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1
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(applauding)
2
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- Welcome to our show.
3
00:00:09,130 --> 00:00:12,000
I think we've got a terrific
show for you this evening
4
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:14,020
if this whole week has
been any indication.
5
00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:16,020
I'd like to tell
you who we have on.
6
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Two marvelous ladies,
Miss Martha Raye
7
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and Miss Betty Grable.
8
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(applauding)
9
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And if I look fat it's
because I've been laughing
10
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all week from the two of them.
11
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Could we turn up the
lights so we can talk
12
00:00:34,230 --> 00:00:36,190
to the audience
before we get started?
13
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,200
Hi, any questions you might
like to ask about the show?
14
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:41,130
Yes.
15
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Sure, come on.
16
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What's your name?
17
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:47,150
- [Janet] Janet.
18
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- Janet, hi, how old are you?
19
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- Twelve.
20
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:51,980
- Are you married?
- No.
21
00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:54,180
(laughing)
22
00:00:56,170 --> 00:00:59,100
- Gee, we have the
same color hair.
23
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(laughing)
24
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,170
No remarks, Pat.
25
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:05,160
(laughing)
26
00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:06,170
There you go, thank
you for asking.
27
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:07,130
- May I have one
for my grandmother?
28
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:09,150
- For your grandmother?
29
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,170
(laughing)
30
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:17,140
Who else?
31
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,170
- That's all.
32
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,200
- Okay, thank you.
- Thank you.
33
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,210
- Thank you for coming up.
34
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(applauding)
35
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Is your grandmother there?
36
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Hi, Grandma.
37
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,030
(laughing)
38
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,020
Welcome.
39
00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,160
Any other questions? Yes.
40
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:37,060
(speaking in foreign language)
41
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- Oui.
42
00:01:38,070 --> 00:01:39,140
(laughing)
43
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:40,110
I don't know what
he said because
44
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,190
(laughing)
45
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,230
I may be in trouble.
46
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,100
Oh, thank you.
47
00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:48,050
Do you have a pen?
48
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(laughing)
49
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Merci.
50
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- It's just an explanation
for when I get home
51
00:01:56,090 --> 00:01:57,150
and see my mother.
52
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,030
- Oh, thank you very
much, you do talk.
53
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,140
(laughing)
54
00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:03,210
Yes sir.
55
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:06,190
- I just wondered how
you chose your writers.
56
00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:10,150
- Oh well actually, I
think we have a stable
57
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,000
of the best that
are in television.
58
00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:16,160
And we knew quite a few
of them from their work.
59
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:19,160
And two younger
writers that we have,
60
00:02:19,170 --> 00:02:22,150
we discovered off of a
record album and hired them.
61
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,150
And that's the way
it comes about.
62
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,080
I had worked with
our head writer.
63
00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:28,200
He was a writer on
the Gary Moore Show
64
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:30,170
when I was on before, Mr. Rosen.
65
00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:33,010
And they're all just marvelous.
66
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,020
I love them all very much.
67
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,130
Thank you for asking, yes ma'am.
68
00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:37,010
- Do you prefer a
clean-shaven man
69
00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,100
to a man with a goatee?
70
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,000
- Do I prefer a clean-shaven man
71
00:02:40,010 --> 00:02:41,150
to a man with a goatee?
72
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,180
I see why you're asking because
you're with that man there.
73
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:45,100
(laughing)
74
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:48,110
I don't know, I haven't known
that many men with goatees.
75
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,210
I would say as long as I
shave, I think they should.
76
00:02:51,220 --> 00:02:53,160
(laughing)
77
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:54,220
Yes.
78
00:02:54,230 --> 00:02:56,040
- [Man] What's
your favorite food
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00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,200
and how much of it do you eat?
80
00:02:57,210 --> 00:03:00,020
- Enchiladas,
about 12 at a time.
81
00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:02,170
(laughing)
82
00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:05,090
Martha, come here and say hello.
83
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,110
That's all right, come here.
84
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,190
(applauding)
85
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,130
Any of you have any
questions for Martha?
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00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:29,200
(laughing)
87
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,090
The lady there.
88
00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,090
- [Woman] Do you remember doing
a skit with Jackie Gleason
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00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,000
where you were running back
and getting him spaghetti
90
00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:37,040
and he fell and broke his leg?
91
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,160
- Yes, I do, yes, that was
about eight or 10 years ago.
92
00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,200
10 years ago, what'd
you ask me for?
93
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:45,210
(laughing)
94
00:03:48,090 --> 00:03:50,210
(applauding)
95
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,130
- Yes.
96
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,030
- [Man] How old were you
when you started dating?
97
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,030
- How old was I when
I started dating?
98
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,100
39, I guess it was.
99
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,180
(laughing)
100
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,230
I never really had many dates.
101
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,110
(laughing)
102
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,230
Well, the first boy who asked
me out was Asher Wychowski,
103
00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:23,210
and I was three, but I didn't go
104
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:26,160
because he was an
older boy of six.
105
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:30,140
No, I guess around
15, 16 years old.
106
00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:32,000
About 10 years ago.
107
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:33,120
(laughing)
108
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:34,070
Yes.
109
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:38,030
- [Woman] Do you still have
your two Yorkshire Terriers?
110
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,010
- Do I still have my
two Yorkshire Terriers?
111
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:44,070
No, I don't, I gave them to
a friend of mine in New York.
112
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,190
And I now have a
cat named Maude,
113
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:53,190
and a dog named Sam, and
a canary named Yellow,
114
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,180
Yellow, a canary named Ladybird.
115
00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:57,160
(laughing)
116
00:04:57,170 --> 00:04:58,170
I had to.
117
00:04:58,180 --> 00:05:00,020
Yes.
118
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:03,170
- Has anyone ever told you
you look like Risa Ross?
119
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,060
- [Carol] Has anyone ever
told me I look like Risa Ross?
120
00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:07,080
No, who's he?
121
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:10,050
(laughing)
- It's me.
122
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,170
- Hey, we do look kind of alike.
123
00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:13,190
Yes, we do.
124
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,210
There are a lot of
lookalikes around,
125
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,210
Sophia Loren, Kim Novac.
126
00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:18,220
(laughing)
127
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,060
Yes.
128
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,090
- Was the CBS Studios
initialed after your name?
129
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:26,090
- Was the CBS Studios
initialed after my name?
130
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:27,080
Yes.
131
00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:29,220
(laughing)
132
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:32,090
Okay well, don't go away,
we'll be right back.
133
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,220
(applauding)
134
00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:41,020
(instrumental "Carol
Burnett Show" theme)
135
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,170
(applauding)
136
00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:02,220
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
137
00:06:02,230 --> 00:06:06,210
to our First Annual
Beautiful Legs Contest.
138
00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:10,100
Tonight, your applause
will decide who
139
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:13,160
on this week's show owns
the shapeliest legs.
140
00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:15,210
I, of course, have not entered,
141
00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:17,230
otherwise there
would be no contest.
142
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,000
(laughing)
143
00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:26,070
We've narrowed the contestants
down to the final five.
144
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,040
Now, if you folks in
the studio audience
145
00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:30,050
will indicate your
choice by applause,
146
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:33,000
we will have ourselves a
winner in no time at all.
147
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,040
Can we see the contestants?
148
00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:38,050
All righty, number one.
149
00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:42,020
(applauding)
150
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,160
Number two.
151
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:49,040
(applauding)
152
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,030
Number three.
153
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,150
(applauding)
154
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,110
Number four.
155
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,000
(applauding)
156
00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:04,080
Number five.
157
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,200
(applauding)
158
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,040
It's evident that number
five is the winner.
159
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:16,020
May we reveal our
contestants please?
160
00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:18,110
(laughing)
161
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,000
- Of all the television shows,
162
00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:35,040
afternoon soap operas
enjoy the longest run
163
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,160
and remain on the air for years.
164
00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:39,060
But they, too, must
eventually come to an end.
165
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:41,130
Tonight, let's look in
on the final episode
166
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:43,070
of a soap opera winding up
167
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,090
after 15 misery-filled,
scandalous years.
168
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:49,090
(laughing)
169
00:07:51,110 --> 00:07:55,010
(solemn orchestral music)
170
00:08:03,090 --> 00:08:07,040
- Tell me, Marian, have
you heard from your son?
171
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:08,010
- Which one?
172
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:11,060
The one who has
six months to live,
173
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,030
the one who's getting a divorce,
174
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,230
or the one who is a fine
country lawyer devoting his life
175
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,020
to helping migrant farm workers?
176
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,070
(laughing)
177
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:25,050
- No, the one who left
Canoga Falls 15 years ago
178
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,220
and hasn't been
heard from since.
179
00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:30,230
- Oh, that one, I
forgot about him.
180
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,090
- How could a mother
forget her own son?
181
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:37,190
- Victoria, sit down.
182
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,210
(laughing)
183
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,000
I have some shocking
news to tell you.
184
00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:45,190
I've hidden it from
you all these years
185
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,090
but now, the truth must be told.
186
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:51,040
(dramatic orchestral music)
187
00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:56,200
Victoria, the son who
left Canoga Falls.
188
00:08:56,210 --> 00:09:00,000
(drowned out by music)
189
00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:03,220
(laughing)
190
00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:08,040
Victoria, the son who left
Canoga Falls is not my son.
191
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,230
I said he was my son to
protect his dear mother.
192
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,000
- And who is his dear mother?
193
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:25,020
(laughing)
194
00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:26,080
- [Marian] You are, my dear.
195
00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:29,110
- Really?
196
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,080
- Truly.
197
00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:31,080
- You mean it?
198
00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:33,010
- Yes.
199
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:33,800
- But, Marian.
200
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,060
- What?
201
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:39,020
(dramatic orchestral music)
202
00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,060
- I never had a baby.
203
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:43,230
- Yes, you did, dear, you did.
204
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,160
And then you got sick.
205
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,050
You've had amnesia ever since
206
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,160
that horrible day you
were mysteriously pushed
207
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,200
into the Canoga Falls falls.
208
00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:52,210
(laughing)
209
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:55,030
- Wait a minute, I remember.
210
00:09:55,040 --> 00:10:00,230
I did have a baby, a
beautiful baby girl.
211
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,070
- No, dear, it was a boy.
212
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,050
You just dressed it funny.
213
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:06,040
(laughing)
214
00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:08,100
- You're right, I remember.
215
00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:11,010
- Oh, that's wonderful.
216
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:13,080
You're getting well, Victoria.
217
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:17,100
Now tell me, do you
remember who the father was?
218
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:21,160
Well, that's not important.
219
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:23,140
(laughing)
220
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:26,130
The important thing is
that you're well again.
221
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:30,190
- No, the important thing
is that I find my son.
222
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,200
- I don't wanna argue, Victoria.
223
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:35,040
- I must go search.
224
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,100
(doorbell rings)
225
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:37,180
- I'll get it, dear.
226
00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:39,060
In the meantime,
go into the kitchen
227
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:42,040
and soak your chronic bursitis.
228
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,150
(laughing)
229
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,090
(doorbell rings)
230
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,100
Why, it's Bob Baxter,
the boy next door
231
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:56,080
who we all thought
would never walk again,
232
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,090
but grew into a
handsome athlete,
233
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,080
mixed up in scandal
after scandal.
234
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:01,150
How are you, Bob?
235
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,130
(laughing)
236
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,160
- Fine, fine.
237
00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:06,100
- Wonderful, wonderful,
come in, dear.
238
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,160
Tell me, when did
you get out of jail?
239
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:11,120
- Oh, just about
five minutes ago.
240
00:11:11,130 --> 00:11:12,170
- Wonderful.
241
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:14,090
- They found out
after all these years
242
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:15,230
that I didn't murder
Natalie Carter.
243
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,050
- Wonderful.
244
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,160
How did they find out?
245
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,090
- Well, Natalie walked
into the sheriff's office
246
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,030
and admitted she
lied at my trial.
247
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,090
(laughing)
248
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,070
- Wonderful.
249
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:32,110
That's wonderful,
wonderful news.
250
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:38,230
- Sit down, Marian, I have
some more wonderful news.
251
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,010
- Yes.
252
00:11:40,210 --> 00:11:41,220
- I'm getting married.
253
00:11:41,230 --> 00:11:43,120
- That's wonderful news.
254
00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:45,030
- She's standing outside
waiting to meet you.
255
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,080
- That's wonderful news.
256
00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:47,090
(laughing)
257
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,100
- [Bob] Come in, my dear.
258
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:51,180
(applauding)
259
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,020
- How do you do?
260
00:12:02,030 --> 00:12:04,180
- Why, it's Connie Canoga,
that no good chorus girl
261
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,030
who trapped wealthy
old man Canoga,
262
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,110
the founder of Canoga
Falls into marriage.
263
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,170
- Why, it's Marian Clayton,
the frustrated gossip
264
00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:14,110
who I don't have
to talk to anymore
265
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,100
now that I'm a wealthy widow.
266
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,120
Oh, but I will, yes, I will.
267
00:12:19,110 --> 00:12:21,110
How are you, Marian?
268
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,080
- So,
269
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:25,020
(laughing)
270
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:27,120
you and Bob are getting married.
271
00:12:27,130 --> 00:12:30,200
And only 3 1/2 days after
old man Canoga died.
272
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:32,070
Why did you wait so long?
273
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,170
- Well, we would have
gotten married yesterday
274
00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:37,000
but we were afraid
people would talk.
275
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,160
(laughing)
276
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,100
- Oh, I had another
reason for coming by.
277
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:41,110
- Yes?
278
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,120
- I have news about your son.
279
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,170
(dramatic orchestral music)
280
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:49,010
(laughing)
281
00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,220
- Which one, the one who
has six months to live,
282
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:54,140
the one who's getting divorced,
or the one who's a fine--
283
00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:57,110
- No, the one you haven't
heard from in 15 years.
284
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,080
- Do you know
anything about him?
285
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:01,020
- Do I know anything about him?
286
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,100
I am him.
287
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:05,100
(dramatic orchestral music)
288
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:07,100
- So, you're not Bob Baxter.
289
00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:10,090
- No, I'm Bob Clayton, your son.
290
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,100
(gasps)
291
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,190
- My mother-in-law.
292
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,000
Mom.
- Oh no.
293
00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:18,060
(laughing)
294
00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:23,050
No, my son, you are not
Bob Clayton, my son.
295
00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:26,220
You're Bob Fieldson,
Victoria's son.
296
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:28,040
- Victoria who?
297
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:29,140
- Victoria Fieldson.
298
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,220
- You mean that weirdo
that has amnesia?
299
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:37,120
- Yes, but she has
amnesia no more.
300
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:41,030
(dramatic orchestral music)
301
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,160
Victoria, Victoria, come
out, your son is here.
302
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,110
- Son.
303
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,110
- [Connie] Mom.
304
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,180
(laughing)
305
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:01,040
- Son, I knew I
dressed you funny,
306
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,120
(laughing)
307
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,040
but I thought you'd get over it.
308
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,060
- No, no, Victoria dear,
this isn't your son,
309
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,120
that's your son.
310
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:13,220
- Mom.
311
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:14,180
- Son.
312
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,230
- Mom.
- Will you knock it off?
313
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,010
That's your mom!
314
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:21,080
(laughing)
315
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,030
- Mom.
316
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:26,090
- Stop, stop pushing.
317
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:32,080
This is the way you pushed me
into the Canoga Falls falls.
318
00:14:32,090 --> 00:14:34,060
(dramatic orchestral music)
319
00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:37,110
- Victoria, you mean you knew
it was she all these years
320
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,170
and you never said anything?
321
00:14:38,180 --> 00:14:39,170
Why?
322
00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:43,030
- Because she knew I'd kill her
323
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,130
if she told anybody
I tried to kill her.
324
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:46,170
- You.
325
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:49,010
(laughing)
326
00:14:52,130 --> 00:14:55,120
You tried to kill me?
327
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:56,130
Why?
328
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,080
Why? Why?
329
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,140
- Look, just one question
at a time, you know.
330
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,210
(laughing)
331
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,180
I'll tell you why.
332
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:09,040
Sit down, Victoria.
333
00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:11,110
(laughing)
334
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,100
And you, too, Marian.
335
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:18,180
(laughing)
336
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,110
Well, this is my story.
337
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,120
(dramatic orchestral music)
338
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:35,040
Some years ago, some years
ago when I was just a.
339
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:38,130
(drowned out by music)
340
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,170
(dramatic orchestral music)
341
00:15:53,180 --> 00:15:56,000
(clanging)
342
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:59,160
(laughing)
343
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:05,160
Years ago, I came to Canoga
Falls penniless and poor.
344
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:09,080
I was a dance hall girl,
and oh, how I suffered.
345
00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:11,050
There was no dance
hall in Canoga Falls.
346
00:16:11,060 --> 00:16:13,130
(laughing)
347
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:17,200
But it was then that
I met Franklin Forbes.
348
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,220
- Franklin Forbes.
349
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:22,040
Why is that name familiar?
350
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,160
- He was your husband.
351
00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:29,060
(laughing)
352
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,020
- Oh, him.
353
00:16:31,230 --> 00:16:34,110
- Yes, and I fell in
love with him deeply,
354
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,070
hopelessly, madly, passionately.
355
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,110
I liked him a lot.
356
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,190
(laughing)
357
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,220
But oh, he fell in love
with you, Victoria.
358
00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:45,080
Oh yes, he fell in love
with you, Victoria.
359
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,150
(laughing)
360
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:54,040
Just because you were
a little prettier,
361
00:16:57,030 --> 00:16:59,190
and a little younger.
362
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,220
(crying)
363
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:05,190
- That's not true, my dear.
364
00:17:07,090 --> 00:17:09,040
I was a lot prettier.
365
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,110
(laughing)
366
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,070
- Why, you miserable thing.
367
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,160
(laughing)
368
00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:24,060
- Please, it's all in the
past and now we must search
369
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,200
for tomorrow as the world turns.
370
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,040
(laughing)
371
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:31,050
(phone ringing)
372
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:32,230
That's the telephone.
373
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,170
(laughing)
374
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,120
Hello, thank you, Herb,
thank you for calling.
375
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,140
That's wonderful news, goodbye.
376
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:42,110
(laughing)
377
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,160
I have wonderful news.
378
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:47,190
My son is not getting a
divorce from his hippy wife
379
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,010
after all, because she promised
to shave and get a job.
380
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:53,170
(laughing)
381
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:55,140
- Oh, I forgot to tell you.
382
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:58,190
When I was in the kitchen, the
doctor came to the back door.
383
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,180
- He did?
384
00:17:59,190 --> 00:18:01,220
(laughing)
385
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,050
- And you know your son.
386
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:04,130
- Yes.
387
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,220
- The one they give
six months to live.
388
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,050
- Yes.
389
00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:09,140
- Well, the doctor
says he's improving.
390
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:11,160
They now give him seven months.
391
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,190
(laughing)
392
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,080
- A mother's prayer
has been answered.
393
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:17,190
- Two mothers' prayers
have been answered.
394
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,210
- I don't wanna argue, Victoria.
395
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:22,040
Now, all of us in
Canoga Falls are happy.
396
00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:24,150
You, Victoria, you have your son
397
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,090
and your amnesia is gone.
398
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,180
And you, Bob, you
found your real mother
399
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:34,010
and you're gonna
marry for real money.
400
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:36,210
And you, you're
returning to Canoga,
401
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:38,000
you're the luckiest.
402
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:40,090
(dramatic orchestral music)
403
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:41,120
Knock it off!
404
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,030
You're the luckiest!
405
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,100
(laughing)
406
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,230
You sure you wanna
go through with that?
407
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,060
You're the luckiest one of all
408
00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:11,190
because you're marrying our son.
409
00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,200
- He's just what I've
always wanted, a companion.
410
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:20,160
- Oh, I just wish
your poor dead husband
411
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:22,130
were here to enjoy all of this.
412
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:25,210
- Listen, I have something
I must tell you all.
413
00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:28,030
My poor dead husband isn't dead.
414
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,010
(gasps)
415
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:31,140
(dramatic orchestral music)
416
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:34,150
No, he's been downstairs
in the basement
417
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,190
all these years composing a
song that will make us rich.
418
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,090
(gasps)
419
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,150
- Gasp.
420
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,230
(laughing)
421
00:19:49,010 --> 00:19:51,140
- What a devoted man he is.
422
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:57,190
In 15 years, not once has
he come up those stairs.
423
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,030
- Yes, it's been
quite a breather.
424
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,100
(laughing)
425
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,010
- I finished it.
- Darling.
426
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,230
- I finished the song.
427
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,110
We're gonna be rich, Marian.
428
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,120
- Oh, that's wonderful, darling.
429
00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:12,210
Now, we can leave
crummy Canoga Falls.
430
00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:13,210
- Can you say that again?
431
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:15,180
- Sing the song, darling.
432
00:20:15,190 --> 00:20:18,080
That's wonderful, sing
the song for us all.
433
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:20,090
- Don't rush me, I've
got plenty of time.
434
00:20:24,170 --> 00:20:26,150
(gasps)
435
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:31,070
(dramatic orchestral music)
436
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:44,140
? I'm so glad we had
this time together ?
437
00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:50,130
? Just to have a
laugh or sing a song ?
438
00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:52,170
? Seems we just get started ?
439
00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:56,030
? And before you know it ?
440
00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:01,130
? Comes the time we
have to say so long ?
441
00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:02,090
Goodnight.
442
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,150
(applauding)
443
00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:13,180
(bouncy orchestral music)
444
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,030
- [Lyle] The part of Uncle Burt
445
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,230
was played by William Schallert.
446
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,140
(bouncy orchestral music)
29875
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