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1
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,587
So, sweetie, today's a big day.
2
00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:13,818
Your first swimming lesson.
3
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,920
- That's today?
- Yep.
4
00:00:16,097 --> 00:00:18,088
I'm not going to my swimming lesson.
5
00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:20,791
Ritchie, we have talked about this.
You're 8 years old.
6
00:00:20,968 --> 00:00:24,267
We live in Los Angeles.
You have to learn how to swim.
7
00:00:24,439 --> 00:00:25,667
Why?
8
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,365
Because, honey,
you can't keep going to pool parties...
9
00:00:28,543 --> 00:00:31,068
...telling people
you're having your period.
10
00:00:33,648 --> 00:00:35,639
That's what you say.
11
00:00:36,451 --> 00:00:40,353
That's because I don't wanna get in a
bathing suit in front of the other mothers.
12
00:00:40,855 --> 00:00:43,915
Tell you what,
if you go to your swimming lesson...
13
00:00:44,092 --> 00:00:50,088
...I will write you a check right now
for a million dollars.
14
00:00:52,066 --> 00:00:54,000
You don't have a million dollars.
15
00:00:55,169 --> 00:00:57,069
I don't even have a check.
16
00:00:57,238 --> 00:00:58,830
- What's going on?
RITCHIE: Uncle Matthew.
17
00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:01,736
Mom offered a million dollars
to go to my swimming lesson.
18
00:01:01,909 --> 00:01:05,936
Don't do it. She still owes me
a zillion dollars for taking her SAT's for her.
19
00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:11,274
Yeah, and thanks, by the way,
for that combined score of 400.
20
00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:14,477
I was in third grade.
21
00:01:14,756 --> 00:01:17,850
- You have to go to your swimming lesson.
- No.
22
00:01:18,025 --> 00:01:20,050
You want me to take you
to your swimming lesson?
23
00:01:20,228 --> 00:01:22,128
I'll go get a towel.
24
00:01:23,798 --> 00:01:25,026
How did you do that?
25
00:01:25,199 --> 00:01:28,327
I don't know.
But I do know it doesn't work on women.
26
00:01:32,607 --> 00:01:35,007
- Ooh.
- No, no, that's for the company.
27
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,671
Who's coming over?
28
00:01:36,844 --> 00:01:39,870
Uh, Pete and Barb,
Richard and New Christine and me.
29
00:01:40,047 --> 00:01:43,847
Ha. One of your famous
fifth wheel brunches.
30
00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:47,283
Why do you invite over your ex-husband
and his girlfriend all the time?
31
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:48,479
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
32
00:01:48,656 --> 00:01:51,352
Because I'm nice and civilized.
33
00:01:51,526 --> 00:01:53,551
And Richard's bringing the bagels...
34
00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:54,820
...and the twinkie.
35
00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:57,931
And by the twinkie,
I mean his new girlfriend.
36
00:01:58,099 --> 00:02:00,431
Oh, you are nice.
37
00:02:01,135 --> 00:02:03,228
- Hello.
- Hello.
38
00:02:03,404 --> 00:02:04,701
- Hi, Christine.
- Hey.
39
00:02:04,872 --> 00:02:07,204
I'm sorry we're late,
we were talking to your neighbor.
40
00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:09,707
He's so lonely
since the twins went off to Cornell.
41
00:02:09,877 --> 00:02:12,607
But his wife's doing a lot better.
What a nice family, huh?
42
00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:18,444
Somebody lives right there?
43
00:02:19,086 --> 00:02:21,111
Thanks for doing this. Should be fun.
44
00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:24,588
Me and Christine,
Pete and Barb, you and...
45
00:02:24,759 --> 00:02:26,488
- The bagels.
- Ah.
46
00:02:27,261 --> 00:02:28,853
- There you are.
- Sorry, we're late.
47
00:02:29,030 --> 00:02:32,363
- Got hung up talking to your neighbor.
- That man will talk your ear off.
48
00:02:32,533 --> 00:02:34,433
That guy's friendly, huh?
49
00:02:36,037 --> 00:02:39,006
Really? The house right there?
50
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:41,839
Oh, this is unbelievable.
51
00:02:42,176 --> 00:02:43,768
- What?
- Get a load of this. Lookit.
52
00:02:45,012 --> 00:02:47,412
Is his hand in her pocket?
53
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:50,381
Yeah.
54
00:02:50,551 --> 00:02:52,644
Let's say that's where it is.
55
00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:55,818
- Shut up, Pete. You're gross.
- Gross.
56
00:02:55,990 --> 00:02:58,788
Yeah, go over there and break it up,
but be subtle.
57
00:03:00,928 --> 00:03:04,295
Gee, Richard, get your hands out
of that poor girl's pants.
58
00:03:07,235 --> 00:03:10,102
Believe it or not, that was subtle for him.
59
00:03:10,905 --> 00:03:11,929
[GRO ANS]
60
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:14,074
If it bothers you,
why did you invite them?
61
00:03:14,242 --> 00:03:17,370
It doesn't bother me. It's just so gross.
62
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,912
I mean, seeing them be so gross together
makes me wonder...
63
00:03:21,082 --> 00:03:24,210
...if anybody will ever be gross
with me again.
64
00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:28,118
Give Pete a second mimosa,
and your wish may come true.
65
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,691
Come on, let me set you up.
I know a lot of great guys.
66
00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:36,057
- Please, Barb.
- Come on, Pete and I have been dying to.
67
00:03:36,230 --> 00:03:40,633
One call and you could have a hand
down your pants by Friday night.
68
00:03:42,737 --> 00:03:45,433
Well, that is very tempting, really.
69
00:03:45,606 --> 00:03:49,133
But you know how I feel,
I mean, setups are so phony.
70
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:52,177
You meet some stranger, you go,
you have a couple of drinks...
71
00:03:52,346 --> 00:03:55,213
...you make chitchat about,
I don't know, where you parked...
72
00:03:55,383 --> 00:03:58,648
...why you don't eat bread,
how come you didn't vote.
73
00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:02,922
You know, if I meet somebody, I want it
to be spontaneous, you know?
74
00:04:03,090 --> 00:04:06,582
I want... I want the spark.
I want the magic, you know?
75
00:04:07,128 --> 00:04:08,595
How's that working out for you?
76
00:04:08,930 --> 00:04:10,591
Pretty good.
77
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,328
Come on, sweetie...
78
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:15,765
...you spend all your time
at Ritchie's school...
79
00:04:15,937 --> 00:04:18,770
...you live with your brother
and you own a women's gym.
80
00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:22,967
You'd need a wand and a rabbit
to make magic happen there.
81
00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:29,046
I mean, come on, you gotta put yourself
out there to find what you want.
82
00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,345
I think I'm looking for that.
83
00:04:32,586 --> 00:04:35,953
- You had that.
- No, not that.
84
00:04:36,123 --> 00:04:37,522
That:
85
00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:39,253
This:
86
00:04:39,427 --> 00:04:41,520
And a little of this:
87
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:45,599
You look like you're shampooing a cat.
88
00:04:48,402 --> 00:04:51,428
I want a relationship, okay?
I want what they have.
89
00:04:51,939 --> 00:04:55,466
We gave them what they have. Pete and I,
we're the ones who set them up.
90
00:04:55,743 --> 00:04:56,971
You set them up?
91
00:04:57,278 --> 00:04:58,540
Don't look at me like that.
92
00:04:58,713 --> 00:05:01,876
I've been asking to set you up
for two years, you always say no.
93
00:05:02,049 --> 00:05:03,414
Do you want me to set you up?
94
00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:05,415
- No!
- See, that's what I thought.
95
00:05:07,121 --> 00:05:10,887
But when you're ready, I'll hook you up,
you know, find you a really nice guy.
96
00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:13,322
Someone who knows
what's on the other end of all:
97
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,328
Forgot the cream cheese.
98
00:05:22,503 --> 00:05:27,202
So Barb was telling me that she and Pete
set you and Christine up, huh?
99
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:30,344
Yeah, why?
You gonna let her set you up?
100
00:05:30,511 --> 00:05:31,910
No, no. That's not for me.
101
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:34,570
No, sir. I am a naturalist.
102
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:36,916
You study nature?
103
00:05:37,451 --> 00:05:38,679
No, I hate nature.
104
00:05:38,853 --> 00:05:41,083
What do you call somebody...
105
00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:45,749
...who believes they should meet somebody
naturally, you know, without being set up?
106
00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:47,223
- Lonely?
- Oh.
107
00:05:48,129 --> 00:05:51,098
That's very nice.
No, no, no, I mean, I don't need help.
108
00:05:51,265 --> 00:05:52,994
I'm just waiting for magic.
109
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:55,965
- How's that working out for you?
- Pretty good.
110
00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:11,278
Yeah, you don't need that.
111
00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:13,545
You've got a bagel.
112
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:21,319
You're gonna love this, Ritchie.
113
00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:24,624
You're gonna get out there,
do a little kicking, a little splashing.
114
00:06:24,799 --> 00:06:28,132
Before you know it,
you'll be peeing in the deep end.
115
00:06:28,336 --> 00:06:30,600
Hey, they're all babies.
116
00:06:32,173 --> 00:06:34,437
I'm not taking swimming lessons
with babies.
117
00:06:34,609 --> 00:06:38,272
Oh, I'm sure they're in a different class.
They won't put you with the babies.
118
00:06:38,679 --> 00:06:41,512
Hey, uh, excuse me,
he's looking for the 10:00 swim class.
119
00:06:41,682 --> 00:06:43,274
This is it. You get to be a guppy.
120
00:06:43,451 --> 00:06:46,477
[GOOFY VOICE]
A guppy is a baby fish! Ha-ha-ha!
121
00:06:49,824 --> 00:06:51,052
I'm not doing this.
122
00:06:51,225 --> 00:06:53,352
Your mom really wants you
to learn how to swim.
123
00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:56,554
- Don't you wanna show off for her?
- I can't get in the pool.
124
00:06:56,731 --> 00:06:58,631
I have my monthly visitor.
125
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,028
Shh. Shh.
126
00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:02,635
[WHISPERS]
Don't say that.
127
00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:06,035
You really gotta stop hanging out
at your mom's gym.
128
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,331
Okay, can I have everyone over here,
please?
129
00:07:08,509 --> 00:07:10,534
[GOOFY VOICE]
All my guppies. Ha-ha-ha.
130
00:07:10,812 --> 00:07:12,871
Welcome, baby fishies.
131
00:07:13,047 --> 00:07:16,778
Okay, to start our lesson, if I could have
all the parents pick up their child.
132
00:07:17,185 --> 00:07:19,745
Okay, now go ahead
and walk your children into the pool.
133
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:21,149
Wait, what? What?
134
00:07:21,322 --> 00:07:23,813
This is how we do it.
It makes the child feel safe.
135
00:07:23,991 --> 00:07:26,255
Well, forget it. He's not even my kid.
136
00:07:26,427 --> 00:07:28,224
- Just get in the pool.
- You get in the pool.
137
00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:30,330
- I need you in the pool.
- Let go of me.
138
00:07:30,498 --> 00:07:33,865
I can't swim, all right? I can't swim.
139
00:07:37,705 --> 00:07:41,903
I don't see why I have to go to a spa
to get ready for a date.
140
00:07:42,076 --> 00:07:47,275
In the past, I'd just shave up to my knees,
slap on a little Charlie, I was good to go.
141
00:07:48,683 --> 00:07:49,911
Well, things have changed.
142
00:07:50,084 --> 00:07:52,109
Unfortunately,
men just aren't into bumpy...
143
00:07:52,286 --> 00:07:55,380
...scaly and hairy as they used to be.
144
00:07:56,357 --> 00:08:00,316
All right, but you know what? I am not
getting one of those Brazilian waxes.
145
00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:02,826
I don't know why people think
that's so sexy.
146
00:08:02,997 --> 00:08:07,764
I did that once, it was like a hair arrow
pointing to my C-section scar.
147
00:08:11,706 --> 00:08:13,697
- Okay, I'm gonna go.
- Mm-hm.
148
00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:17,142
Uh, but when you're on your date,
please, have fun.
149
00:08:17,311 --> 00:08:19,006
- Yeah. Okay.
- Oh, and one more thing.
150
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:24,345
Do not, under any circumstances,
use the term hair arrow.
151
00:08:25,786 --> 00:08:27,549
I won't. That's it. I won't.
152
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,957
That's a good tip. Thank you very much.
153
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:36,092
Hello. I'm, uh, Christine Campbell.
I have a 3:00 appointment.
154
00:08:36,264 --> 00:08:38,459
- Oh, yes. Ms. Campbell, welcome.
- Thank you.
155
00:08:38,633 --> 00:08:40,999
Uh, it says you didn't pick
which treatment you wanted.
156
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:43,398
Oh, yeah. I didn't know what you had...
157
00:08:43,571 --> 00:08:46,005
...and I didn't think an hour
was long enough time...
158
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:47,936
...to attach a new body to my head.
159
00:08:48,109 --> 00:08:50,100
[LAUGHS]
160
00:08:53,814 --> 00:08:58,148
But, uh, I've got a date tonight, actually,
and I'm pretty excited, you know.
161
00:08:58,319 --> 00:09:00,583
I've got my outfit all picked out
and everything.
162
00:09:00,755 --> 00:09:03,918
I'm being set up, actually,
and normally, I don't go for setups...
163
00:09:04,091 --> 00:09:05,854
...but this time, I said that I would.
164
00:09:06,193 --> 00:09:10,425
Usually, I like to believe in magic and fate,
because I call myself a naturalist...
165
00:09:10,598 --> 00:09:13,726
...which means that I like to believe
in things that are natural.
166
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:18,600
So I guess really, what I'm saying is
I'll take the Brazilian wax.
167
00:09:29,717 --> 00:09:32,083
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
168
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:54,738
[SIGHS]
169
00:09:54,909 --> 00:09:56,900
- Can I help you?
- Uh, yeah.
170
00:09:57,078 --> 00:10:01,208
Uh, actually, I'm meeting someone.
But I don't know what she looks like.
171
00:10:01,382 --> 00:10:02,906
- It's a blind date.
- CHRISTINE: Oh.
172
00:10:03,084 --> 00:10:04,711
Hi, yes. Blind date, yes.
173
00:10:04,885 --> 00:10:06,284
Hello.
174
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:10,055
- That's me.
- Okay. That's not a thing, is it?
175
00:10:10,224 --> 00:10:13,387
Like if your foot touches the ground,
your house is gonna blow up?
176
00:10:14,228 --> 00:10:17,595
No, no, no, it's not a thing.
I'm actually very normal.
177
00:10:17,765 --> 00:10:21,257
I just thought that you would be
smaller than you are.
178
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,836
I'm sorry.
Would you like me to stand further away?
179
00:10:25,006 --> 00:10:26,473
No, no, no.
180
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,835
No, you're perfect.
You're the exact right size.
181
00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:32,173
You're... You're... You're...
Good arms, proportionate...
182
00:10:32,913 --> 00:10:34,540
...head.
183
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:38,412
Aah! I'm sorry,
I haven't been on a date in a while...
184
00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:43,751
...and, uh, I just got a wax today.
185
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:53,860
Sort of... It sort of feels like I slid down
a sandpaper banister.
186
00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:56,094
[LAUGHS]
187
00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:59,899
Wow, I bet you're really turned on
right now.
188
00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:03,510
Yeah, actually, a friend of mine
convinced me to get a salt scrub today...
189
00:11:03,677 --> 00:11:08,774
...and let me just say that certain things
should never be scrubbed with salt.
190
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:12,247
So I guess
we're not going all the way tonight.
191
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:14,752
Not unless it's in a tub of ice.
192
00:11:14,922 --> 00:11:16,389
[LAUGHS]
193
00:11:17,391 --> 00:11:21,350
Gosh, I was so nervous about tonight.
I got a new date outfit and everything.
194
00:11:21,529 --> 00:11:23,394
- Yeah, I know, me too. Yeah.
- Oh, really?
195
00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:26,362
About halfway over here,
I really regretted the purple shirt.
196
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:27,933
Oh, no, it's...
197
00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:29,831
- It's just I hate blind dates.
- Yeah.
198
00:11:30,004 --> 00:11:32,268
I'm always afraid
I'll get set up with some freak.
199
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,568
Yeah, I know, but I guess Pete and Barb
knew what they were doing.
200
00:11:35,743 --> 00:11:36,971
Who?
201
00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:38,771
WOMAN: Burton?
- Yeah?
202
00:11:38,946 --> 00:11:40,504
Hi, I'm Cerise.
203
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,242
Hi... Oh, you're Cerise.
204
00:11:44,418 --> 00:11:47,148
Oh, okay, well, hi,
I was just talking with my friend...
205
00:11:47,321 --> 00:11:49,346
- Christine.
- You're Christine.
206
00:11:49,523 --> 00:11:50,854
Hi.
207
00:11:51,592 --> 00:11:54,152
- I'm David.
- Oh.
208
00:11:54,328 --> 00:11:57,491
- Pete and Barb's friend.
- Yes, oh, hi. Good, good.
209
00:11:57,665 --> 00:11:59,360
- You're David. Yeah.
- Yeah.
210
00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:02,024
Wow, you're tall.
211
00:12:02,303 --> 00:12:04,430
Not if you stand further away.
212
00:12:12,379 --> 00:12:13,903
It's a great company to work for.
213
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,675
And the accounts payable gang
is just terrific.
214
00:12:17,818 --> 00:12:19,547
Except for Neil. I hate Neil.
215
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,813
No, wait, not Neil. He bought me lunch.
216
00:12:21,989 --> 00:12:23,616
Mark. No.
217
00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:25,053
What's his name? Link.
218
00:12:25,226 --> 00:12:27,888
No. Something with a K. Oh.
219
00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:31,094
- Kevin?
- Who's Kevin?
220
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:34,699
No, the guy who always whistles.
What's his name?
221
00:12:35,236 --> 00:12:36,760
I don't know.
222
00:12:36,937 --> 00:12:40,464
I don't know any of the people
in your story.
223
00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:44,536
John. John. That's it, John.
224
00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:49,941
So, what are you gonna have?
225
00:12:50,217 --> 00:12:54,916
Oh, I have this thing where I can't eat food
that's been touched by another person.
226
00:12:56,323 --> 00:12:58,621
Of course you do.
227
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,160
Brought my own chicken.
228
00:13:07,501 --> 00:13:11,096
I'm gonna have to get Pete and Barb
something real nice.
229
00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:14,199
Let go, Matthew!
230
00:13:14,808 --> 00:13:16,901
You're never gonna learn
if you don't let go.
231
00:13:17,077 --> 00:13:20,740
[GOOFY VOICE] Don't you wanna swim
like a big boy fishy?
232
00:13:21,081 --> 00:13:25,484
Hey, that helium voice would really work
on me in the bedroom, but not out here.
233
00:13:25,653 --> 00:13:29,783
If I am gonna learn how to swim, it's gonna
be in my own good time. So back off!
234
00:13:29,957 --> 00:13:31,151
Okay, you win.
235
00:13:31,825 --> 00:13:35,386
Aah! Help me!
For the love of God, help me!
236
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:37,657
Stand up.
237
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,765
It's better. Good.
238
00:13:45,372 --> 00:13:47,738
- Hi, Ritchie.
- Hi, Mom.
239
00:13:47,908 --> 00:13:49,136
Hi, honey.
240
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:51,437
Hey, Matthew. How's it going?
241
00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:54,672
It's good, I'm getting the hang of it.
How'd your date go?
242
00:13:54,848 --> 00:13:58,249
What was Barb thinking? How come Richard
gets someone cute and young?
243
00:13:58,419 --> 00:13:59,852
I want someone cute and young.
244
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,818
If you're looking for cute and young,
I might have someone for you.
245
00:14:03,157 --> 00:14:05,352
Oh, I really do like cute and young.
246
00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:08,721
I can't believe
I'm going out with Matthew's sister.
247
00:14:10,631 --> 00:14:12,462
This is so hot. Ha, ha.
248
00:14:13,234 --> 00:14:14,496
[CHUCKLES]
249
00:14:14,668 --> 00:14:16,260
Yeah, I'm divorced too.
250
00:14:17,504 --> 00:14:19,301
Eight hundred and forty-two days.
251
00:14:21,542 --> 00:14:25,034
But it's great, really.
It's the best thing I've ever done in my life.
252
00:14:25,479 --> 00:14:28,039
In fact, let's call her.
253
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:34,510
I mean, I know dating is hard
for everyone, you know?
254
00:14:35,055 --> 00:14:36,249
[SIGHS]
255
00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:38,254
I should probably
just cut myself some slack...
256
00:14:38,425 --> 00:14:41,292
...but I'm not really
a slacky kind of person.
257
00:14:42,062 --> 00:14:44,121
I bet you look great in slacks.
258
00:14:45,199 --> 00:14:48,930
Actually, I look dynamite in slacks.
259
00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:51,568
Oh, thank you.
260
00:14:51,739 --> 00:14:53,104
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
261
00:14:53,274 --> 00:14:54,502
- It's comfortable.
- Yeah.
262
00:14:54,675 --> 00:14:56,905
- You're not gay, are you?
- No. Uh-uh.
263
00:14:58,045 --> 00:15:03,677
I'm sorry. But when my mom said Sam,
I didn't ask any questions.
264
00:15:03,851 --> 00:15:05,682
You wanna go back to my house
anyway?
265
00:15:07,054 --> 00:15:11,582
Well, I would love to see the new deck
that you built...
266
00:15:12,893 --> 00:15:16,226
...but that's really gonna have to be it.
267
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,327
Probably.
268
00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:28,598
- There you go.
- Yeah, you're doing great!
269
00:15:28,776 --> 00:15:30,573
- Keep kicking!
- That is so good!
270
00:15:30,744 --> 00:15:32,109
Keep kicking!
271
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:33,439
[LAUGHS]
272
00:15:33,614 --> 00:15:36,583
- So who you going out with next?
- No one. I'm done. I quit.
273
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,411
Look, I know it's not easy...
274
00:15:38,585 --> 00:15:41,520
...but you gotta look at dating
like you're on a desert island.
275
00:15:42,156 --> 00:15:45,648
- What?
- Every night, you build a fire...
276
00:15:45,826 --> 00:15:48,556
...and you hope a ship will see it
and come save you.
277
00:15:48,829 --> 00:15:50,421
You do this for months and months.
278
00:15:50,597 --> 00:15:52,792
After a year,
you're tired of building the fire.
279
00:15:52,966 --> 00:15:54,365
You figure, what's the use?
280
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:57,402
A ship hasn't come so far,
why should I think it'll come now?
281
00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,163
So you stop.
282
00:15:59,340 --> 00:16:02,867
But what if the ship comes,
the day after you stop building the fire?
283
00:16:04,611 --> 00:16:08,775
You've gotta keep making the effort.
I mean, what's the alternative?
284
00:16:11,618 --> 00:16:15,486
- Wow, where did that come from?
- It was in an e-mail from my Christian aunt.
285
00:16:16,357 --> 00:16:19,190
Well, thank you,
but I don't wanna build my own fire, okay?
286
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,827
I wanna walk across my island...
287
00:16:20,994 --> 00:16:23,963
...and come upon a fire
that's already been built.
288
00:16:24,131 --> 00:16:25,962
And I don't wanna know
how it got there.
289
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:31,969
I just want it to be hot, big
and maybe a mustache, but...
290
00:16:32,139 --> 00:16:34,073
- Wait, where am I going with this?
- Magic.
291
00:16:34,241 --> 00:16:35,868
Right, magic. Because I do.
292
00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:37,067
I do believe in magic.
293
00:16:37,244 --> 00:16:39,804
And then, if it doesn't come,
I'm okay with it.
294
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:41,948
Besides, you know, I've got a full life...
295
00:16:42,116 --> 00:16:45,813
...and a body pillow
that I can get dressed in front of, you know.
296
00:16:45,986 --> 00:16:47,214
I'm not gonna force it.
297
00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:50,585
From now on, I dine alone.
298
00:16:51,392 --> 00:16:55,328
That's so funny. You sell cars for a living
but you don't know how to drive a stick?
299
00:16:55,496 --> 00:16:57,930
What? A lot of people can't drive a stick.
300
00:16:58,098 --> 00:17:00,191
You know,
only about 20 percent of the cars...
301
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,927
...in the United States
are manual transmission.
302
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:09,531
I heard that, uh, 80 percent of all cars
in the United States are actually automatic.
303
00:17:11,945 --> 00:17:15,676
You're saying the same exact thing
that I just said.
304
00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:20,815
Yeah, I was... I was making a joke...
305
00:17:20,988 --> 00:17:25,220
...but only 20 percent of my first date jokes
are actually funny, so...
306
00:17:27,161 --> 00:17:28,719
Ahem. How's your salad?
307
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:34,027
You know, I just got into feta
for the first time this year and so...
308
00:17:48,048 --> 00:17:49,811
WOMAN:
I'm still in here.
309
00:17:49,983 --> 00:17:51,314
Oh.
310
00:17:51,485 --> 00:17:54,045
Sorry, I didn't know
if I turned the knob the whole way.
311
00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:57,281
I didn't wanna be standing out here
waiting for an empty bathroom.
312
00:17:57,458 --> 00:17:59,517
- I've done that before...
WOMAN: Stop talking to me.
313
00:17:59,693 --> 00:18:01,058
Oh, right.
314
00:18:07,201 --> 00:18:09,931
WOMAN:
God bless it! What is wrong with you?!
315
00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:12,367
No, that wasn't me!
316
00:18:13,073 --> 00:18:15,735
Sorry, I guess we're having a little thing,
apparently.
317
00:18:15,909 --> 00:18:18,901
Well, you're still doing better
than I am on my date.
318
00:18:19,079 --> 00:18:20,307
Oh, yeah. I noticed that.
319
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:24,178
She, uh...
She knows a lot of facts about cars.
320
00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:25,750
Yeah.
321
00:18:25,919 --> 00:18:31,789
Oh, not just cars, no, trucks, SUVs,
mopeds and for some reason, Palm Pilots.
322
00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:33,517
[LAUGHING]
323
00:18:33,694 --> 00:18:37,858
Oh, the sound of a woman's laughter.
It's been so long.
324
00:18:38,298 --> 00:18:41,426
Well, what happened to, um, Barbie
from the other night?
325
00:18:41,602 --> 00:18:43,297
You two seemed to be hitting it off.
326
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:45,370
Yeah, we got into a real heated debate...
327
00:18:45,539 --> 00:18:50,306
...about the political direction the country's
moving in. I'm kidding. She was dumb.
328
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:53,742
She spent an hour
talking about her highlights in her hair.
329
00:18:54,014 --> 00:18:57,415
Oh, really, those were highlights?
Wow, they looked great.
330
00:18:57,584 --> 00:19:01,816
Did she happen to say
where she had them done...
331
00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:07,359
...because I mean, as a country,
we are most certainly veering off course.
332
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,053
- You know, I mean, people need to vote.
- Yeah.
333
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,664
[BOTH LAUGHING]
334
00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:15,768
How about you and your date?
I noticed he brought his own food.
335
00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:18,404
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
336
00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:20,506
- You saw that, did you?
- Good kisser?
337
00:19:20,674 --> 00:19:22,505
- Oh, the best.
- Yeah.
338
00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:24,371
[BOTH LAUGHING]
339
00:19:25,679 --> 00:19:27,647
What about Barbie?
Is she a good kisser?
340
00:19:27,814 --> 00:19:29,145
[LAUGHS]
341
00:19:29,316 --> 00:19:32,581
- Yeah, yeah, she was, actually.
- Oh, okay.
342
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,953
You know, but it doesn't matter.
I'm through with setups.
343
00:19:36,123 --> 00:19:37,886
Why can't I find somebody on my own?
344
00:19:38,058 --> 00:19:40,288
Without a bunch of friends
getting involved...
345
00:19:40,460 --> 00:19:43,258
...or my mother handing out
my phone number to every woman...
346
00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:45,796
...between 18 and 63, you know?
347
00:19:45,966 --> 00:19:48,526
Whatever happened to spontaneity?
348
00:19:48,702 --> 00:19:50,192
Whatever happened to magic?
349
00:20:02,916 --> 00:20:05,316
I am so sorry.
350
00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:08,445
I, uh... I don't know why I did that.
351
00:20:08,622 --> 00:20:10,317
No, no, it's okay, I'm glad you did.
352
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:14,688
I've, uh, been wanting to do that
since our almost blind date.
353
00:20:14,861 --> 00:20:15,885
Oh.
354
00:20:16,063 --> 00:20:18,497
- Good kisser, by the way.
- Oh, well...
355
00:20:19,399 --> 00:20:22,027
You're a good kisser as well.
356
00:20:22,202 --> 00:20:24,033
[BOTH LAUGH]
357
00:20:24,204 --> 00:20:26,434
Ahem. Well, I, uh...
358
00:20:26,607 --> 00:20:29,542
I should probably get back
to my date.
359
00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:32,144
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
360
00:20:32,312 --> 00:20:34,712
- You're on a date.
- Yeah, yeah.
361
00:20:34,881 --> 00:20:38,044
- Uh, can I call you?
- Oh, yes. Oh.
362
00:20:38,218 --> 00:20:42,120
Uh, please, yeah,
I have a little thing that I can give you.
363
00:20:42,289 --> 00:20:45,417
Here. That's, uh... That's me right there,
I'm Christine Campbell.
364
00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:48,186
Okay, Burton Schaefer.
But I don't have a card.
365
00:20:48,362 --> 00:20:50,626
Oh, well, that's okay.
You know, I got a deal.
366
00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:52,731
Thirty bucks for 10,000.
367
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,734
- You want another thousand?
- Ah, no, I'm good.
368
00:20:55,902 --> 00:20:59,668
- Okay. Well, it was nice to meet you.
- Uh, you too.
369
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,967
Yes. Okay.
370
00:21:04,311 --> 00:21:06,506
- I still have to use the...
- Yes, I do too.
371
00:21:32,005 --> 00:21:33,996
[ENGLISH SDH]
29981
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