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- I heard a story of a woman
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00:01:30,096 --> 00:01:34,319
who turned her husband's
ashes to diamonds.
5
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,569
I thought to myself, she
must really love that man.
6
00:01:39,442 --> 00:01:41,609
Who would do such a thing?
7
00:01:51,104 --> 00:01:54,640
But I'm not the one to
speak from experience.
8
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,770
I know nothing about love
9
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:58,162
and I know if I had all
the money in the world,
10
00:01:58,162 --> 00:02:01,495
I'd gladly do the same thing over again.
11
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:24,266
The only thing I regret is
that I didn't piss on her ashes
12
00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:27,016
before I flushed down the toilet.
13
00:03:22,308 --> 00:03:26,641
- That ain't gon' feel that
void in your heart, boy.
14
00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:43,037
- Carl, I know what .
15
00:06:14,671 --> 00:06:17,025
- This is a story of a child,
16
00:06:17,025 --> 00:06:21,058
perhaps in influence, perhaps
in clone personifications.
17
00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:23,391
That child only wanted love.
18
00:06:24,413 --> 00:06:27,692
That child ventured far with
an empty satchel and a jar
19
00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:31,239
hoping for answers to a delicate question,
20
00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:32,322
what is love?
21
00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:47,877
Across the lane, he heard drunken sorrows
22
00:06:47,877 --> 00:06:51,460
of how love can be
bought or even borrowed.
23
00:06:52,313 --> 00:06:56,823
That child gave up, discarding
the contents of his satchel
24
00:06:56,823 --> 00:07:00,541
and emptying the water from his jar.
25
00:07:00,541 --> 00:07:05,170
The child drifted the lands,
looking for purpose to live.
26
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:08,442
- Sometimes, things are
just the way they are,
27
00:07:08,442 --> 00:07:10,627
completely beyond our control.
28
00:07:25,423 --> 00:07:27,664
- What are we looking at here for?
29
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,782
Why are you not at the street working?
30
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,824
- It's, Don.
31
00:07:31,824 --> 00:07:34,282
- That's bullshit,
Tammy and you know that.
32
00:07:34,282 --> 00:07:38,727
You can bullshit the other girls
but you cannot bullshit me.
33
00:07:38,727 --> 00:07:40,963
- I just don't feel good today, Don.
34
00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:42,328
- I've seen the cars
up and down the street
35
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,953
all night long, Tammy.
36
00:07:44,953 --> 00:07:47,022
It's not good look for you.
37
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:49,659
Tammy, how you supposed to
attract prominent businessman
38
00:07:49,659 --> 00:07:52,091
sitting in stairwell of hotel?
39
00:07:52,091 --> 00:07:55,172
I'm going to send somebody your way, okay?
40
00:07:55,172 --> 00:07:57,370
Get yourself cleaned up in five minutes.
41
00:07:57,370 --> 00:07:59,453
- Don, I don't feel good.
42
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,974
- You got five minutes to clean
yourself up, five minutes.
43
00:08:04,974 --> 00:08:07,158
You have no choice, Tammy.
44
00:08:07,158 --> 00:08:08,756
It's five minutes.
45
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,540
Get yourself back in front of the hotel.
46
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,851
- Reality becomes the laugh
47
00:08:16,851 --> 00:08:19,514
and I play along because maybe
it's easy to live a fantasy
48
00:08:19,514 --> 00:08:23,764
in your mind because, man,
reality is so fucked up.
49
00:08:27,459 --> 00:08:29,473
Look what I've become.
50
00:08:55,596 --> 00:08:57,283
- A man I knew from way back told me
51
00:08:57,283 --> 00:09:00,535
to never make rash decisions when angry
52
00:09:00,535 --> 00:09:01,561
but what rule is there
53
00:09:01,561 --> 00:09:05,728
when a person is far beyond
the barriers of anger?
54
00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:46,105
The same man told me that
overindulgence is a disease
55
00:09:46,136 --> 00:09:49,719
because the mental
structure is unbalanced.
56
00:09:56,629 --> 00:10:00,629
He describes it as a
missing pieces of a puzzle.
57
00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:09,058
Go figure.
58
00:10:10,173 --> 00:10:12,189
I told him I wasn't born
with a full picture.
59
00:10:12,189 --> 00:10:14,772
So yeah, I tend to overindulge.
60
00:10:20,716 --> 00:10:21,549
Then I regretted
61
00:10:21,549 --> 00:10:25,466
because that's when the
demon seemed to emerge.
62
00:10:40,427 --> 00:10:42,427
I envy those that dream,
63
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:46,960
wishes of life changing
expectations in me.
64
00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:02,250
I just really want to forget
everything and everyone.
65
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:47,248
- You ever been so immersed in a dream
66
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,066
that you never wanted to wake?
67
00:11:49,066 --> 00:11:51,785
Well, it don't really matter
68
00:11:51,785 --> 00:11:53,359
because eventually you wake up in a world
69
00:11:53,359 --> 00:11:57,859
that's so full of rat and
shit, in my world, at least.
70
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,860
What's the use of dreaming anyway?
71
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:03,565
- Motherfucking, God damn it.
72
00:12:03,565 --> 00:12:05,474
Tammy, wake up.
73
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:08,672
Why are you not outside working?
74
00:12:08,672 --> 00:12:09,755
Hey, wake up!
75
00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:13,001
Why are you not outside?
76
00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:14,589
- I'm not working today, Don.
77
00:12:14,589 --> 00:12:15,506
- Oh, that?
78
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,385
You're working tonight, Tammy.
79
00:12:18,385 --> 00:12:20,511
What I tell you're not
doing is sitting in here
80
00:12:20,511 --> 00:12:22,053
up all night.
81
00:12:22,053 --> 00:12:24,259
That's what you're not going to do.
82
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:26,304
Now you get yourself cleaned up.
83
00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:28,241
I don't care what you have to take,
84
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:30,789
what you have to drink,
what you have to snort
85
00:12:30,789 --> 00:12:32,349
but you get yourself cleaned up
86
00:12:32,349 --> 00:12:35,740
and get outside of this
fucking hotel in 15 minutes
87
00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:38,691
or you and I have big, fucking problem.
88
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,436
- I don't want your drugs anymore, Don.
89
00:12:41,436 --> 00:12:42,657
I'm done with that shit.
90
00:12:42,657 --> 00:12:44,230
- Is that a threat?
91
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,528
You have a pretty nice place here,
92
00:12:45,528 --> 00:12:48,373
pretty soft bed to lay on.
93
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,952
Who do you think makes all this possible?
94
00:12:50,952 --> 00:12:52,869
Fucking me, that's who!
95
00:12:53,995 --> 00:12:57,140
It's a lot better than prison bed, huh?
96
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,844
It's very simple, honey.
97
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,119
You either work the streets
98
00:13:01,119 --> 00:13:03,179
or you get back out into the streets.
99
00:13:03,179 --> 00:13:05,585
- I just don't feel
good, that's all, okay?
100
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,081
- I don't think you understand
what I'm saying to you.
101
00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:12,761
There is no days off for
people like you, Tammy.
102
00:13:12,761 --> 00:13:15,175
You don't get to sit here
and do nothing all day.
103
00:13:15,175 --> 00:13:16,921
You can't afford it.
104
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,611
Now, get yourself ready in
15 minutes and get out there.
105
00:13:20,611 --> 00:13:24,447
- Okay, and what have you given up, Don?
106
00:13:24,447 --> 00:13:27,591
What sacrifices have you had to make?
107
00:13:27,591 --> 00:13:29,422
Do you have any idea what it's like
108
00:13:29,422 --> 00:13:31,339
to get your soul ripped
out your fucking body
109
00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:32,299
every fucking night?
110
00:13:32,299 --> 00:13:36,216
- No, I do not, Tammy
but you are the only girl
111
00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:41,384
that I let talk to me that way, Tammy.
112
00:13:42,557 --> 00:13:45,781
I do not know what that feels like
113
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:49,031
and quite frankly, I don't give a shit.
114
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:56,435
You have 15 minutes to get
yourself outside of this hotel
115
00:13:56,739 --> 00:14:01,406
and back to work or you and
I have big, fucking problem.
116
00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:09,901
15 minutes, Tammy or big, fucking problem.
117
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:15,034
Fuck!
118
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,357
- At some point,
119
00:14:33,357 --> 00:14:37,690
this miserable, poisonous
existence has an end game.
120
00:14:38,571 --> 00:14:43,488
The choices are clear as day,
voluntarily or involuntarily.
121
00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:20,831
Perhaps life has a way of forcing change,
122
00:15:20,831 --> 00:15:22,998
whether we want it or not.
123
00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:58,949
- It was mother dream to have her ashes
124
00:15:58,949 --> 00:16:01,015
thrown into the Atlantic,
125
00:16:01,015 --> 00:16:04,059
at least that's what the nurses said.
126
00:16:04,059 --> 00:16:07,179
She thought it would bring her peace.
127
00:16:07,179 --> 00:16:09,929
Easier said that done, I suppose.
128
00:16:10,893 --> 00:16:14,885
The truth is, nothing could
have brought her peace,
129
00:16:14,885 --> 00:16:18,885
not even the child who
did nothing but love her.
130
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:48,997
Truth is running from the things
131
00:16:48,997 --> 00:16:51,015
that cripple you emotionally
132
00:16:51,015 --> 00:16:55,848
is just prolonging the inevitable,
a wound left untreated.
133
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,320
I'm just tired of running.
134
00:17:16,823 --> 00:17:18,990
- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
135
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,348
- You do this to me, huh?
136
00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:36,875
I swear.
137
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,468
- Just do it.
138
00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:23,947
People like us ain't
supposed to live anyway.
139
00:19:25,775 --> 00:19:27,442
Just do it, already.
140
00:19:40,581 --> 00:19:41,498
Just do it.
141
00:19:44,465 --> 00:19:47,861
- Sometimes it's hard to
determine what is reality
142
00:19:47,861 --> 00:19:49,111
and what's not.
143
00:19:50,475 --> 00:19:53,113
Perhaps I'm always in
a state of intoxication
144
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:55,363
to forget about my reality.
145
00:19:56,258 --> 00:19:59,509
The past always has a way of resurfacing
146
00:19:59,509 --> 00:20:01,211
in some kind of way.
147
00:20:19,869 --> 00:20:21,543
May I help you with something?
148
00:20:21,543 --> 00:20:25,211
- Well, I was hoping I could
help you with something.
149
00:20:25,211 --> 00:20:28,033
- There's nothing that
you have that I want,
150
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:30,112
so don't even waste your time.
151
00:20:30,112 --> 00:20:32,283
- You ain't even heard
what I'm offering yet.
152
00:20:32,283 --> 00:20:34,297
- And it's not too hard to
tell what you're selling
153
00:20:34,297 --> 00:20:36,866
and I'm telling you, I'm not interested.
154
00:20:36,866 --> 00:20:37,699
- Look, man.
155
00:20:37,699 --> 00:20:39,064
I'm just a little desperate here.
156
00:20:39,064 --> 00:20:41,601
I'm not trying to beg you
on nothing but I just...
157
00:20:41,601 --> 00:20:42,434
Come on, man.
158
00:20:42,434 --> 00:20:43,966
- Sounds to me like you're begging.
159
00:20:43,966 --> 00:20:45,231
That ain't my problem.
160
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:48,558
- Fuck you then, man.
161
00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:49,725
Piece of shit.
162
00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:05,560
- Well, what you waiting for, boy?
163
00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,723
Get it over with, boy!
164
00:21:27,701 --> 00:21:29,118
Get it over with.
165
00:21:40,753 --> 00:21:43,003
- No, she is not gonna win.
166
00:21:45,159 --> 00:21:45,992
She's not.
167
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:20,272
Man, I thought I made myself clear.
168
00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:23,653
- You really look like you
can use some company, darling.
169
00:22:23,653 --> 00:22:24,655
- No, I don't.
170
00:22:24,655 --> 00:22:25,901
Just get the fuck outta here.
171
00:22:25,901 --> 00:22:26,981
- Come on, man.
172
00:22:26,981 --> 00:22:28,898
Just hear me out, okay?
173
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:33,142
- Oh, man.
174
00:22:40,813 --> 00:22:44,396
- Not bad.
175
00:22:51,248 --> 00:22:53,005
What's wrong with you?
176
00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:55,009
Ain't you ever been with a woman before?
177
00:22:55,009 --> 00:22:58,451
- I told you that isn't
what I want from you.
178
00:22:58,451 --> 00:23:00,451
- You haven't, have you?
179
00:23:02,445 --> 00:23:04,265
Oh, well don't worry.
180
00:23:04,265 --> 00:23:06,213
Your little secret is safe with me.
181
00:23:08,061 --> 00:23:10,945
- What is it, want money?
182
00:23:10,945 --> 00:23:12,400
Is that it?
183
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,831
- Well, I'm not here for
the engaging conversation.
184
00:23:14,831 --> 00:23:15,664
- I see.
185
00:23:15,664 --> 00:23:19,497
Let me pay you for this
engaging conversation.
186
00:23:29,181 --> 00:23:30,563
What are you afraid of?
187
00:23:30,563 --> 00:23:33,563
- Nothing, I just don't wanna drink.
188
00:23:35,125 --> 00:23:37,763
- Then tell me, what's the going rate
189
00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:40,703
for an honest conversation these days?
190
00:23:40,703 --> 00:23:44,062
I mean, sometimes people
just need someone to talk to,
191
00:23:44,062 --> 00:23:45,875
someone to be honest with you.
192
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,633
- Why you don't go to therapy?
193
00:23:47,633 --> 00:23:50,466
- Obviously, you're a lot cheaper.
194
00:23:51,956 --> 00:23:55,123
- Whatever, okay, how long do we talk?
195
00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:01,985
- How much time did I buy?
196
00:24:01,985 --> 00:24:04,402
- About an hour, if that's...
197
00:24:06,377 --> 00:24:10,513
- All I want is a conversation,
I don't like to be touched.
198
00:24:10,513 --> 00:24:13,201
- Okay, all right fine.
199
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:14,534
Let's talk then.
200
00:24:15,671 --> 00:24:18,004
I take it you not from here.
201
00:24:19,561 --> 00:24:21,079
- No, I'm not.
202
00:24:21,079 --> 00:24:22,771
- Where you from?
203
00:24:22,771 --> 00:24:26,688
- Nowhere, I guess you
could say I'm a drifter.
204
00:24:27,829 --> 00:24:29,961
Never really had a place to call home.
205
00:24:29,961 --> 00:24:33,044
- Like a gypsy?
- Something like that.
206
00:24:37,249 --> 00:24:38,721
- I knew you was gonna
reach for that drink.
207
00:24:38,721 --> 00:24:41,491
You might wanna slow
down on that, big boy.
208
00:24:41,491 --> 00:24:44,257
- All right, since we
having a conversation,
209
00:24:44,257 --> 00:24:46,039
where are you from?
210
00:24:46,039 --> 00:24:48,846
- Nowhere, just like you.
211
00:24:48,846 --> 00:24:52,429
I just been running
and working the streets
212
00:24:53,777 --> 00:24:55,233
since I could remember
213
00:24:55,233 --> 00:24:59,150
and I can't remember a
home, even if I had one.
214
00:25:00,641 --> 00:25:02,808
- How did you get started?
215
00:25:04,057 --> 00:25:07,974
- I was running to and
from something and well,
216
00:25:13,121 --> 00:25:16,821
I ran into this, this beautiful disaster.
217
00:25:18,148 --> 00:25:21,761
- Yeah, I mean, that's a
nice way of putting it.
218
00:25:21,761 --> 00:25:24,344
Why live when we aren't living?
219
00:25:25,247 --> 00:25:27,369
I've been asking myself that a lot lately.
220
00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:29,317
- Yeah, but I mean, we still
here, you know what I'm saying?
221
00:25:29,317 --> 00:25:31,851
So gotta be a reason why, right?
222
00:25:31,851 --> 00:25:33,268
- Waste of space?
223
00:25:34,397 --> 00:25:37,230
- Nah, there's always hope, right?
224
00:25:39,485 --> 00:25:41,939
- Maybe for you, not for me
225
00:25:41,939 --> 00:25:43,551
but what if you could start over,
226
00:25:43,551 --> 00:25:48,023
just make a clean break
of it, would you do it?
227
00:25:49,870 --> 00:25:53,037
- Child, I ain't got no choice but to.
228
00:25:56,095 --> 00:25:58,359
- See, this is a box
of my mother's remains.
229
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:02,157
It was always a dream of hers
to visit the Atlantic ocean
230
00:26:02,157 --> 00:26:03,519
but you see, the irony of it is
231
00:26:03,519 --> 00:26:06,771
is that I'm willing to sacrifice so much
232
00:26:06,771 --> 00:26:10,217
for someone who does nothing for me
233
00:26:10,217 --> 00:26:12,307
but none of that matters anymore.
234
00:26:12,307 --> 00:26:14,467
Once the deed is done, so am I.
235
00:26:14,467 --> 00:26:16,300
- What does that mean?
236
00:26:19,183 --> 00:26:23,709
- If I paid you $10,000 right
now, would you accompany me?
237
00:26:23,709 --> 00:26:25,292
- Wait.
- It's real.
238
00:26:31,956 --> 00:26:35,125
- You're trying to pay me
$10,000 to go to the ocean?
239
00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:37,736
- Correct.
- Is this a joke?
240
00:26:37,736 --> 00:26:39,611
- No, it's not.
- Where the camera's at?
241
00:26:39,611 --> 00:26:42,706
- No, but there is something
I would need for you
242
00:26:42,706 --> 00:26:43,837
to do for me though.
243
00:26:43,837 --> 00:26:46,337
- Here it is, and what's that?
244
00:26:50,922 --> 00:26:53,272
- I want you to kill me
after we dump her ashes.
245
00:26:53,272 --> 00:26:54,272
- Man, what?
246
00:26:56,577 --> 00:26:57,410
Are you serious?
247
00:26:57,410 --> 00:26:59,125
- Yes, I'm serious.
248
00:26:59,125 --> 00:27:01,867
My mother always told
me that people like her
249
00:27:01,867 --> 00:27:05,143
and people like myself, we
don't belong in this world.
250
00:27:05,143 --> 00:27:08,003
- Bruh, you crazy and your mama
sound like a fucking bitch.
251
00:27:08,003 --> 00:27:09,861
- Man, are you're gonna do it or not?
252
00:27:09,861 --> 00:27:11,194
- Not!
- Come on,
253
00:27:12,406 --> 00:27:13,480
just do this for me.
254
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,313
That's all I need.
255
00:27:14,313 --> 00:27:16,000
I beg of you, just do it, that's all.
256
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,820
- No, you fucking crazy.
257
00:27:17,820 --> 00:27:19,640
I didn't sign up for this shit.
258
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,564
This aint the type of shit...
- Come on!
259
00:27:22,564 --> 00:27:23,397
Shit.
260
00:27:32,654 --> 00:27:36,571
- Oh, fuck, man.
261
00:27:54,390 --> 00:27:56,223
- It's true, you know.
262
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:05,333
People like us, we don't
belong in this world.
263
00:28:07,778 --> 00:28:09,278
- That's not true.
264
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,232
- You wanna know why?
265
00:28:17,306 --> 00:28:20,223
Because people can't understand us.
266
00:28:23,469 --> 00:28:27,604
They can't understand us.
- That's not true.
267
00:28:27,604 --> 00:28:32,437
- They can't understand us.
268
00:28:43,111 --> 00:28:45,278
We don't belong.
- Stop it!
269
00:29:01,016 --> 00:29:01,849
Stop it!
270
00:29:03,616 --> 00:29:06,033
Home, love, hate, life, hope.
271
00:29:07,981 --> 00:29:10,698
Just four-letter words
yet so many feelings,
272
00:29:10,698 --> 00:29:12,414
feelings of which I lack.
273
00:29:12,414 --> 00:29:14,484
All I have is existence.
274
00:29:14,484 --> 00:29:16,151
I just don't belong.
275
00:29:21,164 --> 00:29:24,312
- I didn't really know
what the right thing was.
276
00:29:24,312 --> 00:29:27,052
There aren't very many
rules amongst the lost,
277
00:29:27,052 --> 00:29:28,302
only survivors.
278
00:29:29,495 --> 00:29:30,493
- What the fuck is this?
279
00:29:30,493 --> 00:29:32,686
- Wait, Don, I'm pregnant.
280
00:29:32,686 --> 00:29:35,040
- Fucking slut!
- I'm pregnant, Don.
281
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,860
I'm pregnant!
282
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:38,392
- What the fuck?
283
00:29:38,392 --> 00:29:41,332
Am I supposed to feel
sorry for you now, Tammy?
284
00:29:41,332 --> 00:29:43,165
Stupid, fucking bitch.
285
00:29:44,736 --> 00:29:46,958
Get your shit and get the fuck out!
286
00:29:46,958 --> 00:29:48,390
- Where am I supposed to go?
287
00:29:48,390 --> 00:29:50,744
- Not my problem, Tammy.
288
00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:51,994
Not my problem.
289
00:29:53,420 --> 00:29:55,604
You're washed up, Tammy.
290
00:29:55,604 --> 00:29:58,748
I cost more money to feed
you than you bring in
291
00:29:58,748 --> 00:30:01,191
and any business that is bad.
292
00:30:01,191 --> 00:30:03,415
You're burned out, Tammy.
293
00:30:03,415 --> 00:30:05,560
You cost too much money.
294
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,306
Get your freaking shit and get out.
295
00:30:09,251 --> 00:30:11,166
I'm going to give you
some free advice, Tammy.
296
00:30:11,166 --> 00:30:12,216
- Yeah, what's that?
297
00:30:12,216 --> 00:30:15,466
- If you want to have this baby, don't.
298
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:18,933
- Fuck you, Don.
299
00:30:21,016 --> 00:30:23,022
Fuck you.
- Get your shit
300
00:30:23,022 --> 00:30:24,774
and get the fuck out
301
00:30:24,774 --> 00:30:27,050
and take this little bastard to the clinic
302
00:30:27,050 --> 00:30:28,648
and get it taken care off.
303
00:30:28,648 --> 00:30:29,481
Get out!
304
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:46,457
- Guess you're stuck.
305
00:30:48,006 --> 00:30:49,788
So much of a coward you can't even do--
306
00:30:49,788 --> 00:30:53,288
- Shut up!
307
00:30:56,468 --> 00:30:59,885
You think you're all high and all mighty?
308
00:31:01,866 --> 00:31:04,033
You didn't do shit for me.
309
00:31:06,844 --> 00:31:09,392
- I've always been ashamed of you.
310
00:31:09,392 --> 00:31:12,225
- Likewise.
- You're just a coward.
311
00:31:17,385 --> 00:31:18,818
You can't even do it yourself.
312
00:31:18,818 --> 00:31:22,818
One simple thing, you
can't even do it yourself.
313
00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:27,125
Begging people to do it for you.
314
00:31:43,224 --> 00:31:44,224
- Hey, Carl.
315
00:31:47,980 --> 00:31:51,671
- I take it you reconsidered my offer.
316
00:31:51,671 --> 00:31:53,922
- No, Carl, I'm not here for that.
317
00:31:53,922 --> 00:31:56,796
Can I please just come in?
318
00:31:56,796 --> 00:31:59,926
I was thrown out of my other place.
319
00:31:59,926 --> 00:32:02,259
I don't have anywhere to go.
320
00:32:21,922 --> 00:32:23,422
- You forgot this.
321
00:32:28,124 --> 00:32:32,603
- I bet you think I'm a
pretty fucked up person, huh?
322
00:32:32,603 --> 00:32:34,686
- Why would I think that?
323
00:32:35,771 --> 00:32:39,188
- You know what I am, you know what I do.
324
00:32:42,622 --> 00:32:46,285
I bet you think a person like
me would be stupid enough
325
00:32:46,285 --> 00:32:48,156
to get pregnant in a world like this.
326
00:32:48,156 --> 00:32:50,573
- That's not for me to judge.
327
00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:57,638
- You're a real diamond in the rough, huh?
328
00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:03,622
You know what people told me
the best thing for me to do
329
00:33:03,622 --> 00:33:04,872
with this baby?
330
00:33:06,216 --> 00:33:07,049
Abort it.
331
00:33:07,049 --> 00:33:09,946
- Tammy, people are assholes at times.
332
00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:12,480
- Yeah, you're right about that
333
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,730
but I just wanna prove 'em wrong, Carl.
334
00:33:20,165 --> 00:33:24,104
My whole life, I've been
doing everything wrong.
335
00:33:24,104 --> 00:33:27,104
For once, I just wanna get it right.
336
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:29,928
- And if your version of right
337
00:33:29,928 --> 00:33:34,411
is loving that child
unconditionally, by all means do so
338
00:33:34,411 --> 00:33:38,578
but make sure you love
that child unconditionally.
339
00:33:42,644 --> 00:33:43,894
- You're right.
340
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,743
- I take it that you'll
be traveling with me.
341
00:33:53,743 --> 00:33:55,913
- I didn't say that.
342
00:33:55,913 --> 00:33:58,928
- What other reason are you here for then?
343
00:33:58,928 --> 00:34:01,246
- Are you serious?
344
00:34:01,246 --> 00:34:03,808
What's your deal, man?
345
00:34:03,808 --> 00:34:05,874
How many people have you asked to do this?
346
00:34:05,874 --> 00:34:07,642
I'm curious.
347
00:34:07,642 --> 00:34:09,486
- You're the 13th.
348
00:34:09,486 --> 00:34:11,698
- And the other 12 said no I'm guessing.
349
00:34:11,698 --> 00:34:13,258
- I mean, you came back.
350
00:34:13,258 --> 00:34:18,042
What else you got to do with
your shit hole of a life, huh?
351
00:34:18,042 --> 00:34:21,770
I mean, this could be
a fresh start for you,
352
00:34:21,770 --> 00:34:24,837
a chance for you to do
what's right, I suppose.
353
00:34:24,837 --> 00:34:29,004
- Right, and live with the
fact that I killed you.
354
00:34:32,690 --> 00:34:35,122
- Just think about it.
355
00:34:35,122 --> 00:34:38,705
I'm about to step
outside and have a smoke.
356
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:43,537
- Why are you so messed up, huh?
357
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:46,791
You gotta tell me something.
358
00:34:47,628 --> 00:34:49,956
I mean, my life ain't
been all peachy and clean
359
00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:52,257
and stuff to say the least
360
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:54,531
but it ain't always been this bad.
361
00:34:54,531 --> 00:34:56,754
- I mean, I had some good times, not often
362
00:34:56,754 --> 00:35:00,087
but sometimes, a mood would just hit her
363
00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:08,686
and she would asked me
to lay my head on her lap
364
00:35:10,770 --> 00:35:15,540
and then while she caressed
my head, she sung to me.
365
00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:17,373
- You've seen it good.
366
00:35:18,338 --> 00:35:21,250
- God, no but there wasn't the point
367
00:35:21,250 --> 00:35:24,449
because if only for that moment,
368
00:35:24,449 --> 00:35:26,782
I felt like she cared for me
369
00:35:28,350 --> 00:35:31,040
and that was good enough for me.
370
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,728
- When I was little,
371
00:35:32,728 --> 00:35:37,145
me and my sister used to go
to my granddaddy's house.
372
00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:39,761
He had this farm,
373
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:47,590
this big house, a bunch of
acres of land, it was crazy.
374
00:35:47,590 --> 00:35:49,673
We used to love it there.
375
00:35:51,722 --> 00:35:54,805
I felt so free, I felt so free there,
376
00:35:58,274 --> 00:36:01,024
not caged then like how I do now.
377
00:36:03,866 --> 00:36:07,208
I remember how I used to walk outside
378
00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:09,708
and I would just close my eyes
379
00:36:13,850 --> 00:36:17,517
and I would take a deep
breath of fresh air.
380
00:36:23,536 --> 00:36:26,369
It's like life was speaking to me.
381
00:36:28,305 --> 00:36:32,466
- It's not too late for you
feel that same feeling again.
382
00:36:32,466 --> 00:36:35,728
- Yeah, well I could tell
you the same thing, Carl.
383
00:36:35,728 --> 00:36:38,561
- You could, it won't change much.
384
00:36:41,020 --> 00:36:42,257
Just think about it.
385
00:37:36,323 --> 00:37:37,156
What are you doing?
386
00:37:37,156 --> 00:37:38,131
Put her down!
387
00:37:38,131 --> 00:37:41,716
- I don't know, I'm trying
to understand you, I guess.
388
00:37:41,716 --> 00:37:42,549
I don't know.
389
00:37:42,549 --> 00:37:45,647
- I made it perfectly clear
what I wanted you to do.
390
00:37:45,647 --> 00:37:48,767
- Okay, but do you realize
that she's gone, Carl?
391
00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:50,184
She's just ashes.
392
00:37:51,027 --> 00:37:52,194
She's no more.
393
00:37:53,794 --> 00:37:55,705
Can I ask you something,
394
00:37:55,705 --> 00:37:59,878
a serious conversation,
an honest conversation?
395
00:37:59,878 --> 00:38:01,269
What's wrong with you?
396
00:38:01,269 --> 00:38:03,362
What happened to you?
397
00:38:03,362 --> 00:38:06,104
What made you like this?
398
00:38:06,104 --> 00:38:07,521
- You wanna know?
399
00:38:10,489 --> 00:38:14,739
- Yeah, I wanna know.
400
00:38:20,694 --> 00:38:22,955
- Let's just say I had a mother
401
00:38:22,955 --> 00:38:26,038
who was unable to love another person
402
00:38:27,450 --> 00:38:30,700
and I was a child who just needed love.
403
00:38:31,746 --> 00:38:34,829
She worked the streets just like you.
404
00:38:38,794 --> 00:38:42,798
She would come home at
night, angry, drunk,
405
00:38:42,798 --> 00:38:45,006
whatever the case was
406
00:38:45,006 --> 00:38:48,750
and she would beat me until I was bloody.
407
00:38:48,750 --> 00:38:49,621
Little old me,
408
00:38:49,621 --> 00:38:52,728
the little kid that
just wanted to be loved.
409
00:38:52,728 --> 00:38:56,069
I'd still rush over there beside her,
410
00:38:56,069 --> 00:38:59,684
take her orange,
snuggle it around me.
411
00:38:59,684 --> 00:39:02,351
That was me feeling love, Tammy.
412
00:39:04,628 --> 00:39:06,461
All I wanted was love.
413
00:39:16,780 --> 00:39:18,113
- You know what?
414
00:39:19,330 --> 00:39:24,330
When I was two, my daddy passed
away from a drug overdose.
415
00:39:24,700 --> 00:39:25,869
I never met him.
416
00:39:25,869 --> 00:39:30,452
I don't remember him but
everybody told me he loved me.
417
00:39:32,492 --> 00:39:35,620
I used to envision him
as like this superhero.
418
00:39:35,620 --> 00:39:39,444
I know it's stupid and it's
a childish type of thing
419
00:39:39,444 --> 00:39:42,444
at the time 'cause who am I fooling?
420
00:39:44,942 --> 00:39:48,464
That motherfucker died
'cause he was no saint.
421
00:39:48,464 --> 00:39:50,047
He overdosed, Carl.
422
00:39:52,129 --> 00:39:54,129
People are who they are.
423
00:39:55,405 --> 00:39:58,822
There's nothing we can do to change that.
424
00:40:01,450 --> 00:40:06,182
If your mama did all that
to you that you say she did,
425
00:40:06,182 --> 00:40:08,380
then why are you holding on to her ashes?
426
00:40:08,380 --> 00:40:10,224
- Because I have to.
427
00:40:10,224 --> 00:40:12,095
- You trying to bring her peace?
428
00:40:12,095 --> 00:40:13,800
Look at you!
429
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,550
If I'm gonna do it, I
have to understand why.
430
00:40:18,413 --> 00:40:21,246
I gotta get it and I don't get it.
431
00:40:22,314 --> 00:40:24,188
Make me understand, Carl.
432
00:40:24,188 --> 00:40:25,855
- Because I have to.
433
00:40:27,010 --> 00:40:28,310
- Why, she's gone, Carl.
434
00:40:28,310 --> 00:40:31,227
- She's not gone, she's right here.
435
00:40:32,106 --> 00:40:34,600
I see her when I wake up,
when I eat my breakfast,
436
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:35,576
when I brush my teeth.
437
00:40:35,576 --> 00:40:38,659
She's always there, she is right here
438
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,922
and it's the same as before.
439
00:40:42,922 --> 00:40:46,562
All I want is my mama here to hold me.
440
00:40:46,562 --> 00:40:48,784
She didn't do it then and
she's not doing it now
441
00:40:48,784 --> 00:40:50,201
and it's torture.
442
00:40:51,978 --> 00:40:53,811
All I wanted was love.
443
00:41:05,594 --> 00:41:09,441
The only thing I regret is
that I didn't piss on her ashes
444
00:41:09,441 --> 00:41:12,191
before I flushed down the toilet.
445
00:42:07,526 --> 00:42:11,859
- That ain't gon' feel that
void in your heart, boy.
446
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,653
- Carl, you didn't do anything wrong.
447
00:43:05,270 --> 00:43:06,853
Let me help you up.
448
00:43:15,646 --> 00:43:19,646
Just get some rest, it's
been a really long day.
449
00:43:35,992 --> 00:43:37,742
- What are you doing?
450
00:43:38,852 --> 00:43:42,269
- What your mama should have did for you.
451
00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:51,233
It's okay, Carl.
452
00:43:58,064 --> 00:43:59,298
- You never know what you're missing
453
00:43:59,298 --> 00:44:02,564
until it eventually slaps you in the face
454
00:44:02,564 --> 00:44:03,432
and once it happens,
455
00:44:03,432 --> 00:44:06,152
you realize that the
feeling you're feeling
456
00:44:06,152 --> 00:44:07,985
isn't permanent at all
457
00:44:08,866 --> 00:44:11,949
and it makes life that more dreadful.
458
00:44:43,928 --> 00:44:47,678
- You really thought
you could get rid of me?
459
00:44:51,378 --> 00:44:52,211
I'm here
460
00:44:58,970 --> 00:45:00,053
and I'm here.
461
00:45:04,742 --> 00:45:06,742
You can't get rid of me.
462
00:46:26,333 --> 00:46:29,726
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine.
463
00:46:29,726 --> 00:46:32,393
- Oh, I must have fallen asleep.
464
00:46:37,111 --> 00:46:39,194
So where to now, drifter?
465
00:46:40,035 --> 00:46:42,987
- Well, that remains to be seen.
466
00:46:42,987 --> 00:46:44,807
However, I was thinking,
467
00:46:44,807 --> 00:46:46,939
a fresh start would be great for you.
468
00:46:46,939 --> 00:46:49,276
Now that's doing what's right
469
00:46:49,276 --> 00:46:52,124
and I'm here for you as much as I can be.
470
00:46:52,124 --> 00:46:53,291
- Sounds good.
471
00:46:54,218 --> 00:46:55,845
- You know, I've learned all too well
472
00:46:55,845 --> 00:47:00,345
that you can't escape
everything but you have a chance
473
00:47:01,839 --> 00:47:04,256
to pave a way for your child.
474
00:47:08,741 --> 00:47:11,408
- Maybe we can do this together.
475
00:47:13,629 --> 00:47:14,462
Hope, right?
476
00:47:14,462 --> 00:47:15,629
- Always hope.
477
00:47:18,315 --> 00:47:21,286
Not everyone has hope, Tammy.
478
00:47:21,286 --> 00:47:25,536
- So then allow me to have
hope for the both of us.
479
00:47:28,230 --> 00:47:30,283
Did you just...
480
00:47:30,283 --> 00:47:32,116
Oh, you were laughing!
481
00:47:32,987 --> 00:47:35,743
That's the first time I've seen you laugh.
482
00:47:35,743 --> 00:47:37,993
You have a very nice smile.
483
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,411
- You're beautiful.
484
00:47:41,411 --> 00:47:45,960
You ever feel like you're getting
pulled in every direction,
485
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:50,377
more so in the direction
that is certainly permanent?
486
00:48:00,106 --> 00:48:01,957
- I'm sorry.
- What's wrong?
487
00:48:01,957 --> 00:48:05,790
- I'm sorry, I'm just
not used to this, Tammy.
488
00:48:09,104 --> 00:48:10,104
We gotta go.
489
00:48:11,799 --> 00:48:13,280
Can you run this to the car for me
490
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:14,829
while I just do a final walkthrough
491
00:48:14,829 --> 00:48:18,912
just to make sure I didn't
leave anything behind?
492
00:48:20,661 --> 00:48:21,494
I'm sorry.
493
00:48:25,408 --> 00:48:26,991
- Okay.
- Thank you.
494
00:48:30,883 --> 00:48:35,770
- You know, a fresh start
would be good for you too.
495
00:48:35,770 --> 00:48:37,937
You should think about it.
496
00:48:41,541 --> 00:48:43,385
- Maybe you're right.
497
00:48:43,385 --> 00:48:46,015
This is where things get weird.
498
00:48:46,015 --> 00:48:49,515
I feel more alive now than I've ever felt.
499
00:48:50,421 --> 00:48:53,919
I've dispersed the ashes where they belong
500
00:48:53,919 --> 00:48:56,752
and in the process, I found a gem.
501
00:49:27,681 --> 00:49:30,045
- Life is a funny thing.
502
00:49:30,045 --> 00:49:33,795
How intricate it is,
love and hate coexisting
503
00:49:35,557 --> 00:49:37,183
in a psychotic cocktail.
504
00:51:26,072 --> 00:51:29,049
- Tammy, I wanna thank you
505
00:51:29,049 --> 00:51:31,025
and I wanted you to know that
506
00:51:31,025 --> 00:51:32,793
there's nothing you done wrong.
507
00:51:32,793 --> 00:51:34,481
Truth is I'm a virus
508
00:51:34,481 --> 00:51:37,629
and even for a brief moment,
I felt comfort in your arms
509
00:51:37,629 --> 00:51:40,957
and that was more than
any man can ask for.
510
00:51:40,957 --> 00:51:44,517
The only thing I ask is that
you do the same for your child.
511
00:51:44,517 --> 00:51:47,287
Start over, leave the city behind,
512
00:51:47,287 --> 00:51:50,204
love that child, shelter that child
513
00:51:51,617 --> 00:51:54,685
because I know how it is on
the opposite end of love.
514
00:51:54,685 --> 00:51:55,518
This is the result.
35521
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