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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,089 And here in Malaysia, there is an almost overwhelming sense of euphoria, 2 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,133 as the newly-elected prime minister 3 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,885 has given this impoverished nation the gift of hope, 4 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,596 promising to raise the substandard minimum wage 5 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,724 and end child labour once and for all. 6 00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,851 Already considered a living saint, 7 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,353 he has become this small country's greatest hope, 8 00:01:02,438 --> 00:01:04,313 for a thriving future in the new millennium. 9 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,193 Get closer, Jaco. 10 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:12,905 This is disgusting. How could you let this happen? 11 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:16,909 I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio. 12 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:20,747 I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts. I even sent him some pet oxen. 13 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:25,376 I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia, but he won't budge. 14 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:27,503 Listen, 50% of my inventory 15 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,423 is manufactured in sweatshops on the Malaysian border. 16 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,258 Something has got to be done. 17 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,886 If Malaysia goes, what is next? 18 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,930 My entire panty line is made in Vietnam. 19 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,807 We'll all go bankrupt within a year. 20 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,019 The Malaysian must be eliminated, Mugatu. 21 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:47,523 What? No, I don't have time for this. 22 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:48,941 Perhaps you'd rather go back 23 00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:51,736 to turning out novelty neckties in Hackensack. 24 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,071 But my new fall line is almost due. 25 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:57,575 And I trust you would like to live to see your spring line, as well? 26 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,205 The Malaysian prime minister visits New York in 14 days. 27 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,290 Do it then. 28 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,835 Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week. It's impossible! I have a show! 29 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,963 It's perfect. Invite him to be your guest of honour. 30 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,008 That's not enough time. It takes months to train an operative. 31 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,469 What about Fabio? 32 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:22,391 Too smart. This is a rush job. He's got to be extremely dim-witted. 33 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:26,479 - You know the profile, Jacobim. - A beautiful, self-absorbed, 34 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,857 simpleton who can be manipulated and moulded like Jell-O. 35 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,776 Or cookie dough. 36 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,362 - Or Play-Doh. - Any kind of dough. 37 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:41,244 The point is, we need an empty vessel, a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron. 38 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,996 And when he's finished, we'll dispose of him. 39 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,498 But who? 40 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,834 I mean, where in all of God's green goodness, 41 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:51,337 am I gonna find someone that beef-headed? 42 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,843 Derek, I just have a few more questions, if that's okay. 43 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,010 Cool. 44 00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,596 So when did you know you wanted to be a model? 45 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:04,725 I guess it would have to be the first time I went through the second grade. 46 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:08,104 I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, 47 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,274 and I remember thinking, "Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking. 48 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,610 - "Maybe you could do that for a career." - Do what? 49 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,613 - Be professionally good-looking. - Right. 50 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,408 What would you say your trademark is, if you have one? 51 00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,828 Well, I guess the look I'm best known for is Blue Steel. 52 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,371 What's that look like? 53 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,126 That's impressive. 54 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,921 And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre. 55 00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:37,258 Le Tigre's a lot softer. It's a bit more of a catalogue look. 56 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:40,344 - I use it for footwear sometimes. - Can I see that? 57 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,649 Look, without Derek Zoolander, 58 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,027 male modelling wouldn't be what it is today. 59 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,737 He is a fashion icon. 60 00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,156 So, do you spend a lot of time working on these looks, 61 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,616 thinking about them? 62 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,995 Oh, Sure. I've been working on Magnum for at least eight or nine years. 63 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,081 "Magnum"? That's intriguing. Can I see that? 64 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,418 Are you kidding? I shouldn't even be talking about it. 65 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,086 It's nowhere near ready. 66 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:19,258 It's almost like there's a light around him. He exudes beauty. 67 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,385 I think about Derek every time I design a collection. 68 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,387 Derek, I don't know if you're familiar 69 00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,556 with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. 70 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:29,602 It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. 71 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,811 What are your thoughts on that, 72 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,564 as someone who gets his picture taken for a living? 73 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:38,194 That Blue Steel look he does? Oh, my gosh! The style and the hair. 74 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,615 You know, it's almost like the new afro for the white man, but it's beautiful. 75 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:46,035 Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. 76 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,956 How many "abo-digitals" do you see modelling? 77 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,793 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fashion industry's biggest night, 78 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,044 the VH 1 Fashion Awards. 79 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,468 There he is, three-time Male Model of the Year, 80 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,220 Derek Zoolander. 81 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,638 He's like music. 82 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,098 Proud owner of Blue Steel, 83 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,308 the look that made him the legend he is today. 84 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,352 He's almost too good-looking. 85 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,603 Hey, Paco! 86 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:18,401 That would be my main deterrent in considering a relationship. 87 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,913 And that's who Derek Zoolander is defending his title against tonight. 88 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,791 Hansel. 89 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,252 - Hansel, right here! - All right, all right. all right. 90 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,754 The rookie sensation who has burned his way 91 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,923 into the eye sockets of the fashion world, 92 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,259 and left them clawing their faces for more. 93 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,179 Mugatu sucks! Support the prime minister! 94 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,433 Mugatu uses slave labour! 95 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,936 Down with Mugatu! 96 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,106 You hate to see something like that at an event like this. 97 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,984 Ugly protesters bothering beautiful people. 98 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,779 There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu has used cheap Malaysian workers 99 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,199 to make his, and most of the garment industry's, clothes. 100 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,494 - Derek! Derek! - Hey, Steve, how are you doing? 101 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,873 You're going for your fourth straight Male Model of the Year award tonight. 102 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,416 Come on. Are you nervous? 103 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,543 Well, there are couple of little butterflies in my basket, 104 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,128 but I think I'm doing okay. 105 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,464 We also hear you're working on a new look. Can you tell us about it? 106 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,967 Actually, I can't, Steve, because it's not yet perfected. 107 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,011 But I can tell you that it's called Magnum and... 108 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,637 Shut, baby, shut! 109 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,848 If I tell you anything else, this guy's gonna kill me. 110 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,558 Got that right. How are you doing, Steven? 111 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,895 - Maury Ballstein, Balls Models. - A man who needs no introduction. 112 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:39,398 Maury, you've handled every important male model for the last 30 years. 113 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,734 - Derek's chances tonight? - Let me tell you something. 114 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,862 Nobody can touch Derek. Nobody! I gotta get inside. 115 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,990 I'm shvitzing like a shmendrick with all these lights. 116 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:59,376 Derek! Derek! Are you worried about Hansel? 117 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,047 Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel. 118 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,217 Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel line in your article. 119 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,010 I want people to know how funny I can be. 120 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,805 Oh, believe me, they'll know. It hits newsstands tomorrow. 121 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,933 Excuse me, Mr Mugatu. Mr Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries. 122 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,226 Time magazine. 123 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,603 Any comment on Prime Minister Hassan's wage increases 124 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,980 - for Malaysian garment workers? - No, he has no comment. 125 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,440 Why don't you let him speak for himself? 126 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:24,110 Isn't it true you'd like to see the prime minister out of power 127 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,237 so you can continue exploiting cheap Malaysian labour? 128 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:30,074 Hey, Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog, too! 129 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,368 Look out! She's got an egg! 130 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,578 Oh, my God! Let go of me! 131 00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,080 Yes! 132 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,207 Yes. 133 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,042 Wow. 134 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,295 I just can't tell you how much this means to me, 135 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,881 to be the first recipient of this beautiful award. 136 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,717 We have a serious problem on our hands, Maury. 137 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,554 This Malaysian thing is getting out of hand. 138 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,972 I hear you, Jaco. 139 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,933 What this, the Slashie, mean, 140 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,520 is you consider me the best actor slash model, 141 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,064 and not the other way around. 142 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,652 His proposed wage increase could ruin all of us. 143 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,572 I need it taken care of soon. I have people to answer to. 144 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:12,992 All right, now to the important stuff. 145 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,536 These ain't no slashes, folks. 146 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,288 These are the pure breeds. 147 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:21,000 Here are the nominees for Male Model of the Year. 148 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,003 Young, hot, brash. 149 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,882 With more covers in his first year than any rookie model ever 150 00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:31,510 and an attitude that says, "Who cares? It's only fashion." 151 00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,221 That Hansel's so hot right now. 152 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:38,309 I hear a lot of words like "beauty" and "handsomeness" 153 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,019 and "incredibly chiselled features." 154 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,980 To me, that's like a vanity, a self-absorption, 155 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,232 that I try to steer clear of. 156 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:48,360 I dig the bungee. For me, it's just the way I live my life. 157 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,030 I grip it and I rip it. I live it with a lot of flair. 158 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,908 I live it on the edge, where I gotta be. 159 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:58,329 I wasn't like every other kid, who dreams about being an astronaut. 160 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:03,250 I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. 161 00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,046 Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. 162 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,881 Sting would be another person who's a hero. 163 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,674 The music that he's created over the years, 164 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,218 I don't really listen to it, 165 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,678 but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. 166 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,223 I care desperatety about what I do. 167 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:21,268 Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. 168 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,813 But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. 169 00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,365 Over the past decade, 170 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,952 male modelling has had a shadow cast over it by one man 171 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,620 and five syllables, 172 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,206 Derek Zoolander. 173 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,669 Modelling, to me, isn't just about being good-looking, 174 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:50,339 or having a lot of fun and being really, really good-looking. 175 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,846 The calendar was great, 176 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,683 because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility. 177 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,937 The original Greek word for model means "misshapen ball of clay", 178 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,398 and I try to think about that every time I get in front of a camera. 179 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,942 Three-time Male Model of the Year. 180 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,371 And the award goes to... 181 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:39,805 Hansel. 182 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,770 Thank you, Lenny. 183 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,316 Wow! 184 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,903 You know, a lot of people said winning this award 185 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,072 four years in a row couldn't happen. 186 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,658 Well, I guess I showed... 187 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,594 I think we've found our solution, Ballstein. 188 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,680 No, not Derek. 189 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,433 He's perfect, and you know it. Now make it happen. 190 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,355 It stings me like a fissure in my ass, but you're right. 191 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,856 He's ready. 192 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,128 Who am I? 193 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,464 I don't know. 194 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,134 I guess I have a lot of things to ponder. 195 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,263 Hey, the results are in, amigo! 196 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,307 What's left to ponder? Whoo! 197 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,895 Nice comeback! 198 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,804 I can't stand Hansel! 199 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,181 I know, right? 200 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,558 Riding in on that scooter like he's so cool. 201 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,936 - And the way Hansel combs his hair. - Or, like, doesn't. 202 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:37,357 It's like, "'Ex-squeeze' me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?" 203 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,402 I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel. He's a male model. 204 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,654 Earth to Brint. I was making a joke. 205 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,908 Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that. 206 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,285 Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did 207 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,288 'cause you were all, "Well, I'm sure he's heard of styling gel." 208 00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,415 Like you didn't know it was a joke. 209 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,294 I knew it was a joke, Meekus. I just didn't get it right away. 210 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,922 - Earth to Brint... - Would you guys stop it already! 211 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,675 Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life 212 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:08,555 than being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking? 213 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,100 I mean, maybe we should be doing 214 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,228 something more meaningful with our lives. 215 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,647 Like helping people. 216 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,650 Derek, what people? 217 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,862 I don't know. People who need help. 218 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,534 Models help people. They make them feel good about themselves. 219 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:32,287 They also show them how to dress cool, and wear their hair in interesting ways. 220 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,456 I guess so. 221 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:37,960 You know what could really help you sort through these important issues? 222 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,127 What? 223 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:42,714 - Orange mocha frappuccino! - Orange mocha frappuccino! 224 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,759 - Yeah! - Yeah! 225 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,303 Come on, man! Come on! 226 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,043 "Derek Zoolander. A model idiot." 227 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,521 - Brint! - Huh? 228 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,731 No! 229 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:39,247 Rufus, Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me. 230 00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:43,669 And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother, 231 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,004 but I mean it like the way black people use it, 232 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,924 which is more meaningful, I think. 233 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,261 If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, 234 00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:57,182 it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. 235 00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:02,688 Just because we have chiselled abs, and stunning features, 236 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:08,402 it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. 237 00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:13,365 So today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity, 238 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:16,326 to announce my... 239 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,254 Hansel. He's so hot right now. Hansel. 240 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,923 I would like to take this... 241 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,427 People! 242 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,431 I'd like to announce my retirement from the male modelling profession. 243 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,183 What? 244 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:45,480 I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good-looking. 245 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,400 And I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you. 246 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,819 Mr Mugatu! Mr Mugatu! 247 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,113 If I could just have a moment of your time, please, sir. 248 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,699 Just one minute of your time, please, sir! 249 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,786 Derek? Derek, hey! 250 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,081 - What do you want? - Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu, 251 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,250 but he's tougher to get to than the president. 252 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,253 I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am. 253 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,504 A what? 254 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,924 A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. 255 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,846 Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was? 256 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,058 How could you have written those terrible things about me? 257 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,978 Look, Derek, my editor put that headline on it, okay? 258 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,856 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know it came off kind of harsh. 259 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,442 Yeah, well, fortunately for you, not too many people I know 260 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,403 read your little Time magazine, or whatever it's called. 261 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,614 Look, maybe you could do me a favour. 262 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,992 All I'm trying to do is get some background information on Mugatu. 263 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,036 Mugatu? If you knew anything, 264 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,997 you'd know Mugatu's the one designer who's never hired me. 265 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,373 Come on. There's gotta be... 266 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,584 Sorry, lady. Not interested. 267 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,796 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an after funeral party to attend. 268 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,135 Go back home? You're overreacting. 269 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,554 I want to do something meaningful with my life, Maury. 270 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,973 I have deeper thoughts on my mind. 271 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,226 The other day, I was thinking about volunteering, 272 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,145 to help teach underprivileged children to learn how to read. 273 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,857 Just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had. 274 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,943 Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing. 275 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,445 I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute. 276 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:21,409 We could call it the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 277 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,954 What about us? We built this place together. 278 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,747 Look out! Tushy squeeze! 279 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,123 Maury! 280 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,376 Derek, when I met you, you were a junior petite 281 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,586 who couldn't book a goddamn Sears catalogue, 282 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,296 and who couldn't turn left to save his ass. 283 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:36,424 - Now look at you. - I can turn left! 284 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,134 Yeah, right. 285 00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,846 Derek, please. Some male models go left at the end of a runway, 286 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,055 others go right. 287 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,225 You got a lot of gifts, but hanging a louie just isn't one of them. 288 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:46,601 Sit down! 289 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,438 Hey, you want to hear some great news? 290 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,946 Mugatu wants you for his new campaign. 291 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,199 Didn't you hear me, Maury? I just retired. 292 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,243 But this is Mugatu, Derek. 293 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,620 Right now, this guy is so hot, 294 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:09,207 he can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil, put a couple of fishhooks on it, 295 00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:11,751 and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings. 296 00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,133 Derek, you're the laughing stock of the entire fashion world. 297 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:23,805 What do we do when we fall off the horse? 298 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,771 We get back on. 299 00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,192 Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast. 300 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:40,447 I'm going back home. I need to get in touch with my roots. 301 00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,450 Figure out who I am. See you around, Maury. 302 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,775 Hey, Pop! 303 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,115 It's me. 304 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,578 Scrappy, Luke, 305 00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,790 you remember your brother, right? 306 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,500 What do you want? 307 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,545 I thought maybe I could work the mines with you guys. 308 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,923 You know, all the Zoolander men together again, 309 00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,591 like when we were kids. 310 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,343 Times have changed, boy. 311 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,720 You wouldn't last one day down those coal pits. 312 00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:49,349 Can't you even pretend to be happy to see me, Pop? 313 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:53,728 Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor. 314 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:59,901 Do us all a favour and get out of here. 315 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,364 Pop, wait, please! 316 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,074 Give me a chance. 317 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,661 I won't let you down. I promise. 318 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:22,173 Hold very still. Very still. I'm working right now. This... 319 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:24,050 - Ouch! - Oh, I'm sorry. 320 00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:26,386 Did my pin get in the way of your ass? 321 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,556 Do me a favour and lose five pounds immediately, 322 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,766 or get out of my building like now! 323 00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,268 Get out! 324 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,521 I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now! 325 00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,856 It's Maury. 326 00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,774 Tell me something good. 327 00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,860 You may have to start looking for someone else. 328 00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:45,780 There is no one else. The show is in 10 days, Ballstein. 329 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,199 Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up. 330 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:51,119 He went home. He's talking about going off to ponder 331 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,621 and tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit. 332 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:56,666 I don't care what it takes. Get him back. 333 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:59,044 We're running out of time. Capisce? 334 00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:02,130 Yeah, I capisce. Now if I could only ca-piss. 335 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:05,759 My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch. 336 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:10,472 Give me a little pee-pee. Come on, a couple of drops. 337 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,642 That's what I'm talking about! 338 00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,677 Surprise! 339 00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,645 What the hell's the matter with you? 340 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:12,534 Pacheco back to pass. 341 00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:14,369 He's feeling pressure from Pressman. 342 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,538 He's tooking for his All-American John DeRosa, the wide receiver. 343 00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,373 He's got him wide open in the middle of the field. 344 00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,041 Big rush. 345 00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:21,960 Who's winning the match? 346 00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:24,295 Hits Kevin Connolly, the tight end down in there. 347 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:25,713 State. 348 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,138 I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. 349 00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,473 lt's not very well ventilated down there. 350 00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,976 For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. 351 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:40,603 Talk to me in 30 years. 352 00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:54,159 Moisture is the essence of wetness, 353 00:24:57,913 --> 00:25:02,750 and wetness is the essence of beauty. 354 00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:16,598 Why'd you have to come back to this damn town? 355 00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:20,143 I wanted to make a new life for myself. 356 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:23,646 I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure. 357 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:26,274 That my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse 358 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,985 than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it! 359 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:33,364 All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, Pop. 360 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,117 With what? Your male modelling? 361 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,369 Prancing around in your underwear 362 00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:40,455 with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see? 363 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,127 You're dead to me, boy. 364 00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:51,674 You're more dead to me than your dead mother. 365 00:25:53,469 --> 00:25:56,804 I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. 366 00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:01,935 Merman. 367 00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,316 Merman! 368 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,911 Who am I? 369 00:26:31,382 --> 00:26:34,050 Hello? Derek, you hearing me? 370 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,219 - God? - God? 371 00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:39,264 What the shit are you talking about? It's me. Maury. 372 00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,015 I hope you're finished touching your roots, 373 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,768 because Mugatu's making you an offer you won't believe. 374 00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:45,603 You gotta get your tuches back here. 375 00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:54,404 Well, to tell you the truth, I was a little hesitant at first, Mr Mugatu. 376 00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:58,866 I mean, you've never hired me before, and I've been around for... 377 00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:01,369 For ages and ages. You've been around for a long, long time. 378 00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:02,662 I never wanted anything from you. 379 00:27:02,746 --> 00:27:04,914 And now that you're retired, I can't have you. 380 00:27:04,999 --> 00:27:06,291 And it's funny how it switches like that. 381 00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:09,460 But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted. 382 00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:12,714 Well, when Maury told me what you were willing to do, I... 383 00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:17,385 Todd! 384 00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:21,556 Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte? 385 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,808 My mistake, Jacobim. 386 00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,393 Your mistake, indeed! 387 00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:37,864 Yes, Derek. 388 00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:42,076 What Maury said I was willing to do for you. 389 00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:45,496 Let's get back to the reason that we're really here. 390 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,877 Without much further ado, I give you 391 00:27:52,421 --> 00:27:55,882 the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids Who Can't Read Good. 392 00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:07,643 What is this? 393 00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:14,025 A centre for ants? 394 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:15,777 What? 395 00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:22,867 How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read, 396 00:28:22,951 --> 00:28:25,953 if they can't even fit inside the building? 397 00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:30,708 - Derek, it's just a small... - I don't want to hear your excuses! 398 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:33,628 The centre has to be at least 399 00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:37,799 three times bigger than this. 400 00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:44,180 - He's absolutely right. - Thank you. 401 00:28:45,265 --> 00:28:46,474 I have a vision. 402 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:50,186 And so do I. Let me show you mine. 403 00:28:51,105 --> 00:28:53,815 I can't help you, lady. I don't know nothing about Mugatu. 404 00:28:54,108 --> 00:28:56,609 But you've represented every male model in each of his campaigns. 405 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,694 You must have some kind of a relationship with him. 406 00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:00,863 Even if I did, why would I talk to you? 407 00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:04,075 Shame on you how you picked on Derek Zoolander in that story. 408 00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:06,494 He's a sweet simpleton who never hurt a fly. 409 00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:09,122 Please don't change the subject, Mr Ballstein. 410 00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:12,166 What about Mugatu's exploitation of sweatshop workers in Malaysia? 411 00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,669 - Do you have an opinion on that? - You wanna hear an opinion? 412 00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:17,755 With a push-up bra, you could have a nice rack of lamb going on there. 413 00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:21,843 Let me show you the future of fashion. 414 00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:25,012 Let me show you 415 00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,057 Derelicte! 416 00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:30,601 It is a fashion, a way of life, 417 00:29:30,686 --> 00:29:33,604 inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, 418 00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:35,606 the crack whores 419 00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:38,025 that make this wonderful city so unique. 420 00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:42,029 And I want you, Derek, to be the face, 421 00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:46,159 the image, nay, the spirit of Derelicte! 422 00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:49,662 It'll be your glorious comeback. 423 00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:51,372 Sounds cool. 424 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:56,127 Derek, I'd like you to meet Katinka Ingabogovinanana. 425 00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:59,297 She'll be your day-to-day on the campaign. 426 00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:02,675 Let's get this model on his way! 427 00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:05,636 The big show is in eight days, Derek. 428 00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:12,226 Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte! 429 00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,270 So you want me to sleep in the gutter? 430 00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,690 No. We're sending you to a very exclusive day spa. 431 00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:22,445 So exclusive, no one knows about it. Our little secret, okay? 432 00:30:30,621 --> 00:30:32,830 - Matilda, hey. - Hey, Arch, what's up? 433 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,499 Nothing. I've just been up for a few days, 434 00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:37,502 putting together these background articles on Mugatu you asked for. 435 00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:40,338 Wow! Very thorough, Archie. Thank you. 436 00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:43,674 It's weird. I couldn't get any info on him before 1995. 437 00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:45,009 It's like he just appeared out of the blue. 438 00:30:45,093 --> 00:30:47,345 - Really? That's strange. - Yeah. 439 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,724 - Matilda Jeffries. - Keep pulling the sweater. 440 00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:55,436 - Excuse me? - Eventually the thing will unravel. 441 00:30:56,104 --> 00:31:00,233 You mean, if you pull the thread, the whole thing will unravel? 442 00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,986 Now you're talking, sister. If you want to know more, go to Pier 12. 443 00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:06,239 Things aren't what they seem. 444 00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:17,959 What kind of spa is this? 445 00:31:19,253 --> 00:31:24,131 It's designed for deep, deep relaxation. Come, let's get you loosened up. 446 00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:37,395 Good boy. Good boy. 447 00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:38,563 Good boy. 448 00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:08,926 I'm sorry. 449 00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:10,511 Derek? 450 00:32:12,389 --> 00:32:15,099 Matilda, what are you doing here? 451 00:32:15,517 --> 00:32:16,684 I was... 452 00:32:20,856 --> 00:32:24,108 What are you doing here, Derek? I thought you quit the business. 453 00:32:24,443 --> 00:32:27,695 Haven't you heard? I'm the new face of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 454 00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:34,827 What do you mean, Derek? You said Mugatu never hires you. 455 00:32:35,037 --> 00:32:36,579 Well, I guess he changed his mind. 456 00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:39,165 It's only the biggest campaign in the world. Ever. 457 00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:42,084 What is this? Who are you? 458 00:32:42,336 --> 00:32:44,420 This is private property. Nils! 459 00:32:48,258 --> 00:32:52,011 I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit, 460 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:55,514 stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander. 461 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,231 How do you feel, Derek? 462 00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:07,860 Okay. 463 00:33:09,196 --> 00:33:10,780 When's the seaweed wrap? 464 00:33:10,864 --> 00:33:11,906 You shut up now. 465 00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:15,534 I want you to relax 466 00:33:16,203 --> 00:33:19,622 and breathe deeply. 467 00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:24,919 Breathe deeply. 468 00:33:31,677 --> 00:33:34,804 - I like this song. - Of course you do. 469 00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:39,266 Hello, Derek. 470 00:33:39,935 --> 00:33:41,060 Hello. 471 00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:44,021 Welcome to your relaxation time. 472 00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:49,318 Let this wonderful '80s classic soothe you. 473 00:33:49,403 --> 00:33:52,405 Just a nice, warm, happy time. 474 00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:56,617 Happy, happy, happy. 475 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,456 Nothing to worry about at all. 476 00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:05,042 Just relax. 477 00:34:07,003 --> 00:34:09,714 Hey there, Derek. My name is Lit' Kteatus. 478 00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:14,343 I'm just a kid who wants you to know the real truth about child labour laws. 479 00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,470 - Okay? - Okay. 480 00:34:16,638 --> 00:34:19,598 They're silly and outdated. In the good old days, 481 00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:22,810 kids as young as five could work as they pleased, 482 00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,855 from textile factories to iron smelts. 483 00:34:25,939 --> 00:34:27,940 Yippee! Hooray! 484 00:34:28,442 --> 00:34:32,069 But today, the age-old right of children to work is under attack. 485 00:34:32,821 --> 00:34:36,323 From the Philippines to Bangladesh, in China and India, 486 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:38,325 and South America, too. 487 00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:42,455 But you can help these children, Derek, 488 00:34:42,539 --> 00:34:45,499 by killing the prime minister of Malaysia. 489 00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,668 - He is bad. - What? 490 00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:50,838 You learn martial arts. 491 00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:55,134 Prime minister of Malaysia bad! 492 00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:56,886 Martial arts good! 493 00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:01,515 Kill naughty man! Kill naughty man! Kill naughty man! 494 00:35:02,142 --> 00:35:03,726 Obey my dog! 495 00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:06,645 On the runway, you have one objective. 496 00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:11,275 Do not be distracted by the beautiful cetebrities. 497 00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:19,283 Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister! 498 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:23,204 Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man! 499 00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:26,832 In your little blue suit and your spiky black hair. Kill! 500 00:35:26,917 --> 00:35:29,543 You're a super-hot ninja machine! 501 00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:42,056 - Derek, are you in there? - Hold your horses! 502 00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:45,518 - Derek, please open the door! - What a cuckoo dream. 503 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:46,602 Derek! 504 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,981 - What? - Hey, are you okay? 505 00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:53,067 I've been trying to reach you for a week. 506 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:55,319 A week? What, are you having a whack attack? 507 00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:57,530 I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum. 508 00:35:57,864 --> 00:35:59,365 That was last Friday. 509 00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:02,368 Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa. 510 00:36:03,036 --> 00:36:07,414 Day. D-A-I-Y-E. Okay? 511 00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:10,125 Look, I think I know what this is about, 512 00:36:10,210 --> 00:36:14,338 and I'm very complimented, but not interested. 513 00:36:15,257 --> 00:36:17,758 - What? - I can't sleep with you, okay? 514 00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:20,553 - My head is killing me and... - What are you talking about? 515 00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:22,596 Okay, if you just want to fool around a little bit... 516 00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:25,266 Hey, I don't want to sleep with you! 517 00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:27,518 I've been trying to tell you you've been missing for a week. 518 00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:28,644 Would you look at the date. 519 00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:31,730 Mugatu's Derelicte show is tomorrow night. 520 00:36:31,815 --> 00:36:33,983 I don't care what the date says. 521 00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:38,612 You have 1,200 messages. 522 00:36:40,448 --> 00:36:41,824 That is a bit above average. 523 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:45,119 - Derek, what happened in that spa? - I don't know. 524 00:36:45,203 --> 00:36:47,496 A little massage, some aromatherapy. 525 00:36:47,581 --> 00:36:51,333 I mean, look, lady, you can't just come barging into people's lofts, 526 00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:53,419 wanting sex, then changing your mind, 527 00:36:53,503 --> 00:36:55,880 then telling them that they've been in a day spa for a week. 528 00:36:55,964 --> 00:36:58,007 You have been in a day spa for a week. 529 00:36:58,091 --> 00:36:59,633 So what? 530 00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:02,887 Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you, 531 00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:05,973 and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, 532 00:37:06,099 --> 00:37:08,893 "so long as you can make a name for yourself as a investigatory journalist, 533 00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,436 "no matter how many friends you lose, 534 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,188 "or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, 535 00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,065 "just so long as you can make a name for yourself 536 00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,317 "as an investigatory journalist, 537 00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:18,360 "no matter how many friends you lose, 538 00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:22,156 "or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way"? 539 00:37:23,992 --> 00:37:26,327 Derek, I told you I was sorry about that article. 540 00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:28,913 Enough! My head hurts! 541 00:37:28,997 --> 00:37:30,664 And if it indeed is what day you claim it is, 542 00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:33,709 I have a pre-runway party to attend, if you'll excuse me. 543 00:37:37,172 --> 00:37:39,506 - By the way... - What? 544 00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:41,008 With your complexion, 545 00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,177 you really shouldn't be wearing your hair pulled back that tight. 546 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:45,095 What are you talking about? 547 00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:46,889 It pulls back the skin on your forehead, 548 00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:48,933 creating a tension which clogs the pores. 549 00:37:49,017 --> 00:37:51,644 That's why you have some light pattern dryness around your scalp. 550 00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:54,021 Do you mind? 551 00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:04,448 Cool. 552 00:38:16,044 --> 00:38:20,798 l do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. 553 00:38:20,882 --> 00:38:23,384 Not one little bit. 554 00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:29,682 Hey, l just e-mailed you all those LexisNexis searches, 555 00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,810 on the male models who've appeared in Mugatu campaigns. 556 00:38:32,894 --> 00:38:36,271 It's pretty weird. It seems like all of Mr Mugatu's models 557 00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:39,650 have a bad habit of dying young in freak accidents. 558 00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:40,776 What? 559 00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,494 - Wait a second. - What? 560 00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:03,590 - Oh, shit. I gotta go. - What's going on? 561 00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:08,804 I don't want to hang out, okay? 562 00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:11,390 I just need to speak with Derek Zoolander, please! 563 00:39:11,599 --> 00:39:14,727 I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel, 564 00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:17,521 and then you sort of laid low for a while, 565 00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:19,648 and then made your comeback... 566 00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:21,567 It was so courageous. 567 00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:23,819 Look, I gotta go pee, 568 00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:26,655 but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation 569 00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:27,865 when I come back. 570 00:39:28,116 --> 00:39:29,199 Yeah. 571 00:39:31,536 --> 00:39:34,329 - Everything cool, Derek? - It's great, Biff. Thank you. 572 00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:38,500 Hey, Derek. You rule. 573 00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:40,961 Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that. 574 00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:44,214 - Hey, Derek. - Hey, Maurice. 575 00:39:44,340 --> 00:39:47,092 - Hey, my man. - What's happening? 576 00:39:48,344 --> 00:39:50,262 Derek, back on top, man. 577 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,431 Thanks, Billy. You rock. 578 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,142 No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy? 579 00:39:55,351 --> 00:39:58,729 Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage. 580 00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:05,694 - Excuse me, bro. - You're excused. 581 00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:11,784 And l'm not your bro. 582 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:18,165 Whatever, dude. Whatever. Peace. God bless. 583 00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:22,544 Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. 584 00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:24,421 Maybe next time. 585 00:40:25,548 --> 00:40:26,799 What's that? 586 00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:30,344 Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it. 587 00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:33,097 Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it. 588 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,640 Me and my friends have been too busy 589 00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:36,308 bathing off the southern coast of St Barts, 590 00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:38,060 with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. 591 00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:41,230 Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit. 592 00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:46,401 So l guess you can Dere-lick my balls, cápitan. 593 00:40:49,531 --> 00:40:51,365 Would you hold this for me? 594 00:40:53,201 --> 00:40:56,912 I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much. 595 00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:02,459 You think you're too cool for school. 596 00:41:03,336 --> 00:41:06,255 But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite. 597 00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,052 You aren't. 598 00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:19,059 Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? 599 00:41:20,728 --> 00:41:22,563 Don't you know I'm loco? 600 00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:26,400 Hey, I got a wacky idea. 601 00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:31,572 What say we settle this on the runway? 602 00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:35,159 Han-solo? 603 00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:44,084 Stop it. 604 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:48,005 Are you challenging me to a walk-off 605 00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,257 Boo-lander? 606 00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:53,385 Don't do this, Derek. 607 00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,304 Listen to your friend Billy Zane. 608 00:41:56,598 --> 00:42:00,475 He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out. 609 00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:04,605 Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off challenge, my friend. 610 00:42:09,319 --> 00:42:12,154 Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse. 611 00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,364 You oughta remember that. You're a dinosaur. 612 00:42:14,616 --> 00:42:16,116 Let's go. Open up. 613 00:42:20,747 --> 00:42:23,457 I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's limber. He's too limber. 614 00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,626 Put a cork in it, Zane! 615 00:42:28,004 --> 00:42:30,631 It's a walk-off. Walk-off. 616 00:42:30,924 --> 00:42:33,800 This is urgent, ma'am. Do you have any... 617 00:42:35,345 --> 00:42:38,472 Derek? Derek! Derek! 618 00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:39,598 Hey, Matilda. 619 00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:41,767 What is this? Where is everyone going? 620 00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:44,102 Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass! 621 00:42:44,187 --> 00:42:45,812 Thanks, Rico. I'll try. 622 00:42:46,397 --> 00:42:48,273 You want to see the real world of male modelling? 623 00:42:48,358 --> 00:42:51,109 The one they don't show you in magazines or the E! channel? 624 00:42:51,194 --> 00:42:53,612 Yeah, I guess. Derek, please. 625 00:42:53,696 --> 00:42:55,781 I have something really important to talk to you about. 626 00:42:55,865 --> 00:42:57,074 Not now, Matilda. 627 00:42:57,158 --> 00:42:59,910 Han-sell-out is about to have his Han-sell-ass 628 00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:03,413 handed to him on a platter with french-fried potatoes. 629 00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:06,166 Katinka, thought you might want to know, 630 00:43:06,251 --> 00:43:08,418 your boy Zoolander's rolling. 631 00:43:08,503 --> 00:43:10,003 It's a walk-off. 632 00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:34,987 All right, who's gonna call this sucker? 633 00:43:35,071 --> 00:43:36,571 If nobody has any objections, 634 00:43:38,408 --> 00:43:40,033 I believe I might be of service. 635 00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:50,377 Now, this'll be a straight walk-off, old school rules. 636 00:43:50,503 --> 00:43:53,380 First model walks, second model duplicates, 637 00:43:53,464 --> 00:43:54,756 then elaborates. 638 00:43:55,425 --> 00:43:57,759 Okay, boys, let's go to work. 639 00:43:58,219 --> 00:44:00,304 Age before beauty, goat cheese. 640 00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:01,763 Whatever. 641 00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:06,184 Right. 642 00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:37,758 Playschool, baby. 643 00:45:08,414 --> 00:45:10,540 You got to cut me. I can't see. I'm blind out there. 644 00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:11,625 Evian. Evian. 645 00:45:15,088 --> 00:45:16,713 It's okay. It's okay. 646 00:45:30,228 --> 00:45:31,978 - Where am I? Where am I? - It's okay. 647 00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:35,899 - Kickin', Hoss. - I'm going monk. 648 00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:40,445 I got to go monk. Prayer. Prayer. 649 00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:41,738 Pray to the Great Spirit. 650 00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,674 Do it, Hansel. Just do it. Do it, Hansel. 651 00:46:03,177 --> 00:46:05,512 Why is he sticking his hand in his pants? 652 00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:09,683 Do it, Hansel. 653 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:30,287 That's what I'm talking about. 654 00:46:30,371 --> 00:46:34,749 Derek, you're not a kid any more. You could hurt yourself out there. 655 00:46:37,378 --> 00:46:39,045 I can do this, Tyson. 656 00:46:49,724 --> 00:46:52,058 Thank God I wore underwear today. 657 00:47:01,027 --> 00:47:02,152 He's going for it. 658 00:47:23,799 --> 00:47:25,258 Oh, my God. 659 00:47:35,311 --> 00:47:36,603 Disqualified. 660 00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,195 Derek, come on. Come on. 661 00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:46,988 Come on. 662 00:47:47,365 --> 00:47:49,032 What's going on? 663 00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,201 I think Katinka wants to kill you. 664 00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:55,956 Good. I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suck-ass in a walk-off. 665 00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:58,208 Derek, that's not true. 666 00:47:58,834 --> 00:48:01,628 The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his butt 667 00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:02,963 just to beat you. 668 00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:07,842 And all he had to do was turn left. 669 00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:11,888 What do you mean? 670 00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,015 I'm not an ambi-turner. 671 00:48:15,476 --> 00:48:17,686 It's a problem I had since I was a baby. 672 00:48:18,688 --> 00:48:20,063 I can't turn left. 673 00:48:21,190 --> 00:48:23,984 Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of. 674 00:48:24,277 --> 00:48:27,279 I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn... 675 00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,910 I mean, there have got to be some people out there, 676 00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:36,663 just like you, who can't turn... 677 00:48:37,164 --> 00:48:39,833 Turn left. 678 00:48:41,919 --> 00:48:42,919 Hello. 679 00:48:43,004 --> 00:48:45,755 If you want answers, come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now. 680 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:47,799 Wait! Wait! Wait! Who are you? 681 00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:49,509 Who was that? 682 00:48:49,594 --> 00:48:52,762 I'm not sure. I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery. 683 00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,264 Listen, I'm gonna take you to my apartment, okay? 684 00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,099 You can stay there until I get back. 685 00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:57,851 Can I come with? 686 00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:00,770 I don't want to be alone tonight. 687 00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:14,701 Pedro Scialfa. 688 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:18,288 He died when he was 29. 689 00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,209 Vin Correjo. 690 00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:27,881 "Derriere Extraordinaire." 691 00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:34,679 92 minus 63. 692 00:49:35,431 --> 00:49:37,390 None of them ever made it past 30. 693 00:49:38,851 --> 00:49:39,851 I did. 694 00:49:41,479 --> 00:49:42,520 Who are you? 695 00:49:43,898 --> 00:49:45,190 It's not important. 696 00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,108 Are you a ghost? 697 00:49:49,445 --> 00:49:51,237 He called, Derek. 698 00:49:52,156 --> 00:49:53,573 Let's take a walk. 699 00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:58,119 You think Zoolander's in trouble? Think again. 700 00:49:58,496 --> 00:50:01,581 What you've stumbled upon goes way deeper than you could ever fathom. 701 00:50:02,124 --> 00:50:04,167 The fashion industry has been behind, 702 00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:08,421 every major political assassination over the last 200 years. 703 00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:12,967 And behind every hit, a card-carrying male model. 704 00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:14,844 Okay, that's impossible. 705 00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:17,764 Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness. 706 00:50:17,973 --> 00:50:20,684 Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? 707 00:50:20,768 --> 00:50:22,185 But who do you think made the powdered wigs 708 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:25,355 and coloured leg stockings, worn by our country's early leaders? 709 00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:28,441 Mugatu! 710 00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:31,903 Slaves, Derek. 711 00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,492 Without their free labour, prices on such items would have gone up tenfold. 712 00:50:37,660 --> 00:50:40,537 So the powers that be hired John Wilkes Booth, 713 00:50:40,621 --> 00:50:43,957 the originat model/actor, to do Mr Lincoln in. 714 00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,127 I'll go on. 715 00:50:47,420 --> 00:50:50,255 Dallas, Texas, 1963. 716 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,882 Kennedy had just put a trade embargo on Cuba, 717 00:50:52,967 --> 00:50:56,678 ostensibly halting the shipment of Cuban-manufactured slacks. 718 00:50:56,804 --> 00:50:58,471 Incredibly popular item at the time. 719 00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:01,015 Lee Harvey Oswald was not a male model. 720 00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:02,142 You're God damn right he wasn't. 721 00:51:02,226 --> 00:51:03,768 But those two lookers who capped Kennedy 722 00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:05,729 from the grassy knoll sure as shit were. 723 00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:08,773 Well, what about you? 724 00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:10,442 How do you fit in to all this? 725 00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:12,318 This nation was swept... 726 00:51:13,279 --> 00:51:14,654 I'll get it, ma'am. 727 00:51:20,327 --> 00:51:22,495 I can't get over... 728 00:51:22,872 --> 00:51:23,997 Wait a minute. 729 00:51:25,791 --> 00:51:28,001 - No. - I know that hand. 730 00:51:29,962 --> 00:51:33,214 It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalogue. 731 00:51:35,176 --> 00:51:36,468 You're J. P. Prewitt. 732 00:51:38,387 --> 00:51:40,263 The world's greatest hand model. 733 00:51:41,974 --> 00:51:45,727 Once upon a time. But things change. 734 00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:48,271 Thanks to this homemade hyperbaric chamber, 735 00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:50,106 my sweet baby never did. 736 00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:54,027 Let's keep moving. 737 00:51:54,695 --> 00:51:58,323 And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter. 738 00:51:58,407 --> 00:52:01,534 - So, how did you manage to escape? - Because I'm a hand model, mama. 739 00:52:02,411 --> 00:52:04,120 A finger jockey. We don't think the same way 740 00:52:04,205 --> 00:52:06,289 as the face and body boys do. 741 00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:09,626 - We're a different breed. - So why male models? 742 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,127 Think about it, Derek. 743 00:52:11,879 --> 00:52:15,215 Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins. 744 00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:17,258 They're in peak physical condition. 745 00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:23,056 They can gain entry to the most secure places in the world. 746 00:52:25,267 --> 00:52:28,770 And most important of all, models don't think for themselves. 747 00:52:28,854 --> 00:52:32,065 - They do as they're told. - That is not true. 748 00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:34,234 - Yes, it is, Derek. - Okay. 749 00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:38,404 Yeah. Think about any photo shoot you've ever been on. 750 00:52:39,698 --> 00:52:41,950 You're a monkey, Derek! You're a monkey. 751 00:52:42,034 --> 00:52:44,953 Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes! 752 00:52:45,037 --> 00:52:47,622 Mash your cymbals, chimpy! Dance, Derek, dance! 753 00:52:48,707 --> 00:52:50,166 Good point. 754 00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:53,002 But if this has been going on for so long, Mugatu... 755 00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:54,963 He's just a punk-ass errand boy, 756 00:52:55,047 --> 00:52:57,549 working for an international syndicate of fashion designers. 757 00:52:58,008 --> 00:53:00,760 You do a little background check on your Mr Mugatu. 758 00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:04,931 You'll find that he sold his soul to the devil for a shot at the big time. 759 00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:07,475 But why male models? 760 00:53:12,273 --> 00:53:15,984 Are you serious? I just... l just told you that a moment ago. 761 00:53:16,694 --> 00:53:17,694 Right. 762 00:53:17,778 --> 00:53:21,155 You're a killing machine, Derek. They've programmed you. 763 00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:23,074 But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody. 764 00:53:23,158 --> 00:53:24,367 It's not up to you. 765 00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:26,286 At the proper moment, they'll trigger you, 766 00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:28,079 usually using some kind of auditory 767 00:53:28,163 --> 00:53:30,290 or visual Pavlovian response mechanism. 768 00:53:30,374 --> 00:53:33,001 - "Audi-what-ey"? - And when it's over... 769 00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:36,254 What? 770 00:53:37,756 --> 00:53:39,299 There's an after party? 771 00:53:41,135 --> 00:53:42,468 Derek, get down! 772 00:53:45,723 --> 00:53:48,182 You got to get to Maury Ballstein's computer. 773 00:53:48,601 --> 00:53:52,645 He recorded everything in case they ever turned on him. 774 00:53:54,773 --> 00:53:57,066 Derek, get a grip! Get a grip! 775 00:53:57,151 --> 00:54:01,613 Good luck to you, Derek. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel. 776 00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:04,741 And I hear Magnum is gonna blow us all away. 777 00:54:05,993 --> 00:54:07,076 Come on! 778 00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:10,830 - Get out of here. - Hang in there, J. P. 779 00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:14,334 You freakin' idiot! 780 00:54:18,964 --> 00:54:20,548 Man, that was close. 781 00:54:20,633 --> 00:54:22,967 I can't believe Maury's in on it, too. 782 00:54:23,052 --> 00:54:25,386 That she-male Katinka's not messing around. 783 00:54:25,471 --> 00:54:27,096 You're telling me! For a second there, 784 00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,432 I thought someone was gonna be reading our "eugoogoly." 785 00:54:29,516 --> 00:54:31,851 Okay, all right, we need a place to hide. 786 00:54:31,936 --> 00:54:34,646 Derek, where's the last place anyone would ever expect to look for you? 787 00:54:35,064 --> 00:54:36,272 I don't know. 788 00:54:36,357 --> 00:54:38,650 Think, okay? This is important! 789 00:54:44,365 --> 00:54:45,615 I hate Hansel! 790 00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:49,035 Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look! Hansel! Hansel, Hansel! 791 00:54:59,171 --> 00:55:00,797 Were you looking for a rematch? 792 00:55:01,966 --> 00:55:03,007 Excuse me, Hansel. 793 00:55:03,092 --> 00:55:05,009 I don't think there's an easy way to put this, 794 00:55:05,094 --> 00:55:06,719 so I am just gonna lay it out. 795 00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:09,889 Derek has been brainwashed 796 00:55:11,141 --> 00:55:13,518 to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 797 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:15,561 And? 798 00:55:16,563 --> 00:55:20,191 And we need a place to hide until we figure this whole thing out. 799 00:55:20,275 --> 00:55:22,068 Derek said this would probably be 800 00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:24,112 the last place anyone would look for him. 801 00:55:25,948 --> 00:55:27,907 Yeah, you're cool to hide here. 802 00:55:28,951 --> 00:55:31,285 But first, me and him got to straighten some shit out. 803 00:55:33,330 --> 00:55:34,414 Fine. 804 00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:42,213 Why you been acting so messed up towards me? 805 00:55:48,429 --> 00:55:49,762 Well, you go first. 806 00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:53,057 I don't know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something, 807 00:55:53,142 --> 00:55:56,102 'cause your career is, kind of, just blossoming, 808 00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,855 and mine's, kind of, winding down or whatever. 809 00:55:58,939 --> 00:56:01,607 And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me," 810 00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:04,318 and it hurt. 811 00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:09,699 And I felt like when you told me to Dere-lick my balls, 812 00:56:09,783 --> 00:56:11,159 that really hurt. 813 00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:14,871 Maybe I was scared, man. You're Derek Zoolander! 814 00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:18,708 Yeah, you're Derek Zoolander. 815 00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,376 You know what it's like to be another model 816 00:56:20,461 --> 00:56:22,962 and be in Derek Zoolander's shadow? 817 00:56:27,509 --> 00:56:29,135 You want to hear something crazy? 818 00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,390 Your work 819 00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:38,144 in the winter '95 International Male catalogue 820 00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:45,860 made me want to be a model. 821 00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:51,657 I freakin' worship you, man. 822 00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:56,120 l'm sorry l was whack. 823 00:56:56,747 --> 00:57:00,124 I was whack. 824 00:57:09,593 --> 00:57:11,094 So welcome to chez Hansel. 825 00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:13,262 You're welcome to hide out here as long as you want. 826 00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,848 Well, there isn't much time. The show's tomorrow night. 827 00:57:15,933 --> 00:57:17,683 We have to figure out a plan by then. 828 00:57:19,394 --> 00:57:21,646 I'll round up the troops here. 829 00:57:22,022 --> 00:57:24,982 Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Derek and Matilda. 830 00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:27,360 Derek, you know Natani and Chloe. 831 00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:28,486 Hi! 832 00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:32,073 We got Buzzy Sullivan, big wave surfer from Maverick's. 833 00:57:32,157 --> 00:57:33,116 Hey, bra. 834 00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,576 This is this fantastic band, the Little Kings, 835 00:57:35,661 --> 00:57:37,870 I met when I was ice sailing in Finland. 836 00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,414 That's my Sherpa, Lapsang. 837 00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:43,042 Okay, so, hey, everybody! Listen up for a second. 838 00:57:44,711 --> 00:57:47,588 Derek and Matilda are in hiding 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek, 839 00:57:47,673 --> 00:57:49,757 to off the prime minister of Micronesia. 840 00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:51,634 - Malaysia. - Right. 841 00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:54,137 So, they're gonna be hiding here for a little while. 842 00:57:54,221 --> 00:57:55,429 Let's show them a good time. 843 00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:57,974 - Right on! - All right, come on, over here. 844 00:57:58,267 --> 00:58:00,393 Hey, Ennui, will you do me a favour? 845 00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:02,478 Will you get me some of that tea that me and Lapsang got, 846 00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:04,147 when we were free climbing the Mayan ruins? 847 00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:14,073 This... This is really strong tea. 848 00:58:15,409 --> 00:58:17,201 No, it's just right. Trust me. 849 00:58:17,286 --> 00:58:19,912 What with all the intrigue you guys have been dealing with. 850 00:58:20,706 --> 00:58:24,709 You know, Matilda, I'm surprised you're so worried about "Der-rock." 851 00:58:26,253 --> 00:58:28,004 From that article that I read, it seems like 852 00:58:28,088 --> 00:58:30,798 you don't really care too much about guys in our line of work. 853 00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:34,093 Why do you hate models, Matilda? 854 00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:37,597 - Honestly? - Yes. 855 00:58:39,099 --> 00:58:43,936 I think they're vain, stupid and incredibly self-centred. 856 00:58:45,022 --> 00:58:46,606 I totally agree with you. 857 00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:50,943 But how do you feel about male models? 858 00:58:51,278 --> 00:58:52,528 Sweet. 859 00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:59,160 No, no! Okay, but seriously, Matil. Is it all right if I call you Matil? 860 00:59:01,205 --> 00:59:02,914 What's the deal, yo-yo? 861 00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:05,458 'Cause you're not telling us the whole story. 862 00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,460 There's something else, isn't there? 863 00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:09,879 You guys really want to know the truth? 864 00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:13,341 - Yeah. - Okay, then I'm gonna tell you the truth. 865 00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:20,932 When I was in seventh grade, I was the fat kid in my class. 866 00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:27,396 All right, forget it. 867 00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:30,399 - No. - Dude, be cool tonight. Come on. 868 00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:32,944 I'm sorry. Please, go ahead. My mistake. 869 00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,948 I was the one that all the pretty girls used to make fun of. 870 00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:39,867 It was an awkward phase. 871 00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:44,080 Anyway, 872 00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:46,916 every day after school, I would come home and... 873 00:59:48,001 --> 00:59:52,255 You know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour. 874 00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:55,508 And I just... 875 00:59:55,592 --> 00:59:56,926 I'd look at these women, 876 00:59:57,010 --> 01:00:00,846 these perfect, beautiful, 877 01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:04,517 just unbelievable, skinny women. 878 01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:06,852 I just couldn't... 879 01:00:06,937 --> 01:00:09,897 Oh, I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. 880 01:00:11,358 --> 01:00:13,943 I... I just didn't get it. So... 881 01:00:16,822 --> 01:00:20,032 So I became... 882 01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:24,745 What? 883 01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,208 Bulimic. 884 01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,587 You can read minds? 885 01:00:41,722 --> 01:00:44,598 It's when you throw up after every meal. 886 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:49,562 See, you know what? This is exactly what you models do to people. 887 01:00:49,688 --> 01:00:51,814 You make them feel bad about themselves. 888 01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:52,898 Matilda... 889 01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:55,359 Matilda, it's just... 890 01:00:56,695 --> 01:01:00,448 So what? I throw up after lots of meals. 891 01:01:00,782 --> 01:01:04,285 So do I. lt's a great way to lose pounds before a show. 892 01:01:04,911 --> 01:01:08,122 Are you guys insane? Do you understand that it's a disease. 893 01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:11,917 Wow. How did that affect you with guys? Did they not want to get busy with you? 894 01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:14,378 - Good point. - Okay. You know what? 895 01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:19,091 I'm not gonna sit here with both of you and discuss my sex life or... 896 01:01:21,261 --> 01:01:23,763 Or lack thereof. 897 01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:28,184 You mean, like, like you, like you... 898 01:01:28,268 --> 01:01:29,935 - Haven't really... - You haven't... 899 01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:32,772 - Done it... - Done it in a while, yeah. 900 01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:35,649 Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days? 901 01:01:38,028 --> 01:01:39,111 More? 902 01:01:41,281 --> 01:01:44,116 Try a couple years. 903 01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:46,452 Oh, snap! 904 01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:49,497 How do you live? How do you live? 905 01:01:49,581 --> 01:01:52,291 Seriously. Do you service yourself ten times a day? 906 01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:55,669 - End of discussion! - Easy. Okay, hold on. 907 01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:57,213 - Easy, easy. - I'm not comfortable talking, 908 01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,006 - Easy. Easy. - This is... 909 01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:02,343 This has been an emotional day for all of us. 910 01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:09,517 I think we should get naked. 911 01:02:09,601 --> 01:02:10,601 What? 912 01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:12,686 Don't ask questions. 913 01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,940 Just give in to the power of the tea. 914 01:02:59,025 --> 01:03:00,943 So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius, 915 01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:04,071 when suddenly I slip and I start to fall. 916 01:03:04,156 --> 01:03:06,073 I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke. 917 01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:10,536 Just falling. I'll never forget the terror. 918 01:03:10,662 --> 01:03:14,290 When suddenly I remember, "Holy shit. Hansel, 919 01:03:14,374 --> 01:03:17,126 "haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days? 920 01:03:17,210 --> 01:03:19,962 "And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind?" 921 01:03:20,046 --> 01:03:21,380 And? 922 01:03:22,674 --> 01:03:25,176 It was. I was totally fine. 923 01:03:25,385 --> 01:03:27,386 I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius. 924 01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:30,306 Cool story, Hansel. 925 01:03:30,682 --> 01:03:31,765 Thanks, Olaf. 926 01:03:33,351 --> 01:03:35,644 Dude, how dope was last night? 927 01:03:35,729 --> 01:03:38,063 I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying. 928 01:03:38,190 --> 01:03:40,691 You couldn't see anything. It was like, who's that? 929 01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:43,694 - Who's this? - I think I'm falling for Matilda, Hansel. 930 01:03:44,529 --> 01:03:47,114 Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything, 931 01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:50,451 but it was crazy energy flying back and forth between you guys. 932 01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:52,119 It was like, look out! 933 01:03:52,204 --> 01:03:53,829 There was a moment last night, 934 01:03:53,914 --> 01:03:56,165 when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves 935 01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:57,333 and the Maori tribesman... 936 01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:00,586 - Yeah. - ...where I thought, 937 01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:05,466 "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman." 938 01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:07,801 Really? 939 01:04:08,386 --> 01:04:10,304 What do you call that? 940 01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:13,098 l think you call that love, D-Bone. 941 01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:18,729 Hey! 942 01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:20,439 So what time is it? 943 01:04:20,774 --> 01:04:23,067 - Almost 5:00. - What? 944 01:04:23,318 --> 01:04:25,903 Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. 945 01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:29,114 Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys... 946 01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:33,452 Easy. How about a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. 947 01:04:34,037 --> 01:04:36,080 "Thanks for the freak fest last night"? 948 01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,834 - Hello? - Hello? 949 01:04:42,170 --> 01:04:43,379 Hi, Katinka. 950 01:04:44,422 --> 01:04:47,007 No, I just had a really late party night last night. 951 01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,885 - Derek, hang up the phone now! - Where am I? 952 01:04:49,970 --> 01:04:50,928 - Look, I have to go! - Hang up! 953 01:04:51,012 --> 01:04:52,513 But I'll see you at 7:00. Okay, bye. 954 01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:55,140 Derek, I thought I told you to turn off your phone. 955 01:04:55,892 --> 01:05:00,896 Turn off my phone? 956 01:05:00,981 --> 01:05:02,898 - Yeah. - Earth to Matilda. 957 01:05:02,983 --> 01:05:05,734 This phone is as much a part of me as... 958 01:05:05,819 --> 01:05:09,655 You know what? Can we just cut it out with all the "Earth to's", please? 959 01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,658 We're not actually saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda. 960 01:05:12,742 --> 01:05:16,161 Yeah. No, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean... 961 01:05:16,246 --> 01:05:18,122 No, I don't think you do. 962 01:05:18,498 --> 01:05:22,126 Listen. It's not like we think that we're actually in a control tower, 963 01:05:22,210 --> 01:05:25,629 trying to reach outer space aliens or something, okay? 964 01:05:25,797 --> 01:05:29,508 Hello. 965 01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:33,554 - Oh, snap! - A joke. 966 01:05:34,306 --> 01:05:35,764 Okay, you know what? 967 01:05:35,849 --> 01:05:39,268 Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try to figure out a way into Maury's, 968 01:05:39,352 --> 01:05:41,562 before Derek assassinates a world leader. 969 01:05:44,232 --> 01:05:45,357 Wait a minute. 970 01:05:46,234 --> 01:05:47,610 I might just have an idea. 971 01:05:48,987 --> 01:05:51,196 They'll be looking for us at Maury's, right? 972 01:05:52,032 --> 01:05:53,741 But they won't be looking for... 973 01:05:56,036 --> 01:05:57,036 Not us. 974 01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:59,371 Derek, what are you talking about? 975 01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:02,541 Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case? 976 01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:05,502 Sure, I mean, just for touch-ups or whatever. 977 01:06:05,587 --> 01:06:07,129 What are you gonna do with that? 978 01:06:08,214 --> 01:06:10,549 That'll do. Early in my career, 979 01:06:10,634 --> 01:06:12,843 I used to do my own makeup styling and tailoring. 980 01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:15,137 If I can create a basic disguise for us, 981 01:06:15,221 --> 01:06:17,723 we may just be able to sneak into Maury's, undetected. 982 01:06:18,933 --> 01:06:22,061 You is talkin' loco and I like it. 983 01:06:43,667 --> 01:06:50,756 Welcome to Derelicte. 984 01:06:53,426 --> 01:06:55,052 Hansel calling Matil. Hansel calling Matil. 985 01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:56,178 We have entry. Repeat. 986 01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:58,263 - We have entry. - Okay, guys. I hear you. 987 01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:01,100 Now, once you get the info, l want you to e-mail it to my office 988 01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,434 and I'll download the files, 989 01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,770 we'll rendezvous and take the information to the police. 990 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:06,188 We hear you loud and clear. 991 01:07:08,775 --> 01:07:09,900 Listen, Matil. 992 01:07:10,485 --> 01:07:12,820 l've been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. 993 01:07:13,321 --> 01:07:16,865 And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. 994 01:07:17,617 --> 01:07:21,036 I feel really bad that good-looking people like us, 995 01:07:21,121 --> 01:07:23,288 made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. 996 01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:25,416 For serious. 997 01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:29,795 - Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up. - Okay. 998 01:07:31,131 --> 01:07:32,506 Hey, I finally got the results 999 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:35,467 on the name check you asked for on Jacobim Mugatu. 1000 01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:38,345 - Or should I say Jacob Moogberg. - What? 1001 01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:40,848 He changed his name when he went into the fashion business. 1002 01:07:41,099 --> 01:07:43,726 Apparently, the guy was the original guitar synth player, 1003 01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,436 for that band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1004 01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,020 but he got kicked out, before they hit it big 1005 01:07:47,105 --> 01:07:48,814 with that song Relax. 1006 01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,774 After the Frankie folks gave him the heave-ho, 1007 01:07:50,859 --> 01:07:53,152 he held a series of odd jobs until, 1008 01:07:53,236 --> 01:07:57,573 get this, he invented the piano-key necktie in 1985. 1009 01:07:57,991 --> 01:08:00,033 The guy's been a fashion designer ever since. 1010 01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:07,249 First obstacle. 1011 01:08:11,171 --> 01:08:12,921 You ever use one of these? 1012 01:08:13,006 --> 01:08:14,465 I don't think so. 1013 01:08:16,301 --> 01:08:19,094 Watch out. Watch... Fix that hem, Jason. 1014 01:08:19,179 --> 01:08:21,346 Please. I need... Katinka! 1015 01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,932 He's not here yet, Jacobim. 1016 01:08:24,017 --> 01:08:27,144 - That little toad-face better show. - He will show. 1017 01:08:27,228 --> 01:08:30,189 Good, because I'm a hot little potato right now. 1018 01:08:32,275 --> 01:08:34,485 There must be an "on" button somewhere. 1019 01:08:34,861 --> 01:08:36,653 Did you press that apple thing? 1020 01:09:24,077 --> 01:09:25,619 Wait! Hansel! 1021 01:09:26,329 --> 01:09:27,663 Let's not lose our cool. 1022 01:09:27,747 --> 01:09:29,206 Then we're no better than the machine. 1023 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,710 lt's almost 7:00. I got to go. 1024 01:09:33,795 --> 01:09:36,213 No! Derek. Der, wait. 1025 01:09:36,297 --> 01:09:38,674 If you go, they'll make you kill that Eurasian dude. 1026 01:09:38,758 --> 01:09:41,885 I don't care, Hansel. I've never been late for a show in my life. 1027 01:09:42,262 --> 01:09:43,804 I don't plan on starting now. 1028 01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:45,889 Damn it, you're right. 1029 01:09:46,766 --> 01:09:48,600 Do me a favor. 1030 01:09:48,685 --> 01:09:51,144 If anything happens to me, I want you to give this to Matilda. 1031 01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:54,731 - No. - Please, Hansel. Take it. Please. 1032 01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:56,775 - Man. - Take it. 1033 01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:03,198 Let's just say I'll hold on to it till you get back. 1034 01:10:03,950 --> 01:10:05,617 Go! Go! 1035 01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:08,537 We're live at the Derelicte show, 1036 01:10:08,621 --> 01:10:11,081 where controversial designer Jacobim Mugatu, 1037 01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:12,624 has extended the olive branch 1038 01:10:12,709 --> 01:10:14,835 to the Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan, 1039 01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:17,129 making him the guest of honour at tonight's show. 1040 01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:20,924 And starring in that show, veteran supermodel Derek Zootander. 1041 01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:27,556 Guys, what's happening? Did you find the files? 1042 01:10:27,640 --> 01:10:28,974 Matilda, we've got problems. 1043 01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:30,893 Derek's already left for the show. 1044 01:10:30,977 --> 01:10:33,604 No. No, he can't. We don't even know what the trigger is. 1045 01:10:33,688 --> 01:10:36,273 He just went running out of here. I couldn't stop him. 1046 01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:39,192 - I'll call him on his phone. - He doesn't have it. 1047 01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,236 - What? - Yeah, he doesn't have it. 1048 01:10:41,321 --> 01:10:43,447 What are you talking about? He always has it. 1049 01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:46,783 - No, he gave it to me. - Did you find the files? 1050 01:10:46,868 --> 01:10:49,077 I don't even know what they... What do they look like? 1051 01:10:49,162 --> 01:10:50,662 They're in the computer. 1052 01:10:50,747 --> 01:10:52,956 They're in the computer? 1053 01:10:53,291 --> 01:10:56,126 Yeah, they're definitely in there. I just don't know how he labelled them. 1054 01:10:56,210 --> 01:10:58,587 - I got it. - You got to figure it out. 1055 01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:00,213 We're running out of time, Hansel, 1056 01:11:00,298 --> 01:11:02,466 you got to find them and meet me at the show. 1057 01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:03,926 Roger. 1058 01:11:05,053 --> 01:11:06,887 In the computer. 1059 01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:09,431 It's so simple. 1060 01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,435 Hey, I just cut up a couple of cantaloupe halves, 1061 01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:15,270 with some cottage cheese, if you're hungry. 1062 01:11:15,355 --> 01:11:17,940 Not the right time. I need to figure out this trigger 1063 01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:20,484 before Derek kills the Malaysian prime minister. 1064 01:11:20,568 --> 01:11:23,320 You just seem a little tense. I was trying to help you relax. 1065 01:11:23,404 --> 01:11:26,657 Relax? The last thing I need to do right now is... 1066 01:11:29,369 --> 01:11:31,161 - That's it. - Let's go, people! 1067 01:11:31,245 --> 01:11:34,706 Let's go! Vagrants and whores, you're wanted in Makeup! 1068 01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:36,708 Runaways and street hustlers, you're next! 1069 01:11:37,126 --> 01:11:39,795 - You had us worried, Derek. - Everything's cool. 1070 01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:42,839 - I'm really super psyched for the show. - Good. 1071 01:11:43,299 --> 01:11:46,593 Just remember, relax. 1072 01:11:47,387 --> 01:11:48,679 Two minutes, Derek. 1073 01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,099 There he is. 1074 01:11:52,809 --> 01:11:55,560 I just want to wish you good luck. 1075 01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:58,563 Don't you mean "Good-bye"? 1076 01:11:59,065 --> 01:12:00,399 What are you talking? 1077 01:12:04,612 --> 01:12:06,571 I know it was you, Maury. 1078 01:12:06,698 --> 01:12:08,240 I know it was you, 1079 01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:10,075 and it breaks my heart. 1080 01:12:10,868 --> 01:12:12,703 Derek, I don't know what you're talking. 1081 01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:18,083 Derek, I'm... 1082 01:12:20,712 --> 01:12:21,962 I'm sorry. 1083 01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:31,054 Glad you could join us, Kmart. 1084 01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:34,433 Lucky for you, there is no dress code. 1085 01:12:36,310 --> 01:12:38,770 I am vile spew 1086 01:12:38,855 --> 01:12:40,689 of the wretched masses. 1087 01:12:41,024 --> 01:12:45,193 I am really, really dirty. 1088 01:12:45,445 --> 01:12:48,238 I am Derelicte! 1089 01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:05,088 You make me sick to my stomach, Jaco. 1090 01:13:06,799 --> 01:13:08,675 It'll all be over soon. 1091 01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:11,803 Derek Zoolander will be dead and you'll be fine. 1092 01:13:12,638 --> 01:13:14,056 You always are. 1093 01:13:14,140 --> 01:13:15,265 Come on, Derek. You're on. 1094 01:13:17,977 --> 01:13:19,519 Break a leg, Derek. 1095 01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:52,677 Derek... 1096 01:13:53,679 --> 01:13:54,888 It's Relax! 1097 01:13:54,972 --> 01:13:55,972 I hate you. 1098 01:13:56,057 --> 01:13:58,558 I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times. 1099 01:13:59,894 --> 01:14:01,228 The trigger! It's... 1100 01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:15,617 Concentrate, Derelicte. 1101 01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:20,288 Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. 1102 01:14:20,373 --> 01:14:22,040 Celebrities. 1103 01:14:28,464 --> 01:14:33,051 Do what you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister! 1104 01:14:47,191 --> 01:14:48,650 Just do it already! 1105 01:14:58,578 --> 01:14:59,744 D-Bone, I got your back! 1106 01:15:00,955 --> 01:15:01,997 What? 1107 01:15:04,750 --> 01:15:06,126 It's that damn Hansel! 1108 01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:07,794 He's so hot right now! 1109 01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:10,922 Popping and locking, fool! 1110 01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:15,510 They're break-dance fighting. 1111 01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:23,411 Derek Zoolander just tried to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. 1112 01:16:26,165 --> 01:16:28,750 That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone. 1113 01:16:28,834 --> 01:16:30,335 Mugatu's a dick! 1114 01:16:30,920 --> 01:16:34,005 He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude. 1115 01:16:36,175 --> 01:16:39,803 That's a lie! Zoolander snapped because he's over the hill! 1116 01:16:39,887 --> 01:16:41,972 He knew his career was over and he couldn't face it. 1117 01:16:42,056 --> 01:16:43,515 No way, compadre. 1118 01:16:43,975 --> 01:16:47,560 We got 30 years of files right here in this computer! 1119 01:16:47,645 --> 01:16:49,396 They're gonna bring you down ! 1120 01:16:49,897 --> 01:16:51,189 Oh, no. 1121 01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:52,524 Down! 1122 01:16:56,821 --> 01:16:58,154 Where did all the files go? 1123 01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:01,533 I'm taking you out! 1124 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,869 Yo, taste my pain, bitch! 1125 01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:10,625 Yes! 1126 01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:12,377 Deal with that! 1127 01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:18,925 You don't have the guts, Kmart! 1128 01:17:19,343 --> 01:17:21,344 Wanna bet? And by the way, 1129 01:17:21,429 --> 01:17:23,305 you were wrong about my outfit. 1130 01:17:23,389 --> 01:17:26,850 It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection, and I got it at J.C. Penney. 1131 01:17:27,476 --> 01:17:28,977 On sale. 1132 01:17:33,941 --> 01:17:37,193 Jig's up, Mugatu. Everything they're saying is true. 1133 01:17:37,278 --> 01:17:39,571 I've been in on it for 30 years. 1134 01:17:39,697 --> 01:17:41,448 What are you doing, Ballstein? 1135 01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:45,493 I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate the size of a honeydew, 1136 01:17:45,578 --> 01:17:47,329 and a head full of bad memories. 1137 01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:49,331 It's time to set things straight. 1138 01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,626 You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything. 1139 01:17:53,711 --> 01:17:57,339 I got two words for you, sugar, Zip disc. 1140 01:17:57,590 --> 01:18:00,508 The whole thing is in my den in Long Island. 1141 01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:02,886 I can have that evidence here in 20 minutes. 1142 01:18:02,970 --> 01:18:04,888 - That a boy, Maury. - Hold on a second. 1143 01:18:04,972 --> 01:18:06,431 I'm afraid of the radiation. 1144 01:18:09,810 --> 01:18:12,354 Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen. 1145 01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:15,940 I need you to bring that Zip disc in the den down to the fashion show. 1146 01:18:17,860 --> 01:18:19,944 I don't care what the traffic is like. 1147 01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:23,865 Take the God damn service road and get off before the bridge. 1148 01:18:25,534 --> 01:18:27,744 So put it in one of those Tupperware containers 1149 01:18:27,828 --> 01:18:29,829 and I'll heat it up in the microwave when I get home. 1150 01:18:30,873 --> 01:18:34,626 For Christ's sake, it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay! 1151 01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:37,212 Shut up! 1152 01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:39,255 Enough already, Ballstein! 1153 01:18:39,340 --> 01:18:42,258 Who cares about Derek Zoolander, anyway? 1154 01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:45,470 The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! 1155 01:18:45,596 --> 01:18:48,431 Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? 1156 01:18:48,641 --> 01:18:50,266 They're the same face! 1157 01:18:51,769 --> 01:18:55,855 Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! 1158 01:18:57,525 --> 01:19:00,610 I invented the piano-key necktie! 1159 01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,529 I invented it! 1160 01:19:02,613 --> 01:19:05,365 What have you done, Derek? Nothing! 1161 01:19:05,491 --> 01:19:08,701 You've done nothing! Nothing! 1162 01:19:09,203 --> 01:19:12,872 And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me! 1163 01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:16,167 Because if you can't get the job done, then I will! 1164 01:19:16,794 --> 01:19:18,878 Die, you wage-hiking scum! 1165 01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:24,551 One look? 1166 01:19:25,636 --> 01:19:29,139 One look? I don't think so! 1167 01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:43,153 There it is! 1168 01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:44,362 Magnum! 1169 01:19:45,448 --> 01:19:47,198 Holy moly. 1170 01:19:47,324 --> 01:19:50,535 Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for! 1171 01:19:50,911 --> 01:19:54,164 Dear God. lt's beautiful. 1172 01:20:08,137 --> 01:20:10,388 Yeah! 1173 01:20:16,812 --> 01:20:20,148 That's my kid. That's my son. 1174 01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:24,194 Yeah! 1175 01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:27,739 Derek! 1176 01:20:28,115 --> 01:20:32,285 l love that kid. Dumb as a stump, but I love him. 1177 01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:34,329 Derek, you did it! That was amazing! 1178 01:20:34,413 --> 01:20:36,581 I know. I turned left! 1179 01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:38,791 Yeah, that too. But, Derek, 1180 01:20:38,876 --> 01:20:40,919 you saved the prime minister of Malaysia! 1181 01:20:41,253 --> 01:20:43,505 Right. Cool. 1182 01:20:44,256 --> 01:20:47,258 Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life. 1183 01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:18,164 Hi, I'm former male supermodel Derek Zoolander. 1184 01:21:18,249 --> 01:21:19,832 And here at the Derek Zoolander Centre 1185 01:21:19,917 --> 01:21:21,334 for Kids Who Can't Read Good, 1186 01:21:21,418 --> 01:21:23,545 and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too, 1187 01:21:23,629 --> 01:21:25,838 we teach students of all ages, 1188 01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:29,008 everything they need to know to learn to be a professional model 1189 01:21:29,093 --> 01:21:31,386 and a professional human being. 1190 01:21:31,470 --> 01:21:34,514 Our diverse faculty includes business management teacher, 1191 01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:37,225 and former model agent Maury Ballstein. 1192 01:21:37,309 --> 01:21:39,310 The designer's got your nuts in a vice, 1193 01:21:39,395 --> 01:21:41,729 offering you ten million plus three percent, 1194 01:21:41,814 --> 01:21:44,065 of every pair of underwear sold. 1195 01:21:44,149 --> 01:21:45,900 What are you gonna do? 1196 01:21:45,985 --> 01:21:49,112 Screw him! Hold out for more! 1197 01:21:49,196 --> 01:21:51,573 That's what I'm talking about! 1198 01:21:51,657 --> 01:21:54,409 So join now, because at the Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids 1199 01:21:54,493 --> 01:21:57,412 Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good, Too, 1200 01:21:57,496 --> 01:21:58,913 we teach you that there's more to life, 1201 01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:01,708 than just being really, really, really good-looking. 1202 01:22:01,792 --> 01:22:03,626 - Right, kids? - Right! 1203 01:22:03,711 --> 01:22:04,961 And cut! 1204 01:22:06,505 --> 01:22:09,173 - Looks great. I think we got it. - All right, Mitch. Thanks. 1205 01:22:09,258 --> 01:22:11,801 - All right, everybody! That's a wrap! - Hey, Hansel. 1206 01:22:11,885 --> 01:22:15,471 Hey, D-Rock, I'm gonna take these kids over to the George Washington Bridge, 1207 01:22:15,556 --> 01:22:17,515 give them a little lesson in base jumping. 1208 01:22:17,600 --> 01:22:19,142 I'll catch you in the teacher's lounge later on? 1209 01:22:19,226 --> 01:22:20,268 All right. 1210 01:22:20,352 --> 01:22:23,021 All right, guys. Last one to the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go! 1211 01:22:25,024 --> 01:22:26,149 Hey, Matilda! 1212 01:22:26,233 --> 01:22:29,277 - There's Daddy! Hi. - Hey. 1213 01:22:29,695 --> 01:22:31,195 - How's Derek Jr.? - He's great. 1214 01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,531 Guess what. He made his first look today. 1215 01:22:33,699 --> 01:22:34,741 Really? 1216 01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,659 You wanna show Daddy your look, Derek, Jr? 1217 01:22:42,374 --> 01:22:43,374 Wow. 1218 01:22:44,126 --> 01:22:47,503 - Wanna hang out for story hour? - Great. Yeah. Let's go. 1219 01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:50,715 - Hey, who wants to hear a story? - Yeah! 90442

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