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ANNOUNCER:
Dateline Tarantulon 6.
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The brave warriors of Earth
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00:00:38,517 --> 00:00:41,655
under the command of General
Major Webelo Zapp Brannigan
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00:00:41,723 --> 00:00:45,000
have achieved victory
over the Spider home-world.
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00:00:48,723 --> 00:00:51,792
And to the victor
belong the spoils.
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00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:55,517
One trillion dollars
in silken treasure.
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00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:57,792
Mm.
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My fellow Earthicans
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00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,000
after meeting with top
voodoo economists
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00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,688
I have decided to refund
our silk surplus
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00:01:04,757 --> 00:01:06,412
to you, the taxpayers.
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00:01:06,481 --> 00:01:10,240
That's right.
I've sent you each 300 buckaroos
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00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:12,516
in the form of
a Tricky Dick fun bill.
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00:01:12,585 --> 00:01:14,620
Knock yourselves out.
15
00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:17,000
[ excited murmuring]
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00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:18,655
I'm slightly richer.
17
00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:20,448
What to do? What to do?
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00:01:20,516 --> 00:01:24,379
One $300 hookerbot
or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?
19
00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:25,861
I'm going to swim
with a whale.
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00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:28,033
They're the gentle
giants of the deep.
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00:01:28,103 --> 00:01:29,793
I'm well aware of that.
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00:01:29,861 --> 00:01:33,171
Scruffy's going to get himself
one of them $300 haircuts.
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00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,343
This one's lost it's pizzazz.
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A fortune, it is.
25
00:01:37,826 --> 00:01:41,758
At last, Zoidberg
will live like a rich man.
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00:01:41,826 --> 00:01:43,378
[ smooching]
27
00:01:43,448 --> 00:01:44,585
Go away.
Get away from me.
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00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:47,033
Shmeesh.
It's just 300 bucks.
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00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,206
What is that, like,
a hundred cups of coffee?
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00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,412
That's it!
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00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:51,930
I'm getting a hundred
cups of coffee
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starting now.
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00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,930
Coffee machine,
one cup of coffee please.
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00:02:00,757 --> 00:02:01,688
Smells good.
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00:02:01,757 --> 00:02:02,965
[ slurps]
36
00:02:03,034 --> 00:02:04,585
[ ding]
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00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:06,965
Leela, are you there?
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00:02:07,034 --> 00:02:07,757
No.
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00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:09,343
Oh, yes, you are.
40
00:02:09,413 --> 00:02:11,931
I'm hereby inviting you
and your oddball coworkers
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00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,343
to a special reception
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00:02:13,413 --> 00:02:16,171
to display the national
silk surplus.
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00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,620
I believe you know the heroic
space stallion who captured it.
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00:02:19,688 --> 00:02:21,516
Show them my medal, Kif.
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00:02:21,586 --> 00:02:24,413
[ sighs]:
He rented it with
his tax refund.
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So, Leela, will you
have the pleasure?
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What little there is to be had.
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00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,171
Tomorrow night at 8:00 then.
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00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,481
Smooches.
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00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:42,103
No cheap crack houses
for me no more.
51
00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:46,688
Very good, sir.
52
00:02:46,758 --> 00:02:49,793
Shall I prewarm
sir's crack pipe?
53
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:54,275
[ panting]
54
00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:56,516
Oh, Kif
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00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:59,067
it was so romantic of you
to rent this paddle plane
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00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,413
with your tax rebate.
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00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,137
We're like two
dandelion seeds
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00:03:02,205 --> 00:03:03,516
wafting on the breeze.
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00:03:03,586 --> 00:03:05,205
[ panting]:
Yes. Seeds.
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00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:06,861
Wafting.
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00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,240
I almost feel
kind of shallow
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00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:09,310
for blowing my rebate
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00:03:09,378 --> 00:03:10,965
on this cool
talking tattoo.
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00:03:11,033 --> 00:03:12,481
Hey, Gordon Gecko.
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00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:14,655
I cost as much as this
whole crummy date.
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00:03:14,723 --> 00:03:15,896
Shut up!
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00:03:15,965 --> 00:03:16,931
Ow!
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00:03:20,758 --> 00:03:23,655
Ma'am, it has become
too much of a chore
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00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:26,103
for me to clean out
my wrinkles each day.
70
00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:29,861
Is it true that stem cells
may fight the aging process?
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00:03:29,931 --> 00:03:31,655
Well, yes, in the same way
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00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:33,620
an infant may fight
Muhammad Ali, but...
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00:03:33,688 --> 00:03:36,240
One pound of stem cells please.
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00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:40,655
Of course, any
age-reversing effects
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00:03:40,723 --> 00:03:43,067
will be purely temporary...
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00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:44,310
[ groans]
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00:03:44,378 --> 00:03:47,620
[ humming]
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00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,861
Oh.
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00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:54,310
Ooh.
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00:03:55,481 --> 00:03:58,103
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
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00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:02,688
Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
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00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:06,068
Say, buddy, why is this
Grand Cigar so pricey?
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00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:07,758
Well, as you can see
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00:04:07,826 --> 00:04:11,413
its wrapper is a
piece of the original
U.S. Constitution.
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00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:15,448
It was hand-rolled
by Queen Elizabeth
during her wild years
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00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:17,654
and was buried
with George Burns
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00:04:17,723 --> 00:04:20,343
until grave-robbing
space mushrooms...
88
00:04:20,413 --> 00:04:21,896
Well, you know
the rest.
89
00:04:21,964 --> 00:04:23,516
Give you 300 bucks for it.
90
00:04:23,586 --> 00:04:26,240
No can do.
Oh, all right.
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00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:29,550
I'll just take these
$300 burglar's tools then.
92
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:30,793
Very good, sir.
93
00:04:30,862 --> 00:04:32,000
[ cash register rings]
94
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:35,137
So, uh, what time
you close tonight?
95
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:39,274
Hey, Pops.
Did that tax rebate come?
96
00:04:39,343 --> 00:04:40,723
Came and went.
97
00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:44,137
You're now the proud owner
of Bamboo Boogie Boots.
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00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,723
With a warning label this big
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00:04:46,793 --> 00:04:48,343
you know they got to be fun.
100
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,343
But, Pops, I don't want
to have fun.
101
00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:53,447
I want to be like you--
boring, but prudently invested.
102
00:04:53,516 --> 00:04:54,930
Babylon's bells!
103
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,033
I tallied
almost 300 bananas
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00:04:57,103 --> 00:04:58,343
on this entertainment
product.
105
00:04:58,413 --> 00:05:00,103
Now you put them on
and have fun.
106
00:05:00,172 --> 00:05:01,310
I don't wanna!
107
00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:02,930
Well, then I'm gonna
put them on
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00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,310
and make you
watch me have fun.
109
00:05:04,379 --> 00:05:05,379
See?
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00:05:05,447 --> 00:05:07,862
Fun, fun... FUN!
111
00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,103
Dwight! Help me!
112
00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:11,689
I'll save you, Pops.
113
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:22,689
[ loud music playing]
114
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:23,689
Hey!
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00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,654
Turn that damn music...
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00:05:26,723 --> 00:05:28,481
up.
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00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:29,586
[ yelps]
118
00:05:29,654 --> 00:05:31,172
Isn't this fun?
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00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,172
No!
120
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,586
I wish I had
two mommies.
121
00:05:34,654 --> 00:05:37,000
Try these, uh... sir.
122
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:38,862
[ snorting]
123
00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:42,862
I ask for rich guy stuff
and you give me shiny pebbles?!
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00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:43,930
Bah!
125
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,067
I bid you adieu.
126
00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:48,723
[ glass shatters]
127
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,723
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
128
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,620
I'd like a pass to swim
with Mushu, please.
129
00:05:59,689 --> 00:06:01,274
Well, you asked
the right guy.
130
00:06:01,343 --> 00:06:02,793
I'm the whale biologist.
131
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,447
Though, personally,
I hate whales.
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00:06:04,516 --> 00:06:06,274
[ sotto voce]:
Especially Mushu.
133
00:06:06,343 --> 00:06:08,516
Then why'd you become
a whale biologist?
134
00:06:08,586 --> 00:06:10,689
I don't know you well enough
to get into that.
135
00:06:10,757 --> 00:06:11,896
$300 please.
136
00:06:11,964 --> 00:06:13,516
Noon tomorrow.
137
00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:15,930
If you're late,
you only get to tread water
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00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,137
in the scallop tank.
139
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,413
Yeah, I'll have a coffee.
140
00:06:22,481 --> 00:06:24,067
Guppy, trout, mermaid or...
141
00:06:24,137 --> 00:06:25,343
Whale, please.
142
00:06:26,343 --> 00:06:27,481
[ slurps]
143
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,206
[ ding]
144
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,862
[ panting]
145
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:37,206
Amy, I... I also spent
some of my tax rebate
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00:06:37,274 --> 00:06:40,172
on a gift... for you.
147
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,067
Oh, Kiffy.
148
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:46,379
It shows the time
wherever we both are.
149
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,654
And it's powered by love.
150
00:06:48,723 --> 00:06:50,310
Also you have to wind it.
151
00:06:50,379 --> 00:06:53,481
Ooh! Somebody won big
at skeeball.
152
00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:54,481
You shut up.
153
00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:55,930
I love it, Kif.
154
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,274
I'll use it whenever I want
to know what time it is.
155
00:06:58,343 --> 00:07:00,000
[ mwah]
156
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:01,896
Ooh, it's Fry and Leela.
157
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,379
Hi, Fry and Leela!
158
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:04,896
Ah!
159
00:07:04,964 --> 00:07:06,654
Ooh! Oh, my...!
Keep pedaling.
160
00:07:06,723 --> 00:07:08,689
Oh, for the love of God,
keep pedaling.
161
00:07:08,757 --> 00:07:10,413
[ bubbling][ yelling]
162
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,240
[ sighs]
163
00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:20,620
Bye, Fry and Leela!
164
00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:22,757
[ stammering]
165
00:07:22,826 --> 00:07:24,000
Oh.
166
00:07:25,274 --> 00:07:26,620
[ chomps]
167
00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:31,689
Oh!
168
00:07:31,757 --> 00:07:34,965
I can't wait till the tattoos
on Amy's butt hear about this.
169
00:07:35,033 --> 00:07:36,379
Hear about what?Tell us.
170
00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:38,067
[ horse whinnies]
171
00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:43,793
[ sobbing]
172
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:46,620
Don't feel sad,
my little tadpole.
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00:07:46,689 --> 00:07:49,826
[ sobbing]:
I'm trying not to.
174
00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:53,310
But my gift to you is
in the belly of a whale.
175
00:07:53,379 --> 00:07:55,586
Say, this reminds me
of that time
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00:07:55,654 --> 00:07:57,793
I ate that other watch
Kif gave you.
177
00:07:57,862 --> 00:07:59,965
Hey, it is kind of
like that.
178
00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:02,447
To induce vomiting,
that was the solution.
179
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,343
Everywhere it went.
180
00:08:04,413 --> 00:08:05,862
[ chuckles]
181
00:08:05,930 --> 00:08:08,413
What a Valentine's Day that was.
182
00:08:08,481 --> 00:08:09,550
Hmm.
183
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:12,103
This may seem like
a huge coincidence
184
00:08:12,172 --> 00:08:14,310
but I happen to have
an "in" with that whale.
185
00:08:14,379 --> 00:08:16,206
Scruffy's formulated a plan.
186
00:08:16,274 --> 00:08:19,413
But you'll need a ready source
of nauseating rotten fish.
187
00:08:21,516 --> 00:08:23,516
Freshen your coffee, sir?
188
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,862
Yeah-yeah, yeah.
Keep it coming.
189
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,343
Put the pot down.
Get away!
190
00:08:26,413 --> 00:08:27,413
[ slurps]
191
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:28,654
[ ding]
192
00:08:31,757 --> 00:08:33,413
You're so young
in spirit.
193
00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:36,620
It's hard to believe
you're as old as 25.
194
00:08:36,688 --> 00:08:39,861
The key is to grab life
by the ho-jos.
195
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,724
Live every day like it
might be your last.
196
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,136
What'll it be, kids?
197
00:08:44,206 --> 00:08:47,067
One bowl of mild farina.
198
00:08:47,136 --> 00:08:49,000
[ gurgling]
199
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,172
Paydirt.
200
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,654
Hee-ya!
201
00:09:01,413 --> 00:09:02,551
[ whistles]
202
00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:05,758
Here you go,
big spender.
203
00:09:05,826 --> 00:09:08,793
Foie gras and caviar.
204
00:09:08,861 --> 00:09:11,447
[ sniffing]:
Goose liver?
205
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,309
Fish eggs? Feh!
206
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:15,758
Where's the goose?
Where's the fish?
207
00:09:15,826 --> 00:09:17,517
Hey, that's what
rich people eat
208
00:09:17,586 --> 00:09:19,274
the garbage parts of the food.
209
00:09:19,344 --> 00:09:23,172
I ate garbage yesterday
and it didn't cost me $300!
210
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:24,586
I'm not paying!
211
00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:25,826
Farewell, good sir.
212
00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:28,481
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
213
00:09:52,481 --> 00:09:54,826
The Grand Cigar,
she is mine.
214
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,861
And with absolutely
no consequences.
215
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,344
[ chuckles]
216
00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:00,344
[ beep]
217
00:10:02,965 --> 00:10:04,586
[ beeping]
218
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:15,965
You see that?
219
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,688
Grand theft tobacco.
220
00:10:17,758 --> 00:10:21,481
Time to get off
our fat cop asses and ride.
221
00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:23,965
[ siren]
222
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,274
[ snoring]
223
00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:33,206
P.U.!
224
00:10:33,274 --> 00:10:36,620
This fish is slightly too rotten
to even make jambalaya.
225
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,481
So far, so good.
226
00:10:43,551 --> 00:10:44,826
Where's Kif?
227
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:46,895
[ groans]
228
00:10:52,172 --> 00:10:53,136
[ ding]
229
00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:55,654
This isn't Yemeni,
it's Sulawesi.
230
00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:56,895
And the cup's shaking.
231
00:10:56,965 --> 00:10:58,517
I don't want
my coffee shaking.
232
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:00,447
You seem a tad
wound up, buddy.
233
00:11:00,517 --> 00:11:02,102
And your face is greasy.
234
00:11:02,172 --> 00:11:03,586
Real greasy.
235
00:11:03,654 --> 00:11:04,793
You been up all night?
236
00:11:04,861 --> 00:11:05,931
Of course I've been up
all night!
237
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,551
Not because of caffeine.
It was insomnia.
238
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:09,000
I couldn't stop thinking
about coffee.
239
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,586
I need a nap. [ snores]
240
00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:11,586
Coffee time!
241
00:11:11,654 --> 00:11:12,586
[ gulping]
242
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:13,688
[ ding]
243
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:15,895
[ sniffs]
244
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:16,965
Ah.
245
00:11:17,033 --> 00:11:18,413
Mighty fine smokable.
246
00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:19,413
Fancy cigar?
247
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:20,551
Why don't you
smoke it already?
248
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:22,067
Puff, puff.
Go, go, go, go, go!
249
00:11:22,136 --> 00:11:25,309
Nah, you can't blow a smoke
from such a majestic stogie
250
00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:26,724
in just anyone's face.
251
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:28,447
I'm saving it
for the fancy pantsies
252
00:11:28,517 --> 00:11:30,517
at Zapp Brannigan's
black-tie reception.
253
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:31,620
You coming?
254
00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:35,033
[ juddering]
255
00:11:37,136 --> 00:11:38,895
And the fifth reason whales kill
256
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,447
is for the sheer fun of it.
257
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:41,551
Anything else?
258
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:43,379
Yeah-- you're lumpy
and you smell awful.
259
00:11:43,447 --> 00:11:44,413
Hey.
260
00:11:44,481 --> 00:11:45,931
I calls them like I sees them.
261
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,309
I'm a whale biologist.
262
00:11:48,931 --> 00:11:52,620
Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.
263
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:56,965
[ chomping]
264
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,517
[ gasps]
265
00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:04,724
Oh, crud, he ate my suit.
266
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,067
The suit was ugly.
267
00:12:06,136 --> 00:12:07,413
Whale biologist.
268
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:11,758
[ grunts]
269
00:12:14,447 --> 00:12:15,654
[ groans]
270
00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:17,826
Perhaps if you tighten
your grip, sir.
271
00:12:17,895 --> 00:12:20,931
Ah, thank you, golf slave.
272
00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:25,067
Bah! Rich people wouldn't waste
their time on this nonsense.
273
00:12:25,136 --> 00:12:27,379
Plus, these eggs
are gritty and tasteless.
274
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,586
[ spitting]
275
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:33,724
[ erotic moaning]
276
00:12:33,793 --> 00:12:34,654
Ow!
277
00:12:34,724 --> 00:12:36,240
Not so rough!
278
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,206
Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting Mushu
279
00:12:43,274 --> 00:12:47,274
the educated whale
who thinks he's better than you.
280
00:12:47,344 --> 00:12:48,965
[ applause]
281
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:51,517
Come on, Mushu, barf!
282
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:53,413
Barf like a freshman!
283
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,413
And now,
ignorant whale lovers
284
00:12:55,481 --> 00:12:56,758
we'll see who's boss
285
00:12:56,826 --> 00:12:59,309
as I make Mushu
jump through this hoop.
286
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,826
Jump, Mushu.
287
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:05,447
[ gagging and coughing]
288
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:07,586
MAN:
Who wants a fish?
289
00:13:14,517 --> 00:13:16,586
Mushu is sad.
290
00:13:16,654 --> 00:13:19,447
It just keeps
coming and coming.
291
00:13:19,517 --> 00:13:21,688
[ humming]
292
00:13:22,965 --> 00:13:24,826
Wait... that chunk!
293
00:13:24,895 --> 00:13:26,654
It's the watch.
294
00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:30,895
[ cheering]
295
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:32,517
I got it, Amy, I got it.
296
00:13:32,586 --> 00:13:34,551
The plan went off without a...
297
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,861
He's got aquarium property!
298
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:36,861
Stop him!
299
00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:38,413
Better do
what he says!
300
00:13:38,481 --> 00:13:40,000
He's a whale
biologist.
301
00:13:41,826 --> 00:13:43,274
You're under arrest,
you squishy punk!
302
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,344
Oh...
303
00:13:44,413 --> 00:13:45,793
[ glass shattering]
304
00:13:45,861 --> 00:13:46,895
Oh.
305
00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:48,000
[ choking sound]
306
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:50,000
[ retching]
307
00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,206
[ screaming]
308
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:01,758
ZAPP:
The Spiderians--
309
00:14:01,826 --> 00:14:04,447
though weak and womanlike
on the battlefield--
310
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,309
are masters
of the textile arts.
311
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,240
Taste like King Crab,
by the way.
312
00:14:08,309 --> 00:14:11,136
Crazy bugs actually
wove this tapestry
313
00:14:11,206 --> 00:14:12,826
of my heroic conquest
314
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,206
while I was still
killing them.
315
00:14:16,895 --> 00:14:18,067
[ sniffing]
316
00:14:18,136 --> 00:14:20,309
What? It's not even
scratch-and-sniff?
317
00:14:20,379 --> 00:14:23,413
But if rich people
think it's good, I'll buy it.
318
00:14:23,481 --> 00:14:25,136
One art, please.
319
00:14:25,206 --> 00:14:27,136
[ laughing]
320
00:14:27,206 --> 00:14:30,413
What a clever impersonation
of a stupid poor person!
321
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:33,931
How much is that place mat
actually worth, Brannigan?
322
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,274
Exactly $1 billion.
323
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,724
Now that'swalkin' around money.
324
00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:43,413
[ blowing nose]
325
00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:44,724
NIXON:
What? Hey? [ howls]
326
00:14:56,724 --> 00:14:58,517
[ bell dings]
327
00:14:58,586 --> 00:15:00,102
So I said to Kitty
328
00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:03,551
the only way to
keep the butler
from running away
329
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,274
is to cut off
his foot.
330
00:15:05,344 --> 00:15:06,274
Ah... ha-ha.
331
00:15:06,344 --> 00:15:07,481
Uh-huh.
332
00:15:07,551 --> 00:15:09,724
Yes, it reminds me
of a joke I heard
333
00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,758
about upper
middle-class people.
334
00:15:11,826 --> 00:15:13,309
[ coughing]
335
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:19,688
[ sobbing]:
I've never been sad
at a party before.
336
00:15:19,758 --> 00:15:21,688
I wonder if my
mind is thinking
337
00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:23,379
about Kif being in jail.
338
00:15:23,447 --> 00:15:24,551
Jail's not so bad.
339
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:26,620
You can make sangria
in the toilet.
340
00:15:26,688 --> 00:15:28,551
Course, it's shank
or be shanked.
341
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,620
Of course.
342
00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:34,654
Look, just give
back our property
343
00:15:34,724 --> 00:15:36,447
and we'll drop
the charges.
344
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,067
Fine! Have the watch!
345
00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:39,344
It's broken anyway.
346
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,586
I don't want your watch!
347
00:15:42,654 --> 00:15:44,826
You're covered in
precious ambergris.
348
00:15:44,895 --> 00:15:47,447
Precious hamburgers?
349
00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:51,965
"Ambergris." Noun.
350
00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:55,654
A grease-like product of the
sperm whale's digestive tract
351
00:15:55,724 --> 00:15:58,586
that is used as a base
in the finest perfumes.
352
00:15:58,654 --> 00:16:00,758
This has been Roseanne
353
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:03,586
your guide
to the world of facts.
354
00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:04,826
You heard Roseanne.
355
00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:06,517
Scrape off the
priceless ambergris
356
00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:07,931
and I'll let you go.
357
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,965
Or-Or better yet,
I'll simply shed my skin.
358
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:13,688
[ grunting]
359
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:19,309
Stop it. Stop it.
360
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,309
It's fine!
361
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:21,861
I will destroy you!
362
00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:25,688
[ both coughing]
363
00:16:25,758 --> 00:16:29,413
[ lustful moaning]
364
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,033
[ bell chimes]Wha...?
365
00:16:32,102 --> 00:16:34,413
[ creaking]
366
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:40,551
Uh, got to go.
367
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,344
Uh, fight club.
368
00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:48,793
What's happening, Hubie?
369
00:16:48,861 --> 00:16:51,826
Ah, I'm afraid the face
you fell in love with
370
00:16:51,895 --> 00:16:54,413
was actually just
a blob of living gunk
371
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,274
I bought with my tax refund.
372
00:16:56,344 --> 00:17:00,000
[ gurgling]
373
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:03,172
Well, as long as
we're being honest
374
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:07,309
I also spent my tax refund
on a crazy treatment.
375
00:17:07,378 --> 00:17:10,205
[ pops]
376
00:17:10,275 --> 00:17:12,413
That certainly is honest.
377
00:17:12,481 --> 00:17:15,862
It's better for us to both
just be ourselves.
378
00:17:15,931 --> 00:17:18,619
You, wrinkled
as a prune.
379
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,448
You, fat as
the queen of sea cows.
380
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,654
I love you!
381
00:17:22,723 --> 00:17:24,931
[ moaning]
382
00:17:28,136 --> 00:17:30,275
So, you see,
the putrid, waxy substance
383
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:31,689
I was coated with was...
384
00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:33,586
Not precious ambergris?
385
00:17:33,654 --> 00:17:36,309
Yes. And I managed
to sneak some out
386
00:17:36,378 --> 00:17:37,792
in the usual place.
387
00:17:37,862 --> 00:17:39,413
Ta-da!
388
00:17:39,481 --> 00:17:44,136
Using that, I'll make you
a perfume of lilac and jasmine
389
00:17:44,205 --> 00:17:45,413
and frankenberry.
390
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,619
Oh, Kif, it's so romantic.
391
00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,136
I can't even wait!
392
00:17:49,205 --> 00:17:51,931
I'm going to wear it right now.
393
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,689
[ spluttering]
394
00:17:55,413 --> 00:17:57,205
[ all groaning]
395
00:17:57,275 --> 00:18:00,067
Who smells like
freaking porpoise hork?
396
00:18:00,136 --> 00:18:02,586
I do. Kiss me, Kif.
397
00:18:10,275 --> 00:18:13,172
Oh, what a foolish squid
I've been.
398
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,344
I'm not rich.
399
00:18:14,413 --> 00:18:16,826
I can't even buy
one measly masterpiece.
400
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:18,378
[ sobbing]
401
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,448
Pardon us, gent.
402
00:18:22,517 --> 00:18:24,964
Might a couple of
hungry, hungry hoboes
403
00:18:25,034 --> 00:18:27,792
take a feed from that
aluminum snack box?
404
00:18:28,895 --> 00:18:30,550
So now I'm in the gutter
405
00:18:30,619 --> 00:18:32,964
surrounded by bums
who eat garbage?
406
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:35,136
Money brought me no happiness.
407
00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:36,550
Bupkes.
408
00:18:36,619 --> 00:18:40,136
Ooh, this boot's got
a little pudding at the bottom.
409
00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:41,826
[ with lisp]:
Interestingly
410
00:18:41,895 --> 00:18:44,103
the Spiderians are
more closely related
411
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:47,481
to our elephants
than our spiders.
412
00:18:47,550 --> 00:18:49,309
[ coughing]
413
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,619
[ laughing]
414
00:18:50,689 --> 00:18:51,723
[ gasping]
415
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,862
Don't mind us. Whoa, whoa!
416
00:18:55,931 --> 00:18:58,723
[ all exclaiming]
417
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,517
[ grunts]
418
00:19:07,550 --> 00:19:10,240
[ all yelling]
419
00:19:11,378 --> 00:19:12,964
The loot! The loot!
420
00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:14,550
The loot is on fire!
421
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,448
ZAPP:
Leela
422
00:19:16,517 --> 00:19:18,964
my precious rock dove,
I'll save you.
423
00:19:20,895 --> 00:19:22,481
Everyone, to the fire door!
424
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:23,758
It's on fire!
425
00:19:25,654 --> 00:19:28,826
We're trapped,
my sweet hippopotamus.
426
00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,792
[ both yelling]
427
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:36,000
[ rapidly]:
Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,
coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!
428
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,344
[ gulping nosily]
429
00:19:38,413 --> 00:19:40,481
[ heartbeat racing]
430
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:42,586
[ bell dings]
431
00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:45,619
[ heavenly music plays]
432
00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:24,000
[ wheels squeaking]
433
00:20:30,895 --> 00:20:31,931
[ glass breaking]
434
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,413
Where are we,
Pops?Wha...?
435
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:34,758
What happened
to the food?
436
00:20:34,826 --> 00:20:38,103
I think we were saved
by a mysterious orange blur.
437
00:20:38,172 --> 00:20:40,275
ZOIDBERG:
Welcome,
one and all.
438
00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:43,964
I finally figured out
how money could make me happy--
439
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:46,862
by using it to buy
my hungry friends a feast!
440
00:20:46,931 --> 00:20:48,448
[ all cheering]
441
00:20:48,517 --> 00:20:49,792
Everyone join us.
442
00:20:49,862 --> 00:20:51,586
Oysters
Rockefeller here
443
00:20:51,654 --> 00:20:54,067
has provided
genuine turkey dogs!
444
00:20:54,136 --> 00:20:58,103
Heck, you're never too rich
to enjoy a free turkey dog.
445
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,931
Yeah, I'm starved!All right!
446
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,517
I'll take four.
Me, too.
447
00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:03,240
Oh, what the hell.
448
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,136
Here, Dwight.
449
00:21:11,205 --> 00:21:13,448
The boots only
cost $299.99.
450
00:21:13,517 --> 00:21:16,619
You invest this penny
like you wanted.
451
00:21:16,689 --> 00:21:18,205
Thanks, Dad.
452
00:21:18,275 --> 00:21:20,826
I'm going to take this and buy
five shares of Amazon.com.
453
00:21:20,895 --> 00:21:22,103
A risk-taker!
454
00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:23,689
That's my boy.
455
00:21:23,758 --> 00:21:25,723
The entire surplus is gone!
456
00:21:25,792 --> 00:21:28,034
Oh, what a McGovern I've been.
457
00:21:28,103 --> 00:21:31,654
Why did I have to issue
that crooked tax rebate?
458
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:35,619
Uh, at least we got a few mildly
interesting stories out of it.
459
00:21:35,689 --> 00:21:37,240
Oh, my, yes.
460
00:21:37,309 --> 00:21:39,586
Speaking of which,
my story kind of petered out
461
00:21:39,654 --> 00:21:41,103
without me learning a lesson.
462
00:21:41,172 --> 00:21:42,413
[ laughing]
463
00:21:42,481 --> 00:21:43,448
There he is!
464
00:21:43,517 --> 00:21:45,275
[ frightened yelp]
465
00:21:45,344 --> 00:21:47,758
All right! Closure!
466
00:21:47,826 --> 00:21:50,000
[ groaning]
467
00:21:51,931 --> 00:21:54,895
[ groaning, clanking continue]
468
00:21:56,931 --> 00:21:59,792
"Futurama." Noun.
469
00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:02,792
Um, I don't know,
you just watched it, dummy.
470
00:22:02,862 --> 00:22:04,895
What are you asking me for?
471
00:22:04,964 --> 00:22:07,895
Hey, here's a fun definition:
"idiot."
472
00:22:07,964 --> 00:22:09,895
Noun.
473
00:22:09,964 --> 00:22:11,309
You!
474
00:22:11,378 --> 00:22:12,723
[ laughing]
475
00:22:12,792 --> 00:22:13,586
[ snorts]
476
00:22:13,654 --> 00:22:14,792
This has been Roseanne--
477
00:22:14,862 --> 00:22:17,000
your guide
to the world of facts.
31158
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