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1
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( Theme music playing )
2
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( Scratching )
3
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Let me, uh... let me give
you a little tip, okay?
4
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,530
Mm-hmm.
For traveling... a little traveling tip.
5
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Try not to wear shorts.
6
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It's not all that attractive
to look at for five hours.
7
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- Are you kidding?
- Honestly. No, I'm not.
8
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- I wear these on every flight when I travel...
- Really?
9
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- 'Cause it's very comfortable.
- Yes. Yeah.
10
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These planes, if you
notice, get very hot.
11
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- Ah. Yes, they do.
- I'm sorry, I didn't see where I had to check
12
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with the person I'm sitting
next to what I should wear.
13
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I'm comfortable in pajamas, but I
don't wear pajamas on a plane.
14
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I like to sing.
I like to whistle.
15
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I like to play
the bongos on my leg.
16
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- I like to imitate horses...
- Okay.
17
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- But I don't do it, okay?
- All right.
18
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- Because there's somebody sitting next to me.
- Yeah, okay. Okay.
19
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Wow, you're very uptight, dude.
Very uptight.
20
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- Uptight? I don't think it's "uptight."
- It's just shorts, man.
21
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,534
- You've never seen a man's legs?
- Yeah, they're grotesque.
22
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,736
What if they were
a woman's in a skirt?
23
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,505
Would you say that to her
if a woman's in a skirt?
24
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- If they were hairy.
- Okay.
25
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Are you ready for a hot towel?
26
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( Yelling )
27
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She must've put it
in the microwave.
28
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Don't you think? I mean, have you ever
seen anything like this is your life?
29
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Huh. - Only me. Only
me this happens to.
30
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I bet you I could sue 'em.
Don't you think?
31
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Do I have a case? Tell me.
32
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- Would you testify for me?
- No.
33
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- You wouldn't testify?
- No, I wouldn't.
34
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I find that odd and troubling.
35
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:44,205
Yeah, it would be hard to find a
doctor who, in good conscience,
36
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,841
could recommend a high-value
settlement for that burn.
37
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Okay. I'll drop it.
38
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,080
- Forget about it.
- Okay. By the way,
39
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,115
I am loving the music
in the waiting room.
40
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- Oh.
- The opera? Fabulous.
41
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I'm glad you like it.
42
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,922
I got the idea
from an Italian restaurant...
43
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,957
A new Italian restaurant
called Matteo's.
44
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,760
They have live singers
who do some arias
45
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,696
- from various Italian operas.
- No kidding?
46
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,831
- Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- What a fabulous idea.
47
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,851
I need to buy an anniversary
gift for my friends.
48
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,135
I'll bet you... that would be
a good gift, would it not?
49
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,347
- It'd be a great gift.
- A gift certificate to this restaurant?
50
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,139
Absolutely. Yeah. Do it.
51
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- All right. Thank you. Thank you for everything.
- You're welcome.
52
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,111
- I'm sorry to bother you, you know.
- No problem.
53
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,652
- Well, should I come back?
- No, you don't need to come back.
54
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It'll be healed before you
walk out the door. - ( Laughs )
55
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Okay.
56
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,821
You know what?
57
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,123
I was just thinking.
58
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,526
I'd love to get
your home phone number
59
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,761
just in case of an emergency
or something else
60
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,763
with the hand. Who knows?
Something comes up,
61
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,966
- it's nice to have.
- I don't give out my home phone number.
62
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You know, I understand all that,
63
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,170
but I would
feel better, you know.
64
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,373
It would make me feel
more secure.
65
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Nothing's gonna happen.
I'm never gonna call.
66
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,453
You know, what are the odds
of something happening? Zero.
67
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,488
Well, if anything happened, you
can always call the service
68
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,615
- and they'll contact me.
- Yeah, then I have to deal with the middleman,
69
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,817
sort of, and maybe
the service isn't there.
70
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,520
Why does he have the privilege
of talking to you and not me?
71
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,257
- I'm your patient.
- You have a problem.
72
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You make the call. They call me,
73
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then I respond to you.
74
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,963
It works like a charm!
It works every time!
75
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:19,300
I like the idea of having my
doctor's number in my wallet.
76
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,469
I don't want to be
in your wallet.
77
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I want you in my wallet.
78
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,242
- What do you think?
- I'll make an exception in your case
79
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,445
purely in the interest
of getting on with my day.
80
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- Fantastic. Thanks so much.
- All right.
81
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,449
I do not expect you to abuse it
82
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,319
and I don't want you to call me
directly at home, all right?
83
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,739
But if it'll
make you feel better,
84
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,456
get the number
from my receptionist
85
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,057
- on the way out.
- Okay.
86
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,793
- Keep it dry...
- Keep it dry.
87
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,561
And don't call.
88
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,735
- Hello.
- Larry: Really?
89
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,704
- Wow.
- Wow.
90
00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:00,107
Jeez. Mary Jane.
91
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,009
- Hey. Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
92
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,278
- Hi.
- How are you?
93
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,347
- It's been a while.
- Uh, yeah.
94
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,049
- Well, you look good.
- So do you.
95
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,452
Thank you. How are things?
96
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,987
I just came from the doctor.
I've got two months to live.
97
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,456
- It's terrible.
- Not very funny.
98
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,966
Yeah, I'm trying to get
women to take pity on me,
99
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so they'll sleep with me,
you know. That's all.
100
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,828
So I just tell everybody that.
101
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,196
- Hmm.
- So, um,
102
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what are you...
What's your social situation?
103
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- Are you married?
- God no.
104
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,848
You regret breaking up
with me though.
105
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,647
You're still... you're still
having nightmares about that?
106
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,306
You... oh, Larry,
you're the same!
107
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,542
You can admit it...
You made a mistake.
108
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,545
We should go out. We should
go out and catch up.
109
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- You know, that would be fantastic.
- Yeah?
110
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,890
- Yeah, let's do that.
- What about tonight?
111
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,685
Tonight I'm going to Ted
Danson's anniversary party.
112
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:48,255
Oh, yeah. Yeah, my friend Christian
slater's gonna be there.
113
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,823
- Christian slater?
- Yeah.
114
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,468
- He's a friend of yours?
- Yeah, tell him I said hi.
115
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,594
Uh, no, but I'll... I'll see him.
116
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,497
- Um, how about tomorrow?
- Okay.
117
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,198
- We're gonna have a date?
- Yeah.
118
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,067
- Do you have my number?
- I do.
119
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,111
- What? Do you think I threw away your number?
- You do not have my...
120
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,381
I've got the number of every woman
I've ever gone out with in my life.
121
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,074
Believe me. I'm gonna
see you tomorrow.
122
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,677
- Yeah. ( Laughs )
- I've changed.
123
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,845
- Bye.
- Bye.
124
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,985
( Chatting )
125
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,654
Mozzarella? Yeah.
126
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:25,559
- Hey.
- Hi.
127
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,095
Do you remember
Mary Jane Porter?
128
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,797
One of my favorites.
129
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,999
- I ran into her today.
- How's she look?
130
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,701
- Fantastic.
- Really?
131
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,703
- Oh my god, she's a doll.
- Oh god.
132
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,838
- You know?
- Yeah. Why'd she go out with you?
133
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,840
I don't know why
she went out with me.
134
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,809
I don't know.
That's a good question.
135
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,787
- A big bowl of out of your league.
- Way out of my league.
136
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,946
- Huge time.
- Well, that's why she got rid of me.
137
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,115
- Yeah. Really?
- Well, I was so desperate.
138
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,083
She could sense the insecurity.
139
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,453
- They pick up on it.
- Instantly.
140
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,422
- I'm seeing her tomorrow night.
- Really?
141
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,156
Yeah. She asked me.
142
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,358
Maybe she's got
the desperation this time.
143
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,127
- Hopefully.
- Hopefully.
144
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,630
It's a lot easier to work with
their desperation than mine.
145
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,774
- Let me ask you a question. Sexually...
- Yeah. Yeah.
146
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,776
Can I... can I pick up
where I left off with her?
147
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,602
Absolutely.
You put in your time.
148
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,571
I mean, it's like
15 years later, but...
149
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,305
Everything you've
done before counts.
150
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,074
Yes. I don't know.
151
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,744
In terms of unhooking bras, I'm
really gonna be in trouble.
152
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:19,379
- Look at this?
- Well, why don't you use your right hand?
153
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,649
I'm... I'm a lefty unhooker.
I can't unhook righty.
154
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:24,217
It's from the car,
I think, when you park.
155
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,386
Right.
You're making out in the driver's seat,
156
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,832
you lean over, it's your left
hand that's doing the unhooking.
157
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,667
Right, you get used to the left.
It's like the one thing
158
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,235
if you're a righty that you do
with your left hand with skill.
159
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,595
- That's true.
- So what's going on with Cheryl?
160
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,630
Hopefully we can
cast her in this thing
161
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,466
and see what happens.
162
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,768
What about the whole
Meg Ryan situation?
163
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,603
Oh, it's gonna...
It's gonna be about Jerry.
164
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,539
Yeah.
You know, I've just gotta convince Jerry
165
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,241
to use Cheryl,
'cause if I cast her...
166
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,478
Then I think I'll have a shot.
167
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,321
- I think it's a great plan.
- In the meantime,
168
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,981
I'm allowed to have
some fun, right?
169
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,315
Please! Why not?
170
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,284
Mary Jane Porter asking you.
171
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,186
Hey, what did
you get Ted and Mary?
172
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,789
Susie gets all
the gifts. No idea.
173
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,558
- Hello!
- Ted: Seriously, though...
174
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,927
- lar! I didn't see you come in.
- Hey!
175
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,397
- Hey, buddy. That's sweet of you.
- Hey, congratulations.
176
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,667
- Thank you, thank you.
- And look what I got.
177
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,168
Dee-dah! What is that?
178
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,105
- It's a present.
- Oh my god.
179
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:21,308
- Ho! Larry.
- Lar!
180
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,876
- What?
- Oh my god.
181
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,847
A $300 gift certificate
to Matteo's restaurant.
182
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,916
Have you been there? It's
supposed to be great.
183
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,451
Are you sure you wanna
give that much?
184
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,420
I can't believe you did that.
185
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:34,855
What? Why are you so surprised.
186
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,456
No, it's just,
you know, the last...
187
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,557
- What was the last gift?
- Both: "The freak book."
188
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:41,061
- "The freak book."
- That was a good gift,
189
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,640
- and it was expensive too.
- This is great. I shouldn't have even brought that up.
190
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,441
- I'm sorry. This is great.
- No, it's really nice.
191
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,785
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Very very generous of you, buddy.
192
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,871
- Thank you.
- Oh, okay. Well, you're welcome.
193
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,440
Is it a lot better than the
gifts you've been getting?
194
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,375
- No.
- No no no.
195
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,344
- Well...
- It's just...
196
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:58,922
- It's just that...
- It's just... it's...
197
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,881
- no, it's a great gift. Thank you.
- Thank you.
198
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,026
( Mumbles ) - thank you. Let
me... I've gotta catch up with...
199
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,252
Of course.
The host has to circulate.
200
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,031
- Hey, you circulate too, lar.
- Yeah, well, I... I know. You're the big stars,
201
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,558
- the hosts of the party.
- There's a lot of nice women here.
202
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,293
Everybody wants to talk
to the hosts of course.
203
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,629
I understand. "Oh, I'm the host."
204
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,398
Hello, I'm the host
of the party."
205
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,634
Hey. - Hey, l.D.
How are you, man?
206
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,436
Good. You know, I ran into
a friend of yours today.
207
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,338
- Who's that?
- Mary... Mary Jane Porter.
208
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,676
- Mmm! I love her. She's great.
- Mmm.
209
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,779
( Chuckles ) Jesus Christ.
210
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,381
What?
- You're really going to town on that caviar.
211
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,483
It's the best caviar
they could possibly get.
212
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,728
It's unbelievable. What do you
think I'm gonna do, pass this up?
213
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,689
I know, but I think you're going over
your allotment a little bit. No?
214
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,456
- My allotment?
- You know,
215
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,593
we're each entitled
to take a certain amount
216
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,662
so everybody else can have
a little bit too.
217
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,264
- Umm.
- It feels like you're going over.
218
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,764
Just an observation.
Not a big deal.
219
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,635
Okay.
Just something I'm observing.
220
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,071
Well, it's good that you're here
to patrol the hor d'oeuvres area.
221
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,607
- Yeah.
- Okay.
222
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,109
We have unwritten laws
in this society.
223
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,178
If I'm talking to somebody and
they said their friend has cancer,
224
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,480
I go "oh. Oh. Oh."
225
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,883
Even though I don't know
the person, I go "oh."
226
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,284
You know, it's an unwritten law.
227
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,920
You do something like that.
228
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,922
- Mmm. Okay.
- It's a nice thing to do.
229
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,182
What you should be doing here
is you take a little bit,
230
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,293
then you step away for 20 minutes,
see what kind of action there is.
231
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,862
- Oh.
- If nobody's taking any,
232
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,097
maybe take a little bit
more, step away again.
233
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,399
- So forth and so on.
- Okay, look.
234
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,336
Let me just scoop
a little more on here
235
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,673
and I'm gonna step away then.
236
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,808
- Wow.
- Enjoy the party.
237
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,344
- Okay. All right.
- Always good to see you.
238
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,681
Mary: Larry, did you
eat all that caviar?
239
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,617
- Huh? No.
- Why would you do that?
240
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,853
I mean, everybody knows
you take a little, right?
241
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,188
- Hey, it wasn't me.
- Then who was it?
242
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,524
Christian slater was
eating gobfuls of it.
243
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,936
- I hate that.
- I couldn't even look at it.
244
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,561
- ( Glass clinking )
- that's...
245
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,339
- So inconsiderate, no?
- It's an unwritten rule.
246
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,165
- You take your...
- Unwritten rule, exactly.
247
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,333
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
248
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,435
Ted and Mary,
our gracious hosts...
249
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,605
Happy anniversary
to an incredible couple.
250
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,974
We didn't know what to get you.
251
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,809
You clearly have everything.
252
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,687
We're not gonna get you
a toaster or a blender,
253
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:14,848
so our incredibly
talented daughter Sammy,
254
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:19,119
as our gift to you,
is gonna sing a special song.
255
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,122
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Susie: So let's have a nice round of applause.
256
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,425
- That's a gift? Are you kidding?
- Susie: Sammy is gonna sing.
257
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,203
- Let's hear it for Sammy.
- How is that a gift?
258
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:31,531
* you're just
too good to be true *
259
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,535
* can't take
my eyes off of you... *
260
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,972
( whispers ) oh my god. - * you
would be like heaven to touch *
261
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,509
* I wanna hold you so much *
262
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:46,346
* at long last
love has arrived *
263
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,149
* and I thank god I'm alive... *
264
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,384
( chuckles, whispers )
are you kidding me?
265
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,186
Are you kidding?
266
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,286
This is the worst thing
I've ever heard in my life.
267
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,091
- * I love you, baby...
- Larry: All right. Okay.
268
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,460
All right. Okay.
That's good. That's good.
269
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,271
- Very good, very good! Okay, that was wonderful.
- What are you doing?
270
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,131
- What are you doing?
- Very good talent.
271
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,809
- I'm not... I'm not done.
- No no no no, that was terrific.
272
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:06,843
No no, she's not done.
What are you doing?
273
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,044
That was very good. Very good.
274
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,903
Why are you
interrupting her, Larry?
275
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,815
Why didn't you wait until she
was finished singing the song?
276
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,649
- What were you doing?
- What? The song's over.
277
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,043
No, the song was not over. You
know the song was not over
278
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,045
- and you cut her off!
- The song is over.
279
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,981
You ruined the whole gift! That
was our gift for god's sake!
280
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,126
- Oh, I thought the song was over.
- Sammy, that was great.
281
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:26,119
Let's give her a nice round of applause.
That was good.
282
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,689
That was good. Yeah.
283
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,959
I'll tell you...
That's a talented kid.
284
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,333
Hey! Real nice. Real nice.
285
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,173
Come... I mean, Mary is pissed
at me about the caviar.
286
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,408
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you.
287
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,778
What? What did she say?
288
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,245
She said that you told her
289
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,783
that I helped myself
to too much caviar.
290
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,618
Well, she noticed the caviar
291
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,853
and asked me who ate it.
292
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,721
What? What?
Was I supposed to lie?
293
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,367
- I was not taking too much caviar!
- Oh, please. Are you kidding?
294
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,194
- Who are you?!
- You were eating it like it was potato chips!
295
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:09,062
It's there
to be eaten, you know?
296
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,264
- Not by one person!
- It was out there on the table.
297
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,367
- You made it your dinner.
- Oh god.
298
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,203
( Chuckles )
299
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,741
Smile.
300
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,046
Hey, mind your own business.
How about that?
301
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,615
"Smile."
302
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,951
( Beeps )
303
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,053
- ( Rings )
- hello.
304
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,490
- Larry: Fat boy!
- What? Hello?
305
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,828
- Jeff?
- Umm, no.
306
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,096
- No, there's no Jeff here.
- Is this Dr. Morrison?
307
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,899
Uh, yeah, it is.
It is. Who's this?
308
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,667
Oh my god! It's Larry David!
309
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,302
Your patient Larry David.
310
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,738
And wasn't it just
a couple of days ago
311
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,541
that I saw you and asked
you not to call here?
312
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,910
No, I wasn't calling you.
I was calling Jeff Greene...
313
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,047
Listen... and your name is
right under his
314
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,949
and I must have pressed
yours by accident.
315
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:05,752
I distinctly recall
asking you not to call me.
316
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,054
No no, I didn't call.
317
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,189
How can you say
you didn't call?!
318
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:12,259
- You did call.
- I didn't call purposefully.
319
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,795
- It was an accident.
- An accident call is still a call.
320
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,630
Technically, I called, but...
321
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,532
Look. I'm in the other room
322
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,368
I'm working.
I had to walk in here.
323
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,170
I had to pick up the phone.
324
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,672
Now I'm talking to you.
That's a call.
325
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,307
It's a wrong number.
326
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,442
You know, I don't have
an hourglass set up here,
327
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,178
but it's
the longest wrong number
328
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,880
I've ever had in my life.
329
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,714
I have things to do, Mr. David.
330
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,084
- Really? What are you doing?
- I'm changing light bulbs
331
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,319
and cleaning
the cat's litter box.
332
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,155
What do you do at home? Does
anybody ask you what you do...
333
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,723
Don't ask me what I do at home.
334
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,692
All right.
I'm gonna hang up then.
335
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,971
You don't have to tell me everything
you're doing. Just hang up.
336
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,063
Okay. The next time
you hear from me
337
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,099
will be in case of an emergency,
338
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,867
and I hope
you don't hear from me.
339
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,802
You still have
my service number.
340
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,938
Call them, ask about their day.
341
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,672
Don't bother me.
342
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,110
- Hmm.
- So did you hang up yet?
343
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:07,147
Not yet. Should I hang up now?
344
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,282
Yes, I'm going to hang up now.
345
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,260
Did I mention that I'm going
to the restaurant tonight?
346
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,120
- Goodbye.
- ( phone clatters )
347
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,625
By the way, I'm not that
impressed with the food.
348
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027
It's good.
349
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,395
No, I'm having a real problem
with this osso buco.
350
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,707
I can't believe Dr. Morrison
recommended it. It's terrible.
351
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:27,901
- You don't like food.
- What does that mean, I don't like food?
352
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,869
You don't like food.
Every time we've gone out,
353
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,115
- you're like "I don't like this food."
- No, I didn't like your food.
354
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,682
- That's what...
- You didn't like my food?
355
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,518
Your food... come on, you were
the worst cook in the world.
356
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,310
- Oh, stop it.
- You know that. "Stop it."
357
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,446
You are the only one
that thinks that.
358
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,615
I think you're not a good...
eater. - ( Both laugh )
359
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:46,186
- Really? You think I'm...
- yeah, you're not a good eater.
360
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:50,323
Anyway, I'd better shut up,
because I'm planning on...
361
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,225
I'm planning on a big move later
362
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,227
and I think
I might hurt my chances
363
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,196
if I keep criticizing your food.
364
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,398
- You're right.
- Yeah.
365
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,533
A big big move.
366
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,635
- Is that what this is?
- Yeah, exactly.
367
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,605
- A big storm warning?
- I'm babe Ruth calling the shot.
368
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,408
All right. Oh, there's
your friend Ted Danson.
369
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,877
Ted Danson?
370
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,280
No, he's over there.
371
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,797
- Mary Jane: Is that weird?
- It was great.
372
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,453
Yeah, it's really weird.
373
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,490
I'll be right back.
374
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,295
- You're... you're kidding.
- To the vineyard?
375
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,163
Yeah.
Yeah, you could. You could.
376
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,599
- Hey, Larry.
- Mary: Hi.
377
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:35,068
- Hi, lar.
- Hey, buddy.
378
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,271
- Are you having a nice time?
- Yes, thank you so much.
379
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,573
- Thank you, buddy.
- I find it a little odd,
380
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,509
frankly,
381
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,046
that I got you this
382
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,415
$300 gift certificate
to the restaurant
383
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,619
and you chose
to take them and not me.
384
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,721
But if we took you,
385
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:58,691
wouldn't that be you
giving a gift to yourself?
386
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,460
- No, not really.
- You somehow...
387
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,196
No, I gave you a gift
and I just think that
388
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,265
the nice thing to do
would have been
389
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,467
"hey, you know what?
Why don't you come with us?"
390
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,070
"Was there a stipulation
on the gift certificate"
391
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,205
- "$300 plus take me"?
- No. No,
392
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,274
but don't you feel
a little bit funny
393
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,419
- that you're eating dinner under... it's my money?
- Not at all.
394
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,012
- I paid for your gift.
- What, have you got a beef with me now?
395
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,556
- Yeah?
- I've got a side beef with you.
396
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,382
- I've got a beef with him.
- You know what?
397
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,642
- We've had a really nice fun night...
- Do me a favor.
398
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,729
Which is more than we would've
had if we'd brought you.
399
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,264
From now on don't get us a gift.
No more gifts.
400
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,023
At least I got you a gift, okay?
401
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,834
I didn't let my daughter
go up and sing a song.
402
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,802
- What the hell does that mean, Larry?
- Oh, come on now.
403
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,539
- Is that supposed to be a gift?
- Yes, that was a gift from the heart.
404
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,141
- That is not a gift.
- And you know what?
405
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,699
You had no right to shut her up.
406
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,269
- That was mean. That was cruel.
- It was horrible.
407
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,805
- It was over the line.
- Her self-esteem is down the toilet now.
408
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,341
I'm sorry about that, but it
had nothing to do with her.
409
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,810
I just... I can't stand the
sound of the human voice.
410
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,714
- You can't stand the sound of the human voice?!
- What are you talking about?
411
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,426
My father used to sing in the house
all the time. I couldn't take it.
412
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,552
And to this day,
any singing around me...
413
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,122
- You're full of it.
- Ted: Bullshit. Bullshit.
414
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,790
It's bullshit.
He's making it up.
415
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,890
I'm not making it up. This
happens to be the truth.
416
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,628
- Mary: I've never heard this about you, ever.
- Ted: Yeah.
417
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,231
- I'm sorry about that.
- ( Accordion music playing )
418
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,466
( Singing Italian Aria )
419
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,312
Hey hey hey. Hey hey.
420
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,414
That's okay. We've got it.
We've got it.
421
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,282
We've got it. We're good. Hey.
422
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,418
( Shushes ) we're good.
We're good.
423
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,386
Pipe it down.
We're good. We're good.
424
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,323
That's okay. Lock it up.
Lock it up. We're good.
425
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,258
Very good. It was very good.
426
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,693
- Honestly. Very good. Yeah.
- ( Applauding )
427
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,062
Yeah, we're... we're eating now.
428
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,965
We're eating.
We can't listen now.
429
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,901
Come on. Right, people?
430
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,104
Huh? While we're eating?
We don't...
431
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,506
We don't need that. Come on.
432
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,842
( Larry moaning )
433
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,651
( Groans ) damn it.
434
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,661
Hey, would you mind
switching sides?
435
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,166
Switch si... sides? Uh, okay.
436
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,733
- Okay.
- I kinda prefer that side.
437
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,068
- Oh. All right.
- Yeah.
438
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,870
Oh, here, you... you go.
439
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,173
- Thanks.
- Better?
440
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,674
- Much better.
- All good?
441
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,685
You're so agreeable. I
really love that about you.
442
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,444
Uh-huh. Thanks.
443
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,554
( Groaning )
444
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,858
What's going on here? ( Laughs )
445
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,595
Oh, damn it.
446
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,003
- Do you want some pie?
- Pie?
447
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,772
Oh my god, it's delicious.
448
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874
- Mmm.
- Oh.
449
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,710
- This is so good.
- Really?
450
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,445
I made it. Do you want some?
451
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,947
- You made it?
- Yeah, I took a dessert class.
452
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,250
It is delicious
and I'm not kidding.
453
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,419
- ( Phone ringing )
- all right, I'll try it.
454
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,129
- Have it. It's good. Honestly.
- Okay, fine.
455
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,988
- All right.
- Sorry.
456
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,057
What is it? What kind?
457
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,959
Oh, shit.
458
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,695
- It's my boyfriend. You've got to be quiet.
- ( Phone beeps )
459
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,107
What are you talking... you didn't
tell me you had a boyfriend.
460
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,800
Hello? What's going on?
461
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,436
Uh... oh, nothing.
462
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,138
You know, I was
just hanging out,
463
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,106
- not really doing anything actually.
- Ah!
464
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:37,544
- Oh, wow! Wow!
- Oh! Oh!
465
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,247
Oh, god. No no, I'm watching TV.
466
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,657
It's like
on the discovery channel.
467
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,883
Why don't we talk
about it tomorrow?
468
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:47,354
Oh. Oh, you are.
469
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,757
Then I'll... I'll see you
in a minute. Okay. Bye.
470
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,325
- ( Beeps )
- fuck.
471
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,126
- You've gotta go.
- What?
472
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,362
My boyfriend's coming over.
473
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,739
You didn't tell me
you had a boyfriend.
474
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,203
It didn't come up.
You didn't ask me.
475
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,899
Well, it should've come up. No?
476
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,434
Listen. You've gotta go
477
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,570
'cause this will suck...
Seriously... for me.
478
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,972
- Do you like him?
- Larry, you've got to go.
479
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,540
I... I can't get into this now.
480
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,252
- Did I leave anything here?
- Hello? No, you're fine.
481
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,453
You've got to go. Larry, please.
482
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,111
He will not understand
this situation.
483
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,746
Yeah, I don't understand
the situation.
484
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,658
He will kill me. He will kill you.
We can talk about it later.
485
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:18,451
- Kill me? Is he a big guy?
- You don't want to find out.
486
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,722
I'm not kidding.
The food was just awful.
487
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,925
Terrible. Honestly, I can't even
believe you recommended that.
488
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:27,727
Well, I liked the osso buco.
489
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,497
It didn't taste like osso buco to me.
It was bad osso buco.
490
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,699
It'd be hard to find a
better osso buco than that.
491
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:35,201
Ah. Anyway, I'm sorry
about the call again.
492
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,836
It was a complete accident.
493
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,106
You know who never makes a
mistake like that? My service.
494
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,774
- Really? Interesting.
- That's right.
495
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,786
- Please don't call again.
- Okay, but like I said,
496
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,212
it was a wrong number. I did
not intend to call you.
497
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,014
Well, perhaps,
but it was intrusive.
498
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,016
You have a beautiful
home, by the way.
499
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,352
How do you know that?
500
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,097
Your assistant gave me all your info
when I asked for your home phone number.
501
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,724
You're right in my neighborhood.
You're right up the street.
502
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,824
You're the house on the
corner with that trellis...
503
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,470
- what do you call it, an arbor?
- An arbor.
504
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,205
Arbor. Yeah, you've got
the arbor in the front.
505
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,232
- I know that house.
- You know, I'm a little uncomfortable
506
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,235
- with you having all this information.
- What am I gonna do?
507
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,647
There should be a little more
openness in the doctor business.
508
00:21:11,671 --> 00:21:13,573
Everything is
so confidential, you know?
509
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,476
I have too many patients. I don't
want them all to have my information.
510
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,144
Well, I'm the only one
who has it.
511
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,822
Well, don't call,
don't knock on the door...
512
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,948
Oh yeah. - ...But you're
welcome here any time
513
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,892
- you have a problem.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
514
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,353
So what do you think we
should do about the hand?
515
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,388
There are two ways
to go with the hand:
516
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,823
Put a bandage on;
Not put a bandage on.
517
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,259
In my opinion, it'd be
better to leave it open.
518
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,563
Well, are you the same person
519
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:39,131
who recommended that
restaurant with the osso buco?
520
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:40,633
I don't quite
see the connection.
521
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,836
Well, your restaurant
recommendation was so awful,
522
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:47,106
I just don't see how I can trust
your medical recommendation.
523
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:48,808
They're different.
524
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,710
Not to me.
525
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,580
- Wrap it up.
- You want it wrapped up?
526
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,516
Yeah.
All right, doctor. Whatever you say.
527
00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:04,857
( Phone rings )
528
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,393
( Beeps )
529
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,495
- Hello?
- Larry? Hi, it's Mary Jane.
530
00:22:08,595 --> 00:22:10,563
Oh, hey, can I call you back?
I'm exercising.
531
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,400
Uh, no, you know, my friend...
532
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,435
He found your bandage
in the garbage can here
533
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,312
and he knows it's you.
He knows you were here.
534
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,338
What?
Yeah, it was really horrible.
535
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,374
I kind of freaked out
and I ended up giving him
536
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,309
your... your phone number
and your address.
537
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:25,211
Are you crazy?!
What did you do that for?
538
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:26,679
I know, I'm sorry. It's crazy,
539
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,415
but he just...
He just wore me down.
540
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,483
It was so horrible,
541
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:33,119
and he's on his way
to your house right now.
542
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:34,854
- Oh my.
- ( Beeps )
543
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,458
( Car approaches )
544
00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,629
Oh, shit.
545
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:08,821
Hi, Dr. Morrison.
I'm so sorry to bother you,
546
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,323
honestly... somebody's after me.
They're at my house.
547
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,125
I didn't know what to do!
548
00:23:13,225 --> 00:23:16,328
I was running
and I saw your house.
549
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:18,140
Mr. David, what the hell
are you doing here?
550
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:19,908
I'm... I'm telling you...
I just need a place to stay.
551
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:22,502
If I could just stay here for
a while, spend the night.
552
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,514
- Yeah, well, you can't. You can't... spend the night?
- I'll go in the guest room.
553
00:23:25,538 --> 00:23:27,282
I'll close the door. You
won't even know I'm here!
554
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,742
I'm sitting here having a nice,
quiet night with my wife,
555
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:32,311
we're having a glass of wine,
and you bust in here saying
556
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:35,014
- you want to stay here all night?!
- Hello. I'm so sorry.
557
00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:37,650
Please please please don't involve Mrs.
Morrison.
558
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,495
I'm not involving her. You
have a lovely home by the way.
559
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,387
- Thank you.
- Lovely. I love that print.
560
00:23:41,488 --> 00:23:43,490
And I think it's
a little provocative,
561
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,300
coming in here like this
in front of my wife
562
00:23:45,324 --> 00:23:47,460
with no pants on! You should
go home and get dressed.
563
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,462
I was running out!
I ran out of the house.
564
00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:51,122
I give you my phone
number, you call me.
565
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:53,733
You drive by my house.
Now you're in my house?
566
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:56,135
How about if I just hang out here?
I'll sit on the steps.
567
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:57,937
What, all night?
Sit on the steps?
568
00:23:58,037 --> 00:24:00,072
- Well, I can't go out!
- My family is here!
569
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,575
Do you mind if I stay
on the steps, Mrs. Morrison?
570
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:04,753
No no, Mrs. Morrison does...
you're not staying on the steps.
571
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,179
You know, you're a doctor. You're
sending me out to get hurt.
572
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,648
What about the hippocratic oath?
573
00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:10,588
When you're hurt, come back
and I'll treat you.
574
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,585
- Go home, Mr. David!
- Do you agree with this?
575
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,463
- You say you only live...
- Do you agree with this?
576
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,222
Please! Don't bring
Mrs. Morrison into this.
577
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:18,233
Fine.
- And I think you ought to put some pants on.
578
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,503
You know what? You're going to
be getting a call from me soon...
579
00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:22,428
An emergency call.
I have your home phone number
580
00:24:22,529 --> 00:24:24,807
- and I'm going to be making an emergency call!
- Call my service!
581
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:26,365
I'm calling
an emergency call to you!
582
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,601
Don't call me,
and I'll call you!
583
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,495
I'm so happy you're home. You've got
to let me come in and spend the night.
584
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:48,420
Somebody's chasing me.
There's a guy after me.
585
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:50,289
I swear to god!
I'm not making it up!
586
00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:53,125
- What are you wearing?
- What? I'm wearing shorts.
587
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:56,062
- That's disgusting.
- I workout in shorts. I'm sorry.
588
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,065
You know something? You really
disappointed me last night.
589
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,634
That sweet guy trying
to sing a song...
590
00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:04,436
You absolutely destroyed his confidence.
You know that?
591
00:25:04,537 --> 00:25:06,305
He can't sing
anymore because of you.
592
00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:09,876
Well, I'll... you know,
I'll talk to him.
593
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:11,544
- Talk to him?
- I will. I will.
594
00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:12,721
Yeah, build up
his confidence after that.
595
00:25:12,745 --> 00:25:13,922
I actually will. I'll do that.
596
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,186
You are a selfish motherfucker.
597
00:25:15,214 --> 00:25:16,115
- I'm selfish?
- You are.
598
00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:17,650
I buy you a fantastic gift,
599
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,852
and you take Jeff Greene?
That's $150.
600
00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:21,821
- So what?
- That's my $150!
601
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,431
- Is that what's bothering you? $150?
- At least I gave you
602
00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,924
a present.
I didn't have my daughter
603
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:26,869
- sing some bullshit song...
- Here. Here's your $150.
604
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,403
Take your $150... - ...And
not be able to carry a tune!
605
00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:31,631
And go buy yourself some
fucking pants, will you?
606
00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:38,605
( Tires screech )
607
00:25:45,144 --> 00:25:47,013
- Hey, I'm so glad you're home.
- Hey.
608
00:25:47,113 --> 00:25:48,815
Mary Jane Porter's
boyfriend is after me.
609
00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:50,693
- What's going on?
- I need to spend the night here!
610
00:25:50,717 --> 00:25:52,294
I won't bother you. I won't
even use the kitchen!
611
00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:53,862
I swear to you I'll just
stay in the guest room.
612
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,988
- Please. Come on.
- All right, all right.
613
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:58,891
- Come on in.
- Put something on. I don't want to have to look at this.
614
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,729
( Birds chirping )
615
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:08,434
Sammy: * you're just
too good to be true *
616
00:26:08,534 --> 00:26:12,104
* can't take
my eyes off of you *
617
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,875
- * you'd be like heaven to touch... *
- Jesus. Shut up!
618
00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:18,277
What the fuck? Shut the fuck up!
619
00:26:18,377 --> 00:26:21,413
* I want to hold you so much...
* - shut the fuck up!
620
00:26:21,513 --> 00:26:24,817
- ( Sammy crying )
- Jesus Christ!
621
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,186
- What the fuck?
- Sammy: Mommy! I was singing
622
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:31,691
- and Larry told me to shut the fuck up!
- Susie: He did what?!
623
00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:33,826
- Out!
- Huh? What?
624
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,929
- Out! Out! Get the hell out of my house!
- What the hell?
625
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,866
You ingrate! You hurt Sammy
one more time, Larry!
626
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:42,568
Get the fuck out
of my house, okay?!
627
00:26:42,669 --> 00:26:46,005
You squashed the spirit
of a talented young girl!
628
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:50,009
You piece of shit! You
heartless piece of shit!
629
00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:51,811
Out!
630
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:58,160
- Anyway, I'm sorry that you took it so personally...
- That's all right.
631
00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:00,162
Because it really...
Honestly, it really wasn't you.
632
00:27:00,186 --> 00:27:03,089
- You mean that?
- Yes, absolutely.
633
00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:05,658
- Now come on.
- Just go sing, will you please?
634
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:09,628
- Okay. Okay. Thanks.
- Okay.
635
00:27:11,998 --> 00:27:14,667
- ( Accordion music playing )
- ( man singing Aria )
636
00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:17,003
What the... - ( whispers
) what are you doing?
637
00:27:19,505 --> 00:27:22,909
- What are you doing here?
- I had to go talk to that singer.
638
00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:25,144
- What are you doing here?
- Uh, listen.
639
00:27:25,244 --> 00:27:27,284
I'm meeting Christian slater
and his girlfriend here
640
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:30,082
and my boyfriend's
in the bathroom right now.
641
00:27:30,182 --> 00:27:33,119
He's gonna come out
and... you should go.
642
00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:35,130
- Don't stand there.
- Yeah, but he doesn't know what I look like.
643
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,724
- Go go go go.
- Yeah, but...
644
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,859
- I know.
- ( Exhales sharply )
645
00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,661
- Oh, whoa, I'm sorry.
- Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry.
646
00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:45,832
Oh, wait, are you Larry David?
647
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568
No. Nuh-uh.
648
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,504
- No. No.
- What?
649
00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:53,740
Hey hey! Excuse me. Hey hey!
650
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,008
Hey hey! Hey!
651
00:28:13,425 --> 00:28:16,162
You're not looking for Larry
David by any chance, are you?
652
00:28:16,262 --> 00:28:17,797
Yeah, I am.
653
00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:21,768
Thank you. Thanks, man. Hey!
654
00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:33,479
( Theme music playing )
52924
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