All language subtitles for Sabrina The Teenage Witch_s07e19.You Slay Me.eng

You'll be happy to know
that Aaron and I

have picked the place
to have our wedding.

- The Ritz? The Four Seasons?
- The backyard.

Oh. Well, that's very...

I thought Aaron had money.

He does, but Sabrina and I decided

on having a simple
unpretentious wedding.

Yes, we just want to exchange
our vows in an intimate setting

surrounded by only family, friends

and, you know,
the people we invited just for gifts.

Have you thought
of professing your love

naked under an old elm tree,
surrounded by mother earth's beauty?

Well, we checked,
but mother earth is booked solid.

You know,
that naked-under-the-elm-tree thing...

Forget it.

MORGAN: They can have their
simple trailer-park wedding.

But I am going to throw her
a first-class bridal shower.

- You're planning a shower?
- Yep.

That's the maid of honor's job.
She hasn't even picked one.

Well, I think we know
who that's going to be,

Miss Earth-Mother.

So I'm sending out
the invitations tomorrow.

Oh, it's gonna be tough
to send out invitations

when I have her address book.

I have been looking all over for that.

Sorry, but my invitations
are already stamped and ready to go.

I can't believe this.

"Casual"? Who raised you?

Okay, Today's Bride,
Modern Bride, Bridal Path.

I thought she looked a little horsy.

Okay, let's head out.

What? Head out?

Yeah, to the bridal fair.

I thought we could knock off all our
wedding preparations in one afternoon.

A bridal fair?

But why do I have to go?

Because there's no such thing
as a "groomal" fair.

Look, this is our wedding.

Don't you think we should make
every decision together?

But I'll be the only guy there.

No, you won't.

How about that?
You're the only guy here.

Oh, I can't believe this place.

It's as big as the auto show,

only with tons of things
I don't care about.

Come on.
How could you not care about tiaras?

You're not gonna wear one of those,
are you?

Why not? This way, I can not only be
the center of attention,

but I can also be the centerpiece.

Yeah,
you could always wear it backwards.

Yeah, very hip-hop.

Hello, welcome to Taffeta Town.

Ooh, look at how big this thing is.

You could get married in it
and have the reception underneath it.

Ha, yeah,
with a fairly decent-sized dance floor.

I said ivory, not off-white, not ecru.

Why is everyone conspiring
against me?

Sabrina, if I haven't said it lately,
I am very glad to be marrying you.

- Thank you.
- Mm.

And, no, you can't go wait in the car.

AARON:
Worth a shot.

Check out this monstrosity. Ha, ha.

- I've gotta try it on for a laugh.
- Heh-heh-heh.

Ooh, and a little exercise.

Wait, you're not gonna leave me
out here alone, are you?

- I mean, what am I supposed to do?
- Hold my purse.

Would you like some help?

SABRINA:
Uh, no, I think I've got it or it's got me.

Look out,
giant doily coming through.

- You look beautiful.
- Oh, I look ridiculous. Ha, ha.

I feel like a giant blimp
on her way to cotillion.

Aaron's is gonna get such a...

Oh, my gosh.

[GASPS]

I'm a princess.

WOMAN: Would you like to see
the matching veil?

It comes with a veil?

So I thought for the shower,

we could do a high tea
with assorted finger sandwiches,

followed by parlor games.

I think we should have
a goddess festival.

We can bead bracelets,

give each other henna tattoos,
sing folk songs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on, Sister Moon.

If I am gonna let you help me
plan this shower...

Help you? I'm letting you help me.

Besides, I think I know Sabrina
better than you.

Which is why she's gonna pick me
as her maid of honor.

Oh, you got the maid part right.

Oh, this is great.

Not only am I getting a husband,
I'm getting a Sherpa.

That's a whole lot of simple going on.

Yeah, simple went out
with the 6-foot cherub ice sculpture.

But if you're happy, I'm happy.

- I'm ecstatic.
- Mm-hm.

Okay, you're officially released.

Go be a guy.
But only to a certain point.

I'm on it.

Sabrina, what happened?

Well, I got to thinking.

You know,
a wedding is really for the guests.

So, what kind of hostess would I be
if I didn't give them a little show,

a little razzle-dazzle,
a little napkin folded like a swan.

Oh, thank goodness
you've come around.

I mean, how many times
does a girl get to walk down the aisle?

Two, three times tops.

Wait until you see my veil.

It's like a mini-gown for my head.

Salem, I've seen the future
and it's me dressed as a princess.

And I've had the very same dream...

...about you.

Wait, that didn't sound right, either.

You know, I realized this wedding
is gonna set the tone

for our whole fairy-tale life together.

I mean, without the poison apples
and singing dwarfs.

Just to clarify,

I don't dream about you
in dresses all the time.

There's so much to do,
I don't know where to start.

I mean, I have to book a ballroom,
a caterer, musicians.

How do you even start to plan
a fairy-tale wedding?

At the beginning.

"Once upon a time,
there was a handsome young cat..."

What I need to do
is talk to a real princess.

Oh, of course.

Daddy, please,
don't take away my gold card.

Wrong kind of princess.

I swear, spells like
that are just designed

to help keep the magic-book publishers
in business.

Okay, princess. Let's see.

Oh, hey, look at this.

Cinderella, perfect.

[TRUMPET PLAYS FANFARE]

Hello.

Cinderella Charming.

Sabrina, frantic.

So you took your husband's name?

Um, I'm a traditionalist.

Plus, my maiden name
was Schneiburger.

Ooh, good call.

So I was hoping you would help me.

I'm trying to plan the perfect fairy-tale
wedding with all the trimmings:

Doves, wandering minstrels...

A gilded carriage with coachmen?

Uh, I don't think
Aaron's gonna go for that.

He's talking about having his brother
drive us in his minivan.

Oh, first mistake. You're the bride.

This is your special day.

You've gotta insist on
getting everything you want,

and the rest will fall into place.

So you think it's possible for me
to have the wedding of my dreams?

Honey, I was a chimney sweep
who married a prince,

so anything's possible.

Just remember, it's your day.

I'll do that. Thanks, Cindy.

Any problems,
you know where to find me.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got a man coming
to dredge the moat.

[LAUGHS]

A moat?

I'd like a moat.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

What do you think? Great, huh?

They're great.
Very heavy, very metal.

So, uh, let's talk food.

Now a buffet is easier,

but a sit-down dinner
is so much classier.

Oh, and then there's the whole
soup-or-salad quandary.

Oh, this would be so much easier
with a fairy godmother.

Industry slang
for our wedding planner.

Whatever you want.

But, uh, what about the band?

For the wedding?

Well, if you think they can handle
"Sunrise, Sunset."

But I thought we agreed to go
a little non-traditional with the music,

and that I could pick
the entertainment.

But...

All right. We did agree.

- They'll be fine.
- Ha, ha.

Hey, it's your special day, Sabrina.

Insist on what you want.

Actually, what I meant was no.
They won't be fine.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

No, listen to me. I want doves.

And I want them painted blue.

Well, how long do they live
normally?

I'm all for yelling at service people,
but when you make them cry,

they're useless for hours.

Quit your sniveling
and just get the job done.

Morgan, you said you were gonna
help me pick out tablecloth colors.

Well, I got swatches,

but now that you're going with
blue doves,

I'm not sure if they're right.

I ask for so little.

Speaking of which,
you, where are you with our vows?

I'm working on a draft,
but I may need to re-write it.

It's filled with words like
"love" and "compassion."

I am surrounded
by incompetent people.

Who are doing the best they can.
Why are you acting like this?

Yeah, we're breaking our necks
trying to help you with your wedding.

Breaking your necks doesn't help me.
Busting your butts would.

I've seen you sweat more
looking for the remote.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

What? No, no, unacceptable.

Well, somebody's gonna have to
rethink his priorities, Reverend.

You know, I really think you should
take the credit for this shower.

Like you said,
you two are so much closer friends.

Oh, no, no, no.

If anyone should be the maid of honor,
it's you.

So I am just gonna step back
and let you take the bullet.

I mean credit.

Hey, Sabrina around?

SABRINA:
Why am I even speaking to you?

Put the bishop on.

Oh, there's the shrill cry
of my beloved now.

So when are you guys planning on
getting your own place?

[CHUCKLES]

Look, I know that Sabrina's
been acting a little crazy lately,

but maybe
we should cut her some slack.

I mean, all brides get stressed out
like this before their wedding, right?

Please say yes.

Did you hear them?

I mean, is it too much to ask
for the perfect storybook wedding?

Sabrina, I hate to say it,

but you really are turning
into a monster.

I am not a monster. I am a princess.

[WHIMPERS]

I stand corrected.

[COUGHING]

Oh, this dress is all wrong.

Hey, bridezilla,
take it down a notch.

Listen, nobody asked you
to come down here, Mr. Nag-A-Lot.

- Oh!
WOMAN: Is everything okay in there?

No, no, everything is not okay.

What's going on?

Oh, just another raging
out-of-control bride

preparing for the happiest day
of her life.

[SABRINA ROARS]

Uh, let's give her some space.
Walk quickly, don't look back.

Someone better get in here
and help me

or nothing will grow on this spot
for 200 years.

Look, before you destroy
the greater Boston area,

you've gotta listen to me
for two seconds.

Oh, quit your yammering
and grab a pincushion.

This dress isn't gonna size itself.

Sabrina, forget the dress.

- Look at yourself.
- What?

You have to imagine me with my hair
done, but I still look like a princess.

But look around you.
Look what you've done.

Well, it's not my fault.

I mean, I'm in a hurry.
And the service here is terrible.

Look under the dress.

Oh, my feet.

And I've got a tail.

And I'm leaving destruction
in my wake?

Oh, my gosh, I'm not a princess.
I'm a dragon.

Wake up, woman,
you're not a princess, you're a dragon.

[GRUNTS]

I just said that.

I know.
I just always wanted to do that.

[GRUNTS]

Why won't it go away?
Why is this happening to me?

I mean, sure I was
the teensiest bit demanding,

but you have to be
when you're planning

the perfect fairy-tale wedding.

Besides,
I was just following Cinderella's advice.

That'll teach you to listen to a woman
who can't keep track of her shoes.

I've gotta slip out of here
before anybody sees me.

[WALL CRASHES]

Uh... Oh, yeah. Very discreet.

Okay, made it across town
without anyone seeing me.

Well, except for those
Japanese tourists.

Yeah, that was unfortunate.

Now all I need to do
is get up to my room,

find Cinderella
and get some answers.

WOMEN:
Surprise!

Holy cheese and crackers.

Surprised?

Surprised, shocked,
stunned, taken aback.

- How's that? Gotta go.
- You can't go.

This is our way of saying
that even though you treated us poorly,

we are better people than you.

Enjoy your shower.

MORGAN: What was that?
- Nothing.

Just Kimmie being a klutz again.
Uh, now if you'll excuse me.

Why are you wearing
your wedding dress?

Test drive.

You know, the good news is,
it really holds the curves.

Sabrina, wait.

Well, that is beyond rude.

Now I don't feel so guilty
about re-gifting her.

- Sabrina?
- Oh, Aaron, um, hi.

Shower's in there,
act surprised, bye.

Wait, wait, wait.
I think we need to have an...

Ow. Jeez.

What are you wearing under there,
steel-toed boots?

Of course. Heh.

Would it kill you
to open a bridal magazine?

Stupid feet, stupid tail,
stupid dress.

SALEM: Yeah, it took me a while
to get used to my tail.

But again, I have no experience with
or fantasies about a dress.

Cindy, hello? Are you home?

Oh, where could she possibly be?

Maybe she and Snow White
and Rapunzel are having a sleepover.

With pillow fights.

Ooh, now that's a fairy tale.

- Not helping.
- Not trying.

[SALEM YELLS]

Huh. There may be an advantage
to this thing after all.

Like they say,
a cat will always land on his face.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

AARON:
Sabrina, open up. We need to talk.

Super busy.

- What's going on?
- She's barricaded herself in there.

Well, she better come out.

Because if I have to sit down there
with those loser friends of hers,

she has to too.

No offense.

You know, Sabrina's quirky behavior
can be endearing,

but I don't know
how much more of this I can take.

Sabrina, open up.

Hold on, let me try.

Sabrina, open up.

It's all in the tone.

Hello?

Cindy, it's just me.
Don't freaked out by the giant eyeball.

Why don't you ring the doorbell?

Well, if there was a doorbell,
don't you think I'd...

Oh, look, a doorbell.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, there you are.

I've been wandering
all over this castle for 20 minutes.

You have a family of serfs
squatting in the root cellar.

I told Mom and the girls
they should have been nicer to me.

So how are the wedding plans
going?

Did you find a place
for the ceremony?

Yeah, Jurassic Park.

Look.
I've become Tyrannosaurus wreck.

With the right train,
no one will notice.

Let me show you the one I wore.
It was gorgeous.

Well, I don't wanna hide the problem,
I wanna get rid of it.

You know,
Aaron is very understanding,

but I think this 6-foot kickstand
might be a deal-breaker.

Well, then you're better off
without him.

I mean,
Prince Charming left years ago,

but you don't see me crying.

What? He left?

But I thought you had
the perfect fairy-tale life.

No, I had the perfect
fairy-tale wedding.

Oh, I have to show you pictures
of the reception.

[SABRINA GASPS]

Oh, my gosh, you're a dragon too.

Small price to pay
for the perfect wedding day.

This isn't what I want,

alone in a turret
with nothing but memories.

What's funnier
than downtrodden townsfolk

doing the electric slide?

Why did I listen to you?

Oh, I've been so focused
on the wedding.

I forgot all about
the happily-ever-after.

I've got to go back,
refocus my priorities

and pay attention
to what's really important.

Wow, I feel better already.

Ugh. You know,
usually when I have these revelations,

the magical side effects
tend to go away.

Yo, I've learned my lesson.

Any advice?

Don't go with the pumpkin carriage.

You'll never get rid of the smell.

Salem, I'm gonna be a dragon
for the rest of my life

and it's all my fault.

Well, look at it this way.

You'll never have to shave
your legs again.

No, because I'll have to
sandpaper them.

Well, worry not, my scaly maiden.

I've done some research
and found the perfect solution.

All you need to do
is find a prince to slay you.

Well, where am I
gonna find a prince?

Well, I know a couple of queens
and a dog named Duke.

[SALEM YELLS]

[GROANS]

Hey, you're right.
I am getting used to the tail.

- Sabrina.
- Whoa.

No, you can't come in here.

No, I'm coming in and we're gonna talk
or this wedding is off.

But you can't see the bride
in her wedding dress.

What?
But I just saw you downstairs.

Yeah, and we've had nothing
but bad luck ever since.

- Now, please don't look at me.
- Okay, fine, whatever.

All right, but I'm not leaving here
until we have this out.

This wedding is out of control.

- I know and I'm so...
- No, no, no.

Now, I don't want to hear
any more demands.

All right?

Look, Sabrina,
this isn't just your day.

It's our day.

And I'm gonna have some input.

Wait, what did you just say?

I'm saying that this whole fairy-tale
wedding of yours has gone too far.

And this is one prince charming

who's not gonna put up with it
anymore.

Of course, you're my prince.

No, not a prince.

Just a guy who wants to spend
the rest of his life with you,

and I think you've lost sight of that.

I couldn't agree more.

- Really?
- Really.

All I want is the happily-ever-after.

Something else we agree on.

Oh, and just so you know,

I'm okay with a tux
but I'm not wearing tails.

I'm right there with you.

Bye.

Bye, Erin.
Bye, Kimmie. Bye, Maureen.

We'll do this again soon.
Well, not for me, hopefully. Ha, ha.

But for one of you, hopefully.

Oh, that was absolutely perfect.

I can't thank you guys enough.

[MORGAN SIGHS]

Apparently, I really can't.
Guys, I said I'm sorry.

Ooh, bathtub beads.

Later. Later.

Look, I know you guys
went through a lot of trouble,

and I know
I've been a little bit demanding.

Sabrina,
you weren't a little anything.

You were a great big raging...

Okay, I get it.

Look, I'm really sorry.
I can't even begin to explain.

It's okay. Apology accepted.

I know you're going through
a lot right now

and I can't really blame you
for not being yourself.

- Ahem.
- I can.

But I won't.

You know,
it really was a great shower.

The finger sandwiches
were my idea.

So just curious,

have you given any thought to
flower girls, bridesmaids,

and, oh, I don't know,
maid of honor?

Morgan, don't put her on the spot.

So have you?

Well, I have thought about it
and I've decided on my maid of honor.

But I need to let you know,
it's not gonna be one of you.

- Oh.
- Okay.

It's gonna be both of you.

- Great choice.
- We approve.

But I'm really the main
maid of honor, right?

You just couldn't leave it alone,
could you?

[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Nothing is ever simple.

I'm definitely going with something
simpler and half the petticoats.

Scaling back, huh?

Please don't mention scaly backs.

Aaron and I are just finding
some middle ground.

Instead of using the backyard,
we found a church we both like.

But I can't believe
how much I still need to do.

If Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer
are your maids of honor,

where does that leave me?

You want to be my maid of honor?

It's always nice to be asked.