All language subtitles for Lock.Stock.and.Two.Smoking.B

Right, let's sort the
buyers from the spyers,

the needy from the greedy,

and those who trust me
from the ones who don't.

Because if you can't
see value here today,

you're not up here shopping,
you're up here shoplifting.

You see these goods?

Never seen daylight,
moonlight, Israelite

or Fanny by the gaslight.

Take a bag.
Come on, take a bag.

I took a bag home last night,

and it cost me a lot more
than £10, I can tell you.

Anyone like jewelry?

Look at that one there. Handmade
in Italy, hand stolen in Stepney.

It's as long as my arm. I wish it
was as long as something else.

Don't think 'cause these boxes
are sealed up they're empty.

The only man who sells empty
boxes is the undertaker.

And by the look of some
of you lot here today,

I'd make more money with me measuring tape.
Here, one price.

£10. Did you say £10?

Are you deaf?

That's a bargain.
I'll take one.

Squeeze in if you can. Left leg,
right leg, your body will follow.

They call it walking. You
want one as well, darling?

You do. That's it,
they're waking up.

Treat the wife, treat
somebody else's wife.

It's a lot more fun
if you don't get caught.

Hold on, you want one as well?

Okay, darling, show
me a bit of life then.

It's no good standing out
there like 1:00 half struck.

Buy them, you better buy them!

These are not stolen, they
just haven't been paid for.

And we can't get them again,
they've changed the bloody locks.

Here, one for you. It's
no good coming back later

when I've sold out.

"Too late, too late!"
will be the cry

when the man with the
bargains has passed you by.

And if you've got
no money on you now,

you'll be crying tears as
big as October cabbages.

Bacon, cozzers.

Shit.

Ed can hustle
a few quid here and there,

but his real talent lies in
cards and gambling with cards.

Bacon could see
that his days of selling

moody goods on street
corners are numbered.

It's time to move on
and he knows it.

And I'm 6'1", that's perfect
for my height, all right?

All right, you take a photo. You're
catching up with me, you are.

Look, what are you talking about?
I'm bloody skinny, pal.

Yeah, yeah, of course you are.
All right?

Nick the Greek,
always a pleasure.

Tom, what have you been eating?

I've been telling him this...
Enough already.

You two, join me in my office.

So, how much is it then, Tom?

You know how much it is, Nick.

And that includes the amp, yeah?

No, that does
not include the amp.

Shit, Tom, I thought
it included the amp.

Well, it doesn't.

I'll throw in one of these
telephones if you like,

but it does not include the amp.

Very nice.

I hope it includes the speakers.

It doesn't include the speakers,

it doesn't include the amp,

and it's not supposed
to include me

getting the hump with
your stupid questions.

Now you want it,
Nick, you buy it.

What else do I get with it?

You get a gold-plated
Rolls-Royce,

as long as you pay for it.

Don't know, Tom.
Seems expensive.

Seems? Well, this seems
to be a waste of my time.

That is 900 nicker in any shop
you're lucky enough to find one in,

and you're complaining
about 200?

What school of finance
did you study?

It's a deal, it's a steal. It's
the sale of the fucking century.

In fact, fuck it, Nick,
I think I'll keep it.

All right, all right,
keep your Alans on.

Here's a ton.

Jesus Christ. You could choke
a dozen donkeys on that.

And you're haggling over £100?

What do you do when you're
not buying stereos, Nick?

Finance revolutions?

£100 is still £100.

Not when the price
is £200, it's not.

And certainly not when you got
Liberia's deficit in your sky rocket.

Tighter than a duck's butt you are.
Now come on,

let me feel the fiber
of your fabric.

The skinny one is Tom,

and he's the entrepreneur
of the bunch.

He's got a couple of dirty little fingers
in a couple of dirty little pies.

Nick, here, however,
has made it his business

to have all 20 fat
little fingers and toes

in every dirty bent
and stolen pie in London.

Between the two of them, there
ain't much you can't get ahold of.

That's my 25
grand, it's all there.

It took me a long time to earn that,
so you treat it with respect.

What about the chef?

What have you come as?

Cupid, stupid.

That's the last time I'm getting
any more fruit off of you, Tom.

Do you call that fresh?

There was more small,
hairy armored things

in your fruit than
there was fruit.

You should open a
butcher's, not a grocer's.

Well, if you will order
stuff from Katmandu,

don't be surprised if it picks
up a few tourists en route.

Anyway, enough about that.

Where's the money?

Oi!

Keep your fingers
out of my soup.

Soap is called Soap because he
likes to keep his hands clean

of any unlawful behavior.

He's proud of his job and even
more proud that it's legal.

He represents the more
sensible side of the four.

You sure you can afford 25?

That depends on
how you look at it.

I can afford it as long as I see
it again, if that's what you mean.

Got the rest from the
fat man and Bacon?

Fat man, Bacon and myself.

Looks like it's time to
make that call to Harry.

Who's this fat man then, eh?

Eh?

Do you want a sandwich, Bacon?

It's not easy to take a
seat at this card table.

The amount of money involved
has to be 100 grand upwards,

and there's no
shortage of punters.

The man who decides whether you can
play or not is this man, Harry.

Or as some, including himself,
like to call him, Hatchet Harry.

You got it all?

100 grand.

Well, if you got it, you got it.

Now, if you don't mind...

What's this Eddie like, then?

He's a fucking thief.

Harry has a colleague, a monster
of a man, Barry the Baptist.

The Baptist got his name by
drowning people for Hatchet.

Are you gonna fucking pay?
Yeah, I'll pay!

How are you gonna fucking pay?
I'm gonna pay it.

Barry makes sure the administrative
side of the business runs harmoniously.

The boy's got a rare ability.

He seems to make
cards transparent.

He's got...

All right, all right, so
we can say he's good.

Oh, no, he's better than good.

He's a fucking liability.

Here, hold on. What do
you think of these?

We're selling hundreds.

Very nice, Harry.

What's it for?

Oh, don't play innocent with me, Bazza.
Spanking.

There's 25 from me,
Tom, Soap and yourself.

That's 100 grand to the pound.

So why the fuck
are you counting it?

Because I like to.

So, a reasonable return should
be in the region of 120 grand.

That's for 25 grand invested,
going on previous experience.

Going on optimism.

Whatever it's going on, it should be
enough to send you on a cooking course.

You're not funny, Tom.
You're fat.

And look as though you
should be, but you're not.

Fat? Who are you
calling... Jesus!

It's good in here, isn't it?

Handy for the tube,
great electrics.

I can see why you moved in.

Don't knock it, it's
cheap like the budgie.

And nobody wants to live next
to the people we live next to.

A bit anti-social
to say the least.

What do you mean?

He means they're
thieving bastards.

I mean, when they're not
picking peanuts out of poop,

they rip off unfortunate souls
of their hard-earned drugs.

Not exactly thick, these walls.

Nice work, John.
Get yourself a drink.

Is that it?

How many times do I have
to tell you, Plank?

You find us a job worth doing,
you'll find your share improving.

Now, have you got a
problem with that?

You know, Charles, this
gear is getting heavier.

I have a strong suspicion we
should've been rocket scientists

or Nobel Peace Prize winners

or something.

Peace Prize?

Be lucky to find your penis for a
piss the amount you keep smoking.

Who the hell's that?

All right, Willie?

Does it look like I'm all right?

Take this.

I'm in danger of breaking
sweat at any second.

Charles, why
have we got that cage?

Security?

That's right.

That's right, security.

So what's the point in having it
if we're not gonna fucking use it?

Well, I would have used it,
Winston, but this is Willie.

And Willie lives here.

Yes, Charles, but you
didn't know it was Willie

until you opened
the door, did you?

Chill, Winston.

It's me. Charlie knows it's me.

What's the problem?

The problem is, Willie,

that Charles and yourself are
not the quickest of cats

at the best of times.
So just do as I say

and keep the
fucking cage locked!

What is that?

That's Gloria. Yes, I
know that's Gloria.

What's that?

Fertilizer.

You went out six hours ago
to buy a money counter,

and you come back with a semi-conscious
Gloria and a bag of fertilizer?

Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.

We need fertilizer, Winston.

We also need a money counter.

This money's gotta
be out by Thursday.

I'm buggered if
I'm gonna count it.

And if you do have to
buy sodding fertilizer,

could you just be a
little more subtle?

What do you mean?

We grow copious amounts
of ganja, yeah?

Yeah.

And you're carrying a wasted
girl and a bag of fertilizer.

You don't look like your average
horti-fucking-culturalist.

That's what I mean, Willie.

How long's he been
in there, Son?

About 20 minutes.

He's on his own?

Yeah, just carrying a bag.

All right, let's pay him a
little visit then, shall we?

Big Chris settles
debts for Harry.

The only thing he cares more
about than an unsettled debt,

is his son and heir,
Little Chris.

Shh!

This is one of them
high-powered jobs, isn't it?

Got some bad news for you, John.

What the fuck...

You mind your language
in front of the boy.

Jesus Christ.

That includes blasphemy as well.

Now tell me, John, how
can you be concentrating

on improving this lovely tan,

and it is a lovely
tan by the way,

when you've got more
pressing priorities at hand?

Tell Harry...

I mean Mr. Harry,

I've been busy.
I'm nearly there.

Check his locker, Son.

I don't suppose
there's any chance

of you lifting this sun
bed up, Chris, is there?

He's not poor.

He's got over a monkey here,

and that's just in his wallet.

Fucking hell, John,

you always walk around
with that in your pocket?

Oi!

You use language like that again,
Son, you'll wish you hadn't.

Sorry, Dad.

Right, well, put the rest
of the stuff in that.

You can go home in a
plastic bag tonight, John.

You owe what you owe,

and by the time
this tan's faded,

you wanna have paid.

You never would have paid.

Who would pay for shit?

Yeah, exactly. I mean
we ain't too certain...

Well, what the hell
are you doing here?

Why, what's up?

Let me guess. My
foot in your arse.

Game of cards?
Hatchet Harry?

You're supposed to be
getting your rest in, boy.

You playing cards tonight, Son?

With Harry?

Don't be silly, Dad.

I wouldn't have anything
to do with that.

Where did he get 100 grand?

He's got some adhesive mates.

I mean they're like brothers.

They've tossed up between them.

And JD is his dad and
owns the whole property?

No mortgage, no debts.

Lock, stock, the fucking lot.

Don't you worry, Harry.
I've got it under control.

Good. You can get this
under control now.

It seems that Lord Appleton
Smythe has run out of money.

And these little beauties
are up for auction.

But I'm not paying a quarter
of a million quid for them,

if you know what I mean, Barry.

Make sure we get everything
from inside the gun cabinet.

I don't wanna know who you use,

as long as they're
not complete Muppets.

And don't tell them what
they're worth, Barry.

Right, where was we?

Shotguns? What, like
guns that fire shot?

You must be the brains, then.

That's right, guns
that fire shots.

Make sure you bring everything
from inside the gun cabinet.

There'll be a load of old guns.
That's all I want.

Everything else
outside the cabinet,

you can keep.
It's yours.

Thank you very much.

There'd better be
something there for us.

It's a fucking stately home.

Of course there'll
be something there.

Like what?

Like fucking antiques.

Antiques? What the fuck do
we know about antiques?

We rob post offices.
And steal cars.

What the fuck do we know
about antiques, mate?

If it looks old, it's worth money.
Simple.

So stop fucking moaning
and rob the place.

So who's the guv? Who
are we doing this for?

You're doing it for me,
is all you need to know.

You know because
you need to know.

I see.

One of those on-a-need-to-know-basis
things, is it?

Like one of those
James Bond films.

Careful, remember who's
giving you this job.

Right, I'm off.

Call me when you're done. Ta-ta.

Fucking Northern monkeys!

I hate these fucking
Southern fairies.

Ed has been playing cards
since he could lift them up,

and he soon discovered that
he had a big advantage.

It's not that he's good with cards
or even good at counting them.

It's that he's good with reading people's
reactions, no matter how subtle.

And everybody has reactions,

especially when
it comes to money.

Invitations.

Invitations?

Yeah, invitations.

You know, four pretty white pieces
of paper with your names on them?

Well, we've got
100,000 bits of paper

with the Queen's head on them.

Will that do?

All right, just you.

The others, they can wait
next door in Samoan Jo's.

Samoan Jo's?
You mean the pub?

Hold on... Hold on to
your fucking tongue,

and I will hold onto my
patience, okay, sonny?

No one in here tonight but card
players, and I do mean no one.

Evening, Frazer.
Don, Phil.

It's a bit dramatic, isn't it?

Is this supposed to be symbolic?

Apparently, it's for security.

Yeah? I'd have brought me
gloves if I'd have known.

You must be Eddie, JD's son.

You must be Harry.

Sorry, didn't know your father.

Never mind, son.

You just might meet him if
you carry on like that.

Evening, Tanya, been a while.

All right, Ed?

Right, we call each other
Kenny, okay, Gary?

All right, Kenny.

You gonna put your
stocking on, or what?

I've just spent 220
quid on me hair.

If you think I'm pulling
a stocking over it,

you're very much mistaken.

You're gonna have to
put something on.

This is three card
brag, gentlemen.

That means three three's
are the highest,

then three aces, then
running down accordingly.

Then it's a running flush, a
run, a flush and then a pair.

An open man can't
see a blind man,

and it will cost you twice the
ante to see your opponent.

Now don't fuck around, fellas.
You all know the rules,

and you know
I won't stand for it.

What are you doing?
Put that back.

We're here to rob the guns.

Put it back.
It's crap anyway.

Come on.
Come in.

What sort of pub is this, then?

It's a Samoan pub.

What's that?

It's a cocktail. You
asked for a cocktail.

No, I asked you to give
me a refreshing drink.

I wasn't expecting
a fucking rain forest.

You could fall in love
with an orangutan in that.

You want a pint, go to the pub.

I thought this was a pub.

It's a Samoan pub.

Well, whatever it is, can you get
your man to turn the TV down?

You can ask him if you like. If I
was you, I'd leave him well alone.

Here, get rid of that.
Bring us a Diet Coke.

Excuse me, can you
turn that TV down?

No.

Whoa, whoa, Kenny!

What are you doing?

I am trying to find out where
they keep their money!

You twat, can't you see these
people have got no money?

They can't even
afford new furniture.

We've got the guns. What's
the matter with you?

Every time we do a job, you have
to go burning people's feet.

What's wrong with you?

You wanna be more
careful, old fella.

You very nearly took my man's
head clean off with that.

You all right, Kenny?

Kenny?

10 grand, blind.

20 grand, open.

Deep end, eh?

Fold.

Gotcha.

20 grand, open.

I'll fold.

Don't go spending
that all at once, boy.

Oh, bloody hell.

What?

I thought you said there'd
be no staff, Barry.

Did you get those guns?

You wanna see what
they did to poor Gary?

Gary. Gary.

I said, did you get those guns?

Yes! We got them!

Good. I'll speak
to you later.

Gary, if you can hear me, get
back in the car now, mate, okay?

Barry. Barry.

Fucking Southern
shandy-drinking bastard! Gary!

Give me my money!

Give me back my money,
you fucking snake!

You give me my money!

Give me back my money!
Give it back!

Wankers!

Come on, you. Not now, please.
Not now.

Oh, you fucking bastard.

You bastard.

Oh, my good God.

We'll take you to the cleaners.

20 grand, open.

£30,000.

Back to you already, Eddie.

50 grand.

80 grand.

100 grand.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Look, fellas, I know...

I know you're not in.

Which means no one
cares what you know.

250.

That's quite a raise.

That's 150 on my 100.

Yeah, and is there anything
else you wanna say?

As you know, this puts us
in an awkward position.

I don't have enough to continue.

We will have to see
both your cards

if no one loans Eddie
the money to continue.

It's a loan or we
see both your cards.

I will.

You will what?

I will loan you the money.

No, I think I'd rather
just turn them over.

I'm not interested in
what you would rather.

I wanna keep going.

I'm also offering you the money.

So we don't have to turn them
over, because you can borrow.

I need 250 grand.

No, you need 500
grand to see me.

That's if I want to see you.

Well, you're gonna have a
problem carrying on, ain't you?

I'll see you.

Okay, before I loan you this

I expect, if you
lose, of course,

my money back within a week.
Crystal?

That's Sunday, okay?

Is that it?

Now let's see his fucking cards.

Hello, boy. Feeling
a bit poorly?

I know your friends
are responsible

for most of the cash.

So, I'm gonna give you
one week to find it.

Otherwise, I will take a finger

off each of you and
your friends' hands

for every day that
passes without payment.

And then when you
run out of digits,

your dad's bar, and
who knows what then.

All right, my son?

This doesn't look good.

He then proceeded to explain

the unfortunate position
they were in.

Harry was going to start sizing
up all their fingers in a week,

because he knew there was no way Ed
could settle that debt on his own.

Harry saw it as their money on the table,
so it was also their debt off the table.

Ed would hate admit it,

but he could have kissed
the old bastard for that.

If he said he wanted to settle the debt
on his own, it would have been a lie.

Now, I wish to Christ he would have
let me settle the debt on my own.

I'm gonna kill him!

Stop fucking about, Tom,

and think about what we're gonna do.
Now sit down.

What's all the fuss about Harry?

Why don't we just
boycott the payment?

Let me tell you
about Hatchet Harry.

Once there was this geezer
called Smithy Robinson

who worked for Harry,

but it was rumored
that he was on the take.

Harry's invited Smithy
round for an explanation.

Smithy didn't do a very good job.
Within a minute,

Harry's lost his rag, reached out
for the nearest thing at hand,

which happened to be a
15-inch black rubber cock.

He then proceeded to batter
poor Smithy to death with it.

Now that was seen
as a pleasant way to go.

Hence, Hatchet Harry is a
man you pay if you owe.

Don't worry, I'll
think of something.

"Golf. The best way to
spoil a good walk."

Winston Churchill said that.

I say it's a
dog-eat-dog world,

and I've got bigger
teeth than you two.

I think our friend is trying
to tell us something.

Perhaps not. Perhaps I should take
another swing just to make sure.

Give me a five iron, John.

Certainly, Dog.

Now, keep still.

Yes, Gordon, is there something
you'd like to tell us?

It's in the fireplace.

Shut it, you idiot!

Yes, Gordon, you were saying?

It's in the fireplace. Just pull it out.
It's in the bottom.

It's in the fireplace, Plank. Just
pull it out. It's in the bottom.

Oh, Dog, I think you want
to have a look at this.

You gonna let me down now?

No.

I'm not finished with you yet.

Steel.

Help, help, help!

Oh, Dog.

It's all up to you, audience.

You have to decide,
yes, you have to decide

who the winner is going to be.

Who the hell's that?
It's only 12:00.

Use the cage, that's
what it's there for.

Who is it?

We have got security
for a reason, Willie.

Chill, Winston.
It's only Plank.

This weed's getting quite
a rep, you know, fellas.

All right?
Easy. Jesus!

Never saw you there.

Hello, love.
Enjoying yourself?

Is she compos?

What do you think?

Boo!

Fuck me.

Clean that up, Charles.

Sod you. You
clean it up.

Sorry, fellas, but that stupid cow
scared the fucking life out of me!

Never mind. Can you
just sit down?

Stay out of the way?

Look, how much is it you want?

I'm after a half weight.

Right, well, that's £1,500 then.

Pass the scales, Willie.

Give us some gear, J.

Any chance of actually
seeing the money?

The odds
are 100-to-one.

All as we need is 5 grand.

I'd rather put my money on a
three-legged rocking horse.

The odds are 100-to-one
for a good reason, Bacon.

You won't win.

Where's Eddie?

Where do you think?

The bottom of a bottle. And
has been for two days.

It's hit him hard.

Yeah, it's hit us all hard.

Yeah, but he's got to tell his
dad he's about to lose his bar.

Listen to this one.
You open up a company

called Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club.
You what?

You take out an advert in the
back page of some gay mag,

advertising the latest in
arse-intruding dildos.

You sell it with, I don't know,

"Does what no other
dildo can do until now.

"The latest and greatest
in sexual technology.

"Guaranteed results or your
money back." All that bollocks.

Now these dills
cost 25 quid a pop.

That's a snip for the amount of pleasure
they're gonna give the recipients.

But they send their checks
to the other company name,

nothing offensive, Bobbie's Bits,
or something, for 25 quid.

You take that 25 quid, you stick
it in the bank until it clears.

Now this is the smart bit.

You send back the check for £25
from the other company name,

Arse Ticklers Faggots
Fan Club, saying,

"We're sorry, and we couldn't
get the supplies from America,"

"because they've
run out of stock."

Now you see how many
people cash that check.

Not a single soul.

Because who wants their
bank manager to know

they tickle arse when they're
not paying in checks?

So how long do you have to
wait till you see the return?

Probably no more
than four weeks.

A month?

So what fucking good is that
if we need it in six...

No, five days.

Well, it's still a good idea.

He may know we smoke a lot
and burn a bit of profit,

but he can't have any idea how much
hard currency we've accumulated.

I don't know.
Do you know?

We can just slice
it off the top.

You guys gotta realize
who this chap is.

He might look a bit silly,
but he's a fucking lunatic.

And if he gets the slightest inkling
we're not throwing straight dice,

then you and me are gonna know what the
sharp side of a kebab knife feels like.

So you know these geezers well?

Well enough.

I've been buying gear off one
of them for a couple of years.

So, what are they like then?

Poofs. Nothing heavy. Four public
schoolboys. Soft as shite.

They ponce around in funny hippy
clothes all day, talking bollocks.

They're just good at
growing weed, that's all.

Business has got bigger than
what they can keep up with.

Well, they can't all
be stupid, can they?

Think about it. They've got a
container load of cash in shoeboxes.

They're selling
class-A gear.

Don't you think there might
be someone sensible involved?

What about security?

There's one steel gate as you
go in, but they never lock it.

What do you mean, never lock it?

What have they
got it there for then?

I must have been there 50 times.
It's never locked.

They're not suspicious.

Everyone who
goes there's a toff.

They're all into
that karma crap.

"If I don't harm nobody,
nobody harms me" stuff.

No way they can get back to you?

Even if they could, they'd be
too shit scared. I'm a geezer.

They got no muscle.
Gutless faggots.

Fancy one?

What's all the flapping about?

You told the old man yet?

Hoping I won't need to.

I've got a plan.
Now listen carefully.

Hello, boys.

Harry.

Do you want a drink?

Hello, my son,
do you want a lolly?

Piss off, you nonce.

Oi! Watch it.

No thanks, Harry.
We're both all right.

Nice shooter.

Yeah, one of a pair.

Holland & Holland. Do
you want to hold it?

No, not my thing.
Thanks, Harry.

Business good? I imagine
that's why I'm here.

Four young fellas got in
deeper than they could handle.

They owe me half
a million pound.

How much?

Half a million.

I'm game.

Me, too.

Oh, God.

Right.

We hit them as soon
as they come back.

We'll be prepared, waiting.

And they're armed.

What was that?
Armed?

What do you mean, armed?

Armed with what?

Bad breath, colorful
language, feather duster...

What do you think they're
gonna be armed with?

Guns, you tit.

Guns? You never
said anything about guns.

A minute ago this was the
safest job in the world.

Now it's turning into
a bad day in Bosnia.

Soap, stop being such a mincer.

I've thought about that and...

And what exactly?

And all we have to do is find
out who's carrying them.

Carrying them? Well, they could all
be carrying them for what we know.

No. Only one of them carries
them going to the job.

So I assume the same one
will be carrying them

when they come back
from the job.

Oh, you assume, do you?

And what do they say about assumption
being the brother of all fuck-ups?

It's the mother
of all fuck-ups, stupid.

Well, brother, mother,
any other sucker,

it don't make any difference.

They're still fucking guns, and
they still fire fucking bullets.

Soap, if you have a better idea

how to get £500,000 in the
next few days, let us know.

Ln the meantime, Tom, you talk to Nick
the Bubble about shifting the weed.

Weed? No, it's not normal weed.

It's some
fucked-up-skunk, class-A,

I-can't-think-let-alone-move
shit.

Doesn't sound very good me.

No, neither me. But it depends
what flicks your switch.

And the light is on and burning
brightly for the masses.

Anyway, do you know anyone?

I know a man, yes.

Rory Breaker.

Not that madman with an Afro?

I don't want anything
to do with him.

You won't have to.
Just get me a sample.

No can do.

What's that?
A place near Katmandu?

Meet me halfway, mate.

Look, it's all
completely chicken soup.

It's what? It's
kosher as Christmas.

Jews don't celebrate
Christmas, Tom.

Yeah, well, never mind that. I'm
gonna need some artillery, too.

Couple of
sawn-off shotguns.

This is a bit heavy. This
is London, not the Lebanon.

Who do you think I am?

I think you're Nick the Greek.

Hold those two.

I don't normally have anything
to do with weed, Nick.

But if it is what he says it is,

I'll take it off him
for 3.5 grand a key.

That is if it is
what he says it is.

I don't want to see
it after a sample,

I don't want to touch
it after a sample.

I'll leave you in the capable
hands of Nathan here.

He'll sort out the details.

But just let me
tell you one thing.

If the milk turns
out to be sour,

I ain't the kind
of pussy to drink it.

Do you know what I mean?

Rory Breaker.

Rory? Yeah,
I know Rory.

He's not to be underestimated.

He's a funny looking
fucker, I know.

But you've got to look past the
hair and the cute cuddly thing.

It's all a deceptive facade.

A few nights ago,
Rory's Roger iron rusted.

He's gone down the Battle Cruiser to
watch the end of a football game.

No one's watching the custard,
so he switches the channel over.

A fat geezer's north opens.

And he wanders up
and turns the Liza over.

"Now fuck off and watch
it somewhere else."

Rory knows claret is imminent, but
doesn't wanna miss the end of the game.

So calm as a coma, picks
up a fire extinguisher,

walks straight past the jam
rolls who are ready for action

and plonks it
outside the entrance.

He then orders an Aristotle of the most
ping-pong tiddly in the nuclear sub

and switches back to his footer.

"That's fucking it,"
says the geezer.

"That's fucking what?"
says Rory.

And he gobs out a mouthful
of booze covering Fatty.

He flicks a flaming
match into his bird's nest,

and the geezer's lit up
like a leaking gas pipe.

Rory, unfazed, turns back to his game.
His team's won, too.

Four-nil.

Oi!

Is your hair supposed
to look like that?

All right, short stuff?

Never mind
"short stuff."

Listen, the next time
we do a job like this,

we're gonna want
more money, Barry.

Or we're going back to post
offices and cars. Fuck that.

Where's the others?

There was no others.

Stop fucking around. The
others, the old ones.

I don't know what you mean.

There were two old guns there.

Where are they now?

Not in the cabinet,
there wasn't.

There was a couple of old hammer-lock
muskets the butler was carrying.

But they were ours,
we sold them.

Well, you better
unsell them, sharpish.

We had to sell them.
We needed the money!

I'm not fucking interested!

If you don't want to be counting
the fingers you haven't got

I suggest you get
those guns, quick!

Jesus.

If I pick them up, will
they stay in one piece?

Where'd you get them?

I got contacts.

Listen, Tom, you
point them at me,

I'll shit myself or do
whatever you say to do.

Either way you get
the desired effect.

Oh, they look
very nice, I agree,

but they're lacking in criminal
credibility, ain't they?

I might get laughed at.

How much do you want
for these muskets?

£700 each.

What's that? A pound for every
year they've been about?

I know they're antiques, but I
ain't paying antique prices.

They're a bit long, ain't they?

Sawn-offs are out. People want
a bit more range these days.

Range?

I don't want to blow the arse
out of this country, granted.

But I don't want anyone blowing
a raspberry at me, either.

I want to look fucking mean.

Of course you'll look mean.

You'll look really scary.

Anyway, enough about that.

What about this geezer
who sells drugs?

Rory Breaker's standing by.

You stand to make a lot
of money, tubby Tommy.

I understand if this has
come as a bit of a shock,

but let me tell you how this can be
resolved by you, the good father.

Go on.

He likes your bar.

Yes?

He wants your bar.

And?

Do you want me to
draw you a picture?

Look, that boy doesn't know his
arsehole from his ear hole.

This is my bar. It's got
nothing to do with him.

What, and I care?

Remember, you do have
the luxurious advantage

of being able to
sustain your son's life.

And you do have a reputation, so
I'll choose my words very carefully.

You tell Harry
to go fuck himself.

Now,

I'll put that down to shock.
Only once.

Only once can I or shall I
let you get away with that.

Your son's got three
days to find half a mil.

But make up your mind
which you prefer,

your bar or your son.

Plank goes in first.

There's a cage,
but it's never locked.

Is it, Plank?
Never.

It don't wanna be.

All right, once he's got himself
set, he gets the rest of us in.

Now we get nasty
with a couple of them.

Shit them up,
gag them, whatever.

Now these wankers shouldn't
give us any problems.

But like any cowboys, there'll
be a few tools lying around.

When the job's done, we come
straight back here and unload.

And Robert's
your father's brother.

Everyone savvy?

Sweet.

Have a look at these.

And what are we
supposed do with these?

Put them on your head, stupid.

Christ.

If you think I'm gonna turn up
there clean-shaven and greet them

with a grin on my face, you
got another thing coming.

Now these fellas,
they're your neighbors.

I thought it might be a good idea
to disguise ourselves a little.

Right. Yeah, good thinking, Soap.
Well done.

I brought weapons as well.

Weapons? What do
you mean, weapons?

These.

Jesus.

Let's keep them covered up, eh?

Couldn't you have got
anything a bit bigger?

What, like that?

What do you think?

I think you need help.

Bar steward, can we have a
couple of drinks, please?

Have you seen your dad? Hatchet
sent one of his men around.

Oh, shit. When?

Crazy...

Where did you get these?
A fucking museum?

Nick the Greek.

How much did you part with?

£700 for the pair.

Drachmas, I hope.

I'd feel safer with a
chicken drumstick.

These are gonna do
more harm than good.

Jesus, Tom, do these work?

Don't know. Look nice
though, don't they?

I rather like them.

That's top of the list
of priorities, that is.

Ladies,

back to more important
issues, if you don't mind.

We have only got two real guns.

Apparently, that's
what they are.

So we find a good place
to hide next door,

we wait till it sounds
like the right time,

then we
jack-in-the-box,

look nasty and stuff,
cocoon them in gaffer tape,

nick their van, swap the gear into the
new van and bring it all back here.

As long as we're all out of
our hiding places quickly,

it's the last thing
they're gonna expect.

Oh, and if Tom or anyone
else for that matter

feels like giving them
a bit of a kicking,

I'm sure it won't do any harm.

Yeah, little bit of pain
never hurt anybody,

if you know what I mean.

Also, I think knives
are a good idea.

Big, fuck-off,
shiny ones.

Ones that look like they
could skin a crocodile.

Knives are good because
they don't make any noise.

And the less noise they make,

the more likely we
are to use them.

Shit them right up.

Makes it look
like we're serious.

Guns for show, knives for a pro.

Soap, is there something
we should know about you?

I'm not sure what's
more worrying,

the job or your past.

Come on, girls.

Where the fuck are they going?
Shift a piano?

I thought this was
meant to be a robbery.

Where did they get
those outfits?

Not a bad idea, that.

All right, it's Plank.
Is Willie there?

No. I'm afraid he's not.
He's out at the moment.

Perhaps you can help.

Well, perhaps I can't, Plank,
if you know what I mean.

Look. If you could
just open the door,

so I could talk
without shouting.

I can't help you, Plank.

I think you'll find it
is in your interest.

Hold on, okay?

Look, Willie, it's
Plank outside for you.

He says it's in our interest.

Listen, I don't care if
it's King-fucking-Kong!

He's not coming in
here, not today.

Hold on. We are in business,
and correct me if I'm wrong,

but that is business.

Corrected. That's a walking
accident that we can do without.

Jesus, he's okay. He knows
only to buy weights now.

We're looking at at
least a couple of thou.

What do you think, Winston?

Willie, this is the
last time, all right?

But you and the money
are going out the back.

If he knows you're here,
he'll be all day.

Now just clear this shit up.

What, now?
Yes. Now!

Just get rid of him quick.

All right, just coming.

What the fuck is he doing?

Come on, I can't wait
out here all day.

All right, just coming.

I thought you was gonna
leave me out there all day.

I didn't know you were
a removals man, Plank.

Lives and learns, don't you?

You keep the gates
locked now, do you?

Sorry, gotta do
business like this now.

Can't be too careful these days.

I know. Shut it!

You say a fucking word,
the right ear goes.

Another one, then your left.

What are you doing, Plank?

What do you think I'm doing?

Hang on, what are you doing?

Unlock the gate. All right, I
said unlock the fucking gate!

That's it! Go, go, go!
Fucking move!

What the fuck's going on?

Just hang on, I've got the keys.

The gate's locked! I don't believe
the fucking gate's locked!

What have you
done to Fauntleroy?

I didn't touch him.
He just passed out.

Don't just stand there. Get
that fucking door shut.

You want the world to see us?

What's going on down there?

Shit.

Charles, get the rifle out.

We're being fucked.

It must be this one.

Hold that gun.

Plank, give me the keys.
Give me the keys, Plank.

Don't point it at me,
bollocks, point it in there.

Planks of wood. I'm working
with fucking planks of wood.

Shit.

What the fuck is that?
What the fuck's that?

It's me Bren gun.

Don't you think you could have brought
something a little bit more practical?

Don't none of you slags move.
I'll kill the fucking lot of you!

Who are you gonna kill, Plank?
There's no one fucking there.

They fucking shot me.

Well, shoot them back.

Jesus, Plank. Couldn't you
have got smokeless cartridges?

I can't see a bloody thing.

Shit.

I've been shot. I don't
fucking believe this.

Could everyone
stop getting shot?

John, sit down
and patch yourself up.

You tart, it's
a fucking air rifle.

What the fuck was that?

Well, that was the Bren gun.

If you fire that gun again,

you're a dead man.
Understand? Dead.

No ifs, no buts, you're
a fucking dead man!

All right, all right.

I've got the bollock ache with this.
Where's me fucking gun?

All right, now that I've
got your attention,

firstly I'm gonna
blow his toes off.

Shit.
There go his toes.

Now if you want me out of
here in five minutes flat,

open the fucking gate,

'cause I'm gonna
blow his leg off.

They're gonna fucking
kill us if we do, man.

Poor J will certainly get it if we don't.
He's serious.

I'm losing patience.
Hurry up, girls.

It's all right.
All fucking right.

Willie, he doesn't know you're here.
Just...

Sort something out.

And all your friends,
there's a good lad.

There's only three of us here.

I don't believe you. Fuck it,
I'm gonna blow his leg off.

I mean it.

It's only three of us.

Plank?

Yeah. One
of them is out.

Now open the gate.

Up, up, up. There's a good lad.

John, get them tied up.

Plank, where's the money?

There. Ln those
shoeboxes.

Where?
Out the back.

And the weed?
Out the back.

Point.
With what?

Your fucking hands, now.

I'm tied up.

Well, nod your
head or something.

Check it out. Plank, get Paul
out of that van, lively.

Knife.

I'm gonna cut him. Make
sure he knows he's dead.

How you doing, Mick? How
do you think I'm doing?

He's fucking nearly
chopped me arm off.

Jesus Christ.

Lenny, what the fuck's
been going on here?

Shut up, you idiot.

It's Hanukkah.

Well, don't just stand there.

Have you got the bags?
Can you fit it all in?

It's a lot.

I can't get Epping
Forest in my van.

Can't? I don't
wanna hear "can't."

Bollocks to can't.

You'll fit it all in if you
have to make two trips.

Bollocks.

You've got a ticket already.

And if you don't move it,
we will move it for you.

I'll only be a minute.

You've already been 15.

Look.

Come and have a look.

At what, exactly?

Well, the van's half full. So?

So, all I've got
to do is fill it up,

put you in it...
What?

And I'm off.

Do you think you can carry
more than one bag this time?

I can't.
My neck, Dog.

How many more bags?

Just a couple.

Mick, you dead yet?

I'll be all right once I've
dealt with that lanky prick.

Do it quietly.

It's time I say,
"Good night, nurse."

Where the fuck
did she come from?

That is it. Tie her up.
We're out of here.

What are you doing, Ed?

Do you want one?

No, I fucking don't. You cannot
make a cup of tea, Edward.

The entire British Empire
was built on cups of tea.

Yeah, and look
what happened to that.

And if you think I'm going to war
without one, mate, you're mistaken.

Going to war with what?

Have you forgotten those
guns, you dozy prat?

You won't get away with this.

Paul, what's that?

It's a traffic warden.

I can see it's a fucking
traffic warden.

What's he doing in
the back of the van?

He was gonna call the cozzers.

Fair enough, we'll
deal with him later.

How are we doing, Tom?

Right as rain.

I'm just gonna take
care of the cabs.

Keep us posted.

All right, mate,
do you do airports?

Where the hell are
we gonna hide?

Don't complicate
things. Just hide.

We're on.

Cor, they weigh a pound or two.

Shut up and back up!

Spin round, big boy.

What the fuck?

Stay down.
Stay down!

Tie them up, tape them
up, hands and face.

On the floor!

Bend over the fucking desk.

Keys. I want
keys. Now!

I'll find you.

Course you will, sweetheart.

I'll find you.

What do you think this is,
fucking hide-and-seek?

That one.
Search that one.

Right, I'll see you in the van when
you've finished with handsome here.

Jesus, that wasn't
too bad, was it?

When the bottle in my arse has
contracted, I'll let you know.

Bacon, see what we've got.

Let's have a butchers, eh?

We've hit the jackpot, lads.

We've got God knows how
much of this stinking weed,

a shit load of cash

and a traffic warden.

What?

Jesus, Ed, we got
a traffic warden.

I think he's still alive.

He's got claret coming
out of him somewhere.

What did they want
with a traffic warden?

I don't know, but I don't
think we need him.

Knock him out and dump
him at the lights.

Knock him out? What do
you mean, knock him out?

Knock him out with what?

I don't know!
Use your imagination!

Don't touch him up.
Knock him out!

I'll knock you out in a minute.

Look, you want to knock him out,

you knock him out.

I fucking hate traffic wardens.

It's about time you gave my
young friends a visit, Chris.

Tomorrow's the day
and mum's the word.

Now I can't have that,
can I, Baz?

No, Harry, you can't.

I mean, it's a liberty.

And I can't have a liberty
taken, can I, Chris?

No, Harry, you can't.

I mean, it's enough to
give me the arsehole.

And I can't have the
arsehole, can I, boys?

No, Harry, you can't.

Right, that's it.
We're done.

We're off.
Here, Ed.

Are you sure it's a good idea
taking this back to yours?

Well, it's the only
place we can take it,

and it's the last place
they're gonna look.

Anyway, fuck it!

The battle is over
and the war is won.

Now, Tom. You take this
to Nick the Bubble,

then we get rid of it quick.

It's skunk, and it's
as good as it gets.

All right, we'll take it.

Half price.

I don't think he'll like that.

You said 3.5 a key, and you
know that's a good price.

It was yesterday I
said three and a half,

and now it's today
if I'm not mistaken.

We'll take it
tomorrow, half price.

If he wants to
get rid of it quick,

he'll have to take it.

Now look,

I've got a race coming
up in a minute,

so if you'd just be
kind enough to...

Lenny, take that round to Snow White
and the three little chemists.

They should have a
gander of that.

I want a second opinion.

Hang on a minute, Nathan.
Something stinks.

Yeah, your fucking aftershave.

Fuck you, funny man.

For God's sake.
Help me.

I'm in pain. I'm in so much pain!
Jesus.

Go in slowly, Nathan.

Fuck you, funny
man, you go first.

Just get the fuck
in there, will you?

I want this house
searched for bugs.

I mean, I want it stripped.

Where's the point in that?

Even if there was a bug, they'd
have taken it with them.

It's a bit late for you
to start thinking, John.

If it's a possibility,
that's good enough for me.

And when you've
stripped this place,

I want every slag this side of
Ceylon pulled in and tortured badly.

I want to know who's
responsible for this.

Otherwise, I'm gonna
hold you responsible.

Not a bad day.

That pile takes care of Harry.

What's left over?

Give me half a
chance to count it.

What about this gear then, eh?

What, you want a toke on that?

No, I don't think I want
any of that horrible shit.

Can we lock up and get
drunk now, please?

We shot one of them
in the throat.

What do you want, a medal?

I'll shoot you in the fucking throat
if I don't get my ganja back.

The one you shot, is
he still in there now?

No, it was another one.

That's more like it.

Where is he?

Well, they took him with.

No, he's still alive.

What did you shoot him with?
An air gun?

Look, we grow weed.
We're not mercenaries.

You don't say.

Who could it be?

Where do we start, Rory?

Mr. Breaker.

Today my name
is Mr. Breaker.

You think this is a coincidence?

This white shite
steals my things

and thinks that he
can sell it back to me!

He's got less brains
than you, Lenny!

Get Nick,

the greasy wop... Greek
bastard round here now.

If he's still stupid enough
to be on this planet.

Your stupidity might be
your one saving grace.

Uh?

Don't "uh" me, Greek boy!

How is it your fucking stupid,
soon-to-be-dead friends

thought that they might be
able to steal my cannabis,

and then sell it back to me?

Is this a declaration of war?

Is this some white cunt's joke
that black cunts don't get?

'Cause I'm not fucking
laughing, Nicolas!

I know you couldn't
have known my position,

'cause you're not that
stupid that if you did,

you wouldn't have turned up
here scratching your arse

with that, "What's
going on here" look

slapped all over
your Chevy Chase.

But what you do know
is where these people live.

If you hold back
anything, I'll kill you.

If you bend the truth, or I
think you're bending the truth,

I'll kill you.

If you forget anything,
I'll kill you.

Ln fact, you're gonna have to work
very hard to stay alive, Nick.

Now, do you understand
everything I've said?

Because if you don't,
I'll kill you.

Now, Mr. Bubble and Squeak,
you may enlighten me.

So we've got a bit of
a problem, ain't we?

Well, yeah.
Yeah, we do.

Yeah, yeah, we do.

Ln fact, it's a little bit more than
a little bit of a problem, isn't it?

On a scale of things,
you could say

it's the Mount fucking
Everest of problems.

And the reason it's such a
Mon-fucking-strosity of a problem is,

you don't even got a first idea
who did this to us, have you?

Dog, we've been up all night.
It's no one from round here.

We've had them all lined
up against the wall.

If he was a toe-rag from
out of manor, we'd know.

We'd know.

You'd know?
You'd fucking know?

You wouldn't know if it was the
next door fucking neighbors!

Now get out there and find them! I'm
sick of the fucking sight of you!

Get out of my fucking sight!
You little shit!

Scarface.

I've watched Scarface.

If you want to know how to do a
drug deal, you watch Scarface.

That really inspires
confidence, that.

This guy Rory Breaker...

Rory Breaker? Psychotic
black dwarf with an Afro?

That'll be the same man, yes.

I heard about him.
He's a fucking lunatic.

Well, he can afford to do the
deal at the price we're selling.

It's not worth him
giving us any trouble,

because he knows we'll
be a pain in the arse,

and who needs
a pain in the arse?

I'll take a pain in the arse
for half-a-million quid.

You'd take a pain in the
arse for air miles.

Tom, the fatter you get,
the sadder you get.

Will you two stop
flirting for a minute?

After we pay Hatchet,
this deal puts us up

nearly £200,000 each.

That's not bad for a morning's
work, I think you'll agree.

So they had the cash.

And the puff.

Cheeky bastards.

Count it.

Shit, Dog, there's a lot. Don't
you want to do it next door?

We're not going next door till we've
flayed them dead men walking.

We'll count it upstairs.

I don't want them to see
you fingering their money

when they walk through the door.

But, Dog, look...

Give us it here, dozy bastard.

Check your guns. Get
yourselves well hid.

You wait till they get
right inside the door,

then you give it to them.

Give me them shooters,
you can use your own.

Yeah?

That's no way
to answer the phone.

Is that you, Dean?

No, it's Lord fucking Lucan.

Who do you think it is?

What can I do for you?

You know those guns I sold you?
I need them back.

Not likely, I'm afraid. I don't
think I'll be seeing them again.

Look, I've got the
money to pay for them.

I'm sure you do, but I don't
think you understand.

I ain't gonna be seeing
them or the guns again.

Can't get them.

If we can't get them,
we can't get them.

Well, you'll have
to fucking get them.

Look, we made the fucking deal for
everything inside the cabinet.

Inside-out-fucking-side.
I don't give a shit.

You get those guns,
because if you don't...

Oh, yeah, Bazza, or what?

Have you heard
of Harry Lonsdale?

Otherwise known as "Hack you
up with a hatchet Harry?"

Well, this is

James Bond,
need-to-know time.

When you dance with the devil,
you wait for the song to stop.

Know what I mean?

I mean, find them, torture
them and kill them.

And bring back
what belongs to me.

Because if you don't, your
family's bang in trouble.

Who was that?

That was Harry Horrible Hatchet.

Jesus, I've heard of him.

We're in shit. They were
his fucking guns we sold.

We've got to find them.

Now, no fucking about now, Nick.
Where can I find those guns?

Six black cocks and a little white
kitten sitting on the side of the road.

We're gonna do a
proper decoration job.

I want the gray skies
of London illuminated.

I want that house painted red.

All right.

There's this brass standing
on the corner, right.

Dwarf walks up to her
carrying a suitcase.

Winston, there, is gonna come along
and see if he recognizes any of them.

Now watch out for these fellows.

They've got a bit of an arsenal,

and they don't mind using it.

And I'm taking down her panties.

Now, does everyone here know
what they've got to do?

Yeah.
Yeah.

What the fuck is going on?

You got something here
for me, have you?

Come on,
chop-chop.

Thank you very much.

He's got the guns. Go
ahead, you get them.

Why me?

You're supposed to
be the hard case...

You go and get the guns!
I drive the car!

Good boy.

Oh, get the fucking guns!

I'm not going to get
the fucking guns!

You get the fucking guns!

You fucking...

All right, wrap them guns up.

Count the money.

Put your seat belt on.

Fucking guns!

We've got to get the fucking
guns, or we're dead!

So I made sure I fucked the
one that was coughing.

Get out of the car,
you yuppy fucker!

He's the one we
shot in the neck.

Is that right,
Mr. Botanical?

Jesus.

I don't believe this. What
the fuck has happened here?

Jesus.

The money.
The gear.

This is fucked.

No money.

No weed.

It's all been replaced
by a pile of corpses.

All right, don't panic.

Let's think about this.

No, fuck that.

You can think about it. I
am panicking and I'm off.

How did you get your
hands on these then?

The boys had them.

I know you like these
sort of things.

Wondered if you wanted them.

Yeah, I'll have them.

Was it hard work
getting the money?

Not especially.

Upset a few characters though.

You counted it?

Yeah. It's all there,
to the pound.

And they were gonna pay?

Looks like it, but who knows?

The opportunity was there.

Ln my experience, it's best
to take that opportunity

if it's there.

Good work, Chris.

We've got to get those guns.

This is dangerous shit, Dean. We
don't even know who lives there.

Listen, I don't care
who lives there!

All's I know is that it's
preferable to death by Hatchet.

Fair enough.

Let's go.

I don't think
it's the right move.

It's either that, the old boy's
place and we lose a digit daily.

I'm gonna phone him.

As if he'll care.

He'll care all right. That was
supposed to be his money.

Whether he cares about
us or not is different.

Pass me the phone.

Yeah?

That you, boy?

It's Ed, if that's
what you mean.

Pay day, isn't it?

Yeah. I wanted to talk
to you about that.

I'll bet you do.

I've got half-a-million
nickers sitting here,

which means some
poor sod doesn't.

You've been upsetting
a few people, boy.

But that really isn't
my concern, is it?

What does concern me
is the guns you had.

And I want to
talk to you about that.

So get your arse over here
now, and I do mean now.

Bastard! You
fucking bastard!

Fucking bastard!

What the fuck
are you doing here?

Job well done. We made a
few quid out of that one.

Son?

Made a few quid, did you?

Where's what I want?

You all right down there, mate?

Very fucking funny.

Where's what I want?

I've just left it in the office.

We better go to the
office and get it then.

That's if you want your son
to see his next birthday.

Now chop-fucking-chop.

All right, fair enough.

Where are you going?

It's a 30-second drive
or a five-minute walk.

And I couldn't have
parked outside.

I'd have got a ticket.

I suppose that don't
matter now, does it?

Just be careful.

Right.

You and me.
You and who?

You know where the
door handle is, Tom.

Oh, no, not again!

That's it. I'm off.

Tom, that is our bag.

Ed.
Hold on.

This is our bag.

That's it, we're off.

I'll see you in the car.
I'm gonna take these guns.

Tom, don't fuck about!

I'll see you in the car.

Tom. It'll only take a minute.

What is going on?

I don't know. But what I do
know is there's no more Harry,

which means
there's no more debt.

And if there's no more debt,
there's no more problem.

And there's no problem with the
neighbors, because they're all dead.

And I think, if I
get this right,

we haven't done anything
wrong, and we're in the clear.

Never ever has anyone ever

been as fucking rude to me

as you did!

Fucking bastard!

You all right, mate?

Cheeky bastard.

Now this was an embarrassing
position for Tom to be in.

But Chris had to
respect the fact

that he was holding what appeared
to be a pair of loaded shotguns.

And Tom had to respect the fact
that they were not loaded.

So, without anybody
losing too much face,

Tom left through a side door,
and Chris left with the money.

And everybody else got arrested.

He's not one of them.

I think your dad would
like a word with you, Ed.

Where are the others?

They got out yesterday.
They're back at the bar.

All right, Dad?

I'm all right.

How about yourself?

Oh, I'm all right.

Could do with a drink, though.

All in good time,
all in good time.

So you in the clear?

More importantly, am I?

It appears so.

Appears?

You'll have to do better than
fucking appears, my friend.

Well, everybody's dead, Dad. I think
that's about as clear as you can get.

How about that drink?

You know where the bar is.

Hey?

Don't make yourself too comfortable.
Alan's got to sit there.

Alan!

You're lucky you're still
breathing, let alone able to walk.

I suggest you take full
advantage of that fact.

You took your time.

Where the hell have you been?

Sit down, I'll tell you.

So the traffic warden identified
the neighbors' bodies,

which sort of
puts us in the clear.

The only thing connecting us
with the case is those shotguns.

And Tom took care of them.

You did take care of the
shotguns, didn't you, Tom?

I wanted to talk
to you about that.

Well, talk.

Well, actually, no.

I've got them
sitting in the car.

I was gonna sell them
back to Nick the Greek,

but I'm having a bit of
trouble getting hold of him.

You dippy bastard.

So,

the only thing connecting
us with the case

is in the back of your car,
which is parked outside?

They cost us 700 quid. I'm
not gonna throw them away.

And they're hardly likely to
trace them back to us, are they?

Do you really think it's worth
taking the risk for £700?

Tom, you're a dick.

Now you take those guns, and
you throw them off a bridge.

And throw yourself off
while you're at it.

Now, Tom.

- Look, all I'm...
- Now, Tom!

Can I have a beer, please, Dad?

I'm busy.
Get it yourself.

It seemed Hatchet
underestimated you lot,

and it seems to have cost him.

Well, I ain't gonna make the
same mistake now, am I?

So I've decided
to bring your bag back.

I think the word you're looking
for, gentlemen, is "thank you."

Thank you.

Now you've presented
me with a problem.

I've lost my employer.

So I've taken care of
meself and me son.

Now if you think that's unfair,

you come and pay
me a little visit.

But you better be
waving a white flag

high and clear,
so as I can see it.

Or it'll be the last little
visit you ever make.

You understand?

That's all I've come to say.

There is one more thing.

It's been emotional.

We are now officially in the
money-lending business.

You all right, Son?

Put your seat belt on.

We're out of here.

It's empty.

What's his number?

Don't, don't! You'll jam the line!
I'll call him.

My fucking battery.

Oh, you... Give me the phone!

No, fuck off! I'll dial it!
Give me the phone!

Just be calm for a minute. All right,
shut up and tell me the number!

Fuck you! Give me your phone!

You'll break it! Just calm down!
Give me the phone!

Look, you'll break it, and
it'll be fucked, won't it?

Will you shut?
It's fucking ringing!