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1
00:00:02,767 --> 00:00:05,406
Michael, we've been around
this roundabout four times now
2
00:00:05,487 --> 00:00:07,842
Why do you have to be so critical?
Why don't you encourage him?
3
00:00:07,927 --> 00:00:11,044
I am encouraging him
to get off this roundabout
4
00:00:12,087 --> 00:00:15,124
What's he doing,
building up speed for a moon shot?
5
00:00:15,207 --> 00:00:16,959
Nobody's giving way
6
00:00:17,607 --> 00:00:19,086
That's five times
7
00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:23,763
Easy, dear Just slow down,
indicate, someone will let you in
8
00:00:24,207 --> 00:00:26,482
(LOUD HONKING)
9
00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:28,285
Now speed up and cut across them
10
00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:30,039
Oh, six
11
00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:32,036
(HORN HONKING)
12
00:00:32,127 --> 00:00:34,243
- What do I do now?
- Give him the finger!
13
00:00:34,327 --> 00:00:36,841
Don't you dare
Keep your hands at ten to two
14
00:00:36,927 --> 00:00:38,280
You're going to get us killed
15
00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:44,043
I'm not the one driving us around in
circles and that was seven, by the way
16
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:47,278
It's okay, Michael Just don't panic
17
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:51,920
Stay calm, relax, check your mirror
and watch out for that car!
18
00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:53,156
(TYRES SCREECHING)
19
00:00:53,247 --> 00:00:56,637
Sorry, sorry, sorry
I thought it was coming through
20
00:00:57,087 --> 00:00:58,076
Eight!
21
00:00:58,327 --> 00:01:01,524
He doesn't need the pressure
of you counting Slow down a little
22
00:01:01,607 --> 00:01:03,279
Speed up a little
23
00:01:03,607 --> 00:01:07,077
Don't listen to him, Michael
He's going to get us killed
24
00:01:07,447 --> 00:01:10,837
It's better than dying
of old age on this roundabout
25
00:01:11,247 --> 00:01:15,479
Ignore him, Michael Unlike your father,
I have never had an accident
26
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:19,526
Actually, they weren't accidents
I meant to hit those cars
27
00:01:20,687 --> 00:01:22,518
Yes, well thank you
for teaching our son road rage
28
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:25,405
You mess with a bull, you get the horns
29
00:01:28,327 --> 00:01:32,366
Oh, my God, Michael
You've done it I'm so proud
30
00:01:33,167 --> 00:01:36,364
Now we can teach you
how to do a three-point turn
31
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:37,681
(APPLYING HAND BRAKE)
32
00:01:37,767 --> 00:01:40,565
No, thanks
I'll take my chances on foot
33
00:01:51,887 --> 00:01:54,799
He gets that angry streak
from you, you know
34
00:02:13,647 --> 00:02:15,126
I hope you're hungry
35
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,244
I'm making my
peanut butter tuna chow mein
36
00:02:17,327 --> 00:02:18,680
Oh!
37
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,803
Mum, you know, I thought we all agreed
38
00:02:20,887 --> 00:02:23,401
that you would only make
that speciality for special occasions
39
00:02:23,487 --> 00:02:24,920
It is a special occasion
40
00:02:25,007 --> 00:02:28,602
Michael's passing his driving test
We're gonna celebrate when he gets home
41
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:30,439
And are we gonna celebrate
42
00:02:31,047 --> 00:02:34,198
Would you watch this for me?
I need to pack for the weekend
43
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,437
Oh, yes I forgot you were going away
44
00:02:36,607 --> 00:02:38,120
Darling, how am I
going to cope without you?
45
00:02:38,207 --> 00:02:40,277
Oh, you'll be fine
I won't take the remote control
46
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:41,356
Okay
47
00:02:46,127 --> 00:02:49,164
Dad, I'm surprised
you're acting so cool
48
00:02:49,327 --> 00:02:51,363
Mum going away
with another man for the weekend?
49
00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:56,646
Ah, it's only one of her art-buying
trips with her anorak geezer client
50
00:02:56,967 --> 00:02:58,286
No
51
00:02:59,327 --> 00:03:01,124
(WHISTLING)
52
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:06,085
Your mother and I have a relationship
based on honesty and trust, Janey
53
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,522
Give and take
That's what it's all about
54
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,916
Keep the change, Mr Chan Thank you
55
00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:15,637
Honesty and trust, Janey Give and take
56
00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:16,716
(JANEY GRUNTS)
57
00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:21,999
- Stiff neck, Janey?
- Oh, yeah, It's killing me
58
00:03:22,087 --> 00:03:26,080
You know, I am skilled in the fine art
of massage I could help
59
00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:30,362
Back home on the farm, I used to give
the pigs massages to put them at ease
60
00:03:31,207 --> 00:03:34,005
Right before the spike
was driven into their head
61
00:03:35,487 --> 00:03:38,081
Have you ever massaged
anything on two legs?
62
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,520
Oh, sure
63
00:03:39,607 --> 00:03:40,926
Chickens mostly
64
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:46,601
Although I did do a duck
with a nasty hamstring problem once
65
00:03:46,687 --> 00:03:48,723
Two sessions, he was as good as new
66
00:03:53,687 --> 00:03:54,676
Michael?
67
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,563
Michael, what's wrong?
68
00:03:58,647 --> 00:04:00,365
Ben, come quickly
Something's happened to Michael
69
00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:01,516
What? What's going on? What?
70
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:04,326
Michael, are you all right?
Are you hurt?
71
00:04:04,407 --> 00:04:06,602
What happened? Say something
72
00:04:07,127 --> 00:04:08,606
I failed my driving test
73
00:04:08,687 --> 00:04:10,803
Oh, my Is that all?
74
00:04:10,887 --> 00:04:14,516
I thought you'd smashed up my car,
the insurance rates were gonna double
75
00:04:14,607 --> 00:04:16,359
The important thing is you're safe
76
00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:19,637
Michael, Michael,
it's just a driving test
77
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,957
You can take it again It'll be okay
78
00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:23,526
I'm a failure
79
00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:26,436
First time I've ever failed at anything
Don't know how to react
80
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,438
Janey, tell Michael how to react
81
00:04:28,847 --> 00:04:31,645
What? Don't ask me
I passed my driving test the first time
82
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:33,995
Oh, my God!
83
00:04:37,247 --> 00:04:41,206
I've never seen Michael so down
I'm really worried about him
84
00:04:41,287 --> 00:04:43,517
- So what do you want me to do about it?
- Worry with me
85
00:04:43,607 --> 00:04:45,006
Yeah
86
00:04:46,447 --> 00:04:48,915
He's got his university interview
tomorrow Will you drive him?
87
00:04:49,007 --> 00:04:50,565
What? What's wrong with the train?
88
00:04:50,647 --> 00:04:52,444
He needs the support
of his father right now
89
00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:53,926
Yes, yes, you're right
90
00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:56,879
Okay, I'll pay for the train
91
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:58,480
What kind of a father are you?
92
00:04:58,567 --> 00:05:00,876
The kind that encourages self-reliance
93
00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:03,757
A little father-son time
will do you some good
94
00:05:03,847 --> 00:05:06,884
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but he needs you to be there for him
95
00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:09,356
Oh, Michael doesn't need me
96
00:05:09,447 --> 00:05:11,438
- How do you know?
- Because he told me so
97
00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:13,116
To my face
98
00:05:13,807 --> 00:05:14,796
Several times
99
00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:16,840
And besides,
he's leaving for university
100
00:05:16,927 --> 00:05:19,487
What's the point in
bonding with him now?
101
00:05:19,847 --> 00:05:23,476
I know he can seem self-sufficient
and can be a little aloof,
102
00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:27,845
but inside he's just a scared
little boy, crying out for his father
103
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:32,757
"Help me, Papa Help me"
104
00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:35,236
(CHUCKLES)
105
00:05:36,087 --> 00:05:39,318
All right, I'll drive him Okay, happy?
106
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,398
(CHILDISH VOICE) Thank you, Papa
107
00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:46,037
He's never called me Papa
108
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,359
I'll call you Papa
109
00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:53,202
In the mood for a little bonding, Papa?
110
00:05:56,687 --> 00:05:59,804
No, sorry, that voice has really
killed it for me, Susan, sorry
111
00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:11,476
Hey, Mikey
112
00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:14,402
Mikey, Mikey, Mikey
113
00:06:17,327 --> 00:06:20,558
You know, Mikey, I often find myself
in here late at night,
114
00:06:21,327 --> 00:06:26,321
nursing a scotch,
wondering, "How did I get here?"
115
00:06:29,007 --> 00:06:30,156
Most nights
116
00:06:32,607 --> 00:06:34,484
Just can't sleep, that's all
117
00:06:35,247 --> 00:06:36,600
Maybe I'm no good at sleeping, either
118
00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:39,764
Yeah, well, I guess what I'm
trying to say, Michael,
119
00:06:39,847 --> 00:06:42,520
is that this is my place to sulk
120
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:47,006
So maybe you could do yours
in the living room?
121
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:52,157
Mikey, you know,
the driving test is no big deal
122
00:06:52,447 --> 00:06:54,005
You don't get it, this is massive
123
00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:56,555
No, look, because you fail at something,
doesn't mean you're a failure
124
00:06:56,647 --> 00:06:58,046
- That's exactly what it means
- Yeah, fine
125
00:06:58,127 --> 00:07:02,484
Okay, right If you wanna be literal
about it, yes, you are a failure
126
00:07:02,927 --> 00:07:06,078
Fine But you know, all I'm saying
is you got to lighten up a bit
127
00:07:06,327 --> 00:07:09,603
You don't understand what it's like
because you're used to failure
128
00:07:10,287 --> 00:07:13,006
The good news is the more you do it,
the less it hurts
129
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,201
There he is, our little genius
130
00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:20,243
Ready to take life
by the scruff of the neck
131
00:07:20,327 --> 00:07:21,760
His whole future ahead of him
132
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:23,075
Mum, I know what you're trying to do
133
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,601
Michael, motivation is a two-way street
134
00:07:25,687 --> 00:07:28,247
If you're not going to join in,
let's just forget about it, okay?
135
00:07:28,327 --> 00:07:31,125
Don't listen to him, Michael
You're going to sail through it
136
00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:32,879
That's what you said
before my driving test
137
00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:34,446
- Right Bye-bye
- Bye
138
00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:37,599
Have fun on your
exciting art-buying trip
139
00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:41,527
- Hello, I've come to pick up Susan
- Susan, your driver's here
140
00:07:41,607 --> 00:07:42,960
Come on, Mikey, let's go
141
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:47,438
Hello, James
Ben, this is James Garrett, my client
142
00:07:47,527 --> 00:07:49,757
Pleasure to meet you
I'm a great fan of your wife
143
00:07:49,847 --> 00:07:53,283
Oh, James Won't be a minute
I just have to find my keys
144
00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:55,525
- Let's go, Dad
- Not yet, Mikey
145
00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:57,837
- We don't wanna be late
- I said not
146
00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:01,720
Susan, could I just have a word?
147
00:08:04,287 --> 00:08:05,276
(MUMBLING) That's James Garrett
148
00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:06,806
Sorry?
149
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,798
- It's James Garrett
- Yes
150
00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:10,396
Here's an idea
151
00:08:10,487 --> 00:08:14,560
Look, you drive Michael to the interview
and I'll take James to look at art
152
00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:16,646
Are you jealous?
153
00:08:17,407 --> 00:08:20,604
No What, of him?
154
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:22,802
Of course not
155
00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:26,321
- It's just a business trip
- Yeah, I know I know that, yeah Okay
156
00:08:26,407 --> 00:08:29,479
Well, you two have fun, eh?
157
00:08:41,207 --> 00:08:43,323
- Bye, darling
- Bye, dear
158
00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:49,918
(SUSAN CHUCKLES)
159
00:08:52,287 --> 00:08:53,481
Hi, Mikey
160
00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:57,406
Mikey, Mikey
161
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,805
Pretty good bonding trip so far, eh?
162
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:06,476
Just me and you
163
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:09,042
The lads
164
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:16,478
- Wanna turn on the radio?
- Yeah
165
00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:18,762
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
166
00:09:19,647 --> 00:09:22,798
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
167
00:09:28,247 --> 00:09:31,444
Janey, you still seem
to be in considerable pain
168
00:09:31,807 --> 00:09:33,365
What exactly happened?
169
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:35,961
I was at the gym, on the treadmill
170
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:39,683
Exercising without proper supervision
is a minefield
171
00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:44,486
Actually, some fit bloke went past
and I just jerked my head too quickly
172
00:09:46,007 --> 00:09:49,761
That used to happen to the pigs
when the butcher drove past
173
00:09:50,487 --> 00:09:51,715
(GROANS)
174
00:09:51,807 --> 00:09:56,927
God, this is getting worse Look,
do you think you can sort it out for me?
175
00:09:57,047 --> 00:10:02,997
Janey, God gifted me with healing hands
176
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:06,804
- I'm not getting naked
- Fine, but neither will I
177
00:10:08,927 --> 00:10:10,406
Take a deep breath
178
00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:13,206
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
179
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,517
I'm not some farm animal,
so just be care
180
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,483
Oh, God!
181
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:19,556
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
182
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:21,877
Oh, yes
183
00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:25,125
Just relax
Don't even think about the spike
184
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,518
- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry Habit
185
00:10:31,127 --> 00:10:35,040
I mean, I failed once What's there
to stop me from failing again?
186
00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:36,196
I mean, look at Nick and Janey
187
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,322
(BEN CHUCKLES)
188
00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:39,637
Let's face it, they say the apple
doesn't fall far from the tree
189
00:10:39,727 --> 00:10:40,716
Yes!
190
00:10:43,327 --> 00:10:44,840
The tree is me, right?
191
00:10:47,207 --> 00:10:49,801
What do you know
about this James Garrett?
192
00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:51,206
He's rich
193
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:56,045
Really? Look at him,
squandering it all on art
194
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:59,561
Actually, he gives to
a lot of charities
195
00:11:00,447 --> 00:11:02,517
- I bet that's not his real hair
- Think it is
196
00:11:02,607 --> 00:11:05,280
Why don't you just marry him, Michael?
197
00:11:07,327 --> 00:11:08,680
Someone sounds a little jealous
198
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,166
Jealous! I'm not jealous
199
00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:12,476
I'm just
200
00:11:13,647 --> 00:11:16,764
I think we could do
with a little confidence-builder
201
00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:18,644
Dad, we are not playing
another game of I Spy
202
00:11:18,727 --> 00:11:21,241
Nope Better idea
203
00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:26,400
I'm not so sure this is a good idea
204
00:11:26,487 --> 00:11:28,557
It's what going to college is all about
205
00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:32,083
Besides, it's only a pint, come on
Come on, it'll take the edge off
206
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:33,839
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
207
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:36,840
Ah, yes, you're witnessing
a right of passage today, sir
208
00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:39,725
The first pint I've ever bought my son
209
00:11:40,407 --> 00:11:42,045
Still five pound thirty
210
00:11:42,247 --> 00:11:45,205
I know, yes
My God, it's cheaper down south
211
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,960
Yeah, but you don't get
my smiling demeanour
212
00:11:49,927 --> 00:11:52,077
- It's good
- Yeah
213
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:55,682
You know, Michael, I remember
the first pint my dad ever bought me
214
00:11:56,527 --> 00:11:57,846
Celebrating Armistice Day?
215
00:11:57,927 --> 00:12:00,282
(CHUCKLING) You are so funny
216
00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:01,800
Ow!
217
00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:05,406
Don't you think
we should keep our eyes on Lot 79?
218
00:12:05,487 --> 00:12:07,205
Yes, I thought the same thing
219
00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:09,084
I hope you brought your cheque book
220
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:10,486
Hello, we've made reservations
221
00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:12,842
- Mr and Mrs
- No, no We're not married
222
00:12:12,927 --> 00:12:16,397
I'm Mrs Harper
and this is my friend, Mr James Garrett
223
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:17,876
All right
224
00:12:17,967 --> 00:12:21,926
I mean I am married, happily
Not to him, someone else
225
00:12:22,127 --> 00:12:24,641
This is professional He's a client
226
00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:29,045
We're not lovers
We're here on business
227
00:12:29,647 --> 00:12:32,719
Yes, here it is
I have a room under the name Harper
228
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:35,401
And nothing for Garrett
229
00:12:35,647 --> 00:12:38,366
No, that's impossible My assistant
made the reservations weeks ago
230
00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:40,005
We need two rooms
231
00:12:40,087 --> 00:12:43,523
Because we're just friends
Well, colleagues, really
232
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:45,002
Of course
233
00:12:45,087 --> 00:12:46,600
Well, surely you must have another room
234
00:12:46,687 --> 00:12:49,963
No, I'm afraid we're fully booked
It's the art fair Everywhere is
235
00:12:50,047 --> 00:12:52,959
I'm so sorry
My assistant is normally so efficient
236
00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:56,403
The room does have twin beds
You could always share
237
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,365
Oh, my God We can't do that
We're not married Well, I am
238
00:12:59,447 --> 00:13:01,438
Yes, you mentioned that
239
00:13:01,607 --> 00:13:03,996
Well, we could drive back tonight
It'll be a long journey, but
240
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:05,884
Oh, no This is ridiculous
241
00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:09,243
Of course we can share
We're colleagues It's twin beds
242
00:13:09,327 --> 00:13:12,000
- I suppose we could
- I think you should
243
00:13:12,447 --> 00:13:13,846
Oh, shut up
244
00:13:14,887 --> 00:13:18,357
Would you please take Mrs Harper
and her friend to 103?
245
00:13:18,727 --> 00:13:21,400
- We are just friends
- I'm sure you are
246
00:13:21,527 --> 00:13:24,803
No, but you said "friends",
like in "friend"
247
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:25,922
Oh, I'm sorry
248
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:29,761
Would you please take Mrs Harper
and her friend to 103?
249
00:13:30,047 --> 00:13:32,117
Perhaps you should
just call us business associates
250
00:13:32,207 --> 00:13:35,802
Very well, then Mrs Harper
and her business associate to Room 103
251
00:13:35,967 --> 00:13:37,798
- Look, you
- Susan
252
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:45,435
- Affair?
- Prostitute
253
00:13:51,807 --> 00:13:54,526
Janey, I know you've been
in a bit of pain lately,
254
00:13:54,607 --> 00:13:56,723
so I made you a cup of tea to help
255
00:13:57,447 --> 00:14:00,245
Oh, thanks, Abi But I'm no longer in
256
00:14:04,047 --> 00:14:06,242
Sorry, I guess I spaced out
257
00:14:06,687 --> 00:14:10,839
It's like there's a warm summer breeze
blowing through my mind
258
00:14:11,687 --> 00:14:14,918
Oh, yeah I know that feeling
259
00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,639
I'm just so relaxed
260
00:14:19,607 --> 00:14:22,440
Must be the tea I'm glad I could help
261
00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:28,479
- I haven't had any tea yet
- I know Powerful stuff
262
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:34,165
No Listen, Alfie gave me
the most incredible massage
263
00:14:35,727 --> 00:14:37,080
Do you mind if I have the tea?
264
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:42,002
I'm too relaxed to mind anything
Abi, listen, keep this quiet
265
00:14:49,207 --> 00:14:52,836
But during the massage,
something happened
266
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:57,597
- He worked out your kinks
- Something deep
267
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:03,206
- He undid a knot in your back
- Deeper
268
00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:08,001
Oh!
269
00:15:20,607 --> 00:15:22,165
What was he massaging?
270
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:24,966
Just my shoulders
271
00:15:25,407 --> 00:15:26,522
Alfie!
272
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:30,840
Alfie, Abi's shoulder is sore
Could you massage it?
273
00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:33,246
- No problem
- No, really, Alfie,
274
00:15:33,327 --> 00:15:34,680
my shoulder's not sore, it's
275
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,203
Oh, God!
276
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:39,515
(SIGHING)
277
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:42,605
Driving examiner?
278
00:15:43,007 --> 00:15:45,885
He was more like the Emperor of Driving
279
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:50,076
who could decide my fate
with a thumbs up or a thumbs down
280
00:15:51,007 --> 00:15:53,521
So I hit a few kerbs
I didn't kill anybody
281
00:15:53,607 --> 00:15:55,996
Whoa, whoa, whoa Easy, tiger,
I think you should slow down
282
00:15:56,087 --> 00:15:58,442
(SCOFFING) Next thing you'll be
telling me I've had too many
283
00:15:58,527 --> 00:16:01,599
Yes, I would,
except you haven't even finished one
284
00:16:02,047 --> 00:16:05,244
You think you've got troubles?
See Colin over there?
285
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:07,842
Wife's just left him for a rich bloke
286
00:16:08,607 --> 00:16:09,642
Pillock
287
00:16:10,247 --> 00:16:13,523
Oh, not you, Colin
The guy who's having sex with your wife
288
00:16:13,887 --> 00:16:15,525
Come on, Susan, pick up
289
00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:17,484
Right, your mother's not even answering
290
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:21,003
I'm sure she's fine She's just
with some handsome millionaire
291
00:16:21,527 --> 00:16:23,597
Okay Let's get you to your interview
Come on
292
00:16:23,687 --> 00:16:24,881
- But I want one more
- No
293
00:16:24,967 --> 00:16:26,923
- For my confidence
- I think you're confident enough
294
00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:29,362
- Hey, I'm not drunk
- Sure, sure, sure, sure
295
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,278
- I love you, Dad
- Yeah, I love you, too, come on
296
00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:34,765
- Stay strong, Colin
- Yep, stay strong
297
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:38,086
Susan, you were stunning
298
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:39,998
I can't believe the deal
you got me on this
299
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:42,157
I know, and a snip at 7,000
300
00:16:42,247 --> 00:16:43,236
(KNOCKING)
301
00:16:43,727 --> 00:16:44,716
Sir?
302
00:16:45,127 --> 00:16:46,799
- Extra towels
- Thank you, yes
303
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:52,235
If you want,
I can push the beds together, sir
304
00:16:52,327 --> 00:16:55,842
No, no We're not married
Well, I'm married, but not to him
305
00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:58,365
Maybe you should just go
306
00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:03,316
Oh, damn My phone's dead
and I left my charger at home
307
00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:05,477
I have to check in with Ben later
308
00:17:06,127 --> 00:17:09,836
- Shall I reserve for dinner?
- Oh, why not?
309
00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:15,040
Hello I'd like a table for two, please
310
00:17:15,527 --> 00:17:19,315
James Garrett and Susan Harper
in 103, but we're just friends
311
00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:28,600
Susan, I'm not gonna leave a message
because I've left five messages already,
312
00:17:28,687 --> 00:17:31,440
which you haven't returned,
so obviously it's pointless
313
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:34,917
me leaving another one,
but if you get this, call me
314
00:17:36,447 --> 00:17:38,119
Well, how did you get on?
315
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,446
- I think I made quite an impression
- Good boy
316
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:44,437
- I threw up on him
- Great, good
317
00:17:45,287 --> 00:17:47,676
As I was apologising,
I threw up on him again
318
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:52,124
Oh, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, the secret of
highly successful people is persistence
319
00:17:52,207 --> 00:17:55,324
Now get back in there
and explain the situation
320
00:17:56,327 --> 00:17:58,204
- It's locked
- Well, at least we tried
321
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:01,556
Hello, Janey
322
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:02,636
(MOANING)
323
00:18:03,287 --> 00:18:05,118
Is the lovely Abi available?
324
00:18:05,327 --> 00:18:07,204
ABl: Yes, yes!
325
00:18:08,007 --> 00:18:09,076
Is that Abi?
326
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:10,156
ABl: Yes!
327
00:18:10,927 --> 00:18:14,397
- What's going on in there?
- Yeah, Roger, it isn't like it sounds
328
00:18:15,607 --> 00:18:16,835
It's so much better
329
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,439
She's still not answering
330
00:18:24,287 --> 00:18:27,723
- Have you tried the hotel?
- I can't remember the name of it
331
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,605
- Mum told you where she'd be staying
- Yes, I know, at least ten times,
332
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:34,236
but I can't be expected to remember
every detail your mother mentions
333
00:18:34,327 --> 00:18:37,444
Wasn't it the same place
you took her on your anniversary?
334
00:18:37,527 --> 00:18:38,676
Oh, yeah
335
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:44,527
Didn't you say they did your room up
with champagne and rose petals?
336
00:18:44,607 --> 00:18:45,756
Yeah
337
00:18:46,047 --> 00:18:48,402
(STAMMERING) The
338
00:18:50,127 --> 00:18:51,606
You said they
overcharged you for something
339
00:18:51,687 --> 00:18:52,676
The Montgomery
340
00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,882
Well, that was a lovely meal, thank you
341
00:19:00,007 --> 00:19:02,726
My pleasure
And the company was delightful
342
00:19:04,127 --> 00:19:09,440
Absolutely exquisite
Quite breathtaking
343
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:13,237
Well, here we are
344
00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:16,285
Yes, here we are
345
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:19,485
Right, I suppose we'd better sort out
the sleeping arrangements,
346
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:20,716
so we can go to bed
347
00:19:20,807 --> 00:19:22,684
- So which bed would you prefer?
- Oh, you pick
348
00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:23,836
- No, you pick
- No, no, you
349
00:19:23,927 --> 00:19:25,042
- No, you
- All right
350
00:19:25,127 --> 00:19:26,480
BOTH: I'll have this one
351
00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:29,475
- Actually, I think I prefer that one
- Okay
352
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,323
Look, Susan,
if you feel uneasy about this,
353
00:19:38,407 --> 00:19:41,717
perhaps we could pull the bed
a bit further apart
354
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,316
Good idea
355
00:19:46,647 --> 00:19:48,000
Well, that's better
356
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:49,720
If you'll excuse me
357
00:19:52,527 --> 00:19:54,597
Susan Harper's room, please
358
00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:59,682
You all right, Mikey?
Looking a little green round the gills
359
00:19:59,847 --> 00:20:02,407
I'll be fine Going to take it easy
360
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,836
(PHONE RINGING)
361
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:06,516
Hello?
362
00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:08,482
Hello?
363
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:17,322
Sorry, Michael
364
00:20:17,407 --> 00:20:18,396
(CAR REVVING)
365
00:20:18,487 --> 00:20:19,476
Dad, no
366
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:21,797
(TYRES SQUEALING)
367
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,003
(MICHAEL VOMITING)
368
00:20:24,087 --> 00:20:27,636
Lean well out, Michael
Keep it off the paintwork
369
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,320
What's going on here?
370
00:20:31,407 --> 00:20:32,726
You've got to try this
371
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:35,162
I'm simply oscillating Abi's clavicle
372
00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:40,002
If anybody's gonna oscillate
Abi's clavicle, it's going to be me
373
00:20:40,087 --> 00:20:41,076
(ABI GRUNTS)
374
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:45,045
Okay, whatever you like
375
00:20:48,007 --> 00:20:49,201
(CRACKING KNUCKLES)
376
00:20:57,167 --> 00:21:01,001
Oh, yeah That's really good stuff
377
00:21:02,287 --> 00:21:03,276
Mmm
378
00:21:06,727 --> 00:21:11,357
I've already told you
I need Susan Harper's room number
379
00:21:11,447 --> 00:21:14,166
Yes, and I've already told you
I can't give out that information
380
00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:16,556
But I I'm her husband
381
00:21:17,287 --> 00:21:19,926
Okay, fine I've got ID Here, look
382
00:21:20,887 --> 00:21:23,162
Here you go Ben Harper There
383
00:21:23,247 --> 00:21:25,283
Yes, well Harper is
a fairly common name
384
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:27,642
If you like, I could
ring her room for you
385
00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:30,480
I've already done that
and some bloke answered
386
00:21:30,647 --> 00:21:32,285
Ah I'm saying nothing, sir
387
00:21:34,607 --> 00:21:37,201
How would you like
some free dental work?
388
00:21:37,287 --> 00:21:40,165
- Are you threatening me?
- No, I'm a dentist
389
00:21:40,247 --> 00:21:41,999
Fine Fine, fine, fine
390
00:21:42,087 --> 00:21:43,839
Okay Here's five quid, okay?
391
00:21:44,007 --> 00:21:46,965
- Are you trying to bribe me?
- No Just giving you five pounds
392
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:49,242
Oh, all right Thank you
393
00:21:52,967 --> 00:21:55,037
- Well?
- Well, what?
394
00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:56,958
- Give me the number
- I've told you I can't do that
395
00:21:57,047 --> 00:22:00,164
- I just gave you five quid
- You just said it wasn't a bribe
396
00:22:00,247 --> 00:22:01,999
I'm afraid
I'm going to have to ask you to leave
397
00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:03,800
You and what army?
398
00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:05,800
Oh, this one Okay
399
00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:11,566
Come on, Mikey Come on, let's go
400
00:22:11,647 --> 00:22:13,922
- But I'm getting my confidence back
- Let's go
401
00:22:16,887 --> 00:22:17,876
Cool
402
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:23,162
If you're looking for Abi, she's asleep
403
00:22:23,247 --> 00:22:24,236
- Oh?
- Mmm
404
00:22:24,967 --> 00:22:27,401
They always go to sleep afterwards
405
00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:30,399
Sometimes it would just be nice
to stay up and talk
406
00:22:31,127 --> 00:22:34,563
Actually, it's you
I've come to see, Alfred
407
00:22:35,967 --> 00:22:37,719
I need to know your secret
408
00:22:38,367 --> 00:22:41,200
- What secret?
- Look, you
409
00:22:42,167 --> 00:22:45,364
I've never heard noises
like that coming from Abi
410
00:22:45,567 --> 00:22:47,762
You must have done something
411
00:22:48,807 --> 00:22:51,605
You seem really stressed
about this Roger
412
00:22:51,687 --> 00:22:53,166
(SIGHS)
413
00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:55,363
I've got a lot on my plate
414
00:22:55,607 --> 00:22:59,316
I mean, there's the wedding
And the wedding night
415
00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:02,198
The thing is Alfred, I'm still a
416
00:23:02,287 --> 00:23:04,437
(GROANING)
417
00:23:04,847 --> 00:23:06,200
Oh, God!
418
00:23:10,727 --> 00:23:12,001
Oh, God
419
00:23:26,047 --> 00:23:27,036
Oh, God
420
00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:44,196
(WHISPERING) Come on Yeah, brilliant
Yeah Mikey Mikey?
421
00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:46,683
(GROANING)
422
00:23:53,047 --> 00:23:55,083
No! No! Mikey! Mikey!
423
00:24:03,407 --> 00:24:06,365
Listen, Susan,
you really shouldn't feel uncomfortable
424
00:24:06,447 --> 00:24:08,756
You've absolutely nothing
to worry about
425
00:24:08,847 --> 00:24:12,157
- Apart from my snoring
- Can't be worse than Ben's
426
00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:15,598
I find ear plugs help
I shove them up his nose
427
00:24:17,767 --> 00:24:20,839
Nevertheless, you two seem to have
a really solid relationship
428
00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:23,839
I tell you, when I was married,
if my wife was alone in a hotel room
429
00:24:23,927 --> 00:24:27,442
with another man, I'd have found it
very difficult to trust her
430
00:24:27,527 --> 00:24:30,997
Mind you, she was cheating on me
So you know what I mean
431
00:24:31,087 --> 00:24:33,681
I suppose I'm lucky
Ben's not the jealous type
432
00:24:33,767 --> 00:24:35,678
We have a mutual trust
433
00:24:37,207 --> 00:24:39,118
(INAUDIBLE)
434
00:24:40,527 --> 00:24:41,516
Oh, no
435
00:24:41,607 --> 00:24:43,882
- What?
- My lens has slipped
436
00:24:44,367 --> 00:24:46,323
Let me see if I can find it
437
00:24:54,087 --> 00:24:56,681
Thanks I'd just better take them out
438
00:24:57,367 --> 00:24:58,880
I'll get dressed for bed
439
00:24:59,767 --> 00:25:00,756
(SHOUTING) Michael
440
00:25:00,847 --> 00:25:01,836
(CRASHING)
441
00:25:03,647 --> 00:25:08,163
I think it's a good idea if we never
let Alfred touch either of us again
442
00:25:08,647 --> 00:25:11,605
- Just one more massage!
- I'm not a machine!
443
00:25:17,847 --> 00:25:20,520
Maybe just one more and then we'll stop
444
00:25:22,287 --> 00:25:23,640
(SCREAMS)
445
00:25:28,327 --> 00:25:31,717
So he thought it would be a good idea
to take me to get drunk
446
00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:35,166
Oh, yeah
And then I threw up on the guy
447
00:25:36,047 --> 00:25:37,275
Cool
448
00:25:51,127 --> 00:25:52,276
- Susan!
- Ben!
449
00:25:52,847 --> 00:25:54,121
- Susan?
- What the hell's going on?
450
00:25:54,207 --> 00:25:55,560
I'll tell you what's going on, rich boy,
451
00:25:55,647 --> 00:25:57,444
you just bought
yourself an arse-kicking
452
00:25:57,527 --> 00:25:58,642
Ben, no
453
00:25:58,727 --> 00:26:01,764
- There's been a huge misunderstanding
- Ben, you're making a fool of yourself
454
00:26:01,847 --> 00:26:05,203
How do you wrestle a man in silk?
Get down where I can get hold of you
455
00:26:05,287 --> 00:26:08,882
- Ben, I said leave the man alone
- Susan get out of the way
456
00:26:09,967 --> 00:26:11,366
Oh, for God's sake
457
00:26:11,887 --> 00:26:14,720
You really were keen
to get up here, sir, weren't you?
458
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:16,957
What? Let go of my wife
459
00:26:17,047 --> 00:26:19,356
- I thought you were with him
- He's just my client
460
00:26:19,447 --> 00:26:21,278
Yes, I'm afraid
this is not that kind of hotel
461
00:26:21,367 --> 00:26:23,483
Escort that woman
from the premises, please
462
00:26:23,567 --> 00:26:25,239
Listen, you silky worm
463
00:26:26,847 --> 00:26:30,078
- Get your hands off me
- Get off her I'll save you, Susan
464
00:26:30,167 --> 00:26:31,156
(SUSAN GROANS)
465
00:26:31,847 --> 00:26:33,405
Ah! You got me skin
466
00:26:40,607 --> 00:26:42,359
- Ben, let him go
- I just need to remove your pyjamas
467
00:26:42,447 --> 00:26:44,039
I can't get
468
00:26:46,127 --> 00:26:49,039
And these are my parents
That's my mum on the floor
469
00:26:49,127 --> 00:26:50,526
Hi Nice to meet you
470
00:26:50,607 --> 00:26:53,075
- And that's my dad in the headlock
- Hello
471
00:26:53,447 --> 00:26:54,436
Cool
472
00:26:54,687 --> 00:26:56,757
What are you doing naked in a bed
473
00:26:56,847 --> 00:26:59,122
- with a man in silk pyjamas, Susan?
- You said you weren't jealous!
474
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:04,247
Well, I hope you two
are proud of yourselves
475
00:27:04,887 --> 00:27:05,922
BOTH: Sorry
476
00:27:06,287 --> 00:27:08,721
I've never been
so embarrassed in my life
477
00:27:08,847 --> 00:27:09,836
BOTH: Sorry
478
00:27:11,607 --> 00:27:14,758
So throwing up
over your professor doesn't count?
479
00:27:14,847 --> 00:27:16,917
As it happens,
if you weren't so busy fighting,
480
00:27:17,007 --> 00:27:20,204
I could have told you I had a phone call
from the admissions tutor
481
00:27:20,287 --> 00:27:21,356
Oh?
482
00:27:21,447 --> 00:27:23,597
Apparently,
he always hated that professor
483
00:27:23,687 --> 00:27:26,804
He's offered me
another interview next Saturday
484
00:27:27,047 --> 00:27:28,878
Do you want us to come with you?
485
00:27:28,967 --> 00:27:31,083
Uhno
486
00:27:34,647 --> 00:27:37,161
- This is all your fault, you know
- What do you mean my fault?
487
00:27:37,247 --> 00:27:40,717
What am I supposed to think? You were
in a hotel room with another man
488
00:27:40,807 --> 00:27:43,719
- It's nice to see you jealous
- Jealous, don't be ridiculous
489
00:27:43,807 --> 00:27:45,286
(CHUCKLES)
490
00:27:45,647 --> 00:27:48,639
What's he got that I haven't?
491
00:27:48,727 --> 00:27:50,479
Twelve million quid?
492
00:27:54,567 --> 00:27:56,080
I tell you what he hasn't got, though
493
00:27:56,167 --> 00:27:57,202
Hmm?
494
00:27:57,287 --> 00:27:58,322
Me
495
00:28:01,927 --> 00:28:03,679
Twelve million quid
37719
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