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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:11,096 - "The Ms. Pat Show" is filmed 2 00:00:11,172 --> 00:00:12,412 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:12,482 --> 00:00:14,522 - The hardest thing about being a comedian is 4 00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:17,516 when your whole family want to be in your act. 5 00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:19,786 And then when you actually put them in your act, 6 00:00:19,862 --> 00:00:22,452 oh, child, you go from being a funny motherfucker 7 00:00:22,517 --> 00:00:25,307 to a motherfucker who thinks she's funny. 8 00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:27,339 Sometimes the truth is what make you laugh, 9 00:00:27,413 --> 00:00:29,903 even though the truth might not be funny. 10 00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:32,405 When you remove the power from pain, 11 00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:33,792 it's like a motherfucker robbing you 12 00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,412 with a gun with no bullets-- 13 00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:37,412 weak and about to get whipped. 14 00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:44,832 Why do people come to the graveyard 15 00:00:44,896 --> 00:00:46,376 fucking with dead people? 16 00:00:46,448 --> 00:00:48,098 The reason why they're here is they wanted to be alone. 17 00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:49,312 That's why they died. 18 00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:50,829 - I know. 19 00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:52,616 That's why I wish I had brought some plastic flowers 20 00:00:52,689 --> 00:00:54,519 so we wouldn't have to come back ever again. 21 00:00:57,931 --> 00:01:00,171 - Wait. - What's wrong? 22 00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:02,721 - Look at this grave. 23 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:05,693 Is that Mr.-- Mr. John? 24 00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,068 - Oh, my God. 25 00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:09,857 What the hell is he doing here in the cemetery? 26 00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:11,691 - He dead, Denise. 27 00:01:11,758 --> 00:01:12,998 What I want to know is why the hell 28 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:15,378 he buried his self next to our mama. 29 00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:18,658 - You bet not say a God damn thing. 30 00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:20,174 - [screams] 31 00:01:20,241 --> 00:01:22,901 This motherfucker's gonna take me to hell. 32 00:01:22,965 --> 00:01:25,545 [screaming] 33 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:26,790 [screams] 34 00:01:32,241 --> 00:01:34,031 [chuckles] 35 00:01:35,758 --> 00:01:37,448 Whoo. 36 00:01:37,517 --> 00:01:40,307 Another one. [chuckles] 37 00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:45,069 - ♪ Come on, it's time to go. It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪ 38 00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:46,337 - Shit. 39 00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:48,723 Y'all ain't got no more milk. 40 00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:49,723 - Why are you shopping 41 00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,343 out of our refrigerator? 42 00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:53,213 - Stay out of grown folks' business. 43 00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,545 - I'm grown. 44 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,140 Why are you shopping out of our refrigerator? 45 00:01:56,206 --> 00:01:58,066 - Because I gotta make dinner at Lee's tonight. 46 00:01:58,137 --> 00:01:59,377 - Mm-hmm. 47 00:01:59,448 --> 00:02:01,408 - Well, I'ma need to swipe Lee's credit card 48 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,212 before you leave out this kitchen, yeah? 49 00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:07,165 - Well, how about I just wash your dishes? 50 00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,311 - And my car. 51 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,099 Can you please pass the syrup? 52 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,622 - Oh, fuck yeah, nigga, 53 00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:15,519 I'll pass this shit right the fuck over, bitch. 54 00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:20,448 - What, did you catch cussing Tourette's overnight? 55 00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:22,997 - No, I gotta meet Lee's parents tonight, 56 00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:24,858 Mr. Clean and Mrs. Cleaner, 57 00:02:24,931 --> 00:02:26,691 so I'm just trying to get all my cussing out now. 58 00:02:26,758 --> 00:02:29,518 You know, fuck, shit, piss, ass, and so on. 59 00:02:29,586 --> 00:02:31,966 - Well, thank you for doing that in front of my children. 60 00:02:32,034 --> 00:02:34,724 - Have you met their mama? 61 00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:37,343 - Lazarus, come forth! 62 00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:40,033 - Don't talk to me like that, Mighty Long. 63 00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:42,213 - Boy, why are you sleeping at the breakfast table? 64 00:02:42,275 --> 00:02:43,405 - Got a new job 65 00:02:43,482 --> 00:02:44,832 and I'm working the night shift. 66 00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:47,516 But I don't want to bore y'all with the details. 67 00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:48,966 - We never asked for them. 68 00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:51,144 - Yeah, you plenty boring already without having to go 69 00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:52,786 through all that trouble. - Mm-hmm. 70 00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:54,792 - Big news, y'all, I had a dream. 71 00:02:54,862 --> 00:02:56,032 - Nobody cares unless you're 72 00:02:56,103 --> 00:02:58,863 a juicy-lipped preacher named Martin. 73 00:02:58,931 --> 00:03:01,691 - You know, I never remember my dreams. 74 00:03:01,758 --> 00:03:04,238 - I bet your crusty-ass sheets remember. 75 00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:08,834 - You know what? I am done eating. 76 00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:10,786 - So in my dream, we went to Mama's grave 77 00:03:10,862 --> 00:03:13,382 and Mr. John was buried next to her. 78 00:03:13,448 --> 00:03:15,448 - Mama's boyfriend, Mr. John? 79 00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:17,967 - Yeah. And he bust his fist right out of the dirt. 80 00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:19,664 You know, like in one of those horror movies 81 00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:21,864 where they throw the tampons at the ginger bitch? 82 00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:23,521 - I don't want to hear the rest of it, Pat. 83 00:03:23,586 --> 00:03:26,376 - Fine. But listen, it made me think of a joke 84 00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:27,758 about when he used to abuse us. 85 00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:30,447 - A joke. - Yeah, you want to hear it? 86 00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:33,547 So... [blender whirring] 87 00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:38,687 - Enough of this. [laughs] 88 00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:40,548 - Jesus, Mom. 89 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,550 - I wasn't looking for Jesus. 90 00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,450 I was looking for laughter. 91 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,787 Why y'all ain't laughing? 92 00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:49,522 - Uh--[chuckles weakly] That wasn't funny. 93 00:03:49,586 --> 00:03:50,756 - Not at all. That's some, um, 94 00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:52,587 pretty heavy material for 8:00 a.m. 95 00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:53,855 - Well, I mean, did you not understand it? 96 00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:55,721 Let me start over. - No, I understood it. 97 00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:57,073 That's the problem. 98 00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,337 You don't need to be bringing all that up. 99 00:03:58,413 --> 00:03:59,933 - It was just a joke, Denise. 100 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,930 - Well, not everything's meant to be a joke, Pat. 101 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,970 - Ain't this some bullshit? I'm hilarious. 102 00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:07,974 And I'm cursed with an unfunny-ass family. 103 00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:09,764 You know what? I see why Michael left. 104 00:04:09,827 --> 00:04:12,517 Y'all a bunch of hatin'-ass Jermaines. 105 00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:16,377 - Well, can we just agree to make breakfast 106 00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:19,138 a sexual-assault-free zone? 107 00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:20,586 - Really, Terry? 108 00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:22,235 You sitting there assaulting that pig right now. 109 00:04:29,827 --> 00:04:31,307 You really didn't think my joke was funny? 110 00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:32,859 - No. 111 00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:35,001 And I don't want you telling it ever again. 112 00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:36,408 - But it's gonna kill. 113 00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:38,792 - It's gonna kill my God damn soul, Pat. 114 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,792 - Well, then don't come to the club, Denise. 115 00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:42,242 - There are more important things 116 00:04:42,310 --> 00:04:43,520 than getting laughs. 117 00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,306 - Not to a comedian. 118 00:04:45,379 --> 00:04:47,309 Laughter is how I deal with this shit. 119 00:04:47,379 --> 00:04:50,549 - You and me haven't even had a conversation about Mr. John 120 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,310 and what he did to us. 121 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,069 And now a bunch of strangers gonna be laughing about it? 122 00:04:55,137 --> 00:04:56,687 - When do I need to have a conversation with you 123 00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,588 about the jokes that I do on stage? 124 00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:01,685 - When the jokes have things that happened to me. 125 00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:04,238 - Don't you mean us? 'Cause I was there, too. 126 00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:05,620 - Exactly. 127 00:05:05,689 --> 00:05:07,209 Which is why I don't want you talking about it. 128 00:05:07,275 --> 00:05:09,095 - Fine. 129 00:05:09,172 --> 00:05:10,972 You right. 130 00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,414 I'll leave your half out. 131 00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:17,755 - Piss, shit, dick, ass. 132 00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,000 - Can you please keep your nasty, 133 00:05:24,068 --> 00:05:28,758 City Girl underpants out of my laundry? 134 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,757 - With all those OnlyFans subscriptions 135 00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:33,967 you should know it's called a thong. 136 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,004 And that's not mine. 137 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,138 - Ugh. They're Mama's? 138 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,716 - [chuckles] 139 00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,243 Mama can barely keep her bra on. 140 00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:43,210 You think she gonna be wearing something that's digging 141 00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:45,305 in her cheeks all day? 142 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,929 - Well, then who's the freak? 143 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,340 - Where'd you find it? 144 00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,173 - It was in with my clean clothes. 145 00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:53,861 - Wasn't Daddy doing laundry? Maybe it's his. 146 00:05:53,931 --> 00:05:56,791 - Now, you know, not one part of Dad fits in here. 147 00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,624 But, you know, he has been getting home late 148 00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:03,339 a lot recently. 149 00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:05,313 - Yeah, but he's been working overtime. 150 00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:07,659 - Maybe. 151 00:06:07,724 --> 00:06:10,934 Or maybe he's cheating on Mom with a hooker. 152 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,860 - [scoffs] The term "hooker" is offensive, Junebug. 153 00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,901 They like to be called "sex workers." 154 00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,275 How is "sex worker" better than "hooker"? 155 00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:22,244 You might as well call them a coochie congress 156 00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,380 or super-spreaders. 157 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:25,448 - Okay. Stop, please. 158 00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,587 And, look, Daddy would never cheat on Mom. 159 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,165 She'd kill him. 160 00:06:29,241 --> 00:06:32,451 And then she'll kill us for being half of him. 161 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,477 - You ain't lying. 162 00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,791 - But that thong belongs to somebody. 163 00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,792 - [gasps] Thong? 164 00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:41,032 Janelle, that is so offensive. 165 00:06:41,103 --> 00:06:42,413 The term is "anal floss." 166 00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,622 - [squeals] 167 00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:46,859 Boy... [squeals] 168 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,901 - Thank you for letting me swing by Pat's. 169 00:06:50,965 --> 00:06:54,445 I forgot my bag of groceries. [chuckles] 170 00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:56,067 And thank you for coming to church with me. 171 00:06:56,137 --> 00:06:58,067 I didn't know you were saved. - Oh, I am. 172 00:06:58,137 --> 00:07:00,687 All my life, actually. 173 00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:02,658 That aside, I was just about to ask you 174 00:07:02,724 --> 00:07:04,484 if you wanted to go to that new strip club 175 00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,281 with me tonight? 176 00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:07,794 - Girl. - What? 177 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,722 - Didn't you just leave the church house? 178 00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:13,033 - Um, as a good Christian, I feel like it's our duty 179 00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:16,763 to support those boys through college. 180 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,097 Okay, fine. But I'm not going without you, 181 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,142 so I'll just wait. 182 00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,212 Denise? 183 00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:26,235 I hate to pry, you just seem a little troubled. 184 00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,520 You know, you can talk to me about anything. 185 00:07:28,586 --> 00:07:30,376 You know that, right? 186 00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:31,858 - Yeah, I'm--I'm fine. 187 00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:34,211 It's just something from my past 188 00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,825 keeps coming back to haunt me, 189 00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:37,586 and every time it does it makes me do things 190 00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:38,825 I don't really want to do. 191 00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:41,546 - Oof, well, I can relate to that. 192 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,170 - You can? - Ooh, yeah. 193 00:07:43,241 --> 00:07:45,521 I have a whole dark chapter in my life 194 00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:48,336 that I've never quite reckoned with. 195 00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:52,073 - Well, don't be tease, bitch, spit that shit out. 196 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,211 - [sighs] 197 00:07:54,275 --> 00:07:56,275 I had a car accident. 198 00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:58,724 And I ran over-- 199 00:07:58,793 --> 00:08:01,003 ran over a puppy in the street. 200 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,100 And it still haunts me, you know? 201 00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,552 I can't even babysit my nephews 202 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,480 because they like to watch "Paw Patrol." 203 00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:12,521 It--it's hard. 204 00:08:12,586 --> 00:08:16,546 - Wow, no "Paw Patrol." Tragic. 205 00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,972 Yeah, no, my shit's 206 00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,004 a little bit darker than that. [chuckles weakly] 207 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:26,378 - Oh, well, do you want to talk about it? 208 00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:29,588 - Well, I've gotta warn you it's pretty rough. 209 00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:31,925 - I'm sure I can take it. 210 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,620 - When me and my sister were kids, 211 00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:37,099 our mom had this boyfriend, Mr. John. 212 00:08:37,172 --> 00:08:41,932 And he would always take us on long drives to a cemetery. 213 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,590 And then he would park and he'd put on this song, 214 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,785 "If Loving You is Wrong." 215 00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,482 And every time that song came on, 216 00:08:50,551 --> 00:08:52,141 he would just start touching us. 217 00:08:52,206 --> 00:08:53,546 - Oh, shit! 218 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620 Ooh! No. 219 00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:57,832 Sorry. 220 00:08:57,896 --> 00:09:00,066 Yeah, I can't really relate to that. 221 00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:03,897 But the puppy did touch all four of my wheels. 222 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:08,070 - It's okay, I get it. 223 00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:10,237 Guess I'll just have to stay messed up. 224 00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:11,410 - No, no. 225 00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,972 Do not think of it like that. 226 00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:15,594 [phone ringing] - One sec. 227 00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:19,343 Hey, Lee. 228 00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:21,383 Oh, shoot, babe. I forgot. 229 00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:22,858 I totally lost track of time. 230 00:09:22,931 --> 00:09:24,931 I'm--I'm on my way now. Okay. 231 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,930 Bye. 232 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,660 - Well, it sounds like you have to go, 233 00:09:28,724 --> 00:09:30,174 but just--just try to remember 234 00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:32,591 that sometimes things happen for a reason. 235 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,925 - Well, what's the reason? 236 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,900 - To make us stronger. 237 00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:38,655 - You can't even watch "Blue's Clues" without crying. 238 00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:44,066 - Okay, but I can do "Clifford" because he's not a puppy. 239 00:09:44,137 --> 00:09:47,337 - Clifford is a puppy. He's just really big. 240 00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:50,173 - What? 241 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,211 Wait, what? 242 00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:55,335 [weeping] Oh, my God, are you kidding me? 243 00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:58,104 - Hey, so since you was offended this morning, 244 00:09:58,172 --> 00:10:01,072 I think I made the joke better for weak-asses like you. 245 00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:03,067 - I already heard it, Ma. - No, I punched it up. 246 00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,407 It's much better. Listen. 247 00:10:04,482 --> 00:10:05,522 So, Mr. John... 248 00:10:05,586 --> 00:10:06,926 - ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪ 249 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,340 ♪ From your head to your toes ♪ 250 00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,003 ♪ And I want to move ♪ 251 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,208 - Brandon, turn that God damn music off. 252 00:10:12,275 --> 00:10:13,655 - Sorry, Ma! 253 00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:16,621 - What did you think? 254 00:10:16,689 --> 00:10:18,169 - I think you made it worse. 255 00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:19,521 It's offensive. 256 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,756 - I'm the one who got molested. Laugh at it. 257 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,547 - I don't want to laugh at it. 258 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:26,310 - I swear your generation hate comedy. 259 00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:28,479 - No, we just think comedy 260 00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,031 should be about punching up. 261 00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:31,663 - Just because something happened to somebody 262 00:10:31,724 --> 00:10:33,484 don't mean they can't laugh at it. 263 00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,931 - Hey, Ma, uh, have you seen Dad? 264 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,170 Shouldn't he be home by now? - He working late. 265 00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,832 - I love you, Ma. It's gonna be all right. 266 00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,856 - What the fuck is wrong with your weird ass? 267 00:10:49,172 --> 00:10:52,522 - Dad, you're here. - Yeah, baby. 268 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:54,616 - Why is your shirt untucked? 269 00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,284 - Boy, my shirt always untucked. 270 00:10:58,344 --> 00:11:01,694 Who are you, the damn shirt-tucking police? 271 00:11:01,758 --> 00:11:02,788 Now, look, you and Janelle go on upstairs 272 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,312 so I can speak with your mother. 273 00:11:07,241 --> 00:11:09,171 Wait--ah-- 274 00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:12,761 - Just FYI, I love this family. 275 00:11:12,827 --> 00:11:14,927 Our family. 276 00:11:19,827 --> 00:11:21,277 - That boy gets weirder by the day. 277 00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:24,974 - Um, listen, Denise wanted me to talk to you 278 00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,664 about that joke you told this morning. 279 00:11:26,724 --> 00:11:27,764 - Yeah, I want to tell you about it. 280 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:28,967 I fixed it. So, look... - Uh-huh. 281 00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,034 - When Mr. John would pick us up... 282 00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:31,723 - ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪ 283 00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:33,003 ♪ From your head to your toes ♪ 284 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,308 - Brandon, turn that God damn music off 285 00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:38,029 before I flood that basement like Katrina. 286 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,338 - Yay! FEMA check. 287 00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,484 - So what do you think? 288 00:11:44,551 --> 00:11:45,831 - Baby, I didn't want to hear it again. 289 00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,546 I just wanted to tell you not to do it anymore. 290 00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:48,720 - [scoffs] 291 00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:49,833 Do Denise and the Comedy Killers 292 00:11:49,896 --> 00:11:51,306 done got to you too. 293 00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,969 - Oh, hey, Pat, wait-- look, now. 294 00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:55,864 Don't you understand that something like this 295 00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:58,591 might bother your sister? 296 00:11:58,655 --> 00:12:00,545 - I don't tell cat jokes, Terry. 297 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,310 I tell pussy jokes. 298 00:12:03,379 --> 00:12:05,929 And y'all know my humor is as dark as you. 299 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,310 - All right, okay. 300 00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:12,759 Remember how my nappy hair joke triggered you? 301 00:12:12,827 --> 00:12:14,237 - First of all, fuck you for saying that. 302 00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:15,590 - Wow. 303 00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:16,715 - And second of all, 304 00:12:16,793 --> 00:12:18,003 you're not a professional comedian. 305 00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:20,278 And third of all, the shit ain't funny. 306 00:12:20,344 --> 00:12:21,864 - What, because it was about you, right? 307 00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:23,521 - This is about me too, Terry. 308 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:27,686 I'm in control of my Gospel stage play childhood. 309 00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:28,898 - Pat-- - Why can't I deal with shit 310 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,065 my own way? I didn't say nothing 311 00:12:30,137 --> 00:12:31,477 when she was out there smoking crack. 312 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,001 - Actually-- 313 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,308 - Facts don't matter. I'm talking about feelings. 314 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,309 - Oh, so it's feelings that matters now. 315 00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:38,829 - It's my life, 316 00:12:38,896 --> 00:12:40,066 so if I want to laugh about it, let me laugh about it. 317 00:12:40,137 --> 00:12:41,827 - Pat, Pat, Pat. - Ha-ha! 318 00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:43,756 - Pat, wait a minute, now. You can't-- 319 00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:46,447 You ain't got to act like that, now, Pat. 320 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,307 - A-ha-ha-ha. 321 00:12:48,379 --> 00:12:49,829 - Hey, look here, Pat. Now, you-- 322 00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:51,826 - I will laugh the black off your ass. 323 00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:56,002 - Denise said she's running late 324 00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,308 because she had to stop by the church. 325 00:12:57,379 --> 00:13:01,659 You're gonna love her. She's so pious. 326 00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:03,034 - Do I have time to wash my ass 327 00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:05,103 before Jim and Tammy Faye get here? 328 00:13:07,517 --> 00:13:09,407 Hi. 329 00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:10,722 - Jim. 330 00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:12,383 - Guess that makes me Tammy Faye. 331 00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:14,828 - [clears throat] Nice to meet you. 332 00:13:14,896 --> 00:13:16,066 I'm sorry about that. 333 00:13:16,137 --> 00:13:17,377 I was rushing in from church. 334 00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,278 You know how sometimes your ass just be sticky. 335 00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:22,834 - [chuckles] Denise, please. Stop. 336 00:13:22,896 --> 00:13:25,856 It's--it's okay. - Is it, though? 337 00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,311 - Hey, why don't we play a little game 338 00:13:27,379 --> 00:13:29,279 while we wait for dinner. - Peter. 339 00:13:29,344 --> 00:13:31,034 - Oh, we could always use a little fun. 340 00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:33,003 How about charades? 341 00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:35,758 - That is not a bad idea. 342 00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,067 - Is it, though? 343 00:13:38,137 --> 00:13:41,967 - As the kids say, let's clown it up. 344 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,314 - You must speak with some old-ass kids. 345 00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:45,859 - Okay, fine. 346 00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,481 But I should warn you, 347 00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,931 we are charades pros. 348 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,241 - You know, sometimes I forget you White, 349 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,280 but it's this kind of shit that reminds me. 350 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,336 - "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"! 351 00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:03,483 - You got it! - Whoo-hoo-hoo! 352 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,901 - What pants? What hood? 353 00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:07,585 - It's a movie, dear. 354 00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:08,825 - Oh, okay. 355 00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:11,096 'Cause unless Idris was in it, I'm out. 356 00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:13,722 - Who's Idris? 357 00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,523 - He's who I pretend you are on Friday nights. 358 00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:19,974 - Okay, I'll go next. 359 00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:25,095 Okay. Okay. 360 00:14:26,689 --> 00:14:29,379 - Luther Ingram. 361 00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:31,238 El Camino. 362 00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:32,790 Cemetery. 363 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,342 - Um-- - Pied piper. 364 00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:37,343 - [hisses] - Buck-tooth pedophile. 365 00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:38,863 Clifford! 366 00:14:38,931 --> 00:14:41,241 Molestation. - Okay, that's our time. 367 00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,930 - Already? I thought that-- 368 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,030 I thought I was getting really close. 369 00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:45,483 - Denise, honey, is everything okay? 370 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,721 - Yeah, Lee, why? 371 00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:48,103 - Maybe you could use some of this. 372 00:14:48,172 --> 00:14:49,452 - No, thank you, I can't. 373 00:14:49,517 --> 00:14:50,717 - Of course you can. - I said no! 374 00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:54,383 - Oh! Oh, no. 375 00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,618 - I'm sorry. 376 00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,589 I just don't drink no more. 377 00:14:58,655 --> 00:14:59,785 But--but--but don't worry 378 00:14:59,862 --> 00:15:01,862 because I've got my Denise Grease. 379 00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:04,071 You know, it's not just a miracle hair product. 380 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137 It's also a really great industrial cleaner. 381 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,096 - Denise, honey, it's okay. You don't have to. 382 00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:09,902 - Yes, I do. I gotta get the stain out. 383 00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,475 - Okay, Denise, we need to talk. 384 00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:14,481 - Not until the mess is clean, Lee. 385 00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:22,928 - Oh, yeah, I'm eating right. 386 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,380 You ain't gotta worry about that. 387 00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:25,718 [chuckles] 388 00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:26,973 Girl, you so crazy. 389 00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,314 I can't wait to see your ass again. 390 00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:29,899 [laughs] 391 00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:31,965 - Hang up that phone. - What? 392 00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:33,454 - What in the world is going on in here? 393 00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,377 - Yeah, we heard the entire thing. 394 00:15:35,448 --> 00:15:36,688 And we know you're having an affair. 395 00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,138 - Mm-hmm. 396 00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:40,136 - Um, let me call you back. 397 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,166 - Not on my watch! 398 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:47,551 - An affair? Boy, boy, boy-- 399 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,450 That was my sister on the phone, boy. 400 00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,447 - You're having sex with your sister? 401 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,997 - Junebug. 402 00:15:54,068 --> 00:15:55,688 - Okay, okay. 403 00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:57,478 But w--w--what is this, huh? 404 00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:59,831 I suppose these are our side mama's 405 00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:01,786 booty-hole bonnets? 406 00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:05,762 - Why are my children throwing stripper diapers at me? 407 00:16:05,827 --> 00:16:08,477 - Well, we found the thong in the laundry. 408 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,901 It's not mine. It's definitely not Mama's. 409 00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,305 And there's no other women here. 410 00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:14,309 - You actually think I'm gonna cheat on your mama? 411 00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:15,999 How dare y'all? She will kill me 412 00:16:16,068 --> 00:16:17,478 then kill you for being half of me. 413 00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:19,341 Excuse me! 414 00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:25,825 - Told you. 415 00:16:25,896 --> 00:16:27,586 - [scoffs] 416 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,483 - You're not acting like yourself. 417 00:16:29,551 --> 00:16:31,031 Can you please tell me what's wrong? 418 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,623 - Nothing's wrong. 419 00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,099 I am so blessed, Lee. 420 00:16:34,172 --> 00:16:35,592 You know, God has got my shit on lock. 421 00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,205 - Okay, 'cause some of your answers in charades 422 00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:39,205 seem pretty extreme, 423 00:16:39,275 --> 00:16:40,755 like maybe they were about something else. 424 00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:43,097 - Well, I thought you were miming molesting. 425 00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:45,932 You're the one I'm concerned about. 426 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,720 - You know you can talk to me about anything, right? 427 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,340 - This ain't gonna work. 428 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,763 - What? 429 00:16:56,827 --> 00:16:58,067 - I didn't come from a family 430 00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,407 that plays charades before dinner. 431 00:17:00,482 --> 00:17:02,662 We played "Are We Gonna Eat Today?" 432 00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:04,074 - What does that have to do with anything? 433 00:17:04,137 --> 00:17:06,687 Why are you taking it there? 434 00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,408 - We're too different. 435 00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:10,902 And maybe we should just stop wasting each other's time. 436 00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,925 - Okay, look, I'm sorry my mom offered you wine. 437 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,410 Okay? She didn't know. 438 00:17:14,482 --> 00:17:15,932 - Okay, so your mother didn't know 439 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,380 that I'm a recovering addict? 440 00:17:17,448 --> 00:17:19,068 - That's not really something you lead with 441 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:20,407 when you're introducing someone. 442 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:22,452 - So you're ashamed of me? I fucking knew it. 443 00:17:22,517 --> 00:17:25,277 - No, no. That's not it at all. 444 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,454 What is all this? Where is this coming from? 445 00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:31,405 - Where is this coming from? 446 00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:33,212 Let me put it in language 447 00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:35,445 you might be able to understand. 448 00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,617 - Okay. 449 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,099 Two words. 450 00:17:39,172 --> 00:17:41,072 First word. 451 00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:44,687 Snapping. Uh, breaking. 452 00:17:44,758 --> 00:17:46,138 Second word. 453 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:51,030 Oh, my God, you're breaking up with me? 454 00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:54,523 - Yay! We got one. 455 00:17:54,586 --> 00:17:56,096 - Denise! 456 00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:57,692 - And I'll be damned if you think 457 00:17:57,758 --> 00:18:00,758 I'ma let you keep my box of the Denise Grease. 458 00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,927 - "Walk to Remember." - "Fast and Furious." 459 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,310 - "Gone Girl." 460 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,100 - So, guys, I don't think 461 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,522 my relationship is gonna work out, 462 00:18:11,586 --> 00:18:13,376 which is a bummer because my boyfriend and I have 463 00:18:13,448 --> 00:18:14,588 so much in common. 464 00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,235 You know, like, my love language is 465 00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:17,660 affection and touching. 466 00:18:17,724 --> 00:18:20,484 And his love language is affection and touching, too. 467 00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:22,861 Except he's touching other women. 468 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,483 - Y'all might as well go home, 469 00:18:25,551 --> 00:18:27,341 'cause you ain't gonna be able to follow my new closer. 470 00:18:27,413 --> 00:18:28,663 - Let me guess, 471 00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:31,104 you got some more titillating nipple material. 472 00:18:31,172 --> 00:18:34,242 - No. It's molestation material. 473 00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,140 - Sounds hilarious. 474 00:18:36,206 --> 00:18:37,406 - And that is my time, y'all. 475 00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:39,212 But your next comic up is hilarious. 476 00:18:39,275 --> 00:18:41,235 She's also the sexiest woman in here tonight 477 00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:42,720 according to my boyfriend. 478 00:18:42,793 --> 00:18:45,833 So, uh, why don't you join me in welcoming Ms. Pat. 479 00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:47,406 [applause] 480 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,312 [Luther Ingram's "If Loving You is Wrong" playing] 481 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,759 - ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 482 00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:54,687 - ♪ I don't want to be right ♪ 483 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,658 ♪ If being right means being without you ♪ 484 00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,724 ♪ I'd rather live a wrong-doing life ♪ 485 00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:02,693 - DJ, cut the fucking music off. 486 00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:09,166 I, um-- 487 00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:13,692 I can't do this. 488 00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:15,828 - Uh, Pat, you're being unprofessional. 489 00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:17,336 I need you to get back on that stage. 490 00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,863 - That song fucked me up. - Really, Pat? 491 00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,551 The DJ just played my entrance song. 492 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,520 Go on back out there and he'll play your Cardi B. 493 00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:26,166 - I need to go find my damn sister. 494 00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:28,001 - Damn. Now I gotta change my song 495 00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,478 to "I Be Strokin'." 496 00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,243 [cheering] 497 00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:34,590 - ♪ She working that back ♪ 498 00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,135 ♪ I don't know how to act ♪ 499 00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:38,656 ♪ Slow motion for me, slow motion for me ♪ 500 00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:42,524 ♪ Slow motion for me, move in slow motion for me ♪ 501 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,070 - What'll you have? 502 00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:47,167 - Uh, let me get a water. 503 00:19:47,241 --> 00:19:48,721 - All right. Just a water? 504 00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:51,103 - Yeah. 505 00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:53,932 Well, wait. Whiskey sour. 506 00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,723 Okay, no, wait. 507 00:19:57,793 --> 00:20:00,763 What am I doing? 508 00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,377 Hold the sour. 509 00:20:03,758 --> 00:20:04,658 - ♪ If you're loving my bark ♪ 510 00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:06,284 ♪ Let me bury my bone ♪ 511 00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,794 ♪ I got four or five bad married at home ♪ 512 00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:10,382 ♪ One of my fell in love ♪ 513 00:20:10,448 --> 00:20:12,278 ♪ With that outside ♪ 514 00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,454 ♪ That outside keep them sick ♪ 515 00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,137 ♪ Like, ugh, I like... ♪ 516 00:20:16,206 --> 00:20:18,066 - I'm so sorry, Lee. 517 00:20:18,137 --> 00:20:20,997 But I promise you there are other fish in the sea. 518 00:20:21,068 --> 00:20:23,028 - I don't want other fish. 519 00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:24,313 I caught Denise. 520 00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:26,549 And I enjoy having her in my bowl. 521 00:20:28,586 --> 00:20:30,856 - I'm--I'm gonna drop the fish metaphor. 522 00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:32,211 - Okay. 523 00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:35,585 She did seem very, um, special. 524 00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,305 - That's one way to put it. 525 00:20:37,379 --> 00:20:39,239 - She's not normally like this. 526 00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:42,310 - You sure about that? - Yes! 527 00:20:42,379 --> 00:20:44,519 She is an extremely devout 528 00:20:44,586 --> 00:20:46,136 church-going member of this community 529 00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,856 and so is her family. - Is that so? 530 00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:50,071 - Oh, yeah. 531 00:20:50,137 --> 00:20:51,307 Like, her sister Pat? 532 00:20:51,379 --> 00:20:54,659 She's extremely devout. 533 00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:57,174 - Where my God damn sister at, White nigga? 534 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,720 - Um, these are my parents. 535 00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:06,344 - All right, sexy people. 536 00:21:06,413 --> 00:21:11,313 Please welcome our next dancer to the stage, Project Boy! 537 00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:12,929 [cheering] 538 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,590 - Oh, yeah! 539 00:21:14,655 --> 00:21:16,235 - ♪ Give it to me, give it to me ♪ 540 00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,620 ♪ Give it to me ♪ 541 00:21:18,896 --> 00:21:21,546 - Hey! Show me that ass, Project Boy. 542 00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:29,072 Whoo! Yeah, yeah. Ah, Project Boy! 543 00:21:29,137 --> 00:21:30,967 Come here. 544 00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:32,414 - Stop, Auntie, it's me. 545 00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:34,032 - Ooh, I like when they call me Auntie. 546 00:21:34,103 --> 00:21:36,143 Say that shit again. - Denise. 547 00:21:36,206 --> 00:21:37,616 - How the fuck you know my name? 548 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,281 Oh, Brandon. 549 00:21:40,344 --> 00:21:42,314 Lord Jesus, just kill me. 550 00:21:42,379 --> 00:21:43,899 Take my eyes. 551 00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:46,445 Nigga, what you doing up there stripping for? 552 00:21:46,517 --> 00:21:47,927 And you stuffing. 553 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,140 You know your dick ain't that big. 554 00:21:50,206 --> 00:21:51,716 - Shut up, Aunt Denise. 555 00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,313 How many drinks have you had? 556 00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:56,449 - As many dollars as in your G-string. 557 00:21:56,517 --> 00:21:58,237 - Coming up next to the stage we have 558 00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:00,790 Muhammad All Meat. 559 00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,482 [cheering] 560 00:22:02,551 --> 00:22:05,071 - Whoo! Yeah. 561 00:22:05,137 --> 00:22:07,307 - Auntie, you know you're not supposed to be drinking. 562 00:22:07,379 --> 00:22:09,409 - And you not supposed to be stripping. 563 00:22:09,482 --> 00:22:11,072 - I'm only doing this 'cause I need extra cash 564 00:22:11,137 --> 00:22:12,377 because my stuff got stolen. 565 00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:14,718 - ♪ Oh, he works hard for the money ♪ 566 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,933 - Stop. Stop. Stop. - [vocalizes] 567 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,690 - Aunt Denise, stop. 568 00:22:18,758 --> 00:22:19,998 Come on. What's going on? 569 00:22:20,068 --> 00:22:21,448 Why are you doing this to yourself? 570 00:22:21,517 --> 00:22:24,207 - Okay, you're supposed to be Project Boy. 571 00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:25,755 You sound a lot like Pat. 572 00:22:25,827 --> 00:22:27,027 - Okay, come one. 573 00:22:27,103 --> 00:22:28,243 Let me just get you back to Lee's house. 574 00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:29,830 - I can't go to Lee's house, nephew. 575 00:22:29,896 --> 00:22:31,896 - Why? - 'Cause his parents is there 576 00:22:31,965 --> 00:22:33,475 and they hate me already. 577 00:22:33,551 --> 00:22:34,791 - Okay, well, I'll just take you home, then. 578 00:22:34,862 --> 00:22:38,032 - I can't go home with you. [whimpers] 579 00:22:38,103 --> 00:22:40,073 Pat can't see me like this 580 00:22:40,137 --> 00:22:43,377 or she'll have me hanging like one of them dicks up there 581 00:22:43,448 --> 00:22:45,338 choking on rubber bands. - Okay, okay. 582 00:22:45,413 --> 00:22:49,073 Auntie, focus. All right? Focus. 583 00:22:49,137 --> 00:22:50,277 - Stop, you're making me dizzy. 584 00:22:50,344 --> 00:22:54,104 Listen, I'm going to sneak you in, okay? 585 00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:55,552 But you have to play this cool. 586 00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:57,140 - You see this wig? 587 00:22:57,206 --> 00:23:00,376 Okay, your auntie is the blueprint for cool. 588 00:23:02,931 --> 00:23:04,411 - Say, bro, I know you're new here, 589 00:23:04,482 --> 00:23:06,212 but I call all the super-lit bitches. 590 00:23:06,275 --> 00:23:07,715 - Wh--what? - They pay more. 591 00:23:07,793 --> 00:23:09,523 Newbies get the tipsy to the medium-lit bitches. 592 00:23:09,586 --> 00:23:11,446 - Oh, okay. Well, take me, Daddy. 593 00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:12,687 [giggles] - Hey, you can call me 594 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,308 Mighty Long. - No, no, no, no. 595 00:23:14,379 --> 00:23:15,999 Don't call him nothing, Aunt Denise, all right? 596 00:23:16,068 --> 00:23:17,208 That's my auntie, man. 597 00:23:17,275 --> 00:23:18,965 - Might Long don't give a damn. 598 00:23:19,034 --> 00:23:20,384 And there ain't no family discounts neither. 599 00:23:20,448 --> 00:23:21,718 Come on, baby. Hey! 600 00:23:21,793 --> 00:23:24,483 Yabba-dabba-doo. [laughs] 601 00:23:24,551 --> 00:23:26,721 - Man, why don't you just back the fuck off? 602 00:23:26,793 --> 00:23:28,173 - I know you ain't talking to Mighty Long. 603 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:29,551 - [scoffs] I am. 604 00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:30,970 - Mighty Long got the biggest dick in the room. 605 00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:32,104 Mighty Long make the rules. - Oh, is that right? 606 00:23:32,172 --> 00:23:33,552 Well, you know what you need to do? 607 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,000 You need to give your little sister her legs back. 608 00:23:35,068 --> 00:23:36,658 Who you talking to? - What the--hey, come on, now. 609 00:23:36,724 --> 00:23:40,414 - [vomits] - Oh! [screams] 610 00:23:40,482 --> 00:23:43,002 I just bought this skirt. 611 00:23:43,068 --> 00:23:45,068 - It's gonna be a mighty long cleanup. 612 00:23:45,137 --> 00:23:47,477 All right, come on, Auntie. Let me get you home. 613 00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,521 I'ma give you your lap dance when I get back. 614 00:23:51,793 --> 00:23:53,283 - This ain't the first time 615 00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:54,794 that a stripper brought me home. 616 00:23:54,862 --> 00:23:56,832 - Shh! You're gonna get us caught. 617 00:23:56,896 --> 00:23:58,966 - Then you not very good, Project Boy, 618 00:23:59,034 --> 00:24:01,004 'cause the key to sneaking in houses is 619 00:24:01,068 --> 00:24:03,278 you gotta be very quiet. 620 00:24:03,344 --> 00:24:04,834 - Where the hell y'all been? 621 00:24:04,896 --> 00:24:06,926 - Oh, bitch, are you making breakfast? 622 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,970 'Cause I want two eggs, some bacon... 623 00:24:10,034 --> 00:24:12,244 - What the hell, Denise? I been looking for you. 624 00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:14,720 - Oh, well, she just came by to borrow a-- 625 00:24:14,793 --> 00:24:17,863 - Spatula. Boop. Boop. 626 00:24:17,931 --> 00:24:19,481 Boop. Boop. 627 00:24:21,034 --> 00:24:24,414 - She drunk. - I am not drunk. 628 00:24:24,482 --> 00:24:27,482 I'm lit-bricated. That's-- 629 00:24:27,551 --> 00:24:30,791 That's "lit" and "lubricated." 630 00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:32,552 - Put her drunk ass on the couch. 631 00:24:38,793 --> 00:24:42,143 - Um, I--I got a new job. And it's a-- 632 00:24:42,206 --> 00:24:43,306 - I don't even give a fuck, 633 00:24:43,379 --> 00:24:44,719 just as long as you have my rent money. 634 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,930 Put that nasty shit in the washing machine. 635 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,760 - You want me to launder money? 636 00:25:04,827 --> 00:25:05,967 - I don't want no money 637 00:25:06,034 --> 00:25:08,034 with no ding-a-ling hair on it. 638 00:25:17,172 --> 00:25:18,902 Damn, Denise, when you fall off the wagon, 639 00:25:18,965 --> 00:25:20,895 you really fall off the wagon. 640 00:25:20,965 --> 00:25:24,065 I didn't fall off. Your joke pushed me off. 641 00:25:24,137 --> 00:25:25,967 - Look, you can't blame me and everybody else 642 00:25:26,034 --> 00:25:27,524 for the choices that you make. 643 00:25:27,586 --> 00:25:29,826 - Right. 'Cause it's my fault, right? 644 00:25:29,896 --> 00:25:31,546 It's my fault I was a crackhead. 645 00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:33,790 It's my fault I'm an alcoholic. 646 00:25:33,862 --> 00:25:36,832 It's all my fault. Where you going? 647 00:25:36,896 --> 00:25:38,686 That's right, bitch. Y'all say-- 648 00:25:38,758 --> 00:25:40,998 You know what? Tell all your fans 649 00:25:41,068 --> 00:25:43,548 that I'm the fucked up sister who ain't got shit. 650 00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:45,930 Tell all the motherfuckers. 651 00:25:48,517 --> 00:25:50,137 I'm sorry, Pat. 652 00:25:55,172 --> 00:25:57,212 - I've been looking for you all night. 653 00:25:57,275 --> 00:26:00,475 - Let me guess, you made the joke even more fucked up? 654 00:26:00,551 --> 00:26:02,281 - No, I went on stage to do it 655 00:26:02,344 --> 00:26:05,664 and the damn DJ played the wrong intro song-- 656 00:26:05,724 --> 00:26:08,074 "If Loving You is Wrong." 657 00:26:08,137 --> 00:26:10,237 - Oh, shit. 658 00:26:12,758 --> 00:26:14,068 - And it triggered me. 659 00:26:14,137 --> 00:26:16,967 Now I know how my joke triggered you. 660 00:26:17,034 --> 00:26:18,974 And that's hard to say. 661 00:26:19,034 --> 00:26:23,074 - I know it's hard for you to apologize, Pat Pat. 662 00:26:23,137 --> 00:26:25,547 - No, it's hard for me to say "trigger." 663 00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,550 Too many consonants. 664 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,900 - Well, you say "nigga" just fine. 665 00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:34,305 - But that's still no reason for you to be drinking. 666 00:26:34,379 --> 00:26:37,169 - Be glad it ain't what it could have been. 667 00:26:37,241 --> 00:26:38,761 - So every time you have a problem in your life 668 00:26:38,827 --> 00:26:39,757 this is what you're gonna do? 669 00:26:39,827 --> 00:26:41,967 - No, I went to church first. 670 00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:43,864 - Church is not a destination, Denise. 671 00:26:43,931 --> 00:26:45,451 It's a street to where you need to get to. 672 00:26:45,517 --> 00:26:48,027 When are you gonna start taking responsibility for yourself? 673 00:26:48,103 --> 00:26:49,973 - Well, look, I just haven't come to terms 674 00:26:50,034 --> 00:26:51,794 with what happened to us, Pat. 675 00:26:51,862 --> 00:26:54,002 And I don't have a way to cope with it. 676 00:26:54,068 --> 00:26:55,478 I mean, you got your jokes and shit 677 00:26:55,551 --> 00:26:58,141 to work through it your way, and what do I got? 678 00:26:58,206 --> 00:26:59,756 - You got Denise Grease. 679 00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:01,237 It work for you but it don't work 680 00:27:01,310 --> 00:27:03,170 for nobody else. 681 00:27:03,241 --> 00:27:05,791 - Fuck you, Pat. 682 00:27:05,862 --> 00:27:10,412 But you right. It works for me. 683 00:27:10,482 --> 00:27:14,792 I wonder why Mama and Mr. John came to you in your dream. 684 00:27:14,862 --> 00:27:16,172 That's weird, right? 685 00:27:16,241 --> 00:27:20,341 I think it was his way of saying that he won, 686 00:27:21,793 --> 00:27:24,313 'cause Mama died not knowing. 687 00:27:24,379 --> 00:27:26,899 But I don't think she wanted me to die without speaking. 688 00:27:26,965 --> 00:27:29,375 - Not with your loud-ass mouth. 689 00:27:29,448 --> 00:27:30,998 - [chuckles] 690 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,028 Kind of fucked up we got our own theme song 691 00:27:35,103 --> 00:27:37,313 to get molested, ain't it? 692 00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:38,759 - Really, Pat? 693 00:27:38,827 --> 00:27:41,237 After all of this, you still gonna go there? 694 00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:44,450 - I mean, we can always take it back. 695 00:27:44,517 --> 00:27:45,967 - What you mean? 696 00:27:46,034 --> 00:27:48,074 - You shouldn't be hurt by a joke. 697 00:27:48,137 --> 00:27:50,067 And I shouldn't be hurt by a song. 698 00:27:50,137 --> 00:27:52,027 That's still giving that bastard strength 699 00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:54,903 even though he's in the grave. 700 00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:57,855 - Yeah, but how we supposed to fix that? 701 00:28:02,103 --> 00:28:05,663 - ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 702 00:28:05,724 --> 00:28:08,004 ♪ I don't want to be right ♪ 703 00:28:10,241 --> 00:28:13,521 ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 704 00:28:13,586 --> 00:28:16,516 ♪ I don't want to be right ♪ 705 00:28:16,586 --> 00:28:19,896 ♪ If being right means being without you ♪ 706 00:28:19,965 --> 00:28:22,375 ♪ I'd rather be lonely in life ♪ 707 00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:27,620 - ♪ Your mama and daddy say ♪ - ♪ It's a shame ♪ 708 00:28:27,689 --> 00:28:31,899 [together] ♪ It's a downright disgrace ♪ 709 00:28:31,965 --> 00:28:34,965 ♪ Long as I got you by my side ♪ 710 00:28:35,034 --> 00:28:38,414 ♪ I don't care what the people think ♪ 711 00:28:38,482 --> 00:28:42,172 ♪ My friends tell me it's no future ♪ 712 00:28:42,241 --> 00:28:45,311 ♪ In loving a married man ♪ 713 00:28:45,379 --> 00:28:48,759 - ♪ If I can't see you when I want ♪ 714 00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:52,277 [together] ♪ I see you when I can ♪ 715 00:28:52,344 --> 00:28:54,974 - ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ 716 00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:57,034 - I love you. - I love you, too. 717 00:29:01,482 --> 00:29:07,072 ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪ - Shut the fuck up. 718 00:29:07,137 --> 00:29:10,787 - Mmm. I'm never drinking again. 719 00:29:10,862 --> 00:29:13,102 I feel like I've been beat up 720 00:29:13,172 --> 00:29:15,972 by a bunch of Floyd Mayweathers. 721 00:29:16,034 --> 00:29:18,074 [phone buzzing] 722 00:29:18,137 --> 00:29:20,167 - Lee calling. You gonna get that? 723 00:29:20,241 --> 00:29:21,661 - No. 724 00:29:21,724 --> 00:29:24,414 I don't need that right now, and he don't need this. 725 00:29:24,482 --> 00:29:26,482 - Well, therapy's still on the table 726 00:29:26,551 --> 00:29:28,831 if you want to go. - Man, do y'all niggas get 727 00:29:28,896 --> 00:29:31,656 coupons for taking people to therapy? 728 00:29:31,724 --> 00:29:34,454 Y'all always trying to heal. 729 00:29:34,517 --> 00:29:35,517 - Glad you guys are here. 730 00:29:35,586 --> 00:29:37,206 Look, um-- 731 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,685 I just want to make sure that my little secret 732 00:29:39,758 --> 00:29:41,378 stays between us. 733 00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:44,968 - What, about you being a chocolate Chippendale? 734 00:29:45,034 --> 00:29:46,454 - Well, if anybody know about doing 735 00:29:46,517 --> 00:29:48,657 weird shit for money, it's definitely me and Denise. 736 00:29:48,724 --> 00:29:50,834 - Ain't that the truth. 737 00:29:50,896 --> 00:29:52,546 - Your secret is safe with us, son. 738 00:29:52,620 --> 00:29:54,210 [Ludacris' "What's Your Fantasy playing] 739 00:29:54,275 --> 00:29:56,275 - ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪ 740 00:29:56,344 --> 00:29:58,074 ♪ From your head to your toes ♪ 741 00:29:58,137 --> 00:29:59,687 ♪ And I want to move from the bed ♪ 742 00:29:59,758 --> 00:30:01,208 ♪ Down to the, down to the floor ♪ 743 00:30:01,275 --> 00:30:02,855 ♪ Then I want to [grunts] ♪ 744 00:30:02,931 --> 00:30:05,411 ♪ You make it so good I don't want to leave... ♪ 745 00:30:05,482 --> 00:30:06,792 - Mom. 746 00:30:06,862 --> 00:30:09,102 - I wasn't gonna keep no secret that juicy. 747 00:30:09,172 --> 00:30:10,622 We ain't had a stripper in our family 748 00:30:10,689 --> 00:30:12,069 since Aunt Myrtle. 749 00:30:12,137 --> 00:30:13,407 - Aunt Myrtle was a stripper? 750 00:30:13,482 --> 00:30:15,762 - Uh-huh. And her stripper name was Atlanta. 751 00:30:15,827 --> 00:30:17,137 - Atlanta? 752 00:30:17,206 --> 00:30:19,236 - Yeah, 'cause she was big and Black as fuck. 753 00:30:19,310 --> 00:30:21,030 [both chuckle] - You see, now that's a joke 754 00:30:21,103 --> 00:30:22,693 you can tell about family. 755 00:30:22,758 --> 00:30:24,858 - Thank you, Aunt Myrtle. 756 00:30:24,931 --> 00:30:26,451 - ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪ 757 00:30:26,517 --> 00:30:28,277 ♪ From your head to your toes ♪ 758 00:30:28,344 --> 00:30:30,244 ♪ And I want to move from the bed ♪ 759 00:30:30,310 --> 00:30:31,690 ♪ Down to the, down to the floor ♪ 760 00:30:31,758 --> 00:30:34,308 ♪ And I want to [grunts] ♪ 761 00:30:34,379 --> 00:30:35,929 - What in the hell is going on-- 762 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,340 you know what? [chuckles] 763 00:30:37,413 --> 00:30:38,973 I am way to tired 764 00:30:39,034 --> 00:30:41,314 to deal with whatever this is. 765 00:30:42,724 --> 00:30:45,454 Mm-mm! 766 00:30:45,517 --> 00:30:47,277 This family gets weirder by the day. 767 00:30:48,827 --> 00:30:50,307 - Shake that ass, Junebug! 768 00:30:50,379 --> 00:30:51,759 - ♪ See I cast 'em, then I passed 'em ♪ 769 00:30:51,827 --> 00:30:53,927 ♪ Get a tight grip and I grasp 'em ♪ 770 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,450 ♪ I flash 'em and outlast 'em ♪ 771 00:30:55,517 --> 00:30:57,167 ♪ And if it ain't good then I trash 'em ♪ 772 00:30:57,241 --> 00:30:58,621 ♪ While you stash 'em, I'll let 'em free ♪ 773 00:30:58,689 --> 00:31:00,449 ♪ And they tell me what they fantasy ♪ 774 00:31:04,620 --> 00:31:06,450 [funky music] 775 00:31:06,517 --> 00:31:08,477 - ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 776 00:31:08,551 --> 00:31:10,901 ♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪ 777 00:31:10,965 --> 00:31:12,855 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 778 00:31:12,931 --> 00:31:15,171 ♪ And you can't get enough ♪ 779 00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,281 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 780 00:31:17,344 --> 00:31:19,454 ♪ With a husband and kids ♪ 781 00:31:19,517 --> 00:31:22,757 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 782 00:31:22,827 --> 00:31:27,407 ♪ And it's the Ms. Pat Show ♪ 783 00:31:27,457 --> 00:31:32,007 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 56678

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