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- "The Ms. Pat Show" is filmed
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00:00:11,172 --> 00:00:12,412
in front of
a live studio audience.
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00:00:12,482 --> 00:00:14,522
- The hardest thing
about being a comedian is
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00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:17,516
when your whole family
want to be in your act.
5
00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:19,786
And then when you actually
put them in your act,
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00:00:19,862 --> 00:00:22,452
oh, child, you go from being
a funny motherfucker
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00:00:22,517 --> 00:00:25,307
to a motherfucker who thinks
she's funny.
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00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:27,339
Sometimes the truth is
what make you laugh,
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00:00:27,413 --> 00:00:29,903
even though the truth
might not be funny.
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00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:32,405
When you remove the power
from pain,
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00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:33,792
it's like a motherfucker
robbing you
12
00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,412
with a gun with no bullets--
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00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:37,412
weak and about to get
whipped.
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00:00:43,482 --> 00:00:44,832
Why do people come
to the graveyard
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00:00:44,896 --> 00:00:46,376
fucking with dead people?
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00:00:46,448 --> 00:00:48,098
The reason why they're here is
they wanted to be alone.
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00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:49,312
That's why they died.
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00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:50,829
- I know.
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00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:52,616
That's why I wish I had brought
some plastic flowers
20
00:00:52,689 --> 00:00:54,519
so we wouldn't have
to come back ever again.
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00:00:57,931 --> 00:01:00,171
- Wait.
- What's wrong?
22
00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:02,721
- Look at this grave.
23
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:05,693
Is that Mr.--
Mr. John?
24
00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,068
- Oh, my God.
25
00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:09,857
What the hell is he doing
here in the cemetery?
26
00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:11,691
- He dead, Denise.
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00:01:11,758 --> 00:01:12,998
What I want to know is
why the hell
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00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:15,378
he buried his self
next to our mama.
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00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:18,658
- You bet not say
a God damn thing.
30
00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:20,174
- [screams]
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00:01:20,241 --> 00:01:22,901
This motherfucker's gonna
take me to hell.
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00:01:22,965 --> 00:01:25,545
[screaming]
33
00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:26,790
[screams]
34
00:01:32,241 --> 00:01:34,031
[chuckles]
35
00:01:35,758 --> 00:01:37,448
Whoo.
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00:01:37,517 --> 00:01:40,307
Another one. [chuckles]
37
00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:45,069
- ♪ Come on, it's time to go.
It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
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00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:46,337
- Shit.
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00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:48,723
Y'all ain't got no more milk.
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00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:49,723
- Why are you shopping
41
00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,343
out of our refrigerator?
42
00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:53,213
- Stay out of grown folks'
business.
43
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,545
- I'm grown.
44
00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:56,140
Why are you shopping
out of our refrigerator?
45
00:01:56,206 --> 00:01:58,066
- Because I gotta make dinner
at Lee's tonight.
46
00:01:58,137 --> 00:01:59,377
- Mm-hmm.
47
00:01:59,448 --> 00:02:01,408
- Well, I'ma need to swipe
Lee's credit card
48
00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:04,212
before you leave
out this kitchen, yeah?
49
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:07,165
- Well, how about I just wash
your dishes?
50
00:02:07,241 --> 00:02:09,311
- And my car.
51
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,099
Can you please pass
the syrup?
52
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,622
- Oh, fuck yeah, nigga,
53
00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:15,519
I'll pass this shit
right the fuck over, bitch.
54
00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:20,448
- What, did you catch
cussing Tourette's overnight?
55
00:02:20,517 --> 00:02:22,997
- No, I gotta meet
Lee's parents tonight,
56
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:24,858
Mr. Clean and Mrs. Cleaner,
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00:02:24,931 --> 00:02:26,691
so I'm just trying to get
all my cussing out now.
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00:02:26,758 --> 00:02:29,518
You know, fuck, shit, piss,
ass, and so on.
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00:02:29,586 --> 00:02:31,966
- Well, thank you for doing
that in front of my children.
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00:02:32,034 --> 00:02:34,724
- Have you met their mama?
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00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:37,343
- Lazarus, come forth!
62
00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:40,033
- Don't talk to me like that,
Mighty Long.
63
00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:42,213
- Boy, why are you sleeping
at the breakfast table?
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00:02:42,275 --> 00:02:43,405
- Got a new job
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00:02:43,482 --> 00:02:44,832
and I'm working
the night shift.
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00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:47,516
But I don't want to bore y'all
with the details.
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00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:48,966
- We never asked for them.
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00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:51,144
- Yeah, you plenty boring
already without having to go
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00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:52,786
through all that trouble.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:54,792
- Big news, y'all,
I had a dream.
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00:02:54,862 --> 00:02:56,032
- Nobody cares unless you're
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00:02:56,103 --> 00:02:58,863
a juicy-lipped preacher
named Martin.
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00:02:58,931 --> 00:03:01,691
- You know, I never remember
my dreams.
74
00:03:01,758 --> 00:03:04,238
- I bet your
crusty-ass sheets remember.
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00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:08,834
- You know what?
I am done eating.
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00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:10,786
- So in my dream,
we went to Mama's grave
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00:03:10,862 --> 00:03:13,382
and Mr. John was buried
next to her.
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00:03:13,448 --> 00:03:15,448
- Mama's boyfriend, Mr. John?
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00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:17,967
- Yeah. And he bust his fist
right out of the dirt.
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00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:19,664
You know, like in one
of those horror movies
81
00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:21,864
where they throw the tampons
at the ginger bitch?
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00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:23,521
- I don't want to hear
the rest of it, Pat.
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00:03:23,586 --> 00:03:26,376
- Fine. But listen,
it made me think of a joke
84
00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:27,758
about when he used
to abuse us.
85
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:30,447
- A joke.
- Yeah, you want to hear it?
86
00:03:30,517 --> 00:03:33,547
So...
[blender whirring]
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00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:38,687
- Enough of this.
[laughs]
88
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:40,548
- Jesus, Mom.
89
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,550
- I wasn't looking for Jesus.
90
00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,450
I was looking for laughter.
91
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,787
Why y'all ain't laughing?
92
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:49,522
- Uh--[chuckles weakly]
That wasn't funny.
93
00:03:49,586 --> 00:03:50,756
- Not at all.
That's some, um,
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00:03:50,827 --> 00:03:52,587
pretty heavy material
for 8:00 a.m.
95
00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:53,855
- Well, I mean,
did you not understand it?
96
00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:55,721
Let me start over.
- No, I understood it.
97
00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:57,073
That's the problem.
98
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,337
You don't need to be bringing
all that up.
99
00:03:58,413 --> 00:03:59,933
- It was just a joke, Denise.
100
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,930
- Well, not everything's
meant to be a joke, Pat.
101
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,970
- Ain't this some bullshit?
I'm hilarious.
102
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:07,974
And I'm cursed
with an unfunny-ass family.
103
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:09,764
You know what?
I see why Michael left.
104
00:04:09,827 --> 00:04:12,517
Y'all a bunch
of hatin'-ass Jermaines.
105
00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:16,377
- Well, can we just agree
to make breakfast
106
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:19,138
a sexual-assault-free zone?
107
00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:20,586
- Really, Terry?
108
00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:22,235
You sitting there assaulting
that pig right now.
109
00:04:29,827 --> 00:04:31,307
You really didn't think
my joke was funny?
110
00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:32,859
- No.
111
00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:35,001
And I don't want you telling it
ever again.
112
00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:36,408
- But it's gonna kill.
113
00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:38,792
- It's gonna kill
my God damn soul, Pat.
114
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,792
- Well, then don't come
to the club, Denise.
115
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:42,242
- There are
more important things
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00:04:42,310 --> 00:04:43,520
than getting laughs.
117
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,306
- Not to a comedian.
118
00:04:45,379 --> 00:04:47,309
Laughter is how I deal
with this shit.
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00:04:47,379 --> 00:04:50,549
- You and me haven't even had
a conversation about Mr. John
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00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,310
and what he did to us.
121
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,069
And now a bunch of strangers
gonna be laughing about it?
122
00:04:55,137 --> 00:04:56,687
- When do I need to have
a conversation with you
123
00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:58,588
about the jokes
that I do on stage?
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00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:01,685
- When the jokes have things
that happened to me.
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00:05:01,758 --> 00:05:04,238
- Don't you mean us?
'Cause I was there, too.
126
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:05,620
- Exactly.
127
00:05:05,689 --> 00:05:07,209
Which is why I don't want
you talking about it.
128
00:05:07,275 --> 00:05:09,095
- Fine.
129
00:05:09,172 --> 00:05:10,972
You right.
130
00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,414
I'll leave your half out.
131
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:17,755
- Piss, shit, dick, ass.
132
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,000
- Can you please keep
your nasty,
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00:05:24,068 --> 00:05:28,758
City Girl underpants
out of my laundry?
134
00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,757
- With all those
OnlyFans subscriptions
135
00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:33,967
you should know
it's called a thong.
136
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,004
And that's not mine.
137
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,138
- Ugh. They're Mama's?
138
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,716
- [chuckles]
139
00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,243
Mama can barely keep
her bra on.
140
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:43,210
You think she gonna be wearing
something that's digging
141
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:45,305
in her cheeks all day?
142
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,929
- Well, then who's the freak?
143
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,340
- Where'd you find it?
144
00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,173
- It was
in with my clean clothes.
145
00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:53,861
- Wasn't Daddy doing laundry?
Maybe it's his.
146
00:05:53,931 --> 00:05:56,791
- Now, you know, not one part
of Dad fits in here.
147
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,624
But, you know, he has been
getting home late
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00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:03,339
a lot recently.
149
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:05,313
- Yeah, but he's been working
overtime.
150
00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:07,659
- Maybe.
151
00:06:07,724 --> 00:06:10,934
Or maybe he's cheating on Mom
with a hooker.
152
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,860
- [scoffs] The term "hooker"
is offensive, Junebug.
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00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,901
They like to be called
"sex workers."
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00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,275
How is "sex worker"
better than "hooker"?
155
00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:22,244
You might as well call them
a coochie congress
156
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,380
or super-spreaders.
157
00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:25,448
- Okay. Stop, please.
158
00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,587
And, look, Daddy would never
cheat on Mom.
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00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,165
She'd kill him.
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00:06:29,241 --> 00:06:32,451
And then she'll kill us
for being half of him.
161
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,477
- You ain't lying.
162
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,791
- But that thong belongs
to somebody.
163
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,792
- [gasps] Thong?
164
00:06:38,862 --> 00:06:41,032
Janelle, that is so offensive.
165
00:06:41,103 --> 00:06:42,413
The term is "anal floss."
166
00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,622
- [squeals]
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00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:46,859
Boy...
[squeals]
168
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,901
- Thank you for letting me
swing by Pat's.
169
00:06:50,965 --> 00:06:54,445
I forgot my bag of groceries.
[chuckles]
170
00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:56,067
And thank you for coming
to church with me.
171
00:06:56,137 --> 00:06:58,067
I didn't know you were saved.
- Oh, I am.
172
00:06:58,137 --> 00:07:00,687
All my life, actually.
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00:07:00,758 --> 00:07:02,658
That aside,
I was just about to ask you
174
00:07:02,724 --> 00:07:04,484
if you wanted to go
to that new strip club
175
00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:06,281
with me tonight?
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00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:07,794
- Girl.
- What?
177
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,722
- Didn't you just leave
the church house?
178
00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:13,033
- Um, as a good Christian,
I feel like it's our duty
179
00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:16,763
to support those boys
through college.
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00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,097
Okay, fine.
But I'm not going without you,
181
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,142
so I'll just wait.
182
00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,212
Denise?
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00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:26,235
I hate to pry, you just seem
a little troubled.
184
00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:28,520
You know, you can talk to me
about anything.
185
00:07:28,586 --> 00:07:30,376
You know that, right?
186
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:31,858
- Yeah, I'm--I'm fine.
187
00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:34,211
It's just something
from my past
188
00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,825
keeps coming back to haunt me,
189
00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:37,586
and every time it does
it makes me do things
190
00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:38,825
I don't really want to do.
191
00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:41,546
- Oof, well, I can relate
to that.
192
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,170
- You can?
- Ooh, yeah.
193
00:07:43,241 --> 00:07:45,521
I have a whole dark chapter
in my life
194
00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:48,336
that I've never quite reckoned
with.
195
00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:52,073
- Well, don't be tease, bitch,
spit that shit out.
196
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,211
- [sighs]
197
00:07:54,275 --> 00:07:56,275
I had a car accident.
198
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:58,724
And I ran over--
199
00:07:58,793 --> 00:08:01,003
ran over a puppy
in the street.
200
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,100
And it still haunts me,
you know?
201
00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,552
I can't even babysit
my nephews
202
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,480
because they like to watch
"Paw Patrol."
203
00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:12,521
It--it's hard.
204
00:08:12,586 --> 00:08:16,546
- Wow, no "Paw Patrol."
Tragic.
205
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,972
Yeah, no, my shit's
206
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,004
a little bit darker than that.
[chuckles weakly]
207
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:26,378
- Oh, well, do you want
to talk about it?
208
00:08:26,448 --> 00:08:29,588
- Well, I've gotta warn you
it's pretty rough.
209
00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:31,925
- I'm sure I can take it.
210
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,620
- When me and my sister
were kids,
211
00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:37,099
our mom had this boyfriend,
Mr. John.
212
00:08:37,172 --> 00:08:41,932
And he would always take us
on long drives to a cemetery.
213
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,590
And then he would park
and he'd put on this song,
214
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,785
"If Loving You is Wrong."
215
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,482
And every time
that song came on,
216
00:08:50,551 --> 00:08:52,141
he would just start
touching us.
217
00:08:52,206 --> 00:08:53,546
- Oh, shit!
218
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620
Ooh! No.
219
00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:57,832
Sorry.
220
00:08:57,896 --> 00:09:00,066
Yeah, I can't really relate
to that.
221
00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:03,897
But the puppy did touch
all four of my wheels.
222
00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:08,070
- It's okay, I get it.
223
00:09:08,137 --> 00:09:10,237
Guess I'll just have to stay
messed up.
224
00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:11,410
- No, no.
225
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,972
Do not think of it like that.
226
00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:15,594
[phone ringing]
- One sec.
227
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:19,343
Hey, Lee.
228
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:21,383
Oh, shoot, babe.
I forgot.
229
00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:22,858
I totally lost track of time.
230
00:09:22,931 --> 00:09:24,931
I'm--I'm on my way now.
Okay.
231
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,930
Bye.
232
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,660
- Well, it sounds
like you have to go,
233
00:09:28,724 --> 00:09:30,174
but just--just try to remember
234
00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:32,591
that sometimes things happen
for a reason.
235
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:33,925
- Well, what's the reason?
236
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,900
- To make us stronger.
237
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:38,655
- You can't even watch
"Blue's Clues" without crying.
238
00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:44,066
- Okay, but I can do "Clifford"
because he's not a puppy.
239
00:09:44,137 --> 00:09:47,337
- Clifford is a puppy.
He's just really big.
240
00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:50,173
- What?
241
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,211
Wait, what?
242
00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:55,335
[weeping] Oh, my God,
are you kidding me?
243
00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:58,104
- Hey, so since you was
offended this morning,
244
00:09:58,172 --> 00:10:01,072
I think I made the joke better
for weak-asses like you.
245
00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:03,067
- I already heard it, Ma.
- No, I punched it up.
246
00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,407
It's much better.
Listen.
247
00:10:04,482 --> 00:10:05,522
So, Mr. John...
248
00:10:05,586 --> 00:10:06,926
- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪
249
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,340
♪ From your head
to your toes ♪
250
00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,003
♪ And I want to move ♪
251
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,208
- Brandon, turn
that God damn music off.
252
00:10:12,275 --> 00:10:13,655
- Sorry, Ma!
253
00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:16,621
- What did you think?
254
00:10:16,689 --> 00:10:18,169
- I think you made it worse.
255
00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:19,521
It's offensive.
256
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,756
- I'm the one who got molested.
Laugh at it.
257
00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,547
- I don't want to laugh at it.
258
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:26,310
- I swear
your generation hate comedy.
259
00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:28,479
- No, we just think comedy
260
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,031
should be about punching up.
261
00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:31,663
- Just because something
happened to somebody
262
00:10:31,724 --> 00:10:33,484
don't mean
they can't laugh at it.
263
00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,931
- Hey, Ma, uh,
have you seen Dad?
264
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,170
Shouldn't he be home by now?
- He working late.
265
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,832
- I love you, Ma.
It's gonna be all right.
266
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,856
- What the fuck is wrong
with your weird ass?
267
00:10:49,172 --> 00:10:52,522
- Dad, you're here.
- Yeah, baby.
268
00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:54,616
- Why is your shirt untucked?
269
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,284
- Boy, my shirt
always untucked.
270
00:10:58,344 --> 00:11:01,694
Who are you,
the damn shirt-tucking police?
271
00:11:01,758 --> 00:11:02,788
Now, look, you and Janelle
go on upstairs
272
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,312
so I can speak
with your mother.
273
00:11:07,241 --> 00:11:09,171
Wait--ah--
274
00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:12,761
- Just FYI,
I love this family.
275
00:11:12,827 --> 00:11:14,927
Our family.
276
00:11:19,827 --> 00:11:21,277
- That boy gets weirder
by the day.
277
00:11:23,344 --> 00:11:24,974
- Um, listen, Denise wanted
me to talk to you
278
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,664
about that joke
you told this morning.
279
00:11:26,724 --> 00:11:27,764
- Yeah, I want to tell you
about it.
280
00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:28,967
I fixed it. So, look...
- Uh-huh.
281
00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,034
- When Mr. John
would pick us up...
282
00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:31,723
- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪
283
00:11:31,793 --> 00:11:33,003
♪ From your head
to your toes ♪
284
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,308
- Brandon, turn
that God damn music off
285
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:38,029
before I flood that basement
like Katrina.
286
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,338
- Yay! FEMA check.
287
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,484
- So what do you think?
288
00:11:44,551 --> 00:11:45,831
- Baby, I didn't want
to hear it again.
289
00:11:45,896 --> 00:11:47,546
I just wanted to tell you
not to do it anymore.
290
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:48,720
- [scoffs]
291
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:49,833
Do Denise
and the Comedy Killers
292
00:11:49,896 --> 00:11:51,306
done got to you too.
293
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,969
- Oh, hey, Pat, wait--
look, now.
294
00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:55,864
Don't you understand
that something like this
295
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:58,591
might bother your sister?
296
00:11:58,655 --> 00:12:00,545
- I don't tell cat jokes,
Terry.
297
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,310
I tell pussy jokes.
298
00:12:03,379 --> 00:12:05,929
And y'all know my humor is
as dark as you.
299
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,310
- All right, okay.
300
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:12,759
Remember how my nappy hair joke
triggered you?
301
00:12:12,827 --> 00:12:14,237
- First of all,
fuck you for saying that.
302
00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:15,590
- Wow.
303
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:16,715
- And second of all,
304
00:12:16,793 --> 00:12:18,003
you're not
a professional comedian.
305
00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:20,278
And third of all,
the shit ain't funny.
306
00:12:20,344 --> 00:12:21,864
- What, because it was
about you, right?
307
00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:23,521
- This is about me too, Terry.
308
00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:27,686
I'm in control of my Gospel
stage play childhood.
309
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:28,898
- Pat--
- Why can't I deal with shit
310
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,065
my own way?
I didn't say nothing
311
00:12:30,137 --> 00:12:31,477
when she was out there
smoking crack.
312
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,001
- Actually--
313
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,308
- Facts don't matter.
I'm talking about feelings.
314
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,309
- Oh, so it's feelings
that matters now.
315
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:38,829
- It's my life,
316
00:12:38,896 --> 00:12:40,066
so if I want to laugh about it,
let me laugh about it.
317
00:12:40,137 --> 00:12:41,827
- Pat, Pat, Pat.
- Ha-ha!
318
00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:43,756
- Pat, wait a minute, now.
You can't--
319
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:46,447
You ain't got to act
like that, now, Pat.
320
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,307
- A-ha-ha-ha.
321
00:12:48,379 --> 00:12:49,829
- Hey, look here, Pat.
Now, you--
322
00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:51,826
- I will laugh the black
off your ass.
323
00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:56,002
- Denise said
she's running late
324
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,308
because she had to stop
by the church.
325
00:12:57,379 --> 00:13:01,659
You're gonna love her.
She's so pious.
326
00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:03,034
- Do I have time to wash my ass
327
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:05,103
before Jim and Tammy Faye
get here?
328
00:13:07,517 --> 00:13:09,407
Hi.
329
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:10,722
- Jim.
330
00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:12,383
- Guess that makes me
Tammy Faye.
331
00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:14,828
- [clears throat]
Nice to meet you.
332
00:13:14,896 --> 00:13:16,066
I'm sorry about that.
333
00:13:16,137 --> 00:13:17,377
I was rushing in from church.
334
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,278
You know how sometimes
your ass just be sticky.
335
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:22,834
- [chuckles]
Denise, please. Stop.
336
00:13:22,896 --> 00:13:25,856
It's--it's okay.
- Is it, though?
337
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:27,311
- Hey, why don't we play
a little game
338
00:13:27,379 --> 00:13:29,279
while we wait for dinner.
- Peter.
339
00:13:29,344 --> 00:13:31,034
- Oh, we could always use
a little fun.
340
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:33,003
How about charades?
341
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:35,758
- That is not a bad idea.
342
00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,067
- Is it, though?
343
00:13:38,137 --> 00:13:41,967
- As the kids say,
let's clown it up.
344
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,314
- You must speak
with some old-ass kids.
345
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:45,859
- Okay, fine.
346
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,481
But I should warn you,
347
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,931
we are charades pros.
348
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,241
- You know, sometimes I forget
you White,
349
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,280
but it's this kind of shit
that reminds me.
350
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,336
- "Sisterhood
of the Traveling Pants"!
351
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:03,483
- You got it!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
352
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,901
- What pants? What hood?
353
00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:07,585
- It's a movie, dear.
354
00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:08,825
- Oh, okay.
355
00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:11,096
'Cause unless Idris was in it,
I'm out.
356
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:13,722
- Who's Idris?
357
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,523
- He's who I pretend you are
on Friday nights.
358
00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:19,974
- Okay, I'll go next.
359
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:25,095
Okay. Okay.
360
00:14:26,689 --> 00:14:29,379
- Luther Ingram.
361
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:31,238
El Camino.
362
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:32,790
Cemetery.
363
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,342
- Um--
- Pied piper.
364
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:37,343
- [hisses]
- Buck-tooth pedophile.
365
00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:38,863
Clifford!
366
00:14:38,931 --> 00:14:41,241
Molestation.
- Okay, that's our time.
367
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,930
- Already? I thought that--
368
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,030
I thought I was getting
really close.
369
00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:45,483
- Denise, honey,
is everything okay?
370
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,721
- Yeah, Lee, why?
371
00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:48,103
- Maybe you could use
some of this.
372
00:14:48,172 --> 00:14:49,452
- No, thank you, I can't.
373
00:14:49,517 --> 00:14:50,717
- Of course you can.
- I said no!
374
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:54,383
- Oh!
Oh, no.
375
00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,618
- I'm sorry.
376
00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,589
I just don't drink no more.
377
00:14:58,655 --> 00:14:59,785
But--but--but don't worry
378
00:14:59,862 --> 00:15:01,862
because I've got
my Denise Grease.
379
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:04,071
You know, it's not just
a miracle hair product.
380
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137
It's also a really great
industrial cleaner.
381
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,096
- Denise, honey, it's okay.
You don't have to.
382
00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:09,902
- Yes, I do.
I gotta get the stain out.
383
00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,475
- Okay, Denise,
we need to talk.
384
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:14,481
- Not until the mess is clean,
Lee.
385
00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:22,928
- Oh, yeah, I'm eating right.
386
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,380
You ain't gotta worry
about that.
387
00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:25,718
[chuckles]
388
00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:26,973
Girl, you so crazy.
389
00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,314
I can't wait to see
your ass again.
390
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:29,899
[laughs]
391
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:31,965
- Hang up that phone.
- What?
392
00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:33,454
- What in the world
is going on in here?
393
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,377
- Yeah, we heard
the entire thing.
394
00:15:35,448 --> 00:15:36,688
And we know you're having
an affair.
395
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,138
- Mm-hmm.
396
00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:40,136
- Um, let me call you back.
397
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,166
- Not on my watch!
398
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:47,551
- An affair?
Boy, boy, boy--
399
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,450
That was my sister
on the phone, boy.
400
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,447
- You're having sex
with your sister?
401
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,997
- Junebug.
402
00:15:54,068 --> 00:15:55,688
- Okay, okay.
403
00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:57,478
But w--w--what is this, huh?
404
00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:59,831
I suppose these are
our side mama's
405
00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:01,786
booty-hole bonnets?
406
00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:05,762
- Why are my children throwing
stripper diapers at me?
407
00:16:05,827 --> 00:16:08,477
- Well, we found the thong
in the laundry.
408
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,901
It's not mine.
It's definitely not Mama's.
409
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,305
And there's
no other women here.
410
00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:14,309
- You actually think
I'm gonna cheat on your mama?
411
00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:15,999
How dare y'all?
She will kill me
412
00:16:16,068 --> 00:16:17,478
then kill you
for being half of me.
413
00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:19,341
Excuse me!
414
00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:25,825
- Told you.
415
00:16:25,896 --> 00:16:27,586
- [scoffs]
416
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,483
- You're not acting
like yourself.
417
00:16:29,551 --> 00:16:31,031
Can you please tell me
what's wrong?
418
00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,623
- Nothing's wrong.
419
00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,099
I am so blessed, Lee.
420
00:16:34,172 --> 00:16:35,592
You know, God has got
my shit on lock.
421
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,205
- Okay, 'cause some
of your answers in charades
422
00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:39,205
seem pretty extreme,
423
00:16:39,275 --> 00:16:40,755
like maybe they were
about something else.
424
00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:43,097
- Well, I thought
you were miming molesting.
425
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:45,932
You're the one
I'm concerned about.
426
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,720
- You know you can talk
to me about anything, right?
427
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,340
- This ain't gonna work.
428
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,763
- What?
429
00:16:56,827 --> 00:16:58,067
- I didn't come from a family
430
00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,407
that plays charades
before dinner.
431
00:17:00,482 --> 00:17:02,662
We played
"Are We Gonna Eat Today?"
432
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:04,074
- What does that have to do
with anything?
433
00:17:04,137 --> 00:17:06,687
Why are you taking it there?
434
00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,408
- We're too different.
435
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:10,902
And maybe we should just stop
wasting each other's time.
436
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,925
- Okay, look, I'm sorry
my mom offered you wine.
437
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,410
Okay? She didn't know.
438
00:17:14,482 --> 00:17:15,932
- Okay, so your mother
didn't know
439
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,380
that I'm a recovering addict?
440
00:17:17,448 --> 00:17:19,068
- That's not really
something you lead with
441
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:20,407
when you're introducing
someone.
442
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:22,452
- So you're ashamed of me?
I fucking knew it.
443
00:17:22,517 --> 00:17:25,277
- No, no.
That's not it at all.
444
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,454
What is all this?
Where is this coming from?
445
00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:31,405
- Where is this coming from?
446
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:33,212
Let me put it in language
447
00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:35,445
you might be able
to understand.
448
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,617
- Okay.
449
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,099
Two words.
450
00:17:39,172 --> 00:17:41,072
First word.
451
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:44,687
Snapping.
Uh, breaking.
452
00:17:44,758 --> 00:17:46,138
Second word.
453
00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:51,030
Oh, my God,
you're breaking up with me?
454
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:54,523
- Yay! We got one.
455
00:17:54,586 --> 00:17:56,096
- Denise!
456
00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:57,692
- And I'll be damned
if you think
457
00:17:57,758 --> 00:18:00,758
I'ma let you keep my box
of the Denise Grease.
458
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:02,927
- "Walk to Remember."
- "Fast and Furious."
459
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,310
- "Gone Girl."
460
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,100
- So, guys, I don't think
461
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,522
my relationship
is gonna work out,
462
00:18:11,586 --> 00:18:13,376
which is a bummer
because my boyfriend and I have
463
00:18:13,448 --> 00:18:14,588
so much in common.
464
00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,235
You know, like,
my love language is
465
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:17,660
affection and touching.
466
00:18:17,724 --> 00:18:20,484
And his love language is
affection and touching, too.
467
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:22,861
Except he's touching
other women.
468
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,483
- Y'all might as well go home,
469
00:18:25,551 --> 00:18:27,341
'cause you ain't gonna be able
to follow my new closer.
470
00:18:27,413 --> 00:18:28,663
- Let me guess,
471
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:31,104
you got some more titillating
nipple material.
472
00:18:31,172 --> 00:18:34,242
- No.
It's molestation material.
473
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,140
- Sounds hilarious.
474
00:18:36,206 --> 00:18:37,406
- And that is my time, y'all.
475
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:39,212
But your next comic up
is hilarious.
476
00:18:39,275 --> 00:18:41,235
She's also the sexiest woman
in here tonight
477
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:42,720
according to my boyfriend.
478
00:18:42,793 --> 00:18:45,833
So, uh, why don't you join me
in welcoming Ms. Pat.
479
00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:47,406
[applause]
480
00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:49,312
[Luther Ingram's "If Loving
You is Wrong" playing]
481
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,759
- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
482
00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:54,687
- ♪ I don't want
to be right ♪
483
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,658
♪ If being right means
being without you ♪
484
00:18:57,724 --> 00:18:59,724
♪ I'd rather live
a wrong-doing life ♪
485
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:02,693
- DJ,
cut the fucking music off.
486
00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:09,166
I, um--
487
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:13,692
I can't do this.
488
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:15,828
- Uh, Pat, you're being
unprofessional.
489
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:17,336
I need you to get
back on that stage.
490
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,863
- That song fucked me up.
- Really, Pat?
491
00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,551
The DJ just played
my entrance song.
492
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,520
Go on back out there
and he'll play your Cardi B.
493
00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:26,166
- I need to go find
my damn sister.
494
00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:28,001
- Damn.
Now I gotta change my song
495
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,478
to "I Be Strokin'."
496
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,243
[cheering]
497
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:34,590
- ♪ She working that back ♪
498
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,135
♪ I don't know how to act ♪
499
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:38,656
♪ Slow motion for me,
slow motion for me ♪
500
00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:42,524
♪ Slow motion for me,
move in slow motion for me ♪
501
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,070
- What'll you have?
502
00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:47,167
- Uh, let me get a water.
503
00:19:47,241 --> 00:19:48,721
- All right.
Just a water?
504
00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:51,103
- Yeah.
505
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:53,932
Well, wait.
Whiskey sour.
506
00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,723
Okay, no, wait.
507
00:19:57,793 --> 00:20:00,763
What am I doing?
508
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,377
Hold the sour.
509
00:20:03,758 --> 00:20:04,658
- ♪ If you're loving
my bark ♪
510
00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:06,284
♪ Let me bury my bone ♪
511
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,794
♪ I got four or five
bad married at home ♪
512
00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:10,382
♪ One of my fell in love ♪
513
00:20:10,448 --> 00:20:12,278
♪ With that outside ♪
514
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,454
♪ That outside keep
them sick ♪
515
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,137
♪ Like, ugh, I like... ♪
516
00:20:16,206 --> 00:20:18,066
- I'm so sorry, Lee.
517
00:20:18,137 --> 00:20:20,997
But I promise you there are
other fish in the sea.
518
00:20:21,068 --> 00:20:23,028
- I don't want other fish.
519
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:24,313
I caught Denise.
520
00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:26,549
And I enjoy having her
in my bowl.
521
00:20:28,586 --> 00:20:30,856
- I'm--I'm gonna drop
the fish metaphor.
522
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:32,211
- Okay.
523
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:35,585
She did seem very, um, special.
524
00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,305
- That's one way to put it.
525
00:20:37,379 --> 00:20:39,239
- She's not normally like this.
526
00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:42,310
- You sure about that?
- Yes!
527
00:20:42,379 --> 00:20:44,519
She is an extremely devout
528
00:20:44,586 --> 00:20:46,136
church-going member
of this community
529
00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,856
and so is her family.
- Is that so?
530
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:50,071
- Oh, yeah.
531
00:20:50,137 --> 00:20:51,307
Like, her sister Pat?
532
00:20:51,379 --> 00:20:54,659
She's extremely devout.
533
00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:57,174
- Where my God damn sister at,
White nigga?
534
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,720
- Um, these are my parents.
535
00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:06,344
- All right, sexy people.
536
00:21:06,413 --> 00:21:11,313
Please welcome our next dancer
to the stage, Project Boy!
537
00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:12,929
[cheering]
538
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,590
- Oh, yeah!
539
00:21:14,655 --> 00:21:16,235
- ♪ Give it to me,
give it to me ♪
540
00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:17,620
♪ Give it to me ♪
541
00:21:18,896 --> 00:21:21,546
- Hey! Show me that ass,
Project Boy.
542
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:29,072
Whoo! Yeah, yeah.
Ah, Project Boy!
543
00:21:29,137 --> 00:21:30,967
Come here.
544
00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:32,414
- Stop, Auntie, it's me.
545
00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:34,032
- Ooh, I like
when they call me Auntie.
546
00:21:34,103 --> 00:21:36,143
Say that shit again.
- Denise.
547
00:21:36,206 --> 00:21:37,616
- How the fuck you know
my name?
548
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,281
Oh, Brandon.
549
00:21:40,344 --> 00:21:42,314
Lord Jesus, just kill me.
550
00:21:42,379 --> 00:21:43,899
Take my eyes.
551
00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:46,445
Nigga, what you doing up there
stripping for?
552
00:21:46,517 --> 00:21:47,927
And you stuffing.
553
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,140
You know your dick
ain't that big.
554
00:21:50,206 --> 00:21:51,716
- Shut up, Aunt Denise.
555
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,313
How many drinks have you had?
556
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:56,449
- As many dollars
as in your G-string.
557
00:21:56,517 --> 00:21:58,237
- Coming up next
to the stage we have
558
00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:00,790
Muhammad All Meat.
559
00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,482
[cheering]
560
00:22:02,551 --> 00:22:05,071
- Whoo! Yeah.
561
00:22:05,137 --> 00:22:07,307
- Auntie, you know you're not
supposed to be drinking.
562
00:22:07,379 --> 00:22:09,409
- And you not supposed
to be stripping.
563
00:22:09,482 --> 00:22:11,072
- I'm only doing this
'cause I need extra cash
564
00:22:11,137 --> 00:22:12,377
because my stuff got stolen.
565
00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:14,718
- ♪ Oh, he works hard
for the money ♪
566
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,933
- Stop. Stop. Stop.
- [vocalizes]
567
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,690
- Aunt Denise, stop.
568
00:22:18,758 --> 00:22:19,998
Come on.
What's going on?
569
00:22:20,068 --> 00:22:21,448
Why are you doing this
to yourself?
570
00:22:21,517 --> 00:22:24,207
- Okay, you're supposed to be
Project Boy.
571
00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:25,755
You sound a lot like Pat.
572
00:22:25,827 --> 00:22:27,027
- Okay, come one.
573
00:22:27,103 --> 00:22:28,243
Let me just get you
back to Lee's house.
574
00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:29,830
- I can't go to Lee's house,
nephew.
575
00:22:29,896 --> 00:22:31,896
- Why?
- 'Cause his parents is there
576
00:22:31,965 --> 00:22:33,475
and they hate me already.
577
00:22:33,551 --> 00:22:34,791
- Okay, well,
I'll just take you home, then.
578
00:22:34,862 --> 00:22:38,032
- I can't go home with you.
[whimpers]
579
00:22:38,103 --> 00:22:40,073
Pat can't see me like this
580
00:22:40,137 --> 00:22:43,377
or she'll have me hanging
like one of them dicks up there
581
00:22:43,448 --> 00:22:45,338
choking on rubber bands.
- Okay, okay.
582
00:22:45,413 --> 00:22:49,073
Auntie, focus.
All right? Focus.
583
00:22:49,137 --> 00:22:50,277
- Stop, you're making me dizzy.
584
00:22:50,344 --> 00:22:54,104
Listen, I'm going
to sneak you in, okay?
585
00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:55,552
But you have to play this cool.
586
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:57,140
- You see this wig?
587
00:22:57,206 --> 00:23:00,376
Okay, your auntie is
the blueprint for cool.
588
00:23:02,931 --> 00:23:04,411
- Say, bro, I know
you're new here,
589
00:23:04,482 --> 00:23:06,212
but I call
all the super-lit bitches.
590
00:23:06,275 --> 00:23:07,715
- Wh--what?
- They pay more.
591
00:23:07,793 --> 00:23:09,523
Newbies get the tipsy
to the medium-lit bitches.
592
00:23:09,586 --> 00:23:11,446
- Oh, okay.
Well, take me, Daddy.
593
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:12,687
[giggles]
- Hey, you can call me
594
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,308
Mighty Long.
- No, no, no, no.
595
00:23:14,379 --> 00:23:15,999
Don't call him nothing,
Aunt Denise, all right?
596
00:23:16,068 --> 00:23:17,208
That's my auntie, man.
597
00:23:17,275 --> 00:23:18,965
- Might Long don't give a damn.
598
00:23:19,034 --> 00:23:20,384
And there ain't
no family discounts neither.
599
00:23:20,448 --> 00:23:21,718
Come on, baby.
Hey!
600
00:23:21,793 --> 00:23:24,483
Yabba-dabba-doo.
[laughs]
601
00:23:24,551 --> 00:23:26,721
- Man, why don't you just
back the fuck off?
602
00:23:26,793 --> 00:23:28,173
- I know you ain't talking
to Mighty Long.
603
00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:29,551
- [scoffs] I am.
604
00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:30,970
- Mighty Long got
the biggest dick in the room.
605
00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:32,104
Mighty Long make the rules.
- Oh, is that right?
606
00:23:32,172 --> 00:23:33,552
Well, you know
what you need to do?
607
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,000
You need to give your
little sister her legs back.
608
00:23:35,068 --> 00:23:36,658
Who you talking to?
- What the--hey, come on, now.
609
00:23:36,724 --> 00:23:40,414
- [vomits]
- Oh! [screams]
610
00:23:40,482 --> 00:23:43,002
I just bought this skirt.
611
00:23:43,068 --> 00:23:45,068
- It's gonna be
a mighty long cleanup.
612
00:23:45,137 --> 00:23:47,477
All right, come on, Auntie.
Let me get you home.
613
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,521
I'ma give you your lap dance
when I get back.
614
00:23:51,793 --> 00:23:53,283
- This ain't the first time
615
00:23:53,344 --> 00:23:54,794
that a stripper brought
me home.
616
00:23:54,862 --> 00:23:56,832
- Shh!
You're gonna get us caught.
617
00:23:56,896 --> 00:23:58,966
- Then you not very good,
Project Boy,
618
00:23:59,034 --> 00:24:01,004
'cause the key
to sneaking in houses is
619
00:24:01,068 --> 00:24:03,278
you gotta be very quiet.
620
00:24:03,344 --> 00:24:04,834
- Where the hell y'all been?
621
00:24:04,896 --> 00:24:06,926
- Oh, bitch,
are you making breakfast?
622
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,970
'Cause I want two eggs,
some bacon...
623
00:24:10,034 --> 00:24:12,244
- What the hell, Denise?
I been looking for you.
624
00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:14,720
- Oh, well, she just came by
to borrow a--
625
00:24:14,793 --> 00:24:17,863
- Spatula.
Boop. Boop.
626
00:24:17,931 --> 00:24:19,481
Boop. Boop.
627
00:24:21,034 --> 00:24:24,414
- She drunk.
- I am not drunk.
628
00:24:24,482 --> 00:24:27,482
I'm lit-bricated.
That's--
629
00:24:27,551 --> 00:24:30,791
That's "lit"
and "lubricated."
630
00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:32,552
- Put her drunk ass
on the couch.
631
00:24:38,793 --> 00:24:42,143
- Um, I--I got a new job.
And it's a--
632
00:24:42,206 --> 00:24:43,306
- I don't even give a fuck,
633
00:24:43,379 --> 00:24:44,719
just as long as you have
my rent money.
634
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,930
Put that nasty shit
in the washing machine.
635
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,760
- You want me to launder money?
636
00:25:04,827 --> 00:25:05,967
- I don't want no money
637
00:25:06,034 --> 00:25:08,034
with no ding-a-ling hair on it.
638
00:25:17,172 --> 00:25:18,902
Damn, Denise,
when you fall off the wagon,
639
00:25:18,965 --> 00:25:20,895
you really fall off the wagon.
640
00:25:20,965 --> 00:25:24,065
I didn't fall off.
Your joke pushed me off.
641
00:25:24,137 --> 00:25:25,967
- Look, you can't blame me
and everybody else
642
00:25:26,034 --> 00:25:27,524
for the choices that you make.
643
00:25:27,586 --> 00:25:29,826
- Right.
'Cause it's my fault, right?
644
00:25:29,896 --> 00:25:31,546
It's my fault I was
a crackhead.
645
00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:33,790
It's my fault
I'm an alcoholic.
646
00:25:33,862 --> 00:25:36,832
It's all my fault.
Where you going?
647
00:25:36,896 --> 00:25:38,686
That's right, bitch.
Y'all say--
648
00:25:38,758 --> 00:25:40,998
You know what?
Tell all your fans
649
00:25:41,068 --> 00:25:43,548
that I'm the fucked up sister
who ain't got shit.
650
00:25:43,620 --> 00:25:45,930
Tell all the motherfuckers.
651
00:25:48,517 --> 00:25:50,137
I'm sorry, Pat.
652
00:25:55,172 --> 00:25:57,212
- I've been looking
for you all night.
653
00:25:57,275 --> 00:26:00,475
- Let me guess, you made
the joke even more fucked up?
654
00:26:00,551 --> 00:26:02,281
- No, I went on stage to do it
655
00:26:02,344 --> 00:26:05,664
and the damn DJ played
the wrong intro song--
656
00:26:05,724 --> 00:26:08,074
"If Loving You is Wrong."
657
00:26:08,137 --> 00:26:10,237
- Oh, shit.
658
00:26:12,758 --> 00:26:14,068
- And it triggered me.
659
00:26:14,137 --> 00:26:16,967
Now I know
how my joke triggered you.
660
00:26:17,034 --> 00:26:18,974
And that's hard to say.
661
00:26:19,034 --> 00:26:23,074
- I know it's hard
for you to apologize, Pat Pat.
662
00:26:23,137 --> 00:26:25,547
- No, it's hard
for me to say "trigger."
663
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:27,550
Too many consonants.
664
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:31,900
- Well, you say "nigga"
just fine.
665
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:34,305
- But that's still no reason
for you to be drinking.
666
00:26:34,379 --> 00:26:37,169
- Be glad it ain't
what it could have been.
667
00:26:37,241 --> 00:26:38,761
- So every time you have
a problem in your life
668
00:26:38,827 --> 00:26:39,757
this is what you're gonna do?
669
00:26:39,827 --> 00:26:41,967
- No, I went to church first.
670
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:43,864
- Church is not a destination,
Denise.
671
00:26:43,931 --> 00:26:45,451
It's a street
to where you need to get to.
672
00:26:45,517 --> 00:26:48,027
When are you gonna start taking
responsibility for yourself?
673
00:26:48,103 --> 00:26:49,973
- Well, look,
I just haven't come to terms
674
00:26:50,034 --> 00:26:51,794
with what happened to us, Pat.
675
00:26:51,862 --> 00:26:54,002
And I don't have a way
to cope with it.
676
00:26:54,068 --> 00:26:55,478
I mean, you got
your jokes and shit
677
00:26:55,551 --> 00:26:58,141
to work through it your way,
and what do I got?
678
00:26:58,206 --> 00:26:59,756
- You got Denise Grease.
679
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:01,237
It work for you
but it don't work
680
00:27:01,310 --> 00:27:03,170
for nobody else.
681
00:27:03,241 --> 00:27:05,791
- Fuck you, Pat.
682
00:27:05,862 --> 00:27:10,412
But you right.
It works for me.
683
00:27:10,482 --> 00:27:14,792
I wonder why Mama and Mr. John
came to you in your dream.
684
00:27:14,862 --> 00:27:16,172
That's weird, right?
685
00:27:16,241 --> 00:27:20,341
I think it was his way
of saying that he won,
686
00:27:21,793 --> 00:27:24,313
'cause Mama died not knowing.
687
00:27:24,379 --> 00:27:26,899
But I don't think she wanted
me to die without speaking.
688
00:27:26,965 --> 00:27:29,375
- Not with your loud-ass mouth.
689
00:27:29,448 --> 00:27:30,998
- [chuckles]
690
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,028
Kind of fucked up
we got our own theme song
691
00:27:35,103 --> 00:27:37,313
to get molested, ain't it?
692
00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:38,759
- Really, Pat?
693
00:27:38,827 --> 00:27:41,237
After all of this,
you still gonna go there?
694
00:27:41,310 --> 00:27:44,450
- I mean, we can always
take it back.
695
00:27:44,517 --> 00:27:45,967
- What you mean?
696
00:27:46,034 --> 00:27:48,074
- You shouldn't be hurt
by a joke.
697
00:27:48,137 --> 00:27:50,067
And I shouldn't be hurt
by a song.
698
00:27:50,137 --> 00:27:52,027
That's still giving
that bastard strength
699
00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:54,903
even though he's
in the grave.
700
00:27:54,965 --> 00:27:57,855
- Yeah, but how we supposed
to fix that?
701
00:28:02,103 --> 00:28:05,663
- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
702
00:28:05,724 --> 00:28:08,004
♪ I don't want to be right ♪
703
00:28:10,241 --> 00:28:13,521
♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
704
00:28:13,586 --> 00:28:16,516
♪ I don't want to be right ♪
705
00:28:16,586 --> 00:28:19,896
♪ If being right means
being without you ♪
706
00:28:19,965 --> 00:28:22,375
♪ I'd rather be
lonely in life ♪
707
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:27,620
- ♪ Your mama and daddy say ♪
- ♪ It's a shame ♪
708
00:28:27,689 --> 00:28:31,899
[together]
♪ It's a downright disgrace ♪
709
00:28:31,965 --> 00:28:34,965
♪ Long as I got you
by my side ♪
710
00:28:35,034 --> 00:28:38,414
♪ I don't care
what the people think ♪
711
00:28:38,482 --> 00:28:42,172
♪ My friends tell me
it's no future ♪
712
00:28:42,241 --> 00:28:45,311
♪ In loving a married man ♪
713
00:28:45,379 --> 00:28:48,759
- ♪ If I can't see you
when I want ♪
714
00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:52,277
[together]
♪ I see you when I can ♪
715
00:28:52,344 --> 00:28:54,974
- ♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
716
00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:57,034
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
717
00:29:01,482 --> 00:29:07,072
♪ If loving you is wrong ♪
- Shut the fuck up.
718
00:29:07,137 --> 00:29:10,787
- Mmm.
I'm never drinking again.
719
00:29:10,862 --> 00:29:13,102
I feel like I've been beat up
720
00:29:13,172 --> 00:29:15,972
by a bunch
of Floyd Mayweathers.
721
00:29:16,034 --> 00:29:18,074
[phone buzzing]
722
00:29:18,137 --> 00:29:20,167
- Lee calling.
You gonna get that?
723
00:29:20,241 --> 00:29:21,661
- No.
724
00:29:21,724 --> 00:29:24,414
I don't need that right now,
and he don't need this.
725
00:29:24,482 --> 00:29:26,482
- Well, therapy's
still on the table
726
00:29:26,551 --> 00:29:28,831
if you want to go.
- Man, do y'all niggas get
727
00:29:28,896 --> 00:29:31,656
coupons for taking people
to therapy?
728
00:29:31,724 --> 00:29:34,454
Y'all always trying to heal.
729
00:29:34,517 --> 00:29:35,517
- Glad you guys are here.
730
00:29:35,586 --> 00:29:37,206
Look, um--
731
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,685
I just want to make sure
that my little secret
732
00:29:39,758 --> 00:29:41,378
stays between us.
733
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:44,968
- What, about you being
a chocolate Chippendale?
734
00:29:45,034 --> 00:29:46,454
- Well, if anybody
know about doing
735
00:29:46,517 --> 00:29:48,657
weird shit for money,
it's definitely me and Denise.
736
00:29:48,724 --> 00:29:50,834
- Ain't that the truth.
737
00:29:50,896 --> 00:29:52,546
- Your secret is safe
with us, son.
738
00:29:52,620 --> 00:29:54,210
[Ludacris'
"What's Your Fantasy playing]
739
00:29:54,275 --> 00:29:56,275
- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪
740
00:29:56,344 --> 00:29:58,074
♪ From your head
to your toes ♪
741
00:29:58,137 --> 00:29:59,687
♪ And I want to move
from the bed ♪
742
00:29:59,758 --> 00:30:01,208
♪ Down to the,
down to the floor ♪
743
00:30:01,275 --> 00:30:02,855
♪ Then I want to
[grunts] ♪
744
00:30:02,931 --> 00:30:05,411
♪ You make it so good
I don't want to leave... ♪
745
00:30:05,482 --> 00:30:06,792
- Mom.
746
00:30:06,862 --> 00:30:09,102
- I wasn't gonna keep
no secret that juicy.
747
00:30:09,172 --> 00:30:10,622
We ain't had a stripper
in our family
748
00:30:10,689 --> 00:30:12,069
since Aunt Myrtle.
749
00:30:12,137 --> 00:30:13,407
- Aunt Myrtle was a stripper?
750
00:30:13,482 --> 00:30:15,762
- Uh-huh. And her stripper name
was Atlanta.
751
00:30:15,827 --> 00:30:17,137
- Atlanta?
752
00:30:17,206 --> 00:30:19,236
- Yeah, 'cause she was big
and Black as fuck.
753
00:30:19,310 --> 00:30:21,030
[both chuckle]
- You see, now that's a joke
754
00:30:21,103 --> 00:30:22,693
you can tell about family.
755
00:30:22,758 --> 00:30:24,858
- Thank you, Aunt Myrtle.
756
00:30:24,931 --> 00:30:26,451
- ♪ I want to l-l-lick you ♪
757
00:30:26,517 --> 00:30:28,277
♪ From your head
to your toes ♪
758
00:30:28,344 --> 00:30:30,244
♪ And I want to move
from the bed ♪
759
00:30:30,310 --> 00:30:31,690
♪ Down to the,
down to the floor ♪
760
00:30:31,758 --> 00:30:34,308
♪ And I want to [grunts] ♪
761
00:30:34,379 --> 00:30:35,929
- What in the hell
is going on--
762
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,340
you know what?
[chuckles]
763
00:30:37,413 --> 00:30:38,973
I am way to tired
764
00:30:39,034 --> 00:30:41,314
to deal
with whatever this is.
765
00:30:42,724 --> 00:30:45,454
Mm-mm!
766
00:30:45,517 --> 00:30:47,277
This family gets weirder
by the day.
767
00:30:48,827 --> 00:30:50,307
- Shake that ass, Junebug!
768
00:30:50,379 --> 00:30:51,759
- ♪ See I cast 'em,
then I passed 'em ♪
769
00:30:51,827 --> 00:30:53,927
♪ Get a tight grip
and I grasp 'em ♪
770
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,450
♪ I flash 'em
and outlast 'em ♪
771
00:30:55,517 --> 00:30:57,167
♪ And if it ain't good
then I trash 'em ♪
772
00:30:57,241 --> 00:30:58,621
♪ While you stash 'em,
I'll let 'em free ♪
773
00:30:58,689 --> 00:31:00,449
♪ And they tell me
what they fantasy ♪
774
00:31:04,620 --> 00:31:06,450
[funky music]
775
00:31:06,517 --> 00:31:08,477
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
776
00:31:08,551 --> 00:31:10,901
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
777
00:31:10,965 --> 00:31:12,855
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
778
00:31:12,931 --> 00:31:15,171
♪ And you can't get enough ♪
779
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,281
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
780
00:31:17,344 --> 00:31:19,454
♪ With a husband and kids ♪
781
00:31:19,517 --> 00:31:22,757
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
782
00:31:22,827 --> 00:31:27,407
♪ And it's the Ms. Pat Show ♪
783
00:31:27,457 --> 00:31:32,007
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