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1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:07,031
Dad, are you planning
to forget again this year?
2
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,918
Ah. A riddle.
3
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,754
I love a riddle. Let's see. The answer is...
4
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,673
I don't know what
you're talking about so go away.
5
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,512
Mum's birthday.
6
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,716
Oh, my God. Not again.
7
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:25,913
Hi, darling.
8
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,120
Ooh, mmm.
What is that delicious... smell?
9
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:35,557
Tuna Wellington. I ran out of beef.
10
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,552
That's lovely.
That's very nice. That's, erm...
11
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,790
Do you want any help then?
12
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,235
- OK. What's going on?
- Nothing.
13
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,471
I just came to give
the birthday girl a kiss.
14
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:48,676
You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you?
15
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,196
Ben, my birthday is not for three days.
16
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,794
I knew that.
I was just getting warmed up.
17
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,839
Well, I'm not.
I feel like I'm over the hill.
18
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:02,276
Susan, hey, hey, you are not.
19
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,999
But I can see it
in the distance, beckoning.
20
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,949
"Susan!
Come over the hill! It's fun!"
21
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,271
But it's not fun. It's a bunch of
old people dressed in white.
22
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,828
And they're wearing wings
and playing harps.
23
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,912
Worse. They're playing bowls.
24
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,758
Janey, your mother's birthday
isn't for another three days.
25
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,877
I know that but I thought
you might need a running start.
26
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,757
After all, you only turn 40 once.
27
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,559
Or in Mum's case, two or three times.
28
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,552
The first few times were just practice 40.
29
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,279
Maybe this time she's ready to commit.
30
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,828
So you should
give her something thoughtful.
31
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,514
Yes. A cheque.
32
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,592
- Dad!
- I know. A foot spa.
33
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,318
A foot spa?
34
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:58,234
It relaxes and soothes away
the tensions of the day,
35
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,073
leaving your toes supple.
36
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,549
You need something
with a personal touch.
37
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,552
Something unique.
Something that says, "Amore".
38
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,154
Something that says, "Amore"
more than a foot spa.
39
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,196
Yeah. A satellite dish.
40
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,914
OK. So why would your mother
want a satellite dish?
41
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,230
For one, it's got
a load of cooking channels.
42
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,788
For two, it's got the Playboy channel.
43
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,633
But I hardly think
Mum's interested in that.
44
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,508
She wants what all mothers want -
to make her children happy.
45
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,036
A satellite dish would make me ecstatic.
46
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,193
Dad, look, Mum's told me
exactly what she really wants.
47
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,669
A romantic weekend. Just the two of you.
48
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,990
No, your mother knows I hate travelling.
49
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,672
It's about what she wants.
50
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,275
So she wants me
to suffer for her birthday.
51
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,828
She just wants to know
you care enough to suffer.
52
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,036
I live here. Isn't that enough?
53
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,873
So. 40... again.
54
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,191
I'm ready to admit it but
I don't want you to rub it in.
55
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:06,352
I thought we might do
something special to celebrate.
56
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,351
I don't want to make a fuss.
57
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,635
I'll just do something quiet.
58
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:14,395
Sit here in the dark with my memories.
59
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,914
OK, then.
60
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,471
I thought we might go away
for the weekend. Just the two of us.
61
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,189
That sounds wonderful.
I'll make the arrangements tomorrow.
62
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,714
Great.
63
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,870
I thought I might make the plans.
64
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:34,238
- You don't have to.
- Well, I do. Apparently.
65
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,788
- Where would you like to go?
- Surprise me.
66
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:42,159
Hey, how about
a golfing weekend at St Andrews?
67
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,151
Surprise me with something else.
68
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,276
Gleneagles?
69
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:50,831
How about the B&B we stayed in
just before we were married?
70
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,309
What would you want
to go back there for?
71
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,755
It was good enough for us 22 years ago.
72
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,195
Yes, but we had no money then.
73
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,157
And you want me to make the decision.
74
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,038
I do. I just want you
to make the right one.
75
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,112
I'll keep my mobile with me
but if you can't get us on that,
76
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,316
the number for the B&B is on the fridge
77
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,038
- on a pink note card.
- Uh-huh.
78
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,678
- Right.
- Gotcha.
79
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,115
Dr Peterson's number
is on a blue note card.
80
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,235
- OK.
- Mm-hm.
81
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,753
Check.
82
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:24,997
If you run out of food,
eat whoever draws the short straw.
83
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,438
- OK. Bye.
- Have fun.
84
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,795
Miss you.
85
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,677
(Whistles)
86
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,194
What are you doing back?
87
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,078
Nick, can you pretend to listen?
88
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,755
Sorry, Mum. Go for it.
89
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:45,879
Our number, pink note card.
Dr Peterson's number, blue one.
90
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,951
- Got it.
- Then what did I say?
91
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,349
I don't know.
92
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,000
You said pretend to listen.
93
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,719
You're only going
for the weekend. We'll be fine.
94
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,270
- Nick, help your father.
- Let me give you a hand.
95
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,109
- I said turn left.
- It looked like the right road.
96
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,158
It might have been
had it not been a river.
97
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,151
You could have asked for directions.
98
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,789
I asked you for directions
and look what happened.
99
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,036
Hello. Pleasant journey?
100
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,635
It might have been but we took
a wrong turn and ended up in...
101
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,154
What was that place? Ah, yes. Hell.
102
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,549
It was lovely. We took the scenic route.
103
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,632
Yes and what a lot of scenery
we saw... in the dark.
104
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,917
- We're the Harpers.
- Oh, just sign here.
105
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,596
- You're in number ten.
- Is it possible to get seven?
106
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,309
We were here years ago and
that was the room we stayed in.
107
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,358
Ah, you're in luck.
We've got another late arrival.
108
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,396
I'll just switch the rooms.
109
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,913
Thank you.
110
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,468
- I love you.
- I love you more.
111
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,471
No, I love you more.
112
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,916
- Oh, look at them.
- Gut-wrenching, isn't it?
113
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,878
Romantic. They have
their whole lives ahead of them.
114
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,155
I hope they don't take the scenic route.
115
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,232
Some people know
how to enjoy the journey, Ben.
116
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,595
It's hard with you shouting,
117
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,194
"You're going to hit that cow"
every few minutes.
118
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,872
There. Number seven.
119
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,953
Any chance of a quick sandwich?
We're both really hungry.
120
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,430
I'm afraid the cook's gone home
and he locks the kitchen.
121
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,478
- How about a mint imperial?
- Oh, perfect.
122
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,758
At least when we die of hunger
we'll have fresh, minty breath.
123
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,239
- Where do you think you're going?
- Out.
124
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,357
Not dressed like that.
Put on something respectable.
125
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,270
Sod off.
126
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,633
They grow up so fast.
127
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,871
Janey, I think it's time we had a talk.
128
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,509
- About boys and girls.
- You're not serious.
129
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,955
We can do this
the hard way or the easy way.
130
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,838
- And what's the hard way?
- I could come with you.
131
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,036
You've got one minute.
132
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,709
OK.
133
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:16,273
Janey, guys are only ever after one thing.
134
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,750
Fortunately, girls are
after the same thing.
135
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,196
Well, time's up.
Liam's waiting for me at the cinema.
136
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,590
You can't leave. This is important.
137
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:31,151
I've gotta meet my mates.
Who's gonna look after him?
138
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,471
I planned this ages ago.
That's why I sent Mum and Dad away.
139
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,597
So that's your game.
It wasn't about Mum's happiness.
140
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,478
It's about your sordid love tryst.
141
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,030
- So what does this Liam do?
- Nick, he's 16.
142
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,270
Oh, yeah. What about his parents?
143
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,157
- They're dead.
- How convenient.
144
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:55,310
- What are you talking about?
- I'm trying to act parental.
145
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,709
I can't believe they left you in charge.
146
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,631
I'm much more responsible.
147
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,358
- Are not.
- Am.
148
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,590
- Great. You stay with Michael.
- Nick!
149
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,237
I knew he couldn't be
as stupid as he looked.
150
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,072
Michael...
151
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,756
You can look after yourself, right?
152
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:19,914
Me? Your sweet, naive,
12-year-old little brother?
153
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,468
- How much will it cost me?
- Ten quid.
154
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,834
An hour.
155
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,352
Well...
156
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,149
God, I don't remember it being this small.
157
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,231
I think it's charming.
158
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,875
Perhaps it shrunk in the damp.
159
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,032
No, it's just as I remembered.
160
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,715
Same lamps. Same wallpaper.
161
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,679
Same chest of drawers.
162
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:55,116
Any vague memories
of where we might have slept?
163
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,839
- As I remember, we didn't.
- Ah-ha-ha!
164
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,351
Come here.
165
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,715
What are you thinking?
166
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,518
Ha-ha...
167
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,672
I'm thinking we should
have had the mint imperials.
168
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,828
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I can't stop thinking about food.
169
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,992
Well, imagine I'm covered
in creme fraiche.
170
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,436
No, I need something more substantial.
171
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,273
Fine. Imagine I'm a deep-fried haddock.
172
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,790
We had haddock last night.
173
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,316
We didn't let things like this
bother us 22 years ago.
174
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,234
Oh, come on. Then we were
a mass of raging hormones.
175
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,118
We'd have slept on broken glass
to have had sex.
176
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,998
Yes. Where has the romance gone?
177
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,117
(Woman screams) Oh! Ah-ah-ah! Yes!
178
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,236
(Bed creaking)
179
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,515
Obviously next door.
180
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,797
You don't think they could be
moving their luggage in, do you?
181
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,836
(Man screams) Ooh, yes!
182
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,110
Well, he certainly has.
183
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,996
Hey, hang on.
184
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,675
I think he's just found
the complimentary shower cap.
185
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,430
I've just remembered something
that might cheer you up.
186
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,637
No, what could be more fun than this?
187
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,518
- Chocolate!
- Oh, I love you!
188
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,272
- Oh!
- Mm!
189
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,112
- Mm!
- Oh, God!
190
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,031
(Woman) Oh, my God!
191
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,951
- Mm.
- Oh, yeah. That's good.
192
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,031
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, yes.
193
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,998
- (Woman screams ecstatically)
- (Man) Yes, yes!
194
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,275
(Bed creaks)
195
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,272
They must have the biscuit centre.
196
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,348
Do you have any idea what time it is?
197
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,635
Yeah. Good night.
198
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,995
Hey, come on. I couldn't sleep.
199
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,991
It's not easy being a single parent.
200
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:03,119
- Nick, you're not a parent.
- Yeah, but I'm single.
201
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,156
Try brushing your teeth.
202
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,754
I'm sorry your date went so badly.
203
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:11,071
- How would you know about that?
- A mother knows these things.
204
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,196
Nick, let it go!
205
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,912
Actually, I... I do have a question.
206
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,197
- Are you talking to me?
- Yes.
207
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,395
I was looking forward
to my date with Liam
208
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,519
but he only wanted to play table football
and arse around with his mates.
209
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,955
Oh, you're looking for
the man's perspective.
210
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:39,953
- No, the immature git's.
- I can help with that, too.
211
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:47,598
Table football is a very important
male bonding ritual.
212
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:52,151
It's the only time in
a young man's life where you learn...
213
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,595
how to play football on a table.
214
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,159
Nick!
215
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,118
You wanted
the immature git's perspective.
216
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,508
You know,
we have a saying round here -
217
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,637
if you can't see the headland, it's raining.
218
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,030
If you can see the headland,
it's about to rain.
219
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,312
So, did you sleep well?
220
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,914
Well, actually... I was wondering
221
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,468
if we could switch
our room back to number ten.
222
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:22,553
The couple in number six
were rather, erm... loud.
223
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,757
Loud? Oh, dear. I'm afraid we're full up.
224
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,831
Oh, that's all right.
225
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,753
- So, see anything interesting?
- Oh, yes.
226
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,150
The Ninefields Butterfly Farm
is a bit of a treat.
227
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,959
The Appledore Shoe Museum
is not to be missed.
228
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,998
And the Bexhill World of Enchantment.
229
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,310
I don't know how we'll pack this all in.
230
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,391
You could go to the dolphinarium.
231
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,392
- That sounds interesting.
- Oh, it was.
232
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,711
- Sorry, it was?
- Before the dolphin died.
233
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,390
So why would we want to go there?
234
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,472
Well, they've still got the tank.
235
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,393
Oh, they've still got the tank?
236
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,596
I forgot to pack my camera.
237
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,716
When we were here before,
238
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,918
you kept a guest book where
you could write about your stay.
239
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,719
Ooh, I haven't seen
the guest book for some time.
240
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,109
- Oh.
- It should make good reading.
241
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,555
"Today I saw a footprint on the beach."
242
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,876
Is John still the waiter?
243
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,713
Ooh, you're going back a few years.
244
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,315
- John passed away.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
245
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,789
What about the nice lady
who tended the gardens?
246
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,552
- Ah, Betty.
- Yes, Betty.
247
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:39,760
She's still here. We spread
her ashes over her hydrangeas.
248
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,992
What about George and Margaret?
They were such a cheery couple.
249
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,354
Margaret is dead
250
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,954
- but George is still alive.
- Oh, good.
251
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,271
He's in prison for strangling Margaret.
252
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,875
Oh, well, you must give him our regards.
253
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,878
- Who are you waving at?
- The couple in number six.
254
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,076
You don't even know them.
255
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:05,311
After last night, I think
we know them intimately.
256
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,789
Why are these tables so close together?
257
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,190
I like it. Makes everything
much more relaxed and chummy.
258
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,511
I don't want relaxed and chummy.
I want tense and left alone.
259
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,831
Good morning!
Joan and Peter Pickering.
260
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,673
Hi. Susan Harper
and this is my husband Ben.
261
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,558
- First time here?
- Actually, we were here once,
262
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,471
- before we were married.
- Really?
263
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,758
Yes. 20 long... wonderful years.
264
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,512
Newlyweds.
265
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,878
Joan and I have come here for
30 years, with another couple.
266
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,839
- They couldn't come this year.
- We decided to come anyway.
267
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,195
You're never too old
to make new friends.
268
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:45,875
- We couldn't agree more.
- No, we could not.
269
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,872
- We're in number seven.
- Oh, wonderful!
270
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,191
- We're neighbours.
- We're the couple in six.
271
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,558
Now I remember what it was
I liked about this place.
272
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,155
The intimacy of being cut off
from the rest of the world?
273
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,196
No, the breakfasts.
274
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,795
I mean, the intimacy of being
cut off from the world is fine.
275
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,952
But it's better on a full stomach, isn't it?
276
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,156
- Good save.
- Really?
277
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,515
I'm in a generous mood.
278
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,439
Well, I'm in the mood to receive.
279
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,949
- Don't go anywhere.
- OK.
280
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,077
Not even the dolphinarium?
281
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,196
Yes! Ha, ha, ha!
282
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,675
Listen and learn!
283
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,870
I see you've slipped into
something more or less the same.
284
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,554
I've been thinking.
285
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,870
Oh, dear.
286
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,391
It's not easy turning 40.
287
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,233
So why do you keep doing it, then?
288
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,437
Do try and understand me.
289
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,115
I feel like my whole life
I've been travelling on the B417
290
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,192
when I could have been on the M6.
291
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,874
What do you want to go
to Birmingham for?
292
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,756
The point is, it's about choices.
293
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:27,957
Who knows what my life might have
been if I'd chosen differently?
294
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,750
I could have been anything.
295
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,434
Well, certainly not an Olympic hurdler.
296
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,796
The point is, I was young,
297
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,633
I had my whole life ahead of me,
and then I met you.
298
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,871
Oh, so you met me
and your life turned to crap.
299
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,679
This isn't about you. You're irrelevant.
300
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,910
That's reassuring.
301
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,275
Oh, what's the point?
302
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,158
Susan, we've come here
to rekindle happy memories.
303
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,071
We've ended up wallowing
304
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,993
in a sinkhole of despair and depression.
305
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,310
It's like being at home.
306
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,276
(Man) Oh, yes!
307
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,670
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
308
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,993
That jigsaw's harder
than it looks, you know.
309
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,196
You intrigue me. How?
310
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,589
Half the pieces are missing.
311
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,358
- Hello.
- Ooh, hello!
312
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:37,911
- Had a nice day?
- Mm. Yeah. I bet you did.
313
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,912
We always do.
Life's too short not to be happy.
314
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,673
Stop being happy.
It'd make life go on forever.
315
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,599
So, your wife up in her room?
316
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:52,708
I expect so. Unless she's popped out
for a job interview with the SAS.
317
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,157
- I'm sorry?
- She's having a midlife crisis.
318
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,277
Don't talk to us about midlife crisis. I...
319
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,510
It's all right. I won't, then.
320
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,795
Don't worry. She'll get over it.
321
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:09,715
You don't get over a midlife crisis.
I started mine at 17.
322
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,633
You see, life's a bit like this jigsaw.
323
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,188
- Mm-hm.
- Even though pieces are missing
324
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,316
you're still enjoying the puzzle.
325
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,269
No, I'm just enjoying the boredom
until the misery sets in again.
326
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,830
I expect next you'll be telling me
this glass is half full.
327
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,878
No, it's half empty.
Let me get you another.
328
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,599
- Bernard.
- Oh. That's... Thank you.
329
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,873
Mm-hm.
330
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,948
Mm-hm.
331
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,560
Oh, yes. Don't talk to me
about kids today.
332
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,029
It's just... Mm-hm.
333
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,838
Mm.
334
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,753
Oh, no, Nick. It never ends.
335
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,956
- (Knocking)
- I've got to go, Nick.
336
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,031
There's someone
at the door. Come in!
337
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:54,111
Oh, goodbye.
338
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,475
Yes, darling, I love you very much.
339
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,789
And so does Daddy.
340
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,509
Yes, he does.
341
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,353
Please don't cry, Nick.
342
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,752
I've really got to go. Goodbye.
343
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,230
I'm sorry. I just wondered if
you had some make-up remover.
344
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,276
Oh, yes, of course.
345
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,149
Are you OK? Do you want to talk?
346
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,391
I trained as
a guidance counsellor. Almost.
347
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,871
Do you and your husband ever,
you know... have arguments?
348
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,678
Oh, yes. Well, he does.
349
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,718
I have an open exchange of ideas.
350
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,395
Stuart and I seem to be at
each other's throats all the time.
351
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,471
Yes, we saw.
352
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,950
This weekend was supposed to be
a chance to get away from that.
353
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,634
We've been having such a horrible time.
354
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,712
- Can I really tell you this?
- Of course you can.
355
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,951
Well, first off he said
he'd never leave his wife.
356
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,793
Then when I protested,
he told me I was fired.
357
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,560
You might be better off
talking to someone else.
358
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,633
Oh, no, you've got
such an understanding face.
359
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,756
Must be the wisdom of all the years.
360
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,069
If you want that,
talk to the couple next door to us.
361
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,799
- Them? They're disgusting.
- Oh, come on.
362
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,632
They're just having fun.
363
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,518
What if they approached
you and your husband?
364
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,319
Worst part is,
Stuart thinks it might be fun.
365
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,871
- I don't understand.
- Those old people are swingers.
366
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,751
Swingers?
367
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,831
As in Glen Miller
368
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,629
or as in Glen Miller,
his wife and the rest of his band?
369
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,756
You're laughing.
It's true but no one believes it.
370
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,149
Oh, Susan. Hello. Hey, come and join us.
371
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,879
Hello.
372
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,191
- I need to tell you something.
- Oh, hello. What?
373
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,316
- In private.
- Hm. Trouble at home?
374
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,039
No, a bit closer by.
375
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:03,157
There's been a break-out
at the Butterfield Ninnery Park?
376
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,271
The Ninnery Butterfly Park.
377
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:12,273
- Your husband's so funny!
- Yes, he's a scream.
378
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,875
- Come. Join us.
- In what order?
379
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:22,232
Eh? Come on. Come on.
Come and join us.
380
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,437
All right. You asked for it.
381
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,592
Ben's been telling us
how delightful your children are.
382
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,432
How many has he had?
383
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,115
Stop it. Don't be so cynical.
Chill out. Enjoy yourself.
384
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,794
Don't worry. I intend to.
385
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,996
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
386
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,995
It's funny. You don't meet
many people like Peter and Joan.
387
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:47,755
I don't think we've met
any people like Peter and Joan.
388
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,831
We ought to do something together.
389
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,797
Yes. All four of us.
390
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,553
- Why not?
- It's a date.
391
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,790
Our first date.
392
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,758
- (Laughs lasciviously)
- (Laughs nervously)
393
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,116
So, erm... what do we fancy doing?
394
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,317
That's a little lacking
in spontaneity, isn't it?
395
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,231
I don't know. Is it?
396
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,677
Joan means that she and Peter
prefer to suck it and see.
397
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,912
Good Lord, you're a game girl.
398
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,911
We ought to make a plan
399
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,912
or we'll end up
at the Appledore Shoe Museum.
400
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,878
- (All laugh)
- You're so funny!
401
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,350
I'm just warming up.
402
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,477
Ha, ha. Oh, hello.
403
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,432
So are you, huh?
404
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,990
What? Oh, I know. OK.
405
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,719
Sorry. We're just getting a bit tired.
406
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,519
- Yes, look at the time!
- I could do with a nap.
407
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,556
Ooh! You...
408
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,869
Good idea. I'll go on ahead.
409
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,509
Let you all finish making your plans.
410
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,636
You knew, didn't you?
411
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,555
- Of course I knew!
- Why didn't you tell me?
412
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:26,156
I tried, Ben, but then
I started having too much fun.
413
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,118
At my age, you have
to get your kicks where you can.
414
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,794
Just like Joan and Peter!
415
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,711
Very funny!
416
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,679
I almost ended up as
an octogenarian's sex puppy.
417
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,716
You can't blame them, Ben.
418
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,553
Their usual partners
couldn't make it this year.
419
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,835
Mr Burchfield had a hip replacement.
420
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,195
That affected his swing.
421
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,070
(Knocking)
422
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,635
How did you leave it with the Pickerings?
423
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,280
It's all right. They know the score.
Don't worry.
424
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,352
You did say no, didn't you?
425
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,069
I said, erm... I said we'd let them know.
426
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,674
- You idiot.
- I couldn't hurt their feelings.
427
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,512
- (Knocking)
- I'm not getting it.
428
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,034
- Get it!
- You've got to say something!
429
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,031
- Get it!
- Say something!
430
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:24,238
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
we're not interested in sexual relations
431
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:28,632
with either you or your wife, all right?
432
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,553
(Bernard)
Well, she's good enough for me.
433
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,034
I'm so sorry. I am terribly sorry.
434
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,236
I thought you were somebody else.
435
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:46,199
Ah, the Pickerings.
436
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:50,558
- I just wanted to drop this by.
- Why? What is this?
437
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,995
It's the guest book
your wife was looking for.
438
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,470
I found it in the games cupboard
when I put your jigsaw away.
439
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,632
I do have a Scrabble set
if you're interested.
440
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,713
But there are no Ss, Ts or Ns.
441
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,268
Right. Well, we won't bother
then, Bernard.
442
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:09,318
- It's still raining.
- Really?
443
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,555
It's Bernard. He's brought
the guest book you wanted.
444
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,872
- Oh, really?
- Look, April 1978.
445
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,110
Oh, God! 1978!
446
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,555
"Thank you for a glorious weekend.
447
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,677
"I came here unsure of so many things.
448
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,274
"But as I leave I know
I am taking the first step
449
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:32,716
"on a wonderful adventure
called married life."
450
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,631
Puke.
451
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,558
- What did you write?
- Me? I didn't write anything.
452
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,871
- Yes, you did.
- Oh, you're right. I did.
453
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:47,670
"Ben Harper. Bed, breakfast
and the girl of my dreams.
454
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:52,914
"I have found my true north.
The solar flare I call Susan.
455
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,560
"She's the only girl for me."
456
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,396
- Let me see that.
- No, I...
457
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,357
Let me see it!
458
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,715
Ah, here we are.
459
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,713
"Ben Harper. The toilet didn't flush."
460
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,471
That's what you wrote?
461
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:17,189
That's all you could say
about our wonderful weekend?
462
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,629
That's so lovely.
463
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,917
- Is it?
- That you cared enough to lie.
464
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,833
So badly, too.
465
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:34,029
You know what? There's plenty
more where that came from.
466
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:37,476
Good. Cos I plan turning 41 next year
467
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,233
and I hear that one's a real bitch.
468
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,998
- Mm.
- Mm.
469
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,071
Mmm.
470
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,674
- (Bed squeaks)
- (Ben) Susan!
471
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,149
Oh, God, that's good.
472
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,235
- That's really good.
- That's fantastic.
473
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,311
Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
474
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,836
- Oh, yes!
- Whoo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!
475
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,751
I said turn left.
476
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,274
I asked if I should turn left
and you said right.
477
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:13,717
When I said, "Right," right,
I meant right as in correct.
478
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,759
My God, this place is spotless.
479
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,153
Something's wrong.
480
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,355
- Hello, Mum.
- Hello, Father.
481
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,510
Welcome home.
482
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:54,429
Oh, my God, they're going
to start singing Edelweiss.
483
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,871
- How was your weekend?
- Fine.
484
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,872
- Perfect.
- It wasn't my fault.
485
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,757
Steady.
486
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:10,996
OK. Which one of you
is going to crack first?
487
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,670
My money's on this one.
488
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,515
(Whimpers)
489
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,795
- They wouldn't obey me!
- He went to the pub!
490
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,189
She went out with a boy named Liam.
491
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,670
- They left me alone!
- I hate you!
492
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,672
- You remember the way?
- I think I remember the way.
493
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,355
- I'd like to go to Spain now.
- Turn left at the end.
37800
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