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1
00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:02,766
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
- NADJA: What can I say?
2
00:00:02,790 --> 00:00:05,250
The nightclub has really
taken off recently.
3
00:00:05,274 --> 00:00:07,700
Nadja's has become the hot spot
4
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:10,208
for the tri-state area
vampire community.
5
00:00:10,232 --> 00:00:11,767
And I, its queen.
6
00:00:12,248 --> 00:00:15,727
Most of the vampires lining up
won't get in due to general ugliness.
7
00:00:15,751 --> 00:00:18,385
- Move!
- Okay, you two in the denim capes,
8
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:21,255
it ain't happening.
Fly back to New Jersey.
9
00:00:21,279 --> 00:00:24,734
NADJA: This place has even started
attracting human celebrities,
10
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,257
which is really great for business.
11
00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,620
There's three of them now.
12
00:00:27,644 --> 00:00:29,185
Sofia, you stupid bitch,
13
00:00:29,209 --> 00:00:30,876
when are you gonna put me
in one of your movies?
14
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:33,269
I want to show the camera
my bling ring. (LAUGHS)
15
00:00:33,678 --> 00:00:36,105
JIM: Hey, Colin really is
performing tonight, right?
16
00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:38,027
We are very excited, man.
17
00:00:38,051 --> 00:00:39,472
We've been hearing about him for weeks.
18
00:00:39,496 --> 00:00:41,590
Colin is going to be on stage
in three minutes.
19
00:00:41,614 --> 00:00:43,541
Great, that kid is incredible.
20
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,183
More than a star, he's a phenomenon.
21
00:00:45,207 --> 00:00:47,476
He does have a certain
je ne sais quoi. (LAUGHS)
22
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:51,800
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
23
00:00:52,276 --> 00:00:54,697
He must have brain scrambles.
That was utter gibberish.
24
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,014
- (LAUGHS)
- SOFIA: Can I just ask you,
25
00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:59,935
what's the "Celebrity Special,"
and is it really $5,000?
26
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:02,697
Oh, the Celebrity Special!
27
00:01:02,721 --> 00:01:03,933
Something you're interested in?
28
00:01:03,957 --> 00:01:04,987
- Yes, very much.
- Yes, please.
29
00:01:05,011 --> 00:01:06,520
- Jim?
- Oh, not for me.
30
00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:07,777
We're shooting in the morning.
31
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,579
And, really, I don't make
that kind of money.
32
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,964
Oh. Celebrity Special for two, anyone?
33
00:01:12,988 --> 00:01:14,962
- (SHOUTING, CHEERING)
- NADJA: Okay, uh...
34
00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:16,386
You two, over here.
35
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,663
May I present for you
36
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,995
the Celebrity Special?
37
00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:22,588
It's to die for.
38
00:01:22,830 --> 00:01:24,332
(CHEERING)
39
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:27,597
Oh, shit, that looks so real.
40
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:28,982
NADJA: It's so much more fun
41
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:31,543
when the celebrities actually
ask for it themselves.
42
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:32,723
He's empty.
43
00:01:32,747 --> 00:01:34,984
Come on, you guys. You are really good.
44
00:01:35,008 --> 00:01:36,177
That is amazing.
45
00:01:36,201 --> 00:01:38,321
- (CHANTING): Do the head.
- That's right.
46
00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:41,853
- Do the head... Do the head...
- (CHEERING)
47
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,148
(CHUCKLING): I could never
afford a gag like this.
48
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,440
That's amazing.
49
00:01:46,464 --> 00:01:49,000
We're so glad you're enjoying
the show, Jim. (LAUGHS)
50
00:01:50,906 --> 00:01:53,485
♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
51
00:01:53,509 --> 00:01:55,954
♪ They have no use for your song ♪
52
00:01:55,978 --> 00:01:58,623
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
53
00:01:58,647 --> 00:02:01,750
♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
54
00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:05,997
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
55
00:02:06,021 --> 00:02:08,800
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
56
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,069
♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
57
00:02:11,093 --> 00:02:14,005
♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪
58
00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:15,798
♪ ♪
59
00:02:23,291 --> 00:02:24,916
- Over here!
- (CHEERING)
60
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:27,036
- Sofia?
- NADJA: You think that the celebrities
61
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,891
would have caught on by now,
but I have got Chloë Sevigny
62
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:30,488
and Tiki Barber booked
for tomorrow night,
63
00:02:30,512 --> 00:02:33,123
and the great Fran Lebowitz
on Thursday.
64
00:02:33,147 --> 00:02:35,503
She says what we're all thinking.
65
00:02:35,527 --> 00:02:38,622
Okay, time for my little
moneymaker, Baby Colin.
66
00:02:38,646 --> 00:02:40,515
Let's get on with the show.
67
00:02:40,539 --> 00:02:41,666
Now, where is he?
68
00:02:41,690 --> 00:02:44,169
- (GRUNTS)
- (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
69
00:02:44,193 --> 00:02:46,838
Are you fucking kidding me?
70
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:49,428
What do you mean that
Baby Colin is not performing?
71
00:02:49,452 --> 00:02:51,698
He goes on every night at 3:00 a. m.!
72
00:02:51,722 --> 00:02:54,063
I know, my darling,
but things have changed.
73
00:02:54,087 --> 00:02:56,014
The nightclub
is extraordinarily successful,
74
00:02:56,038 --> 00:02:57,589
and we both know why,
75
00:02:57,613 --> 00:02:59,618
so his contract must reflect that.
76
00:02:59,642 --> 00:03:01,949
- He doesn't have a contract.
- Au contraire.
77
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:04,176
- I drew one up this morning.
- (NADJA GROANS)
78
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:09,293
GUILLERMO: So, full disclosure,
79
00:03:09,317 --> 00:03:11,162
(WHISPERS): I met someone.
80
00:03:11,186 --> 00:03:13,732
Well, a while back, when
I was in England with Nadja,
81
00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:16,249
there was this guy, Freddie,
82
00:03:16,273 --> 00:03:18,897
and yeah, we just had
this whirlwind romance.
83
00:03:18,921 --> 00:03:20,530
Ever since I've been back here
we've been FaceTiming,
84
00:03:20,554 --> 00:03:22,372
like, all the time. (LAUGHS)
85
00:03:22,396 --> 00:03:25,020
And now, he's coming
to New York for the weekend.
86
00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:26,511
- FREDDIE: See you soon.
- (WHISPERS): Okay, besos.
87
00:03:26,535 --> 00:03:29,237
Which is super exciting
and super terrifying,
88
00:03:29,261 --> 00:03:31,006
(CHUCKLES): because...
89
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:33,060
he's the first person
that I've ever really
90
00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:35,654
dated dated, you know?
91
00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:37,222
I'm gonna pick him up at the airport,
92
00:03:37,246 --> 00:03:39,724
and we're gonna spend
the whole weekend in the city,
93
00:03:39,748 --> 00:03:42,544
- just Freddie and I and...
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
94
00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:45,371
Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. I'll be back.
95
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:49,434
- Surprise. (LAUGHS)
- Oh. Freddie.
96
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:50,602
My flight got in early.
97
00:03:50,626 --> 00:03:52,504
Oh, my God, look at your face.
98
00:03:52,528 --> 00:03:55,106
- "Look at my face." Oh, wow.
- Aww.
99
00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:56,608
Who-who are these guys?
100
00:03:56,632 --> 00:03:57,742
It's a, uh, a documentary crew.
101
00:03:57,766 --> 00:03:59,297
How did you find my place?
102
00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:00,912
Oh, return address
of the post you sent me.
103
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:03,682
Sorry, the "mail" you sent me.
Oh, my God, you Americans.
104
00:04:03,706 --> 00:04:05,550
- (LAUGHS)
- NANDOR: Guillermo?
105
00:04:05,574 --> 00:04:07,752
Oh. That is very kind of you,
106
00:04:07,776 --> 00:04:09,745
but I'm not hungry right now.
107
00:04:13,006 --> 00:04:14,867
GUIDE: (CLEARS THROAT) Number one,
108
00:04:14,891 --> 00:04:17,649
"Nightclub staff will not
make direct eye contact
109
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:19,030
with Colin unless they are
giving him a gift."
110
00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:20,582
(NADJA GROANS)
111
00:04:20,606 --> 00:04:22,235
- COLIN: Hey, Nadja, guess what?
- NADJA: What?
112
00:04:22,259 --> 00:04:23,703
- Chicken butt.
- Ugh.
113
00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:25,537
Okay, number two, uh,
114
00:04:25,561 --> 00:04:27,604
"We also require a merch table,
115
00:04:27,628 --> 00:04:30,034
"where we will sell
Colin's new compact disc..."
116
00:04:30,058 --> 00:04:32,477
LASZLO: Call Me Colin:
An Hour of Singsongs
117
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:35,490
and Laugh-'Em-Ups
for the Whole Famn Damily.
118
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,816
- Are you gonna sign it?
- Of course not!
119
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,050
My darling, if it wasn't for this boy,
120
00:04:39,074 --> 00:04:40,552
your club would be as dead as disco.
121
00:04:40,576 --> 00:04:42,153
- COLIN: And guess what?
- BOTH: What?
122
00:04:42,177 --> 00:04:45,124
All I want is to sing and dance
and make people smile.
123
00:04:45,148 --> 00:04:47,783
I don't even really care about
all this contract baloney.
124
00:04:47,807 --> 00:04:49,628
No, no, no, no. He doesn't
know what he's saying.
125
00:04:49,652 --> 00:04:50,929
So, do have we a deal?
126
00:04:50,953 --> 00:04:54,222
Um, let me just have a little
think, uh, mull it over.
127
00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:57,660
- All right.
- What is this made of?
128
00:04:58,401 --> 00:05:00,468
Fuck no! Do you think that my club
129
00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:03,421
needs this little weird
ventriloquist tap-dancing freak?
130
00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:05,610
- Hey.
- But he is our main attraction.
131
00:05:05,634 --> 00:05:07,679
I could replace him in a second.
132
00:05:07,703 --> 00:05:09,147
Well, good luck with that.
133
00:05:09,171 --> 00:05:10,649
I've had the owner
of the hottest vampire nightclub
134
00:05:10,673 --> 00:05:12,117
on the phone to me day and night,
135
00:05:12,141 --> 00:05:13,585
and he's not the only one.
136
00:05:13,609 --> 00:05:15,464
So you're actually going to leave?
137
00:05:15,488 --> 00:05:16,692
Looks that way, doesn't it?
138
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:17,886
Come on, boy.
139
00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:19,991
Let's take your talents upstate.
140
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:22,027
Albany and Binghamton,
to be more precise, but...
141
00:05:22,051 --> 00:05:25,109
- got to start somewhere.
- (NADJA GROANS)
142
00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:27,866
FREDDIE: Wow, this place
is like a museum.
143
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:30,198
I-I can't believe this
is your house, Guillermo.
144
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:31,644
Well, it's actually not my house.
145
00:05:31,668 --> 00:05:33,253
I just help take care of Nandor.
146
00:05:33,277 --> 00:05:35,966
How'd you never mention that?
I-I thought you worked at the U. N.
147
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,809
Don't be silly.
148
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:40,333
Guillermo does not work at the U and N.
149
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:41,580
(WHISPERING):
He forgets a lot of things.
150
00:05:41,604 --> 00:05:44,329
His mind doesn't work
the way it used to, so...
151
00:05:44,353 --> 00:05:47,444
- I volunteer on my days off.
- Aw, you're so sweet.
152
00:05:47,468 --> 00:05:49,514
- NANDOR: Guillermo.
- Hmm.
153
00:05:49,538 --> 00:05:51,957
Why did you not tell me you had
a friend coming to visit?
154
00:05:51,981 --> 00:05:53,794
- Friends...
- Oh, we're, uh, we're a little bit
155
00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:54,993
more than friends, actually.
156
00:05:55,017 --> 00:05:57,586
Oh, I see.
157
00:05:57,987 --> 00:06:00,699
- Best friends.
- GUILLERMO: No, uh...
158
00:06:00,723 --> 00:06:03,275
He's my boyfriend.
159
00:06:03,299 --> 00:06:04,960
Oh.
160
00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:08,464
- Oh, wow.
- (FREDDIE CHUCKLES)
161
00:06:08,894 --> 00:06:11,922
And I'm sorry I didn't
mention that earlier.
162
00:06:11,946 --> 00:06:13,332
This is fantastic news.
163
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:14,479
- FREDDIE: Right?
- GUILLERMO: Good.
164
00:06:14,503 --> 00:06:15,949
And a long time coming.
165
00:06:15,973 --> 00:06:17,549
- Oh.
- He has been very lonely.
166
00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:19,484
- Oh.
- Extremely lonely.
167
00:06:19,508 --> 00:06:21,306
- GUILLERMO: Not that lonely.
- Pretty lonely.
168
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:24,015
- Not that lonely.
- NANDOR: Very pathetic. Really lonely.
169
00:06:24,039 --> 00:06:26,727
Thank you, Nandor,
that is very interesting.
170
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:29,776
And can I just reiterate
that your home is beautiful?
171
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,383
I-I mean, this tapestry,
is this Turkish in origin?
172
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:34,459
- Y-Yes. Yes...
- Around the 15th century, this one here?
173
00:06:34,483 --> 00:06:37,257
GUILLERMO: Freddie's actually a junior
associate at an auction house in London.
174
00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:38,826
He's kind of an art buff.
175
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,802
- (LAUGHS): No.
- Very good eye.
176
00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:44,351
I disemboweled many villagers
to get this tapestry.
177
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,618
(WHISPERS): We're thinking of
upping his medicine dose 'cause...
178
00:06:46,751 --> 00:06:47,848
(FREDDIE LAUGHS)
179
00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:49,927
I would love to hear more
of your stories, Nandor.
180
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,876
I'm just so glad to have a new buddy.
181
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,476
Oh, that's me.
182
00:06:54,735 --> 00:06:56,131
I am the buddy.
183
00:06:56,155 --> 00:06:58,442
This, uh, this place
is pretty dusty, though.
184
00:06:58,466 --> 00:07:00,398
I'd tell you to get a Roomba
in here, but, uh,
185
00:07:00,422 --> 00:07:01,860
- I think it might kill itself.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
186
00:07:01,884 --> 00:07:05,228
- (LAUGHS)
- I couldn't resist.
187
00:07:05,252 --> 00:07:08,321
I don't know what any of that
means, but I love it.
188
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,269
Okay. Such long teeth.
189
00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:12,537
It's a genetic disorder in the family.
190
00:07:12,561 --> 00:07:15,412
And, uh, if you ever need anyone
to help you look after
191
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,174
any of these treasures,
192
00:07:17,198 --> 00:07:19,137
- promise you'll give me a call, eh?
- Oh.
193
00:07:19,161 --> 00:07:21,387
So nice to meet you.
What a, what a pleasure.
194
00:07:21,411 --> 00:07:22,888
- I'll see you very soon.
- Yes.
195
00:07:22,912 --> 00:07:24,242
- All right.
- Hopefully.
196
00:07:24,266 --> 00:07:25,717
- Bye-bye.
- GUILLERMO: Sorry about that...
197
00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:27,576
- FREDDIE: That's okay.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
198
00:07:35,684 --> 00:07:37,119
NANDOR: I cannot sleep.
199
00:07:37,813 --> 00:07:42,119
My mind has been seized by
thoughts of a very special person.
200
00:07:42,658 --> 00:07:44,803
A person by the name of...
201
00:07:44,827 --> 00:07:46,642
Freddie.
202
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,599
Ever since he and Guillermo
203
00:07:48,623 --> 00:07:51,097
left for the hotel, Freddie's charm
204
00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:53,702
and sweet, supportive nature
205
00:07:53,726 --> 00:07:55,306
have echoed in my mind.
206
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:56,881
He touched my arm.
207
00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:59,584
Also, things have grown a little stale
208
00:07:59,608 --> 00:08:02,274
with my beloved Marwa.
209
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:04,104
Are you, um...
210
00:08:04,128 --> 00:08:06,849
enjoying sitting in that chair?
211
00:08:07,209 --> 00:08:08,512
Yes.
212
00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:10,801
Hmm.
213
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,069
And yours is good?
214
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:15,925
Yes, uh...
215
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,736
It was a little bit hard,
216
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,620
so I put a cushion on it.
217
00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:22,560
- Wonderful.
- Yes.
218
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:24,815
NANDOR (SIGHS): Fuck, she's boring.
219
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:26,982
But marriage is sacred to me.
220
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,614
I never once cheated
on any of my 37 wives,
221
00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:31,674
and I'm not about to start now.
222
00:08:32,104 --> 00:08:35,416
Could I steal Freddie from Guillermo?
223
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,723
Of course.
224
00:08:36,747 --> 00:08:38,125
But that would be cruel.
225
00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:41,435
And also, you know, sloppy seconds.
226
00:08:41,459 --> 00:08:42,527
If only...
227
00:08:42,551 --> 00:08:44,520
Excuse me for a moment.
228
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,948
(QUIETLY): I'm not sure
if this is possible,
229
00:08:47,972 --> 00:08:49,935
but I wish for Marwa to be transformed
230
00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:53,631
into an exact copy of
231
00:08:53,655 --> 00:08:55,669
THIS PERSON: Freddie.
232
00:08:55,693 --> 00:08:57,780
Appearance, personality, everything.
233
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,934
- Why are you whispering?
- Because Marwa is someone
234
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:01,046
that I love very much,
235
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:03,190
and I don't want her to hear
that I'm about to change her
236
00:09:03,214 --> 00:09:05,382
into a completely different person.
237
00:09:05,574 --> 00:09:07,610
As you wish.
238
00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:13,148
Marwa?
239
00:09:14,617 --> 00:09:15,927
(DOOR CREAKS)
240
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:18,429
Hello.
241
00:09:18,911 --> 00:09:20,799
Hi, there. I'm Freddie.
242
00:09:20,823 --> 00:09:22,802
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
243
00:09:22,826 --> 00:09:24,252
Boy, this place is pretty dusty.
244
00:09:24,276 --> 00:09:27,023
I'd tell you to get a Roomba in
here, but I think it might kill itself.
245
00:09:27,047 --> 00:09:29,316
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Sorry, I couldn't resist.
246
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,441
Freddie.
247
00:09:34,986 --> 00:09:36,822
Our star performer's departure
248
00:09:36,846 --> 00:09:39,927
could not come at a worse time
for Mistress Nadja.
249
00:09:39,951 --> 00:09:41,973
I'm actually a little worried
about her.
250
00:09:41,997 --> 00:09:44,454
There's so much pressure
running a nightclub,
251
00:09:44,478 --> 00:09:46,966
and she's been consuming
a massive amount
252
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,278
of liquor blood.
253
00:09:48,302 --> 00:09:49,898
Are you talking shit about me?
254
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,212
- No.
- Hey, I love you like a sister, baby,
255
00:09:52,236 --> 00:09:54,436
you know it, but even...
If you even think
256
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,288
about damaging my brand,
257
00:09:56,312 --> 00:09:58,761
- I will cut you in two!
- (GLASS SHATTERING)
258
00:09:59,153 --> 00:10:00,521
Okay!
259
00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:03,565
- COLIN: Lazzo, guess what?
- LASZLO: What?
260
00:10:03,589 --> 00:10:06,899
I can't believe I'm on the road,
on my own tour bus.
261
00:10:06,923 --> 00:10:09,383
Now, this one maybe
isn't as nice as the one
262
00:10:09,407 --> 00:10:11,812
in Cameron Crowe's
turn-of-the-century masterpiece
263
00:10:11,836 --> 00:10:13,670
Almost Famous, but it...
264
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,133
We've got to work
our way to the top, boy.
265
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,925
We got to strike out on tour.
266
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,578
It's how all the best
vampire acts started.
267
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:21,978
Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly.
268
00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:24,142
Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim.
269
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,779
Hall & Throats. Tame Impaler.
270
00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:28,671
The Undead Kennedys.
271
00:10:29,684 --> 00:10:31,286
- (MICROPHONE WHINES FAINTLY)
- (CLEARS THROAT)
272
00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:35,271
NADJA: Freshly drained blood
of a drunk human celebrity.
273
00:10:35,295 --> 00:10:38,091
Just a little something
to keep Mama sharp.
274
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,928
Rest in peace, Sofia Copp-Coppola.
275
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,874
Let us get on with it.
Bring on the first little freak!
276
00:10:44,898 --> 00:10:47,392
GUIDE: Well, first
we have Jack Metcalf.
277
00:10:47,416 --> 00:10:49,778
He is repped
by Christie Marx Management.
278
00:10:49,802 --> 00:10:51,990
He is four feet and two inches high.
279
00:10:52,014 --> 00:10:53,182
(WHOOPS)
280
00:10:53,941 --> 00:10:56,427
♪ Let me call you sweetheart... ♪
281
00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:59,524
Flat! Flat!
282
00:10:59,548 --> 00:11:01,433
You don't have the range, babe.
283
00:11:01,457 --> 00:11:03,422
Get off my stage. Next!
284
00:11:03,594 --> 00:11:07,154
GUIDE: Peter Doskin, repped
by Grandpa and Grandma.
285
00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:08,531
Chrysanthemum.
286
00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:11,018
C-H-R-Y-S-A...
287
00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:13,316
Why are you not stuffed
in a locker somewhere?
288
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,778
Your bullies are not doing
a good enough job.
289
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:17,802
Next!
290
00:11:18,099 --> 00:11:20,610
♪ Meet me in dream land ♪
291
00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:23,264
♪ Sweet dreamy dream land ♪
292
00:11:23,288 --> 00:11:26,483
♪ There let my dreams come true. ♪
293
00:11:26,507 --> 00:11:28,580
(LIGHT APPLAUSE)
294
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,824
Right, well, that's enough,
you freeloading deadbeats.
295
00:11:30,848 --> 00:11:33,151
If you want to watch,
then you've got to pay. Come on.
296
00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:35,691
(PIANO PLAYING)
297
00:11:36,684 --> 00:11:38,086
Ugh.
298
00:11:38,894 --> 00:11:42,168
No, no, no.
299
00:11:42,798 --> 00:11:43,942
No.
300
00:11:43,966 --> 00:11:46,978
(GRUNTS) Okay. I'm coming. Stop it.
301
00:11:47,002 --> 00:11:49,811
Okay, stop tapping.
Watch and learn, bitch.
302
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,762
♪ There's a large bird ♪
303
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:53,584
♪ Stealing all my brothers... ♪
304
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:55,613
(GASPS)
305
00:11:55,637 --> 00:11:56,816
GUIDE: Auditions are over.
306
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,208
NADJA: No, it's going well.
That was the finale.
307
00:11:59,232 --> 00:12:01,949
Ta-da!
308
00:12:04,073 --> 00:12:07,509
- Thinks are goig really, really well...
- With Freddie.
309
00:12:07,533 --> 00:12:09,000
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- (SPANISH SONG PLAYING)
310
00:12:09,024 --> 00:12:11,860
GUILLERMO: Aw.
311
00:12:12,593 --> 00:12:14,832
I even let him make a list
of all the things
312
00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:16,665
he's always wanted
to do in New York City.
313
00:12:18,062 --> 00:12:21,038
NANDOR: I'm having the
best time with my Freddie.
314
00:12:21,062 --> 00:12:22,179
♪ ♪
315
00:12:23,223 --> 00:12:25,016
NANDOR: He has written a list of things
316
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,963
he would like to do in New York City,
317
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:29,308
and now we are doing those things.
318
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,522
- Is-is it your turn next? I-I think...
- No.
319
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:34,505
- (CHEERING)
- Oh, my God!
320
00:12:34,529 --> 00:12:35,897
(LAUGHING): Wow.
321
00:12:36,248 --> 00:12:37,596
NANDOR: (GRUNTS) Hey! Hey!
322
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,792
(LAUGHS): Oh, wow!
323
00:12:40,175 --> 00:12:41,466
- Wait, wait.
- Oh, okay. All right.
324
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,468
- Come around.
- (LAUGHS)
325
00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:45,904
(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
326
00:12:45,928 --> 00:12:47,906
♪ ♪
327
00:12:47,930 --> 00:12:49,031
(LAUGHS)
328
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:52,034
GUILLERMO: So, this weekend
has made me realize that I...
329
00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:54,681
- really need a life outside of work.
- (LAUGHS): Yeah.
330
00:12:54,705 --> 00:12:56,481
I felt like I literally kept
seeing Nandor everywhere...
331
00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:58,711
Which is ridiculous...
332
00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:01,699
Because that's how much space
he occupies in my mind.
333
00:13:01,723 --> 00:13:03,217
- Anyways, we're talking about Nandor.
- No.
334
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:04,807
- Let's go get some cheesecake.
- Okay.
335
00:13:04,831 --> 00:13:06,600
- (LAUGHTER)
- Hello.
336
00:13:06,624 --> 00:13:08,817
NADJA: Well, last night's auditions
were a mess.
337
00:13:08,841 --> 00:13:10,037
And then I realized,
338
00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,991
why am I even trying to find
another child performer?
339
00:13:13,015 --> 00:13:14,589
Fuck them kids.
340
00:13:14,613 --> 00:13:18,718
This is a scary,
sexy nightclub for adults.
341
00:13:18,742 --> 00:13:23,383
So I decided to call
Le Cirque Érotique.
342
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:28,101
GUIDE: Le Cirque Érotique
is a legendary consortium
343
00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:30,795
of sophisticated and deeply carnal
344
00:13:30,819 --> 00:13:32,951
vampire circus performers.
345
00:13:32,975 --> 00:13:35,374
Some of the most thrilling,
obscene spectacles
346
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,434
known to vampires.
347
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:39,225
NADJA: They're famously tough to book.
348
00:13:39,249 --> 00:13:41,066
GUIDE: But they are coming here
349
00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:44,279
to perform tonight! (LAUGHS)
350
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,893
LASZLO: Lamar?
351
00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:48,279
Yeah, I'm just checking in.
This place is amazing.
352
00:13:48,303 --> 00:13:51,613
It has ice on demand, 24 hours a day.
353
00:13:51,637 --> 00:13:52,765
And it's gratis.
354
00:13:52,789 --> 00:13:54,874
I've got to go, 'cause it's showtime.
355
00:13:54,898 --> 00:13:56,792
Why isn't that boy doing his scales?
356
00:13:56,816 --> 00:13:58,477
Why aren't you doing
your scales, boy...
357
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,647
- (VOICE CRACKING): Hey. Time to hit the road.
- Shit.
358
00:14:01,671 --> 00:14:04,626
This little star's ready
to shake his moneymaker.
359
00:14:06,195 --> 00:14:07,697
Is something wrong?
360
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,970
Do you feel there's something wrong?
361
00:14:09,994 --> 00:14:11,189
(VOICE CRACKING): No.
362
00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:13,070
How far is it to the venue?
363
00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:14,664
- To the what?
- COLIN: Venue.
364
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:15,972
Um...
365
00:14:16,386 --> 00:14:17,766
Not far.
366
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,145
(WHISPERS): The fuck?
367
00:14:19,169 --> 00:14:21,417
Right, now, that was a bit of a shock.
368
00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:24,362
He appears to have
hit puberty overnight.
369
00:14:24,386 --> 00:14:27,431
The worst thing is,
I don't think he realizes it.
370
00:14:27,712 --> 00:14:29,633
- (MICROPHONE WHINES QUIETLY)
- HOST: All right.
371
00:14:29,657 --> 00:14:31,671
All the way up from Staten Island,
372
00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:33,814
let's give a warm, Binghamton welcome
373
00:14:33,838 --> 00:14:36,574
to the most talented
little boy in the world,
374
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:39,064
- Baby Colin.
- (APPLAUSE)
375
00:14:39,088 --> 00:14:40,820
Hi, Binghamton.
376
00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:46,024
(VOICE CRACKING): ♪ If you want to ring
the bell not once, but twice... ♪
377
00:14:46,048 --> 00:14:48,248
MAN: He's just a kid.
378
00:14:48,272 --> 00:14:51,366
♪ If you want to roll and roll
those lucky dice... ♪
379
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,207
Come on, let's get a big clap going.
380
00:14:53,231 --> 00:14:55,100
- (RISING CHATTER)
- (SCATTERED CLAPPING)
381
00:14:55,602 --> 00:14:57,898
♪ If you want to spend
your journey's end ♪
382
00:14:57,922 --> 00:15:00,261
♪ With sweet music and love... ♪
383
00:15:00,862 --> 00:15:02,364
WOMAN: That's not Baby Colin.
384
00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:03,915
- It is... Yeah, it is.
- WOMAN: Fuck... fuck off.
385
00:15:03,939 --> 00:15:05,703
I don't think it's him.
386
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:07,603
- MAN: Get off the stage!
- Everyone hates me!
387
00:15:07,627 --> 00:15:09,180
(AUDIENCE HISSING)
388
00:15:09,204 --> 00:15:12,474
- Go eat shit.
- Be back soon.
389
00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:14,935
GUIDE: Oh, that's fun.
390
00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:16,862
NADJA: Come on, the circus troupe
is loading in soon.
391
00:15:16,886 --> 00:15:18,731
- GUSTAVE: Hello?
- Ah.
392
00:15:18,755 --> 00:15:20,718
Gustave LeRoy of Le Cirque Érotique.
393
00:15:20,742 --> 00:15:22,648
Hello, I am Nadja. Welcome.
394
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,308
And the rest of your troupe are, um...
395
00:15:24,332 --> 00:15:26,344
Oh, I thought they told you.
396
00:15:26,368 --> 00:15:27,612
It's just gonna be me tonight.
397
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,156
Yeah, nobody else was available,
but lucky for you,
398
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,849
I'm very free. Oh.
399
00:15:31,873 --> 00:15:34,244
I'd like to have you put those
up around the club, please.
400
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,453
NADJA: Just you?
401
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:38,389
"The clown who can suck himself off."
402
00:15:38,413 --> 00:15:40,338
I put a little comedy into it as well.
403
00:15:40,362 --> 00:15:42,026
Now, where is a good place
for me to, uh,
404
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:43,594
start my stretches?
405
00:15:43,618 --> 00:15:44,996
GUILLERMO: Hello?
406
00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:46,597
I just need to get
some insoles for my feet.
407
00:15:46,621 --> 00:15:48,824
- They're killing me.
- (DISTANT LAUGHTER)
408
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,337
- NANDOR: the left nipple.
- (FREDDIE CLONE LAUGHS)
409
00:15:53,361 --> 00:15:55,339
Hey, look who it is.
410
00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:57,642
Freddie, what are you... How?
411
00:15:57,666 --> 00:16:00,008
- Welcome.
- You were just in the car with me.
412
00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:02,780
Don't be silly.
This is not your Freddie.
413
00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:06,374
- This is my own Freddie.
- All right, bruv.
414
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,259
What the hell?
415
00:16:08,283 --> 00:16:10,519
I asked the djinn to turn Marwa
into a carbon copy
416
00:16:10,543 --> 00:16:12,313
of your Freddie.
417
00:16:12,337 --> 00:16:14,440
- What is wrong with you?
- Don't be upset about it.
418
00:16:14,464 --> 00:16:17,024
- You should be flattered.
- Put him back...
419
00:16:17,048 --> 00:16:18,295
Gigi, what's taking you
so long? We need to go.
420
00:16:18,319 --> 00:16:20,742
No, um... Freddie, you should
probably wait in the car, because...
421
00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:22,334
Um...
422
00:16:25,099 --> 00:16:27,902
(BOTH SCREAMING)
423
00:16:35,866 --> 00:16:38,349
Please give a warm welcome
to your entertainment
424
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,519
for the evening,
Mr. Gustave LeRoy, huh?
425
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:44,446
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
426
00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:46,991
(WHOOPING)
427
00:16:47,015 --> 00:16:48,493
GUIDE: Ah, yeah!
428
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,595
(WHISTLING, GASPING)
429
00:16:50,619 --> 00:16:52,554
Yeah!
430
00:16:54,356 --> 00:16:55,733
(LAUGHTER)
431
00:16:55,757 --> 00:16:57,335
WOMAN: Yeah, let's see it.
432
00:16:57,359 --> 00:16:59,961
(CHEERING)
433
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,040
Yes!
434
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,575
MAN: He's really going for it.
435
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:05,977
He's going for a full suck!
436
00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:07,378
Hey, Sofia, so it turns out
437
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:10,188
it's just some guy
sucking his own dick.
438
00:17:10,212 --> 00:17:12,450
Anyway, very funny the way
you guys disappeared
439
00:17:12,474 --> 00:17:15,586
the other night after
the bloody magic trick,
440
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:17,789
which I'm still trying to figure out.
441
00:17:17,813 --> 00:17:20,758
But enough is enough.
Come on, call me back.
442
00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:22,660
(WHOOPING)
443
00:17:22,684 --> 00:17:24,028
- Really?
- WOMAN: That's it?
444
00:17:24,052 --> 00:17:25,897
- MAN: That's it?
- That was, like, 20 seconds.
445
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,465
Ladies and gentlemen,
446
00:17:27,489 --> 00:17:29,939
it was a pleasure for me
447
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:32,398
- to suck myself off for you.
- (AUDIENCE BOOING)
448
00:17:33,962 --> 00:17:35,673
- What the fuck was that?
- Wasn't that amazing?
449
00:17:35,697 --> 00:17:37,041
I've never lasted that long.
450
00:17:37,065 --> 00:17:38,976
This was supposed to be
a whole evening of sucking.
451
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,344
You're useless.
452
00:17:40,368 --> 00:17:41,779
(WHOOPS) Okay, to, um,
453
00:17:41,803 --> 00:17:44,191
keep the fun going
and liven you guys up,
454
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:47,785
we're gonna release
the blood sprinklers.
455
00:17:47,809 --> 00:17:49,578
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
456
00:17:50,994 --> 00:17:53,287
Get ready for loads of blood.
457
00:17:53,725 --> 00:17:56,415
- GUIDE: Oh, yeah!
- Spill the blood for the vampires.
458
00:17:56,439 --> 00:17:59,397
NADJA: We love blood so much. (WHOOPS)
459
00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:02,467
Blood sprinklers. Can we get
the blood sprinklers on?
460
00:18:02,491 --> 00:18:04,626
Let's get them on.
461
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:07,672
- (PATRONS GASPING)
- WOMAN: Billy!
462
00:18:07,696 --> 00:18:08,797
Uh...
463
00:18:09,468 --> 00:18:11,589
- Um... Okay...
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
464
00:18:11,613 --> 00:18:13,950
- NADJA: Son of a bitch!
- WOMAN: Peace out, I'm done.
465
00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:16,013
Hang on. No, no, no, don't go,
'cause I'm going to perform.
466
00:18:16,037 --> 00:18:18,382
♪ There's a large bird ♪
467
00:18:18,406 --> 00:18:20,172
♪ Stealing my brothers... ♪
468
00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:22,386
Come on, guys.
Let's get a big clap going.
469
00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:24,355
(WHOOPS)
470
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:26,724
♪ And I realized
that the egg was me... ♪
471
00:18:26,748 --> 00:18:29,393
- (SHOUTS)
- GUIDE: Oh, no.
472
00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,462
NANDOR: In three, two, one, go!
473
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,465
- Okay, um, uh, the Panama Canal.
- Got it.
474
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,400
- Uh, oh, uh, pizza chef.
- Yep.
475
00:18:36,424 --> 00:18:38,174
- Uh, Barbie doll.
- Yep. Yep.
476
00:18:38,198 --> 00:18:41,038
- Uh, Alaska.
- NANDOR: So, I did a little hypnosis
477
00:18:41,062 --> 00:18:42,807
on the two Freddies.
478
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,088
Basically, I told them
not to make such a big a deal
479
00:18:45,112 --> 00:18:46,644
out of the whole cloning thing.
480
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,502
Uh, Genji monogatari
by Murasaki Shikibu.
481
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:49,579
Hai!
482
00:18:49,603 --> 00:18:51,382
Oh, uh, T-The New Adventures
of Old Christine.
483
00:18:51,406 --> 00:18:52,850
- Yes.
- And that's time.
484
00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:55,753
- BOTH: Yes! Come on, Freddie.
- NANDOR: Oh.
485
00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:58,909
- (BOTH FREDDIES LAUGH)
- Very impressive, you two.
486
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:01,094
Very, um, in sync.
487
00:19:01,118 --> 00:19:02,802
- (LAUGHTER)
- NANDOR: Hmm?
488
00:19:02,826 --> 00:19:03,988
- Hmm?
- Very good.
489
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,329
Now they're getting on great,
490
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,723
so the situation is totally fine.
491
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,405
Fun little evening we're having,
wouldn't you say?
492
00:19:09,429 --> 00:19:10,765
No, I wouldn't say.
493
00:19:10,789 --> 00:19:12,613
Couldn't just let me
have one thing of my own?
494
00:19:12,637 --> 00:19:15,136
I did. You have your
thing and I have mine.
495
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,407
Oh, so you took your wife,
496
00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:17,909
who you transformed
into the perfect woman,
497
00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:20,460
and then turned her into
a carbon copy of my boyfriend?
498
00:19:20,484 --> 00:19:22,313
Doesn't that register with you
as being messed up?
499
00:19:22,337 --> 00:19:23,981
Stop saying things that I have done.
500
00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:26,179
This is my last night with Freddie.
501
00:19:26,203 --> 00:19:27,785
Okay, this might seem like
a huge game to you, but it's not
502
00:19:27,809 --> 00:19:29,887
- to me, I really care about him.
- I know, I just...
503
00:19:29,911 --> 00:19:33,454
Do you understand that
I've never, in my whole life,
504
00:19:33,478 --> 00:19:36,734
ever, had a long-term
boyfriend? Not once.
505
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,620
And you find a way
506
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:39,997
to make it about yourself.
507
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:41,332
So thanks.
508
00:19:41,356 --> 00:19:42,733
Uh, wait... I...
509
00:19:42,757 --> 00:19:44,469
- Freddie? We're leaving.
- Yes?
510
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:45,896
- Oh, uh...
- FREDDIE: Oh, uh...
511
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,338
NANDOR: That's, uh...
512
00:19:47,362 --> 00:19:49,660
That's actually...
513
00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:52,660
my Freddie.
514
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:56,305
Freddie, we're leaving.
515
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:58,266
Oh, uh, awesome to meet you, Freddie.
516
00:19:58,290 --> 00:19:59,659
Awesome to meet you, too, Freddie.
517
00:19:59,683 --> 00:20:01,585
GUILLERMO:
Freddie, don't talk to Freddie.
518
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:09,409
Well,
519
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:10,852
Freddie had to go back to England...
520
00:20:11,402 --> 00:20:12,504
Bye.
521
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:13,643
I love you.
522
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,334
Meaning I'm back to my normal life,
523
00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:19,096
being a familiar for Nandor
524
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:24,446
and his exact clone of my boyfriend.
525
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:26,543
At least we can stay in touch
through the Internet.
526
00:20:26,567 --> 00:20:27,678
- FREDDIE (OVER DEVICE): How's it going?
- Are you having beans
527
00:20:27,702 --> 00:20:29,714
- for dinner again?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
528
00:20:29,738 --> 00:20:31,282
- You're such a little bean freak, babe.
- Guilty as charged.
529
00:20:31,306 --> 00:20:32,946
FREDDIE CLONE:
Is that who I think it is?
530
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,901
Oh, how's it going, Fredmeister?
531
00:20:34,925 --> 00:20:37,509
- Yeah, not too bad, Fredmeister.
- Ooh, did you get a chance
532
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:38,800
- to read the deep dive...
- Uh...
533
00:20:38,824 --> 00:20:40,458
on the Palatine Hill in
this month's Rosetta Journal?
534
00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:43,294
Oh, let me have a think.
Hmm, how about yes?
535
00:20:43,318 --> 00:20:46,053
That's section on early medieval
earthenware they just excavated?
536
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:47,578
Bombshell, am I right?
537
00:20:47,602 --> 00:20:48,866
I had to put the journal down
and take a walk
538
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:50,476
- around the block.
- Me, too, I just had to put
539
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,336
the journal down and take
a walk around the block.
540
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,463
- Honestly.
- Me, too! I had to put...
541
00:20:55,063 --> 00:20:57,275
I'm sorry, can we can cut?
542
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:59,673
LASZLO: You can't cancel
our dates, you bastard.
543
00:20:59,697 --> 00:21:01,070
We've got a contract.
544
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,453
- Don't fuck me.
- Why is this happening to me?
545
00:21:03,477 --> 00:21:05,415
- I'm repulsive.
- Good grief!
546
00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:07,318
Whatever is that foul odor?
547
00:21:07,342 --> 00:21:09,020
It's me. And Laszlo, guess what?
548
00:21:09,044 --> 00:21:10,855
- What?
- I hate you. You're ruining my life!
549
00:21:10,879 --> 00:21:12,723
Come on, boy, don't be like that.
550
00:21:12,747 --> 00:21:15,827
I can sort this out. Yeah?
I'll get you on stage tonight.
551
00:21:15,851 --> 00:21:19,330
No! I'm not singing
any more of those baby songs.
552
00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:20,765
- And guess what?
- What?
553
00:21:20,789 --> 00:21:22,867
From here on out,
I'll only consider performing
554
00:21:22,891 --> 00:21:26,370
if it's the music of Papa Roach
or Evanescence.
555
00:21:26,394 --> 00:21:27,505
(NU METAL PLAYING)
556
00:21:27,529 --> 00:21:29,598
- Fuck off!
- LASZLO: Shut your mouth.
557
00:21:30,899 --> 00:21:32,577
♪ ♪
558
00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:34,312
I am beginning to think that maybe
559
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:37,482
what I did was wrong.
560
00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:41,452
Probably not, but maybe.
561
00:21:41,476 --> 00:21:44,989
I set out to make things right
with Guillermo.
562
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:48,326
I offered to give him my Freddie,
563
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:49,761
as a token of apology
564
00:21:49,785 --> 00:21:51,996
and also so that they could have
sex with each other.
565
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,465
No. It's not the same.
566
00:21:54,489 --> 00:21:57,559
- It's pretty similar.
- But it's not.
567
00:21:58,493 --> 00:22:00,338
NANDOR: That's when I knew I had to let
568
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:01,439
my Freddie go.
569
00:22:01,463 --> 00:22:02,740
Which also meant
570
00:22:02,764 --> 00:22:05,810
letting my wife Marwa go.
571
00:22:05,834 --> 00:22:08,346
But I did leave her in Freddie form,
572
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:10,615
'cause she seemed so much
happier like that.
573
00:22:10,639 --> 00:22:13,017
Perhaps true love is about more than
574
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,953
wishing for someone who likes
all the things you like.
575
00:22:15,977 --> 00:22:17,455
My sweet Freddie.
576
00:22:17,479 --> 00:22:19,290
My Freddie always told me
that his dream
577
00:22:19,314 --> 00:22:20,591
was to travel the world,
578
00:22:20,615 --> 00:22:24,328
explore his passion
for art and history.
579
00:22:24,352 --> 00:22:25,830
Don't forget to buy that Roomba.
580
00:22:25,854 --> 00:22:27,031
(CRYING): I won't.
581
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,733
I suppose I am the one
582
00:22:28,757 --> 00:22:30,826
who is now granting a wish.
583
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:34,338
Fucking sucks.
584
00:22:34,362 --> 00:22:35,706
(SNIFFLES)
585
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:37,708
NADJA: It is clear to me now
586
00:22:37,732 --> 00:22:39,977
that without Baby Colin
as its main attraction,
587
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:41,446
this club cannot survive.
588
00:22:41,470 --> 00:22:44,715
This place was the center
of the vampire universe.
589
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:47,752
But now it is just a big,
empty piece of shit.
590
00:22:47,776 --> 00:22:49,854
And despite my hopes of a comeback,
591
00:22:49,878 --> 00:22:52,490
it is clear that
our best days are behind us.
592
00:22:52,514 --> 00:22:54,292
- My darling?
- (GASPS) Laszlo!
593
00:22:54,316 --> 00:22:55,827
I've thought of a way
of saving the club.
594
00:22:55,851 --> 00:22:57,295
Ah. How?
595
00:22:57,319 --> 00:22:58,863
I've heard about this amazing clown
596
00:22:58,887 --> 00:23:00,956
that can suck himself dry.
597
00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:04,335
(MOANS) Who is this young ruffian?
598
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,003
You remember Baby Colin?
599
00:23:06,027 --> 00:23:07,596
Well, he's had a growth spurt.
600
00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:10,007
- Hey.
- (GASPS)
601
00:23:10,031 --> 00:23:11,709
Can we go?
602
00:23:11,733 --> 00:23:13,444
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Bye.
603
00:23:13,468 --> 00:23:15,980
GUILLERMO:
Cheers from jolly old England.
604
00:23:16,004 --> 00:23:18,850
I decided to go surprise Freddie,
605
00:23:18,874 --> 00:23:21,285
because why not, right?
You only live once.
606
00:23:21,309 --> 00:23:23,588
And I have
all that money saved that I...
607
00:23:23,612 --> 00:23:25,590
whatever, I stole from the club.
608
00:23:25,614 --> 00:23:27,592
He has no idea that I'm here, so...
609
00:23:27,616 --> 00:23:29,861
- (DISTANT LAUGHTER)
- Oh. Is that him?
610
00:23:29,885 --> 00:23:31,729
Over there, right with...
611
00:23:31,753 --> 00:23:34,365
- I love you, Freddie.
- I love you, too, Freddie.
612
00:23:34,389 --> 00:23:36,734
- Fancy a pint of bitter?
- Why not?
613
00:23:36,758 --> 00:23:38,970
("LAYLA" BY DEREK & THE DOMINOS
PLAYING)
614
00:23:38,994 --> 00:23:40,996
♪ ♪
615
00:23:52,307 --> 00:23:53,584
Impaler Swift.
616
00:23:53,608 --> 00:23:55,987
Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham.
617
00:23:56,011 --> 00:23:58,589
And that's not even mentioning
the wraith acts.
618
00:23:58,613 --> 00:24:01,859
Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill.
Wraith Evans.
619
00:24:01,883 --> 00:24:03,027
Billy Wraith Cyrus.
620
00:24:03,051 --> 00:24:04,996
Wraith No More.
621
00:24:05,020 --> 00:24:07,298
Wraith Charles.
622
00:24:07,322 --> 00:24:09,600
I could go on.
623
00:24:09,624 --> 00:24:11,693
♪ ♪
624
00:24:40,622 --> 00:24:42,691
♪ ♪
625
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:54,302
- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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