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Welcome to the Villa Capri.
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Located in the heart of the desert
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00:01:02,182 --> 00:01:05,095
is the resort community
that takes you to paradise.
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00:01:05,622 --> 00:01:07,614
You've worked hard all of your life,
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00:01:08,022 --> 00:01:08,933
and now...
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No!
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That son of a bitch
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is in Palm Springs.
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He's basking
in the sun and playing golf.
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While my husband
is drinking toilet wine in supermax!
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Now the only thing that I want
from you for Christmas
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is that rat's head in a box!
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And make it look like it's an accident.
15
00:02:14,382 --> 00:02:17,216
♪ A few more days till Christmas ♪
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♪ My favorite time of year ♪
17
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,574
♪ If we're lucky we'll see Santa ♪
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00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,738
♪ Rudolph and his eight reindeer ♪
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00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:31,774
♪ The snow keeps on fallin' ♪
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00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:35,331
♪ Sleddin' down the hill ♪
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00:02:36,342 --> 00:02:39,494
♪ Frosty's frozen on the lawn ♪
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00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:42,173
♪ Countin' down the days until ♪
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♪ We gather 'round decorate the tree ♪
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♪ Singin' holiday songs ♪
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♪ Spices fill the air ♪
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00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:55,779
♪ Smell of cookies everywhere ♪
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00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:57,895
- Hi, Duke.
- Hey.
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00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,219
♪ A few more days to Christmas ♪
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00:03:01,502 --> 00:03:03,971
♪ The very best time of year ♪
30
00:03:05,302 --> 00:03:08,181
♪ Firelight is glowing ♪
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00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:11,494
♪ On everything we hold dear ♪
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00:03:12,222 --> 00:03:15,294
♪ Just a few more days till Christmas ♪
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00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:19,931
♪ A few more days ♪
♪ Till Christmas is here ♪
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00:03:20,022 --> 00:03:23,936
- Hi.
- Thank you.
35
00:03:26,662 --> 00:03:27,573
Santa!
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00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,741
Oh! You're very generous, Duke.
37
00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:32,654
Could I get you to sign
this receipt for me?
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00:03:33,462 --> 00:03:35,454
Sure thing. You just bought your way off
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00:03:35,542 --> 00:03:36,896
- the naughty list.
- Pleasure.
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00:03:38,222 --> 00:03:40,976
♪ Rudolph and his eight reindeer ♪
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00:03:41,782 --> 00:03:44,536
♪ Firelight is glowing ♪
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00:03:44,782 --> 00:03:47,536
♪ On everything we hold dear ♪
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00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,614
♪ Just a few more days till Christmas ♪
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00:03:52,502 --> 00:03:55,097
♪ A few more days till Christmas ♪
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00:03:55,182 --> 00:03:58,300
- Hey boss!
- Great job, guys. Very festive.
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00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:30,415
- Excuse me. This is Mr. Diver's spot.
- Perfect!
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00:04:32,302 --> 00:04:34,100
Mr. Diver make you wear those clothes?
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00:04:39,542 --> 00:04:40,658
Shine it up for me, Elf.
49
00:04:45,062 --> 00:04:47,133
- Nice tree.
- Who is that in my parking spot?
50
00:04:47,222 --> 00:04:49,817
Oh, that's a new resident,
Leo McKay.
51
00:04:49,902 --> 00:04:52,053
Yeah, he just checked in
last night and he's actually very...
52
00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:54,611
He's got a ten-gallon hat
on a five-gallon head.
53
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,898
Paid all cash.
54
00:04:59,102 --> 00:04:59,979
Cash?
55
00:05:02,342 --> 00:05:03,571
Well...
56
00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:07,022
Let's invite him to my private poker game.
57
00:05:07,302 --> 00:05:08,292
You got it.
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00:05:08,702 --> 00:05:10,182
I'll show him who's boss.
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00:05:11,422 --> 00:05:13,061
- In the nicest way.
- Of course.
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00:05:16,502 --> 00:05:17,982
- It's crooked.
- Hm?
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00:05:18,502 --> 00:05:22,894
- And there's a bald spot.
- So what? A lot of trees have flaws.
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00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,211
A lot of people have flaws.
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00:05:25,222 --> 00:05:27,134
You can put the bad side
of a tree against the wall.
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00:05:27,222 --> 00:05:28,815
What do you do
with the bad side of people?
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00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:31,574
- That's deep.
- Write it down.
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00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:35,333
Greetings, my darling.
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00:05:35,982 --> 00:05:38,417
Be a dear and get 5,000
out of petty cash for me.
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00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:39,413
Not a problem.
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00:05:39,902 --> 00:05:41,894
Got some stuff for you to sign here, sir.
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00:05:43,102 --> 00:05:46,140
Did you know that the builders
of the great cathedrals of Europe
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00:05:46,222 --> 00:05:48,612
would leave a small flaw
in the stone somewhere
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00:05:48,702 --> 00:05:51,012
just to acknowledge
that only God is perfect?
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00:05:51,102 --> 00:05:52,138
Where do you learn all this stuff?
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00:05:52,222 --> 00:05:53,576
College of life, my boy.
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00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:56,097
Well, we've got
the gardener's Christmas bonus,
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00:05:56,182 --> 00:05:57,741
the extra security cameras for your villa,
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00:05:57,822 --> 00:05:59,541
the bonus you asked me
to pay out to the entire staff,
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00:05:59,662 --> 00:06:02,973
live animals for the nativity scene.
The camels were a little expensive.
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00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,940
You can't a nativity without camels.
80
00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:06,816
The Wise Men came from the East.
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00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,018
Got to give them respect.
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00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,981
Oh, and we have a letter
from the Rotary Club
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00:06:11,222 --> 00:06:12,053
confirming your acceptance
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00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:14,452
- of Man of the Year Honors...
- I can't accept. Can't accept.
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00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,615
I'm uncomfortable in the limelight.
86
00:06:17,222 --> 00:06:18,417
You seem comfortable in the limelight.
87
00:06:18,622 --> 00:06:21,660
My golf clubs! Oh, perfect, perfect!
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00:06:21,742 --> 00:06:24,735
So, I had them close the face
on the driver by a degree and a half.
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00:06:24,822 --> 00:06:26,893
You've been slicing a little recently.
Should take care of it.
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00:06:27,022 --> 00:06:28,092
Good, good, good.
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00:06:28,582 --> 00:06:31,495
I think I'll just run on out to the range
and let the big dogs eat.
92
00:06:31,582 --> 00:06:32,538
Oh, Duke!
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00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,173
Hm?
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00:06:34,702 --> 00:06:36,341
- Five thou. Mm-hm.
- Thank you, my darlin'.
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00:06:41,262 --> 00:06:43,094
Duke, you checkin' me out?
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00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:45,414
Every delicious inch.
97
00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:47,181
That's a nice tree you got this year.
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00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:48,573
Well, thank you,
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00:06:48,662 --> 00:06:50,619
but I'm a little concerned
that some of the residents
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00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,659
might not like a flocked tree.
101
00:06:53,502 --> 00:06:55,733
Well, you know me, Duke.
102
00:06:57,262 --> 00:06:59,857
I like a nice flockin' from time to time.
103
00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:03,136
A bit of Henkell's Trocken
for my darlin'?
104
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,578
Whatever.
105
00:07:05,662 --> 00:07:09,451
It's a little before
my bedtime, but...
106
00:07:09,782 --> 00:07:14,061
Aw, it's always your bedtime, Duke.
107
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,702
But darlin', you know a man's nature
is a man's...
108
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:26,219
Hey, why don't I go and enhance
the fireplace in the boudoir.
109
00:07:26,582 --> 00:07:27,379
Would you like that?
110
00:07:27,462 --> 00:07:29,021
- Yeah, I would.
- Okay!
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00:07:38,462 --> 00:07:40,579
Hope you don't mind.
I let myself in.
112
00:07:41,542 --> 00:07:42,453
Pour moi?
113
00:07:43,142 --> 00:07:46,818
Uh... of course!
114
00:07:49,742 --> 00:07:52,814
What is the color of that silk
against your skin?
115
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:56,574
There's a painting by Caravaggio.
You could have been...
116
00:07:56,662 --> 00:07:57,982
It's plum.
117
00:07:58,702 --> 00:07:59,977
And you're my plum.
118
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,018
Oh!
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00:08:01,102 --> 00:08:06,382
Listen, darling, I... I'm just gonna go
and... lock up, turn out all the lights,
120
00:08:06,462 --> 00:08:09,261
and come back
and submit to your every whim.
121
00:08:09,342 --> 00:08:12,221
My every whim.
122
00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:15,811
Oh... Hurry back.
123
00:08:23,742 --> 00:08:27,531
Uh... Marguerite darlin',
I... I think the...
124
00:08:28,262 --> 00:08:32,222
Zoloft and the Lipitor
are kicking in a little early on me.
125
00:08:32,302 --> 00:08:33,861
I... I feel woozy.
126
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,702
- Hold on a minute.
- What?
127
00:08:36,142 --> 00:08:37,861
Have you got
another woman in there?
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00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:43,222
Oh, Marguerite... you hurt me
with your accusation.
129
00:08:43,302 --> 00:08:47,615
You twist the knife. The wound bleeds.
130
00:08:47,702 --> 00:08:50,740
You... you get such pleasure
out... out of my discomfort.
131
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,654
- I... I just don't...
- Hold on a second, mister.
132
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,415
You didn't answer my question.
133
00:08:55,742 --> 00:08:57,699
Darling, trust me...
134
00:08:58,982 --> 00:09:01,133
I speak from the heart when I say...
135
00:09:04,822 --> 00:09:06,654
Yes, there's a woman in the bedroom.
136
00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:08,938
All right. Well...
137
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:14,698
I know I'm not your one and only,
and we've got a grown-up relationship.
138
00:09:14,782 --> 00:09:16,739
- Yes.
- So, I'll...
139
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:18,892
Well, I'll just say good night.
140
00:09:21,302 --> 00:09:24,056
- I'm fine.
- N... no! Let me, let me...
141
00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:26,498
- let me walk you to your door, okay?
- Mm-hm.
142
00:09:27,462 --> 00:09:30,500
In your own way, Duke,
you are strangely chivalrous.
143
00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:33,296
Merci beaucoup.
144
00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:35,817
Still a cat,
of course, but you got rules.
145
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:38,462
Aw, I consider myself a gentleman.
146
00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:47,535
And so, "Good night. Good night.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
147
00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:51,016
I shall say good night
till it be 'morrow."
148
00:09:51,422 --> 00:09:54,460
Can I quote you on that?
149
00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:56,056
Well, you be my guest, Romeo.
150
00:09:56,822 --> 00:10:00,213
Actually, I'm... I'm surprised you even
considered a little romance tonight
151
00:10:00,302 --> 00:10:01,372
given the circumstances.
152
00:10:02,182 --> 00:10:03,093
Circumstances?
153
00:10:03,422 --> 00:10:04,412
Well, this is your poker night.
154
00:10:05,902 --> 00:10:06,813
Ciao.
155
00:10:07,942 --> 00:10:10,411
Uh... poker?
156
00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:13,219
Poker!
157
00:10:23,062 --> 00:10:26,180
I got the feeling that the Duke
158
00:10:26,302 --> 00:10:30,216
needed a little... Roberta.
159
00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:33,977
Uh, yes.
160
00:10:34,102 --> 00:10:36,981
The Duke... the Duke always needs
a little Roberta.
161
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:43,138
Well, from the way you just said it,
it sounds like a "not tonight".
162
00:10:43,862 --> 00:10:48,982
Well, I have a meeting
that requires urgent attention, darling.
163
00:10:49,062 --> 00:10:51,179
- At night?
- It's morning in China.
164
00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:59,019
Uh, well, good night, good night, darling.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
165
00:10:59,102 --> 00:11:05,133
"A horse, a horse.
My kingdom for a horse."
166
00:11:05,822 --> 00:11:08,098
Mm-hm.
167
00:11:17,742 --> 00:11:20,257
So, a guy comes home from the doctor's.
168
00:11:20,342 --> 00:11:23,301
He tells his wife,
"Honey, I got terrible news."
169
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:24,213
Terrible news.
170
00:11:24,302 --> 00:11:26,692
"Doctor says, I only got
12 hours to live."
171
00:11:26,822 --> 00:11:29,291
- Uh-huh.
- Wife says, "Oh dear, that's terrible.
172
00:11:29,382 --> 00:11:32,739
That's terrible. I'll do anything for you.
Whatever you want."
173
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:37,214
And he says, "I want to have wild sex
with you all night long."
174
00:11:37,982 --> 00:11:39,211
And she looks at him and says,
175
00:11:39,302 --> 00:11:41,578
"Easy for you to say. You don't have
to get up in the morning."
176
00:11:41,662 --> 00:11:45,622
That's funny! That's very funny!
177
00:11:45,702 --> 00:11:47,853
All right. Who's betting?
Who's betting? Who's betting?
178
00:11:47,942 --> 00:11:52,255
It's me, and I'm goin' in for big money.
'cause I wanna take everything you got.
179
00:11:52,342 --> 00:11:54,698
I'll see your 100 and raise you two.
180
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:57,456
That' a 100 bucks!
181
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,215
I'll see you, I'll see you.
182
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,975
I heard this is where the action's at.
183
00:12:01,062 --> 00:12:01,973
Who the hell are you?
184
00:12:02,062 --> 00:12:04,418
I'm Leo McKay. I'm moving into um...
185
00:12:04,502 --> 00:12:06,414
Villa 71. Welcome, neighbor.
186
00:12:06,502 --> 00:12:07,413
Hi.
187
00:12:08,302 --> 00:12:11,613
I'm Duke Diver, resident manager
of this little corner of paradise.
188
00:12:11,742 --> 00:12:14,940
- These are my cronies.
- Duke's a legend.
189
00:12:15,022 --> 00:12:16,422
Legends ain't what they used to be,
are they?
190
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,936
Yeah, but you don't know Duke.
191
00:12:18,022 --> 00:12:20,059
He's a resident champion
of everything around here.
192
00:12:20,142 --> 00:12:21,496
Guys, you're embarrassing me.
193
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:24,502
I'm just a country boy
tryin' to fade into the sunset
194
00:12:24,582 --> 00:12:25,698
with smile on my face.
195
00:12:25,782 --> 00:12:26,818
Ain't we all?
196
00:12:26,902 --> 00:12:29,292
But I gotta warn you, cousin,
we play for real money here.
197
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,772
Well, I'll try to keep up.
198
00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,454
- Oh.
- Holy shit... That's a wad, man!
199
00:12:36,502 --> 00:12:37,822
Shit just got real up in here!
200
00:12:37,902 --> 00:12:40,053
That's my alimony, I can't, man,
this is two months...
201
00:12:40,142 --> 00:12:40,939
Okay.
202
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:42,212
Now, where you from, Leo?
203
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:46,456
I'm a citizen of the world.
Mogadishu, Jakarta, Kabul.
204
00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:48,662
All the vacation spots.
205
00:12:49,142 --> 00:12:51,782
- Military?
- No. Ex-military.
206
00:12:51,862 --> 00:12:54,013
Currently entrepreneur.
207
00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:56,977
International trade.
I buy stuff, sell stuff.
208
00:12:57,062 --> 00:12:57,973
Like?
209
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:01,858
Gas, guns, oil, trains, trucks.
Big stuff. I like big stuff.
210
00:13:05,222 --> 00:13:06,736
And a man of mystery.
211
00:13:09,542 --> 00:13:10,692
How about we play some cards?
212
00:13:11,102 --> 00:13:12,616
What's your game, cousin?
213
00:13:12,702 --> 00:13:16,855
You like Five Card Draw, Stud,
Omaha, Texas Hold 'Em?
214
00:13:16,942 --> 00:13:17,853
Texas will do.
215
00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,373
Deal 'em, Joey.
216
00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:22,091
And a five and a ten, ten.
217
00:13:22,422 --> 00:13:23,333
Ace high.
218
00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:24,938
Why don't we double that.
219
00:13:25,022 --> 00:13:27,821
- Wow.
- You guys are bank robbers.
220
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:29,501
Gotta know when to fold.
221
00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:33,337
My 700. Here's the river.
222
00:13:34,462 --> 00:13:37,182
Look at that!
223
00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:41,176
I'm gonna... just for the shit's sake,
I'm gonna bump it two.
224
00:13:41,262 --> 00:13:42,093
There's nine.
225
00:13:42,182 --> 00:13:43,775
- Burt, what are you? You all-in?
- I'm out.
226
00:13:44,062 --> 00:13:45,576
And I'm all-in.
227
00:13:45,662 --> 00:13:47,654
Oh man! What we gonna do?
228
00:13:47,742 --> 00:13:49,813
Okay, y'all. Read 'em and weep.
229
00:13:49,902 --> 00:13:52,462
- Full boat, aces up.
- Holy shit!
230
00:13:52,542 --> 00:13:53,771
We warned ya, Leo!
231
00:13:55,382 --> 00:13:57,260
- That's four tens.
- What?
232
00:13:58,062 --> 00:14:01,373
- Four tens.
- Damn, he beat Duke.
233
00:14:01,462 --> 00:14:02,782
I am deader than dead.
234
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,182
I'm all cleaned out.
235
00:14:05,022 --> 00:14:05,899
Damn, I was lucky!
236
00:14:06,022 --> 00:14:08,662
Sometimes you step in horseshit
and you wind up smellin'...
237
00:14:08,742 --> 00:14:11,462
Excuse me, you know,
I think that one's mine.
238
00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:13,531
I didn't see that.
239
00:14:13,622 --> 00:14:16,296
What do you want? Why'd you come here?
240
00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:19,062
I came here to continue developing
my business empire
241
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,734
while working on my shaky golf game.
242
00:14:22,302 --> 00:14:24,612
Oh, you... you play golf?
243
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,815
Not well, but honestly and earnestly.
244
00:14:27,902 --> 00:14:30,462
Well, uh, perhaps
you will give me the chance
245
00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:32,454
to win back my money on the golf course.
246
00:14:32,542 --> 00:14:33,532
Perhaps I will.
247
00:14:34,742 --> 00:14:38,577
You know, a true gentleman
does not walk away a winner.
248
00:14:39,102 --> 00:14:41,571
A true gentleman keeps the game alive.
249
00:14:42,862 --> 00:14:46,219
Oh, my, my, my, my! Behold the evidence.
250
00:14:46,702 --> 00:14:48,580
Whatever can it mean?
251
00:14:48,662 --> 00:14:52,178
She's lookin' for deep comfort
and companionship and maybe a soulmate.
252
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:53,252
Nuh-uh.
253
00:14:53,862 --> 00:14:55,296
She's not lookin' for soulmate.
254
00:14:55,382 --> 00:14:58,580
She's lookin' for a few precious hours
of intimate connections
255
00:14:58,702 --> 00:15:00,421
with no questions asked.
256
00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:02,858
Maybe I'll just go over there
and pick up the tab, huh?
257
00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:03,898
Can't compete with that.
258
00:15:07,022 --> 00:15:07,933
Shit!
259
00:15:08,982 --> 00:15:11,099
Well, could if I wanted to.
260
00:15:12,862 --> 00:15:13,818
Can I buy you another round?
261
00:15:13,902 --> 00:15:15,814
You can scram is what you can do.
262
00:15:21,342 --> 00:15:25,222
♪ The first noel ♪
263
00:15:25,302 --> 00:15:28,420
♪ The angel did say ♪
264
00:15:28,502 --> 00:15:35,295
♪ Was to certain poor shepherds ♪
♪ In fields as they lay ♪
265
00:15:35,822 --> 00:15:42,262
♪ In fields where they ♪
♪ Lay keeping their sheep ♪
266
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,301
Season's greetin's, y'all.
267
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:47,933
Good news to report.
Mike Shank from villa 68
268
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:50,582
had a successful hip replacement surgery
269
00:15:50,662 --> 00:15:54,497
and should be back to the Villa Capri
in just a few days.
270
00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:55,618
What the...
271
00:15:56,902 --> 00:15:59,622
That's not my regular camel guy.
Where's my regular camel guy?
272
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:01,376
Uh, he's uh, under the weather.
273
00:16:02,302 --> 00:16:05,693
Oh, uh, corporate is sending
a regional director down
274
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:07,535
to do a year-end review in case it...
275
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,133
slipped your mind.
276
00:16:09,222 --> 00:16:14,536
I will look down upon him
from a great height. Bring him on.
277
00:16:14,742 --> 00:16:16,335
Yeah. Bring him on.
278
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:21,458
Ladies, have you seen the new guy?
279
00:16:22,102 --> 00:16:24,537
He's moving into villa 71.
280
00:16:24,662 --> 00:16:27,860
There's new food on the buffet.
281
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:28,978
Yes.
282
00:16:29,062 --> 00:16:31,782
Oh, in the air, there's a feelin'
of Christmas.
283
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:34,855
I'm Leo McKay,
and you young ladies might be...
284
00:16:38,422 --> 00:16:39,219
Look at that.
285
00:16:39,342 --> 00:16:43,256
I spent years juggling stories
to keep those women apart,
286
00:16:43,342 --> 00:16:45,982
and in 20 minutes,
he's got them lined up for a three-way.
287
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:49,294
Well, uh, four-way if anybody's countin'.
288
00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:51,260
He's not showing me any respect.
289
00:16:51,342 --> 00:16:52,776
- No respect.
- No. Nothin'.
290
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:55,696
But he's gonna find out this is my town.
291
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:58,373
You're the Duke and this is your domain.
I told you.
292
00:16:58,662 --> 00:17:00,858
- Don't upset him, Larry!
- Duke don't like that.
293
00:17:07,102 --> 00:17:08,456
- Well, hello.
- Hello.
294
00:17:08,582 --> 00:17:11,302
I'm Roberta. We met earlier.
295
00:17:11,742 --> 00:17:13,654
You know, I neglected to mention
296
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:17,975
that as president
of the Glad-Handers Welcome Wagon Club
297
00:17:18,062 --> 00:17:24,138
here at Villa Capri Resort Community,
I just wanted to say Merry Christmas.
298
00:17:25,902 --> 00:17:29,737
Oh! You know,
I could help you fix the place up.
299
00:17:29,822 --> 00:17:31,893
You know, a little Feng Shui.
300
00:17:32,822 --> 00:17:33,733
Oh!
301
00:17:35,862 --> 00:17:37,979
- I got skills.
- I'll bet you do.
302
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:40,736
What you got back here? The dinin' room?
303
00:17:41,702 --> 00:17:44,012
The bedroom. Giddy-up!
304
00:17:51,022 --> 00:17:54,811
Hi. I'm Marguerite
with the Welcome Wagon Club.
305
00:17:54,902 --> 00:17:57,178
- Are you a Glad-Hander?
- How'd you know?
306
00:17:58,262 --> 00:18:02,336
As secretary-treasurer, I brought
a little somethin' to warm up your place.
307
00:18:02,422 --> 00:18:05,017
- A work of art.
- My sentiments exactly.
308
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,498
- And thank you.
- For what?
309
00:18:08,582 --> 00:18:12,417
Did you just invite me in
for a little vino?
310
00:18:13,702 --> 00:18:16,092
Red? I love red.
311
00:18:16,622 --> 00:18:19,091
I love white. I love it all.
312
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:22,892
Well, then how about a lovely Margaux
for a lovely Margot? Can I call you that?
313
00:18:22,982 --> 00:18:24,701
You can call me whatever you like.
314
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:27,697
By the way, I am in villa 52.
315
00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:30,297
And I'm in villa 36.
What you gonna call me?
316
00:18:30,382 --> 00:18:32,692
Oh my God! How did you get here before me?
317
00:18:32,782 --> 00:18:35,138
You know that the by-laws
of our club clearly state
318
00:18:35,222 --> 00:18:37,691
that the president
and not the secretary-treasurer
319
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:39,341
should be the first Welcomer on the scene.
320
00:18:39,462 --> 00:18:41,215
Okay, well let's just call this
an unofficial visit.
321
00:18:41,302 --> 00:18:42,258
- Unofficial?
- Why don't we just have a taste
322
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:43,532
of this delightful vintage?
323
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,774
- Oh!
- Don we now our straight apparel.
324
00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:48,216
- Oh, my God!
- And what office
325
00:18:48,302 --> 00:18:51,056
of Glad-Handers Welcome Wagon Club
might you hold?
326
00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:53,181
Sergeant-at-arms.
327
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,493
Flag flying stiff and ready, I bet.
328
00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:57,221
I think this party's just gettin' started.
329
00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:00,181
- Here, why don't I take you to dinner?
- All of us?
330
00:19:03,582 --> 00:19:04,652
Thank you.
331
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:06,938
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, yes, sir.
332
00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:09,933
Look at him. Look at him.
333
00:19:11,982 --> 00:19:13,735
He's got all three of 'em?
334
00:19:15,462 --> 00:19:17,852
He's bangin' your entire harem, boss.
335
00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:21,014
Oh my God! Some big,
brass huevos he's got!
336
00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:22,617
Is he punkin' you, boss?
337
00:19:23,102 --> 00:19:25,139
He's playin' into my hand
is what he's doin'.
338
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,619
He said his golf game is shaky,
am I right?
339
00:19:28,702 --> 00:19:30,102
- That's what he said.
- That's what he said.
340
00:19:30,222 --> 00:19:34,136
Well, gentlemen, who knows
this golf course better than me?
341
00:19:34,702 --> 00:19:38,218
- Old cowboy's in trouble now.
- Oh, I feel bad for Leo.
342
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,180
We'll see.
343
00:19:47,702 --> 00:19:52,140
I hereby challenge you to 18 holes of golf
tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. sharp.
344
00:19:55,142 --> 00:19:56,371
Cowboy done stepped in it now.
345
00:20:03,222 --> 00:20:06,260
We hear that you consider
yourself a citizen of the world.
346
00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:08,977
Now exactly what does that mean to you?
347
00:20:09,062 --> 00:20:10,052
It means that I have traveled
348
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,737
from the Cape of Good Hope
to the Black Sea,
349
00:20:12,822 --> 00:20:16,577
from Machu Picchu to Brunelleschi's Dome.
350
00:20:16,822 --> 00:20:20,020
I have been to the birthplace
of Mr. Shakespeare.
351
00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:24,140
And I have been to the gravesite
of Mr. Lombardi.
352
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,258
Oh.
353
00:20:27,022 --> 00:20:31,858
I rose from the dusty fields
to the gilded halls of power,
354
00:20:31,942 --> 00:20:34,377
first in the military
and then in the business world,
355
00:20:34,462 --> 00:20:37,580
and yet, to this day, I retain my touch
to the common man!
356
00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:39,981
For that is who I am.
357
00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:43,499
Oh, Mr. McKay, you are indeed a poet.
358
00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:45,892
I'm not a poet but I have read
the great works.
359
00:20:46,742 --> 00:20:48,415
Would you favor us with a poem?
360
00:20:48,502 --> 00:20:49,731
Pretty please.
361
00:20:49,822 --> 00:20:52,815
Well, why not? Um, Baudelaire?
362
00:20:52,902 --> 00:20:54,177
More modernist, maybe?
363
00:20:54,262 --> 00:20:56,458
Yeats? Williams? Cummings?
364
00:20:56,542 --> 00:21:01,901
Or... or perhaps something a little more...
earthier with a...
365
00:21:02,222 --> 00:21:04,020
backdrop of Christmas.
366
00:21:04,102 --> 00:21:05,252
The last one.
367
00:21:05,662 --> 00:21:06,573
May I?
368
00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,053
Uh..
369
00:21:09,342 --> 00:21:11,777
"There are strange things done
in the midnight sun
370
00:21:11,862 --> 00:21:13,819
By the men who moil for gold;
371
00:21:14,422 --> 00:21:17,335
The Artic trails have their savage tales
372
00:21:17,422 --> 00:21:19,732
That will make your blood run cold;
373
00:21:19,822 --> 00:21:21,893
The Northern Lights
have seen queer sights,
374
00:21:21,982 --> 00:21:23,575
But the queerest they ever did see
375
00:21:23,662 --> 00:21:24,937
Was that night on the marge
376
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:28,299
of Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee."
377
00:21:28,822 --> 00:21:31,496
- Romeo! Romeo!
- "Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee..."
378
00:21:32,102 --> 00:21:33,980
Oh, Romeo! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
379
00:21:34,062 --> 00:21:35,542
I'm sorry, he broke away.
380
00:21:35,822 --> 00:21:38,462
He's a sweetheart
but I can never shut him up.
381
00:21:38,542 --> 00:21:41,501
Sit. Be a good dog.
382
00:21:42,222 --> 00:21:43,861
Sit down.
383
00:21:47,502 --> 00:21:48,413
How'd you do that?
384
00:21:48,782 --> 00:21:49,932
I like dogs.
385
00:21:50,022 --> 00:21:51,172
Oh! Yeah?
386
00:21:52,622 --> 00:21:55,012
- I'm Leo McKay.
- Oh, Suzie Quince.
387
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:56,741
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
388
00:21:57,302 --> 00:22:00,022
I'm so sorry to interrupt
whatever it is you're doing.
389
00:22:00,102 --> 00:22:01,252
That's quite all right.
390
00:22:02,742 --> 00:22:04,142
Okay. Well, carry on.
391
00:22:07,822 --> 00:22:11,099
"On Christmas Day we were mushing
our way along the Dawson trail.
392
00:22:11,462 --> 00:22:13,772
Talk of your cold!
Through the parkas fold.
393
00:22:13,862 --> 00:22:14,898
It stabbed like a...
394
00:22:17,622 --> 00:22:20,740
it stabbed like a driven nail."
395
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,462
Sr. Jiménez!
396
00:22:33,542 --> 00:22:35,932
Miguel Jiménez! That's it.
397
00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:37,378
Here he comes.
398
00:22:37,462 --> 00:22:39,579
That's it. Loosen up, Dukie.
399
00:22:39,702 --> 00:22:40,852
You got 'em now.
400
00:22:43,902 --> 00:22:45,780
Good morning! I accept your challenge.
401
00:22:46,142 --> 00:22:47,576
Well, I'm loose as a goose.
402
00:22:47,902 --> 00:22:51,862
Mark Twain said that golf
is a good walk spoiled, but I say...
403
00:22:53,022 --> 00:22:54,422
It's a good walk enhanced.
404
00:22:54,502 --> 00:22:56,494
Except that neither one of us
is walking, huh?
405
00:22:56,582 --> 00:22:59,541
Details, details, details.
406
00:22:59,622 --> 00:23:00,578
I am a big picture man.
407
00:23:02,942 --> 00:23:04,899
Uh, boss, we got a problem.
408
00:23:04,982 --> 00:23:06,860
- What?
- This guy can flat-out play!
409
00:23:06,942 --> 00:23:08,535
He said his game was shaky.
410
00:23:08,942 --> 00:23:11,059
His shaky is better than your shaky.
411
00:23:11,142 --> 00:23:12,462
- Wait...
- Boss.
412
00:23:12,702 --> 00:23:14,136
We watched him warm up this morning.
413
00:23:14,222 --> 00:23:16,896
This guy can flat out hit. I ain't lyin'.
414
00:23:17,222 --> 00:23:18,292
I got a short game.
415
00:23:18,382 --> 00:23:21,136
He's got a short game, too,
and a long game.
416
00:23:21,222 --> 00:23:22,258
I assume I have the honors.
417
00:23:22,342 --> 00:23:23,219
Uh, yes, you do.
418
00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:26,534
Um, just a word of caution.
Out of bounds is to your right.
419
00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:28,215
That's the way I like it.
420
00:23:28,302 --> 00:23:29,372
It's to the left.
421
00:23:40,942 --> 00:23:42,661
Oh shit! The guy can hit the ball.
422
00:23:43,462 --> 00:23:45,738
Is that a legal club?
I don't think that's a legal club.
423
00:23:45,822 --> 00:23:47,461
My side bet with you is off.
424
00:23:47,542 --> 00:23:49,101
We might as well get some new girlfriends.
425
00:23:49,182 --> 00:23:51,617
Thanks for the confidence, fellas.
Gee whiz!
426
00:23:51,702 --> 00:23:54,297
Well, you're a thinking man.
It's a thinking man's game.
427
00:23:54,382 --> 00:23:56,374
I think I'm gonna
hit a three wood out here.
428
00:23:56,462 --> 00:23:57,498
Three wood. Good idea.
429
00:23:57,582 --> 00:23:58,698
- Are you sure?
- Yeah that'll be good.
430
00:23:58,822 --> 00:24:01,178
Yeah, okay.
431
00:24:02,062 --> 00:24:02,973
Let it fly.
432
00:24:03,662 --> 00:24:04,857
Oh shit!
433
00:24:06,702 --> 00:24:07,977
It's a damn cobra!
434
00:24:08,062 --> 00:24:10,702
- Gun! Gun!
- I... I... I got it! I got it!
435
00:24:11,542 --> 00:24:13,454
- Damn!
- I got it! I got it!
436
00:24:13,542 --> 00:24:14,453
You see that?
437
00:24:19,422 --> 00:24:21,334
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
438
00:24:22,022 --> 00:24:23,900
Okay, die, viper!
439
00:24:25,862 --> 00:24:27,740
- You got him surrounded.
- Still movin'!
440
00:24:29,422 --> 00:24:30,902
Don't hurt yourself with that thing.
441
00:24:32,982 --> 00:24:34,541
Somebody bring a beer cooler, please.
442
00:24:39,542 --> 00:24:41,454
Somebody put a cap on...
put a top on the bucket.
443
00:24:43,462 --> 00:24:45,294
I never had you figured
for a man packin' iron
444
00:24:45,382 --> 00:24:46,657
even if it is a peashooter.
445
00:24:47,182 --> 00:24:49,458
You never know
who's lurkin' around.
446
00:24:49,942 --> 00:24:53,014
Take him to the Serpentarium in 29 Palms.
447
00:24:53,102 --> 00:24:55,776
Look out! Look out!
448
00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:58,172
Sit... sit on that thing.
Sit on it, you're the biggest.
449
00:24:58,262 --> 00:24:59,173
Come on.
450
00:25:03,222 --> 00:25:05,054
Oh! Goddamn!
451
00:25:05,182 --> 00:25:07,253
Wait! Wait!
452
00:25:10,622 --> 00:25:13,182
- You're good. Sit on it now. Sit down.
- Sit down.
453
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:14,093
Oh, we're good.
454
00:25:14,182 --> 00:25:15,013
I almost got bit.
455
00:25:15,102 --> 00:25:16,502
I'm not going anywhere near that golf bag.
456
00:25:16,582 --> 00:25:17,732
You bailin' out of our game?
457
00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:21,253
I have trouble swingin' a golf club
with a rattlesnake wrapped around it, Leo.
458
00:25:21,342 --> 00:25:26,337
- You're afraid to play me.
- I'm not afraid of anything or anyone.
459
00:25:29,822 --> 00:25:30,733
Coward.
460
00:25:31,862 --> 00:25:32,932
Doin' a good job, Burt.
461
00:25:33,022 --> 00:25:36,698
- Come on, I need a drink.
- I think it's happy hour.
462
00:25:36,982 --> 00:25:41,101
- ...sit on that thing...
Leo, hell am I supposed to do now?
463
00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:43,101
Hell, I don't know. Not my problem.
464
00:25:44,662 --> 00:25:45,573
Sit on it!
465
00:25:46,862 --> 00:25:50,094
When a man lets another man
take care of his golf bag, Jimmy,
466
00:25:50,182 --> 00:25:51,821
he has certain expectations.
467
00:25:51,902 --> 00:25:55,862
You think a snake zipped himself
into a pocket in my bag?
468
00:25:55,982 --> 00:25:58,292
Snakes don't have opposable thumbs.
469
00:25:59,302 --> 00:26:00,656
This was not an accident.
470
00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:03,773
Shit!
471
00:26:06,222 --> 00:26:07,258
What took you so long?
472
00:26:07,942 --> 00:26:08,853
Oh, thank you.
473
00:26:10,782 --> 00:26:12,341
I see I'm gonna have
to teach you a lesson.
474
00:26:12,422 --> 00:26:14,300
I would love to have another poker lesson
475
00:26:14,382 --> 00:26:16,499
unless you find it easier
just to write me a check.
476
00:26:17,062 --> 00:26:19,293
Tell me somethin',
did you move to Villa Capri
477
00:26:19,422 --> 00:26:20,538
just to piss me off?
478
00:26:20,622 --> 00:26:22,454
No, that was just a happy by-product.
479
00:26:22,542 --> 00:26:24,659
But this anger is doin' you a lot of good.
480
00:26:24,742 --> 00:26:26,461
It gets the blood circulating
throughout your entire body
481
00:26:26,542 --> 00:26:27,737
instead of down there in your little ol'...
482
00:26:27,822 --> 00:26:30,018
You're lucky I have a commitment
of a higher calling at home.
483
00:26:31,182 --> 00:26:34,459
You and I... just gettin' started.
484
00:26:36,742 --> 00:26:37,698
I can hardly wait.
485
00:26:39,142 --> 00:26:40,053
Nice fella.
486
00:26:49,422 --> 00:26:50,333
Tell me he's dead.
487
00:26:53,222 --> 00:26:54,451
I... I... I know!
488
00:26:54,582 --> 00:26:56,494
I told you to make it look
like an accident,
489
00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:58,733
but a snake in his golf bag?
490
00:26:59,742 --> 00:27:00,653
Sweetie,
491
00:27:01,982 --> 00:27:03,701
murder him the old-fashioned way.
492
00:27:07,022 --> 00:27:08,342
Attention, residents:
493
00:27:08,422 --> 00:27:11,859
The annual tree lighting
is about to begin in the banquet hall.
494
00:27:12,222 --> 00:27:15,533
Come enjoy the holiday season,
sip some eggnog,
495
00:27:15,622 --> 00:27:18,615
and see everyone's favorite Santa Claus.
496
00:27:21,782 --> 00:27:24,297
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
497
00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:28,582
♪ 'Tis the season ♪
♪ To be jolly fa-la-la... ♪
498
00:27:31,422 --> 00:27:33,061
Hey, uh, whoa, whoa!
499
00:27:33,302 --> 00:27:35,294
Santa, what the hell
do you think you're doin'?
500
00:27:35,382 --> 00:27:37,101
- This is my job.
- Oh, no, no, no. It's not.
501
00:27:37,182 --> 00:27:39,299
I was hired by the corporation
that owns Villa Capri
502
00:27:39,382 --> 00:27:42,056
and 26 other luxury villages
in California.
503
00:27:42,422 --> 00:27:45,221
My party rental company will supply
Santas, Easter Bunnies,
504
00:27:45,342 --> 00:27:48,460
fife and drum trios for the Fourth,
and all holidays through the year.
505
00:27:48,782 --> 00:27:49,738
I just signed the contract.
506
00:27:49,822 --> 00:27:50,858
Well, ho, ho, ho.
507
00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:52,695
You're tellin' me
you're a corporate Santa?
508
00:27:52,782 --> 00:27:55,217
- It's a gig.
- It's a sacred trust!
509
00:27:55,302 --> 00:27:57,612
Sacred trust to you.
20 bucks an hour to me.
510
00:27:58,422 --> 00:28:00,698
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
511
00:28:00,782 --> 00:28:01,852
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la... ♪
512
00:28:01,982 --> 00:28:03,018
It's a disgrace.
513
00:28:03,582 --> 00:28:05,175
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
514
00:28:05,262 --> 00:28:07,413
Hello, Palms Springs!
Thank you all for comin' out.
515
00:28:07,502 --> 00:28:08,856
Duke's not gonna like this.
516
00:28:09,262 --> 00:28:11,697
- Who is this guy?
- Here comes the freight train.
517
00:28:13,062 --> 00:28:14,735
I got your ho-ho right here.
518
00:28:16,622 --> 00:28:17,578
Yes!
519
00:28:18,702 --> 00:28:22,059
That ain't the real Santa.
I'm the real Santa.
520
00:28:22,502 --> 00:28:24,573
This guy's a fraud, a phony.
521
00:28:24,662 --> 00:28:26,972
He's a sleazy, corporate heathen!
522
00:28:34,502 --> 00:28:35,538
Go, Black Santa!
523
00:28:41,182 --> 00:28:44,095
There ya go! Back to the North Pole!
524
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:52,972
What got into you?
525
00:28:53,782 --> 00:28:55,421
I don't like people
fucking with Santa Claus.
526
00:29:00,342 --> 00:29:01,253
Arturo.
527
00:29:02,862 --> 00:29:03,773
Here you are, gentlemen.
528
00:29:03,862 --> 00:29:07,492
You, my friend, are a gentleman
and a scholar,
529
00:29:08,342 --> 00:29:10,652
and you are indeed here on business.
530
00:29:11,862 --> 00:29:12,773
Whatever that is.
531
00:29:12,862 --> 00:29:14,376
My business is my business,
532
00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:17,216
but your business seems to be
sitting in a catbird seat
533
00:29:17,582 --> 00:29:19,972
of one-night stands
and Thursday night specials
534
00:29:20,102 --> 00:29:21,422
and Tuesday nooners.
535
00:29:22,662 --> 00:29:25,461
Which holds
no special satisfaction for me.
536
00:29:25,742 --> 00:29:28,098
What? No Tuesday nooners?
537
00:29:28,182 --> 00:29:30,651
I'm not interested in your girlfriends.
538
00:29:31,022 --> 00:29:36,700
But I could endure
the courtship of a soulmate.
539
00:29:40,982 --> 00:29:42,018
Appreciate it, thank you.
540
00:29:42,382 --> 00:29:43,896
Good. Good boy.
541
00:29:44,222 --> 00:29:47,693
In fact, the perfect soulmate for me
might very well be Miss Suzie Quince
542
00:29:48,142 --> 00:29:49,178
sitting right there.
543
00:29:49,942 --> 00:29:51,058
You... you know her name?
544
00:29:51,142 --> 00:29:52,098
I move like the wind.
545
00:29:52,182 --> 00:29:54,299
- You mean you met her already?
- At a taco truck.
546
00:29:54,382 --> 00:29:55,498
You liar.
547
00:29:55,582 --> 00:29:57,255
Her dog's name is Romeo.
548
00:29:58,822 --> 00:29:59,733
Romeo?
549
00:30:02,262 --> 00:30:06,097
Well, I think Romeo is precisely
what she's looking for tonight.
550
00:30:06,182 --> 00:30:08,697
Santa from the southern hemisphere.
551
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:13,852
If she falls for a drunk Santa Claus,
I've badly misjudged her character.
552
00:30:15,422 --> 00:30:16,378
Watch this.
553
00:30:18,142 --> 00:30:19,337
And I'm not drunk.
554
00:30:24,542 --> 00:30:25,419
Hi.
555
00:30:26,662 --> 00:30:27,573
Hi.
556
00:30:28,222 --> 00:30:31,977
My name is St. Nicholas.
You can call me Nick.
557
00:30:32,702 --> 00:30:33,613
Susan.
558
00:30:34,622 --> 00:30:38,616
I was just... I was just doing
some Christmas tree lighting and stuff
559
00:30:38,702 --> 00:30:40,773
with some people who needed some joy.
560
00:30:41,342 --> 00:30:43,937
Well, I guess a half-wit Santa
who does kind deeds
561
00:30:44,062 --> 00:30:45,576
for lonely people can't do much harm.
562
00:30:45,982 --> 00:30:47,735
Then I'll take that
as an invitation.
563
00:30:49,742 --> 00:30:52,132
Here we are. Christmas season.
564
00:30:53,222 --> 00:30:54,178
Nobody's home.
565
00:30:54,942 --> 00:30:56,979
Family long gone. Kids far away.
566
00:30:57,382 --> 00:31:00,420
Is there a husband lurking around?
567
00:31:01,022 --> 00:31:02,342
- Hm?
- No.
568
00:31:03,582 --> 00:31:05,460
- First one flew the coop.
- Ah!
569
00:31:05,742 --> 00:31:07,301
Got married again and I flew the coop.
570
00:31:07,942 --> 00:31:09,262
Lots of coops.
571
00:31:09,822 --> 00:31:11,859
- So, you'll never try it again?
- Mm-mm.
572
00:31:13,102 --> 00:31:15,094
I decided my final marriage
would be to my job.
573
00:31:16,342 --> 00:31:17,458
That's kind of sad.
574
00:31:17,902 --> 00:31:20,053
It's focused. It's not sad.
575
00:31:22,742 --> 00:31:24,540
You look... sad.
576
00:31:27,022 --> 00:31:29,253
Well, I've been sent here on business
577
00:31:29,342 --> 00:31:31,061
to fire someone before the year is out
578
00:31:31,662 --> 00:31:33,415
during the Christmas season, so...
579
00:31:34,382 --> 00:31:38,422
Well, if a guy is not up to the task,
the quicker you do it, the better, right?
580
00:31:38,502 --> 00:31:40,459
Mm... Yeah.
581
00:31:40,542 --> 00:31:42,101
Season's greetings. Clean out your desk.
582
00:31:43,182 --> 00:31:44,218
That's not so easy.
583
00:31:46,702 --> 00:31:48,261
But at least the music cheers me up.
584
00:31:48,542 --> 00:31:52,013
I love Johnny Mathis.
I have all 42 of his albums.
585
00:31:52,102 --> 00:31:53,616
- Really?
- All 42.
586
00:31:54,382 --> 00:31:55,816
Johnny is a good friend of mine.
587
00:31:56,142 --> 00:31:58,020
- Come on!
- No, really.
588
00:31:58,102 --> 00:31:59,422
You know Johnny Mathis?
589
00:31:59,942 --> 00:32:01,058
We're practically brothers.
590
00:32:01,502 --> 00:32:06,861
You know, your hair shines like the shun.
591
00:32:07,142 --> 00:32:08,053
The "shun"?
592
00:32:08,222 --> 00:32:10,896
You know, big-ass ball
that rises in the East,
593
00:32:11,542 --> 00:32:14,899
- sets in the San Bernardino mountains.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
594
00:32:14,982 --> 00:32:16,132
- You know something?
- Huh?
595
00:32:16,222 --> 00:32:17,497
- Santa Claus...
- Hey.
596
00:32:18,182 --> 00:32:19,935
I think we need to go. Let this young lady
597
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:21,376
- have some time to herself.
- Thank you.
598
00:32:21,462 --> 00:32:22,498
This is Leo.
599
00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:24,974
- Leo is my buddy.
- Hello, Leo.
600
00:32:25,062 --> 00:32:26,416
Gentleman and a scholar.
601
00:32:26,502 --> 00:32:27,982
I gotta get you outta here, man.
You're drunk.
602
00:32:28,302 --> 00:32:30,180
- I'm not drunk, Leo.
- I know.
603
00:32:30,262 --> 00:32:31,378
- Just overserved.
- Come on.
604
00:32:31,502 --> 00:32:33,459
- Okay, come on.
- I'll see you later.
605
00:32:33,822 --> 00:32:35,654
I appreciate the intervention,
thank you.
606
00:32:39,222 --> 00:32:40,542
Yeah, good boy.
607
00:32:44,102 --> 00:32:49,780
You know, I ever tell you
what a gentleman and a scholar you are?
608
00:32:49,862 --> 00:32:51,376
Yeah, you did. You did.
609
00:32:51,462 --> 00:32:53,021
Get your ass in the truck.
610
00:32:53,102 --> 00:32:54,661
Watch my knees.
611
00:32:54,982 --> 00:32:56,496
They're old knees.
612
00:32:56,862 --> 00:32:58,091
Thank you, partner.
613
00:33:01,382 --> 00:33:02,532
Thank you.
614
00:33:03,702 --> 00:33:04,818
My friend.
615
00:33:12,422 --> 00:33:16,575
Leo... You are a very mysterious man.
616
00:33:16,662 --> 00:33:18,381
I just play my cards close, that's all.
617
00:33:18,742 --> 00:33:22,895
No, I mean...
I mean, I mean you're easy to talk to.
618
00:33:23,662 --> 00:33:24,573
Hm?
619
00:33:25,302 --> 00:33:30,331
And I got a big secret. Ginormous secret.
620
00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:32,979
- You wanna hear it?
- No, not really, no.
621
00:33:33,062 --> 00:33:34,416
Seriously, Leo.
622
00:33:34,942 --> 00:33:36,581
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
623
00:33:37,142 --> 00:33:38,292
You're not a serious man.
624
00:33:38,382 --> 00:33:39,862
A serious man would
not have behaved himself
625
00:33:39,942 --> 00:33:41,820
in front of Miss Suzie Quince
the way you did.
626
00:33:42,222 --> 00:33:43,133
What?
627
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:49,658
You're just jealous
because she was so receptive. You...
628
00:33:50,022 --> 00:33:51,979
You are not as charming
as you think you are.
629
00:33:52,902 --> 00:33:53,813
Hey...
630
00:33:54,462 --> 00:33:56,340
agree to disagree, babe.
631
00:34:00,942 --> 00:34:03,173
- I need a cup of coffee.
- You need a new liver.
632
00:34:03,302 --> 00:34:06,022
You should have seen
what she was doin' with her eyes.
633
00:34:06,102 --> 00:34:08,014
I did. She was looking for an exit.
634
00:34:08,742 --> 00:34:12,099
♪ Silent night ♪
635
00:34:12,542 --> 00:34:15,580
♪ Holy night ♪
636
00:34:16,262 --> 00:34:19,653
♪ All is calm ♪
637
00:34:20,142 --> 00:34:23,135
♪ All is bright ♪
638
00:34:23,542 --> 00:34:26,262
♪ 'Round yon virgin... ♪
639
00:34:26,702 --> 00:34:29,297
Duke, you still rule
this one side of town.
640
00:34:29,382 --> 00:34:31,101
- Yeah.
- Kick corporate's ass.
641
00:34:31,582 --> 00:34:35,212
Leo's, uh, a pretty good guy.
642
00:34:35,302 --> 00:34:36,258
To the status quo.
643
00:34:36,342 --> 00:34:38,698
The way we've always done things.
644
00:34:38,782 --> 00:34:39,932
- Status quo.
- Duke.
645
00:34:40,022 --> 00:34:41,172
- What?
- Boss is here.
646
00:34:41,582 --> 00:34:43,096
The hell are you talkin' about?
I'm the boss.
647
00:34:43,182 --> 00:34:45,458
I mean, the regional director.
648
00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,376
Oh, yeah. Send his sorry-ass in.
649
00:34:56,662 --> 00:34:57,857
Hello,
650
00:34:57,982 --> 00:35:00,099
I'm Suzie Quince, regional director.
651
00:35:02,222 --> 00:35:05,533
I... thought...
I thought you said you were...
652
00:35:06,382 --> 00:35:10,820
sent down here to evaluate
somebody's job performance,
653
00:35:10,902 --> 00:35:14,532
maybe fire them before the year was out?
654
00:35:14,982 --> 00:35:16,939
When you're not Santa Claus,
are you Duke Diver?
655
00:35:17,622 --> 00:35:20,217
- Probably.
- Well, when a man's not up to the task,
656
00:35:20,542 --> 00:35:22,261
it's best to get it over with quick.
657
00:35:24,742 --> 00:35:27,462
Guys, guys, why don't you go out
and practice
658
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:29,898
your shuffleboard stroke or something?
659
00:35:36,222 --> 00:35:38,179
There are many, many irregularities.
660
00:35:38,262 --> 00:35:41,175
You're damn right,
and I got one I wanna report right now.
661
00:35:41,262 --> 00:35:42,093
Please do.
662
00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:47,337
They sent us a very, very bad Santa Claus.
I wanna know who hired him.
663
00:35:47,422 --> 00:35:48,333
I did.
664
00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:49,853
I made a deal
665
00:35:49,942 --> 00:35:52,662
with a national party rental firm
to service all our outlets.
666
00:35:53,502 --> 00:35:55,221
- Our outlets?
- Yes.
667
00:35:56,022 --> 00:35:57,251
Lady, this is our home.
668
00:35:57,982 --> 00:36:00,178
We have a way of doing things
here... that work.
669
00:36:00,262 --> 00:36:02,060
This isn't your company, Mr. Diver.
670
00:36:02,142 --> 00:36:04,782
- Protocols are not being followed.
- Protocols?
671
00:36:05,382 --> 00:36:06,577
Everybody's happy here.
672
00:36:06,662 --> 00:36:09,860
Aren't you happy?
And happiness is not a condition, lady.
673
00:36:10,342 --> 00:36:12,299
- It's a choice.
- No! Okay. Well, you know what?
674
00:36:12,382 --> 00:36:14,613
I don't need your pop psychology,
Dr. Phil.
675
00:36:14,702 --> 00:36:16,978
And don't knock Dr. Phil.
He's a personal friend of mine.
676
00:36:17,342 --> 00:36:20,380
Oh, Johnny Mathis and Dr. Phil.
677
00:36:22,582 --> 00:36:24,175
You're an unhappy woman.
678
00:36:24,942 --> 00:36:26,501
And you're wrong about me.
679
00:36:26,582 --> 00:36:28,699
Well, happiness can be found
in a lot of places
680
00:36:28,822 --> 00:36:31,382
including a fine bar late at night.
681
00:36:31,822 --> 00:36:32,733
Alone?
682
00:36:33,462 --> 00:36:34,691
- Jimmy?
- Hm?
683
00:36:35,662 --> 00:36:39,576
Have the bookkeeper gather
all records, receipts, contracts,
684
00:36:39,662 --> 00:36:41,460
and have them on my desk in the morning
685
00:36:41,702 --> 00:36:45,855
along with every piece of paper
that Duke Diver ever signed.
686
00:36:46,342 --> 00:36:49,096
Uh, you want every single one?
687
00:36:49,182 --> 00:36:51,014
Every single one.
688
00:36:52,222 --> 00:36:53,815
I suppose you want a tour.
689
00:36:53,902 --> 00:36:55,461
Of the entire operation.
690
00:36:56,542 --> 00:36:57,453
Romeo.
691
00:36:58,502 --> 00:37:00,812
Oh shit!
692
00:37:06,302 --> 00:37:07,736
I think you're going to be
very impressed
693
00:37:07,862 --> 00:37:09,216
with what we have going on here.
694
00:37:12,422 --> 00:37:14,061
Oh, tango.
695
00:37:14,542 --> 00:37:15,373
Duke's idea.
696
00:37:17,222 --> 00:37:19,259
Oh, tai chi.
697
00:37:19,342 --> 00:37:20,822
Also Duke's idea.
698
00:37:23,062 --> 00:37:26,260
Now, I think you're going to be
especially impressed with this.
699
00:37:26,382 --> 00:37:28,772
- This is very important...
- This is our regular Thursday class.
700
00:37:28,862 --> 00:37:31,013
Real sex, loving sex,
701
00:37:31,102 --> 00:37:34,493
affectionate, tender, nasty, dirty sex
702
00:37:34,582 --> 00:37:37,780
still must be part of your daily
existence.
703
00:37:37,862 --> 00:37:40,582
The older we get, the better it gets.
704
00:37:43,262 --> 00:37:44,173
Duke's idea.
705
00:37:44,542 --> 00:37:45,612
Catching on.
706
00:37:45,702 --> 00:37:48,422
In defense of Mr. Diver,
this place is always packed.
707
00:37:48,502 --> 00:37:51,062
Last week we had this expert on group sex,
and he said that the...
708
00:37:51,142 --> 00:37:54,260
Oh... there's experts on that?
709
00:37:55,702 --> 00:37:56,579
Yes.
710
00:37:57,422 --> 00:37:58,856
And he was very,
711
00:37:59,982 --> 00:38:01,098
very good.
712
00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:03,733
Okay.
713
00:38:04,062 --> 00:38:06,133
I know that you feel
like you might have seen enough, but
714
00:38:06,462 --> 00:38:08,579
I promise you this place
is absolutely wonderful.
715
00:38:08,662 --> 00:38:10,255
The rocks. You can see
the rock formations.
716
00:38:10,382 --> 00:38:11,862
I don't know if you've studied geology,
717
00:38:11,942 --> 00:38:15,140
but I just, I really hope you can
come to love it here the way we all do.
718
00:38:16,262 --> 00:38:17,935
I mean, Duke is doing a great job.
719
00:38:18,022 --> 00:38:19,138
If you could just...
720
00:38:20,742 --> 00:38:22,301
It really is beautiful out here.
721
00:38:24,062 --> 00:38:24,973
Leo.
722
00:38:26,982 --> 00:38:29,417
Oh shit! Oh, this is bad.
723
00:38:29,502 --> 00:38:30,936
This is gonna be bad!
724
00:38:31,982 --> 00:38:33,336
There was some blue in there.
725
00:38:37,222 --> 00:38:38,178
That's stunning.
726
00:38:38,462 --> 00:38:39,373
Yes, you are.
727
00:38:42,462 --> 00:38:46,502
So, uh, you rescue damsels in distress,
you're a poet, and you paint.
728
00:38:46,582 --> 00:38:48,301
I'm exploring my feminine side.
729
00:38:50,702 --> 00:38:54,412
So, uh, are you friends with Duke Diver?
Seems like an odd combination.
730
00:38:54,502 --> 00:38:55,731
Friend is a very strong word.
731
00:38:58,262 --> 00:38:59,059
It's primal.
732
00:38:59,182 --> 00:39:00,662
Yeah. It is.
733
00:39:01,502 --> 00:39:03,937
Son of a bitch, what is he up to?
734
00:39:10,262 --> 00:39:12,652
I thought you said
you had to uncover enough irregularities
735
00:39:12,742 --> 00:39:14,017
so you could fire me.
736
00:39:14,782 --> 00:39:16,262
Well, I'm still reviewing the books.
737
00:39:16,342 --> 00:39:17,822
Your friend's a painter.
738
00:39:17,902 --> 00:39:18,733
Who knew?
739
00:39:18,822 --> 00:39:20,302
It's the San Jacinto mountains.
740
00:39:20,382 --> 00:39:22,533
- It's the what?
- It's the San Jacinto mountains.
741
00:39:23,942 --> 00:39:25,854
If this is the San Jacinto mountains,
742
00:39:26,182 --> 00:39:27,662
Bob Hope's house is right here.
743
00:39:27,742 --> 00:39:29,461
I'm not puttin'
Bob Hope's house in my picture.
744
00:39:29,542 --> 00:39:31,215
Thought it would make it better,
if you'd ask me.
745
00:39:31,302 --> 00:39:33,533
No. Do you see the influence of Cézanne...
746
00:39:33,622 --> 00:39:35,978
...I owe everything to Cézanne.
747
00:39:36,062 --> 00:39:39,578
Oh, I see a little more expressionism
than impressionism.
748
00:39:39,902 --> 00:39:42,292
A little bit more Kirchner than Cézanne.
749
00:39:42,382 --> 00:39:46,695
Maybe just a tiny touch
of Friedensreich Hundertwasser.
750
00:39:46,782 --> 00:39:48,501
I remind you of Friedrich Hundertwasser?
751
00:39:49,222 --> 00:39:51,418
Hm. I may have to reassess my own work.
752
00:39:51,502 --> 00:39:53,698
This is shit!
753
00:39:54,822 --> 00:39:57,815
Romeo? Romeo!
754
00:39:57,902 --> 00:39:59,814
Oh, no, no!
755
00:40:01,942 --> 00:40:02,853
Oh, God!
756
00:40:08,982 --> 00:40:09,938
Romeo!
757
00:40:10,902 --> 00:40:11,858
Thank you.
758
00:40:12,982 --> 00:40:16,578
Oh, Leo, thank you.
759
00:40:16,662 --> 00:40:18,813
Oh, Romeo. Thank you so much.
760
00:40:18,902 --> 00:40:20,814
Hop in the truck
and I will take you to the vet.
761
00:40:20,902 --> 00:40:21,813
Oh, Leo!
762
00:40:22,662 --> 00:40:23,732
Mr. Hero.
763
00:40:34,102 --> 00:40:36,492
There. Bob Hope's house.
764
00:40:37,742 --> 00:40:40,257
Looks better. It's not that damn hard.
765
00:40:40,782 --> 00:40:44,412
I have sad news
to report to the Villa Capri family today.
766
00:40:44,902 --> 00:40:48,896
Mike Shank in villa 68
had a massive coronary
767
00:40:48,982 --> 00:40:51,542
late last night while I was visiting.
768
00:40:52,502 --> 00:40:54,698
My presence was a total coincidence.
769
00:40:54,902 --> 00:40:57,656
Great, fellas. This is great.
This is your finest work.
770
00:40:58,022 --> 00:40:59,092
Hey, where you been, boss?
771
00:40:59,182 --> 00:41:02,539
Miss Quince.
She wants my neck and Leo's bed.
772
00:41:03,382 --> 00:41:04,498
Well, what you gonna do?
773
00:41:04,582 --> 00:41:05,493
This is war!
774
00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:10,211
Everything I've worked for at Villa Capri,
everything I've built is at stake.
775
00:41:10,582 --> 00:41:12,221
And if the corporation takes over,
776
00:41:12,302 --> 00:41:14,737
our very way of life disappears,
gentlemen.
777
00:41:15,062 --> 00:41:16,621
Miss Quince is evil.
778
00:41:16,982 --> 00:41:19,975
- She is evil, but she's hot.
- What you gonna do, boss?
779
00:41:20,982 --> 00:41:24,817
I'm gonna use my legendary charm,
if I may be so humble...
780
00:41:25,302 --> 00:41:27,021
- Mm-hm.
- And seduce her.
781
00:41:27,942 --> 00:41:29,934
Give her a bit of the old je ne sais quoi.
782
00:41:30,022 --> 00:41:31,217
That's Spanish, right?
783
00:41:31,822 --> 00:41:34,735
I'm gonna take the corporate starch
outta that woman's knickers.
784
00:41:34,822 --> 00:41:35,812
She deserves it.
785
00:41:35,902 --> 00:41:38,622
And if there's anybody can do it,
it's you, Duke.
786
00:41:38,702 --> 00:41:41,376
But first, Leo McKay.
787
00:41:41,462 --> 00:41:42,373
Mm-hm.
788
00:41:42,862 --> 00:41:43,852
I gotta take him down.
789
00:41:43,942 --> 00:41:45,296
- Oh!
- Take him down?
790
00:42:04,462 --> 00:42:06,215
Tie his hind legs together
with a pickin' string
791
00:42:06,302 --> 00:42:08,533
so he doesn't scratch those stitches out.
792
00:42:08,982 --> 00:42:12,692
- Uh, pickin' string?
- Yarn. It's soft, a knitting yarn.
793
00:42:12,782 --> 00:42:16,332
Oh, well, thanks. Thank you so much.
I really appreciate it.
794
00:42:16,462 --> 00:42:18,852
I have to get back
and do the company survey.
795
00:42:18,942 --> 00:42:21,741
You take your work seriously
and I respect that.
796
00:42:22,822 --> 00:42:25,417
Yeah. Thank you again. I so appreciate it.
797
00:42:25,502 --> 00:42:26,413
Yes, ma'am.
798
00:42:38,622 --> 00:42:39,533
Now what?
799
00:42:40,302 --> 00:42:41,372
Renaissance Man.
800
00:42:45,142 --> 00:42:46,053
What else do you do?
801
00:42:46,822 --> 00:42:48,654
I'm on a journey of self-discovery
and exploration...
802
00:42:48,742 --> 00:42:50,017
Oh, shut up!
803
00:42:56,062 --> 00:42:58,736
Villa Capri is not big enough
for both of us, Leo.
804
00:42:59,342 --> 00:43:00,662
If you wanna do somethin' about that,
805
00:43:00,742 --> 00:43:02,938
I'll beat you the best of five
of anything ever invented.
806
00:43:04,302 --> 00:43:06,021
Game room. One hour.
807
00:43:06,662 --> 00:43:08,301
- I'm not getting fired because you...
- Make the call.
808
00:43:08,382 --> 00:43:09,293
...forgot to make the call.
809
00:43:09,382 --> 00:43:10,657
No! I don't care if they call you...
810
00:43:10,742 --> 00:43:12,096
- Oh, good! We're all here.
- Hey!
811
00:43:12,422 --> 00:43:14,493
Time to sharpen the knives,
circle the wagons,
812
00:43:14,582 --> 00:43:16,653
- pull up our bootstraps and buckle down.
- Hey.
813
00:43:16,742 --> 00:43:18,222
It's all here, Miss Quince.
814
00:43:18,302 --> 00:43:19,816
Great. Okay.
815
00:43:20,422 --> 00:43:23,620
So, when exactly does Duke get petty cash?
816
00:43:26,622 --> 00:43:29,581
Wh... whenever he asks for it.
I... I just go and...
817
00:43:30,062 --> 00:43:31,655
Whenever he asks for it?
818
00:43:32,982 --> 00:43:36,612
You know what?
This company is not his personal ATM.
819
00:43:36,702 --> 00:43:38,819
Look, Duke is an honorable man.
820
00:43:38,902 --> 00:43:41,497
I'm sure you're not going
to find anything that... whoa!
821
00:43:41,582 --> 00:43:42,902
Hm, my God!
822
00:43:43,382 --> 00:43:46,420
Honorable. What do you call these?
823
00:43:46,902 --> 00:43:48,131
Size 14, lots of fun.
824
00:43:48,622 --> 00:43:49,692
You want to audit those, too?
825
00:43:50,662 --> 00:43:52,062
You know what? I just might.
826
00:43:53,502 --> 00:43:58,702
Miss Quince will never fall for your...
transparent... dishonor.
827
00:43:58,782 --> 00:44:02,298
My dishonor, I'll have you know,
is not transparent.
828
00:44:14,622 --> 00:44:16,932
- I wonder if he could lift me like that.
- Oh, my...
829
00:44:18,862 --> 00:44:20,501
- In my trap.
- I counter!
830
00:44:26,742 --> 00:44:29,576
This ain't in your wheelhouse, boss.
831
00:44:29,662 --> 00:44:31,574
- Don't go there.
- What do you mean, "Don't go there"?
832
00:44:31,662 --> 00:44:34,336
Your mama said don't go there last night!
833
00:44:35,342 --> 00:44:37,299
- Checkmate!
- Oh!
834
00:44:41,702 --> 00:44:42,977
Oh!
835
00:44:50,102 --> 00:44:51,661
I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it!
836
00:44:53,222 --> 00:44:54,497
- You've got it?
- You got it?
837
00:44:54,582 --> 00:44:56,335
- You got it! You...
- Got it!
838
00:44:57,342 --> 00:44:58,571
- You don't got it.
- Take it.
839
00:44:58,662 --> 00:45:01,018
Take it, take it, take it!
840
00:45:01,982 --> 00:45:03,655
The score is tied, Mr. Diver.
841
00:45:03,742 --> 00:45:05,734
Choose your game to finish this.
842
00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:08,453
Limbo!
843
00:45:08,542 --> 00:45:09,976
- Limbo!
- Wow!
844
00:45:10,062 --> 00:45:11,132
Oh, we got him!
845
00:45:11,262 --> 00:45:12,742
I said stop that!
846
00:45:13,542 --> 00:45:14,532
You first.
847
00:45:20,742 --> 00:45:22,301
He can do it, he can do it!
848
00:45:28,942 --> 00:45:30,899
This is bullshit!
849
00:45:31,942 --> 00:45:35,014
I'll take that as a pass.
850
00:45:35,462 --> 00:45:36,862
Music!
851
00:46:19,622 --> 00:46:20,692
Disqualification!
852
00:46:20,782 --> 00:46:23,251
His knees touched the ground.
I'm starting a protest!
853
00:46:31,542 --> 00:46:33,932
Meet me in your office
tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock.
854
00:46:34,742 --> 00:46:35,573
Sharp.
855
00:46:41,662 --> 00:46:44,814
♪ You, me and a Christmas tree ♪
856
00:46:45,422 --> 00:46:48,017
♪ Is all I want this year ♪
857
00:46:48,822 --> 00:46:52,338
♪ Just me, you and a tree will do ♪
858
00:46:53,062 --> 00:46:55,577
♪ Oh, just to have you near ♪
859
00:46:56,382 --> 00:46:59,580
♪ Beneath the twinkling lights ♪
860
00:47:00,142 --> 00:47:02,896
♪ And shiny colored balls ♪
861
00:47:03,622 --> 00:47:06,581
♪ We'll make our holiday delight ♪
862
00:47:07,742 --> 00:47:09,813
♪ While little pine needles fall ♪
863
00:47:12,702 --> 00:47:13,738
Well, he's late.
864
00:47:14,182 --> 00:47:16,094
That is very unusual.
865
00:47:16,182 --> 00:47:17,502
Duke is very punctual.
866
00:47:18,542 --> 00:47:21,296
Jimmy, Ginger, why don't you guys
take the morning off?
867
00:47:22,222 --> 00:47:24,373
Why don't you not
and just sit right there.
868
00:47:24,462 --> 00:47:26,977
- This is business.
- Oh, come on. A little bit of the bubbly.
869
00:47:27,062 --> 00:47:28,860
Oh, no, that's not appropriate.
870
00:47:30,422 --> 00:47:32,493
Maison de Chocolat...
871
00:47:33,822 --> 00:47:35,336
Come on. Try it.
872
00:47:36,502 --> 00:47:39,097
This... this is about receipts and
873
00:47:39,782 --> 00:47:40,579
and contracts.
874
00:47:40,702 --> 00:47:42,534
Oh, it's nutty and dark.
875
00:47:42,662 --> 00:47:45,734
Maybe I'll take...
I'll take a couple for later.
876
00:47:46,262 --> 00:47:47,093
Thank you.
877
00:47:47,182 --> 00:47:49,094
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Good, good, good.
878
00:47:49,182 --> 00:47:52,380
- Now, it, it, it all adds up.
- Oh, no. It doesn't.
879
00:47:52,982 --> 00:47:54,860
Two thousand dollars for camel rental.
880
00:47:56,942 --> 00:47:59,502
How do you think the Three Wise Men
got to Bethlehem?
881
00:48:00,142 --> 00:48:02,737
What does Palm Springs
have to do with Bethlehem?
882
00:48:02,822 --> 00:48:04,734
Bethlehem was just like this.
883
00:48:05,502 --> 00:48:09,462
Palm trees, warm breezes,
people walkin' around in shirtsleeves.
884
00:48:09,542 --> 00:48:13,934
Not this snow-covered bullshit
dreamed up by Hallmark Cards.
885
00:48:14,022 --> 00:48:15,138
I like the snow.
886
00:48:15,662 --> 00:48:18,939
Would you deprive the residents
of Villa Capri of their dromedaries?
887
00:48:19,022 --> 00:48:20,820
Are you a dromedary depriver?
888
00:48:20,902 --> 00:48:22,222
Okay, forget the camels.
889
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:27,174
The Gentlemen's Club.
Dancers. Right there. Dancers.
890
00:48:27,262 --> 00:48:29,174
Yeah. Well, they were strippers.
891
00:48:29,262 --> 00:48:31,015
Oh, I knew it!
892
00:48:31,102 --> 00:48:32,616
No, no! No, no, no! They were sweet.
893
00:48:32,702 --> 00:48:36,821
They were... they were sweet.
They made the men feel young and virile.
894
00:48:37,062 --> 00:48:39,019
Even taught the ladies
a couple of tricks, and...
895
00:48:39,102 --> 00:48:40,741
- and I can vouch for that.
- Ew.
896
00:48:41,982 --> 00:48:43,211
Golf clubs.
897
00:48:43,302 --> 00:48:45,055
Personal. Fourteen hundred dollars.
898
00:48:45,182 --> 00:48:47,651
Probably brought in
about a million dollars' worth of business
899
00:48:48,262 --> 00:48:51,255
hosting potential buyers
on the golf course.
900
00:48:51,542 --> 00:48:52,373
- Duke...
- Hm?
901
00:48:52,462 --> 00:48:54,215
It's the corporation's petty cash.
902
00:48:55,262 --> 00:48:57,140
You are apparently unfamiliar
903
00:48:57,262 --> 00:49:01,734
with US Tax Codes special addendum 44,
parts three and seven
904
00:49:02,302 --> 00:49:06,182
which define explicitly those,
and I quote,
905
00:49:06,542 --> 00:49:10,092
"reasonable expenses pertaining
to a business's ongoing operation."
906
00:49:10,502 --> 00:49:13,017
- Subparagraph 12, "whereas in the..."
- Stop it!
907
00:49:16,582 --> 00:49:17,493
Okay.
908
00:49:17,982 --> 00:49:20,292
Just... want to know,
909
00:49:21,182 --> 00:49:23,742
are you keeping your heart open for me
like I am for you?
910
00:49:23,822 --> 00:49:26,382
Um, Duke? I don't even know who you are.
911
00:49:26,862 --> 00:49:29,775
Actually, I can't even find
you in the national corporate database.
912
00:49:33,062 --> 00:49:35,975
Oh, well, basically,
if I don't exist, what?
913
00:49:36,062 --> 00:49:39,100
- Does that mean we're finished?
- No, we haven't even started.
914
00:49:40,462 --> 00:49:43,899
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Anyway, I... I gotta go and get ready
915
00:49:43,982 --> 00:49:45,462
- for the big Christmas Eve party.
- Wh... wh...
916
00:49:45,542 --> 00:49:49,741
And have I got a surprise for you!
917
00:49:52,262 --> 00:49:53,378
I don't want a surprise.
918
00:49:54,702 --> 00:49:57,297
- I'm sure it's very nice.
- You shut up!
919
00:50:01,022 --> 00:50:02,615
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
920
00:50:02,702 --> 00:50:04,773
we invite you to please
put your hands together
921
00:50:04,862 --> 00:50:09,698
and give it up
for our beloved leader, Duke Diver.
922
00:50:09,782 --> 00:50:11,102
Hello, everybody.
923
00:50:17,582 --> 00:50:18,902
Merry Christmas!
924
00:50:20,422 --> 00:50:23,415
Mer-ry Christmas!
925
00:50:23,502 --> 00:50:24,902
And I'm saying it like that
926
00:50:24,982 --> 00:50:27,099
because this is really
a special Christmas today,
927
00:50:27,182 --> 00:50:32,052
and I think this is going to be one
you will remember far into your future
928
00:50:32,142 --> 00:50:33,462
which I hope is very long.
929
00:50:34,822 --> 00:50:40,454
But this Christmas is uh, very special
to me because I want to dedicate it.
930
00:50:40,942 --> 00:50:42,740
I want to dedicate it
to a very special lady.
931
00:50:42,822 --> 00:50:45,701
Her name is Miss Suzie Quince,
wherever she is.
932
00:50:46,342 --> 00:50:48,015
There she is!
933
00:50:48,102 --> 00:50:50,901
Miss Quince,
would you mind stepping forward
934
00:50:50,982 --> 00:50:52,177
so we know who you are?
935
00:50:53,182 --> 00:50:55,219
Please, just a couple of steps forward.
936
00:50:56,342 --> 00:50:58,095
Here she is, ladies and gentlemen.
937
00:50:58,582 --> 00:50:59,493
Hi.
938
00:50:59,582 --> 00:51:03,735
On this special day
in this special season, Susan,
939
00:51:04,422 --> 00:51:06,334
I'm dedicating this one to you.
940
00:51:07,342 --> 00:51:08,696
Ladies and gentlemen,
941
00:51:09,782 --> 00:51:11,057
Johnny Mathis!
942
00:51:15,782 --> 00:51:17,535
- Holy shit! Did you see that?
- Atta boy, Dukie!
943
00:51:17,622 --> 00:51:18,772
You did it again!
944
00:51:18,862 --> 00:51:21,536
It's good to see you, my friend.
Welcome, welcome.
945
00:51:21,902 --> 00:51:23,382
I'll be on the piano for you.
946
00:51:23,702 --> 00:51:24,613
This is gonna go well.
947
00:51:24,942 --> 00:51:28,060
Okay. Thank you. Hi, guys. All right.
948
00:51:35,422 --> 00:51:39,382
♪ Sleigh bells ring are ya listenin' ♪
949
00:51:39,822 --> 00:51:43,338
♪ In the lane snow is glistenin' ♪
950
00:51:44,022 --> 00:51:47,379
♪ A beautiful sight we're happy tonight ♪
951
00:51:47,982 --> 00:51:50,861
♪ Walkin' in a winter wonderland... ♪
952
00:51:50,942 --> 00:51:52,501
I'm walkin', baby.
953
00:51:52,982 --> 00:51:58,774
Does Roberta have a little Beyoncé
thing goin' on tonight or am I hammered?
954
00:51:58,862 --> 00:52:01,422
Well, she does, but you are hammered.
955
00:52:01,502 --> 00:52:02,379
Put a ring on it.
956
00:52:02,462 --> 00:52:03,373
Boys...
957
00:52:04,062 --> 00:52:06,622
boys, it's time to make our move.
958
00:52:07,022 --> 00:52:11,221
Ms. Marguerite. You and me?
959
00:52:11,302 --> 00:52:14,022
♪ Then pretend that he is ♪
♪ Parson Brown ♪
960
00:52:15,462 --> 00:52:16,657
Come on.
961
00:52:18,822 --> 00:52:20,461
♪ But you can do the job ♪
♪ When you're in town ♪
962
00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:21,737
I see you.
963
00:52:22,382 --> 00:52:29,095
♪ Later on we'll conspire ♪
♪ As we dream by the fire ♪
964
00:52:30,462 --> 00:52:33,819
♪ To face unafraid ♪
♪ The plans that we made ♪
965
00:52:34,342 --> 00:52:37,380
♪ Walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪
966
00:52:40,622 --> 00:52:44,616
♪ Over the ground lies a mantle of white ♪
967
00:52:45,302 --> 00:52:50,058
♪ A heaven of diamonds ♪
♪ Shine down through the night ♪
968
00:52:51,262 --> 00:52:53,174
Miss Quince, may I have
the pleasure of this dance?
969
00:52:53,262 --> 00:52:54,662
Yes, absolutely.
970
00:52:55,782 --> 00:52:58,775
♪ When it snows ♪
971
00:52:58,862 --> 00:52:59,898
Oh, you're good!
972
00:53:00,262 --> 00:53:01,491
Oh, I'm not that good,
973
00:53:01,582 --> 00:53:04,142
- I just try real hard.
- Yes you are, you're really good.
974
00:53:04,222 --> 00:53:07,499
I've gotta tell ya,
you're light on your feet.
975
00:53:07,582 --> 00:53:11,622
♪ We'll frolic and play ♪
♪ The Eskimo way ♪
976
00:53:12,582 --> 00:53:14,858
Excuse me, excuse me.
Excuse me, excuse me.
977
00:53:14,942 --> 00:53:16,695
- My turn.
- Have some respect for the lady.
978
00:53:16,782 --> 00:53:19,661
- Gentlemen, gentlemen.
- There's only one gentleman here.
979
00:53:19,902 --> 00:53:21,256
Stop the music!
980
00:53:22,462 --> 00:53:24,181
You makin' a fool of yourself, Duke.
981
00:53:25,422 --> 00:53:26,742
I'm callin' your hand.
982
00:53:26,822 --> 00:53:31,453
We're gonna play
18 holes of golf, right?
983
00:53:32,022 --> 00:53:33,536
Winner...
984
00:53:35,982 --> 00:53:38,178
- Christmas morning.
- Bring your A-game.
985
00:53:38,262 --> 00:53:41,812
A-game?
I'm gonna kick your ass with one hand!
986
00:53:44,062 --> 00:53:44,859
Oh, no.
987
00:53:51,182 --> 00:53:52,980
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
988
00:53:53,062 --> 00:53:55,258
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
989
00:53:55,822 --> 00:53:57,859
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
990
00:53:57,942 --> 00:54:00,741
♪ Laughing all the way ha-ha-ha ♪
991
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:02,859
♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪
992
00:54:06,102 --> 00:54:08,856
It's madness. It's all madness.
993
00:54:15,582 --> 00:54:17,460
Leo can play for real.
994
00:54:17,542 --> 00:54:18,817
It doesn't matter. We got your back, boss.
995
00:54:18,902 --> 00:54:21,622
Yeah, even if you're outta bounds,
I got the foot mashie going.
996
00:54:21,702 --> 00:54:25,013
And I got a hole in my pocket
and a half dozen extra balls.
997
00:54:26,182 --> 00:54:28,572
And I got a short game.
998
00:54:28,662 --> 00:54:30,062
We got you rigged to win!
999
00:54:30,142 --> 00:54:31,542
Ah, we got you covered.
1000
00:54:31,622 --> 00:54:32,817
I wouldn't even worry about it.
1001
00:54:32,902 --> 00:54:34,655
Cowboy and the playboy.
1002
00:54:34,782 --> 00:54:36,580
- I got my money on the playboy.
- All right, all right.
1003
00:54:36,982 --> 00:54:37,859
Ladies and gentlemen,
1004
00:54:37,942 --> 00:54:41,492
this morning's contest
will be 18 holes of match play golf
1005
00:54:42,022 --> 00:54:46,175
between Mr. Diver and Mr. McKay,
according to official USGA rules.
1006
00:54:46,262 --> 00:54:48,618
Now, I just wanna say before we begin
1007
00:54:48,702 --> 00:54:51,262
that even though
there can only be one winner...
1008
00:54:51,382 --> 00:54:53,339
Oh, shut up!
I think I have the honors here.
1009
00:54:53,542 --> 00:54:54,373
- Yep.
- Oh,
1010
00:54:54,462 --> 00:54:55,373
we're starting to kick it now!
1011
00:55:01,502 --> 00:55:02,856
Oh!
1012
00:55:02,942 --> 00:55:04,137
Son of a bitch!
1013
00:55:04,342 --> 00:55:06,140
Holy!
1014
00:55:07,342 --> 00:55:09,140
All right, baby!
1015
00:55:09,222 --> 00:55:10,895
All right, Duke. Have at it.
1016
00:55:11,622 --> 00:55:13,659
Show us what you got.
Come on, let it rip.
1017
00:55:13,742 --> 00:55:14,653
Quiet, please!
1018
00:55:14,982 --> 00:55:17,417
You don't gotta tell me
to shut up. Let it rip, boss. Let it rip.
1019
00:55:18,382 --> 00:55:21,819
Leo, pay attention. One hand.
1020
00:55:23,342 --> 00:55:24,696
- One hand.
- Waggling.
1021
00:55:24,782 --> 00:55:25,693
Yes.
1022
00:55:26,342 --> 00:55:28,061
Yes! Yes!
1023
00:55:28,942 --> 00:55:30,615
Let's go! Let's go!
1024
00:55:30,942 --> 00:55:33,582
Ow! That's how you do it!
1025
00:55:33,662 --> 00:55:35,460
Right down the fairway!
1026
00:55:40,182 --> 00:55:41,582
- Yes!
- Uh-huh.
1027
00:55:55,662 --> 00:55:57,858
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Feelin' it!
1028
00:56:03,142 --> 00:56:05,373
No, no problem.
I got this, I got this.
1029
00:56:12,422 --> 00:56:13,617
Yes, Duke!
1030
00:56:20,542 --> 00:56:21,453
Settle.
1031
00:56:25,742 --> 00:56:29,497
- Damn, smoother...
- Oh, good break!
1032
00:56:44,142 --> 00:56:45,337
That ball is out of bounds.
1033
00:56:45,422 --> 00:56:46,981
- Huh?
- Out of bounds.
1034
00:56:49,062 --> 00:56:50,735
Lucky bounce. Must have hit a tree.
1035
00:56:54,022 --> 00:56:54,978
Oh!
1036
00:56:55,462 --> 00:56:56,612
Yeah, great shot,
great shot, chief!
1037
00:56:56,702 --> 00:56:57,818
All right, Duke, have at it!
1038
00:56:58,182 --> 00:57:00,014
- Oh, boy.
- You're lookin' real good.
1039
00:57:00,462 --> 00:57:03,500
Oh, cowboy, what you gonna do now, cowboy?
1040
00:57:03,582 --> 00:57:06,381
All right. This is bullshit.
1041
00:57:06,902 --> 00:57:09,098
- What you talkin' about?
- It's bullshit.
1042
00:57:09,942 --> 00:57:13,572
Are you accusing me of conduct
unbecoming a man of my reputation?
1043
00:57:13,662 --> 00:57:17,497
I am accusing you of conduct
consistent with a man of your reputation.
1044
00:57:17,582 --> 00:57:18,936
You been cheatin' all day long.
1045
00:57:20,782 --> 00:57:22,739
And if I'm keepin' the score correctly,
1046
00:57:22,822 --> 00:57:25,496
you will have to hole that ball
on that green to beat me.
1047
00:57:26,262 --> 00:57:27,173
Okay.
1048
00:57:27,702 --> 00:57:28,499
Okay.
1049
00:57:28,622 --> 00:57:29,738
You got this shot.
1050
00:57:30,662 --> 00:57:31,573
Watch this.
1051
00:57:33,862 --> 00:57:35,057
Tell you what, why don't we, uh,
1052
00:57:35,142 --> 00:57:37,099
run up here right quick
and read the green.
1053
00:57:38,142 --> 00:57:39,701
- Great thinking.
- Not so fast.
1054
00:57:40,462 --> 00:57:41,862
I don't trust you and I never will.
1055
00:57:42,182 --> 00:57:43,502
Ah, we plum-bobbing that!
1056
00:57:43,582 --> 00:57:45,335
I'm keepin' my eye on you, man,
just like a hawk.
1057
00:57:46,382 --> 00:57:47,293
God damn!
1058
00:57:47,862 --> 00:57:48,773
Oh shit! Oh shit!
1059
00:57:51,102 --> 00:57:52,058
- Everybody all right?
- Shit!
1060
00:57:52,142 --> 00:57:53,576
They found me! They found me!
1061
00:57:53,662 --> 00:57:55,062
- Everyone's okay.
- Are you okay?
1062
00:57:55,142 --> 00:57:57,259
Stay calm. Stay calm.
1063
00:57:57,342 --> 00:57:58,856
We'll have the EMS here in a minute.
1064
00:57:59,262 --> 00:58:00,173
Holy shit!
1065
00:58:00,662 --> 00:58:01,982
Probably just a gasoline leak.
1066
00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:03,462
It's an electric cart!
1067
00:58:03,542 --> 00:58:05,420
Where's my hat? Where's my hat?
1068
00:58:05,502 --> 00:58:06,379
Where you goin'?
1069
00:58:38,662 --> 00:58:39,732
You want a taste?
1070
00:58:40,182 --> 00:58:42,333
It's Leo, and I don't want a taste.
Open up.
1071
00:58:42,422 --> 00:58:43,333
Leo?
1072
00:58:50,062 --> 00:58:52,782
You forfeit. I win the golf match.
1073
00:58:52,862 --> 00:58:54,581
You can have the damn golf match.
1074
00:58:54,982 --> 00:58:56,098
Somebody wants me dead!
1075
00:58:56,182 --> 00:58:57,502
Who wants you dead? Who are you?
1076
00:58:57,902 --> 00:58:58,813
It... it's, a...
1077
00:58:59,582 --> 00:59:01,539
So, I'm the trophy for a golf match.
1078
00:59:02,622 --> 00:59:04,818
I mean, it's not the first time
men have fought over me.
1079
00:59:04,902 --> 00:59:06,655
Which one of you children is winning?
1080
00:59:06,742 --> 00:59:09,496
No, no, no.
We... we... we're not fighting over you.
1081
00:59:09,782 --> 00:59:11,262
That would be sexist and outrageous.
1082
00:59:11,342 --> 00:59:13,857
No, we're fighting
over the right to court you.
1083
00:59:13,942 --> 00:59:14,773
There's a difference?
1084
00:59:14,862 --> 00:59:17,013
These are fine distinctions that men make.
1085
00:59:17,102 --> 00:59:19,458
Yeah, yeah, we... you misunderstood.
1086
00:59:19,982 --> 00:59:22,417
We honor, praise and glorify you.
1087
00:59:22,502 --> 00:59:24,255
No criminal intent on Duke's part,
1088
00:59:24,342 --> 00:59:25,696
it's just Duke being Duke.
1089
00:59:26,062 --> 00:59:26,893
Thank you, Leo.
1090
00:59:26,982 --> 00:59:28,621
Do you men hear yourselves?
1091
00:59:28,742 --> 00:59:30,574
- No.
- Sh... should we?
1092
00:59:32,102 --> 00:59:34,378
Excuse me. I trust I've made my point.
1093
00:59:36,022 --> 00:59:39,015
Oh, by the way, did you hear a loud boom
a few minutes ago?
1094
00:59:39,342 --> 00:59:42,141
- Uh-uh.
- No, no.
1095
00:59:43,462 --> 00:59:44,373
You?
1096
00:59:44,902 --> 00:59:47,576
Corporate's up my ass
and you're both lying to me.
1097
00:59:49,062 --> 00:59:50,576
You better report this
to the county sheriff.
1098
00:59:50,662 --> 00:59:52,779
Oh, no, no. No, Leo, I beg you.
1099
00:59:52,862 --> 00:59:54,342
Don't take this to the law.
1100
00:59:55,702 --> 00:59:59,059
Leo. Leo! Leo, where you going?
1101
01:00:01,062 --> 01:00:02,860
Leo, it's not safe for me
around here anymore.
1102
01:00:02,942 --> 01:00:05,537
- You've got to get me the hell outta here.
- Why would I do that for you?
1103
01:00:06,142 --> 01:00:08,054
Because you don't want bloody chunks of me
1104
01:00:08,142 --> 01:00:10,054
raining all over Villa Capri!
1105
01:00:10,142 --> 01:00:12,054
All right, I'll get you outta here
but on one condition.
1106
01:00:12,142 --> 01:00:14,373
You tell me everything. No more bullshit.
1107
01:00:14,462 --> 01:00:16,579
Now, why would I bullshit you, Leo?
1108
01:00:16,662 --> 01:00:18,733
Okay. Bloody chunks it is.
1109
01:00:18,822 --> 01:00:22,099
Uh, okay, okay. Okay.
No... no more bullshit.
1110
01:00:23,422 --> 01:00:24,902
You blew up a golf cart?
1111
01:00:25,582 --> 01:00:26,572
And he wasn't in it?
1112
01:00:30,782 --> 01:00:33,536
No, it is not your fault.
1113
01:00:33,622 --> 01:00:36,581
Your... your... your father
never let you murder anyone.
1114
01:00:37,422 --> 01:00:42,417
No, he... he always said
that you did the best digging.
1115
01:00:42,782 --> 01:00:44,057
But sweetheart,
1116
01:00:44,662 --> 01:00:47,700
how many men did you bury
from snakebites and bombs?
1117
01:00:48,342 --> 01:00:49,492
Zero!
1118
01:00:49,862 --> 01:00:51,740
They all died from bullet holes!
1119
01:00:51,822 --> 01:00:55,896
So go get some bullets,
and do it like your father used to do it!
1120
01:01:01,702 --> 01:01:02,692
Who the hell are you?
1121
01:01:02,782 --> 01:01:04,978
My real name is William J. DuPrees.
1122
01:01:06,182 --> 01:01:09,459
I was known for many years as Sweet Willy.
1123
01:01:10,302 --> 01:01:13,500
I was chief counsel for the Bruno family.
1124
01:01:13,582 --> 01:01:14,493
Mob.
1125
01:01:14,822 --> 01:01:19,578
Until I learned that they weren't really
in the trucking business.
1126
01:01:19,662 --> 01:01:22,939
And then Feds came around
and offered me a choice.
1127
01:01:23,022 --> 01:01:25,218
- And?
- I rolled over like a trained show dog.
1128
01:01:25,702 --> 01:01:29,821
The problem was there was this crazy wife
and a crazier son, even,
1129
01:01:30,262 --> 01:01:32,333
who threatened to kill me at the trial.
1130
01:01:32,822 --> 01:01:35,974
And then when the brakes went out
on my car a week later,
1131
01:01:36,462 --> 01:01:38,294
around came the Feds again...
1132
01:01:38,382 --> 01:01:39,816
And you went into witness protection.
1133
01:01:39,902 --> 01:01:43,100
And turned it into an art form,
if I may say so myself.
1134
01:01:44,342 --> 01:01:45,332
Did you ever change your appearance?
1135
01:01:47,382 --> 01:01:48,338
And mess with this?
1136
01:01:49,222 --> 01:01:50,178
I don't think so.
1137
01:01:51,302 --> 01:01:52,179
The Feds will take care of you.
1138
01:01:52,502 --> 01:01:54,971
- Yeah! They'll relocate me.
- So what?
1139
01:01:55,622 --> 01:01:57,454
So, I don't want to be relocated!
1140
01:01:58,502 --> 01:02:00,255
I got it made at the Villa Capri.
1141
01:02:00,862 --> 01:02:03,093
Everything a man could want is there!
1142
01:02:03,182 --> 01:02:05,822
It is my vision that made it
what it is today.
1143
01:02:06,382 --> 01:02:11,821
Sex, booze, golf... and then you die.
1144
01:02:12,062 --> 01:02:13,940
Heaven's gonna be
a disappointment to you, man.
1145
01:02:14,022 --> 01:02:17,459
Come on, Leo.
Help me save what I've built.
1146
01:02:21,382 --> 01:02:22,896
- Shit!
- Nobody messes with my truck!
1147
01:02:24,062 --> 01:02:24,973
Shot my truck!
1148
01:02:25,062 --> 01:02:27,622
Oh, hell! He's tryin' to kill me
and you're worried about a truck?
1149
01:02:27,702 --> 01:02:28,613
Hang on.
1150
01:02:42,422 --> 01:02:43,333
Shit! Shit!
1151
01:02:54,022 --> 01:02:55,058
Shit!
1152
01:03:01,902 --> 01:03:04,019
Let's just regroup
and... and... and make a plan.
1153
01:03:04,102 --> 01:03:05,741
I'm gonna cut the sumbitch off.
1154
01:03:18,822 --> 01:03:21,894
- This is a really bad idea, Leo.
- Watch this.
1155
01:03:26,622 --> 01:03:29,581
Nice work, Leo.
Glad I didn't blink.
1156
01:03:31,382 --> 01:03:33,021
Damn it.
1157
01:03:37,542 --> 01:03:41,855
This is my brand-new, F-150, 4x4,
1158
01:03:41,942 --> 01:03:47,142
ruby red, extended cab,
custom bedliner truck!
1159
01:03:50,302 --> 01:03:53,500
I guess we're going to have to inform
Miss Quince of these developments.
1160
01:03:53,582 --> 01:03:56,142
Yeah. Her job's at stake.
1161
01:04:06,622 --> 01:04:08,295
You got a special feelin' for her,
don't you?
1162
01:04:08,742 --> 01:04:10,301
From the moment I first saw her,
1163
01:04:10,382 --> 01:04:12,214
there was something
about Miss Suzie Quince
1164
01:04:12,302 --> 01:04:14,862
that got the hair
on the back of my neck standing up.
1165
01:04:16,502 --> 01:04:17,458
Nothin' finer.
1166
01:04:18,062 --> 01:04:20,338
In the whole wide world than a good woman.
1167
01:04:20,982 --> 01:04:23,292
I dig the female species...
1168
01:04:23,382 --> 01:04:24,816
Smells sweeter than a honeysuckle.
1169
01:04:24,902 --> 01:04:27,701
Smarter than hell, firm as a biscuit.
1170
01:04:28,062 --> 01:04:28,973
Firm as a biscuit?
1171
01:04:29,262 --> 01:04:31,982
Biscuit, fresh out of the oven.
1172
01:04:32,302 --> 01:04:36,421
Oh, yeah. Butter melting.
1173
01:04:37,342 --> 01:04:39,698
- You see my point.
- Ah, yes, indeed.
1174
01:04:40,342 --> 01:04:45,178
The sun, the moon, and the stars, Leo.
That's what a good woman is to me.
1175
01:04:45,262 --> 01:04:51,736
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
1176
01:04:52,302 --> 01:04:58,856
♪ Peace on Earth and mercy mild ♪
♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪
1177
01:05:02,302 --> 01:05:03,213
Go on.
1178
01:05:04,342 --> 01:05:05,173
What goes next?
1179
01:05:07,822 --> 01:05:08,733
With.
1180
01:05:09,702 --> 01:05:11,022
What is it? With...
1181
01:05:11,822 --> 01:05:13,302
Romantic joy proclaim?
1182
01:05:14,142 --> 01:05:15,258
Proclaim.
1183
01:05:15,702 --> 01:05:18,854
♪ Christ was born in Bethlehem ♪
1184
01:05:19,422 --> 01:05:22,460
♪ Hark! the herald angels sing ♪
1185
01:05:22,702 --> 01:05:27,413
♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪
1186
01:05:29,302 --> 01:05:32,136
You had a rifle and a scope
and you missed him?
1187
01:05:33,782 --> 01:05:36,342
Oh, Oscar,
just stop trying to kill him.
1188
01:05:36,422 --> 01:05:37,902
Just bring him to me and I'll do it.
1189
01:05:46,022 --> 01:05:48,457
Why am I not surprised
you're in witness protection
1190
01:05:48,582 --> 01:05:49,811
and somebody's trying to kill you?
1191
01:05:50,302 --> 01:05:52,498
- Yep, that's him. Yeah.
- The animal guy, right there.
1192
01:05:52,942 --> 01:05:55,935
Sheep. Camels.
Did they have a snake? Probably.
1193
01:05:57,022 --> 01:05:59,059
I thought he looked vaguely familiar.
1194
01:05:59,942 --> 01:06:01,137
Now I recognize him.
1195
01:06:01,702 --> 01:06:04,820
That's Oscar Bruno,
one of the mob boss's sons.
1196
01:06:05,582 --> 01:06:07,653
He could have
just knocked on your door and shot you.
1197
01:06:07,742 --> 01:06:09,938
Surveillance cameras.
He didn't wanna be ID'd.
1198
01:06:10,062 --> 01:06:12,531
No. He figured he could just come
and go with the animals.
1199
01:06:14,982 --> 01:06:16,780
Leo wants to turn me over to the Feds.
1200
01:06:17,982 --> 01:06:19,575
Oh, God! No, please.
1201
01:06:20,022 --> 01:06:23,652
Tell the police, and suddenly
the Villa Capri is crawling with cops!
1202
01:06:23,782 --> 01:06:26,854
I mean, can't you just, like,
track him down?
1203
01:06:26,942 --> 01:06:28,012
He's a bad guy. Just...
1204
01:06:28,702 --> 01:06:31,376
you know, snuff him out
like way off the radar.
1205
01:06:31,462 --> 01:06:34,022
I don't snuff people out,
off or on the radar.
1206
01:06:34,342 --> 01:06:35,856
Oh, God. I know.
1207
01:06:37,542 --> 01:06:39,898
Okay, guys, look, I... I have a confession.
1208
01:06:41,102 --> 01:06:44,459
The last couple times corporate sent me
to fix a problem,
1209
01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:47,501
something crazy happened.
Things got worse.
1210
01:06:48,622 --> 01:06:52,741
I'm starting to like this place,
but I'm on a short leash here.
1211
01:06:53,222 --> 01:06:55,532
If this gets public,
it could cost me my job.
1212
01:06:56,822 --> 01:06:59,382
Please... Leo...
1213
01:06:59,462 --> 01:07:01,294
And, he shot your damn truck.
1214
01:07:01,742 --> 01:07:03,938
- Hmm.
- He shot your truck?
1215
01:07:04,382 --> 01:07:07,853
You're both right.
We're goin' after this guy.
1216
01:07:08,422 --> 01:07:09,378
Yes!
1217
01:07:19,222 --> 01:07:20,542
What the hell is this about?
1218
01:07:20,622 --> 01:07:23,660
He knows my new truck,
but he doesn't know this shitty van.
1219
01:07:23,742 --> 01:07:25,973
Oh.
1220
01:07:26,502 --> 01:07:27,538
That's clever.
1221
01:07:28,182 --> 01:07:30,902
I think you and I could become
cherished friends, Leo.
1222
01:07:30,982 --> 01:07:31,893
Shut up.
1223
01:08:04,582 --> 01:08:05,982
Fit perfect in a golf bag.
1224
01:08:06,582 --> 01:08:07,493
Can I help you guys?
1225
01:08:08,422 --> 01:08:10,778
- Can they get out?
- Yep, every now and then.
1226
01:08:11,182 --> 01:08:12,377
You might wanna think
about a deeper trough.
1227
01:08:12,982 --> 01:08:15,099
Deeper trough. Yeah, good thinkin'.
1228
01:08:15,622 --> 01:08:17,056
Duke, what brings you out here?
1229
01:08:17,342 --> 01:08:19,732
Were, uh, lookin' for a guy.
1230
01:08:21,142 --> 01:08:23,213
Oscar. Strange fella.
1231
01:08:23,542 --> 01:08:24,373
Where is he now?
1232
01:08:24,462 --> 01:08:25,612
He quit yesterday.
1233
01:08:26,422 --> 01:08:30,052
Said he had found what
he was lookin' for and walked out.
1234
01:08:30,142 --> 01:08:31,053
Leave an address?
1235
01:08:31,302 --> 01:08:33,055
He lived in a motel, I think.
1236
01:08:33,622 --> 01:08:36,535
- Motel...
- You got any idea which motel?
1237
01:08:37,182 --> 01:08:40,016
- Made it sound like the French Quarter.
- French Quarter?
1238
01:08:40,102 --> 01:08:41,058
- Something like that.
- Got it.
1239
01:08:47,102 --> 01:08:48,821
Manager says he's still livin' here.
1240
01:08:49,542 --> 01:08:50,453
Unit 15.
1241
01:08:50,782 --> 01:08:53,456
So when he shows up, we jump him,
1242
01:08:53,742 --> 01:08:55,256
we hand him over to the Feds,
1243
01:08:55,342 --> 01:08:57,538
and he goes up the river forever, right?
1244
01:08:57,622 --> 01:08:59,818
- No, no. We don't jump him.
- What do you mean?
1245
01:09:00,062 --> 01:09:00,973
I do.
1246
01:09:03,102 --> 01:09:05,571
- So just relax.
- Yeah, okay...
1247
01:09:11,862 --> 01:09:13,819
Sixth grade was traumatic.
1248
01:09:14,702 --> 01:09:16,136
I ran for class president.
1249
01:09:17,662 --> 01:09:18,573
Lost.
1250
01:09:19,222 --> 01:09:23,455
I got one vote... my own.
1251
01:09:23,542 --> 01:09:27,252
In high school,
I tried bribing my classmates, but...
1252
01:09:27,902 --> 01:09:28,892
Crushed again.
1253
01:09:29,662 --> 01:09:30,618
Yeah.
1254
01:09:30,942 --> 01:09:32,979
Witness protection turned my life around.
1255
01:09:33,782 --> 01:09:36,297
You got a fresh start
on the back nine of life.
1256
01:09:36,942 --> 01:09:38,456
Reinvented myself.
1257
01:09:39,702 --> 01:09:41,659
Was goin' pretty good, if you ask me.
1258
01:09:42,542 --> 01:09:44,135
You like me a little, yes?
1259
01:09:44,222 --> 01:09:45,622
You need to be liked?
1260
01:09:46,382 --> 01:09:48,453
It may sound pathetic but,
1261
01:09:49,502 --> 01:09:50,936
I love to be adored.
1262
01:09:51,502 --> 01:09:52,413
You need therapy.
1263
01:09:53,502 --> 01:09:54,538
Never worked before.
1264
01:09:56,502 --> 01:09:58,255
Not until now with you.
1265
01:09:59,182 --> 01:10:00,980
Good. You're cured.
1266
01:10:03,182 --> 01:10:06,414
We should rotate naps
in case it turns into an all-nighter.
1267
01:10:06,982 --> 01:10:09,781
Yeah. Well, I'm wide awake
if you wanna take the first one.
1268
01:10:10,462 --> 01:10:11,976
I could nod off pretty quick.
1269
01:10:12,342 --> 01:10:13,253
Well...
1270
01:10:13,542 --> 01:10:16,933
Wake me in one hour
or if anybody shows up.
1271
01:10:25,582 --> 01:10:27,938
- Would you like a song to help you sleep?
- No.
1272
01:10:34,662 --> 01:10:39,339
♪ Silent night ♪
1273
01:10:40,502 --> 01:10:44,576
♪ Holy night ♪
1274
01:10:45,142 --> 01:10:46,053
I like that one.
1275
01:10:47,222 --> 01:10:51,978
♪ All is calm ♪
1276
01:10:52,902 --> 01:10:56,976
♪ All is bright ♪
1277
01:12:16,742 --> 01:12:18,495
- Wake up, Sherlock.
- Hm?
1278
01:12:18,902 --> 01:12:20,222
You were supposed to wake me up.
1279
01:12:21,702 --> 01:12:22,613
Sorry.
1280
01:12:23,222 --> 01:12:25,134
That song always leaves me out.
1281
01:12:30,342 --> 01:12:31,253
Can I help you?
1282
01:12:31,582 --> 01:12:33,733
Yeah, the guy in room 15,
what do you know about him?
1283
01:12:34,182 --> 01:12:36,219
A very nice man. Very polite.
1284
01:12:36,302 --> 01:12:37,213
Bullshit.
1285
01:12:37,502 --> 01:12:40,097
There is one thing.
He... loves naked ladies.
1286
01:12:40,782 --> 01:12:42,819
I saw him at last week's
Sunday brunch at Rudy's.
1287
01:12:43,142 --> 01:12:44,622
They have a Sunday brunch at a titty bar?
1288
01:12:45,502 --> 01:12:47,255
You gotta try the Belgian waffles there.
1289
01:12:51,062 --> 01:12:54,658
Okay. All right. Go do your business.
Go on, Romeo.
1290
01:12:54,862 --> 01:12:57,377
- That's a good boy! Good boy!
- Hey, Suzie?
1291
01:12:58,422 --> 01:12:59,253
Suzie?
1292
01:12:59,342 --> 01:13:01,220
- Yeah?
- It's corporate for you.
1293
01:13:01,302 --> 01:13:02,861
It's corporate?
1294
01:13:08,662 --> 01:13:09,652
Suzie Quince.
1295
01:13:11,022 --> 01:13:11,933
Yes!
1296
01:13:13,262 --> 01:13:14,696
No, no, no...
1297
01:13:14,982 --> 01:13:16,974
I... I'm getting a handle on things.
1298
01:13:17,062 --> 01:13:18,291
A firm grasp.
1299
01:13:22,262 --> 01:13:24,174
♪ Holy night ♪
1300
01:13:24,662 --> 01:13:27,575
No. I... there are protocols.
I'm following the protocols.
1301
01:13:27,662 --> 01:13:30,018
I'm a... I'm a walking protocol.
1302
01:13:34,582 --> 01:13:37,939
But people just seem to be so happy here,
1303
01:13:38,022 --> 01:13:42,301
and happiness is not a condition.
It's a choice.
1304
01:13:47,462 --> 01:13:49,738
Things are not out of control
at the Villa Capri.
1305
01:13:49,822 --> 01:13:50,938
It is magnificent here.
1306
01:13:55,222 --> 01:13:56,895
No, no, no! Stop! Come back!
1307
01:13:57,262 --> 01:14:00,812
Terminate me? You can't terminate me!
1308
01:14:00,902 --> 01:14:02,780
Come back with the nativity!
1309
01:14:02,982 --> 01:14:04,416
No, wait! Stop, get back in there!
1310
01:14:04,502 --> 01:14:05,822
Larry, get the camel!
1311
01:14:07,262 --> 01:14:08,173
You know what?
1312
01:14:08,662 --> 01:14:09,778
Hello?
1313
01:14:12,902 --> 01:14:13,813
Romeo?
1314
01:14:14,622 --> 01:14:15,851
Oh, Romeo?
1315
01:14:16,902 --> 01:14:19,576
Oh, my God! Romeo. Romeo!
1316
01:14:19,662 --> 01:14:23,576
Oh, no, no, no, no!
1317
01:14:23,662 --> 01:14:25,381
- Hey!
- Oh! Oh!
1318
01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:26,612
I got you!
1319
01:14:32,342 --> 01:14:33,571
You know, this isn't
a very efficient plan.
1320
01:14:33,662 --> 01:14:34,573
You shut up!
1321
01:14:34,862 --> 01:14:37,661
You shut up! I'm having
a worse day than you are.
1322
01:14:38,302 --> 01:14:42,091
You know, if I were to ever kidnap
someone for ransom,
1323
01:14:42,342 --> 01:14:45,141
I would have it more worked out,
more organized.
1324
01:14:45,702 --> 01:14:47,136
I mean, there would be some nice kibble,
1325
01:14:47,222 --> 01:14:48,338
and perhaps a chew toy.
1326
01:14:48,422 --> 01:14:49,617
- I'm going to tell you why.
- Chew toy?
1327
01:14:49,702 --> 01:14:51,739
Oh God! It's amateur hour around here.
1328
01:14:51,822 --> 01:14:52,733
Well, I'm sorry.
1329
01:14:59,062 --> 01:15:01,213
All right, all right. Enough about me.
1330
01:15:01,702 --> 01:15:04,581
I'm sure even a tough guy like you
1331
01:15:04,662 --> 01:15:07,222
has some insecurities
you'd like to talk about.
1332
01:15:07,302 --> 01:15:08,213
No.
1333
01:15:09,062 --> 01:15:11,531
Come on. You'll feel better.
1334
01:15:11,622 --> 01:15:13,056
Shut up! I feel fine.
1335
01:15:17,262 --> 01:15:18,582
- They've got a nice gift shop.
- Hey!
1336
01:15:18,662 --> 01:15:19,493
Really sweet.
1337
01:15:19,582 --> 01:15:20,902
Hey, there's the big dog!
1338
01:15:20,982 --> 01:15:21,893
- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?
1339
01:15:21,982 --> 01:15:23,177
- We're lookin' for somebody.
- Yeah?
1340
01:15:23,262 --> 01:15:26,573
- Recognize this guy?
- Doesn't look familiar, but, uh, you know,
1341
01:15:26,862 --> 01:15:28,740
a thousand other guys like that...
1342
01:15:32,382 --> 01:15:34,260
Your animal guy
is not very good at blowin' you up,
1343
01:15:34,342 --> 01:15:36,538
but he's gonna keep tryin'.
Maybe he'll get it right next time.
1344
01:15:37,022 --> 01:15:38,900
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Is that your car?
1345
01:15:38,982 --> 01:15:40,052
- Yeah.
- Give me the keys.
1346
01:15:40,142 --> 01:15:41,656
- My new wheels? No!
- I need your keys.
1347
01:15:41,742 --> 01:15:43,096
- Who do you think you are?
- Give me the keys!
1348
01:15:43,182 --> 01:15:44,332
Shit!
1349
01:15:55,062 --> 01:15:57,179
- This is thrilling.
- Thank you.
1350
01:15:58,142 --> 01:15:59,178
- There he is.
- Yep.
1351
01:16:01,142 --> 01:16:02,212
Goddamn, Leo!
1352
01:16:07,062 --> 01:16:09,622
Two old dinosaurs. Like us, huh, Leo?
1353
01:16:11,822 --> 01:16:13,256
- You think that's funny?
- Nope.
1354
01:16:21,462 --> 01:16:22,373
Hang on.
1355
01:16:25,662 --> 01:16:26,982
Oh shit! Oh shit!
1356
01:16:32,302 --> 01:16:33,895
I have a confession to make.
1357
01:16:34,902 --> 01:16:38,418
Well, for heaven's sake, man, let 'er rip.
1358
01:16:38,822 --> 01:16:40,381
I came here to buy the Villa Capri.
1359
01:16:42,902 --> 01:16:44,336
I thought you only bought big stuff.
1360
01:16:44,422 --> 01:16:46,220
That property is worth 50 million dollars.
1361
01:16:46,822 --> 01:16:50,259
Fifty... and Suzie's worried
about petty cash?
1362
01:16:50,342 --> 01:16:52,061
She's just doin' her job... Hang on!
1363
01:16:52,142 --> 01:16:53,053
Oh shit!
1364
01:16:54,022 --> 01:16:55,741
First, I was gonna bulldoze
the Villa Capri
1365
01:16:55,822 --> 01:16:57,541
and put in a western Mall of America.
1366
01:16:57,622 --> 01:16:59,739
Oh my God! That's sacrilege.
1367
01:16:59,822 --> 01:17:02,542
Don't worry. I changed my mind.
I'm startin' to like that place.
1368
01:17:10,862 --> 01:17:14,253
So, I mean, if it's worth all that
1369
01:17:14,622 --> 01:17:16,136
and it's partly because of me,
1370
01:17:16,222 --> 01:17:17,815
I think I should get a piece of the pie.
1371
01:17:17,902 --> 01:17:18,813
How much do you want?
1372
01:17:19,142 --> 01:17:21,179
Uh, eh, ten percent?
1373
01:17:21,262 --> 01:17:23,379
Suppose I let you keep
your fancy golf cart?
1374
01:17:24,062 --> 01:17:25,337
Wait a minute... They blew that thing up.
1375
01:17:25,422 --> 01:17:27,175
And you're welcome to have a piece of it.
1376
01:17:30,582 --> 01:17:32,699
Looks like Oscar
is through playing around.
1377
01:17:40,182 --> 01:17:42,014
- Uh-oh!
- This looks like a dead end.
1378
01:17:42,102 --> 01:17:44,253
Yeah. Road don't go anywhere.
1379
01:17:44,342 --> 01:17:45,458
Maybe we can box him in.
1380
01:17:45,782 --> 01:17:46,693
Well, it might be a trap.
1381
01:17:47,062 --> 01:17:47,893
So what?
1382
01:17:47,982 --> 01:17:49,177
They're after your ass, not mine.
1383
01:18:10,702 --> 01:18:11,533
That's not Oscar.
1384
01:18:11,622 --> 01:18:13,500
Well, let's go see who the hell it is.
1385
01:18:19,582 --> 01:18:21,255
- You know what you're doin'?
- Generally.
1386
01:18:21,822 --> 01:18:23,222
Stop right there!
1387
01:18:24,062 --> 01:18:25,815
No, no, no, no! Don't shoot, don't shoot.
1388
01:18:25,902 --> 01:18:26,813
Who are you?
1389
01:18:26,942 --> 01:18:29,776
Listen, some lunatic gave me $500
to torch your van
1390
01:18:30,422 --> 01:18:31,378
and to lead you down here.
1391
01:18:31,822 --> 01:18:32,733
Here?
1392
01:18:32,942 --> 01:18:33,853
Yeah.
1393
01:18:36,902 --> 01:18:38,131
Answer the phone.
1394
01:18:41,862 --> 01:18:42,773
Hello?
1395
01:18:45,542 --> 01:18:46,453
It's for you.
1396
01:18:51,502 --> 01:18:52,413
Leo McKay.
1397
01:18:52,782 --> 01:18:53,659
Look up.
1398
01:19:03,262 --> 01:19:04,252
You're lookin' for me?
1399
01:19:04,982 --> 01:19:05,893
What do you want?
1400
01:19:07,062 --> 01:19:07,973
I got your girl.
1401
01:19:08,582 --> 01:19:09,936
I wanna trade her for Duke.
1402
01:19:10,462 --> 01:19:11,737
- That'll work.
- What?
1403
01:19:12,702 --> 01:19:14,341
No, Leo. He'll shoot me in the head.
1404
01:19:14,582 --> 01:19:15,652
Yeah, well, there is that.
1405
01:19:16,102 --> 01:19:17,252
What do you want us to do?
1406
01:19:17,582 --> 01:19:20,620
I want you to sit tight and I'll send you
coordinates of where we'll meet up.
1407
01:19:21,862 --> 01:19:22,773
Leo?
1408
01:19:24,662 --> 01:19:27,621
You're not really gonna trade me
for her, are you?
1409
01:19:27,702 --> 01:19:30,171
She's a lot prettier
and I'd really like to make the trade,
1410
01:19:30,262 --> 01:19:33,380
but my essential sense
of human dignity and decency
1411
01:19:33,462 --> 01:19:34,373
will not permit it.
1412
01:19:35,342 --> 01:19:36,901
However, we need him to think I will.
1413
01:19:37,222 --> 01:19:41,262
Aw, I sure am glad you're you.
1414
01:19:46,542 --> 01:19:50,422
- Hey, can I put my hands down now?
- Shut up.
1415
01:20:01,142 --> 01:20:01,939
Where?
1416
01:20:02,022 --> 01:20:04,218
Utah Trail toward 29 Palms.
1417
01:20:04,782 --> 01:20:06,421
Turn off at the old water tower.
1418
01:20:06,502 --> 01:20:07,413
You know where that is?
1419
01:20:07,502 --> 01:20:08,333
Not a clue.
1420
01:20:08,422 --> 01:20:09,981
How the hell are we supposed to find that?
1421
01:20:10,342 --> 01:20:11,253
Waze.
1422
01:20:12,582 --> 01:20:13,493
God!
1423
01:20:14,462 --> 01:20:15,373
What the hell is that?
1424
01:20:15,822 --> 01:20:17,256
It's an app. You can download it.
1425
01:20:17,822 --> 01:20:18,733
Really?
1426
01:20:21,662 --> 01:20:23,619
Let's get started. Drive safe.
1427
01:20:25,222 --> 01:20:26,781
I have another confession to make.
1428
01:20:27,542 --> 01:20:28,419
Let 'er rip.
1429
01:20:29,262 --> 01:20:31,094
I was married for 33 years...
1430
01:20:31,742 --> 01:20:33,973
to the first woman I ever fell for.
1431
01:20:34,702 --> 01:20:36,341
She died about six years ago,
1432
01:20:36,422 --> 01:20:37,742
and it put me off my game.
1433
01:20:37,822 --> 01:20:40,735
After three or four years,
I felt I should see other women,
1434
01:20:40,822 --> 01:20:42,097
but it didn't feel right.
1435
01:20:43,982 --> 01:20:45,416
You wanna tell Duke about it?
1436
01:20:45,502 --> 01:20:50,019
There's something about Miss Quince
that just shook me out of my malaise.
1437
01:20:50,102 --> 01:20:52,094
She's gorgeous, of course, but she's...
1438
01:20:52,422 --> 01:20:53,697
There's nothin' frivolous about her.
1439
01:20:53,782 --> 01:20:56,820
She's a woman of...
substance and gravitas.
1440
01:20:57,542 --> 01:20:58,453
Gravitas.
1441
01:21:00,742 --> 01:21:03,098
Put me down, you jackass!
1442
01:21:03,462 --> 01:21:05,738
Where's my dog? Romeo!
1443
01:21:06,142 --> 01:21:07,417
Where's my dog?
1444
01:21:07,942 --> 01:21:10,298
Now doesn't all this sharing
make you feel better, huh?
1445
01:21:10,702 --> 01:21:12,580
I could fall in love with her.
1446
01:21:17,862 --> 01:21:20,934
In 0. 1 mile keep left.
1447
01:21:40,142 --> 01:21:42,099
You know, you're always the hero.
1448
01:21:42,942 --> 01:21:45,901
I think I'd like to be heroic sometime.
1449
01:21:52,222 --> 01:21:53,815
How heroic do you wanna be?
1450
01:21:54,782 --> 01:21:55,693
Hm?
1451
01:21:56,422 --> 01:21:57,333
Um...
1452
01:21:58,502 --> 01:21:59,413
Well...
1453
01:21:59,542 --> 01:22:01,579
Uh, you know, just...
1454
01:22:02,542 --> 01:22:04,181
Moderately. Just enough.
1455
01:22:04,822 --> 01:22:06,575
You wanna keep
your braggin' rights to the women.
1456
01:22:08,182 --> 01:22:09,901
You know me well. Yeah, huh?
1457
01:22:13,742 --> 01:22:16,496
You think that's an honorable reason
to wanna be heroic?
1458
01:22:16,582 --> 01:22:17,493
I do.
1459
01:22:22,742 --> 01:22:23,619
I got a plan.
1460
01:22:23,982 --> 01:22:27,419
You know, you remind me of my mother.
1461
01:22:27,502 --> 01:22:32,338
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah. All right.
1462
01:22:33,982 --> 01:22:34,893
All right.
1463
01:22:50,662 --> 01:22:51,891
This is where it begins.
1464
01:23:04,942 --> 01:23:06,296
You all right in there, Suzie?
1465
01:23:06,742 --> 01:23:09,735
- Leo, I'm okay.
- I am not armed.
1466
01:23:10,222 --> 01:23:12,339
I am here to give you what you want.
1467
01:23:13,542 --> 01:23:14,771
And to take what I want.
1468
01:23:14,862 --> 01:23:16,182
Hey, stand right there!
1469
01:23:17,302 --> 01:23:18,418
What you got under that hat?
1470
01:23:19,102 --> 01:23:20,092
A little hair.
1471
01:23:20,182 --> 01:23:23,220
Ha! You send me Willy.
1472
01:23:27,942 --> 01:23:30,138
We can work this out
to everybody's satisfaction.
1473
01:23:30,502 --> 01:23:32,892
Why don't you put the gun down
and we'll talk.
1474
01:23:46,142 --> 01:23:47,212
Give me Duke!
1475
01:23:48,142 --> 01:23:51,772
Damn! You shot my truck
and now you're tryin' to shoot my boots!
1476
01:23:51,862 --> 01:23:56,379
You give me Duke or Willy
or whatever he calls himself. Now!
1477
01:23:56,502 --> 01:23:58,698
You can have him.
I never liked him anyway.
1478
01:24:08,342 --> 01:24:09,253
Oh.
1479
01:24:09,822 --> 01:24:10,733
Ha!
1480
01:24:16,302 --> 01:24:17,452
Oh! That hurts!
1481
01:24:17,902 --> 01:24:20,497
He shot me!
1482
01:24:24,382 --> 01:24:26,214
Bye-bye.
1483
01:24:30,222 --> 01:24:32,373
Christmases seem to blur together.
1484
01:24:32,742 --> 01:24:34,620
You know? This one stands out.
1485
01:24:34,862 --> 01:24:36,057
It's startin' to feel special.
1486
01:24:37,742 --> 01:24:39,381
We're gonna have to call
the sheriff now.
1487
01:24:39,502 --> 01:24:42,779
I don't know about you guys,
but I sure could use a cocktail.
1488
01:24:42,862 --> 01:24:43,693
Here, here.
1489
01:24:55,222 --> 01:24:58,499
I'm starting to understand
the affection you have for this place,
1490
01:24:58,862 --> 01:24:59,852
whoever you are.
1491
01:25:00,582 --> 01:25:02,938
To you, Sweet Willy.
1492
01:25:03,342 --> 01:25:05,698
You did a brave thing today.
I didn't think you had it in you.
1493
01:25:05,782 --> 01:25:08,422
- And you saved the day, cousin.
- I ain't your cousin.
1494
01:25:08,502 --> 01:25:10,334
Well, but you like me a little, huh?
1495
01:25:13,262 --> 01:25:15,094
A little.
1496
01:25:16,422 --> 01:25:17,378
There goes Rudolph.
1497
01:25:18,062 --> 01:25:22,261
And there goes Snoopy.
1498
01:25:22,342 --> 01:25:23,332
Adios, Snoopy.
1499
01:25:30,102 --> 01:25:32,936
Hey! It's New Year's in New York.
Happy New Year, everybody!
1500
01:25:33,022 --> 01:25:34,376
Earlier to bed?
1501
01:25:34,822 --> 01:25:37,940
Uh, with any luck,
maybe two balls will drop tonight.
1502
01:25:38,502 --> 01:25:40,539
Girl, you are delusional.
1503
01:25:40,622 --> 01:25:43,694
Hey, I've never seen you guys
lookin' so sharp.
1504
01:25:43,782 --> 01:25:47,696
- Or you so beautiful.
- To the ladies and ladies.
1505
01:25:50,302 --> 01:25:54,854
Arturo, Miss Quince, I think you know my
cronies and their lovely ladies.
1506
01:25:54,942 --> 01:25:57,138
- Of course I do. Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
1507
01:25:57,222 --> 01:25:58,895
Happy New Year.
1508
01:25:58,982 --> 01:25:59,859
Happy New Year!
1509
01:25:59,942 --> 01:26:02,252
I think it's about midnight
in Times Square.
1510
01:26:02,342 --> 01:26:03,253
Oh, yeah!
1511
01:26:05,302 --> 01:26:07,373
Nine o'clock in California
is good enough for me.
1512
01:26:08,822 --> 01:26:11,621
At the end of the day, I have to admit,
I have a soft spot for Duke.
1513
01:26:11,702 --> 01:26:14,058
Wherever they're relocating him,
do you think he's going to be okay?
1514
01:26:14,142 --> 01:26:18,182
My dear, the Duke will always be okay.
1515
01:26:18,262 --> 01:26:19,093
Yeah.
1516
01:26:19,182 --> 01:26:20,298
Strike up the band, boys.
1517
01:26:21,702 --> 01:26:25,093
♪ May old acquaintance be forgot ♪
1518
01:26:25,342 --> 01:26:26,617
Ladies and gentlemen of the
1519
01:26:26,702 --> 01:26:28,933
Tropical Resort Retirement Community,
1520
01:26:29,342 --> 01:26:31,493
say hello to your new resident manager,
1521
01:26:32,262 --> 01:26:33,981
Mr. Marvel Bigelow.
1522
01:26:34,062 --> 01:26:35,132
Music!
1523
01:27:18,942 --> 01:27:23,221
♪ Christmas ♪
1524
01:27:24,422 --> 01:27:29,178
♪ Is a very special time of the year ♪
1525
01:27:30,982 --> 01:27:35,534
♪ It's a precious time ♪
♪ And I'm waiting here ♪
1526
01:27:36,542 --> 01:27:41,856
♪ Can't wait to get close to you ♪
1527
01:27:46,062 --> 01:27:49,817
♪ Christmas ♪
1528
01:27:50,982 --> 01:27:56,853
♪ Is a house adorned ♪
♪ With tinsel and lights ♪
1529
01:27:57,902 --> 01:28:02,499
♪ It's a cozy fire and long quiet night ♪
1530
01:28:03,462 --> 01:28:08,901
♪ That let me get close to you ♪
1531
01:28:12,302 --> 01:28:16,342
♪ No one else, dear, will do ♪
1532
01:28:16,822 --> 01:28:19,860
♪ Darling you, only you ♪
1533
01:28:19,942 --> 01:28:24,858
♪ Make my holiday list ♪
1534
01:28:25,982 --> 01:28:29,692
♪ I can't wait till we've kissed ♪
1535
01:28:29,782 --> 01:28:32,695
♪ And then everything that follows ♪
1536
01:28:32,782 --> 01:28:36,014
♪ Makes my year every December ♪
1537
01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:40,460
♪ Don't forget to remember ♪
1538
01:28:40,542 --> 01:28:44,172
♪ That Christmas ♪
1539
01:28:45,262 --> 01:28:50,291
♪ Is two lovers strolling home ♪
♪ In the snow ♪
1540
01:28:51,502 --> 01:28:56,019
♪ And then warming up ♪
♪ The best way they know ♪
1541
01:28:57,422 --> 01:29:04,420
♪ Oh, let me get close to you ♪
1542
01:29:06,542 --> 01:29:10,138
♪ 'Cause you're all I want for Christmas ♪
1543
01:29:12,022 --> 01:29:17,575
♪ And Christmas is here ♪
1544
01:29:18,305 --> 01:29:24,340
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