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[ playing Olympic theme]
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[ starter clicking]
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SPORTSCASTER:
Welcome to the games
of the 3004 Earth Olympiad
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continuing
this network's tradition
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of sportscasting excellence.
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Celebrity Ape Fightwill return
next week at its regular time.
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FRY:
So who should I root for?
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America? Or one
of those countries
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I learned about
at the food court?
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How about those guys?
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LEELA:
No, they're from the Republic
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00:01:05,412 --> 00:01:06,861
of French Stereotypes.
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Everybody hates them.
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Oh, let's go check
on Hermes.
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All this inspiring
multiculturalism
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is angrying up my blood.
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Sweden?
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I don't think so.
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Go on, Stick-- touch me.
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Can't do it.
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Husband, you haven't been
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an Olympic-class limbo-er
for 20 years.
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Quit lying to your pudgy self.
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It does seem like Jamaica
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would be able to field
a strong limbo team without you.
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Yeah. Isn't that
basically all
Jamaicans do?
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Jamaicans have
other interests.
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Which is why the limbo team
got detained at the airport.
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That's when they
begged my husband
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to step in and make
an ass out of himself.
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And I said I'd try my very best.
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But have they seen
your, you know...
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physique
since the old days?
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I described it to them
on the phone
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using a series
of artful euphemisms.
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Don't worry,
the fat pig will do fine
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thanks to this flab-o-dynamic
spandex body suit I've designed.
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It redistributes
his weight
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shifting his center of gravity
closer to his knees.
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Oh, that's snug.
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[ gasping]
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Those haven't
descended in years.
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Now that'sa limbo-er's body.
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[ cheering]
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Look at that fine
Jamaican bacon.
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Shut-up, Zoidberg.
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The robot bending events
are starting.
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Something tells me
I could easily beat
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those trained professionals.
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[ crowd cheering]
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Wow. That guy
must be, like
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the world's
greatest bender.
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My dreams of glory died
before they began.
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Welcome to mylife.
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[ sobbing]
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Athletes, please take your lanes
for the men's 500-meter limbo.
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Hey, Miss Conrad.
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Is that you inside
that dumpy little fat man?
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[ gasping]:
Barbados Slim!
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What are you
doing here?
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Last time I heard,
you were in Barbados.
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Yes, and I'll be
going back there
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with a gold medal
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draped around my elegant
Caribbean shoulders.
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[ confident laughter]
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Your body may be as
perfectly sculpted
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as it was 20 years ago
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when you whupped my fat ass
every time we met
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but today, I feel lucky.
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[ scrunching]
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I see you're still able
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to limbo under the bar
of fashion sense.
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[ laughing]
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That's it, Barbados slim.
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You've gone one toke
over the line.
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Limbo-ers,
on your marks.
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Get rubbery.
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Limbo!
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There they go
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and Barbados Slim
takes an early lead.
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God, I hope he wins.
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[ panting hard]
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What's this?
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Hermes Conrad
is closing the gap.
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He's limbo'd
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out of retirement
and straight into my heart.
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I say "Go to hell,
Barbados Slim."
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Go, body suit, go!
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[ crowd cheering]
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Come on, Hermes!
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Beat that mahogany god!
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It's Barbados, then Conrad!
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Conrad pulls ahead.
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[ sloshing]
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[ crowd screaming]
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And Conrad is disqualified.
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Barbados Slim, my hero,
takes the gold.
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Ah, there, there, Hermes,
you did your best.
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If I'd wanted a human Adonis
for a husband
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I'd have stayed married
to Barbados Slim.
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Well, enough about Hermes.
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I couldn't win a medal either
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even at bending,
the thing I was built to do.
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I'm so embarrassed, I wish
everybody else was dead.
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Up next...
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the fembot bending competition.
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Fembots?
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[ evil laughter]
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00:05:01,482 --> 00:05:05,274
Methinks a clever manbot,
suitably disguised
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might win thoseevents
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but the charade would require
subtlety, nuance... grace.
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What do you mean,
I'm not registered?!
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My name is Coilette
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and I'm from,
uh... Robonia!
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Coilette's a chick's name.
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Yes, but Robonia
sounds like something
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somebody made up
on the spot.
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Ever been beaten up
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by a guy dressed
like a chick?
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And it's straight!
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Coilette wins!
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Another gold medal for
the spunky maid from Robonia.
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A perfect bend
and a flawless entry.
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No splash at all.
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Perfect scores.
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A record five gold medals
for Coilette.
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I'm great!
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Everybody else sucks!
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Except that guy Bender.
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He's really something.
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[ long hoot]
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All medalists report
for gender testing.
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[ choking cry]
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You actually thought
they'd let you
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walk away without an
engine oil sex check?
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00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,689
Oh, God, I'm not going
to get my medals.
137
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They're all I have
to remember my Olympic career.
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Wait! I've got it!
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Professor, make a
woman out of me.
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Oh, I think we should
just stay friends.
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I don't need friends.
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I need a sex
change operation
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and give it to me now.
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Bender, a robot sex change
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is a complex
and dangerous procedure.
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Replacing your testosteroil
with fembot lubricants
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00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,206
can cause wild mood swings
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and the effects
may be irreversible.
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Well, let's get started.
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No, you can't!
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If you have even the
slightest respect
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for the dignity
of women...
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Pfft.
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I'm sorry, but
I must do this.
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Not for you,
not for Bender
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but for the proud people
of Robonia!
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I can't watch this
'cause it's creepy
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and wrong and sick.
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However, I will watch
out of curiosity.
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Quiet! I'm about to
begin the process
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of reshaping Bender's body
into a tender, delicate form.
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Ow! Ow! Ow!
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Ooh! Ow! Ow!
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Draining male oil.
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[ moans]
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[ thuds]
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Infusing female oil.
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[ oil gurgling]
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Removing item.
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[ gulps]
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[ snips]
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We can't wait for Coilette
any longer, damn it.
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[ soft voice]:
I have to get home to watch
the zombie Osbournes.
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I'm ready for my test,
now, boys.
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♪ Hail, hail, Robonia ♪
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♪ A land I didn't make up. ♪
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[ crowd cheering]
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[ smooches]
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Ooh, yeah, come on, baby. Uh.
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Ooh, goodness.
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Oh, yeah, baby,
come on.
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Work your cans.
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00:08:21,343 --> 00:08:22,757
Yeah, shake it out.
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00:08:22,826 --> 00:08:25,930
I don't know which I'm more--
enraged or disgusted.
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00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,343
I'm just out there making
us ladies look good.
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Nuh-uh. You're making us
look like jerks
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00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,586
in front of the other genders.
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00:08:32,654 --> 00:08:35,688
But you're not really
a lady anyway, right?
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Of course not.
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00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,033
Dear lord-- a coaster.
191
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,861
The Femmzoil
must be sashaying
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girlishly
into your processor.
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00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,067
Then change me back.
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00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:47,033
My breasts are
keeping me awake
at night anyway.
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00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:48,724
[ phone ringing]
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00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:50,931
Hello?
197
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,861
What? A guest spot
on Late Night with Humorbot 5.0?
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00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:56,033
I'd love to.
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00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:59,067
[ gasping]:
My own limo?!
200
00:08:59,136 --> 00:09:00,826
No, I don't have my own limo.
201
00:09:00,895 --> 00:09:02,172
You'd better send one.
202
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,517
I need a rain check on
that nad swap, Professor.
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00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:06,861
I'm going on TV.
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00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:09,654
Come on, Fry, help me
pick out a pantsuit.
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00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:14,517
MECHANICAL VOICE:
So, Calculon
206
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,000
do you want to
set up this clip
207
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,654
from All My Circuits?
208
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,172
No, I think
it's self-explanatory.
209
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:29,931
[ anguished cry]:
No!
210
00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:36,102
Funny story--
the script called for me
211
00:09:36,172 --> 00:09:38,793
to say "Yes,"
but I gave it a little twist.
212
00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:40,206
Anecdote accepted.
213
00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:42,136
Snappy comeback not found.
214
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,379
Please put your hands together
215
00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:47,895
for my next guest,
winner of five Olympic medals
216
00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:49,620
Coilette, from Robonia.
217
00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:52,000
[ cheering and applause]
218
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:59,102
So, Coilette, many
young fembots
219
00:09:59,172 --> 00:10:00,688
wish to emulate you.
220
00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:02,309
Any advice for them?
221
00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:05,931
Yes, Humorbot-- if you ask me,
women today are too stuck up
222
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,931
to go out
and jiggle their Jell-O
223
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,688
like everybody wants them to.
224
00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:11,965
In fact, should I do it now?
225
00:10:12,033 --> 00:10:14,136
[ lecherous hooting]
226
00:10:14,206 --> 00:10:15,240
All right, then.
227
00:10:15,309 --> 00:10:16,586
[ disco music playing]
228
00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:18,274
Whoo! Look out, baby.
Work it out.
229
00:10:18,344 --> 00:10:19,379
Oh, shake that thing.
230
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:20,586
You got to use it, lady.
231
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:21,724
Shake it up a little.
232
00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:23,067
That's right. Come on.
233
00:10:23,136 --> 00:10:24,413
Break it out.
234
00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:26,379
[ thunderous applause]
235
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:32,067
Madam, I am one
impressed celebrity.
236
00:10:32,136 --> 00:10:34,136
Oh, I bet you
say that to all
237
00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:37,379
the five-Olympic-gold-
medal-winning fembots.
238
00:10:37,447 --> 00:10:40,447
From this day forth, I shall
do so whenever possible.
239
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:41,517
Golly.
240
00:10:41,586 --> 00:10:42,654
What?
241
00:10:42,724 --> 00:10:44,688
Coilette, this may
be presumptuous...
242
00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:46,551
That's my favorite
kind of "this."
243
00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:47,758
But I would
be honored
244
00:10:47,826 --> 00:10:50,517
if you would join me
for dinner sometime.
245
00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:52,965
ALL:
Whoo!
246
00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:55,344
Calculon, you'd be fulfilling
247
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:58,517
this naive Robonian
farm girl's fantasy.
248
00:10:58,586 --> 00:10:59,895
Of course I would.
249
00:11:01,826 --> 00:11:03,895
This top makes me look fat.
250
00:11:03,965 --> 00:11:06,102
Is it trampy to go
on a first date nude?
251
00:11:06,172 --> 00:11:07,102
Yes.
252
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,136
Perfect.
253
00:11:09,206 --> 00:11:10,344
You got to tell me.
254
00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:11,688
You're not
actually attracted
255
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,793
to Calculon, right?
256
00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:14,861
And if you are, don't tell me.
Are you?
257
00:11:14,931 --> 00:11:16,000
Certainly not.
258
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,895
But just once
I'd like to eat dinner
259
00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:20,447
with a celebrity
who isn't bound and gagged.
260
00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:21,793
Is that so much to ask?
261
00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:24,481
Well, I think you dating
a manbot is a disgrace
262
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,033
and I refuse
to be involved.
263
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,067
And you have
way too much lipstick on.
264
00:11:28,136 --> 00:11:29,206
Are you kidding?
265
00:11:29,274 --> 00:11:30,620
I need more lipstick!
266
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:31,654
Much more.
267
00:11:33,481 --> 00:11:34,931
Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff.
268
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000
Men love it
when you really glob it on.
269
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,413
No, they don't!No way!
270
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:41,206
Uh, please. Every man
wants a tramp.
271
00:11:41,274 --> 00:11:43,724
No wonder you girls
aren't married.
272
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:45,206
[ giggles]
273
00:11:45,274 --> 00:11:48,758
I tell you, men are so much
better at being women.
274
00:11:50,447 --> 00:11:51,965
But what if he
wants to...?
275
00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:53,758
I mean, if he
tries to...?
276
00:11:53,826 --> 00:11:55,965
Barry White?
277
00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:58,586
I'll just tell him
I need a commitment first.
278
00:11:58,654 --> 00:12:00,724
That'll stick a potato
in his tailpipe.
279
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:01,895
Good lord, man!
280
00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:03,654
What kind of temporary woman
are you?
281
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:06,379
Look, why don't all of you
just back off?
282
00:12:06,447 --> 00:12:09,758
[ whining]:
Can't a girl enjoy herself
without being judged?!
283
00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:13,000
[ hatch opens and shuts]
284
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:16,826
Oh, dear, her mood swings
are getting wilder.
285
00:12:16,895 --> 00:12:19,000
She's becoming a slave
to her emotions.
286
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:21,000
Just like all women.
287
00:12:21,067 --> 00:12:22,724
Particularly you, Leela.
288
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:25,000
I'm worried about
him, too, Professor
289
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,136
[ smacking and gulping]
290
00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:32,102
Hey, ma'am,
you sure can put it away.
291
00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:34,793
You saved me
a trip to the dump. Bam!
292
00:12:34,861 --> 00:12:35,965
I'd appreciate it
293
00:12:36,033 --> 00:12:37,861
if you didn't bam
the young lady.
294
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,102
Well, I'd appreciate it
if I did.
295
00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,620
So I guess we're even.
296
00:12:41,688 --> 00:12:43,136
You know, Coilette
297
00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:46,861
I've never before met a woman
as fascinating as I am.
298
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:49,172
You're such a sweet, soft fembot
299
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,206
yet you have this free spirit
about you.
300
00:12:51,274 --> 00:12:52,379
[ belches]
301
00:12:52,447 --> 00:12:54,000
And there it is.
302
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:57,067
It's as if you understand
the male mind better than I.
303
00:12:58,206 --> 00:12:59,758
I've never met
anyone like you.
304
00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:01,033
Oh, yes, you have.
305
00:13:01,102 --> 00:13:03,379
Coilette,
I'd like to spend
306
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:05,861
some... quality timewith you.
307
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,517
What? Uh-uh!
Oh, no way.
308
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,895
Not going to happen.
309
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,206
What kind of girl
do you think I am?
310
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:12,758
Have I mentioned
311
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,172
that I own the world's biggest
and most elegant yacht?
312
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,136
♪ She's a lady ♪
313
00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:21,654
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa,
she's a lady ♪
314
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:27,344
♪ Talking about
that little lady ♪
315
00:13:27,413 --> 00:13:32,067
♪ And the lady is mine.
316
00:13:32,136 --> 00:13:34,895
♪ She's a lady ♪
317
00:13:34,965 --> 00:13:38,688
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa,
she's a lady... ♪
318
00:13:43,861 --> 00:13:46,895
Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend.
319
00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:48,102
No kidding.
320
00:13:48,172 --> 00:13:50,206
These gifts have been coming
nonstop.
321
00:13:50,274 --> 00:13:52,447
I think
Calculon's falling for you.
322
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,551
[ barking]
323
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,240
[ muffled barking]
324
00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:59,447
Bah! Any day now he'll dump me
for a new wad of arm candy.
325
00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:02,274
Then I can turn back into a guy
and hock all this stuff.
326
00:14:02,344 --> 00:14:03,551
It's just a game.
327
00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:08,309
Coilette, I can't stop
thinking about you.
328
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:09,861
I can't sleep at night.
329
00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:11,758
Although, as a robot,
I don't do that anyway.
330
00:14:11,826 --> 00:14:13,895
But if I did,
I couldn't because...
331
00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,240
I love you so.
332
00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:17,688
Oh, my darling.
333
00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,447
Will you marry me?
334
00:14:23,413 --> 00:14:26,861
[ voice breaking]:
Oh, Calculon, yes, I will!
335
00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:32,136
Maybe she's right
about the lipstick.
336
00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:37,620
I'll miss you, buddy.
337
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:40,172
You've been like a brother,
and then a sister to me.
338
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,758
And now you're getting married.
339
00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:43,067
I love you, man.
340
00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:44,965
The marriage is a scam.
341
00:14:45,033 --> 00:14:46,309
Cool. What's for dinner?
342
00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:47,758
What do you mean,
a scam?
343
00:14:47,826 --> 00:14:49,931
I marry Calculon,
divorce him
344
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,379
take half his money
345
00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:53,206
and turn back
into a guy.
346
00:14:53,274 --> 00:14:55,274
It's sort of
a two-person
pyramid scheme.
347
00:14:55,344 --> 00:14:56,620
That's marriage
all right.
348
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,172
That is so unbelievably
manipulative.
349
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,309
Come on. You never went
on a date with a guy
350
00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:02,586
just 'cause you were hungry?
351
00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,206
Well, I...
352
00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:07,136
Uh, I thought
I might like him
on a full stomach.
353
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,379
Nice try, sister.
354
00:15:08,447 --> 00:15:10,033
Now if you'll excuse me
355
00:15:10,102 --> 00:15:12,758
I need to meet
with my wedding planner.
356
00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:13,793
Zoidberg!
357
00:15:15,033 --> 00:15:16,826
Zoidy-poo,
please tell me
358
00:15:16,895 --> 00:15:18,586
frilly is in this year.
359
00:15:18,654 --> 00:15:20,688
I saw a frilly cake in here
360
00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:23,067
you would remember
all your life.
361
00:15:23,136 --> 00:15:24,481
I know I will.
362
00:15:24,551 --> 00:15:28,033
Late at night it taunts me
with its frosted beauty.
363
00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:29,551
Order the cake, damn it!
364
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,240
I have something for you.
365
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,447
A remote control?
366
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,724
You got me a TV?
367
00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:38,895
No, my dearest.
368
00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:41,309
It's the remote control
to my heart.
369
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:45,033
It symbolizes the power
you have to sway my emotions.
370
00:15:45,102 --> 00:15:46,688
Will it work on my TV?
371
00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,033
We don't need TVs.
372
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:49,413
We have each other.
373
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,274
Coilette, if I
weren't able
374
00:15:51,344 --> 00:15:53,000
to spend my
life with you
375
00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:55,481
I would leap from
this very balloon.
376
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:56,620
Come on with that.
377
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:57,826
Really?
378
00:15:57,895 --> 00:16:02,724
Yes. We were
meant... to be!
379
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:06,586
So, you really
and truly love me?
380
00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:08,413
So much so
that I'm prepared
381
00:16:08,481 --> 00:16:11,413
to give up show business
itself to be with you.
382
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:13,206
[ gasping]:
But you always said
383
00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:16,379
you'd rather burn down a convent
than give up show business.
384
00:16:16,447 --> 00:16:18,136
I always said
many things
385
00:16:18,206 --> 00:16:20,826
but now all I want
is a peaceful life
386
00:16:20,895 --> 00:16:23,379
in a quiet villa
overlooking a vineyard
387
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:24,586
with you.
388
00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:27,826
Would we have donkeys?
389
00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:29,274
All you could eat.
390
00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:32,447
Oh, take me in your arms
and compress me!
391
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,240
Compress me tight!
392
00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:37,413
Stop. Let us climb
to the heavens
393
00:16:37,481 --> 00:16:40,309
that the gods themselves
might envy us.
394
00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:43,379
[ beeping]
395
00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:45,517
[ beeping fades]
396
00:16:47,551 --> 00:16:50,758
I just don't think
I can go through with this scam.
397
00:16:50,826 --> 00:16:52,102
[ surprised comments]
398
00:16:52,172 --> 00:16:53,758
So now you dowant
to marry him?
399
00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:57,413
No. I just don't want
to hurt him or humiliate him.
400
00:16:57,481 --> 00:17:00,517
Oh, curse this woman's heart!
401
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,379
[ sobbing]
402
00:17:03,447 --> 00:17:04,689
Ick.
403
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,205
You're falling
into the final
404
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,448
debilitating
stages of womanhood.
405
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:11,550
You've waited
too long to switch
back, you dingbat.
406
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,586
Okay, look,
if I help you with this
407
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:14,723
do you promise
408
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,931
to get out of my gender
and stay out?
409
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,586
Uh-huh.
410
00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,344
All right.
Now, there's no way
411
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,067
to stop this marriage
without hurting Calculon
412
00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:24,240
but he's an actor.
413
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,517
If there's one kind of pain
he can handle
414
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:27,758
it's soap opera pain.
415
00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:34,931
[ cheesy keyboard
playing "Wedding March"]
416
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,103
Okay, is
everyone ready?
417
00:17:43,172 --> 00:17:44,931
Yep.
Sure.
Basically.
418
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,378
Dearly beloved actors
and casting people
419
00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:52,103
who might be looking for someone
to play a preacher
420
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,481
I welcome you.
421
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,758
The bride has written some vows
422
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:59,000
that we will now all pretend
to be interested in.
423
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:00,448
Dearest Calculon
424
00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:02,619
forever is not
enough time
425
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:04,931
to tell you of the
many ways I love you.
426
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:05,826
[ moans]
427
00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:07,067
[ loud clank]
428
00:18:07,136 --> 00:18:08,240
[ all gasp]
429
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:09,344
Is there a doctor
in the...?
430
00:18:09,413 --> 00:18:10,481
I came as soon
as I could.
431
00:18:10,550 --> 00:18:13,378
Oh, it appears
to be a case
432
00:18:13,448 --> 00:18:16,136
of African
Hydraulic Fever.
433
00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:19,517
Dear God, the very illness
my TV character caught
434
00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:21,931
in season two
when I was holding out
435
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,103
for more money.
436
00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:24,413
It's often fatal.
437
00:18:24,481 --> 00:18:27,103
Whatever happens, remember
438
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:31,654
the flame of my eternal love
will burn forever.
439
00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:33,309
Of course.
But smoochy-pops
440
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,034
I thought one could only catch
Hydraulic Fever
441
00:18:36,103 --> 00:18:38,344
deep in the diamond mines
of the Congo.
442
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:40,758
LEELA:
Coilette, you she-devil!
443
00:18:40,826 --> 00:18:43,481
You really thought
you could steal those diamonds
444
00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,792
from me and Congo Jack?!
445
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:47,654
Those gems belong
to the natives!
446
00:18:47,723 --> 00:18:50,034
[ groans]
447
00:18:50,103 --> 00:18:54,172
Oh, how cruel
and melodramatic fate is.
448
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:58,448
[ wailing]:
Why?!
449
00:18:58,517 --> 00:19:00,448
Calculon, my darling
450
00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:04,826
your loud "why" brought me
partway back to life.
451
00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:07,931
[ audience gasps]
452
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,240
Congo Jack!
453
00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:11,240
Another shocking twist!
454
00:19:11,309 --> 00:19:12,862
[ plays dramatic flourish]
455
00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:16,413
Yes, I and have a message
for you from Colonel Mtumbe.
456
00:19:16,481 --> 00:19:18,586
He says this is from Congo Jack.
457
00:19:18,654 --> 00:19:21,689
Uh... um.
458
00:19:21,758 --> 00:19:23,172
[ moans loudly]
459
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:28,034
No. No!
460
00:19:28,103 --> 00:19:31,378
[ wailing]:
N-o-o-o!
461
00:19:31,448 --> 00:19:33,240
I won't leave you.
462
00:19:33,309 --> 00:19:34,481
Not until I'm sure
463
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:37,067
you understand
the thing I said before
464
00:19:37,136 --> 00:19:39,378
about my eternal love
for you burning...
465
00:19:39,448 --> 00:19:42,136
[ gasping and choking]
466
00:19:42,205 --> 00:19:43,550
...et cetera.
467
00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:46,034
I do.
468
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:47,586
[ sobbing]:
I do.
469
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,723
Okay, then.
470
00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:52,344
[ death rattle]
471
00:19:52,413 --> 00:19:55,723
I'm a doctor. She's dead.
472
00:19:55,792 --> 00:19:57,619
She lives no more.
473
00:19:57,689 --> 00:20:03,517
But let us all find comfort
knowing that she truly loved me.
474
00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:05,067
To honor my pain
475
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:09,481
I shall star in a film
dedicated to her memory
476
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:13,619
and this time the Academy
will not deny me.
477
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:17,964
Not when they see
Coilette: a Calculon Story.
478
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,931
Coilette, your death
fills me with sorrow...
479
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,792
anger, fear.
480
00:20:26,862 --> 00:20:29,481
Every emotion an actor
can display.
481
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,067
Turn off
that crap-o-rama.
482
00:20:32,136 --> 00:20:35,205
One mistake now, and Bender
will be trapped forever
483
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,000
between the already
ill-defined robot sexes.
484
00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:40,758
Oh! Ooh! Ow!
Ooh!
485
00:20:40,826 --> 00:20:43,136
Well, Bender, I hope
this has taught you a lesson
486
00:20:43,205 --> 00:20:45,034
about changing your sex
to win five gold medals.
487
00:20:45,103 --> 00:20:47,000
[ soft voice]:
It truly has.
488
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,550
My romance with Calculon
has shown me a lot about myself.
489
00:20:50,619 --> 00:20:51,964
Almost done.
490
00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,067
If only somehow, some way...
491
00:20:54,136 --> 00:20:57,309
[ normal voice]:
he and I could drive to Vegas
492
00:20:57,378 --> 00:20:58,931
pick up some floozy-bots
493
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:03,034
and void their warranties
all night long! Whoo!
494
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:04,448
Yay, my buddy's home.
495
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:07,103
And his respect for women
is back to normal.
496
00:21:07,172 --> 00:21:09,240
I kind of hoped
this whole experience
497
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,034
would have left you
a little more open
498
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,309
to your sensitive side.
499
00:21:12,378 --> 00:21:14,275
Yeah, you'd think,
but what ya gonna do?
500
00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,654
[ thunder rolling]
501
00:21:18,723 --> 00:21:24,136
Coilette, the skies themselves
weep upon the sweetest flower
502
00:21:24,205 --> 00:21:25,586
of all the field.
503
00:21:25,654 --> 00:21:27,413
[ both sigh]
504
00:21:27,481 --> 00:21:28,931
Ew!Gross!
505
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,481
Sentimental drivel poop.
506
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:32,000
Come on, Bender,
let's go.
507
00:21:32,067 --> 00:21:34,034
This chick flick
is getting me all barfy.
508
00:21:34,103 --> 00:21:37,448
Yeah, emotions are dumb
and should be hated.
509
00:21:40,723 --> 00:21:42,964
Good night, forever,
my turtle dove.
510
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:45,172
[ soft voice]:
Good night, Calculon.
511
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,240
What did you say?
512
00:21:46,309 --> 00:21:47,413
[ normal voice]:
I said
513
00:21:47,481 --> 00:21:49,067
you two don't dress
trampy enough.
514
00:21:49,136 --> 00:21:50,689
I still got it.
35453
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