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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:04,463
Governor's letting out a bunch
of non-violent inmates
2
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:07,717
because of the coronavirus,
and you dumbasses are two of them.
3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,051
What'd you get locked up for?
4
00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:14,640
Credit card cloning, identity theft,
conspiracy to commit wire fraud, and...
5
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:15,599
wire fraud.
6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,892
At least you follow through.
7
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:20,020
If one of you snores, you might want to
plug up the bullet holes.
8
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,648
After dinner, we visit Melvin's place
9
00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:24,400
and steal us some toilet paper.
10
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,652
We're gonna steal more
than toilet paper, though, right?
11
00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:27,987
You said he got paid in cash?
12
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,488
Those politicians you mentioned
13
00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:32,032
who were dumping stocks
while lying about the virus?
14
00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,868
Turns out, one of them's from around here.
15
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,786
Congresswoman Tackleberry.
16
00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:38,330
Check it out.
That's a Claude Van Woodsen.
17
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:41,208
It's probably worth half a million
dollars if we can get our hands on it.
18
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,043
We're not robbing any congresswoman.
19
00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:44,670
I don't wanna be doing
any of this bullshit.
20
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,255
The state won't allow me to hire
21
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,591
-a teacher with a felony drug conviction.
-Wait. What?
22
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,301
What if you could be a teacher
after we're done?
23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,052
I told you they won't let me be a teacher.
24
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:55,139
So, stop being you.
I can get you a brand new identity.
25
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,349
I just need you for a few weeks first.
26
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,727
See these security cameras
inside her house?
27
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,937
They're everywhere.
We tap into her Wi-Fi,
28
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,815
and we got 24-hour surveillance
inside her home.
29
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,358
You guys, we're in.
30
00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:09,445
The Real Housewife of
Congressional District 10 is on the air.
31
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,947
Why do yo have a picture
of Rooster's pecker?
32
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,741
I'm sorry. Who's pecker is that?!
33
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,746
Show me your pecker.
34
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,960
You got some explaining to do, Cinderella.
35
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,089
[slow, dark jazz playing]
36
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,783
["I Wonder" by Rodriguez playing]
37
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:12,466
♪ I wonder how many times
you've been had ♪
38
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:16,846
♪ And I wonder how many plans
have gone bad ♪
39
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:21,016
♪ I wonder how many times you had sex ♪
40
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:25,354
♪ And I wonder do you know
who'll be next ♪
41
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:29,567
♪ I wonder, I wonder ♪
42
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,489
♪ Wonder I do ♪
43
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,160
-[Rooster grunts]
-[whistling]
44
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:46,667
♪ I wonder about the love you can't find ♪
45
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:50,880
♪ And I wonder about the loneliness
that's mine ♪
46
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,884
♪ I wonder how much going have you got ♪
47
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:59,263
♪ And I wonder about your friends
that are not ♪
48
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:03,392
♪ I wonder, I wonder ♪
49
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,978
[grunts] Come on, man.
My hand's startin' to hurt.
50
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:10,524
Melvin stop.
He doesn't respond to pain.
51
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:13,736
One Halloween he didn't have a costume,
and he made me stab him in the shoulder
52
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:16,196
with that little pocket knife
he keeps in his back pocket.
53
00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,327
This little rinky-dink thing.
54
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,287
Where you get this from?
A gumball machine?
55
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,416
Look, I know you robbed me, bro.
You left a picture of your dick.
56
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,710
Just tell me who helped you.
57
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,046
Your mother helped me.
58
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,632
And it ain't my dick. It's hers.
59
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,556
Wiggles, you want some coffee
and donut holes?
60
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,309
I'm too tired for coffee.
61
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,646
I'll take a Kool-Aid.
Put it in my fun cup.
62
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:50,898
Why are you with this guy?
63
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,107
He's an asshole,
64
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:55,235
and his house smells like
a can of tennis balls.
65
00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:57,279
Actually, that's him, not the house.
66
00:03:57,363 --> 00:04:00,783
He has a unique musk,
but I'm willing to overlook that.
67
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,202
I wanna have a daughter
while I'm still young enough
68
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:06,330
to do fun stuff with her
like going to waterparks
69
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,207
and/or taking mushrooms.
70
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,001
So, have a baby with me.
I love babies!
71
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:14,088
Every time I see one in the grocery store,
I make funny faces,
72
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,298
and they usually make funny faces back.
73
00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:18,509
You get arrested too much.
74
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,386
And Melvin doesn't break the law?
75
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:24,139
He's been assaulting me all night.
He was so quick to drag me in here
76
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,100
that he parked more than 18 inches
from the curb.
77
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,851
But he doesn't get caught.
78
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,647
I need to raise my baby with a criminal
who only goes to jail a little.
79
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,900
A father needs to be there
to teach his little girl how to fight
80
00:04:34,984 --> 00:04:38,487
or explain why their mother
can't get out of bed for a few days.
81
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:40,990
Thanks, baby.
82
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,785
What's wrong, buddy?
You didn't like that?
83
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,835
[suspenseful music playing]
84
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,426
There are four of us!
85
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,178
["Talk About The Good Times"
by The Oak Ridge Boys playing]
86
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:07,433
♪ Well I remember
when I was just children ♪
87
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,978
♪ The time when people used to treat
their neighbor like a fellow man ♪
88
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:15,816
♪ Them all day singin'
and them big prayer meetin's ♪
89
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:20,612
♪ When a man was proud to walk up
and shake his neighbor's hand ♪
90
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:22,948
♪ Lord you talk about the good times ♪
91
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:25,075
♪ Talk about the good times ♪
92
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:28,912
♪ Oh if you ever needed help
a friend was there ♪
93
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:31,540
♪ Some good neighbor ♪
94
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,417
♪ Would help lift your burden ♪
95
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:38,297
♪ Oh and the simple joys of life
your friends would share ♪
96
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,548
♪ Well all right ♪
97
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,177
This not having a maid shit
is bullshit, Horace.
98
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,721
Yesterday I was in Congress
voting on a stimulus bill.
99
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,265
Today I'm chiseling skid marks!
100
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,894
We don't know how many people
Lucia has been around.
101
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,813
She goes to birthday parties in the park,
for Christ's sake.
102
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:58,192
If she brings the COVID in here,
with my mesothelioma,
103
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,401
I'll be dead in a week!
104
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:03,197
I mean, what the hell
have you been eating, anyway?
105
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,491
It's like you're shitting out
Sharpie marker!
106
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:09,203
The medicine that I'm on
gives me dark stools.
107
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,288
Have you been watching that all night?
108
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,540
This is the best reality show
I've ever seen.
109
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,334
Hogan Knows Best is up there,
110
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,629
but this is pure, unfiltered reality.
111
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,090
And I get to see everything,
112
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,551
It's like I'm God, but without
the responsibility of making tornados
113
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,970
and coming up with all those
different kinds of fishes.
114
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:30,182
Have you ever seen one of those
real-life movies about the ocean?
115
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,018
There is some crazy shit in that water.
116
00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,561
I won't go in above my ankles.
117
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:38,107
-Is, uh, there gonna be breakfast?
-Oh, I haven't had time to make it yet.
118
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:41,026
Uh, so is it okay if I fix
a little something to eat?
119
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,111
Why wouldn't it be okay?
120
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,862
I just didn't know if I had
kitchen privileges.
121
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,030
It's not prison, Jack.
122
00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:47,157
You can pour yourself a bowl of cereal
without permission.
123
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,035
Actually, I think Barb is the only one
who can authorize--
124
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,829
You can use the kitchen, Cool Hand.
125
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,038
Thank you.
126
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:54,957
Come here. Sit down.
127
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,501
This rich bitch has no idea how to clean.
128
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,169
She just vacuumed the sink.
129
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671
Barb, none of that matters.
130
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,174
Just write down when they come and go
so we know the best time to break in.
131
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,512
[rock music playing]
132
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,139
Hello, Bar.
133
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:11,557
Nicaraguan lady.
134
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,599
How did you know I was from--
135
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,643
It's a gift.
I can detect all the flavors.
136
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,314
So, uh, are there any restrictions
on the... waffles?
137
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:20,440
Is this him?
138
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:21,817
Yeah.
139
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,485
What are you two doing together?
140
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,571
Oh, me and Chicken Little?
We've been chattin'.
141
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,114
And he's been spillin' all the tea.
142
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,534
You guys knocking me out,
stealing my ATM card.
143
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,120
I'm sorry. He found my dick pic
at his house, he tied me up,
144
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,830
and then he did love stuff with Wiggles.
145
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,331
[Gloria sighs]
146
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,757
Uh, no offense, dude,
but shouldn't you have a mask on?
147
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,593
-None of you have masks on.
-[Jack holds breath]
148
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,386
Well, we all live together, so...
149
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,681
And I spit on Rooster three times last
night and tea-bagged his Fruit Loops,
150
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600
so I guess I'm officially
part of your bubble.
151
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,977
So, I hear you're some kind
of criminal mastermind.
152
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,604
I'm not a criminal or a mastermind.
153
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,856
Just learned a few things inside.
154
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,609
He also tells me you only rob bad people,
155
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:07,112
which, as one of your victims,
I'm a little offended by.
156
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,531
But since the only information you know
about me was given to you
157
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,700
by this dipshit and his foot-faced mother,
158
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,493
I'll try not to take it personal.
159
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,705
-What the hell does "foot-faced" mean?
-It means your face looks like a foot.
160
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,875
I don't see it.
161
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,502
That's a cute little jumper you got on.
162
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,589
Look, man, I'm cool if you're gay, okay?
But just so you know,
163
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,840
I'm a little dyslexic,
164
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,384
so I struggle with the whole BQLTG stuff.
165
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:30,802
[Barb] What do you want, Melvin?
166
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,888
You want your money back?
Fine, we'll pay you back.
167
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015
Oh, no. I'm gonna take it out of your cut
from your next job.
168
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,683
You guys work for me now.
169
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,644
-Uh...
-[scoffs]
170
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:43,440
Or I could tell the po-po about these
juicy little robberies y'all been doin',
171
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,942
and you all can go back to prison.
172
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,113
So, we have a deal?
173
00:08:52,950 --> 00:08:55,452
Where's your bathroom?
In my rush to get here this morning,
174
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,663
I think I put my drawers on backwards.
175
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:58,872
Upstairs.
176
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,671
Hey, way to go, Mac.
177
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:09,174
[groans] Ah, damn it. This is a knot.
Can you do this?
178
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,510
I can't believe how stupid you were.
179
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,804
Oh, please. You knew exactly
how stupid he was.
180
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,097
He messed up. Let it go.
181
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,057
How much does he know about
the congresswoman job?
182
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,601
Oh, shit. I totally forgot about
the congresswoman thing.
183
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,396
I guess we should tell him
so he can clear his schedule.
184
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,273
No, Rooster! We shouldn't!
185
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,735
Look. No one mentions the congresswoman.
186
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,988
In the meantime,
we do whatever Melvin says
187
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,781
until we figure out
how to get him off our ass.
188
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,908
All right, fellas, you comin' with me.
189
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:36,785
Mastermind, go wait out on the porch.
190
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,621
But I haven't had my breakf--
Never mind.
191
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,125
Rooster, you think you can keep
your thumbs out of your ass
192
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,543
long enough to carry some stuff?
193
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,671
Only did that one time.
194
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,465
And ladies, not gonna need you on this,
195
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:53,593
but maybe y'all could rustle up
something yummy for when we get back.
196
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,013
Maybe some of those Nicaraguan donuts.
197
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,432
Buñuelos de yuca.
198
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,935
Hey, fellas, hold up.
199
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,689
-We could kill him.
-Kill him?
200
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,317
-I thought you were religious.
-I am.
201
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,361
Read the Bible sometime.
That thing's wall-to-wall murder.
202
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,991
You're just gonna keep
steppin' in shit, aren't ya?
203
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,997
Rooster, you're driving.
204
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,256
Oh, man. I haven't smoked in 26 years.
205
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,050
Sounds like you're overdue.
206
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,555
[psychedelic music intensifies]
207
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,773
[distorted] Scooch over a little bit.
The seatbelt's in my ass crack.
208
00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:01,870
[Barb laughing] I think this husband
might need new knees.
209
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,331
He's been trying to stand up
for five minutes now.
210
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,376
Oop, there he goes.
211
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:10,003
Hup? Ooh. Nope. Down again.
212
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:16,468
I was with an older man once. Fourteen.
213
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,803
I was thirteen.
214
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,972
Prude didn't wanna do
anything more than kiss, though.
215
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,687
I was always mature for my age.
216
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,441
First one in my Brownie troop
to get a pube.
217
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:37,906
[chuckling] Of course, they don't
give you a badge for that.
218
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,158
Mm-hmm.
219
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,451
All right, come on!
220
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,495
I'm sittin' here
trying to make conversation,
221
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,955
and I can't get a word out of you.
222
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,916
I'm trying to think of a way
to solve our Melvin problem.
223
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,377
You can't think and be friendly
at the same time?
224
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,422
-I didn't know this was a date.
-You're lucky it's not a date.
225
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,716
By now I would have gone to the bathroom,
snuck out the window,
226
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,137
and left you alone
in a duckpin bowling alley for five hours
227
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,972
doing God knows what.
228
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:07,561
I actually did that to a guy, and I have
no idea what he did after I left.
229
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,771
What exactly are you looking for here?
230
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:13,775
'Cause I never compared pubes with
the girls in my Brownie troop, okay?
231
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,152
That's not normal.
232
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,987
Human connection!
233
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:20,782
I mean, with you living here, I thought
maybe finally I'd have a gal pal.
234
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:24,119
But clearly you're not interested
in being pals with this gal.
235
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,413
Uh...
236
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,709
[wind blowing]
237
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,128
[Melvin] It's like when you're at the
airport and you forget to bring snacks.
238
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,255
And now you gotta buy it
from a store in the terminal,
239
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,591
but they jack the shit up
like three times the price.
240
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:40,260
That's when I realized that this stuff
that people really needed--
241
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,679
-Someone just open a can of tennis balls?
-Nah, that's me.
242
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,515
If it's something people really needed,
like toilet paper,
243
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,641
I could charge them for it.
244
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,561
-Supply and demand.
-Ooh, I like that.
245
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:53,648
"Supplyin' the man," 'cause I'm supplyin'
the man with the things he needs.
246
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,775
-Wow.
-Oh, but women buy stuff, too,
247
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,027
so I don't know if that works.
248
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,237
Hey, Rooster, you remember J.J.'s Wings?
249
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,531
He was too stupid
to work the cash register,
250
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,700
so they put him outside in a chicken suit
holding the sign.
251
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,286
-What'd it say?
-"Honk if you give a cluck."
252
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,497
Well, I'm surprised
he didn't screw that up, too.
253
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,581
Right?
254
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,834
Oh, did you hear that?
Am I thinking really loud?
255
00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:14,544
I guess so, but you're right.
256
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:17,547
This dude so dumb, he once stared at
an orange juice carton for 20 minutes
257
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,299
because it said "concentrate."
258
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,258
No, I didn't!
259
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:23,220
He's so stupid, he thought Tupac Shakur
was a Jewish holiday.
260
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,806
I know Tupac ain't no holiday!
261
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,476
And stop laughing, man.
Handle your weed!
262
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,853
I'm sorry. The guy's funny.
263
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,438
Did you make up all these jokes, Melvin?
264
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:37,108
Nah, man. My uncle gave me an insult
joke book for my fifth birthday.
265
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,777
I used to go ham on my grandma.
266
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,196
And you still remember them
like twenty-some years later?
267
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,447
That's an impressive skill, Melvin.
268
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,074
I guess I'm a good remembererer.
269
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,578
-Wait. What was I sayin'?
-"Supplyin' the man."
270
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:50,497
Oh yeah! Make a left.
271
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,333
When I see a need in the marketplace,
I fill it.
272
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,002
Lately, I've been hearing that
with people stuck at home,
273
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,380
they've been pickin' up new hobbies.
Make a right.
274
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:02,384
Makin' things with paint,
makin' bread with bread juice.
275
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,469
Makin' songs with instruments.
276
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,014
So, I went online, and sure enough,
277
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,976
the prices for musical instruments
are through the roof!
278
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,394
That's when I realized
279
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:16,022
I know an abandoned building in town
with a whole room full of instruments.
280
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,863
-You wanna rob a school?
-It's empty 'cause of COVID.
281
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,366
All we gotta do is park around back
and pick one lock.
282
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,660
-They don't have cameras in that thing?
-Nah.
283
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,037
And if you didn't get kicked out of
the ninth grade, you'd know that.
284
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,914
I didn't get kicked out.
285
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,083
All right? I got a B- on a science quiz.
286
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,043
I decided to go out on top.
My choice.
287
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,920
I bet if we hurry,
we could get done in an hour.
288
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:41,298
-Wait. You wanna do this right now?
-Yeah. Why not?
289
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,049
Because it's in the middle of the day...
290
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,259
and we're high.
291
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,511
I'm not tryin' to go back to prison.
292
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:49,055
Besides, I don't wanna rob a school.
Especially not this one.
293
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,640
The principal seemed like
a really nice guy.
294
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,520
I was here a few days ago
for a job interview.
295
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:56,479
Why?
296
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,982
Because I got a degree in prison,
and I was hoping that I--
297
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,152
I don't-- it doesn't matter. Can't you
think of someone else for us to rob?
298
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,696
I told you, man. He only robs bad people.
It's annoying.
299
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,408
It sounds to me like the principal was
an asshole. He didn't give you the job.
300
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,161
Nah. It wasn't his fault. The school
system won't hire an ex-con.
301
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,662
That's even worse!
302
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,706
How do they expect you to make
something out of yourself
303
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,541
if they're not willing to
give you a chance.
304
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:18,960
The whole point is to rehabilitate.
305
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:22,339
Bullshit like that is the reason
this system is a revolving door.
306
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,717
Yeah. You're right. That's actually--
307
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,761
That's actually really well-said, Melvin.
308
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,180
Thanks. I am good with words.
309
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,264
I should've been on that team
310
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,391
that challenges other schools
to talk about shit.
311
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,352
-Debate?
-Nah, I don't wanna debate it.
312
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,728
I'm just saying I'm good at it.
313
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,938
You don't have to feel bad about
stealing from them.
314
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,565
They're treating you
like a criminal anyway.
315
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:43,151
But you're probably right about
not doin' this during the day.
316
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:46,780
We got a bit of time to kill.
You boys like baseball?
317
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,947
Heh.
318
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:56,623
I'm sorry. You've been very nice
letting me stay here.
319
00:15:56,706 --> 00:16:00,043
I would love to... be your gal pal.
320
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,214
Sit down. I'll make us some wine.
321
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,091
Did you say "make"?
322
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,551
It's from a box,
but I like to doctor it up
323
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,221
based on the time of day and season.
324
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,974
So... let's start gal-palin'.
325
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,685
Tell me how you ended up in jail.
326
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,688
And take it way back.
Pretend I'm Oprah.
327
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,649
Fine. When I was little,
328
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,735
I realized some people had
a lot more money than others.
329
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,237
Then, a few years later,
330
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,740
when the cash from my fast-food job
wasn't adding up fast enough,
331
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,992
I had this great idea
on how to make more money
332
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,954
by hollowing out all my old books.
333
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:39,916
I listed them online as a great place
to hide your valuables.
334
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,794
Of course, anyone who bought one
would give me their address.
335
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,337
And that was the key to the whole thing,
336
00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:49,050
because, after that, all I had to do was
remember where I sent what book,
337
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:52,387
hide for a little while, and then wait
for the right time to sneak in.
338
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,265
It was actually
a pretty clever first scam.
339
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,018
And when it worked, it felt amazing.
340
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:02,147
I went to college, but I only took courses
341
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,274
that helped me become a better con woman.
342
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,819
Psychology, accounting, computers...
343
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:10,613
Eventually I dropped out,
hopped from city to city,
344
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,616
making friends with rich people and then
disappearing with their money.
345
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,951
That's amazing!
346
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:21,708
So, how does a partially college-educated
con artist eventually get caught?
347
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,919
-Mayonnaise.
-Come again?
348
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,679
I told the guy not to
put mayonnaise on my sub,
349
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,640
but when I took the first bite,
it was 75% mayonnaise.
350
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,727
And, to be fair, he started it.
351
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:44,898
Anyway, one thing led to another.
Things got ugly.
352
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:52,405
[sighs] Yeah. The video went viral,
and someone I scammed recognized me.
353
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,616
I got six years...
354
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,702
but only had to serve three,
thanks to COVID.
355
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:58,870
Wow!
356
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:03,082
I wouldn't have spent a day in jail
if it wasn't for this one stupid mistake.
357
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,338
Hey. We all make mistakes.
358
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:15,303
And the internet is full of viral videos
that are way worse than yours.
359
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:20,725
[intrigue music playing]
360
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:27,857
Barb, what is this?
361
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,663
Oh, this is disgusting!
362
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,915
Barb, Barb! Why would you show me this?!
363
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,254
That was you?
364
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:52,382
The guy who lived there
never cleans up after his dog.
365
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,094
Oh. [chuckles]
366
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:58,388
Now that I know the backstory,
that's kind of funny.
367
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,306
-Wanna see it again?
-I do not.
368
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,938
Yep. Right there is good.
You'll have a great view.
369
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:11,401
Whoa! Check it out!
How cool is this?
370
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,528
It's like a tissue forest.
371
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,446
That's a lot of toilet paper, Melvin.
372
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,240
Yeah. I recently doubled the prices.
373
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,159
It take a little while for
the neighborhood to adjust to inflation.
374
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:23,496
But there are two certainties
in life, Jack-- death and shitting.
375
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:29,335
You're gonna love this game.
No spoilers, but in the sixth inning...
376
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:32,630
You know what? Just watch it.
You're gonna love it.
377
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,800
[funky music playing]
378
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:39,304
Yes!
379
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,770
Ahh.
380
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,649
Shit! Come on, man!
381
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:58,031
Hey, what's, uh...
what's goin' on with your boyfriend?
382
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,700
He likes to pretend he's playing again
like when he was little.
383
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,287
It's fun. I tried one time with my old
gymnastics competitions,
384
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,373
but my dad only recorded the other girls
for some reason.
385
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,630
-So, Melvin, that's you pitching?
-Yeah.
386
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,299
All-state till I threw out my shoulder
in junior high.
387
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,759
Throwing too hard?
388
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,385
Nah, I just slept on it funny.
389
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,262
I played some ball when I was younger.
390
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,848
This is a really cool idea, Melvin.
391
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,975
Thanks. Take third base.
392
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,227
-Really?
-Yeah.
393
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:30,146
You look like you can handle
the high corner.
394
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,148
I got an extra glove in my room.
395
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,068
[funky music playing]
396
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,536
-Can I play?
-No. You're too short.
397
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,622
Taller than the kid playin' second.
398
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:50,792
[scoffs] Probably would've jumped up
and caught that last one.
399
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,379
I said no. Just sit in the stands.
You can try to get an autograph later.
400
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,090
-Look alive. This one is comin' to you.
-Hup.
401
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,517
Nice snag!
And you throw a rope to first base!
402
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,435
Thanks, Melvin. I feel like I would have.
403
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,854
Pfft. You throw like a girl.
404
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,651
Oh, oh. Uh-oh. Foul ball!
405
00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,363
You gotta keep your eyes peeled, man.
406
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,115
I don't need this shit.
407
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,784
Y'all just keep laughin' at me,
callin' me dumb, and won't let me play.
408
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,869
And now I got nacho cheese on me!
409
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,622
I'm gonna be hot and wet for a while,
and then I'm gonna be cold and soggy.
410
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,332
And then after that,
I'm gonna be all crusty!
411
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,918
-You can go to hell.
-Oh well. You know what? Good.
412
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,337
You'd probably end up leaving
a picture of your dick laying around
413
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,006
for the cops to find anyway.
414
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:40,174
Pfft. No doubt.
415
00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,135
All right, we're up. You lead off.
416
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,440
[grunts]
417
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,946
-[screams]
-[laughing]
418
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,865
-[Stan] Somethin' funny?
-[clears throat]
419
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:07,368
Hello, Stan.
420
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,996
Just bringin' dinner to Mama.
Pot stickers.
421
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:11,789
It's killing her
she can't get down to Wang's
422
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:13,750
and get 'em hot and crispy
right out of the fryer.
423
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,085
But COVID, right?
What are you gonna do?
424
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,379
-You good?
-Peachy.
425
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,260
Shouldn't you get those stickers to mom
while they're still warm-ish.
426
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,514
Yeah. Yeah, good idea.
427
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,227
Who was that?
428
00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:35,688
Stan. He grew up next door.
429
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:37,815
When we were little, we used to play
430
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,484
"Show me yours; I'll show you mine."
431
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,361
He liked mine a lot more than I liked his.
432
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:45,782
Then, in high school,
I discovered strawberry wine.
433
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,533
Made the mistake of sleeping with him.
434
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,327
Then again before I got married.
435
00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,329
Then twice after my husband died.
436
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:56,042
-Now he won't leave me alone.
-Aww. He likes you. That's nice.
437
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:59,837
Nice? Yuck. No thank you.
438
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,882
Mama needs a little excitement
in the sack.
439
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,260
Speaking of that, what's goin' on
with you and Jack?
440
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:09,514
Rooster told me you guys
had a thing in prison.
441
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:13,309
Well, we just used to talk to each other
through the toilet. That's all.
442
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,978
And turns out, he was lying
the whole time, so...
443
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:18,815
So? So what?
Men lie all the time.
444
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:22,360
Stan already got his mother pot stickers
an hour ago.
445
00:23:22,443 --> 00:23:23,861
I saw them through the kitchen window.
446
00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:26,030
Why are you back?
447
00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:28,616
Because the first time I came by,
Barb wasn't on her porch.
448
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,368
Just put them in the freezer.
449
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:33,412
All I'm saying is
you've been locked up for three years.
450
00:23:33,496 --> 00:23:36,207
I know you're itchin' to get laid.
451
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:38,459
Maybe it's time to scratch that itch.
452
00:23:38,543 --> 00:23:41,587
Look, if I thought it could just be sex,
I might treat myself.
453
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:45,925
But you think we're desperate?
Jack's been locked up for 26 years.
454
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:49,011
The other day, our knees touched,
and I thought he was gonna explode.
455
00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:51,556
Trust me. If I feed him,
you're not gonna be the only one
456
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:53,683
having a stray cat following you around.
457
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:58,521
That reminds me. Halloween 2012.
I went as Catwoman.
458
00:23:59,313 --> 00:24:01,357
Slept with Stan that night, too.
459
00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:04,485
Mom wants dessert, so don't be surprised
460
00:24:04,569 --> 00:24:06,279
if you see me again in a few minutes.
461
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,199
It takes a special type of man
462
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:13,035
to make me dislike my own damn porch.
463
00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:20,209
Hey, Melvin, I dropped that wooden flute
back there. Would you grab it?
464
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,671
Hey, what's the deal with
that hot chick in y'all crew?
465
00:24:23,754 --> 00:24:25,173
You tappin' that shit?
466
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:29,677
Oh, Gloria? No, we have not... tapped.
467
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,929
We talked some in prison, but...
468
00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:35,183
Since we've been out, I'm kinda realizing
that she's a little out of my league.
469
00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,810
Any man can get any woman
if he pushes the right buttons.
470
00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:46,777
What exactly did you mean when you said,
"push the right buttons," Melvin?
471
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:50,656
Oh, shit. Lookin' to get a little
schoolin' from the master, huh?
472
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,160
Well, yeah. I don't know.
Yeah. I mean maybe.
473
00:24:54,243 --> 00:24:56,871
Wiggles is really cute.
I'm impressed, Melvin.
474
00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:01,876
And I'd love to know how you managed
to persuade her to be... tapped.
475
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:03,961
Human psychology.
476
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:07,381
When Wiggles was a kid,
she didn't have much physical affection.
477
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:09,008
So, I got her one of those heavy blankets
478
00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,177
so every night she feels like
she's being snuggled.
479
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:13,763
Plus, she can't get from up under it
without me,
480
00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:16,015
so every morning I'm a hero.
481
00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:19,227
-That's really smart, Melvin.
-I know, right?
482
00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:21,646
[truck rumbling]
483
00:25:23,439 --> 00:25:24,565
Shit!
484
00:25:30,488 --> 00:25:32,448
[rock music playing]
485
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:37,078
-This is Rooster's dinky-ass knife!
-Son of a bitch!
486
00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:39,747
Must've followed us to the school
and done this while we was inside.
487
00:25:39,830 --> 00:25:41,332
Why would he leave his knife
in the tire, though?
488
00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:43,209
He's gotta know we're gonna
beat the shit out of him.
489
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,835
[sirens wailing]
490
00:25:44,919 --> 00:25:47,171
-Not if we in jail!
-Oh, no.
491
00:25:47,255 --> 00:25:49,298
Shit, man! Her set us up
and wanted us to know it!
492
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:51,342
No, no, no, no, no.
This can't be happening!
493
00:25:51,425 --> 00:25:54,387
I can't go back!
I didn't even wanna do this, man!
494
00:25:54,470 --> 00:25:56,847
I did 26 years!
I'm not supposed to go--
495
00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:58,641
-I can't do this!
-Just go.
496
00:25:58,724 --> 00:25:59,850
What?
497
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:02,812
Even if I ran, they're gonna trace
this truck back to me.
498
00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:05,231
You can get away. Ain't no need
for us both to get pinched.
499
00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:07,817
Are you for real?
500
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:08,943
Yeah.
501
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:12,905
You're a good dude, man.
And a solid third baseman.
502
00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:16,867
Just promise me when you see Rooster,
you beat the shit out of him.
503
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:19,036
Not a problem.
Melvin, I don't know how to thank you.
504
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,246
Just go!
505
00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:31,090
All right, calm down.
Nothing here but some stolen instruments
506
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:33,217
and a very relaxed brother on weed.
507
00:26:38,806 --> 00:26:40,683
-Ooh.
-Hey. Did it work?
508
00:26:40,766 --> 00:26:42,435
-Like a charm.
-Did what work?
509
00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:44,520
Rooster said you were
robbing the school with Melvin.
510
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:45,730
-You didn't tell her?
-Nah.
511
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:47,273
I was afraid she'd stop making donuts.
512
00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:49,025
What's going on?
513
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:53,863
Well, I told you I used to
read a lot in prison, right?
514
00:26:56,991 --> 00:26:59,910
A few years ago, I read a book
by a guy named Dale Carnegie.
515
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:02,788
I thought it might help me make friends
after I got released.
516
00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:06,625
In it he breaks down the basic principles
of getting someone to like you.
517
00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:09,670
First, use the person's name a lot,
518
00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:11,589
because the person's name, to that person,
519
00:27:11,672 --> 00:27:13,424
is the most beautiful word
in any language.
520
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:18,888
Melvin, Melvin, Melvin...
521
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:22,475
Secondly, ask people about themselves
and pretend to care.
522
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:24,727
So, Melvin, that's you pitching?
523
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:27,313
Wiggles is really cute.
I'm impressed, Melvin.
524
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:30,983
And I'd love to know how you managed
to persuade her to be... tapped.
525
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:33,402
Third, make other people feel important.
526
00:27:33,486 --> 00:27:35,654
Yeah. You're right. That's actually--
527
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:37,823
That's actually really well-said, Melvin.
528
00:27:37,907 --> 00:27:38,783
Thanks.
529
00:27:38,866 --> 00:27:40,951
And you still remember them
like twenty-some years later?
530
00:27:41,035 --> 00:27:42,578
Guess I'm a good remembererer.
531
00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:44,121
Lastly, smile.
532
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:50,628
Before I knew it, Melvin started to
see me as a team mate.
533
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:53,297
But then I needed to let
my real team mate in on the plan.
534
00:27:55,341 --> 00:27:58,552
Oh, that's genius! I thought
you were losin' your mind.
535
00:27:58,636 --> 00:28:00,930
Hopefully it all works out.
Give me your knife.
536
00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:04,141
We just have to figure out a way
for you to get pissed off enough
537
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:05,142
to storm out of here.
538
00:28:09,647 --> 00:28:11,315
I think I have an idea.
539
00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:14,985
-Foul ball!
-[Jack and Melvin laughing]
540
00:28:16,362 --> 00:28:19,031
Hey, Melvin, I dropped that wooden flute
back there. Would you grab it?
541
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,159
[Melvin] Hey, what's the deal with
that hot chick in y'all crew?
542
00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:23,661
You tappin' that shit?
543
00:28:25,538 --> 00:28:28,749
Oh, Gloria? No, we have not... tapped.
544
00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:31,293
When did Jack say
he and Melvin would be back?
545
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,713
Shouldn't be too much longer.
546
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,473
Hi. Yes. I'd like to report
a break-in at the school.
547
00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:47,184
I saw a dark blue truck
driving north on Center Street.
548
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:50,104
And when the cops were on their way,
549
00:28:50,187 --> 00:28:52,356
Melvin actually volunteered
to take the hit.
550
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:56,777
See? Y'all were mad at me, but...
551
00:28:56,861 --> 00:28:58,946
everything worked out just fine.
552
00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:04,535
Melvin also made me promise
to beat the shit out of Rooster.
553
00:29:04,618 --> 00:29:05,870
Maybe you should.
554
00:29:05,953 --> 00:29:09,081
We wouldn't be in this mess if he didn't
screw up in the first place.
555
00:29:10,374 --> 00:29:11,834
Are those jelly beans?
556
00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:13,586
Yep. It's Easter dessert wine.
557
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,754
-My new gal pal made it for me.
-[chuckles]
558
00:29:15,838 --> 00:29:16,922
Mmm.
559
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,762
-Oh. That's not bad!
-I know!
560
00:29:23,846 --> 00:29:26,474
["The Way We Move"
by Langhorne Slim playing]
561
00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,688
Hey. Put your shoes on.
I wanna show you something.
562
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:41,447
♪ Here we are
Extending into shooting stars ♪
563
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,658
♪ In our houses, in our cars ♪
564
00:29:44,742 --> 00:29:48,037
♪ You didn't know it
Now you do ♪
565
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,707
♪ This is the way
We move (hey) ♪
566
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,501
[Jack] Come on.
567
00:29:54,251 --> 00:29:55,419
Where are we goin'?
568
00:29:55,503 --> 00:29:57,171
You seem a little down on yourself.
569
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:59,340
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
570
00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:01,800
Something I do when I need
a little pick-me-up.
571
00:30:05,262 --> 00:30:08,182
♪ Well, all my friends got crooked tales ♪
572
00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,603
♪ But that's the way I like it
That's just what I need, and ♪
573
00:30:12,686 --> 00:30:16,732
♪ Here we are
Extending into shooting stars ♪
574
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,902
♪ In our houses, in our cars ♪
575
00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:23,280
♪ You didn't know it
Now you do ♪
576
00:30:23,364 --> 00:30:26,617
♪ This is the way (this is the way)
We move (hey) ♪
577
00:30:29,787 --> 00:30:30,955
Nice.
578
00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:40,839
Thank you!
579
00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:42,550
You're welcome!
580
00:30:43,133 --> 00:30:44,552
-Feels good, right?
-[Rooster laughing]
581
00:30:51,809 --> 00:30:53,602
I... quit!
582
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,981
I have loaded that dishwasher
for the last time.
583
00:30:57,064 --> 00:30:59,733
We are going to the beach house Thursday.
584
00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:01,902
Friday, Lucia is coming.
585
00:31:01,986 --> 00:31:04,989
And the house can air out all weekend
while no one's here.
586
00:31:05,489 --> 00:31:06,657
I'm done!
587
00:31:06,991 --> 00:31:08,701
They're going away for the weekend.
588
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:11,954
They're going away for the weekend!
589
00:31:12,037 --> 00:31:14,164
We're gonna be rich!
590
00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,794
["Here's to Hoping"
by Jim Lauderdale playing]
591
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:26,510
♪ The half-full glass
Is almost gone ♪
592
00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:31,140
♪ But there might be a drop
That's still floatin' ♪
593
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:37,021
♪ Raise it high
For a clearer sky ♪
594
00:31:37,104 --> 00:31:41,567
♪ And we'll all get by
Here's to hopin' ♪
595
00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:47,239
♪ While we get
Back up on our feet ♪
596
00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:52,161
♪ Remember what was sweet
While you're copin' ♪
597
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:57,791
♪ To your health
And staying well ♪
598
00:31:57,875 --> 00:32:02,588
♪ Watch the chance to exhale
Here's to hopin' ♪
599
00:32:03,714 --> 00:32:06,258
♪ Catch a glimmer
While it's gettin' dimmer ♪
600
00:32:06,342 --> 00:32:08,135
♪ There's a tiny ray ♪
601
00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:13,724
♪ Different choices from an inner voice
That you want to say ♪
602
00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:16,602
♪ Any little bit helps ♪
603
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:23,692
♪ And it seems like something great
Is not too late ♪
604
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:29,782
♪ I'll be glad
When we're building back ♪
605
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:34,536
♪ From the ashes that
Are still smokin' ♪
606
00:32:35,412 --> 00:32:40,250
♪ We can rise
And we learn to fly ♪
607
00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:44,963
♪ While we're getting by
Here's to hopin' ♪
608
00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:57,309
[Wiggles breathing heavily]
609
00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:11,907
Gloria and I are gonna
walk to the phone store.
610
00:33:11,990 --> 00:33:13,617
If we're gonna hit
the congresswoman's house Saturday,
611
00:33:13,701 --> 00:33:15,327
we're all gonna need to be able
to communicate.
612
00:33:15,828 --> 00:33:19,039
[Barb] So, it takes two people to go
to the phone store, does it?
613
00:33:19,123 --> 00:33:20,624
Is this a date?
614
00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:23,669
This is a big job.
It has to be perfect.
615
00:33:23,919 --> 00:33:26,755
Since she won't let me tell Wiggles I'm
gonna be rich, I been doin' some googling.
616
00:33:26,839 --> 00:33:28,215
This site "WikiHow"--
617
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:30,801
It's, like, doctors and scientists
and shit.
618
00:33:30,884 --> 00:33:32,553
It said that the best way
to get Wiggles back
619
00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:35,472
is to look handsome
and act like I don't like her.
620
00:33:44,565 --> 00:33:45,649
[groans]
621
00:33:48,861 --> 00:33:50,446
God! That's like needles!
48385
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