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1
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,315
ANYONE NOTICE
THE LOOKS I'M GETTING
2
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,666
FROM THOSE
TWO FINE YOUNG LADIES?
3
00:00:14,794 --> 00:00:17,964
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'VE RECENTLY
GROWN OUT MY MUSTACHE.
4
00:00:18,099 --> 00:00:19,399
- MM.
- [laughs] YEAH.
5
00:00:19,534 --> 00:00:21,104
OR THEY'RE MESMERIZED BY THAT
6
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,189
SPAGHETTI SIDEBURN
YOU'RE SPORTING.
7
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,616
[chuckles]
- OH, MAN.
8
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:26,801
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
9
00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,535
HERE THEY ARE.
MY FAVORITE PEOPLE!
10
00:00:28,664 --> 00:00:29,884
all: HEY!
11
00:00:30,013 --> 00:00:31,323
- MARIO.
- HI.
12
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:32,658
DAVID, GREAT TO SEE YOU.
13
00:00:32,796 --> 00:00:34,006
OH, MAN, EVERYTHING WAS
FANTASTIC, THANK YOU.
14
00:00:34,143 --> 00:00:35,753
I SEE EVERYONE HAD
THE HOBBS SPECIAL.
15
00:00:35,883 --> 00:00:38,103
LIKE WE HAD A CHOICE.
16
00:00:38,231 --> 00:00:40,451
DON'T YOU RUN OFF.
I HAVE TIRAMISU FOR EVERYBODY.
17
00:00:40,579 --> 00:00:41,619
- NICE.
- OOH, TIRAMISU.
18
00:00:41,753 --> 00:00:43,103
TIRAMISU, TIRAMISU.
19
00:00:43,231 --> 00:00:46,231
[giggles]
20
00:00:46,362 --> 00:00:47,972
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE WITH
THE REST OF THE CLASS, EMILY?
21
00:00:48,102 --> 00:00:50,582
I'M SNAP-TALKING WITH MATTHEW.
22
00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:53,360
I SENT HIM A PICTURE OF MY PASTA
SHAPED LIKE A SMILEY FACE,
23
00:00:53,493 --> 00:00:55,453
AND HE SENT ME A PICTURE OF
A HEART MADE OUT OF KETCHUP,
24
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:56,970
SO THEN I SENT HIM--
25
00:00:57,103 --> 00:01:00,153
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T RUIN THE ENDING FOR ME.
26
00:01:04,538 --> 00:01:06,148
HI.
- SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
27
00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:09,017
WE HEARD CELEBRITIES EAT HERE.
28
00:01:09,147 --> 00:01:10,537
COULD WE BOTHER YOU
FOR A PICTURE?
29
00:01:10,668 --> 00:01:14,418
OH, WELL.
OKAY, SURE.
30
00:01:20,018 --> 00:01:22,668
WHY DON'T THOSE LADIES WANT
YOUR PICTURE, MOMMY?
31
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,280
'CAUSE NOBODY WATCHES
SOAP OPERAS ANYMORE.
32
00:01:24,409 --> 00:01:26,889
SO NOBODY CARES WHO MOMMY IS, SWEETIE.
33
00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:29,579
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST DO THIS THING.
34
00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,844
OOH.
- AY YI YI.
35
00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:34,065
WELL, UM, WE'LL--
36
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:35,753
WE'LL GET THAT ONE TO GO.
37
00:01:35,889 --> 00:01:38,409
- YEAH.
- UM...
38
00:01:41,194 --> 00:01:43,544
EMILY, EMILY, YOU'VE BEEN
ON THAT PHONE ALL NIGHT,
39
00:01:43,672 --> 00:01:45,322
AND IT'S FAMILY NIGHT.
COME ON.
40
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:49,115
YOU KEEP THIS UP,
I'M GONNA TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU.
41
00:01:49,238 --> 00:01:51,798
IT'S LIKE WE'RE RAISING
A FOREHEAD.
42
00:01:51,933 --> 00:01:54,113
HEY! MAYBE--MAYBE THIS WILL
CHANGE YOUR MIND.
43
00:01:54,238 --> 00:01:55,418
I SET UP A SMART ALERT
FOR DAVID HOBBS.
44
00:01:55,543 --> 00:01:57,153
NOW ANY TIME YOUR NAME
POPS UP ON THE INTERNET,
45
00:01:57,282 --> 00:02:01,332
I GET AN ALERT.
ABOUT MY DADDY.
46
00:02:01,457 --> 00:02:03,017
REALLY? NICE.
[phone chirps]
47
00:02:03,152 --> 00:02:06,032
- WHOA.
- WHAT?
48
00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:08,152
WHAT? WHAT?
- UH-OH.
49
00:02:08,283 --> 00:02:09,153
WHAT IS IT?
50
00:02:09,284 --> 00:02:13,554
[techno music]
51
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,195
[British accent]
DOES AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD
52
00:02:15,327 --> 00:02:19,157
TREAT HIS KIDS
LIKE THEY'RE NUMBER TWO?
53
00:02:19,284 --> 00:02:21,414
THIS IS MITCH KROFT,
AND, DAVID HOBBS...
54
00:02:21,545 --> 00:02:23,505
YOU HAVE BEEN MITCH-SLAPPED!
55
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:26,113
[slap]
56
00:02:26,241 --> 00:02:28,161
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
57
00:02:28,285 --> 00:02:31,285
SURE, YOU JUST KEEP
TELLING YOURSELF THAT.
58
00:02:33,460 --> 00:02:36,330
[upbeat music]
59
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:44,160
♪
60
00:02:55,201 --> 00:02:56,241
I WAS AS SURPRISED AS ANYONE
TO SEE HOW
61
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,335
DAVID HOBBS TREATS HIS SON.
62
00:02:58,462 --> 00:03:04,252
I MEAN, IT WENT FROM INNOCENT
DESSERT TO TERROR...MISU.
63
00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:11,212
OUCH.
64
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:12,413
I KNOW I'M YOUR FAVORITE,
65
00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:15,080
BUT CAN YOU MAKE IT
A LITTLE LESS OBVIOUS?
66
00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:19,293
- DAD.
- YEAH?
67
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:20,810
WHY DID THAT GUY
LIE ABOUT YOU?
68
00:03:20,942 --> 00:03:22,122
YOU DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE.
69
00:03:22,247 --> 00:03:24,337
UNLESS I DID SOMETHING
TO ANNOY YOU.
70
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,075
'CAUSE SOMETIMES I DO THIS
NERVOUS RAMBLING THING
71
00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:28,554
THAT BUGS PEOPLE, AND I DON'T
REALLY REALIZE I'M DOING IT--
72
00:03:28,682 --> 00:03:31,512
JOE, JOE, JOE, JOE.
YOU'RE DOING IT.
73
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,079
IT'S JUST WHAT
THESE PEOPLE DO, SWEETIE.
74
00:03:33,205 --> 00:03:35,115
THEY TAKE PICTURES
OF CELEBRITIES,
75
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,688
AND THEY TRY
TO MAKE US LOOK BAD, FOR MONEY.
76
00:03:37,814 --> 00:03:38,854
HMM? OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT?
77
00:03:38,988 --> 00:03:39,728
GO GET READY FOR SCHOOL, PAL.
78
00:03:39,857 --> 00:03:41,207
ALL RIGHT.
79
00:03:41,335 --> 00:03:42,415
IF I EVER DO SOMETHING
TO ANNOY YOU,
80
00:03:42,553 --> 00:03:44,083
YOU CAN JUST TELL ME,
SO THEN I'LL BE AWARE OF IT--
81
00:03:44,206 --> 00:03:47,646
JOE...
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
82
00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:49,901
OOH, I'M SORRY.
83
00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:54,563
DID I SAY "US CELEBRITIES"?
MY MISTAKE.
84
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:57,034
A REAL CELEBRITY HAS
MORE THAN SEVEN PEOPLE
85
00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,993
FOLLOWING THEM...ON TWITTER.
86
00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:03,421
HONEY, AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT
WHERE TWITTER IS,
87
00:04:03,555 --> 00:04:06,375
I WILL FOLLOW YOU THERE, OKAY?
88
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:07,562
A CLIP OF YOU NAILING JOE
89
00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:09,866
HAS ALREADY GOTTEN
9,000 HITS ONLINE.
90
00:04:09,991 --> 00:04:11,291
EMILY, HONEY.
YOU'RE--YOU'RE GONNA...
91
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,435
[bang]
92
00:04:14,556 --> 00:04:18,296
DO THAT.
93
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,296
YOU SHOULD HAVE TEXTED HER.
94
00:04:21,426 --> 00:04:23,296
- YOU OKAY WITH THIS?
- WHAT?
95
00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:25,566
THE TABLOIDS CAN BE
PRETTY ROUGH.
96
00:04:25,687 --> 00:04:26,727
WHAT?
COME ON.
97
00:04:26,861 --> 00:04:28,041
THIS JUST GOES ALONG WITH BEING
98
00:04:28,166 --> 00:04:30,556
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD
FOR TEN YEARS RUNNING.
99
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:31,908
RIGHT? COME ON.
100
00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:33,957
THEY'RE TRYING TO KNOCK ME
OFF MY PEDESTAL.
101
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,380
I'M SURPRISED
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SOONER.
102
00:04:35,515 --> 00:04:38,085
OH, IT DID.
103
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,261
REMEMBER WHEN THEY WROTE
YOU WERE HAVING
104
00:04:39,385 --> 00:04:43,775
A SCANDALOUS AFFAIR
WITH SOPHIA VERGERA?
105
00:04:43,907 --> 00:04:49,307
OH, YEAH.
106
00:04:49,429 --> 00:04:52,959
THE HUMANITY.
107
00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,745
- OW!
- OH.
108
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:04,905
JUST RELAX, AND DADDY WILL
TAKE CARE OF THIS, OKAY?
109
00:05:11,388 --> 00:05:13,168
YEAH.
110
00:05:13,301 --> 00:05:14,871
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?
111
00:05:14,997 --> 00:05:19,957
DON'T YOU LOOK PRETTY?
112
00:05:20,084 --> 00:05:23,614
DOES IT LOOK PRETTY TO YOU?
113
00:05:23,737 --> 00:05:26,217
UM...NO, IT DOES NOT.
114
00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:32,046
AND YOU SAY YOU KNOW HAIR.
115
00:05:34,781 --> 00:05:36,091
AT LEAST ONE OF US
LOOKS GOOD.
116
00:05:36,217 --> 00:05:37,397
[knock at door]
117
00:05:37,521 --> 00:05:38,951
YEAH?
- HEY, HEY, DAVID.
118
00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:39,826
- MARCUS!
- HEY, HEY.
119
00:05:39,955 --> 00:05:41,135
GOLF! MARCUS, GOLF.
120
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:43,650
OOH!
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
121
00:05:43,782 --> 00:05:44,962
NO, NO, NO.
122
00:05:45,087 --> 00:05:46,477
HOUSTON DOES NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, MARCUS.
123
00:05:46,608 --> 00:05:47,788
WE DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, OKAY?
124
00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:49,603
I NEED TO GOLF.
I'M GOING INSANE IN THIS HOUSE.
125
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,220
SERIOUSLY, I'VE HAD MORE
TEA PARTIES THAN THE QUEEN.
126
00:05:52,348 --> 00:05:56,218
I AM--I AM A LEGEND
IN "DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE."
127
00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:58,349
YOU KNOW WHAT "I SPY," MARCUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT "I SPY"?
128
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,790
"I SPY" A GOLF COURSE.
129
00:06:01,915 --> 00:06:03,615
LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU, DAVID.
130
00:06:03,741 --> 00:06:06,481
EVERY MORNING MY WIFE GETS UP
AND GOES DOWN TO HUCKELBERRY'S
131
00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,180
TO GET A DOZEN ECLAIRS.
132
00:06:08,307 --> 00:06:09,957
ALL RIGHT.
YOU LIKE ECLAIRS.
133
00:06:10,089 --> 00:06:14,269
MAN, THAT DOZEN IS GONE
BEFORE SHE GETS TO THE HOUSE.
134
00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:16,054
YOU LIVE TWO BLOCKS
FROM THE STORE.
135
00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:17,527
DAVID, SHE DRIVES
WITH HER KNEES.
136
00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:19,395
SHE DRIVES WITH HER KNEES.
JUST LEANS--WITH THE KNEES.
137
00:06:19,525 --> 00:06:21,175
[munches]
138
00:06:21,308 --> 00:06:23,918
LISTEN.
139
00:06:24,048 --> 00:06:25,618
THE POINT IS,
THEY HOLD THOSE ECLAIRS
140
00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:28,443
BECAUSE SHE IS CLOSE, PERSONAL
FRIENDS WITH DAVID HOBBS.
141
00:06:28,569 --> 00:06:30,829
- I UNDERSTAND.
- THIS MORNING? NO ECLAIRS.
142
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,840
AND SHE CAME HOME
WITH THIS.
143
00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:39,830
THIS IS A PICTURE
OF ME AND EMILY
144
00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:41,441
WHEN SHE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, MARCUS.
145
00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:42,621
COME ON, THEY PULLED THIS
OUT OF THE ARCHIVES.
146
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:43,785
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
147
00:06:43,919 --> 00:06:45,189
THIS IS MY FAVORITE GAME
TO PLAY WITH HER.
148
00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:46,130
I'D HANG HER UPSIDE DOWN
BY HER ANKLES.
149
00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,146
SHE LOVED IT.
150
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:49,657
THIS GUY IS JUST TRYING
TO DIG UP SOME DIRT.
151
00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,048
THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
152
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:52,180
YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING, MAN,
153
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:53,791
TO GET OUT IN FRONT OF THIS,
ALL RIGHT?
154
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,060
YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING BIG, MAN.
LOOK AT THIS.
155
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:57,921
OH, COME ON.
[phone rings]
156
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,491
YOU KNOW WHAT, MARCUS?
LOOK, MY--MY FANS,
157
00:07:00,616 --> 00:07:01,826
THEY STILL LOVE ME,
AND THEN THEY'LL GO WITH ME
158
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,323
NO MATTER WHAT.
159
00:07:04,442 --> 00:07:05,352
OH, HANG ON.
[phone beeps]
160
00:07:05,486 --> 00:07:07,666
HELLO?
161
00:07:07,790 --> 00:07:11,360
YES, THIS IS DAVID HOBBS,
THE ONE AND ONLY.
162
00:07:11,487 --> 00:07:14,047
WHAT? WHY?
163
00:07:14,182 --> 00:07:15,712
NO, HANG--HANG ON A SECOND.
164
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:19,095
THAT--THAT WAS
A COMPLETE MISUNDERSTANDING.
165
00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:21,887
NO, I'M NOT RAISING MY VOICE.
I'M FINE.
166
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,789
WELL NOW I'M RAISING MY VOICE
'CAUSE YOU CANCELED MY TEE TIME!
167
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:26,932
HOW'S THAT?
HELLO?
168
00:07:27,054 --> 00:07:29,444
OH, THEY CANCELED OUR TEE TIME, MARCUS.
169
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:32,105
OH, THEY CANCELED
OUR TEE TIME?
170
00:07:32,228 --> 00:07:35,358
- DID I HEAR "TEA TIME"?
- NO.
171
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,269
YEAH, I'LL HAVE A LITTLE
CHAMOMILE WITH A LITTLE HONEY
172
00:07:37,402 --> 00:07:38,832
TO CALM MY NERVES.
I'D LIKE A LITTLE...
173
00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:41,967
[knock at door]
- HANG ON.
174
00:07:42,098 --> 00:07:43,438
HEY, GWEN, CHARLOTTE.
175
00:07:43,577 --> 00:07:46,227
[mouth full]
HI, MR. HOBBS.
176
00:07:46,359 --> 00:07:48,489
JANIE'S ALL READY TO GO.
177
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:49,970
OH, DAVID, ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT TO COME SELL COOKIES?
178
00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:51,759
I COULD REALLY
USE YOUR HELP.
179
00:07:51,881 --> 00:07:54,011
I CAN SORT OF
CONTROL CHARLOTTE,
180
00:07:54,143 --> 00:07:57,673
BUT JANIE EATS THROUGH
OUR PROFITS LIKE A SMALL BEAVER.
181
00:08:00,795 --> 00:08:02,755
OUT IN FRONT OF IT, DAVID.
182
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,322
NOTHING SAYS "GOOD DAD"
LIKE A GROWN MAN
183
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:08,098
IN A LITTLE GIRL'S UNIFORM
SELLING COOKIES.
184
00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:13,274
I LOOK GOOD IN A UNIFORM.
185
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:16,066
YEAH, THIS IS KIND OF FUN.
I'M GLAD I CAME HERE TODAY.
186
00:08:16,188 --> 00:08:18,148
WELL, I DO LOVE
YOUR ENTHUSIASM.
187
00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:21,315
YOU'RE LIKE
A BREATH OF BLUE AIR.
188
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,630
I'M AN ACTOR.
WHEN I GET INTO A ROLE,
189
00:08:22,754 --> 00:08:24,144
I GET INTO A ROLE.
190
00:08:24,276 --> 00:08:26,496
SO IF I'M A BLUE BONNET,
I'M BLUE BONNET ALL THE WAY.
191
00:08:26,624 --> 00:08:28,324
YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN SEE THAT.
192
00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:29,800
OH, HEY, CAN I
GIVE YOU MY MAIL?
193
00:08:29,929 --> 00:08:32,889
SAVE ME A TRIP
TO THE POST OFFICE?
194
00:08:33,016 --> 00:08:34,146
- YOU DONE?
- [laughs]
195
00:08:34,277 --> 00:08:36,937
PROBABLY NOT, PAPA SMURF.
196
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:37,840
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE DONE.
197
00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,493
OKAY.
198
00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:42,805
ALL RIGHT, OUT OF 20.
199
00:08:42,930 --> 00:08:44,370
JUST WONDERING.
200
00:08:44,496 --> 00:08:46,846
DOES THAT GUY TAKING PHOTOS
BOTHER YOU?
201
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,624
[camera shutter clicking]
202
00:08:48,757 --> 00:08:50,677
IT SEEMS LIKE
SUCH AN INVASION OF PRIVACY.
203
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,670
AH, JUST PART OF THE GAME.
204
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,800
ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.
205
00:08:55,931 --> 00:08:59,321
THERE'S YOUR--YOUR
MINT CHOCOLATE, RIGHT, OKAY?
206
00:08:59,453 --> 00:09:02,283
ATTABOY, COME ON.
GIVE ME A HUG, YEAH.
207
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,241
[camera shutter clicking]
WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?
208
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:06,497
[laughs]
HEY, HE'S VERY FUNNY.
209
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,198
ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME A HIGH FIVE.
THERE YOU GO.
210
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:11,064
TAKE A FREE BOX.
HERE YOU GO.
211
00:09:11,194 --> 00:09:12,984
YOU ENJOY.
YOU HAVE A NICE AFTERNOON.
212
00:09:13,107 --> 00:09:15,977
OKAY.
213
00:09:16,107 --> 00:09:17,277
[bee buzzing]
- DADDY, A BEE!
214
00:09:17,412 --> 00:09:18,622
- WHAT? WHAT?
- OH!
215
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:19,900
- GET IT! GET IT!
- ALLERGIC! I'M ALLERGIC!
216
00:09:20,021 --> 00:09:20,841
- [screams]
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT!
217
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:25,247
[camera shutter clicking]
218
00:09:27,848 --> 00:09:29,978
DAVID HOBBS.
OR, AS WE NOW CALL HIM,
219
00:09:30,109 --> 00:09:32,459
AMERICA'S ANGRIEST DAD EVER,
220
00:09:32,587 --> 00:09:34,597
IS AT IT AGAIN.
221
00:09:34,717 --> 00:09:37,497
WHAT'S WORSE THAN TAKING
A LITTLE GIRL'S BOX OF COOKIES?
222
00:09:37,631 --> 00:09:39,421
BEATING HER WITH IT.
223
00:09:39,544 --> 00:09:42,454
SHAME ON YOU!
THAT'S A DOUBLE MITCH-SLAP.
224
00:09:42,588 --> 00:09:44,068
[slap, slap]
225
00:09:44,197 --> 00:09:48,377
TRUTH STINGS, DOESN'T IT,
DADDY?
226
00:09:48,502 --> 00:09:50,242
DAVID, WE'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR A HALF AN HOUR.
227
00:09:50,371 --> 00:09:51,771
WHY DON'T WE JUST GO
SOMEPLACE ELSE?
228
00:09:51,893 --> 00:09:53,373
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
229
00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:55,072
LOOK, MARIO JUST DOESN'T KNOW
THAT WE'RE HERE.
230
00:09:58,459 --> 00:10:01,849
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
231
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:03,031
- DADDY?
- MM?
232
00:10:03,156 --> 00:10:06,026
YOUR HAIR LOOKS GOOD
IN THAT PICTURE.
233
00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:10,036
THAT'S NOT DAD.
IT'S JOHN STAMOS.
234
00:10:10,156 --> 00:10:13,246
[whispering] STAMOS!
235
00:10:13,374 --> 00:10:18,464
UH, RIGHT THIS WAY,
MR. HOBBS.
236
00:10:18,592 --> 00:10:21,422
HEY, UH, MARIO,
WHERE'S--WHERE'S MY PICTURE?
237
00:10:21,548 --> 00:10:22,808
AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TABLE?
238
00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:25,600
OH, UH, UM...
THIS--THIS IS YOUR TABLE.
239
00:10:25,722 --> 00:10:30,112
I-I JUST MOVED IT,
FROM OVER THERE TO OVER HERE.
240
00:10:30,245 --> 00:10:32,515
MORE PRIVACY FOR YOU.
241
00:10:32,636 --> 00:10:37,206
IT'S CLOSER TO THE KITCHEN.
THE FOOD, IT COMES OUT HOTTER.
242
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,981
UH-OH.
243
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:42,425
- NO.
- UGH.
244
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:43,510
DON'T SAY IT.
DON'T TELL ME MY SPECIAL'S
245
00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:45,857
OFF THE MENU.
- OH, YEAH.
246
00:10:45,985 --> 00:10:50,165
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY SCRATCHED
IT OFF WITH A KEY OR A KNIFE.
247
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:52,460
OH, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
248
00:10:52,595 --> 00:10:54,075
DAD, DON'T WORRY.
I'M SURE EVERYTHING IS FINE.
249
00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:55,864
[sighs]
[phone beeps]
250
00:10:55,986 --> 00:10:59,556
SIRI, WHO IS AMERICA'S
NUMBER ONE TV DAD?
251
00:10:59,683 --> 00:11:01,333
[phone pings]
252
00:11:01,465 --> 00:11:04,125
FOR TEN YEARS, DAVID HOBBS
HAS HELD THAT DISTINCTION.
253
00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:06,209
HOWEVER,
DUE TO RECENT EVENTS...
254
00:11:06,336 --> 00:11:07,896
PLEASE TURN THAT OFF.
255
00:11:08,031 --> 00:11:09,341
DAD, DON'T GET SO ANGRY.
256
00:11:09,466 --> 00:11:11,076
I AM NOT ANGRY.
257
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,255
THE NEAREST ANGER MANAGEMENT
CENTER IS .5 MILES.
258
00:11:14,379 --> 00:11:16,549
AND WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT
USING THAT DURING FAMILY TIME?
259
00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:17,814
I CAN MAKE YOU AN APPOINTMENT.
260
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,075
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S IT.
261
00:11:19,206 --> 00:11:20,076
I'M TAKING IT AWAY FROM YOU
FOR A WEEK.
262
00:11:20,206 --> 00:11:21,946
- MOM!
- DON'T "MOM."
263
00:11:22,077 --> 00:11:24,037
DIALING NOW.
264
00:11:24,164 --> 00:11:28,214
- ANGER MANAGEMENT CENTER.
- MAKE IT STOP, HONEY.
265
00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:31,338
HE'LL CALL YOU BACK.
OKAY, BYE.
266
00:11:31,468 --> 00:11:32,468
[door bangs]
267
00:11:40,469 --> 00:11:42,079
RESTORE DAVID'S
RIGHTFUL PLACE
268
00:11:42,208 --> 00:11:44,298
AS AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE DAD,
TAKE ONE.
269
00:11:47,904 --> 00:11:49,124
[grunting]
270
00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:50,383
- NO! GET--
- GIVE ME THAT!
271
00:11:50,514 --> 00:11:51,854
OH!
- STOP IT!
272
00:11:51,992 --> 00:11:54,392
DROP THAT PURSE, COWARD!
273
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,254
[grunts]
DAMN IT!
274
00:11:56,384 --> 00:11:57,954
OH! OH.
275
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:02,470
- I'LL SAVE THAT BABY!
- [groans]
276
00:12:02,602 --> 00:12:03,742
GET BACK HERE, YOU!
277
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:06,553
- OH!
- THIEF!
278
00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:11,389
[struggling, crashing]
279
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,130
AND CUT!
280
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:16,955
DID I LOOK HEROIC?
281
00:12:17,082 --> 00:12:18,562
THAT WAS GREAT.
282
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:19,990
GREAT REHEARSAL.
283
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:21,175
GOOD JOB.
284
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:22,469
- WHOO-WHOO.
- ALL RIGHT.
285
00:12:22,604 --> 00:12:25,174
MAN, WHEN WE FILM THIS
ON LOCATION AND LEAK IT
286
00:12:25,299 --> 00:12:27,999
TO THE PRESS, YOUR IMAGE
IS GONNA BE BACK ON TRACK.
287
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:30,476
EXCELLENT. HEY, LISTEN,
I-I AD-LIBBED "COWARD,"
288
00:12:30,605 --> 00:12:31,785
BUT I THINK "DIRTBAG"
MIGHT BE STRONGER.
289
00:12:31,908 --> 00:12:33,208
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
290
00:12:33,344 --> 00:12:35,224
A GREAT IDEA, DAVID.
IT--I MUST HAVE READ YOUR MIND,
291
00:12:35,344 --> 00:12:37,824
BECAUSE I-I WROTE "DIRTBAG"
IN THE SCRIPT.
292
00:12:37,953 --> 00:12:39,783
- OKAY.
- WHAT--
293
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:41,599
THAT WAS VERY HEROIC, DAVID,
294
00:12:41,736 --> 00:12:42,736
UNTIL YOU KNOCKED
THE BABY OUT THE DOOR.
295
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,257
BUT, NO, STILL VERY HEROIC,
296
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:47,608
'CAUSE IT'S NOT
A REAL BABY, SO--
297
00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:49,306
LISTEN, PEOPLE,
THIS HAS GOT TO WORK,
298
00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,733
BECAUSE I'M--I'M STARTING
TO LOSE THE PERKS OF BEING ME.
299
00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:54,437
AND WITHOUT MY PERKS I'M, YOU
KNOW, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
300
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:55,783
I-I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THAT.
301
00:12:55,911 --> 00:12:57,351
ALL RIGHT, OKAY PEOPLE,
302
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,386
LET'S REHEARSE IT
ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE.
303
00:12:59,521 --> 00:13:00,961
BACK TO ONE.
LET'S DO THIS.
304
00:13:01,086 --> 00:13:02,956
[phone ringing]
305
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:05,226
OH, HANG ON, HANG ON.
306
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:06,387
YEAH, HANG ON. PHONE.
307
00:13:06,521 --> 00:13:08,221
[phone beeps]
HELLO?
308
00:13:08,348 --> 00:13:09,868
[sighs]
309
00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:13,089
EMILY, IT'S FOR YOU!
AGAIN! PICK IT UP.
310
00:13:13,217 --> 00:13:16,177
I'M DOING HOMEWORK, DAD.
COULD YOU TAKE A MESSAGE?
311
00:13:16,304 --> 00:13:18,444
THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON
ALL DAY.
312
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:24,435
[thick accent]
JUST TELL HER LISA CALLED.
313
00:13:24,566 --> 00:13:26,486
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
314
00:13:26,610 --> 00:13:28,700
I'M USING MARY'S PHONE
TO GET MY PHONE BACK.
315
00:13:28,827 --> 00:13:32,737
I AM THIS CLOSE
TO DRIVING DAD TO THE EDGE.
316
00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:35,221
TAKE NOTE.
YOU'LL BE DOING IT SOMEDAY.
317
00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:36,870
CAN I TRY?
318
00:13:37,002 --> 00:13:38,572
[deep voice] HI, DADDY.
319
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:43,528
THIS ISN'T JANIE.
320
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:48,355
WRONG, AND WAY TOO CREEPY.
321
00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:51,001
[phone ringing]
322
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:54,224
[nasally]
THIS IS BRENDA FOR EMILY.
323
00:13:54,352 --> 00:13:57,912
AND THAT'S NOT CREEPY?
324
00:13:58,048 --> 00:14:02,748
- EMILY!
- STILL DOING HOMEWORK.
325
00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:04,484
- ALL RIGHT, YOU READY, DAVID?
- OH, YES.
326
00:14:04,614 --> 00:14:06,874
YES, LET'S GO.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.
327
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:10,315
AND, ACTION!
328
00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:11,661
[phone ringing]
- [grunts]
329
00:14:11,788 --> 00:14:13,308
- CUT!
- HANG ON.
330
00:14:13,441 --> 00:14:14,571
THAT WAS GOOD. GOOD TILL
THE END, GOOD TILL THERE.
331
00:14:14,702 --> 00:14:15,882
HANG ON A SECOND.
332
00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:17,356
[phone beeps]
333
00:14:17,484 --> 00:14:19,794
YEAH, LOOK, TALK TO HER
AT SCHOOL, PLE--
334
00:14:19,919 --> 00:14:22,609
OH, HI, MRS. BROOKS.
335
00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:24,835
MIS--NO, MRS. BROOKS.
336
00:14:24,963 --> 00:14:26,103
YOU--YOU CAN'T BELIEVE
337
00:14:26,224 --> 00:14:30,744
EVERYTHING YOU READ
IN THE TABLOIDS.
338
00:14:30,877 --> 00:14:32,097
OKAY, FINE.
339
00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:33,665
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL,
I UNDERSTAND.
340
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,140
ALL RIGHT, GOOD-BYE.
[phone beeps]
341
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:37,489
JANIE'S PLAYDATE JUST CANCELED.
342
00:14:37,617 --> 00:14:40,747
THAT'S WHY WE'RE GETTING OUT
IN FRONT OF THIS, MAN.
343
00:14:40,878 --> 00:14:42,668
RUN, JOE, RUN!
344
00:14:42,791 --> 00:14:45,441
AND PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN
SIZE, YOU BUNCH OF BULLIES!
345
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,452
WHAT HAPPENED?
346
00:14:50,574 --> 00:14:52,144
JOE WAS GETTING AMBUSHED
ON THE FRONT LAWN,
347
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:54,621
AND I HAD TO JUMP IN
AND SAVE HIM.
348
00:14:54,749 --> 00:14:56,229
THE OLDER KIDS
PICKING ON YOU, JOE?
349
00:14:56,358 --> 00:15:02,188
NO.
IT WAS THE BLUE BONNETS.
350
00:15:02,315 --> 00:15:03,575
THEY'RE TOUGH, DAVID.
351
00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:05,666
I HAD FOUR OF THEM
JUST CLAWING ON TO ME
352
00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:08,234
LIKE A BUNCH OF ANGRY
KOALA BEARS, JUST--
353
00:15:08,359 --> 00:15:09,399
YEAH.
354
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,583
THEY YELLED, "REVENGE!"
355
00:15:11,707 --> 00:15:16,147
AND THEN THEY STARTED STUFFING
COOKIES DOWN MY PANTS.
356
00:15:16,273 --> 00:15:18,143
IS--IS THIS ABOUT
THE BEE THING?
357
00:15:18,273 --> 00:15:19,713
YEAH.
BUT THE JOKE'S ON THEM.
358
00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:21,578
I LOVE WARM COOKIES.
359
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,975
DADDY, WHEN'S MY FRIEND MOLLY
COMING OVER?
360
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:32,410
OH, UM, MOLLY'S MOM
JUST CANCELED THE PLAYDATE.
361
00:15:32,535 --> 00:15:36,055
WHY, DID I DO
SOMETHING WRONG?
362
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:39,448
NO.
363
00:15:39,579 --> 00:15:43,319
NO, YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING, HONEY.
364
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:44,670
MARCUS, THIS PRODUCTION
IS OVER.
365
00:15:44,797 --> 00:15:46,887
LOOK, MY KIDS ARE STARTING
TO GET HURT NOW, OKAY?
366
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,534
NO MORE GAMES.
I GOTTA PUT A STOP TO THIS.
367
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,367
AND, JOE,
A QUICK LIFE LESSON.
368
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,893
DON'T EAT COOKIES
OUT OF YOUR UNDERWEAR.
369
00:15:53,015 --> 00:15:57,975
GOT IT.
STARTING NOW.
370
00:15:58,103 --> 00:15:59,143
- DAD.
- THANK YOU. YES?
371
00:15:59,277 --> 00:16:01,067
THE PHOTOGRAPHER GUY'S
HERE AGAIN.
372
00:16:01,191 --> 00:16:02,581
I KNOW THAT, JOE.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
373
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,932
AS SOON AS MOM SHOWS UP,
I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM.
374
00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,500
WHY DO YOU NEED MOMMY?
375
00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:08,146
WELL, BECAUSE MOMMY
IS LEVEL-HEADED,
376
00:16:08,278 --> 00:16:10,588
AND SHE WON'T LET THINGS
GET OUT OF CONTROL.
377
00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:14,023
HOW DARE YOU!
YOU PAPARAZZI BOTTOM-FEEDERS!
378
00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,188
DO YOU VULTURES HAVE ANY IDEA
OF THE HEARTACHE
379
00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:17,672
YOU CAUSE WITH YOUR LIES?
380
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,411
MY HUSBAND?
HE'S A GOOD, GOOD MAN, OKAY?
381
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:24,760
AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!
382
00:16:24,888 --> 00:16:26,628
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME.
383
00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:28,627
I WAS JUST TAKING
A PICTURE OF MY PARENTS.
384
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,758
WE'RE VISITING
FROM MINNESOTA.
385
00:16:38,237 --> 00:16:40,237
THEY'VE GOT A STAMOS SPECIAL.
386
00:16:40,368 --> 00:16:44,068
VEAL, LEMON, CAPERS.
387
00:16:44,195 --> 00:16:47,245
THAT'S PICCATA.
WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THAT?
388
00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:51,109
MM, STAMOS.
389
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:57,157
[phone ringing]
390
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,503
HELLO?
391
00:16:59,631 --> 00:17:02,331
HELLO, MARY.
392
00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:04,377
SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
WEARING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
393
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:07,320
TELL HER MY YELLOW BLOUSE
WITH THE FRINGE.
394
00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:08,718
N-NO, TELL HER
395
00:17:08,848 --> 00:17:10,628
THE BABY BLUE LONG SLEEVE
WITH THE SPARKLY--
396
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:11,722
MARY? MARY?
SHE WILL CALL YOU BACK.
397
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:15,459
GOOD-BYE.
398
00:17:15,588 --> 00:17:17,728
EMILY, I'M GIVING THIS
BACK TO YOU.
399
00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:20,629
ONLY BECAUSE I THINK THAT YOU'VE
LEARNED YOUR LESSON, OKAY?
400
00:17:20,763 --> 00:17:22,553
- ABSOLUTELY. LESSON LEARNED.
- ALL RIGHT.
401
00:17:22,676 --> 00:17:26,026
HONEY? I'M THINKING
WE SHOULD TAKE THE FOOD TO GO.
402
00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,195
- WHAT?
- OUT THE BACK.
403
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:28,509
GOOD IDEA.
404
00:17:28,634 --> 00:17:30,464
YEAH, THEY DON'T EVEN
BRING US BREAD ANYMORE.
405
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,630
- THEY TREAT US LIKE POO.
- WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
406
00:17:32,764 --> 00:17:34,294
WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
407
00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,246
LOOK, IF I CAN
TEACH YOU ANYTHING,
408
00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:38,284
IT'S TO STAND UP
FOR YOURSELF, OKAY?
409
00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:39,507
NOW, SIT DOWN.
410
00:17:39,635 --> 00:17:42,165
[sighing]
411
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:44,157
'CAUSE IT'S TIME TO STAND UP.
412
00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:47,467
NO, REALLY, JUST SIT DOWN.
413
00:17:47,592 --> 00:17:48,852
I'M GONNA STAND UP
FOR YOU GUYS.
414
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:52,333
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
415
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,812
IT'S AMERICA'S ANGRIEST DAD!
DON'T HURT ME.
416
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:55,850
[childish voice]
DON'T HURT ME.
417
00:17:55,984 --> 00:17:57,544
OH, WAIT, I FORGOT.
418
00:17:57,679 --> 00:17:58,989
I'M NOT A CHILD,
SO I MUST BE SAFE.
419
00:17:59,115 --> 00:18:01,155
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
420
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,329
LISTEN, I-I UNDERSTAND THAT
YOU WANT TO TAKE SHOTS AT ME.
421
00:18:04,463 --> 00:18:06,033
THAT'S FINE.
THAT'S PART OF OUR GAME,
422
00:18:06,159 --> 00:18:07,639
AND I CAN TAKE IT.
423
00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:11,337
BUT WHEN IT STARTS AFFECTING
MY KIDS...
424
00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:12,764
[clicks tongue]
WE GOT A PROBLEM.
425
00:18:12,899 --> 00:18:15,329
LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS.
426
00:18:15,464 --> 00:18:17,904
IF I WANTED TO TAKE
WHOLESOME AND SWEET PICTURES
427
00:18:18,029 --> 00:18:19,949
OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,
I'D WORK AT THE MALL.
428
00:18:20,073 --> 00:18:21,943
AND I'D BE POOR.
429
00:18:22,073 --> 00:18:24,593
BUT MANIPULATING SHOTS
TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE
430
00:18:24,726 --> 00:18:28,346
THE WORST PARENT EVER ALLOWS ME
TO DRIVE A MASERATI
431
00:18:28,466 --> 00:18:29,766
AND DATE A MODEL...
432
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,380
SLASH-ACTRESS.
433
00:18:33,509 --> 00:18:37,869
[New Jersey accent] NOT BAD FOR
A GUY FROM JERSEY, RIGHT?
434
00:18:37,988 --> 00:18:40,948
YOU GOTTA GIVE THE PEOPLE
WHAT THEY WANT.
435
00:18:41,075 --> 00:18:46,335
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS SMILE
AND SAY "CHEESE," MY FRIEND.
436
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,517
MM-HMM-HMM.
437
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:54,341
[coughs, chokes]
438
00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:59,680
[choking and grunting]
439
00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:04,950
[grunts, gags]
440
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,038
OH!
- HANG ON, ONE MORE HIT.
441
00:19:06,165 --> 00:19:07,335
OH!
442
00:19:07,469 --> 00:19:10,209
YOU OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, JUST HAVE A SEAT.
443
00:19:10,339 --> 00:19:11,249
CATCH YOUR BREATH,
THERE YOU GO.
444
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,473
HE'S OKAY, EVERYBODY.
- WHOO!
445
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,340
- RIGHT, RIGHT, MITCH?
- ALL RIGHT, YES!
446
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:17,430
[applause]
YAY! ALL RIGHT, YES!
447
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,517
- THANK YOU.
- MARIO!
448
00:19:19,644 --> 00:19:20,564
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT
MY HUSBAND'S HEAD SHOT
449
00:19:20,687 --> 00:19:21,727
BACK UP ON THAT WALL.
450
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,651
I DON'T SEE STAMOS HERE
SAVING LIVES.
451
00:19:24,775 --> 00:19:26,425
I WAS JUST ENJOYING MY DINNER
452
00:19:26,558 --> 00:19:29,998
WHEN OUT OF NOWHERE
MR. HOBBS ATTACKED ME.
453
00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:31,434
[camera shutter clicking]
454
00:19:31,559 --> 00:19:34,389
IT WAS BLOODY DREADFUL.
455
00:19:34,515 --> 00:19:36,905
THIS IS AMAZING.
I-I CAN'T WIN WITH THIS GUY.
456
00:19:37,037 --> 00:19:39,387
ALL RIGHT, HE'S TRYING TO MAKE
ME LOOK BAD FOR SAVING HIS LIFE.
457
00:19:39,515 --> 00:19:42,125
DAD, DON'T WORRY.
KARMA'S A MITCH.
458
00:19:42,255 --> 00:19:43,995
LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS.
459
00:19:44,125 --> 00:19:45,305
IF I WANTED TO TAKE
460
00:19:45,429 --> 00:19:47,209
SWEET AND WHOLESOME PICTURES
461
00:19:47,342 --> 00:19:49,042
OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,
I'D WORK AT THE MALL.
462
00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:51,039
AND I'D BE POOR.
463
00:19:51,169 --> 00:19:53,519
BUT MANIPULATING SHOTS
TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE
464
00:19:53,648 --> 00:19:57,128
THE WORST PARENT EVER ALLOWS ME
TO DRIVE A MASERATI
465
00:19:57,256 --> 00:20:00,126
AND DATE A MODEL.
- YOU RECORDED THAT?
466
00:20:00,257 --> 00:20:01,517
YEAH.
AND, THANKS TO MY PHONE,
467
00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:03,348
IT'S ALREADY UPLOADED
AND TRENDING.
468
00:20:03,475 --> 00:20:06,085
OH! YES!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,
469
00:20:06,214 --> 00:20:08,874
BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH.
470
00:20:08,997 --> 00:20:10,127
SEE, I KNEW
I DID THE RIGHT THING
471
00:20:10,258 --> 00:20:11,868
BUYING YOU THAT PHONE, HONEY.
RIGHT?
472
00:20:13,606 --> 00:20:15,436
AMY HOBBS SEEMS TO BE ANGRY
ALL THE DAYS.
473
00:20:15,563 --> 00:20:17,213
THAT'S RIGHT, MS. HOBBS.
474
00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:19,785
YOU'VE BEEN MITCH-SLAPPED.
[slap]
475
00:20:19,911 --> 00:20:23,131
- I'M SORRY.
- FOR WHAT?
476
00:20:23,259 --> 00:20:24,569
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
477
00:20:24,694 --> 00:20:28,614
OH, I MATTER!
478
00:20:28,738 --> 00:20:29,958
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- WHAT?
479
00:20:30,086 --> 00:20:31,346
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
480
00:20:31,478 --> 00:20:33,178
I'M GONNA STRIKE WHILE
THE IRON'S HOT, BABY.
481
00:20:33,304 --> 00:20:35,864
I'M GONNA GO KICK
A PUPPY AT THE MALL.
482
00:20:35,999 --> 00:20:37,519
SIT DOWN, HONEY.
COME ON.
483
00:20:37,652 --> 00:20:39,172
THEY'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT ME
IN A MINUTE.
484
00:20:39,222 --> 00:20:43,772
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