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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,891 --> 00:00:06,974 _ 2 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:10,223 Moving day. Boy, I'm really gonna miss this house. 3 00:00:10,248 --> 00:00:11,426 Thank you so much, Mom and Dad. 4 00:00:11,451 --> 00:00:14,176 I don't know what we would've done without you. Oh. 5 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,865 - Thanks, Dad. - Oh, well, you would've stayed 6 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:19,333 in a hotel with the insurance money allocated for that purpose. 7 00:00:19,335 --> 00:00:21,135 Oh, no, this worked out way better. 8 00:00:21,137 --> 00:00:23,430 And to show you our appreciation, I want you to be 9 00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:24,417 on the lookout for a little 10 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,345 - special delivery thank you gift. - Mmm. 11 00:00:26,370 --> 00:00:28,448 Oh, you guys not moving back in's 12 00:00:28,479 --> 00:00:29,720 all the thanks we need. 13 00:00:29,745 --> 00:00:31,501 Very funny, Dad. 14 00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:32,735 It's John. 15 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,948 Right. John. Right. 16 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,683 Miss you guys. 17 00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:37,402 Bye, Poop-Poop. 18 00:00:37,427 --> 00:00:39,193 Who taught you that? 19 00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:45,567 - Hey. - Hi. 20 00:00:45,569 --> 00:00:46,735 What's in the box? 21 00:00:46,737 --> 00:00:48,437 Uh, the new toilet you ordered. 22 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,607 Oh, I didn't order that. 23 00:00:50,632 --> 00:00:54,301 Oh! That might be a present from my stupid son-in-law. 24 00:00:54,326 --> 00:00:57,045 That makes sense. He's put a lot of miles on our toilet. 25 00:00:57,047 --> 00:00:59,014 Well, he must like you. 26 00:00:59,016 --> 00:01:01,250 It's one of those fancy Japanese electric deals. 27 00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:05,254 Ah, that reminds me of a joke. 28 00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:07,466 - Are you Japanese? - I am. 29 00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:09,658 Then never mind. 30 00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:14,796 Oh, what, no, don't be afraid. 31 00:01:14,798 --> 00:01:16,198 This is Tomo. 32 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,433 Tomo, this is Joanie. 33 00:01:18,435 --> 00:01:20,102 Joan-nee. 34 00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:24,840 Must everything be robotic? 35 00:01:24,842 --> 00:01:28,177 Please, get this out of the house before it drowns us all. 36 00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:30,245 But this was a thank-you gift from Tim and Heather. 37 00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:32,848 It took me five hours to sync up our phones. 38 00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,883 You gave this my number? 39 00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:37,098 I don't want a toilet calling me. 40 00:01:37,123 --> 00:01:38,020 Oh, she won't. 41 00:01:38,022 --> 00:01:40,822 Um, but she will warm your butt cheeks. 42 00:01:40,824 --> 00:01:43,292 While she's reading you a book. 43 00:01:43,294 --> 00:01:45,027 Hop on. 44 00:01:45,029 --> 00:01:47,262 She's on the second chapter of Mockingjay. 45 00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:49,665 I will not "hop on" 46 00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:53,168 You know how I feel about peeing on something with a name. 47 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,213 Oh, come on, Joanie. Give Tomo a chance. 48 00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:57,439 Just one little tinkle, that's all I ask. 49 00:01:57,441 --> 00:02:00,342 I tinkle on my terms. 50 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,320 Aw. 51 00:02:05,345 --> 00:02:07,549 I'm sorry, Tomo. She'll come around. 52 00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:09,608 But, in the meantime... 53 00:02:10,254 --> 00:02:13,922 I got a little something special for you. 54 00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:16,225 Hey, you ordered those bobbleheads of our family 55 00:02:16,227 --> 00:02:18,060 as a thank-you gift for my parents, right? 56 00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:19,628 Yeah, I worked really hard on the one for your dad... 57 00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:21,363 I'm sorry, Mr. Short... 58 00:02:21,365 --> 00:02:23,820 But I'm sure he's gonna hate it just like he hates me. 59 00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:26,702 No! I can't hold anymore. 60 00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:29,202 When I buy myself a $2000 Japanese toilet, 61 00:02:29,227 --> 00:02:31,206 you'd think they'd have better customer service. 62 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:33,408 You spent $2000 on a toilet? 63 00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:35,777 Well, yeah, people spend half their lives on the toilet. 64 00:02:35,779 --> 00:02:38,080 No, babe, that's just you. 65 00:02:42,946 --> 00:02:45,920 Oh. Hey, Da... I mean, John. 66 00:02:45,945 --> 00:02:47,823 Oh. Tim, thank you for my present. 67 00:02:47,825 --> 00:02:50,195 It's taught me so much about myself. 68 00:02:50,220 --> 00:02:52,294 - It came already? Man, that was fast. - Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,863 Hey, what did you think of the "John?" It looks perfect, right? 70 00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:56,798 Are you kidding? It's more than perfect. 71 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,767 Joanie's a little afraid of it, though. 72 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,202 She thinks it's out to get her. 73 00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:01,891 It's that lifelike? 74 00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:03,672 It's like it has a soul. 75 00:03:03,674 --> 00:03:07,313 I felt so elated when I sat on it. 76 00:03:08,024 --> 00:03:09,378 - Oh. - Yeah. 77 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,046 Cool, yeah, well, whatever. 78 00:03:11,048 --> 00:03:12,347 I'm sure Joanie's gonna love it too, 79 00:03:12,349 --> 00:03:14,513 once I convince her to sit on it. 80 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:18,754 You know, deep down I always knew she was a little freaky. 81 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:24,926 Oh. 82 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,231 Oh, no. 83 00:03:32,056 --> 00:03:33,837 Is that Vivaldi? 84 00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:41,176 Ooh. Mmm. 85 00:03:43,678 --> 00:03:46,559 Hey, I just got off the phone with the delivery company, 86 00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,841 and they said my toilet was shipped here. 87 00:03:48,866 --> 00:03:51,682 Duh. I already thanked you for that. 88 00:03:51,707 --> 00:03:55,058 In fact, I just got off a 30 minute wash and wax. Whoo. 89 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,192 Oh, no, John, that toilet wasn't meant f... 90 00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:00,442 John. I just tried the super-toilet. 91 00:04:00,732 --> 00:04:03,378 And you were right. 92 00:04:03,403 --> 00:04:04,417 I feel warm 93 00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:06,136 and I feel loved in a way 94 00:04:06,138 --> 00:04:08,790 that nobody's ever loved me. 95 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,941 Wait. B-But Joan, you don't understand. 96 00:04:10,943 --> 00:04:14,877 No, I didn't, but now, I do. 97 00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:17,614 Arigato. 98 00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:20,083 Oh, Joanie, you can't make jokes like that anymore. 99 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:22,216 You can always stay here, 100 00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:25,210 anytime your house burns down. 101 00:04:32,698 --> 00:04:34,231 Hey, John. 102 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,498 Please. 103 00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:37,267 Call me Dad. 104 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,569 - Really? - Yeah. 105 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:43,039 Okay. Well, Dad, here's the thing, uh... 106 00:04:43,041 --> 00:04:44,507 Mm-hmm? 107 00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,244 You're welcome. 108 00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,179 Just use it in good health. 109 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,065 Well, thank you. 110 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,617 Look, uh, a bunch of bobbleheads came today. 111 00:04:53,619 --> 00:04:55,752 Um, did you order these, 112 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,204 or did I piss off another gypsy? 113 00:04:58,229 --> 00:04:59,789 Oh, tho... no, those are creepy, you know. 114 00:04:59,814 --> 00:05:01,760 I don't know what those are, but I'll... you know what? 115 00:05:01,785 --> 00:05:03,093 Just give them to me, I'll throw them in the... 116 00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:04,294 No, it's all right. I'll take them out 117 00:05:04,296 --> 00:05:06,029 to the trash. You... 118 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,243 God, you're a sexy bitch. 119 00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:27,665 _ 120 00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,522 Oh, hey, sweetie. How was school? 121 00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:34,791 Well, my most basic childhood instinct 122 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,926 is urging me to say "fine" 123 00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:38,800 but if I'm being honest, 124 00:05:38,825 --> 00:05:41,425 I had an emotionally rich day. 125 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,706 Wow. I wasn't ready for that. 126 00:05:43,731 --> 00:05:44,714 What happened today? 127 00:05:44,739 --> 00:05:46,169 Well, a bunch of my friends were talking 128 00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,971 about how they shaved their legs 129 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,604 and how that changed their lives. 130 00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:51,408 But then Jared Shuman 131 00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,143 had a seizure in computer lab 132 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:56,112 and ruined $50,000 worth of equipment. 133 00:05:56,114 --> 00:05:57,781 Oh, my God. 134 00:05:57,783 --> 00:06:00,116 Girls in your class are shaving their legs? 135 00:06:00,118 --> 00:06:04,471 Yup. They said it cut their sleeping bag entry time in half. 136 00:06:04,496 --> 00:06:06,423 I think I'm gonna go start shaving mine, too. 137 00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:08,992 Uh, whoa, hey. Yeah, not in my house, you're not. 138 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,027 Well, what about Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop's house? 139 00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:14,164 Pop-Pop has a toilet that plays "Let It Go" 140 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,920 Yeah, nobody's house. Okay? 141 00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:16,951 You're just way too young. 142 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,735 But everyone's gonna make fun of me. 143 00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:21,102 I'm gonna be the hairiest kid in school. 144 00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:24,223 No.That is so not true. What about that sixth grader 145 00:06:24,248 --> 00:06:26,248 with the sideburns that go all the way down? 146 00:06:26,273 --> 00:06:27,744 They connect with his beard. 147 00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:30,180 Chewbacca? The lunch... That's the lunch lady. 148 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,181 Oh. 149 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,315 Come on, Mom. 150 00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:33,783 You are still way too young 151 00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,151 to shave your legs. 152 00:06:35,153 --> 00:06:37,536 End of story. 153 00:06:38,504 --> 00:06:39,551 Fine. 154 00:06:41,559 --> 00:06:44,448 That is incredibly sweet that you still bring Tyler 155 00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:47,197 a cup of coffee even after your breakup. 156 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,332 - Well, some couples like to keep things fresh. - Mmm. 157 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,301 We just like to keep them confusing. 158 00:06:51,719 --> 00:06:54,286 Okay. 159 00:06:55,307 --> 00:06:57,807 What's with the jeans under the dress? 160 00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,542 Is that some sort of weird gender statement? 161 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,118 Please help me before I say the wrong thing. 162 00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:04,280 I think you've already said the wrong thing. 163 00:07:04,282 --> 00:07:06,569 I'm just trying to avoid the ridicule 164 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,727 of my freshly-shaven peers. 165 00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:10,076 Oh. See you after school, 166 00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:12,055 if I'm not shoved in a locker. 167 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,857 Okay. 168 00:07:15,679 --> 00:07:17,994 Hey, how old were you when you started shaving? 169 00:07:17,996 --> 00:07:20,497 Oh, I'm just naturally hairless from the neck down. 170 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,546 Oh. Mm-hmm. 171 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,308 Get out. 172 00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:29,547 - Sophia?! - Over here, Sophia's mom! 173 00:07:29,572 --> 00:07:31,001 Oh, God. 174 00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,976 Oh, honey! What happened? Are you hurt? 175 00:07:32,978 --> 00:07:36,133 Do I need to threaten to sue the school again? 'Cause I'll do it. 176 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,847 Beverly here. Team manager. 177 00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,182 Nice to meet you, ma'am. 178 00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:40,683 Yeah, hi. 179 00:07:40,685 --> 00:07:43,535 Looks like we got a classic case of overheating. 180 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,232 The orange slice is on the way. 181 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,137 Okay, good. Well, you know what, 182 00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:49,659 you can't play soccer in your jeans. 183 00:07:49,661 --> 00:07:51,895 - Can I shave my legs then? - No. 184 00:07:51,897 --> 00:07:54,230 Well, then it looks like Beverly and I are gonna be spending 185 00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:56,965 a lot more time together this season. 186 00:07:56,990 --> 00:07:57,934 Yes! 187 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,436 Mm. 188 00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:02,434 Oh! 189 00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,878 Honey, don't you want to take those off? 190 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,447 Nobody here's gonna judge you, okay? 191 00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,916 I think the denim is really weighing you down. 192 00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,684 It's just the weight of my leg hair. 193 00:08:14,686 --> 00:08:16,286 Oh, Sophia. 194 00:08:17,377 --> 00:08:18,662 Besides... 195 00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:22,125 this is what Pop-Pop wears to swim. 196 00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:23,503 Right, Pop-Pop? 197 00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:26,594 It's easier than putting on sunscreen. 198 00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:30,110 Hey. Can I come in? 199 00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:32,769 Sure. 200 00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:38,374 Oh, those are still fully wet. 201 00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:40,810 Pop-Pop said it's best to let them dry on you, 202 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,079 so that they form a casing. Mm. 203 00:08:43,081 --> 00:08:46,184 Yeah. Okay, listen, sweetie. 204 00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:49,085 As hard as it is for me to watch my little girl become a woman, 205 00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:51,588 it is so much harder for me to watch you suffer. 206 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:54,790 So... you can shave your legs. 207 00:08:54,815 --> 00:08:56,559 - Really? - Yeah. 208 00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:58,528 - Thanks, Mom! - Oh. Mm. 209 00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,797 All right, come on, let's go. I'll show you how to do it in the bathtub. 210 00:09:00,799 --> 00:09:02,832 Uh, that's okay. I can do it myself. 211 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,701 Oh, no, no, no. We are gonna go in there and make 212 00:09:04,703 --> 00:09:06,669 some very beautiful mother-daughter memories together, okay? 213 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,569 So, let's get those pants off. 214 00:09:08,594 --> 00:09:10,807 Yeah, I'm cool. Maybe later. 215 00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:13,221 Sophia. Take your pants off. 216 00:09:13,246 --> 00:09:15,250 Let's go. I'm gonna teach you how to shave. 217 00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,485 No. 218 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:19,115 - Take your pants off, Sophia. - No. 219 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:20,416 - Why won't you take your... - No! 220 00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:21,584 - No, no, no. - I'm your... Yes. I am gonna 221 00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:23,186 teach you how to shave your legs. 222 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:24,420 - Jeans off. - No, thank you. 223 00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:26,207 - Why won't you take your pants off? - Mother! 224 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,457 Because... 225 00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:30,126 I already shaved. 226 00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:32,903 Oh! With what?! A machete? 227 00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:34,884 No. Dad's back razor. 228 00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:37,433 That's why I've been wearing the jeans. 229 00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:40,027 - It was a bloodbath, Mom. - Ugh. 230 00:09:40,052 --> 00:09:42,029 You're lucky I'm still standing. 231 00:09:42,054 --> 00:09:44,841 And before you get upset, just know that I never want 232 00:09:44,843 --> 00:09:47,498 to shave again, so you win. 233 00:09:47,523 --> 00:09:50,446 Besides, I mean, my hair was pretty blonde to begin with. 234 00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:54,495 Oh. Hmm. Sophia, don't you know that once you start shaving, 235 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,957 your hair comes back darker and thicker? 236 00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:58,788 What? 237 00:09:58,790 --> 00:10:00,597 Yeah. Look at this. 238 00:10:00,622 --> 00:10:02,458 I just shaved at lunch. 239 00:10:02,638 --> 00:10:03,826 No. 240 00:10:03,828 --> 00:10:05,867 Welcome to womanhood, honey. 241 00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,695 _ 242 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,710 - Greg. - Don't answer it. 243 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,082 It's that crazy guy Finn, 244 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,398 the guy who tried to kill Old Lady Halperin's dog. 245 00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:24,255 The only thing crazy is you referring to Mrs. Halperin 246 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,593 as "Old Lady Halperin." 247 00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:28,523 What are you, in a Grimms' fable? 248 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,685 Hi! 249 00:10:29,687 --> 00:10:30,912 - Hey! - Hi! 250 00:10:30,937 --> 00:10:34,467 We have a big announcement! 251 00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:36,402 You're having a baby? 252 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,859 No! We're having a party. 253 00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,661 You know I don't like babies, and the fact 254 00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:42,164 that I can't have them fits perfectly into that plan. 255 00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,298 - Right. - It's a little get-together 256 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,194 tomorrow afternoon, 257 00:10:44,219 --> 00:10:46,371 and we want you to be there. 258 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,999 Oh! Uh, yeah, no, we can't make it, 259 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,623 because we're, are, um... 260 00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:53,173 we're going to San Diego for the weekend. 261 00:10:53,198 --> 00:10:53,993 Right, Jen? 262 00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:55,839 For, uh, your, uh, lawyer thing? 263 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,630 Right. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 264 00:10:57,632 --> 00:11:01,300 We are. We are going to... Lawyer-Con. 265 00:11:01,302 --> 00:11:04,971 Which is like Comic-Con, except everyone is normal 266 00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:08,041 on the outside and monsters on the inside. 267 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,243 Hmm... We should just cancel our party and go to that. 268 00:11:10,245 --> 00:11:11,644 God, we could Airbnb it. Just take 269 00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:14,871 - the Surfliner down. Yes! - Oh! We could all go together! 270 00:11:14,911 --> 00:11:15,785 Just kidding! 271 00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:17,350 - It sounds genuinely horrible! - Ugh! 272 00:11:17,352 --> 00:11:19,352 We would never do that! 273 00:11:19,354 --> 00:11:20,783 God, we're gonna miss you guys 274 00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:21,539 - at the party though, - Yes. 275 00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,855 Because when we get there, it's like, oh... 276 00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:24,891 And we're doing the... And one of these. 277 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,565 Yeah, okay, bye! 278 00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:28,327 Greg, what are you doing? 279 00:11:28,329 --> 00:11:30,663 - He was in the middle of talking. - Oh. Was he? 280 00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:33,199 Yes. And when someone's in the middle of talking, you don't just... 281 00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:35,968 Better go lock the back door. 282 00:11:38,373 --> 00:11:40,208 ? Hey, hey, hey, hey... ? 283 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,608 What? Finn and Dianna got an outdoor bar 284 00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,310 and a taco truck? 285 00:11:44,335 --> 00:11:45,645 Greg! 286 00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,180 I want to go! 287 00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,128 No, no, Jen, get down from there! 288 00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:50,116 If they see us, they're gonna know 289 00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:51,517 that we lied to them! 290 00:11:51,519 --> 00:11:53,853 Ugh. Fine. 291 00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:55,154 So we're trapped. 292 00:11:55,156 --> 00:11:56,522 Yeah. But it'll be all right, 293 00:11:56,524 --> 00:11:58,091 as long as we don't make too much noise. 294 00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,667 Greg? Jen? 295 00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:01,461 It's Mom! 296 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:04,734 Jen? Is Greg okay? 297 00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:06,532 It's your parents. We can't let them in. 298 00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:09,320 Well, maybe they're in the bedroom making love. 299 00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:12,004 Wishful thinking, Joanie. 300 00:12:12,006 --> 00:12:12,905 Hey! 301 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:14,336 Old! 302 00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,141 And Older! 303 00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:16,342 I'm gonna have to ask you to step away 304 00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,777 from my friends' door. 305 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,445 Oh, we're visiting our son. 306 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,013 Well, I think if he was your son, 307 00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,915 then you'd know that he's not in town. 308 00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:25,685 No... I'm telling you, we're visiting our son. 309 00:12:25,687 --> 00:12:27,720 Get away from my neighbors' house! 310 00:12:27,722 --> 00:12:29,722 - We're here! We're here! - Oh! 311 00:12:29,724 --> 00:12:30,623 - We're here! - Oh! 312 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,557 We're home. 313 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,326 I thought you guys were in San Diego. 314 00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:36,496 Oh, yeah, you know what, uh, Lawyer-Con was-was canceled. 315 00:12:36,498 --> 00:12:38,998 - Yeah. - Yeah. A lawyer slipped and fell, 316 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,167 and then everyone started suing everybody. 317 00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:42,935 - It was a whole situation. - Mm. 318 00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:44,709 - So you know these people? - Yes! 319 00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:47,006 - Yes, I know them. They are my parents. - Yes. Yeah. 320 00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:48,241 - Ah! Oh! - Oh! 321 00:12:48,243 --> 00:12:49,976 Guys, what are you doing here? 322 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,778 Your father wanted to talk to Lark. 323 00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,347 He doesn't like the way she says his name. 324 00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:58,014 Hi, Poop-Poop! 325 00:12:58,039 --> 00:12:59,752 She's doing that on purpose. 326 00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:02,255 How would you like it if I called you Clark? 327 00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:04,937 You did, for the first year of her life. 328 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,426 Poop-Poop has feelings, you know. 329 00:13:07,428 --> 00:13:08,928 I'm so glad you came home. 330 00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:10,730 I wanted to apologize. 331 00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:14,214 I am so sorry that I locked you in the trunk of my car. 332 00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:15,835 Well, I-I wasn't in your trunk. 333 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,136 I was with you when you yelled 334 00:13:17,138 --> 00:13:18,538 at the old lady with the barking dog. 335 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,632 Right. Dog guy. 336 00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:21,929 - You're not trunk guy. - Yeah. You look like... 337 00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:24,069 I am so sorry about that. 338 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,429 Okay? I was dealing with a lot of social anxiety. 339 00:13:26,454 --> 00:13:28,711 - And I took some drugs that... - Yeah. 340 00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:29,999 - Put an edge on me. - Mm-hmm. 341 00:13:30,024 --> 00:13:30,783 But he went to rehab. 342 00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:31,784 - He made a new friend. - Mm-hmm. 343 00:13:31,786 --> 00:13:32,819 They got really close. 344 00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:33,886 But I'm told it didn't go further 345 00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,188 than friendship, so... 346 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,989 Well, that's good. For both of you. 347 00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:38,594 - Yeah, it's a crazy nine days, you know? - Yeah. 348 00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:40,293 So, clean start? 349 00:13:40,295 --> 00:13:41,994 Yeah. Sure, man. 350 00:13:41,996 --> 00:13:43,996 What a relief! Yes! 351 00:13:43,998 --> 00:13:45,932 Because at rehab, they say I got to be spending more time 352 00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:48,401 around good, honest people like you, Greg. 353 00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,669 And I don't think it's an accident 354 00:13:49,671 --> 00:13:52,038 that Lawyer-Con got canceled and this happened. 355 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,423 You know, the... the thing is, uh... 356 00:13:55,448 --> 00:13:58,411 The truth, Finn, is that, uh, Lawyer-Con wasn't cancelled 357 00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,502 because there's no such thing as-as Lawyer-Con. 358 00:14:01,527 --> 00:14:02,816 - It doesn't exist. We... - Yup. 359 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,004 We just made it up 360 00:14:04,029 --> 00:14:04,895 because we felt weird 361 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,520 - about going to your party, so... sorry. - Yeah. 362 00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:08,955 You lied to me? 363 00:14:08,957 --> 00:14:10,189 Uh... 364 00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:11,991 I mean, I got angry and yelled at an old lady 365 00:14:11,993 --> 00:14:13,993 'cause I smoked a little crack. I didn't lie to you. 366 00:14:13,995 --> 00:14:15,261 Sorry. What? You smoked what, now? 367 00:14:15,263 --> 00:14:17,094 - I smoked some crack. - Okay. 368 00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:19,198 - And that can explain my behavior. - Uh-huh. 369 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,967 Greg, are you smoking crack right now? 370 00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:22,935 Uh, uh, uh, uh, no, 371 00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,671 - but I-I do take an allergy medication. - Mm-hmm. 372 00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:29,442 Oh, I'm burning up right now. I don't know how to calm down. 373 00:14:29,444 --> 00:14:31,444 Okay. Yeah, okay, let's go. Yeah. 374 00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:32,645 Pretend they're not here. 375 00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:33,908 Congrats on your sobriety. 376 00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:36,813 _ 377 00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:38,688 Are you really sure 378 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,079 that a holistic fertility consultant is necessary? 379 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,399 Well, I thought we said we were gonna commit 380 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,439 to doing whatever it takes to get pregnant. 381 00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,945 Yeah! I just... I thought that meant having a lot of sex. 382 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,170 Well, me, too, but we need more help, 383 00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:52,239 and we are running out of affordable options. 384 00:14:52,241 --> 00:14:55,320 IVF can take up to $20,000. 385 00:14:55,345 --> 00:14:56,476 Do you have that? 386 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,045 I mean, yesterday, you tipped the barista with a button. 387 00:15:00,782 --> 00:15:02,129 Okay, there he is. 388 00:15:02,154 --> 00:15:04,417 Let's just keep an open mind and see what he has to say. 389 00:15:04,419 --> 00:15:05,752 - Okay. - Okay. 390 00:15:06,927 --> 00:15:07,831 Hi! 391 00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:09,129 Hey. 392 00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:11,891 - You must be Matt, and you, Colleen. - Mm-hmm. 393 00:15:11,893 --> 00:15:13,860 Come in, come in, come in. 394 00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,029 Now, in order to get Matt's seedlings 395 00:15:16,031 --> 00:15:18,098 to grow into a mighty oak, it's important 396 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,151 you get yourself into a position for success. 397 00:15:21,176 --> 00:15:23,970 Have you been coming in through the back door? 398 00:15:23,972 --> 00:15:25,863 - Excuse me? - What? I know it's weird, 399 00:15:25,888 --> 00:15:28,406 but I truly believe in the powers of feng shui. 400 00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:29,743 - Feng shui. - Shv-Shwing... 401 00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,495 - It's feng shui. Feng shui. - Feng shui. 402 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,870 Yes, that's the one. Mm-hmm, yeah. 403 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,290 So if you're not entering your house 404 00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:36,058 through the front door, you should. 405 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,493 Where did you find this guy? 406 00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:39,532 Jen said that he was "the best." 407 00:15:39,557 --> 00:15:41,530 But she's very sarcastic. I can never tell with her. 408 00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:45,601 What you eat is essential for your fertility. 409 00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,968 Might be looking after your bodies more than 410 00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:49,617 you're looking after this fridge. 411 00:15:49,642 --> 00:15:51,442 Is this how you treat your swimmers? 412 00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:53,174 Oh! That's not a specimen. 413 00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:54,677 No, no, no. No, that's coleslaw. 414 00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:56,578 I... Uh, look, uh, it could be confusing 415 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,088 because it's in a specimen cup, but it-it's coleslaw. 416 00:15:59,113 --> 00:16:00,685 You seem nervous. 417 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,410 Part of your charm, I suppose? 418 00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:03,978 Are you, uh, hydrating? 419 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,513 - Mm-hmm. - You keeping off the alcohol? 420 00:16:05,515 --> 00:16:07,081 - Yeah. Yeah. - Off the caffeine? 421 00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,645 Can't you tell? I'm, like, barely alive. 422 00:16:11,077 --> 00:16:13,187 Matt, you're supposed to tell me I look pretty. 423 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,056 You're so pretty. 424 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,759 That's embarrassing. Don't. Not in front of a guest. 425 00:16:18,319 --> 00:16:20,786 While you drink the fertility teas... 426 00:16:20,811 --> 00:16:22,730 - Yeah. - I will prepare the 427 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,333 homemade conception chimes. 428 00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:27,738 Now, we need to get rid of all the bad energy. 429 00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:31,439 You'll feel the energy. The aura will pass through the chimes. 430 00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,508 And then, how do we get the bad energy out? 431 00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:36,768 I suck it out. I need a very tight seal, actually, 432 00:16:36,793 --> 00:16:39,614 so our mouths will really connect. 433 00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,016 Who wants to go first? 434 00:16:42,018 --> 00:16:44,079 Well, I would say "not me," but I know that that means 435 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,953 that you're going to kiss my wife. 436 00:16:45,955 --> 00:16:47,889 It's not a kiss. It's a suck. 437 00:16:47,891 --> 00:16:51,159 - Mm. - So I guess... I'll suck your wife? 438 00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,849 No. No. We were... 439 00:16:54,874 --> 00:16:58,319 We were saying that we will do whatever it takes. 440 00:16:58,344 --> 00:16:58,944 So... 441 00:16:58,969 --> 00:17:02,503 Yeah, no, I know, and I-I really, really want this, but... 442 00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,311 Do you really want it?! 443 00:17:04,336 --> 00:17:06,240 You really want a baby very badly? 444 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,341 - Yeah, well, yeah. - Very. Very badly. 445 00:17:07,343 --> 00:17:10,545 Well, then why do I have this? 446 00:17:10,858 --> 00:17:14,115 - A little tiny car? - That is, yes. It's the wrong pocket. 447 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:17,788 This is for my son, who I'm hoping to meet today. 448 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:20,555 Why do I have this?! 449 00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:22,643 Pain relievers from your medicine cabinet! 450 00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:25,359 Guys, you can't be on medication of any kind! 451 00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:26,710 Did you go through our medicine cabinet? 452 00:17:26,735 --> 00:17:28,132 Yes! A little bit. 453 00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:30,998 Any other skeletons in your medicine... closet? 454 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,134 - No. Nope. - Clean as a whistle. Mm-hmm. 455 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,936 Wonderful! Then you're both on your way 456 00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:36,737 to becoming great parents. 457 00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:37,831 Yay. 458 00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:40,675 Speaking of which, what do 22-year-old boys like? 459 00:17:40,677 --> 00:17:42,510 I'm just worried the car won't be enough. 460 00:17:42,512 --> 00:17:44,078 - Oh, yeah, no, that's not gonna be enough. - It's not. 461 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,714 Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just gonna cancel again. 462 00:17:46,716 --> 00:17:47,982 Mm-hmm. 463 00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:51,484 Oh. 464 00:17:51,509 --> 00:17:53,654 Thank you so much for seeing me, Joan. 465 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,189 I lied to Matt. 466 00:17:55,191 --> 00:17:57,124 No. Dear, I have patients. 467 00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:58,770 In two hours, I'll be completely free. 468 00:17:58,795 --> 00:18:01,020 Oh, good. I'll be done by then. 469 00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,264 So, we're trying to get pregnant, and that means 470 00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:04,699 going off all of our meds. 471 00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:06,567 But I haven't gone off my mood stabilizers, 472 00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:08,035 and Matt doesn't know that. 473 00:18:08,037 --> 00:18:09,370 Does your doctor know? 474 00:18:09,372 --> 00:18:11,806 Oh, no. No, I don't need to go see a doctor. 475 00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:13,841 My mom sends me all of my pills from Mexico. 476 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,476 Have I ever told you about my mom? 477 00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,983 - Oh... - No. Um, dear, if you stay here, 478 00:18:18,008 --> 00:18:19,741 you're going to have couple's therapy 479 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,180 with a complete stranger. 480 00:18:21,205 --> 00:18:23,876 Oh, that's okay. I love strangers. 481 00:18:25,047 --> 00:18:26,655 Okay, so here's the deal: Colleen doesn't know that 482 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,523 I've been taking finasteride for hair loss. 483 00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,111 Now I really want to have a kid, but I love my hair, 484 00:18:31,136 --> 00:18:33,206 and I don't want to look like some bald loser. 485 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,462 Oh, none taken. 486 00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:35,663 Could finasteride really be hurting 487 00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,098 our chances of getting pregnant? 488 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,733 Honestly, going off it might just be 489 00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:41,502 the kick in the balls your balls need. 490 00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:43,371 All right, I got to get into surgery. 491 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,619 - All righty. Thanks, Tim. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 492 00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:47,308 - I already scrubbed up. - Can't be too careful. 493 00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,791 - All right, see you, brother. - All right. 494 00:18:48,816 --> 00:18:50,567 Hey, Gerald! All right. 495 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,752 Colleen? 496 00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,384 I have something to tell you. 497 00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:04,642 - Okay. - Um, I lied to you. I'm so sorry. 498 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,845 I have secretly been taking hair loss medication. 499 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,181 Okay. So is that why when we go to the pharmacy, 500 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,250 - you tell me to wait in the car? - Oh, no. 501 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,285 That's because you like to try to play with all the canes. 502 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,642 No, no, no, no. I get the pills in the mail. 503 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,634 Oh. Okay, well, then Matt, 504 00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:19,423 I have something that I need to tell you. 505 00:19:19,448 --> 00:19:20,383 Okay. 506 00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:23,517 I have been on mood stabilizers since we started dating. 507 00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:25,080 So you're saying that I'm the reason you take them? 508 00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:26,674 Oh, no! No, no, no, lots of different reasons. 509 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,947 But the main one is just because 510 00:19:27,972 --> 00:19:28,893 when I'm not on them, 511 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,276 I am one moody bitch. 512 00:19:31,278 --> 00:19:32,780 Honey, I am so okay with that. 513 00:19:32,812 --> 00:19:33,567 Okay. 514 00:19:33,592 --> 00:19:35,246 I mean, how moody could we even be talking? 515 00:19:35,271 --> 00:19:36,546 - Why does that even matter? - It doesn't. 516 00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:37,716 It doesn't even matter a little bit. 517 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:38,755 I'm just really worried that 518 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,106 you're not gonna love me off my meds. 519 00:19:40,131 --> 00:19:41,052 Oh, Colleen, 520 00:19:41,077 --> 00:19:43,188 I will always love you, no matter what. 521 00:19:44,591 --> 00:19:46,858 You are so good to me. Oh. 522 00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,663 - Mmm. - Is that another woman I smell on you? 523 00:19:51,665 --> 00:19:53,834 - No, honey, you're smelling yourself. - You're so smart. 524 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,700 I can't believe you lied to me. 525 00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:56,765 - So sorry. - But I love you so much, 526 00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:57,804 and I want you to be the father 527 00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,871 - of my baby. - Great. So... 528 00:19:59,873 --> 00:20:01,539 how long have you been off the meds? 529 00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:03,593 Oh. I'm going off of 'em tonight. 530 00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:05,801 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 38545

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