All language subtitles for Bottom Guest House Paradiso 1999 DVDrip XviD-BONE.encoded

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 6.1 Guest House Paradiso (1999) 2 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,360 You bastards... 3 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,840 Aaaarrggghh! Aaaarrrgghhh! 4 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,880 Eddie! 5 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,040 Eddie! Another bloody day. Time to get up. 6 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,000 'Righty-dokey, skip. ' 7 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,760 Ow! 8 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:24,520 Oh! 9 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,280 Eddie! 10 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,440 Eddie?! 11 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,360 Come along. It's the early bird that catches worms. 12 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,800 'Running all the way. ' 13 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,160 Damn. 14 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,830 Well, really. 15 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,320 Good morning, room four. This is your personal alarm call. 16 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,080 Yes, I know. I'm just giving you time to wake up 17 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,600 before your proper alarm call in... two and a half hours. 18 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,680 That's right. Exactly when you booked it. Good morning! 19 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,320 Oh! Mr Johnson and MS Harding. 20 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,160 The common-law couple. I trust you slept well? 21 00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:36,160 Rather a rough night, actually. 22 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,880 Oh... well, the perils of adultery. 23 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,080 And you're not too tired to make your way downstairs for breakfast 24 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,440 I trust you both washed? 25 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,510 Actually, the water was cold. 26 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,880 That's no reason not to wash. We are British, you know? 27 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,960 We invented cold showers to stop people masturbating. 28 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,880 Oh! Oh! Perhaps that's why you're so upset about the lack of hot water! 29 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,640 Nearly home. 30 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,030 Ah, there you are, Eddie. 31 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,160 Here are some bills. You handle them. I don't want to get my dabs on them. 32 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:57,830 Righty-dokey, skip. 33 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,640 Have you cleaned your teeth this morning? 34 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,800 - Could I have a word? - Take your hand off me. 35 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,200 I haven't got my hand on you. 36 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,860 I've got security cameras, so it's on film. 37 00:08:18,910 --> 00:08:21,640 - I've got the evidence. - I brushed your arm. 38 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,760 - You're a liar, Mr Jones. - Look, Mr Twat... 39 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,990 It's pronounced "Thwaite". 40 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,720 Well, it's spelled Twat. T- W-A-T. TWAT! 41 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:35,320 Keep your voice down, please. We have normal guests as well. 42 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,480 Now, if you'll allow me to finish what I was doing 43 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,120 before you so rudely interrupted... 44 00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:44,400 Ahem. 45 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,000 There. Now, what is all this silly fuss about? 46 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,000 I'm trying to get some breakfast and there's no waiter. 47 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,910 Shirt and tie, wandering around with food. 48 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,440 Hard to spot, I know. Have you been to a restaurant before? 49 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,160 Yes, but he's not there. 50 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,080 Pascal! 51 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,120 Pascal! 52 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,240 See what I mean? 53 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,000 Pascal! 54 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,800 Chef, you seen Pascal? 55 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,280 Pascal! 56 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,560 Chef, I said fix this. 57 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,560 - It's a fire hazard. - You fucking bastard! 58 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,160 Very good, Chef, carry on. Is breakfast well under way? 59 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,480 Look, may we order straightaway?! 60 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,720 Yes, yes, yes! The waiter will be here directly. 61 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,040 Oh! 62 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,520 Ahh, morning, Mrs Foxfur. 63 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,160 Morning, Twat. 64 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,360 Eddie! What are you doing? 65 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,040 I'm just... filing the bills. 66 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,040 Oh. Have you seen Pascal? 67 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:26,400 Uh, no. 68 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,150 You'II have to help serving breakfast. 69 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,840 I'll phone the psychiatric hospital to see if he's there again. 70 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,390 Righty-dokey, skip. I'm your man. 71 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,990 '.. still searching for Gina Carbonara, 72 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:41,160 'the Italian filmstar who disappeared before her wedding yesterday, 73 00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:44,040 'much to the dismay of her intended husband, 74 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,400 'the Italian playboy and ex-racing driver Gino Guiseppe... ' 75 00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:48,910 'You English fuckers!' 76 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,080 '.. who is currently fighting extradition back to Italy 77 00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:54,110 'to face drug smuggling charges. 78 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,280 'Ms Carbonara shot to fame portraying a prostitute 79 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,600 'with a heart of gold in the film "The Last Butterfly Of Summer". 80 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,920 'The film, with its controversial sex scenes, 81 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,960 'took $160 million worldwide and won her an Oscar for Best Actress. ' 82 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,480 'Her car was discovered near Beachy Head... ' 83 00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:17,600 Why you no pay me?! 84 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,560 It's three months since you bring me here and still you don't pay me! 85 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,480 And why you sack Pascal?! 86 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,600 Get back in there or I'll tell Immigration about your visa! 87 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,680 Yes - visa! 88 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,640 And I didn't sack Pascal. I was about to phone the hospital about him. 89 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,680 Remember your condition, darling. Use your breathing technique, 90 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,040 Wine? 91 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,350 It's a bit early, isn't it? 92 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,520 What about an aperitif, then? Gin, scotch, poteen? 93 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,640 What? No, thank you. What we'd really like is some breakfast. 94 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,480 Oh. 95 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,520 If he does show up, give him some quick electric shock treatment 96 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,320 and send him back! 97 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,360 I eat your bacon! 98 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,520 I eat your trifle! 99 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,800 I drink your sherry! 100 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,280 And what I can't eat... I put in the waste disposal! 101 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,640 You big, fat bastard make me sad! 102 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,110 I can particularly recommend this one. 103 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,040 - Which one? - This page with all the wines. 104 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,840 It's a bit early for us. 105 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,080 What are you doing up, then? 106 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,360 Too early for wine, Eddie. Go and help Chef. 107 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,640 Help Chef? But you know Chef and I don't get on. 108 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,520 This is an emergency - I'll do Pascal's job out here, 109 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,320 you do Pascal's job in there, OK? 110 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:02,760 OK. 111 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,200 Now, what would you like? 112 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,680 Now, then. What would you like? 113 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,080 Chef's hurt himself. 114 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,760 How badly? 115 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,440 Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan 17 times. 116 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,160 - You cook. - I can't. 117 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,400 - Nor could Chef. - Right. 118 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,870 Now, then... 119 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,080 How can I help you? 120 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,600 Where are your eggs from? 121 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,800 Hen's vaginas. 122 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,520 Ah... 123 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,000 We'd like two full English breakfasts, 124 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,030 freshly squeezed orange juice, 125 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,640 coffee for one - ground not instant - 126 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,600 tea for one, lightly toasted wholemeal bread, 127 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,020 and don't overcook the kidneys. 128 00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:17,240 Boiled egg as usual, Mrs Foxfur? 129 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,200 Oh, yes, please. 130 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,080 Thought so. 131 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,200 Excuse me, I'll deal with important guests first. 132 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,720 Oh, for Christ's sake! 133 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,760 Ahem. 134 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,000 Pheeb! One boiled egg. 135 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,400 Pheeb! Hello? 136 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,080 'Pheeb! Hello?' 137 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,640 Yes, hello. One boiled egg. 138 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,800 'Pheeb! Hello?' 139 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,240 Yes, hello! 140 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,120 'Pheeb! Who is it?' 141 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,430 Pheeb! It's Mr Thwaite. 142 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,400 'Pheeb! He's not here. Can I take a message?' 143 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,760 Look, it's me! Stop embarrassing me and just take the order! 144 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,520 One boiled... Damn! 145 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,040 Pheeb! One boiled... Oh, forget pheeb. One boiled egg! 146 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,960 Pheeb! Hang on, I'll write it down. 147 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,080 No, no, don't write it down, just remember it. 148 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,080 'OK. How do you spell "egg?"' 149 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,390 No! Just remember it! 150 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,480 Hang on, I've broken me pencil. I'll just find another. Oh, sorry. Pheeb! 151 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,800 Eddie! Oh... Pheeb! Eddie! 152 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,240 - Yeah?! - Look, here's a pencil. 153 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,680 Aaaarrrgh! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! 154 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,960 Here's the order. Copy it out and cook it. 155 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,310 But it'll taste all papery. 156 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,760 Just do it or I'll pop these, OK? 157 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,720 OK. 158 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,680 Aaaaaarrrrgh! 159 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,200 Ahh! Ahh! I thought you said "or"! 160 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,720 Freedom of speech. What we fought Hitler for. 161 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,680 Now, let's just get on with it, shall we? 162 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,200 Won't be long now. 163 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,520 Could you possibly take our order? 164 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,360 Oh, Edward and Mrs Simpson. 165 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,440 I'd forgotten about you two. 166 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,360 You must be ravenous? 167 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,000 Can I take your order? 168 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,440 Umm... 169 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,040 Oh, all right. Why not? It'll kill some time, won't it? 170 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,920 If you've finally managed to make up your minds. 171 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,680 We'd like two full English breakfasts. 172 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,360 - Do you have Lapsang Souchong? - No. 173 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,200 I just put on my underpants the wrong way this morning. 174 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,640 - Could I get some tea? - Of course! 175 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,840 What a wise choice. 176 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,240 Right... 177 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,400 And if I may say so, that is a smashing blouse. 178 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,040 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Aah! Aah! Aah! 179 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,800 My God! 180 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,840 Excuse me a moment. 181 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,440 Ow... 182 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,800 Heh heh! 183 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,920 No! No! 184 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,040 Ah! You've snapped my pencil! 185 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,440 No, no! Not the fridge! 186 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,140 No! 187 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:58,195 Stop! 188 00:18:58,245 --> 00:18:59,200 Eddie! 189 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,320 I'm sorry! 190 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,480 How long for the egg? 191 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,380 Three minutes, please. 192 00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:11,120 Excuse me one moment. 193 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,040 Ahh! 194 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,520 Uhhhh... urrgh! 195 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,080 Aaaaaaarrrrgggh! 196 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,800 - Ah! - Urgh! 197 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,000 Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! 198 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,400 Ah! Ah! Ah! 199 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,760 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aaaaarrrgh! 200 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,680 Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh! 201 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,720 Is there any danger of getting food? 202 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,830 - Breakfast's off. - Off? 203 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,240 Yes. There is no breakfast. You're both too fat, anyway. 204 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,120 Really! That's too much! I've never... 205 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,480 Oh, do shut your gob, lard-arse! 206 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,160 This is preposterous. 207 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,600 You can shut yours, too. 208 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,470 - That's it. - Darling, don't! 209 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,040 Do you want some, eh? Do you want... 210 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,760 - some? - He's a black belt in karate! 211 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,840 More like a pink belt in hanging about gentlemen's lavatories! 212 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,680 Richie... 213 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,870 Hello, bird! 214 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,960 Oh, Richie! It's Richie! 215 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,700 Oh, it's Richie! 216 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,400 Hello... other bird! 217 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,150 It's Richie! Richie! 218 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,840 Come saucy wood-nymphs, gather from your groves - it is Richie! 219 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,680 Hello! 220 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,320 Hello! Hello! Hello! 221 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,160 Hello, birds! 222 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,560 Come, love-nymphs. Out of respect for Richie, 223 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,160 let us take out our great knockers and wobble them about. 224 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,160 Oh, yes, let's! 225 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,680 No, love-nymphs, let us open our fairy briefcases 226 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,800 and shower him with unmarked tenners! 227 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,350 Erotically... 228 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,120 Hurrah! Yes! What a smashing idea! 229 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,040 But first, proud, firm young maidens who are definitely on for it, 230 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,800 let us anoint him with pints of super-strength illegal cider! 231 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,840 Oh, yes! Let's! 232 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,480 Settle, birds... 233 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,240 Ha ha ha ha! 234 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,320 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 235 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,480 A- ha ha ha ha ha! 236 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,520 Oh, stop it! Stop it! 237 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,280 Richie, you've been out for eight hours! 238 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,960 Eight hours? What have you been doing? 239 00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:32,990 Trying to rouse you with this. 240 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,640 How has the hotel functioned without me? 241 00:22:35,690 --> 00:22:38,160 Easily, 'cause the guests have gone. 242 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,360 Gone! Did any of them pay? 243 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,840 Er... no. 244 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,920 Did they find the safe? 245 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,510 I'm afraid so. 246 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,280 Damn! So they got all their stuff back?! 247 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,120 Oh...! 248 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:55,920 What about advance bookings? 249 00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:57,680 Um, not too good. 250 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,440 Oh, God! 251 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,800 Oh, come on, Richie. It's not that bad. 252 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,720 Yes, it is. I've just trapped my penis in the till drawer. 253 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,380 Oh, Mr Twat? 254 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,040 It's "Thwaite!" 255 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:23,240 I thought you said all the guests have gone? 256 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,480 I thought she was dead. 257 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,000 Ah, Twat. My eggs stilI haven't arrived. 258 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,040 Because you went through the menopause years ago. 259 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,880 I beg your pardon? 260 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,160 I said I'm afraid breakfast is off. 261 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,360 Oh, have some sherry. 262 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,400 Oh! Is it my birthday? 263 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,720 - Oh... yes! - What, again? 264 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,880 It's the third time this month. 265 00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:01,840 Yes! Have another one. 266 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,110 Eddie, mark the bottle. 267 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,920 I was just wondering, Mrs Foxfur, given your increasing infirmity, 268 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:15,320 whether you might like to take the opportunity 269 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,680 to pay your bill in advance? 270 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,200 We don't want you getting so crippled by arthritis 271 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,040 that you can't sign the cheque. 272 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,040 I gave you five years advance last week. 273 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,760 Yeah! And the week before that. 274 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,440 Oh, yes. 275 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,720 Silly old me. 276 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,200 Hmm... 277 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,240 Is that gold in those teeth? 278 00:24:48,290 --> 00:24:50,320 You should get those checked. 279 00:24:50,370 --> 00:24:52,240 My twin is a dentist! 280 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,240 Your twin? Is that the same twin who's a gynaecologist? 281 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,360 Huh? 282 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,040 Er, no, no. He's the third twin. 283 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,040 Yes, that's who he is. I'll get him to come round this afternoon. 284 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,280 No, I'll get him to come round right now. 285 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,440 - Yes, but I... I think I... - No trouble, Mrs Foxfur. 286 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,800 Come along. Up to your room. Come on, come on! 287 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,400 COME ON! 288 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,520 Right, I'll be... HE'LL be along in a moment. 289 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,000 Come on! Come on! 290 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,920 Get me a doctor's coat, some pliers and a hammer. 291 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,800 And your glasses as a disguise. 292 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,710 How do I look? 293 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,790 I don't know, I can't see. 294 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,320 Edward, have you been taking drugs? 295 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:49,120 Well, never mind depravity. Let's kick the old bint's teeth out. 296 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,600 You're sure this is the right place? 297 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,120 - It doesn't look nice. - There's a nuclear power station. 298 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,760 Times are hard and this is the cheapest hotel in Britain. 299 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,550 Let's make the best of it. 300 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,040 Come on, we're on holiday! Hooray. 301 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,160 - Oh! Oh! - Go on! Drink it, you bitch! 302 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,630 Good, that should've loosened them up. 303 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,560 Eddie, get the croquet mallet while I do some preliminary bridgework. 304 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,440 Righty-dokey! 305 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,960 Quick, Eddie, put your fingerprints all over this hammer. 306 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,560 Righto. 307 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,320 Dr Twat, is that you? 308 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:54,960 Er, yes. 309 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,320 Have you completed the root canal work? 310 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,880 Er, yes. 311 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,360 That's looking macfine. 312 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,080 I'll pop back in a week and give ye a wee check-up. Come on, let's scarper! 313 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,760 Good morning, good morning, good morning! 314 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,480 We were beginning to think nobody was here. 315 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,360 It looked like the Marie Celeste. 316 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,080 How amusing! Ha ha! Oh, ha ha ha! 317 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,840 Now, what can I do for you? 318 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,360 Well, we were wondering... 319 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,440 I'm sorry, I was just remembering. I must write that one down. 320 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,880 "Marie... Celeste. " 321 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,000 Ha ha ha! Implying that we run the kind of hotel where... 322 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,200 nobody wants to stay. 323 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,120 Right, well, we were wondering if you had any rooms. 324 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,600 Yes, we'd like two rooms, adjoining. 325 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,720 With a sea view, please. 326 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,240 Gosh, you're quite forthright, aren't you, in your demands? 327 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,040 My word, Eddie. Important people here. 328 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,480 Well, first things first. Got any valuables... 329 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,520 that you'd like put in the safe? 330 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,520 - Not really, no. - What about that ring? 331 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,430 Well, I never take it off. 332 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,960 The watch, then? Is that expensive? 333 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,590 No, it's a cheap copy. 334 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,680 That'll do. The pawnbroker's very short-sighted. 335 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:09,750 Eddie! 336 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,640 .. means you don't need a watch in paradise. 337 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,760 Time... stops here. 338 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,670 So watch, please. 339 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,320 - I'd rather keep it... - Watch! Please. 340 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:25,600 - I won't be able... - Watch! 341 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,560 Come along! 342 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,640 Mmm. There, better safe than sorry. 343 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,800 Eddie, take their bags. 344 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,470 But... they'II see, won't they? 345 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,320 No, Eddie, take their bags to their rooms. 346 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,680 And you'll keep 'em talking? Gotcha! 347 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,280 Whoo! Look over there! 348 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,320 And off we go! 349 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,080 Off to your rooms. 350 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,040 Uh-uh uh-uh uh. 351 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,280 - I beg your pardon? - I'll say. 352 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,000 Have you stayed in a hotel before? This is the corridor. 353 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,040 And this is the light switch. 354 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,320 I've depressed the light switch, which is on a timer, 355 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,070 which has been scientifically designed 356 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,480 to allow you plenty of time to insert your key in the... 357 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,080 Arse. 358 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,390 Insert it in your arse? 359 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,000 Never mind, I'm a resourceful chap, so I find the... 360 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,920 Bastard! Fucking! Where is it?! 361 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,040 Ah, there we are. 362 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:58,950 And in we go... 363 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,480 Eddie! What on earth are you doing? 364 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,560 Uh... I... was... just going to unpack for them. 365 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,520 Don't worry, I'd like to do that myself. 366 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,360 Where's the sea view? 367 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,640 That'll be out the window. 368 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,560 Well, I can't see it. 369 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,360 Yes, you have to lean out. Come along. 370 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,800 Lean out... lean out... LEAN out of the window! 371 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,990 Hold on to the scaffolding 372 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,400 and you can just see the sewage pipe in Dead Man's Cove. 373 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,200 I've had it checked by lawyers so don't try anything funny. 374 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,240 And, as a backup... 375 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,480 I've got a picture of some sea, so I've got you both ways. 376 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,480 Could I just ask, is breakfast thrown in? 377 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:51,280 It depends who's serving. I sometimes bring it on a tray. 378 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,000 Eddie, a word. 379 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,440 I've told you before, never talk to the adult guests. 380 00:31:59,490 --> 00:32:00,640 Ow! 381 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,840 - What? - He poked me in the eye. 382 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,320 No, she walked into my finger. 383 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,960 Ha ha! Look, what time is it? 384 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,800 Oh! Uh, why don't you let Eddie take these little... nippers 385 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,960 off to the playground? 386 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,840 Come on, you little rascals! 387 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,280 And you two pop down to the bar for a complementary sherry. 388 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,720 - That sounds nice. - It is. 389 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,400 And only 75 pence. 390 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,040 Each. 391 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,840 In advance. 392 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,640 Oh, right. Sorry. 393 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,640 There we are. Oh, yes... 394 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,280 Uh... have a... nice... day. 395 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,560 So, as we always say at the Guest House Paradiso, 396 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,600 have fun, avoid the water and don't get shit on the sheets. 397 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,320 Hmm. 398 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,360 It's horrible here. 399 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,960 Welcome to the real world, kid. 400 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,360 Oh! Ha ha ha! 401 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,080 Oh! 402 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,480 I really must have some more sherry. 403 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,120 Eh... oh... 404 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,480 Here you are, kid. Have a swig of this. 405 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,000 It helps keep things blurred. 406 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,600 Oh, damn. 407 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,520 Shame about the weather. 408 00:35:32,570 --> 00:35:34,550 Shame about the hotel. 409 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,600 Never mind. Happy anniversary, darling. 410 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,160 Oh, no! No! 411 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,120 Damn! Damn! Damn! 412 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,680 It's Mr Twat, you're going to have to vacate your room for a moment. 413 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,320 - Hello? - Excuse me. 414 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,680 Hello? 415 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:23,760 Hello? 416 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,360 Hello, man behind the counter. 417 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,320 Ah, there you are. 418 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,000 Mr Twat? 419 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,600 - No. - Do you know where he is? 420 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,040 He could be anywhere. He's the only one who does a fucking thing! 421 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,560 I'm suprprised he hasn't had a nervous breakdown! 422 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:53,590 Pardon? 423 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,240 Uh... the bar. 424 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,640 He is in the... bar. 425 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,280 Right. 426 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,440 But... there's no one there. 427 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,720 Oh, God. Oh, God! 428 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,360 God! Oh, God! Oh, fu... 429 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,280 Everything's gone completely numb. 430 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,760 You lucky bastard. 431 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,280 Good morning, I'm looking for Mr Twat. 432 00:37:36,330 --> 00:37:37,270 Er... 433 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,400 Have you tried reception? 434 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:44,360 Yes, but he isn't there. The strange midget said he was in the lounge. 435 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,760 Well, I'm sure if we wait here he'll turn up. 436 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,680 Charming part of the country. 437 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,680 Does it rain a lot around here? 438 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,360 More or less continuously, yes. 439 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,360 Oh. 440 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,200 Oh, well. 441 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,960 Good for the flowers, I suppose. 442 00:38:20,010 --> 00:38:22,040 Still quite warm, though. 443 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,840 Look, something tells me I can trust you. 444 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,400 You see, the thing is... 445 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,720 The thing is... 446 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,680 I am Gina Carbonara. 447 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,470 Gina Carbonara, 448 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,440 the famous Italian film star and love object. 449 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,200 Cor, blimey, wait till Richie hears about this! 450 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,320 The truth is, I've had a little bother lately with... 451 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,120 one thing and another, 452 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:24,200 and I'm looking for a hotel that's quiet, discreet and out of the way, 453 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,440 where the paparazzi won't find me. 454 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,600 I wouldn't know where to recommend. 455 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,760 I was thinking of here. 456 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:36,560 Oh. 457 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,640 Oh! 458 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,800 This seems the perfect spot. You're not in any of the guidebooks. 459 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,600 Nobody for miles around - an oasis of calm. 460 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,720 Even the peasants in the village denied its existence. 461 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,360 Oh, yes, this is the place. 462 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,040 A perfect little refuge from the world. 463 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,160 Right, well, we'd better... check you in, then. 464 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,400 So if you're not the manager, who are you? 465 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,720 I'm Eddie the bellboy. 466 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:28,940 The bellboy? 467 00:40:28,990 --> 00:40:30,520 That's right. 468 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,960 And... here's your key. 469 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,760 It's room five, first floor, end of the corridor. 470 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,840 I'll bring your luggage up directly. 471 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,360 Mice. 472 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,720 Basque Separatist mice. 473 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,800 I was... just... cleaning the oven in my Ralph Lauren rubber shorts 474 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,840 and... and... and... never mind about that now! 475 00:41:19,890 --> 00:41:22,400 I can't believe it! Gina Carbonara staying here! 476 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,800 Gina Carbonara! The Melons from Milan! 477 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,400 Yeah, the Nipples from Naples! 478 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:30,230 The Rump from Rome! 479 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,400 The Rectum from Reykjavik! 480 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,400 - That's not right, is it? - I don't know. She gets around. 481 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,680 Eddie, assemble all the staff! 482 00:41:40,730 --> 00:41:42,600 - Here I am. - Good. 483 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,120 Is this it? Where's Lardy Basto? 484 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,640 - Chef left this morning, remember? - Damn, so he did! 485 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,200 So it's just us, then. Very well, then. 486 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,480 Alone. 487 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,750 God, what are we gonna do?! 488 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,720 Calm! Down! Richie! It's only Gina Carbonara! 489 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,760 I know! I'm already straining these rubber underpants to the limit! 490 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:07,680 We'll soon have you out. 491 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,000 Unh! 492 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,360 What about dinner? 493 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,120 She'll be expecting top-rate, poncey, French-style A1 nosh! 494 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,640 I don't believe it! That Romanian bastard! He's eaten ALL the food! 495 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:30,030 Oh! 496 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,560 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! OH, GOD! 497 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:36,640 Why do these things happen to me? 498 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,000 I thought this would be it, 499 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:43,480 I was gonna get a blue plaque made saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here. " 500 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,760 Now you'II need a slightly bigger one, 501 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:50,840 saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here and thought it was shit. " 502 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,360 - Is this gonna work? - Is the Pope Catholic? 503 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,120 Yes, he is. 504 00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,440 Is he? Huh! I never knew that. 505 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,800 Right. 506 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,840 Yep, that should do it. 507 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,560 What's the next part of the operation? 508 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:12,080 I puncture the pants with this kebab skewer on the end of a broom handle. 509 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:17,320 The sudden release of pressure causes the pants to gradually disintegrate. 510 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,520 - If you say so. - Brace yourself. 511 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,480 And here it comes! 512 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,270 It's so boring here! 513 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,000 Well, what about I-Spy? No. 514 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,480 Let's play Charlene's favourite game. 515 00:44:00,530 --> 00:44:03,000 Yeah! All right. 516 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,480 OK, here we go, hope you're all hiding. 517 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,760 One... 518 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,640 two... three... 519 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,720 four... five... 520 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,320 six... seven... 521 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,440 eight... nine... 522 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,520 Ten! Coming, ready or not! 523 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,240 - Oh, you've grown. - What? 524 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,680 - Oh, I see! - Mr Twat? 525 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:35,120 It's "Thwaite!" No, no, I'm not him, I'm his deranged half-brother! 526 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,160 Hur hur hur hee! 527 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,920 And stay there! Never enter the public areas of the hotel! 528 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,720 Oh, I'm so sorry. I was talking to my demented half-brother. 529 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,360 - Is he all right? - No, he's mad. 530 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,320 But don't worry, it's terminal! 531 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,000 Now, allow me to show you around. 532 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,480 Oh, my, you have a pert elbow. 533 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,560 You must be Gina Carbonara. 534 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,880 Yes, and you must be Mr Thwaite. 535 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,120 It's "Twat. " Damn... 536 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,440 I'm sorry, please, forgive me, Mr Twat. 537 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,120 Yes. 538 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,400 I have a problem, could you come into my room? 539 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,520 - No... - You won't? 540 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,000 No, no, I WON'T have a problem. 541 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:41,320 - I'm not being too forward? - No, I like them sticking out. 542 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,480 Now, what seems to be the problem? 543 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,080 Electrics? Plumbing? The... stench? 544 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,640 Although, by the way, should you have a personal problem 545 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,640 I am in fact a qualified gynaecologist. 546 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,680 Well, strictly speaking I'm an amateur - but I'm bloody keen. 547 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,000 Keen as mustard. 548 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:08,280 - I'm having trouble with my zip. - Your zip? 549 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,320 Could you undo it? 550 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,560 Pardon? 551 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,910 No, I still don't understand. 552 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,720 You want me to undo your zip? 553 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,440 Oh, yes. Would you? 554 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,600 Well, I'II have a bloody good go. 555 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,800 Thank you. 556 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,760 You see it is just stuck here. 557 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,040 You don't mind that I do not wear a brassiere? 558 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:42,080 Uh, no. 559 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:46,600 This is such a charming hotel, unlike anywhere else I've ever been. 560 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,480 I feel I could stay here forever. 561 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,320 You're such a sweet man. 562 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,240 Love is such a fickle thing, don't you think? 563 00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:14,640 What? Oh, love. 564 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,680 Oh, yes, love. 565 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,360 Oh, lumme! Love! 566 00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,230 H- how very well put. 567 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,640 How very amusing. Ha ha ha ha... 568 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,040 How soi-disant... Ah! Uh! 569 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,840 Yes, it's such... 570 00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,840 Oh... he's gone. 571 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,640 Ooh, it's cold in here. 572 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:42,920 Arrrgh! 573 00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,000 Eddie! 574 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,240 Aaaarrgh! AAAAARRRGH! 575 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,040 Bloody road protesters! 576 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:57,760 Save the B157! 577 00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:01,480 Marvellous, Eddie! Look! Fish for supper! 578 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,320 We're saved! Ha ha ha! 579 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,720 Have you had enough time to read the menu, Mrs Foxfur? 580 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,000 Well, I think I'II have the fish. 581 00:48:38,240 --> 00:48:40,200 Oh, good. Wise choice. 582 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,680 So everyone's having fish, then. Excellent. 583 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,000 I don't like this fish. 584 00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,590 You'll eat it. 585 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:52,480 You're a minor, you have no rights and I'll happily call the police! 586 00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,920 For what the Lord has provided let us be truly F-ing thankful. 587 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,640 And the same goes for you! 588 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,150 - Enjoying your meal? - Yes. 589 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,960 We've got royalty coming downstairs in a minute so fucking behave! 590 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,960 Who are you? 591 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,080 - We're Mr... - And Mrs. 592 00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,640 Barker. 593 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:19,880 The honeymoon couple? Have you been in bed all day? 594 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,840 Well, we're newlyweds. 595 00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:25,800 Good grief! What can I get you? 596 00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,640 Vitamins? Energy tablets? Fanny pump? 597 00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:32,520 - N-no, a table. - Let's go back upstairs. 598 00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,840 You bloody well won't! That's enough of that sort of thing! 599 00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,600 Just sit down and eat quietly like normal people! 600 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,320 It's absolutely disgusting! 601 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,920 Now, what can I get you? 602 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,400 D'you have any fish? 603 00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,800 Oh! I'II see what I can do. 604 00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:08,360 Good evening, Miss Carbonara. 605 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:10,460 Good evening, Mr Twat. 606 00:50:10,510 --> 00:50:12,200 Ha ha, it's "Cunt". 607 00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:15,640 Oh, damn. Again. 608 00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,680 Would it be too much trouble if I ate in my room? 609 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,400 Oh. Of course. 610 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:28,720 Oh... 611 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,480 Of course. 612 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,760 What can I bring you? The fish is very good tonight. 613 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:38,040 Yes, lightly grilled fish and a salad would be perfect. 614 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:41,160 "Lightly" grilled fish? And a "salad"? 615 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,280 Righty-ho. I'II have that up in a jiffy. 616 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,840 Would it offend you if I ate it naked? 617 00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:53,390 Hmm? 618 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,880 I would like to have it undressed. 619 00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:58,840 Hmm? 620 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,400 I don't want to cause a fuss. 621 00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,800 Oh, no, no! They'll be raring to go on that one. 622 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,000 - Undressed, you say? - It's good for my chakras. 623 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,440 I should imagine. Chakras like those want looking after. 624 00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:16,360 As we used to say in the Boy Scouts... 625 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,000 Pheeb! 626 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,030 Oh, she's gone. 627 00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,800 Right, Edward Elizabeth Ndingombaba, this could be our lucky day! 628 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,040 Come in. 629 00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,190 Good evening. 630 00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:55,120 Good one. 631 00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,000 Good evening. 632 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,680 You have a very big hat. 633 00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,920 Well, you're a very attractive bird. 634 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,480 And with your salad - salad cream or cooking oil? 635 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,440 Pardon? 636 00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:32,710 Cream or oil? 637 00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:35,480 No, I said I wanted the salad undressed. 638 00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,600 I know, and we're looking forward to it. 639 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,440 I'll say. 640 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,840 No, I mean... without dressing. 641 00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,040 Oh... 642 00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,720 Oh. Oh, God. Back to the kitchen. 643 00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,960 Oh, God. Quickly! Quickly! Quickly! 644 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,840 Oh, God! Oh, God! 645 00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,160 Really, i-i-i-it's just too much. 646 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,080 I- I'm gonna... I- I'm gonna confront him. 647 00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,680 So you take the kids to bed. 648 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,080 Well, be careful, babe. 649 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:16,720 Hello? 650 00:53:23,720 --> 00:53:25,360 Hello? 651 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,360 Time for beddy-byes, is it? Sweet dreams! 652 00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:18,200 Oh, I don't feel well. 653 00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,550 Hey, give her one from me! 654 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,880 If you're too tired I'll come and give her one myself! 655 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,840 I'm not joking, actually. 656 00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,630 What do you think you're doing? 657 00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,200 I wanted you. Some underwear has gone missing from our room. 658 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,640 Really? And what sort of UNDERWEAR was it? 659 00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,000 Uh, well... 660 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,520 They were crotchless rubber panties, actually! 661 00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,660 You're quite sure they were crotchless? 662 00:55:10,710 --> 00:55:13,080 Yes, and a rubber bra is missing as well. 663 00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,520 Hey, Rich, look at this bloke in spiky underwear! 664 00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:18,960 Is it...? Is it you? 665 00:55:20,720 --> 00:55:22,840 - Put that back on! - No. 666 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:31,640 It's broken. 667 00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:35,240 - And there's no other machine? - No. Afraid not. 668 00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:40,880 Well, I'll just show this tape to the police in the morning. 669 00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:45,630 Hey, Rich... 670 00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:47,600 What are we gonna do? 671 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,200 We'll just bide our time, Eddie. We'll just bide our time. 672 00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,680 Can you take your hand off my penis? 673 00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:02,960 Hmm? Oh, sorry. 674 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,120 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 675 00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,000 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 676 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,640 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 677 00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:25,800 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 678 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,310 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 679 00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,000 Will you stop making those owl noises! 680 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,880 - Sorry. - Right. Now follow me. 681 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,680 Aaaaaaaaarrrghhh! 682 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:41,280 Rich! Rich! 683 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,560 What happened? 684 00:56:44,610 --> 00:56:46,240 Candle in the eye. 685 00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:47,880 Pardon? 686 00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:49,880 Candle in the eye! 687 00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,560 Righto. 688 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,560 Aaaaaaaarrrrrgghh! 689 00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,440 Stop it! Stop... it! Stop it! 690 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,840 Look... look... 691 00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,520 Uhh! Let's get sensible, OK?! 692 00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,480 Come on, it's this way. 693 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,000 Here we are. Shh! 694 00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:34,800 Right, they're fast asleep. Get your tackle out. 695 00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,060 I beg your pardon? 696 00:57:37,110 --> 00:57:38,720 Hand me your rod. 697 00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,160 - Huh? - The fishing rod. 698 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:43,160 Oh! Righto. 699 00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:53,920 Here we go. 700 00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:56,400 Shh! 701 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,160 Oh-oh-oh...! 702 00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,680 Got it. 703 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,520 He's got a tight grip on it. 704 00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,280 Ah! Ooh... 705 00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:54,960 You're gonna have to help. 706 00:58:55,010 --> 00:58:56,600 Right you are. 707 00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:00,840 Cor! You got a whopper there. 708 00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:04,840 Why, thank you, Eddie. Must be all the excitement. 709 00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,360 Oh, yeah... Lady Diana, Princess of Wales... 710 00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,680 Smack me up, you bitch. 711 00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,880 Ooh! Ooh! 712 00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:32,640 Unh! Come on! 713 00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:41,400 Oh! 714 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:46,920 Who's that? 715 00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,040 Someone ringing the doorbell. 716 00:59:49,090 --> 00:59:50,550 I think you're right. 717 00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,520 See what they want before they wake everyone. 718 00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,840 And Eddie, if it's the police, claim all responsibility. 719 00:59:56,890 --> 00:59:58,800 - Righto. - Good man. 720 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,160 I'm coming! I'm coming! 721 01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,440 Where's Gina Carbonara?! 722 01:00:12,490 --> 01:00:13,960 GINA! GINA! 723 01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,440 It's, uh, just along here, room five... 724 01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,680 OK, now, bring me romantic supper for two 725 01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,070 and expensive bottle of champagne, 726 01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:32,840 otherwise you are one dead motherfucker! 727 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:37,280 Watch the language. We're trying to keep this PG, all right? 728 01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:41,280 OK, excuse me, otherwise you are one dead father-fucker! 729 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,040 I tried. 730 01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,280 Gino! 731 01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:57,110 Si. 732 01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,280 So, why you not turn up at the church-a yesterday? 733 01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,840 You are too famous not to come to your own-a wedding! Eh?! 734 01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,280 Or is poor Gino, from Sicily, your own-a country... 735 01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,240 is not a-good enough for you, huh? 736 01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:18,440 Is that it? 737 01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:21,720 Ah! 738 01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:39,080 Gina... 739 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:41,960 You know why I didn't come. 740 01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,760 How can I know? You never tell me anything. 741 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:50,640 Because the night before the wedding you sleep with all three bridesmaids. 742 01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,760 But at the time I wasn't-a married! 743 01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,200 I was a free Gino! 744 01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,640 Gina... Per favure, Gina... 745 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,640 Gina... Gina... Amure... 746 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,320 Gina, per favure, amure. 747 01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,110 Amore, bambina... 748 01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:32,000 I do not want-a to spend another moment of my life without you, huh? 749 01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,680 Do you have-a your wedding dress with you? 750 01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,840 Why don't you put it on for me, for Gino? 751 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,600 So we can-a marry ourself, huh? 752 01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:48,920 Si! 753 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,400 Room service! 754 01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:58,960 - Gino? - Si?! 755 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,640 Look. 756 01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,600 Yes, it's-a very beautiful. Put it on! 757 01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:11,440 Do you know a nice bordello around here? 758 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:17,080 You find-a me some pretty girls... and put them in another room. 759 01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:22,640 He's bad! 760 01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,560 The boyfriend? Why didn't she tell me he was coming? 761 01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:36,600 Ah... Leading me on. 762 01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:39,960 Brazen hussy. 763 01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:43,520 She was just using me... 764 01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:46,630 before she tied the knot. 765 01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:49,480 Just one last little bit of love exercise. 766 01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:53,840 Which didn't come off. 767 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,080 Like these blasted pants. 768 01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:00,880 Oh, that reminds me! Oh, God! 769 01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,040 Richie? Richie? 770 01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,080 Evening, Eddie! 771 01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:29,680 Oh, no. Friday night. 772 01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,880 Yep, another shift done! 773 01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:34,760 Sorry we're late. Had a party at the plant. 774 01:04:35,560 --> 01:04:39,480 A leaving party. Well, someone on B shift died, so technically it was! 775 01:05:28,920 --> 01:05:31,150 No, look, I'm sorry, but... 776 01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:34,040 The weekly lock-in at Guest House Paradiso! 777 01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:37,960 All right, but it'II have to be a quick one - we've got guests. 778 01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,880 You've got guests?! 779 01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:56,680 All right, what'll it be? 780 01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:11,440 I feel poorly. 781 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,280 Dad! Dad! Dad! DAD! Dad, wake up! 782 01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,440 - What is it, Damien? - Darling? 783 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:24,200 The nasty man! He's in the cupboard! 784 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,310 - What? - The hotel man! 785 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,960 You're just having a nightmare, darling. 786 01:06:30,010 --> 01:06:31,745 But he's in there! 787 01:06:31,795 --> 01:06:33,480 Come into bed with us. 788 01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:35,630 But he really is there... 789 01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:38,080 I'm sure you think he's in there. 790 01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:45,240 I've been having some nightmares about that man myself. 791 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,640 I feel poorly. 792 01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:07,080 Cor, I'm glad that shift's over - they had to give me seven showers! 793 01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:10,320 We had a bit of a leak yesterday, 794 01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:13,880 had to burn all the dead fish from the bay. 795 01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:16,760 You probably saw the lorries. 796 01:07:16,810 --> 01:07:18,400 - Shh! - Mmm! 797 01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,160 Mama mia... 798 01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:32,720 You look-a beautiful. 799 01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,920 And I, Gino Guiseppe Gianluca Bolognese, 800 01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:13,400 take you, Gina Tortellini Carbonara, 801 01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:20,080 to be my lawful wedded wife, to love and cherish me, to serve and obey me 802 01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:24,240 till death do us part. 803 01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:25,640 Amen. 804 01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:37,600 I do. 805 01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,960 I now pronounce us man... 806 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,720 and his woman! 807 01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:49,640 No, Gino! 808 01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:51,350 No?! What do you mean?! 809 01:08:51,400 --> 01:08:54,560 You are my woman, everything that is yours is mine! 810 01:09:15,320 --> 01:09:19,000 You bring-a shame and dishonour to the whole-a Bolognese family! 811 01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:41,480 No sandwiches tonight, Eddie? 812 01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:43,680 Uh... 813 01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:54,320 Hello...? Night... porter. 814 01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:01,840 Where are the whores I ordered? 815 01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,760 I ordered three prostitutes! 816 01:10:05,810 --> 01:10:07,840 Send them to my room now. 817 01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:13,920 Huh? OK. 818 01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:19,120 Excuse me, gentlemen. 819 01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:26,880 Hello, night porter? 820 01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:29,110 Eddie, it's me. 821 01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:32,240 I'm stuck inside the bedside cabinet in room six. 822 01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:36,200 OK. Won't be a minute, gents. 823 01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:42,000 I'll go and get us the sandwiches. 824 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,440 All I want is what is rightfully mine! 825 01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:53,760 Gino! This was my mother's dress! And my grandmother's before that. 826 01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,480 That's OK, bring them. I'll fuck them too! 827 01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:00,640 I am one fucky guy! 828 01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:23,520 What are you doing? 829 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:27,440 Sorry, hotel maintenance. I have to remove this bedside cabinet. 830 01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:30,440 - What? - Yes, it's... got woodworm. 831 01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:33,480 But it's the middle of the night. 832 01:11:34,160 --> 01:11:36,000 It's... a fire risk. 833 01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:38,360 No, it's not. 834 01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:40,880 Yes, it is. 835 01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,840 See what I mean? You can't be too careful. 836 01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:50,800 Look, there it is, there! 837 01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:05,360 Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your evening. 838 01:12:26,680 --> 01:12:29,080 Eddie! What have you been up to?! 839 01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:32,200 I've told you before to never - ever - ever - 840 01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,800 service the rooms - till the guests - are fully - awake! 841 01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:40,560 Aaaaaarrrrgh! 842 01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:44,920 I'm so sorry. 843 01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:47,360 You toddle off to bed, 844 01:12:47,480 --> 01:12:50,800 while I make sure that Eddie doesn't trouble you again! 845 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,940 No, no! That won't be necessary. 846 01:12:53,990 --> 01:12:56,240 Just don't disturb us again, please. 847 01:12:56,320 --> 01:12:58,520 We're checking out tomorrow. 848 01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,520 Oh, dear... 849 01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:11,520 And here it IS! 850 01:13:12,440 --> 01:13:13,920 Hur... rah. 851 01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,920 Eddie, all our troubles are over! 852 01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:19,600 - I'm not so sure, Richie! - What? 853 01:13:19,720 --> 01:13:22,320 That fish, where did you get it from? 854 01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:24,920 No one ate any, did they? 855 01:13:24,970 --> 01:13:26,320 Er... no. 856 01:13:26,480 --> 01:13:29,000 Good, because it's highly dangerous. 857 01:13:29,080 --> 01:13:31,960 They must've come from next to the meltdown! 858 01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:34,520 - Shut it! - What is going on? 859 01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,360 I don't know where you got that fish, 860 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:40,470 but this hotel is now highly contaminated! 861 01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:43,680 Thank God no one ate any or you'd be up for murder! 862 01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:48,840 You wanna clear this hotel because this is not the end of this! 863 01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:52,960 This is big trouble if they find out! 864 01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:56,400 Why did you shoot your mouth off like that?! 865 01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:58,600 We better get Z-Squad! 866 01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:01,840 How many guests had fish? 867 01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:03,920 All of them. 868 01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:07,360 Very well, let's pack our bags and SKEDADDLE! 869 01:14:16,920 --> 01:14:18,480 What's that noise? 870 01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:23,320 Oh! Oh, Mr Twat! 871 01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:25,710 What is it? 872 01:14:25,760 --> 01:14:27,680 I feel rather... AUGH! 873 01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:41,760 Oh, Mr Twat, help m... 874 01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:43,840 Get back in your room! 875 01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:53,560 Where's my mummy? I want my mummy! 876 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:55,120 AUGH! 877 01:15:09,440 --> 01:15:11,000 Come on. 878 01:15:19,320 --> 01:15:20,760 Oh, damn. 879 01:15:27,640 --> 01:15:29,150 Oh, God... 880 01:15:29,200 --> 01:15:31,400 Please, my wife's very sick. 881 01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:39,800 - Timothy... - I'm coming, darling. I'm... 882 01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:50,840 What have... 883 01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:54,280 Get me a doc... 884 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,920 For God's sake, get me a... 885 01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,800 I can't... 886 01:16:06,640 --> 01:16:08,480 Get me a fucking... 887 01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:13,160 My wife is sick too... 888 01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:18,520 Oh, God... 889 01:16:22,240 --> 01:16:23,840 Oh, my God... 890 01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:39,640 It's coming again... 891 01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:50,080 This... is the time. 892 01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:53,800 BWEURRK! 893 01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:56,960 AUGH! BWEURK! BLEURGH! 894 01:16:57,600 --> 01:16:59,600 BLEURK! GLEURGH! AUGHH! 895 01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:49,550 No! 896 01:17:49,600 --> 01:17:52,040 Oh! I don't have anything to wear! 897 01:17:54,280 --> 01:17:56,520 Oh! That's where it went! Uh! 898 01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,800 Come on, Richie, this is no time for dancing! 899 01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:01,960 Let's go! 900 01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:03,920 I... w-w-w-whoo! Oh! 901 01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:05,360 No! 902 01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:51,280 Help! Help! You've got to get me out of here! 903 01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:00,320 Hey... Stop! 904 01:19:03,440 --> 01:19:04,920 Arrrrgh... 905 01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:12,120 Mmmnnnn! 906 01:19:24,240 --> 01:19:26,040 - Ahhh! - Go! Go! 907 01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:30,640 Ahhh! 908 01:19:58,040 --> 01:20:00,600 All I wanted was a shaaaaaaag! 909 01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:31,440 You give me that suitcase and I'll give you this one. 910 01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:33,560 What's in it? 911 01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:37,040 10 million. 912 01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:39,800 OK. 913 01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:47,680 This case contains new identities and passports for you. 914 01:20:48,480 --> 01:20:51,480 And first class plane tickets to the Caribbean. 915 01:20:55,240 --> 01:20:56,520 OK... 916 01:21:01,480 --> 01:21:04,440 Sign here to say you've never lived in England 917 01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:08,800 or heard the words "radioactive" and "leak" then you can go. 918 01:21:09,280 --> 01:21:10,960 Shall we shake? 919 01:21:13,440 --> 01:21:15,120 I'd rather not. 920 01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:54,190 You have a very big hat. 921 01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:56,760 Well, you're a very attractive bird. 922 01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:01,960 Calm - down - Richie! 923 01:22:03,360 --> 01:22:05,560 He's got a tight grip on it. 924 01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:08,280 Candle in the eye! 925 01:22:09,600 --> 01:22:10,960 Righto. 926 01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:12,840 Aaaaaarrrggghh! 927 01:22:23,640 --> 01:22:26,240 Thank you for killing my awful boyfriend 928 01:22:26,290 --> 01:22:28,270 by radioactive fish poisoning. 929 01:22:28,320 --> 01:22:30,800 How lucky he was the only fatality. 930 01:22:30,920 --> 01:22:32,160 Yes. 931 01:22:32,480 --> 01:22:35,960 Otherwise there'd be a moral question mark over our escape. 932 01:22:36,640 --> 01:22:39,080 I will never be able to repay you. 933 01:22:39,240 --> 01:22:42,000 Oh, I don't know. It's my turn, isn't it? 934 01:22:42,880 --> 01:22:44,800 Yes, of course it is. 65333

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.