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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,275 ( Theme music playing ) 2 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,115 ( Scratching ) 3 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:26,260 Let me, uh... let me give you a little tip, okay? 4 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,530 Mm-hmm. For traveling... a little traveling tip. 5 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,433 Try not to wear shorts. 6 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,336 It's not all that attractive to look at for five hours. 7 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,305 - Are you kidding? - Honestly. No, I'm not. 8 00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,748 - I wear these on every flight when I travel... - Really? 9 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,450 - 'Cause it's very comfortable. - Yes. Yeah. 10 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,510 These planes, if you notice, get very hot. 11 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,446 - Ah. Yes, they do. - I'm sorry, I didn't see where I had to check 12 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,624 with the person I'm sitting next to what I should wear. 13 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:49,993 I'm comfortable in pajamas, but I don't wear pajamas on a plane. 14 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,885 I like to sing. I like to whistle. 15 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,454 I like to play the bongos on my leg. 16 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,123 - I like to imitate horses... - Okay. 17 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,024 - But I don't do it, okay? - All right. 18 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,136 - Because there's somebody sitting next to me. - Yeah, okay. Okay. 19 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,662 Wow, you're very uptight, dude. Very uptight. 20 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,907 - Uptight? I don't think it's "uptight." - It's just shorts, man. 21 00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,534 - You've never seen a man's legs? - Yeah, they're grotesque. 22 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,736 What if they were a woman's in a skirt? 23 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,505 Would you say that to her if a woman's in a skirt? 24 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,142 - If they were hairy. - Okay. 25 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:16,577 Are you ready for a hot towel? 26 00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:20,581 ( Yelling ) 27 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,819 She must've put it in the microwave. 28 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,357 Don't you think? I mean, have you ever seen anything like this is your life? 29 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,492 Huh. - Only me. Only me this happens to. 30 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,061 I bet you I could sue 'em. Don't you think? 31 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,896 Do I have a case? Tell me. 32 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,132 - Would you testify for me? - No. 33 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,832 - You wouldn't testify? - No, I wouldn't. 34 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,469 I find that odd and troubling. 35 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:44,205 Yeah, it would be hard to find a doctor who, in good conscience, 36 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,841 could recommend a high-value settlement for that burn. 37 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,444 Okay. I'll drop it. 38 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,080 - Forget about it. - Okay. By the way, 39 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,115 I am loving the music in the waiting room. 40 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,951 - Oh. - The opera? Fabulous. 41 00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,553 I'm glad you like it. 42 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,922 I got the idea from an Italian restaurant... 43 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,957 A new Italian restaurant called Matteo's. 44 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,760 They have live singers who do some arias 45 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,696 - from various Italian operas. - No kidding? 46 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,831 - Yeah yeah yeah yeah. - What a fabulous idea. 47 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,851 I need to buy an anniversary gift for my friends. 48 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,135 I'll bet you... that would be a good gift, would it not? 49 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,347 - It'd be a great gift. - A gift certificate to this restaurant? 50 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,139 Absolutely. Yeah. Do it. 51 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,718 - All right. Thank you. Thank you for everything. - You're welcome. 52 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,111 - I'm sorry to bother you, you know. - No problem. 53 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,652 - Well, should I come back? - No, you don't need to come back. 54 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,783 It'll be healed before you walk out the door. - ( Laughs ) 55 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,619 Okay. 56 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,821 You know what? 57 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,123 I was just thinking. 58 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,526 I'd love to get your home phone number 59 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,761 just in case of an emergency or something else 60 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,763 with the hand. Who knows? Something comes up, 61 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,966 - it's nice to have. - I don't give out my home phone number. 62 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,346 You know, I understand all that, 63 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,170 but I would feel better, you know. 64 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,373 It would make me feel more secure. 65 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,408 Nothing's gonna happen. I'm never gonna call. 66 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,453 You know, what are the odds of something happening? Zero. 67 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,488 Well, if anything happened, you can always call the service 68 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,615 - and they'll contact me. - Yeah, then I have to deal with the middleman, 69 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,817 sort of, and maybe the service isn't there. 70 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,520 Why does he have the privilege of talking to you and not me? 71 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,257 - I'm your patient. - You have a problem. 72 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,059 You make the call. They call me, 73 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,127 then I respond to you. 74 00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,963 It works like a charm! It works every time! 75 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,300 I like the idea of having my doctor's number in my wallet. 76 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,469 I don't want to be in your wallet. 77 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,805 I want you in my wallet. 78 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,242 - What do you think? - I'll make an exception in your case 79 00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,445 purely in the interest of getting on with my day. 80 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,447 - Fantastic. Thanks so much. - All right. 81 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,449 I do not expect you to abuse it 82 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,319 and I don't want you to call me directly at home, all right? 83 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,739 But if it'll make you feel better, 84 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,456 get the number from my receptionist 85 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,057 - on the way out. - Okay. 86 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,793 - Keep it dry... - Keep it dry. 87 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,561 And don't call. 88 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,735 - Hello. - Larry: Really? 89 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,704 - Wow. - Wow. 90 00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:00,107 Jeez. Mary Jane. 91 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,009 - Hey. Hi. - Hi. Hi. 92 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,278 - Hi. - How are you? 93 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,347 - It's been a while. - Uh, yeah. 94 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,049 - Well, you look good. - So do you. 95 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,452 Thank you. How are things? 96 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,987 I just came from the doctor. I've got two months to live. 97 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,456 - It's terrible. - Not very funny. 98 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,966 Yeah, I'm trying to get women to take pity on me, 99 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,702 so they'll sleep with me, you know. That's all. 100 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,828 So I just tell everybody that. 101 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,196 - Hmm. - So, um, 102 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,098 what are you... What's your social situation? 103 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,267 - Are you married? - God no. 104 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,848 You regret breaking up with me though. 105 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,647 You're still... you're still having nightmares about that? 106 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,306 You... oh, Larry, you're the same! 107 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,542 You can admit it... You made a mistake. 108 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,545 We should go out. We should go out and catch up. 109 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,289 - You know, that would be fantastic. - Yeah? 110 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,890 - Yeah, let's do that. - What about tonight? 111 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,685 Tonight I'm going to Ted Danson's anniversary party. 112 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,255 Oh, yeah. Yeah, my friend Christian slater's gonna be there. 113 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,823 - Christian slater? - Yeah. 114 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,468 - He's a friend of yours? - Yeah, tell him I said hi. 115 00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,594 Uh, no, but I'll... I'll see him. 116 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,497 - Um, how about tomorrow? - Okay. 117 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,198 - We're gonna have a date? - Yeah. 118 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,067 - Do you have my number? - I do. 119 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,111 - What? Do you think I threw away your number? - You do not have my... 120 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,381 I've got the number of every woman I've ever gone out with in my life. 121 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,074 Believe me. I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 122 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,677 - Yeah. ( Laughs ) - I've changed. 123 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,845 - Bye. - Bye. 124 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,985 ( Chatting ) 125 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,654 Mozzarella? Yeah. 126 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:25,559 - Hey. - Hi. 127 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,095 Do you remember Mary Jane Porter? 128 00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,797 One of my favorites. 129 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,999 - I ran into her today. - How's she look? 130 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,701 - Fantastic. - Really? 131 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,703 - Oh my god, she's a doll. - Oh god. 132 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,838 - You know? - Yeah. Why'd she go out with you? 133 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,840 I don't know why she went out with me. 134 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,809 I don't know. That's a good question. 135 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,787 - A big bowl of out of your league. - Way out of my league. 136 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,946 - Huge time. - Well, that's why she got rid of me. 137 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,115 - Yeah. Really? - Well, I was so desperate. 138 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,083 She could sense the insecurity. 139 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,453 - They pick up on it. - Instantly. 140 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,422 - I'm seeing her tomorrow night. - Really? 141 00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,156 Yeah. She asked me. 142 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,358 Maybe she's got the desperation this time. 143 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,127 - Hopefully. - Hopefully. 144 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,630 It's a lot easier to work with their desperation than mine. 145 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,774 - Let me ask you a question. Sexually... - Yeah. Yeah. 146 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,776 Can I... can I pick up where I left off with her? 147 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,602 Absolutely. You put in your time. 148 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,571 I mean, it's like 15 years later, but... 149 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,305 Everything you've done before counts. 150 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,074 Yes. I don't know. 151 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,744 In terms of unhooking bras, I'm really gonna be in trouble. 152 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:19,379 - Look at this? - Well, why don't you use your right hand? 153 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,649 I'm... I'm a lefty unhooker. I can't unhook righty. 154 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,217 It's from the car, I think, when you park. 155 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,386 Right. You're making out in the driver's seat, 156 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,832 you lean over, it's your left hand that's doing the unhooking. 157 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,667 Right, you get used to the left. It's like the one thing 158 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,235 if you're a righty that you do with your left hand with skill. 159 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,595 - That's true. - So what's going on with Cheryl? 160 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,630 Hopefully we can cast her in this thing 161 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,466 and see what happens. 162 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,768 What about the whole Meg Ryan situation? 163 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,603 Oh, it's gonna... It's gonna be about Jerry. 164 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,539 Yeah. You know, I've just gotta convince Jerry 165 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,241 to use Cheryl, 'cause if I cast her... 166 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,478 Then I think I'll have a shot. 167 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,321 - I think it's a great plan. - In the meantime, 168 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,981 I'm allowed to have some fun, right? 169 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,315 Please! Why not? 170 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,284 Mary Jane Porter asking you. 171 00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,186 Hey, what did you get Ted and Mary? 172 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,789 Susie gets all the gifts. No idea. 173 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,558 - Hello! - Ted: Seriously, though... 174 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,927 - lar! I didn't see you come in. - Hey! 175 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,397 - Hey, buddy. That's sweet of you. - Hey, congratulations. 176 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,667 - Thank you, thank you. - And look what I got. 177 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,168 Dee-dah! What is that? 178 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,105 - It's a present. - Oh my god. 179 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:21,308 - Ho! Larry. - Lar! 180 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,876 - What? - Oh my god. 181 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,847 A $300 gift certificate to Matteo's restaurant. 182 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,916 Have you been there? It's supposed to be great. 183 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,451 Are you sure you wanna give that much? 184 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,420 I can't believe you did that. 185 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:34,855 What? Why are you so surprised. 186 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,456 No, it's just, you know, the last... 187 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,557 - What was the last gift? - Both: "The freak book." 188 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,061 - "The freak book." - That was a good gift, 189 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,640 - and it was expensive too. - This is great. I shouldn't have even brought that up. 190 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,441 - I'm sorry. This is great. - No, it's really nice. 191 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,785 - Thank you. Thank you. - Very very generous of you, buddy. 192 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,871 - Thank you. - Oh, okay. Well, you're welcome. 193 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,440 Is it a lot better than the gifts you've been getting? 194 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,375 - No. - No no no. 195 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,344 - Well... - It's just... 196 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,922 - It's just that... - It's just... it's... 197 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,881 - no, it's a great gift. Thank you. - Thank you. 198 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,026 ( Mumbles ) - thank you. Let me... I've gotta catch up with... 199 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,252 Of course. The host has to circulate. 200 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,031 - Hey, you circulate too, lar. - Yeah, well, I... I know. You're the big stars, 201 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,558 - the hosts of the party. - There's a lot of nice women here. 202 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,293 Everybody wants to talk to the hosts of course. 203 00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,629 I understand. "Oh, I'm the host." 204 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,398 Hello, I'm the host of the party." 205 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,634 Hey. - Hey, l.D. How are you, man? 206 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,436 Good. You know, I ran into a friend of yours today. 207 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,338 - Who's that? - Mary... Mary Jane Porter. 208 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,676 - Mmm! I love her. She's great. - Mmm. 209 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,779 ( Chuckles ) Jesus Christ. 210 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,381 What? - You're really going to town on that caviar. 211 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,483 It's the best caviar they could possibly get. 212 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,728 It's unbelievable. What do you think I'm gonna do, pass this up? 213 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,689 I know, but I think you're going over your allotment a little bit. No? 214 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,456 - My allotment? - You know, 215 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,593 we're each entitled to take a certain amount 216 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,662 so everybody else can have a little bit too. 217 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,264 - Umm. - It feels like you're going over. 218 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,764 Just an observation. Not a big deal. 219 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,635 Okay. Just something I'm observing. 220 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,071 Well, it's good that you're here to patrol the hor d'oeuvres area. 221 00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,607 - Yeah. - Okay. 222 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,109 We have unwritten laws in this society. 223 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,178 If I'm talking to somebody and they said their friend has cancer, 224 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,480 I go "oh. Oh. Oh." 225 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,883 Even though I don't know the person, I go "oh." 226 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,284 You know, it's an unwritten law. 227 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,920 You do something like that. 228 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,922 - Mmm. Okay. - It's a nice thing to do. 229 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,182 What you should be doing here is you take a little bit, 230 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,293 then you step away for 20 minutes, see what kind of action there is. 231 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,862 - Oh. - If nobody's taking any, 232 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,097 maybe take a little bit more, step away again. 233 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,399 - So forth and so on. - Okay, look. 234 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,336 Let me just scoop a little more on here 235 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,673 and I'm gonna step away then. 236 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,808 - Wow. - Enjoy the party. 237 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,344 - Okay. All right. - Always good to see you. 238 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,681 Mary: Larry, did you eat all that caviar? 239 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,617 - Huh? No. - Why would you do that? 240 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,853 I mean, everybody knows you take a little, right? 241 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,188 - Hey, it wasn't me. - Then who was it? 242 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,524 Christian slater was eating gobfuls of it. 243 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,936 - I hate that. - I couldn't even look at it. 244 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,561 - ( Glass clinking ) - that's... 245 00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,339 - So inconsiderate, no? - It's an unwritten rule. 246 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,165 - You take your... - Unwritten rule, exactly. 247 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,333 Can I have everyone's attention, please? 248 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,435 Ted and Mary, our gracious hosts... 249 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,605 Happy anniversary to an incredible couple. 250 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,974 We didn't know what to get you. 251 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,809 You clearly have everything. 252 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,687 We're not gonna get you a toaster or a blender, 253 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:14,848 so our incredibly talented daughter Sammy, 254 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,119 as our gift to you, is gonna sing a special song. 255 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,122 - Oh, that's so sweet. - Susie: So let's have a nice round of applause. 256 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,425 - That's a gift? Are you kidding? - Susie: Sammy is gonna sing. 257 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,203 - Let's hear it for Sammy. - How is that a gift? 258 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:31,531 * you're just too good to be true * 259 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,535 * can't take my eyes off of you... * 260 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,972 ( whispers ) oh my god. - * you would be like heaven to touch * 261 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,509 * I wanna hold you so much * 262 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:46,346 * at long last love has arrived * 263 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,149 * and I thank god I'm alive... * 264 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,384 ( chuckles, whispers ) are you kidding me? 265 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,186 Are you kidding? 266 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,286 This is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. 267 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,091 - * I love you, baby... - Larry: All right. Okay. 268 00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,460 All right. Okay. That's good. That's good. 269 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,271 - Very good, very good! Okay, that was wonderful. - What are you doing? 270 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,131 - What are you doing? - Very good talent. 271 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,809 - I'm not... I'm not done. - No no no no, that was terrific. 272 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:06,843 No no, she's not done. What are you doing? 273 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,044 That was very good. Very good. 274 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,903 Why are you interrupting her, Larry? 275 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,815 Why didn't you wait until she was finished singing the song? 276 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,649 - What were you doing? - What? The song's over. 277 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,043 No, the song was not over. You know the song was not over 278 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,045 - and you cut her off! - The song is over. 279 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,981 You ruined the whole gift! That was our gift for god's sake! 280 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,126 - Oh, I thought the song was over. - Sammy, that was great. 281 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:26,119 Let's give her a nice round of applause. That was good. 282 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,689 That was good. Yeah. 283 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,959 I'll tell you... That's a talented kid. 284 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,333 Hey! Real nice. Real nice. 285 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,173 Come... I mean, Mary is pissed at me about the caviar. 286 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,408 Thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you. 287 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,778 What? What did she say? 288 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,245 She said that you told her 289 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,783 that I helped myself to too much caviar. 290 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,618 Well, she noticed the caviar 291 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,853 and asked me who ate it. 292 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,721 What? What? Was I supposed to lie? 293 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,367 - I was not taking too much caviar! - Oh, please. Are you kidding? 294 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,194 - Who are you?! - You were eating it like it was potato chips! 295 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,062 It's there to be eaten, you know? 296 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,264 - Not by one person! - It was out there on the table. 297 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,367 - You made it your dinner. - Oh god. 298 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,203 ( Chuckles ) 299 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,741 Smile. 300 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,046 Hey, mind your own business. How about that? 301 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,615 "Smile." 302 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,951 ( Beeps ) 303 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,053 - ( Rings ) - hello. 304 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,490 - Larry: Fat boy! - What? Hello? 305 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,828 - Jeff? - Umm, no. 306 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,096 - No, there's no Jeff here. - Is this Dr. Morrison? 307 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,899 Uh, yeah, it is. It is. Who's this? 308 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,667 Oh my god! It's Larry David! 309 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,302 Your patient Larry David. 310 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,738 And wasn't it just a couple of days ago 311 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,541 that I saw you and asked you not to call here? 312 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,910 No, I wasn't calling you. I was calling Jeff Greene... 313 00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,047 Listen... and your name is right under his 314 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,949 and I must have pressed yours by accident. 315 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:05,752 I distinctly recall asking you not to call me. 316 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,054 No no, I didn't call. 317 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,189 How can you say you didn't call?! 318 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,259 - You did call. - I didn't call purposefully. 319 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,795 - It was an accident. - An accident call is still a call. 320 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,630 Technically, I called, but... 321 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,532 Look. I'm in the other room 322 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,368 I'm working. I had to walk in here. 323 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,170 I had to pick up the phone. 324 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,672 Now I'm talking to you. That's a call. 325 00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,307 It's a wrong number. 326 00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,442 You know, I don't have an hourglass set up here, 327 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,178 but it's the longest wrong number 328 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,880 I've ever had in my life. 329 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,714 I have things to do, Mr. David. 330 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,084 - Really? What are you doing? - I'm changing light bulbs 331 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,319 and cleaning the cat's litter box. 332 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,155 What do you do at home? Does anybody ask you what you do... 333 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,723 Don't ask me what I do at home. 334 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,692 All right. I'm gonna hang up then. 335 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,971 You don't have to tell me everything you're doing. Just hang up. 336 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,063 Okay. The next time you hear from me 337 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,099 will be in case of an emergency, 338 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,867 and I hope you don't hear from me. 339 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,802 You still have my service number. 340 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,938 Call them, ask about their day. 341 00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,672 Don't bother me. 342 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,110 - Hmm. - So did you hang up yet? 343 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,147 Not yet. Should I hang up now? 344 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,282 Yes, I'm going to hang up now. 345 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,260 Did I mention that I'm going to the restaurant tonight? 346 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,120 - Goodbye. - ( phone clatters ) 347 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,625 By the way, I'm not that impressed with the food. 348 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027 It's good. 349 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,395 No, I'm having a real problem with this osso buco. 350 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,707 I can't believe Dr. Morrison recommended it. It's terrible. 351 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,901 - You don't like food. - What does that mean, I don't like food? 352 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,869 You don't like food. Every time we've gone out, 353 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,115 - you're like "I don't like this food." - No, I didn't like your food. 354 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,682 - That's what... - You didn't like my food? 355 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,518 Your food... come on, you were the worst cook in the world. 356 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,310 - Oh, stop it. - You know that. "Stop it." 357 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,446 You are the only one that thinks that. 358 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,615 I think you're not a good... eater. - ( Both laugh ) 359 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:46,186 - Really? You think I'm... - yeah, you're not a good eater. 360 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:50,323 Anyway, I'd better shut up, because I'm planning on... 361 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,225 I'm planning on a big move later 362 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,227 and I think I might hurt my chances 363 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,196 if I keep criticizing your food. 364 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,398 - You're right. - Yeah. 365 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,533 A big big move. 366 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,635 - Is that what this is? - Yeah, exactly. 367 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,605 - A big storm warning? - I'm babe Ruth calling the shot. 368 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,408 All right. Oh, there's your friend Ted Danson. 369 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,877 Ted Danson? 370 00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,280 No, he's over there. 371 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,797 - Mary Jane: Is that weird? - It was great. 372 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,453 Yeah, it's really weird. 373 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,490 I'll be right back. 374 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,295 - You're... you're kidding. - To the vineyard? 375 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,163 Yeah. Yeah, you could. You could. 376 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,599 - Hey, Larry. - Mary: Hi. 377 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:35,068 - Hi, lar. - Hey, buddy. 378 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,271 - Are you having a nice time? - Yes, thank you so much. 379 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,573 - Thank you, buddy. - I find it a little odd, 380 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,509 frankly, 381 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,046 that I got you this 382 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,415 $300 gift certificate to the restaurant 383 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,619 and you chose to take them and not me. 384 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,721 But if we took you, 385 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:58,691 wouldn't that be you giving a gift to yourself? 386 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,460 - No, not really. - You somehow... 387 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,196 No, I gave you a gift and I just think that 388 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,265 the nice thing to do would have been 389 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,467 "hey, you know what? Why don't you come with us?" 390 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,070 "Was there a stipulation on the gift certificate" 391 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,205 - "$300 plus take me"? - No. No, 392 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,274 but don't you feel a little bit funny 393 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,419 - that you're eating dinner under... it's my money? - Not at all. 394 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,012 - I paid for your gift. - What, have you got a beef with me now? 395 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,556 - Yeah? - I've got a side beef with you. 396 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,382 - I've got a beef with him. - You know what? 397 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,642 - We've had a really nice fun night... - Do me a favor. 398 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,729 Which is more than we would've had if we'd brought you. 399 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,264 From now on don't get us a gift. No more gifts. 400 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,023 At least I got you a gift, okay? 401 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,834 I didn't let my daughter go up and sing a song. 402 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,802 - What the hell does that mean, Larry? - Oh, come on now. 403 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,539 - Is that supposed to be a gift? - Yes, that was a gift from the heart. 404 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,141 - That is not a gift. - And you know what? 405 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,699 You had no right to shut her up. 406 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,269 - That was mean. That was cruel. - It was horrible. 407 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,805 - It was over the line. - Her self-esteem is down the toilet now. 408 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,341 I'm sorry about that, but it had nothing to do with her. 409 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,810 I just... I can't stand the sound of the human voice. 410 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,714 - You can't stand the sound of the human voice?! - What are you talking about? 411 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,426 My father used to sing in the house all the time. I couldn't take it. 412 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,552 And to this day, any singing around me... 413 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,122 - You're full of it. - Ted: Bullshit. Bullshit. 414 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,790 It's bullshit. He's making it up. 415 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,890 I'm not making it up. This happens to be the truth. 416 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,628 - Mary: I've never heard this about you, ever. - Ted: Yeah. 417 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,231 - I'm sorry about that. - ( Accordion music playing ) 418 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,466 ( Singing Italian Aria ) 419 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,312 Hey hey hey. Hey hey. 420 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,414 That's okay. We've got it. We've got it. 421 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,282 We've got it. We're good. Hey. 422 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,418 ( Shushes ) we're good. We're good. 423 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,386 Pipe it down. We're good. We're good. 424 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,323 That's okay. Lock it up. Lock it up. We're good. 425 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,258 Very good. It was very good. 426 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,693 - Honestly. Very good. Yeah. - ( Applauding ) 427 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,062 Yeah, we're... we're eating now. 428 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,965 We're eating. We can't listen now. 429 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,901 Come on. Right, people? 430 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,104 Huh? While we're eating? We don't... 431 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,506 We don't need that. Come on. 432 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,842 ( Larry moaning ) 433 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,651 ( Groans ) damn it. 434 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,661 Hey, would you mind switching sides? 435 00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,166 Switch si... sides? Uh, okay. 436 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,733 - Okay. - I kinda prefer that side. 437 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,068 - Oh. All right. - Yeah. 438 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,870 Oh, here, you... you go. 439 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,173 - Thanks. - Better? 440 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,674 - Much better. - All good? 441 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,685 You're so agreeable. I really love that about you. 442 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,444 Uh-huh. Thanks. 443 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,554 ( Groaning ) 444 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,858 What's going on here? ( Laughs ) 445 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,595 Oh, damn it. 446 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,003 - Do you want some pie? - Pie? 447 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,772 Oh my god, it's delicious. 448 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874 - Mmm. - Oh. 449 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,710 - This is so good. - Really? 450 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,445 I made it. Do you want some? 451 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,947 - You made it? - Yeah, I took a dessert class. 452 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,250 It is delicious and I'm not kidding. 453 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,419 - ( Phone ringing ) - all right, I'll try it. 454 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,129 - Have it. It's good. Honestly. - Okay, fine. 455 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,988 - All right. - Sorry. 456 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,057 What is it? What kind? 457 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,959 Oh, shit. 458 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,695 - It's my boyfriend. You've got to be quiet. - ( Phone beeps ) 459 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,107 What are you talking... you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend. 460 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,800 Hello? What's going on? 461 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,436 Uh... oh, nothing. 462 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,138 You know, I was just hanging out, 463 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,106 - not really doing anything actually. - Ah! 464 00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:37,544 - Oh, wow! Wow! - Oh! Oh! 465 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,247 Oh, god. No no, I'm watching TV. 466 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,657 It's like on the discovery channel. 467 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,883 Why don't we talk about it tomorrow? 468 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,354 Oh. Oh, you are. 469 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,757 Then I'll... I'll see you in a minute. Okay. Bye. 470 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,325 - ( Beeps ) - fuck. 471 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,126 - You've gotta go. - What? 472 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,362 My boyfriend's coming over. 473 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,739 You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend. 474 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,203 It didn't come up. You didn't ask me. 475 00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,899 Well, it should've come up. No? 476 00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,434 Listen. You've gotta go 477 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,570 'cause this will suck... Seriously... for me. 478 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972 - Do you like him? - Larry, you've got to go. 479 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,540 I... I can't get into this now. 480 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,252 - Did I leave anything here? - Hello? No, you're fine. 481 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,453 You've got to go. Larry, please. 482 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,111 He will not understand this situation. 483 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,746 Yeah, I don't understand the situation. 484 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,658 He will kill me. He will kill you. We can talk about it later. 485 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,451 - Kill me? Is he a big guy? - You don't want to find out. 486 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,722 I'm not kidding. The food was just awful. 487 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,925 Terrible. Honestly, I can't even believe you recommended that. 488 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,727 Well, I liked the osso buco. 489 00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,497 It didn't taste like osso buco to me. It was bad osso buco. 490 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,699 It'd be hard to find a better osso buco than that. 491 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,201 Ah. Anyway, I'm sorry about the call again. 492 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,836 It was a complete accident. 493 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,106 You know who never makes a mistake like that? My service. 494 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,774 - Really? Interesting. - That's right. 495 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,786 - Please don't call again. - Okay, but like I said, 496 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,212 it was a wrong number. I did not intend to call you. 497 00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,014 Well, perhaps, but it was intrusive. 498 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,016 You have a beautiful home, by the way. 499 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,352 How do you know that? 500 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,097 Your assistant gave me all your info when I asked for your home phone number. 501 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,724 You're right in my neighborhood. You're right up the street. 502 00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,824 You're the house on the corner with that trellis... 503 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,470 - what do you call it, an arbor? - An arbor. 504 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,205 Arbor. Yeah, you've got the arbor in the front. 505 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,232 - I know that house. - You know, I'm a little uncomfortable 506 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,235 - with you having all this information. - What am I gonna do? 507 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,647 There should be a little more openness in the doctor business. 508 00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,573 Everything is so confidential, you know? 509 00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,476 I have too many patients. I don't want them all to have my information. 510 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,144 Well, I'm the only one who has it. 511 00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,822 Well, don't call, don't knock on the door... 512 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,948 Oh yeah. - ...But you're welcome here any time 513 00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,892 - you have a problem. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 514 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,353 So what do you think we should do about the hand? 515 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,388 There are two ways to go with the hand: 516 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,823 Put a bandage on; Not put a bandage on. 517 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,259 In my opinion, it'd be better to leave it open. 518 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,563 Well, are you the same person 519 00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:39,131 who recommended that restaurant with the osso buco? 520 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:40,633 I don't quite see the connection. 521 00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,836 Well, your restaurant recommendation was so awful, 522 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:47,106 I just don't see how I can trust your medical recommendation. 523 00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,808 They're different. 524 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,710 Not to me. 525 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,580 - Wrap it up. - You want it wrapped up? 526 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,516 Yeah. All right, doctor. Whatever you say. 527 00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:04,857 ( Phone rings ) 528 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,393 ( Beeps ) 529 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,495 - Hello? - Larry? Hi, it's Mary Jane. 530 00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,563 Oh, hey, can I call you back? I'm exercising. 531 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,400 Uh, no, you know, my friend... 532 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,435 He found your bandage in the garbage can here 533 00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,312 and he knows it's you. He knows you were here. 534 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,338 What? Yeah, it was really horrible. 535 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,374 I kind of freaked out and I ended up giving him 536 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,309 your... your phone number and your address. 537 00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,211 Are you crazy?! What did you do that for? 538 00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:26,679 I know, I'm sorry. It's crazy, 539 00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,415 but he just... He just wore me down. 540 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,483 It was so horrible, 541 00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:33,119 and he's on his way to your house right now. 542 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:34,854 - Oh my. - ( Beeps ) 543 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,458 ( Car approaches ) 544 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,629 Oh, shit. 545 00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:08,821 Hi, Dr. Morrison. I'm so sorry to bother you, 546 00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,323 honestly... somebody's after me. They're at my house. 547 00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,125 I didn't know what to do! 548 00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,328 I was running and I saw your house. 549 00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:18,140 Mr. David, what the hell are you doing here? 550 00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:19,908 I'm... I'm telling you... I just need a place to stay. 551 00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:22,502 If I could just stay here for a while, spend the night. 552 00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,514 - Yeah, well, you can't. You can't... spend the night? - I'll go in the guest room. 553 00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,282 I'll close the door. You won't even know I'm here! 554 00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,742 I'm sitting here having a nice, quiet night with my wife, 555 00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:32,311 we're having a glass of wine, and you bust in here saying 556 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:35,014 - you want to stay here all night?! - Hello. I'm so sorry. 557 00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:37,650 Please please please don't involve Mrs. Morrison. 558 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,495 I'm not involving her. You have a lovely home by the way. 559 00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,387 - Thank you. - Lovely. I love that print. 560 00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:43,490 And I think it's a little provocative, 561 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,300 coming in here like this in front of my wife 562 00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:47,460 with no pants on! You should go home and get dressed. 563 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,462 I was running out! I ran out of the house. 564 00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,122 I give you my phone number, you call me. 565 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:53,733 You drive by my house. Now you're in my house? 566 00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:56,135 How about if I just hang out here? I'll sit on the steps. 567 00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:57,937 What, all night? Sit on the steps? 568 00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:00,072 - Well, I can't go out! - My family is here! 569 00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,575 Do you mind if I stay on the steps, Mrs. Morrison? 570 00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:04,753 No no, Mrs. Morrison does... you're not staying on the steps. 571 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,179 You know, you're a doctor. You're sending me out to get hurt. 572 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,648 What about the hippocratic oath? 573 00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:10,588 When you're hurt, come back and I'll treat you. 574 00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,585 - Go home, Mr. David! - Do you agree with this? 575 00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,463 - You say you only live... - Do you agree with this? 576 00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,222 Please! Don't bring Mrs. Morrison into this. 577 00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,233 Fine. - And I think you ought to put some pants on. 578 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,503 You know what? You're going to be getting a call from me soon... 579 00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,428 An emergency call. I have your home phone number 580 00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:24,807 - and I'm going to be making an emergency call! - Call my service! 581 00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:26,365 I'm calling an emergency call to you! 582 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,601 Don't call me, and I'll call you! 583 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,495 I'm so happy you're home. You've got to let me come in and spend the night. 584 00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:48,420 Somebody's chasing me. There's a guy after me. 585 00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:50,289 I swear to god! I'm not making it up! 586 00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:53,125 - What are you wearing? - What? I'm wearing shorts. 587 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:56,062 - That's disgusting. - I workout in shorts. I'm sorry. 588 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,065 You know something? You really disappointed me last night. 589 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,634 That sweet guy trying to sing a song... 590 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:04,436 You absolutely destroyed his confidence. You know that? 591 00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:06,305 He can't sing anymore because of you. 592 00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:09,876 Well, I'll... you know, I'll talk to him. 593 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:11,544 - Talk to him? - I will. I will. 594 00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:12,721 Yeah, build up his confidence after that. 595 00:25:12,745 --> 00:25:13,922 I actually will. I'll do that. 596 00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,186 You are a selfish motherfucker. 597 00:25:15,214 --> 00:25:16,115 - I'm selfish? - You are. 598 00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:17,650 I buy you a fantastic gift, 599 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,852 and you take Jeff Greene? That's $150. 600 00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:21,821 - So what? - That's my $150! 601 00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,431 - Is that what's bothering you? $150? - At least I gave you 602 00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,924 a present. I didn't have my daughter 603 00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:26,869 - sing some bullshit song... - Here. Here's your $150. 604 00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,403 Take your $150... - ...And not be able to carry a tune! 605 00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:31,631 And go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you? 606 00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:38,605 ( Tires screech ) 607 00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:47,013 - Hey, I'm so glad you're home. - Hey. 608 00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,815 Mary Jane Porter's boyfriend is after me. 609 00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:50,693 - What's going on? - I need to spend the night here! 610 00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:52,294 I won't bother you. I won't even use the kitchen! 611 00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:53,862 I swear to you I'll just stay in the guest room. 612 00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,988 - Please. Come on. - All right, all right. 613 00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:58,891 - Come on in. - Put something on. I don't want to have to look at this. 614 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,729 ( Birds chirping ) 615 00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:08,434 Sammy: * you're just too good to be true * 616 00:26:08,534 --> 00:26:12,104 * can't take my eyes off of you * 617 00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,875 - * you'd be like heaven to touch... * - Jesus. Shut up! 618 00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:18,277 What the fuck? Shut the fuck up! 619 00:26:18,377 --> 00:26:21,413 * I want to hold you so much... * - shut the fuck up! 620 00:26:21,513 --> 00:26:24,817 - ( Sammy crying ) - Jesus Christ! 621 00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,186 - What the fuck? - Sammy: Mommy! I was singing 622 00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:31,691 - and Larry told me to shut the fuck up! - Susie: He did what?! 623 00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:33,826 - Out! - Huh? What? 624 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,929 - Out! Out! Get the hell out of my house! - What the hell? 625 00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,866 You ingrate! You hurt Sammy one more time, Larry! 626 00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:42,568 Get the fuck out of my house, okay?! 627 00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:46,005 You squashed the spirit of a talented young girl! 628 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:50,009 You piece of shit! You heartless piece of shit! 629 00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:51,811 Out! 630 00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:58,160 - Anyway, I'm sorry that you took it so personally... - That's all right. 631 00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:00,162 Because it really... Honestly, it really wasn't you. 632 00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:03,089 - You mean that? - Yes, absolutely. 633 00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:05,658 - Now come on. - Just go sing, will you please? 634 00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:09,628 - Okay. Okay. Thanks. - Okay. 635 00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:14,667 - ( Accordion music playing ) - ( man singing Aria ) 636 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:17,003 What the... - ( whispers ) what are you doing? 637 00:27:19,505 --> 00:27:22,909 - What are you doing here? - I had to go talk to that singer. 638 00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,144 - What are you doing here? - Uh, listen. 639 00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:27,284 I'm meeting Christian slater and his girlfriend here 640 00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:30,082 and my boyfriend's in the bathroom right now. 641 00:27:30,182 --> 00:27:33,119 He's gonna come out and... you should go. 642 00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:35,130 - Don't stand there. - Yeah, but he doesn't know what I look like. 643 00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,724 - Go go go go. - Yeah, but... 644 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,859 - I know. - ( Exhales sharply ) 645 00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,661 - Oh, whoa, I'm sorry. - Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry. 646 00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:45,832 Oh, wait, are you Larry David? 647 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568 No. Nuh-uh. 648 00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,504 - No. No. - What? 649 00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:53,740 Hey hey! Excuse me. Hey hey! 650 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,008 Hey hey! Hey! 651 00:28:13,425 --> 00:28:16,162 You're not looking for Larry David by any chance, are you? 652 00:28:16,262 --> 00:28:17,797 Yeah, I am. 653 00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:21,768 Thank you. Thanks, man. Hey! 654 00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:33,479 ( Theme music playing ) 52924

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