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1
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Hello.
2
00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:42,562
I'm Alan Strauss.
3
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Dr. Strauss.
4
00:00:46,402 --> 00:00:49,709
- Y-You're...?
- Candace.
5
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Sorry.
6
00:00:54,252 --> 00:00:55,688
I'm Sam's mother.
7
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Oh.
8
00:01:00,197 --> 00:01:03,236
Is this... your house?
9
00:01:04,405 --> 00:01:07,746
Sam moved back in with me
when he split up with Mary.
10
00:01:07,846 --> 00:01:11,152
- Ah, I see.
- Did he...
11
00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:14,593
You know about Mary, don't you?
12
00:01:14,693 --> 00:01:17,431
I'm sorry, I can't
really discuss that.
13
00:01:17,532 --> 00:01:19,101
Of course. Yes.
14
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:23,110
So, you know who I am?
15
00:01:23,243 --> 00:01:25,614
Of course I do.
16
00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:27,518
I loved your book.
17
00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,373
When his father left,
18
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,628
I started reading
all these books.
19
00:01:32,762 --> 00:01:35,167
You know, self-help.
20
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:38,440
The Cactus and the Mirage
was one of my favorites.
21
00:01:38,541 --> 00:01:42,315
I had Sam read it, too,
but it didn't really help him,
22
00:01:42,415 --> 00:01:44,201
so I...
23
00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,356
told him he should try
real therapy.
24
00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:48,327
This isn't trying real therapy.
25
00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:49,663
Of course.
26
00:01:49,763 --> 00:01:52,050
I know how terrible this is.
27
00:01:52,134 --> 00:01:54,773
Believe me, I know.
28
00:01:58,113 --> 00:01:59,682
Unlock me.
29
00:01:59,816 --> 00:02:01,486
I don't have a key.
30
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,574
Well...
31
00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:05,829
call the police.
Then we can help Sam.
32
00:02:05,929 --> 00:02:07,464
Please understand.
33
00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:11,206
I don't support him
in this at all.
34
00:02:11,306 --> 00:02:13,811
I'm not... like him.
35
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,068
But I can't turn in my own son.
36
00:02:18,152 --> 00:02:20,157
You're his mother.
Can't you tell him to stop this?
37
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,596
He's trying to stop.
I know it's-it's...
38
00:02:22,696 --> 00:02:25,249
Candace, please.
39
00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:28,507
I have kids.
A son and a daughter.
40
00:02:28,641 --> 00:02:31,513
They need me,
just like he needs you.
41
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:34,819
I know this isn't right.
42
00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,060
But you have to help him.
43
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,330
He's my baby.
44
00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,179
You ever had pho?
45
00:03:21,279 --> 00:03:23,851
- Yes.
- Not like this, you haven't.
46
00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:49,317
I'm gonna get bowls.
47
00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:51,640
Sam, hold on a second.
48
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:53,744
When you were gone,
49
00:03:53,844 --> 00:03:56,884
I heard someone
moving around upstairs,
50
00:03:56,984 --> 00:03:58,788
and I called up to them
51
00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:01,342
and asked them to come down.
52
00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:02,762
Did they come down?
53
00:04:04,933 --> 00:04:07,337
- So you met my mother.
- Yes.
54
00:04:07,437 --> 00:04:11,514
I was a little surprised.
Y-You said she was dead.
55
00:04:11,614 --> 00:04:14,520
Yeah, my parents aren't dead.
56
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,456
I-I lied about that, too.
57
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,861
Sorry.
58
00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:22,635
One of the reasons
that I didn't want
59
00:04:22,769 --> 00:04:24,522
to go into therapy
60
00:04:24,606 --> 00:04:26,442
was because I know it's all
61
00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:29,415
"mothers, mothers, mothers."
My mother is not my problem.
62
00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:31,853
Let me get the bowls.
63
00:04:47,785 --> 00:04:49,856
I'm going to
64
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,427
need you to take off this chain.
65
00:04:53,797 --> 00:04:56,202
There's no way to do
this work effectively
66
00:04:56,302 --> 00:04:57,805
with the therapist tied up.
67
00:04:57,939 --> 00:05:00,210
The chain's on your leg,
not on your mouth.
68
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:03,399
Sam, I present
no physical threat to you.
69
00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:06,288
You're young and strong,
70
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,496
and I-I... I sit
in a chair all day.
71
00:05:09,629 --> 00:05:13,436
What do you imagine
would happen if I attacked you?
72
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,765
I... I pictured this
with you chained to the floor.
73
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:22,438
I understand,
and I am asking you
74
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,057
to adjust that
75
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,464
so I can help you
more effectively.
76
00:05:27,565 --> 00:05:32,257
Sam, there is no way that
this is going to work
77
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:34,411
unless you take off this chain.
78
00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:40,423
She usually doesn't
come down here.
79
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:57,257
Before, when we were
in my office...
80
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,363
you told me that your mother
took care of you
81
00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:02,067
when your father
was being violent.
82
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,603
"Mothers, mothers, mothers."
83
00:06:03,704 --> 00:06:06,943
It's just one part of things,
Sam, but we can't ignore it.
84
00:06:09,215 --> 00:06:12,387
Your mother told me
that he left.
85
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:16,395
Can you tell me about that?
86
00:06:16,529 --> 00:06:17,899
He left us.
87
00:06:17,999 --> 00:06:19,969
How old were you?
88
00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:22,706
Fourteen.
89
00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:25,547
And what do you remember
about that?
90
00:06:28,787 --> 00:06:30,725
He left us.
91
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:33,296
So, he didn't hit me anymore.
92
00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:35,834
Did you see him after that?
93
00:06:39,408 --> 00:06:41,513
This is the house
you grew up in?
94
00:06:42,516 --> 00:06:45,053
Yup.
95
00:06:46,523 --> 00:06:50,597
Do you have memories,
um, like...
96
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:55,507
Did he hurt you in this room?
97
00:06:57,044 --> 00:06:58,781
If I was in this room...
98
00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:01,586
it was in this room.
99
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,561
And you'd be here and...
100
00:07:05,661 --> 00:07:07,999
And he'd say something
101
00:07:08,099 --> 00:07:11,523
that I was supposed to do,
and if I didn't do it
102
00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:13,577
within one second...
103
00:07:14,545 --> 00:07:17,117
I didn't know what he meant
sometimes. I... He was...
104
00:07:17,217 --> 00:07:19,689
I needed time to think,
105
00:07:19,789 --> 00:07:21,091
but...
106
00:07:22,896 --> 00:07:24,364
Like, one time,
107
00:07:24,464 --> 00:07:25,801
he got a whole load of grout
108
00:07:25,902 --> 00:07:28,473
for the kitchen
and the bathroom, and...
109
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,811
he got a deal, right,
110
00:07:30,945 --> 00:07:34,485
so he ordered a ton of it,
and it came in these boxes.
111
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,741
And he was yelling at me,
"Break 'em down."
112
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,631
Screaming. "Break 'em down."
113
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:43,303
I didn't know what he meant
114
00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:45,440
because I'd never
heard that before
115
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:48,981
'cause he... he wasn't
pointing at the boxes.
116
00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:55,494
Then he just,
he just went at me,
117
00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:58,099
like he did.
118
00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:05,681
You said your mom got it, too.
119
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:09,221
She's a good mother.
120
00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:12,027
She made me sandwiches
every day.
121
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,830
She did the laundry.
122
00:08:17,605 --> 00:08:21,145
It's a terrible situation
for a mother and a son.
123
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,595
Everyone,
please. Everyone, please.
124
00:08:45,695 --> 00:08:48,033
People!
125
00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:51,072
People. People!
126
00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:52,942
I have something to say.
127
00:08:53,043 --> 00:08:57,050
People, people.
I have something to say.
128
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,523
I understand that
129
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,177
the mother of the chat an
has some
130
00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:03,964
words she'd like to share
131
00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:06,168
with the new couple.
132
00:09:18,694 --> 00:09:20,732
We don't have women sing.
133
00:09:20,832 --> 00:09:23,737
Rabbi, it's my son's wedding.
134
00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:37,698
Hi. I'm Ezra's mom.
135
00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:41,005
Where are you going?
136
00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:43,777
I'm also the cantor
at Temple Sinai.
137
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,764
Talk to me, Sam.
138
00:10:12,602 --> 00:10:14,471
I know you're struggling
with your feelings
139
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,743
about the manager
at the restaurant.
140
00:10:18,647 --> 00:10:22,020
Is there anything else
you can tell me about it?
141
00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:26,797
Uh...
142
00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:28,967
You should help me.
143
00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:41,793
Hmm...
144
00:10:45,768 --> 00:10:47,754
I have a thought for us.
145
00:10:47,838 --> 00:10:50,510
- Mm-hmm.
- You know,
146
00:10:50,611 --> 00:10:53,517
your mother
is an impressive woman,
147
00:10:53,617 --> 00:10:56,188
and she would clearly
do anything
148
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,108
to help you feel better,
149
00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,748
help you live the life
that you want to live,
150
00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:03,837
and I think that
she can help us now.
151
00:11:04,806 --> 00:11:08,129
We are all part
of family systems.
152
00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:10,216
You, me, everyone.
153
00:11:10,349 --> 00:11:13,105
Changes to those systems
154
00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:15,026
can have a profound effect
on us,
155
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:17,698
even at your age.
156
00:11:17,799 --> 00:11:18,950
And I was thinking
157
00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:21,572
that it might be beneficial
158
00:11:21,673 --> 00:11:24,311
if we were to do
some family therapy work
159
00:11:24,411 --> 00:11:25,847
with you and your mother.
160
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:29,956
Mm.
161
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:31,826
She's been through enough.
162
00:11:33,864 --> 00:11:36,786
She doesn't need to be dragged
into what we're doing here.
163
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,607
I think that's kind of you,
164
00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:40,945
and I can see why
you'd want to protect her.
165
00:11:41,045 --> 00:11:42,280
But I don't think you need
166
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,687
to worry about her feeling
dragged into this.
167
00:11:45,787 --> 00:11:49,127
I think she might
find it helpful, too.
168
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,068
Sam.
169
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,411
You don't have to take
this next step alone.
170
00:11:57,512 --> 00:12:01,987
There is someone
who wants to be there with you.
171
00:12:02,087 --> 00:12:06,228
She doesn't want you struggling
with this by yourself.
172
00:12:30,243 --> 00:12:33,249
He was always
a very physical man,
173
00:12:33,382 --> 00:12:37,224
and it was always
a very intense relationship.
174
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,731
- I think Sam and I...
- He was an asshole.
175
00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:42,735
It's pretty simple.
176
00:12:42,869 --> 00:12:45,907
He was a terrible father,
and Sam and I...
177
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,511
Worse than terrible.
178
00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,916
Let's try to slow down
a little bit.
179
00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:53,924
In this space, let everybody
finish what they're saying.
180
00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:56,846
When we go more slowly,
181
00:12:56,930 --> 00:13:00,102
usually, everyone thinks
a little more clearly,
182
00:13:00,202 --> 00:13:03,009
and sometimes, when we wait,
183
00:13:03,109 --> 00:13:06,281
people don't say what we think
they are going to.
184
00:13:09,254 --> 00:13:13,178
Sam and I took refuge
in each other.
185
00:13:13,262 --> 00:13:16,102
I learned that from one
of the books I read.
186
00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:18,055
Not yours.
187
00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:19,942
Hmm.
188
00:13:21,312 --> 00:13:23,398
That it was a refuge.
189
00:13:23,482 --> 00:13:25,119
You were in this together.
190
00:13:25,253 --> 00:13:27,324
Mm-hmm.
191
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:29,412
You still are.
192
00:13:29,496 --> 00:13:33,886
You are bonded to each other.
193
00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:36,141
It's very moving.
194
00:13:38,379 --> 00:13:41,067
- Sam.
- Yup.
195
00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:43,389
You love your mother,
196
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,929
and I think that can give us
a way to help you.
197
00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:51,387
I want you to think
in a new way of how
198
00:13:51,471 --> 00:13:54,512
you can protect your mother.
199
00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:58,318
As you struggle
with this impulse
200
00:13:58,419 --> 00:14:01,593
to become violent,
201
00:14:01,693 --> 00:14:03,731
I want you
to protect your mother
202
00:14:03,831 --> 00:14:06,468
by not acting on that impulse.
203
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:11,178
So that she can be free
from this source of pain.
204
00:14:11,278 --> 00:14:13,349
So...
205
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:15,420
you think to yourself,
206
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,159
"I will not do this,
207
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:20,964
so that I can
protect my mother."
208
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:51,492
Will you do that for me, Sam?
209
00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:10,396
Okay.
210
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,425
Pastitsio.
211
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,402
That guy at the...
212
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:06,074
This restaurant
where I did the inspection.
213
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:09,582
I went back there tonight.
214
00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:24,060
Mmm.
215
00:16:24,144 --> 00:16:26,949
I figured I'd be okay,
216
00:16:27,049 --> 00:16:28,118
maybe,
217
00:16:28,218 --> 00:16:30,607
you know, with you here.
218
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:33,295
I was just looking at him.
219
00:16:35,466 --> 00:16:37,053
How did that feel?
220
00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:39,308
I got my food.
221
00:16:39,408 --> 00:16:40,944
There he was.
222
00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:44,602
Mm, I sat in my car
across the street,
223
00:16:44,686 --> 00:16:47,490
and I did the whole thing
224
00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:51,431
in my head, every second.
225
00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:55,306
You said with me here.
226
00:16:55,406 --> 00:16:57,511
Was this a test for yourself?
227
00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:00,182
Yeah, I guess so.
228
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,457
Seems like you did well.
229
00:17:06,328 --> 00:17:09,467
I-I want to show him...
230
00:17:10,504 --> 00:17:13,793
I-I want to teach him
how to behave
231
00:17:13,877 --> 00:17:16,348
to other people
in the world. I...
232
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,454
I still want to do it.
233
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:27,638
Okay.
234
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:34,217
Mmm. Mmm.
235
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:36,386
Thanks.
236
00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:42,166
Was it like that
with the other ones who you...
237
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,208
Did they do something
238
00:17:46,308 --> 00:17:49,297
that made you want
to teach them a lesson?
239
00:17:49,381 --> 00:17:52,053
Yes.
240
00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:54,726
They were all... I...
241
00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:56,696
Every one of them deserved it.
242
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:35,406
Candace?
243
00:18:42,353 --> 00:18:45,392
Candace, we need to talk.
244
00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:09,380
No. No. No. No.
245
00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:11,685
Stop.
246
00:23:29,962 --> 00:23:32,132
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