All language subtitles for Futurama.S03E15.1080p.WEB.h264-NiXON_Track03

[ Man ]
One, two! One, two, three!

[ Man Narrating ]
You're entering a realm
which is unusual.

Maybe it's magic or contains
some kind of monster.

The second one.
Prepare to enter--
[ Slam ]

Please send the man round back
and pick up Clyde Smith,

a professional gambler
who's about to have
an unfortunate accident.

[ Groans ]

[ People Chattering ]
[ Coins Clattering ]

[ Bell Ringing ]
[ Laughing ]

A casino where I'm winning?

That car must have killed me.
I must be in heaven.

[ Bell Ringing ]

A casino where I always win?
That's boring.

I must really be...
in hell!

No, Mr. Smith, you're
not in heaven or hell.

You're on an airplane.

[ Whimpers ]

There's a gremlin
destroying the plane!
You've gotta believe me!

Why should I believe you?
You're Hitler!

No! Eva Braun, help me!

[ Screams ]

Saw it comin'.
I just saw something
incredibly cool--

a big floating ball
that lit up with every
color in the rainbow,

plus some new ones
that were so beautiful...

I fell to my knees
and cried.

- Was it out in front
of Discount Shoe Outlet?
- Yeah.

They have
a college kid wear that
to attract customers.

Well, I don't care
if it was just some
dork in a costume.

For one brief moment,
I felt the heartbeat
of creation,

and it was
one with my own.

- Big deal.
- We all feel like that
all the time,

but you don't hear us
gassin' on about it.

How can you people
be so blasé?

Here you are
in the year 3000 or so,

yet you just sit around
like it's the boring time
I came from.

"Boring"? Wasn't that
the period when they
cracked the human genome...

and boy bands
roamed the earth?

Yeah, but now it's
the distant future.

Why aren't we out
doing everything
I ever dreamed of?

Hey, you know what
might be a hoot?
No. Why would I know that?

Let's take the rest
of the morning off...

and take Fry
to do everything
he ever wanted to do.

- Everything?
- Except that.

So's your fantasies
has always been
to destroys a planet, huh?

Yeah. What did they ever
do for me?

[ Laughing Exultantly ]

Wow. The most humdrum activities
seem almost exciting
through your eyes.

What should we do next?
I wanna see
the edge of the universe.

Ooh!
That sounds cool.

It's funny.
You live in the universe,

but you never do these things
till someone comes to visit.

[ Farnsworth ]
There it is,
the edge of the universe.

[ Coins Jingle ]

[ Coin Drops ]

[ Timer Ticking ]

Far out.

So there's an infinite number
of parallel universes?
No. Just the two.

Oh, well, I'm sure
that's enough.

I'm sick of parallel Bender
lording his cowboy hat over me.

Let's move on to Fry's
next fantasy.

[ Roars ]

[ Ground Rumbling ]
Yee-haw!

Bow before your master,
puny mortals!

Whoo! Giddy-up!
Ha-ha!

Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Mommy? Why is that man
like that?
Don't look at him.

That was fun.
Let's give him a treat.

[ Pig Squeals ]
[ Thud ]

[ Snorts ]
[ Squeals ]

Keep your palms flat.
[ Munching ]

[ Laughing ]

The tongue tickles.
[ Laughs ]

These new hands are great.
I'm gonna break 'em in
tonight.

Yes, it's been quite
an hour and a half.

I've only got
two fantasies left--

to be invisible
in a chocolate factory...

and to be romantically linked
with a celebrity.

I could pound your head
till you think
that's what happened.

Okay.
Wait.
Hold on.

It is actually possible
to meet any celebrity
you want.

It is?
Of course. You should
read a blimp sometime.

[ Fry ]
"Download a celebrity
from the Internet."

What part of that
do I understand?
It's simple.

You can download a celebrity's
personality and appearance
into a blank robot.

Hey, I have an idea.
Let's do that.

Onto the Internet you go.

Oh, and while you're there,
pick me up a few
credit card numbers.

[ Muttering ]

No way. Kirk could
kick Picard's ass.

Yeah? At least
Picard had the guts
to admit he was bald.

What? You take that back!
Ooh, eBay.

Are there no further bids
for this exquisite galaxy?

Sold to the being
of inconceivable horror.

[ Chortling ]

Will a money order
be okay?

- Yes.
- [ Chortling ]

So where's
the celebrity dating place?

Let's search the Web.
Over there.

Welcome to nappster.
Let's see what celebrities
we've got in stock.

Can I interest you
in Gwyneth Paltrow?
Nah.

I read in Newsweek
that she drinks human blood.

Uh, how about Cleopatra,
whose beauty destroyed
mighty empires?

Mm, I'd prefer
someone from the era
of shaved underarms.

Do you have anything with more
of a Lucy Liu feel to it?

Nah, nothin' like that,
although we do have Lucy Liu.
[ Gasps ]

Only woman to be named
People magazine's "Sexiest
Woman of the Year" twice--

in 2003 and then again
in 2063.

I'd like the 2003 model.

Wah-hoo! I found her!
What do I do now?
Download her.

Let's just put
a blank robot in the drive.

[ Gasps ]
It worked!

You're one sexy man--
[ Robotic Voice ]
Philip J. Fry.

[ Moaning ]

[ Fry, Muffled ]
It worked perfectly!

Well, you downloaded
Lucy Liu.

Are you just gonna
stare vacantly at her
and not say anything?

[ Giggles ]

I find your slack-jawed stare
very attractive--

[ Robotic Voice ]
Philip J. Fry.

Did you hear that?
She likes me.

Well, duh.
She's programmed
to like you.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps
the only good actress
of the 21st century.

She's more than just
a piece of software.

Would you like
to take a moment
to register me?

Uh, not right now.

I'll remind you later,
you hot stud you.

So, uh, what do you
feel like doing?

Would you like to take
a moment to register me?
I said later.

And then when
I feel so stuffed
I can't eat any more,

I just use the restroom
and then I can eat more.

You should
write a book, Fry.

People need to know about the--
[ Robotic Voice ]
can eat more.

Oh, Lucy. You're just like
I always thought you'd be
from your movies.

My personality is mathematically
derived from my movies,

proportionately weighted
by box office receipts.

* Whoo
I'm just a love machine *
* Uh, uh

* And I won't work
for nobody but you *

* Yeah
* I'm just a love machine

* Yeah, baby
* A huggin', kissin' fiend

* I'm just a love machine

* And I won't work
for nobody but you *

* Yeah, baby
* I'm just a love machine

* A huggin, kissin' fiend *

You're cute.
You're cute.

You.
You.

You.
You.

Oh, dear. She's stuck
in an infinite loop,
and he's an idiot.

Well, that's love for you.

Humans dating robots
is sick.

You people wonder why
I'm still single?

It's 'cause all
the fine robot sisters
are datin' humans.

Bender, this is
Fry's decision.

And he made it wrong,
so it's time for us
to interfere in his life.

She doesn't really love you.
She can't.

She's just a machine that--
Stay away from our women!

You've got metal fever, boy!
Metal fever!

Well, so what
if I love a robot?
It's not hurting anybody.

My God! He never took
middle school hygiene.

He never saw
the propaganda film.

It's just lucky
I keep a copy in the VCR
at all times.

** [ Melodramatic Fanfare ]

Ordinary human dating.

It's enjoyable,
and it serves
an important purpose.

[ Crying ]

But when a human
dates an artificial mate,

there is no purpose,
only enjoyment.

And that leads to...
tragedy.

Neato!
A Marilyn Monroebot.

Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

[ Robotic Voice ]
Billy Everyteen.

Harmless fun?
Let's see what happens next.

[ Smooching, Moaning ]

Billy, do you want
to walk your dog?

No, thanks, Mom.
I'd rather make out
with my Monroebot.

Billy, do you wanna
get a paper route...

and earn some extra cash?

No, thanks, Dad.
I'd rather make out
with my Monroebot.

Billy, do you wanna
come over tonight?
We can make out together.

Gee, Mavis, your house
is across the street.

That's an awfully long way
to go for makin' out.

Did you notice
what went wrong
in that scene?

Ordinarily, Billy
would work hard...

to make money
with his paper route.

Then he'd use the money
to buy dinner for Mavis,

thus earning a slim chance
to perform the reproductive act.

But in a world
where teens can date robots,
why should he bother?

Why should anyone bother?

Let's take a look
at Billy's planet a year later.

Where are all
the football stars?

And where are the biochemists?

They're trapped,
trapped in the soft,
viselike grip of robot lips.

All civilization
was just an effort
to impress the opposite sex...

and sometimes the same sex.

Now let's skip forward
80 years into the future.

Where's Billy?

[ Giggling ]
[ Moaning ]

Farewell.
[ Gasps ]

The next day, Billy's planet
was destroyed by aliens.

Have you guessed the name
of Billy's planet?

It was Earth!

[ Announcer ]
Brought to you by--
[ Singers ] * The Space Pope *

Did that make
any impression
on you, Fry? Fry?

[ Moaning ]
[ Giggling ]

Ooh!
[ Giggles ]

I knew I should've shown him
Electro-Gonorrhea:
The Noisy Killer.

[ Bender ]
What is the world
comin' to?

That Fry's
a sicko pervert,
I tell ya.

Datin' a robot--
it's an "atrocimicy."

But Fry's our friend,
Bender.

Aw, geez!
Will ya stifle there,
meat bag?

- You stifle, Bender.
- Hooray!

Finally, you're
standing up to him.

Although he is
completely right.

We've got to stem
this tidal wave
of moral decay.

It's time to shut down
nappster.com.

- Who's in charge
of this dump?
- That'd be me.

If you're an investor,
you can dump your money
in the hole there.

- Listen, you fat
Internet nerd.
- Listening.

Your company
promotes wrong love.

If you don't shut down right
now, the only thing wired
about you will be your jaw.

Yeah. You can't shut us down.

The Internet is about
the free exchange and sale
of other people's ideas.

We've done nothing wrong.
[ Woman ] Help!
I'm being held prisoner!

Wha--
Someone in trouble is.

No! Stay out. There's a--
a guy goin' for the Tetris
world record in there.

[ All Gasp ]
[ Grunts ]

[ All Gasp ]

Who are you?
Don't hurt us.

Help me. They've been
holding me prisoner
for 800 years.

The real Lucy Liu, the one
you can see a movie of
in the popcorn stadium.

So what's your problem?

Those sweaty nerds are making
illegal copies of us.

[ Electricity Buzzing ]
[ Groaning ]

Ow!
[ Crying ]
It hurts!

[ Pounding ]
Open this door!

Don't make me call
the maintenance guy.

It's a bluff.
We can't
take that chance.

Move, people!
Move!

Please pick me up
before you go-go.

She asked first.
[ Alarm Blaring ]

[ Groans, Screams ]

- Um, are you Lucy Liu?
- Sure.

[ Grunts ]
[ Panting ]

Oh, we're doomed!

They got the head.
They uncovered the sign.

Soon the whole world will
learn we're cyber criminals.

And we would've
gotten away with it...

if it weren't for
those meddling adults.

[ Man ]
We'll stop them.

They like Lucy Liu?
We'll give them all
the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Hand me that backup disk.

Did you see me escaping?
I was all, like--

Woo-woo-woo-
woo-woo-woo!

Thanks for rescuing me.
Especially you, Bender.

Mmm. Quite a masculine
piece of metal, aren't you?

Hey, don't look at me
like that!

If you're thinkin' of crossing
the line with Bender,
you can forget it.

Bender don't bend that way.
Hey, look.

It's another Lucy Liubot.

[ Robotic Voice ]
I am Lucy Liu.
Give me your spines.

[ All Gasping ]

Hey, what the--
[ Groans ]

Take this and that
and one of these.
[ Groaning, Grunting ]

Hey, cut it out.
I don't need
this kind of publicity.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah!
Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

[ Grunts ]
All right, Liu,

time to kick your frosty,
well-toned ass.

Yaah! Whuh!
Waaa-taah!

[ Groans ]
[ Electricity Crackling ]

Then along came Bender.

- Hmm?
- Looks like
you're retaining water.

[ All Cheering ]
That was incredible,
Bender.

You're like Jackie Chan
before he got all doughy.

Oh, shucks. I wasn't
afraid of that robot.

I'm pretty brave
once you get past
my macho exterior.

- [ Screams ]
- [ Footsteps Pounding ]

It's an army of Lucy Lius.

[ Dr. Zoidberg, Leela
Screaming ]
They're horrible.

[ Robotic Liubot Voice ]
Take this and that
and one of these.

[ Screaming ]

- Robot Crouching Tiger.
- Robot Crane style.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming Continues ]

Now, that's
a wave of destruction
that's easy on the eyes.

- [ Choking ]
- Hi-yah!

[ Screaming, Groans ]

This is the best movie
I've ever seen.

It has a vampire
and an explosion.

It's amazing the way you--
[ Robotic Voice ]
notice two things.

No! Don't open
that coffin.
[ Ticking ]

It's ticking.
I have to, Alex.

That coffin's not going
to open itself.

Bleh!

Mmm!

Let's hide in here. It'll add
to my box office gross.

Fry.
Aw, you guys came
to watch me make out.

That is so sweet.
[ Gasps ]

Wait a second.
Is that the head
of who I think it's of?

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood.
Dr. Z.

[ Snapping ]

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu
are destroying the city.

Is yours acting normally?
Let me see.

[ Moaning, Smooching ]

Yep. Why do you ask?

Mr. Mayor, if you want
to see the real vampire,
look in the mirror.

I can't.
I'm a vampire.

[ Crowd Screaming ]

Oh! Why?
[ Grunting ]

And nappster says illegal copies
never hurt anybody.

Quick! This way.

[ All Panting ]

Sorry, ladies.
Employees only.

[ Yelps, Whimpers ]

- [ Panting ]
- [ Gasps ]

Oh, no! They're forming
a human pyramid...
of robots.

Damn it! We're weren't
countin' on them being
as smart as they are sexy.

A dangerous mistake
to make.

At least
we've got food.

- Dr. Zoidberg,
cut open that bag.
- Hooray!

- And don't eat it.
- [ Sighs ]

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Liubots ]
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- [ Liubot ] Data error!
- [ Liubot #2 ]
Do not compute!

Whoo-hoo!
[ All Cheering ]

Life was bad,
but now it's good forever.

[ Gulping ]

[ All Screaming ]

- [ All Whimpering ]
- You'll be safe in here,
sweetheart.

Get lost, Pavarotti.
* Nooo *

[ Crash ]

Lucy Liubot, if I don't
survive the corn,

I want you to know
that I love you as much
as a man can love...

a computerized image
of a gorgeous celebrity,

which, it turns out,
is a lot.

Oh, Fry. I love you
more than the moon
and the stars and the--

[ Robotic Voice ]
Poetic image number 37
not found.

[ Metallic Pinging ]

What are you doing, darling?
Get down!

Light hot.
Oil temperature rising.

[ Gasps ]
Oh, no.
Malfunction.

[ Liubot ]
This ain't good.
[ Liubot #2 ] System error.

[ Electricity Buzzing ]
You saved us.

Are you all right?
Yes, my love.
I'll be just--

[ Robotic Voice ]
Massive corn clog
in port seven.

- Are you the last
copy of me?
- Yes.

- Erase her, Fry.
- What? No!

Fry, when you downloaded her
without my permission,
you stole my image.

And in the end,
that's all I really have.

That and the largest
gold nugget in the world--
one mile in diameter.

But I just downloaded her
because I love you.

If you love
the real Lucy Liu...

and not just what you've seen
in movies, genre-straddling
lawyer shows...

and kiss-ass articles
in Peopl magazine,

you'll blank out
that robot.

[ Electricity Crackles ]

I'm sorry.

Hug me, Liubot.

[ Beeping ]

- [ Sniffles ]
- I'll always
remember you, Fry.

[ Robotic Voice ]
Memory deleted.

[ Crying ]
I know it hurts, buddy,

but at least you're not
in a sick relationship
with a robot anymore.

[ Sniffling ]
Uh-huh.

And I guess now maybe
I can get to know
the real Lucy Liu.

Yeah, at our wedding.

It's true.
Bender and I are in love.

- But-- But--
- Don't be a prude, Fry.

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Giggling ]

Mmm! Boy!
[ Chuckling ]

[ Growling ]
[ Continue Kissing,
Moaning ]