All language subtitles for Office.Invasion.2022.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-SMURF.Hi (1)

[thunder cracking]

[dramatic music playing]

[thunder cracks]

[faint clanging]

[static]

[in Zulu] Hey, guys. Has anybody
been working in the vault?

[walkie-talkie beeps]

[in English] Guys? Is anyone
working in the vault tonight?

[walkie-talkie beeps]

Shit.

Hello? Hello?

[dramatic music plays]

[door closes]

Hey, guys. It's not funny.

If you idiots think you're
gonna scare me today,

it's not going to happen.

[tense music playing]

Hello? Who's there?

[with Russian accent]
Happy birthday, George.

[clicks tongue]

Are you coming?

[giggles]

Yes, madam!

Thank you, boys.
Thank you, bra God.

Oh, Georgie…

[George] So, what's your name?

You know, we should
not be in here.

I mean, we can do
this in the office.

Not that I'm complaining.

It's just that this room gets
a little bit cold, you know,

and makes other things smaller.

[clothes thud]

[snarling]

[George screaming]

[munching sounds]

[birds chirping]

[man] Okay, Chen.
Listen to me. All right?

As I mentioned before,

even if I were with sales,
there's nothing I can do.

You've got to be on the list.

Come on, Sam. Don't give me that
shit. I only need a few liters.

Nobody needs to know.

It's not the amount
that's the problem, it's…

What do you want it for, anyway?

What… What do I want it for?

[sighs] We're…

developing medical equipment
to help children with cancer?

You like children, don't you?

Yeah, of course. Of
course I like children.

But that's not the point.

Look, Sam,

I'm willing to pay very
good money, all right?

The kind that will bring
all the girls to your yard.

You understand?

Uh, I understand,

I understand, but,
uh… [chuckles]

I'm sorry. There's
nothing I can do.

All right? I can't
help you. Bye-bye.

Got to go. Got to… go.

[Sam] So, why am I getting calls

from Chinese gangsters
at eight in the morning?

Well, that's because we mine the
only Zulcanoid deposit on Earth.

And right now,
Zulcanoid is on fire.

It's basically a liquid
metal similar to mercury.

Except it won't poison you or make
you want to eat your own face.

And that makes it valuable.

Only problem is, we can't
keep up with demand.

Which hasn't always been
the case. Believe me.

But after struggling
for so many years,

it feels like we've
finally arrived.

At last, things are
falling into place.

We're screwed, man.

I can't believe it.
This is the end.

It's way too early in
the morning for this.

Take a breath, Liam.
What's going on?

Ah. Of course, of course.

You haven't heard.
You were at the mine.

Heard what, Liam?

Bheki's stepping down.

It's the whole thing
with his lungs.

Melusi's taking over.

My God.

No, Sam. God has forsaken us.

And the devil's called a management
meeting you gotta be at now.

What?

- Yeah! Hustle, hustle, hustle.
- Okay.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me, please. Um…

- Sorry. I should've sat in the front.
- [people muttering]

Okay. Yeah, uh…

Whoa. Whoa!

Please stop! Wait. Wait. Wait!

[cloth ripping]

[Junior] If you think that's just
bad luck, you've got no idea.

The truth is, I'm cursed.
My whole family is.

It began when my parents met.

It was your classic love story,

Dad stole Mom's heart.

Then six months later,

he stole the rest of her shit.

Shit!

He never came back after that.

While on a job one night, he got
himself into a bit of a situation.

He probably would've
gotten away with it

if it wasn't for one
small piece of bad luck.

- [grunting]
- [alarm blaring]

[Junior] Because the universe
has a sense of humor,

I work as a security guard.

Which, I suppose,
could be worse.

Like the rest of my life in
which I'm permanently broke,

haven't had a girlfriend
in five years,

and am forced to live with two of
the world's most annoying roommates.

- Bingo.
- Oh, yum…

We really shouldn't.

I suppose he didn't
say we couldn't look.

He didn't say that.

Exactly.

[Junior] Seriously?

Junior, what are you doing?

What's that?

Morning, boss. Sorry.
That's not mine.

Uh, my housemates
stole my lunch.

- I don't want to hear it.
- Right.

HR's presenting this morning, and
we are all under the microscope.

Yes, sir.

Put on a jacket. It looks
like you slept in that shirt.

Uh, sorry. About that, sir.

There was an…
incident this morning.

My jacket kind of…
[clears throat]

…got away from me.

[laughs]

All right, let me
get this straight.

- You are a security guard…
- Yes, sir.

…and both your jacket and your
lunch got stolen this morning?

When you say it like
that, doesn't sound great.

Enough! Get your…

Get your shit together!

Yes, sir. Sorry. I will.

[Junior clears throat]

[sighs]

Since you hate your roommates so
much, why don't you just move out?

Well, I would if I could,
but… I signed the lease.

Then put them in their place, Junior.
Show them who they're dealing with.

Yeah! Yeah.

[laughs] Absolutely.

Let them know who
they're dealing with.

I'm gonna do that… tonight.

They're gonna feel… thunder.

Okay. Good. Good.

I will see you in the meeting.

Yes, right. The
meeting. I'll be there.

"Feel the thunder." [laughs]

I'm amazed she didn't have
sex with you right now.

Okay, thank you.
Shut up, please.

Dude, look, just ask her
out and stop being a pussy.

- I'm not being a pussy.
- You're a pussy.

- I'm not! Can you stop?
- Pussy.

- Stop that. Please. Just this once.
- Whatever.

Why is HR coming to the meeting?

I don't know. Maybe
we're getting a raise?

Really?

It's like we've never met.

[farts]

[slurping]

Oh shit.

Hey, Sean. How're you doing?

Fine, thanks. I'm
just busy urinating.

Yeah. Yeah, I see that.

I saw Colleen earlier on who
said, "Hey, where's Prince?"

And then I said,

"Well, you know Prince.
He's probably late again."

And I was right.

Yeah.

Mm! You want me to go tell
her that you've arrived?

I can make that happen.

No. I've got it.

Listen, also, don't you want
to maybe just put it away?

No one wants to see that.

You know, I always used to
be late for things, Prince.

Really? Yeah, and
what did you do?

I just arrived earlier.
That's the secret.

- Oh? It's a secret?
- Yup.

[softly] Thanks for sharing.

[urinating stops]

Have a good day at work.

[Prince] So, why am I
always late for work?

Well, it's not
exactly a mystery.

I hate my job.

But I don't have a choice.

According to the rules
of my trust fund,

I have to work as an
accountant for five years

or else I'm cut off.

Thank God I'm almost there.

And then I'll get to
prove my father wrong.

Hey.

Colleen? Hey. Good morning.

How long you been in here?

Uh, I don't know. Like a
few minutes, give or take.

Yeah, is there anything
I can help with?

It's too late. I sorted
it out myself. As usual.

Oh, okay.

Are you almost done in here?

You know we've got
a meeting, right?

Yeah. I will be there or
be squared. I'm so sorry.

There is just something about
you that gets right up my ass.

I think I'm gonna call in HR

so we can have another
little heart-to-heart.

Oh? Is that right?

You think we need to have a
little chat with HR, do you?

How's this for a heart-to-heart?

[groans]

[gasps]

[dramatic music playing]

[Prince] What do you
have to say now, Colleen?

Huh?

You know, I'm actually
surprised you have a heart!

Fucking…

[grunts]

[music stops]

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, um, nothing.
Nothing. I'm so sorry.

Ah. Ooh.

There is a spasm in my hand from
all the work I've been doing.

I said I want you to take notes

for our department
in the meeting.

You think you can handle that?

Yeah, we got this.
I… I got this.

Um, anything you say, boss.

Good.

Was that you?

- What?
- Are you the office pisser?

No.

Of course you are.

I should've thought as much.

Clean that up or I'll
give you another warning.

Yeah, but I didn't do it.

Then who was it, huh?

Uh…

[sighs]

Thought so.

Sort it out.

You're disgusting.

Why didn't you say
something? Come on, man.

You know what? You deserve this.

Oh, fuck.

Oh! Fuck.

My father started this
business with nothing.

All he had was
some dusty ground…

a few millions,

and a vision.

Nice for you to join us, Sam.

Alas, even visionaries
have blind spots.

This is why we're here.

We are here to change
your slow thinking.

We are here to put
spectacles on your eyes

so you can see brighter.

This is why we're here.
We're here to open your eyes.

Gugu.

What do we have here?

Tell me what you
see. Don't be scared.

This is a free and safe space.

No.

Speak!

Don't do it.

Uh…

Yeah, you! Go.

Um…

Good morning, everyone.

Morning.

Well, what I see
is… you know, uh…

it looks like, um…

uh, an office, sir.

Excuse me?

Well, I mean, um, from where
I'm standing it kind of, uh…

resembles, uh… um…

somebody's, uh, you
know, uh… office.

Turn around.

Sir? What?

I don't want to look at
your ugly face. Turn around.

- Don't even sit down. Just turn around.
- Okay.

What we have here is a cancer
that's in this business.

Starting from today,

all you managers are
going to pay rent.

You like nice things? Huh?

Well, you must pay for that.

No more free lunches!

Free lunches for everyone!

[squeals with delight]

Yay! Woo-hoo! [laughs]

Now that sounds great.

There'll be a catch. Trust me.

It does depend whether or not
there's been a client meeting

earlier on in the week and…

well, whether there's leftovers.

[chuckles] Obviously.

[squeals]

[flies buzzing]

Let's look alive.
Look alive. Come on.

I'm so sorry.

[woman] A little help here.

Sure.

- Thank you. It's a little heavy.
- [chuckles]

[sighs] Well, when times
get tough, what do we do?

We tighten our belts!

So, as of this week,

you'll all be handing
in your laptops

in exchange for
these retro babies!

Hey? Pretty cool.

You… You can't be serious.

This is a joke, right? [laughs]

If a company surviving in this
economy is a joke to you, Prince,

then yes, this is
a very big joke.

Why don't you write that down?

Now, who can tell me here

how many minutes are
there in one hour?

How? A room full of managers,

leaders of this business,

no one can answer such
a simple question?

Go.

Uh… [clears throat]

Well, I mean, it's one hour, so…

Sixty minutes.

Lower your chair.

I'm sorry?

I said lower your chair. You don't
deserve to sit in a big chair.

Lower your chair. Now. Now.

No one in this room
has a vision. No one.

I'm the only person in this
room that has a vision.

Gugu.

Starting from today,

I'm going to introduce
a visionary concept

called "AMI Time".

AMI Time is one government hour

plus a 30 minutes bonus.

- [Junior] This is what I told you about…
- [murmuring]

Quieten down, everyone.
Uh, quiet, please.

I would like you
all to meet Brian.

Come here, Brian. Come along.

That's my jacket.

What?

- Dude's wearing my jacket.
- Yeah?

[straining] We found Brian on the
side of the road this morning.

We… [wheezes]

We actually thought
he was dead. [laughs]

Oh.

But the fact is,

he would still be able
to do most of your jobs.

The Finance department is not
really the most popular department.

It turns out 86%
of your colleagues

don't even remember a
single one of your names.

Which is why we've
come up with these.

Thank you, Colleen.

Name tags. Look at them.

Okay, they're quite visible.

But maybe it's also about the
placement of your name tag.

You can put it
right in the middle.

Or on this side. Or
perhaps on that side.

Also, try giving
yourself a fun nickname.

So that people
find you relatable.

Yes?

Um, people like to
call me "Knobface."

I'm not exactly sure why.

I know why.

So let's not go with
that here. Okay?

Can I use your name, please?

No. No, no, no.

We want your colleagues
to get to know you.

To find you exciting.

What's your name?

[whispering] Sean. Sean…

Sean. Sean.

Carol.

Oh my shit, someone kill me now.

Do you know how long our
waiting list is right now?

Five months.

Five months!

We are losing sales because we
can't keep up with the demand.

Luckily, I… I have a solution.

From now on, every unit we sell

will have 50% Zulcanoid
and 50% cutting agent.

See? Genius.

Okay, I'm sorry. [scoffs]

Is that paint?

I said it's "cutting agent".

Okay, well, you can't do that.

And why not?

The paint will contaminate the
Zulcanoid, making it unstable.

And how do you know that?

Basic chemistry.

Basic chemistry?

Maybe I wouldn't need to do this
if you found us more ground.

We're mining the only known
Zulcanoid deposit on Earth. [scoffs]

It's not exactly easy
to find. [laughs]

Do you know what is
easy to find, Sam?

What's that?

Geologists.

Which is why the
company has decided

you will no longer be
getting your annual bonus.

- What?
- [all grumbling]

Shh. No. Hold on. Let me finish.

It's not all bad news.

Instead of… money,

which, let's be frank, most of you
would just tk-tk-tk away anyway,

the company has
decided to give you

this amazing
company-branded clothing.

I mean, take a look at this!

Huh!

Hmm?

The survey also indicates

that your colleagues don't
like the way you treat them.

They say you are, open quote,
"sub-human", close quotes.

I know why.

Because you spend all
day on spreadsheets.

Maybe all night.

Who can tell me, what is the most
important thing in any business?

Yes.

Sharp pencils.

Do you use sharp pencils
in your everyday job?

No.

Then why would you think
they're most important?

Because the Russians
use them in space.

Are you in space right now?

Yes. The work space.

Anyone else?

Anyone else?

Anyone else, please?
Anyone else, please?

Yes.

- What about pens?
- Damn it!

Customers!

The customer is the lifeblood
of any company. Okay?

You don't know that because you
don't get to see the customer.

We are changing that today.

You will all have your
own personalized customer

that you will take with
you everywhere you go.

You will take your
customer to the kitchen.

You will take your
customer to the toilet.

You will take your customer
with you. Are we clear?

Uh, sorry. Uh, Carol. I am not
taking a sex toy to the toilet.

It is not a sex toy!
It is a customer.

You will take the customer with
you to the toilet. Every time!

- Do you understand?
- Yes, yes. Okay, I understand.

Wow!

[Carol] And, unfortunately,
we do not have pumps.

So you're going to have to
blow your customer yourself.

Just be careful where you put your
mouth. It can be very confusing.

Uh…

[Prince] You know
what I don't get?

Why'd he leave Melusi in charge?

Come on, dude. It's his son.
What else was he supposed to do?

He could've given it to Sam.

Shit, I'd even do a better job.

You're a junior accountant
carrying a sex doll around.

- I don't think you've got what it takes.
- You think you do?

- You don't even balls to ask Portia out.
- Whoa.

- I think I know what he's doing.
- Who?

Melusi. He's cutting costs.

Trying to make it look like AMI is
more profitable than what it is.

Why would he do that?

To jack up the price. Right?

You think he wants
to sell the company?

There's only one
way to find out.

I'll ask him.

- Ask him?
- Yeah.

You do realize he
hates you, right?

Like, on a biblical level.

It doesn't matter.

I just have to figure
out what buttons to push.

Okay, well, just don't
push the button that says,

"Punch Sam in the Head."

Because you will lose
that fight. Badly.

It'd be like a rhino
stomping on a frog.

Except the frog's already,
like, diabetic and shit.

Like, in a wheelchair,
and it can't even hop...

I get it. I get it.

[cell phone buzzing]

- Oh! Hello, Sam.
- Hey, Gugu.

How are you?

Hey, I'm fine. Thank
you. Uh, you've got a…

- Uh, oh. [sniffs] Oh, thanks!
- You got a… Yeah.

It's, uh… medical
powder for my allergies.

Yeah, that's not what I was
talking about. Uh, never mind.

Is he available?

Oh, he's about to pop out.

Pop out? [chuckles]

All right, well I'm just going to grab
it. Grab him! Grab him. Excuse me.

Okay…

[snoring]

Oh jeez. [scoffs]

Hey. Hey!

I need to talk to you.

I didn't realize that you're
the one in charge now. Huh?

So what can I do for you, boss?

Look, you've been here for
what? A couple of months?

I've been here since day one.

I just need to know whether
you're going to sell the company.

Who told you that?

You did, actually.

I mean, you've been
cutting corners everywhere.

- It's pretty obvious.
- [chuckles]

Look at that, huh? Miner boy!

Now you think you
understand business.

If you sell to another mining company
our people will lose their jobs.

- They helped build this place. You can't...
- Hey! Hey! Hey!

I'm the one who's
in charge here.

Me! I'll do whatever
I like here.

If you had a little bit
more respect for your father

and what he's done here, you...

My father? My father?

Who are you to talk
to me about my father?

Get out. Get out!

Nonsense.

[soft piano music playing]

- Hey.
- Hey.

How bad is it?

Seven. Maybe eight. Not
that she'll admit it.

[exhales]

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Where is she?
- In her room.

- All right.
- I'll warm your food.

Thank you.

- [knocking]
- Hey, Princess.

Dad, I'm 15. You've gotta
stop calling me that.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. How're you doing?

Are you… are you in any pain?

As I told Mom, I'm fine.
I can barely feel it.

Okay.

Well, uh, do you mind
if I take a look?

That's, uh… That's
not that bad. Right?

- See?
- Yeah.

I mean, the way your mom
was going on on the phone,

you'd swear it was a
seven… or an eight.

It's nowhere near an
eight. It's like a four.

Right.

Well, if I knew that, I
would've stopped off at the bar,

picked up a couple shotskis.

You? Shots?

Hey. There's a lot about
me you don't know. Okay?

I am capable of stuff.

- Really?
- Girl…

[laughs]

Want me to call your mom? To…

Seriously? I don't need
help putting on cream.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

[exhales] Uh-huh.

Dad?

Mm! Right. Right. I'm
cramping your style.

Mm.

Well, uh… I'll let
you get to it, then.

Okay.

- Hey, Dad?
- Yeah? Yeah?

I love you.

I love you too, Princess.

[emotional piano music playing]

[inhales]

[sighs]

- [dog barking in distance]
- [crickets chirping]

[door creaking]

How was work?

[sighs]

Started badly. Went
downhill from there.

You know, pretty standard.

I suppose it's my fault?

What are you talking about?

You've been spoiled
your whole life.

Now you can't face having
to work for a living.

It's not working I
have a problem with.

It's being an accountant.

You know, I don't get it.

What's so wrong with
being a paramedic?

You don't have the stomach
to work on the front line.

You're a coward.

Always have been.

I… I was a nervous kid.

Yes, I'll give you that. But…

[clears throat] I'm
not that kid anymore.

Yes, you are.

You're weak. Just
like your mother.

[dramatic music playing]

You know what?

That's enough, Dad.

Would a coward do this?

[yells]

[growls]

[thuds]

Something you want
to say to me, boy?

[clears throat]

No. No, um…

There's no point.

Good night.

- [tense music playing]
- [thunder rumbling]

[Junior] Guys, could
you take that shit off?

[sighs]

[Junior] Okay, look. I don't
ask for a lot around here.

Just please leave my shit alone.

Well, just so you know. We're
not proud of what happened.

Won't happen again.

If it makes you feel better,
we didn't enjoy the food.

No, not at all.

[man] It was horrible.

Like dog food. If
you hated your dog.

You should totally take
some cooking lessons.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Okay. I'm sorry that my cooking
isn't up to your standards.

Mm…

- But you need to make your own food.
- [both chuckle]

Ah, if only it were that easy.

What do you mean?

We are exceptionally
busy during the day.

You're both unemployed.

That is not true.

- And not fair.
- And you know it.

I'll have you know that
we do a lot around here.

Like?

Well, for starters,
uh, meditating.

Every morning we make sure

that there is clean
energy in all the rooms.

All the rooms.

All the rooms.

- [birds chirping]
- [meditation music playing]

[man on recording]
Take your next breath,

sending it into your
lower back and belly.

Releasing any tension that you
may be holding in these areas.

[farts]

Are you telling me that the
two of you have been naked

in my room?

That's not the point. The point is
that we do more than our fair share.

Way more.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Um…

Name one other thing.

One actual thing.

DIY.

DIY.

When things go wrong around
here, who sorts it out?

Not you, that's for
sure. You're never here.

You come and go as you please.

That's because I have a job!

Let's watch the tone of
voice. Bring it down.

Yeah. Relax.

You know what?

I've literally never seen you guys
fix a single thing around here.

Uh, who do you think fixed the burst pipe
in the bathroom this very morning? Hmm?

[exhales] There's a burst
pipe in the bathroom?

Mm-hmm.

How did that happen?

No idea.

Hah! Hah! Hah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

- [pipe clangs]
- Oh!

Megan. Megan!

[rain pattering]

[ticking]

[Sam] Maybe I'm overreacting.

Maybe with the right buyer,
things won't be so bad.

We could increase
production, improve R&D,

move into new markets.

What if I've been thinking
about this all wrong?

This could be exactly
what the company needs.

Okay, you know what?

Enough.

Close your eyes.

Get some sleep.

[ticking continues]

- [cell phone chimes]
- Huh?

[sighs]

Shit.

What is it?

Huh?

What is it?

Nothing. Just a meeting.
Go back to sleep now.

So they found a buyer? That's got
to be it. It's pretty obvious.

Which means a bunch of us
are about to lose our jobs.

We don't know that. Let's
not panic, all right?

I'm weeks away from
hitting my five years.

- If they cut me now, I am screwed.
- [sniffing]

[scoffs] If they cut me now,

I'm pretty much homeless.

That's me.

Look, let's just calm down,
keep an open mind. All right?

You never know. This
could be a good thing.

[Prince sighs]

[somber music playing]

[wolf howling]

[Melusi on video] Recently,
our company was dying.

- A heavy darkness had befallen us.
- [inspirational music playing]

But then a new
leader was chosen.

- And a bright new day dawned for AMI.
- [inspirational music builds]

A man not afraid to
think outside the box,

to do away with wasteful things,

to make AMI stronger,
safer, more efficient.

A man who even changed time!

- [eagle screeches]
- And why has he done all these things?

Because he cares
about the future.

And that future starts today!

[upbeat music playing]

[air horn blowing]

[clapping]

[laughs]

Yes, yes, yes.

[music stops]

When I became your leader,

I could see that there was
a lot of doubt in your eyes.

You were thinking, "Can this young
bull really provide for our future?"

Well, I have an
answer for you today.

All the way from overseas!

- Your new leaders of AMI!
- [dance music resumes]

Yes! Yes!

[clapping]

Yes! Yes!

- [loud pop]
- Yeah!

[man] Howdy!

Come talk to your people.
Talk to your people.

[with Australian accent]
Well, hello, AMI.

Yeah, hello.

I can't tell you how
excited we all are

to finally see you
all in the flesh!

Yeah! The fleshy flesh!

Now, before we go any further,

I want to make one
thing very clear.

And that is that we are not planning
on making any major changes.

No job cuts. No demotions.

No downsizing of any sort.

You can all rest easy.

Can I get a bloody "Hallelujah?"

[all cheering]

- Yeah!
- Yes!

[laughs]

We will worry about all
of that shit next month!

That's it. I'm homeless.

So now, as you know,

Melusi is going to be stepping out,
and I'm going to be stepping in.

Uh…

Badrick over here is going
to be my second-in-command.

And the beautiful Anya will
be our new Change Manager.

Even though, like I've just said, you've
got nothing to worry about at all.

For now.

Now, this is usually the time,
I suppose, when your new leader,

your new chief,

bores you to death with
his galaxy of achievements.

[laughter]

But instead I'm going to open
the floor to my lovely colleagues

to have a word with
you beautiful people.

I think Badrick, you first.

Uh, spoiler warning,

he's a bit intense.

[scattered laughter]

[with Jamaican accent] There are three
things you need to know about me.

One, I don't take
shit from nobody!

And two, you romp wid mi,

and I'm gonna mash you up!

Three, no matter what…

I always come out on top.

And if you leave me stranded
on Jamrock with no food…

everything irie.

Because Badrick will
feast on himself.

I'm sorry. Did he just
say he'd eat himself?

[man] Thank you, Baddy!

Yeah, Badrick,
ladies and gentlemen.

But he has a heart of gold.

Yeah, he can light
up the darkest room.

No, really. Yeah. All
right, thanks, Baddy.

Next up we have the lovely Anya.

[scattered applause]

[with Russian accent]
So. What is change?

Put your hand down.

Is change when we birth

small uterus, slimy lizard

into baby?

Who knows?

Because change is
very mysterious. Hmm?

Thank you.

Anya, thank you so much. You
really raise a valid point there.

Change, guys, is so… mysterious.

All right, that's it.
Let's all get back to work.

We need more of that Zulcanoid.

[chuckles]

That's a bloody order!

[laughs]

Just playing, silly buggers!

Oh, yeah. Gotcha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But
seriously, let's go. Come on.

Yeah! Let's go!

- Yeah. Yeah.
- [Anya] Bye-bye.

[boss] There's some jelly
in the canteen. Come on.

- [man laughing]
- What the hell was that?

Still think this is a good idea?

[Sam] However bad we
thought it was going to be,

we were wrong.

Way wrong.

Fuck.

[melancholy music playing]

[exhales deeply]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Mmm.

[cell phone buzzing]

Based on some
budgetary challenges,

we will no longer be issuing
you with any weapons.

Instead, we will provide you
with something far more valuable.

The ability to
fight off intruders

by only using your instincts,

your training,

and some basic office supplies.

So our special guest today
is Sensei Storm Force.

The inventor of the world's
most mixed martial art,

KMKJ.

Or rather "Krav Maga
Karate Jujutsu.".

Sensei.

Krav Maga Karate Jujutsu
is all about flow.

About using the tools
around you to shift energy.

And to attack!

Now… is this a stapler or…

jaws of death?

I'm pretty sure
that's just a stapler.

Yeah, it's a stapler.
Ah, this guy.

We don't need Krav
Maga Jujutsu Karate.

Just be awake. And focus. Foo!

Shut it!

Reading is not really my thing.

- Just give it to me straight.
- [Colleen] Well, he's always late.

He lies all the time. He
has a terrible attitude.

Basically, he's the worst
staff member we've ever had.

So if him that bad,
why him still here?

Why you don't get rid of him?

I wish we could. Believe me.

But his father is one
of our biggest clients,

and I really don't
want to rock that boat.

So what you want to do?

I mean… I could work him over.

Break a few bones.

Slice off some skin.

You… you can do that?

Yeah, man.

That is very tempting, but…

But I actually had a
slightly different idea.

Hmm. Okay. Tell me about it.

Well, I thought
that we could, uh…

move him.

You know? Give him the
kind of soul-crushing job

that just completely
destroys him. You know?

Make his days just slow,
painful, psychological torture.

Yeah! Yeah, man.

Do what you want. Me
don't give a shit.

Whoa! Me give a shit!

I give a shit!

Also, you were joking about
the slicing thing, right?

And just to clarify,

what did you mean about torture?

- Where is he?
- I'm sorry, what?

Gregory. Where's Gregory?

- Right over here.
- Right over there.

Hello, mate.

You can't cancel
the medical aid.

People rely on that.
I rely on that!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Steady there,
sailor. Batten that hatch.

Okay, so now, it's, uh…

Wait a minute, don't tell me.

Sam.

Sam! Sammy! Yeah, Sammy. Okay.

So, let's start that over,

but maybe this time, without
the death stare. Okay?

[Gregory and Anya chuckle]

So, what's the big emergency?

My daughter is on some
very expensive medication

that I can't afford without
the medical aid. Okay?

- Oh…
- Gotcha! Okay. Yeah.

All right. But I'm afraid we
don't really have a choice.

It was a part of our agreement
with your former leader. So…

So… change the deal.

Well, now wait a minute.
Wait a bloody minute.

Oh, I've just been reading
up on natural therapies.

Yeah? And did you
know it is incredible

what you can make just by
boiling a few plants together.

Did you know that? It is crazy!

And, you want to
know something else?

You can probably find everything
that you need in your own forest.

[laughs] Oh yeah!

Now I'd say that's a win.

No. No, no, no!

These are sophisticated
drugs! Okay?

You can't just make them
with fucking plants!

Boil.

You gotta boil them.

Now, before I can
teach you anything,

I need to know exactly
what I am dealing with.

Any volunteers?

[shuffling]

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

- What's your name?
- Sorry, no. I wasn't volunteering.

- He was being a dick.
- [manager] His name's Junior.

And he will be
volunteering. Won't he?

Yes. Lovely.

- [clapping]
- [cheering]

[Storm Force] Come on. Don't
be shy. Please come forward.

Oh, Prince, Prince,
Princey Prince, Prince.

This is long overdue.

You realize it's all your fault?

What is this?

That is a schedule, Einstein.

Yeah, but for what?

For the toilet.

Since you love them so much,

you are going to
be timing people.

Uh, I'm sorry? Timing
people in the toilet?

Exactly.

Do you have any idea how
much productivity is lost

when people go for a loo break?

Please. Please. I'm
begging. Don't do this.

I'm sorry? Are you
too good for this job?

No! No, no, no, it's not
that. It's just that, um…

I'm still part of the
Finance department, right?

No, of course not!

Now you're part of Facilities,

but your time sheets still come
to me, so do not fuck them up!

Okay, look. I don't
care. I'll do the job.

If you take me out of the
Finance department, I will…

I will lose my
entire trust fund.

What?

Yeah.

- Your entire trust fund?
- All of it!

I had no idea.

Yeah, it's pretty
stupid if you ask me.

[scoffs]

[laughing]

Your entire trust
fund? That's amazing.

You made my day.

Oh, shit.

So… do I stay here?

[Anya] Do not be stressed.

I think you are experiencing some
change. So why don't you sit down,

and we can talk about
how you feel? Okay?

How I feel? Is she being...

Are you being for
real, right now?

We are talking about my
daughter's life here!

Yeah, we know because
you already told us.

[laughing] You bloody bugger!
He's trying to fool us!

[Gregory laughs]

All right. [scoffs]

Clearly, you guys think that
this is some kind of joke, huh?

This is funny?

Well, see if this
is funny, okay?

How about I see you in court?

- Court?
- Yeah.

I don't like the
sound of that at all.

[sighs] I'll tell you what.

How about we don't see
you at all anymore?

Because you're fired.

[imitating explosion]

Now that felt bloody amazing!

You see, sudden change, like
explosion in the action movie.

Would you shut the fuck
up about change? Just...

You know what?

This isn't over.

[Gregory] That's the spirit,
Sammy! This isn't over!

Yeah!

[laughs]

Now, I thought Sammy
was a girl's name?

You may pick anything.

[Junior] Uh, okay.

It's mightier than the sword.

No. It definitely isn't.

Do you know what
a sword is, sir?

Of course I know
what a sword is.

It's okay. It's okay, dumb-dumb.

I've trained squirrel
to sniff out landmines.

You can do this.

Now, shall we begin?

Uh, sorry. Um…

Sorry, what are the goggles for?

Focus. Focus!

One day this could be a
life or death situation.

Now I need you to
think of your weapon

and how you can use it
to protect yourself.

To protect myself from what?

From this!

Whoa! Whoa!

Wait! Okay? Uh… Maybe someone
else can volunteer instead?

No, relax. Relax.

It's only a simulation.
You'll hardly feel a thing.

That's not true. Come on!

[rapid shots]

Fuck! [grunting] Sh… Ah!

Ah! Stop!

[Storm Force] Protect yourself!

Use your other senses!
You don't need your eyes.

What the fuck, man?
It's just a pen!

It's not just a pen!

- It's whatever you need it to be!
- [Junior] Shit!

- [gun fires]
- Ah! Fuck, fuck! Ah!

[grunts] Shit!

[giggling]

You're such an embarrassment.

I'm cutting your hours
to three shifts a week.

[chuckles]

[door opens]

Sean?

Hey, Prince.

Wow, that's a really nice watch.

Can I touch it?

You know what?

Actually, I'm the only one
authorized to handle it.

And it's not a watch.

Then what is it?

- It's a stop watch.
- Isn't that a watch?

For fuck's sake! Please
just go to your desk.

Okay.

Fucking knobface!

I'm not going to wait in, um…

Okay, Patrick. On your marks.

Get set. And… go.

[car lock chirps]

Unbelievable.

Playing around with people's
lives? Thinking that's a joke?

You think that's a joke? Think…

[seatbelt clicks]

[vehicle starts]

We'll see. We'll see.

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

Damn it.

[ringing continues]

[beeps]

Hey, you.

[Rosemary] Hey, baby.
How's your day going?

Oh, you know. Pretty normal.

Are you in your car?

Uh…

Yeah. Yeah, I, um…
I finished early.

Thought I'd surprise you.

[Rosemary] Oh, that's nice.

Would you mind stopping
at the pharmacy?

Lebo's almost out of tablets.

Is she? Um…

Yeah. Yeah, um…

No problem. I'll…

I'll see you soon.

[Rosemary] Okay. Love you.

Love you too.

[phone beeps off]

Fuck!

[melancholy music playing]

[sighs deeply]

Fuck.

[scoffs]

You shouldn't have done that. What
if Zepler casts a frozen spell?

He can't. I picked up
Grindol's shield, remember?

Just try to keep up.

[man] That's right.
Sorry. Sorry.

- [woman] As long as you've got my back.
- [man] Don't you worry about that.

Where'd you guys get money
to buy a new video game?

Shh!

Hey, guys?

Where's the fridge?

[woman] Shh! Quiet! Please!

- [glass shatters]
- Hey!

Please tell me you didn't sell the
fridge to buy a fucking video game!

Dude, language!

We don't go around
swearing about your job.

We would never do that.

Dressing up like idiots
and playing video games

isn't a fucking job!

You're both such losers!

[dramatic music playing]

I believe that our honor
has been challenged.

I believe it has.

- You know what that means, my love?
- What's it mean, babe?

[chainmail rattling]

It means I'm going to smite
him with yonder broadsword!

Um…

Let's… Let's calm down.

Just put the sword
down, Harry. Please.

You will have to pry it
from my cold, dead fingers.

- Oh, shit.
- Arm yourself.

- [woman chuckles]
- Now battle is joined.

Oh, shit! [grunts]

[Harry] Come back here!

To the halls of Valhalla!

- Come hither!
- [Junior] Harry, stop. Stop. Please!

- Harry, please!
- Chop off his head!

[Junior] No, stop! Harry!

[Prince] I'm telling you,
the whole place has gone mad.

I mean, who times people
when they're taking a shit?

What if they're constipated?

You can't do that to people.

This can't be legal.

Know what? We need to
contact our lawyer.

Get him on the phone...

There's always someone
to blame, isn't there?

What?

Didn't you hear
anything I just said?

The deal was five years,

and yet again
you've fallen short.

That is not fair.

I never quit. I stuck it out.

You never put in the work.
It was a joke to you!

What did you think
was gonna happen?

Come on, Dad. Don't
do this to me.

Wake up, boy. You
did it to yourself.

Okay, you know what? I don't
have to put up with this.

Well, you could always leave.

I mean, you're only
what? Twenty-seven?

Fine. You want me
gone? No problem.

Where're you going to go?

I don't know, Dad!

You know what? I don't care.

I will stay in my
car if I have to.

Anywhere is better than
this place. You know that?

Stupid chairs!

[clock ticking]

[phone dialing]

Hey, Chen. It's me. Um…

I was wondering if you're
still interested in Zulcanoid?

Um, because if you are,

I think I might be
able to make it happen.

So, yeah. Let me know, okay?

Thanks.

[sighs]

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey, Chen. Um…

When I said let me know, I
didn't mean like right now.

I didn't want you
to change your mind.

How soon can you get it?

I don't know. A couple
of weeks, maybe.

You need to hurry. I'm
running outta time.

Yeah, okay. Chen, look.

I really need to know what
you're going to use it for.

Like, for real.

I already told you.

It's for children to help with their
medical equipment for the heart disease.

Uh, I thought you said cancer?

It's for both, okay? Look, Sam…

It's Zulcanoid. Not uranium.

I'm not building a bomb, okay?

[blows]

[sighs]

Yeah, all right.
Okay. Fine. Okay.

Good. Now let's talk money.

So we can bring all the girls to
your yard for some fucky-fucky. Huh?

[Junior] You don't
know what it's like.

Living with them is like
a recurring nightmare.

In your apartment? Must
be nice having walls.

You know what isn't nice?

Getting beaten up by
a pathetic man-child

and having to beg for my life.

But have you wasted every single
day for the past five years,

and now you're
completely screwed?

- Oh, your trust fund?
- Oh, dude. Please. No.

I don't think I have one of
those. I'll check with my PA.

- [Prince] You don't.
- Linda?

[Sam] All right. Enough.

Okay? Everybody's having
a shit time. All right?

We get it.

Whining about it isn't
going to change anything.

Then what do you suggest?

Oh, do you really want to know?

I'm living in my car. So
yeah, I would like to know.

Okay. What's the one
thing we all need?

That'll make all our
problems go away?

I don't know. A
shitload of money?

- Yeah.
- Exactly.

And I think…

I think I know how
to make that happen.

What? How?

By taking something that
doesn't belong to us.

Come on, Sam. You've never
even had a parking ticket.

And now you want to
what? Rob a bank?

No, not rob a bank! Besides,
it wouldn't even be stealing.

It would be taking back
something that we've earned.

Something that we've
dedicated our lives to.

[Prince] Okay.

What are you talking about?

I got an offer for 12
units of Zulcanoid.

- And it's a lot of money.
- How much?

Two million.

What? From who?

It doesn't matter. Just, all you
need to know is that he's legit,

and he's prepared
to pay half upfront.

For a dozen units? That's it?

That's it.

[Prince exhales]

Prince.

You know what? I
don't care anymore.

It's the least we deserve,
the way they've treated us.

Come on, guys.

I've lived my whole
life going by the rules.

Right?

Sure, what's that
gotten me, but…

Okay, well, if they want to
play dirty… so can we, right?

Yes.

[laughs]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Okay, dude. Keep it down.

- We're doing it. It's done.
- I'm sorry. My God.

Just one thing, though.

We're not criminals.

So we're going to need some
help figuring this out.

Why are you looking
at him like that?

Fine! Fine. I know a guy.

Like, a felon?

[Prince] Am I the only one who
thinks this is a really bad idea?

Just calm down, okay?

They're mostly just
regular people with issues.

No big deal.

[man yelling,
laughing maniacally]

Regular people? Hmm?

With some issues?

Look, I know he's your dad,

but I don't think we should be
taking advice from a crazy person.

He's not crazy. His lawyer
got him in here, okay?

- It was either this place or jail.
- Okay.

But he knows what
he's talking about.

And he's no snitch.

Do not speak to anyone you don't know.
Keep your voice down at all times.

No sudden movement. No whistling.
No singing. No dancing.

And do not accept
any offers of food.

Oh. No singing? Such a pity.

Sorry. Um, question.

Have any of your guests ever
been attacked in your experience?

They only attack the weak.

I'm sorry? What?

- Is he joking or…?
- [Sam] Come on. Just go.

[laughter echoing]

[door closes]

[Junior] There he is.

Come on.

[suspenseful music playing]

[banging on table]

I want to take out
your eyes and eat them!

Take out your brain and eat it!

You want to come here? Come here,
man! I'll show you something.

Ah, you want some?

Come. Want some of this?

[clicks tongue]

Hey, Dad.

Junior!

- Hey, Dad.
- What a lovely surprise!

Come here, son.

How're you doing? You
doing alright, Dad?

No, I'm fine.

I'm keeping my head down.
Keeping out of trouble.

That's great.

And who are these?

These are my friends.
This is Prince and Sam.

- Prince!
- Hello.

- Come here, young man.
- Oh, okay.

Your hair smells… smells
wonderful. What is it?

Fear mostly.

[laughing]

Funny! I like him.

Yes. And, um, he's…

Sam. You're the smart
one, aren't you?

The leader of the pack.

I can tell these things.

I'm not really a leader.
Just, we're all friends.

Friends? Wonderful. Well, anyway.
Let's sit down, gentlemen.

I assume this isn't
a social call?

I'm guessing that you young
boys need something from me.

We were hoping you could
give us some advice.

We need to get our
hands on something that

doesn't completely belong to us.

- Hello!
- Oh my God!

You want to pat my dog?

Oh, um… Thank you.
But, uh, no, thank you.

He doesn't bite. I promise.

He's a good boy.
You're a good boy!

Yeah, it's not that.

I am just deathly
allergic to dogs.

This is Fingers.

And he's not gonna go anywhere
unless you pat the dog.

- Yeah, I'm not doing that.
- Pat the dog.

- No.
- Pat the dog.

- No!
- Just pat the damn dog!

All right, fine!

[dog squeaks]

What is his name?

Little Bit.

Little Bit? Um, okay.
"Little Bit" of what?

Mucus.

- [Prince] Oh my God.
- That means snot.

- [Sam] Don't let go, Prince.
- Guys, it's wet!

[Senior] We can carry on.

Fingers here blew his
brains with crystal meth.

He won't remember a
single thing. So, please.

Okay. Um…

If we were trying to lift
something from, like, a warehouse,

how would we go about that?

Well, what you'd
always need to know.

The Five Ds.

Define. Delegate.
Divert. Disguise.

And the most important
one of them all,

do not get fucking caught.

That's it?

Yeah, pretty much.

- Oh.
- [dog squeaking]

Don't stop patting him!

- Okay.
- He's almost asleep.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.
Um… Sure, sure. Um…

Question. Hypothetically, what if we
work at the place we're trying to hit?

Is that, like, a red
flag or is it like...

Oh, no. Not necessarily.

No. You see, um,
say for example,

if you left your fingerprints
or a sample of hair or whatever.

They can't hold you to it.

Simply because, well, it's
like a… a free fuck-up.

Right. Free fuck-up.

Mr. Moses, please, don't
take this the wrong way, but

you're good at this
sort of thing, right?

[chortling]

You tell me.

Wowzers! He is...
You are so good, sir!

- Oh, thank you.
- [Sam] Seriously?

- What?
- I'm so sorry.

You guys smell that?

[sniffs]

Did one of you fart?

Oh, he's done it again.

[Fingers] It's my
special pudding.

- Oh my God.
- I made it myself. You should try some.

- Oh my God!
- It's delicious.

It gives you superpowers.

Whoo!

[whoops echoing]

[tense music playing]

[music continues]

[sharp inhale]

[music continues]

Hey, Doc.

Thanks.

[music continues]

[gasps]

[muttering, chuckling lightly]

[old man grumbles]

[jaunty music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Focus.

Ugh.

Sorry!

Uh, sorry. Are you okay?

I'm fine.

- Are you sure?
- I'm good. I promise.

- Okay.
- So? Where's the fire?

- The fire? Where, uh… What?
- You look like you're in a rush.

Ah! Oh, um…

I… Sorry. I just need
to go start my shift.

Are you all right? You
look a little nervous.

Nervous?

That's strange. I feel fine.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Oh, um, that's,
um… That's a pity.

I thought… maybe I
made you nervous?

Actually… yes, you do.

I was just trying not to make
you feel bad about it. Uh…

But, um… you know
what might help?

- What's that?
- Well…

Maybe we could, you know,

spend some more time together.

That way I wouldn't feel
so nervous around you.

- If you think it might help?
- I think it might.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Uh… Uh…

- I'll send you a text.
- Perfect.

- Great.
- Great.

Right. Great. Ah.

I've got to get going.

Got to go punch my cock.

Punch the clock!
Punch the clock. Uh...

Sorry! Excuse me.

Uh… Okay, bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[Portia chuckles]

Sorry.

[indistinct conversation]

All right, guys. So?

When are we doing this?

I vote Saturday night.
It's the perfect time.

- Why?
- It's the big game.

- Everybody's gonna be in the office.
- What about patrols?

They only need to tag
in every three hours.

So we'll be good. Trust me.

You know what would help?
If we got them drunk.

Yes, but how?

We could send them a
shitload of beers. Right?

And a note from management thanking
them for all their hard work.

Telling them to enjoy
the game. Right?

That could actually work.

But not everybody's
going to get drunk.

Okay. Sure.

- We put tranquilizers in the beer!
- What?

No! No, absolutely not. I don't
want anybody getting hurt.

Oh, no. No one's gonna get hurt.

We used to drug my grandmother
all the time. It's perfectly safe.

What? You drugged your granny?

Oh, dude, don't
start with me, okay?

You don't know the
shit we went through.

You know she used to shave our
heads while we were sleeping?

- You want to know why?
- Why?

I don't know. I'm
still asking myself.

So it'll work.

They'll be fine. They'll be sleeping
like kittens. Guys, I swear.

Okay, we can keep it in mind.
But so long as it's safe.

It will be.

- All right, so…
- Cool.

Saturday it is.

- Saturday!
- [Sam] Perfect.

- [Junior] Saturday.
- [exhales]

[Junior snorts]

[spits]

If one of us get
caught, no snitching.

A spit oath? Um, I'm
not shaking that.

Come on, man! We need to commit!

Yeah. No, thanks, man. I'm good.

Yeah. We really
don't need an oath.

You know? We trust
each other. Right?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?

Fine, okay. I just thought
that we were having a moment.

No, there was no... We were
not having any moments. Idiot.

To getting what we deserve.

To what we deserve.

Hear! Hear!

[rock music playing]

[exhales]

[rock music continues]

[thunder rumbling]

[Junior on voicemail]
Hey Portia.

I was wondering if maybe you'd
like to have dinner next week?

I'm even willing to pay half.

That's a joke. Of
course. Okay, thanks.

[squelching sounds]

[Portia screams]

Okay.

You planning on running
into any ninjas today?

Look, I would rather just
have it than not have it.

Why you always got
to give me shit?

- Because you're being ridiculous.
- I am not.

- I am being prepared.
- Mm-hmm.

Anyway, what did you
bring? Where's your weapon?

I'm gonna get some air.

All right, you know what? Kill
me for being a little nervous.

Shit is about to go down!

How can you be so calm?

[Sam] I'm not. I'm just
focused on the plan.

Which, in case you've forgotten,
does not include any sword play.

[Prince] Oh God.
What's he carrying?

I have no idea.

Hey, guys. We good?

That really depends on
what's in the giant bag.

The masks. Remember?

You need a giant
bag for three masks?

Yes. If you're doing
it right. Check it out.

What the hell's that?

What? What's wrong with it?

Nothing. I just didn't realize we
were entering a children's TV show.

Normal masks aren't
good enough! Okay?

We need to cover
our whole heads!

Just try it on.

Is there only chicken masks?

No.

Oh, great. Yeah, I will just take
one of the other ones. Thanks.

Okay, fine. Whatever.

All right, what do we
have? Oh motherf...

- What?
- A fucking unicorn! Seriously?

- What?
- Why couldn't you get us cool shit?

Like dead presidents? Right?

This is the cool shit.
Okay? Just trust me.

You know what? Just
give them to me.

The masks are fine.

Could the two of
you please focus?

If we screw this
up, it's prison.

Remember that.

Yes, of course.
Incarceration. I…

My head's in the game.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Yeah, I'm even more
ready than that.

Oh God, I did it
again. I'm so sorry.

[Sam] Move.

- Shotgun.
- Oh, Junior!

[sighs]

Seriously? You never heard of ski-masks?
They're in every heist film you ever seen.

Know what your problem
is? You're ungrateful.

- [Sam] Mm.
- No wonder your dad doesn't like you.

[thunder rumbling]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[suspenseful music playing]

[snoring]

Guys, it worked!
They're all knocked out.

Okay, good. Good.

What about the cameras? You
manage to turn them off?

Yeah. Hard drive's in my bag.

I told you it would work.

One shouldn't throw the
word "genius" around, but…

Yeah, let's not get ahead
of ourselves, all right?

How's it looking up there?

Like a ghost town.

Okay. Uh, I'm on my way.

[clears throat]

[scoffs]

[exhales]

[thunder rumbling]

Oh, this is such a tragedy.

Now, I'm not normally
one to point fingers.

But I'm fairly sure I told
you not to eat the humans.

- Why would you think it was me?
- Because it's always you!

Every time we get on a planet,

it's the same bloody story.

The locals slide down your neck!

It's disgusting!

You know what? Maybe it was him!

No, no. No, no.
No. It wasn't him

because he has food
allergies, and you know it.

[sneezes]

- [muffled yelling]
- [banging]

Well, I wonder
what that could be.

I don't know. I don't have
mind-reading protocol.

[low snarl]

[suspenseful music plays]

[muffled groan]

You've got a problem!

And Control's going
to hear about it.

[thunder rumbling]

I've got eyes on the
ridiculous unicorn.

He's heading in.

Why a unicorn?

[Portia] Who are you?

Why are you doing this?

Okay, so it's not really
who we are that's important.

It's what we are.

You see…

we're aliens.

From outer space.

Just like in your movies.

You know? Movies?

This is where we get
our accents from.

So I choose a Russian
spy with sexy protocol.

[in Jamaican Patois] Yeah, man.
And I choose the best of all.

A Rastafarian from Jamaica.

[in English] And I'm a fusion of the
two greatest humans that ever lived,

Mahatma Gandhi
and Kylie Minogue.

[canisters rattling]

[tense music playing]

[Gregory laughing]

[indistinct chattering]

[Gregory] You are?

Hey. How's it going in there?

He's covered by ten feet of concrete.
He can't hear you from here.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad.

Over and out.

[Badrick] All right, baby.
I'll tell you a story.

But I think for you,
it will be a nightmare.

Because this here scary.

What you call Zulcanoid
came here on a meteor

when our moon exploded.

Our job is to find it.

[sizzling]

[exhales]

Not only does it
regenerate the skin,

it repairs our bodies,

gives us energy.

Basically, it keeps us alive.

[Anya] You see?

It make me like new woman.

In a few days we are going
to take all the Zulcanoid.

That is not good news
for you and your friends.

Because it's fire upon Babylon!

We're gon' burn up everything!

Nothing personal,
you understand?

Just protocol.

[Junior] Sam! Start the car.

Our new bosses are in the
vault and they're not human!

- Hey! Uh-huh. Horses aren't allowed here.
- No. Shh. I'm not a horse. It's a mask.

- No! You need to go home.
- Get away!

- [Junior groaning]
- [blowing whistle]

Run! Run!

- Come on. Come on!
- [engine sputtering]

[whistle blowing]

[Junior] Go, go, go, go, go!

Come on! Go, go, go!

- [Prince] Go, go, go, go, go!
- [engine sputtering]

- All right!
- [Junior] Get us the fuck out of here!

- I'm trying!
- Come on!

[engine starts]

[Junior whoops]

[whistle continues blowing]

Oh my God!

What? What now?

I think that was a limb!

- [Sam] What?
- It flew across the window!

[whistle blowing]

[whistle stops]

[bottle rattles]

How about a snack?

What the fuck is going on?

Where'd they come from?
Why did their skin glow?

No! No. This can't be
happening! [laughs]

- Junior! Hey! Junior!
- This is not happening.

What? What? What?

Junior, I need you
to focus, okay?

- I need you to focus.
- Okay. Focus.

Tell me what happened. Okay?

What happened in the vault?

What happened in the vault? They,
uh… they had someone tied up.

Um, they said that they needed
Zulcanoid for their bodies.

It heals their skin
or some shit. Um…

Ah… Fuck!

What? What's going on?

They're going to…

They're gonna steal the Zulcanoid,
and then they're gonna burn everyone.

That's it. That's their plan.

Burn… Who? Who's going to burn?

- Who's burning?
- The aliens!

That's who's gonna burn
everyone. The aliens!

Oh, God. I need
something to breathe in.

Is there like a plastic
bag or some shit?

Oh God…

[breathing heavily]

Sam. Sam, what are
we going to do?

I don't know.

I need a minute to think. Okay?

People are getting
dismembered while you think!

Oh my God! There is no
need to be so overdramatic!

Overdramatic? It's
fucking aliens, Sam!

They're going to fucking eat your
intestines and do "whooo-ooh!"

What the hell is "whoo-ooh!"?

It's the alien sound! That's
the sound they play for aliens!

Fuck!

[panting]

[Prince's father] You're
weak. Just like your mother.

[Colleen] He's always
late. He lies all the time.

[father] You don't
have the stomach…

[Colleen] Basically, he's the
worst staff member we've ever had.

[father] It was a joke to you.
What'd you think was gonna happen?

[Colleen] Clean that or I'll
give you another warning.

[father] Coward.

[Colleen laughing]

- [Prince] We need to stop.
- Say what now?

We need to pull over.

Oh, I am not pulling
over right now.

Now! Pull over now!
I am being serious!

[exhales sharply]

Okay.

My dad was right.

I've been a coward
my whole life.

And I'm sick of it.

If we keep going, I
will never change.

Yeah, I will never.

[exhales]

We need to go back.

Oh, we need to go back!

He's right.

These are our people.
We drugged them.

We did that.

We can't leave them behind.

No. No.

We can't. They're our people.

We go back.

We're going back.

We go fucking back.

[breathing shakily]

How's everyone feeling?

[thunder rumbling]

We're going to
need some weapons.

You mean like this?

Not so ridiculous now, is it?

Oh my…

[exhales]

Oh, nunchucks. Nice.

Did it come with a
Bruce Lee poster?

Yeah, it did, actually.

Is that a problem?

No, not at all.

As long as they don't break
while fighting an alien,

then everything's all good.

If I were you, I'd be more
worried about my table ornament.

Table ornament?

Dude, I'll have you know that this
was crafted by a master swordsmith

in Osaka.

So it's basically unbreakable.

Guys. Hey.

Sorry. Sorry.

Wait.

- [spits]
- Oh…

We don't let them get away.
We fight to the death.

Why do you keep
spitting on yourself?

What is wrong with you?

Come on, man! This
is a real moment.

We're probably gonna die here.

We are not going to die. Okay?

How do you know?

I just know.

Now come on. Let's go
get these assholes.

Last thing, that is disgusting.

Also, a spit oath
is not a real thing.

- It is a real thing.
- Yeah. If you're, like, eight.

[thunder rumbling]

- Wait. Wait!
- What?

The vault door.

What about it?

- Their lives depend on Zulcanoid, right?
- Right.

So why would they leave
the vault door open?

It's a trap.

Oh, shit.

[knocking]

[Badrick] Wagwan!

Oh, shit. They look
really happy to see us.

That is a terrible sign.

This is it.

I'll take the office.

I'll take the vault.

- Good luck.
- You too.

Whoa. Whoa! You guys
are leaving me with him?

There's three of them,
there's three of us.

You have a sword. He doesn't.

You'll be fine.

Dude, you can take him.

Definitely.

Okay. I can… I can take him.

Looks like it's just
you and me, Princey.

This is going to be so much fun.

Just the two of us
dancing through the night.

Dancing and fighting. The
two things I can't do. Fuck!

What you have there?

It's a… It's a samurai sword.

Yeah, it's from Osaka,
so it's really legit.

Ho-ho!

Princey have a sword.

Princey have a sword!

What you gon' do with
it? Chop off me head?

Um. I was maybe thinking
about it. But...

There's only one problem, man.

You brought a sword
to a gunfight.

Let me show you what I have.

[sizzling]

[low growl]

Holy shit!

Oh, Princey!

Oh my fucking shit!

[tense music playing]

So what? We're hiding now?

I could've sworn
he was right here.

Hello, mate.

I believe you humans
call it teleportation.

I knew you'd come back.
You're a feisty one.

But it's a big mistake.

Yeah, well, you know
what? The way I see it…

it's only a big mistake…
if I don't kick your ass.

Well, Sammy, that's
your first problem.

I don't have an ass.

My name is not Sammy!

- [grunts]
- [mug shatters]

[tense music playing]

Portia! What're you doing here?

I was looking for you.

What?

It doesn't matter! Listen…
we're under attack.

I know how this is gonna sound,
our new owners are aliens.

And they're trying
to kill everyone!

Calm down. It's okay.

What do you mean?

Death is just a part of change.

[Russian accent] Nothing
to be worried about.

Excuse me?

Surprise!

Oh God.

[groans]

[Badrick chuckling]

I tell you what.

I'll let you take a free swing.

Give it all you've got.

See if you can reach mi neck.

God, you're hard to look at.

Or we could just keep talking?

I think there's a lot we
could learn from each other.

So, what's your planet like?

I'm sure it's so lovely.

It's a free hit, man!

Do it while you still can!

Okay, Prince. You can do this.

Come on, man! Don't be a pussy!

[screams]

[Gregory] Sammy!

Sammy! Did you know that
humans can actually fly?

[laughs] Oh yeah!

If you wanted to,

you could cut through the
air like a bloody gazelle.

There's only one small hiccup.

The landing.

[Sam grunts]

- [doll squeaks]
- Oh!

[groans]

[laughs]

Ooh, crikey!

- [coughs]
- [Gregory] That's got to hurt.

[Sam grunts] Fuck!

[Junior groans]

Pathetic.

How much body percent
fat are you anyway, huh?

I really do hope that
you're not too hairy.

[groans]

You humans are so soft.

Like little jellyfish.

That's why you're so tasty.

[screams]

[exclaiming]

Ha!

I just make clowning with you!

I don't have the
pain receptors. So…

You know?

But you do.

[groans, yells]

[screaming]

[Prince] Oh my God!

[sword clatters]

That was probably an ornament.

[yells, grunts]

[coughs] Ah!

Fuck!

- [Gregory] Come on, mate.
- Ah, shit.

Wake up.

Where you gonna go?

In case you haven't noticed,
I can go anywhere I want!

- [Gregory laughs]
- Fuck!

Okay. Here's a clue.

Shit.

[Gregory] The more intelligent the
life-form, the less physical matter.

I'm 92% gas, mate.

Mainly hydrogen and a
lovely little bit of butane.

So that's why
throwing things at me…

[clatters]

…is not gonna help you.

You know what? You're right.

Well, halle-bloody-lujah! He's
finally getting it! [laughs]

But there's something
you should know.

Oh, yeah? What's that, mate?

[dramatic music playing]

I'm a goddamn geologist.

[groaning]

Which makes me an
expert in gas, asshole.

[crackling]

[grunting]

Any last wishes, Princey?

Yes, actually.

If you're gonna kill me,

I'm not dying on my knees.

No problem, mon.

But you close your eyes.

This is going to hurt.

I don't care.

I'm not closing my eyes.

Even though I really want to.

Aren't you the brave one?

Suit yourself.

[gas whooshing]

Oh my shit! Oh my shit!

Hey, man!

Good timing.

Like, really good timing!

Yeah, you okay?

Yeah, I… [exhales]

I think so.

I did ruin my
pants, though. But…

Better my pants
than my face, right?

Good to know.

- Let's go. We've got to find Junior.
- Um…

Maybe he's already at
the car. You know what?

- I'll go check.
- Prince. Let's go.

Okay. Oh God.

[Junior moaning in pain]

You want to know what they
call me back on my planet?

Something like…
"The Devourer." Huh?

Do you want to see why?

Yes?

[roars]

Oh shit!

Get away from him, you monster!

No! Portia, no! Run!

- [gas whooshing]
- [Anya screeching]

Thank you.

No problem.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You sure?
- What about you?

- Your leg?
- I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

It's nothing. I
can barely feel it.

How'd you know?

Found out they were made of gas.

[gas whooshes]

So I took a chance.

Uh, good call.

Hey. So you took him
out? The big guy?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
slapped him around a bit,

and then sliced his
head off. Just like…

So Sam saved you too?

Yeah, 100 percent.

Right.

Is that a pen in your leg?

Yeah.

Oh my God, dude. We need to
take it out, like, right now.

What? No?

You could get ink
poisoning. It's fatal.

Ink poisoning isn't a thing.

Oh, dude. It's really a thing.

Sorry.

- Just let me...
- Whoa! Wait!

What if it's in an artery? Huh?

I could bleed to death.

There's a small chance of that.

But there's hardly any
major arteries in your legs.

That's not true.

Okay, trust me! I have
a medical degree, okay?

You studied for three months
online, Prince. You don't know shit!

Okay, that's just semantics.

- I think… Just let...
- [Junior] Can you stop?

- Please. Just...
- Just be brave!

- [squelching]
- [groans]

Here you go.

- Ah…
- Now, can we please get out of here?

Okay?

Yeah. Of course.

You can put your... Okay.

[grunting]

Okay.

[Junior groaning]

What did she do to you?

I don't know. I mean,
I just blacked out.

All I remember is I was cleaning
outside of her office...

Whoa! Okay, Portia! Guys, wait!

Take it easy.

Is she okay?

I just need to catch my breath.

Breathe in through your nose
and out through your mouth.

Wow. All this time I thought
it was "breathe out, then in."

- What?
- Oh, shit.

What a night.

I'm still trying to process
everything. You know?

[Prince] Tell me about it.

I'm gonna need years
of therapy after this.

I mean, those were
real aliens, you know?

We didn't imagine that.

Hey, man. Um…

- Don't move.
- What?

No! Don't move.

What is it?

Um…

It's probably nothing.

Prince! Dude, what is it?

Oh, shit.

[splattering]

[screaming]

Okay. I can fix this!

Wait, I'm going
to be a paramedic.

I can fix this.

I can do this.

- Prince. Give me the leg.
- No.

- Give me the leg. Let go!
- No! I can't let go!

- No! He needs it.
- Let go!

Legs are important! Okay?

He doesn't need his
legs because he's dead!

Gone! Okay?

I'm sorry, but there's nothing
you can do for him now!

No! [grunts]

It doesn't matter, okay? All
I need is a first-aid kit,

a shitload of bandages.

I can do this. I can do this.

[sobs]

[sobs]

Bandages?

Dude, what're you talking about?

Are you crying?

No. No, not at all! I'm…

Whoa! I… I think I'm
allergic to the aliens.

You had another one of
those stupid visions?

No, I didn't have one of those
stupid visions, okay? Shut up.

- Can you walk?
- Yeah, I can walk.

Yeah, I got you.

Thanks.

- You good?
- Yeah.

You know what sucks?

We just saved everyone,
and no one's gonna know.

That's okay. We'll know.

Oh, please. Don't act
like you don't care.

You're just trying to
impress your girlfriend.

No, that's not it.

I'm not... And she's
not my girlfriend.

Are you?

You can be such an
idiot sometimes, Junior.

I love you too.

Uh, I mean, I like you.

You like me too, so…

We like each other.

[chuckles lightly]

I love you.

I think my luck's changing!

[explosion]

What the fuck just happened?

Huh.

Melusi.

He must've put paint
in the Zulcanoid.

Overheated in the car.

What were you saying
about luck changing?

Sam? What're you doing?

Sam?

[Sam] Often the solutions to our
problems are a lot closer than we think.

Sometimes they're
right in front of us.

[laughing]

Oh my goodness! It works.

[Sam] Turns out the
real value of Zulcanoid

is what it can do
for damaged skin.

And that changed everything.

[laughing]

Dude, I still can't believe
that this is our place.

[laughs] I mean,
look at this view!

It's ridiculous.

It beats the shit out of
my car, that's for sure.

You know I've never
had a roommate before?

It's gonna be a new
journey for us, man.

You don't meditate

in the mornings, like… naked?

Anything like that, right?

I mean, I don't, but if that's
something you want to try?

No!

That's not what I meant.

Sorry. I just misread.

Never mind. Let's just pretend…

What did you even say?

- What?
- [Portia] Um…

So I do most of my things naked.

Are you boys okay with that?

100% fine with that. Yeah.

Beers in the fridge.

Thank you.

- Don't do that.
- Oh my God. She winked at me.

- No, she didn't.
- Dude.

I am a medical professional.

The human body
means nothing to me.

That's not true.

I took an oath.

I don't believe you.

- I did. Yeah.
- Prince!

That's… That's not funny.
Wait. Don't do that.

[Junior] AMI didn't just
get a new lease on life,

they got a new leader.

Someone who we could
all get behind.

And he made sure that everyone
got what they deserved.

[yells]

Huh?

[gasps]

[laughs]

They say you stole
over 50 million.

Is it true?

That's a lie. I
didn't steal anything.

[guard] Ha! Whatever
you say, Chief.

Welcome to your new home.

Hey. You want to pat my dog?

[guard] You're lucky.

Fingers here makes a
very special pudding.

It's a secret recipe. I'm
busy making some right now.

[grunts]

[farts]

Oh my God.

[Prince] Does anyone want to tell
me what this creepy place is?

[Sam] It's our old refinery. We
used to process Zulcanoid here.

[Prince] Oh, how fascinating.

I was hoping to go on a
work tour on a Saturday.

[Junior] This isn't
a work tour, okay?

As the new head of security, I've
been checking out all our sites.

And last night, I found
something unbelievable.

And I mean unbelievable!

Why didn't you just take a
video of this unbelievable thing

and send it to me?

No. This is something that you
need to see for yourselves.

Okay?

- You guys ready?
- [Prince] For what?

To be disappointed?

Ah! Probably how Portia feels.

Just shut up! Come on.

[dramatic music playing]

Tell me that isn't the
dopest shit you've ever seen!

Oh my God.

Now we know how they got here.

And this isn't
even the best part.

What do you mean?

Wait till you see what's inside.

What's inside?

What's inside? What's inside?

[sighs deeply]

Oh, shit.

[mysterious music playing]