Original subtitles

Now, young ladies, I think we should have a moment of utter silence...

...to contemplate the immortal beauty of the Parthenon.

Follow me.

Open Channel D.

[RADIO BEEPING]

[SOLO CLEARS THROAT]

[SIGHS]

Solo here.

I think I've located my contact for tonight.

Well, that makes two of us.

- What? - Nothing. What's, uh, your problem?

I've forgotten the first lines of the password.

Oh, uh, hold it.

Uh...

It's, uh, “Join the Athens health clu--“

No, no, no.

Uh...

Hold it.

Uh-huh.

Here we go, uh, it's from Euripides.

You say:

“What is this new cry thou utterest?“

Oh, yeah. “What is this new cry thou utterest?“ Yeah, go on.

And she says, uh...

I think my contact is a man.

Oh, I'm sorry, yes. Uh, and he says:

“Dost thou speak of issues of words or interchange of swords?“

How do you remember all that?

- Are you reading? - No, no. Are you kidding?

I memorized all of Euripides when I was just a toddler.

[SCOFFS]

ILLYA: Psst!

What is this new cry thou utterest?

WOMAN: Dost thou speak of issues of the word or interchange of swords?

Good evening.

So unusual to meet a young person with a knowledge of Euripides these days.

You have the new code?

Imagine what Alexander Waverly is doing to me, giving me a cover like this!

Two months ago, I was at a discotheque in Paris as an exotic dancer.

And now I'm riding held on this band of adolescent delinquents.

It's too much.

- I must say, you play the pan admirably. - Oh, thank you. Heh.

Next week, East Lynne.

[ILLYA CHUCKLES]

Goodbye, Mr. Kuryakin.

[SIGHS]

[SCREAMS]

[ILLYA GRUNTS]

Yeah, that's two dozen loses to Miss Irene Papagoras.

All right. The next is a corsage of orchids...

...black, of course, to Miss Melina Skouroyanis.

That's S-K-O--

Oh, you know how to spell that?

That's good.

[RADIO BEEPING]

All right, I'll call you back. I got, uh, three more.

- Solo here. - Good morning, Mr. Solo.

Oh, but it's evening in Athens, isn't it?

Well, uh, anyway. have you heard from Mr. Kuryakin?

No, sir, and I'm becoming just a little concerned.

I haven't been able to reach him.

Oh, neither have I.

Well, there may be good reason for concern.

We've just intercepted a Thrush signal...

...indicating that they're sending one of their key operatives to Greece.

A man named Emile Sauvignon.

Trying to steal our new code.

To buy it, Mr. Solo.

To buy it from a fellow named Manolakas...

...who claims to have already stolen it from us.

If that's true, something happened to IIIya.

- I'd better-- - No, no, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Kuryakin's able to take care of himself.

[OVER RADIO] No, I want you to approach the problem from the other end.

Mr. Manolakas has made a rendezvous with Sauvignon at the Phanaria Inn.

It's on the road to Evros.

I want you to go there.

If our code has been stolen, then I want you to get it back.

If it hasn't, we". at least we can bag Sauvignon.

Yes, sir. I'll leave right away.

You can wait till the morning, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Sauvignon won't arrive in Greece till tomorrow at earliest.

You get a good night's rest.

! rather think you're gonna need it.

[MANOLAKAS SPEAKING IN GREEK]

Fill up the car.

[GREEK FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Yes, this is the Phanaria Inn.

Speak louder, please.

Who?

That's impossible. My husband is in prison.

But nothing is impossible in this world, my beloved wife.

Manolakas, you escaped.

MAN: Stavros, come quick. Big trouble.

STAVROS: Huh?

You stay away from here.

I never want to see you again.

If you so much as set foot here, I'll--

You'll do nothing!

Now, listen to me very carefully.

There is a man coming to the taverna to meet me.

A man to pay enough money for us to live like gods for the rest of our lives.

I warn you, Mano. you show your face here...

...and you will have used up the rest of your life!

Kyla, my darling. My best gun, what do you want with it?

If Mano comes here, I'll kill him.

Kyla, that's murder.

STAVROS: No, no, Kyla, you won't.

- You can't. - Why can't I?

He's a monster. Somebody should have done it years ago.

My darling, I agree.

I never saw the man, but I agree.

But you can't kill him, because you're his wife.

That's why. Can you think of a better reason?

Sweet Kyla, to you, to me, it is, yes.

But you can't kill your husband no matter how good the reason...

...because there is not a jury in Greece that will let you off.

After all, all the jurists are men and so is the judge...

...and they all have wives.

And the wives might get ideas it they let you off.

I'll kill him. Give me the gun.

You? You couldn't throw a slingshot and hit the broadside 01a building.

Well, as soon as I get new my lenses--

[STAVROS LAUGHS]

Papa, you leave Nico alone.

He doesn't have to do things like that.

Nico is an educated man.

Educated?

I don't know where you get your taste in men.

I go away to prison for two little years...

...you many a gutter criminal I wouldn't give house room.

Now you fall in love with an educated man.

[SCOFFS]

Two no-goods in a row.

But after all, you're my daughter, and I will fix everything.

I will kill Manolakas.

KYRA: But, Papa. you don't even know what he looks like.

Makes no difference.

Who else is crazy enough to drive on this road?

But please, daughter, tomorrow when you find that you're a widow...

...before you many this one...

...think twice.

Think maybe of finding a man like your papa...

...Stavros Macropalous, the terror of Thessaly...

...the best-known bandit in all Greece, one who takes care of things.

No more schoolteachers, no more crooks...

...but a man.

[ILLYA GROANING]

Napoleon?

Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.

IIIya, are you all right?

I'm a little worse for wear.

Mr. Waverly's been burning up the communicator.

Did someone steal the code?

Uh, how did you know?

Details later. Now, the name of the man who took it is Manolakas.

I'm pretty sure he's on the road to Evros right now, heading for the Phanaria Inn.

Ewes? I'm on my way.

Oh, boy!

[GRUNTS]

[GUNFIRE]

Open Channel D. Argh!

STAVROS: You monster!

You despoiler of young women!

You cheat! You city slicker--

Papers, papers.

Nothing but papers.

[WIND WHISTLES]

Nico, if Mano should come here, stay away.

While he does anything he wants with you?

He won't do anything with me.

I know how to handle him.

- I must protect you. - No!

Nothing, nothing must happen to you.

I love you.

Miss Kyla?

Kostas, good morning. Come in.

Mr. Nice, you got something new for me to read?

Something to practice new words?

Not" Not here, Kostas. At the school.

Here.

But I know all these, Miss Kyla.

“Bread, English tea specialty.“

I like hard words.

Oh, I have a message for you from Stavros.

From my father? What?

To my daughter, Kyla, greetings.

The mission has been successful.

I have captured the villain Manolakas.

By the time you receive this, you are already a widow.

Your loving father, Stavros Macropalous, terror of Thessaly.

Ah! He captured Mano!

He says by now you are a widow.

Oh, Nico!

[BOTH LAUGH]

[KYRA GASPS]

[MANOLAKAS SPEAKING IN GREEK]

Manolakas, no!

Manolakas, yes. Who else? I told you I was coming.

[MANOLAKAS SIGHS]

I would have been here hours ago, but I was held up on the road by thieves.

The car broke down.

I had to walk the last 20 kilometers in these-- In these tight shoes.

- Who is that? - I am Nice.

Nicolaides, the schoolteacher.

Schoolteacher?

- What kind of lessons are you taking? - Now, just a minute.

Our relationship has been nothing, if not platonic.

Ha! I will give you a lesson, schoolteacher.

Don't throw your weight around here, Mano.

Get out. I want nothing to do with you.

What you want or don't want doesn't matter, little wife.

I'm your husband, remember?

What I say is the law here.

Don't talk to Kyla like that.

[KYRA SCREAMS]

You. You!

Kyla, Kyla! Enough has happened to me the last 24 hours.

I'd just as soon kill you as look at you. Sooner!

Except that I need you.

- For what? - For my big killing.

I was supposed to meet a man here.

He was supposed to give me a lot of money for the merchandise I was going to deliver...

...but everything has gone wrong!

I was hijacked on the road.

My contact, he's a very dangerous man.

He will think I double-crossed him.

I've got to get out of here before he comes.

How much money? How much money you got?

[COINS JANGLE]

- That's all? - Where would we get money?

I've got to have the money to getaway.

To get away before that man from Thrush.

Your father. That old bandit of a father of yours, where is he?

You better not go near him.

He's twice the man you are. He'll break you in two.

Yeah, he's been out of prison for three years now.

He must have done pretty well for himself.

He hasn't got a penny.

He's retired. I don't let him rob anymore.

Still, a man does not forget how, does he, huh?

Still has the old skills right there at his fingertips, doesn't he?

Ah, come on, Kyla, Kyla.

Maybe a little bank job, eh?

Or a rich man's house for his deal only daughter's sake.

If I had to die, I wouldn't ask him!

You want to kill me, go ahead.

Ha! Kill you?

No, my beloved. Not you.

Him. That" What did he say? That platonic friend of yours.

You wouldn't. Not Nico!

MANOLAKAS: All right.

Tell your father I need money. I need it today.

I don't care where or how he gets it.

But if he doesn't by sunset...

...the schoolteacher here will be only one more sad memory in your life.

STAVROS: Said enough prayers, yes?

ILLYA: Not quite.

I have a great many sins for which to atone, you know.

So my daughter informs me, son-in-Iaw.

- For the last time-- - Yes, it is the last time.

Thinking you could outwit Stavros Macropalous.

Daring to threaten the daughter of the terror of Thessaly.

Well, I'm being very merciful with you.

A man like you should be punished on the rack...

...or in the boot or any other fiendish way.

But modem life...

One doesn't have the chance for little graces anymore.

How do you intend to dispose of me?

Put you in the net, swing you over the cliff...

...and then at the appropriate moment...

...jerk the net open and plunge you to your death at the rocks beneath.

They are razor-sharp.

Do you do this sort of thing often?

No. Kyla won't let me anymore.

- Oh, but there was a Mrs. Pappadoupoulous. - Papa what?

Doupoulous. I kept her here a few days, but it wasn't my fault.

She wouldn't leave.

Enough of these players. They won't do any good anyway. Into the net.

Papa! Papa! Papa!

Kyla!

- Kyra, you got my message? KYRA: Yes.

Good, you're just in time. I'm about to murder your husband.

- Come and watch. KYRA: Papa.

You see, not so terrible-looking now, is he? The rat.

The man everyone is afraid of!

Ha! I spit on Manolakas! Or I slit his nose 0” first.

No, Papa, you mustn't.

I mustn't? Why not?

That's not Manolakas. Manolakas is down at the taverna.

No. It can't be.

You made a mistake. You captured the wrong man.

I couldn't have made a mistake.

I never make mistakes.

You are Manolakas.

I'm sorry. Once again, my name is Kuryakin, 424046.

Now, Papa, I don't blame you.

You've never seen Manolakas, but you made a mistake.

Now Mano is at the inn.

Papa, if I don't get money to help him get away, he'll kill Nico.

Papa, you've got to help me.

Let him kill Nico, why not? Then you're rid of the schoolteacher.

And when the police find out that Mano murdered him...

...heh, then you're rid of Manolakas too.

Papa, you must help me.

Nico is my life.

He may be the death of all of us.

Why aren't you Manolakas?

Who else would come up that road at that hour?

I was chasing Manolakas.

- He stole some rather important papers. - Papers?

I was trying to get them back from him. Well, I did.

And then you came along.

Maybe that's the merchandise Mano was going to sell.

You still have them, Papa? Where are they?

STAVROS: Papers?

Papers! Oh, there were papers, but I don't know where they are.

I threw them away. What good are papers?

They did have a little value.

Value? What about you, ML, uh...?

- Kuryakin. - Kuryakin.

What about you? Do you have value?

- How much you worth to your people? - Sir?

You caused it all. You interfered.

So maybe now you'll get the money that Kyla needs.

I hold you for ransom, and somebody pays it.

Or I swear to you, my friend...

...you still go over these rocks to your death.

ILLYA [OVER RADIO]: That's the story, sir.

Oh.

And I would hope that the ransom money would be forthcoming very soon.

Well, we could pay the ransom money, of course, Mr. Kuryakin.

It's only a matter of $209 at the present rate of exchange.

Well, Mr. Macropalous would like it delivered--

WAVERLY [OVER RADIO]: But we won't-

You'll just have to use your wits to escape and recover that code.

It may be difficult, sir.

Mr. Kuryakin, you've wriggled out 01a hundred Thrush traps before now...

...when we've given you up for lost.

Surely you're not gonna let an ordinary run-of-the-mill Greek highwayman--

Ordinary? Who are you calling ordinary?

I'm Stavros Macropalous, the terror of Thessaly.

Semi-retired, of course, but not out of business entirely.

I see.

Well, Mr. Macropalous...

...vou're dealing with "Iva Kurvakin, an U.N.C.L.E. agent.

And we like to think that our men are a match for anyone.

I appreciate your confidence in me, sir, but--

The matter's closed.

There will be no ransom, Mr. Kurvakin. You'll inst have to use your wits.

- No money? No ransom? - Nope.

STAVROS: What kind of friend and employer is that, I ask you?

Parsimonious.

Then let what happens to you be on his head.

I'll kill you now. I'll slit your throat and throw your body to the seagulls.

KYRA: Papa, you can't.

- Why not? In the old days-- KYRA: These are not the old days.

I know how to get you the money.

What? How?

ILLYA: Your husband. - Manolakas?

That fiend. May he boil in Hades!

He's expecting someone to come and buy the papers from him.

But he hasn't got the papers. Nobody has.

ILLYA: Yes, but the man he's expecting doesn't know that.

From what I gather, he's from Thrush Central...

...which means he'll have a lot of cash.

You mean give him false papers?

That would not be honest.

You're a bandit, the terror of Thessaly.

This man who's coming to see Manolakas will have a small fortune on him.

- Rob him. - We couldn't ever.

Manolakas is afraid of him. He says he's a monster.

- He is? - Manolakas may be afraid...

...but not a man like Stavros Macropalous.

Right, then it's settled. I'll rob him, huh?

Your daughter is an attractive woman. That's a weak point with Thrush agents.

They pride themselves on their masculinity.

You're not suggesting that Kyra...

Just that she is nice to him...

...give him a feeling of self-confidence, make him relaxed, at ease.

Then we rush in, overpower him and take the money.

And dump his body into the sea, yes?

It's a thought.

Good. Then it's settled.

We'll do it together.

[STAVROS GRUNTS]

Heh.

Friend.

[KOSTAS SPEAKING IN GREEK]

“English tea specialty.“

[SHEEP BLEATING]

It's paper, with printing on it.

Words to read.

“Top secret. For your eyes only.“

New words.

Where is he? Where is your father?

Why isn't he here?

I need that money.

It takes time to rob a bank.

Who should know that better than you?

What do you mean, takes time?

This isn't Athens. It's only a small village bank.

He'll be here.

If he isn't, remember, your boyfriend:

[SHEEP BLEATING]

[CAR HONKING]

Your father steal automobiles too?

Of course not. He can't drive.

- It's him. It must be. - Who?

Emile Sauvignon, the man from Thrush.

He must not know I'm here.

Say I have not arrived. Say I'm out.

Say anything, only, please, please. make him happy, huh?

- Be... - I know.

Be nice to him.

Heh, never did I think I would see the day...

...when I was anxious to meet your father, but...

If only he would appear now with the money.

What did you say the name of this man was?

Sauvignon. Emile Sauvignon.

- And remember-- - Be nice.

I know.

MANOLAKAS: Ah. KYRA: Mm.

SOLO: Good afternoon.

Good afternoon, Monsieur Sauvignon.

And welcome. Won't you come in?

Thank you.

[GREEK FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

What's happening?

She's dancing for him.

What's he like? How big is he?

I can't see. Makes no difference.

- I can handle him, any size. - Shh.

[MOUTHS] Nu.

- Something wrong? Someone out there? - No, only Kostas' pet sheep.

Uh, how did you know that I was Sauvignon?

We don't get many strangers here.

- Who else could you be? - Seems logical.

[KYRA CHUCKLES]

KYRA: Mano didn't tell me you were so handsome.

Oh...

KYRA: But then, of course, he'd never seen you before.

SOLO: Heh, he'd better get here soon.

KYRA: Oh, he'll be here in the morning, I'm sure.

You must be tired.

Yeah, I could use a little sack time.

It's the custom here to have a little nightcap...

...before retiring, Monsieur--

Emile.

What can I bring to your room?

Well, whatever local custom dictates.

Psst!

- Did you say something? - Eh, no. Nothing.

I thought I heard someone said, "Psst!"

Heh, it's the wine.

In this region, we have a very effervescent grapes.

I'll be up in a moment.

Okay.

Megalopolis.

Psst!

Do you want to ruin everything? He almost heard you.

Nico? How's Nico?

I'm all right, Kyla.

Under the circumstances.

Where's your father? Where's the money?

I cannot stay in here forever.

He's coming. He's coming soon.

When you rob a bank, you have the police after you.

He had to wait until dark, didn't he?

- Ach! KYRA: Now, you stay here and keep quiet.

And don't come up, whatever happens.

I have to bring something to Monsieur Sauvignon.

He says he's a restless sleeper.

I may even have to sing him a lullaby or something.

Kyla, a lullaby I understand...

...but what do you mean by “something“?

A sleeping potion.

Some of my mother's family remedy.

You leave everything to me, and don't make any noise!

All right, all right.

Sauvignon, where is he?

He just went upstairs. He's sleeping. Did you see him?

- Not even a peek. ILLYA: No peek, you say?

I can handle him.

Mano is restless. We must hurry.

STAVROS: All right, we'll go upstairs...

...and then you will tell him that Manolakas has come back with the papers.

Why am I being all tied up? I thought this was my idea.

STAVROS: Don't complain. You're lucky that you're alive.

I thought we were friends.

Does that mean I have to trust you?

Shh, shh.

Monsieur Sauvignon?

SOLO: Yes?

What is it?

Oh, I'm sorry if I disturb you.

Disturb me?

Well, uh, yes. I guess in a sense, you do.

Uh, if you step this way, Manolakas is here now.

He is? Oh, splendid.

[THUMP]

STAVROS: Good. Quick, into the bed.

[STAVROS GRUNTS]

No, no, no. That's the wrong man.

- What are you talking about? - That's not the man from Thrush.

That's Napoleon Solo. He's, uh, my partner.

I'm afraid there's been a dreadful mistake.

STAVROS: It's a lie, it's impossible. I never make mistakes.

He told me he was Sauvignon.

“Napoleon Solo.

United Network Command--“

Yeah, U.N.C.I-- U.N.C.L.E. I've got one too. Here, here.

Cheated. Deceived again.

Double-crossed again!

[KYRA GRUNTS]

And Manolakas?

What will he do to Nico now, with no money?

And we get no money from your people for either of you, huh?

Cheap man, your Mr. Waverly. All right, you're of no use to me now.

You have both betrayed Stavros Macropalous.

So Stavros Macropalous will kill both of you.

[GUN CLICKS]

No, Papa, you can't.

The minute Manolakas hears gunfire, he'll slit Nico's throat.

If that happens, I would die, Papa. I would die.

Kyla, you and your men.

Very well, I'll use a silencer.

No, what good does it do to kill them? We want the money.

How much money have you?

U.N.C.L.E. agents aren't permitted to carry large sums of money.

We operate entirely in credit cards.

What is this? Who hit me, and why?

I hit you because you're a dirty, double-crossing rat, like your partner here.

[ILLYA MUMBLES]

“Na. what ate you doing have?

Who's that?

Will somebody brief me, please?

I can explain, Napoleon. In a way, it's all my fault.

This gentleman wanted to hold me up for ransom...

...and when the office wouldn't come through with the money...

...I suggested we grab Sauvignon.

Aha, brilliant.

You told me you were Sauvignon.

Now, wait a minute. It was you who thought I was Emile Sauvignon.

Uh,so I...

Why not?

Oh, enough of these, both of you. Say your prayers.

Nobody makes a fool of Stavros Macropalous. Nobody.

Ah, shoot, shoot. That's all you ever think about.

What good is it to kill them it there is no way to get the money?

The, uh, young lady has a point there.

Yes, and there is a way to get the money.

- Huh? - Yeah, you hit the wrong guy, me.

But the idea of ambushing Sauvignon was a good one.

He must still be on his way here.

Yeah, you know the old Greek saying, “If you don't succeed, try, try again.“

KYRA: I'm sorry, gentlemen, for all these mistakes.

Oh, don't be. It's, uh, par for the course.

ILLYA: A little more than par, don't you think?

KYRA: Oh, but you see, it's all for love.

[SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

KOSTAS: Miss Kyla. Miss Kyla!

MANOLAKAS: What are you doing here?

KOSTAS: I'm looking for Miss Kyla.

I want her to help me with my reading lesson.

There's a word here I can't make out.

“U-N-C-L-E“?

“Uncle“?

Where did you steal this?

I don't steal it, I find it.

Where? Where?

In the pasture, lots of them. I picked them up.

The rest of the papers, where are they?

I have them in my hut.

You show me. You show me or I'll knock your head in.

KOSTAS: Yes, sir. Yes--

[CAR HUMMING NEARBY]

It's a car. It's a big car.

A rich man's car.

Kyla, step back. Keep the gun on these two.

ILLYA: Looks like Thrush all right.

Why is it they always get the bigger cars?

Well, when you're number two, you have to try harder.

[GRUNTS]

Yahoo!

Stop and defend yourselves!

Bring those men, but don't let them pull any tricks.

You give me no trouble, I murder nobody.

Otherwise, my men kill all.

Out, out, out, Mr. Thrushman.

STAVROS: Quick! Quick, 01 I shoot.

- Mr.-- - Waverly.

Don't tell me I've had this arduous and not-very-scenic journey for nothing.

I thought you were both prisoners.

And here I find you playing cops and robbers with the natives.

You know this man?

- Certainly. - He's our...

Our boss.

ILLYA: You spoke with him on the communicate! in the cave.

Oh, yes, yes.

So you're the famous Stavros Macropalous, the terror of...?

Thessaly.

Yeah. Well, I'm Alexander Waverly.

Boss Waverly?

No--? No ransom?

My dear man, certainly not.

KOSTAS: Miss Kyla! Miss Kyla, help!

Miss Kyla, help me!

Miss Kyla, he tried to kill me.

KYRA: Kostas, what happened? Who hit you?

That man, Miss Kyla, in your tavern, the bad man.

He hit me and hit me.

He made me give him all my papers to read. All the papers that I found.

I didn't steal them, I found them.

“For your eyes only. From U.N.C.L.E.“

Well, the U.N.C.L.E. secret code. You found that?

Yes, in the pasture. And that man, he made me take him there.

There were many papers, and he took them from me and hit me.

He scattered all my sheep. But I found the little one.

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

- What's that? - Emile Sauvignon.

Arriving with the money to buy the U.N.C.L.E. code.

The papers Manolakas wanted. He has them now?

Well, according to the boy.

It isn't fair!

All I have gone through!

All I, Stavros Macropalous, has endured!

Manolakas, he has everything.

- Sic transit gloria. - Who is Gloria?

And my poor Nico, what about him?

Mano will shoot him down. Murder him.

Nico? Who cares about Nico?

I, Stavros, has been made the fool.

The big, big fool!

The biggest feel in all of Greece!

It is you! You who has caused all this trouble.

You have made Stavros the laughing stock of the entire world.

You who have ruined a dignified old age.

But I will get even.

Nobody lives to mock Stavros Macropalous.

Nobody laughs at Stavros. Nobody!

I kill everybody!

[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]

- Papa! - No, no, my dear.

With you in there, the odds would hardly be even.

And isn't our real interest at your taverna?

Papa, stop fighting! Give up.

We've got to get to the taverna, save Nico.

And get the money for yourself too, Mr. Macropalous.

Thousands and thousands of drachma.

Did you say thousands of drachmas?

I said thousands and thousands of drachma.

Well, what are we waiting for? We must save Nico!

[SHOUTS]

MANOLAKAS: Monsieur Sauvignon, I presume.

Mr. Manolakas, I trust?

The U.N.C.L.E. secret code, you have it?

Yes, sir. I have it here.

[SAUVIGNON SNIFFS]

What is that smell?

Sheep dip.

[STAVROS SHOUTING]

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Ha-ha-ha. Little pig!

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

That was a great fight!

Papa!

Papa? Papa?

[KYRA SCREAMS]

Hold it. Hold it, everybody.

Monsieur Sauvignon and I have not completed our business.

[GRUNTING]

NICO: Brute! Murderer! Wife-beater! Alcoholic!

[GRUNTS]

[MANOLAKAS GRUNTS]

[GREEK FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]

[STAVROS SHOUTING IN GREEK]

STAVROS: Hey!

[ALL LAUGH]

Mr. Waverly, you are a great man.

Why don't you come and live in a cave with me...

...and we will terrorize all of Greece?

Ah, it's very tempting.

I remember in my early days as an independent agent...

...I was quite active here in Greece.

Like Napoleon and IIIya?

Yes, and what romantic days they were too.

There was one charming young nymph I remember.

Say, what was her name?

Pappadoupoulous!

Irina Pappadoupoulous?

- With red hair? - Yeah.

ILLYA: Mm, delicious.

[KYRA GIGGLES]

You're not only a beautiful bride, but you're an excellent cook.

Oh, I didn't make those.

They were sent ahead by a friend of my father's.

A Mrs. Pappadoupoulous.

[DOOR OPENS]

There is a lady hereto see you. Mrs. Pappadoupoulous?

WAVERLY: Oh...

Which way is that cave?

[ENGLISH SDH]