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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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LAURA: Millie, I thought it out very, very carefully.
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And I know my husband.
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He may be smart and bright, but like all men,
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he can be deceived.
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Well, I couldn't do this to my Jerry without his finding out.
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You ever tried?
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Well I've thought about it.
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But I don't know, I could never go through with it.
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How about you?
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Once, about three years after we were married.
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But Rob suspected something, so I dropped it.
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Millie, I know I can get away with it if you help me.
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Listen, I'll be a regular Liza Bentley.
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LAURA: Who's Liza Bentley?
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Well she was my first best girlfriend.
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I had two steady boyfriends once,
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and she kept my secret even though one of my boyfriends
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was her own brother.
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LAURA: Well this is a little different.
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MILLIE: Yeah, deceiving a husband is much more ticklish.
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If I were you, I'd stop right now.
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LAURA: I can't, it's like an obsession now.
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[thud] - Well, you better--
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Shh, what was that?
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Oh, hi Darling.
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You're home very early, aren't you?
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MILLIE: Hi Rob!
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Millie.
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Well, I was just going.
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Well don't go on my account Mil.
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Well, we were just chatting.
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Well, go ahead and chat.
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I haven't heard girls chat for a long time.
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Chat.
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No, Millie and I will demonstrate our chatting
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technique some other time.
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Goodbye Millie.
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Goodbye Laura.
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Well, it certainly is nice to have you home early.
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Is it?
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Darling, are you all right?
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Yeah, I'm just fine.
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Why do you ask?
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Well, I know it sounds kind of silly,
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but your lips were very cold.
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My lips are regular lip temperature.
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It be your lips are running a fever.
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Rob, are you sure you're all right?
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I mean, did something happen down at the office?
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Yes.
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Something is always happening while I'm down at the office.
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I'm going to lie down for a little while.
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Millie, I think Rob suspects something.
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Well, because he's been acting very strangely ever
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since he got home last night.
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Now I'm beginning to feel sorry I started this whole thing.
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Well no, I can't stop now.
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I wish I could, but I've gone too far with it already.
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Well no, I don't know he knows.
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I just think he knows.
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Yeah, you may be right.
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Might just be my imagination.
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Gee Millie, I hope this is worth it.
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I mean to go through all this deception just
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for a few fleeting moments of excitement.
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I don't know.
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Boy, I tell you, the hardest thing in the world
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is to give a surprise birthday party.
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Why am I doing it?
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Well because Millie, almost anything else I've give him
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would wear out or get thrown away eventually.
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And if I can pull this off, I'll be giving Rob something that'll
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last him a long, long time.
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No Millie, not indigestion.
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Memories.
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All right, shoot me.
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I'm a sentimentalist.
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Yeah.
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Well listen Millie, I better hang up now.
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Rob's liable to pop in any moment.
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Good bye.
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Rob!
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Rob, Darling!
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You'd better hurry if you're going to be at work on time.
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ROB: I'm coming!
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[yawn]
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Oh, boy.
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I must have really been tired last night.
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How are you this morning, honey?
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Fine, how are you?
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Fine, what's for breakfast?
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Well, what's your pleasure?
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Oh, let's see.
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Toast, scrambled, orange juice, cold cereal, and a warm hug.
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Well, here's the warm hug.
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Your juice and coffee are on the table.
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The scrambleds are in preparation.
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Get the cereal yourself please.
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Hey, honey?
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I'd like to apologize for being such poor company last night.
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Yeah, what was the matter with you anyway?
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Oh, nothing.
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Just didn't feel too well.
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I think I had one of those 24 hour things.
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Feel great now.
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Mommy, can I have my hard boiled egg,
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mayonnaise and garlic press?
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Yeah, they're on the table and the mayonnaise is in the bowl.
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But how about a good morning first?
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Oh yeah, good morning first.
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Hard boiled egg, mayonnaise, and a garlic press?
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Yeah, it's real neat.
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Watch, Daddy.
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I am watching.
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Where did you learn this trick?
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In school.
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Our teacher showed us how to do it.
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And I thought you weren't learning anything.
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Want to do one Daddy?
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Oh, yeah.
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I've always enjoyed science and experimentation.
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[inaudible] make chopped eggs.
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Is that what we're making? Chopped eggs?
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Uh huh.
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Here, Daddy, want to taste it?
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Yeah.
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Just for science, anyway.
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That's delicious.
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Honey, hold my scrambled and make them hard boiled.
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It's a little too late dear.
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Maybe tomorrow.
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You like this Daddy?
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I love them, Ritch.
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Good, now I know what to get you for your birthday.
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Chopped eggs.
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My birthday?
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Ritch, Darling, how about some milk?
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I already have some.
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LAURA: Oh, so you have.
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Honey, have I got another birthday coming up here again?
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Why, yes.
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Yes you do, come to think of it.
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ROB: But what day is it?
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Oh, gee, Darling.
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I'm really not sure.
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You have read trickle around Saturday on the calendar.
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It says Rob's birthday.
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Is that what it is?
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I always make these little notes
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and then forget to look at them.
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Thanks for reminding me Ritch.
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Honey, you buy anything for my birthday?
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None of your business.
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Well, if I guess, will you tell me?
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No.
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Planning any kind of a dinner or party or anything?
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Why do you say that?
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Honey, I don't want a cup and a half.
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That only works on television.
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I said are you planning any kind of a dinner or anything for me?
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Well of course I'm planning some kind of a dinner
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for you Darling.
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Don't think I'd let you go hungry on your birthday,
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do you?
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Well, you never have.
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No, well, as a matter of fact, I thought maybe
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we'd three of us have a little cake for lunch,
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and then maybe in the evening we'd call Buddy, and Sally,
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and Billy, and Jerry, and maybe go out to some nice restaurant.
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- Would you like that? - Well, yeah.
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I'd like that even if it wasn't my birthday.
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OK, we'll plan on that then.
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You want me to ask Buddy and Sally?
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No.
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I mean, wouldn't look right for you to invite them, would it?
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Well, I don't know. Why?
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Well it would look like you were
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giving yourself a testimonial.
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Oh, yeah, that's true.
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OK, I'll leave all the details up to you, Honey.
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I'll just pretend like I don't know anything about it.
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If you two don't hurry, you're going
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to be late for work and school.
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Oh, I don't want to be late for school.
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We got a new teacher who hollers.
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Bye Daddy.
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Bye Ritch.
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Bye Mommy.
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LAURA: Bye.
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I better hurry up too.
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I got an old boss who hollers.
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Coffee.
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Bye Honey.
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Millie?
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Rob knows.
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Well, because just now at breakfast,
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he said are you planning some kind of a dinner party for me.
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Oh, that man.
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Why does he have to be so smart?
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Well, I don't see how I can now.
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He knows.
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Oh, that's true.
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He doesn't know what kind of party it's going to be.
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Yeah, well I told him I'd ask you and Jerry,
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and then I'd talk to Buddy and Sally.
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Yeah, well I'll call Buddy and Sally at home now,
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and then I'll call them at the office later when he's there.
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We'll outsmart that smart aleck yet.
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Bye Millie.
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Hello, Sally?
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Laura.
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Listen.
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- You go. - OK.
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Coffee buddy?
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Yeah, I'm on a special hard boiled egg diet.
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Black for you Sal?
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Yeah, and listen, if they have any
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of almond paste sweet rolls with the honey nuts and raisins
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on top, grab one for me.
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Yeah, grab two for me.
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I thought you said you were on a special hard boiled egg diet.
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I am.
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I can eat anything I want as long as I
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eat a hard boiled egg with it.
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That's why it's--
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ALL: A special hard boiled egg diet.
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Hey, don't talk about me while I'm gone.
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Why do you suppose he said that?
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Maybe he just don't want us to talk about him while he's gone.
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Well how'd he know we were going to?
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Are we?
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Didn't Laura call you up this morning at home?
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No, why?
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Well she called me and she said she was going to call
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you right after we hung up.
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Oh, maybe she called right after I ducked out.
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You know, got out in a hurry today.
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My mother-in-law is spending a month with us
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for a couple of days.
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Now did you know that Rob is having a birthday this weekend?
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Seems to me like he just had a birthday about a year ago.
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Same time.
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Most people do.
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Oh yeah?
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So how come you haven't had a birthday since--
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That's because I only announce them once every other year.
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Listen.
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What do you think Laura called for?
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Do you think she's going to give Rob
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a surprise party or something?
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How'd you know?
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Well she wouldn't just call you up to have
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you go buy him a present.
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Well, that's true.
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Ah, she'll never pull it off.
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Oh, why do you say that?
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Well look, I knew right away, and I didn't go to college
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like Rob.
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Yeah, well Laura knows Rob better than you and I,
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and she thinks she can do it.
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And besides, she's got a pretty original plan.
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Yeah, what is it?
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Now look.
268
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,973
Laura's going to call us both here while Rob is with us.
269
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,875
And she's going to invite us to this dinner party.
270
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:43,609
See?
271
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,944
Oh, and then we accept.
272
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,412
And instead of it being a small dinner party,
273
00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:47,580
is a big surprise party.
274
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,547
Not a bad idea.
275
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:50,449
Yeah, but that's not it.
276
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:52,051
What, it's a good idea?
277
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,486
Yeah, well Laura's is better.
278
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,820
Now look.
279
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,355
When she calls us here to invite us, one of us
280
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:57,356
says we can't make it.
281
00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:58,824
Why?
282
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,594
Because she says Rob suspects it's a surprise party.
283
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,129
But he won't suspect if he knows she
284
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,231
tried to arrange a plain dinner and couldn't
285
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,165
get all the people.
286
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,066
See?
287
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,300
I don't know.
288
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,602
Let me think about it.
289
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:11,404
You sure this isn't a surprise party for me?
290
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,438
No.
291
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,441
Now look.
292
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:17,343
When Laura calls, you tell her you can make it,
293
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,378
and I'll say I can't.
294
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:20,546
I can make it but you can't.
295
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:21,680
Yeah, good. Right.
296
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:22,581
Yeah, but wait a minute.
297
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,549
What if you get a call--
298
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:25,117
OK, come and get it.
299
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:25,885
Oh.
300
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,253
BUDDY: Oh boy, I'm hungry.
301
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,555
There was only one honey nut roll for Sally.
302
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:31,190
Oh, thank you Ron.
303
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:32,358
Yeah, there's yours.
304
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:33,559
And what do you want?
305
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:34,694
Do you want a bear claw or a bow tie?
306
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,195
Well, I'd rather have a rabbit's
307
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:39,365
foot and a pair of pants, but I'll take the bear claw.
308
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:42,334
Well, what did you guys do while I was gone.
309
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,369
Well, let's see.
310
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:46,939
I built a steam locomotive.
311
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,774
Sally knitted a tarpaulin for the infield
312
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,276
at the Yankee Stadium.
313
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,411
I was kind of hoping you guys discussed some opening
314
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:53,746
jokes for this week's show.
315
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:56,515
You know we only work when we're threatened.
316
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:58,350
What you have in mind for Alan?
317
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,052
Well I was thinking maybe it would be funny
318
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:02,288
if Alan told some jokes about how his wife was
319
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,390
trying to plan a surprise party for him,
320
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:05,891
but he knew all about it.
321
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,162
What-- what made you think of that?
322
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,364
Because Laura is in the process of doing
323
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,466
the same thing right now.
324
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,500
And it's pretty funny.
325
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,935
Yeah, how do you know?
326
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:18,270
Well, deductive reasoning and knowledge of the way
327
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,705
my wife's mind works.
328
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,140
And a little accidental eavesdropping.
329
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:21,907
Accidental?
330
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,042
Well, for the most part.
331
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,110
Yeah.
332
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,112
I came home last night and overheard she
333
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,179
and Millie talking about it.
334
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:28,414
And then I heard her on the phone
335
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:29,815
this morning talking about it.
336
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,650
Hey, she was going to call you two guys at home.
337
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:32,852
Did she? - Didn't call me?
338
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,254
Well, she called me and said she'd
339
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,823
like to have a plain dinner like Saturday or Sunday,
340
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,091
and she'd call me right back.
341
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,726
But she didn't say anything about keeping
342
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:41,660
it a secret from you.
343
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,595
She didn't?
344
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:43,796
No.
345
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,569
Oh, she's a cute one.
346
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:51,637
I know just what she's doing.
347
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,272
Well, I'm sure glad you do.
348
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:54,473
Because I don't.
349
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:56,475
[phone ringing]
350
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:57,376
Hello.
351
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:58,744
Oh, hi Laura!
352
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,679
Yeah, we were just talking about that.
353
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,883
Well, have you decided when you'd like to give the dinner?
354
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,418
Oh, well why not Sunday?
355
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,521
Well it's just that I have these two tickets to a play
356
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,589
Saturday night and the--
357
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:11,891
no, I can't.
358
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,192
My Aunt Agnes is coming in from Connecticut,
359
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,793
and she's been looking forward to this outing
360
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,795
for a month and a half.
361
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,531
Oh, what a shame.
362
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,968
Well look, can't Millie and Jerry change their appointment?
363
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:24,303
Well, maybe next year.
364
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:25,237
Huh?
365
00:13:25,337 --> 00:13:26,038
Yeah, he's here.
366
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,573
Yeah, I'll put him on.
367
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:28,541
Not you, Smiley.
368
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,477
She wants Buddy.
369
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:32,745
Hey, hey, I forgot.
370
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:33,879
What am I supposed to say?
371
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:34,814
Say yes.
372
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,048
Yes!
373
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:40,519
Saturday night?
374
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:41,720
Oh, sure.
375
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:42,755
There's no reason why Pickles and me
376
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:43,656
can't be there Saturday night.
377
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:44,657
Yeah, where?
378
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:45,558
Yeah.
379
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,926
Yeah.
380
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,427
Hey Laura, Rob is here.
381
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,232
Oh, you knew it, huh?
382
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,034
Rob, somebody wants to talk to you.
383
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:56,602
Wants to invite you for dinner.
384
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:57,736
I think.
385
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:58,737
I think it's your wife.
386
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:00,339
Oh, my wife!
387
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:01,774
Is that who you two guys have been talking to all this time?
388
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:02,708
Yeah.
389
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:03,976
Hi Honey.
390
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:04,977
Yeah, I heard that.
391
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:06,445
It's a shame Sal can't come.
392
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:08,747
Well, we'll just suffer along with three couples then,
393
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:09,748
I guess.
394
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:10,783
Mel?
395
00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,451
I don't know, did you ask him?
396
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,286
Oh, you want me to ask him?
397
00:14:14,386 --> 00:14:15,321
Sure.
398
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,589
Saturday night.
399
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,290
OK. Yeah, no.
400
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:18,991
I won't forget.
401
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,259
I'll ask Mel.
402
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,561
OK, goodbye.
403
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:24,797
Still think Laura is planning a surprise party?
404
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,131
Oh, isn't she?
405
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,367
Rob, if she were planning a surprise party,
406
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,469
she certainly wouldn't let you hear her inviting everybody.
407
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,504
Yeah, and she wouldn't have you inviting Mel.
408
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,707
No, that's just exactly what she would do.
409
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,308
You see, what she's doing in chess
410
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:37,977
is called the double reverse half
411
00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:41,013
truth check your mate gambit.
412
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,948
I'm going to play right along with her and let her check
413
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,083
her mate. That's all.
414
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:47,353
Well, you may be right Sebastian.
415
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,988
But I think she's employing the old
416
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,556
I tried to give him a surprise party
417
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:53,292
but the rat found out about it, so I changed my plans bit.
418
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,027
I don't know which one you guys is right,
419
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:59,398
but there's a free meal in there some place, and I'm going.
420
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:00,499
Marge?
421
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:02,468
Would you please ask Mr. Coolidge to step in here
422
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,402
for just a moment Please?
423
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:04,503
Oh, this is going to be a thrill.
424
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,305
ROB: Thank you.
425
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,640
Yeah.
426
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,709
If my thinking is correct, when I invite Mel to the party
427
00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:14,913
he will either accept or decline.
428
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,348
Brilliant deduction.
429
00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:19,285
Depending on what my wife instructed him to say.
430
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,453
Now she instructed you to say yes, didn't she?
431
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:22,388
No.
432
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,389
Sally did.
433
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,327
Rob.
434
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,296
Do you think that Laura arranged for me and Aunt Agnes
435
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:31,864
to go see a play that night.
436
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,799
Oh, you guys are doing a good job.
437
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,367
Keep it up.
438
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:38,771
Now, if my guess is correct, Mel has been instructed by Laura
439
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,506
to say that he can't make it.
440
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,440
Yeah.
441
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:42,808
Why?
442
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,376
Well because only two couples have accepted to the party.
443
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:45,744
See?
444
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,279
That will make it seem much more like just a casual dinner
445
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,614
than a big surprise party.
446
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,582
Oh, thank you, Sherlock Holmes.
447
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,651
Now what do you think Mel is going to use for an excuse?
448
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,220
Well, something completely irreversible like two expensive
449
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,589
tickets to a Broadway show, or maybe a command
450
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,191
dinner party at Alan Brady's.
451
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,592
Do you want to see me Rob?
452
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:01,994
I've only got a second.
453
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,996
A second with you is like a year with an ugly mob.
454
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,501
Mel.
455
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:11,303
I just wanted to ask you if you and your wife
456
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,505
could come to our house for a dinner party on Saturday night.
457
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:14,707
Sure, we'd love to.
458
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,442
SALLY: Well, there you [inaudible]
459
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:19,611
There goes your double reverse checkmate Sebastian.
460
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,046
You mean you can join us?
461
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:22,915
Well sure.
462
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,217
Oh, I hope you don't mean this Saturday.
463
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,219
Why, you have something planned
464
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,387
for this Saturday night, huh?
465
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,388
Oh yes.
466
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:30,589
Alan Brady is expecting us for dinner.
467
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,757
Oh, yeah.
468
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:32,658
Well can't you-- could you make off?
469
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:33,992
Oh, I'd love to Rob.
470
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,728
But he wants to go to the concert afterward.
471
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,163
He used both excuses.
472
00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:39,932
Well it's all right Mel.
473
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,133
I understand perfectly.
474
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,568
What's the occasion?
475
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:43,669
Oh, it's my wife.
476
00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:44,970
She thinks my birthday should be celebrated
477
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,038
like a national holiday.
478
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,207
Your birthday?
479
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:49,608
Oh, what a shame.
480
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:51,243
Gee, I'd love to be there.
481
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,611
Well it's all right, Mel.
482
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:53,779
I'll tell you what.
483
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,280
If your plans change and you want
484
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:56,281
to come at the last minute, you're perfectly welcome.
485
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:57,883
Oh, fine. Thanks Rob.
486
00:16:57,983 --> 00:16:59,184
Well, I've got to run now. - OK.
487
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,120
That's the best news since Armistice Day.
488
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:08,293
Well kids, have I got my wife figured out, or haven't I?
489
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,029
Well, it sure looks like you do.
490
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,597
Hey, would you explain it to me?
491
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,199
Only slowly, so I'll know if I'm supposed to yell surprise.
492
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:16,235
Yeah, you are supposed to yell surprise.
493
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:18,270
See, everybody who has said they can't make it to my house
494
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,706
Saturday night is going to make it to my house Saturday night.
495
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:21,607
Right Sal?
496
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,575
Rob, look.
497
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:24,910
See these two tickets?
498
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,044
Eighth row center.
499
00:17:26,145 --> 00:17:27,212
And come Saturday night, I'm going
500
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:28,380
to be sitting in one of them.
501
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,715
Surprised!
502
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,683
Look, are you sure those don't belong to your Aunt Agnes?
503
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:32,851
Both of them?
504
00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:33,952
Rob, my Aunt Agnes has more trouble
505
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,021
getting a date than I have.
506
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,656
I don't believe any of you guys.
507
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,625
I got a surprise party coming Saturday night.
508
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,627
I know it, you know it, we all know it.
509
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,095
So let's not spend any more time on it.
510
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:43,996
Shall we?
511
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,030
Oh, by the way.
512
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,331
One thing I would appreciate.
513
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,599
Don't tell Laura that I know all about it.
514
00:17:47,699 --> 00:17:49,168
I don't know what you're talking about.
515
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:52,071
Neither do I. All right, we won't tell Laura.
516
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,439
Now what are you going to do for us?
517
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,474
All right, when you jump out and say surprise,
518
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,443
I will react and be probably surprised.
519
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:58,477
OK?
520
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,356
Happy birthday, Darling.
521
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:12,291
What?
522
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:13,225
Huh?
523
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:14,560
I said happy birthday, Darling.
524
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,029
And here is the second in a series of surprises
525
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,163
I have prepared for you.
526
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,932
Oh, thank you, Honey.
527
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,500
This is just what I needed.
528
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:27,039
Hey, no pith, no pits, no peel.
529
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,740
Did you run this through a garlic press?
530
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:29,908
How'd you guess?
531
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,110
That's what I thought.
532
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,744
You know how good I am at guessing.
533
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,246
Yeah.
534
00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:35,914
You said second in a series of surprises.
535
00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:36,815
LAURA: Mhmm.
536
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:37,850
What's the first one?
537
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,418
You got it.
538
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:41,320
It's Saturday morning, and I let you sleep two extra hours.
539
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:42,621
See?
540
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:43,989
Ritchie's been bothering to come in all morning long.
541
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:44,990
Where is he?
542
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,191
He's with Millie and Jerry.
543
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,160
They have custody of him until noon.
544
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:51,497
How about the third in a series of surprises?
545
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:52,231
Thank you.
546
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:53,832
You're welcome.
547
00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:56,435
Now sire, what do you desire for your royal birthday breakfast?
548
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:59,037
Name it your majesty, and it is but yours.
549
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,840
I shall have lox and bagels.
550
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,709
Oh, with fresh cream cheese?
551
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:04,643
[phone ringing]
552
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,711
ROB: I'll get it, Honey.
553
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,645
Uh, no!
554
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:07,579
Darling, don't do that!
555
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:08,881
I'll get it!
556
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,016
You go wash your royal face and brush your royal teeth
557
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:11,950
your majesty.
558
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,118
And hop to it please.
559
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,920
Your wish is my command, grace baby.
560
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:19,958
Hello?
561
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:22,494
Oh, hi Sally.
562
00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,963
You can't come to the party?
563
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:26,965
Oh.
564
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:30,302
You mean you really can't make it?
565
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:35,107
You mean you really, really can't make it?
566
00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:36,909
Oh, Sally.
567
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,411
Look, I know I must sound awfully mean asking you to come
568
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,979
all the way up here with a runny nose,
569
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:45,184
but gee, it's not going to be much of a party without you.
570
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:48,353
Well so far only Millie and Jerry.
571
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,756
No, Joe and Sadie have a bar mitzvah tonight.
572
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:56,094
Well, Mel said he'd try to make it up after the concert.
573
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,431
But we need people to yell surprise.
574
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:00,732
Well.
575
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:02,134
OK.
576
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,736
Listen, Sally, if you're feeling any better by this afternoon,
577
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,939
will you call me please?
578
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:07,906
OK.
579
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:08,907
Bye bye.
580
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:18,350
[grunting]
581
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,986
Who was that, Honey?
582
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:22,254
Sally.
583
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,890
What'd she want?
584
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,391
Oh, Rob.
585
00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:27,826
Sally has a cold!
586
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:28,794
What?
587
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,630
I said Sally has a cold!
588
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,565
Honey!
589
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:34,299
Don't cry.
590
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,467
Sally's a big girl.
591
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,668
She'll beat that cold.
592
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,971
No Rob, you just don't understand.
593
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,072
I think I do, Honey.
594
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,039
No, you don't.
595
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:42,374
Honey, believe me, I do.
596
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:44,810
No, you don't!
597
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,811
Honey.
598
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,546
Oh, Rob, do you know what I have gone
599
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,748
through in the last few days?
600
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:54,453
I have worked, and arranged, and called, and I don't know what.
601
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:58,090
Just to give you a surprise birthday party.
602
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,858
And everything fell through.
603
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:03,595
Now you have to have a plain old stupid dinner party.
604
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:04,830
Honey.
605
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,164
Honey, don't cry.
606
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:07,733
Why shouldn't I cry?
607
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,936
I have a perfectly honest and good reason to cry,
608
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,104
and I'm going to cry.
609
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,038
?
610
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:14,373
Oh, Honey.
611
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:15,507
Honey, look.
612
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,309
If it'll make you feel any better,
613
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:20,712
I'm glad that the surprise part of it fell out.
614
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:22,114
Why?
615
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,950
Because Honey, I just couldn't have look properly surprised.
616
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:26,251
That's all.
617
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,820
I've known what your plans were since Monday.
618
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,389
Oh, you couldn't have.
619
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:31,556
Not really, no.
620
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,725
Believe me, Honey, I did.
621
00:21:33,825 --> 00:21:34,926
How could you?
622
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,294
I just did, Honey.
623
00:21:36,395 --> 00:21:37,329
What's the difference?
624
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,197
Ask Buddy and Sally if I didn't.
625
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:41,166
You knew everything?
626
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:42,367
Yes, Honey.
627
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:43,935
I knew everything.
628
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,671
I've lived with you long enough to know how that little mind
629
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:46,972
of yours works.
630
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:51,310
You only knew what I wanted you to know.
631
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:53,278
And how's that?
632
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,081
Well I let you know I was planning
633
00:21:56,181 --> 00:21:57,582
a surprise birthday party.
634
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,852
And my idea was to make it look like no one could come
635
00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:03,388
and then we'd go to a restaurant and have dinner.
636
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,990
That's right and everybody would
637
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,159
come to the restaurant at the dinner party and yell surprise.
638
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,560
Honey, I hate to tell you, but I knew
639
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:09,961
that was your plan all along.
640
00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:11,863
You're just saying that.
641
00:22:11,963 --> 00:22:13,098
No Honey, honest.
642
00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:14,232
And look.
643
00:22:14,332 --> 00:22:15,567
I want you to know that I'm just as
644
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,536
appreciative and touched this way, maybe more,
645
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:19,371
than if it had worked out.
646
00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:21,940
Thank you, Honey.
647
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:22,974
You're welcome.
648
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,679
Boy, Rob.
649
00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:29,348
You just wait till next year.
650
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:30,882
I'll surprise you on your birthday
651
00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:35,954
if I have to do it three months early.
652
00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:38,290
No, not three months early.
653
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:39,324
Three months late.
654
00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:40,892
And that way you'd never guess.
655
00:22:40,992 --> 00:22:42,527
Why don't you just skip a year and then
656
00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:43,995
I'll forget my birthday?
657
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:48,333
Or maybe I'll give you a surprise party right now.
658
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:49,534
ALL: Surprise!
659
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:10,889
Open my present first.
660
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,724
That's a surprise and it's part of a surprise.
661
00:23:12,824 --> 00:23:14,025
The present.
662
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:16,094
But listen, nothing more can surprise me after that.
663
00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:17,929
This is probably a tie, right?
664
00:23:18,029 --> 00:23:18,830
Just open it.
665
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:20,732
What's this?
666
00:23:20,832 --> 00:23:24,469
A chauffeured limousine round trip ride from New Rochelle
667
00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:25,837
to New York?
668
00:23:25,937 --> 00:23:27,139
Hey, thanks Buddy.
669
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,106
It's what I've always wanted.
670
00:23:28,206 --> 00:23:29,074
Good.
671
00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:30,075
Here, open this one next.
672
00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,243
Boy, is that heavy.
673
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,178
What's that?
674
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:35,881
A roll of quarters.
675
00:23:35,981 --> 00:23:37,082
What is it?
676
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:40,752
Change for the West Side Highway for the tollbooth.
677
00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:41,987
Thank you.
678
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,421
I never have any change when I want it Jerry and Mil.
679
00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:44,489
I wish it could have been more.
680
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,259
Yeah, so do I.
681
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,493
Keep going, keep going.
682
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:49,728
Here it is. This is the tie.
683
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:51,229
Yeah, that's the tie. Go ahead.
684
00:23:51,329 --> 00:23:52,164
OK. What's this?
685
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,231
Two tickets?
686
00:23:53,331 --> 00:23:55,167
To the biggest hit on Broadway.
687
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,535
Eighth row center.
688
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:57,836
I thought these belonged to your Aunt Agnes.
689
00:23:57,936 --> 00:23:59,504
So I lied.
690
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:02,440
Did you ever organize this right?
691
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:03,875
How do you like that?
692
00:24:03,975 --> 00:24:05,811
A round trip chauffeured limousine from New Rochelle
693
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:09,614
to New York and back, money for the tollbooth,
694
00:24:09,714 --> 00:24:11,750
and two tickets to a hit show.
695
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:13,118
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
696
00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:14,286
Wait a minute! One more.
697
00:24:14,386 --> 00:24:15,954
Oh, why thank you, Mel.
698
00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:17,222
What is-- Oh.
699
00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:18,156
Oh.
700
00:24:18,256 --> 00:24:20,125
Oh.
701
00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:21,026
I know.
702
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:21,960
For my date.
703
00:24:22,060 --> 00:24:23,228
Thank you.
704
00:24:23,328 --> 00:24:24,162
Oh boy.
705
00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:25,430
Hey.
706
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:26,932
Would you guys do one more thing for me?
707
00:24:27,032 --> 00:24:27,833
Sure.
708
00:24:27,933 --> 00:24:28,767
What?
709
00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,869
Sing For He's a Jolly Good Fellow.
710
00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:33,738
ALL (SINGING): For he's a jolly good fellow!
711
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,474
For he's a jolly good fellow!
712
00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:39,211
For he's a jolly good fellow!
713
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,880
Which nobody can deny!
48676
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