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1
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,894
- Morning. What are you...?
- Shh, shh, shh.
2
00:00:10,929 --> 00:00:13,430
It's so quiet you can hear
the bacon sizzling. Listen.
3
00:00:13,465 --> 00:00:14,898
What? What?
4
00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:16,399
No, no.
5
00:00:16,435 --> 00:00:18,101
I would never crumble you up
6
00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:20,203
and put you into a salad.
7
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:24,507
Oh, bacon talks to me, baby.
8
00:00:24,543 --> 00:00:25,942
You know what? I feel I've walked in
9
00:00:25,977 --> 00:00:27,610
on something...
I can leave.
10
00:00:27,646 --> 00:00:31,281
No, no, no. Stick around.
Enjoy the peace and quiet.
11
00:00:31,316 --> 00:00:33,450
This house has never been this empty.
12
00:00:33,485 --> 00:00:35,518
Face it, I think we've
made too many people.
13
00:00:35,554 --> 00:00:39,689
Kyle and Mandy are hardly ever around.
14
00:00:39,724 --> 00:00:41,825
Sometimes I just think it's too quiet.
15
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,359
Nah, it's not too quiet.
16
00:00:43,395 --> 00:00:44,627
Tonight, I'm making fajitas.
17
00:00:44,663 --> 00:00:47,197
They tend to get pretty chatty.
18
00:00:47,232 --> 00:00:49,365
No, we have the NSE
fundraiser tonight, remember?
19
00:00:49,401 --> 00:00:50,934
The annual meet and greet
20
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:53,002
with the, uh, foreign exchange students.
21
00:00:53,038 --> 00:00:54,938
Are they still doing that?
22
00:00:54,973 --> 00:00:56,940
With all that talk of a
travel ban and a big wall,
23
00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:58,641
you'd think they'd just stay out.
24
00:00:58,677 --> 00:01:01,311
Oh, come on. Come on.
25
00:01:01,346 --> 00:01:03,446
You know how important the NSE is to me.
26
00:01:03,482 --> 00:01:05,381
That semester I spent in Rio De Janeiro,
27
00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:06,850
it changed my life.
28
00:01:06,885 --> 00:01:08,852
- I know. The people, the culture.
- Mmm.
29
00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:10,787
That big statue of Jesus you thought
30
00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:12,522
was watching you the whole time.
31
00:01:12,557 --> 00:01:16,292
Hey, those eyes followed
me everywhere I went.
32
00:01:16,328 --> 00:01:18,995
And if it wasn't Jesus,
I'd say it was creepy.
33
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:23,333
And my host family was so nice.
34
00:01:23,368 --> 00:01:24,834
They kind of had to be, didn't they?
35
00:01:24,870 --> 00:01:26,135
- Mm.
- Yeah.
36
00:01:26,171 --> 00:01:29,339
A natural blonde family in Brazil.
37
00:01:29,374 --> 00:01:31,908
Escaped Nazis.
38
00:01:31,943 --> 00:01:33,643
Oh, stop it.
39
00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:35,712
You know what? Fine.
Fine. I will go by myself,
40
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,514
but I am taking the checkbook.
41
00:01:37,549 --> 00:01:39,849
It knows how to talk, too.
42
00:01:39,885 --> 00:01:42,418
In fact, I'm gonna make it sing.
43
00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:45,188
Just remember, when you're
signing those checks,
44
00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:48,558
Jesus is watching.
45
00:01:48,593 --> 00:01:52,028
And he doesn't like show-offs.
46
00:01:52,063 --> 00:01:55,063
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
47
00:01:59,905 --> 00:02:01,170
Hi, there.
48
00:02:01,206 --> 00:02:02,705
I'm, uh, I'm Vanessa.
49
00:02:02,741 --> 00:02:06,309
A little old for high
school, aren't you?
50
00:02:07,979 --> 00:02:10,513
- I'm Jen.
- Oh, uh...
51
00:02:10,549 --> 00:02:13,049
Well, it's-it's nice to meet you.
52
00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:15,285
And, uh, where are-are you from?
53
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,888
Hong Kong. I was accepted into
the program for next semester,
54
00:02:18,924 --> 00:02:21,558
so my father and I are
here meeting families.
55
00:02:21,593 --> 00:02:24,527
Well, I did my semester
in Rio, which, uh,
56
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:27,130
I chose mostly because
of the Duran Duran song.
57
00:02:27,165 --> 00:02:30,400
I only wanted to study in Colorado.
58
00:02:30,435 --> 00:02:33,770
I have a poster of
Pikes Peak in my bedroom.
59
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,071
Oh, not Justin Bieber?
60
00:02:35,106 --> 00:02:37,874
Yuk, please. Is he made of pink granite?
61
00:02:37,909 --> 00:02:38,975
Oh.
62
00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:40,710
I want to be a geologist.
63
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:43,046
Wh...?
64
00:02:43,081 --> 00:02:47,450
Uh... I'm...
I-I'm a geologist.
65
00:02:47,485 --> 00:02:49,485
That is so cool.
66
00:02:49,521 --> 00:02:50,987
I want to get a degree in earth sciences
67
00:02:51,022 --> 00:02:52,155
so I could teach someday.
68
00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:55,491
I taught science.
69
00:02:55,527 --> 00:02:57,961
Um, so-so I guess you want
70
00:02:57,996 --> 00:03:00,830
to do something for the "crater" good?
71
00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:03,900
It's a joke. 'Cause...
72
00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:06,235
- A good one.
- Good?
73
00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:08,771
I love geology puns.
74
00:03:08,807 --> 00:03:11,574
My "sediments" exactly.
75
00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:15,111
I never take
them for "granite."
76
00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:20,016
You guys better get going.
77
00:03:20,051 --> 00:03:21,818
- Boyd's practice ends at 8:00.
- Yeah.
78
00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:23,186
Thank you guys for
picking him up this week.
79
00:03:23,221 --> 00:03:24,701
I mean, Kris has been pulling doubles
80
00:03:24,723 --> 00:03:26,189
and I'm swamped at the dispensary.
81
00:03:26,224 --> 00:03:27,790
Oh, yeah. How is the...
82
00:03:27,826 --> 00:03:31,027
...marijuana business?
83
00:03:31,062 --> 00:03:33,262
Legal.
84
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:35,498
You don't have to whisper.
85
00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:38,101
I like to whisper.
86
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:41,537
It's the only reason I watch golf.
87
00:03:41,573 --> 00:03:44,507
I can't wait for Boyd's
update on Danielle.
88
00:03:44,542 --> 00:03:47,276
I remember the first
crush a boy had on me.
89
00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:50,546
I like to think he never married.
90
00:03:50,582 --> 00:03:52,649
Uh, Boyd has a crush on somebody?
91
00:03:52,684 --> 00:03:55,051
Oh, Danielle? In his math class?
92
00:03:55,086 --> 00:03:57,286
Smells like cherries?
93
00:03:57,322 --> 00:03:58,955
You guys didn't know about this?
94
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,690
I'm sure Boyd's been
meaning to tell you.
95
00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:04,327
Oh, yeah, I mean, he tells
us, like, so much stuff, so...
96
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:06,529
Oh, did he tell you
about that fight that Paul
97
00:04:06,564 --> 00:04:08,631
and Chris got into 'cause
they had the same backpacks?
98
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:11,634
That was so funny.
99
00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:13,636
Chris broke Paul's nose.
100
00:04:13,672 --> 00:04:16,005
No, that's the part we
agreed was not funny.
101
00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:23,046
- Well?
- Oh, hey.
102
00:04:23,081 --> 00:04:25,214
How was the fundraiser? Are we broke?
103
00:04:27,619 --> 00:04:29,852
It was magical, and
you'll be happy to know
104
00:04:29,888 --> 00:04:31,521
I didn't give them any money.
105
00:04:31,556 --> 00:04:33,589
Good so far.
106
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:36,225
Because what they really need
107
00:04:36,261 --> 00:04:39,295
are places for the
exchange students to stay.
108
00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:45,401
And you just jumped off a cliff.
109
00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:49,338
Honey, I met this really sweet
girl from Hong Kong named Jen.
110
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,107
She is absolutely amazing.
111
00:04:51,142 --> 00:04:52,608
We had so much in common.
112
00:04:52,644 --> 00:04:54,510
What, uh, she's married
to a wonderful man
113
00:04:54,546 --> 00:04:56,245
who likes his life just the way it is?
114
00:04:56,281 --> 00:04:57,947
Honey...
115
00:04:57,982 --> 00:05:00,616
what-what if we were to offer Jen
116
00:05:00,652 --> 00:05:02,518
a place to stay next semester?
117
00:05:02,554 --> 00:05:03,786
Let's think about that.
118
00:05:03,822 --> 00:05:06,689
Nope.
119
00:05:06,725 --> 00:05:08,758
A student from another
country needs a home
120
00:05:08,793 --> 00:05:10,460
and your response is "nope"?
121
00:05:10,495 --> 00:05:12,729
Yep.
122
00:05:12,764 --> 00:05:14,263
Honey, c... it's
just for a semester.
123
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:15,965
We are this close to having
the house by ourselves.
124
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,066
You want to ruin that?
125
00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:18,801
You've been really busy at work
126
00:05:18,837 --> 00:05:21,317
and-and-and it might be nice to
have somebody else around here.
127
00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,539
You know, I mean, not
everybody can talk to bacon.
128
00:05:23,575 --> 00:05:25,441
All right, look at it this
way. We got four bathrooms.
129
00:05:25,477 --> 00:05:27,710
That's two a piece. You could
have the crapper down here
130
00:05:27,746 --> 00:05:30,446
- just for your decorative soaps.
- Oh, come on.
131
00:05:30,482 --> 00:05:32,482
All I'm asking is to
have dinner with Jen
132
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:34,283
and her dad so we can meet them.
133
00:05:34,319 --> 00:05:36,753
I'm just not that interested in this.
134
00:05:36,788 --> 00:05:39,555
All right, well, uh, I
hear what you're saying...
135
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:42,258
- and I understand your concerns.
- Good, good. Excellent.
136
00:05:42,293 --> 00:05:44,293
But no.
137
00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:52,902
What... What do you mean "no"?
138
00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:56,773
I want this, so I am overruling you.
139
00:05:58,476 --> 00:06:00,543
You can do that?
140
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,746
I can, I can.
141
00:06:03,782 --> 00:06:05,815
I am going to invite
Jen and her dad here
142
00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:07,483
for dinner tomorrow night.
143
00:06:07,519 --> 00:06:10,653
And you will be sweet
and nonconfrontational.
144
00:06:10,688 --> 00:06:14,357
And-and you won't bring
up things like "snowflake"
145
00:06:14,392 --> 00:06:16,926
or "Benghazi"
146
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,729
or "Deflategate."
147
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:25,868
They're all connected.
148
00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:32,928
Mikey, join, come on, have a drink.
Come on.
149
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:33,639
Yeah, come on.
150
00:06:33,669 --> 00:06:35,435
You know, Ed, when you
said you were gonna retire,
151
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:38,338
I-I thought you were
gonna do this at home.
152
00:06:38,373 --> 00:06:41,074
What can I tell you? I
missed my friends. Come on.
153
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,109
You've been gone two days.
154
00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:47,113
Hey, join some real
men for drinks, okay?
155
00:06:47,149 --> 00:06:49,783
Ed's making fuzzy navels.
156
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:52,185
Yeah, nothing says "real men drinking"
157
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:56,289
like peach schnapps and an orange wedge.
158
00:06:56,325 --> 00:06:57,991
Listen, I'm heading home.
159
00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,759
I'm gonna do a meet
and greet with Vanessa
160
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,661
and a foreign exchange student.
161
00:07:01,697 --> 00:07:03,296
Oh, oh, this is priceless.
162
00:07:03,332 --> 00:07:06,866
Mike Baxter is hosting a
foreign exchange student.
163
00:07:06,902 --> 00:07:09,602
No, no, no, no, no. Vanessa
invited them to come meet us.
164
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,539
And I'm married to Vanessa.
165
00:07:12,574 --> 00:07:14,975
Translation, translation,
when Vanessa says "jump,"
166
00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:16,810
Mike says "how high?"
167
00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:19,179
You know, Joe,
I'm gonna let that go by,
168
00:07:19,214 --> 00:07:21,314
because I know you're
three peaches to the wind.
169
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,957
When any of my wives
wanted to do something
170
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:27,153
that I was against, I
said "No, no, no, no, no."
171
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:29,055
- Did you really?
- Yep.
172
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,624
That's why you're in the
Divorce Attorney's Hall of Fame.
173
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,560
I make sacrifices for my wife, okay?
174
00:07:33,595 --> 00:07:35,161
And if that means
sitting quietly at dinner
175
00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:36,663
with this girl and her father,
176
00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:38,631
then that's what I'm going to do.
177
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,166
You mean you have to make
a good impression on them?
178
00:07:40,202 --> 00:07:42,002
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, your worries are over.
179
00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,471
What is that supposed to mean?
180
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:45,872
Oh-oh, it means you
181
00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:49,476
have never had the
pleasure of meeting you.
182
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:53,546
At tonight's dinner I'm gonna be
pleasant and nonconfrontational.
183
00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:56,149
It wouldn't matter, it's in the eyes...
184
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,885
the opinion, the anger,
185
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,255
the howling emptiness.
186
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:04,357
You know, Joe, don't
take this personally,
187
00:08:04,393 --> 00:08:06,659
but I-I don't like you.
188
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,862
See, there's the Mike Baxter we know,
189
00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:10,497
and the only Mike Baxter you can be.
190
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,998
Look, I'm gonna enjoy
a nice, quiet evening
191
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,595
at my home with my wife and her guests.
192
00:08:13,602 --> 00:08:17,070
You guys enjoy your sorority mixer, huh?
193
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:20,273
Joke's on him. I'm gonna
go puke in his office.
194
00:08:24,446 --> 00:08:26,880
Why didn't you tell us about
your little friend Danielle?
195
00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,848
There's nothing to tell.
196
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:32,619
I think when someone smells
like cherries it's newsworthy.
197
00:08:32,654 --> 00:08:36,523
You know, honey, I'd love to
hear about what you're up to.
198
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:39,759
And not just from Kyle and Mandy.
199
00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:43,530
When I tell them stuff, they
don't make a big deal about it.
200
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,366
I won't make a big deal. I promise.
201
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:49,102
Okay.
202
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:51,538
Uh, she's coming over
tomorrow to do homework.
203
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,207
That is so cute!
204
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,975
I mean, not cute.
205
00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:58,378
I mean super normal.
206
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:01,648
Please, Mom, don't embarrass me.
207
00:09:01,683 --> 00:09:03,049
And no pictures.
208
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,651
Deal.
209
00:09:04,686 --> 00:09:06,386
Can I take one now, though?
210
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:09,155
'Cause this is kind of a
really special moment for me.
211
00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:11,157
Fine.
212
00:09:19,153 --> 00:09:21,273
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
213
00:09:21,303 --> 00:09:23,736
Those mixed nuts are for our guests.
214
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,072
I had one cashew.
215
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,342
A cashew? Honey, I'm trying
to make a good impression here.
216
00:09:29,377 --> 00:09:31,611
J... Eat the
hazelnuts.
217
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:35,748
Nobody eats the hazelnuts, why
do they even put 'em in there?
218
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,684
Oh, that's them.
219
00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:39,919
Uh, listen, honey, be nice.
220
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:43,289
I don't need to be
reminded to be... All right.
221
00:09:45,494 --> 00:09:47,327
Hey, welcome.
222
00:09:47,362 --> 00:09:48,962
- Hi. Come on in.
- Hello. Thank you. Thank you.
223
00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:52,866
Mr. Zhen, uh, I'm Mike
Baxter. Ni hao, HuanyĆng.
224
00:09:54,569 --> 00:09:56,536
Please, call me Henry.
225
00:09:56,571 --> 00:09:58,171
- Cantonese and Mandarin.
- Yeah.
226
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,140
- That's very good.
- Thank you.
227
00:10:00,175 --> 00:10:01,941
Well, Mike knows how to
say "hello," "good-bye"
228
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,210
and "where's the bathroom"
in several languages.
229
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,647
Your wife says you also talk to bacon.
230
00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:13,086
That's 'cause bacon can keep a secret.
231
00:10:15,590 --> 00:10:17,857
- Come on in, guys.
- Thanks. -Thank you.
232
00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:20,560
So, um, Henry, this is
your first time to Colorado?
233
00:10:20,595 --> 00:10:24,063
Uh, yes, uh, but I'm a civil engineer,
234
00:10:24,099 --> 00:10:26,366
so I often visit other cities...
235
00:10:26,401 --> 00:10:29,502
- Uh-huh.
- To, uh...
236
00:10:34,776 --> 00:10:37,810
Uh, to study infrastructure,
you know, bridges, roads.
237
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,145
Well, you'll learn a lot here in Denver.
238
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,248
We invented road rage and the pothole.
239
00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:43,917
Forgive me for saying so,
240
00:10:43,952 --> 00:10:46,019
but I can't understand
how such a wealthy country
241
00:10:46,054 --> 00:10:48,588
has such poorly maintained roads.
242
00:10:48,623 --> 00:10:49,822
I'll tell you why, because we have
243
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,818
- a government just full of...
- Nuh-nuh, nuh-nuh.
244
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:58,698
Our government is full
of dedicated men and women
245
00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:00,200
doing their best, God bless 'em.
246
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,070
Well said. You get a cashew.
247
00:11:04,105 --> 00:11:06,206
No, thanks. I prefer hazelnuts.
248
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:08,541
Uh, I'm gonna go check on dinner.
249
00:11:08,577 --> 00:11:10,877
- Jen, you want to give me a hand?
- Yes.
250
00:11:10,912 --> 00:11:12,178
Daddy?
251
00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:19,852
She told me not to embarrass her.
252
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,554
I don't know those words,
253
00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:23,289
but I've heard that music.
254
00:11:23,325 --> 00:11:26,059
So... so, uh, I don't know if you know,
255
00:11:26,094 --> 00:11:28,061
but I own a large outdoor equipment
256
00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:29,963
and sporting goods store here in town.
257
00:11:29,998 --> 00:11:31,731
- Yes, Outdoor Man. I've heard this.
- Yes.
258
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:32,966
Excellent. If you
have some time, stop by
259
00:11:33,001 --> 00:11:34,200
and I'll show you the facility.
260
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,935
Oh, I'd be honored.
261
00:11:35,971 --> 00:11:38,805
Has your president's trade
war affected your business?
262
00:11:43,178 --> 00:11:46,212
I read that because of
his aluminum tariffs,
263
00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:48,014
boat prices have gone up.
264
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,150
Hmm.
265
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:53,720
Well, the important thing about boats
266
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:57,123
is that th-they're able to float.
267
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,760
Speaking of your president...
268
00:12:04,699 --> 00:12:06,833
...it's hard for people
outside of the United States
269
00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:09,068
to understand how he beat Mrs. Clinton
270
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,470
in your last election.
271
00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,175
She had more experience, right?
272
00:12:16,211 --> 00:12:19,145
Uh, people say that.
273
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,414
And more votes, too?
274
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,449
Wh... Ow.
275
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:28,821
I literally have just bitten my tongue.
276
00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:33,693
H-How's it going in there, honey?
277
00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:38,331
- Three minutes!
- Okay.
278
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,500
You know, why don't we see
how the women are doing?
279
00:12:40,535 --> 00:12:42,335
Gladly.
280
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,803
Oh, but before we eat...
281
00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:46,973
Right. Right in there,
282
00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:48,741
and there's matches right by the toilet.
283
00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:54,167
In terms of treating sensitivity,
284
00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:57,883
I think Jen would fit
right in at Woodbridge High.
285
00:12:57,919 --> 00:12:59,652
All three of our girls went there.
286
00:12:59,687 --> 00:13:01,053
There's a geology club, Dad.
287
00:13:01,088 --> 00:13:02,855
Mrs. Baxter said I would love it.
288
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:04,223
Oh, no. No, no, no.
289
00:13:04,258 --> 00:13:07,126
I said you would "lava" it.
290
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,563
I'm, uh, kind
of famous for my wordplay.
291
00:13:15,069 --> 00:13:17,970
Oh, I'm so sorry, but our ride is here.
292
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,506
- We have to go, Jen.
- But I want to help clean up.
293
00:13:20,541 --> 00:13:21,974
Oh, no, no, we've got it.
294
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,809
That's very sweet of
you, though. Thanks.
295
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,879
- That was so much fun, Vanessa.
- Oh.
296
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:28,514
Nice to meet you, Mr. Baxter.
297
00:13:28,549 --> 00:13:30,516
It was a pleasure to meet you.
298
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,187
Again, thank you for making
my daughter feel so welcome.
299
00:13:35,222 --> 00:13:36,488
She's a wonderful little girl.
300
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,057
And, uh, if you have any questions
301
00:13:38,092 --> 00:13:39,325
while you're making your decision,
302
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,893
please feel free to call.
303
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:42,595
- I've already made my decision.
- Ah.
304
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:44,396
Jen will not be staying here.
305
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,265
I'm sorry. Good night.
306
00:13:52,273 --> 00:13:54,907
He must have already made up his mind.
307
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:58,010
You know, that has to be it,
because I think we were great.
308
00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,211
Honey, we've been over this, all right?
309
00:13:59,246 --> 00:14:00,613
You didn't do anything wrong.
310
00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:02,281
I didn't do anything wrong.
311
00:14:02,316 --> 00:14:04,950
We... I in particular...
didn't do anything wrong.
312
00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:07,419
I know I'm a broken
record, but I just...
313
00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,455
I can't let it go. I
really liked that girl.
314
00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:11,523
Well, truth be told,
315
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,359
- I liked her, too.
- Yeah.
316
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,961
If it means that much to you,
317
00:14:15,997 --> 00:14:18,297
maybe we should try to get
another exchange student.
318
00:14:18,332 --> 00:14:20,232
No, I don't want a different student.
319
00:14:20,267 --> 00:14:21,934
Oh, thank God.
320
00:14:21,969 --> 00:14:25,871
I just feel like I had a
real connection with her.
321
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:29,375
And not just because of
the puns and the geology.
322
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,243
I know it's crazy, but...
323
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,379
I just feel like this girl needs me.
324
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:36,482
Like-like I could make a
real difference in her life.
325
00:14:36,517 --> 00:14:39,799
You just can't stop
being a mother, can you?
326
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:40,619
No.
327
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:43,122
I don't want to.
328
00:14:43,157 --> 00:14:46,225
But thanks to her dad,
329
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,260
I guess I don't have a choice.
330
00:14:50,197 --> 00:14:52,164
Hey, can you believe this?
331
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:54,900
Our little boy is having a girl over.
332
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,301
The next thing you know,
we are gonna be doing
333
00:14:56,337 --> 00:14:58,070
the father-son dance at his wedding.
334
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,605
Ryan, stop, okay?
335
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,140
We are not allowed to
be excited about this.
336
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:04,428
He's growing up, and we need
to start treating him like it.
337
00:15:04,459 --> 00:15:04,843
I know.
338
00:15:04,879 --> 00:15:06,078
- I know.
- Hmm.
339
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,446
But it is so cool, right?
340
00:15:07,481 --> 00:15:09,615
It's the coolest thing
that's ever happened!
341
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:14,319
- Okay.
- Okay.
342
00:15:14,355 --> 00:15:16,188
- Hey.
- Hey.
343
00:15:16,223 --> 00:15:18,757
Yay, you're both here.
344
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:19,958
Don't worry, Boyd.
345
00:15:19,994 --> 00:15:21,593
Your dad and I are
gonna give you your space
346
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:22,962
while you do your
homework with Danielle.
347
00:15:22,993 --> 00:15:23,295
Yeah.
348
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:26,031
We're gonna
be chill. Super chill.
349
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:28,701
Okay, she's almost here.
350
00:15:28,736 --> 00:15:32,371
Remember, no one is
going to embarrass me.
351
00:15:32,406 --> 00:15:33,939
Of course not.
352
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,108
And I would ask you this
even if you were an adult:
353
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,731
Are you sure you don't want
any juice or apple slices?
354
00:15:38,762 --> 00:15:39,378
Mom!
355
00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:42,648
- Okay, okay. I'm sorry. We'll butt out.
- Come on.
356
00:15:43,684 --> 00:15:46,518
- Hang on.
- What's wrong?
357
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,520
It's just my hands are kind of sweaty.
358
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,122
It's hard to swallow.
359
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:52,458
Boyd, take a deep breath, okay? Relax.
360
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,194
- Remember, this is no big deal.
- Yeah, honey.
361
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:58,497
You're not a little boy
anymore. You're growing up.
362
00:15:58,532 --> 00:16:00,165
We know you can handle this.
363
00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:02,568
You think so?
364
00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:04,103
I know so.
365
00:16:05,606 --> 00:16:07,573
Okay. I got this.
366
00:16:07,608 --> 00:16:09,608
Come on.
367
00:16:14,448 --> 00:16:17,616
She changed clothes.
Why would she do that?
368
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,854
Stall her. I have to gel my hair.
369
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:27,359
Oh, look at that. He's
still our little boy.
370
00:16:27,394 --> 00:16:29,261
Yeah, I was recording that whole thing.
371
00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:31,263
Yes.
372
00:16:31,298 --> 00:16:33,999
I must say,
373
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,701
Mike, I was surprised
you were still willing
374
00:16:35,736 --> 00:16:37,436
to give me a tour of Outdoor Man.
375
00:16:37,471 --> 00:16:38,737
Well, a promise is a promise.
376
00:16:38,773 --> 00:16:40,672
Why won't you let Jen stay with us?
377
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,843
- This is why I'm here.
- Is it...
378
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,378
is it my wife, Vanessa?
379
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,547
Or the... or
the bad puns?
380
00:16:48,582 --> 00:16:51,183
Hazelnuts.
381
00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,886
- No, Vanessa is delightful.
- Yeah?
382
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:56,889
Frankly, I said no because of you.
383
00:16:57,925 --> 00:17:00,259
I w-was nothing but polite.
384
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,894
Exactly.
385
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:05,264
You strike me as weak and
afraid of confrontation.
386
00:17:09,336 --> 00:17:11,236
And you also seem to have no opinions
387
00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:12,471
on how your country is run.
388
00:17:12,506 --> 00:17:14,606
Oh, no!
389
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:17,576
Whoa! Hey, hey, Chuck?
390
00:17:17,611 --> 00:17:19,185
Are you out there? Could
you step in here a minute?
391
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:19,578
Ah.
392
00:17:19,613 --> 00:17:21,947
This is Chuck Larabee,
the head of our security.
393
00:17:21,982 --> 00:17:23,482
- Mr. Zhen.
- Oh, oh.
394
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:24,817
Your daughter's the
foreign exchange student.
395
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:26,251
- Yes.
- Yeah. Hey.
396
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:28,921
Describe Mike Baxter to him.
397
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,259
- Mike Baxter is a lovely man.
- No.
398
00:17:36,030 --> 00:17:38,764
No, no, the real...
the real Mike Baxter.
399
00:17:38,799 --> 00:17:41,400
Oh, okay. He's warm and gentle.
400
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,268
Come on. Ed, Ed, hold on a second.
401
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:45,103
Ed Alzate. He's the owner,
402
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:46,539
- actually, of the store here.
- Okay.
403
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,240
- Mr. Zhen, this is Ed Alzate.
- Yes. Yes.
404
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,175
Oh, how do you do, sir?
Yes. Pleasure, yeah.
405
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:51,944
- He says I'm easygoing.
- Mm-hmm.
406
00:17:51,979 --> 00:17:53,745
- Okay?
- Well, it's true.
407
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,616
I haven't heard him raise
his voice in 30 years.
408
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:01,687
Hey, hey, hey. I need
the real truth here.
409
00:18:01,722 --> 00:18:03,488
Vanessa's gonna lose
the exchange student
410
00:18:03,524 --> 00:18:06,525
'cause this guy thinks I'm a pushover.
411
00:18:07,561 --> 00:18:09,027
Oh.
412
00:18:09,063 --> 00:18:11,630
Okay.
413
00:18:11,665 --> 00:18:13,632
Okay.
414
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,634
He's a real bastard.
415
00:18:17,538 --> 00:18:19,805
Loud, pushy, mean.
416
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,473
Beats you to death with his opinions.
417
00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:23,775
Constantly. All the time. With everyone.
418
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,711
Yeah. And he's cheap, too.
419
00:18:25,746 --> 00:18:26,879
- Yeah.
- That's right.
420
00:18:26,914 --> 00:18:27,980
- He charges for coffee...
- Yeah.
421
00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:29,948
Okay, all right. We get the idea.
422
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,483
Thanks guys, thanks. It's good.
423
00:18:33,385 --> 00:18:35,226
Look, the other night,
I was just being polite.
424
00:18:35,256 --> 00:18:36,355
I have opinions about everything.
425
00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:39,992
Our roads suck because
our government sucks!
426
00:18:40,027 --> 00:18:42,761
Mike Baxter.
427
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,732
Okay, clearly you are not weak.
428
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:49,835
Thank you. So can Jen stay with us?
429
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:52,070
No. You're too rigid.
430
00:18:53,707 --> 00:18:56,375
Too rigid, too weak. What
are you trying to do here?
431
00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:58,911
I don't have to give you a reason why
432
00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:01,747
I-I want my daughter home.
433
00:19:01,782 --> 00:19:05,884
You... You don't have a problem with me.
434
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,086
You don't want her to be away from you.
435
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:14,192
Yes.
436
00:19:17,731 --> 00:19:19,765
I'm the weak one.
437
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,268
No, you're not. You're just being a dad.
438
00:19:23,304 --> 00:19:25,570
Kid wants to leave home, it's a drag.
439
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:28,106
Believe me, I know.
440
00:19:28,142 --> 00:19:31,543
You know, Jen lost her
mother when she was ten.
441
00:19:31,578 --> 00:19:35,213
It's just been the two of us, and...
442
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:39,251
I'm afraid for her to
be so far away from me.
443
00:19:39,286 --> 00:19:44,389
I-I know I want what's best
for her, but I... I have doubts.
444
00:19:44,425 --> 00:19:46,258
I've spent, actually,
a lot of time in China,
445
00:19:46,293 --> 00:19:48,760
and there was a proverb I once
heard that meant a lot to me.
446
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,697
It said, "Deep doubts, deep wisdom."
447
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,766
And you wouldn't be a good dad
if you didn't have deep doubts.
448
00:19:56,337 --> 00:19:59,204
I just think it's our
job to let our kids
449
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,906
follow their own dreams.
450
00:20:00,941 --> 00:20:03,976
I know this in my head, but...
451
00:20:04,011 --> 00:20:06,078
If you want her to
experience a good mother,
452
00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:08,513
there's no better mother
than my wife Vanessa.
453
00:20:10,351 --> 00:20:14,619
You, sir, are a terrible,
horrible, angry dictator!
454
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,593
I think it would be good
for Jen to stay with you.
455
00:20:21,628 --> 00:20:25,263
See that? I did it! I did it!
456
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,147
So, so one tectonic plate
says to the other one,
457
00:20:35,182 --> 00:20:37,416
- "I'm sorry, that was..."
- "My fault."
458
00:20:39,186 --> 00:20:42,655
Hey, guys. So...
459
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,523
one last meal before you head home?
460
00:20:44,558 --> 00:20:46,759
I am so glad you'll be staying with us.
461
00:20:46,794 --> 00:20:49,194
Yes, my father and I will
be flying home tomorrow,
462
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:51,530
but I can't wait for next semester.
463
00:20:51,565 --> 00:20:53,666
Good, good, good. You know,
just to let you know that
464
00:20:53,701 --> 00:20:56,268
that really wasn't me last night, I...
465
00:20:56,303 --> 00:20:58,904
I have a lot more attitude.
466
00:20:58,939 --> 00:21:02,207
Well, just to let you know,
467
00:21:02,243 --> 00:21:06,178
that wasn't the real
me last night, either.
468
00:21:06,213 --> 00:21:09,882
You know, there's an
American expression I love:
469
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:11,417
"A man's home is his castle."
470
00:21:11,452 --> 00:21:14,453
I prefer an ancient Chinese expression:
471
00:21:14,488 --> 00:21:16,422
"Man does not control his own fate;
472
00:21:16,457 --> 00:21:20,292
the women in his life do it for him."
473
00:21:21,462 --> 00:21:22,928
Good-bye, peaceful kitchen.
474
00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:26,899
Hello, hellscape of
bad puns and estrogen.
475
00:21:28,602 --> 00:21:31,704
So I guess you put the
"Jen" into estroJen.
476
00:21:33,107 --> 00:21:36,542
And so it begins.
34986
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