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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,703 BOX OFFICE 3D THE MOVIE OF MOVIES 4 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:38,325 Here it is! Teomondo Scrofalo's masterpiece. 5 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,501 Who are you? What are you doing here? The museum is closed! 6 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,712 You'll never get out of here alive with that painting! 7 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,052 They will. 8 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,896 No one has ever seen such violence at the beginning of a film. 9 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,366 THE TEOMONDO SCROFALO CODE 10 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,326 Our entire life, 11 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:24,121 from our first cry to our final throes, 12 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:29,543 is one long, painstaking struggle to interpret symbols. 13 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,171 Take for instance the letters of the alphabet, 14 00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:37,175 the language of the ancient Egyptians, ASCII computer codes, 15 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:41,138 today's crossword puzzles and games, the magic of cards, 16 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,934 or even the cryptic and allusive symbolism of tarot cards... 17 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,897 Lights, please. 18 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:58,196 I said "lights" meaning "no lights," turn off the lights! 19 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,411 First slide, please. 20 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,706 What does this image bring to mind? 21 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,251 In my opinion the thinness of the candelabra 22 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:15,213 is a clear reference to avarice as a form of sterile soullessness. 23 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,132 No. Someone else? 24 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,717 Greed! 25 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,179 No, it means that the lights went off! 26 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,433 Next slide, please. I won't look at it. 27 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:30,562 I will rely upon your acumen and insight to reveal the answer. 28 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:34,274 What does this image represent? 29 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,318 - Fuck off! - Fuck off! 30 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,404 How dare you? 31 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:43,575 Those who aren't interested in this lecture can leave. How rude! 32 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,704 Who the hell prepared these slides? 33 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,332 Please, Dr. Strong, you must follow me. 34 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,168 Something terrible has happened! The police needs you. 35 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:59,216 I cannot, young lady, nothing could be more important than my lecture. 36 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,634 I can't come. 37 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:06,056 Class dismissed. I've got more important business to attend to. See you tomorrow! 38 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,183 Where is he going? 39 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,728 Let's go. Tell me what's going on. 40 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,898 - Inspector Michel is expecting you. - Thanks. 41 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:19,528 Good evening, Prof. Strong, welcome to the Musée du Louuu... 42 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,453 We've worked on several cases together, 43 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,581 but this one will be the hardest to crack. 44 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:35,043 You're right, Inspector. There's no doubt in my mind 45 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,505 - that we will encounter a bottleneck. - Don't be so pessimistic, 46 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,092 our investigation won't necessarily run into a bottleneck. 47 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,927 Not the investigation! 48 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:47,097 I'm talking about this bottleneck right here. Look at this... 49 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:51,476 Before being choked to death with wine, he held up three fingers! 50 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,772 This could be a clear reference to the tri-partition of the square root 51 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,358 of the thirteenth postulate of the Fibonacci Theorem! 52 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,627 You're a walking encyclopedia. 53 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,451 It's an honor and a pleasure working with you. 54 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,364 And look at the thumbnail on his right hand. 55 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,575 It's longer than the other thumbnail. 56 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,535 It's a clear reference to the right claw 57 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,413 of Woloch the winged griffin, a Phoenician divinity. 58 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,708 Your knowledge of symbology is astonishing. 59 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,503 Thank you. I'm astonished too, with all this bullshit I'm spewing. 60 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:20,630 Wait, there's something else! 61 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,552 - What is it? - It's a Da Win-ci Scratch card! 62 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:30,098 1810... The best Chianti vintage of that century. 63 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:35,228 The corpse has a flask in his throat and three is the devil's number. 64 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,314 Inspector Michel! 65 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,443 - Dr. Wrong... - Strong, Dr. Strong! 66 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,069 I'm sorry. Please, come with me. 67 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:47,657 The stolen painting was indeed "II Giocondo" by Teomondo Scrofalo, 68 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,703 the most important painting in the Louuu... 69 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,458 Every painting contains a microchip, 70 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,377 which allows us to locate them wherever they may be, 71 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:02,756 but the painting localization system has been compromised, 72 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,925 and the microchip has been damaged. 73 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,303 We are currently unable to trace the stolen painting. 74 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,430 - What a shame! - It's almost lunch time. 75 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,892 Doctor, would you like a tuna tartare? Or maybe a pepperoni pizza? 76 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,061 Thank you, Inspector, I thought you'd never ask! 77 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:20,065 I was at the university this morning and I didn't eat anything. 78 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,858 I'd love to have a bite to eat. 79 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,698 - Professor, aren't you coming? - These clues have made me drowsy. 80 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,326 I need to get some sleep. Good night! 81 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,289 You were right, he really is wrong... 82 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,595 First he says he'll have lunch, then he goes off to sleep. 83 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,848 It's going to take an expert to decode that guy's thoughts. 84 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,565 - Weren't you going to get some rest? - Who, me? I never sleep. 85 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,528 I would have loved to have dinner, but you never invited me. 86 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,782 This is a copy from the archives. 87 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,951 Why would they want that painting? 88 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,371 What's behind the mystery of that smile? That's going to be our starting point. 89 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:22,335 The history books say he was a distant descendant of Leonardo Da Vinci's. 90 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,714 - Very distant. - Yes, very distant. 91 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,550 He was obsessed by the Gioconda's smile, 92 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,719 and tried all his life to imitate it, but in vain. 93 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,513 He never succeeded, so he started drinking 94 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,600 and only painted old drunks like himself for the rest of his days. 95 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:42,063 This is his greatest masterpiece: "II Giocondo." 96 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,691 A fanatical sect tried to steal it once before. 97 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,278 I know: The Lacryma Christi Confraternity, 98 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,655 also known as the "Centennial Sect". 99 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:54,993 They keep trying to steal this painting for use in satanic rites 100 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,580 that will generate the elixir of youth. 101 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,415 Inspector Michel, Dr. Wrong... 102 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,543 My name is Strong. If anyone here is wrong, it's you! 103 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,337 - Calm down, Professor. - But he keeps calling me... 104 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,423 - What is it? - Forensics has confirmed 105 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,761 that the localization chip in the painting 106 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,305 has been compromised, but not completely. 107 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,891 We need a hacker... and I've got one! 108 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,351 She is the best. Only problem is, she's in jail. 109 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,644 Dr. Strong, let's go! 110 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,808 I can't, I've got an appointment with the podiatrist. 111 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,566 When it's time to have my feet checked nothing else matters! 112 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,109 Goodbye. 113 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,326 Officer, Inspector! Are we going to talk to this hacker, or what? 114 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,870 Strange people! 115 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,207 Holy cow, that hurt! 116 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,751 He really is all wrong! 117 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,754 You're about to meet Liz Salamander. 118 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,090 I know her. 119 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,342 She was a student of mine in Phoenician nutrition 120 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,344 at Boston University. She was a genius. 121 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,363 She was the one who took my chair at the University. 122 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,139 She replaced you? 123 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,016 No, she stole my chair. She putitin a van 124 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,644 and sold it to a junk dealer to buy marijuana. 125 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,814 Inspector Michel, Professor Wr... 126 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:10,110 Welcome to the prison of Saint-Maluuu... 127 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,207 What the fuck, you mother fuckers! 128 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,669 That's her. She always greeted me that way in class. 129 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,921 How are you doing, Liz? 130 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:33,800 Prof. Wrong, still sporting those cute hairpieces, I see! 131 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,903 Did you know that he washes his hair in the washing machine? 132 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,637 That's enough, Liz! 133 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,306 What the hell are you laughing at, denture face! 134 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,268 Liz, listen to us carefully. 135 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,563 How about working with us on a case in exchange for your freedom? 136 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:53,319 You're asking me if I want to leave this cesspool 137 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:57,532 and become a free citizen again? What kind of a fucking question is that? 138 00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,243 She's right, Inspector. 139 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,911 Who is writing these shitty lines? 140 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,746 My answer is: 141 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,456 Yes. I'll do it. 142 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,667 Get your things, we'll explain on the way. 143 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:13,214 Listen, grandpa, I lay down the rules: I get to do whatever I want! 144 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,761 - Liz, any news? - Very good news! 145 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,807 The chip behind the painting was only disconnected. 146 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:29,480 I'll use a virtual memory recovery program 147 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:37,113 to restore our connection to the chip. 148 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,908 How long will that take? 15-20 minutes? 149 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:44,120 With these fucking ASCII codes, it'll take all night. 150 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,623 All night?! 151 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,009 Arsgrw bzzrsgtk jksbdfpt. 152 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,344 What? 153 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,806 - We know where the painting is! - What? 154 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:19,948 Wow! Here it is, Liz. The crypt of the Giocondo! 155 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,158 Who the fuck was this Giocondo? 156 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:27,080 The elderly drinker who posed for Teomondo Scrofalo's stolen painting. 157 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,959 Frank, this place gives me the creeps. 158 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:35,421 - Aren't you scared? - Scared? Me? Come on! 159 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,053 You'd better walk in first. 160 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,722 You go ahead, I'll be right behind you. Go on, it's ok. 161 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:48,226 No, no, no. First the teacher, then the student. Go! 162 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,652 Frank, I've been trying to tell you something important for the last hour. 163 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,571 Wait. Look up there. 164 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,368 This fresco was painted by Master Scrofalo. 165 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:10,248 - How can you be so sure? - How can I be so sure? 166 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:21,259 - Frank, listen to me. - Wait a moment. 167 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:33,054 With the baby lightinum lookum, superimposum "smilum et streetus" 168 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,649 afterus eternam youthum findum. 169 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,944 He was a terrible painter, but his Latin was even worse! 170 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,196 Frank, please, listen to me, it's important! 171 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:47,076 Wait, I've got it! "With the baby lightinum lookum." 172 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,829 Look, the light on the child! 173 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,041 Whatthefuck's Triangle of Light! 174 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:55,209 Who was Whatthefuck? 175 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:59,881 An Italian scientist who experimented with electricity at home. 176 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:04,427 Every time he got the electricity bill he exclaimed "What the fuck!" 177 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,471 Frank, I've been trying to tell you... 178 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,140 Wait, I've got an idea! 179 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:12,894 "Superimposum smilum et streetus". 180 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:17,565 The "streetum" is the map of Paris. Quick, put it down on the stone. 181 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:21,110 The "smilum" is the Giocondo's smile. Cpme quick! 182 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,113 Aim the flashlight at that child's face. 183 00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:30,036 Look, the Triangle of Light marks three points on the painting. 184 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:33,122 The first points to the museum that housed the painting. 185 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:37,293 The second points to where we are now, Batou graveyard! 186 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,298 What if the cemetery was named Bato? 187 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,679 The third is on Teomondo Scrofalo's signature. 188 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,432 Look, it's casting its light on Fragolin de Sauterne! 189 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:55,228 I've got it, Liz! The burial place of the Master's mortal remains. 190 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,648 That's where they're keeping the painting they stole from the Louvre, 191 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:03,778 and where the Centennial Sect will celebrate the satanic rite tonight! 192 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,280 That's what I've been trying to tell you all day! 193 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,409 I went online and logged on to the painting's microchip: 194 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,120 It's in the Fragolin de Sauterne area. 195 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:16,082 - There's nothing here but the old man's tomb. - Whatthefuck! 196 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,919 What's this got to do with the scientist now? 197 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,505 No, I meant whatthefuck's wrong with you! 198 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,299 Couldn't you have told me earlier? 199 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,927 We could have saved the rental money for this location! 200 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,852 - Liz, how is the weather outside? - Beautiful! 201 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,688 - You must be smoking a joint then. - I am. 202 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,524 - Do you mind? - No! 203 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,945 Here on the "X" is where the Fragolin de Sauterne quarry is. 204 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,531 Not in front, I can't see. 205 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,992 - The smoke isn't helping either. - Swerve to the right, 206 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,953 now left... Hole! 207 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,998 Got it! Next time, yell "hole" a little sooner, will you? 208 00:15:57,123 --> 00:16:00,042 What's this thing hanging here? It stinks too! What flavor is it? 209 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,420 - Hashish. - You've got a one track mind! 210 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,799 - We're almost there. - Thank goodness. 211 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,061 Hey, this isn't the car we started the trip with! 212 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:25,318 These kinds of films are full of mistakes, so we have to make them too. 213 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:32,450 Frank, are you sure we've reached point X? 214 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:37,497 I'm Frank Strong, Professor of Symbology at Paris University 215 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:45,296 and when I say we're at point X, we are at point X! 216 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,298 Let's go! 217 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:53,095 Faithful disciples of Lacryma Christi, 218 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,849 members of the Centennial Sect, 219 00:16:57,058 --> 00:17:03,022 we are gathered here to perform the ritual of eternal youth. 220 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,824 Frank, you have to go in there and join those acolytes! 221 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,161 Colic? No one there is colicky, they look fine! 222 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:22,083 Acolytes! I'm suggesting you go mingle with them! 223 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:26,420 Well, I would, but I don't have a fuchsia tunic. 224 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,714 That's not true, you've got one. 225 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:35,471 Liz, there's no way I'm wearing your skirt. 226 00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:47,275 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 227 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:52,863 - Thank you. - Your tunic is a bit short. 228 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:58,077 Mr. Bishop, I'm sorry, I must have washed it wrong and it shrunk a little. 229 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,706 - So wash it in cold water. - I will. 230 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,250 Today is the day! 231 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:08,754 The Lacryma Christi sect, which unites every hundred years 232 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:12,383 to celebrate its magic ritual, 233 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:17,888 has gathered the three necessary elements for the miracle: 234 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:23,769 The secret code, the mortal remains of Master Teomondo Scrofalo, 235 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:28,733 and his wonderful, extraordinary, inimitable work of art.. 236 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:32,612 - You call that a work of art? - Oh, please! 237 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:37,408 - His wonderful painting! - Please! 238 00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,746 All right, this thing here. 239 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:46,584 After having read the formula contained in the Master's code book 240 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,795 for the miracle to occur at midnight sharp, 241 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,632 let us drink! 242 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:57,803 The elixir of longevity and eternal youth! 243 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,349 Well, I'm here... I might as well rejuvenate a few years... 244 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:07,396 To youm, Teomondo Scrofalo, let us makemus the miraculum! 245 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,398 To youm! 246 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:26,540 Thank you, Teomondo, for making us in your likeness! 247 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:32,171 May joy reign over this sad world! 248 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:44,517 Besides being a dunce in art and Latin, 249 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,852 he was a dunce in chemistry as well! 250 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:53,109 It's not the "eternal youth formula." It's the "eternal drunkenness spell!" 251 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,654 Frank, what happened? You didn't get younger, you got older! 252 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,532 Hurry, take me to the Basilica of San Pellegrino, 253 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,075 I must dive into that spring 254 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,661 and become a devotee of mineral water again, not wine! 255 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:09,125 Teomondo Scrofalo, damn you and your code! 256 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,552 COMING SOON 257 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,445 If you think you've seen the worst 258 00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,196 the human mind could possibly imagine, 259 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,615 you have no idea... 260 00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:43,784 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 261 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,789 WHO KILLED THE LAST GODFATHER 262 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,502 Well done, guys! You caught the two bastards! 263 00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,213 How many did you bury in concrete this morning? 264 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,381 Four. 265 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,384 Listen asshole, 266 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:04,221 you've got 30 seconds to tell us who killed Don Calogero 267 00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,639 or you're fucked! 268 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,684 - You're dead! - You'll stop breathing! 269 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,395 Of course he'll stop breathing, he'll be dead! 270 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:15,941 - Hey you, kill him! - Stop! Wait! Hold on a second. 271 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,156 It wasn't me, 272 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,951 but I know someone who knows who did it! 273 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:29,163 He knows. Then tell us! 274 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,041 - Talk! - Tell us everything! 275 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,419 Of course he'll tell us everything, he said he'll talk, asshole! 276 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,547 Come on, tell me who the bastard is! 277 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,551 - Him! - Me? 278 00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,347 - What are you talking about? Liar! - I'm no liar. I know for sure. 279 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:51,310 He knows who did it. He deserves to die! 280 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,479 Bastard! 281 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,065 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 282 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:59,109 A ruthless, cruel, inhuman saga! 283 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:02,947 Talk, you bastard, or you'll be breathing cement! 284 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,283 - Talk, you bastard. - You bastard, talk! 285 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:10,663 Tell me why you're repeating everything I say, asshole. 286 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,873 And what I say too. Tell him that, will you? 287 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,836 Go on! You have 10 seconds... 9,8, ♪.. 288 00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:21,674 "Who killed the last Godfather?" A story that knows no mercy. 289 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:22,591 2,1... 290 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,553 Please! Stop. 291 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:29,181 - I swear to God I'll tell you! - Ah, so you're ready to talk now? 292 00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:33,978 Well then, who is the bastard that killed Don Calogero? 293 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:39,733 - He is! - Me? What are you talking about? 294 00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:43,112 Are you crazy? What are you on? I swear, it's not true. 295 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,780 I told you. It was him! 296 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,533 He's out of his mind. Look at that glassy stare. 297 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,286 Come on, let me speak! 298 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:54,498 He's a bastard! And you're a bastard! Are you messing with me? 299 00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,960 - Are you messing with us? - Hey, are you messing... 300 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:01,046 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 301 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:04,133 Find out soon at a theater near you. 302 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,470 COMING SOON 303 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,269 Coming soon, 304 00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:19,106 the most thrilling horror film of all times... 305 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:22,526 THE LAST SAGA OF VAMPIRES, 306 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:25,613 WEREWOLVES AND OTHER DISGUSTING BEASTS 307 00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:34,538 Listen babe, I've got to tell you something. 308 00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:37,750 Tell me, honey. There shouldn't be secrets between us. 309 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:42,421 I'm not a normal guy. I'm 310 00:23:43,047 --> 00:23:45,007 - I'm a va... - A valiant lover. 311 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,385 I know, last night was unforgettable. You really wore me out! 312 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:52,473 - No, that's not what I meant. I'm a vam... - A vamp! 313 00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,184 All of my friends look at you and say 314 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,770 you're so handsome, you're such a vamp. 315 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,897 But I'm not jealous, I know you love me. 316 00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:03,859 No! Try to understand me, look at my teeth. 317 00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:08,614 I'm a vamp... A vamp... 318 00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:11,992 - Come on. A vamp... - Vamp, Schmamp. Fuck this! 319 00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,203 Why complicate things? "I'm this, I'm that..." 320 00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:17,164 Who the fuck are you anyway? I hate puzzles. 321 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:42,356 First a vampire, then a werewolf. 322 00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:44,191 Will I ever meet a normal guy? 323 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,111 The hell with you. 324 00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:35,075 In a world where the sleep of reason increasingly generates monsters, 325 00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:39,621 monsters will finally be right and never sleepy. 326 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:43,917 "They'll be right and never sleepy?" 327 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,663 Is someone there? 328 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,210 A cat! 329 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:46,522 Thanks! 330 00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:57,741 Good. 331 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,520 Come here! 332 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,491 Where is he? 333 00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:57,009 Three D? Wow, it's a 3D horror film! 334 00:28:02,472 --> 00:28:05,684 Guys, I'm your hairdresser. 335 00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:10,606 Come here so I can cut your hair. 336 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,151 Hey, where are you going? 337 00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:17,446 Don't run away, I can cut your nails! 338 00:28:17,863 --> 00:28:22,242 TWINIGHT 3D - COMING SOON 339 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,305 Hail! 340 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:50,187 - General... - Centurion! 341 00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,481 Weren't you taught to knock before entering? 342 00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:08,413 - Come in! - General, 343 00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:10,540 Emperor Marcus Aurelius wants to talk to you. 344 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:14,127 What? And you're wasting time knocking at my curtain? 345 00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:17,381 You ought to be a traffic cop in Carthage, not a centurion. 346 00:29:25,806 --> 00:29:30,143 - Hail, Maximus. - Hail, Cesara. 347 00:29:35,065 --> 00:29:37,401 May you have a safe journey, my General! 348 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:41,905 Thank you, my loyal Centurion. May the gods one day reunite us! 349 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:10,100 - Bravo. - How was your journey, General? 350 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,144 It was alright. A little tiring! 351 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:17,441 Tiring? You traveled around the corner on your chariot! 352 00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:28,994 Hail, Emperor! You sent for me? 353 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:31,788 Hello, Maximus. Come. 354 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:38,628 Mr. Capitoline, let's continue tomorrow. 355 00:30:39,379 --> 00:30:41,256 Come with me, we have to talk. 356 00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:45,594 Excuse me, Emperor: How long have you been posing for this statue? 357 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,929 - Forty-five years! - Holy shit! 358 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:50,182 It does look just like you, I must say. 359 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:57,564 I sent for you because I feel my death is near. 360 00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:01,610 It's very difficult for me to decide 361 00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:05,697 whether to leave my glorious and powerful empire 362 00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:10,660 - to you, Maximus the Eighth... - Tenth. Maximus the Tenth. 363 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:14,456 - Maximus the Tenth of the North... - South. 364 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:18,418 - Maximus the Tenth of the South. - Maximus whatever-your-name-is, 365 00:31:18,502 --> 00:31:21,630 commander of the army of the... 366 00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:23,965 North. 367 00:31:24,174 --> 00:31:28,512 of the North, general of the legions of... 368 00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:32,974 - Felix. - Felix, my loyal soldier, 369 00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:37,479 - or leave it to Commodus, my son and... - Hi! 370 00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:43,819 Well... just my son. I'll make this important decision 371 00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:50,033 after well-considered, thought out, careful deliberations. 372 00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:56,415 - Give me a sesterce! - Here it is, Dad. 373 00:31:58,708 --> 00:32:03,004 - Eagle or Coliseum? - I want the eagle! 374 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,425 The eagle's pretty! 375 00:32:07,259 --> 00:32:08,802 I like the eagle! 376 00:32:10,137 --> 00:32:12,389 I like the eagle. 377 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:17,978 What do you choose? 378 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:24,526 You said well-considered, thought out, careful deliberations. 379 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:28,780 This coin has an eagle on one side and the Coliseum on the other. 380 00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:31,908 He chose the eagle... so I'll choose 381 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:36,830 - the Coliseum! - What a genius! Well done. 382 00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:42,210 Eagle! 383 00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:46,673 The empire will be mine! It'll be mine! 384 00:32:46,756 --> 00:32:49,468 Dad, the empire's mine! 385 00:32:51,094 --> 00:32:53,305 - Emperor! - My heart! 386 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,683 My son won... My heart... 387 00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:01,771 You are dying, Emperor! A doctor, quick! 388 00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:04,232 Thank you, Maximus the Fourth, the Fifth, of the North... 389 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:07,569 Emperor, please, you're dying. Try to say it right just this once. 390 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:09,488 Maximus the Tenth of the South. 391 00:33:09,571 --> 00:33:13,408 I'm sorry, it wasn't deliberate. 392 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:16,578 May the gods strike me down if I'm lying. 393 00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:20,540 Let me see that coin. 394 00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:26,254 This coin is rigged. There are two eagles. 395 00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,506 What are you talking about? 396 00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:30,008 There's no trick and there's no coin. Look. 397 00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:35,931 Guards! Arrest him! Go, go, go! 398 00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:37,724 Here we are. 399 00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:41,811 You are so naive, Commodus, 400 00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:48,485 my loyal soldiers would never arrest me! 401 00:33:49,236 --> 00:33:52,072 What are you talking about? Of course I'll arrest you. 402 00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:54,241 Commodus gives me sesterces! 403 00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:58,328 I've got a wife and kids, a house to fix and a mortgage to pay! 404 00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:02,457 Guards, take him to the woods and execute him! 405 00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:04,834 Come on! 406 00:34:04,918 --> 00:34:07,837 - You assholes! - Walk! 407 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,675 The empire is mine! Doc, is Dad dead? 408 00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:14,970 - Not yet. - How long is this going to take? 409 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,139 Call Michael Jackson's doctor! That should speed up the process. 410 00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:20,892 Dead. 411 00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:24,205 Centurion, I've got blisters on my feet. We've been walking for two hours. 412 00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:26,523 Shut up. 413 00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:29,276 - Where are we taking him? - None of your business! 414 00:34:31,945 --> 00:34:36,783 Here is fine. General Maximus, get on your knees. 415 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,495 I'm a soldier. I want a painless death. 416 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:43,957 Well, I'm a good centurion. 417 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,044 I've never killed anyone by a pain in the ass. 418 00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:52,048 Painless, not pain in the ass! 419 00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:55,385 The General's right. Painless, not pain in the ass. 420 00:34:55,468 --> 00:34:57,554 So how shall we kill him? 421 00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:59,014 We can hang him. 422 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,308 No, too ordinary. No one could lift him anyway. 423 00:35:01,558 --> 00:35:05,020 He's not as thin as he looks, plus he's got that armor. 424 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,605 And I've got a slipped disc. 425 00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:08,440 Let him be quartered by the horses! 426 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:13,570 We came here on foot, you idiot! There are no horses! 427 00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:15,196 Let's burn him. 428 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,907 No, we'll get a fine for polluting. Something easier. 429 00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:19,826 You're a tough one to please! 430 00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:24,164 I've got an idea... let's impale him. 431 00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:28,418 Centurion, I said a painless death. Impalement is a pain in the ass! 432 00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:30,962 I'm sorry, General. I let the situation get out of hand. 433 00:35:31,046 --> 00:35:34,883 Not exactly out of hand! You wanted to get me somewhere else. 434 00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:36,551 Other ideas? 435 00:35:37,093 --> 00:35:38,637 Let's drown him. 436 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,597 No, too boring. Let's stone him to death! 437 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,849 Let's behead him! 438 00:35:42,932 --> 00:35:45,894 - Let's beat him on the head. - I've got it! Let's shoot him! 439 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:50,357 - See? You are an idiot! - Ok, well... I'm off. Goodbye. 440 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,025 Goodbye. 441 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,571 Give me that piece of bark! 442 00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,453 What do you think? Will he get tetanus from this? 443 00:36:15,131 --> 00:36:17,258 Would you give me a lift? 444 00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,177 Excuse me! 445 00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:23,431 Excuse me! 446 00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:31,856 Are you going to Rome? 447 00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:36,820 - Yes. I'm going to the slave market. - Oh, great! Would you give me a lift? 448 00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:40,907 Sure! 449 00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:43,868 - Please. - Thank you. 450 00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:50,667 Nice quads! Look at those muscles. 451 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,711 You're very kind. 452 00:36:53,169 --> 00:36:57,507 - This way. - Thank you. 453 00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:00,009 What a kind man! 454 00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:03,847 It's my lucky day! 455 00:37:05,974 --> 00:37:10,478 We're going to make some money today, friends. Let's go! 456 00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:13,022 To the market! 457 00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:17,902 Give me a C, give me an O, 458 00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:21,990 give me an M, give me an M, 459 00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:25,702 give me an O, give me a D, 460 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:29,581 give me a U and a ♪... Commodus! 461 00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:31,708 - Gracchus? - Yes, Commodus? 462 00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:34,794 When is it going to start? I'm fed up. 463 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:37,106 If they don't get started, I'm going to the soccer game. 464 00:37:37,130 --> 00:37:44,095 One captain, there's just one captain! 465 00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:48,600 You are nothing but slaves, 466 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:53,229 and you are here to kill! 467 00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:58,193 Stick your sword in the flesh of your rival 468 00:37:58,318 --> 00:38:00,195 and the people will love you. 469 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:06,826 I'm taking notes. Stick your sword in the flesh... 470 00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:11,873 And maybe Emperor Commodus will decide to set you free. 471 00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:13,541 Your swords! 472 00:38:20,089 --> 00:38:22,759 Hey, come on, this is a razor blade! 473 00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:26,513 Your shields! 474 00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,985 - If this is a joke, just say it. - Take your seat! 475 00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,409 Your masks! 476 00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:52,038 Hold on! Excuse me. 477 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,291 Excuse me. 478 00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:09,138 What a dickhead! 479 00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:14,978 Slaves, are you ready to die and to fight? 480 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:17,146 Yes! 481 00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:22,569 How am I supposed to speak with this thing on my face? 482 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:43,673 Holy cow! 483 00:39:44,090 --> 00:39:46,092 - Gracchus? - Yes, Commodus? 484 00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:47,427 Who are these people? 485 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:51,389 These gladiators will face the invincible Swiss. 486 00:39:53,308 --> 00:39:55,393 Why is he called the Swiss? 487 00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:58,605 He's like clockwork: He kills one every minute. 488 00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,523 If that's the case, he'll nail the second too! 489 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:06,946 Hail Caesar, those who are about to die salute you! 490 00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:09,282 About to die? That's no good! 491 00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,538 What is it? 492 00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:20,293 He's alone and there are seven of us! 493 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,713 We will win for the glory of Rome! 494 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:31,137 At my signal, unleash hell. Or at least stir up some shit. 495 00:40:31,346 --> 00:40:36,351 One, two, three. Let's go! 496 00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:39,062 Oops, my sandal. 497 00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:14,806 Why all the fuss? Leave it to the hooligans. 498 00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:18,142 I'd like to see you come down to fight this Hercules! 499 00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:20,395 Give me a break! 500 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:24,649 Please let me out. I double-parked my horse. 501 00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:25,918 They'll deduct points from my driver's license. 502 00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:29,529 Get out there and fight, you coward! There is no other way out. 503 00:41:29,612 --> 00:41:30,697 Are you sure? 504 00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:32,657 Goodbye. 505 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:40,581 Give me a second. I need to think about my strategy here. This sucks. 506 00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:42,625 Alright already. I'm going. 507 00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:03,021 What's so funny? 508 00:42:03,104 --> 00:42:06,899 After stabbing the flesh of so many opponents, the blade has shrunk. 509 00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:09,485 It's obviously made in Taiwan. 510 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:12,572 It's not fair. This fight is too uneven. 511 00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:04,540 Swiss, can you do this? 512 00:43:11,631 --> 00:43:13,091 He can. 513 00:43:27,063 --> 00:43:29,649 Maximus, you're the best! 514 00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:41,536 Commodus, how's it going with the vestals? 515 00:43:45,248 --> 00:43:49,377 Maximus, the emperor has granted you your freedom. You're free to go! 516 00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:51,254 Yeah! 517 00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,509 - Gracchus? - Yes? 518 00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:57,844 What happened? 519 00:43:57,927 --> 00:44:00,304 Nothing, Emperor. Everything's under control. 520 00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:02,265 Oh, I was starting to worry! 521 00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:05,351 - Who gave that guy his freedom? - I don't know. 522 00:44:08,563 --> 00:44:10,857 Thank you. Thank you. 523 00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,944 Maximus, can I have a picture with you? 524 00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:17,155 Sure, just one though, I've got to go home. 525 00:44:20,032 --> 00:44:23,452 Thank you. Long live Rome! 526 00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:04,493 It was a tough battle, but I won. 527 00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:11,000 Thank you, my friends. 528 00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:16,589 - Hi, honey. - Finally! 529 00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,842 Kids, quit playing and come here! 530 00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:22,136 Honey, I'm back, rejoice! 531 00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,679 Where have you been? 532 00:45:23,763 --> 00:45:27,266 I sent you to get the groceries and you've been away for six years! 533 00:45:27,350 --> 00:45:32,063 Well, I was about to enter the shop when 534 00:45:33,022 --> 00:45:35,900 Maximus, I'm tired of your excuses! 535 00:45:36,025 --> 00:45:39,695 - You are such a deadbeat! - Me? A deadbeat? 536 00:45:39,779 --> 00:45:43,866 I'm Rome's most valiant soldier! 537 00:45:48,537 --> 00:45:52,124 Your sister, Caligula's wife, is the valiant one. 538 00:45:52,208 --> 00:45:53,376 Excuse me. 539 00:45:54,043 --> 00:45:58,047 People, I'm sorry, we've got some private issues. See you later. 540 00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:01,300 What were you saying, love? 541 00:46:01,384 --> 00:46:05,471 We were stuck here waiting for you while you were playing toy soldiers! 542 00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:07,974 - Did you buy the milk? - Yes I did, 543 00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:10,393 but I drank it all during the Gallic wars. 544 00:46:10,476 --> 00:46:14,480 Come here, kids, give your dad a hug! 545 00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:16,482 Go do your homework, 546 00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:21,362 you don't want to become globe-trotting losers like your father, do you? 547 00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:25,825 Don't just stand there! There are thousands of things to do! 548 00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:31,080 Oh, sweetie. Mommy's right here. 549 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:34,792 Whose baby is this? I've been away for six years! 550 00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:38,587 - This is your son. - He can't be, come on! 551 00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:42,049 This is your son, his name is Cuckoldius of the South. 552 00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:46,554 Don't try to change the subject! Come with me! 553 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:48,681 Change the subject? She changed husbands! 554 00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,225 - The bathroom needs cleaning. - I'll clean it. 555 00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,728 - The baby needs changing. - I'll change him. 556 00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:56,314 - Lunch needs making. - I'll make it. 557 00:46:56,397 --> 00:46:59,275 - The tunics needs mending. - I'll mend them. 558 00:46:59,358 --> 00:47:01,861 - The horse needs shoeing. - I'll shoe him. 559 00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,446 There's laundry to do... 560 00:47:07,950 --> 00:47:09,618 Excuse me, Senator Gracchus, 561 00:47:09,702 --> 00:47:12,413 I believe I gave that guy his freedom yesterday. 562 00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:14,457 Yes, but he decided to relinquish it. 563 00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:17,877 He says he'd rather be here than at home with his wife. 564 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:21,088 Imagine that! You got a cigarette? 565 00:47:21,172 --> 00:47:22,798 No. 566 00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:45,821 After the roaring success of "Who killed the last Godfather?," 567 00:47:45,905 --> 00:47:48,449 cinema's most violent saga is back. 568 00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:53,037 No one messes with Calogero Cariddi's guys, you bastards! 569 00:47:53,371 --> 00:47:56,707 Calogero Cariddi's guys never get messed with. 570 00:47:56,791 --> 00:47:59,293 No one messes with us, capish? 571 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:05,841 What did we do to deserve such an idiot brother? 572 00:48:05,925 --> 00:48:10,721 Why do you keep repeating what I say, asshole? 573 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,975 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 574 00:48:15,476 --> 00:48:17,645 Kill them in 10 seconds. 575 00:48:18,521 --> 00:48:21,023 This time we're in deep trouble! 576 00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:24,026 - We need an idea... - seven, Six 577 00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:27,738 - I know! - Seriously? 578 00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:29,240 - Yes. - Tell me. 579 00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:34,870 - three, two, one... - Stop! 580 00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:37,623 - This time I'll tell you the truth. - Yes, we'll tell you. 581 00:48:38,457 --> 00:48:42,253 We're not Don Calogero's killers! 582 00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:47,758 All right. Tell me, if you weren't the bastard, then who was? 583 00:48:47,842 --> 00:48:50,886 - On three. - One, two, three. 584 00:48:50,970 --> 00:48:52,471 It was him! 585 00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:55,891 - Him? - Him? 586 00:48:56,016 --> 00:48:58,811 - Him? - Yes, it was him! 587 00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:01,480 Not only are you an asshole, you're a traitor too! 588 00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:03,732 No, I didn't do it! 589 00:49:03,816 --> 00:49:06,777 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 590 00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:13,534 "I've got a brilliant idea..." Right! 591 00:49:13,742 --> 00:49:15,828 There used to be two of us, now there are three! 592 00:49:15,911 --> 00:49:21,375 I thought we could blame him, and they'd set us free, 593 00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:22,793 like in the previous trailer! 594 00:49:22,877 --> 00:49:25,713 He thought he could blame me to be set free. 595 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:28,716 Listen to him! Now you're repeating after us too? 596 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,719 You really are an asshole. Your brother's right! 597 00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:35,014 - I told you he was an asshole. - That's enough! He keeps repeating! 598 00:49:35,097 --> 00:49:37,600 - He's a repeater! - I like repeating. 599 00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:41,979 A never-ending saga, where the surprises just keep coming. 600 00:49:42,271 --> 00:49:44,815 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 601 00:49:44,899 --> 00:49:47,193 The asshole. 602 00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:51,780 COMING SOON 603 00:49:53,324 --> 00:49:55,784 The mother of all challenges. 604 00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:59,622 Two men who built their reputations on speed 605 00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:04,335 are facing off in the most thrilling street race of the century. 606 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:09,507 - Who's going to win the race tonight? - You, Blondie! 607 00:50:10,883 --> 00:50:15,554 - Who's going to win the race tonight? - You, Brownie! 608 00:50:15,638 --> 00:50:19,266 Just a second. Waiter, a short espresso, please. 609 00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:24,730 He's trying to amaze us with his special effects. 610 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:26,440 Look at me, Blondie. 611 00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:30,819 Waiter, a seafood smoothie, please. 612 00:50:33,322 --> 00:50:36,659 Is that all? Hey Brownie, check out this brunette! 613 00:50:44,959 --> 00:50:48,629 - Voila. - What are you covering her up for? 614 00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:52,800 Blondie, check out this litter of blondes. 615 00:50:57,179 --> 00:51:01,475 Who'll win the challenge of the century? Blondie or Brownie? 616 00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:08,857 I'm going to win this race, 617 00:51:09,024 --> 00:51:12,695 everybody's cheering for me! 618 00:51:12,945 --> 00:51:16,490 I'm going to win this race, 619 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:20,160 and leave you in the dust. 620 00:51:20,244 --> 00:51:24,540 No, no, no, you won't: 621 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:28,335 You'll eat my dust. 622 00:51:28,419 --> 00:51:32,131 No, no, no, you won't: 623 00:51:32,298 --> 00:51:35,676 You can suck on my exhaust pipe. 624 00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:39,305 It's so nice to sing songs in movies, 625 00:51:39,388 --> 00:51:42,099 even though no one knows why. 626 00:51:43,809 --> 00:51:47,146 Suddenly everyone starts singing. (Why?) 627 00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:51,692 Then everyone starts dancing too. (Why?) 628 00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:55,696 Most of the time, the songs are really crappy. 629 00:51:56,989 --> 00:51:59,158 Really crappy. 630 00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,956 The mother of all challenges 631 00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:09,835 is about to begin at a theater near you. 632 00:52:10,336 --> 00:52:13,547 - Fifty bucks on Blondie! - One hundred on Brownie! 633 00:52:13,631 --> 00:52:18,510 Right hand for Blondie, left hand for Brownie! 634 00:52:18,594 --> 00:52:19,720 Next, please! 635 00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:23,766 Place your bets on the world's best race! 636 00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:27,686 Place your bets! Final bets! 637 00:52:28,604 --> 00:52:30,606 On your marks... 638 00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,988 Engines! 639 00:52:44,912 --> 00:52:46,872 Hey, it won't start! 640 00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:08,185 Guys, I'm sure this has happened to you before. 641 00:53:08,477 --> 00:53:12,272 You get in the car, turn the key, and the car won't start! 642 00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,775 Does anyone have jumper cables by any chance? 643 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:18,320 You clown! 644 00:53:18,487 --> 00:53:22,116 - Give us our money back! - Hey, what's all the fuss about? 645 00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:26,286 Blondie's right. It's just some minor ignition trouble. 646 00:53:26,704 --> 00:53:29,081 If no one has cables, we could use 8 strong arms: 647 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,668 4 on either car. One big push, and we're off. 648 00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:36,714 Arms?! Start this lemon! You guys are pathetic! 649 00:53:43,178 --> 00:53:45,639 - That's just not right! - Just a moment. 650 00:53:45,723 --> 00:53:49,727 Calm down, everything is fine. 651 00:53:49,810 --> 00:53:52,604 - What do you mean? - Do you have the money? 652 00:53:52,688 --> 00:53:54,523 - Right here. - Perfect. 653 00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,443 - Act casual. - Easy for you to say! 654 00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,362 Blondie? What are we going to do? 655 00:54:00,529 --> 00:54:03,615 - Run! - Yes, let's run fast! 656 00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:06,243 Very fast! These guys are furious! 657 00:54:07,327 --> 00:54:09,997 - Let's go! - Here they come! 658 00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:14,001 "Run fast, they're furious!" 659 00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,628 In your car or on foot, race to a movie theater near you. 660 00:54:16,712 --> 00:54:19,715 "Run fast, they're furious!" 661 00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:23,594 COMING SOON 662 00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:36,565 Ouch! My back! The pain! 663 00:54:38,484 --> 00:54:42,488 "Old Old Seventy - Backbreaker". 664 00:54:42,571 --> 00:54:44,281 Come, James. 665 00:54:46,492 --> 00:54:50,871 Not only is this a back brace, 666 00:54:51,497 --> 00:54:55,209 it doubles as a sophisticated parachute. 667 00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:56,668 - A parachute? - A parachute. 668 00:54:56,752 --> 00:54:58,295 - Is it new? - Brand new! 669 00:54:58,378 --> 00:55:00,964 It's been used 3 times and has never opened once. 670 00:55:01,048 --> 00:55:02,883 Old Old Seventy, 671 00:55:02,966 --> 00:55:06,678 the world's oldest secret agent is not ready to retire. 672 00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:09,223 (Uomo) Questi non sono occhiali da vista. 673 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:12,267 - These are not glasses. - They're not glasses. 674 00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:15,771 It's a still camera and infrared video camera all in one. 675 00:55:18,607 --> 00:55:20,108 Old Old Seventy, 676 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,611 battles arthritis, Alzheimer's, and a heart bypass 677 00:55:22,694 --> 00:55:24,613 as he prepares for his latest mission. 678 00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:28,408 - These aren't dentures. - They're not dentures. 679 00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:34,540 No. It's a bomb with a built-in timer. 680 00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:39,294 It will explode after 5 seconds. 681 00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,633 Old Old Seventy 682 00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:46,176 faces a new adventure 683 00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:50,013 armed with the most amazing secret weapons for the incontinent. 684 00:55:50,138 --> 00:55:52,683 This is an incontinence pad. 685 00:55:52,766 --> 00:55:56,186 - Which is not an incontinence pad. - No, this is an actual incontinence pad. 686 00:55:56,270 --> 00:56:00,566 At your age, it can happen while on a secret mission! 687 00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:04,528 - It won't happen! - It can, it will. Go on and change. 688 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,824 Is everything alright, Agent? 689 00:56:10,826 --> 00:56:14,496 James, are you finding these new secret weapons comfortable? 690 00:56:17,499 --> 00:56:19,585 He's not as strong as he used to be. 691 00:56:19,668 --> 00:56:23,839 Careful, it's dangerous there! The stairs! 692 00:56:28,093 --> 00:56:30,596 I knew it! I knew it! 693 00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:39,730 The secret agent most loved by audiences 694 00:56:39,855 --> 00:56:42,274 is back in movie theaters and hospices near you 695 00:56:44,443 --> 00:56:49,740 - in "Old Old Seventy. - The Hospice can wait". 696 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,452 COMING SOON 697 00:56:55,704 --> 00:57:00,208 To defend their country, a group of heroes 698 00:57:00,292 --> 00:57:04,796 fought a hidden war in the abysses of the sea: 699 00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:08,091 "The Silent War". 700 00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,345 Thousands of feet beneath the ocean's waves, 701 00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:17,768 even the smallest sound could mean the end of their existence... 702 00:57:18,310 --> 00:57:20,771 You were right, Sir. A German boat is approaching. 703 00:57:20,854 --> 00:57:22,314 It's almost above us. 704 00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:27,945 Gentlemen, avoid making any sound from now on. 705 00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:33,784 Shit happens. 706 00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,636 Descend 200 meters. Idle speed. 707 00:57:52,761 --> 00:57:55,055 Descend 200 meters. Idle speed. 708 00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:57,683 Descend 200 meters. Idle speed. 709 00:57:57,766 --> 00:58:00,352 Descend 200 meters. Idle speed. 710 00:58:01,144 --> 00:58:02,896 But I'm the cook! 711 00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:05,607 - But he's the cook! - But he's the cook! 712 00:58:05,691 --> 00:58:08,276 - But he's the cook! - I don't care! 713 00:58:08,652 --> 00:58:11,780 - Shut up or they'll hear us. - Sir, listen. 714 00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:15,575 Fuck! 715 00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:29,965 Enough! No doubt about it, they're German. 716 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:33,093 We must shoot, it's within range. 717 00:58:33,427 --> 00:58:36,304 Prepare launch tubes one and two! 718 00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,974 Sir, may I remind you that we have no torpedoes left. 719 00:58:39,057 --> 00:58:40,559 What are you talking about? 720 00:58:40,642 --> 00:58:42,644 We used all of them on New Years Eve! 721 00:58:42,728 --> 00:58:46,565 It's true! What a party that was! 722 00:58:51,653 --> 00:58:52,904 Quiet! 723 00:58:53,321 --> 00:58:56,324 The Germans are passing over us. 724 00:59:00,328 --> 00:59:01,705 They're here! 725 00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:36,698 We're in the clear. No problem, they didn't hear us. 726 00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:39,284 - What? - Captain, he can't breathe. 727 00:59:51,463 --> 00:59:58,929 Give me something to catch my fall or I'll make noise. 728 01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:03,517 No, something else. 729 01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:09,981 A cushion! 730 01:00:34,464 --> 01:00:36,091 Torpedo! 9 o'clock! 731 01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:43,265 I can't breathe! I can't breathe! 732 01:00:44,224 --> 01:00:46,726 Gentlemen, please be careful! 733 01:00:46,810 --> 01:00:49,187 And you! Sneezing like a sea lion! 734 01:00:49,271 --> 01:00:52,607 The Germans can hear us! Move over. Turn on the radio. 735 01:00:52,983 --> 01:00:54,943 Let's see if they heard us. 736 01:00:57,028 --> 01:01:01,283 Just few seconds to the end of the World Football Championship match 737 01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:02,826 between Italy and Germany. 738 01:01:02,909 --> 01:01:05,328 - The finals are tonight! - The finals! 739 01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:06,997 The score is still 0-0. 740 01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:11,001 Colaussi on the left passes it center field to Silvio Piola. 741 01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:14,963 He enters the penalty zone, dodges a defender, and another. 742 01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:17,400 He lures the goalkeeper out of his net, kicks the ball... Goal! 743 01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:22,345 Goaaal! 744 01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:26,516 Italy! Italy! 745 01:01:29,561 --> 01:01:31,771 Captain, we've been hit! 746 01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:35,192 Who cares! We're the World Champions! 747 01:01:35,901 --> 01:01:41,156 Italy! Italy! 748 01:01:47,370 --> 01:01:49,414 "The Silent War." 749 01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,958 Coming soon. 750 01:01:53,919 --> 01:01:56,004 COMING SOON 751 01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:07,682 Montero's men! 752 01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:10,352 Dad, dad! Montero's men are coming. 753 01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:11,311 - No! - Yes! 754 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:13,355 Get inside, Carmencita! 755 01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:20,195 That sucks! I should have run away when I was a little girl! 756 01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:24,407 - Peace to you, Buendia. - Peace to you. 757 01:02:24,491 --> 01:02:27,619 You know, your face speaks much more than a thousand words. 758 01:02:28,912 --> 01:02:31,331 Do you want to know what your face is telling me? 759 01:02:31,414 --> 01:02:34,209 - Yes, sir, I want to know. - He wants to know? 760 01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,044 My father is such a loser. 761 01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:38,213 Shut up! What do mean you want to know? 762 01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:40,257 You know they're going to beat you up. 763 01:02:40,340 --> 01:02:43,593 It tells me you're still unable to repay your debt. 764 01:02:43,677 --> 01:02:47,180 What do you say, Buendia? Is your face telling the truth? 765 01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:49,975 Yes, sir, it's telling the truth. 766 01:02:50,058 --> 01:02:53,186 - You do know the law, Buendia, right? - Yes, I do. 767 01:02:53,270 --> 01:02:54,562 Prepare him for a lashing! 768 01:02:57,232 --> 01:03:00,318 Daddy... Dad... 769 01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:03,655 Mom?! 770 01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,296 Beer, orange soda, popcorn! 771 01:03:19,379 --> 01:03:21,715 One small popcorn for me! How much is it? 772 01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:24,467 - Ten euros. - Ten euros? 773 01:03:24,843 --> 01:03:28,471 That's more than at the movies! Cabron! 774 01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:31,141 - May I sit? - Go ahead. 775 01:03:31,558 --> 01:03:33,560 Scoot over. 776 01:03:35,312 --> 01:03:41,401 Oh Lord, please, send Zorro to help my stupid father. 777 01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:54,372 After wearing this mask all day, my conjunctivitis is killing me. 778 01:03:56,499 --> 01:03:58,835 Ah, that's better. 779 01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:01,629 Let's get to work. 780 01:04:01,713 --> 01:04:05,258 - Giddy up! - It's him! Yes, it's him! 781 01:04:07,093 --> 01:04:10,180 Hello cowards and bad guys in uniforms! 782 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:11,903 I'm Don Diego de la Vega, also known as... 783 01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:13,433 Who?! 784 01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:16,728 As I was saying: I am Don Diego de la Vega. 785 01:04:16,811 --> 01:04:18,188 Diego de la Vegan? 786 01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:21,649 - Vegan? - What are you, deaf? 787 01:04:21,733 --> 01:04:24,778 - He said Megan, Megan! - He said Vegan! 788 01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:28,073 No, he said Pegan with a P, like Pancho! 789 01:04:28,156 --> 01:04:31,743 Are we finished yet? Please, Miss, do something! 790 01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:36,664 Otherwise I'll go somewhere else to save some other poor fellow. 791 01:04:36,748 --> 01:04:38,375 These people can't even say my name! 792 01:04:38,541 --> 01:04:42,087 They call me Vegan, Megan, Pegan! Can we end this charade? 793 01:04:42,170 --> 01:04:45,048 That's enough! Who cares what his name is?! 794 01:04:45,131 --> 01:04:49,010 The only thing that counts is that... he is Zorro! 795 01:04:49,094 --> 01:04:52,472 - Long live Zorro! - Finally! 796 01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:56,101 Thanks, babe. You could be my babe in arms. 797 01:04:56,643 --> 01:04:59,938 I'm here to defend these people from the rulers' oppression! 798 01:05:02,565 --> 01:05:06,861 Forro? With an "F?" Didn't you say it was Zorro with a "2?" 799 01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:09,364 I know, I was supposed to write a "Z." 800 01:05:09,447 --> 01:05:14,744 I have to have my sword sharpened, don't be such a stickler! 801 01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:18,123 I've got the cape, the mask, the hat... Isn't it obvious that I'm Zorro? 802 01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:24,045 Coming soon to a theater near you, "Zorro, the masked hero." 803 01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:25,922 Get out of here, you impostor! 804 01:05:26,005 --> 01:05:28,049 We'll see who the impostor is! 805 01:05:28,675 --> 01:05:32,804 Ouch, my ankle! I sprained my ankle! 806 01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:34,139 Oh my God, 807 01:05:34,222 --> 01:05:37,725 he's got more injuries than a rugby player! 808 01:05:39,185 --> 01:05:43,606 Coming soon to a theater near you, "Limp! The limping avenger." 809 01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:48,862 Jesus, I can barely stand! 810 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:57,662 - Long live Xorro, with an "X!" - Long live Xorro! 811 01:06:00,540 --> 01:06:04,294 - Long live Morro, with an "M!" - Long live Morro! 812 01:06:09,924 --> 01:06:12,969 - Long live Borro, with a "B!" - Long live Borro! 813 01:06:13,052 --> 01:06:17,932 I knew it. I can't jump off my horse in these boots! The heels are too high! 814 01:06:18,016 --> 01:06:22,020 "Wear high heels, they'll make you look slimmer." 815 01:06:22,103 --> 01:06:23,438 What a load of crap! 816 01:06:23,521 --> 01:06:26,649 They want me to look sharp and I twist my ankle. 817 01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:30,820 I thought Zorro was dashing and virile... 818 01:06:30,904 --> 01:06:33,948 - What a lame hero we've got. - Please, Miss, 819 01:06:34,115 --> 01:06:37,327 I'm fighting for your family. 820 01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,871 If I'd known how you feel, I wouldn't have come at all, ok? 821 01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:42,165 You guys are still here? 822 01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:45,126 Why is everyone picking on me today? 823 01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:47,128 Limp is a two-bit hero! 824 01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:52,258 What idiots! You help them and they complain! 825 01:06:52,342 --> 01:06:56,846 I'm quitting this Zorro gig and signing up for "Sex and the city"! 826 01:06:56,930 --> 01:06:58,640 Who gives a damn! 827 01:06:59,933 --> 01:07:02,644 "Limp, the limping avenger." 828 01:07:02,727 --> 01:07:04,854 Coming soon. 829 01:07:05,939 --> 01:07:08,107 COMING SOON 830 01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:13,029 In the year 2096 A.D., 831 01:07:13,112 --> 01:07:18,076 humanity was heading toward a sad and inexorable sunset. 832 01:07:18,660 --> 01:07:22,163 Words like passion, desire, and sex 833 01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:24,791 could no longer be found in any dictionary. 834 01:07:25,375 --> 01:07:27,710 But, in a distant galaxy, 835 01:07:27,794 --> 01:07:31,673 there was a planet inhabited by men beyond the frontiers of virility. 836 01:07:32,257 --> 01:07:35,009 This planet was called... 837 01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:36,761 Hardonia. 838 01:07:43,726 --> 01:07:46,771 The secret behind that fiery passion 839 01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:51,609 was safeguarded in their fertile soil and the fruits that sprouted from it. 840 01:07:52,068 --> 01:07:58,616 From that soil, a rare species thrived abundantly... Viagrus Fuckensis. 841 01:08:01,244 --> 01:08:03,413 Oh, there it is! 842 01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:07,083 Pick this one, look how big it is. 843 01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:15,717 Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Bungal! Yeah! Yeah! 844 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:19,220 Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Bungal! Yeah! Yeah! 845 01:08:21,389 --> 01:08:23,933 Coming soon to a theater near you... 846 01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:28,938 "Viagratar." 847 01:08:38,031 --> 01:08:40,617 How much time do you need to complete the training? 848 01:08:40,700 --> 01:08:43,911 Unfortunately the soldier we had selected for Viagratar training 849 01:08:43,995 --> 01:08:45,538 died in a mission on Earth. 850 01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:50,918 What a pity! I knew him well: He was 6-feet tall, sturdy, athletic. 851 01:08:51,044 --> 01:08:54,505 They sent his cousin as a replacement. They had the same DNA. 852 01:08:54,589 --> 01:09:00,511 Well, if they sent his cousin, he must have a sturdy build, too. 853 01:09:00,595 --> 01:09:03,556 - Mutation complete. - He's ready, commander. 854 01:09:20,448 --> 01:09:22,950 My God, it was so cold in there! 855 01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:25,554 There may have been budget cuts in the special effects department, 856 01:09:25,578 --> 01:09:28,873 but they didn't have to use a freezer as a transformation chamber. 857 01:09:28,956 --> 01:09:30,208 Just a second. 858 01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,378 Does this midget look like a Viagratar to you? 859 01:09:33,461 --> 01:09:35,880 He should have been turned away by recruiting! 860 01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:38,925 Alone on an unknown planet, 861 01:09:39,008 --> 01:09:42,553 our hero, Viagratar, begins his mission. 862 01:09:42,637 --> 01:09:47,266 Ehi, non ti avevo mai visto prima da queste parti, ragazzino. 863 01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:50,603 Kid? Listen beanpole, I'm 40 years old. 864 01:09:50,687 --> 01:09:53,773 Besides, the best wine is kept in the smallest barrels. 865 01:09:54,899 --> 01:10:00,405 You're funny! You look more like a smurf than a soldier. 866 01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:03,908 Can we stay away from the insults and racism, please? 867 01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:07,036 What's 2 inches anyway? 868 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:15,837 Take this. Taste it. 869 01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,880 I want to know what kind of person you are. 870 01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:25,138 This sacred plant's fruits can only be eaten here, they can't be taken away. 871 01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:32,520 Princess Ma'va, this reminds me of medication we have on Earth that... 872 01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:44,490 - Princess... - Yes? 873 01:10:44,574 --> 01:10:48,035 Have you ever seen my butterfly collection? 874 01:10:52,832 --> 01:10:57,420 Will our hero manage to accomplish his mission 875 01:10:57,503 --> 01:11:00,131 by stealing a sample of Viagrus Fuckensis? 876 01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:09,390 Thief, thief! 877 01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:12,685 Get a load of her! First she sleeps with me, then she spies on me! 878 01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:14,270 Get him! 879 01:11:15,521 --> 01:11:18,775 - Help! - Give us back our plant! 880 01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:23,446 Where do you think you're going? 881 01:11:23,529 --> 01:11:24,906 Phew, finally! 882 01:11:24,989 --> 01:11:27,658 DINOSAUR TAXI 883 01:11:28,701 --> 01:11:31,746 - Dinosaur taxi! - Here I am! 884 01:11:35,208 --> 01:11:37,376 Quick! Fly me out of here! 885 01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:40,046 50 for a regular flight, 100 for a panoramic flight. 886 01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,381 Your rates are out of this world! 887 01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:46,344 Cost of living shot up since the Pand-euro came into effect. 888 01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:48,679 I'm turning on the meter! 889 01:11:50,097 --> 01:11:52,809 - Give us back our Viagrus! - Jerk! 890 01:11:52,892 --> 01:11:54,644 Up yours! 891 01:11:54,894 --> 01:12:00,399 When science fiction meets eroticism, the result can only be... 892 01:12:01,025 --> 01:12:04,487 "Viagratar!" Coming soon to a theater near you. 893 01:12:04,570 --> 01:12:06,113 Read information leaflet carefully. 894 01:12:06,197 --> 01:12:09,909 Can I get a blank receipt? 895 01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:14,080 Inflating my expense report is the only way I can make ends meet. 896 01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:15,832 Thank you so much. 897 01:12:23,548 --> 01:12:26,676 On a quiet and wintry January morning, 898 01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:31,597 the school bells at Sequells Castle were about to start pealing again. 899 01:12:31,764 --> 01:12:34,141 It was the beginning of a new semester 900 01:12:34,225 --> 01:12:40,398 and of the 50th film in this series starring... Erry Potshotter! 901 01:12:40,481 --> 01:12:43,025 ERRY POTSHOTTER AND THE AGE OF RETIREMENT 902 01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:48,865 Ronzzz, this is the fourth pair of glasses I get this year, 903 01:12:48,990 --> 01:12:51,784 I can barely see anymore. And look at this belly! 904 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,245 At 50, my metabolism isn't what it used to be. 905 01:12:54,328 --> 01:12:55,913 Tell me about it, Erry. 906 01:12:56,247 --> 01:12:59,333 I look like I've had a watermelon transplant! 907 01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,253 And my grey hair! 908 01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:04,338 We're not as young as we used to be! 909 01:13:04,422 --> 01:13:10,261 But they keep pushing one or two movies on us every year! 910 01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:12,722 Not to brag, but 15 years ago, 911 01:13:12,805 --> 01:13:15,766 in "Erry Potshotter and the Crimson Python," 912 01:13:15,850 --> 01:13:19,937 I had six-pack abs! 913 01:13:20,021 --> 01:13:24,567 In "Erry Potshotter and the Possessed Opossum," 914 01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:28,988 I was so skinny, I had to stay home if it was too windy out! 915 01:13:29,822 --> 01:13:33,534 Why are you still in your room? There's a test in magic class today! 916 01:13:33,784 --> 01:13:35,661 - Hi, Hermione. - We're coming. 917 01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:39,290 We're coming. 918 01:13:39,707 --> 01:13:42,418 We're coming... We're coming... 919 01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:43,812 Guys! We've been hanging out for over 20 years, 920 01:13:43,836 --> 01:13:45,504 aren't you fed up of seeing me? 921 01:13:45,588 --> 01:13:49,508 Sorry, Hernione! We've been trapped here for 40 years, 922 01:13:49,592 --> 01:13:51,469 forced to observe mandatory abstinence! 923 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,680 They won't even let us pay to bring escorts here. 924 01:13:55,014 --> 01:13:57,850 In my next life, I'm coming back as Prime Minister of Italy. 925 01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:01,854 She's leaving... 926 01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:03,831 - She's leaving... - Where is she going? 927 01:14:04,649 --> 01:14:08,361 - Erry! - That was my magic wand. 928 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:13,658 Apply the formulas you learned last year 929 01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:19,330 to solve the equation used to transform a frog into Prince Charming. 930 01:14:19,413 --> 01:14:22,249 You will have two hours to complete this test. 931 01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:24,251 Are you ready? 932 01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:26,629 Go! 933 01:14:29,590 --> 01:14:33,886 How on earth can a toad like you be transformed into Prince Charming? 934 01:14:33,970 --> 01:14:36,389 With Prince Charles, they were only half successful: 935 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:39,058 Half-man, half-horse! 936 01:14:40,393 --> 01:14:43,396 Silence! Potshotter! Always taking pot shots! 937 01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:53,781 Supercalifragilistic... No, too old, it'll never work! 938 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:57,368 Salagadula... This is even worse! 939 01:14:58,202 --> 01:15:01,706 - Can I copy off you? - Quit trying to cheat! 940 01:15:03,457 --> 01:15:07,586 I'll give you two packs of Transformer cards! 941 01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:10,006 - No! - Five Ben 10 action figures! 942 01:15:10,089 --> 01:15:11,465 I said no! 943 01:15:11,549 --> 01:15:15,720 My entire collection of Playboy Bunnies posters! 944 01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:19,390 Prof. Stirring, Potshotter is trying to copy off me. 945 01:15:19,473 --> 01:15:21,809 He keeps offering bribes in exchange for my answers! 946 01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:23,686 That's not true. I didn't say anything. 947 01:15:23,769 --> 01:15:25,604 You can leave now, Potshotter. 948 01:15:25,688 --> 01:15:30,192 Your test is over. You've earned yourself a big, fat zero! 949 01:15:30,276 --> 01:15:33,612 If you keep this up, you'll never leave Sequells Castle. 950 01:15:33,696 --> 01:15:36,157 Hey, black acne! 951 01:15:39,285 --> 01:15:40,786 - Do you forgive me now? - No! 952 01:15:40,870 --> 01:15:42,288 Thank you. 953 01:15:42,663 --> 01:15:44,498 Zickety zackety zu... 954 01:15:44,582 --> 01:15:48,002 From frog to prince for you! 955 01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,754 I am Prince Charming! 956 01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:53,340 Yeah, and I'm Snow White. Say hi to your six brothers for me. 957 01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:06,187 Tobias... 958 01:16:07,188 --> 01:16:08,188 Six. 959 01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:11,317 Rufus... 960 01:16:12,276 --> 01:16:13,944 Seven. 961 01:16:15,613 --> 01:16:17,656 Priscilla... Eight! 962 01:16:20,201 --> 01:16:23,370 - Ronzzz... - Hey! 963 01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:26,207 - Ronzzz! - Hey, wake up! 964 01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:27,958 Half. 965 01:16:28,751 --> 01:16:30,961 - Not even a one? - No. 966 01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,380 Hernione... 967 01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:40,096 - Two. - All I ever get is two! 968 01:16:40,179 --> 01:16:42,473 Because those two are all I see, even at night. 969 01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:49,271 Erry Potshotter... Zero! 970 01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:51,190 Quiet, please. 971 01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:53,526 What has gotten into you, young man? 972 01:16:53,609 --> 01:16:55,486 Don't you have an ounce of self-respect? 973 01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:58,197 Your graduation is 25 years overdue. 974 01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:01,200 Do you want to spend the rest of your life at Sequells Castle? 975 01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:03,953 If you keep failing me, I'll have no choice, will 1? 976 01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:08,082 If you tell me where I can get the forms, I'll apply for retirement! 977 01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,837 As this school's oldest pupil once did. 978 01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:15,297 - No! Do not pronounce that name! - What was his name? 979 01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:17,466 Don't pronounce it! It's a jinx! 980 01:17:17,550 --> 01:17:19,510 - Voldamorgue. - No! 981 01:17:32,273 --> 01:17:34,153 Damn you and all your ancestors! Oh, that hurts! 982 01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:37,778 - You said it was a jinx! - Don't say his name! 983 01:17:37,862 --> 01:17:39,864 - But I only said it once. - Fuck you! 984 01:17:39,947 --> 01:17:44,743 - Who? Me? - I'll show you! 985 01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:52,334 Hernione, I don't know how to say this, 986 01:17:53,085 --> 01:18:00,009 but there's something inside me growing bigger for you by the moment! 987 01:18:00,092 --> 01:18:03,179 Yes, I can feel it, Ronzzz. I can definitely feel it! 988 01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:07,099 Don't misunderstand me, Hernione! I was referring to my love for you! 989 01:18:07,558 --> 01:18:10,603 I understand, Ronzzz, but you know we can't. 990 01:18:10,686 --> 01:18:14,273 The strict rules at Sequells Castle won't allow it! 991 01:18:14,356 --> 01:18:16,025 Please explain. 992 01:18:16,483 --> 01:18:18,194 We can't fuck! 993 01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:21,739 Our contract says we're still supposed to be kids, you dolt. 994 01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,244 - Who is it? - It's Erry, open up! 995 01:18:27,786 --> 01:18:30,831 Erry Openup? I don't know an Erry Openup. 996 01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:32,928 The older they get, the dumber they become! 997 01:18:32,958 --> 01:18:36,754 It's Erry Potshotter, open up, as in the verb "to open!" 998 01:18:36,837 --> 01:18:38,714 Why now? 999 01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:40,925 I'll open up in a second, Erry, sorry! 1000 01:18:41,008 --> 01:18:43,719 Erry Sorry? But I'm Erry Potshotter. 1001 01:18:43,802 --> 01:18:46,764 Quick, get in the closet. 1002 01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:53,395 Out the window! I don't want Erry to find you here. 1003 01:18:53,479 --> 01:18:54,647 Hurry up! 1004 01:18:56,982 --> 01:18:59,401 Re you crazy?! It's a 100-foot drop! 1005 01:18:59,485 --> 01:19:02,363 Well? We're wizards, aren't we? Go on, you coward! 1006 01:19:04,823 --> 01:19:07,993 Oh God... What was that spell to turn someone into a bird? 1007 01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:10,329 Hernione! 1008 01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:12,831 Hi, Erry! 1009 01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:15,584 Oh, right! 1010 01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:19,505 Feathers fowl are! 1011 01:19:23,217 --> 01:19:26,887 A little late, you little bugger! 1012 01:19:27,888 --> 01:19:31,517 - Erry! - Hernione! 1013 01:19:33,185 --> 01:19:34,937 I wanted to tell you that... 1014 01:19:35,229 --> 01:19:40,693 There's something great inside me and it keeps growing for you... 1015 01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,946 You too? It's your heart, right? It beats for me! 1016 01:19:44,113 --> 01:19:47,992 Well, yes. There are two great things inside me that grow for you. 1017 01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:52,079 Two? Your heart and your thoughts, I'm always in your thoughts! 1018 01:19:52,162 --> 01:19:55,916 Three then! Three great things inside me are growing for you! 1019 01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:58,794 Erry, I get it. This isn't a Disney movie! 1020 01:19:58,877 --> 01:20:02,381 Wait, I've been in abstinence for 40 years, Hernione. 1021 01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,803 Opus incertum! 1022 01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,473 No! Not the stone hands! 1023 01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:15,185 You were caught fornicating 1024 01:20:15,269 --> 01:20:18,022 with a classmate from your course-ourse-ourse 1025 01:20:18,105 --> 01:20:20,024 and this is the punishment you deserve! 1026 01:20:20,107 --> 01:20:23,819 Wizard Husheldore, this is a wizardry school, not a monastery! 1027 01:20:23,902 --> 01:20:26,405 We're not kids anymore! Hormones have their rights too. 1028 01:20:26,488 --> 01:20:27,906 Hush! 1029 01:20:29,366 --> 01:20:31,535 Now I know why they call him Husheldore. 1030 01:20:31,744 --> 01:20:34,830 Well, I've overstayed my welcome, I'll retire to my room. 1031 01:20:36,874 --> 01:20:38,167 Goodbye! 1032 01:20:38,250 --> 01:20:40,627 - Aren't you going to shake my hand? - Never. 1033 01:20:40,711 --> 01:20:43,213 Just one question: 1034 01:20:43,380 --> 01:20:46,717 Why didn't you perform this magic trick on that ex-student of yours? 1035 01:20:46,800 --> 01:20:49,094 - Do not pronounce that name! - What was his name? 1036 01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:53,057 - Don't pronounce it! It's a jinx! - Voldamorgue. 1037 01:20:56,310 --> 01:20:59,813 Fuck you and that name! 1038 01:20:59,980 --> 01:21:02,858 He did say it was a jinx. 1039 01:21:02,941 --> 01:21:05,110 Would you like an Advil, Wizard? 1040 01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,445 Up yours! 1041 01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:12,993 The next morning was insidiously ominous with evil surprises. 1042 01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:24,463 If you are door-to-door salesmen, leave or I'll kick your ass. 1043 01:21:28,342 --> 01:21:31,345 I'm Frodolo. I come from Middle Earth. 1044 01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:36,558 Nice to meet you! So you're the young Lord of the Rings? 1045 01:21:36,642 --> 01:21:39,937 Yes, every time they want to convince me to make another sequel, 1046 01:21:40,020 --> 01:21:41,355 they give me a ring. 1047 01:21:41,438 --> 01:21:43,750 You should see how many I have on my toes. Do you want to see? 1048 01:21:43,774 --> 01:21:46,151 No, thanks. Oh goodness! 1049 01:21:46,860 --> 01:21:50,197 I've seen some ugly dogs in my life. But this one... What breed is it? 1050 01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:53,992 This is my secretary, meet Goal-lum. 1051 01:21:54,201 --> 01:21:56,703 Despite his appearance, we are good friends. 1052 01:21:57,204 --> 01:22:00,582 I'm his preciousss friend! 1053 01:22:02,793 --> 01:22:04,378 Down! Down! 1054 01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:08,006 - Welcome to Sequells Castle. - Go ahead. 1055 01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:26,525 Love, sun, sky, sea... 1056 01:22:33,073 --> 01:22:35,909 Ronzzz, Erry! Look who's here! 1057 01:22:35,993 --> 01:22:39,371 Meet Frodolo, the Young Lord of the Rings, from Middle Earth! 1058 01:22:39,455 --> 01:22:42,332 - Fuck me! - What are you doing in my castle? 1059 01:22:42,416 --> 01:22:46,462 I don't know. I think I got the wrong sequel! 1060 01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:50,757 What an ugly beast! Where did you get it, Chernobyl? 1061 01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:00,100 Serves you right for treating beasts that way. 1062 01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:02,060 Are you calling me a beast? 1063 01:23:03,854 --> 01:23:07,900 Suddenly, everyone at Sequells Castle only had eyes for the new stranger, 1064 01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:11,945 which, to Erry, was a real pain in the a 1065 01:23:12,404 --> 01:23:14,114 in the neck! 1066 01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:20,496 Lord Mordor gave 19 rings to us, the inhabitants of Middle Earth, 1067 01:23:20,579 --> 01:23:23,499 but we soon found out that he had deceived us! 1068 01:23:23,582 --> 01:23:27,085 The ring he had made for himself could control all the others. 1069 01:23:27,169 --> 01:23:29,087 The One Ring! 1070 01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:34,259 But one of our ancestors got back at the dark lord: 1071 01:23:34,343 --> 01:23:38,555 He cut off his finger to get the ring! 1072 01:23:38,639 --> 01:23:41,308 What are you talking about? 1073 01:23:41,391 --> 01:23:43,352 What a moving story! 1074 01:23:43,435 --> 01:23:46,855 My heart races as I listen to that story! 1075 01:23:46,939 --> 01:23:50,567 What's so moving about it? It doesn't hold water. 1076 01:23:50,651 --> 01:23:55,280 The dark lord, the One Ring... This is total bullshit! 1077 01:23:55,364 --> 01:24:01,912 We may have lost the last fight, but my duty was to save the ring. 1078 01:24:02,120 --> 01:24:04,206 Look. 1079 01:24:05,082 --> 01:24:06,667 That's disgusting! 1080 01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:12,256 Oops, sorry, that was the finger of the dark lord I was talking about. 1081 01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:14,258 Here it is. 1082 01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,973 This piece of junk is the magic ring? Oh, please! 1083 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,809 What are you insinuating, Potshotter? 1084 01:24:24,184 --> 01:24:28,355 My magic wand is worth a thousand of those scrap pieces of copper! 1085 01:24:28,438 --> 01:24:33,151 Are you challenging me? 1086 01:24:33,235 --> 01:24:35,946 Please don't challenge him to a flying broom match. 1087 01:24:36,029 --> 01:24:40,325 - I hate that game. - I challenge you to a flying broom match. 1088 01:24:40,409 --> 01:24:42,411 There you go! How boring! 1089 01:24:42,494 --> 01:24:49,334 Duel! Duel! Duel! 1090 01:24:49,459 --> 01:24:53,463 Quiet! There are people sleeping! 1091 01:25:02,139 --> 01:25:05,058 Hello-lo-lo-lo... 1092 01:25:08,478 --> 01:25:15,277 Welcome to the great challenge of the flying brooms! 1093 01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:20,949 - Wizard Husheldore... - What do you want? 1094 01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:22,951 All our flying brooms are in the shop. 1095 01:25:23,035 --> 01:25:26,038 And the gas was too expensive. All we have is regular brooms. 1096 01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,372 Again, huh? 1097 01:25:28,248 --> 01:25:35,505 Welcome to the great challenge of the regular brooms-ooms-ooms... 1098 01:25:36,715 --> 01:25:39,384 If they keep up the budget cuts, 1099 01:25:39,468 --> 01:25:44,056 the next film will feature a poker challenge! 1100 01:25:45,098 --> 01:25:47,726 Let the challenge begin! 1101 01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:03,450 Dear spectators, this challenge will begin in a few minutes. 1102 01:26:03,533 --> 01:26:06,578 On one side, we have Erry Potshotter and his friend Ronzzz... 1103 01:26:06,662 --> 01:26:11,375 Thank goodness we're not flying. At my age, I'm afraid of heights. 1104 01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:13,585 We could have taken the vacuum cleaners. 1105 01:26:13,669 --> 01:26:17,589 and on the other, the "Strangers:" Frodolo and Goal-lum. 1106 01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:20,133 - I don't see any banners. - No. 1107 01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:24,846 Erry! Erry! Frodolo! Frodolo! 1108 01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,892 I want all of you to be on the ball! 1109 01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:42,739 FRODOLO: 0 - POTSHOTTER: 1 1110 01:27:10,767 --> 01:27:13,103 That goal is not valid! 1111 01:27:15,856 --> 01:27:17,858 You've got to dribble it first. You can't do that. 1112 01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:23,280 If the referee blows his whistle, the ball is still in play. 1113 01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,304 Don't fight! 1114 01:28:03,403 --> 01:28:06,323 Save it! 1115 01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:12,996 - Yes, Wizard Husheldore. - What do you want? 1116 01:28:13,079 --> 01:28:16,583 - You called me over! - No, I was shooing a fly. 1117 01:28:22,380 --> 01:28:25,383 But, Referee, he faked that fall! 1118 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:27,093 They're just kids. 1119 01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:29,346 Referee! Time out! 1120 01:28:29,429 --> 01:28:32,057 It's just us two. How will we form our barrier? 1121 01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:34,434 Don't worry, I've got one! 1122 01:28:37,312 --> 01:28:39,564 Great, Erry! 1123 01:28:39,689 --> 01:28:42,150 Potshotter's movies are full of dirty tricks. 1124 01:28:42,234 --> 01:28:46,321 - Should I bite them? - No, I'll volley it over their heads. 1125 01:28:46,488 --> 01:28:49,449 Please, Mario, jump. 1126 01:28:59,835 --> 01:29:03,672 Good job, Mario! No one can beat your headers! 1127 01:29:03,797 --> 01:29:08,510 There's only one minute left and our teams are tied. 8 goals each. 1128 01:29:08,593 --> 01:29:11,137 As you can see this is anyone's match! 1129 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,825 I'm the President of the Inter team. I'm rooting for the ring guy 1130 01:29:13,849 --> 01:29:16,393 because he's a foreigner! I'm not big on Italians. 1131 01:29:16,476 --> 01:29:20,772 Hopefully Erry Potshotter won't pull one of his tricks and ruin my fun again. 1132 01:29:21,481 --> 01:29:24,109 - There's not a dog's chance you'll win! - Me? A dog's chance?! 1133 01:29:25,861 --> 01:29:27,779 Penalty! 1134 01:29:27,863 --> 01:29:29,090 - It's a penalty! - No, it wasn't! 1135 01:29:29,114 --> 01:29:31,616 - It's a penalty! - It definitely wasn't! 1136 01:29:32,826 --> 01:29:34,870 - What was it? - A penalty. 1137 01:29:34,953 --> 01:29:36,580 That's what I've been trying to tell you! 1138 01:29:36,663 --> 01:29:41,042 Penalty kick! The referee grants a penalty kick to Potshotter's team! 1139 01:29:41,126 --> 01:29:42,711 That wasn't a penalty, come on. 1140 01:29:42,794 --> 01:29:46,172 I knew Potshotter would pull some trick. I think he's a Juventus player! 1141 01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:47,799 Of course it wasn't a penalty. 1142 01:29:47,883 --> 01:29:53,388 It was a penalty. There's no doubt about it! A penalty, for sure! 1143 01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,725 May my hair go red if it wasn't a penalty! 1144 01:29:57,517 --> 01:30:00,478 How can I take my penalty kick with these brooms in the way? 1145 01:30:00,687 --> 01:30:02,439 Erry, magic trick #4! 1146 01:30:02,522 --> 01:30:05,150 Go, Potshotter! Score a goal! 1147 01:30:07,485 --> 01:30:10,363 Go! 1148 01:30:10,739 --> 01:30:13,116 Well done, Erry! 1149 01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:17,746 Hey, he moved the goal! 1150 01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:18,997 That was easy! 1151 01:30:19,080 --> 01:30:22,459 Goodbye, I'm going shopping for a new coach. 1152 01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:24,669 You should, President. 1153 01:30:28,173 --> 01:30:34,304 Erry is the Champion of Sequells! Champion of Sequells! 1154 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:42,312 The winner of the match is Erry Potshotter's team! 1155 01:30:42,729 --> 01:30:46,441 No other surname has ever been as appr... appr... approprir... 1156 01:30:46,524 --> 01:30:48,109 As appropriate! 1157 01:30:48,193 --> 01:30:50,820 No other surname has ever been... what she said. 1158 01:30:50,987 --> 01:30:53,907 Frodolo's team loses the ring. 1159 01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:56,326 What are you doing? Are you keeping the ring? 1160 01:30:56,409 --> 01:30:59,913 Sure, so if they want to shoot another sequel to "The Young Lord of the Rings", 1161 01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:02,374 they'll have to cast me in one of the leading roles! 1162 01:31:03,208 --> 01:31:06,169 You know, I look just like the wizards in those movies anyway. 1163 01:31:06,252 --> 01:31:12,092 I'm smart, very smart-art-art... Excuse me. 1164 01:31:15,512 --> 01:31:18,264 Dammit, I must get my ring back! 1165 01:31:18,348 --> 01:31:20,350 That ring is mine, I have to get it back. 1166 01:31:20,433 --> 01:31:22,852 Too bad my lawyer was busy today. 1167 01:31:24,521 --> 01:31:31,528 Frodolo sneaks into Wizard Husheldore's office to retrieve his ring. 1168 01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:36,032 There's my ring! 1169 01:31:36,116 --> 01:31:39,995 - Ah, there's my ring! - Your ring?! Give it back! 1170 01:31:40,078 --> 01:31:42,831 No, I won it fair and square in the regular broom match! 1171 01:31:42,914 --> 01:31:45,041 The match?! You mean that farce? 1172 01:31:49,963 --> 01:31:52,966 I'm desperate! I don't know what to do. 1173 01:31:53,133 --> 01:31:55,885 Production sent me another letter this morning, 1174 01:31:55,969 --> 01:32:00,849 saying our audience has caught on to the real ages of our protagonists 1175 01:32:00,932 --> 01:32:03,035 and they're threatening to stop going to movie theaters. 1176 01:32:03,059 --> 01:32:06,771 This puts the release of "Erry Potshotter and the Magic Cucumber" 1177 01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:09,065 at grave risk-isk-isk! 1178 01:32:09,149 --> 01:32:10,942 Venerable Wizard, I don't understand. 1179 01:32:11,026 --> 01:32:14,070 We're doing well at the box office, things have always gone smoothly. 1180 01:32:14,154 --> 01:32:15,530 I don't see why. 1181 01:32:15,613 --> 01:32:19,284 Because they've grown up! Get it? I'm gonna kill this woman. 1182 01:32:19,367 --> 01:32:22,912 They're grown-ups! Adults! 1183 01:32:22,996 --> 01:32:26,541 Have you seen the tits on Hernione? 1184 01:32:26,624 --> 01:32:30,879 Even for a man my age, I'll be 260 years old in April, 1185 01:32:30,962 --> 01:32:34,382 they're hard to miss. 1186 01:32:34,466 --> 01:32:37,635 - We've noticed. - Is it that obvious? 1187 01:32:37,719 --> 01:32:39,530 - What do you think? - Refrain from commenting. 1188 01:32:39,554 --> 01:32:42,682 - I apologize. - And Erry? 1189 01:32:42,766 --> 01:32:48,563 I've lost count of all the times we've flunked him just to keep him here, 1190 01:32:49,147 --> 01:32:50,982 but he must be in his 50s by now! 1191 01:32:51,066 --> 01:32:54,027 They want to copulate. Do you know what "copulate" means? 1192 01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:56,988 - No. - Oh. You don't know. 1193 01:32:57,238 --> 01:32:58,740 Of course you know. 1194 01:32:58,823 --> 01:33:01,910 They want to copulate. They want to have families and grow up! 1195 01:33:01,993 --> 01:33:05,371 But that would mean the end of Sequells Castle. 1196 01:33:05,455 --> 01:33:08,750 Without them, we'll be forced to pose for pictures with tourists, 1197 01:33:08,833 --> 01:33:12,212 if we're lucky-ucky-ucky. 1198 01:33:12,754 --> 01:33:14,631 - That would be so boring. - Oring-oring. 1199 01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:16,007 - Well? - Sorry. 1200 01:33:16,091 --> 01:33:19,552 So, venerable Wizard, what can we do to save this place? 1201 01:33:19,844 --> 01:33:21,679 There's only one thing left to do. 1202 01:33:21,763 --> 01:33:26,768 It pains me to do this. Lord knows how much I love those kids, but 1203 01:33:28,770 --> 01:33:33,983 we have to make them young again with some of our black magic! 1204 01:33:34,109 --> 01:33:37,904 - But black magic is forbidden! - I know, but what choice do I have?! 1205 01:33:38,613 --> 01:33:42,075 E va bene, piccoli. Quanto piccoli? 1206 01:33:42,158 --> 01:33:43,344 - Well... okay. How young? - I don't know! 1207 01:33:43,368 --> 01:33:45,453 At least back to how old they were in. 1208 01:33:45,537 --> 01:33:48,123 "Erry Potshotter and the Magic Nursery School!" 1209 01:33:48,915 --> 01:33:53,419 Do you know that this will give us another 30 years of success? 1210 01:33:53,503 --> 01:33:54,546 Get outta here! 1211 01:33:55,130 --> 01:33:59,634 If we don't do this, we'll be released straight-to-video 1212 01:33:59,717 --> 01:34:03,513 without even making it to the theaters-aters-aters! 1213 01:34:03,596 --> 01:34:05,223 I'm outta here. 1214 01:34:05,849 --> 01:34:11,980 Frodolo stoically put aside his rivalry and treated Erry as a friend. 1215 01:34:12,063 --> 01:34:15,942 You're up shit creek now. I already have a contract for 4 more sequels, 1216 01:34:16,526 --> 01:34:19,571 but if you give me back the ring, I can get you out of here. 1217 01:34:20,321 --> 01:34:22,282 The ring? Alright! 1218 01:34:22,365 --> 01:34:25,243 Here's the ring, but let me tell you something: 1219 01:34:25,326 --> 01:34:28,830 - Frodolo, you truly are a little shitolo. - Little shitolo?! 1220 01:34:28,913 --> 01:34:32,375 The two boys forged a strong friendship. 1221 01:34:32,917 --> 01:34:36,504 You've got to believe me. They want to turn us into kids again. 1222 01:34:36,588 --> 01:34:38,423 That's impossible! 1223 01:34:38,506 --> 01:34:40,884 But it's true! We heard it with our own ears! 1224 01:34:40,967 --> 01:34:43,928 - And what ears! - If you don't do something right now, 1225 01:34:44,012 --> 01:34:46,514 they'll use their magic to make you young again 1226 01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:50,476 and you'll be left to rot in this place with the stuffed owls! 1227 01:34:50,685 --> 01:34:52,145 Shit! 1228 01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:54,564 The first man that gets me out of here can sleep with me! 1229 01:34:56,107 --> 01:34:59,986 If we're going to escape, we'll need a magic trick that can change the plot. 1230 01:35:00,069 --> 01:35:04,824 Impossible. No one can do that, my preciousss. 1231 01:35:04,908 --> 01:35:07,035 You're wrong, Goal-lum. 1232 01:35:07,118 --> 01:35:09,746 Erry, we can do it. 1233 01:35:10,330 --> 01:35:13,082 Yes, we can! 1234 01:35:13,166 --> 01:35:16,294 With this wand and this ring... 1235 01:35:17,337 --> 01:35:19,505 You asshole! You stole it from me again! 1236 01:35:19,589 --> 01:35:24,260 I will perform a 3D magic trick with these two gadgets. 1237 01:35:28,306 --> 01:35:32,644 I will create a magnetic field. Look, the scene change is taking place. 1238 01:35:32,810 --> 01:35:37,815 At the end of the movie, an escape route will materialize! 1239 01:35:37,899 --> 01:35:42,403 - Huddle together. - Together! Together! 1240 01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:49,369 Ibra... Alex... Krasic... Eto'o! 1241 01:35:57,126 --> 01:36:00,046 Hey guys, the magic spell worked! 1242 01:36:01,965 --> 01:36:03,466 But where are we now? 1243 01:36:03,549 --> 01:36:08,054 What the fuck are you kids doing here all dressed up for Halloween? 1244 01:36:08,638 --> 01:36:12,392 And above all... who the fuck are you? 1245 01:36:14,352 --> 01:36:15,979 They're the traitors. 1246 01:36:16,187 --> 01:36:20,108 Yeah, they're the ones who killed the last Godfather! 1247 01:36:20,191 --> 01:36:22,777 We did what? We killed who?! 1248 01:36:28,074 --> 01:36:31,577 How the fuck did we all end up here? 1249 01:36:31,661 --> 01:36:35,373 This is your episode! If you don't know, who does? 1250 01:36:36,582 --> 01:36:38,626 He's right, we should know. It's our episode. 1251 01:36:38,710 --> 01:36:39,961 May I? 1252 01:36:40,962 --> 01:36:44,215 What are doing, you asshole? Repeating our lines, too? 1253 01:36:44,299 --> 01:36:45,800 Yes, he's an asshole! 1254 01:36:45,883 --> 01:36:47,927 Asshole, asshole! 1255 01:36:54,726 --> 01:37:01,649 - Sorry, do you know why we're here? - Of course I know. 1256 01:37:01,733 --> 01:37:04,986 I wrote the script, starred and directed this film: 1257 01:37:05,069 --> 01:37:07,739 This is the grand finale. 1258 01:37:10,950 --> 01:37:15,705 Ezio, we have to go, we have to wrap up this film! 1259 01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:18,291 - Gina Lollobrigida! - Gina! 1260 01:37:18,374 --> 01:37:21,252 - Pardon me. - Hi Gina! 1261 01:37:34,932 --> 01:37:36,726 Ezio, Ezio! 1262 01:37:37,268 --> 01:37:40,188 - Thank you, Gina. - Thank you, Ezio. 1263 01:37:40,313 --> 01:37:42,023 Long live Gina Lollobrigida! 1264 01:37:42,690 --> 01:37:44,901 - Long live the cinema! - Vival. 1265 01:38:14,722 --> 01:38:17,892 AS LONG AS THERE IS CINEMA, THERE WILL BE PARODY 1266 01:38:18,017 --> 01:38:20,103 AND THE LAUGHTER WILL NEVER 1267 01:38:20,186 --> 01:38:24,357 END ...AT LEAST NOT YET! 1268 01:38:25,024 --> 01:38:26,317 Sottotitoli Anna Maria Bruno 95093