,200 That's turtles. 332 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,110 Margaret, how are you still single 333 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,270 with such a treasure trove 334 00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,170 of animal facts at your disposal? 335 00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,680 Vote for Sss-sid. 336 00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,850 Vote for Sid. 337 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:22,659 Hey, old man, here's a headline. 338 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:23,900 Vote for Sss-sid. 339 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,690 We are not voting for him. 340 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,990 Yeah, Grace, I know. 341 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,800 Do you guys like this sweater? 342 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:47,320 Oh, and another thing, Leon. 343 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,430 You know that little tile room with the nozzle in it? 344 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:50,780 It's called a shower. 345 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,720 Why not give it a whirl sometime? 346 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,380 Sid. 347 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,930 - Sid, come in here. - What? 348 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,500 What the hell are you doing in here? 349 00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,700 I am hiding from Hank. 350 00:15:03,730 --> 00:15:05,720 He's been yelling at me all day, 351 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,200 and the smell of bleach really centers me. 352 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,770 That's 'cause your mama was a janitor. 353 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,610 And your mama's mama was a janitor. 354 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,680 Sid, what has gotten into you? 355 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,659 You know damn well that my mother 356 00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,470 was a state senator by day 357 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,140 and a high-end prostitute by night. 358 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:24,750 Margaret has got me all riled up. 359 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,260 I mean, I ripped off a woman's wig today. 360 00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:30,640 At least I thought it was a wig till she screamed. 361 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,459 Hank and Margaret have turned us 362 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:34,920 into the exact things we hate. 363 00:15:34,970 --> 00:15:37,230 You're a bully, and I'm telling 364 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,500 culturally inaccurate jokes. 365 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,000 Let's team up and do it our way. 366 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,270 Yes. 367 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,970 I love the lizard idea, by the way. 368 00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:48,040 Well, thank you, Charlie. 369 00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:49,780 - And I love your suit. - Well... 370 00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:51,450 [LAUGHING]: Well, you picked it out. 371 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,450 [LAUGHING]: Oh, well, it makes sense then. 372 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,350 I see what you're saying about the bleach. 373 00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,460 Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? 374 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:01,860 Hmm. 375 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,560 Hmm. 376 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,720 So you ready for this town hall? 377 00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,580 - Yeah, as a matter of fact. - I don't care. 378 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:12,000 My boy Charlie has got this in the bag. 379 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,840 And, Margaret, you will see 380 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,970 that when a joke is perfectly told, 381 00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,640 it can really move a crowd. 382 00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:20,040 You are delusional if you think 383 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,650 Mr. Alien Outercourse is gonna win anything. 384 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,020 Well, I heard your candidate bit a woman. 385 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:30,490 Well, he might be a little bit unpolished, but... 386 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,060 he's a killer, and he is gonna crush Charlie and George. 387 00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:36,220 Oh, I wouldn't worry about George. 388 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:37,560 Oh, really. Why is that? 389 00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:40,360 One word: lasagna, baby! 390 00:16:40,430 --> 00:16:42,960 That's two words, ding-dong. 391 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,330 And I'm gonna need a few more of 'em. 392 00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:47,990 Well, one of George's groupies made him a lasagna, 393 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,500 left it outside his door, 394 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:51,380 and I, uh, put a little secret ingredient 395 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,840 I bought from Punam in it. 396 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,480 Mushrooms. 397 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:56,500 Magic mushrooms. 398 00:16:56,610 --> 00:17:00,659 So you're going dirty like I said we should have 399 00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:01,800 in the first place, right? 400 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,816 Well, let's not get caught all up in the whos and the hows. 401 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,090 The point is, George is gonna be so high, 402 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,666 he's never gonna get through that speech, 403 00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:11,090 and that's gonna give Charlie all the runway he needs 404 00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:13,430 to crush that joke, baby. 405 00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,330 You call me "baby" one more time, 406 00:17:15,340 --> 00:17:17,530 I'm gonna crush more than your joke. 407 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:23,300 And Charlie is gonna have one big little problem... Sid. 408 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,279 Well, Sid's gonna have one big normal-sized problem... 409 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,660 Charlie. 410 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,110 We found a hallway lasagna. 411 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,160 Y'all have to try it. 412 00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:39,580 It's like a cheesy blanket I wear on the inside. 413 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,320 We're gonna beat George without you. 414 00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:44,599 This is so damn good. 415 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,630 It's like a cheesy blanket I wear on the inside. 416 00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,430 SID: I like it so much, 417 00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:52,830 it's like a cheesy blanket I wear on the inside. 418 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,520 Damn, damn, damn! 419 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,190 Well, we're screwed. 420 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,020 Your candidate is off somewhere shrooming, 421 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:09,990 and mine is talking to a damn plant. 422 00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:14,030 Ma'am, ma'am, with all due respect, that's your opinion. 423 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,870 You might be screwed, but I'm not. 424 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,530 Well, why are you screwed and I'm not? 425 00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:19,839 And why are you smiling like that? 426 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,700 Because I took care of everything. 427 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,810 After you drugged both of our candidates, 428 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,940 I had to do something. 429 00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:26,910 But it was a foolproof plan! 430 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,710 Who eats found lasagna? 431 00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:32,270 I knew George would want a little pre-speech workout, 432 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,880 so I followed him downstairs 433 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,020 and I locked him in the fitness center. 434 00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:38,400 So no George? I mean, I don't understand. 435 00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:39,600 So there are no candidates now? 436 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:41,420 Oh, there's one... 437 00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:42,740 - baby. - Oh... 438 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,060 Hi, everyone. Hello. 439 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,360 My name is Margaret. 440 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,600 I'm running for activities coordinator. 441 00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,439 I have been told that, as a woman, 442 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,870 I can't possibly win, but screw that. 443 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,440 I've been told many things by men. 444 00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,280 Stupid, bald, unfunny men. 445 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,580 Bald? I got a ring. 446 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,580 I'm in the middle of my speech here. 447 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,980 Shoot, I'm in the middle of mine. I'm running, too. 448 00:19:08,020 --> 00:19:09,820 Hey, y'all, how you doing? 449 00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:13,590 Folks, what's going on with cars? 450 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,200 Why are they always beeping? 451 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,300 Nothing? 452 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,470 Well, it's time to bring out the big gun. 453 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,660 A doctor, a priest, 454 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,799 and the, uh, prime minister of Morocco 455 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,500 - walk into a bar, and... - Excuse me. 456 00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:34,180 Great news. We're engaged. 457 00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:36,980 Saboteur! 458 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:40,180 She locked me in the gymnasium! 459 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,720 These freaks are trying to rig this election. 460 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:46,920 Freaks? You've got double-D calves and lasagna groupies. 461 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,030 Compared to you, we are normal. 462 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,660 [ROARING] 463 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,660 Roar! 464 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,600 I am the Activities Lizard! 465 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,500 Vote for me, and I won't scratch your eyeballs out. 466 00:20:03,140 --> 00:20:05,170 Still think you're not freaks? 467 00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:08,510 Maybe you should ask your friend, this baby dragon. 468 00:20:08,550 --> 00:20:11,380 I'm not a baby dragon. 469 00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:13,350 I am an adult lizard, 470 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,580 and I'm tired of taking your crap, George! 471 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,390 - Oh! - [ALL GASPING] 472 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,890 So... obviously the election is canceled. 473 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:23,910 [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] 474 00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:25,830 Why? 475 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,739 Punam is the new activities coordinator 476 00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:31,200 because she would much rather do that job for free 477 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:34,440 than get fired for giving drugs to the residents. 478 00:20:34,470 --> 00:20:36,860 In my defense, I was not giving them. 479 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,540 I was selling them. 480 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,810 George ruptured his calf implants when Sid tackled him. 481 00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:46,620 And he's filed a restraining order against the four of you. 482 00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:49,380 Wait, that means he can't come anywhere near us either? 483 00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:52,790 He won't bully me anymore! I'm free. 484 00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:54,390 Yeah, me, too. 485 00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:56,220 Good-bye, cachunks. 486 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,960 Cachunks are the sodas... 487 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,360 Well, Hank, it kind of looks like I won. 488 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,000 Wrong. We both won. 489 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,850 We played dirty just like I suggested, 490 00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:07,440 and everything worked out. 491 00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:10,010 One more thing before we go. [CLEARS THROAT] 492 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,080 A doctor, a priest, and the prime minister of Morocco... 493 00:21:13,110 --> 00:21:14,380 Get out of my office. 494 00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:16,410 I never get to say the punch line. 495 00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:20,140 They walk into a bar, and the bartender says, 496 00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:21,760 "What is this, a joke?" 497 00:21:23,890 --> 00:21:25,420 That's comedy there. 498 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,660 "What is this, a joke?" 499 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,320 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 36546

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