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1
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,360
-Hello.
-Hello, everybody!
2
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,400
Thank you so much.
3
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,680
-Thank you!
-Thank you.
4
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,080
Greetings!
5
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,480
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
6
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
7
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,360
And welcome,
and thank you all
8
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,080
for braving these treacherous
conditions to get here.
9
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,080
- It took me nearly
nine minutes this morning.
10
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,240
His slippers got all soggy
on the way.
11
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,080
I nearly fell over once,
but I made it.
12
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:29,960
Don't worry,
13
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,520
because we have an incredible
reward for you all.
14
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,720
Because, in this
action-packed show...
15
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,720
..James wears a red anorak...
16
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,440
..Richard looks at a pipe
of some sort...
17
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,640
..and I make a cup of tea.
18
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,560
It is non-stop action.
19
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,040
Non-stop. But...
but we begin with mankind.
20
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,440
-Wow! Big start!
-It is a big start.
21
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,280
You see, the thing is,
as a species,
22
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,080
we are very pleased
with ourselves,
23
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,680
because we have
the Porsche 918
24
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,960
and the Ferrari TheFerrari:
25
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,200
cars that can travel at
212mph, an incredible speed.
26
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,800
Whereas cows and ants and...
27
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,200
-What are you going on about?
-Well, think about it, OK.
28
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,240
A cow is exactly the same now
29
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,840
as it was
a million years ago.
30
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,720
Well, maybe a bit more
delicious now,
31
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:25,920
but basically the same.
32
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,480
It still stands around
all day long
33
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,920
in a field eating grass.
34
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,440
Whereas we think
that we've improved.
35
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,360
But have we?
36
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,480
-Yes.
-Yeah, we have.
37
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,880
Well, now, you say that,
38
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,320
but we were travelling
at way more than 212mph
39
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,560
in our cars 25 years ago.
40
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,320
This is
the Jaguar XJ220.
41
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,120
And with a top speed
of 217mph,
42
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,400
it was the fastest car
in the world.
43
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,680
For about five minutes.
44
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,560
And then this came along.
45
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,720
The 218mph
Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport.
46
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,960
Both these cars
were conceived in the '80s,
47
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,920
when Gordon Gekko
was running amok,
48
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760
and the world
was awash with money.
49
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,400
But by the time they went
on sale in the early '90s...
50
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400
An incredible day
on Wall Street.
51
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,440
The market has fallen
over 400 points.
52
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,880
...the stock market
had crashed.
53
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,880
There's only one word to
describe what's happening,
54
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,440
and that is "panic".
55
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,880
So, the only people
who might have bought them
56
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,800
were too busy
hurling themselves
out of their office windows
57
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,080
on Wall Street.
58
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,960
So, these cars,
they came, they conquered,
59
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,840
and no-one noticed.
60
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,520
Today, though,
25 years later,
61
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,960
there are only three cars
in current production
62
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,880
that are faster than this.
63
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,840
However, while there is
a lot of performance,
64
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,880
the way it's delivered is...
quite old-fashioned.
65
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,040
You put your foot down,
and then you wait
66
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,080
while the turbo-chargers
spool up.
67
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,120
It takes quite a while,
cos there are four of them.
68
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,760
Talk among yourselves.
69
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,640
However, when the 3.5l V12
70
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,080
is finally getting
all the food it needs...
71
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,160
Oh, God!
72
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,920
..all hell breaks loose.
73
00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,320
Oh!
74
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,440
Through the corner.
75
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,840
Mild terror.
76
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,920
The speed is hilarious!
77
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,960
And terrifying.
78
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,720
That's probably why
they fitted it
79
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,000
with this plastic sheeting
rather than carpets,
80
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,600
because they knew that one
day you would soil yourself.
81
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,240
You did have to be good
82
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,960
to get the best
out of this thing.
83
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,400
Which brings me on to
Michael Schumacher.
84
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,680
He could have had any car
he wanted back in the day,
85
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,280
but he had one of these.
86
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,480
Weirdly, however,
87
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,920
and mainly because
I think it looks better,
88
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,240
I'd have chosen the Jag.
89
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:06,000
It was supposed to have been
a four-wheel drive V12,
90
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,040
like the Bugatti,
91
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,200
but Jaguar found that
much too complicated.
92
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,880
So, they gave it
the turbo-charged V6
93
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,440
from a Metro rally car,
94
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,880
rear-wheel drive,
the rear lights
from a Rover 200,
95
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,680
and then they said,
"That'll do,"
96
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,880
and went to the pub.
97
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,000
So, does that mean the Jag
is embarrassed by the Bugatti
98
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800
in a drag race?
99
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,640
Right, before we do this,
100
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,240
I have to tape
the cassette player in place,
101
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,080
because the last time I did
a full-bore standing start
102
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,960
in an XJ220,
103
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,200
the acceleration
was so vivid,
104
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,520
the stereo shot out
of its slot in the dashboard,
105
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,760
ricocheted
off the gear lever,
106
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,480
and then speared
into my left plum.
107
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520
It was very uncomfortable.
108
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880
Oh, the end's come off.
109
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,760
That's good.
Right, window up.
110
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,840
Right, let's do this!
111
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,800
Don't know when
to change gear,
112
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,680
because the rev counter's
broken.
113
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,360
This is close.
114
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,120
Oh, my word! Ha!
115
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,040
Score one for the Jag!
116
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,120
Whoa! That was some speed!
117
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,240
After a quarter of a mile,
118
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,280
the badly-made Jag
was doing 135mph,
119
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,320
and a modern day Lamborghini
Huracan couldn't do that.
120
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,080
Which proves that in the last
25 years, we've come nowhere.
121
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,360
Except, we have.
122
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,400
You see, back in '92 and '93,
123
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,160
there was no Wi-Fi,
there was no PlayStation,
124
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,640
DVD hadn't been invented,
125
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,520
Justin Bieber
hadn't been born.
126
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,920
There was no Google,
Amazon was a river.
127
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,840
There was no
internet pornography.
128
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,360
Well, that's probably
a good thing,
129
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,880
cos there was no Viagra,
either.
130
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,640
The early '90s
were the dark ages,
131
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,360
and when you drive
these cars, it shows.
132
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,720
In here,
there's no power-steering.
133
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,000
No air conditioning.
134
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,600
No anti-lock brakes.
135
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,080
And obviously,
no driver aids of any kind.
136
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,360
Got a 525bhp engine
back there.
137
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,600
Ooh, shi...
138
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,320
Being fed by a turbo-charger
the size of a wheelie bin.
139
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,880
And all there is in here
to tame it is me!
140
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,560
Ah!
141
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,120
Oh!
142
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,680
After a couple of laps
in this thing,
143
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,560
you really are aching.
144
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,040
And sweating.
145
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,320
And you're frightened.
You really are.
146
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,920
Cos this is not a car that's
just gonna forgive you.
147
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,440
If you overdo it,
you're gonna hit a tree,
148
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,240
and that's just an end of it.
149
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,760
So, there we are.
150
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,160
A modern supercar
may be no faster
151
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,720
than these monsters
from the past,
152
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,640
but a modern supercar
makes the speed fun and easy,
153
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:57,240
not terrifying
and bathed in an unholy mix
of sweat and faeces.
154
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,320
Well done.
155
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,400
Covered it all there.
156
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,680
No, seriously, well done,
157
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600
because nobody's ever
finished a road test
158
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,480
with the word "faeces"
before.
159
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,720
No, that was a first.
160
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,880
But I'm just thinking,
161
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,320
it isn't just supercars
that are getting slower,
162
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320
because you remember
the Lotus Sunbeam?
163
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,160
-When was that, 1979, '78?
-Yeah.
164
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,920
That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds,
165
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,240
and there aren't many
hot hatches
166
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,920
that would keep up with that,
even today.
167
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,200
And then you've got trains.
The Mallard, the steam train,
168
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,640
is quicker
than most electric trains.
169
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,560
SR-71 Blackbird, nothing
in the skies as fast as that.
170
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,880
I suppose,
if you think about it,
we used to be able
171
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,000
to get across the Atlantic
in three hours,
172
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,800
-and now it takes us seven.
-Exactly.
173
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,760
And now we must put some
numbers on our argument
174
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,480
by sending the Bugatti
round the Eboladrome.
175
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,040
Come on, old-timer!
176
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,080
And she's off.
177
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:57,960
A smooth start.
178
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,600
Four-wheel drive system
maintaining traction
179
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,520
in these wet conditions.
180
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,200
It really is soaking
out there today!
181
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,760
Right, a measured line
through the first curve,
182
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,240
and then carefully
working the throttle
183
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,000
to keep things in check.
184
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600
Approaching the sweep
down to Your Name Here,
185
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,240
and smoothly done.
186
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,560
Crikey! Managing to get
the tyres squealing,
187
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,760
even on this damp section.
188
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920
And then winding up
the little V12
189
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,200
to fire it back
onto the Isn't.
190
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,880
Single wiper
batting away the drizzle,
191
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040
as she hustles it
towards the braking zone
192
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,040
for the tricky
Old Lady's House complex.
193
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,080
How will it get on here?
194
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,800
Very neat.
195
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,160
Very controlled.
196
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,760
And now back on the gas
for the run to Substation.
197
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,640
And you can hear the fizz
198
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,680
from those four
furiously spinning turbos.
199
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,000
Keeping it together there
nicely.
200
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,200
Field Of Sheep to go.
201
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,520
Glides through there,
and across the line.
202
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,680
So, let's see where
it goes on the board.
203
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,360
I'm imagining pretty high up.
204
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,560
Oh.
205
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,720
-That's not very fast.
-No, it isn't very fast.
206
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,000
But we put the Jag round,
as well,
207
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,480
and that did it in...
208
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,800
Hang on,
I've got the time here.
Just bear with me.
209
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,840
..one thirty-five one.
210
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,920
So...
slower than the Bugatti?
211
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,800
Yes.
212
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,240
Slower, in fact,
than everything
213
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,800
except a small, cheap
Volkswagen hatchback,
214
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,120
which also went round
in the soaking wet.
215
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,600
Yes.
216
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,440
So, contrary to what
you were saying earlier on,
217
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,680
supercars have got
much faster
218
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,600
over the last 25 years.
219
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,280
Yes.
220
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,760
Right! Moving on!
221
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,280
Because now it's time
222
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,600
to order
some doughnuts of debate
223
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,640
from the Chat Café,
on Conversation Street.
224
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,480
-I was terrified.
-Yeah.
225
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,840
Right, good. Now...
226
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,080
-..you know the BMW Z4?
-Yes.
227
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:09,960
The only car, incidentally,
228
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160
designed on the interior
and the exterior by women.
229
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,280
-OK?
-It was.
230
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,240
Well, they're dropping it,
and replacing it with this.
231
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080
This has been designed
by a man, so...
232
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,240
Mm-hm. And where are you
going with this one, Jeremy?
233
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,520
So, it won't be able
to take its jumper off
234
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,360
by folding its arms.
235
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,720
-What?
-What are you on about?
236
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,760
Men can't take their jumpers
off like women do,
237
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,360
-crossing their arms.
-I can do that!
238
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,320
-You're not a man.
-Oh, right.
239
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,560
I take my jumper...
240
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,480
That's how you take
a jumper off, like that.
241
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,000
How do you know?
242
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,280
You just wait for the
paramedics to come along,
243
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,160
cut it off
after your accident.
244
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,480
Yes, but that's how
you take a jumper off.
245
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,880
-I don't know
what you're talking about.
-Take your jumper off.
246
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,920
Just take your jumper off.
Watch this.
How does he take it off?
247
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,360
Er, like this.
248
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800
There, you see?
Like a man.
249
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,320
Are there any women
wanna take...
250
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,840
Oh, no, we can't do that.
251
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,200
Seriously, women, do you know
what I'm on about?
252
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,440
Yes.
253
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,560
Women cross...
254
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,200
If I tried to do that,
I'd dislocate my shoulder!
255
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,440
Thank you for that nonsense,
Jeremy.
256
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,480
Can we maybe get back to
the BMW now, which is a car?
257
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,800
Yes, it is.
Now, I have to say,
258
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960
the old one was never
as good to drive
259
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,640
-as it was to look at.
-I know what you mean.
260
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,360
It wasn't. It was sort of
baggy, wasn't it?
261
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000
Yeah, and there was never
an M version.
262
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,200
You know,
it was all just unexciting.
263
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,920
But I'm hoping this new one
264
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,640
is as good to drive
as it looks,
265
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,120
and it does look very good,
266
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,640
-even though it will struggle
with its jumper.
-Yeah, whatever.
267
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,280
Anyway, if I was looking
for a new BMW Z4,
268
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,200
actually, I'd have
one of these,
269
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,880
because this is
the new Toyota Supra.
270
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,400
I know, it looks phenomenal!
271
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,000
And that underneath
is basically a Z4.
272
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,960
-Same engine and everything.
-Same chassis.
273
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,640
It is a Z4,
but with that body.
274
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,560
And that body,
I have to say, looks amazing.
275
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,240
And do you know
the most amazing thing is,
276
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,520
they're talking about a price
between 40,000 and 60,000,
277
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,560
which is much less
than it looks like.
278
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200
See, I think
that is actually filling
a gap in the market.
279
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,200
There is a need right now
for a mid-price sportscar,
280
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,520
because there really
aren't many, if any.
281
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,160
There's the Audi TT RS.
282
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,960
Well, that'll definitely
take its jumper off
like that, won't it?
283
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,720
And then stow it
in the overhead lockers,
284
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,720
tell you where the doors are.
285
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,760
Now, Volkswagen's
US Head of Regulation -
286
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,800
that was his job title -
a guy called Oliver Schmidt.
287
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,520
He's just been done
for his part in Dieselgate.
288
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,480
And they've given him
seven years in jail.
289
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,680
Or, as he would put it,
4.2 years.
290
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,760
And a fine of £400,000,
291
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,920
or whatever that translates
into VW money.
292
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,640
Two hundred
and seventy thousand.
293
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,080
The fascinating thing is,
there was a warrant out
for his arrest in America,
294
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,400
but he was in Germany.
295
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,000
And then, for some reason,
296
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,320
he decided to take his
annual holiday in Florida,
297
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,800
and got arrested
at the airport.
298
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,120
"Oh, nein!"
299
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,200
-Why did he do that?
-Because he's a moron?
300
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,520
-Oh, yeah.
-Well, he must be!
301
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,520
He must be!
The only thing I can think of
302
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,920
is that Volkswagen needed
someone to do some jail time
303
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,200
-for what had happened.
-And he volunteered to do it?
304
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,600
No, I reckon
they probably said,
305
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,600
"You are ze employee
of ze month, Mr Schmidt,
306
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,800
and you have won
a fortnight's holiday
307
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,280
in Disney World!"
308
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
-"Ah, danke!"
-And off he toddled.
309
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,040
"Oh, no,
they have arrested me!"
310
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,520
That's actually a seven-year
holiday, Mr Schmidt,
311
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,880
and the catering is terrible.
312
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,760
Now, do you remember
the Rimac we had
313
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,200
in programme one
of this season?
314
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,440
- There it is.
- Yeah.
315
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,320
Well,
they've announced there is
a new one coming out.
316
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,080
Well, what happened
to that one?
317
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,680
No, that was called
the Concept One.
318
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,960
Mm-hm.
- And they only made
eight of those, actually.
319
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,360
-How many are left?
-Seven. Shut up!
320
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,680
What happened
to the other one, Hammond?
321
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,400
Just stop saying things!
322
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,360
The new one is gonna be
called the Concept Two,
323
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200
and amazingly they're saying
it's gonna be even faster,
324
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,680
and that was blindingly fast.
325
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,760
I actually don't believe
that you can make a car go...
326
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,160
Well, they say
it's gonna be faster,
327
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,360
and it's a bit bigger inside.
328
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,960
Which you did need, cos
that one was quite cramped.
329
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,960
-You can fit in this one.
-I could fit in the last one.
330
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,360
You'd be less like Spam,
though,
331
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,080
if you rolled it
over and over and over.
332
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,800
It should be more dangerous,
you're right.
333
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480
We've actually got a picture
of the new Concept Two.
334
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,400
Here it is, Hammond.
You'll like this.
335
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,920
- Oh, God.
336
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,000
Ooh, now,
there's a new McLaren, OK?
337
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,520
I've got a picture
of it here.
338
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,400
This is staggering. OK?
I've got some of the details.
339
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,360
It's their new flagship,
kinda replaces the P1.
340
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,240
Super hard-core.
789 horsepower mentalist
that thing.
341
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,880
And they've called it...
And this is
a tremendous name, I think.
342
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,920
- They've called it the Senna.
- Ooh, cool.
343
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,000
I mean,
that is a really cool name
for a car like that.
344
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,120
I'm glad they didn't
call it the Mansell.
345
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,640
-No, less cool.
-With its droning
engine note.
346
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480
And it would have
a stupid moustache
above its number place.
347
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,560
And if it were a convertible,
a tweed roof.
348
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,280
McLaren Hunt could work,
cos he was quite cool.
349
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,920
A terrible thirst, though,
it would have.
350
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,240
Yeah, a lot of smoke
coming out.
351
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,680
Every now and again it would
try and mount another car.
But it'd be cool.
352
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,840
On balance, I think Senna's
probably the best name
353
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,200
they could have come up with.
354
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,080
Right. Now, what else?
What more conversation
have we got?
355
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,280
-I have some conversation.
-You have some conversation?
356
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,960
You know last week,
you were talking about
357
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,440
how you ended up
following a pigeon?
358
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,480
-How fast did you
reckon it was going?
-Thirty-five?
359
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,720
Thirty-five,
I think you said.
360
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,480
The other day, I was going
down a country lane
361
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,960
and I ended up following
a blackbird,
362
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920
and that only does 28.
363
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,920
And that's interesting,
cos that means a blackbird,
in level flight,
364
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,240
is slower than a pigeon.
365
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,560
What is wrong with you two?
366
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,880
Why are you following birds?
367
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920
Why not follow Russian spies
or straying husbands?
368
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920
No, listen, Hammond.
Pay attention.
369
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,760
- Oh, God.
- I did some research on this.
370
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,760
You know
the top speed of a pigeon,
371
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,600
if it really puts
its foot down, is 90,
372
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,880
in level flight.
373
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,400
-Ninety miles an hour!
-Ninety? That is amazing,
374
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,880
cos you wouldn't think
a pigeon's wings
could shift enough air.
375
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,480
-No, I wouldn't think
about it!
-No, no, stop!
376
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,960
You say that: a hummingbird
can fly faster than a goose.
377
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,880
- Can it?
- Even though it's like that.
378
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,320
-Nobody cares!
-They do!
379
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,640
Stop ranking birds!
380
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,800
What?
381
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,280
R-r-r-ranking.
382
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,360
Anyway, I think
that the top speed of birds
is a new hit show.
383
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,600
And you and I can host it,
384
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,280
and you'll end up as Buttons
in panto in Swindon.
385
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,640
And then
you'll shoot yourself
386
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,480
in a room
in a Premier Inn one night.
387
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,680
-Yeah.
-There'll only be
one police car outside,
388
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,160
and it'll be
a Vauxhall Astra.
389
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360
That's your future!
390
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,080
Anyway, that is enough
Conversation Street this week,
so let's move it on.
391
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,840
Thank you very much.
392
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,080
Now...
Now, as I'm sure you know,
393
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,000
trying to set a speed record
is very, very dangerous,
394
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,520
and especially if you try
to do it on water.
395
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,640
In fact, over the years,
and this is a true fact,
396
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,520
85% of everyone
397
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,760
who's tried to break
a speed record on water
398
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,640
has been killed
in the process.
399
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840
-Eighty-five percent!
-Yeah.
400
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320
But that's not the sort
of figure that puts us off!
401
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,560
Exactly. Because there was
a 15% chance of surviving it,
402
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,560
we decided to try and break
the UK speed record
403
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,600
for amphibious vehicles.
404
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,760
Yeah, first, though,
we had to build a car
405
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,600
that could be driven legally
on the road,
406
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,240
but that would also go
very quickly on the water.
407
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,160
Mm. And how hard can that be?
408
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,600
Since we were trying to break
409
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,760
an amphibious
speed record,
410
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,120
the obvious
starting point...was here.
411
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,680
At Huddersfield
International Airport.
412
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,600
Why are we at Huddersfield
International Airport?
413
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,000
Yeah,
why aren't we at a lake?
414
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,960
Because I'm project leader,
415
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,600
and one of the many, many
things that I know
416
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,120
is that to go fast on water,
417
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,280
you have to have
a lot of power.
418
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,080
To demonstrate
what I was on about,
419
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,240
I'd set up a test,
420
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,800
using the jet engine
from an RAF Nimrod.
421
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,080
-Did you build all this?
-Yes.
422
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,760
- Can I just ask...
- What?
423
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,480
...what is the current
speed record
for amphibious vehicles?
424
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,560
Thirty-nine point one
miles an hour.
425
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,960
Well, isn't this
rather overkill?
426
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,480
Listen, Usain Bolt can run
at 27mph on land, OK?
427
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,320
If he were waist-deep
in water,
428
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,120
he'd have a top speed
of about one.
429
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,080
Water's really sticky,
you need loads of power.
430
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,360
I've got a word in my head
for all this,
and it's "impractical".
431
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,760
I've got a word,
it's "shut up".
432
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,880
-All right.
-We're going.
433
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,760
-Is it loud?
-Very.
434
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,720
That's fired up.
435
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,720
That's gonna drive air
into the big engine.
436
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480
- We've gotta get those
in the green.
437
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480
I hate it
when you've got buttons.
438
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,440
I can't hear anything.
439
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,400
Ignitors on.
440
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,240
I'm gonna give it
some thrust now.
441
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,120
Gonna go up to 100% power.
442
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,320
You are a witless dodo!
443
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,080
Look at it!
444
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,120
Ah!
445
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,600
On the upside -
there is an upside here -
446
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,520
if it's capable
of doing that,
447
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,560
imagine how fast
we're gonna go on the lake.
448
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,160
-You're a cretin.
-Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
449
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,720
None of this is based
on any scientific reasoning
whatsoever.
450
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,240
You say,
"It's got a lot of power."
451
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,720
"How much thrust has it got?"
"A lot!"
452
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,560
Look what it's done,
it's blown two aeroplanes over
453
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,040
and given us
a massive bill...
454
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,760
Having proved
to my sceptical colleagues
455
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,640
that jet power
was the way forward,
456
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,120
we moved
to our technology centre.
457
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,680
Here, we would fuse together
this Russian jet...
458
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,160
..this speedboat...
459
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,000
..and this Suzuki Jimny,
460
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,400
and we'd end up with the
fastest amphibious vehicle
461
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,200
Britain had ever seen.
462
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,280
- We have an old Suzuki car.
- Yes.
463
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,200
A small, old, plastic boat
and a jet engine.
464
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,520
And you're suggesting that
somehow we unite them all
465
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960
into some sort of symphony
of success and glory?
466
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:37,960
Yes.
467
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,200
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever been involved with.
468
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,560
It's idiotic.
469
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,520
Having convinced
my sceptical colleagues
once more
470
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,160
that my plan was a good one,
we set to work.
471
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,120
And soon, our amazing
creation was ready.
472
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,880
Right, as you can see,
everyone,
473
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760
this is fully road legal.
474
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600
Lights, indicators,
number plate.
475
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,560
And a massive jet engine
just behind us.
476
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,720
Yes.
477
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,800
More of an issue, though,
478
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,240
was the passenger's
seat layout.
479
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,360
I've gotta change gear,
480
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,400
and it's right where
your penis is.
481
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,480
I never want your hand that
near my gentleman's sausage!
482
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,640
What are these things
above our heads exactly?
483
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,400
These are the
stabilisation tanks, yeah?
484
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,160
When we go in the water,
you lower them down
and they keep us afloat.
485
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,360
I've got that. I've got that
when we fitted them,
486
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,800
but what
we're now discovering
487
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,840
is they make us more stable
on water,
488
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,760
but a lot less on land!
489
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,560
James,
why are you being so quiet?
490
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,200
I'm waiting for it
to fall over.
491
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,320
Whoa!
492
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,400
Will you stop making
stupid, childish noises!
493
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280
I think we've done
an incredible job,
494
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,600
and I think I've been
a remarkable project leader.
495
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,600
Why has no-one
thought to do this before?
496
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,480
It's so logical
when you look at it.
497
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,400
The car bit of it's working,
but it was already a car.
498
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,080
That's not much
of an achievement.
499
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,280
I'm gonna do a brake test.
500
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,120
Ah! Oh! Oh.
501
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,360
-What?
-Wait.
502
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,480
Is that that...
503
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,680
-Ooh!
-Oh!
504
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,840
Yeah.
505
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,680
Eventually,
we arrived at the lake.
506
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,400
For our first
high-speed test run.
507
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,240
And immediately,
Hammond chickened out.
508
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,040
Why aren't you wearing
a fire suit?
509
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,320
Um, jet engines
just aren't my thing.
510
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,240
I'm gonna watch this
from the bank.
511
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,720
Are you really
not coming in it?
512
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,280
No, I'm gonna watch--
I'm gonna be the observer.
513
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Oof!
514
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,680
Oh. She's ready.
515
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,080
My big fear is,
let's be modest
516
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,560
and let's say we reached 80.
517
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,360
So from here, we've got to
just use drag to slow us down
518
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,600
before we hit the far bank.
519
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,240
Well,
we have to think ahead, yes.
520
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,000
Start decelerating
when you pass that mid-point,
521
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,080
- you should be all right.
- I think he's right.
522
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,480
The middle
is the critical point.
523
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,160
Then just back off
the throttles.
524
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,960
-And then we'll use the drag of
the pontoons to slow us down?
-Yeah.
525
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,560
OK.
526
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,920
Right.
527
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,160
Soon, James and I
were ready for the test,
528
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,000
and not at all nervous.
529
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,880
When we fire up the jet,
this Perspex
that I put in here,
530
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,680
I put it in.
531
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000
So what if that just goes?
532
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,480
You shouldn't have said that.
533
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,320
You know in Die Hard 2 ,
534
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,360
when the enormous soldier
is sucked into the engine?
535
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,120
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's like that.
536
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,480
It will be like that,
won't it?
537
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,560
Ready?
538
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,520
We are going in.
539
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,560
Oh, I feel buoyancy.
540
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,320
I am proud
of my two colleagues.
541
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,360
This is...this is historic.
542
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,640
We are now
gonna fire up the jet engine.
543
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,760
Right. Put your thing on,
it's gonna be bloody loud.
544
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:31,880
-What thing?
-These things.
545
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,240
That's a good point.
546
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,840
-Right.
-Comms check, comms check.
547
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,960
Dials are engaged.
548
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,120
This is the speedometer.
549
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080
OK, we've got ignitor on,
bilge pump off,
550
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,200
throttle set at idle.
551
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
-Go.
-Starting jet.
552
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,240
Holy shit!
553
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,480
It's going...
Don't look at it!
554
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,320
Don't look
in the rear-view mirror.
555
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Oh, this is phenomenal!
556
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,080
Taking up the power now.
Fifty percent.
557
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Is that 50%?
558
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,640
Yeah, that's about 50,
but 70 is 100.
559
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,480
What do you mean,
"70 is 100"?
560
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,560
I couldn't find a dial that
exactly matched the revs,
561
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,200
so 70 on here is 100% thrust.
562
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,480
I'm going full power.
Here we go.
563
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720
Hold tight. You wanna hold
on to something, seriously.
564
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,080
Right, go.
565
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,840
That's 100% thrust.
566
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,960
Right, well,
we're doing 2mph.
567
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,440
Come on!
568
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,640
We're doing three!
569
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,720
Why is it so slow?
570
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,520
I mean, that jet
is from a Russian fighter!
571
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,480
That is capable of keeping
a Russian fighter in the air.
572
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120
Why won't it make us
go more than three?
573
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,160
In the air,
that's the point - the air!
574
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,160
Hammond is keeping up
with us.
575
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,960
That's it?
576
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,920
Come on!
577
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,360
-Can I just say something?
-We're sinking.
578
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,280
No, my half is sinking.
579
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,680
Oh, God! We really do need...
I'm gonna go in to shore.
580
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,560
I don't think they needed
the neck braces in the end.
581
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960
And throttle back.
582
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,920
-Speed?
-Three.
583
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,440
- Three?
- Yeah, it does three.
584
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,080
That's your top speed,
it's three?
585
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,720
You could row at 3mph.
586
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880
On the upside,
and there is one,
587
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,280
neither of us were killed.
588
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,680
And that's an upside?
589
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,800
No, the issue at hand is...
590
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,360
- It doesn't work.
- Yes.
591
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,080
Why doesn't it work?
592
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,320
Well, it's mainly to do with
the shape of the car,
593
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,800
the shape of the sawn-up bits
of tatty old boat
594
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,360
that you've Blu-Tacked to it.
595
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,960
The drag of the pontoons,
596
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,400
the size and power
and position of the engine,
597
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,880
the amount of fuel
it will run,
598
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,240
the basic physics.
599
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240
The fact that water is
750 times as dense as air...
600
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,400
It was time to go back
to the drawing board.
601
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,280
And this time, we gave Jeremy
a job he could actually do.
602
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760
Now, this is the car that
currently holds the record
603
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,560
for amphibious vehicles.
604
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520
It's the Gibbs Humdinga,
605
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,080
and, as you can see,
it is not an ancient Suzuki
606
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
with an old Russian
jet engine on the back.
607
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,080
No, it's a light, plastic car
with a hull,
608
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,240
and, as you can see,
retractable wheels.
609
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,840
Exactly. And that's why
we have chosen,
610
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,360
as the basis for our project,
this.
611
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,480
Which is a Reliant Robin
in a 1970s leisure suit.
612
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,600
No, it is a Bond Bug:
613
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,480
one of the coolest cars
from the '70s.
614
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,080
And I can see why you chose
this particular one, Hammond.
615
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,560
It's got your name on it.
616
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,520
Shut up. The only reason these
things never really caught on
617
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,640
was because nobody thought
of making them amphibious.
618
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,000
Yes, but we have, you see.
619
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,560
So we're gonna fit it
with retractable wheels,
same as the Gibbs,
620
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,680
and we're gonna use the
engine from one of these.
621
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,080
- A jet engine.
- Yes. Sort of, but different.
622
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:47,200
It's my idea.
623
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,000
The jet engine
was not your idea.
624
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,720
No, the jet engine
isn't my idea,
625
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,440
but the idea of making
an amphibious car
626
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,400
using a jet engine
was my idea.
627
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,880
This is a water jet,
it's different.
628
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,600
And anyway, this is genius,
629
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,560
because you can rent
one of these
630
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,040
from pretty much
any beach in the world,
631
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,960
that will do 50mph
out of the box.
632
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000
-This one will do 67.
-It will. Exactly.
633
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:06,960
Well, that's plenty.
634
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,840
So, all we've gotta do
is incorporate this
635
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,120
into the roadworthy shell
of the Bond Bug,
636
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,600
and we've got a very fast car
and a very fast boat
in the same thing.
637
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,480
Which is exactly
what I was doing.
638
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,440
At this point,
we sent Jeremy home
639
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,040
and set to work
on building our masterpiece.
640
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,400
I don't know
why you're applauding.
641
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,480
They know nothing
about boats.
642
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,920
Absolutely nothing.
643
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,200
Old planes? Yes.
Helicopters? Yes.
644
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,240
Old motorcycles? A lot.
But boats? Nothing!
645
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,640
But, we shall see what
they came up with later on.
646
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,440
Now, though, it is time
for Celebrity Face-Off.
647
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,000
It's a simple question
this week.
648
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,960
Who is the world's
fastest magician?
649
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,080
To find out, would you please
welcome Dynamo,
650
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,800
and Penn and
his silent partner, Teller.
651
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,320
Amazing!
652
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,120
I'm already amazed!
653
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,880
I've gotta be honest,
magic is my favourite thing
in the entire world.
654
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,040
Apart from boating
in the south of France.
655
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,640
But we must begin with cars,
obviously.
656
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,720
This being a car show,
occasionally.
657
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,080
You both started with 4x4s,
as far as I can work out,
658
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,560
or they have featured
in your life.
659
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,320
You are a G-Wagen man, yeah?
660
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:42,480
Yeah, yeah.
661
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,040
So, at the beginning, when my
TV show got a bit of success,
662
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,720
Mercedes came and they
would give me cars to drive.
663
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,000
But then,
I did a commercial with Fiat,
664
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,720
and Mercedes weren't
too happy about that.
665
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,520
I used some of the money
from Fiat to...
666
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,480
I still love the G-Wagen,
so I bought one.
667
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,440
So, you used Fiat money
to buy a Mercedes?
668
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,760
-Yeah.
-That is quite good.
But you had a Ford Bronco.
669
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,240
But only because
I watched OJ do the...
670
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200
- And I said,
"He's kind of a big guy.
671
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,480
Maybe I'd fit in that car."
672
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,160
And I got the whole thing,
and it was all too masculine,
673
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,440
so I painted it stripper pink
for Vegas.
674
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,720
When you're driving to work,
do they think
you're a stripper?
675
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,880
I hope so.
676
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,040
Didn't you have a Ford Falcon
at some stage?
677
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,880
Well, when I was
in high school...
678
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,680
I'm from a rural area.
679
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:34,280
..my mother gave me her car,
which was a Ford Falcon.
680
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,360
But for me,
that was just a place
to have sex in high school.
681
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,600
And then
you started touring together.
682
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,640
-Mm-hm.
-So you presumably needed
some kind of tour...
683
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,880
You know, we're carny trash.
684
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,280
We did carnivals and outdoor
shows and all of that.
685
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,080
We're the worst
kind of people.
686
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,880
And we had to drive all over
the United States of America.
687
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,360
So, we went
to an auction place
688
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,160
and bought a Datsun 210
station wagon,
689
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,960
with the back seat down,
and then our trunks in there
with all our stuff.
690
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,960
We were so terrified
of having our props stolen,
691
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,520
that we had a magnetic sign
we put on the side
692
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,880
that said, "Atlanta Centre
for Disease Control
693
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,840
Specimen Transfer Unit."
694
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,720
We put that on the side, with
the big boxes in the back,
695
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,200
and that worked really well,
696
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,200
until the sign was stolen.
697
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,080
I wanna talk about cars,
698
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,240
but who would rather here
see some magic?
699
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:24,880
Yes!
700
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,440
I know
we're supposed to do cars.
701
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,840
Would you mind awfully
if you now do some?
702
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,880
Have you actually--
You've brought something
with you?
703
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,240
I'm gonna try something
with you.
704
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,040
Just hold your hands out
for me.
705
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,400
-What, both?
-Both, like this.
706
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,880
-Like that?
-A little bit wider.
707
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,480
Are you left or right-handed?
708
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,840
Right-handed. Unless
we're talking about shooting.
709
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,640
-Close it in a fist.
-Like that? That one?
710
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,440
Yeah, then turn
this left one over.
711
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,960
I'm gonna put a little cross
right there.
712
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,440
Can you show that
to everyone?
713
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,640
-Show the cross to everybody.
-I've got a cross there.
714
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,960
Let's have a look.
715
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,760
So, make sure it's dry.
716
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,360
It's Sharpie,
so it shouldn't come off.
717
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,520
Yeah, it's still there.
718
00:36:58,560 --> 00:36:59,760
The idea...
719
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,840
..is to make it...
720
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,800
..disappear from there...
721
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,560
If it's in this hand now,
I'm going to be...
722
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600
sake!
723
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,640
How is that?
724
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,320
Go on, do another one. Who'd
like to see another one?
725
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,640
Yes!
726
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,320
-Come on, what have you got?
-Have you got
a piece of paper there?
727
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,000
Er, yes.
728
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,720
I've got a pen here.
729
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,200
I'm just gonna just do
some markings for you.
730
00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:38,320
We'll start here.
731
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Take the pen.
732
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,920
-Take the pen.
-Yeah.
733
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,880
Give me a number
from, say, one to ten.
734
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,120
Nine.
735
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,560
Nine. Write it down.
736
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:47,840
- Nine.
- Great.
737
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,600
We'll go for, let's see,
738
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,360
the lady right there
with the glasses.
739
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,160
Yeah. I need another number,
from 9 to 19.
740
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,880
Er, 11.
741
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,240
-Eleven.
-I think it was a man.
742
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,960
That's a bit embarrassing.
743
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,800
We may be
in a world of trouble here.
744
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,080
Let's move it on, quickly!
745
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,200
Yes.
746
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,880
-Richard!
-Yes?
747
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,360
A number from 11 to 21.
748
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,840
Nineteen.
749
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,880
-Are you sure?
-Yes.
750
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,560
-Nineteen, write it down.
-There, yeah?
751
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:24,800
Perfect. Yes
752
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,120
Uh, we'll go for this guy
here in the blue jacket.
753
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,920
-How you doing?
-Actually, that's a woman.
754
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,520
It's so hard to tell.
755
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,840
A number from 19 to 29,
please.
756
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,520
27.
757
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,960
Twenty-seven,
write that down.
758
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:46,960
Gilles Villeneuve's
old number.
759
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,080
We'll go for this gentleman
right here
with a white t-shirt.
760
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,760
-The gender-fluid gentleman.
-Yes. Yes!
761
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,480
A number
from 27 to 37.
762
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,680
Thirty-three.
763
00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,000
Thirty-three,
write that down.
764
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,480
Finally, the lady at the end
with the long hair.
765
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,680
Can we have a number
between 33 and 49?
766
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,840
- Forty-two.
- Forty-two.
767
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,720
So, nine, 11, 19,
27, 33 and 42.
768
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,640
These are the numbers
we randomly generated today.
769
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,200
A couple of years ago,
770
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,320
I picked six numbers myself.
771
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,680
They're like
my lucky numbers,
772
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:21,200
and I went to a shop and
I bought a lottery ticket.
773
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:22,520
And I won.
774
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,600
Only a tenner, but, you know,
I won something.
775
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,080
And I actually keep
that ticket in my wallet.
776
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,520
-There we go.
-No, no, no. No!
777
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920
Keep it in my wallet
for good luck.
778
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,200
Where's the camera?
779
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,640
Can you see that?
780
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,920
There's one ticket there.
781
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,680
-This is a lottery ticket?
-I think you'll find the
numbers quite interesting,
782
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,240
if you wanna read them
out loud.
783
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,680
So, you...
784
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,640
I'll need my glasses
on a lottery ticket.
785
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,800
So, let's just...
786
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,600
-What was the first number?
-Nine.
787
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,760
Nine, right there.
788
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,920
-Eleven.
-Eleven.
789
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,560
-Nineteen.
-Nineteen for Richard.
790
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,360
- Twenty-seven.
- Twenty-seven.
791
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,160
- Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three.
792
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,800
- The last one?
- Forty-two.
793
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,080
That's actually a lottery
ticket. It is a lott...
794
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,320
I'm...
Well, I'm staggered.
795
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,600
But anyway, look,
we haven't finished yet.
796
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Shall we see
what the Americans can do?
797
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,920
Yes!
- Come on, you two, let's have
a look. What have you got?
798
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,640
Well, you know,
I was asking Dynamo,
799
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,360
you're a member
of the Magic Circle, right?
800
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,600
- Yeah.
- We are not.
801
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,280
Teller and I
have a reputation,
802
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,560
not ill-deserved, for
giving away magic secrets.
803
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200
You do. You always say
how your tricks work.
804
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:37,520
We have done that, so they
will not let us be members.
805
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,680
So that got us thinking.
806
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:42,280
Could we do a trick that
would fool the Magic Circle,
807
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:43,920
while giving away...
808
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,920
..all the very principles
we've given away?
809
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,840
And the first thing we gave
away, in 1985, way back then,
810
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,600
we're on
the David Letterman programme,
811
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,440
and gave away the idea
of fake blindfolds
812
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,920
that are used by magicians.
813
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:00,480
We said, "Every blindfold
used by a magician is fake,"
which we've stood by.
814
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,880
We're gonna have a blindfold
that can't be faked,
which is-- Dynamo.
815
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,160
Teller's gonna stand up here,
816
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,280
and, Dynamo, just make sure
that Teller can't see.
817
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,480
Come over there and
just make sure that Teller...
818
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,560
- Not permanently,
but just for now.
819
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,840
Just put your hands
right over his eyes there
so he can't see.
820
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,480
No need to be gentle,
it's not me.
821
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,280
-Cool, cool.
-All you've gotta do
is make sure he can't see.
822
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,640
How many fingers
am I holding up?
823
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,080
Now, we've been accused
824
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,880
of giving away the idea
of marked cards.
825
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,480
Marked cards
are very hard to...
826
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,160
Even professional gamblers
827
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,600
sometimes can't determine
if they're marked.
828
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,360
But Dynamo's gonna
make sure they're not marked.
829
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,000
The cards
will be dealt face-down
in Teller's right hand.
830
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,040
If the cards were marked,
which they're not,
831
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,160
Teller would have to see,
832
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,920
and Dynamo's
making sure he can't see.
833
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,760
-He can't see.
-The other thing we gave away
834
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,000
was on the Johnny Carson
programme.
835
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,520
We gave away
the idea of a card force:
836
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,360
that it's easy to do a trick
837
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,400
if you know in advance
what card's gonna be picked.
838
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,360
And one of the ways you can
do a force like that, Jeremy,
839
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,680
is to have all the cards
be the same.
840
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,040
- Yeah.
- Then just have a card selected,
841
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,800
where you know what's
it's gonna be.
842
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,200
-Stand up for a second,
Jeremy.
-Yeah, I can become vertical.
843
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:08,280
I want you to make sure
you look over these,
844
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,200
and make sure
they are not all the same.
845
00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,360
-I'll try to fan them all out.
-No, that's a pack of cards.
846
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:14,520
Yeah, it's a pack of cards.
847
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,360
Now, another way
you can do a card force
848
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:18,800
is you can use
sleight of hand
849
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,680
to force the bottom card
or the top card,
850
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,080
or even a card in the middle.
851
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,120
I'm gonna eliminate sleight
of hand by using your hands.
852
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:25,960
OK?
853
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,280
So, I'm gonna give you
most of the deck right there.
854
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:30,480
And I'm gonna...
855
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,160
Just fan them out like this.
Fan them out.
856
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,360
Don't let me see,
but just think of one.
857
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,560
Don't even point to it,
don't cut to it.
858
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,640
Just look over all the cards.
You have most of the deck.
859
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,560
And then just think
of one card.
860
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,880
Don't look at it,
just think of it.
861
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,720
Then close them up so I can't
see what you're doing.
862
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,640
And then give those cards
a good shuffle.
863
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,280
Or give them
that kind of shuffle.
864
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,560
Good. That's good.
865
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,920
But face-down so I can't tell
what you're shuffling.
866
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,680
-So you've thought of one card?
-Mm-hm.
867
00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,040
-You have no idea where it
is in the deck? Is that right?
-No. No.
868
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,320
Now, magicians often
want you to misremember
869
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,680
the sequence of events.
870
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,800
We want you to very much
remember the sequence.
871
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,920
The card is only
in your head, is that right?
872
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,320
-Yeah.
-It's nowhere else?
873
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,200
-Nowhere else.
-The cards are all mixed up,
you have no idea where it is.
874
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,920
Now, I'm gonna put these
in your hand.
875
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,200
Now, the order of these will
not change. It will not change.
876
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,400
I'm not gonna
touch them again.
877
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:15,680
I will no touch them again,
OK?
878
00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,120
Now that my hands are off,
and I won't touch them again,
879
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,320
what was the name
of the card?
880
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,440
-King of Hearts.
-OK.
881
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,520
Now, you're gonna go over
there and you're gonna deal
the cards, one at a time,
882
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,000
from the top, face-down,
to Teller's right hand, OK?
883
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,760
-Into his hand?
-Into his right hand.
884
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,120
Face-down?
- Yeah.
885
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,600
Dynamo, make sure
he can't see.
886
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,760
He can't see nothing.
887
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,880
See, we are just being
whipping boys again, Dynamo,
888
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,720
us English.
889
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,800
-OK, Dynamo, was he able
to see, even for a moment?
-Nothing.
890
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,960
-Jeremy, what was the name
of your card?
-King of Hearts.
891
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,240
Look at the next card.
892
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,600
-Oh, for Christ's sake.
-Thought of card
out of a shuffled deck.
893
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:04,600
Well...
894
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,200
You came here, of course,
to do your laps.
895
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,560
And, as we can see,
in the rapidly fading light,
896
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,280
the weather
has not been clement.
897
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,640
In fact, when we arrived
at the track this morning,
898
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,000
it looked like this.
899
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,000
And then...
You can see the problem.
900
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,280
That bit, you can sort of see
where the track goes.
901
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,440
But if we've got
another shot-- I think
we've got a moving shot.
902
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160
Now, somewhere in there
is a racetrack.
903
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,560
Which makes it quite tricky,
I should imagine,
904
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,680
to see where you were going.
905
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:35,960
-You did it first, didn't you?
-Yeah.
906
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,760
And there was a particularly
fine moment, I have to say,
on the...
907
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,720
It's supposed to be
a flat-out corner
when it's dry,
908
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,240
but it really wasn't.
909
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,200
The weather was improving,
it was thawing.
910
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,000
And it all went, really,
brilliantly wrong.
911
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,520
Who'd like to see Dynamo
going round in a few circles?
912
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,120
- Yeah, we all wanna see that?
- Yes!
913
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,320
Let's have a look at this.
914
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,680
This is a flat-out corner,
915
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,720
and then
you just can see it's going,
916
00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,920
and then...
917
00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:03,040
That's a properly big
slide-off, that one is.
918
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,400
Round of applause for that,
though.
919
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:06,960
We like that.
920
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,960
-Was that scary?
-No, it was well fun!
921
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,840
I was like, "I could have
done this all day,
922
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,000
it's so much fun."
923
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,480
Who'd like to see the lap
that eventually resulted?
924
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,520
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.
925
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,000
Dynamo's lap, here it comes.
926
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,520
Thawed out.
927
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,320
A nice, smooth, quiet start.
And he's away.
928
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,280
Right, let's do this!
929
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,680
OK, that's...
930
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,080
Ooh, that's quick through...
931
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,160
Oh! Yes, that's cutting
that corner, but nicely done.
932
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:33,560
Nicely held.
933
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:38,280
And now we go on to what
is normally gravel, but...
934
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,040
What does it look like now?
It's just mud and slush.
935
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,320
God, that looks tricky!
936
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,640
But you're keeping it...
937
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,440
Ooh, a bit wide through
there, but not bad at all.
938
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,720
Again, not bad.
939
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,480
Not fast, but...
940
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,800
I don't think I'm on
the track any more, guys.
941
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,200
No, it's still brown...
942
00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:00,680
No, that is a James May
cornering speed through
that one.
943
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,480
Is the car putting
traction down all right?
944
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,560
No,
it was all over the place!
945
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:06,920
No, that's nice.
946
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:08,920
Yeah, splashing through
the last bit.
947
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,440
Difficult Bit 2
as we call it.
948
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,760
It's driving on water,
this is.
949
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,080
It is, yeah.
It's almost Jesus-esque.
950
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,800
And then now we get
back onto the tarmac.
951
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,480
Ooh, I say, that was tonnes
of front-end grip there
952
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,160
all of a sudden.
953
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,760
And look at the way
the front's turning in.
954
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,080
That's unbelievable!
955
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600
Now, we go onto the
really fast bit, ordinarily.
956
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,040
Come on, then. Here we go.
957
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,200
This is where
you lost it in the practice.
958
00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:34,680
But you haven't lost it
this time.
959
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:37,480
That front is suddenly
sticking really well!
960
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,760
Coming up to the last corner.
961
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,120
And a little bit of
understeer through there,
but nicely tamed.
962
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,360
And there we are,
across the line, everybody!
963
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,520
Nicely done. Not easy.
964
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,360
Not easy.
965
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,240
Now then, after you'd had
a go, it was your turn.
966
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,000
-Yes.
-Did you enjoy yourself?
967
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,160
I had a very good time, yeah.
And I had Teller as a
passenger, which was helpful.
968
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,720
Oh, that would help!
Balance it out nicely.
969
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,080
Sure.
970
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,680
You also had a moment,
shall we say.
971
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,360
I did. I did, yeah.
972
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,840
Would anybody like to see
this moment?
973
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,640
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.
974
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,600
This is quick
coming into the last corner.
975
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,800
That's understeer.
976
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,640
Oh, somebody's been off there
already,
977
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,320
you can see the tyre marks,
but not as far you went.
978
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,680
That is impressive.
979
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:25,040
That's the furthest anybody's
been off that track,
980
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:25,960
by a long way.
981
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,360
You're definitely
winning that, so far.
Definitely.
982
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,720
Furthest off the track,
I got that.
983
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,200
-But then you got a lap
together, both of you.
-I did.
984
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,360
Let's have a look
at this lap.
985
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,600
Yeah, another nice,
tidy start.
986
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,400
Roaring off
down to the first corner.
987
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,920
So, we're going, Teller.
Can you feel that?
988
00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:46,960
It's not at all
scary in there.
989
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,720
Right, that's tidily done
through there,
990
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,120
keeping it really
on the island,
991
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,360
unlike Dynamo,
who was a bit mad.
992
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,000
And onto the gravel.
993
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,400
Well, the mud.
Well, the slush.
994
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,760
Whatever you wanna call it.
995
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,560
Ahhh!
996
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,160
I'm going quickly there.
997
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,520
Oh-hoo-hoo!
998
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,640
- That was well held there.
- Thank you.
999
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:08,280
That's nice driving.
1000
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,200
I'm under control.
Shut up, Teller! I got it!
1001
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,680
Is he putting you off?
1002
00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:14,800
Now, this is...
1003
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,160
Sometimes, when it appears
to be slow, it's fast,
1004
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,560
and sometimes, when
it looks fast, it's slow.
1005
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,280
This is looking fast,
I'm gonna be honest,
1006
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:24,840
but there's a lot
of sideways action,
1007
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,280
which, of course,
isn't forward motion,
1008
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,080
-which is a problem.
-But it looks really good.
1009
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,480
It looks tremendous.
This is great television.
1010
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,480
And you can hear the bark
of the two-litre there
1011
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:39,720
as you hit the straight.
1012
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,120
-We're going!
-Ahh!
1013
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,280
-Now! Boom!
-Oh!
1014
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,480
And coming up to the...
1015
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,880
This is the corner -
not this one,
but the next one,
1016
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,920
that caught you out
practising.
1017
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,160
Ooh, you're trying to get
a Scandi flick going there,
1018
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,520
but a bit too soon.
1019
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,640
Understeer again,
1020
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,240
but you've held it this time.
1021
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,320
And there we are, yeah,
across the line, everybody!
1022
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,680
Right, I have the times here.
1023
00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:11,800
OK.
1024
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,560
We'll start with you, Dynamo.
1025
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,560
One thirty-nine point three.
1026
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,000
-That's all right
-That's really slow.
1027
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480
But you've got
the snow symbol.
1028
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,640
So far, you're
the fastest person ever
1029
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,680
to go round our track
in the snow.
1030
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,600
But are you faster
than Penn and Teller?
1031
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,880
There's actually
excitement here, isn't there?
1032
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,600
- Yeah.
- There's nervousness.
1033
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,120
You did it in one...
1034
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:44,640
..thirty...
1035
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,360
..three point eight.
1036
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:53,880
Bad boy.
1037
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:58,240
Commiserations.
Commiserations.
1038
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,360
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Congratulations.
1039
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,800
That was fantastic!
1040
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,440
And thank you so much,
all of you,
1041
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,440
for coming along
and doing all this magic.
1042
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,520
But we must now say goodbye
to Dynamo
1043
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:12,080
and the world's fastest
magicians, Penn and Teller!
1044
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,800
World's fastest magicians!
1045
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,800
Now, tonight,
we are attempting to break
1046
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,160
the British water speed
record for amphibious cars.
1047
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,760
Now, earlier on, Jeremy
had a go at making something,
1048
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,400
and his effort
was, frankly, terrible.
1049
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:33,720
- No, it wasn't.
- It was.
1050
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,400
Yeah, so, Hammond and I
took control of the project,
1051
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,040
and what we decided to do
was take a 1970s
three-wheeler
1052
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,080
with a removable roof,
called a Bond Bug...
1053
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,200
Here's a picture of it.
1054
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,600
..and mate that
with a jet ski,
1055
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,200
to create something that we
had christened the Pond Bug.
1056
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:51,080
And then,
when it was finished,
1057
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,560
take it to the Lake District,
1058
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,680
and something called
Coniston Speed Week.
1059
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,880
Over the decades,
many fearless daredevils
1060
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,240
have powered across this
five-mile stretch of water,
1061
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,920
in the pursuit
of new records.
1062
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,240
One was the legendary
Donald Campbell.
1063
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,720
Who was killed here in 1967,
1064
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,800
whilst trying to break
the 300mph barrier.
1065
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,560
Today, in Speed Week, that
spirit of adventure lives on,
1066
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,520
as people
from all over the world
1067
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,080
come to push their boats,
their engines,
1068
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,080
and themselves
to the absolute limit.
1069
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,240
This was speed heaven,
1070
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,880
and I felt sure
our fully road legal Pond Bug
1071
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,040
would blend in perfectly.
1072
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,560
Morning!
1073
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,560
Look at all this!
1074
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,760
Having parked up, I went off
to find Hammond and Clarkson,
1075
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,000
who reckoned he'd come up
with something better.
1076
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,560
- Are you ready?
1077
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,600
You're gonna not
believe this.
1078
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:41,800
OK.
1079
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,520
Behold my genius!
1080
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,160
Oh, hello!
1081
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,280
Oh, yeah!
1082
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,920
That is actually
quite surprising.
1083
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,760
So, the tracks drop
down when you're near land.
1084
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,960
Oh, very clever!
1085
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:02,560
I mean, I'm sorry...
1086
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,240
I'm gonna stand back
a little bit.
1087
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:08,280
..have I, or have I not
created something brilliant?
1088
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,280
- No.
- You didn't build it.
1089
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,120
And it's very cool,
but you can't use it.
1090
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,200
-Why not?
-Because it's not road legal!
1091
00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,520
Well,
put a number plate on it.
1092
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,800
It's not an amphibious car,
it's a boat.
1093
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,480
That's a boat
with legs on it.
1094
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,760
It's not eligible
for what we're doing.
1095
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,000
- Well, where's your car?
- Ah!
1096
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:32,280
-What do you think?
-Oh, yeah!
1097
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,880
Look at it!
1098
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,040
That is a quality job.
1099
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,840
Why are you pulling
that face?
1100
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,040
It's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
1101
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,200
It's the coolest thing
that has ever been!
1102
00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:45,240
-Look at it!
-What are they?
1103
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,400
These are the doors.
Yes, undercarriage
doors.
1104
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:48,520
What doors?
1105
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,800
You retract
the undercarriage.
1106
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,840
The front wheel goes up,
then these doors shut,
1107
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,000
you've got a smooth hull.
1108
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,760
So those...
What do the back wheels do?
1109
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,680
What about the chine?
1110
00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:00,480
What do you mean,
"What about the chine"?
1111
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,000
Look at the chine
at the back.
1112
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,800
This is to attempt
a water speed record.
1113
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,560
I know!
This is what you need
for a high-speed run,
1114
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,800
a smooth, rounded chine.
1115
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,120
When this is up here,
it's sharp.
1116
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,760
So, as you're going along,
you catch that,
1117
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,480
and it's gonna go.
1118
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,640
We had to make it fit
round the wheel, otherwise it
wouldn't work on the road.
1119
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:22,920
You could have made it round!
1120
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,880
That was a difficult
fabrication job. It was much
easier to do it like that.
1121
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,000
I'm sure it's easier, but
you've created a death trap!
1122
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,640
Weight. Keep the nose down.
1123
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,640
I know what it's for.
Well, there you go
then.
1124
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,360
Isn't this thing
just gonna porpoise?
1125
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,400
-We don't know.
-No. Probably.
1126
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:39,920
Anyone who gets in that
1127
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,440
- is effectively
committing suicide.
No, they're not!
1128
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,160
Anyone who gets in that
is gonna look the coolest
person here, that's fact one.
1129
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,440
Which one of
you two's driving it?
1130
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:49,800
Now, that's interesting,
because...
1131
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,040
We've had a think about that.
It's gotta be somebody
1132
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:53,840
with a speedboat,
powerboat racing licence.
1133
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,880
Yes. Have you
got one of those?
- I haven't got one.
1134
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,640
I haven't got one.
Do I know anybody
who does have one?
1135
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,960
Yes, I do have
a racing licence.
1136
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,440
-Well, there you go, then.
-And here is your racing boat.
1137
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,360
Look what
we've built for you.
1138
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,040
-I am not getting in that.
-Yes, you are.
1139
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,440
No, I'm not doing...
1140
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,640
- No!
- Well, you have to.
1141
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,800
-You have to.
-I am not.
1142
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,160
And with that,
back to the tent.
1143
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,920
-This is broken.
-No, line it up with the...
1144
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,520
It is broken,
otherwise it would...
1145
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,040
You've used a removable
steering wheel before.
1146
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,360
Line up the...
There you go!
1147
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,600
I've mended it.
1148
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:32,760
Knowing
that 85% of people
1149
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,120
who attempt speed records
are killed,
1150
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,720
and that the boat had been
designed by imbeciles,
1151
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,280
I was fervently hoping
that it would, at least,
be easy to operate.
1152
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,280
However...
1153
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:48,640
You have to drive it
into the water first.
It's still in road mode.
1154
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,360
And you do that using this.
That just teases it in.
1155
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,160
A little push, a little push,
and it goes in.
1156
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,600
Once you're in the water, you
have to retract the wheels,
1157
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,960
and then you disengage
the fan and the clutch.
1158
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,920
Then you have to close
the nose wheel doors...
1159
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,080
If you push it down once,
you're in neutral.
1160
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,600
You'll still rotate round,
cos the jet's
still running...
1161
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,560
Push it up,
you'll see the current
will flow on the ammeter.
1162
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:10,920
When you get
a current surge...
1163
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,160
Jet thrust trim is here,
1164
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,800
and it will appear
on your screen here...
1165
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,280
Hold that, and that goes...
1166
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,520
This one,
you pull it fully back.
1167
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,720
If you knew, and you
obviously did know all along,
1168
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,400
that I was gonna be
driving this,
1169
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,280
why have you made this thing
so complicated?
1170
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,320
-That's not complicated.
-We've simplified it.
1171
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,200
These instruments
are from the jet ski.
1172
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,000
Comforting.
1173
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,800
Comforting.
When you're on holiday,
1174
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,160
you've looked at those
and thought,
1175
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:37,440
"I'm having a lovely time."
1176
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,400
That's what
you're doing today.
The water will be colder.
1177
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,640
-Why don't you take
the checklist with you?
-Because it will blow...
1178
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,040
- It tells you the things
you've got to do.
It's so easy!
1179
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:46,760
We've spent hours on that!
1180
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,560
The thing to remember
is that it's...
1181
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,320
Thirty-nine miles an hour
is really fast.
1182
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,080
- It is quite fast.
- It is really fast.
1183
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,840
But if you do 40, then
you're a world record holder.
1184
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,480
- Step out of here...
Not world.
It's a British record.
1185
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,600
-What better record to break?
-What other sort of record
would you want?
1186
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,520
To set a speed record,
1187
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,560
you have to drive past the
start line marker buoys.
1188
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:14,960
You're then timed
over a kilometre,
1189
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,640
after which,
you turn round...
1190
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,320
..and do exactly
the same thing
1191
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,040
in the opposite direction.
1192
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,120
Your result
is an average speed
taken from the two runs.
1193
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,960
It all sounded
very terrifying.
1194
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:41,240
Please sink like a stone.
Please sink!
1195
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,160
Sink! Sink!
1196
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,160
No, it isn't. Damn it!
1197
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,000
-It looks good.
-It looks brilliant!
1198
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:51,720
We have every faith in you.
1199
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,360
-We don't have every faith.
-No.
1200
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,600
No faith.
1201
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:56,760
Wheels!
1202
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,120
Wheels coming up.
1203
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,280
It was now time
for the checklist.
1204
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,680
What do I do with the clutch?
I've forgotten that.
1205
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,840
Doors.
Doors. Is that right?
1206
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,400
How do I get it out...
Wait a minute. Right, bilge.
1207
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:13,800
No, that's bilge,
that's not right.
1208
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,080
No, it's just...
1209
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,720
Oh, this is terrible!
1210
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,800
Hammond! May! You idiots!
1211
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,720
Why is he just
going round and round?
1212
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,560
Is there a record
for going round and round?
1213
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,840
Don't know, but if
there is, it's in the bag.
1214
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,360
Right. I think we need
to go to a better viewing
position to see his run.
1215
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,200
Let's go over there.
1216
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,520
With the ridiculous
checklist completed,
1217
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,240
I had to get some speed up,
1218
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,240
so I could cross
the start line at full chat.
1219
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,320
Visor down.
1220
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,880
It's on the plain now.
We're on the plain.
1221
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:49,760
It's very spray-y.
1222
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,640
It's a badly-designed hull.
1223
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,320
But the hull
was the least of my problems.
1224
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,320
Jesus Christ! This steering!
1225
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,440
Oh...
1226
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,880
It's a nightmare!
1227
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,160
I can't steer it!
1228
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,160
I literally cannot steer it!
1229
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,080
I think
he's experimenting with it.
1230
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,200
I think he's sort of testing.
1231
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:16,520
Oh, my God!
1232
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,560
- It looks pretty good.
- It looks fabulous!
1233
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,040
I bet it handles
like a dream!
1234
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,480
Oh, come on!
1235
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,280
I'm gonna crash
into the bloody safety boat!
1236
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,760
-Look, he's making turns. Yes!
-That looks tremendous!
1237
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,400
Three times
I tried to get the Pond Bug
1238
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,400
pointing in the
right direction.
1239
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,520
Absolutely impossible!
1240
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:46,160
And then I thought, "Sod it,"
put my foot down,
1241
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:47,920
and went for it.
1242
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,160
Oh, Christ!
1243
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,560
It's only my skill
that is keeping this pointing
in a straight line.
1244
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,320
And, to make matters worse
for a man on a speed run,
1245
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,160
I had no idea
how fast I was going.
1246
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,720
I've got a GPS speedo,
but I can't read it,
1247
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:13,120
because there isn't any GPS.
1248
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,480
Why have they given me
such shoddy workmanship?
1249
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,360
Oh, heavens!
1250
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:27,560
Oh, Christ!
1251
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,520
That's the worst thing
I've ever done, ever.
1252
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,640
And now, I've gotta
turn round and do it again.
1253
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,160
I've gotta wait
for my own wash to die down.
1254
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,080
That's what did for Campbell.
He went back too quickly.
1255
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:44,480
Here we go.
1256
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,480
That is my foot
pinned to the floor!
1257
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,960
Jesus!
It's starting to chain lock!
1258
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,560
It's really bad.
1259
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:04,760
Ahhh!
1260
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,520
And then...
1261
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,800
Oh, my God!
1262
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:10,760
Oh, no,
we've got a power problem!
1263
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,440
I'm losing power!
1264
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,440
May and Hammond have built
a piece of shit here.
1265
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,280
It sounds
a little bit inconsistent.
1266
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,400
That's maybe him
feathering the throttle.
1267
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,160
He is possibly finessing it
to keep it on the plain.
1268
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,520
Oh, no! Come on!
1269
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,120
Jesus! A lot of smoke.
1270
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:43,800
Well, that was a disaster!
1271
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,120
I've got no GPS, so I don't
know how fast that was.
1272
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,120
And the engine
is cutting out all the time.
1273
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,360
Basically, it was time
for a stern word
1274
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,440
with the
engineering department.
1275
01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:59,280
- Right, you two...
- Yeah?
1276
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:00,560
Not only have you
built something
1277
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,120
-ugly and complicated...
-It's not...
1278
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,040
No,
it's rubbish and lethal.
1279
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,600
- In what way?
The worst thing
is the steering.
1280
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,880
You cannot get it going
in a straight line.
1281
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,400
The steering
is a horrible compromise,
1282
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,600
cos it's gotta work
the steering wheel
and steer the boat.
1283
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,440
"Horrible compromise"
is a way of describing it.
1284
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,400
"Lethal" is another way.
1285
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:20,040
-It looked great!
-Looked great out there.
1286
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:20,960
- Did it?
- Yeah.
1287
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:25,040
- I was doing about 4mph.
- Well, that's a start.
1288
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,120
Then, an official
came on the Tannoy
1289
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,080
to announce my result.
1290
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,520
Sequence 46, the Pond Bug.
1291
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,840
Pilot: Jeremy Clarkson.
1292
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,840
Your run South... 47.362.
1293
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:41,280
Return... 48.274.
1294
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,120
Average: 47.81.
1295
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,560
Which is a new
National Record.
1296
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,720
There you go!
1297
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,200
We did it!
1298
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:51,480
What do you mean "we" did it?
1299
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:52,760
Would you have swam it?
1300
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,880
-I did it!
-We did it!
1301
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,320
Thank you so much.
1302
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:00,920
Thank you, thank you.
1303
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,200
Thank you! Thank you all
for applauding me!
1304
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,840
No, wait, they're applauding
us as a team.
1305
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,080
Listen! I'm sorry
to go on about this,
1306
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,320
but Roger Bannister
was the first
1307
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:15,720
to break
the four-minute mile.
1308
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:17,440
Not the man
who made his shoes.
1309
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,600
Edmund Hillary was the first
to go up Everest.
1310
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,240
Not the man
who made his rucksack.
1311
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,560
-So?
-So, I was the first...
1312
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,960
I was the first to do that!
1313
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,280
I broke the record,
not you two!
1314
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:30,160
Yeah, the truth is,
to be honest, we failed.
1315
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:31,640
You didn't fail.
1316
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,240
I mean, if you'd spent less
time getting your hair cut
1317
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,960
and more time
working on the engine
so that it ran properly,
1318
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:40,360
I reckon that thing
would probably do 60 or 70.
1319
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,160
On flat water,
it definitely would.
1320
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,120
Yeah, but the thing is,
we gave it the square chines,
1321
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,640
that really terrible
steering,
1322
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,840
the fantastically complicated
knobs and buttons and things.
1323
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:55,120
Basically, we built a death
trap, and it didn't work.
1324
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:58,880
Well, so you're...
Let me get this straight.
1325
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,920
You were hoping I would
become one of the 85%
1326
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,640
who died
trying to break a record?
1327
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,200
Yes.
1328
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,480
So we're now actively trying
to kill each other?
1329
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,840
Yes, and we can't even
do that properly!
1330
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,720
And on that
terrible disappointment,
it's time to end.
1331
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,960
Thank you so much
for watching.
1332
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,520
-Goodbye!
-Bye-bye.
101071