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- Isn't this beautiful?

This is where I got
married many years ago,

where my married life began
and all my hopes and dreams

for what marriage
was gonna bring me,

which would include children,
a happy family life,

and eventually growing
old with my husband.

He was the man of my dreams.

It was the hottest
day of the year.

Everybody was drenched.

It was an intimate wedding.

There were 45 people,
closest friends and family.

And I just remember
the day I got married,

I was just so nervous.

I had this nervous energy
where I couldn't sit still.

And I remember going for
lunch with my maid of honor.

I'd sit and I'd eat a little bit

and then I'd get up and I'd pace

and I just couldn't sit still.

And then we arrived here.

I got out of the car and
my garter fell off my leg.

And my son who was
eight at the time,

picked it up off the
ground and handed it to me.

And at that moment,
somebody grabbed a picture.

From that point on, all the
nerves just fell by the wayside

and we all just
started laughing.

I was completely relaxed,

ready to move forward
with the marriage

and marry the man of my dreams.

My son gave me away.

And when I walked
down the aisle,

I could just feel the love
oozing from everybody.

And we got married on the
hottest day of that year.

So now here I am,
many years later,

a separated woman, producing
a documentary on separation.

Who would have ever thought?

- For me at the time, he
was an excellent husband.

And looking back as well,

I'm extremely grateful for the
happiness I had and the love,

because if you haven't lived it,

I don't think you realize the
impact of that sudden loss.

In one sense, it's like
a death because you know,

things have severed
so, so quickly, yeah.

- I had a great
life on the outside.

We had, you know, the
big house, all the cars,

the cottage and even him,

like people would look at me
like, what else do you want?

What else do you want?

Well, I wanted the
stuff that our money

or his money or
anything couldn't buy,

like just the connection and
the friendship, the respect.

- I really tried my best
to be an excellent wife.

You know, I was very
appreciative every day.

I loved my husband.

I tried to support him
and I just couldn't be

who he wanted me
to be in the end.

I just couldn't go, you know,

to that place because I knew
if I went to that place,

then that would be
taking my soul away.

And I didn't wanna do that.

I didn't wanna
sacrifice because I...

I didn't wanna
sacrifice my happiness

and what was important
to me for the marriage.

- My life was beautiful.

Big, beautiful house,
beautiful backyard,

full of gardens that I
constantly was working in.

Lots of friends around all
the time. Lots of family.

Lots of kids running
around because

all the kids wanted to be
at our house with my kids.

We traveled a lot and
we always took the kids

because we loved their company.

It was a great life.

- I was not gonna be the
girl to get separated.

We had a solid marriage.
We were the perfect couple.

And when I walked
down the aisle,

I thought, "I'm
marrying the right guy."

- My life as a military wife
was one that I truly enjoyed.

Some people would
find it very stressful

moving every two to three years,

but we looked it on
as a new adventure.

So I really enjoyed
the military lifestyle.

As a military wife,

I think probably the
main thing I gave up was

focusing on my career, but in
regards to everything else,

really my childhood dream
was to be happily married

with a family.

So as a military wife,
I still had that.

So I didn't see it as giving
up really much of anything.

- He was born in
Europe and lived there

til he was about 15 years old

and was nine years
older than me.

I didn't perceive any
major cultural differences

at the time that we got married.

My parents were a
lot more concerned

about the age difference,
that didn't concern me either.

But once we had children, all
of these personal differences,

what I perceived at the time
to be cultural differences

just started to manifest

and all the difficulties
of having a newborn baby.

His ability to deal
with the sleeplessness.

His mother had also passed away

when I was pregnant
with my daughter.

I think he had some
depression there

that he hadn't dealt with.

So there were a lot of
factors that went into

my really feeling that there
were cracks in the marriage,

by the time I was in the
middle of my pregnancy

with our first child.

- In that last year
we identified probably

three or four times that this
was it, like this was it.

- Were there red flags?

For sure, there were red
flags, lots of red flags.

Part of me, thought I could
fix them. Change them.

Part of me was naive to them.

And part of me overlooked them.

But for sure, there
were lots of red flags

before we got married.

- In hindsight, there's
always red flags.

At the time, we just, you know,

you seem like you're
bulletproof, you can fix it,

or you can move
through it, or...

But ultimately there were
a few things absolutely

that maybe should have
stopped us in our tracks

or put a little bit of focus on

to work out a few things, yeah.

- I mean, say, I think with
2020 hindsight and looking back,

you can always find signs, but
when you're in the situation,

you're happy and you feel
that things are great.

Then there were no red flags.

- I was making excuses
for my spouse a lot.

So if I showed up at a family
party and he didn't come,

or he showed up in his
own car two hours late

and left a few hours early,
I would often get, you know,

sideways glances from my parents

or my sister or
my brother-in-law.

And I would always
offer excuses for him.

You know, there's a tipping
point where you start to say,

"Wait a minute, how much
of my time am I spending

making excuses for my spouse?

And at what point is
it not okay for me?

You know, is this not a
good marriage for me?"

And especially with
having children,

I think we all have a lot of
conversations within ourselves

where we say, "You know,
is it really that bad?

Can we keep the
marriage together?"

I stayed a solid seven years
longer than the first moment

that my gut told me that
this was not a good person

for me to be with.

One evening, getting
very close to the time

that I moved out,

we were in his car and we
were driving to a party.

I don't really remember
what it was for.

I didn't feel like going.

I didn't feel like
pretending that

my husband and I
were still happy.

And we got into a
fight in the car

where he threatened to take
full custody of the kids.

But I became
hysterical in the car.

I've never had a
fit of screaming or
crying ever in my life

to match what
happened in that car.

- That beautiful sunny
Sunday afternoon,

when I sense my
husband's quietness,

I approached him lovingly
and said, "Please tell me,

you seem stressed,
what's the problem?"

And then he said, "Just
leave me. It'll pass."

So that then tweaked
my interest and I said,

"What will pass?"

And he said, "No,
just leave it."

So I pulled out a chair,

sat down at the table
beside him and said,

"I am your wife.
So please tell me."

And as I waited,
how was I to know

that in the next few moments,

my world would
come crashing down.

As I heard him say,

"I can only be 100%
happy if I'm with a man."

After he uttered
those words, I think,

my whole world just shattered.

I totally thought, my
first thoughts were,

"What does this mean?
What can this mean?"

And after that, it just,

my world was spinning
out of control.

- I think was our
big, last blow up

where ugly words were
said, and words hurt

and you can't take words back.

And at the time, all my words
were focused around the kids,

like what they were witnessing,

what they were seeing, the
energy that they were feeling.

And my eldest was in her final,

going into her final
year of high school.

And I know the younger
kids were asleep,

but I went into her room
after kind of the blow up

and,

sorry, she heard everything.

And she just kinda looked
at me and said, "Why?"

In that moment, I knew
that I couldn't continue

the way we were.

We couldn't continue
the way we were

and send her off to university
into the world as a woman

and say that this kind of stuff,

this is what a
relationship looks like.

This is what a
marriage looks like.

This is what normal is,
'cause it wasn't. It wasn't.

So that was the day I moved
to a different bedroom.

- I found out on Christmas day

that he had been
having an affair.

He left his email open and
there was an email that said,

to her, "I'm love struck by
you, Merry Christmas, babe."

I went downstairs.
I called him up.

This is five minutes before
my family was coming over.

And I was putting on this
big Christmas dinner.

And I sat in the foyer
just ready for my parents.

And I said, "I saw the note."

And he fell to the
floor and he went, "Oh."

He says, "I really
have a problem."

I said, "Yeah, you do."

Have I shared my darkest day?

Possibly. I think with my mom,
after some time had gone by.

My dad too, but it was really
more heartfelt telling my mom

because she suffered too,
through the separation.

She looked so up to my ex that

it affected her
health wise as well.

- I was working on my marriage

because I wanted my children
to grow up in a household

with two parents and
create traditions for them

and not want them to
have to go back and forth

to two households.

So I tried to be the glue
to keep the family together.

I basically stayed
in the marriage

for 10 years longer
than I should have.

- I did try to keep
my marriage intact

from about the second
year that we were married.

And this was still several
years before we had children.

I had started to
see some discord,

not a huge amount of discord.

Nothing that was a
huge moral issue,

but really the details of
everyday life, kind of issues.

And I asked him if
he would be willing

to see a marriage
counselor, he wasn't.

Once we had kids and some
of the problems got bigger,

we did end up seeing
a marriage counselor,

which we saw for, I would
say at least five years.

And it was a private counselor.

So it was quite an
expensive process.

So yeah, I feel like
I made every attempt

to keep the marriage together

and solve the disconnect
that was happening.

- I think he felt we
needed to go for therapy.

I was angry because I didn't,

I just was not very receptive
because I was still thinking,

this should not be happening
if we were so happy.

Why are you basically
messing this all up?

- Before we got separated,
yes, we went to therapy.

It was a weekend. I would
like to call it a bootcamp.

It's an organization
called Retrouvaille

and everything had
gone really well.

We were solid for two months

and I thought I would
save my marriage.

I became a Stepford wife
is the best way to say it.

I just turned myself around

and I became something
that I'm not.

I was the perfect mom,
but I always felt I was,

but I became the perfect wife.

- Years before we
actually separated.

You know, we'd had several
bouts of counseling.

I initiated, you know, when
things would come to a head

and built up explosion,

we would go to counseling
for several sessions.

Some of it effective, some
of it less than effective.

Some of it, unfortunately
would just open things up raw.

And then they stayed that way,

you know, we didn't finish
the process of the healing

and moving through it.

Throughout it, I was
willing to do anything.

It just came to, it just
got to the final straw.

- We hadn't been getting
along for about six months.

And one night he
told my daughter

that he was leaving us and
going to live with his aunt.

And she came downstairs
in tears saying

"Dad is going to leave us."

And I couldn't believe
that he was telling this

to his daughter and not
discussing it with me.

And I went upstairs and I said,

"You told our daughter,
you were leaving us.

Is that true?"

And he said, "Yes."

And I said, "Well, if you're
leaving, get out now."

And he wouldn't leave.

And a few hours later, I
was still at him to leave

and was getting
quite angry at him.

And unfortunately, I started
throwing some things at him

and told him to get
out and he left.

- It was Sunday, December 4th.

We had just celebrated my
son's birthday the day before.

And I was in the kitchen and
he seemed to be really on edge.

And I said, "Is
everything okay?"

He said, "No, it's not."

And I said, "Well,
what's wrong?"

And he says, "I'm not happy."

I looked at the time
because I thought

this is gonna be something
that I'll never forget.

And I asked him to
go to the family room

and we sat down and I said,
"Are you in love with me?"

He goes, "I love you, but
I'm not in love with you."

And I thought, "Oh
my God, here we are.

This is not supposed
to happen in my life."

And I said, "Well, what
is it that you want?"

And he said,

"I wanna come home to a
wife and a normal child.

I want a normal child."

My son has been
diagnosed with dyspraxia.

That's what they call
it in other countries.

In Canada, they call it DCD,

developmental
coordination disorder.

So it affects gross motor,

it affects fine
motor and oral motor.

He didn't play hockey.
He didn't play soccer.

He was not the boy that
my ex envisioned to have.

Cognitively,

I guess you could say he's
on par with other kids.

I just treat him
like a regular kid.

Funny enough with fine
motor, I put him into piano,

little did I know,
my son has a near,

he plays Beethoven on his piano,
plays AC/DC on his guitar.

And recently he says,
"Mom, I wanna play drums."

He's very musically talented,
but his father would say,

"But he can't skate. And
he can't play soccer.

He takes too much
after you, the arts."

Look at mommy, do
you like the guitar?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- This fun.

- It's fun?
- Yeah.

- I think my darkest
day after the separation

was the first morning
that I woke up.

That was really hard.
It's really hard to...

I can't believe it,
it's still so powerful,

but I just remember looking
at the bed next to me

thinking he's not there.

You know and then the
days that followed,

waking up every morning
and seeing he's not there,

I think those were really
dark days. You know?

How do you get
through that? Right?

It's pretty devastating
when, you know,

especially again,
because he wasn't a jerk.

He wasn't someone I
wanted out of my life,

I loved him dearly
and he was gone.

And I guess the physicality
of that, you know,

that he was gone was
really devastating.

- When my ex decided
he was gonna leave,

I went and did research
on the internet.

"How to tell your child,
you're going to separate."

When I told my ex we
have to sit Cole down,

he said, "He is not
going to understand.

He is not gonna get it."

So we went into the family
room and my ex said,

"Daddy needs to go away
and find his own place."

"Why? Why do you
need to do that?"

I thought "Good for you kid."

"Well, when are you
gonna come back?

When are you gonna be
my dad and come back?"

The day that my ex left,

that afternoon
after he had gone,

Cole had a problem
with his video games.

He says, "I need, I
need, I need daddy here.

Something's gone
wrong I wanna play."

And I said, "Cole,
Daddy is gone."

And he just broke down and
cried like, oh, breaks my heart.

And my sisters were there.

Then they had to leave the
room because they were crying.

And Cole came up to me and he
put his hands on my cheeks.

And he said, "I'm now
the man of the house,

I'll take care of you."

- So how we broke the
news to our daughters

about the separation
is my one daughter

was still living at home.

And so we just told
her in the living room,

what was going to happen.

And then my other daughter had
already left for university.

So we actually Skyped her.

And she thought,
because we said,

you know, "We have
bad news for you."

She thought grandma
had died or something.

So she was crying.

And then when she found it
that it was our separation,

she was like, "Oh,
I'm okay."

So, and then the first
thing that she said was,

"Well, we know who the dog
is gonna live with."

So that's the first
thing that she said.

And it's funny because my
dog is very attached to me.

So we knew that the dog
would be staying with me.

- So in regards to
telling the kids,

we did not tell them either
that we were gonna separate

or that their dad was gay
until about two months

after his disclosure.

Initially, my husband
told our son alone

that he was gonna be
leaving and that he was gay.

And that upset me because I
really felt that we should have,

you know, they should
have been told together

as with the four of
us as a family unit.

But then when they came back,

my son and his
dad, from speaking,

then my husband told me that

he was now going to
tell our daughter.

So I followed him downstairs

to where our daughter
was watching TV.

And that's when he told them
both that he would be leaving

and he was gay.

So, we basically all ended
up crying together, yeah.

- I have a total
of three siblings,

two brothers and one sister.

At the time they would
have been 11, nine and two.

Being the oldest,

I felt like I had to be
in a way, a father figure.

So I had a lot of
feelings of protection,

especially with my
younger siblings,

as well as a lot of anger
and a lot of depression,

I could say, I wouldn't
say being upset,

but it was more of
a monkey on my back.

So I would like
to say depression.

It was more of a
depressing time for me.

- My mother had called
me into her room

and she then spoke very
frankly and said that,

she and my father had separated.

And she had packaged
that information with

other things.

Other things that she had
felt was a burden to know

that she needed to share.

It didn't feel as
though anything changed.

He just wasn't around anymore.

But his absence
didn't leave a void.

- Colette didn't tell
us about her separation

at the time it occurred.

We had just arrived
from Florida.

And we got a phone call
saying that her ex had left.

Didn't quite know no more
information than that,

but that they would be over
in the next day or two.

Both of them arrived
in separate cars,

which kind of made us
wonder what was going on.

They came in the house

and we heard what to
us, was a horror story.

I remember thinking to myself,

"Good Lord. This
is embarrassing.

This is the second failed
marriage in our family,

in less than a year."

We had one daughter that a
year earlier who had separated,

but there were no
children involved.

Colette's situation was
difficult in the sense that

there was a child involved,
especially with special needs.

We really have to think about
where do we go from here?

- I lost friends,
mostly his friends,

really nice people,
really nice people.

I went to a group called
Separation Anonymous.

And the first thing
they said was,

"You will lose approximately
eight friends."

Isn't it funny that I lost
eight friends, his friends,

but if I ran into them,
they would hug me and say,

"How are you? We
think about you."

But then what I also realized
is that my close friends,

they weren't there for me.

Friends who I knew kind
of outside were the ones.

Family didn't call me,
extended family didn't call me.

"How are you?"

Not that I'm pitying myself,
but just a phone call to say,

"How are you," would be nice.

And when you don't get that,

that's why I went to
Separation Anonymous because

I was in a group with people
going through the same thing.

And our homework was to
call people in our group

and vent and swear

and everybody had the
same goal, separation,

but all the stories
and the walks of life

and people of different
faiths and, you know,

a diverse group of people,
all have the same goal,

but going through so
much crap, men and women.

- Once we separated,

I let the community know
by sending out an email

because I knew everyone would
be talking and gossiping.

I found out he was
living with my friend,

from my daughter who came home
one day and she was crying.

And she said, "You'll never
guess who dad is dating."

And right away, I
said, my friend's name.

- The last thing we did
as a family together

was Thanksgiving dinner.

We sat around that
dining room table.

It was difficult to give thanks

because everything that
we had known as a family,

all those happy times was now
very strained and stressful.

So it was our very last
family dinner together.

And even now, all
these years later,

Thanksgiving Day
is still a reminder

of what happened on that
difficult Thanksgiving Day.

- I'm always going
to bed afraid.

I'm afraid for my son,

that he's not gonna
get the therapy

that he should be getting
and he's regressing already.

I fear that I'm not going to
get the support that I deserve

and I lose sleep, gained weight.

It's absolute hell.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

And people at
work, don't get it.

Half of them don't even have
kids, so they wouldn't get it.

- I had the tunes
on, in the car,

and I was just
starting to feel good

about the direction we were
going after my ex had left.

And I'm driving along,
not too far from home

and all of a sudden
my phone pings.

So I pull into my
driveway, read the text.

Oh my God.

It was from the
bank manager saying

that I needed to come see her

because I was basically on
the hook for line of credit,

that I had signed for.

My ex had put some
paperwork in front of me,

that stupidly I didn't read.

And then on top of
that, unbeknownst to me,

the house was in arrears.

So now I was on the hook
for thousands of dollars

because I trusted my ex.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit!

Here I go again into that
paralyzing state of fear,

intense fear.

So, often through this ordeal,

one of my greatest fears
was that my daughter and I

would end up homeless.

No.

And I thought, how the hell

am I gonna get us
through this now?

- One of the things that
really upset me with,

in a conversation
with Colette's ex was

"Oh, this is going to
be a walk in the park.

She'll do what I say."

And that just infuriated me

and the papa bear
claws came out.

And I was committed
to making sure that

this was going to
be a fair divorce

if that's where it was going.

Her responsibility was
her son, my grandson.

Her ex had indicated
I'll make the money.

You take care of him.

She had little or no knowledge
of where the money came,

where the money came from.

Other than a little
part-time job she had,

which was great to have
her foot in something,

but it wasn't gonna be enough.

And then we went
off to see a lawyer.

- So, financially, when
we first separated,

it was status quo.

He moved out and rented just
around the corner from us

and I stayed.

So I was still
primary caregiver that

none of my cards were cut off,
there was nothing dramatic.

- When my husband left,

he basically walked
out on his family

and didn't think he
had to give us a cent.

My daughter get up one morning
and there was no hot water

for her shower and she
was going to school.

And then we realized
the oil tank was empty.

And when I called
the oil company,

they said that my
husband had called

and stopped the deliveries.

I survived because of my family

and wonderful friends
who gave me money.

They didn't lend
me money because

I didn't know how I
could ever repay them.

I wasn't able to
pay the mortgage,

but I was able to
put oil in the tank

and have heat in the house
and pay the power bill

and buy groceries.

But I wasn't able to
pay the mortgage. No.

- My mother was not in a good
relationship with my father.

So they had a very
contentious relationship

and they are Sicilian,

so they used to yell at
each other all the time.

And I just remember
saying to my mom, like,

"Why? Why don't
you guys split up?

Because this is really
not a good relationship."

And she said, "Where
am I gonna go?

You know, I'm Sicilian
with, you know,

a grade six education,
I barely speak English.

So I can't afford to feed
four kids and, you know,

take care of four kids."

And so she really felt
trapped in her marriage.

And I remember
thinking at that time,

because I was a
teenager at that time,

when she said that
to me and I thought,

"That's never gonna be me.

That's never gonna be."

- It was very hard integrating
back into a full-time job

after freelancing at home

and being at home
full-time with my kids.

I didn't have a nanny or any
other help with my children.

And within about a
six month period,

I had gone from
being a seven year

stay home, freelancing mom,

to somebody who was
out of the home,

in a full-time job schedule,

also separated from my
children two weeks a month.

And my youngest was five.

I actually found it
that I went through

a bit of a depression
on Sunday nights

when I brought my children
back to their dad's

for a full week.

- I think that tends to be
a bit of a fearful point

for a lot of women
coming back to education.

In Ontario, as long
as you're 19 or older,

you're able to apply to come
to college as a mature student.

- Did I go back to school?

I actually went
back to university.

It was only three months
after my husband left

that I decided to
return to university

and do my masters in
counseling psychology.

I did that while holding
down a full-time job.

- But I had so much fear
around future relationships.

You know, my belief system
in even my capacity,

my capabilities
in a relationship,

what I bring to the table.

Good, bad and the
ugly and otherwise.

So I was fearful of,
even though I ended it,

I was fearful that maybe
my heart will never end.

Maybe his won't.

Maybe I'll never, well,
at the time I was like,

I'd rather slam
myself in a car door

than the thought of like
getting married again, or...

But those were my fears, like
relationship based fears.

- I had this very
powerful belief

that there was no way I was
gonna find another soulmate,

like my ex again,
that that was it.

That was my one shot.

That was it. He was gone.

So I went to Burning Man.

And I went to Burning Man,

because I really
wanted to let it go.

And that's the premise
of Burning Man,

you go and you let it go.

And there's a temple
at Burning Man,

where you go in
silent contemplation.

And you bring, I
brought a picture of
you know, my ex and I.

And I wrote a note on it
and I put it in the temple

and there's pictures
everywhere around the temple.

As people are letting things go.

And I sat in the temple and
cried and said goodbye and said,

"It's time to let this go."

And that's when I had the
revelation, "Oh my gosh,

you're not here to let
go of this marriage.

You are here to let
go of the belief

that you will never find
another soulmate again.

You have to let that go."

- After my separation, it
was about a year and a half,

I was at a social event,

certainly no interest in dating

because I really felt I had
not healed sufficiently.

And I just had no time for
dating with working full time

and attending university, so
that was so far off my radar,

but a chance meeting with
a man, he pursued me.

So I guess even though we dated,

we went out for
dinners together.

I resisted for a long time. Yes.

Is that man still in your life?

- That man was a very smart man.

He waited for me.

He is still in my life and
we've been very happy now for,

well, we've lived in this
home now for 15 years, yeah.

- I would definitely agree
that going to family court

is a soul crushing event.

Walking into the
family court building,

immediately, my heart sank.

And I just thought,
you know what,

my ex-husband and I are
two intelligent people.

We should have been
able to resolve this

without the intervention
of the court system.

And you're sitting
there sort of saying,

but this is gonna
impact, you know,

my five-year-old
and where he lives.

- I always had this idea that,
"Oh yeah, divorce is hard,

but you know, it's
not that hard.

Like it's, you know, it's
not the end of the world."

Until I went through it.

And I realized, "Oh my
gosh, this is devastating.'

And I have an amiable divorce

and 10 years of
resilience training.

So how do women do this?

How do men do this? This
is a devastating thing.

In looking for alternatives

that could help families

through the separation
and divorce process,

I heard about a method that
was developed by Bill Eddy.

I thought it was worth
knowing more about,

so after research, I found
Bill, in San Diego, California.

Through Bill's
work in family law,

counseling and mediation.

He came to recognize
that the same issues

kept coming up with the
families he was working with

and he wanted to
help them and others.

So he developed a method,
"New Ways For Families."

- High conflict situations,
maybe 20% of separations.

What can we do to change
the way these cases go?

So they don't get stuck in
the litigation's system,

the adversarial process.

I took all my experience
as a therapist

and as a lawyer
and as a mediator,

I could see what needed to
be done and how to do it.

So I developed this
really, as a way

to take out the
adversarial process

and to make it a cooperative
process of learning skills.

- I took my husband
to court for contempt

because he wasn't paying me
and they found him not guilty,

but he wasn't paying me.

And he wasn't abiding
by the court order,

but they didn't find
him in contempt.

- So in my first court order,

we had stipulated
that my ex partner

would put a certain
number of dollars

into the children's
educational fund

in lieu of child support.

I found out about two years ago,

so maybe 10 years after we
had signed that agreement,

that he had emptied that fund.

We had the court
order saying that

he had to apply X, hundreds
of dollars per month

in lieu of child
support into the account

that was under his name.

So I didn't actually have
access to the bank records.

And it happened to come to light
in the financial disclosure

that he had emptied and closed
the children's RESP account.

I've heard so
many stories of separation

that it made me want to
understand the legal process

for myself.

I wondered if there
were better ways

to ease the separation
and divorce process,

whether embroiled in
lengthy litigation

or in collaborative mediation.

- If the child
support paying parent

opens up a registered
education savings plan,

that parent can walk into
the financial institution

at any time, six months later,

a year later, five years later,

collapse the plan and
take out the money.

- I would call it
sort of a friendly

outside of the
system negotiation.

The ex partner often
finds it more tolerable,

the idea that the
money isn't going

in the ex partner's hand,

it's going directly into
a fund for the kids,

which is why I believe that
it was recommended to me

by various lawyers
and mediators.

What they didn't tell
me when they recommended

this type of settlement
was that, that those monies

were outside the
collect global purview

of the family
responsibility office.

So once I agreed to that,

there was absolutely no
legal mechanism or follow-up

to make sure that that
money was collected,

put in the right kind of account

and used for what it
was earmarked for.

I had an ex partner who I
felt had a lot of problems

with financial responsibility.

I was very concerned about him

saving for the kids' university.

I didn't feel he was
the type of individual

that was gonna volunteer to
pay to support his children

when they weren't
under his roof.

He'd said things of this nature.

So I felt that I needed a
proper separation agreement,

a proper custody agreement,

a proper child
support agreement.

- We had a 70 page separation
agreement, gave it to him.

He refused to read it.

He's refused to read it.

You know how much money that
is when you have to pay?

He's the one who left,

I'm paying the goddamn fee
for the separation agreement.

I'm trying to get it done.

- Nobody wants to have a
high conflict separation,

but about 20% of people do.

What you can do is
with the children,

is be careful not to bad
mouth the other parent

in front of them, to really
focus on what their needs are

and speak a neutral terms
about the other parent

or speak in positive terms.

So they don't get brought
into the conflict.

'Cause that's where a lot
of high conflict divorces

and separations get started.

- One afternoon,

I was picking up my ten-year-old
daughter at my ex's house.

I was taken aside
by a reliable adult

and shown something
really upsetting.

My daughter had written
a petition to the court.

She was begging the
court to order her dad

not to pay child support.

It was obvious
she hadn't come up

with these concepts on her own.

I was devastated to see in my
daughter's own handwriting,

that she'd been made aware
of the concept of support

and come up with skewed
ideas that vilified me

and then took it all around
to her classmates to sign,

Trying to deal
with the legalities

from the kids being
five years old to them,

potentially being 23,
you have what's called

material change in circumstance.

So when my daughter decided she
wanted to just live with me,

that required an
accounting adjustment.

And literally every
adjustment that we embarked on

was not a matter
of weeks or months,

but literally a matter of years.

- Well, it's simply, it is
the design of the system.

There could be many
disclosure issues.

Someone could fail
to disclose assets.

For instance, if this matter's
moving to a trial stage,

you know, it could be a year,
two years, longer than that.

- I think any therapist or
psychologist would tell you,

you know, don't make
major life decisions

when you're in a
state of distress.

That just seems
like common sense.

And yet it's just
doesn't seem possible.

I've never met anyone whose
separation is so amicable

that they don't have
a distress factor.

- We've never been to court. No.

In fact, we went through a
collaborative law process,

which was very amicable.

Again, it's sometimes too
amicable 'cause it's like,

are we getting this done

or we're kind of
like, well, whatever.

So, but that was a very
good process to go through.

We decided right at the
beginning, we were, you know...

Actually, as part of the
collaborative law process,

you have to agree that you
are not gonna go to court.

So and it was lovely.

It was a great
process to go through.

- Most people who separate,

never see the inside
of a courthouse.

- What do they do?
- Give me a

guesstimate, percentage-wise.

- I have heard numbers
like, and I've no idea

about the accuracy
of these numbers,

but I've heard numbers
like 90% of people

never see the inside
of a courthouse.

They-But yet,

the courts are busy.

- The courts are
busy that's because

we have a lot of
people separating.

- I was there the day
Susan was interviewed

and being her best friend,
I knew a lot of things,

but I learned things that
day, that I had no idea about.

- When I had to leave my home,

I tried to stay and I
represented myself in court

because I couldn't
afford a lawyer.

And that day it was ordered

that I be out of the
house in two days.

And this was a 5,000
square foot home

with everything
we had, you know,

gathered in the last 26 years.

So I ordered two
big U-Haul trucks.

I called all the friends I
still had and some family.

And in two days we
emptied that house.

The sheriff was there when
we were putting the stuff

on the lawn and came
in and told us that

time was up and we had to go.

And the sad thing is we left

my ex-husband's
grandmother's piano

that was very, very
dear to my daughter

and it was sold with the house

and she'll never get it back.

I didn't have any place to put
the stuff in the two U-Hauls,

so for two weeks, it
sat in my friend's,

he had a big commercial garage

and he let me park the U-Hauls
in the garage parking lot

for two weeks.

And I had to rent a
place for two weeks

until I found
another place to go.

I live in an apartment
that I can't afford to rent

here in Halifax.

The only way I was able
to get that apartment

is because I knew the
daughter of the person

who was renting it and she
didn't do a credit check,

or I would never have been
able to get the apartment.

- So we have a lot of
unrepresented people.

A colleague of mine and I,

we actually had a little
chart that we kept going

for about six months to see
what percentage of people

were unrepresented
in domestic matters.

And it came to about 60%.

There are a number
of reasons why people

are coming into court
without lawyers.

One reason is because
some people feel

they can do it
better than lawyers.

Another reason is because
lawyers are very expensive

and they simply don't wanna
spend their money on lawyers.

The third reason, and I think
the most prevalent reason

that people come in
unrepresented is because

they can't get
legal aid and yet,

they don't earn nearly
enough money to go out

and hire a lawyer privately.

So they just don't
have any choice,

but to come in and
represent themselves.

- We had a very long,
painful, legal process.

We had signed off on a
partial custody agreement

when I first left
specifying how many days

the kids would be at
each other's homes,

but we actually
didn't fully sign off

on our very first court order

until we'd been
separated for four years.

So I was functioning
with no child support,

no spousal support until the
first court order was signed.

- Four years later?
- Four years.

- If people are delinquent
in their support payments,

they can lose their
driver's license.

They can lose their passport.

And in the most serious
cases, they can go to jail.

- I actually have never added up

how much I've spent in lawyers.

And I'm a pretty meticulous
bookkeeper and record-keeper,

and I have intentionally
never added up

what my legal costs have been

because I felt that
if I discovered

that I was in a net loss
against what I eventually got

in less than federal table
minimum child support,

that that would be
too depressing for me

to be able to handle
the knowledge of.

So I actually have
never run the numbers.

- I've paid thousands
in lawyer fees.

I got a line of credit.

I don't wanna know.

I don't wanna know.
So I don't know.

- The hardest thing,

the thing that sprang right to
my mind as soon as you said,

"What was the hardest
thing in this process?"

Was my physical separation
from my small children

when I initially moved out.

I mean the legal stuff
it's been exhausting,

it's been financially
exhausting,

but it's something that
I've been able to handle

as an adult.

I don't feel like I can ever
give my son his mother back

at the age of five.

The stress and distress
of what was looking like

a custody battle,

the feelings that I had after
being a stay-at-home mom

for seven years of being
separated from my two children,

who I had never been more
than arms length from,

it's hard to describe
how devastating it was.

I'll give you a quick example.

I had an aunt who
became ill with cancer

and passed away in
that six months,

from the time I
asked for divorce

and I stepped out of the house.

And many years later,
my sister was asking me,

or having a conversation with me

about how our aunt passed away.

And I realized that I had
no memory of her illness,

where she was in hospital,

what surgery she had, when she
died, where she was buried.

All of that situation
with my aunt

happened in that six months.

And I think when I hear
medical descriptions of shock,

you know, your memory
doesn't work the same way.

So things that didn't
have to do with my kids,

I don't even remember.

- My oldest daughter because
she had gone to university,

as I mentioned, she
didn't really see

much of a difference, right?

And she has such a good
relationship with her father.

And she has a great
relationship with me too,

that we see each other,
we see her separately,

or we might come together
and have dinners together.

My youngest, I think,
has really been hit hard

with all of it.

I think she had a really hard
time with the separation.

She was not happy about it.

She did not want to
be a child of divorce.

She had emotional struggles

and some anxiety
around it as well.

But she has been
incredibly resilient

and has been really resourceful

even for her other girlfriends.

And I'm really,
really proud of how

she got through everything
that she got through

and got through high school.

And, you know, my daughters
are both amazing girls.

So they got through, you know,
we got through it together.

- Leaving elementary school,

I was introduced to substances.

You know, things that
would have helped me

dull the pain at the time.

But later, would've came to
bite me in the butt in a way.

They've caught up with me right
now. You know what I mean?

So I'm at this place
in my life where

I had to eliminate
all those things.

I was doing for many
years and trying to shift,

trying to get away from that,

trying to live a good life
and not use what my life,

my past has, as an excuse
to do these things.

That was the
biggest fight I had.

That was the biggest
mental fight I had

that I recently overcame.

And I've been, you know, I've
been on a good road so far,

and I'm really happy about that.

- A lot of people are
under the delusion

that their children don't know,

or they're not being impacted

because they try to
keep it separate.

Kids do know.

And the way I help
people understand that is

because I remind them that
when they were a child,

they knew and that's
compelling for them.

- I think it's when dad
started sleeping downstairs

and I asked "Why?"

And I guess I took the answer,
but it didn't make sense.

And I feel like it was
something to do with snoring.

That it was something
to do with snoring,

but that didn't really
make sense to me

because mom would also snore.

But I guess I took the answer,
but something felt wrong.

- I do remember them arguing

and I don't remember
amicable arguments.

I hear screams and
shrieks and profanity.

It was as though the only
passion I can really recall

when their marriage
was winding down

was when they came to argue.

When I was younger,

I would immerse myself in any
sort of distraction I could.

And typically, that manifested
as playing video games.

Look what Brendan's
doing. Surprise, surprise.

Playing a video
game on a computer.

- Until recently, I didn't
know what it did to me.

And the way I've remembered
it over the years

is me being in my room or being
wherever it is in the house

and hearing that and then
freezing and going in,

I guess my entire
body going into shock.

I had a TV in my room, so
whenever they would fight,

I would turned the
TV on really loud

and I'd put my hands on my ears

and I would just pretend
like it wasn't happening.

I'd be very hard on myself
during the fighting,

because I wasn't doing
anything to stop it.

And each time a fight
would end, I would say,

"Next time I'm
gonna do something.

I'm gonna say something."

And I guess that
happened every time.

So every time I'd
be hard on myself.

And I'd be frustrated.

What would
your 20 something self,

say to that innocent
little girl back when?

- It's not your fault.

And there's nothing
you could've done,

or you did the best you
knew how to do then.

- My sister had a
lot of self-blame.

She had questions
as to why he left.

And I remember a text message
that I saw from my sister

to my younger brother.

You know, when after he
left, was this because of me?

Like, was it my
fault that you left?

- Hiding the fact that you're
going through separation

and trying to dress
it as taking a break

or trying to avoid that
difficult conversation

is so unimaginably damaging
to the perception of you

in your children's eyes.

You might think you're
protecting them by
having an argument

and keeping it relegated
to the basement,

but they can hear you.

- The most vivid memory
I have of that time

was actually the last
day that my mom and dad

were living under the same roof.

And I remember that day
more so than any other day.

It started off as a normal day.

You know, my dad
works long hours

and he was on his way to work.

And things just went
south, right from there,

right from the
morning, you know,

you could hear them arguing,
which wasn't an uncommon thing.

They did argue often in
the morning and at night

'cause my dad does
work long hours.

And so you start, you
know, get used to it.

You start getting
used to the arguments

and this one just,
was a lot more vicious

and it spiraled very fast and
escalated far, far greater

than any other argument
I've ever listened or,

you know, witnessed.

When he left
that day, did he come back?

- No, my dad did not
come back that day.

Like I said, the
police got involved

and he did end up in custody.

- We'd had three flats.

The worst was the first one.

Anything that we
salvaged was dispersed

all through the upstairs.

So my daughter and I were
banished to our bedrooms

and the island had
my editing equipment.

My daughter and I couldn't
have friends over.

We had to eat in our rooms,
watch TV in our rooms.

She had to do her
homework in their room.

Throughout that time, I
begged and asked repeatedly,

for my ex to help me
deal with the claim

because I have no idea on
how much certain things cost.

So on this particular day,

I walked into the office
and I was not leaving

until he sat down with me or
gave me a clear cut answer

that was acceptable.

Ron, we have to talk.

- Sunnie, I don't
have time right now.

- Ron, we have to talk.

- Sunnie, I told you,
I don't have time.

- Listen, I'm not leaving until
we have this conversation,

about insurance.

I can't live like this any more,

it's been 16 freaking months.

- I don't give a fuck!

I need to get this
done right now.

- He cursed at me, told
me to shut up, get out.

I held my ground and
I wasn't gonna leave.

So he got up from his desk
and rushed towards me.

Ron!

He told me to go ahead
and call the police.

After all that I
was going through,

all I needed now, was
him to make up a story

and the police
believe him over me.

So I never did call the place.

- You know, abuse is a big word.

And I even had so much pride
to feel like I'm not a victim.

You know, I'm not a victim.

I am strong. And I
wouldn't put up with that.

But there's definitely
abusive tendencies

and just no physical bruises
to go along with them,

which sometimes would make
it more real, you know,

like the psychological pain
or the facts from, you know,

those types of altercations.

But yeah, there was a
space that abuse lived

in our marriage.

- He didn't allow me
to have a connection

to the outside world,
the online world.

The day that he left, my
sister came and picked me up

and she drove me to get
a cell phone with email.

And now, because if I
got a shift at work,

I didn't know, I had
to get a phone call.

So this way, if the
shifts were available,

I could get a shift.

He didn't want me to have that
link to the outside world.

It felt very isolating.

So when I got this phone,

even the person at the
center where I got the phone,

was shocked that I was not
allowed to have a phone

with emails.

And he was very angry
when I did get a phone

and I had emails.

He was extremely
angry that I did that.

- One of the problems
that's raised,

maybe in 50% of family
court cases about parenting

is domestic violence.

- The red flags would be if
she's being stalked or harassed,

not respected.

And of course there's a
variety of ways to do that

these days through emails
and texts, not just directly,

but also indirectly,
those would be the times.

- So sometimes a child resists
going to see the other parent

and they fear the other parent

and they feel maybe
other parents been
abusive or something.

There's a big question mark.

And so family courts often order
a child custody evaluation.

- We actually have a duty to
report if there are issues

where someone is a
risk to themselves,

someone is a risk to a child.

It's duty of professional
to report that.

We want to look for
opportunities also

to rehabilitate
the other spouse.

- I provide a lot of therapeutic
support to abused women.

There's a few of us in the field

that have been working
in it extensively

for a good deal of our career.

And we certainly, we do what
we describe as getting it.

We understand the dynamics
that abused women experience

in their homes.

We know that women are
abused over 30 times

before they ever reach
out and call the police.

And people don't.
- So I never did

call the police.
- People don't because

their friends tell them not to.

It's very hard, you know,

and even a lot of
perpetrators believe that

it was such an easy
thing to call the police.

It's the hardest thing that
a woman will ever have to do

is call the police
on her partner.

The man that she loves,
the father of her children

and turn them in.

One case in particular
stands out for me,

of a woman who was going home
to tell her husband, finally,

that the marriage was over
and she thought she'd be fine.

That one more time, she
could endure a beating.

And she understood in her mind

that that's what would happen.

Little did she know he
had purchased a gun.

And when she got home
and announced that,

he began shooting her and
she ran around her home

trying to escape from him.

She had five children who
were all you could imagine,

freaking out, beside themself.

One of her sons called 911,

and it's gut wrenching
to hear that 911 call.

And I remember her
saying to me very clearly

that she'd been shot in the
jaw and she couldn't speak.

But she said to me,
"Bev, I could think.

And when he stopped shooting,

I managed to get
into the kitchen

and sit at the kitchen table."

And she said, "It was
so important to me

to sit at the kitchen table
because I didn't wanna fall.

And I didn't wanna die
in front of my children."

And those are the cases that
people need to hear about

and see.

But the downside of that is that

those are extreme cases
that people understand,

and that are obvious to
people when they occur.

The subtle misuse
of power and control

that women endure in their
homes on a daily basis,

is what people don't understand.

That dynamic, that
misuse of power.

- After I had rented a
home that I could afford,

if my ex was paying me on time,
he wasn't paying me on time.

And so I wasn't paying
the electric bill

and I woke up one morning
and the power was off

and I had no money to
pay the power bill.

I went back to bed and I
stayed in bed for two days.

- She did not wanna
get out of bed.

She didn't wanna function.

And I was scared that
she would hit a point

where she would end it.

- Something during
my separation,

I didn't share with
a lot of people

or really many people
was how sad I was,

that sometimes I would drop
the kids off from school

and just get back into bed

until it was time
to pick them up.

I guess I held that in
and hid it from people.

- Susan would contact me when
she was at a very low point.

When she would have a day that
she was really down and out

and feeling like she
didn't want to go on,

I would get a text and
I would talk to her.

I would come if
she wanted me to,

I just had to get
her through it.

- Do I wanna be working
at my age? Absolutely not.

There are days where I
basically rather kill myself,

than go to work.

But I do, because I need to.

Do you mean that Susan?

- I do mean that.

And what stops you?

- I wanna see my children grow.

I wanna see them meth babies

and I wanna see
them get married.

It's the only thing
that stops me.

- As I was maturing,
this was happening.

Saying if a change of Skylar,

like Skylar being a
four-year-old or five-year-old,

I think I never lost my
spark or my happiness,

even when I was very, very sad.

So, I don't see it as
changing me, but affecting me.

- The depression did take
its toll throughout my youth.

I mean, going to bed was
a task at times, you know,

going and falling asleep

with million and one
thoughts in your head.

You know, how can I be the
best I can be as well as

why is this happening to me?

And just a whole lot of emotions

that I've never felt before.

And that they just
all hit me at once.

- My kids didn't go
to a therapist, it
was always on offer.

It was always made
available to them.

The advice that I
received ongoing

from many different sources
was not to push therapy,

if it was something
that they didn't want.

We discussed it at
many different times,

at many different ages and
we're still discussing it today.

- I didn't go to therapy, no.

I did see my
counselors at school,

both in elementary
school and high school.

And they did have a
key role in my success

in both elementary and
my high school life.

- I'm sure they
accepted it, but again,

it takes time I
think, to absorb that.

So, and they were
neither one of them

would go for counseling.

So I think in their own way,
they struggled. Absolutely.

- Cole went to therapy,
a social worker.

I found a child social worker

and because Cole
has a difficult time

like enunciating or pronouncing,

he saw, we were walking in and
I don't go into the session.

I just sit outside.

He walked into the reception
and he said to the therapist,

perfect language, "We need to
talk because I'm so angry."

And anyways, I went into the
therapy room and on the board,

she wrote down all the
things and she said,

"I need to call your ex.
I need to talk to him."

Guess what?

My ex never returned
her phone call.

He didn't wanna hear it.

- What I experienced
that nobody knows,

that's related to
Colette's own separation.

Was the hurt,

that,

damn.

My own father did to my
mother when he walked out

at my sister's wedding.

Never to be seen again, that
came back, in

It still hurts.

And I fought like cats
and dogs with my dad.

The day he left my mother.

God, I regret that.

I regret that now.

Your father is your father,
good or bad.

I guess you gotta make peace
somewhere along the line.

You can't carry that
hate forever.

That's something
I really regret.

Never told that to my mother.

She's now dead.

So I've carried that.
I carried that with me.

So I guess what I try
to do with my girls,

is keep the communication
open, help 'em where I can.

I don't know, I love them.

Thanks for helping
me get that out.

After how many years?

He died in 1983.

It's amazing how you
suppress memories,

suppress feelings, going
through this experience,

everything comes right back up.

- I had two sort of rocks
in this whole process

and one was my mom or my
parents, who were just,

I remember driving up
to my parent's house

and the kids were still
closed in the car.

And I just stepped out
in front of the car

to talk to my mother.

And I just sort of
looked her in the face,

and I said, "You know,
the marriage is over.

We're getting a divorce."

And I don't think she really
expected to hear that.

I could see her well
up a little bit.

She had a little tear coming

and she shut that
down pretty quickly

and just basically flipped it
into what can we do for you?

And I think sort of dealt with
any of her emotional reaction

or sadness or distress or
disappointment privately.

So I think she didn't want me
to worry about her feelings

or comforting her.

So she, I think she
suppressed her own reaction

and her own needs so that
she could support me.

And the other huge support
was a wonderful therapist

that I had on and off for
20 years, who's now retired.

And without those two ladies,

I'm not sure how well
I would have fared.

- My biggest supporters
during my separation,

definitely my parents.

They've bent over backwards,

especially when I work and that,

they need to take care of Cole.

But if I had to say one
person, it would be my dad.

I call him the basement
lawyer because we meet,

oh, we meet probably once a
week going over the agreement,

going over everything,
he's there doing my budget,

giving me pep talks,
saying, "Be a good mom.

I'll take care of the rest."

He's really been there.
And I don't know...

I don't know where I
would be without him.

But another person who
really gives me strength

is a man I've been dating.

His name is Phil.

And he's also separated,
actually now divorced.

And we met each other
at Separation Anonymous.

We became good friends
and over a period of time,

there was definitely
an attraction.

We're both going
through it together.

I'm a lot more in pain
than he is with his ex.

But I would say
for the most part,

Phil has been a god send.

He's a wonderful man.

- I think my driving force
and my reason were my kids.

So they were the
forefront of supporting me

in ways that they
didn't even know

or wasn't even intentional.

- I like to say I have a good
relationship with my mom,

although I know I'm
lying when I say that.

I really don't have a good
relationship with her.

You know, we don't talk
on a daily basis right now

and it's heartbreaking, but
this is the current situation.

And it's something that
I would like to work on.

And I know my mom
definitely would too,

but I think we still have
a lot of self-healing to do

on both ends.

So, the truth,

I don't think we
have a sufficient
relationship at the time.

- My father wasn't involved

with any of the
difficulties I experienced.

I don't recall a time
when I sat down with him

or I spoke openly about
what I had experienced.

But my mother was
always there for me.

My mother was
always my advocate.

My mother was always
my sister's advocate

when she had troubles

and she always
championed her children.

And in conversations
that I've had with her,

that is perhaps where
their marriage first came

to deteriorate, my
father's lack of action,

lack of involvement,
lack of concern,

for this isolation
I experienced.

For the difficulties I
had with the faculty.

I've never had a
conversation with him

about what I experienced,
the bullying I experienced,

the helplessness I felt.

And my mother is a
incredibly strong woman.

And I don't know
what that said to her

about a man that she loved
failing to rise to the occasion.

- Brennan made that for me,
it says "Love lasts forever."

- That's nice.
- That must be good.

- And I can remember
when everything was over

with regards to Colette and
the success we had

at the mediation.

And I knew where everything
was gonna be all right.

Mind you, her ex dragged
it out another year

before he finally signed it.

But Cole was protected.
That was the number one.

The money is there
for his education.

And it gives her an opportunity
now to develop a career

that it won't be money
for the rest of her life,

but it'll go a long way and
for her to find happiness.

So do you plan to get married?

- Yes, I would like
to get married,

but,

there's a hesitancy
or reluctance

because

I'm afraid of making the
same mistakes my parents did.

- It's an eye opener
for both of them

and you can see it
on a daily basis

that they still live with
that kind of emotion,

that kind of fear, pain,
anxiety to a degree

and even the depression,
but they both of them

still face that
on a daily basis.

And it's a unfortunate aspect,
but it's the reality of it.

- There's still gonna always be

an element of disappointment.

You know, there's still
a cloud hanging over me

that I got married
and it didn't work out

and that's not what I ever
wanted my legacy to be,

that I got separated
or that I failed.

- My ex is still
controlling my next steps.

I can't control my life
until this is over.

And he is still controlling me.

I wish I could say that
it's over and I'm moving on.

But in April, my husband
took me back to court,

I'm happy to say
I got a new job,

which pays me a lot more money.

So my career is
moving forward nicely.

As far as relationships,

I haven't had any in
four and a half years

and still none on the horizon.

I'm healing for sure, but
I'm not totally there.

I just want to stop fighting
and get on with my life.

- Well, I've been
divorced for two years.

Cole is now going into
grade 11. He's thriving.

He's got lots of friends.

So if you come by my place,

you'll hear Beethoven
on the piano

and a little bit of
AC/DC on the guitar.

So he loves that,

he's volunteering to get
his hours to graduate.

For me, work-wise,
well, I'm a voice actor,

I wanted to be one in 1995
when I first got married,

I was told, "You can't do that."

Well, not only do I have an
agent, going on auditions,

getting some great gigs, so
that brings in some extra money.

As far as my personal
life is concerned,

well, I went last month
with Phil to Paris.

We went to the top
of the Eiffel tower

and he proposed, I'm engaged.

- From a legal point of view,

my ex-husband and I
have been in on again,

off again litigation
for the entire 13 years,

mostly over child
support adjustments.

After that relationship ended,

I took a little time for
some self-care and wellness.

My kids were a little older.

I had a little
more time to myself

and to think about
what I really wanted.

And I got back onto the dating
scene a little while ago

and have been seeing someone new

for about the last six months

and quite happy to see
where things are going

and feeling like
there's always a light

at the end of the tunnel.

And even though things change
and there's ups and downs,

I've always felt that there's
something to look forward to

around the next corner.

- It's just over five years
since I've been separated,

thankfully things have
settled quite a bit.

We are co-parenting quite well.

Friendship is kinda
starting to grow,

which is really
beneficial for the kids,

because we're able to really
keep them at our focus

and our priority.

I still process the separation.

And I think that I will probably
for the rest of my life,

I was supposed to be married
for the rest of my life.

There's also just
a good surrendering

that we're both in a
good place right now.

The kids are happy.

After my separation,
I went back to school.

I stayed at home with the
kids for over 10 years.

So, it was kind of driven
towards more my passion

and through my dad's death,

I saw a lot of gaps and
holes in palliative care.

So I went back to school for PSW

and end of life practitioner.

On a casual basis, I take
clients in the end of their life

and kinda help them navigate
through their final stages.

Dating wise, I am dating.

I'm currently in a long
distance romance relationship,

which, you know, comes with its
challenges and its benefits,

but it works for us right now.

And who knows what
the future holds.

- When I had totally
healed, a colleague and I,

we formed a support group
for the straight spouses

of lesbians, gays, bisexuals
and transgendered individuals.

The majority of my
clients are dealing with

relationship issues, as well
as individuals or couples

dealing with sexual
orientation issues.

I wrote a book, "Annie's Story.

How to Move Beyond the Pain
of a Spouse's Homosexuality."

I entered the Global
Changemaker Series Competition.

I was one of 10 who
was then selected

to go on stage at Glenn
Gould Studio in Toronto

and presented my story as well.

- It's been four years
since my separation

and I'm now fully divorced.

We actually had a
very amicable divorce

and my ex and I have been
on really good terms.

We're still really good friends.

We still get together
with family regularly,

which is really nice.

As far as work goes,
well, I finished my book.

I started writing my book

and then when the
separation started,

I found it very, very
difficult to continue to write.

And I had so many friends
tell me, you know,

this is the time to write.

This is the time to
get back on track.

And they really encouraged me.

And so I did get back on track
and I did launch my book.

And since then as well,

I've had lots of
speaking engagements

and my business has just
been growing ever since.

So business wise has
actually been booming.

I have been dating for
the past four years,

but you know, and that's
been up and down as well.

I've met some really nice men
and not so nice men.

And I just figure if
I'm happy with my life

and everything that's
going on with my life,

that that's what
is most important.

And if somebody
special comes along,

you know that the one
hasn't come along yet.

But if that person
comes along, great,

and if they don't,
life as great too,

and I'm just going to continue
to focus on being happy

and taking care of my
family and loving what I do.

- Even though I
went through hell,

we went through hell,

my daughter graduated
high school with honors.

In fact, both her
and my youngest son
graduated with honors.

At the end of high school,

she traveled the
world for a year

and is now studying what
she's passionate about,

which is Marine biology.

And my son studied psychology
and is working for his father

and producing and stay
tuned for his work.

I was able to save our home,

thanks to a couple of angels.

One in particular.

Thank you.

Thank you.

After I managed to
turn things around,

my children and I
did some traveling

and we started our
healing process

during that time of travel.

And I went back to acting and
produced this documentary.

This one's for you,
Shane, Skylar and Brennan.

I love you with all my heart.

Is that Brennan?

Hey, look. Look who it is.

This is the bond voyage.

Did you have fun today?

- Yeah.
- How much?

A lot.