Original subtitles

[thunder cracking]

[dramatic music playing]

[thunder cracks]

[faint clanging]

[static]

[in Zulu] Hey, guys. Has anybody been working in the vault?

[walkie-talkie beeps]

[in English] Guys? Is anyone working in the vault tonight?

[walkie-talkie beeps]

Shit.

Hello? Hello?

[dramatic music plays]

[door closes]

Hey, guys. It's not funny.

If you idiots think you're gonna scare me today,

it's not going to happen.

[tense music playing]

Hello? Who's there?

[with Russian accent] Happy birthday, George.

[clicks tongue]

Are you coming?

[giggles]

Yes, madam!

Thank you, boys. Thank you, bra God.

Oh, Georgie…

[George] So, what's your name?

You know, we should not be in here.

I mean, we can do this in the office.

Not that I'm complaining.

It's just that this room gets a little bit cold, you know,

and makes other things smaller.

[clothes thud]

[snarling]

[George screaming]

[munching sounds]

[birds chirping]

[man] Okay, Chen. Listen to me. All right?

As I mentioned before,

even if I were with sales, there's nothing I can do.

You've got to be on the list.

Come on, Sam. Don't give me that shit. I only need a few liters.

Nobody needs to know.

It's not the amount that's the problem, it's…

What do you want it for, anyway?

What… What do I want it for?

[sighs] We're…

developing medical equipment to help children with cancer?

You like children, don't you?

Yeah, of course. Of course I like children.

But that's not the point.

Look, Sam,

I'm willing to pay very good money, all right?

The kind that will bring all the girls to your yard.

You understand?

Uh, I understand,

I understand, but, uh… [chuckles]

I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.

All right? I can't help you. Bye-bye.

Got to go. Got to… go.

[Sam] So, why am I getting calls

from Chinese gangsters at eight in the morning?

Well, that's because we mine the only Zulcanoid deposit on Earth.

And right now, Zulcanoid is on fire.

It's basically a liquid metal similar to mercury.

Except it won't poison you or make you want to eat your own face.

And that makes it valuable.

Only problem is, we can't keep up with demand.

Which hasn't always been the case. Believe me.

But after struggling for so many years,

it feels like we've finally arrived.

At last, things are falling into place.

We're screwed, man.

I can't believe it. This is the end.

It's way too early in the morning for this.

Take a breath, Liam. What's going on?

Ah. Of course, of course.

You haven't heard. You were at the mine.

Heard what, Liam?

Bheki's stepping down.

It's the whole thing with his lungs.

Melusi's taking over.

My God.

No, Sam. God has forsaken us.

And the devil's called a management meeting you gotta be at now.

What?

- Yeah! Hustle, hustle, hustle. - Okay.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me, please. Um…

- Sorry. I should've sat in the front. - [people muttering]

Okay. Yeah, uh…

Whoa. Whoa!

Please stop! Wait. Wait. Wait!

[cloth ripping]

[Junior] If you think that's just bad luck, you've got no idea.

The truth is, I'm cursed. My whole family is.

It began when my parents met.

It was your classic love story,

Dad stole Mom's heart.

Then six months later,

he stole the rest of her shit.

Shit!

He never came back after that.

While on a job one night, he got himself into a bit of a situation.

He probably would've gotten away with it

if it wasn't for one small piece of bad luck.

- [grunting] - [alarm blaring]

[Junior] Because the universe has a sense of humor,

I work as a security guard.

Which, I suppose, could be worse.

Like the rest of my life in which I'm permanently broke,

haven't had a girlfriend in five years,

and am forced to live with two of the world's most annoying roommates.

- Bingo. - Oh, yum…

We really shouldn't.

I suppose he didn't say we couldn't look.

He didn't say that.

Exactly.

[Junior] Seriously?

Junior, what are you doing?

What's that?

Morning, boss. Sorry. That's not mine.

Uh, my housemates stole my lunch.

- I don't want to hear it. - Right.

HR's presenting this morning, and we are all under the microscope.

Yes, sir.

Put on a jacket. It looks like you slept in that shirt.

Uh, sorry. About that, sir.

There was an… incident this morning.

My jacket kind of… [clears throat]

…got away from me.

[laughs]

All right, let me get this straight.

- You are a security guard… - Yes, sir.

…and both your jacket and your lunch got stolen this morning?

When you say it like that, doesn't sound great.

Enough! Get your…

Get your shit together!

Yes, sir. Sorry. I will.

[Junior clears throat]

[sighs]

Since you hate your roommates so much, why don't you just move out?

Well, I would if I could, but… I signed the lease.

Then put them in their place, Junior. Show them who they're dealing with.

Yeah! Yeah.

[laughs] Absolutely.

Let them know who they're dealing with.

I'm gonna do that… tonight.

They're gonna feel… thunder.

Okay. Good. Good.

I will see you in the meeting.

Yes, right. The meeting. I'll be there.

"Feel the thunder." [laughs]

I'm amazed she didn't have sex with you right now.

Okay, thank you. Shut up, please.

Dude, look, just ask her out and stop being a pussy.

- I'm not being a pussy. - You're a pussy.

- I'm not! Can you stop? - Pussy.

- Stop that. Please. Just this once. - Whatever.

Why is HR coming to the meeting?

I don't know. Maybe we're getting a raise?

Really?

It's like we've never met.

[farts]

[slurping]

Oh shit.

Hey, Sean. How're you doing?

Fine, thanks. I'm just busy urinating.

Yeah. Yeah, I see that.

I saw Colleen earlier on who said, "Hey, where's Prince?"

And then I said,

"Well, you know Prince. He's probably late again."

And I was right.

Yeah.

Mm! You want me to go tell her that you've arrived?

I can make that happen.

No. I've got it.

Listen, also, don't you want to maybe just put it away?

No one wants to see that.

You know, I always used to be late for things, Prince.

Really? Yeah, and what did you do?

I just arrived earlier. That's the secret.

- Oh? It's a secret? - Yup.

[softly] Thanks for sharing.

[urinating stops]

Have a good day at work.

[Prince] So, why am I always late for work?

Well, it's not exactly a mystery.

I hate my job.

But I don't have a choice.

According to the rules of my trust fund,

I have to work as an accountant for five years

or else I'm cut off.

Thank God I'm almost there.

And then I'll get to prove my father wrong.

Hey.

Colleen? Hey. Good morning.

How long you been in here?

Uh, I don't know. Like a few minutes, give or take.

Yeah, is there anything I can help with?

It's too late. I sorted it out myself. As usual.

Oh, okay.

Are you almost done in here?

You know we've got a meeting, right?

Yeah. I will be there or be squared. I'm so sorry.

There is just something about you that gets right up my ass.

I think I'm gonna call in HR

so we can have another little heart-to-heart.

Oh? Is that right?

You think we need to have a little chat with HR, do you?

How's this for a heart-to-heart?

[groans]

[gasps]

[dramatic music playing]

[Prince] What do you have to say now, Colleen?

Huh?

You know, I'm actually surprised you have a heart!

Fucking…

[grunts]

[music stops]

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, um, nothing. Nothing. I'm so sorry.

Ah. Ooh.

There is a spasm in my hand from all the work I've been doing.

I said I want you to take notes

for our department in the meeting.

You think you can handle that?

Yeah, we got this. I… I got this.

Um, anything you say, boss.

Good.

Was that you?

- What? - Are you the office pisser?

No.

Of course you are.

I should've thought as much.

Clean that up or I'll give you another warning.

Yeah, but I didn't do it.

Then who was it, huh?

Uh…

[sighs]

Thought so.

Sort it out.

You're disgusting.

Why didn't you say something? Come on, man.

You know what? You deserve this.

Oh, fuck.

Oh! Fuck.

My father started this business with nothing.

All he had was some dusty ground…

a few millions,

and a vision.

Nice for you to join us, Sam.

Alas, even visionaries have blind spots.

This is why we're here.

We are here to change your slow thinking.

We are here to put spectacles on your eyes

so you can see brighter.

This is why we're here. We're here to open your eyes.

Gugu.

What do we have here?

Tell me what you see. Don't be scared.

This is a free and safe space.

No.

Speak!

Don't do it.

Uh…

Yeah, you! Go.

Um…

Good morning, everyone.

Morning.

Well, what I see is… you know, uh…

it looks like, um…

uh, an office, sir.

Excuse me?

Well, I mean, um, from where I'm standing it kind of, uh…

resembles, uh… um…

somebody's, uh, you know, uh… office.

Turn around.

Sir? What?

I don't want to look at your ugly face. Turn around.

- Don't even sit down. Just turn around. - Okay.

What we have here is a cancer that's in this business.

Starting from today,

all you managers are going to pay rent.

You like nice things? Huh?

Well, you must pay for that.

No more free lunches!

Free lunches for everyone!

[squeals with delight]

Yay! Woo-hoo! [laughs]

Now that sounds great.

There'll be a catch. Trust me.

It does depend whether or not there's been a client meeting

earlier on in the week and…

well, whether there's leftovers.

[chuckles] Obviously.

[squeals]

[flies buzzing]

Let's look alive. Look alive. Come on.

I'm so sorry.

[woman] A little help here.

Sure.

- Thank you. It's a little heavy. - [chuckles]

[sighs] Well, when times get tough, what do we do?

We tighten our belts!

So, as of this week,

you'll all be handing in your laptops

in exchange for these retro babies!

Hey? Pretty cool.

You… You can't be serious.

This is a joke, right? [laughs]

If a company surviving in this economy is a joke to you, Prince,

then yes, this is a very big joke.

Why don't you write that down?

Now, who can tell me here

how many minutes are there in one hour?

How? A room full of managers,

leaders of this business,

no one can answer such a simple question?

Go.

Uh… [clears throat]

Well, I mean, it's one hour, so…

Sixty minutes.

Lower your chair.

I'm sorry?

I said lower your chair. You don't deserve to sit in a big chair.

Lower your chair. Now. Now.

No one in this room has a vision. No one.

I'm the only person in this room that has a vision.

Gugu.

Starting from today,

I'm going to introduce a visionary concept

called "AMI Time".

AMI Time is one government hour

plus a 30 minutes bonus.

- [Junior] This is what I told you about… - [murmuring]

Quieten down, everyone. Uh, quiet, please.

I would like you all to meet Brian.

Come here, Brian. Come along.

That's my jacket.

What?

- Dude's wearing my jacket. - Yeah?

[straining] We found Brian on the side of the road this morning.

We… [wheezes]

We actually thought he was dead. [laughs]

Oh.

But the fact is,

he would still be able to do most of your jobs.

The Finance department is not really the most popular department.

It turns out 86% of your colleagues

don't even remember a single one of your names.

Which is why we've come up with these.

Thank you, Colleen.

Name tags. Look at them.

Okay, they're quite visible.

But maybe it's also about the placement of your name tag.

You can put it right in the middle.

Or on this side. Or perhaps on that side.

Also, try giving yourself a fun nickname.

So that people find you relatable.

Yes?

Um, people like to call me "Knobface."

I'm not exactly sure why.

I know why.

So let's not go with that here. Okay?

Can I use your name, please?

No. No, no, no.

We want your colleagues to get to know you.

To find you exciting.

What's your name?

[whispering] Sean. Sean…

Sean. Sean.

Carol.

Oh my shit, someone kill me now.

Do you know how long our waiting list is right now?

Five months.

Five months!

We are losing sales because we can't keep up with the demand.

Luckily, I… I have a solution.

From now on, every unit we sell

will have 50% Zulcanoid and 50% cutting agent.

See? Genius.

Okay, I'm sorry. [scoffs]

Is that paint?

I said it's "cutting agent".

Okay, well, you can't do that.

And why not?

The paint will contaminate the Zulcanoid, making it unstable.

And how do you know that?

Basic chemistry.

Basic chemistry?

Maybe I wouldn't need to do this if you found us more ground.

We're mining the only known Zulcanoid deposit on Earth. [scoffs]

It's not exactly easy to find. [laughs]

Do you know what is easy to find, Sam?

What's that?

Geologists.

Which is why the company has decided

you will no longer be getting your annual bonus.

- What? - [all grumbling]

Shh. No. Hold on. Let me finish.

It's not all bad news.

Instead of… money,

which, let's be frank, most of you would just tk-tk-tk away anyway,

the company has decided to give you

this amazing company-branded clothing.

I mean, take a look at this!

Huh!

Hmm?

The survey also indicates

that your colleagues don't like the way you treat them.

They say you are, open quote, "sub-human", close quotes.

I know why.

Because you spend all day on spreadsheets.

Maybe all night.

Who can tell me, what is the most important thing in any business?

Yes.

Sharp pencils.

Do you use sharp pencils in your everyday job?

No.

Then why would you think they're most important?

Because the Russians use them in space.

Are you in space right now?

Yes. The work space.

Anyone else?

Anyone else?

Anyone else, please? Anyone else, please?

Yes.

- What about pens? - Damn it!

Customers!

The customer is the lifeblood of any company. Okay?

You don't know that because you don't get to see the customer.

We are changing that today.

You will all have your own personalized customer

that you will take with you everywhere you go.

You will take your customer to the kitchen.

You will take your customer to the toilet.

You will take your customer with you. Are we clear?

Uh, sorry. Uh, Carol. I am not taking a sex toy to the toilet.

It is not a sex toy! It is a customer.

You will take the customer with you to the toilet. Every time!

- Do you understand? - Yes, yes. Okay, I understand.

Wow!

[Carol] And, unfortunately, we do not have pumps.

So you're going to have to blow your customer yourself.

Just be careful where you put your mouth. It can be very confusing.

Uh…

[Prince] You know what I don't get?

Why'd he leave Melusi in charge?

Come on, dude. It's his son. What else was he supposed to do?

He could've given it to Sam.

Shit, I'd even do a better job.

You're a junior accountant carrying a sex doll around.

- I don't think you've got what it takes. - You think you do?

- You don't even balls to ask Portia out. - Whoa.

- I think I know what he's doing. - Who?

Melusi. He's cutting costs.

Trying to make it look like AMI is more profitable than what it is.

Why would he do that?

To jack up the price. Right?

You think he wants to sell the company?

There's only one way to find out.

I'll ask him.

- Ask him? - Yeah.

You do realize he hates you, right?

Like, on a biblical level.

It doesn't matter.

I just have to figure out what buttons to push.

Okay, well, just don't push the button that says,

"Punch Sam in the Head."

Because you will lose that fight. Badly.

It'd be like a rhino stomping on a frog.

Except the frog's already, like, diabetic and shit.

Like, in a wheelchair, and it can't even hop...

I get it. I get it.

[cell phone buzzing]

- Oh! Hello, Sam. - Hey, Gugu.

How are you?

Hey, I'm fine. Thank you. Uh, you've got a…

- Uh, oh. [sniffs] Oh, thanks! - You got a… Yeah.

It's, uh… medical powder for my allergies.

Yeah, that's not what I was talking about. Uh, never mind.

Is he available?

Oh, he's about to pop out.

Pop out? [chuckles]

All right, well I'm just going to grab it. Grab him! Grab him. Excuse me.

Okay…

[snoring]

Oh jeez. [scoffs]

Hey. Hey!

I need to talk to you.

I didn't realize that you're the one in charge now. Huh?

So what can I do for you, boss?

Look, you've been here for what? A couple of months?

I've been here since day one.

I just need to know whether you're going to sell the company.

Who told you that?

You did, actually.

I mean, you've been cutting corners everywhere.

- It's pretty obvious. - [chuckles]

Look at that, huh? Miner boy!

Now you think you understand business.

If you sell to another mining company our people will lose their jobs.

- They helped build this place. You can't... - Hey! Hey! Hey!

I'm the one who's in charge here.

Me! I'll do whatever I like here.

If you had a little bit more respect for your father

and what he's done here, you...

My father? My father?

Who are you to talk to me about my father?

Get out. Get out!

Nonsense.

[soft piano music playing]

- Hey. - Hey.

How bad is it?

Seven. Maybe eight. Not that she'll admit it.

[exhales]

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Where is she? - In her room.

- All right. - I'll warm your food.

Thank you.

- [knocking] - Hey, Princess.

Dad, I'm 15. You've gotta stop calling me that.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. How're you doing?

Are you… are you in any pain?

As I told Mom, I'm fine. I can barely feel it.

Okay.

Well, uh, do you mind if I take a look?

That's, uh… That's not that bad. Right?

- See? - Yeah.

I mean, the way your mom was going on on the phone,

you'd swear it was a seven… or an eight.

It's nowhere near an eight. It's like a four.

Right.

Well, if I knew that, I would've stopped off at the bar,

picked up a couple shotskis.

You? Shots?

Hey. There's a lot about me you don't know. Okay?

I am capable of stuff.

- Really? - Girl…

[laughs]

Want me to call your mom? To…

Seriously? I don't need help putting on cream.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

[exhales] Uh-huh.

Dad?

Mm! Right. Right. I'm cramping your style.

Mm.

Well, uh… I'll let you get to it, then.

Okay.

- Hey, Dad? - Yeah? Yeah?

I love you.

I love you too, Princess.

[emotional piano music playing]

[inhales]

[sighs]

- [dog barking in distance] - [crickets chirping]

[door creaking]

How was work?

[sighs]

Started badly. Went downhill from there.

You know, pretty standard.

I suppose it's my fault?

What are you talking about?

You've been spoiled your whole life.

Now you can't face having to work for a living.

It's not working I have a problem with.

It's being an accountant.

You know, I don't get it.

What's so wrong with being a paramedic?

You don't have the stomach to work on the front line.

You're a coward.

Always have been.

I… I was a nervous kid.

Yes, I'll give you that. But…

[clears throat] I'm not that kid anymore.

Yes, you are.

You're weak. Just like your mother.

[dramatic music playing]

You know what?

That's enough, Dad.

Would a coward do this?

[yells]

[growls]

[thuds]

Something you want to say to me, boy?

[clears throat]

No. No, um…

There's no point.

Good night.

- [tense music playing] - [thunder rumbling]

[Junior] Guys, could you take that shit off?

[sighs]

[Junior] Okay, look. I don't ask for a lot around here.

Just please leave my shit alone.

Well, just so you know. We're not proud of what happened.

Won't happen again.

If it makes you feel better, we didn't enjoy the food.

No, not at all.

[man] It was horrible.

Like dog food. If you hated your dog.

You should totally take some cooking lessons.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Okay. I'm sorry that my cooking isn't up to your standards.

Mm…

- But you need to make your own food. - [both chuckle]

Ah, if only it were that easy.

What do you mean?

We are exceptionally busy during the day.

You're both unemployed.

That is not true.

- And not fair. - And you know it.

I'll have you know that we do a lot around here.

Like?

Well, for starters, uh, meditating.

Every morning we make sure

that there is clean energy in all the rooms.

All the rooms.

All the rooms.

- [birds chirping] - [meditation music playing]

[man on recording] Take your next breath,

sending it into your lower back and belly.

Releasing any tension that you may be holding in these areas.

[farts]

Are you telling me that the two of you have been naked

in my room?

That's not the point. The point is that we do more than our fair share.

Way more.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Um…

Name one other thing.

One actual thing.

DIY.

DIY.

When things go wrong around here, who sorts it out?

Not you, that's for sure. You're never here.

You come and go as you please.

That's because I have a job!

Let's watch the tone of voice. Bring it down.

Yeah. Relax.

You know what?

I've literally never seen you guys fix a single thing around here.

Uh, who do you think fixed the burst pipe in the bathroom this very morning? Hmm?

[exhales] There's a burst pipe in the bathroom?

Mm-hmm.

How did that happen?

No idea.

Hah! Hah! Hah! Wah! Wah! Wah!

- [pipe clangs] - Oh!

Megan. Megan!

[rain pattering]

[ticking]

[Sam] Maybe I'm overreacting.

Maybe with the right buyer, things won't be so bad.

We could increase production, improve R&D,

move into new markets.

What if I've been thinking about this all wrong?

This could be exactly what the company needs.

Okay, you know what?

Enough.

Close your eyes.

Get some sleep.

[ticking continues]

- [cell phone chimes] - Huh?

[sighs]

Shit.

What is it?

Huh?

What is it?

Nothing. Just a meeting. Go back to sleep now.

So they found a buyer? That's got to be it. It's pretty obvious.

Which means a bunch of us are about to lose our jobs.

We don't know that. Let's not panic, all right?

I'm weeks away from hitting my five years.

- If they cut me now, I am screwed. - [sniffing]

[scoffs] If they cut me now,

I'm pretty much homeless.

That's me.

Look, let's just calm down, keep an open mind. All right?

You never know. This could be a good thing.

[Prince sighs]

[somber music playing]

[wolf howling]

[Melusi on video] Recently, our company was dying.

- A heavy darkness had befallen us. - [inspirational music playing]

But then a new leader was chosen.

- And a bright new day dawned for AMI. - [inspirational music builds]

A man not afraid to think outside the box,

to do away with wasteful things,

to make AMI stronger, safer, more efficient.

A man who even changed time!

- [eagle screeches] - And why has he done all these things?

Because he cares about the future.

And that future starts today!

[upbeat music playing]

[air horn blowing]

[clapping]

[laughs]

Yes, yes, yes.

[music stops]

When I became your leader,

I could see that there was a lot of doubt in your eyes.

You were thinking, "Can this young bull really provide for our future?"

Well, I have an answer for you today.

All the way from overseas!

- Your new leaders of AMI! - [dance music resumes]

Yes! Yes!

[clapping]

Yes! Yes!

- [loud pop] - Yeah!

[man] Howdy!

Come talk to your people. Talk to your people.

[with Australian accent] Well, hello, AMI.

Yeah, hello.

I can't tell you how excited we all are

to finally see you all in the flesh!

Yeah! The fleshy flesh!

Now, before we go any further,

I want to make one thing very clear.

And that is that we are not planning on making any major changes.

No job cuts. No demotions.

No downsizing of any sort.

You can all rest easy.

Can I get a bloody "Hallelujah?"

[all cheering]

- Yeah! - Yes!

[laughs]

We will worry about all of that shit next month!

That's it. I'm homeless.

So now, as you know,

Melusi is going to be stepping out, and I'm going to be stepping in.

Uh…

Badrick over here is going to be my second-in-command.

And the beautiful Anya will be our new Change Manager.

Even though, like I've just said, you've got nothing to worry about at all.

For now.

Now, this is usually the time, I suppose, when your new leader,

your new chief,

bores you to death with his galaxy of achievements.

[laughter]

But instead I'm going to open the floor to my lovely colleagues

to have a word with you beautiful people.

I think Badrick, you first.

Uh, spoiler warning,

he's a bit intense.

[scattered laughter]

[with Jamaican accent] There are three things you need to know about me.

One, I don't take shit from nobody!

And two, you romp wid mi,

and I'm gonna mash you up!

Three, no matter what…

I always come out on top.

And if you leave me stranded on Jamrock with no food…

everything irie.

Because Badrick will feast on himself.

I'm sorry. Did he just say he'd eat himself?

[man] Thank you, Baddy!

Yeah, Badrick, ladies and gentlemen.

But he has a heart of gold.

Yeah, he can light up the darkest room.

No, really. Yeah. All right, thanks, Baddy.

Next up we have the lovely Anya.

[scattered applause]

[with Russian accent] So. What is change?

Put your hand down.

Is change when we birth

small uterus, slimy lizard

into baby?

Who knows?

Because change is very mysterious. Hmm?

Thank you.

Anya, thank you so much. You really raise a valid point there.

Change, guys, is so… mysterious.

All right, that's it. Let's all get back to work.

We need more of that Zulcanoid.

[chuckles]

That's a bloody order!

[laughs]

Just playing, silly buggers!

Oh, yeah. Gotcha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But seriously, let's go. Come on.

Yeah! Let's go!

- Yeah. Yeah. - [Anya] Bye-bye.

[boss] There's some jelly in the canteen. Come on.

- [man laughing] - What the hell was that?

Still think this is a good idea?

[Sam] However bad we thought it was going to be,

we were wrong.

Way wrong.

Fuck.

[melancholy music playing]

[exhales deeply]

- Hey. - Hey.

Mmm.

[cell phone buzzing]

Based on some budgetary challenges,

we will no longer be issuing you with any weapons.

Instead, we will provide you with something far more valuable.

The ability to fight off intruders

by only using your instincts,

your training,

and some basic office supplies.

So our special guest today is Sensei Storm Force.

The inventor of the world's most mixed martial art,

KMKJ.

Or rather "Krav Maga Karate Jujutsu.".

Sensei.

Krav Maga Karate Jujutsu is all about flow.

About using the tools around you to shift energy.

And to attack!

Now… is this a stapler or…

jaws of death?

I'm pretty sure that's just a stapler.

Yeah, it's a stapler. Ah, this guy.

We don't need Krav Maga Jujutsu Karate.

Just be awake. And focus. Foo!

Shut it!

Reading is not really my thing.

- Just give it to me straight. - [Colleen] Well, he's always late.

He lies all the time. He has a terrible attitude.

Basically, he's the worst staff member we've ever had.

So if him that bad, why him still here?

Why you don't get rid of him?

I wish we could. Believe me.

But his father is one of our biggest clients,

and I really don't want to rock that boat.

So what you want to do?

I mean… I could work him over.

Break a few bones.

Slice off some skin.

You… you can do that?

Yeah, man.

That is very tempting, but…

But I actually had a slightly different idea.

Hmm. Okay. Tell me about it.

Well, I thought that we could, uh…

move him.

You know? Give him the kind of soul-crushing job

that just completely destroys him. You know?

Make his days just slow, painful, psychological torture.

Yeah! Yeah, man.

Do what you want. Me don't give a shit.

Whoa! Me give a shit!

I give a shit!

Also, you were joking about the slicing thing, right?

And just to clarify,

what did you mean about torture?

- Where is he? - I'm sorry, what?

Gregory. Where's Gregory?

- Right over here. - Right over there.

Hello, mate.

You can't cancel the medical aid.

People rely on that. I rely on that!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Steady there, sailor. Batten that hatch.

Okay, so now, it's, uh…

Wait a minute, don't tell me.

Sam.

Sam! Sammy! Yeah, Sammy. Okay.

So, let's start that over,

but maybe this time, without the death stare. Okay?

[Gregory and Anya chuckle]

So, what's the big emergency?

My daughter is on some very expensive medication

that I can't afford without the medical aid. Okay?

- Oh… - Gotcha! Okay. Yeah.

All right. But I'm afraid we don't really have a choice.

It was a part of our agreement with your former leader. So…

So… change the deal.

Well, now wait a minute. Wait a bloody minute.

Oh, I've just been reading up on natural therapies.

Yeah? And did you know it is incredible

what you can make just by boiling a few plants together.

Did you know that? It is crazy!

And, you want to know something else?

You can probably find everything that you need in your own forest.

[laughs] Oh yeah!

Now I'd say that's a win.

No. No, no, no!

These are sophisticated drugs! Okay?

You can't just make them with fucking plants!

Boil.

You gotta boil them.

Now, before I can teach you anything,

I need to know exactly what I am dealing with.

Any volunteers?

[shuffling]

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

- What's your name? - Sorry, no. I wasn't volunteering.

- He was being a dick. - [manager] His name's Junior.

And he will be volunteering. Won't he?

Yes. Lovely.

- [clapping] - [cheering]

[Storm Force] Come on. Don't be shy. Please come forward.

Oh, Prince, Prince, Princey Prince, Prince.

This is long overdue.

You realize it's all your fault?

What is this?

That is a schedule, Einstein.

Yeah, but for what?

For the toilet.

Since you love them so much,

you are going to be timing people.

Uh, I'm sorry? Timing people in the toilet?

Exactly.

Do you have any idea how much productivity is lost

when people go for a loo break?

Please. Please. I'm begging. Don't do this.

I'm sorry? Are you too good for this job?

No! No, no, no, it's not that. It's just that, um…

I'm still part of the Finance department, right?

No, of course not!

Now you're part of Facilities,

but your time sheets still come to me, so do not fuck them up!

Okay, look. I don't care. I'll do the job.

If you take me out of the Finance department, I will…

I will lose my entire trust fund.

What?

Yeah.

- Your entire trust fund? - All of it!

I had no idea.

Yeah, it's pretty stupid if you ask me.

[scoffs]

[laughing]

Your entire trust fund? That's amazing.

You made my day.

Oh, shit.

So… do I stay here?

[Anya] Do not be stressed.

I think you are experiencing some change. So why don't you sit down,

and we can talk about how you feel? Okay?

How I feel? Is she being...

Are you being for real, right now?

We are talking about my daughter's life here!

Yeah, we know because you already told us.

[laughing] You bloody bugger! He's trying to fool us!

[Gregory laughs]

All right. [scoffs]

Clearly, you guys think that this is some kind of joke, huh?

This is funny?

Well, see if this is funny, okay?

How about I see you in court?

- Court? - Yeah.

I don't like the sound of that at all.

[sighs] I'll tell you what.

How about we don't see you at all anymore?

Because you're fired.

[imitating explosion]

Now that felt bloody amazing!

You see, sudden change, like explosion in the action movie.

Would you shut the fuck up about change? Just...

You know what?

This isn't over.

[Gregory] That's the spirit, Sammy! This isn't over!

Yeah!

[laughs]

Now, I thought Sammy was a girl's name?

You may pick anything.

[Junior] Uh, okay.

It's mightier than the sword.

No. It definitely isn't.

Do you know what a sword is, sir?

Of course I know what a sword is.

It's okay. It's okay, dumb-dumb.

I've trained squirrel to sniff out landmines.

You can do this.

Now, shall we begin?

Uh, sorry. Um…

Sorry, what are the goggles for?

Focus. Focus!

One day this could be a life or death situation.

Now I need you to think of your weapon

and how you can use it to protect yourself.

To protect myself from what?

From this!

Whoa! Whoa!

Wait! Okay? Uh… Maybe someone else can volunteer instead?

No, relax. Relax.

It's only a simulation. You'll hardly feel a thing.

That's not true. Come on!

[rapid shots]

Fuck! [grunting] Sh… Ah!

Ah! Stop!

[Storm Force] Protect yourself!

Use your other senses! You don't need your eyes.

What the fuck, man? It's just a pen!

It's not just a pen!

- It's whatever you need it to be! - [Junior] Shit!

- [gun fires] - Ah! Fuck, fuck! Ah!

[grunts] Shit!

[giggling]

You're such an embarrassment.

I'm cutting your hours to three shifts a week.

[chuckles]

[door opens]

Sean?

Hey, Prince.

Wow, that's a really nice watch.

Can I touch it?

You know what?

Actually, I'm the only one authorized to handle it.

And it's not a watch.

Then what is it?

- It's a stop watch. - Isn't that a watch?

For fuck's sake! Please just go to your desk.

Okay.

Fucking knobface!

I'm not going to wait in, um…

Okay, Patrick. On your marks.

Get set. And… go.

[car lock chirps]

Unbelievable.

Playing around with people's lives? Thinking that's a joke?

You think that's a joke? Think…

[seatbelt clicks]

[vehicle starts]

We'll see. We'll see.

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

Damn it.

[ringing continues]

[beeps]

Hey, you.

[Rosemary] Hey, baby. How's your day going?

Oh, you know. Pretty normal.

Are you in your car?

Uh…

Yeah. Yeah, I, um… I finished early.

Thought I'd surprise you.

[Rosemary] Oh, that's nice.

Would you mind stopping at the pharmacy?

Lebo's almost out of tablets.

Is she? Um…

Yeah. Yeah, um…

No problem. I'll…

I'll see you soon.

[Rosemary] Okay. Love you.

Love you too.

[phone beeps off]

Fuck!

[melancholy music playing]

[sighs deeply]

Fuck.

[scoffs]

You shouldn't have done that. What if Zepler casts a frozen spell?

He can't. I picked up Grindol's shield, remember?

Just try to keep up.

[man] That's right. Sorry. Sorry.

- [woman] As long as you've got my back. - [man] Don't you worry about that.

Where'd you guys get money to buy a new video game?

Shh!

Hey, guys?

Where's the fridge?

[woman] Shh! Quiet! Please!

- [glass shatters] - Hey!

Please tell me you didn't sell the fridge to buy a fucking video game!

Dude, language!

We don't go around swearing about your job.

We would never do that.

Dressing up like idiots and playing video games

isn't a fucking job!

You're both such losers!

[dramatic music playing]

I believe that our honor has been challenged.

I believe it has.

- You know what that means, my love? - What's it mean, babe?

[chainmail rattling]

It means I'm going to smite him with yonder broadsword!

Um…

Let's… Let's calm down.

Just put the sword down, Harry. Please.

You will have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

- Oh, shit. - Arm yourself.

- [woman chuckles] - Now battle is joined.

Oh, shit! [grunts]

[Harry] Come back here!

To the halls of Valhalla!

- Come hither! - [Junior] Harry, stop. Stop. Please!

- Harry, please! - Chop off his head!

[Junior] No, stop! Harry!

[Prince] I'm telling you, the whole place has gone mad.

I mean, who times people when they're taking a shit?

What if they're constipated?

You can't do that to people.

This can't be legal.

Know what? We need to contact our lawyer.

Get him on the phone...

There's always someone to blame, isn't there?

What?

Didn't you hear anything I just said?

The deal was five years,

and yet again you've fallen short.

That is not fair.

I never quit. I stuck it out.

You never put in the work. It was a joke to you!

What did you think was gonna happen?

Come on, Dad. Don't do this to me.

Wake up, boy. You did it to yourself.

Okay, you know what? I don't have to put up with this.

Well, you could always leave.

I mean, you're only what? Twenty-seven?

Fine. You want me gone? No problem.

Where're you going to go?

I don't know, Dad!

You know what? I don't care.

I will stay in my car if I have to.

Anywhere is better than this place. You know that?

Stupid chairs!

[clock ticking]

[phone dialing]

Hey, Chen. It's me. Um…

I was wondering if you're still interested in Zulcanoid?

Um, because if you are,

I think I might be able to make it happen.

So, yeah. Let me know, okay?

Thanks.

[sighs]

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey, Chen. Um…

When I said let me know, I didn't mean like right now.

I didn't want you to change your mind.

How soon can you get it?

I don't know. A couple of weeks, maybe.

You need to hurry. I'm running outta time.

Yeah, okay. Chen, look.

I really need to know what you're going to use it for.

Like, for real.

I already told you.

It's for children to help with their medical equipment for the heart disease.

Uh, I thought you said cancer?

It's for both, okay? Look, Sam…

It's Zulcanoid. Not uranium.

I'm not building a bomb, okay?

[blows]

[sighs]

Yeah, all right. Okay. Fine. Okay.

Good. Now let's talk money.

So we can bring all the girls to your yard for some fucky-fucky. Huh?

[Junior] You don't know what it's like.

Living with them is like a recurring nightmare.

In your apartment? Must be nice having walls.

You know what isn't nice?

Getting beaten up by a pathetic man-child

and having to beg for my life.

But have you wasted every single day for the past five years,

and now you're completely screwed?

- Oh, your trust fund? - Oh, dude. Please. No.

I don't think I have one of those. I'll check with my PA.

- [Prince] You don't. - Linda?

[Sam] All right. Enough.

Okay? Everybody's having a shit time. All right?

We get it.

Whining about it isn't going to change anything.

Then what do you suggest?

Oh, do you really want to know?

I'm living in my car. So yeah, I would like to know.

Okay. What's the one thing we all need?

That'll make all our problems go away?

I don't know. A shitload of money?

- Yeah. - Exactly.

And I think…

I think I know how to make that happen.

What? How?

By taking something that doesn't belong to us.

Come on, Sam. You've never even had a parking ticket.

And now you want to what? Rob a bank?

No, not rob a bank! Besides, it wouldn't even be stealing.

It would be taking back something that we've earned.

Something that we've dedicated our lives to.

[Prince] Okay.

What are you talking about?

I got an offer for 12 units of Zulcanoid.

- And it's a lot of money. - How much?

Two million.

What? From who?

It doesn't matter. Just, all you need to know is that he's legit,

and he's prepared to pay half upfront.

For a dozen units? That's it?

That's it.

[Prince exhales]

Prince.

You know what? I don't care anymore.

It's the least we deserve, the way they've treated us.

Come on, guys.

I've lived my whole life going by the rules.

Right?

Sure, what's that gotten me, but…

Okay, well, if they want to play dirty… so can we, right?

Yes.

[laughs]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Okay, dude. Keep it down.

- We're doing it. It's done. - I'm sorry. My God.

Just one thing, though.

We're not criminals.

So we're going to need some help figuring this out.

Why are you looking at him like that?

Fine! Fine. I know a guy.

Like, a felon?

[Prince] Am I the only one who thinks this is a really bad idea?

Just calm down, okay?

They're mostly just regular people with issues.

No big deal.

[man yelling, laughing maniacally]

Regular people? Hmm?

With some issues?

Look, I know he's your dad,

but I don't think we should be taking advice from a crazy person.

He's not crazy. His lawyer got him in here, okay?

- It was either this place or jail. - Okay.

But he knows what he's talking about.

And he's no snitch.

Do not speak to anyone you don't know. Keep your voice down at all times.

No sudden movement. No whistling. No singing. No dancing.

And do not accept any offers of food.

Oh. No singing? Such a pity.

Sorry. Um, question.

Have any of your guests ever been attacked in your experience?

They only attack the weak.

I'm sorry? What?

- Is he joking or…? - [Sam] Come on. Just go.

[laughter echoing]

[door closes]

[Junior] There he is.

Come on.

[suspenseful music playing]

[banging on table]

I want to take out your eyes and eat them!

Take out your brain and eat it!

You want to come here? Come here, man! I'll show you something.

Ah, you want some?

Come. Want some of this?

[clicks tongue]

Hey, Dad.

Junior!

- Hey, Dad. - What a lovely surprise!

Come here, son.

How're you doing? You doing alright, Dad?

No, I'm fine.

I'm keeping my head down. Keeping out of trouble.

That's great.

And who are these?

These are my friends. This is Prince and Sam.

- Prince! - Hello.

- Come here, young man. - Oh, okay.

Your hair smells… smells wonderful. What is it?

Fear mostly.

[laughing]

Funny! I like him.

Yes. And, um, he's…

Sam. You're the smart one, aren't you?

The leader of the pack.

I can tell these things.

I'm not really a leader. Just, we're all friends.

Friends? Wonderful. Well, anyway. Let's sit down, gentlemen.

I assume this isn't a social call?

I'm guessing that you young boys need something from me.

We were hoping you could give us some advice.

We need to get our hands on something that

doesn't completely belong to us.

- Hello! - Oh my God!

You want to pat my dog?

Oh, um… Thank you. But, uh, no, thank you.

He doesn't bite. I promise.

He's a good boy. You're a good boy!

Yeah, it's not that.

I am just deathly allergic to dogs.

This is Fingers.

And he's not gonna go anywhere unless you pat the dog.

- Yeah, I'm not doing that. - Pat the dog.

- No. - Pat the dog.

- No! - Just pat the damn dog!

All right, fine!

[dog squeaks]

What is his name?

Little Bit.

Little Bit? Um, okay. "Little Bit" of what?

Mucus.

- [Prince] Oh my God. - That means snot.

- [Sam] Don't let go, Prince. - Guys, it's wet!

[Senior] We can carry on.

Fingers here blew his brains with crystal meth.

He won't remember a single thing. So, please.

Okay. Um…

If we were trying to lift something from, like, a warehouse,

how would we go about that?

Well, what you'd always need to know.

The Five Ds.

Define. Delegate. Divert. Disguise.

And the most important one of them all,

do not get fucking caught.

That's it?

Yeah, pretty much.

- Oh. - [dog squeaking]

Don't stop patting him!

- Okay. - He's almost asleep.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. Um… Sure, sure. Um…

Question. Hypothetically, what if we work at the place we're trying to hit?

Is that, like, a red flag or is it like...

Oh, no. Not necessarily.

No. You see, um, say for example,

if you left your fingerprints or a sample of hair or whatever.

They can't hold you to it.

Simply because, well, it's like a… a free fuck-up.

Right. Free fuck-up.

Mr. Moses, please, don't take this the wrong way, but

you're good at this sort of thing, right?

[chortling]

You tell me.

Wowzers! He is... You are so good, sir!

- Oh, thank you. - [Sam] Seriously?

- What? - I'm so sorry.

You guys smell that?

[sniffs]

Did one of you fart?

Oh, he's done it again.

[Fingers] It's my special pudding.

- Oh my God. - I made it myself. You should try some.

- Oh my God! - It's delicious.

It gives you superpowers.

Whoo!

[whoops echoing]

[tense music playing]

[music continues]

[sharp inhale]

[music continues]

Hey, Doc.

Thanks.

[music continues]

[gasps]

[muttering, chuckling lightly]

[old man grumbles]

[jaunty music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Focus.

Ugh.

Sorry!

Uh, sorry. Are you okay?

I'm fine.

- Are you sure? - I'm good. I promise.

- Okay. - So? Where's the fire?

- The fire? Where, uh… What? - You look like you're in a rush.

Ah! Oh, um…

I… Sorry. I just need to go start my shift.

Are you all right? You look a little nervous.

Nervous?

That's strange. I feel fine.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Oh, um, that's, um… That's a pity.

I thought… maybe I made you nervous?

Actually… yes, you do.

I was just trying not to make you feel bad about it. Uh…

But, um… you know what might help?

- What's that? - Well…

Maybe we could, you know,

spend some more time together.

That way I wouldn't feel so nervous around you.

- If you think it might help? - I think it might.

- Okay. - Okay.

Uh… Uh…

- I'll send you a text. - Perfect.

- Great. - Great.

Right. Great. Ah.

I've got to get going.

Got to go punch my cock.

Punch the clock! Punch the clock. Uh...

Sorry! Excuse me.

Uh… Okay, bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

[Portia chuckles]

Sorry.

[indistinct conversation]

All right, guys. So?

When are we doing this?

I vote Saturday night. It's the perfect time.

- Why? - It's the big game.

- Everybody's gonna be in the office. - What about patrols?

They only need to tag in every three hours.

So we'll be good. Trust me.

You know what would help? If we got them drunk.

Yes, but how?

We could send them a shitload of beers. Right?

And a note from management thanking them for all their hard work.

Telling them to enjoy the game. Right?

That could actually work.

But not everybody's going to get drunk.

Okay. Sure.

- We put tranquilizers in the beer! - What?

No! No, absolutely not. I don't want anybody getting hurt.

Oh, no. No one's gonna get hurt.

We used to drug my grandmother all the time. It's perfectly safe.

What? You drugged your granny?

Oh, dude, don't start with me, okay?

You don't know the shit we went through.

You know she used to shave our heads while we were sleeping?

- You want to know why? - Why?

I don't know. I'm still asking myself.

So it'll work.

They'll be fine. They'll be sleeping like kittens. Guys, I swear.

Okay, we can keep it in mind. But so long as it's safe.

It will be.

- All right, so… - Cool.

Saturday it is.

- Saturday! - [Sam] Perfect.

- [Junior] Saturday. - [exhales]

[Junior snorts]

[spits]

If one of us get caught, no snitching.

A spit oath? Um, I'm not shaking that.

Come on, man! We need to commit!

Yeah. No, thanks, man. I'm good.

Yeah. We really don't need an oath.

You know? We trust each other. Right?

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah?

Fine, okay. I just thought that we were having a moment.

No, there was no... We were not having any moments. Idiot.

To getting what we deserve.

To what we deserve.

Hear! Hear!

[rock music playing]

[exhales]

[rock music continues]

[thunder rumbling]

[Junior on voicemail] Hey Portia.

I was wondering if maybe you'd like to have dinner next week?

I'm even willing to pay half.

That's a joke. Of course. Okay, thanks.

[squelching sounds]

[Portia screams]

Okay.

You planning on running into any ninjas today?

Look, I would rather just have it than not have it.

Why you always got to give me shit?

- Because you're being ridiculous. - I am not.

- I am being prepared. - Mm-hmm.

Anyway, what did you bring? Where's your weapon?

I'm gonna get some air.

All right, you know what? Kill me for being a little nervous.

Shit is about to go down!

How can you be so calm?

[Sam] I'm not. I'm just focused on the plan.

Which, in case you've forgotten, does not include any sword play.

[Prince] Oh God. What's he carrying?

I have no idea.

Hey, guys. We good?

That really depends on what's in the giant bag.

The masks. Remember?

You need a giant bag for three masks?

Yes. If you're doing it right. Check it out.

What the hell's that?

What? What's wrong with it?

Nothing. I just didn't realize we were entering a children's TV show.

Normal masks aren't good enough! Okay?

We need to cover our whole heads!

Just try it on.

Is there only chicken masks?

No.

Oh, great. Yeah, I will just take one of the other ones. Thanks.

Okay, fine. Whatever.

All right, what do we have? Oh motherf...

- What? - A fucking unicorn! Seriously?

- What? - Why couldn't you get us cool shit?

Like dead presidents? Right?

This is the cool shit. Okay? Just trust me.

You know what? Just give them to me.

The masks are fine.

Could the two of you please focus?

If we screw this up, it's prison.

Remember that.

Yes, of course. Incarceration. I…

My head's in the game.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Yeah, I'm even more ready than that.

Oh God, I did it again. I'm so sorry.

[Sam] Move.

- Shotgun. - Oh, Junior!

[sighs]

Seriously? You never heard of ski-masks? They're in every heist film you ever seen.

Know what your problem is? You're ungrateful.

- [Sam] Mm. - No wonder your dad doesn't like you.

[thunder rumbling]

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[suspenseful music playing]

[snoring]

Guys, it worked! They're all knocked out.

Okay, good. Good.

What about the cameras? You manage to turn them off?

Yeah. Hard drive's in my bag.

I told you it would work.

One shouldn't throw the word "genius" around, but…

Yeah, let's not get ahead of ourselves, all right?

How's it looking up there?

Like a ghost town.

Okay. Uh, I'm on my way.

[clears throat]

[scoffs]

[exhales]

[thunder rumbling]

Oh, this is such a tragedy.

Now, I'm not normally one to point fingers.

But I'm fairly sure I told you not to eat the humans.

- Why would you think it was me? - Because it's always you!

Every time we get on a planet,

it's the same bloody story.

The locals slide down your neck!

It's disgusting!

You know what? Maybe it was him!

No, no. No, no. No. It wasn't him

because he has food allergies, and you know it.

[sneezes]

- [muffled yelling] - [banging]

Well, I wonder what that could be.

I don't know. I don't have mind-reading protocol.

[low snarl]

[suspenseful music plays]

[muffled groan]

You've got a problem!

And Control's going to hear about it.

[thunder rumbling]

I've got eyes on the ridiculous unicorn.

He's heading in.

Why a unicorn?

[Portia] Who are you?

Why are you doing this?

Okay, so it's not really who we are that's important.

It's what we are.

You see…

we're aliens.

From outer space.

Just like in your movies.

You know? Movies?

This is where we get our accents from.

So I choose a Russian spy with sexy protocol.

[in Jamaican Patois] Yeah, man. And I choose the best of all.

A Rastafarian from Jamaica.

[in English] And I'm a fusion of the two greatest humans that ever lived,

Mahatma Gandhi and Kylie Minogue.

[canisters rattling]

[tense music playing]

[Gregory laughing]

[indistinct chattering]

[Gregory] You are?

Hey. How's it going in there?

He's covered by ten feet of concrete. He can't hear you from here.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad.

Over and out.

[Badrick] All right, baby. I'll tell you a story.

But I think for you, it will be a nightmare.

Because this here scary.

What you call Zulcanoid came here on a meteor

when our moon exploded.

Our job is to find it.

[sizzling]

[exhales]

Not only does it regenerate the skin,

it repairs our bodies,

gives us energy.

Basically, it keeps us alive.

[Anya] You see?

It make me like new woman.

In a few days we are going to take all the Zulcanoid.

That is not good news for you and your friends.

Because it's fire upon Babylon!

We're gon' burn up everything!

Nothing personal, you understand?

Just protocol.

[Junior] Sam! Start the car.

Our new bosses are in the vault and they're not human!

- Hey! Uh-huh. Horses aren't allowed here. - No. Shh. I'm not a horse. It's a mask.

- No! You need to go home. - Get away!

- [Junior groaning] - [blowing whistle]

Run! Run!

- Come on. Come on! - [engine sputtering]

[whistle blowing]

[Junior] Go, go, go, go, go!

Come on! Go, go, go!

- [Prince] Go, go, go, go, go! - [engine sputtering]

- All right! - [Junior] Get us the fuck out of here!

- I'm trying! - Come on!

[engine starts]

[Junior whoops]

[whistle continues blowing]

Oh my God!

What? What now?

I think that was a limb!

- [Sam] What? - It flew across the window!

[whistle blowing]

[whistle stops]

[bottle rattles]

How about a snack?

What the fuck is going on?

Where'd they come from? Why did their skin glow?

No! No. This can't be happening! [laughs]

- Junior! Hey! Junior! - This is not happening.

What? What? What?

Junior, I need you to focus, okay?

- I need you to focus. - Okay. Focus.

Tell me what happened. Okay?

What happened in the vault?

What happened in the vault? They, uh… they had someone tied up.

Um, they said that they needed Zulcanoid for their bodies.

It heals their skin or some shit. Um…

Ah… Fuck!

What? What's going on?

They're going to…

They're gonna steal the Zulcanoid, and then they're gonna burn everyone.

That's it. That's their plan.

Burn… Who? Who's going to burn?

- Who's burning? - The aliens!

That's who's gonna burn everyone. The aliens!

Oh, God. I need something to breathe in.

Is there like a plastic bag or some shit?

Oh God…

[breathing heavily]

Sam. Sam, what are we going to do?

I don't know.

I need a minute to think. Okay?

People are getting dismembered while you think!

Oh my God! There is no need to be so overdramatic!

Overdramatic? It's fucking aliens, Sam!

They're going to fucking eat your intestines and do "whooo-ooh!"

What the hell is "whoo-ooh!"?

It's the alien sound! That's the sound they play for aliens!

Fuck!

[panting]

[Prince's father] You're weak. Just like your mother.

[Colleen] He's always late. He lies all the time.

[father] You don't have the stomach…

[Colleen] Basically, he's the worst staff member we've ever had.

[father] It was a joke to you. What'd you think was gonna happen?

[Colleen] Clean that or I'll give you another warning.

[father] Coward.

[Colleen laughing]

- [Prince] We need to stop. - Say what now?

We need to pull over.

Oh, I am not pulling over right now.

Now! Pull over now! I am being serious!

[exhales sharply]

Okay.

My dad was right.

I've been a coward my whole life.

And I'm sick of it.

If we keep going, I will never change.

Yeah, I will never.

[exhales]

We need to go back.

Oh, we need to go back!

He's right.

These are our people. We drugged them.

We did that.

We can't leave them behind.

No. No.

We can't. They're our people.

We go back.

We're going back.

We go fucking back.

[breathing shakily]

How's everyone feeling?

[thunder rumbling]

We're going to need some weapons.

You mean like this?

Not so ridiculous now, is it?

Oh my…

[exhales]

Oh, nunchucks. Nice.

Did it come with a Bruce Lee poster?

Yeah, it did, actually.

Is that a problem?

No, not at all.

As long as they don't break while fighting an alien,

then everything's all good.

If I were you, I'd be more worried about my table ornament.

Table ornament?

Dude, I'll have you know that this was crafted by a master swordsmith

in Osaka.

So it's basically unbreakable.

Guys. Hey.

Sorry. Sorry.

Wait.

- [spits] - Oh…

We don't let them get away. We fight to the death.

Why do you keep spitting on yourself?

What is wrong with you?

Come on, man! This is a real moment.

We're probably gonna die here.

We are not going to die. Okay?

How do you know?

I just know.

Now come on. Let's go get these assholes.

Last thing, that is disgusting.

Also, a spit oath is not a real thing.

- It is a real thing. - Yeah. If you're, like, eight.

[thunder rumbling]

- Wait. Wait! - What?

The vault door.

What about it?

- Their lives depend on Zulcanoid, right? - Right.

So why would they leave the vault door open?

It's a trap.

Oh, shit.

[knocking]

[Badrick] Wagwan!

Oh, shit. They look really happy to see us.

That is a terrible sign.

This is it.

I'll take the office.

I'll take the vault.

- Good luck. - You too.

Whoa. Whoa! You guys are leaving me with him?

There's three of them, there's three of us.

You have a sword. He doesn't.

You'll be fine.

Dude, you can take him.

Definitely.

Okay. I can… I can take him.

Looks like it's just you and me, Princey.

This is going to be so much fun.

Just the two of us dancing through the night.

Dancing and fighting. The two things I can't do. Fuck!

What you have there?

It's a… It's a samurai sword.

Yeah, it's from Osaka, so it's really legit.

Ho-ho!

Princey have a sword.

Princey have a sword!

What you gon' do with it? Chop off me head?

Um. I was maybe thinking about it. But...

There's only one problem, man.

You brought a sword to a gunfight.

Let me show you what I have.

[sizzling]

[low growl]

Holy shit!

Oh, Princey!

Oh my fucking shit!

[tense music playing]

So what? We're hiding now?

I could've sworn he was right here.

Hello, mate.

I believe you humans call it teleportation.

I knew you'd come back. You're a feisty one.

But it's a big mistake.

Yeah, well, you know what? The way I see it…

it's only a big mistake… if I don't kick your ass.

Well, Sammy, that's your first problem.

I don't have an ass.

My name is not Sammy!

- [grunts] - [mug shatters]

[tense music playing]

Portia! What're you doing here?

I was looking for you.

What?

It doesn't matter! Listen… we're under attack.

I know how this is gonna sound, our new owners are aliens.

And they're trying to kill everyone!

Calm down. It's okay.

What do you mean?

Death is just a part of change.

[Russian accent] Nothing to be worried about.

Excuse me?

Surprise!

Oh God.

[groans]

[Badrick chuckling]

I tell you what.

I'll let you take a free swing.

Give it all you've got.

See if you can reach mi neck.

God, you're hard to look at.

Or we could just keep talking?

I think there's a lot we could learn from each other.

So, what's your planet like?

I'm sure it's so lovely.

It's a free hit, man!

Do it while you still can!

Okay, Prince. You can do this.

Come on, man! Don't be a pussy!

[screams]

[Gregory] Sammy!

Sammy! Did you know that humans can actually fly?

[laughs] Oh yeah!

If you wanted to,

you could cut through the air like a bloody gazelle.

There's only one small hiccup.

The landing.

[Sam grunts]

- [doll squeaks] - Oh!

[groans]

[laughs]

Ooh, crikey!

- [coughs] - [Gregory] That's got to hurt.

[Sam grunts] Fuck!

[Junior groans]

Pathetic.

How much body percent fat are you anyway, huh?

I really do hope that you're not too hairy.

[groans]

You humans are so soft.

Like little jellyfish.

That's why you're so tasty.

[screams]

[exclaiming]

Ha!

I just make clowning with you!

I don't have the pain receptors. So…

You know?

But you do.

[groans, yells]

[screaming]

[Prince] Oh my God!

[sword clatters]

That was probably an ornament.

[yells, grunts]

[coughs] Ah!

Fuck!

- [Gregory] Come on, mate. - Ah, shit.

Wake up.

Where you gonna go?

In case you haven't noticed, I can go anywhere I want!

- [Gregory laughs] - Fuck!

Okay. Here's a clue.

Shit.

[Gregory] The more intelligent the life-form, the less physical matter.

I'm 92% gas, mate.

Mainly hydrogen and a lovely little bit of butane.

So that's why throwing things at me…

[clatters]

…is not gonna help you.

You know what? You're right.

Well, halle-bloody-lujah! He's finally getting it! [laughs]

But there's something you should know.

Oh, yeah? What's that, mate?

[dramatic music playing]

I'm a goddamn geologist.

[groaning]

Which makes me an expert in gas, asshole.

[crackling]

[grunting]

Any last wishes, Princey?

Yes, actually.

If you're gonna kill me,

I'm not dying on my knees.

No problem, mon.

But you close your eyes.

This is going to hurt.

I don't care.

I'm not closing my eyes.

Even though I really want to.

Aren't you the brave one?

Suit yourself.

[gas whooshing]

Oh my shit! Oh my shit!

Hey, man!

Good timing.

Like, really good timing!

Yeah, you okay?

Yeah, I… [exhales]

I think so.

I did ruin my pants, though. But…

Better my pants than my face, right?

Good to know.

- Let's go. We've got to find Junior. - Um…

Maybe he's already at the car. You know what?

- I'll go check. - Prince. Let's go.

Okay. Oh God.

[Junior moaning in pain]

You want to know what they call me back on my planet?

Something like… "The Devourer." Huh?

Do you want to see why?

Yes?

[roars]

Oh shit!

Get away from him, you monster!

No! Portia, no! Run!

- [gas whooshing] - [Anya screeching]

Thank you.

No problem.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- You sure? - What about you?

- Your leg? - I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

It's nothing. I can barely feel it.

How'd you know?

Found out they were made of gas.

[gas whooshes]

So I took a chance.

Uh, good call.

Hey. So you took him out? The big guy?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I slapped him around a bit,

and then sliced his head off. Just like…

So Sam saved you too?

Yeah, 100 percent.

Right.

Is that a pen in your leg?

Yeah.

Oh my God, dude. We need to take it out, like, right now.

What? No?

You could get ink poisoning. It's fatal.

Ink poisoning isn't a thing.

Oh, dude. It's really a thing.

Sorry.

- Just let me... - Whoa! Wait!

What if it's in an artery? Huh?

I could bleed to death.

There's a small chance of that.

But there's hardly any major arteries in your legs.

That's not true.

Okay, trust me! I have a medical degree, okay?

You studied for three months online, Prince. You don't know shit!

Okay, that's just semantics.

- I think… Just let... - [Junior] Can you stop?

- Please. Just... - Just be brave!

- [squelching] - [groans]

Here you go.

- Ah… - Now, can we please get out of here?

Okay?

Yeah. Of course.

You can put your... Okay.

[grunting]

Okay.

[Junior groaning]

What did she do to you?

I don't know. I mean, I just blacked out.

All I remember is I was cleaning outside of her office...

Whoa! Okay, Portia! Guys, wait!

Take it easy.

Is she okay?

I just need to catch my breath.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Wow. All this time I thought it was "breathe out, then in."

- What? - Oh, shit.

What a night.

I'm still trying to process everything. You know?

[Prince] Tell me about it.

I'm gonna need years of therapy after this.

I mean, those were real aliens, you know?

We didn't imagine that.

Hey, man. Um…

- Don't move. - What?

No! Don't move.

What is it?

Um…

It's probably nothing.

Prince! Dude, what is it?

Oh, shit.

[splattering]

[screaming]

Okay. I can fix this!

Wait, I'm going to be a paramedic.

I can fix this.

I can do this.

- Prince. Give me the leg. - No.

- Give me the leg. Let go! - No! I can't let go!

- No! He needs it. - Let go!

Legs are important! Okay?

He doesn't need his legs because he's dead!

Gone! Okay?

I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do for him now!

No! [grunts]

It doesn't matter, okay? All I need is a first-aid kit,

a shitload of bandages.

I can do this. I can do this.

[sobs]

[sobs]

Bandages?

Dude, what're you talking about?

Are you crying?

No. No, not at all! I'm…

Whoa! I… I think I'm allergic to the aliens.

You had another one of those stupid visions?

No, I didn't have one of those stupid visions, okay? Shut up.

- Can you walk? - Yeah, I can walk.

Yeah, I got you.

Thanks.

- You good? - Yeah.

You know what sucks?

We just saved everyone, and no one's gonna know.

That's okay. We'll know.

Oh, please. Don't act like you don't care.

You're just trying to impress your girlfriend.

No, that's not it.

I'm not... And she's not my girlfriend.

Are you?

You can be such an idiot sometimes, Junior.

I love you too.

Uh, I mean, I like you.

You like me too, so…

We like each other.

[chuckles lightly]

I love you.

I think my luck's changing!

[explosion]

What the fuck just happened?

Huh.

Melusi.

He must've put paint in the Zulcanoid.

Overheated in the car.

What were you saying about luck changing?

Sam? What're you doing?

Sam?

[Sam] Often the solutions to our problems are a lot closer than we think.

Sometimes they're right in front of us.

[laughing]

Oh my goodness! It works.

[Sam] Turns out the real value of Zulcanoid

is what it can do for damaged skin.

And that changed everything.

[laughing]

Dude, I still can't believe that this is our place.

[laughs] I mean, look at this view!

It's ridiculous.

It beats the shit out of my car, that's for sure.

You know I've never had a roommate before?

It's gonna be a new journey for us, man.

You don't meditate

in the mornings, like… naked?

Anything like that, right?

I mean, I don't, but if that's something you want to try?

No!

That's not what I meant.

Sorry. I just misread.

Never mind. Let's just pretend…

What did you even say?

- What? - [Portia] Um…

So I do most of my things naked.

Are you boys okay with that?

100% fine with that. Yeah.

Beers in the fridge.

Thank you.

- Don't do that. - Oh my God. She winked at me.

- No, she didn't. - Dude.

I am a medical professional.

The human body means nothing to me.

That's not true.

I took an oath.

I don't believe you.

- I did. Yeah. - Prince!

That's… That's not funny. Wait. Don't do that.

[Junior] AMI didn't just get a new lease on life,

they got a new leader.

Someone who we could all get behind.

And he made sure that everyone got what they deserved.

[yells]

Huh?

[gasps]

[laughs]

They say you stole over 50 million.

Is it true?

That's a lie. I didn't steal anything.

[guard] Ha! Whatever you say, Chief.

Welcome to your new home.

Hey. You want to pat my dog?

[guard] You're lucky.

Fingers here makes a very special pudding.

It's a secret recipe. I'm busy making some right now.

[grunts]

[farts]

Oh my God.

[Prince] Does anyone want to tell me what this creepy place is?

[Sam] It's our old refinery. We used to process Zulcanoid here.

[Prince] Oh, how fascinating.

I was hoping to go on a work tour on a Saturday.

[Junior] This isn't a work tour, okay?

As the new head of security, I've been checking out all our sites.

And last night, I found something unbelievable.

And I mean unbelievable!

Why didn't you just take a video of this unbelievable thing

and send it to me?

No. This is something that you need to see for yourselves.

Okay?

- You guys ready? - [Prince] For what?

To be disappointed?

Ah! Probably how Portia feels.

Just shut up! Come on.

[dramatic music playing]

Tell me that isn't the dopest shit you've ever seen!

Oh my God.

Now we know how they got here.

And this isn't even the best part.

What do you mean?

Wait till you see what's inside.

What's inside?

What's inside? What's inside?

[sighs deeply]

Oh, shit.

[mysterious music playing]