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1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,465
My last box.
2
00:00:03,534 --> 00:00:05,875
I guess I'm a real Los Angelener now.
3
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:07,683
Los Angelite?
4
00:00:07,785 --> 00:00:08,897
Wait, what are we called?
5
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,293
Not that.
6
00:00:10,363 --> 00:00:13,761
What do you call a woman
whose wardrobe is 90% fleece?
7
00:00:13,792 --> 00:00:14,958
I'm from Iowa.
8
00:00:15,019 --> 00:00:16,162
My clothes don't have to look good.
9
00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:17,953
They just have to help me
survive the winter.
10
00:00:18,055 --> 00:00:20,189
Ooh, hey, I found pistachios.
11
00:00:20,291 --> 00:00:21,857
Do nuts expire?
12
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:24,093
Eh, I'll roll the dice.
13
00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:26,495
- Hey. Hey, that's a nice vest.
- Hey.
14
00:00:26,564 --> 00:00:28,831
Is that new or did you just
reverse yesterday's?
15
00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:30,733
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't encourage the vest.
16
00:00:30,835 --> 00:00:32,034
We're trying to get her to branch out,
17
00:00:32,136 --> 00:00:33,969
look a little less "Fargo,"
a little more
18
00:00:34,071 --> 00:00:35,504
not embarrassed to be seen with her.
19
00:00:35,756 --> 00:00:37,022
No, I like a woman in a vest.
20
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,791
It says, "I'm dependable in a storm,"
21
00:00:38,859 --> 00:00:41,493
you know, but also, "I feel
pretty good about my arms."
22
00:00:41,562 --> 00:00:44,396
I'll wear it to our "Grey's Anatomy"
marathon tonight.
23
00:00:44,498 --> 00:00:46,265
But I'm gonna have to turn
the thermostat down
24
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,000
because I'm already sweating
under my bra.
25
00:00:48,102 --> 00:00:49,201
Oh, I know what you mean.
26
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:51,170
I sweat in my lower back
when I tuck in my flannel.
27
00:00:51,272 --> 00:00:53,005
- Oh.
- Is this elder-flirting?
28
00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:54,840
I don't know, but it's very upsetting.
29
00:00:54,942 --> 00:00:56,942
Anyway, I came by to let you know
30
00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:59,044
- I actually have to cancel tonight.
- Oh, okay.
31
00:00:59,113 --> 00:01:00,879
I completely forgot...
I've got a few mates in town.
32
00:01:00,948 --> 00:01:02,347
We already had plans. I'm so sorry.
33
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,516
Oh, no, it's fine. "Grey's" can wait.
34
00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:06,051
And we can raincheck for tomorrow, yeah?
35
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,186
- You free?
- Oh, you know me.
36
00:01:07,254 --> 00:01:08,220
I'm always free.
37
00:01:08,289 --> 00:01:09,455
That's what I love about you.
38
00:01:11,425 --> 00:01:14,126
"You know me, I'm always free"?
39
00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:16,895
That's like something you would
write on a bathroom stall.
40
00:01:16,964 --> 00:01:18,397
Yeah, what the bucket?
41
00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:21,533
You guys have something planned,
and he just cancels day-of?
42
00:01:21,635 --> 00:01:22,568
I don't like that.
43
00:01:22,636 --> 00:01:24,103
It's no big deal.
44
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,072
His divorce isn't final,
so we're just friends now.
45
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,307
We hang out.
46
00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:30,008
Unless something comes up.
47
00:01:30,111 --> 00:01:31,110
For him.
48
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,177
She doesn't even hear it.
49
00:01:32,246 --> 00:01:33,612
This "you and Danny" thing
50
00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:36,048
is becoming a "you waiting
around for him" thing.
51
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:38,750
You're like the booty call
without the booty.
52
00:01:38,819 --> 00:01:39,751
Excuse me.
53
00:01:39,854 --> 00:01:41,386
I don't wait around for anyone.
54
00:01:41,455 --> 00:01:43,689
I think I have a little more
pride than that.
55
00:01:43,791 --> 00:01:45,124
Ooh!
56
00:01:45,226 --> 00:01:46,525
Hey!
57
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:48,961
My hot boobs heated up my pistachios.
58
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:51,797
It's like being in first class
on an airplane.
59
00:01:51,899 --> 00:01:53,432
Mmm! Want some?
60
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:54,800
Absolutely not.
61
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:59,104
-- Subs by kinglouisxx --
for www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:13,811
Ooh, I haven't bought new
clothes in so long,
63
00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:15,495
I don't even know what size I am.
64
00:02:15,597 --> 00:02:17,263
Jackie, check the tag.
65
00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:19,310
Absolutely not.
66
00:02:19,498 --> 00:02:20,898
You know, guys, ever since
I decided to live by
67
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,867
that whole Steve Jobs "one
outfit for success" mentality,
68
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:25,569
I don't dread shopping anymore.
69
00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:27,037
Just give me 90 pairs of beige pants
70
00:02:27,139 --> 00:02:28,839
and call me a billionaire.
71
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:31,475
I think it's great
you're doing this, Jean.
72
00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:33,110
I'm obsessed with makeovers.
73
00:02:33,212 --> 00:02:37,381
Being a lifelong "after," I'm
always fascinated by "befores."
74
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,117
I'll have you know,
I'm a Waterloo "after."
75
00:02:40,219 --> 00:02:41,919
Mother Raines, I'm so excited.
76
00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:43,387
How do you feel about
peek-a-boo shoulder tops?
77
00:02:43,489 --> 00:02:45,555
Unh! Don't answer that. You love them.
78
00:02:45,658 --> 00:02:47,424
Okay, let's shop.
79
00:02:47,526 --> 00:02:49,026
Mm.
80
00:02:49,128 --> 00:02:50,260
Hey, Lane.
81
00:02:50,362 --> 00:02:51,728
Oh, hey, Victor.
82
00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:53,297
Is the back of my shirt wrinkled?
83
00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,065
I swear I iron it before work,
84
00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:56,233
but by the time I get here,
85
00:02:56,335 --> 00:02:58,101
the wrinkles are back somehow.
86
00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,803
Uh, well, the secret is a steamer.
87
00:02:59,905 --> 00:03:00,804
I have a great one.
88
00:03:00,906 --> 00:03:02,205
It's actually my ex's,
89
00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:03,874
but, hey, if you're gonna
break up with me in an e-mail
90
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,509
w-with absolutely no closure,
91
00:03:05,611 --> 00:03:06,877
then I get to keep the steamer.
92
00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:10,013
Uh... but you can borrow it anytime.
93
00:03:10,115 --> 00:03:11,581
I could bring it to work, or I
could come to your apartment
94
00:03:11,684 --> 00:03:12,983
and steam all your stuff.
95
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,918
Or you could come to mine and
steam it all yourself there?
96
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:15,986
I'll talk to you later.
97
00:03:16,055 --> 00:03:17,387
Not if I talk to you first!
98
00:03:17,456 --> 00:03:19,489
Ugh.
99
00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:20,657
Ohh.
100
00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:23,393
Hey, you okay, Cookie?
101
00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:25,929
Lane had his heart broken
in college and never recovered.
102
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,431
Ever since then, whenever
he has a crush on someone,
103
00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:28,699
he completely falls apart.
104
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:30,100
I didn't think it was so bad.
105
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:32,469
Mom, don't lie to him.
That was terrible.
106
00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:34,738
I mean, this is why you're both alone.
107
00:03:34,807 --> 00:03:36,640
As the only person with
a boyfriend, you know...
108
00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:38,542
Playing pretty fast and loose
with the word "boy"
109
00:03:38,577 --> 00:03:41,411
when your boyfriend went to
summer camp with Bernie Sanders.
110
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,146
Bernie was a counselor.
111
00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:44,648
Hank came to the mall with us once,
112
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,049
and he literally couldn't stop
telling us,
113
00:03:46,118 --> 00:03:48,418
"You know, this place
used to all be orange groves."
114
00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:50,654
Okay, fine, my boyfriend is old.
115
00:03:50,723 --> 00:03:51,922
Just listen to me.
116
00:03:51,991 --> 00:03:54,925
Both of you are giving away your power.
117
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:56,293
That's how you end up getting hurt.
118
00:03:56,362 --> 00:03:57,627
I made the same mistake with Andy.
119
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,263
I mean, for three years,
I let my life become about him,
120
00:04:00,299 --> 00:04:01,898
and then he left and I had nothing.
121
00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:03,500
So when I met Hank, I decided
122
00:04:03,569 --> 00:04:05,369
to invest nothing and keep myself safe.
123
00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:07,771
And she got Hank a Life Alert
to keep him safe.
124
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,040
I told him it was an iPod.
125
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:12,642
And now I'm gonna help you,
because out of the three of us,
126
00:04:12,745 --> 00:04:14,011
I'm the guru.
127
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,246
Look, we're in a Three Bears situation.
128
00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:18,181
You're doing too much,
you're not doing enough,
129
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:19,716
and I'm doing it just right.
130
00:04:19,785 --> 00:04:21,685
Mom, you need to get out there
131
00:04:21,754 --> 00:04:23,653
and flirt with someone who's not Danny.
132
00:04:23,756 --> 00:04:25,922
Flirt? I'm not sure I remember how.
133
00:04:26,025 --> 00:04:27,224
Watch.
134
00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:29,926
Hey. How's it going?
135
00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:32,029
Okay, we're done.
Thank you for your service.
136
00:04:33,699 --> 00:04:35,565
See? All there is to it.
137
00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:37,634
Man, I do not miss being single.
138
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,002
Dating is such a nightmare.
139
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,604
Ugh, I know, it's exhausting.
140
00:04:40,706 --> 00:04:42,839
A new person every week,
date after date.
141
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,875
Calling that number over and over again
142
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,877
and wondering why it's a grocery store.
143
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,545
And you think you found someone special,
144
00:04:48,614 --> 00:04:50,347
then she starts dating your roommate.
145
00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:52,516
Oh! You dated shes?
146
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,684
Yeah, there were hes, shes,
147
00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,620
couples, throuples, what-have-yous.
148
00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:57,654
What-have-yous?
149
00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,956
I told you my Berlin story.
150
00:04:59,992 --> 00:05:01,658
You know, just like when
you told me about that time
151
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,093
you got a hickey in a corn maze.
152
00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:04,528
Oh, yep. Yeah.
153
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:07,197
That was a three-hickey year for me.
154
00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,900
See, we both had our fun,
and now we have each other.
155
00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:11,968
S-Still having...
156
00:05:12,037 --> 00:05:13,437
Still having fun, though, right?
157
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,076
- Oh!
- Oh. I'm sorry.
158
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,577
- Go ahead.
- N-No, you go ahead.
159
00:05:20,646 --> 00:05:21,645
It's fine.
160
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:24,181
Oh.
161
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,983
Hey. How's it going?
162
00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:28,485
What?
163
00:05:28,587 --> 00:05:30,954
Hey.
164
00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:33,457
Hi.
165
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:35,859
So, what are you gonna do
with all those lemons?
166
00:05:37,229 --> 00:05:39,596
Uh, probably just use them for lemonade.
167
00:05:39,698 --> 00:05:42,599
Ooh, so you're gonna squeeze 'em.
168
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:45,202
Lucky lemons.
169
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,970
Sweetheart, do you have the lemons?
170
00:05:47,039 --> 00:05:48,472
What? Oh!
171
00:05:48,574 --> 00:05:50,740
This is your sweetheart? I'm so sorry.
172
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,210
I-I didn't know, or I wouldn't
have been flirting with him.
173
00:05:53,278 --> 00:05:55,378
That was flirting?
174
00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:57,147
I don't think it was.
175
00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:58,548
Sorry.
176
00:05:58,617 --> 00:06:00,283
I was just trying to open myself up.
177
00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:02,018
My landlord and I almost kissed,
178
00:06:02,087 --> 00:06:04,020
and now he won't watch TV with me.
179
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:06,056
Why do you have to talk to everybody?
180
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,793
I'm sorry.
181
00:06:16,702 --> 00:06:19,736
Hey, you look like you could use a drink.
182
00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:21,605
I've got pressed celery juice
183
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:24,207
and... some sort of bone broth.
184
00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:26,309
They say it's good for your
immune system, but if you sweat,
185
00:06:26,378 --> 00:06:28,612
- it smells like you're making soup.
- Mm.
186
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,779
I-I'm Steve.
187
00:06:29,882 --> 00:06:31,948
I thought that guy was flirting with me.
188
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,317
I haven't dated in so long,
I can't tell the difference
189
00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:36,553
between flirting and grocery shopping.
190
00:06:36,622 --> 00:06:38,889
Although, I thought
the "squeeze 'em" line was good.
191
00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:40,857
Oh, it wasn't.
192
00:06:40,926 --> 00:06:42,425
No, but, for the record,
193
00:06:42,494 --> 00:06:43,860
if a man offers you bone broth,
194
00:06:43,929 --> 00:06:45,529
he's definitely flirting with you.
195
00:06:45,631 --> 00:06:47,164
I mean, he might be trying
to sell you bone broth.
196
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,598
But in this case...
197
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,400
I am flirting.
198
00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:52,536
- You are?
- Mm-hmm.
199
00:06:52,638 --> 00:06:54,671
Oh, thank you so much.
200
00:06:57,943 --> 00:06:59,342
Oh, to be that mannequin.
201
00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:01,912
Come on, Lane.
I need you to focus, okay?
202
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,013
Play it cool.
203
00:07:03,115 --> 00:07:04,080
Don't give anything away, okay?
204
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,482
The more Victor knows about you,
205
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:06,883
the more he can hurt you.
206
00:07:06,952 --> 00:07:07,951
Now go.
207
00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:09,352
May the flirt be with you.
208
00:07:12,191 --> 00:07:14,057
Hey. Could you help me out?
209
00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:16,092
Maybe.
210
00:07:16,195 --> 00:07:18,762
Just need that tank top over there.
211
00:07:18,864 --> 00:07:21,464
Cool, cool.
212
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,400
No, seriously, hand that to me.
213
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:25,302
The toy store across the way
calls the manager
214
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,970
if we leave these mannequins
naked too long.
215
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:29,339
Sure.
216
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,308
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
217
00:07:32,544 --> 00:07:34,945
Well, see ya around.
218
00:07:35,047 --> 00:07:36,413
I'm about to go on lunch.
219
00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:39,449
Oh, me too. Want to grab a kebab?
220
00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:40,784
Um...
221
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:42,586
Pause, please. BRB.
222
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,922
Um, he just asked me to lunch.
223
00:07:45,991 --> 00:07:47,123
I should shut him down, right?
224
00:07:47,192 --> 00:07:48,992
No, say yes, but wait 10 minutes.
225
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,327
Okay.
226
00:07:52,464 --> 00:07:53,797
Okay, this is weird.
Just go back to him.
227
00:07:53,899 --> 00:07:56,166
Okay, but slowly,
slowly, slowly, slowly.
228
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,602
Uh, regular, regular. Just go, go, go.
229
00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:03,673
So, he was like,
"Do you, like, like the kebab?"
230
00:08:03,742 --> 00:08:05,475
And I was like, "I guess. I don't know."
231
00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:06,843
Like, "I'm so aloof."
232
00:08:06,912 --> 00:08:08,411
And then there was
like three minutes of silence,
233
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:09,546
and then he finally goes,
234
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:12,015
"So, do you want to go out
tomorrow after work?"
235
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,084
- Just like you said!
- Ahh!
236
00:08:14,152 --> 00:08:16,686
Of course. That's why I'm the guru.
237
00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:19,456
So, I'm really loving
some of this new stuff.
238
00:08:19,591 --> 00:08:22,292
My arms are a little constricted
in this jacket.
239
00:08:22,361 --> 00:08:24,160
I'm really missing that vest life.
240
00:08:24,196 --> 00:08:26,496
Please don't say "vest life"
on your date.
241
00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:29,699
Hey. Oh, wow. You look nice.
242
00:08:29,768 --> 00:08:31,801
Pretty dressed up for a Season 2
"Grey's" marathon.
243
00:08:31,903 --> 00:08:33,970
Where do you keep your nuts
in that outfit?
244
00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:35,839
Oh, shoot. I forgot to call you.
245
00:08:35,941 --> 00:08:37,674
I'm sorry. I have to cancel for tonight.
246
00:08:37,743 --> 00:08:39,209
- Oh.
- She has a date.
247
00:08:39,244 --> 00:08:41,611
So do I, just in case
I was your backup plan.
248
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,979
Congratulations.
249
00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:44,981
Um, you have a date, too, Jean?
That's...
250
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:46,883
That's a bit of a shocker.
You don't really date.
251
00:08:46,952 --> 00:08:48,918
- Hmm.
- Not sure it's a "shocker."
252
00:08:49,021 --> 00:08:50,687
- I've dated.
- Mm.
253
00:08:50,789 --> 00:08:52,689
2006.
254
00:08:52,758 --> 00:08:54,624
- 2011, 2012.
- Mm-hmm.
255
00:08:54,693 --> 00:08:57,327
Okay, fine, 2011, 2012 was the same guy,
256
00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,296
overnight on New Year's Eve.
257
00:08:59,398 --> 00:09:00,497
And today.
258
00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:02,499
I have a date with a guy
I met at the Farmers Market.
259
00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:03,633
What, and you're going out with him?
260
00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:04,901
What do... What do you know
about this guy?
261
00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:07,871
Well, his name is Steve,
and he wanted to go out with me.
262
00:09:07,973 --> 00:09:09,639
- What else do I need?
- Uh, maybe an address,
263
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,441
a criminal history, DNA sample.
264
00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:13,276
I mean, you live in a big,
dangerous city now, Jean.
265
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,478
You can't just go out on a date
with a stranger.
266
00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:18,381
Isn't that what a date is?
267
00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:20,617
Besides, you were a stranger,
268
00:09:20,652 --> 00:09:21,985
and I moved into your guesthouse.
269
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,521
Yes, but I came with reviews,
which were all 5-star.
270
00:09:24,589 --> 00:09:25,922
Except for one Mormon family
271
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,591
who found the art too provocative.
272
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:30,994
- Why is this your business?
- It's not, it's not.
273
00:09:31,063 --> 00:09:33,096
I was just looking forward
to a bit of "Grey's" action,
274
00:09:33,131 --> 00:09:34,798
and, uh, it's a little
last-minute to cancel.
275
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,800
- That's all.
- You canceled on me yesterday.
276
00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:38,835
Ah, yes, I did, and now
you're getting me back.
277
00:09:38,937 --> 00:09:41,538
Oh, I'm not getting you back.
I'm just living my life.
278
00:09:41,606 --> 00:09:42,605
Okay, then, well, enjoy your date.
279
00:09:42,674 --> 00:09:43,707
- Oh.
- All right.
280
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,542
- Hey! What's up, man?
- Oh, nothing.
281
00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:46,710
Your mother's just
picking up strange men
282
00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:48,745
at the Farmers Market,
but none of my business!
283
00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:51,748
What? W-What's happening?
284
00:09:51,817 --> 00:09:53,516
I have a date, because I'm not gonna be
285
00:09:53,585 --> 00:09:55,618
Danny's booty call without the booty.
286
00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,787
Ugh! No! Why?
287
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,456
Because, Freddie,
she's not just your mother.
288
00:09:59,524 --> 00:10:01,057
- She's a woman with needs.
- Mm-hmm.
289
00:10:01,126 --> 00:10:03,960
Ugh! No! Why?
290
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,863
Okay. I need some advice.
291
00:10:06,932 --> 00:10:09,199
Which one of these says,
"I am sexually adventurous"?
292
00:10:09,301 --> 00:10:11,301
Ugh! No! Why?
293
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,536
Honey, what are you doing
with all those things?
294
00:10:13,605 --> 00:10:16,673
Well, Celia's had this
interesting, amazing life,
295
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,675
and I'm just 90 pairs of beige pants.
296
00:10:18,777 --> 00:10:20,210
She's had all these, like,
297
00:10:20,312 --> 00:10:22,746
interesting, incredible partners.
298
00:10:22,848 --> 00:10:24,214
Uh, she didn't
come right out and say it,
299
00:10:24,316 --> 00:10:26,249
but I think she was
Justin Bieber's muse.
300
00:10:26,318 --> 00:10:28,284
The edgiest thing I've got
is a callus on my thumb
301
00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:30,453
from playing too much "Animal Crossing."
302
00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:31,788
Do you see this, you guys?
303
00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:33,056
This is what I've been talking about.
304
00:10:33,158 --> 00:10:35,458
He is so invested in his relationship,
305
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,627
he's willing to give up
his entire identity
306
00:10:37,729 --> 00:10:38,661
for another person.
307
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,697
Look at this. Learn from this.
308
00:10:40,799 --> 00:10:41,865
Do not be this.
309
00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:43,566
Honey, just be yourself.
310
00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:45,602
And if Celia doesn't want you for you,
311
00:10:45,704 --> 00:10:47,370
then she's not the right person for you.
312
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,572
It's like Jackie says.
Hold onto your power.
313
00:10:49,674 --> 00:10:51,808
Okay, you're taking advice from Jackie?
314
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:53,232
She's our guru.
315
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,887
Yeah, now we both have dates.
316
00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:56,780
And I have nowhere to put my nuts.
317
00:10:56,882 --> 00:11:00,216
I'm having a very similar issue
with this onesie.
318
00:11:10,674 --> 00:11:12,040
Excuse me. Uh, can I help you?
319
00:11:12,108 --> 00:11:13,719
Oh, yeah. You got a step stool?
320
00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:15,477
Let me rephrase the question.
321
00:11:15,547 --> 00:11:17,445
What the hell are you doing?
That's my tree.
322
00:11:17,514 --> 00:11:20,214
I don't think anyone can own nature.
323
00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:23,084
As someone who owns
this yard, I think I can.
324
00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:24,819
Yeah, I planted that tree
seven years ago,
325
00:11:24,888 --> 00:11:26,888
and this is the first season
it's bearing fruit, okay?
326
00:11:26,956 --> 00:11:28,956
It's been through a drought.
It's been through fungus.
327
00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:30,425
It's been through my divorce.
328
00:11:30,493 --> 00:11:32,327
Those are my lemons.
329
00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:34,962
All right, simmer down, Captain Serious.
330
00:11:35,031 --> 00:11:36,631
There's plenty of lemons for everyone.
331
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:37,699
Okay, but they're not for everyone,
332
00:11:37,767 --> 00:11:39,534
are they, Dr. Steals-my-lemons?
333
00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:41,202
They're mine.
334
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:43,237
See, it's moments like this
that make me really miss
335
00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:45,740
living in Canada.
336
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,714
Oh, hey, Sunshine. I brought you a gift.
337
00:11:52,782 --> 00:11:54,549
I couldn't get flowers,
so I brought you these.
338
00:11:54,651 --> 00:11:56,317
Aww, lemons!
339
00:11:56,419 --> 00:11:58,786
- Like when we met.
- Oh, yeah.
340
00:11:58,855 --> 00:12:01,055
Yeah, that's why I got them. Yeah.
341
00:12:01,124 --> 00:12:02,490
Are you parked out front?
342
00:12:02,592 --> 00:12:03,725
Oh, am I driving?
343
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:04,992
Oh, all right, then you better
give me a moment
344
00:12:05,095 --> 00:12:06,561
to put a towel down on the front seat.
345
00:12:09,532 --> 00:12:10,798
You probably don't want
to hear this from me,
346
00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:12,667
but I don't think you should
go out with that guy.
347
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,001
- No, you have to stop.
- No, no, no.
348
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,536
He just stole my lemons...
349
00:12:15,613 --> 00:12:16,848
that one you're holding
right in your hand.
350
00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:18,581
- Do you want it back?
- No, I have more than I can use.
351
00:12:18,606 --> 00:12:20,752
- But what are you doing?
- What are you doing?
352
00:12:20,777 --> 00:12:22,102
I'm living my life.
353
00:12:22,178 --> 00:12:24,011
If you thought I was just gonna
sit around and wait for you,
354
00:12:24,114 --> 00:12:25,113
- you thought wrong.
- Oh.
355
00:12:25,181 --> 00:12:27,048
Besides, I don't owe you an explanation.
356
00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:29,283
The only thing I owe you is rent.
357
00:12:29,386 --> 00:12:31,886
Which I will get to you, by the way.
358
00:12:31,955 --> 00:12:33,221
I ran out of checks.
359
00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:35,089
Okay, fine. Doesn't matter.
Fine, whatever.
360
00:12:35,158 --> 00:12:36,657
I'm just trying to save you
from having a bad night.
361
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,825
Oh.
362
00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:40,194
Okay, we are all set.
363
00:12:40,263 --> 00:12:43,331
Back seat is a disaster, though,
so if this goes great,
364
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,266
we're gonna have to make out on my hood.
365
00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:47,835
Don't wait up.
366
00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:54,776
All right, I got us a little bit
of everything.
367
00:12:54,844 --> 00:12:58,446
And for some reason, a lot of hummus.
368
00:12:58,515 --> 00:13:01,115
Uh, when you said we were gonna
grab something to eat,
369
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:02,884
I didn't think we were coming back here.
370
00:13:02,952 --> 00:13:05,553
I-I was kind of thinking restaurant...
371
00:13:05,655 --> 00:13:06,587
menus...
372
00:13:06,656 --> 00:13:09,190
- chairs.
- Oh.
373
00:13:09,259 --> 00:13:11,759
Sorry, Jean. I don't go to restaurants.
374
00:13:11,828 --> 00:13:13,327
I should have said something sooner,
375
00:13:13,430 --> 00:13:15,496
but I'm a freegan.
376
00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:17,932
A freegan what?
377
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,568
No, a-a freegan. It's a way of life.
378
00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:22,303
I haven't dated in a long time.
379
00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:24,639
I-Is that a religion or a type of sex?
380
00:13:24,707 --> 00:13:26,441
Because if it's a religion,
then I'm out.
381
00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:28,976
Uh, n... You see,
I-I don't pay for things.
382
00:13:29,078 --> 00:13:30,878
I think the gross consumerism
in this country
383
00:13:30,947 --> 00:13:32,980
has gotten out of hand,
so I just try to make do
384
00:13:33,049 --> 00:13:35,917
with what people are giving away
or throwing out.
385
00:13:35,985 --> 00:13:38,219
So, you never pay for food?
386
00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:39,620
Oh, not just food.
387
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:42,323
I mean, I get all my furniture
from the... the curbside,
388
00:13:42,392 --> 00:13:44,826
I get my towels from the gym,
and as for my clothes,
389
00:13:44,928 --> 00:13:46,527
I pretty much just wait
for people my size
390
00:13:46,596 --> 00:13:49,130
to, you know, die.
391
00:13:49,232 --> 00:13:50,498
Oh.
392
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,634
Wow. That's... resourceful.
393
00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:56,237
I see treasure
in what others cast aside.
394
00:13:56,339 --> 00:13:58,239
Kind of like how I met you.
395
00:13:58,274 --> 00:14:00,274
Remember, you thought that guy
was flirting with you?
396
00:14:00,376 --> 00:14:01,943
- I remember.
- And he wasn't.
397
00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:03,077
- I remember.
- And he had a wife.
398
00:14:03,179 --> 00:14:04,779
- I remember.
- Yeah.
399
00:14:04,881 --> 00:14:07,014
Well, that seemed like a perfect
moment for me to swoop in
400
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,417
and pick up what he left behind.
401
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:11,519
Same way I got my Ping-Pong table.
402
00:14:11,588 --> 00:14:15,089
Although you're a lot prettier
than my Ping-Pong table.
403
00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:17,492
And you have a lot less
bird crap on you.
404
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,160
Okay. You know what?
405
00:14:19,262 --> 00:14:20,294
This has been great.
406
00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:22,029
And I learned a new word.
407
00:14:22,098 --> 00:14:23,231
Thanks for asking me out,
408
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:26,601
but this is the end
of your free sample of me.
409
00:14:26,703 --> 00:14:27,735
You take care.
410
00:14:27,837 --> 00:14:30,071
I figured you'd probably leave.
411
00:14:30,139 --> 00:14:31,906
You're clearly out of my league.
412
00:14:31,975 --> 00:14:34,375
I was surprised you said yes
in the first place.
413
00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:36,010
I don't date much.
414
00:14:36,079 --> 00:14:38,145
You know, it was just really
nice to be out with someone
415
00:14:38,248 --> 00:14:40,848
instead of sitting at home
in some dead guy's pants,
416
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:44,752
watching TV through
my neighbor's window.
417
00:14:44,821 --> 00:14:47,522
I'm just really tired of waiting
for something to happen.
418
00:14:47,624 --> 00:14:49,790
It's nice to be out.
419
00:14:49,859 --> 00:14:52,393
I was tired of waiting around, too.
420
00:14:54,964 --> 00:14:56,697
I did great.
421
00:14:56,799 --> 00:14:59,500
I got half an ear of corn,
flavored pretzels,
422
00:14:59,602 --> 00:15:00,902
all of the kombuchas,
423
00:15:01,004 --> 00:15:03,504
and I got one hand exfoliated
by the lotion lady
424
00:15:03,573 --> 00:15:05,506
when I told her it was my birthday.
425
00:15:05,608 --> 00:15:08,276
It's not my birthday.
426
00:15:08,344 --> 00:15:10,077
You are a natural at this.
427
00:15:10,179 --> 00:15:12,690
- Guess which hand they did.
- Okay. I love this game.
428
00:15:12,715 --> 00:15:13,948
All right.
429
00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:16,350
Oh, I... I think it's the left one.
430
00:15:16,419 --> 00:15:18,119
I mean, the other one
is really nice, too,
431
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,854
but, uh, this one's a little softer.
432
00:15:22,926 --> 00:15:25,760
Hey, have you ever been
to the Hollywood Bowl?
433
00:15:25,828 --> 00:15:27,528
No, but I've always wanted to.
434
00:15:27,564 --> 00:15:29,263
Oh, well, I don't have tickets
or anything,
435
00:15:29,365 --> 00:15:32,233
but if you hike like about
500 feet up above the Bowl,
436
00:15:32,335 --> 00:15:33,834
you can almost see the show
437
00:15:33,903 --> 00:15:36,103
and you can almost hear the music.
438
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:39,273
Is that why you have binoculars
in your car?
439
00:15:39,342 --> 00:15:40,408
Yeah.
440
00:15:40,476 --> 00:15:43,077
Well, that saves us a conversation.
441
00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:50,851
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
442
00:15:52,589 --> 00:15:54,055
Whatcha doing?
443
00:15:54,157 --> 00:15:55,456
I'm not really doing anything.
444
00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:56,991
Is that a bandage?
445
00:15:57,093 --> 00:15:58,859
Oh.
446
00:15:58,962 --> 00:16:01,429
Yep. Yeah. I got inked.
447
00:16:02,665 --> 00:16:04,165
I got it down at the tattoo shop.
448
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,866
I'm a tat guy now.
449
00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:07,268
Got to keep it out of the water, though.
450
00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:08,936
No bubble baths for this bad boy.
451
00:16:09,038 --> 00:16:10,571
Ow!
452
00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:13,507
You got a tattoo? Are you insane?
453
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:14,976
- Why?
- I don't know.
454
00:16:15,078 --> 00:16:16,744
Just trying something new.
455
00:16:16,846 --> 00:16:18,846
A.B.T.... always be trying.
456
00:16:20,083 --> 00:16:23,017
S.N.... something new.
457
00:16:23,086 --> 00:16:25,186
Okay, I know what this is about.
458
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,253
You've been acting weird
459
00:16:26,322 --> 00:16:27,455
ever since we had that conversation
460
00:16:27,523 --> 00:16:28,589
about our dating history.
461
00:16:28,691 --> 00:16:30,091
What? What conversation?
462
00:16:30,193 --> 00:16:32,426
Oh, it had something to do with, uh...
463
00:16:32,528 --> 00:16:34,729
Germany and... and throuples?
464
00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:38,232
Yeah, I knew that freaked you out. Why?
465
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,401
I just want you to know that I'm
willing to do whatever it takes
466
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:41,836
to keep you interested.
467
00:16:41,904 --> 00:16:43,471
I'll get tats, piercings.
468
00:16:43,539 --> 00:16:46,841
I'm willing to play the saxophone again.
469
00:16:46,943 --> 00:16:49,110
I really don't want you to get
tired of me, Celia.
470
00:16:49,212 --> 00:16:51,045
Why would I get tired of you?
471
00:16:51,147 --> 00:16:52,647
Because you want...
472
00:16:52,715 --> 00:16:56,317
you want variety and exotic
locations and adventure.
473
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:57,618
I'm just a...
474
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,287
just a straight, white man.
475
00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:04,025
Yeah, I can tell by the way
you're telling me what I want.
476
00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:07,395
Look, after quarantine started,
477
00:17:07,463 --> 00:17:09,630
I couldn't travel,
there were no more parties,
478
00:17:09,732 --> 00:17:10,965
I was still on probation,
479
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,733
my hairstylist moved back to Omaha...
480
00:17:12,802 --> 00:17:15,636
- Wait. What?
- Yeah, I know. I had to cut this myself.
481
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:19,206
Ugh. I just had to stop
and be for a minute.
482
00:17:19,308 --> 00:17:21,442
And it gave me time to figure out
483
00:17:21,544 --> 00:17:23,210
what I truly wanted and needed.
484
00:17:23,279 --> 00:17:27,415
And then we met,
and I realized it was you.
485
00:17:27,483 --> 00:17:30,284
You mean me, the Iowa boy
with the beige pants
486
00:17:30,319 --> 00:17:32,286
and the boring work-from-home job?
487
00:17:32,388 --> 00:17:34,355
I'm saying I love you, dummy.
488
00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:36,257
I love you, too.
489
00:17:36,325 --> 00:17:38,592
Okay, let's see that tattoo.
490
00:17:38,695 --> 00:17:41,362
- Okay. Okay. But just so you know...
- Mm-hmm.
491
00:17:41,464 --> 00:17:42,530
- ...I got it for you.
- Great.
492
00:17:42,598 --> 00:17:45,866
And it stands for "Celia for all time."
493
00:17:45,968 --> 00:17:47,435
- Okay.
- Okay.
494
00:17:47,503 --> 00:17:48,936
- Again...
- Mm-hmm.
495
00:17:49,038 --> 00:17:51,205
- ... "for all time."
- Great.
496
00:17:52,942 --> 00:17:54,408
"Celia FAT"?
497
00:17:54,510 --> 00:17:56,744
"For all time."
498
00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:59,847
- Have it removed.
- I already made the appointment.
499
00:18:01,951 --> 00:18:03,517
Oh, honey, you're still here.
500
00:18:03,619 --> 00:18:04,952
I thought you had plans.
501
00:18:05,021 --> 00:18:06,520
Oh, I'm just gonna see Hank tomorrow.
502
00:18:06,622 --> 00:18:08,622
His nap ran into regular bedtime.
503
00:18:08,691 --> 00:18:10,991
- How was your date?
- It was great.
504
00:18:11,060 --> 00:18:13,728
We had a small-plates dinner,
I got half a beauty treatment,
505
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:15,930
and we played a game
of "Which hand is softer?"
506
00:18:15,998 --> 00:18:19,467
Wow! That sounds w-weird.
507
00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:22,136
So, um, are you gonna see him again?
508
00:18:22,238 --> 00:18:24,004
No. No, no, no, no, no.
509
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,640
I mean, he was very sweet,
but not for me.
510
00:18:26,709 --> 00:18:29,510
But don't tell Danny for at least a week.
511
00:18:29,579 --> 00:18:30,845
You were right.
512
00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:32,713
I feel like I took my power back.
513
00:18:32,782 --> 00:18:34,081
You know why?
514
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:36,383
It's because I'm a guru.
515
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,185
I'm really proud of you, Mom.
516
00:18:38,254 --> 00:18:39,754
I'm proud of me, too.
517
00:18:41,124 --> 00:18:42,573
- Hey, Mother Raines.
- Hey.
518
00:18:42,598 --> 00:18:43,691
Hey, Mother Raines in the making.
519
00:18:43,726 --> 00:18:45,626
Just grabbing some clothes
that I left here,
520
00:18:45,728 --> 00:18:47,438
and I'll be heading out.
521
00:18:47,463 --> 00:18:48,863
See you all later!
522
00:18:48,931 --> 00:18:51,265
Wait. What's going on?
What happened on your date?
523
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:53,200
Still on it. Going to
Palm Springs for the weekend.
524
00:18:53,302 --> 00:18:54,935
See you all later!
525
00:18:55,004 --> 00:18:57,705
Uh, what happened to being
aloof, not giving it all away?
526
00:18:57,773 --> 00:19:00,608
Well, what happened is... Palm Springs.
527
00:19:00,676 --> 00:19:02,243
I'll be giving away plenty.
528
00:19:02,345 --> 00:19:03,744
See you all la...
529
00:19:03,846 --> 00:19:07,181
Okay, I mean, thank you so much.
530
00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:08,983
You definitely helped
with my nerves in the beginning,
531
00:19:09,051 --> 00:19:11,785
but turns out, that's not who I am.
532
00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:13,220
I'm a sharer.
533
00:19:13,322 --> 00:19:15,656
Victor says I'm as open
as a garden store on Saturday.
534
00:19:15,758 --> 00:19:17,491
And he loves it.
535
00:19:17,593 --> 00:19:21,028
So, seriously, see you all later!
536
00:19:22,031 --> 00:19:23,163
Have fun.
537
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:25,466
Bye.
538
00:19:25,534 --> 00:19:28,102
This is exactly what
I told him not to do.
539
00:19:28,204 --> 00:19:29,970
Sometimes you have to
give something away
540
00:19:30,072 --> 00:19:31,372
to get something back.
541
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:32,640
He's going to get hurt.
542
00:19:32,742 --> 00:19:34,408
Opening yourself up is the only way
543
00:19:34,510 --> 00:19:36,410
to have a real relationship, sweetie.
544
00:19:36,512 --> 00:19:38,512
My relationship is real.
545
00:19:38,614 --> 00:19:39,980
Oh, I know.
546
00:19:40,082 --> 00:19:41,682
I-I was talking about Lane.
547
00:19:41,784 --> 00:19:43,150
Your thing is good.
548
00:19:43,252 --> 00:19:44,919
And now I'm gonna get out
of these clothes
549
00:19:45,021 --> 00:19:46,487
and put on my victory fleece.
550
00:19:46,589 --> 00:19:48,212
Thanks for your help.
551
00:19:54,263 --> 00:19:55,195
- Oh.
- Sorry.
552
00:19:55,298 --> 00:19:56,497
- No, you go ahead.
- No, no, please.
553
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:57,865
Oh. Wow.
554
00:19:57,967 --> 00:19:59,733
I could never have sex in a closet
555
00:19:59,835 --> 00:20:01,535
after removing a brain tumor.
556
00:20:01,637 --> 00:20:03,604
I probably could.
557
00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:10,077
Mm.
558
00:20:20,515 --> 00:20:22,831
Hank. It's Jackie.
559
00:20:22,902 --> 00:20:24,401
It's a video call.
560
00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:25,720
Take your ear away from the phone.
561
00:20:25,745 --> 00:20:27,171
All I see is ear.
562
00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:30,040
Hank, look at the phone.
My face is on the phone.
563
00:20:30,142 --> 00:20:31,242
Okay.
564
00:20:31,344 --> 00:20:33,711
Oh. No, you got to turn it around.
565
00:20:33,813 --> 00:20:35,045
The other way.
566
00:20:35,147 --> 00:20:37,014
No, the other way.
567
00:20:37,116 --> 00:20:38,249
I'm looking at the floor.
568
00:20:38,351 --> 00:20:39,817
All I can see is the rug.
569
00:20:39,919 --> 00:20:41,951
No, you don't... No, no, no, no.
570
00:20:42,029 --> 00:20:44,447
Keep holding the phone the way
that you're holding the phone.
571
00:20:44,557 --> 00:20:46,357
It's the bottom... bottom button.
572
00:20:46,459 --> 00:20:48,525
Bottom button. Can you see me at all?
573
00:20:48,628 --> 00:20:50,060
Can you... It's... Just flip it.
574
00:20:50,162 --> 00:20:51,929
If you hit that,
you're gonna hang up on me.
575
00:20:52,031 --> 00:20:53,464
No. Okay. No...
576
00:20:53,534 --> 00:20:55,438
Okay. You hung up on me.
41850
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