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1
00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:13,355
Ugh. Damn it.
2
00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:19,559
Damn it.
3
00:00:23,237 --> 00:00:24,932
Damn it.
4
00:00:28,643 --> 00:00:30,474
That looks pretty good.
5
00:00:32,513 --> 00:00:35,710
- Hey, guys, how was the birthday party?
- Awesome.
6
00:00:35,883 --> 00:00:39,683
We got to Daniel's house, they had shuttles
waiting to take us to the Kings game.
7
00:00:39,854 --> 00:00:41,685
- We had seats right on the glass.
- Yeah.
8
00:00:41,856 --> 00:00:46,316
And after, we went into the locker room
and met the players. It was awesome!
9
00:00:47,195 --> 00:00:51,222
And the best part is, in the bathroom,
everyone pees in this giant sink.
10
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,360
Daniel's dad is a sports agent
for like half the team.
11
00:00:55,536 --> 00:00:58,403
Yeah, he's so cool.
I'm just a stupid contractor.
12
00:00:58,573 --> 00:01:02,839
The best I could do is go into Home Depot
and use the ladder without supervision.
13
00:01:04,345 --> 00:01:06,575
And even though
it was Daniel's birthday, I got presents.
14
00:01:06,748 --> 00:01:07,737
Huh.
15
00:01:07,915 --> 00:01:10,713
I got DVDs, passes to Magic Mountain,
signed jerseys.
16
00:01:10,885 --> 00:01:11,874
Wow.
17
00:01:12,053 --> 00:01:13,918
Mom, can we have a hockey party
for my birthday?
18
00:01:14,088 --> 00:01:15,749
Oh, can we? That would be awesome.
19
00:01:17,525 --> 00:01:19,322
Sorry, kids.
20
00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:23,026
Ritchie, your birthday is in less than two
weeks. We already planned your party.
21
00:01:23,197 --> 00:01:25,722
Besides, you don't wanna have
the same party as Daniel.
22
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:26,992
That would be boring.
23
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:30,763
- What's my party gonna be?
- You're gonna have a theme party.
24
00:01:30,938 --> 00:01:33,133
[IRISH ACCENT]
Luck of the Irish.
25
00:01:34,242 --> 00:01:37,109
Christine, you can't throw
that Luck of the Irish party again.
26
00:01:37,278 --> 00:01:40,042
Everyone knows you're just trying
to get rid of those shamrock plates.
27
00:01:40,214 --> 00:01:42,739
- How many of those did you buy?
- I don't know.
28
00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:48,184
Every time I think they're almost gone,
I look and there's more of them.
29
00:01:48,589 --> 00:01:51,717
I swear, they multiply like the real Irish.
30
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,685
- Nice.
- What? I can say that, I'm Irish.
31
00:01:54,862 --> 00:01:56,853
No, you're not. I'm Irish.
32
00:01:57,031 --> 00:01:58,760
Eh, whatever.
33
00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:01,925
Anyway, Ritchie, your party's
gonna be just as good as Daniel's.
34
00:02:02,103 --> 00:02:04,799
Can we pee in the sink at my party?
35
00:02:04,972 --> 00:02:08,203
I said it was an Irish party.
What do you think?
36
00:02:12,079 --> 00:02:13,137
Why are we doing this?
37
00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:16,044
Does a 9-year-old really need
a party planner for his birthday?
38
00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:20,153
Well, Richard was right, you know.
They do things differently at this school.
39
00:02:20,321 --> 00:02:21,583
At his old public school...
40
00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:24,816
...I could buy a bunch of Costco cupcakes,
put a hat on the dog...
41
00:02:24,992 --> 00:02:27,825
...and people thought
they were invited to the royal wedding.
42
00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:33,289
My traditional green hot dogs
are not gonna cut it this year.
43
00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:35,628
How did you get those hot dogs
to turn green?
44
00:02:36,337 --> 00:02:38,999
Let's just say it was a happy accident.
45
00:02:40,775 --> 00:02:42,834
Hello, welcome to Parties by Kit.
46
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:45,274
I'm Kit.
Is there something I can help you with?
47
00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:47,772
I'm sorry. Kit?
48
00:02:47,949 --> 00:02:50,747
- Kit.
- Kit.
49
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:54,781
Uh, yeah, we need to plan a party.
50
00:02:54,956 --> 00:02:56,355
Which month are we looking at?
51
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,185
Uh, this one. It's in 10 days.
52
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,851
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
53
00:03:02,363 --> 00:03:05,696
Um, it's for my son's ninth birthday.
It's a week from Saturday.
54
00:03:05,867 --> 00:03:07,960
Um, I know, it's kind of last minute.
55
00:03:08,135 --> 00:03:11,298
Did you not know it was his birthday?
56
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:13,334
No, no, l... I did know.
57
00:03:13,507 --> 00:03:17,375
I had a party planned, but then I was talked
into doing something more extravagant.
58
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,309
So, what do you have
in the way of extravagant?
59
00:03:20,481 --> 00:03:21,812
- We have different packages.
- Oh.
60
00:03:21,983 --> 00:03:26,579
Uh, the platinum package includes
personalized video invitations, gift bags...
61
00:03:26,754 --> 00:03:31,987
...catering, bartender, and an appearance
by one of the Desperate Housewives.
62
00:03:32,159 --> 00:03:34,059
I'm not able to say which one.
63
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:36,023
Teri Hatcher?
64
00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:37,658
What do you think?
65
00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:41,925
Wow. And how much is that?
66
00:03:42,103 --> 00:03:44,071
Four hundred a head.
67
00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:47,935
- And how much without Teri Hatcher?
- Six hundred.
68
00:03:48,109 --> 00:03:49,838
[LAUGHING]
69
00:03:50,711 --> 00:03:52,372
[LAUGHING]
Oh, you're so bad.
70
00:03:55,349 --> 00:03:59,513
But, um... But seriously, do you have
anything a little... A little less extravagant?
71
00:03:59,687 --> 00:04:01,780
- Well, we can do your basic package...
- Okay.
72
00:04:01,956 --> 00:04:03,116
...which is no celebrities.
73
00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:07,523
Uh, e-mailed invitations, a buffet,
DJ and a choice of theme.
74
00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:10,528
- And how much is this?
- One hundred to 150 a head.
75
00:04:10,698 --> 00:04:15,692
And, uh, what do you have
for 100 to 150 total?
76
00:04:16,971 --> 00:04:18,529
This consultation.
77
00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:21,698
Oh, great, we'll take that. Yeah.
78
00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,401
Check and...
Yeah, put those in there.
79
00:04:24,578 --> 00:04:26,205
Yeah, that's great.
80
00:04:28,249 --> 00:04:32,117
Four hundred dollars a head
for a children's birthday party?
81
00:04:32,286 --> 00:04:33,583
What are they, insane?
82
00:04:33,754 --> 00:04:36,746
God, those parents don't throw
those parties for their kids...
83
00:04:36,924 --> 00:04:38,516
...they throw them for themselves.
84
00:04:38,693 --> 00:04:40,593
You know, all kids wanna do is have fun.
85
00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:42,922
I'm putting an end
to this craziness right now.
86
00:04:43,097 --> 00:04:44,997
Next week, for Ritchie's birthday...
87
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,828
...l'm gonna throw a party
where the focus is on the kids.
88
00:04:48,002 --> 00:04:50,527
Those parents can learn
what a real children's birthday party...
89
00:04:50,705 --> 00:04:51,797
...is supposed to look like.
90
00:04:51,973 --> 00:04:56,171
Yeah, nothing 9-year-olds enjoy more
than a good old-fashioned lesson party.
91
00:04:56,344 --> 00:04:58,812
Maybe you could give out spankings
in the gift bags.
92
00:05:00,114 --> 00:05:02,947
It's not a lesson party. It's a party.
93
00:05:03,117 --> 00:05:05,677
With a lesson. It'll be fun.
94
00:05:05,853 --> 00:05:07,718
Come on,
remember when we were younger?
95
00:05:07,888 --> 00:05:10,220
We didn't need a lot of stuff
to make a good party.
96
00:05:10,391 --> 00:05:13,622
Mom would make that Duncan Hines cake,
Daddy would turn on the sprinkler.
97
00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:15,853
Mom would scream at Dad
for the sprinklers...
98
00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:19,727
...Dad would get an apartment,
Mom would make me sleep in her bed.
99
00:05:21,002 --> 00:05:22,629
All for under a hundred bucks.
100
00:05:28,442 --> 00:05:30,535
Okay, yeah, good.
101
00:05:30,711 --> 00:05:35,842
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That looks nice, huh? Oh.
102
00:05:36,017 --> 00:05:38,713
Like a good old-fashioned
children's birthday party.
103
00:05:38,886 --> 00:05:41,354
At the hockey party
they put our pictures on the scoreboard...
104
00:05:41,522 --> 00:05:45,185
...and Kelly Clarkson sang "Happy Birthday"
to Daniel. It was awesome.
105
00:05:45,359 --> 00:05:50,262
We are gonna have plenty of fun,
all right? We've got food, we got music.
106
00:05:51,332 --> 00:05:55,234
Games. Lookie here, the craft center.
107
00:05:55,403 --> 00:05:57,234
Glitter glue and a pile of macaroni?
108
00:05:57,405 --> 00:05:59,669
Yeah, kids are gonna decorate
their own frames...
109
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,673
...and I'm gonna take a Polaroid
so they have a permanent memento...
110
00:06:02,843 --> 00:06:04,174
...of the good time that they had.
111
00:06:04,345 --> 00:06:05,778
Are you gonna get them stoned first?
112
00:06:05,946 --> 00:06:09,109
Because that's really the only way
they're gonna have any fun at all.
113
00:06:09,283 --> 00:06:12,810
Okay, you are this close
to being uninvited to this party.
114
00:06:12,987 --> 00:06:14,477
[DOORBELL RINGS]
115
00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:16,088
Oh, God, the party's starting.
116
00:06:16,257 --> 00:06:19,988
Uh, Ritchie, Ritchie, the party's starting.
Honey, your friends are here.
117
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:24,097
Your friends are here.
Come on, come on, come on.
118
00:06:24,265 --> 00:06:26,233
Oh, wow, a craft table.
119
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,664
See? Drug-free fun.
120
00:06:30,938 --> 00:06:32,337
- Hi, guys.
MARLY & LINDSAY: Hello.
121
00:06:32,506 --> 00:06:33,768
- Welcome. Come in.
- Hi.
122
00:06:33,941 --> 00:06:36,102
- Thanks for inviting us.
- Absolutely.
123
00:06:36,277 --> 00:06:39,508
It's a sweet neighborhood.
It's like the land that time forgot.
124
00:06:41,082 --> 00:06:44,074
I love these old cottages. So rustic.
125
00:06:44,251 --> 00:06:46,776
Reminds me of our place on the lake.
126
00:06:46,954 --> 00:06:49,514
- Where's the party?
- Here.
127
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:53,387
Is there a bus coming
to take us to the party?
128
00:06:53,561 --> 00:06:55,426
No, no, this is the party.
129
00:06:56,163 --> 00:06:57,460
It smells funny in here.
130
00:06:58,332 --> 00:07:01,790
Um, well, you know,
that's probably the potato salad.
131
00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:04,028
Like we have at the lake.
132
00:07:04,538 --> 00:07:07,473
Hey, Kelsey. Hey, Ashley.
You guys wanna go see my room?
133
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:11,099
Oh, uh, no, no, Ritchie.
We only cleaned this part of the house.
134
00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:13,678
Tell you what. Why don't you take them
to the crafts table...
135
00:07:13,848 --> 00:07:15,475
...and show them
how to decorate a frame?
136
00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:17,241
Okay. Come on, guys.
137
00:07:17,418 --> 00:07:18,783
We have to do homework?
138
00:07:19,453 --> 00:07:22,889
Oh, not homework, party work.
139
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:24,547
You will be graded though.
140
00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:29,024
That's just a funny joke.
141
00:07:29,196 --> 00:07:31,858
Yeah, come on in.
Oh, hi, guys. Come, come.
142
00:07:32,032 --> 00:07:34,091
Thanks for coming. Oh, hi, Jack.
143
00:07:34,835 --> 00:07:35,995
It stinks in here.
144
00:07:36,904 --> 00:07:38,769
I'm sorry, he's going through a thing...
145
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:42,340
...where he feels it's necessary
to tell the truth all the time.
146
00:07:44,178 --> 00:07:45,202
[SCOFFS]
147
00:07:45,379 --> 00:07:48,439
I'm not the first person
to ever make potato salad.
148
00:07:48,616 --> 00:07:50,277
Can I have something to drink?
149
00:07:50,451 --> 00:07:51,941
I'm gonna have to see some ID.
150
00:07:52,119 --> 00:07:53,643
I don't have an ID.
151
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:56,790
All right. But you didn't get it from me.
152
00:07:56,957 --> 00:07:57,946
[LAUGHING]
153
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,988
Wow, you got a laugh out of him.
154
00:08:02,163 --> 00:08:05,826
He usually doesn't laugh this much
unless something's on fire.
155
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,797
- I take it you're Jack's mom.
- Guilty.
156
00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:09,697
So, uh, where's Jack's dad?
157
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:12,839
- Probably with his new girlfriend.
- Ouch.
158
00:08:13,007 --> 00:08:14,941
- Liz.
- Matthew.
159
00:08:15,109 --> 00:08:18,408
- Single?
- Oh, and then some.
160
00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:22,641
Okay, kids,
now I get to take your picture...
161
00:08:22,816 --> 00:08:25,808
...and then you get to put it
in your hand-decorated picture frame.
162
00:08:25,986 --> 00:08:28,181
- Christine, this is such a darling party.
- Oh.
163
00:08:28,355 --> 00:08:30,823
So homey and comfy-cozy.
164
00:08:30,991 --> 00:08:34,825
- Decorated this place yourself, didn't you?
- Yeah, I did. Heh.
165
00:08:35,496 --> 00:08:36,485
Oh.
166
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:43,659
Um, okay, guys, listen up.
This is the fun part.
167
00:08:43,837 --> 00:08:46,670
So I'm gonna take your picture
and then you get to put it...
168
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,206
...in your homemade picture frame
and then boom.
169
00:08:49,376 --> 00:08:54,643
You've got yourself a nice little party favor.
Okay, so let's see whose is whose.
170
00:08:54,815 --> 00:08:57,807
Which one of you is?
171
00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:03,183
All right, who wrote "This blows"?
172
00:09:04,191 --> 00:09:06,489
All right,
say goodbye to your party favor.
173
00:09:07,561 --> 00:09:12,658
And same goes for "I'm bored,"
and "Help me."
174
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,596
I'm sorry. That was mine.
175
00:09:15,869 --> 00:09:18,599
When's Teri Hatcher going to be here?
176
00:09:18,772 --> 00:09:21,263
No, there's... There's no Teri Hatcher.
177
00:09:23,310 --> 00:09:27,041
But who likes Carole King?
Uh, Richard, go get my guitar.
178
00:09:28,182 --> 00:09:30,412
Yeah, just get it, Richard.
179
00:09:31,785 --> 00:09:34,219
- So singing, huh?
- Yeah.
180
00:09:34,388 --> 00:09:36,948
- I bet the kids are gonna love that.
- Yeah.
181
00:09:38,359 --> 00:09:40,259
- Oh.
MARLY: Okay.
182
00:09:42,963 --> 00:09:44,362
Do you like being a nanny?
183
00:09:44,531 --> 00:09:47,295
I do. Although I prefer the term "manny."
184
00:09:47,468 --> 00:09:50,699
It emphasizes my manness
and nanny-ness together.
185
00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:54,199
- So is that your car I saw in the driveway?
- Yes, it is.
186
00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:57,742
- Do you have a clean driving record?
- I wash it myself.
187
00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:00,471
You free on the weekends?
188
00:10:01,649 --> 00:10:04,083
I'm available 24/2.
189
00:10:04,251 --> 00:10:05,650
Good.
190
00:10:10,591 --> 00:10:13,560
- Did you see that?
- Yeah, I saw it.
191
00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:16,389
Is Christine gonna be okay
with you taking a second job?
192
00:10:16,563 --> 00:10:18,292
What? She was hitting on me.
193
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:20,160
She was interviewing her new nanny.
194
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:23,098
She was fondling my leg.
People don't fondle their nannies.
195
00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:25,636
Yeah, that never happens.
196
00:10:32,713 --> 00:10:33,941
Where did you get wine?
197
00:10:34,114 --> 00:10:38,210
That's the beauty of this neighborhood.
You're so close to the liquor stores.
198
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:43,914
Well, I'm just gonna get the cake started
and then we can wrap things up here.
199
00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:46,616
Oh, a cake. You really went all out.
200
00:10:47,528 --> 00:10:49,428
Yeah, look, I get it.
201
00:10:49,596 --> 00:10:50,824
It's not a good party.
202
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:53,831
I mean, I tried to do something
and obviously it failed.
203
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:57,630
But would I do it again? No, I would not.
204
00:11:02,343 --> 00:11:04,868
Kelsey, look,
I found a dollar in the couch.
205
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:08,537
Oh, Ashley, honey, put that back.
The Campbells need that money.
206
00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:11,549
No, no, no, that's okay.
Go ahead and keep it.
207
00:11:11,719 --> 00:11:14,347
Look, I found batteries. Can I keep them?
208
00:11:14,521 --> 00:11:15,783
Yeah, they're all yours.
209
00:11:15,956 --> 00:11:17,355
What about this glove?
210
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:21,060
Yeah, if you find the other one,
both can be yours.
211
00:11:21,228 --> 00:11:22,957
Hey, Mom, is this a treasure hunt?
212
00:11:24,431 --> 00:11:26,524
Would you like for it
to be a treasure hunt?
213
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:28,429
Hey, guys, it's a treasure hunt.
214
00:11:28,602 --> 00:11:30,229
ALL:
Yay!
215
00:11:31,772 --> 00:11:33,797
Look, there's a lot of junk over there.
216
00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:35,839
Yeah, there is. Use the whole house.
217
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:38,341
There's crap hidden everywhere.
218
00:11:38,512 --> 00:11:40,571
ALL:
Yay!
219
00:11:40,748 --> 00:11:46,311
Ha-ha-ha. A treasure hunt.
Maybe you should try that at the lake.
220
00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:52,519
I'd better go.
221
00:11:52,693 --> 00:11:57,027
Jack's all amped up on sugar so it's
a good time to drop him off at his dad's.
222
00:11:57,598 --> 00:11:59,327
But I'll see you tomorrow, right?
223
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,730
Well, yeah,
you're picking Jack up from school.
224
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,699
- Oh.
- And then you and I will have dinner.
225
00:12:03,871 --> 00:12:05,395
- Oh.
- Just pick something up...
226
00:12:05,572 --> 00:12:07,437
...when you're at the market.
- Oh.
227
00:12:07,608 --> 00:12:09,098
I'll see you tomorrow then.
228
00:12:14,448 --> 00:12:15,608
Oh.
229
00:12:18,886 --> 00:12:20,353
What?
230
00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:24,222
Bye-bye, thanks for coming.
231
00:12:24,391 --> 00:12:27,383
Bye, guys. That was fun. Bye. Heh.
232
00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:30,056
- Thanks for all the stuff.
- Oh, sure.
233
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,289
The was a brilliant treasure hunt,
Christine.
234
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:35,401
And I'll get your bra back to you
after Jack goes to sleep.
235
00:12:36,003 --> 00:12:40,269
Well, you keep it as long as he...
He needs it.
236
00:12:40,441 --> 00:12:42,204
Bye-bye. Thanks for coming.
237
00:12:42,376 --> 00:12:43,843
MARLY: Thank you, Christine.
- Sure.
238
00:12:44,011 --> 00:12:45,911
- Come on, sweetie.
- I don't want to leave.
239
00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:49,378
We're going. I don't wanna be
in this neighborhood after dark.
240
00:12:50,784 --> 00:12:53,947
- What do you say to Mrs. Campbell?
- I wish I lived here.
241
00:12:54,988 --> 00:12:58,151
That really hurts my feelings.
242
00:13:05,532 --> 00:13:11,129
That lasted for six hours.
I believe that is a birthday-party record.
243
00:13:11,305 --> 00:13:13,705
- You know what I smell?
- I know, I smell it too.
244
00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:16,206
Should we light a candle or something?
245
00:13:17,244 --> 00:13:19,576
No, that's the smell of success.
246
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:22,180
I mean,
those kids were really having fun.
247
00:13:22,816 --> 00:13:24,078
I'm really proud of us.
248
00:13:24,718 --> 00:13:26,618
Us? Us?
249
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:30,279
No way, that was all me, baby.
250
00:13:31,725 --> 00:13:33,625
Mom, that was an awesome party.
251
00:13:33,794 --> 00:13:35,159
Yeah, did you like it?
252
00:13:35,329 --> 00:13:37,297
Yeah, all my friends had so much fun.
253
00:13:37,464 --> 00:13:39,364
Oh. Well, it was so my pleasure, Ritchie.
254
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:42,696
You know, it just goes to show you,
you don't need a lot of money...
255
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,462
...to have a whole lot of fun, you know.
256
00:13:44,638 --> 00:13:47,300
I think everybody learned
a very valuable lesson today.
257
00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:50,375
Look at this.
Kelsey got me a weekend in Catalina...
258
00:13:50,544 --> 00:13:52,944
...and a helicopter ride around the island.
259
00:13:53,113 --> 00:13:54,774
CHRISTINE:
Oh.
260
00:13:54,948 --> 00:13:59,476
The best part is they bought their gift
before they learned their lesson.
261
00:14:17,905 --> 00:14:19,566
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, honey.
262
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:23,005
Gosh, how was school?
Was everybody talking about your party?
263
00:14:23,176 --> 00:14:24,336
- Yeah.
- Ah!
264
00:14:24,511 --> 00:14:26,342
I knew it. What'd they say?
265
00:14:26,513 --> 00:14:29,482
Tell her, Ritchie. Tell her what they said.
266
00:14:30,584 --> 00:14:31,573
I have a nickname.
267
00:14:31,752 --> 00:14:32,741
[GASPS]
268
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,616
They gave you a nickname.
How great is that?
269
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:37,416
- What is it?
- Tell her, Ritchie.
270
00:14:37,591 --> 00:14:39,718
Tell her what your nickname is.
271
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:43,053
Poor Kid.
272
00:14:45,632 --> 00:14:47,031
What?
273
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,896
Poor Kid. Everyone calls me that now.
274
00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:52,538
- Can I go play with my presents?
- Sure.
275
00:14:52,706 --> 00:14:54,503
Thanks.
276
00:14:57,044 --> 00:14:58,375
"Poor Kid"?
277
00:14:58,545 --> 00:15:00,570
That's right. Poor Kid.
278
00:15:00,747 --> 00:15:04,410
Hey, maybe he can write it in macaroni
on his picture frame.
279
00:15:04,585 --> 00:15:06,883
And then sell it for food.
280
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:11,713
Well, l... Those kids had fun.
That was a good party.
281
00:15:11,892 --> 00:15:13,291
Only by accident.
282
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:16,918
If you didn't have such a filthy house
it would've been a disaster.
283
00:15:18,899 --> 00:15:22,266
Face it. You sacrificed your son
to teach them a lesson.
284
00:15:22,436 --> 00:15:28,602
I didn't. I honestly thought it was possible
to have a good party without celebrities.
285
00:15:28,775 --> 00:15:30,436
- What are we gonna do?
- We?
286
00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:33,944
Oh, no. It's all you, baby.
287
00:15:35,649 --> 00:15:36,707
[SIGHS]
288
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:38,817
- How am I gonna fix this?
- You're not.
289
00:15:38,986 --> 00:15:41,250
You're gonna leave it alone
and hopefully those kids...
290
00:15:41,421 --> 00:15:45,255
...will find some other outcast
and refocus their attention on him.
291
00:15:45,425 --> 00:15:49,725
And, of course, the kid with the big shoe
had to transfer out last week.
292
00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:51,289
What was his nickname again?
293
00:15:51,465 --> 00:15:53,399
Big Shoe.
294
00:15:59,373 --> 00:16:00,601
Okay, I'll see you later, Mom.
295
00:16:00,774 --> 00:16:02,833
Uh, you know what, sweetie?
Wait a second. Um...
296
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:04,500
- Yeah.
- Ahem.
297
00:16:04,911 --> 00:16:08,574
Listen, Ritchie, uh, I owe you an apology.
298
00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:12,282
Uh... The truth is, um...
299
00:16:12,452 --> 00:16:16,183
...that I couldn't really afford
to throw you one of those fancy parties...
300
00:16:16,356 --> 00:16:17,345
RITCHIE:
Mm-hm.
301
00:16:17,524 --> 00:16:23,190
...and so I decided to make a statement.
And that wasn't very fair to you.
302
00:16:24,031 --> 00:16:26,522
Um, so... Heh.
303
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:29,931
It's... It's really my fault
that you got that nickname...
304
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:33,197
...and I feel terrible about it.
305
00:16:33,373 --> 00:16:35,466
That's okay, Mom. I liked my party.
306
00:16:35,642 --> 00:16:36,973
Yeah, but what about the nickname?
307
00:16:37,144 --> 00:16:38,543
It doesn't really bother me.
308
00:16:38,712 --> 00:16:41,840
- Hey, Poor Kid.
- Hey, Kelsey.
309
00:16:42,015 --> 00:16:45,280
- Hey, Poor Kid.
- Hey, Jack.
310
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:48,815
I'll see you later, Mom.
311
00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:54,659
Okay, so on Friday...
312
00:16:54,828 --> 00:16:58,229
...I told you we'd be starting our chapter
on the California Missions.
313
00:16:58,398 --> 00:17:01,697
How many of you
have ever been to a mission? Ashley.
314
00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:05,634
I've been to the Four Seasons on Maui.
315
00:17:06,206 --> 00:17:07,503
Yes, yes, Ashley.
316
00:17:07,674 --> 00:17:11,269
I remember you brought that up
when we were studying fractions.
317
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,814
Mrs. Campbell, is everything okay?
318
00:17:16,349 --> 00:17:21,753
Uh, actually, I was wondering if I could just
get a minute with the kids, Mrs. Belt?
319
00:17:21,922 --> 00:17:24,857
- Hi, sweetie.
- Uh, sure. Ha, ha.
320
00:17:25,025 --> 00:17:26,720
Thank you. Ahem.
321
00:17:26,893 --> 00:17:30,693
Um, hi, guys. Uh, this won't take long.
322
00:17:30,864 --> 00:17:33,458
Heh. I just wanted to talk to you
for a minute...
323
00:17:33,633 --> 00:17:36,761
...about the nickname
that you gave to Ritchie.
324
00:17:36,937 --> 00:17:38,495
Who?
325
00:17:40,107 --> 00:17:41,404
Uh...
326
00:17:41,975 --> 00:17:43,499
Uh, Poor Kid.
327
00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:47,778
Sorry, sweetie.
328
00:17:51,084 --> 00:17:55,646
Anyway, I know that Ritchie says
that his nickname doesn't bother him...
329
00:17:55,822 --> 00:18:00,521
...but I'm here because I've had a nickname
and it certainly did bother me.
330
00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:03,891
- What was it?
- That's not important.
331
00:18:04,898 --> 00:18:08,061
Now, I know that you're just kids
and you're just having fun...
332
00:18:08,235 --> 00:18:12,069
...but you need to know
that sometimes words can hurt.
333
00:18:12,239 --> 00:18:13,228
[SIGHS]
334
00:18:13,406 --> 00:18:15,135
My nickname stuck with me
from third grade...
335
00:18:15,308 --> 00:18:17,538
...all the way through my freshman year
of college.
336
00:18:17,711 --> 00:18:21,044
- What was it?
- Again, not the point.
337
00:18:21,214 --> 00:18:25,810
The point is that I pretended
it didn't bother me too.
338
00:18:26,319 --> 00:18:27,684
But it did.
339
00:18:27,854 --> 00:18:30,584
And I was hoping
that it would go away, but it didn't.
340
00:18:30,757 --> 00:18:32,918
- What was it?
- Ritchie.
341
00:18:33,093 --> 00:18:36,654
Come on, Mrs. Campbell, you know, I think
your story would have more impact...
342
00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:38,730
...if you told us what the nickname was.
343
00:18:45,138 --> 00:18:48,073
Okay. Fine.
344
00:18:48,942 --> 00:18:50,739
It was...
345
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:54,669
...Pooter.
346
00:18:54,848 --> 00:18:56,645
[LAUGHING]
347
00:18:57,117 --> 00:18:59,745
It's not quite funny. It isn't funny.
348
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,855
Because I'd had the stomach flu
the whole week before...
349
00:19:03,023 --> 00:19:05,548
...and then I came back to school
a little bit too early...
350
00:19:05,725 --> 00:19:08,694
...and I shifted wrong in my seat
and one just flew out.
351
00:19:08,862 --> 00:19:09,851
[LAUGHING]
352
00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:13,488
All right, children.
Children, that's bad manners.
353
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,294
Thank you, Mrs. Belt.
354
00:19:15,468 --> 00:19:21,634
Mrs. Campbell is trying to tell us
a very painful story from her childhood...
355
00:19:21,808 --> 00:19:26,905
...and you have to imagine
how difficult it must have been...
356
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,672
[LAUGHING]
357
00:19:28,849 --> 00:19:31,875
...to carry that nickname, Pooter.
358
00:19:32,052 --> 00:19:33,952
[LAUGHING]
359
00:19:34,654 --> 00:19:37,054
Well, I think I've made my point.
360
00:19:37,224 --> 00:19:40,057
And the point is nicknames hurt.
361
00:19:50,303 --> 00:19:51,565
God...
362
00:19:51,738 --> 00:19:56,698
I can't believe that nickname is back.
And I'm the one that brought it back.
363
00:19:56,877 --> 00:19:58,105
Hey, you are a good mom.
364
00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:01,873
And that was a great birthday present,
taking a bullet for your kid.
365
00:20:02,749 --> 00:20:04,808
Why couldn't it have been
an actual bullet?
366
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:05,974
[MATTHEW LAUGHS]
367
00:20:06,152 --> 00:20:09,087
Hey, what's the deal with you?
Did you ever find out if you're dating Liz?
368
00:20:09,256 --> 00:20:10,723
Well, we slept together.
369
00:20:10,891 --> 00:20:13,257
Oh, that clears it up.
370
00:20:14,227 --> 00:20:18,527
Then she paid me and asked me
if I needed a ride to the bus stop.
371
00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:22,799
Sorry. Guess you won't
be seeing her again, huh?
372
00:20:22,969 --> 00:20:25,369
Did you not hear me?
She slept with me, then paid me.
373
00:20:25,538 --> 00:20:28,132
It's the best relationship I've ever had.
374
00:20:30,277 --> 00:20:31,972
You are disgusting.
375
00:20:32,145 --> 00:20:34,807
Yeah, you should talk, Pooter.
376
00:21:01,408 --> 00:21:03,399
[ENGLISH SDH]
29969
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