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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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There they are, folks--
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Pancho Gonzalez and Helen Wills Moody.
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Oh no.
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Oh boy.
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This is going to be a productive day.
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I can just feel it. - Yeah.
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Buddy's right.
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Hey, come on, fellas.
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What do you say we get to work?
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I got a very important "if date."
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And "if date"?
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Yeah.
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If he shows up and if he asks me, I got a date.
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Come on.
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Now, let's get to work. Now, come on.
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Will you please?
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How about-- how about a husband and wife sketch?
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We haven't done one in a long time.
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I have nothing against those, but this time I'd
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like one based on the truth.
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I don't want any more of those sketches
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about Alan waking up in the morning
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and finding a Saint Bernard in his bed.
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That's the truth.
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That happened to me.
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Buddy, you never had a Saint Bernard in your bed.
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Oh, did you ever see my wife in the morning?
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[phone ringing]
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I keep yelling at her.
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Take off that ridiculous cask of brandy.
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[laughs]
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Hi, Marge.
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Mrs. Billings.
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What's she doing down here?
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Who's Mrs. Billings?
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She wants me to direct the Parents
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Council Show again this year, and I've
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been ducking her for weeks.
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What'll I do with her?
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Well, don't look at me.
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I'm not a parent or a council.
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Hey, Marge.
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Tell her anything, but get rid of her, will you?
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I just don't want to talk to that--
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[nervous laugh] Hello, Mrs. Billings.
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Oh, Mr. Petrie, Mr. Petrie.
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What?
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What?
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I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
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Apologize for what?
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For what they're doing to you.
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Oh, I know you must be a very busy man,
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and I really shouldn't come barging in like this.
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But I wanted you to hear it from me personally.
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What is it, Mrs. Billings?
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Well, you know that every year you've
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been directing our community show,
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and you've done such a superb job.
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Well, this year, without even consulting me,
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one of the other ladies on the committee
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gave the job to somebody else.
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Why, I think that's terrible.
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Oh, I knew you'd feel that way.
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Believe me.
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I'd have given anything to have spared you this humiliation.
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Well, Mrs. Billings, all of us need a little emotional rubbish
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from time to time.
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I'll muddle through somehow.
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Oh, you're so wonderful to take it that way.
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Goodbye, Mr. Petrie.
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Goodbye, whoever you are.
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[laughing]
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[bangs piano keys]
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Hey, Rob.
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I-- I hate to bother you in this moment of sorrow.
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Oh, I am so happy not to be doing that show.
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Why? Gee.
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It sounds like fun directing one of those community show.
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You know, fix those lights.
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Pull that curtain.
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Have that good-looking girl go to my office.
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I don't mind directing.
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I don't mind producing.
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I don't mind performing.
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I don't mind they use my furniture
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for the sets every year.
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What I hate are those auditions.
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Well, what's wrong with auditions?
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You might find another Monroe Diefendorf.
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I never heard of Monroe Diefendorf.
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See, if you find one, you'll have one.
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If I could just find one a little
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bit of talent in that neighborhood besides Laura.
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She's the only professional in the whole group,
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and each year she ends up with the lead.
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So what's the problem?
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Everyone else's wife.
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They all think they have talent, and they
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think I'm playing favorites.
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Oh, I see what you mean.
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Hey, this year, just for a change,
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why don't you have Laura not play the lead?
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Sure.
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Then you can sleep in the garage.
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[chuckles] Oh, boy.
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This is the first time in three whole years that I am free.
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Mr. Petrie.
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They cannot do this to you.
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Who can't do what, Mrs. Billings?
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Having somebody else direct, indeed.
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How ungrateful can they be?
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They're not. They're not.
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Well, I'm not going to let them get away with it.
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Oh, let them. Let them.
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I'll get even some other way.
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No, no, no, no.
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I will assume all the responsibility.
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Robert Petrie, you are our director.
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No, I'm not. I'm not.
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It's unfair.
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No.
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Some way somehow I will get rid of that other man.
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Oh, you can't do that to him.
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He's a director.
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He has feelings.
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Oh, he's not a director.
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He's a dry cleaner.
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Mrs. Billings, even dry cleaners have feelings.
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Well, that's show business.
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Robert Petrie, you will be directing our shows as
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long as there's a New Rochelle.
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Oh, I can't wait to just fly home and spread the good news.
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She did it again.
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Hello, darling.
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Sure.
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How did you know I had spaghetti for lunch?
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Well, darling, look.
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I can put a steak on if you'd rather.
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That's all right.
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What's the matter, dear?
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You Seem a little out of sorts.
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I may be out of sorts, but I am in the show.
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The show?
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Yup.
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The Flying Phantom, Mrs. Billings.
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She caught me today.
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Really?
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Mhm.
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You are looking at the director of the Annual
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Follies and Fun Raiding Fiasco.
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I don't know how that woman finds me.
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[coughs]
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I work in an unlisted building.
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The nerve of her walking right into my office.
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Did she do that?
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Yeah.
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Hi, Mrs. Petrie. Yeah.
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I got the ginger ale--
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Hello, Freddy.
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And the cola, and the soda, and extra ice cubes.
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What's all that?
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Yeah.
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And I got the corn curlies, and the Kasha Krispies,
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and barley bebes.
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But you know something.
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We were all out of the potato poopies.
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Oh, well, that's all right.
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What's going on here?
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Here you are, Freddy. Thank you so much.
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OK. Thank you, Mrs. Petrie.
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Oh, oh.
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What time should we be here tonight for the auditions?
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Auditions? Tonight?
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Yeah.
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Because I do an imitation, you know, of Al Jolson.
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I imitate them all.
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Why don't we save it for tonight?
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I do Regis Toomey, Amos and Andy.
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I do Lum and Abner.
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OK.
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The Happiness Boys.
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Oh, boy, tonight.
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Say, guess who I ran into today.
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You launched the Flying Phantom.
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You sent her down to my office, didn't you?
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Well, darling, she asked me where you work.
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Now, I couldn't very well lie to her.
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I mean I had to give her the address.
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You didn't have to tell her what city?
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Oh, Rob.
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You even arranged for auditions tonight.
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Well, darling, I know how you hate
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to be bothered with details.
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Honey, how could you do that?
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You know I hate to do that show.
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LAURA: Robert Petrie, you love directing those shows,
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and you know it.
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I only did it for you.
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You only did it for me?
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You, of course, weren't planning on being in the show yourself.
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Well, I might do a little something.
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(MOCKING) I might do a little something.
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Maybe like star in the show, huh?
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If the director thinks that I'm good enough.
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--that I'm good enough. Yeah.
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Oh, Rob, look.
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These shows are fun.
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And who knows?
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Maybe it won't be so hard this year.
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Well, no thanks to you, Buddy and Sally
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have volunteered to help me out this year.
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Oh, that's wonderful.
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Don't go overboard.
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They've written a whole show.
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It's a musical comedy called "The Gold Rush Girl."
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They wrote a whole musical comedy especially for us?
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No.
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Especially for Alan Brady.
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They wrote it three years ago.
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Every year they try to peddle to Alan.
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He rejects it.
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Oh, well, of course, if it's no good.
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Well, [inaudible] good all right.
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It's just that Alan always likes to be the main one,
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and the lead in this is a girl.
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A girl?
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The Gold Rush Girl?
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In the 1840s with a period costume?
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[gasps] Do you remember that costume I wore
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in the show three years ago.
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The Annie Oakley costume. I could wear that.
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I gave it to Millie.
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I better call her and see if she still has it.
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Boy, this is fun.
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If you think I'm the best one.
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[laughs]
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Boy.
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All right.
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I guess you all know why we're here,
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our annual fundraising show.
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And I am once again your director.
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And-- [clapping]
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Thank you. Thank you.
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As such, I'm going to be looking forward to your hatred
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in the coming months. JERRY: Right.
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Right.
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Don't be [inaudible]
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This year, we're going to do something a little bit
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different.
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Our good friends here, Buddy Sorrell and Sally Rogers,
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have written a book show for us, kind of a musical play.
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Oh.
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And I'm going to let them tell you about it.
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So Buddy and Sally could you-- could
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we hear a rundown of the play now?
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Why, sure, why not?
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This is probably the most rundown play you'll ever hear.
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Now, the name of the story is "The Gold Rush Girl," right?
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And the time is 1849.
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Cut down from 2150.
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Actually, it's a story of a young girl who falls
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in love with a medicine man. - Yeah.
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But she can only see him after meals and before bedtime.
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Now, she joins this traveling medicine
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show, going to California.
270
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:56,802
Yeah.
271
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,004
And they're selling a very popular drink
272
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,139
called Old Factor Whistle, one blast
273
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,207
you're through for the day.
274
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:04,577
That's not in the show.
275
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:06,112
Well, they laughed.
276
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,046
All right.
277
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,147
So it's in the show.
278
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,683
Or, well, you could call it Old Card Table,
279
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,686
two drink and your legs fold under you.
280
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,621
Are you going to let me finish telling this story?
281
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,290
No. They might reject it.
282
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,058
I can't stand anymore rejection.
283
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:20,593
Why don't we just go on with the auditions?
284
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,194
Give us the chance to reject them.
285
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,129
All right. All right.
286
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,463
All right. Now, look.
287
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,565
The two leads are the handsome medicine man and the very
288
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,100
beautiful Gold Rush Girl.
289
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,169
Oh, Mr. Petrie, you must play the handsome medicine man.
290
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,905
And of course, Laura will be the beautiful Gold Rush Girl.
291
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,640
Well, that does it. Let's go home, honey.
292
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,008
No, no, no, Mrs. Billings.
293
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:37,643
These are open auditions, and everyone should
294
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,011
have a chance to try out.
295
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:41,013
I mean, after all, I might not be right for it.
296
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:43,149
It's up to the director to decide.
297
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:48,454
Swell.
298
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:49,689
All right, folks, we have an awful lot
299
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:50,856
of parts to fill here.
300
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,124
So I think we better get started.
301
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:55,127
And I guess we'll begin with you, Millie.
302
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:03,069
Mildred Helper, 146 Bonny Meadow Road.
303
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:06,605
I'd like to sing "A Sentimental Love Song."
304
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,175
Words and music by Mildred Helper.
305
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,077
146 Bonny Meadow Road.
306
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,016
Wonderful.
307
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:17,984
You ready?
308
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,686
[piano music]
309
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:28,361
(SINGING) My heart got a smash in the face.
310
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:34,166
That night I will never erase.
311
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:38,004
You saw me standing 'neath the sun and the stars,
312
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:41,507
and I was something to see.
313
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:45,344
Then you just pulled out my aching heart
314
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:49,782
and kicked it right in the knee.
315
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:56,122
My heart has a terrible scar.
316
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:02,728
I'll get you for this, wherever you are.
317
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:08,334
But first, I'll kill myself.
318
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:11,370
I'm funny that way.
319
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:20,813
But seriously, darling, you're OK.
320
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:28,421
[applause]
321
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,626
That was just swell, Mill.
322
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:34,694
I'll let you know. OK?
323
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:35,628
Well, when?
324
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:36,829
Listen.
325
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:37,730
If you don't call me, I'll call you.
326
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:38,831
OK? - Come on.
327
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:39,865
That was wonderful, honey.
328
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,400
Really wonderful.
329
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,703
Boy, that kind of talent is going to be tough to follow.
330
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:44,904
What's Laura going to do?
331
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,472
Uh. I don't know, honey.
332
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:47,373
You want to do something?
333
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:48,674
Oh, well.
334
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,644
I hardly think Laura has to prove herself.
335
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,045
And after all the star of our show
336
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,880
must preserve her talented tootsies.
337
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:58,718
Oh, thank you, Mrs. Billings, but I'm not the star yet.
338
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:02,054
It's up to my husband, the director.
339
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:05,558
Yes, my wife, the dancer has to earn the job.
340
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,826
Go ahead, honey.
341
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,462
Well, I'll do a dance, but I can't really
342
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,063
do it here with the carpet.
343
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:13,599
But I thought I'd wear a kind of a short Annie Oakley costume,
344
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,769
and I'd start off standing on top of this big drumhead.
345
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,838
And I'll do a big leap off right.
346
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,240
And then I'll do a series of fouetté turns.
347
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:22,675
So it'll be fouetté, fouetté, fouetté,
348
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:23,809
fouetté, fouetté, fouetté, fouetté,
349
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:24,977
fouetté, fouetté around here.
350
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,012
And then a leap in the air, spin.
351
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,781
And now this is the effective part where you
352
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:30,349
turn and sell it with a look.
353
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,351
Right?
354
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:36,088
A pirouette, tour jeté, and finish with a series
355
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,457
of chaines, and a big finish.
356
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,425
Like that.
357
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:42,595
That's [inaudible]
358
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,531
A toast to the star of our show.
359
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,566
Only if I'm worthy.
360
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,101
Oh.
361
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:52,905
You see, folks, the bigger they are, the nicer they are.
362
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,542
All right, folks. Let's get along.
363
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:57,843
We have a lot of parts to fill.
364
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,011
So we have to move it along this evening.
365
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,613
Are there any other hands-- let's
366
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,581
see hands now for anybody who wants to audition for the show.
367
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:03,482
Come on.
368
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:04,483
Who's next?
369
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:07,486
Mel is your hand up?
370
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:09,388
Did you want-- you mean you want to do something?
371
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:10,689
Yes.
372
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,690
Well, I thought you were just going to help
373
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:12,458
us with the production end.
374
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,592
Well, that too.
375
00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:15,227
Well, what-- what do you do, Mel?
376
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:17,596
Well, I uh--
377
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,465
fool around with uh--
378
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,699
(WHISPERS) ventriloquism.
379
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,600
What?
380
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:22,535
Ventriloquism.
381
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,070
Ventriloquism?
382
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:27,173
It's just sort of a hobby.
383
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:30,676
Oh, well, Buddy would there be a part for a ventriloquist
384
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:31,577
in the show?
385
00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:32,611
No.
386
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,147
But there's a part for a dummy.
387
00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:36,115
OK.
388
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,516
Yeah.
389
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,552
Well, I'll just need two props, a stool and a glass of water.
390
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,853
Oh, OK, Mel.
391
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,321
Honey, would you get him a glass of water?
392
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,590
Is this stool all right?
393
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,992
OK, Mel, the floor is all yours.
394
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:56,535
Folks, I'd like you to meet my friend Dummy McGee.
395
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,337
Hello, Dummy.
396
00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:00,673
Hello, Mr. Cooley.
397
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:01,907
How are you?
398
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,142
I'm fine.
399
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,448
Now, I'd like to show you a little trick.
400
00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:20,893
What's new with you, Dummy?
401
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,596
Well, Mr. Cooley, I'm in love.
402
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,930
How could you be in love?
403
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:28,367
You have no poise, no charm, no savoir faire.
404
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:32,438
On what you pay me I could hardly get carfare.
405
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,541
[laughing]
406
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,379
Now, Dummy, I think you should sing your song.
407
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,948
(SINGING) Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.
408
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,384
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.
409
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:46,652
Jimmy crack corn--
410
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:47,720
- Well, Mel, I think-- - (SINGING) and I don't care.
411
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:48,954
I think we prob--
412
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,992
we get the general idea, I think.
413
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:54,526
Oh, well, thank you, Rob.
414
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,794
Thank you, Rob.
415
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,062
[laughs]
416
00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:58,764
Well, what about it?
417
00:14:58,864 --> 00:15:04,203
Well, it's-- that's very funny, Mel.
418
00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:07,306
Of course, you-- you realize your lips move a little bit.
419
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,542
Well, they're-- they're better than they used to be.
420
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,477
What about it?
421
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,411
Can we be in the show?
422
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:13,812
Well, Buddy, what do you think?
423
00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:15,814
Maybe in the medicine-- medicine show.
424
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:17,116
The medicine show is perfect.
425
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,485
When he gets through, everybody'd be sick.
426
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,319
I'll tell you what, Mel.
427
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:21,620
We'll discuss it a little later.
428
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,994
OK, everybody.
429
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,930
We got to move on here.
430
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,165
Things are going a little slow.
431
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,733
Anybody else now? Let's step right up.
432
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:35,701
Pardon me.
433
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:36,669
My name is Howard Lebost.
434
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,670
I'm your new neighbor.
435
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,570
Oh, darling.
436
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:39,972
I didn't introduce you.
437
00:15:40,072 --> 00:15:41,273
Mr. Lebost is the new English teacher at school.
438
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,008
The children love your class.
439
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,076
Thank you.
440
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:45,010
This is my wife, Anita.
441
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:45,911
Oh, I see.
442
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,112
What do you do, Howard?
443
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,180
Well, actually, I don't do anything.
444
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,615
My wife has all the talent.
445
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,051
I mean she sings a little and dances a little.
446
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,719
But she speaks very little English.
447
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:54,620
She's from Mexico.
448
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,021
Oh, I see.
449
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,356
Well, we're very happy to have you with us, Anita.
450
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,291
OK.
451
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,560
Would you like to audition?
452
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:02,661
Como?
453
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,596
[speaking spanish]
454
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:13,238
She said that your wife is just so good.
455
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,773
She'd rather not even try.
456
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,342
Nonsense.
457
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:19,078
This is a community affair, and everyone's going to audition
458
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,446
and let the best girl win.
459
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,915
There, didn't I tell you the bigger they are,
460
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,650
the nicer they are?
461
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,418
Please, Anita.
462
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:27,353
All right, Anita.
463
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:28,687
You may go ahead and do your dance.
464
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,356
[speaking spanish]
465
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:31,523
OK.
466
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:40,132
(SINGING) Heavens above you all know that I love you.
467
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:44,203
They rival your beauty, my darling.
468
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:51,410
I wait till the day, dear, when I can hear you say, dear.
469
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:55,147
[scatting]
470
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,654
Aye, aye, aye, aye.
471
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:06,492
[singing in spanish]
472
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:44,196
Aye, aye, aye, aye.
473
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:48,500
[singing in spanish]
474
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:59,244
[scatting]
475
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:06,618
Olé.
476
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:10,689
[applause]
477
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,098
- Thank you, and good night. - Good night.
478
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,165
Buenos noches.
479
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,066
Hasta luego.
480
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,067
ANITA: OK.
481
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,068
FREDDY: Bye bye.
482
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:28,173
[chuckles]
483
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:32,478
(SINGING) Aye, aye, aye, aye.
484
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,847
[humming]
485
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,427
Turns like that.
486
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,161
Let's see.
487
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:50,095
And then I'll do a--
488
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:53,665
I'll do a foot to foot.
489
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,067
Turn like that.
490
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,335
And a big turn.
491
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:59,271
And look like that.
492
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,073
This darn carpet.
493
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:03,041
Can't dance on it.
494
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,643
Oh, wait. Another big turn.
495
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,811
A big finish there.
496
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,447
And then you land on your drum.
497
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,749
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
498
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,055
She was very good.
499
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,490
Who?
500
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:19,324
Oh, yeah.
501
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:21,460
Yeah, she-- she had something.
502
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,630
Everyone just stood right up and cheered.
503
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:25,831
She was marvelous.
504
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,866
Oh, honey, I think it was just their way
505
00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:31,737
of making a stranger from a foreign land feel welcome.
506
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:35,841
Kind of part of our exchange applause system.
507
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,310
Rob, why don't you just come out and admit it?
508
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:39,811
She was very, very good.
509
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:40,746
All right.
510
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,214
She was fantastic.
511
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:44,483
Well, you know, for what she does there.
512
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:45,984
Well, what does that mean?
513
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:47,986
Well, honey, it just means that the whole thing is--
514
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:48,921
it's just a trick.
515
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:49,821
That's all.
516
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,023
A trick?
517
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,525
Well, yeah, she fooled everybody, honey.
518
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,694
You come out and sing great and dance great,
519
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:57,529
people are going to think you're talented.
520
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,203
She didn't fool me though, not for one minute.
521
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,138
I saw through it.
522
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:08,106
You take away all that fabulous dancing,
523
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:09,041
all that great singing.
524
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,442
What is there left?
525
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:14,246
Nothing but that haunting beauty.
526
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:15,414
All right, Rob. All right.
527
00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:16,882
Finished. The end.
528
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,951
Now, you're going to have to start facing the issue.
529
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,218
You have a decision to make.
530
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,521
You've got to decide whether Anita or I
531
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,122
will be the Gold Rush Girl. - Mhm.
532
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,457
Mhm.
533
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,725
That's just what I've been wanting to avoid.
534
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:28,594
Now, I told you I didn't want this job.
535
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:29,962
Look, Rob.
536
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,997
You don't have to answer to anyone but your own conscience
537
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:33,131
and integrity.
538
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,234
Now, I do want this part, but not
539
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:37,603
at the expense of your conscience and integrity.
540
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:38,704
Mhm.
541
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,573
Well, you've just been a great help to me.
542
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,242
As I see it, I have two choices.
543
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:44,443
That's right.
544
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:47,579
Either you or separate maintenance.
545
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:52,951
Just do what you think is right.
546
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,353
What do you think is right?
547
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:56,121
Never mind what I think.
548
00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:57,823
What do you think? You're the director.
549
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:58,590
You make the decisions.
550
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,392
Now, who's it going to be?
551
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:03,362
I guess there's only one thing for me to do.
552
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:04,930
You know what you're going to do?
553
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:05,864
Oh, yes.
554
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:07,165
- Well, what? - What?
555
00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,500
You don't want me to play favoritism, do you?
556
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,235
No. What are you going to do?
557
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,903
You'll find out when everybody else does when
558
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,538
I posted on the bulletin board.
559
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:16,441
So does that mean you're not going to tell me?
560
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:18,644
Rob, you better tell me.
561
00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:19,978
OK.
562
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,380
We're going to have a full dress rehearsal of the show now.
563
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,681
Oh, listen, kids.
564
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:23,915
You'll have to move back because we're going
565
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,150
to use the whole living room.
566
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,018
All the way back to the window seats.
567
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:26,652
That's it. Fine.
568
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:27,653
OK.
569
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:28,987
Buddy, you all set for the orchestra?
570
00:21:29,087 --> 00:21:30,222
- All set, Jere. - OK.
571
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:31,123
We'll start now.
572
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,392
[clears throat] Um.
573
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,694
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, the New Rochelle
574
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:40,799
Parents Council proudly presents the Broadway Gold Rush Twins.
575
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,969
(SINGING) Doo doodle-doo doodle-doo,
576
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:45,370
doodle doodle-oo-dee-oo.
577
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,775
BOTH: Doo doodle-doo doodle-doo doodle-oo-dee-oo.
578
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:53,211
ALL: Doo doodle-doo doodle-doo doodle-oo-dee-oo doo.
579
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:54,379
Doo.
580
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:55,547
BOTH: Why don't you join the group?
581
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,382
It's better than being a party poop.
582
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:58,784
Doo doo, doo, doo, doo.
583
00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:00,085
BOTH: Obligato.
584
00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:02,120
Pizzicato.
585
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,955
Guy Lombardo.
586
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:10,262
It's the craziest when you noodle with a doodling song.
587
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:11,697
ALL: Two, three, four.
588
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,166
Like it so much I'll doodle some more.
589
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:18,437
Little softer Perry Como.
590
00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:22,341
Even softer, pianissimo.
591
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:26,478
Say you love me with a doodling song.
592
00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:30,482
B-C-D, ooh, what you doodle-do to me.
593
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:32,718
Say you love me.
594
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:34,453
Really love me.
595
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:38,457
Say you love me true.
596
00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:40,592
Say you love me.
597
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,229
Please believe me when you do.
598
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,932
That makes two-dle.
599
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,967
Go together.
600
00:22:49,067 --> 00:22:50,669
Bet your boodle.
601
00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:54,840
Like the apples in the strudel do.
602
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:59,111
When you noodle with a doodling song.
603
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:02,848
What you call a real ball.
604
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,015
Doo doodle-doo.
605
00:23:04,116 --> 00:23:04,950
Doodle-doo.
606
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,785
Doodle doodle-dee-doo.
607
00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:08,353
Doo doodle-doo.
608
00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:09,421
doodle-doo.
609
00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:10,922
I love you.
610
00:23:11,022 --> 00:23:12,457
Doo doodle-doo.
611
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:13,391
Doodle-doo.
612
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:14,893
Doodle Doodle-doo.
613
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,500
Here we go now.
614
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,502
Bet your boodle.
615
00:23:23,602 --> 00:23:27,506
Like the apples in the strudel do.
616
00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:31,910
When we oodle with a doodling song.
617
00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:33,945
All through.
618
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,013
Thank you.
619
00:23:43,688 --> 00:23:47,859
[interposing voices]
620
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:58,336
Children, children, it was a triumph, children.
621
00:23:58,437 --> 00:23:59,604
An absolute triumph.
622
00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:00,939
Hey, I want to tell you something, Rob.
623
00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:02,874
I'm so choked up about that Parents Council,
624
00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:06,812
I'm going out tomorrow and rent a kid.
625
00:24:06,912 --> 00:24:08,713
Say, how did we do at the box office anyway?
626
00:24:08,814 --> 00:24:11,016
Well, I am very proud to announce that this
627
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,684
was our greatest year.
628
00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:13,418
Oh.
629
00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:14,386
Hey.
630
00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:17,355
We only lost $75.
631
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:21,159
Oh, Mr. Petrie, could I ask you a rather unusual favor?
632
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:22,494
What is it, Mrs. Billings?
633
00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:25,464
Well, as a souvenir of this memorable occasion,
634
00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:27,399
could I have your autograph?
635
00:24:27,499 --> 00:24:29,367
My autograph?
636
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:30,302
Go on, Rob.
637
00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:31,503
Do it.
638
00:24:34,973 --> 00:24:35,607
Oh.
639
00:24:35,707 --> 00:24:36,908
Isn't that nice?
640
00:24:37,008 --> 00:24:37,676
Oh, thank you.
641
00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:39,044
There you are, my dear.
642
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,245
Well, that does it.
643
00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:42,581
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Petrie has just signed
644
00:24:42,681 --> 00:24:46,384
to do our show for next year.
645
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:47,619
She did it again.
646
00:24:52,257 --> 00:24:55,961
[theme music]
43903
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