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1
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:05,527
"And although
he's played his last gig,
2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:07,798
Screamin' Hank Walters
will be joining Hendrix, Elvis,
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:08,998
and maybe even Tupac..."
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,268
[IN UNISON]
"For an all-star jam session in heaven."
5
00:00:11,444 --> 00:00:13,344
Did you read this obituary
before I turned it in?
6
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,413
No, no, I'm reading the one
you wrote last week.
7
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,277
Oh, right.
8
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,146
Well, it is an obituary.
It's not like they're gonna complain.
9
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,344
Hey, it's no big deal.
10
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,580
I reuse the same photos
over and over again.
11
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,486
Of course,
I had to stop when people realized
12
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,683
Queen Latifah
never fought Lennox Lewis.
13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,625
You know, when I got this job,
I thought I'd be doing more interviews.
14
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,823
But I've covered
more dead rockers than vomit.
15
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,695
Can I just give you a little advice?
16
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,795
Go find your own stories.
17
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,802
You write something decent,
Annie will run it.
18
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,703
You write something indecent
and she'll put it on the cover.
19
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,003
If I wanna impress Annie,
that's what I'll have to do.
20
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:48,636
You're right. I'm gonna tell Annie
I have written my last obituary.
21
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,913
Sabrina,
get down to Boston General.
22
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,915
Keith Richards is having chest pains.
23
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:54,678
Can't I wait
until he goes to the morgue?
24
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:57,322
I have my own parking spot there.
25
00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:45,433
What you're looking at now
is the Morganwear fall line.
26
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:49,097
I like these, but actually,
we're buying for spring right now.
27
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,742
Oh, not a problem.
28
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,170
And now,
you have scarves to match.
29
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,913
Whoa, cute headband.
30
00:01:58,084 --> 00:01:59,449
That's a skirt.
31
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,553
And I'm guessing
a great way to meet guys.
32
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:06,351
I'm telling you, these designs
will be flying off the rack. Ha, ha.
33
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,822
Flying off the rack.
34
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,190
Oh, oh! That's our cue.
35
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,526
Oh, look, I love this blouse.
36
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,431
Roxie, don't you love this blouse?
37
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,971
- Love it? I'd like to be buried in it.
- That's right, Roxie.
38
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,507
Because Morganwear
works for every occasion.
39
00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,974
Well, your friends
seem to really like your stuff.
40
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,205
[PHONE RINGS]
41
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:29,905
Morgan,
are we almost through here?
42
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,948
I really should be out
trying to dig up a story.
43
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,245
Actually, I really like your designs.
44
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,513
Let me finish this call,
and I'll place an order.
45
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,620
I sold something.
I sold something, ha, ha.
46
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:42,420
I deserve a little treat.
47
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,496
What do you think,
uh, Lexus or Mercedes?
48
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,156
Uh, how about chipping in
for groceries once in a while?
49
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,937
That's Babette Storm.
50
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,767
Oh, yeah.
She's in town shooting a film.
51
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,341
Wow. She looks even better
in person.
52
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,445
- Two words: "Bo," "tox."
- Get out.
53
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,604
She's pushing 30,
she's gotta do something.
54
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:03,806
Hey, that's a great story:
55
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,848
What an actress has to do
to stay in the game.
56
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,112
Now, how can I prove
that she's using Botox?
57
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,085
Stick a safety pin in her forehead.
58
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,517
Oh, my God, did you see that?
59
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,750
She just shoplifted.
60
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,155
That's really sad.
61
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:16,989
Yeah, it is.
62
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,893
She stole from the clearance rack.
63
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,771
If I buy a box of Thin Mints,
will you go away?
64
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,777
What if I had a story about someone
who was actually alive?
65
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,005
What have you got?
66
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,172
Well, I saw Babette Storm
last night at a boutique,
67
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,978
and let's just say she's no stranger
to the five-finger discount.
68
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,711
That means shoplifting.
69
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,322
Got any proof?
That means you're a real reporter.
70
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:45,923
Well, I saw it with my own two eyes.
71
00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:49,459
Hey, five fingers, two eyes.
Maybe I can use that in my article.
72
00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,597
Look, I have no doubt
this woman's a thief, okay?
73
00:03:51,764 --> 00:03:53,925
There is no other explanation
for her Oscar.
74
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,500
But find a story you can back up.
75
00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:58,967
Well, I know for a fact
she's had Botox injections.
76
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:02,168
I think.
77
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,571
Come on, cheer up.
78
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,213
I can't help it. I'm bummed.
79
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:10,246
I try to show my boss
that I know what I'm doing
80
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,906
and I end up
looking like an amateur.
81
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,315
Well, why don't you do
what I do when I feeling down?
82
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:15,715
Let strangers rub my belly?
83
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,082
Huh.
84
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,658
Order the champagne.
85
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:20,850
Monique just called.
86
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,359
She wants to double
her initial order of Morganwear.
87
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,019
Congratulations.
88
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,098
At least one of our careers
is taking off.
89
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,666
Oh, Sabrina, I don't have time
90
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,030
for the Annie-is-evil pep talk
right now.
91
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,104
I have 50 outfits to deliver.
92
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,438
Oh, okay.
93
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,578
Annie is evil,
you're great, hang in there.
94
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,044
- Oh, I forgot the best part.
- I'm thin and beautiful?
95
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,546
Oh, we're back to me now.
96
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,980
Babette Storm
ordered one of my dresses
97
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:49,019
to wear to the press conference
for her new film.
98
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,883
You might wanna sew in a LoJack.
99
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,584
She's picking it up at Monique's
on Thursday at 1:00.
100
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:58,959
Now, because of this stupid cast,
I am gonna need help with the sewing.
101
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,692
Wait, she's going back
to that boutique?
102
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,893
Maybe I have another shot
at that story.
103
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,298
I just need proof.
104
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,069
Hey, guys. What's going on?
105
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,435
Hey, Roxie.
Do you know how to sew?
106
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,339
Sew? A needle pulling thread?
107
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:13,803
Never mind.
108
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,141
How about you, Sabrina?
Do you wanna work for me?
109
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,285
Not even if the job was testing pie.
110
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,417
All I need you to do
is come to this boutique
111
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:24,579
so that I can prove
that Babette is a shoplifter.
112
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:26,748
You know, bring your camera,
just skulk around.
113
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:27,984
Now, wait a minute.
114
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,187
They tend to keep an eye on a brother
skulking in a ritzy women's boutique.
115
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,229
Fine, then give me your camera.
116
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,334
I broke mine trying to kill a spider.
117
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,663
Maybe you do deserve a break.
118
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,863
Actually, you remind me
of myself when I came here.
119
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,600
Young, naive, desperate to succeed.
120
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,772
- I'm not desperate to succeed.
JAMES: Oh?
121
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,641
That is so not me. Ha, ha.
122
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,612
Please, help me, James. Please?
123
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,683
- Okay, I'll help you.
- Thank you.
124
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,945
You know, uh,
I've done surveillance before.
125
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:56,247
Dangerous stuff.
126
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:59,482
Sean Penn whacked me right here.
P. Diddy slapped me right here.
127
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,126
Celine Dion got me right here.
128
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,659
She hit you?
129
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,855
No, it's the Titanic theme,
it chokes me up.
130
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,690
Welcome to Morganwear.
131
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,130
Congratulations.
132
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,737
You girls have the thrill
of working for a vibrant,
133
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:16,966
cutting-edge company
focused on generation now.
134
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,737
Now, don't be threatened
working for someone
135
00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,073
so much younger
and more beautiful than you.
136
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:23,909
Oh, please.
137
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:27,814
When I was her age, I had a rack
you could bounce a wing nut off of.
138
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,182
Where did you pick up
the bridge game?
139
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,721
This is my new work force.
140
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:32,915
They're day laborers.
141
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:35,583
I found them hanging out
in front of the fabric store.
142
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,560
We were waiting
for a bus to Atlantic City.
143
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,630
You know, Morgan,
this looks like unfair labor practice.
144
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,826
You can't hold people
against their will.
145
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,130
No, not all of them.
146
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,764
I started with eight.
147
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:54,470
- Oh, there she is.
- Really?
148
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:55,875
She don't look like a thief.
149
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,640
She also doesn't look
like Harriet Tubman,
150
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,547
but that didn't stop her from playing
the part in that one-woman show.
151
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,312
Okay, pretend like
you don't know me.
152
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:05,218
Right. We all got Annie's memo
about that.
153
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,754
Oh, this is kind of nice.
154
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,764
Ahem, would this look good on me?
155
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,260
Uh, are you asking me?
156
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,997
Yeah. Be honest.
157
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,665
Well, it's a little "get out of the trailer,
there's a twister coming."
158
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,606
Oh, you're right.
159
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,805
Um, but, you know,
this blouse would look great on you,
160
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,576
and at this price, it's a steal.
161
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,310
I mean, a bargain.
162
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,422
That's gorgeous.
You have very good taste.
163
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:38,648
Really? Thanks.
164
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,918
Would you mind telling my boss that?
And my roommates?
165
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:43,288
And, well, actually,
can I get it in writing?
166
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,522
I'm Babette.
My friends call me Babs.
167
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,524
I'm Sabrina.
My friends call me Sabs.
168
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,065
BABETTE: Oh.
- They don't really.
169
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:53,035
Oh. You know, it's so rare that I meet
someone down-to-earth
170
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,003
and honest like you.
171
00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:57,438
Would you mind
helping me pick out a few things?
172
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,874
Really? Sure.
173
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,571
And you have to get that blouse.
174
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,113
My treat.
175
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,810
Okay, then I'll just try
on this one little blouse.
176
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,314
And this and this.
177
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,082
Ooh, I love this.
178
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,089
Because, actually,
y'all about the same size.
179
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,319
So, uh, could you try this on for me?
180
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,691
You sure your mother
wants this for her birthday?
181
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,457
Oh, yeah.
182
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,527
Psst, psst, psst.
183
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:24,897
May I help you?
184
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,834
Uh, do you have
any changing rooms?
185
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,769
You are standing right by them.
186
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,101
Ah.
187
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,767
- Some of these women are so dumb.
- Mm.
188
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,406
- Okay. I'll try on the teddy for you.
- Thank you.
189
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,310
James, pay attention.
190
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:39,144
I'm working, I'm working.
191
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:42,014
I love buying clothes,
but I hate trying them on. Don't you?
192
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,382
It takes so long.
193
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:46,148
Tell me about it.
194
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,555
First, you gotta try stuff on.
195
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,455
And take them off.
196
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,922
And then if you need another size,
197
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,864
you gotta go back
and get another one.
198
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,903
Now, it's small and overpriced.
199
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,566
Oh, I look terrible in this one.
200
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,303
I doubt. You'd look great in anything.
201
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,607
No, seriously,
this one will make me like a cow.
202
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,447
It can't be that bad. Let me try.
203
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,055
Ooh! Uh, I see what you mean.
204
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,316
[SABRINA MOOS]
205
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,720
BABETTE:
What?
206
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,622
SABRINA:
I said, "Ew, you're right."
207
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,323
- Any luck?
- Ugh.
208
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,230
No, everything was either too clingy,
too floofy or two paychecks.
209
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,099
- How about you?
- No, struck out.
210
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:34,899
Really, huh?
211
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:39,237
So, listen,
do you wanna grab a bite?
212
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,612
- You wanna go to lunch with me?
- Sure.
213
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,046
I just... I feel like I have
this connection with you.
214
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,447
And it will be fun.
215
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,178
Well, I guess I could go to lunch.
216
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,915
I already packed mine, but bologna
keeps for a couple of days.
217
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,150
Ha, ha. Afterwards,
maybe we'll swing by my spa.
218
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,090
We'll make a day of it. Come on.
219
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:58,657
Look, Babette,
220
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,859
I have to be honest with you.
221
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,898
I'm a reporter for Scorch magazine.
222
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,296
That guy over there,
he's a photographer.
223
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,803
We're working on an article
about you being a shoplifter.
224
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,170
At least I am.
225
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,675
What are you talking about?
226
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,813
I saw you take something
from here the other day.
227
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,449
I don't want you to ruin your career
228
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,642
over some blouse
that will look stupid in two weeks,
229
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,014
so put the stuff back
and I'll forget about the article.
230
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,621
You guys in the media are all alike.
231
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:27,122
You try to tear us down to make
your own lives seem less pathetic.
232
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,783
No, I'm not gonna write the article.
233
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,395
What makes you think I'm pathetic,
the bologna? It's not like I fry it.
234
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,191
Miss Storm,
is this woman disturbing you?
235
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,526
Ahh, I'll be fine.
236
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,635
Just get the dress I ordered
so I can go.
237
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,234
- Do not bother the famous people.
SABRINA: But l...
238
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,203
MONIQUE: I think you'd better leave.
- James?
239
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,741
[IN GERMAN ACCENT]
Dieter, and I don't know this woman.
240
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,605
Well, at least let me get my stuff.
241
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:50,944
I'm really sorry, Miss Storm.
Please...
242
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,641
...consider this a gift from us.
243
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,115
Thank you.
244
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,981
She was gonna take it anyway.
245
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:59,618
I'm telling you, she's got stuff
in that bag. She's ripping you off.
246
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,551
[IN NORMAL VOICE] If she had
merchandise, bells would be ringing
247
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,457
and Gary Coleman
would be searching her bags.
248
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:05,888
Come on.
249
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,760
And please don't tell
anybody what happened.
250
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:09,696
I really want to keep this very quiet.
251
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:12,269
[ALARM BLARING]
252
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,133
I didn't. I swear.
253
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,432
James, a little help?
254
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,338
Okay, but they're gonna do this
for free down at the precinct.
255
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,180
Good morning, Cole.
256
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,287
Hey, how you doing, Sabrina?
257
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:30,479
How's it going?
258
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,453
So you heard.
259
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,594
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
260
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,198
Okay, I'm innocent.
261
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,494
Just so you know,
262
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:46,797
I just got off the phone with our
publisher about your little escapade.
263
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:50,135
- He screamed for five minutes.
- He's pretty upset, huh?
264
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,738
Oh, he was getting
a deep-tissue massage.
265
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,880
But for some reason,
he won't let me fire you.
266
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,708
It's like you have some spell on him.
267
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,440
I don't. Oh, wait, hang on.
268
00:11:58,617 --> 00:11:59,982
No, I really don't.
269
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,211
You are very lucky
you are not in jail right now.
270
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,289
Yeah, because I'd really hate
to miss fall colors.
271
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,925
Thanks for getting me off the hook.
272
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,618
- Yeah, well, you're on borrowed time.
- Well, I was set up.
273
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:10,989
She pretended to be my friend.
274
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:14,257
She's a much better actor
in real life than she is on the screen.
275
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,731
Can I just give you some advice?
276
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,227
Journalism rule number one:
277
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,895
Never get too close to your subject.
278
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,335
Rule number two:
279
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:24,135
Never shoplift on company time.
280
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,641
You actually think
I stole something?
281
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:29,212
Sabrina, it's cool. Everyone knows
what Jonathan pays you.
282
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:31,872
- You do what you gotta do.
- Okay, first, I didn't do.
283
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,951
And second,
everyone knows what I make?
284
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,144
Yeah.
285
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,449
But hang in there,
Congress is gonna raise it next year.
286
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:42,192
James, you were there with me.
You know I didn't steal anything, right?
287
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:44,454
Hey, hey, relax.
Just ignore them, okay?
288
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:46,461
You and I both know
what happened.
289
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:49,692
- Besides, the camera don't lie.
- Thanks.
290
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:50,893
Uh-huh.
291
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,970
This came out
way better than I thought.
292
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,205
James.
293
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,467
Hey, I've never been
a bad girl before.
294
00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,736
I look kind of hot.
295
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,507
I don't hear sewing machines.
296
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,546
Come on, ladies, back to work.
297
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,708
But we were watching our stories.
298
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,751
Yeah, yeah.
299
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,980
You'll be seeing
The Guiding Light soon enough.
300
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,182
Come on, let's go.
301
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,193
What are you doing home?
302
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,828
Well, I had to leave work.
303
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:19,089
I wanted a peaceful lunch
without people leering at me
304
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,892
like I was gonna steal their pickle.
305
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,761
Sabrina, Sabrina.
306
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:25,665
Do you understand
the consequences of your actions?
307
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,705
What if Babette Storm found out
that we were roommates
308
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,400
and decided not to wear the dress
to her press conference?
309
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,274
Oh, I'm sorry, Morgan.
I was only thinking of myself.
310
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:38,280
Thank God you have me
as a role model.
311
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,950
Hey, there's my favorite cause.
312
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,213
Oh, Roxie. Thank you.
313
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,619
I can't believe you had a T-shirt
made up just for me.
314
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:46,917
I had it since I was kid.
315
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:48,855
It used to say, "Willy,"
but I scraped it off.
316
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:52,191
- That's how much I believe in you.
- It could be worse, I suppose.
317
00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:54,355
It could say
"Spay and Neuter your Sabrina."
318
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,062
Come on, Sabrina.
319
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:58,135
Get even
with this cheap tramp actress.
320
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,966
Call up the news stations,
post the truth on her website.
321
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,164
Maybe you're right.
322
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,673
Maybe she has some other secret
I could dredge up.
323
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,208
Here she is. Look at this.
324
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,973
Four years ago,
she was arrested for shoplifting.
325
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:12,208
Whoa, how do you steal
a tanning bed?
326
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,614
- Oh, first, she stole a truck.
- Hmm?
327
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,448
The charges were dropped.
328
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:19,455
But I bet I could use all this
to force a confession from Babette.
329
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,616
Where is she now?
330
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,229
Look,
it's her trailer from the movie set.
331
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:28,764
And there she is.
332
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,462
What's she doing?
333
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,764
What do you think?
She's stealing cable.
334
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:35,597
Eh?
335
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,269
BABETTE:
Just leave my lunch and go.
336
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,608
No, I'm here to talk.
337
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:47,312
Oh, it's you.
338
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:48,953
What are we doing,
Hee Haw: The Movie?
339
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,612
- Are you ready to apologize?
- Apologize?
340
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:53,781
I was trying to keep you
from getting into trouble.
341
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,359
Now, everybody thinks
I'm a thief and a liar and an A-cup.
342
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,086
I was stealing that bra for my sister.
343
00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,629
You think because you're a big star
344
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,595
that laws don't apply to you,
Carla Bernstein?
345
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,701
Well, you know,
you could have gotten me fired.
346
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,131
You could have ruined my career.
347
00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:07,169
And I am fully capable
of doing that on my own.
348
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:12,609
Look, l... I didn't mean
to get you in trouble.
349
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,637
Would it help if I called your boss
and set everything straight?
350
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,047
- That would be great.
- Okay.
351
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:22,153
And could you tell her
that you'll let me do a feature on you?
352
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,619
And, you know,
you never did buy me that blouse.
353
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,781
Let's start with your boss.
354
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,655
Dial the number and I'll get on.
355
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,295
I'll just be in my trailer.
356
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:32,953
Thank you.
357
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,598
Hi, Annie? Sabrina.
358
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,237
Spellman.
359
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:40,497
The new girl?
360
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,538
Look, Babette Storm
has something to say to you.
361
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,175
Hold on a sec.
362
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,335
Babette?
363
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,146
Babs?
364
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,045
Elly May?
365
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,239
Hey, ma'am.
366
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,817
We just got a call that someone
stole Miss Storm's cell phone.
367
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:55,749
Can I see that?
368
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,787
Annie?
369
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,983
Yeah, she'll have to get back to you.
370
00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:06,790
You are an embarrassment
to this magazine.
371
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,900
In my defense,
you thought that before this.
372
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:10,262
She set me up.
373
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,630
Why would I steal a cell phone?
374
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:12,828
I have my own phone
375
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,132
with way more minutes
than anybody could possibly need.
376
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,639
Mostly nighttime and weekend
minutes, but what I want...
377
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,437
Okay, could you...? Please.
378
00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,169
What I'm saying is I didn't do it.
379
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:23,577
Jonathan has managed
to pull a few strings
380
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:27,515
and Miss Storm has agreed not
to press charges as long you get help.
381
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:29,720
Help?
382
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,016
Help.
383
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,588
You must be new here.
384
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:38,855
Welcome to Klept-Anon.
385
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,555
I'm Cliff.
386
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:44,629
I fell off the wagon at Macy's
on the way here.
387
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,930
Think of it
as 100-percent-off sale.
388
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:50,540
Grab some coffee.
We're about to get started.
389
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,807
Everyone, we have a new member
joining our group tonight.
390
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:02,112
Uh, would you like
to introduce yourself?
391
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:06,117
Hi. I'm Sabs.
392
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,225
Jane Sabs.
393
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,225
And I am definitely not
a kleptomaniac.
394
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,728
CLIFF: Mm-hm.
- I'm not.
395
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,661
Jane, we've all been in denial.
396
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,802
But sooner or later,
you've got to confront your demons.
397
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,699
Oh, I've confronted demons.
398
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,238
Big hairy demons
like you've never dreamt of.
399
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:25,002
But right now the demon I need
to confront is Babette Storm.
400
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:26,974
[GASPS]
401
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,443
You know Babette Storm?
402
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:33,444
I love her.
I have been to all of her movies.
403
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,177
All right, I snuck in, but...
404
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,088
Well, she is a thief and a liar,
405
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:38,917
and she was horrible
as a submarine captain
406
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:40,752
in that movie
Courage Under Water.
407
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,621
Yeah, well,
she's the one that belongs here.
408
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,456
I'm gonna prove it.
409
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,188
Oh, sorry.
410
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:51,598
I have one just like it at home.
I swear.
411
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,603
Hello, little Salem.
412
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:59,676
Granny May got you
some very special kitty candy.
413
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,813
Oh, thanks, sweetheart. Oops.
414
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,208
Did you just speak?
415
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:06,180
Uh, no, it's the dementia setting in.
416
00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:08,251
Oh, ha, thank God.
417
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,983
Jeez, it's like a kiln in here.
418
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,488
You're running a sweatshop.
These conditions are deplorable.
419
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,126
Oh, please, it's good for them.
420
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,057
It keeps them sharp.
421
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:19,925
Oh, Jeanette, don't eat the thread.
422
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,691
Workers have rights too, you know.
423
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:24,125
Come on, girls,
you don't have to take this.
424
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:25,429
Let's stage a walkout.
425
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,803
Oh, nice try, rabble-rouser.
426
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,338
They're not walking out on me.
427
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,601
I've got their support hose.
428
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:34,270
So in sum, I'd say Never, Always
429
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,677
is a story of hope,
redemption and love.
430
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,283
Plus, you get to see my buns.
431
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,044
SABRINA:
Excuse me, excuse me.
432
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,848
- Press coming through.
- We're all press.
433
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:45,922
Okay,
then the shortest to the tallest.
434
00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:48,826
You always seem to bring out
the best in your co-stars.
435
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:51,155
- How do you do it?
- Acting is like life.
436
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,992
I always try to give more than I take.
437
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,190
Oh, give me a break.
438
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,267
I've got a question,
are you a shoplifter?
439
00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:00,336
Anyway, heh,
I've played many different roles,
440
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,202
and preparing for them
is always about the search for truth.
441
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,637
Kind of how I live my life.
442
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,473
- Ugh, anybody got a shovel?
- Could you sit down?
443
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,278
Okay,
it's time for some straight answers.
444
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,613
Whisper, mumble, scream or shoutLet the honest truth come out
445
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:17,380
What was it like working with
the up-and-coming star, Billy Pape?
446
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,024
Oh, a dear, dear person,
447
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:24,822
aside from his limited acting skills
and unlimited body odor.
448
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,557
Um, is it true that you stole several
garments from the Monique store?
449
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,758
I cannot tell a lie.
450
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:35,430
For some inexplicable reason,
yes, heh, heh. Yes, I did. Ha, ha.
451
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,598
And on Thursday,
did you put clothes in my bag
452
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:40,904
after I warned you that I was reporter
doing a story about your shoplifting?
453
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:43,308
Uh, guilty. Ha, ha.
454
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:45,942
That's all I got.
455
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,779
What else can you tell us
about Miss Storm?
456
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:51,116
Sorry, journalism rule number one:
Never give up an exclusive story.
457
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,882
Rule number one
was never get too close...
458
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,821
Okay,
so I haven't memorized all the rules.
459
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:57,894
[REPORTERS
YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
460
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:03,367
I said, "I never give up an exclusive
interview" and I ran right here.
461
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,236
Yeah, we know.
462
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:06,928
The press conference is webcast.
463
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,402
Really?
464
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:11,668
Want to see what you missed
by running here with your exclusive?
465
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:14,141
Oh, my God. Billy Pape showed up?
466
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,907
The lead in the filmwas originally Julia Roberts,
467
00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:20,176
but I gave her food poisoning, forcingher to bow out at the last minute.
468
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:25,316
I also cheat on my taxes,ha, ha, and my husband.
469
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,684
And I altered my father's will
470
00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:29,452
when I found outhe left all his money to charity.
471
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:33,689
You see how your shoplifting story
kind of pales compared to this?
472
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,730
Nice going.
473
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,799
Don't hate me
because I'm her favorite.
474
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:40,571
What? You got another rule for me?
475
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,673
Well, since you asked.
476
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,274
Journalism rule number four:
477
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:47,071
Never yell stop the presses
unless you're stuck in them.
478
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,538
I guess I really blew it.
479
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,548
Look, your instincts were right,
you broke a big story.
480
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,118
You just broke it for 20 other writers.
481
00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:58,216
You're gonna do great.
482
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:01,382
Hey, listen. I had a rough start too.
483
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,028
It took Annie about a year
before she stopped picking on me.
484
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,356
Well, what changed?
485
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,395
You showed up.
486
00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:10,160
Finally, someone appreciates me.
487
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,205
Now that all your workers walked out,
how are you gonna fill your orders?
488
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:18,707
Oh, I found even cheaper labor.
489
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,679
[SOBBING]
490
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,944
Wait until PETA hears about this.
37574
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