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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:12,007 Just so you know, Morgan, Roxie and the cat drank out of that carton. 2 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:16,342 Ick. Well, that explains the lipstick, the crumbs and the fur. 3 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:17,847 So, Louisa, what's going on? 4 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,714 I mean, I haven't heard from you since the 1-cent frame sale. 5 00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:23,253 The phone works both ways. 6 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,323 Anyhoo, I wanted to warn you 7 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:29,053 that since so little magic has been used around here lately, 8 00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:33,131 the house is about to undergo a magical systems check. 9 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:36,029 What? I can't have magic shooting off willy-nilly. 10 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,261 Mortals live here, and they don't know I'm a witch. 11 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:41,202 Oh, that's going to be tricky. 12 00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,535 Lots of luck to you. 13 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,234 No, wait, you can't go. I need to know... 14 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,779 - Who are you talking to? - Uh, to you, heh, obviously. 15 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:51,849 - Good morning. - Friendly but unconvincing. 16 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,152 - I know I heard voices. - Voices? 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,981 Roxie, really, the things you come up with. 18 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:57,180 [DINGS] 19 00:00:57,357 --> 00:01:00,292 - What in the heck is that? - I'm sterilizing the mail. 20 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,793 I mean, you never know where the mailman's hands have been. 21 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:05,191 Juice? 22 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:47,230 What is taking them so long? Roxie, Morgan, come on! 23 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:50,808 I gotta keep them out until this whole magical systems check is over. 24 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:53,275 You can't keep them at the diner forever. 25 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,913 What's your plan if something happens 26 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:57,845 while Laverne and Shirley are actually in the house? 27 00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,008 Let's just say I'll be making good use of the phrase 28 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,380 "It must have been the cat." 29 00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:04,455 - Qu�? - Ladies, while I'm still young! 30 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,717 I wanna get to the diner before the soup hardens. 31 00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:09,953 What's the hurry? I've only got one eye lined. 32 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,722 Yeah, we just had breakfast two hours ago. 33 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,126 The juice might have gone bad. 34 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,268 Oh, well, uh, nothing soothes the stomach like chili cheese fries. 35 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:17,869 Okay, let's get a move on. 36 00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,438 Yep, let's go or the day will be over before we even get out the door. 37 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:26,668 So then she says, "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco." 38 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,246 - Get it? - Got it, and I'm gone. 39 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:31,781 - I got a million of them. - And we've heard every one. 40 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,213 - See you. - Where are you going? 41 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,877 - You're going, uh, shopping, right? - No, home. 42 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,079 Uh, well, that's cool. 43 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:40,522 You know, I just assumed, you know, with the stores open, having big sales 44 00:02:40,693 --> 00:02:42,661 and you in last season's jeans, maybe... 45 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,296 I'll be at the mall. Don't wait up. 46 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,766 Well, now that Morgan's gone over the wall, I'm taking off too. 47 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:50,061 I've got an appointment. I wanna stop by the house. 48 00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,067 Wait, when did you two become such homebodies? 49 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:55,332 Okay, so this appointment, um, sounds pretty mysterious. 50 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,408 - It's no big deal. - Well, it is to me. 51 00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,239 Sit. Tell. Order something. 52 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,540 You're not leaving here until you tell me all about it. 53 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,275 Sabrina, it's kind of personal. 54 00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,783 So personal you can't tell your best friend? 55 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,421 Okay, but it's a little embarrassing. 56 00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,784 You've gotta promise not to tell anyone. 57 00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:14,221 - Promise. - I'm seeing a doctor. 58 00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,961 - That's great. Congratulations. - No, I'm not dating him. 59 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:21,897 I'm seeing a doctor about possibly having a tattoo removed. 60 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,628 - Wow, I didn't know you had a tattoo. - That's the secret part. 61 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,272 I got it when I was in high school and have regretted it since. 62 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,203 I just want it gone. 63 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,870 Uh, does it have some long, seedy story behind it? 64 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,345 I wish, heh. It says... 65 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,347 This is just between us, right? 66 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,916 You know when you're young and get obsessed with a band? 67 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,648 Oh, totally. I had a wall full of Nine Inch Nails posters. 68 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,951 Which, ironically, I put up with thumbtacks. 69 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,686 So, what band left a "permanent" impression on you? 70 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,523 Hanson. 71 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,360 My tattoo says "I heart Hanson." 72 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,701 - I'm guessing you lost a bet. - Mm, if only that were true. 73 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:01,738 Great, now I'm late and I'm not gonna have a chance to go home. 74 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,433 Excellent... Decision to have that tattoo removed. 75 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:08,638 Yeah, so when you're at the doctor's, um, take your time. 76 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:09,873 Get to know him. 77 00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:11,949 You know, maybe you'll get that date after all. 78 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,787 Okay, I've successfully capped the geyser of Sparkle Farkle 79 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,360 and managed to put out the fire in the number-six cauldron. 80 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:26,089 - How are things going up here? - All clear. 81 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,292 The armchair started to talk, but I threatened to shred its dust ruffle. 82 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:32,295 Good cat. So how are our girls? 83 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:33,996 Back, but not to worry. 84 00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:36,471 They're in the kitchen, still none the wiser. 85 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,076 Perfect. 86 00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:39,836 [THUNDER CRASHING] 87 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,241 Not so perfect. 88 00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:44,581 Aah, stop. 89 00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,242 No. Open. 90 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:52,416 Oh, good. No, stop, stop. Close, close, close! 91 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,526 Sabrina, we have a problem. 92 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,458 Uh, the cat did it. He's crazy. I'm thinking of having him put down. 93 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,222 No, not Salem, Roxie. 94 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,196 Uh, fine, then we'll have her put down too. 95 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,391 That's the problem. 96 00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:04,900 I think something is seriously wrong with her. 97 00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:07,005 I just overheard her on the phone to a doctor. 98 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,698 She's scheduling an appointment to have something removed. 99 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:13,277 I think that she may be dying, or worse. 100 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,913 I'm really kind of busy right now. 101 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,641 I know, and you're doing that all wrong. 102 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,184 This exercise is meant for toning the thighs and the glutes. 103 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,346 I'm sure if there were anything wrong, Roxie would've let us know. 104 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,957 No, I asked her about it, 105 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:29,856 and all she said was something about a MYOB. 106 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:32,190 - "Mind your own business"? - Great. 107 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,857 Now you're shutting me out too. You know, I am just worried about her. 108 00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:38,526 Look, Morgan, you have to trust me. It's gonna be okay. 109 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,935 There's nothing to worry about. It's a simple procedure. 110 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,804 Procedure? Oh, poor Roxie. 111 00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:48,845 I wish I'd been nicer to her. What does she have, like six months? 112 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,974 No, no, no, it's gonna be fine, really. It's just, she's having a tattoo removed. 113 00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:57,889 Oh, is that all? Oh, I am so relieved. 114 00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:01,322 - I could do this for hours. - Really? Great. 115 00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,186 Knock yourself out, ha, ha. 116 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,297 Hey, and don't repeat what I told you about Roxie. 117 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,057 She's really kind of sensitive about it. 118 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,326 I promise. You don't have to worry about me. 119 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,602 Come on, just let me see it, please? Just a peek. 120 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,002 Get away from me. 121 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,408 I can't believe you told her. 122 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:20,478 - But she promised. - So did you. 123 00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,147 Well, I'm sorry. It wasn't malicious. 124 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,181 Look, I was just trying to put her mind at ease. 125 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,342 - She thought you were dying. MORGAN: She's right. 126 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,919 And believe me, I'd wanna die too 127 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,386 if I had "I heart Hanson" on my butt. Ha-ha-ha. 128 00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,516 You gave her details? 129 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:36,184 Now, see, that's probably where I crossed the line. 130 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,860 The first time I ask you to promise me something. 131 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:41,431 Thanks a lot, Sabrina. I thought I could trust you. 132 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,332 Thanks a lot, Morgan. I thought I could trust you. 133 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,768 I'm not exactly sure why. 134 00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:47,963 Roxie, I'm sorry. 135 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,166 I never should've told Morgan about your tattoo. 136 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,436 I shouldn't be surprised you couldn't keep my secrets. 137 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,876 The only secrets you're able to keep are your own. 138 00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,607 What are you talking about? I don't keep secrets from you. 139 00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,649 Give me a break. Ever since I've known you, 140 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,652 I've always felt there was something you were hiding from everyone. 141 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,484 You're always covering things up and acting all cagey. 142 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,819 I can't believe this. I am so not cagey. 143 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,723 Oh, please, you're always being evasive 144 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,160 or darting out of the room unexplained. 145 00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:14,162 Then you come up with these weird, lame excuses 146 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,893 that couldn't possibly be true. 147 00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:18,696 Just changing the bag. 148 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:21,567 That's right up there with sterilizing the mail. 149 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,710 Bottom line, I just don't trust you anymore. 150 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:25,901 [SABRINA SCOFFS] 151 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:27,943 Hey, you try to come up with a decent excuse 152 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:31,481 while you're wrestling an upright. Stop it. 153 00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,919 Trust is very important, Sabrina. 154 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,648 Without it, you can't run the really big cons. 155 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,386 Did I ever tell you about the Bible scam I ran in Kansas City back in the '20s? 156 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:45,690 You don't know how horrible it feels to have your best friend not trust you. 157 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,230 Boo-hoo. 158 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,925 Talk to me when you have to groom yourself with your tongue. 159 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,936 - Ooh. What about that one? - "Elixir of Trust. 160 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,906 Whoever serves this tonic will instantly gain the trust of whomever drinks it." 161 00:07:58,077 --> 00:07:59,635 I guarantee it. 162 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,610 Jeez, is there anyone who's not doing an endorsement these days? 163 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,552 You know, I don't know if I should do this. 164 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,745 Well, with magic going off left and right, 165 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:11,719 I don't think you have a choice. 166 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,416 Well, and 10 percent of the profits goes to preserving the union. 167 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:15,788 I'm sold. 168 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:21,432 Hey, Roxie, I made smoothies. 169 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,001 That certainly takes the sting out of being betrayed. 170 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,401 Come on, it's my sweet, nutritious way of apologizing. 171 00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:28,870 Don't waste your breath. 172 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:32,135 There's no way that I'm accepting your apology. 173 00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:41,144 Because you have nothing to apologize for. 174 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,414 You're my best friend in the whole wide world, 175 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,682 and I totally trust you. 176 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,656 If you say you had a good reason for telling Morgan about my tattoo 177 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:52,161 or slapping around the vacuum, then I believe you. 178 00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:54,891 Wow, I gotta say, Abe really knows his stuff. 179 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,796 Hi, Sabrina. Just wanted to check... 180 00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,994 SABRINA: Not now. - Did that painting just talk? 181 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:01,230 Yeah, it's one of those, uh, you know, gag pictures, 182 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:02,738 like the fake flounder that sings. 183 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,901 Yeah, you should hear her belt out "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy." Ha, ha. 184 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,313 - That's cool. - You bought that? 185 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,143 I mean, you're okay with that explanation? 186 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:12,341 Of course. 187 00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:15,419 I know you'd never, ever lie or keep secrets from me. 188 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:18,250 I just feel bad that I keep so many secrets from you. 189 00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:21,587 Well, never, ever is a little... You keep secrets from me? 190 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,319 Come on. I'll show you. 191 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,634 Roxie, this place is so not you. 192 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,360 That's why I've kept it a secret. 193 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,664 I know I'm always railing against the beauty myth, 194 00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:37,002 but even the most eco-friendly, post-feminist, vegan girl in the world 195 00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:38,200 wants pretty toes. 196 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,244 Hey, that goes for us meat-eating, paper-wasting girls too. 197 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,745 Thanks for sharing this with me. 198 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,349 If I can't trust you with my secrets, who can I trust? 199 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,985 True, but let's not get carried away. 200 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,587 You know, there are some things better left unsaid. 201 00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:54,092 I miss my binkie. 202 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,454 Aah! Too much information. 203 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,858 [SINGS] La-la-la, la-la-la 204 00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,395 [SNIFFING] 205 00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,726 Oh, you silly, silly witch, 206 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,369 leaving me with the Elixir of Trust. 207 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,698 If I had thumbs, I'd be twirling my whiskers right now 208 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:08,305 and laughing maniacally. 209 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,876 [IN QUIET VOICE] Perfect. Ha-ha-ha. 210 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:15,013 [MORGAN HUMMING] 211 00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:22,085 Hmm, I feel like something cold and fruity. 212 00:10:22,254 --> 00:10:24,518 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Meow. Meow. 213 00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,352 Oh, hi, kitty. Oh, maybe a banana. 214 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,858 [COUGHING] 215 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,060 Whatever you're hacking up, take it outside. 216 00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:37,293 Oh, smoothies. This should hit the spot. 217 00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:44,298 - Mm. - Hey, Red, way to take a hint. 218 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,777 - How are you talking to me? - Trust me, all cats talk. 219 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,212 - Would I lie to you? - Oh, of course not. 220 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,444 - I trust you. - Enough to do whatever I want? 221 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,383 - Of course. - Excellent. 222 00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:59,285 Now twirl my whiskers while I laugh maniacally. 223 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:03,387 [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 224 00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:06,224 ROXIE: Yes, I'm serious, and... - No, no, just hang up. Hang up. 225 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,459 Look, you can't just call your boss and quit out of the blue. 226 00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,535 You said if I wasn't being creatively fulfilled... 227 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:12,796 All right, Roxie, stop. 228 00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,439 You can't entrust me with your secrets 229 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,734 and ask me to make life-altering decisions for you. 230 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:21,278 I know, it's just that I have such complete and total faith in you. 231 00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:23,540 I know you'd never let any harm come to me. 232 00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,513 Not knowingly, but you're getting carried... 233 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,915 No! What are you doing? 234 00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,022 See? I knew you'd never, ever let anything bad happen to me. 235 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,852 Okay, you know what? This is getting a little out of hand. 236 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,220 We gotta get you home before... 237 00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,227 - Catch me, Sabrina! - Roxie! 238 00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,636 Oh, dang! 239 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,369 Oh, come on. 240 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,345 Oh, so close. 241 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,306 I knew I could trust you. 242 00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:58,916 [GRUNTS THEN SIGHS] 243 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,519 A friend's undying devotion and I didn't even break a nail. 244 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,518 You'd think I'd feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 245 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:04,815 [TIRES SCREECH AND HORNS HONK] 246 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,514 Roxie. Get out of the street! 247 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:09,690 That bus came so close to hitting my head, 248 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,853 it was almost spiritual. 249 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,966 Yeah, about as life-affirming as when you were taunting that pit bull. 250 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:18,001 All right, sit here and count the floorboards... 251 00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:20,900 It's fun... While I go beat the tar out of an ex-president 252 00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,371 and make sure the house isn't inflicting itself on Morgan. 253 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,271 Uh, what's going on here? 254 00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:28,709 Uh, nothing you need to furrow your pretty little brow about. 255 00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:31,111 Just carry on with whatever you were doing. 256 00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,013 Salem, I can't believe that you're talking, 257 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,677 because it is totally freaking me out. 258 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:39,347 Oh, all cats talk. Salem told me so. 259 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,083 I bet he did. 260 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,921 Morgan, don't you have to use the bathroom? 261 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,660 - I don't think so. - Salem. 262 00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,664 - You do. - Now that you mention it... 263 00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:52,497 Salem, I cannot believe you fed her the trust elixir. 264 00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,299 I'm this close to turning you over to creepy Jimmy down the street. 265 00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:57,339 He has firecrackers and very little supervision. 266 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,671 Hey, you left the stuff out on the counter. 267 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:03,372 Besides, how is this any different than what you did to Roxie? 268 00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:06,211 Oh, it's totally different. I did it to fix a friendship. 269 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:08,080 You did it to get a free tummy rub. 270 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,721 As soon as I figure out the antidote, 271 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,948 you can say sayonara to your little geisha with... 272 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:15,651 Wait a minute, did you say I left it on the counter? Oh, man. 273 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:18,194 Morgan, chop-chop! 274 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,889 These grapes aren't gonna peel themselves. 275 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,226 No. No more. 276 00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:25,859 - I told you to count the floorboards. - Did it. One hundred and eleven. 277 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,733 Yes, but how many of them have knots? 278 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:31,741 One, two, three... 279 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:33,602 "Do not pour down drain. 280 00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:35,679 May cause severe damage to septic tank." 281 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:38,510 It's always a little scary when it's bad for the sewage system. 282 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:41,312 Oh, perfect. I'll just boil it away. 283 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:49,151 Excellent. 284 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,889 - Now that that's done... - Thirty-four, 35... 285 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:56,125 All right, you and I have an appointment with a musty book, 286 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,930 which, ironically, gets me in more trouble than it gets me out of. 287 00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:00,332 Come on. 288 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:09,909 - What in the? - A pretty kitty is a happy kitty. 289 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,572 This is part of Cat-Appreciation Week. 290 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:12,774 [DOORBELL RINGS] 291 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,216 It comes right before Selling-Them-on-eBay Week. 292 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,686 - What? - Hi, I'm your neighbor. 293 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,259 Do these pants make me look fat? 294 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,521 Why are you asking me? Oh, no, don't say it. 295 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,392 I just know I can trust you. 296 00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,090 - Oh, you said it. - I trust her too. 297 00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:33,227 So do I. I'm entrusting you with my life savings. 298 00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:34,702 Oh, no. Please go. 299 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,900 Please, I don't want your money, sir. And those pants are very slimming, sir. 300 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,101 [BABY CRYING] 301 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:42,304 There she is. That's the woman you'll be living with. 302 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,915 I mean, who else am I gonna trust them with? 303 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,211 Okay, could you hold down the fort? I'll be right back. 304 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,355 And I think she needs to be changed. 305 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,718 Okay, how come I didn't see that there? 306 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,895 And who's playing with the lights? 307 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,898 - Hello. - Hi. Hi. 308 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,558 If you're here about the systems check, 309 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,570 let's just say "Now is a bad time" is the understatement of the century. 310 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,605 I'm not here about any systems check. 311 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:13,472 What's going on with my eyes? And when did this print get smaller? 312 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,114 You're not gonna find the answer to your problem in there. 313 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,012 - How do you know? - Perhaps I should introduce myself. 314 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,415 - I'm Blind Faith. - Oh, I so don't like where this is going. 315 00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:25,446 I don't suppose you're here to help with my problem, hope, hope? 316 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,524 No, I'm here to hand over the reins, so to speak. 317 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,025 Now that you've got all of Boston worshipping at your feet, 318 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:31,822 you're the new Blind Faith. 319 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,123 I don't wanna be Blind Faith. 320 00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,290 I can never find sunglasses that work with my face. 321 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:38,868 And most importantly, I just wanted Roxie to trust me. 322 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,233 But you used magic to make her trust you. 323 00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:44,638 That's not real trust, that's blind faith. 324 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,141 Instead of arguing over semantics, 325 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,746 how about you tell me how to get people to stop trusting me? 326 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,178 I mean, short of running for political office. 327 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:52,374 Mm, no clue. 328 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:54,485 Here, you're going to need my Seeing Eye dog. 329 00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:55,779 But that's a goat. 330 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:56,979 [GOAT BLEATS] 331 00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:58,748 Where are you going? Don't disappear yet. 332 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,757 I'm not going anywhere. You're just losing your sight. 333 00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:03,592 That's better. 334 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:07,254 Wow, ha, ha, this really is a goat. Ha, ha. 335 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,400 - These look terrible on me, don't they? - Hmm. 336 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,665 - Is anybody there? ALL [IN UNISON]: Hi, Sabrina. 337 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:19,277 Okay, everybody listen up. This is very important, okay? 338 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:22,471 Now, I need you all to trust me when I say this: 339 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,808 Don't trust me. 340 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,882 I don't hear anybody leaving. 341 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,077 We know you're just testing our faith. 342 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,722 No, I'm not, really. Trust me. 343 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,222 ALL [IN UNISON]: We trust you, Sabrina. 344 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:35,951 Okay, as long as we're clear on that. 345 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,756 By the way, there's something very strange going on in the kitchen. 346 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,455 Of course there is. Everybody hang here. 347 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,224 Goat, take me to the kitchen. 348 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:45,029 - Oh, wait, is my cat here? - Nope. 349 00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,729 Figures, the one time he might actually be useful. 350 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,932 [MOANING] 351 00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:53,107 I understand you have to soak your hip, 352 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,644 but why do I need to be in here? 353 00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:59,215 Because this crummy tub doesn't have any jets. 354 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:00,852 Keep pedaling, Red. 355 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,189 [WATER SPLASHING AND SALEM MOANING] 356 00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:05,817 Whatever's going on in here, 357 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:07,822 I'm warning you, I'm armed with an attack goat. 358 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:10,689 Don't worry, Sabrina, everything's fine. 359 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,525 - I took care of it for you. - Thanks, Louisa. 360 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,961 I thought maybe I'd come in here 361 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,864 and find some of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse defrosting my freezer. 362 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,061 [LAUGHS] 363 00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:22,935 Nothing so dire. Just a man with a summons. 364 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:27,067 A summons? For me? Why would I be getting a? 365 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,239 ...a summons? MAN: Order in the court. 366 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,943 Your Honor, sir, I think this has all been a big misunderstanding. 367 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,577 - Over here. - Oh, sorry. Uh... 368 00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:41,323 If I'd been given any warning about a magical systems check, 369 00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:43,791 I would have made sure my roommates were out of the house. 370 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,156 Do you swear to tell the truth, 371 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,059 the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? 372 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,893 What? Oh, yeah. I mean I do. 373 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,662 Well, obviously you don't or you wouldn't be here. 374 00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,271 Is this about the trust thing and not about the house thing? 375 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,464 It's hard to keep up. 376 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:59,372 Why else would you be standing before Naked Truth? 377 00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:01,072 No good reason comes to mind, 378 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,443 and I don't suppose the "Naked" part is just a metaphor? 379 00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:08,746 Nope, I'm completely open and honest about everything. 380 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:13,722 I have absolutely nothing to hide, unlike some people. 381 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,792 Well, of course I have things to hide. 382 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,429 Of course I have to tell lies. I live with mortals. 383 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,589 And I gotta tell you, you're not helping the trust factor, Your Nakedness. 384 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:25,328 Trust is, as I like to say, a two-way street. 385 00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:29,065 What reason does your friend Roxie have to really trust you? 386 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:32,210 In my defense, she really, really trusts me now. 387 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,977 I bet you're giving me a look, huh? 388 00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:38,616 All right, I guess she doesn't have a reason to trust me. 389 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,150 I guess she's always willing to share her secrets with me, 390 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,811 but I have gone the extra mile not to share mine with her. 391 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,253 Then I think you know what you have to do. 392 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:50,293 There's gotta be another way. I mean, I can't just tell her I'm... 393 00:18:51,263 --> 00:18:53,026 - a witch. 394 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:54,524 Hello? 395 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,895 - Anybody? - Hey, Sabrina. 396 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,900 - Am I in the kitchen? - Yes, you are. 397 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:02,370 Do we have any Wasa crackers? Little Sabrina is teething. 398 00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:04,270 [DINGS] 399 00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:05,910 Are you still sterilizing the mail? 400 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:09,946 Uh, no, this is the warranty. Yeah. It's good to keep it close. 401 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:13,278 - Okay. - No, wait, Roxie. That's a lie. 402 00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:15,579 Actually, most of the things I tell you are lies. 403 00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:16,812 But you have to understand, 404 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,150 it's because I didn't feel like I have any other choice. 405 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,920 The only way I can tell you my secret is if I completely trust you. 406 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,529 Don't you trust me? 407 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,165 Yeah, I do. 408 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,933 Roxie, I'm a witch. 409 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,801 A witch? 410 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:38,466 What am I doing here and? 411 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:43,805 - Aah! I'm soaking in cat water. - Ah! 412 00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,277 Yay! Ah, I can see again. 413 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,580 A witch? That's the weakest lie you've ever told. 414 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,215 Roxie, wait. 415 00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:56,487 Don't walk away from me. This is important. 416 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:57,686 A witch, huh? 417 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,831 Is that some kind of metaphor for something? 418 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,727 Yeah, maybe it is. 419 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:05,427 It means a girl who's afraid of people finding out who she really is. 420 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,435 It means a girl who's willing to hide the truth 421 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:08,971 from those she loves the most. 422 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:13,100 And it means a girl who feels different and strange every moment of the day. 423 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:17,271 Look, I wish I could share more things with you, but sometimes I just can't. 424 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:18,541 I'm sorry. 425 00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:23,748 Sabrina, I'm sorry too. I think I've been a little unfair. 426 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:26,584 Of course you have secrets. We all do. 427 00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:29,022 Yeah, but you're a little better about sharing yours. 428 00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:30,218 That's okay. 429 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,386 I just have to trust that when you feel comfortable, 430 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,861 you'll share yours with me. 431 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,993 I will. Thanks. 432 00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:40,700 A witch? That was pretty good. 433 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:45,068 MORGAN: Salem! I'll get you. 434 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,439 Have your lunch with me in the bathtub. 435 00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,774 Come back here, you mangy little fur ball. 436 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:51,539 What's that all about? 437 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:55,118 Oh, uh, you don't wanna know. Trust me. 438 00:20:58,890 --> 00:20:59,914 [DINGS] 439 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,922 Woo-hoo! I passed my magical systems check. 440 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,825 [SALEM SOBBING] 441 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:10,425 Hell hath no fury 442 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:13,400 like a woman who's been tricked into bathing with a cat. 443 00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:15,062 MORGAN: Where is that stupid cat? 444 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,264 [GASPS] 445 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,171 [WHISPERS] Quick, close the door. You gotta help me. 446 00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:22,438 Don't worry, I know exactly how to handle this. 447 00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:26,646 - Sabrina, have you seen Salem? - Yeah, bottom cabinet on the right. 448 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,679 [SALEM SCREAMS] 36499

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