All language subtitles for The Ms Pat Show s02e04 Gots To Be More Careful.eng

- "The Ms. Pat Show"
was filmed

in front
of a live studio audience.

- Isn't it crazy
how far we'll go

to protect somebody we love?

Sometimes you might
whoop ass for somebody,

even though the motherfucker
that you trying to protect

is the one who
needs their ass beat.

And sometimes it's
like putting childproof locks

on your cabinets.

Even though your
child might eat rat poison,

the motherfucker
might shut up for a week.

There's always
a limit to how much

we can protect
the folks we love.

Some things is
out of our control.

I can't stop
a plane from crashing,

but I can tell your
ass not to fly Spirit.

- Tracy Elliot, an unarmed
Black man, was murdered.

- The killing
of Tracy Elliot was captured

on cell phone video.
- Goddamn.

- Local stores have been
boarding up their windows

out of fear that niggas
have finally lost their minds.

- I can't believe them
cops killed that man like that.

- He just died yesterday.

How you already got
a rest in peace shirt?

- This is America.

They make 'em
like Super Bowl t-shirts,

'cause you never know
which lucky nigga gonna win.

Anyway, Pat, I looked at your
website like you asked me to,

and I gotta say,
it's pretty strong,

but this picture
of you gonna need some work.

- What? I think I
look good in that picture.

- Of course you do.
It's from 15 years ago.

- Fuck you.

My new picture's in that file
right there.

- No. No. No.

Ooh, hell no. [chuckles]

Okay, now,
hold up now, maybe...

No. What you trying to sell,
tickets or ass?

- I just want to look like I
know what I'm doing, you know?

Like I'm confident
and in control.

- Okay, well,
then we're gonna need

pictures of Janet Jackson.

Ooh, you see this?

- Somebody's breaking into
houses in our neighborhood.

- Huh. Well,
I know none of them better

not touch none of my boxes
of Denise Grease.

- Girl, don't nobody
want that bitch-be-bald cream.

- Hey, what
y'all talking about?

- Did you see
the emergency meeting

on our Facebook
neighborhood page?

- Yep. I just went out
and got a Ring camera.

I'm gonna
put it up later on.

- I know y'all
not considering going

to that
Pink People Panic meeting,

especially
after the Tracy Elliot killing.

- That ain't got nothing
to do with no Tracy Elliot.

I think that this
is a great opportunity

to show up
for our neighbors, huh?

Y'all got to give this
community a chance like I have.

- Y'all are tripping.

Whenever people like
that gather to solve a crime,

it's always to point
the finger at one direction.

Ours.

- Oh, that's not always true,
baby girl.

I think these folks
are just different.

- Are they?
- They are.

Like Caleb next door,
he's a cool dude.

Just yesterday,
he dragged our garbage cans

right back up for us.

- Nigga, that's 'cause you
always leave them

down at the curb.

- I'm with Janelle.
We gotta be careful.

And I would know, I've
been profiled my entire life.

- You've been
a criminal your entire life.

- Well,
I would go to this meeting

if I didn't have
to go to work. Pat?

- What Pat got to do with it?

I'm tired of you trying
to make me go

to these wack-ass meetings.

- That's 'cause
you need to be there.

- I'm a thug,
ain't nobody robbing me.

- Listen, baby,
it's not about you,

it's about the community, okay?
Ah, you know what?

You and Denise should
head on down there

to show them that we are good
neighbors like everyone else.

- I don't wanna be no
good neighbor.

I got insurance.

- Actually, Pat,
I think you shouldgo.

It could be fun.

- You coming too.

- Why? I don't
even live here no more.

- You use our shit
more than we use our shit.

- That's 'cause we family.

- Bitch,
we ain't got the same dad.

- ♪ Come on,
it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- I don't know why these people

gotta have a meeting every
time something bad happen.

- You ain't lyin'.

- I mean, you know, I got
shot in the head--no meeting.

I lost my Section 8
certificate--no meeting.

My best friend, Rehab, OD'd--
no meeting.

- Girl, you see that
man over there looking at me?

I don't know why
I've been attracting

all these white men lately.

I feel like Candace Owens.

- Girl, that is Caleb,
Terry's friend.

- Oh, my gosh. Pat and Denise.
Did you guys get hit, too?

It's a merchandise massacre.
- No.

We just came by for a second
to show our support.

- That's so kind.

- We came. We supported.
We out.

- Pat.
- Hello, Caleb.

- Good to see you here.
Where's Terry?

- He had to work.

- Well, you're gonna
have to fill him in.

Shame what's been going on.

- They robbed you, too?
- Yeah.

Bastard stole
the TV right out of my garage.

- Fuck you doing with a TV
in your garage, Caleb?

- Wasn't a problem before.

It's crazy how your
house is the only one that

hasn't been robbed.

- No, but it's
getting so scary.

I even put a "Beware Of Dog"
sign in my yard,

even though
I really have a cat.

- I got a sign that say,
"Fuck a dog, beware of owner."

- You really think that's
the reason

why you haven't been robbed?

Well, ladies,
make sure you grab a slice

of my legendary
four-layer chocolate cake.

[chuckles]

- Mm-mm, girl.

Look like he don't wash
his hands when he cook.

Don't nobody want
none of that piss cake.

- Well,
Terry likes his cake,

so I'm gonna get a slice
and we can go.

- Okay, folks,
let's get started.

- Too late.

- As president
of the neighborhood watch,

I want to encourage
us all to stay vigilant.

Now, show of hands, whose
houses have been hit so far?

- That's how they look at
me when I walk into Nordstrom.

- Yeah, well, um,
I have some good news that's

bringing us one step closer
to nailing this bastard down.

- Good, because we're
gonna help you kick his ass.

- Yeah, some
real community bonding.

- Yeah, well,
based on surveillance footage

from around the neighborhood,

we were able to render a sketch
of the robber.

- Oh, my God.
- I know that ain't...

- That's...Rick Ross.

- This is fucked up.

Why he didn't
let us know nothing?

I needed a new TV.
- Bitch.

- Caleb cake so good,

I don't even care
if it's a little pissy.

- What am I gonna do?

Terry been so damn happy
since we moved here.

How am I gonna tell
him they think he's a thief?

- Maybe you're overreacting.

- Oh, my God, you guys!

That sketch,
it looked exactly like Terry.

If you squinted,
maybe Suge Knight,

but, no, it was Terry.

- See?

- I know it's not Terry.
Of course it's not, Terry.

It's not Terry, is it?

- Hell no!

- Right.
Of course. Exactly.

Anyway, I just came over
to see if you two were okay.

- No, we're not.

They trying to get
the police to kill my husband.

Then I gotta go on the news
and say he was innocent.

And you know that damn
Tucker Carlson is gonna say

he was a drug dealer
and he responsible for 9/11.

[cell phone chiming]

This is all the neighbors
texting me their support.

- Well, that's nice.

- It would have been
nice if they showed me they

support while we
was at the meeting.

Now they all want to hide
behind they damn phone.

- And I am sorry about that,
but I just don't

think anyone
in this neighborhood

seriously thinks
Terry is the robber.

Okay, let me rephrase that.

I don't think anyone
in this neighborhood seriously

thinks Terry is the robber,
except Caleb.

- What? Caleb
thinks dad's the robber?

- Yeah, well, we don't know.

- Oh, this is
the best day of my life.

My Black card just
got a credit increase.

Oh, hey, Dad.

Did you hear? They think you--
[muffled]

- Whoa, whoa.
Is that my boy Caleb's cake?

- It's Junebug's now.

Get the fuck out of here
before you fuck up my carpet.

- Yeah!
Mm. Mmm-mmm-mmm. [chuckles]

Hey, baby, how was
the community meeting, huh?

- Great.

- Aren't y'all
glad you all went?

- Mm-hmm.
- See?

You a real
suburban neighbor now.

- That's a dead nigga walking.

- We have
to protect him from this.

- What are we gonna do?

Rob ourself
to get Caleb off our back.

- That's actually a good idea.
- Yeah, it kind of is.

- I was just joking,
and, you know,

that crazy shit won't work.

Plus, all of this
is gonna blow over.

[doorbell chimes]

- Hello, ladies.

- Looks like I can go on ahead
and print them Terry shirts.

- What y'all want?

- We were contacted by
your local neighborhood watch.

- Oh, you mean Caleb?

- We're just
checking in on everyone

on the street,
making sure everything is okay.

- We're fine, officer.
- I'm glad to hear it.

Is your husband around,
by any chance?

- No.
What you want with him?

- No, nothing. Again,
this is all just routine.

Call us if you need anything.

- Thank you, officers.
- Mm-hmm.

- And Black Lives Matter!

Did I use that wrong?

- Well, if you got
to think about it then...

- Why the hell would
he send them over here?

- 'Cause they building a case.
We gotta do something.

- Can we just
say we got robbed?

- I just don't
think that's enough.

Caleb has
cameras set up everywhere.

He'll know.

But I do have a pair
of leather gloves

I've been dying to break in.

- Okay, and I got
a new set of tools

I've been dying
to use on a break in.

[chuckles]
You in, Pat-Pat?

- Do you really think
to prove that we ain't robbing,

we gotta rob?

That's some dumb shit.

I'm in.
- [squeals]

- Okay, y'all, here's the plan.

- Can I just say I think
this whole thing is stupid?

- Ain't nobody asked you shit.

- I just think you shouldn't
be hiding this from dad.

- Okay, well, can I just say

I think what we're doing
here is very smart.

- And can I just say that
most people don't think

you're very smart.

- Besides my teachers, Janelle,
who are most people.

Come on, Mother.

- We're doing
this shit at 2:00 a.m.,

while Terry's
knocked the fuck out.

- You don't think all the noise
is gonna wake him up?

- Girl, Terry would
sleep through slavery.

- Another thing we need
to make sure of is that Brandon

doesn't find out
about any of this.

- So I was actually
thinking Brandon would

be a great
addition to the team,

because Oceans had 11
and we only have...

four.
- Mm-mm.

Brandon couldn't keep a secret
if it was tatted on his tongue.

- Oh.

- Where the fuck are
you going looking like

Bob The Broke-Ass Builder?

- Dad told me
about them robberies

so I went on ahead
and bought me some traps.

I got to protect
my gaming equipment.

How y'all just sitting
here doing nothing when

there's somebody robbing
and raping people out there?

- Nobody said
nothing about no rape.

- Robbing leads to raping,
Aunt Denise.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna catch me a predator

before he tries
to catch my booty.

- If you want
to catch a predator,

all you had to do is
ask me to call your real daddy.

- I'm telling you
right now Inspector Ratchet,

he going to be
a problem for us.

Junebug,
I'm gonna need you on his ass

like Jordans
on a broke nigga.

- Okay, so Caleb's cameras are
across the street right here,

and they'll catch you, Pat,
breaking in here and here.

- Why I gotta be the robber?

- Well, you just
have certain abilities.

- She trying to say
you good at stealing shit.

- Bitch.

You right, though.
- Mm-hmm.

- And we're going
to use your soccer mom van

to put all
the stolen shit in.

- Oh.
Copy that.

- And then we're
going to upload

all the footage
on our Facebook page.

- Hey, what
y'all up to in here?

- We're just talking
about what to do

when your husband dick
don't work no more.

- You ain't got nothing
to add to that conversation.

- Not yet.

So you finished putting up
the Ring camera?

- Yeah, yeah.

I was just outside having
a chat with my boy Caleb.

- Oh, my God. Terry,
I am so sorry. What did he say?

- Elizabeth.

- What are you talking about,
Elizabeth?

- That's nice, baby.

I'm glad you two
is hitting it off.

- Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm on.

Going and rest
these dogs for a bit.

How come we can't
just expose KK-Caleb?

- Because it would devastate
Terry to find out that his only

one white friend
is a stale cracker.

No offense, Elizabeth.

- None taken.
I'm no saltine.

- It's almost cute
how little you know

about committing crimes.

What the fuck Denise say?

- [clears throat]

Black Dynamite to
Loretta Devine, what's your 20?

- Apurate, papi,
estoy esperando.

- What kind of freaky
Mexican shit is that?

- This thing keeps
tuning into the wrong channel.

- Junebug! Junebug,
you there? I need help.

- Where the hell you at?

You supposed to be here
at 0200 hours.

- I'm stuck on the toilet.
Y'all out of baby wipes again.

- [sighs]
Go get her some baby wipes.

I'ma still
stealing this shit by myself.

- Oh, but make sure
you walk past the Ring.

Remember, you want
to get caught on camera.

- I know what I'm doing.

This ain't
my first home invasion.

Fuck.

Fuck.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunting]

Shit...

that felt good.

Fuck!

Bitch, you live here.

Damn.

- Hey. What you
doing up so late, man?

- You know, I couldn't sleep,
so I thought I'd check on you.

- Oh, I appreciate that.

But, uh, gotta be
careful out here, all right?

I got a bunch of booby traps,

and I'm not talking
about "Home Alone" traps.

I'm talking about
"We hunting wabbits" traps.

Okay?

- Ooh, okay. Yeah, yeah,
that's, uh, that's hardcore.

- You know,
I was just getting ready

to go inside to get a snack.

- Oh, wait, no, no. Uh...

Don't leave me.
- What's wrong with you, man?

Are you scared?

- Uh...
- Hey, look, man.

I ain't gonna let nothing
happen to you, all right?

I got your back.

Plus, you got to remember,
I'm one half of a hood zipper.

- Thanks, dog.

You're a good brother.

- Yeah. I also got $10,000
worth of equipment

downstairs,
so really, it's more about...

You're welcome, man.

- Hey. You, uh...

sure you know what you're
doing with all this stuff?

- Hell, yeah. I dare
anyone to try to get past me.

- See, I used to keep my ass
kicking to them video games,

but I really feel
like I'm going meta tonight.

- [woman speaking Spanish
on radio]

- What the hell was that?

- Uh, that's the robber.

Someone in trouble
at the Wilson house.

- Sounds like he
moved from robbing to raping.

Don't worry.
Help is on the way!

If something happens to me,
delete my browser history.

- Oh, hey, Ma.

[laughs]
I got the house all empty.

Take your time.

- [snoring]

[quietly]
Baby, you hear that?

Baby.

[groans]

Baby, somebody's in the house,

you just stay in there
and lock the door.

[karate yell]

Ah, shit!

- Pat, thank you for letting

Junebug bring me those
baby wipes.

It was regular
toilet paper there,

but you know my ass
need VIP treatment.

What is you doing?

You defeating the purpose.

If you gonna take shit,

take the shit
that's worth something.

Goddamn.

Oh, and don't forget
the flower jar

where you keep all
the rainy day cash.

[laughs]

Yeah, now put it in here

and come on,
let's go to the basement

so I can help you get all
of Brandon's video game shit.

Now, that's 4 grand easy.
[chuckles]

I miss this.
This is really fun.

- [grunting]

- Ah! Shit!

I hope you ready to die!

- You just gonna beat
the shit out your wife, Terry.

- Pat?

- What is going on?

- You remember when Pookie
was robbing that house

and he had us call 911
because his fat ass

got stuck trying
to climb out the window--

Oh, shit.
- That's the real robber!

Get him, Terry!

- Hey, Mom.

- Get over here!
- Hey, Mom.

- [shouts]

- Call the police!

- No!

- What? But this is my first
citizen's arrest.

- I'm a convicted
felon with a ski mask on,

we ain't
calling no damn police.

Shit. I was
hoping you was white.

- The hell wrong with you
coming up in my family house?

- Um-um-um-um...

- Um-um-um-um--I'm about
to get some fucking answers.

I know that.
- Mm-hmm.

- I can't believe
you tried to rape us.

- What's taking you so long?

I've been waiting
in the getaway van.

Shit. I was
hoping you were white.

- Look, I'm sorry. I just--
just have to feed my family.

I don't meant to bother nobody.

- Feed your family?
Nigga, stop eating seconds!

- And why did you rob us last?

Is it 'cause we Black?

- Janelle, shh!

- Well, she not lying.
I didn't think y'all had shit.

- I can't believe
you let him go, Ma.

- He said he was doing it
to just feed his family,

and I believed him.

Hell, somebody
gave me a second chance.

- And me a 12th chance.

- I still think we
should have called the police.

- Nah, I'm good
on a bullet for tonight.

- I'm just glad it's over.
Everybody sleep easy tonight.

- Lucy and Ethel.

- Ethel 'bout
to take her Black ass home.

- Shit.

- The hell was going
on up in here tonight?

Why are you
robbing our own house?

- Well, we...
- Don't you lie to me, Pat.

- Look, I don't
know how to tell you this,

but your best friend Caleb was
out here profiling your ass.

All the neighbors
think you the robber.

- Why would you keep
something like that from me?

- Because I love
the way you see the world.

And it's the way
the world is supposed to be.

I just didn't
want you to get hurt.

But look on the bright side, we
still got good people out here.

Elizabeth even
helped us tonight.

It's still a nice and safe
place to raise our kids.

As long as we don't
bring no more of my family.

- I'm disappointed in Caleb.

Not shocked,
but disappointed. [sighs]

- I'm sorry.
- I know you are.

But I just
can't believe that you

would hide all
this stuff from me.

This is reality,
baby, no matter where we go.

My grandma used to say
being colored in this country

is like a blues song waiting
for the next verse to start.

- That's why I was
trying to protect you,

because I didn't want you
to be the next Tracy Elliot.

- I already am Tracy Elliot.

You can't hide the threat.

See?

All you got to do is help
me live bigger than the threat.

- I hear you.

You gonna be okay?

- Yeah, baby, I'll be fine.

One rotten tooth don't
mess up the whole smile.

- But it do
make funky-ass breath.

- [laughs]

[birds chirping]

What the hell?

- Pat, where's
the coffee maker?

- Mama, I'm
in the championship today.

Can you put my
gaming system back, please?

- I don't have that shit.

- What?
- You mean...

- That bastard
came back and got us.

- Oh, my Lord.

- Told you we should
have called the police.

- The one time
I try to be nice.

This motherfucking neighborhood
is making me soft.

See, back in the 90's,

I would have slit that
nigga throat with a Jodeci CD.

[doorbell chimes]

- Hey.
- Oh. Hi!

I heard you guys got robbed...

by a white guy.

- That bastard got everything.

- Well,
we are all just so sorry.

And if there's anything that
we can do, please let us know.

I mean, we're--we're neighbors,
and we have to stick together.

- Thank you.
Y'all good people.

But there's too many white
people in my house. Now, go on.

Y'all make me want
to throw away my seasoning.

[sighs]

[knocking on door]

Caleb.

- Saw the whole
thing on the cameras.

There were two of 'em.

- Neither one of them were me.

- Terry, I'm--
all I can say is I am sorry.

I sincerely apologize.

I never want
to assume anything like that,

especially with the climate,
the way things are.

I should have known better.

- Got it.

- Look,
I remembered how much you

enjoyed my chocolate cake,
so I made one

just for you.

Terry,
none of this was personal.

You are a great neighbor
and I am glad we're friends.

- Right?

- Right.
See you around, Caleb.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

- I was gonna eat that.

[all laughing]

- What y'all laughing at?

We just watching you
on this good surveillance tape.

Look, that door
tearing your butt up! [laughs]

- I hope one day Black people
don't have to go through this.

- Black people don't
ever have to go through this.

Mama chose to.

- I guess that's what
we got to do to fit in, huh?

- Nothing has to fit
in where it already belongs.

- Tell that shit to my Spanx.

[laughing]

- She mad!

Fuck y'all!

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With three damn kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

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