All language subtitles for GNPLAY21_track3_[eng]

I look like
I'm drunk all the time.

You know, I have slurred speech,

stumbling around the streets.

I'm sure people are
looking at me going,

"It's like 10 o'clock in the
morning, this guy's lost it,"

and that's just, this disease.

For an actor, the question
is, "What's next?"

It's always what's next.

And I can't do that anymore.
Physically, I can't.

It's the end of your life.

It's the end of your career.

If this is the last play I
ever do, I'll miss acting.

I never thought I'd quit.

Half hour. Half hour.

Is everybody medicated up?

Yeah.

Oh, boy, big crowd.

Chew this day up and
enjoy it, you know what I mean?

Okay.

- There's so much to do today,

so many moments to get through,

and it kind of totally
disarms us when we're watching

because we expect, oh, look
at these dour circumstances,

and there's nothing, you know,

like I said in
rehearsal one day,

you look you're having a
lot more fun than we are,

you know what I mean?

Molly, it's a triangle.

So this point is over.

- Let me go on just a
bit ahead of you, okay?

Okay.

- Like, as if what you're doing

is just kinda catching up stuff.

Off we go.

- Yeah. Can you take
us to 32nd, please?

And Lex, thank you.

It's pretty special to be a
working actor in New York.

There's nothing like,

walking through the
streets of Manhattan

about 4 o'clock in the morning.

This was the first time,

first Woody Allen film I did.

And knowing that you're gonna
work with Woody Allen all day.

You know, it's like the
biggest city in the world,

and you're working.

There's an advantage

to being an actor in New York.

You're doing different
parts all the time,

so you're learning different
things all the time.

I love the action, and I
love that I can still do it.

I did an Arthur
Miller play on Broadway,

and when it was curtain call,
and Arthur Miller walked out,

and the place, the
theater erupted.

They immediately rose to their
feet and charged the stage.

I've never had a theatrical
experience like that.

The audience screamed.

I think they thought
he was dead.

And I take work very seriously.

I keep working at it.

You're just pushing.

You're just pushing the
rock up the mountain.

It's not until
you get to the top

that you can say,
"I've arrived."

There's gonna come a time

when I won't be able
to do it anymore,

but that time hasn't come yet.

The reason I
chose to move to New York

in the first place
was to do theater.

And I'm a theater hound.

I just love doing it.
I love live audiences.

I love the fact
that it's like jazz.

Morning.

I'm here to see Dianne Wiest.

- You gotta go up to 72.

72?

Besides,

there's that haunted look
where Olga's so sad...

That's beautiful,
Chris, Masha's line.

- Hmm.

- Sweet dreams.

You should-Dear, dear.

- Dear.

Or just you
really should try to-

- My brother, dear.

You should really
live a healthier life.

Yeah.

- Try to live a healthier life.

- You don't live your
life. I have one rule.

Never worry about the future.

I don't think about
dying or death.

I think because dying and death,

features prominently
in the play.

- I like that. Don't you?

Are you unhappy with that?

- No. I like it.

- I do too.

How are you, baby?

Hey, buddy.

How did we meet?

How did we meet?

We did, "A Month In The
Country" with Helen Mirren

and F. Murray Abraham
and Ron Rifkin.

And we had shared
a dressing room.

I saw him in his underwear.

- So, how did I look in my
underwear in those days?

- No worse than usual.

- No worse than usual.

- I started acting
about 6th, 7th grade

playing Winthrop Paroo,

and I realized I was
with high school girls,

and they would all
think, "You're so cute,"

and they would hug me, and
I'd be about breast level,

and I go,

and I was like, "I'm
an actor."

I'm gonna be an actor for life.

My first job was
Troilus in "Troilus and Cressida"

at Lincoln Center for Joe Papp.

About which Clive Barnes,

who was the reviewer
for the New York Times,

said the most boring three
hours in New York City

can currently be found

at Lincoln Center.

They are called
"Troilus and Cressida."

- I almost never come to this.

In fact, it's usually
the other way around.

There's lots of people

who would love to have
a conversation with me.

Who ask me if they
can walk behind me.

Don't get any idea that
I'm completely alone

because I'm not.
- Walk behind me.

- In fact,

you're the one that looks like

you could use a little company.

I don't know where you get off

thinking you have anything
to give me anyway.

I got everything I need,

and what I don't have,
I know where to get it

anytime I want.

In the middle of the night...

Luckily enough, I
survived as an actor

for like 20, 30 years.

I don't know how.

- Explore alternative
lifestyles.

- No, I don't think you've
been a very good influence

on Linda, Mr. Weinrib.

- Weinrib, right.

So, Gildersleeve is a name that
I use for business purposes.

- I got an investment in Linda.

- No question. I honor that.

But by now, she's probably
repaid you 10-fold or 20-fold.

- Don't be so fuckin'
sure 'cause you don't know

what the fuckin' numbers are.

- It's okay. It's
a point well taken.

And then something changed.

I was losing
my balance on stage.

Where you stand up in this
one part, the whole cast,

and I like would
lose my balance,

and I'd kinda go,
what the hell is that?

And I had a tremor of some kind.

My hand would go like this.

It was uncontrollable.

It got harder
and harder to move.

I had one scene where I
couldn't remember five lines.

I just couldn't
remember five lines.

I said, "Well, this is weird."

So, we had a meeting
with the doctor,

and my doctor said,
you got Parkinson's.

The image I give to people

is if you take a
stone or a pebble

and you throw it
into a pool of water,

there's a ripple that
goes out from it.

Well, with me, it's like
my body, you take a stone

and throw it into
my pool of water,

and it just goes, bloomp,
like it's in a bed of sand.

There's no ripple.

I used to be able to skip a
dose. It wouldn't affect me.

Now, if I don't
have my medication

within four hours from the last
time, I begin to slow down.

And...

What time is it?

It's time to
take some medication.

- Me too. I'm time
for medication.

It's time it ended
in the shelter too,

and yet, I hesitate,
I hesitate to end.

What do they do while
they're waiting for the end?

What do they do?

They perform!

I was reading
"Endgame" one night.

Samuel
Beckett's "Endgame."

It's a great piece of writing.

I just felt like

this guy is like talking
about my life here,

about Parkinson's.

Hamm is blind and can't walk.

He's confined to a wheelchair.

Clov can see, but it's very
difficult for him to move,

and he can't sit down.

The room, they're
locked in this room.

And it's a prison,

but it's the prison
that they live in.

Running in loops.

Saying the same thing over
and over again.

- Two actors with diminishing
physical abilities

playing two characters with
diminishing physical abilities,

trying to get through the
last stages of their lives.

So, it has great resonance.

It's the perfect play.

- Yeah.

It just dovetails

into our particular strengths
and weaknesses right now.

The idea for us is to
rehearsal for 4 or 5 weeks,

and put up..

Samuel
Beckett's "Endgame."

- Put up the play.

- We'll do it.

- Yeah.

It's not an easy
play, but it's a great play.

So, it's worth us
attempting to do it.

- Something is happening.
What is happening?

- Something is
taking its course.

- What is the whole arc,
the umbrella of the play?

What about what
you guys wanna say?

Audiences pick up
on all these things.

I mean, audiences come
out to look at two people

who are working
under this condition,

and how does this
condition envelop the play?

We wanna see if they're
gonna be, you know, okay,

or we wanna see if they're
gonna stumble a bit or falter,

and you know what it's like?
- Yeah. You don't wanna feel-

- It's like
schadenfreude or whatever.

- Don't wanna feel that.

- It's like, "Ooh,
they're in trouble."

What do you wanna say
about the illness?

What do you wanna say
about the problems?

Or, we say, you know what?

You don't need to see
that because, guess what?

We're gonna be the way we are,

and it's gonna just
fall into place

as a result of Beckett's-

- That's what I would choose.

- Yeah, that's what
I would choose too.

- Yeah.

- I think that the
illness should be

just a part of our lives.

Right.

- And that we're
doing this play.

And we're trying to-

- Want some?
- What is it?

- Sweet stuff.

- We're trying to do
it as well as we can.

Maybe...

We wanna do the play
to the best of our ability.

Right.

I think the challenges
for playing Clov for me

will be to get the physicality.

- Chris, I think has a little
more problem in movement.

I have a little more
problem in speech.

I get this drop-jawed thing.

I mean, he may get
to the production

and find himself
completely locked up.

You know, the night we perform,

I may be completely
jaw tight, mush mouth.

- This play calls
for inventiveness,

and some kind of alertness.

- The challenges of that

is trying to remember the script

- because it repeats.
- Yeah.

- With subtle variations.

You think of your body as being
your instrument as an actor.

Instead of a piano for a
pianist, it's your body.

Beckett wrote "Endgame" in '57.

His mother had died
a few years earlier,

in the early '50s,
of Parkinson's.

Beckett wrote this play sort
of almost right on the head

in terms of what we
know about the disease.

Well, Beckett
certainly understood

some of these debilitating
effects of Parkinson's.

It creates a prison.

It may be a verbal prison,
or it may be a prison

created by a lack of
mobility, you see.

The effects of their physical
disabilities is spiraling.

Hamm says, "What's
happening?" To Clov.

"What's happening?
What's happening?"

Like, something is going on.

And Beckett says with anguish,

and Clov says, "Things are
just taking their course."

Their natural course.

Yeah, their natural course.

Which I find with Parkinson's,
all the time you're going,

what's happening? What's
happening with my body?

In the beginning, symptoms
weren't showing so much,

but under my skin, it's like
vibrating 24 hours a day.

It's like a live wire.

It's like a roller coaster.

All of a sudden, you're
shaking. You can't move.

15 minutes later, you
can talk and you can walk

and you can move and..

I was a very physical actor.

So, I found that extremely,
like I became extremely limited

as far as being able to
physically do things on stage,

which really cut into my work.

When I was diagnosed
about eight years ago,

I was on a medication
immediately

and it messed up my
ability to learn lines

and took away from the
fluidity of my craft.

The first show that I did
after I was diagnosed,

I had a piece of
exposition about this long,

about a page long.

It laid out all the
particulars of the plot

that were important for
the audience to know.

Good choice.

- And I got through about
two sentences of it.

There's only one other
actress on stage with me,

and I was talking to her,
and I went totally sky high.

And I looked at her
with terror in my eyes,

as if to say, help me, please.

I can't remember what to say.

And she looked at me with
hopelessness in her eyes,

as if to say-

- You're on your own.

I don't have any lines here.

You're on your own, brother.

- So, I said, "If I were to
say something to you right now,

what do you think it might be?"

She paused,

and then she said her
approximation of my next line,

and I said, "Right."

Then what?

The name of this show is?

"Radiolab."

"Radiolab."

Hey. How
are you? How are you?

Remember me?

Of course I do.

All right. We should go
through this door. So...

So you both leaned
into your weaknesses?

Yes. It's the
only way to do it.

And I can't like go
through the rest of my life

being afraid of this
fucking disease.

They contacted
the Beckett Estate

and got permission to put
on one live performance

in New York.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hey, Chris.

I have this image of you

falling asleep on the train
being in the Far Rockaways.

Usually when
people rehearse a play,

they rehearse 7
or 8 hours a day.

I find that my energy
acting in this play

is about three hours.

I'm scared, but we've
got a couple of weeks.

- So, the fact that we
only work for 3 or 4 hours,

and you know, that's the
concentration they have

is like, oh, man.

Can you hear me?

- Yes.

- Our hearing hasn't failed.

Our what?

Our hearing!

- Oh.

- How we going out?

You guys are busy, so go ahead.

I'm kinda screwy too, but...

It's nearly impossible
to find 4 to 5 weeks

where we can actually get
together and rehearse.

Nagg and Nell and Hamm and
Clov, and Joe, our director.

There's so many places.

- Okay.

That's the great thing

about working with
experienced actors.

The usual schedule
that things take,

you know, that usually
applies, don't really...

We don't need that, you know?

We can throw all that out.

Joe, he said on the phone,

"Oh, you know, Dan, it
may never get performed."

- That's the fun part,

a somewhat non-result
oriented sandbox.

- Joe!

- I think it's important

that we shoot for
finishing this by June.

Yeah.

But I think we've got it.

- I hope.

- I realized there's a
lot less to worry about

than I used to think there was.

- I'm not sure what
it will be yet,

but that's what
rehearsing will teach us.

- We talk about it.
We do the lines.

We think about getting
up and doing it.

- Just getting together
and looking at the script.

- All you need to perform drama

is four boards and a passion.

- Joe is encouraging us to
take all the time we need.

Yeah.

- Thinking about this and
saying it like that and...

- I think I'll be able to do it.

- I'm trying to remember

if it's the first time
we've worked together.

Jeez, and that's weird.

- Can't remember.

- They're not only two
really wonderful actors.

They're two of the nicest
guy, you'll meet.

I mentioned their
names last night.

You know, people were lighting
up all over the place,

you know?

Dan's following that girl.

♪ Brother, you can't go to
jail for what you're thinking ♪

♪ Or for that something
look in your eye ♪

♪ That's why we're
standing on a corner ♪

♪ Watching all the girls ♪

♪ Watching all the girls ♪

♪ Watching all the girls go by ♪

Hi, girls.

- Hi, girls.

Go by.

- They're all going by.
- Go by.

- Oh!

Tags up.

Oh, goodness.

- The light's changing. Better
hurry and cross the street.

The way, how much of
the story is drawing him in

to get him to give
you that response.

Hamm's the boss.

You wanna just review
what's the punctuations

in there I'll be-

- Yeah.
- In the shelter?

Alone against.

- There I'll be,
in the old shelter,

alone against the silence
and the stillness.

If I can hold my
peace and sit quiet,

it will be all over
with, sound and emotion.

All over and done with.

Yeah?
- Yeah.

Is there any part you wanna run?

I like the stuff
I found yesterday on...

The rat?

- He'll be gone.

The, he'll go too...

He couldn't come back.
He's been gone too far.

Yes. Too far.

I do too.
- I'd like to retain that.

Yeah.

As an actor,

there is doubt of what
you can do, every time.

My acting teacher at
NYU was Olympia Dukakis,

and she used to say, "You
should feel free here

to fail as miserably
as you want."

That doesn't exist out,
once you get out of school.

You know, you can't fail.

Chris and I are both
definitely feeling

the urge to get it
right, you know?

I don't wanna fuckin'...

I don't wanna just do it like,

"Oh, well, that was
good for Parky guys,"

but I want people
to come and go,

"Oh, fuck. I never
saw a play like this.

I never thought
of it like this."

Well, I wanted to play this
part for like 20 years,

but it's a good
part to try and hit.

Can there be misery

loftier than mine?

I have complications with
his part, making him so big.

I've been sorta working on
him like, not pissed off,

but mean.

How are your eyes?

Bad.

- How are your legs?
- Bad.

- But you can move?

- Yeah.
- Then move!

- Let's read without the
stage directions, okay?

- Okay.
- You know...

- Play?
- Fool around with that.

- Play with it, yeah.

- Yeah, because
there's no, you know...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Christ's sake.

What I learned about this is
as many questions as you ask,

there's sort of no right answer.

I mean, you don't know if the
right answer is entertainment,

or pain.

Yeah.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- You don't know, and
it's best kept that way.

That's Beckett.

Of the coming
to, of the being at,

of the going from
Knott's habitat,

of the long way,
of the short stay,

of the going back home
the way he had come,

of the empty heart,
of the empty hands,

of the dim mind wayfaring
through barren lands.

- When we first encountered
Beckett, when I was in college,

at that time everybody was
talking all about existentialism.

People often
misinterpret Beckett

and make it very heavy handed,

because they wanna massage

that sort of like,
"Oh, isn't life hard?

Isn't the world falling apart?"

Well, you know, the post-nuclear
apocalyptic interpretations

and all that.

Beckett's idea of
the human condition

is, am I cold or am I hot?

Am I tired or am
I alive and awake?

Am I talking? Am I silent?

It's so basic.

That's why people often
get crazed about Beckett

going, "You know, I know
it's supposed to be good.

I know it's supposed
to be funny,"

and then somehow it never does

because everyone succumbs
to its greatness.

- Morning.
- Hey, brother.

How you been?

- Hangin' in, you
know how it is.

- All right.

Hey, boys.

I'll have some Gatorade.

Shit!

I got it.

I'm sorry, brother.

- That's all right. Don't
worry about it, man.

- Fuck.

- I got you.

- I'm sorry.
- Just leave it.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

- It's all right.

The whole place is tight.
That's what happens.

- Yeah, I know.

- Got no space no more.

- I know, brother.

- Okay more, this is
going to be 13, 1,75.

$27.74.

I find that I'm thrown
off balance very easily,

very easily.

I just don't like it.

I'm very timid compared
to what I used to be.

I mean, I used to feel like
I can walk down the street.

I can say shit to anybody.

Now, I'm worried about
bumping into other people.

I've had a couple
altercations on the street

because I bumped into people.

And I don't wanna
do that anymore.

I don't wanna fist
fight anymore.

I'd like to, actually.

I don't think I should.

I find that I burst out.

You hold this shit in,
then it comes out like,

"I don't wanna do that!"

To somebody you love,
or some stranger.

Dan was working in a
traveling Shakespeare company,

and I joined.

I fell in love at first sight.

I think one of the things
that drew me to Dan

was this kind of man's man guy.

He's always been quite alpha.

He, is gregarious, you know?

He was gorgeous.

He was an incredibly
physical actor,

and of course, that's
a complete change.

It's difficult for him
not to have his body

at his beck and call.

He, for most of his life,
has been an extrovert

who draws energy out
of group situations.

What's happening right
now, is his self-image

is not matching up to
what he can physically do.

How do you feel?

Do you feel normal?

I feel a little strange.

Over the last week,

I've gone through the whole
night without getting up.

- Good.

How's your thinking?

I think it's okay.

- You do? Okay.

No trouble with forgetfulness?

Figuring things out?

- Trying to figure out the
answer to that question,

I'm having a little problem.

Chris' posture has gotten worse.

- He tends to lean to the right.

You don't fall, right?

- I don't fall.
- You have not fallen? Good.

- The last six months, I've
physically deteriorated.

It's harder for me to
get through the day.

So, it's a little less
easy to be optimistic

than it used to be.

- This is the pull test.

I'm gonna pull you back
from the shoulders.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You know what to do?
- Sure.

- Take a little step back.

Okay. This is gonna
be a very light pull.

So, here's a practice. One,
two, three, and just...

Good. Perfect.

So, here's a bigger
pull. One, two, three.

Okay. Good.

With your left hand,
can you go like this?

Just tap. Big and wide.

The dopamine in the brain

is what communicates
to the muscles, move,

and in my brain,

the cells that carry
the dopamine are dying.

Why they die off is not clear.

That is the root mystery
of Parkinson's disease.

Could be that
the garbage disposal system

in the cells isn't
working properly.

They fill up with
trash, so they die.

Take your left foot.

Can you plant the heel
and tap like this?

You know, we
always have to ask you this,

but you never answer, but...

I never do? Do what?

- Do you think his trajectory
continues to go great

for 5 years, 10 years, 2 years?

- You can't dwell on
how much more time,

you know, do I have at
this level of function

because it's totally
unpredictable.

- His range is narrowing.

His palate used to
be rainbow colored,

and now it's kind of come
down to shades of gray.

Chris was in a movie
with Kirk Douglas,

and a friend of mine was
trying to match me up.

They said, "This great guy,
actor, very funny, red hair."

I said, "Nah, not so interested.

I'm having so much
fun being single,

but I'd love another friend."

My plan didn't really work out.

But then when the movie came
out, it was a small party,

and then we met at the doorway.

The doorbell was broken,

so we were just
both standing there.

I said, "Oh, you must
be a friend of Skip's."

- What's up?

- We found somebody
we'd like to get to run

for that selectman's seat.

I don't need to tell
you, it's a big honor.

- That's what they call
it when you work hard

but you don't get paid.

- And then we, you
know, dated a few times,

and then I said, look.

You know, maybe, I could
fit you in like once a week,

and then we started seeing
each other every day,

and then moved in together.

The sort of painful part for me,

I've got three kids.

They remember me when
I didn't have it,

but it's getting on to the time

when they'll have more
years with me with it

than without it.

That's good.
- Wait, what are we making?

Pan roasted chicken
with rosemary garlic?

- Salt, pepper, and wine.

- Salt, pepper,

and where would the wine be?

They have to live with a father

who could be a grandfather,

and, they've
been absolutely terrific.

Okay, I'm gonna
need some help here.

Oops!
- Oh.

- I need to get
some of these out.

- Here.

It's really full.

Pour it into that?

- Yeah, bud.

- That is so good.

It's amazing.

It's really good.

- Sometimes I wonder if
I'm in my right mind,

then it passes it over and
I'm as lucid as before.

Sometimes I wonder if
I'm in my right senses,

then it passes off and I'm
as intelligent as ever.

- That was your line?

These are all...

- These are all... Hmm.

Pure gold.

These are all lines

you really gotta listen to.

What's he doing?

He's crying, then he's living.

What Dad just said-

- What is
Beckett known for? Observe?

- You're on Earth.
There's no cure for that.

That was a line worthy of fame.

My kids have been
unbelievably supportive.

But in terms of my family,

my wife, for the first six
years of my being diagnosed,

was very angry.

What's sort of ironic

is she is the kind of
positive, generous,

supportive of the two of us.

Nice
dinner. Thank you.

It was
good. Thanks Beth.

You gonna go for a walk?

I think
so. I'm exhausted.

- You guys go ahead.

You go for a walk
with Ron and Joanna.

- I think that Chris and Dan's
resilience is incredible,

and the fact that
they're still carving out

this beautiful, creative life,

but it comes at a cost.

He's not the guy I married.

- Wave to Mom. Wave.

His first swim by himself!

Wow.

- The biggest boy.
Now, watch this.

- No, no.

- No, no, he says.

That means yes, yes.

Really? Ta-da.

- Ta-da.

I think that he definitely

has to put on a game face

in most simple tasks in life.

- This 109-
- Oh no.

- So, that regular price.

And sir, when you're ready,

I'll actually have
Louise check you out.

- Okay.

Yeah, I just realized
that we're not open yet,

but if you give them
a call and say that.

I think on Saturday
morning, I won't be here,

but should be in the gym.

Otherwise just come in
and pick it up Friday.

The Parkinson's I think,

kinda pulls him
back to apathetic.

And he's not able to
switch gears well,

and he's not able to
complete tasks well,

and he's exhausted,

like when you're talking
to him around dinner

and he falls asleep.

If he's asleep while I'm talking
to him about my feelings,

it doesn't really matter.

Now you have to be the
nurse to your sick spouse.

And I feel upset with myself

whenever I get
impatient with him,

or say, "Come on,
come on," you know?

I can't help it though.

And I feel sorry that
I'm not more patient.

I feel sorry every day that
I'm not like Mother Teresa.

With Chris and I,

we both fall into what
we call power nap.

I mean, we're just like in
the middle of the day just...

Go out.

I do it often.

What about that pee?

- I'm having it.

Ah, that's the spirit.

I'm a little worried
that I start to play off asleep

on the stage.

And I'll be gone.

I'll be out.

He's up.

- Uppa!

- Da, da, da, da.
- Up periscope.

- He's down again.

Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

- He's up. Look at this guy.

Unbelievable.

You just take your medication?

- Just now.

But it hasn't kicked in yet.

He's all juiced up.

- I'm trying to
get it kicked in.

You gotta move.

You gotta move and groove.

Move and groove, baby.

You gotta move your lips...

- Yes, is this Dr.
Di Rocco's office?

I'll take the Thursday
at four. I'll be there.

Okay. Talk to you in a soon.

Hi, Dan. How are you?

At Dr. DiRocco's office,

they make me fill
out these forms.

How's the shaking? How's the
balance? Have you fallen?

About what pills I'm taking.

Every time, the same one.

And I think they wanna
see your handwriting too

because my handwriting's
getting worse.

My handwriting's
getting very tiny,

like it's supposed to
get with Parkinson's,

and I say, "Can I just Xerox
one from three months before?"

But, on a general scale
of how I feel day to day,

it's like a roller coaster.

The thing is with Parkinson,

I have no freaking idea

what complications
I'm gonna be hit with.

- Good. No change.

- I'm glad! I'm the same person.

- That's my friend.

- The only sorta new
thing that dropped in

was some hallucinations.

Rats coming down
on spider strings.

But you were asleep?

- In bed, and attacking Ruthie.

That's the first
time I've had that.

- Technically, these
are not hallucinations.

Okay.

So, these are-

- That's real?
- It's real.

Good.

That was a reality.

- I'm glad.

- Those are dreams.

So, in Parkinson, you got
dreams that are so vivid.

Yeah.

- That they become reality.

- Okay.
- Usually,

we dream in silence
when we dream

and we don't move,
we don't talk.

- Right.

- When you have Parkinson,
you talk, you move,

you act out your dreams.

It's a common, it's part of the
little gifts that Parkinson-

Yeah, one of the many.

- When I was diagnosed,
the doctor said,

basically, there's
not gonna be any cure.

Maybe in 10, 15 years
we'll have something.

I mean, like the way
I was asking him,

"Will I be able to
be normal again?

Will I be able to
speak normally?

Will it come out the
way I want it to?"

And he said, "Not soon enough."

- Ah!

Danny, his process in "Endgame"
has been a little different.

He's been running lines and
running lines and running lines,

and working until the wee
hours almost on a daily basis.

I think he goes through the
play probably twice every day.

It's taking a lot of time.

I mean, it is his main focus.

It's definitely been his main
focus for, I'd say, a year.

- I'll tell you the
combination of the cupboard

if you promise to finish me.

- But I couldn't finish you.

- Then you won't finish me.

- I'm leaving you.
I have things to do.

- In your kitchen?

Sorry.

- Huh?

Do you remember
when you came here?

- Oh, right.

Do you remember?

What was just before
this? What was it?

I'll tell you the
combination of the cupboard

if you-

- The last thing I've done,

I had like three speeches
to start off with.

There's nobody on stage to
give me lines, and I went dead,

and I just started
looking at the audience.

And I found myself, for the
first time, this was spooky,

not going like, "Oh, what's
my line? What's my line?

Think of my line.
Think of your line!"

Going over my lines like a
mile a minute in my head.

Instead, I sat there,
and I just went,

"Oh, look, there's Jim.

Oh, he's got a black shirt
on. He didn't wear a tie.

He shoulda worn a
tie to the play.

Oh, well. He's underdressed.

There's Mary Louise.
Oh, she's a goofball.

Oh, God. I better
think of this line."

And that was scary, to
not even worry about it.

I'm not gonna be acting
that much anymore.

I mean, I just can't.

I just can't do it.

I can't control my
body or my voice.

And I'm losing my voice
and I'm losing my body,

control of my body.

And that's what you
use as an actor.

So, I don't see me
doing much more.

So, I look at this
as kind of like,

a goodbye to theater.

Which is sad,

because I thought I'd be
doing it my whole life.

It's very weird.

I've lost that
sense of identity.

I look at the wall.

The wall!

And what do you
see on your wall?

Mene, mene?

Naked bodies?

I see my light dying.

You want a chair?

No?

- You know, when people tell
me Chris is doing great,

I feel like, "Oh, yeah?

You should see him
asleep at the computer,

you know, at 5 in the afternoon.

Or you should help
him on with his shirt

at 6 in the morning.

You think he's doing so great?

He's not doing that great.

You know, I feel that
there's the tyranny of,

who's the actor who
has Parkinson's?

Michael J. Fox.

Michael J. Fox has put
so much pressure on me

to be happy all the time with
a spouse who has Parkinson's,

and you know, we don't
have the endless supply

of sunshine, money,
pharmaceuticals to keep us all happy.

That's back that there.

- This?
- Uh-huh.

If that's the-Got it.

It's pretty good.

I try not to imagine, a future.

I used to imagine a future,

but I just kind of think,
let's be where we are today.

I have a feeling it's
gonna get difficult,

but I don't know that.

I just don't know.

I don't know.

- I'm just not here.

You know, I mean, I've been
inhabited by another person,

and I don't know who
that person is, you know?

I mean, I'm still trying
to learn who he is.

This gaped mouth, this
guy I see in the window.

You know, it's not fair.

I mean...

On the minimum
ladder, or an actual ladder

because the problem,

you know, when he's on an
eight-foot ladder, it's great

because there's so many

Ladder.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

- It's awkward. I mean,
physically, it's awkward.

So, the 9th of July
is the loading time.

Robert, we'll talk in a
few minutes about props

and what the designs
Robert's been thinking about.

Yeah.

I think we should decide
first on the floor,

and then decide what
the windows solution is.

Chris, one of the
things that we're talking about

is hanging the windows
without a wall.

Oh, are they all painted
black in the back?

Mm-hmm.

They're covered with
canvas and painted black.

Oh, they're covered with canvas?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

He wants the
corner blocks to show.

- I'm just wondering if the
whole day's kind of sunk

into talking about tech.

- No, we're not. 10 minutes.

And I told him, I
said, "We gotta rehearse."

- If the windows
were down here along,

or on the same
line as the window.

Yes. Yeah.

Whereas us, we
don't have that same...

We thought we'd
have like two weeks to run,

every day, for two weeks.

That's not happening.

Because Chris and I,

you know, we're very rarely
on the same medication.

So, when I'm feeling
good, he's feeling bad,

or we're both feeling bad.

I want a bacon burger
and a Coke and a water.

"Me to play."

"Old Stauncher."

"Can there be misery..."

We ran yesterday,
and that was okay,

but it was very, very rough.

And the first 10
pages totally sucked.

From the beginning, I'm
saying, I need to run the show

because I have the most lines.

I need to run the whole thing.

I can't like, cut loose,
unless I know I know the lines.

I know the lines,
then I can play.

But if I don't know the
fucking lines, I can't play.

- There's a lot of
anxiety about lines.

Running lines is actually
getting to be a little compulsive.

But again, it's not me that
has to stand up there

and be able to, you know,
play with the words.

He was
offered a job as a gardener.

What is so funny about that?

A job as gardener.

- Is that what tickles you?

It must be that.

- Ah. Ah.

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

"Me to play."

11:59 A.M.

Unless he emailed me
from his phone. Wait.

I don't know. I don't know.

Ah. Christopher?

Chris. So, what happened?

What do you mean?

- Well, we were called at 12.

I thought it was 1.

- No. In fact, you were the
one that changed it yesterday.

Oh, you thought it was 1?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I had 1 written down.

- Yeah. All right. We
changed it to 12 yesterday.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Katie, take out the lights
and let's give it a go.

- Line.
- Clov.

Go to the chair, Chris.

- Line.
- Clov.

- Clov.

- Yes?

- Nature has forgotten us.

- There's no more nature.

- No more nature?

You exaggerate.

In the vicinity.

- Time enough.

Line.

Give me my pain.

- Give me my painkillers.

It's too soon.

She has no pulse.

What was she blathering about?

She told me to
go away into the desert.

Damn
busybody. Is that all?

You lost?

- Line.

What are you insinuating?

- What are you insinuating,

that the place is
still inhabited?

No.

No, not a soul, except
for himself and the child,

assuming he existed.

Line.

Good. I
inquired about...

- Good.

I inquired about Kov.

I inquired about the situation
at Kov, beyond the gulf.

Line.

Bring me under...

- So, I'm the problem.

Great.

Was it a concentration
thing, do you think,

or was it a cognitive thing,
or a medication thing?

Or just, you went up and
then you started thinking?

- There's just so
much fucking words.

- Yeah, there are.
You know them.

You know the mass majority
of, you know them.

You know that section.

You just, you went up.

- Fuck.

Don't worry, man.

Not to worry.

Don't feel bad at all.

You're a monster.

You've done a great thing.

It's just the beginning.
Don't feel bad.

I'm fucking it up.

You're not fucking it up.

It's like you're taking
batting practice, right?

And they're pitching,
and just keep swinging.

- I can't seem to
enjoy myself out there.

We're not doing
this. We're done.

- Don't fret. Come on.

He's gonna do it.

- Sometimes you just
have to be upset.

- Yeah, I guess so.

I think what
Beckett's trying to say

is that we gotta get
to this kinda stuff.

This is a play about overcoming,
not a play about caving.

You know, we gotta go
on, you know what I mean?

We go on. He says it a
million times, we go on.

That's kind of the interesting,

you know, aspect
that's really good.

It allows us to really
feel all this shit,

and then move on.

Clov?

Yes?

Do you not think
this has gone on long enough?

Yes.

What?

This. This thing.

I've always thought so.

You not?

Then it's a
day like any other day.

As long as it lasts.

Samuel Beckett in "Endgame"

is pretty much telling the same,

"I can't go on, I'll go on."

But the food's gone.
The rations are gone.

It all looks, it looks
grim for our boys,

but there's always tomorrow.

There's always another
day. So, you never know.

I think the whole trick

is to get you off
on the right foot

because I know
what's gonna happen.

You're gonna get about a
dozen laughs at the beginning,

and that's gonna set you up.

'Cause I notice it, it
really affects you guys,

- you know what I mean?
- Yeah.

- It really makes
you feel happier.

- Feel a little good.
- And you start to enjoy it.

- Both hams.

There always tends
to be strange up and downs

just before audiences come in.

I don't know what it
is about forgetting the lines.

I don't know why
I'm so scared of it.

I guess 'cause I don't
want the audience

to feel uncomfortable.

But it's probably more about me.

It's probably more
about me being afraid

of being caught
with my pants down.

My fear was that
I would be a black hole.

My energy would suck the
play into a nothingness.

- Ruthie was asking me,
she said, "Isn't it fun?"

And I said, "Well, yeah.

I said, but you know,

the guy is talking about
the end of his life."

I said, "There's
shit I gotta say

that I have to
mean and be a part,

that is not fun to touch,"

especially, you know, with
Parkinson's and all that shit,

and feeling like I'm gonna die.

- Half hour. Has
everybody medicated up?

Have a good time. I think
that it's gonna just be great.

- In Endgame, Beckett
says, "There'll come a time

when you'll say, "I'm
tired. I'll sit down,"

then you'll go and sit down,

and then you'll
say, "I'm hungry.

I'll get up and get something
to eat," but you won't get up.

And you'll say, "I
shouldn't have sat down,

but since I have, I'll
sit down a little longer,

then I'll get up and
get something to eat."

But you won't get up and
get something to eat.

You'll look at the wall a while.

You'll say, "I'll close my eyes,

perhaps have a little sleep,
then I'll feel better,"

and you'll close them, and
when you open them again,

there'll be no wall anymore.

Infinite emptiness
will be all around you.

All the resurrected dead of
all the ages wouldn't fill it,

and there you'll be,

like a little bit of grit
in the middle of a steppe."

It's perfect.

Now, that's the shit
I read, and I go,

"Yeah, yeah, you got it, man."

You're talking a language.

You know, that's what it's like.

Just checking on both of you.

I figured, yeah,
I'll check on them.

If it gets too much,
we'll go with

Okay. Great.

You guys ready?

- Ladies and gentlemen,
the house is open!

There's all kinds
of odd invasions of the mind

just before audiences come in.

It's so weird how it happens.

I should've known after
acting for 40 years.

I used to get very
concerned about it,

but now I realize,

that's where the real
communication happens.

Audiences change
the whole equation.

- "Me to play."

- How do you feel?

- I don't complain.

- Do you feel normal?

- I tell you, I don't complain.

- I feel a little strange.

Clov.
- Yes?

- Have you not had enough?

Yes.

Of what?

- This is not much fun.

- There's your dog for you.

- He hit me.

- You drive me mad. I'm mad!

- If you must hit me, hit
me with the ax, not the dog.

With the gaff or with the ax.

- Nothing is funnier
than unhappiness,

I grant you that, but...

- What about having a good
guffaw together, the two of us?

- Oh, I couldn't
guffaw again today.

- Old stauncher.

You remain.

Thanks for this.

- Thank you.

You did such a great job.

Obliged.

- Beyond my wildest imagination.

I'm just so moved by
their response.

Brilliant.

- Brilliant. Brilliant.
- Brilliant.

- I'm sorry for catching
you with your trousers down.

But that's a very

Beckett moment.

It was the clearest I've
ever known the play to be.

It made complete sense.

When I commit to a project,

one of the things that
I'm sort of curious about

is who will I meet
in the person of me?

And I was pretty proud of

who I found on this one.

One of the reasons
I wanted to do "Endgame"

was because I thought
that would be a sweet show

to end my career on.

If this is the last play I ever
do, I'll be happy with that.

I don't think it is.