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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,920 ["The Flower Duet"] 2 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,960 Busty divorcee, fifties, 3 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,560 seeks energetic male, any age, 4 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,200 to share dinner, wine, and et cetera. 5 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:34,560 Box 19. 6 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,280 [doorbell rings] 7 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,320 Shot it myself this morning. 8 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,600 No time for hanging. 9 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,520 Mid-season hens, 10 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,120 best eaten as soon as they come out of rigour mortis, 11 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,200 Don't you agree? 12 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:54,840 Wait there. 13 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,440 I'll go and scare up some gravy. 14 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,600 [ominous instrumental music] 15 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,800 A few lumps. 16 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,120 The odd giblet's not going to kill us, hey? 17 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,560 Here's mud in your eye. 18 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,640 Well, I do like a man who can guess my size. 19 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,320 Oh! 20 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,920 Oh, not quite what I had in mind, 21 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,640 but I'm game if you are. 22 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,200 How many corners are there in a kitten? [Laughs] 23 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,720 How many mittens in a rectangle? 24 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,560 [laughing uncontrollably] 25 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:03,000 Oh, these furry little blighters are blurring into one. 26 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,640 Oh! 27 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,760 Oh, I might shut my eyes for a tick. 28 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,760 [ominous instrumental music] 29 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,120 [theme music plays] 30 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,960 [energetic instrumental music] 31 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,920 Morning sister. 32 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,040 Yes, good morning to you, Peggy. 33 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,280 Though, I doubt it's been a good morning for our 34 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,760 hapless milkman. 35 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,120 Oh, I know. 36 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,960 It's Terry's second ol' stiff this month. 37 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,040 Poor Terry. 38 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,000 Let's see if the unfortunate deceased 39 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,240 has her own tale to tell. 40 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,320 Hilary Sympson-Smythe, age 58. 41 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,880 Likely cause of death, coronary heart disease. 42 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,000 The jigsaw puzzle is "You Shall Have No Pie," 43 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,360 based on a nursery rhyme 44 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,520 in which three kittens lose their mittens. 45 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,720 Yeah, I'm familiar with the Mother Goose canon. 46 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,080 Hardly thrilling enough to prompt a heart attack. 47 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,400 Just me, or is there something wrong with this picture? 48 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,720 Well, the picture and the puzzle. 49 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,720 Meaning? 50 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,560 Piece missing, bottom left. 51 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,840 Question is, 52 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,800 why would anyone attempt to 200-piece puzzle 53 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,320 with a face covered in cold cream? 54 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,000 Why indeed? 55 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,640 The greasy pieces are a puzzler's worst nightmare. 56 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,400 All right, maybe not the worst, 57 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,400 but definitely top five. 58 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,480 Would you mind taking Peggy house-to-house? 59 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,680 See if anyone heard or saw anything last night? 60 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:40,760 Sir. 61 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,280 Lily scent, lanolin base notes. 62 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,680 How long would it take to do 200-piece puzzle? 63 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,200 Ah, well that can be expressed 64 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,360 as N multiplied by N, 65 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,840 so a 200-piece puzzle 66 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,416 is four times as difficult as a 100-piece, 67 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,760 while a 500 is 25 times harder than a 100-piece, 68 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,856 the reason being that one must compare each jigsaw piece 69 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,320 to N other pieces. 70 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:11,920 Quite a while. 71 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,560 Yeah, unless she had help. 72 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,856 And given that she's gone all out 73 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,160 on the frock, lipstick and pearls, 74 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,360 I bet that help was a gentleman caller. 75 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,400 Whoever was here was certainly careful to tidy up. 76 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:30,600 Oh I'll say. 77 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,680 Not a print insight. 78 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,960 Powdery residue on the coffee table though. 79 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,440 And some on the sofa too. 80 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,760 Tucked behind the bread bin. 81 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,640 Ah. 82 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,120 Someone should head down to the Bugle. 83 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,040 And I suppose that someone ought to be you. 84 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,960 [knocking] 85 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,240 I need to talk to you about your lonely hearts. 86 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,960 Perfect timing. 87 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,936 You can take advantage of our one-month free offer. 88 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,360 For an investigation. 89 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,920 Obviously I'd like to help, 90 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,320 but the persons behind our personals are confidential, Sam, 91 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,600 I'm sure you'll understand. 92 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:18,936 Even if your personals are linked 93 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,680 to a possible murder case? 94 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:21,760 Keep talking. 95 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,720 It's strictly on the QT, 96 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,960 but there was a woman found dead with a jigsaw puzzle, 97 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,640 and her face full of cold cream. 98 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,560 And you're suspicious because? 99 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,080 A hunch. 100 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,800 Do I get an exclusive? 101 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,520 Once I know what we're dealing with, 102 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:36,960 and it's safe to go public. 103 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,160 Is that a yes? 104 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,720 It's not a no. 105 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,640 All right, follow me. 106 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,680 Sympson-Smythe, Sympson-Smythe... 107 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,480 Ah, cheers. 108 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,000 Colin, you're a diamond. 109 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,400 Busty divorcee, fifties, 110 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,280 seeks energetic male any age 111 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,840 to share dinner, wine, et cetera. 112 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,520 Box 19. Hands-off. 113 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,160 Fair to say, 114 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,200 Hilary was one of our more enthusiastic customers. 115 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,160 Oh, let's hope it wasn't the "et cetera" 116 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,320 that finished her off. 117 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,960 So, talk me through the system? 118 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,520 Someone places an ad, 119 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,720 for example, "lonely lady seeks tall, handsome stranger,". 120 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,640 Or, "frustrated bachelor seeks assertive", 121 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,080 "successful woman." 122 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,440 They're assigned a box number, 123 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,560 all correspondence is checked and forwarded every Thursday. 124 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,960 How soon can you get the names and addresses of these men? 125 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,080 He described him as smart, 126 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:35,080 upright, gray-haired and smoking a pipe. 127 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,536 Mr. Arnold left the honeysuckle cottage, 128 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,200 saw him when he went out to retrieve a pigeon. 129 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,040 A what? 130 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:40,880 A pigeon. 131 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,200 Nevermind. 132 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,656 You and Peggy need to start eliminating. 133 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,320 There's 34 names on that list. 134 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,480 Right, I shall begin. 135 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,160 As I suspected. 136 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,680 Diethyl barbituric acid... 137 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,000 Please don't touch. 138 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,080 Diethyl barbituric acid. 139 00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,560 Barbital in powder form, 140 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,120 brand name bentanol, prescribed for insomnia. 141 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,840 Progress! Good man. 142 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,920 Oh, and if there was any doubt 143 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,680 about whether her death was suspicious, 144 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,720 you know, Simpson-Smythe had enough in her system 145 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,440 to fell a giraffe, so... 146 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,520 Hmm. 147 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,600 Right. 148 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,680 You've sent me on that snowball, sister. 149 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,800 I've earned myself one too if you're buying. 150 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,000 Evening, sister. 151 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,320 Hello Ruth! 152 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,840 I thought you always bought your own. 153 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,056 Well sometimes a girl likes to leave 154 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,360 her principles at the door, Sam, 155 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,400 you know that. 156 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,840 I'll do the honours, what'll it be? 157 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:32,920 The usual, thanks. 158 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,360 I knew there was something about your mystery 159 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,160 that rang a bell. 160 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,920 Alice Croft died at home on May the ninth, 161 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,440 supposedly of natural causes. 162 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,080 Oh, yes, Mrs. Croft, 163 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,600 a local counsellor if memory serves. 164 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,320 I interviewed her daughter for the obit. 165 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,920 She said how tragic it was 166 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,856 that mother didn't get to finish her new jigsaw puzzle, 167 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,160 the "Madonna of the Yarnwinder." 168 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,800 Apparently the family took great comfort 169 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,040 from the fact the Holy Mother was somehow with her 170 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,640 when she passed. 171 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,640 Interesting, but it's not necessarily a link. 172 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,280 Agreed, which is why I called 173 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,120 and asked a couple more questions. 174 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,920 It seems Alice Croft was wearing cold cream 175 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,240 when she was discovered. 176 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,520 Oh gosh. I don't suppose she was... 177 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:13,600 A lonely heart? 178 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,480 "Buxom from Bath. 179 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,440 "Attractive mature widow, fit 50s," 180 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,760 "seeks energetic male for frisky fun." 181 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,080 "Box 22." 182 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,080 Sam, you need to let me go to press. 183 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:24,960 Not yet. 184 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:25,760 Why the hell not? 185 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,280 Sorry, sister. 186 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,120 No, no, that's quite all right. 187 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,440 Pretend I'm not here. 188 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,240 Going public will cause mass hysteria 189 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,160 and scare the killer back into the woodwork. 190 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,840 Then let's hope for your sake he doesn't strike again. 191 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,960 I wouldn't want that on my conscience. 192 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,800 Strictly entre nous, 193 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,480 one gets tired being of in the same position, 194 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:52,920 week in, week out. 195 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,400 I have you to thank 196 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,920 for opening my eyes to new possibilities. 197 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,640 The pleasure was all mine, Mrs. Clark. 198 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,480 [laughing] 199 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,000 [clears throat] Morning. 200 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,880 I'll, um, freshen the teapot. 201 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,840 Thought I would send WPC Button out 202 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,000 to check the sale of jigsaw puzzles in the area. 203 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,160 Right, good. 204 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,320 Anything else you want to tell me about? 205 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,200 Presuming Cyril isn't listening in from beyond on the grave? 206 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,240 [footsteps approach] 207 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,280 There you are. 208 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,920 Sergeant Livingston needs his strength building up. 209 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,240 I'm not sure I want to know what for. 210 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,200 You are honestly not insinuating. 211 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:39,880 What? 212 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,920 I have joined Mrs. Clam 213 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,400 and the bell ringers of St. Michael's Church. 214 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:45,520 Ah, praise be. 215 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,040 Why didn't you tell me? 216 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,680 And have you make a mockery of me? 217 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:50,760 Would I? 218 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,240 No, I think it's great. 219 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,720 So if I joined the bell ringers would I get sausages too? 220 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,360 Have mine, 221 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,360 the British banger's a taste I've yet to acquire. 222 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,400 Ah. 223 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,320 Watch out. 224 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,736 Now Mrs. C knows you're a joiner-iner, 225 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,640 she'll be trying to join you up to the GSADS. 226 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,240 The G-what? 227 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,760 The Great Slaughter Amateur Dramatics Society. 228 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,840 [laughs] 229 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,760 Sorry, line? 230 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,600 Wait, got it. 231 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,080 It's true, you love me with every step of the waltz. 232 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,760 "The merry widow was last here," Dottie. 233 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,880 Let's take five to revisit the script, shall we? 234 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,880 And try to not just say the lines, 235 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,440 but feel them in our core. 236 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:45,800 Rodolfo. 237 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,480 My core feels there's some impropriety going on. 238 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,080 Honestly, I didn't see it won't come 239 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,120 to a bit of Gilbert and Sullivan or Noel Coward, 240 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,960 if one insists on being modern. 241 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,200 Hello, new blood. 242 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,920 Certainly not. 243 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,720 We're looking for Colin, if he's around. 244 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,640 I know exactly where he is. 245 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,040 He's either in the lav, 246 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,800 or adjusting the lights, 247 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,720 or, sorry who are you looking for? 248 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:21,880 Morning officers. 249 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,400 Everything all right? 250 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,536 [Sam] Just a quick word, please. 251 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,560 Of course. 252 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,880 Don't keep him too long. 253 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,320 Chaos descends if Dottie doesn't have a prompt. 254 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,440 Again, from page 66 please, she says! 255 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,840 Sorry to interrupt whatever this is. 256 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,480 Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment. 257 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,840 Mother's quite ambitious, 258 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,960 the cast have being great sports about it so far, 259 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,600 although she hasn't told them about the unitards yet. 260 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:59,000 We just wanted to check something with you. 261 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,120 Confounding white residue, 262 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,800 from the coffee table. 263 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,520 Subjected it to every test in Christendom, 264 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,840 yet it stubbornly refuses 265 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,240 to be any familiar chemical compound. 266 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,680 This test is my last hurrah. 267 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,240 Fingers crossed. 268 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:28,560 Oh, that is unexpected. 269 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,880 What am I seeing? 270 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,080 Plain as a pike staff. 271 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,520 Polyhedral granules. 272 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,080 Central hylamide fivery cleft. 273 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:42,840 Corn flour. 274 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,880 Of course, what was I thinking? 275 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,080 So why is it scattered all over our crime scene? 276 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,216 Thickening the plot, perhaps. 277 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,280 [laughs] 278 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,640 Any insights into the world of lonely hearts? 279 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,280 Well, thanks to Colin, 280 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,800 we now know Alice and Hilary both dated two of the same men. 281 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,880 Yes, box 22, 282 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:09,800 Major Roger Travis, AKA the Major Heart Sing. 283 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,360 And Box 30, 284 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,560 retired chemist, 285 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,680 Professor... 286 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,320 Claude. 287 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,000 Claude Several, AKA Bunsen Burner. 288 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,880 Ouch. A man after my own heart. 289 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,760 Interest purely professional of course. 290 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,280 Good old Colin. 291 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,200 Yeah. Good old Colin. 292 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,760 Ah, the pensive pause. 293 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,040 Something a bit obsessive about him, don't you think? 294 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,000 The pocket squares and the persnickety systems. 295 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,760 Does really depend on one's own benchmark 296 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,040 in regards to efficiency, 297 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,200 and grooming. 298 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,080 I suppose he does have a connection to both women. 299 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,160 Exactly. 300 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,520 Time to make some house calls. 301 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,000 I only met each lady the once, 302 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,720 and they were but two of many. 303 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,160 So you consider women interchangeable. 304 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,240 Is that it, professor? 305 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,760 Actually I'm a sufferer of prosopagnosia, 306 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,400 a condition that renders one... 307 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,200 Unable to recognise faces, 308 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,960 even one's own. 309 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,680 Very good Sergeant. 310 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,000 So I differentiate women by smell. 311 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,400 Smell? 312 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,920 I can detect different blood types, in fact. 313 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,640 Hilary was B positive, 314 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,040 quite a rare one, that. 315 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,840 [inhales deeply] 316 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,520 O-negative. 317 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,920 We think the perpetrator 318 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,720 may have had pharmacological knowledge. 319 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,640 If you're suggesting I use my expertise to drug women, 320 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,200 I'll assure you I've no need of chemical intervention 321 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,600 of any kind. 322 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,200 Where were you the night before last, professor? 323 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,440 A partial eclipse if I'm not mistaken. 324 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,800 Are you given to lunar distractions, inspector? 325 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,200 No. 326 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,920 And yet even rational men such as ourselves 327 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:08,040 can't help but feel the eternal tango of the cosmos. 328 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,720 Where were you the night of June 13th, professor? 329 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:16,160 I was at a fundraising dinner for cripples in Mombasa. 330 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,640 I'm a passionate and vigorous campaigner. 331 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,920 And you can prove that? 332 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,240 My passion and vigour? 333 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,480 No, your whereabouts, professor. 334 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,560 No. 335 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,520 But I've every confidence that you can. 336 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,560 You sure he'll be here? 337 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,880 Half a pint of stout at 5:45. 338 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,160 Word is you can set your watch by Major Travis. 339 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,480 [clears throat] Major Travis? 340 00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,360 Yes? 341 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,840 Sorry to bother you. 342 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,040 We're investigating an incident the night before last. 343 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,880 Must be serious if you're inconveniencing 344 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,600 law-abiding citizens on a Saturday. 345 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:10,600 Indeed. 346 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,200 Just a couple of questions, 347 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,960 and we'll let you get back to your racing pages. 348 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,240 Fire away then, Detective Inspector Gillespie. 349 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,960 Where were you the evening of June 13th? 350 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,640 I was here until 6:30 sharp. 351 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:26,880 Then I walked home. 352 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,160 Straight home? 353 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,040 Any stops, deviations? 354 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,640 I may have taken the scenic route via the lake. 355 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,440 Did you see or speak to anyone that could verify that? 356 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,520 No. 357 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,600 My shrapnel injury was causing discomfort, 358 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,280 so I turned in early. 359 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,320 And yet you may have taken the scenic route as a detour. 360 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,360 I don't recall. 361 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,040 That's the trouble with war wounds. 362 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,840 They tend to manifest without warning 363 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,840 at inconvenient moments. 364 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,040 Well, excuse the inconvenience, Major. 365 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,760 We'll be in touch if there's anything further. 366 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,920 Obviously I would take on a male role, 367 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,480 but the beard glue brings me out in a rash. 368 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,080 Oh, that was the front gate. 369 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,080 Mrs. Clam, got to go. 370 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,640 See you and Dottie for the readthrough in the morning. 371 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,520 Commonly Wallflower 52, 372 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,840 hoping to bloom. 373 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,640 Better late than never. 374 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,960 Are you my sunshine? 375 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,760 Will respond to all. 376 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:31,720 [doorbell rings] 377 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,800 Box 31. 378 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,440 [knocking] 379 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,720 Morning! 380 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,760 Queen of the kitchen as promised. 381 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,560 Don't tell the vicar it's my new Bible. 382 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,200 Once you've served kir in a wine glass, 383 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,360 there's no going back. 384 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:04,040 Oh, I love a Buff Orpington. 385 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,600 Morning, thespians. 386 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,680 Right, I've color-coded everyone's part. 387 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:08,760 I'm green. 388 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,760 Dottie, you're pink. 389 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:11,840 Lois, you're blue. 390 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:14,480 Lois? 391 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,120 You're blue. 392 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,680 I'm pink! 393 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,760 Blue. 394 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,200 Oh dear, Lois, you're... 395 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,280 [screams] 396 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,640 What kind of miscreant could do such a thing? 397 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,280 You've had a terrible shock. 398 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,680 I'll take you in for a cup of tea, Mrs. Clam. 399 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,040 Or something stronger. 400 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,720 Any thoughts to the time of death, sister? 401 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,680 Well, I'd estimate between eight and 11 in the PM. 402 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,600 No one could have seen this coming. 403 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,200 And yet the same M.O. 404 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,520 The cold cream, the corn flour, the missing jigsaw piece. 405 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,360 Why? 406 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,360 Well, my guess is the cold cream 407 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,560 is to render the victim faceless, anonymous, 408 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,360 unable to judge his actions. 409 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,160 Certainly a troubled psyche at work. 410 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,400 To hell with his psyche. 411 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,440 He's a sick opportunist using the lonely hearts 412 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,320 to prey on unsuspecting victims. 413 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,080 Yes, but we still need to understand the motivation. 414 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,760 It's not sexual, 415 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,720 but he obviously likes to spend time with his victims. 416 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,880 I don't need to understand him. 417 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,280 I just need to catch him. 418 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:38,600 I need some air. 419 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,920 Sister? 420 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,160 Yes. 421 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:57,920 Sister. 422 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,680 Look. 423 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,960 I'd say someone took off their muddy shoes 424 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,200 before entering the house. 425 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,960 Must have dropped out of the tread. 426 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,080 A stout walking shoe, I'd wager. 427 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,200 How do we know it belonged to the murderer? 428 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:28,976 Well, given that it rained yesterday evening 429 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,200 for the first time in weeks, 430 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,616 and that Lois isn't the kind of housekeeper 431 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,776 to allow any speck to go un-scrubbed, 432 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,840 I'd say extremely sure. 433 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,320 What is that? Some type of grass? 434 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,520 Barley, by the looks. 435 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,400 It won't tell us who our killer is, 436 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,600 but it will certainly tell us where he's been. 437 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,840 He was lying, Professor Several. 438 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:03,920 Bunsen burner? 439 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:05,960 That charity event? 440 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,256 Two eye-witnesses saw him leave 441 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,240 straight after the canapes. 442 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,520 And the night that Alice died? 443 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,440 Claims he was at some silent retreat 444 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:16,000 in Lord Pasternak's folly, alone, 445 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,960 hardly watertight. 446 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,520 I think we should pay the professor a visit. 447 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,920 Sure I can't tempt you to a Bloody Mary? 448 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,840 Or a Virgin if you prefer? 449 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,800 Thank you, no. 450 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,760 Where were you last night, Professor? 451 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,120 Tucked up in bed with Odette and Pamela, 452 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:34,520 my cats, 453 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,120 reciting Plutarch together. 454 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,880 Siamese are very vocal you know. 455 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,880 This fundraiser on June 13th, 456 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,200 you were seen leaving early. 457 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,240 Ah. 458 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,120 It's time for some un-embroidered facts, Professor. 459 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,480 It's true. 460 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,360 I'm dishonest. 461 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,720 And weak, a slave to temptation. 462 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,400 I was not alone. 463 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,960 The charity treasurer and I went to the little Grange Hotel. 464 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,760 Why did you lie? 465 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,520 Because the lady in question is a local magistrate. 466 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,800 Wouldn't do for her reputation to be sullied. 467 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,680 Three women have been killed, Professor. 468 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,360 Your lady friend's reputation is the least of my worries. 469 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,480 It's true. 470 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,040 The receptionist signed him in 471 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,960 and checked him out the next morning, 472 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,760 and delivered at various intervals, 473 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,760 a bottle of absinthe, two hair nets, 474 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,920 and a plate of Welsh rarebit. 475 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,400 No accounting for taste. 476 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,800 Indeed not. 477 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,840 As for Colin, he left our rehearsal at 6:45, 478 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:38,600 took the train to Bonnington, 479 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,400 and alighted at Little Sockford, 480 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,520 for a harpsichord recital. 481 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,800 Anyone see him? 482 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,200 The conductor clipped his ticket. 483 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,520 He returned home at 2200 hours, 484 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,400 bidding goodnight to the scoutmaster 485 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,600 before heading up the front path. 486 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:53,696 And I bet he could tell us the colour 487 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,720 of the scoutmaster's shoelaces. 488 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:56,800 [Felix] I dare say. 489 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,240 Which leaves the Major. 490 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,960 Any progress on that footprint? 491 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,120 Matter of fact, yes. 492 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,360 So the large structures are tree seeds, 493 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,960 some sort of conifer. 494 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,400 Combined with the barley fragments and fungal spores, 495 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,280 we're looking at a specific time and place, 496 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,880 a pedological photograph if you will. 497 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,760 A photograph of what? 498 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,736 We'd have to sample mud from barley fields in the area. 499 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,920 But if we can locate the same profile, 500 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,440 We'll know who the killer is. 501 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,360 Let's go and see if the Major's got any mud on his shoes. 502 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,640 "Honest, loyal, ex-army gentlemen of means" 503 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,960 "seeks warmhearted lady for companionship and home fires." 504 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:46,480 A lady like Alice Croft or Hilary Sympson-Smythe, 505 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,720 or Lois Mason. 506 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,040 For the umpteenth time, I've never met these women. 507 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:56,200 Mud was found in Lois Mason's porch. 508 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,600 The remnants perfectly match the tread of your shoes. 509 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,080 As they no doubt would 510 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,840 the shoes of everyone else 511 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,200 who owns the same ubiquitous brand. 512 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,880 Awfully clean, aren't they? 513 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,560 Given that you live in a rural area. 514 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,280 Well, you can take the man out of the army. 515 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,640 Seems you've discovered my footwear 516 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,360 is as clean as my conscience, 517 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,040 so you're clutching at straws, inspector. 518 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,360 You've visited Gravestocks News Agents 519 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,760 two days before Hilary was murdered. 520 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,440 What did you buy? 521 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,640 I believe it was a jigsaw puzzle. 522 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,960 A jigsaw of what? 523 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,040 No idea. 524 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,760 One with a picture on it. 525 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:42,880 Who for? 526 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,400 My Aunt Edith. 527 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,080 And if you'd done your job, 528 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,400 you would have found out that I also bought a birthday card 529 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,080 and some parcel string in order to post it to her 530 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:57,320 for her birthday, as I do every year. 531 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,160 What's with the jigsaw puzzle fixation, Major? 532 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,240 Come now, Inspector. 533 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,840 Once a lady's fertile and attractive years are behind her, 534 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,200 what else is there for her to do? 535 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,200 Now, unless you have some actual evidence, 536 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,280 Inspector Gillespie, 537 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,000 I should take myself home for supper. 538 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:19,640 Good day. 539 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,000 I had to just watch him walk out. 540 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,136 It's unconscionable, I know, 541 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,240 but we simply have no proof. 542 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,320 Apologies. Mrs. Clam, we've lost our appetite somewhat. 543 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,640 No, I must apologise. 544 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:42,000 I seem to be ruining breakfast, lunch and dinner ever since. 545 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:42,840 Don't worry. Mrs C. 546 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,400 No one's noticed. 547 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,360 Awful to think that Lois opened her heart to that man, 548 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,000 only to fall into his terrible trap. 549 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,960 Wait, that's it. 550 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,480 A trap. 551 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,760 We send the Major an invitation from a fake admirer. 552 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,136 We wait for them to crack out the bentanol 553 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,640 and then we catch him in the act. 554 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:01,920 With respect, 555 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,360 not only are those ethics somewhat dubious. 556 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,040 Sod the ethics! 557 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,040 But what woman in her right mind would submit herself 558 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:09,320 to such a dangerous endeavour? 559 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,000 I shall do it. 560 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,520 Mrs. Clam, no. 561 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,280 Nonsense, I insist! 562 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,760 If I can prevent another lone woman from being murdered, 563 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,160 then... 564 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,496 That is absolutely courageous of you, 565 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,240 but it would be risky and dangerous. 566 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:22,960 You're on. 567 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,560 Good, I shall see to the custard. 568 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,280 She's perfect. 569 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,376 Are the Great Slaughter Police really so under-resourced 570 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,840 that we would use a civilian in a hunt-trap operation? 571 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:35,960 [laughs] 572 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,560 You said "we". 573 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:38,560 What? 574 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,440 Seems you're one of us now. 575 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,600 [scoffs] 576 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,480 So what do we think? 577 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,680 There must be something here between milkmaid 578 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,400 and Moulin Rouge. 579 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,520 Jolly well hope so. 580 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,360 Right. 581 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,880 Let's cook the Major up an invitation he can't refuse. 582 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,440 So how would you describe yourself, Vera? 583 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,120 Tidy, churchgoing, spinster. 584 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,600 Put trim, ballroom dancing, bon viveur. 585 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,200 Very good. 586 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,920 The voice of an expert. 587 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:18,360 Don't forget he has a type. 588 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,160 Put curvaceous and homely, 589 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:22,760 likes hugging and baking. 590 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:23,680 Dreadful! 591 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,040 Perfect. 592 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,320 I had my suspicions about that Major. 593 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:28,960 Do you know, he gets more letters 594 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,600 than any other lonely heart, 595 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,440 even "Stronger with Livestock" and "Tap Dancing Romeo." 596 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:34,760 Focus, Colin. 597 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,720 That marcel isn't going to wave itself. 598 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:37,800 Sorry, mother. 599 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:41,680 Ready when you are. 600 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,000 I think this'll work. 601 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:46,240 What's your worry? 602 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,960 Well just that a honey trap requires... 603 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,520 Well you you know 604 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,600 honey. 605 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:55,840 [Colin] Ready? 606 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,240 [whistles loudly] 607 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:05,840 Hells bells, Mrs C. 608 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,080 Where have you been hiding that figure? 609 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,480 I'll thank you to rein in the profanity Ms. Penny. 610 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:12,560 Roger that. 611 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,160 Tempted to say that what you've both achieved 612 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,000 leaves the loaves and the fishes somewhat in the shade. 613 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,120 We make a great team, don't we Colin? 614 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,200 The best. 615 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,720 [Mrs. Clam] Dear Major Heart Sing, 616 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,920 That's it, Mrs. C. Really work it. 617 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,040 [Mrs. Clam] I noticed your advertisement. 618 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:34,400 [Ruth] Blow us a kiss. 619 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,056 [Mrs. Clam] I wish to invite you for supper. 620 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:39,480 Though somewhat beyond the first flush of youth, 621 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,520 I'm told I still have a certain twinkle in my eye. 622 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:46,920 [Major] Dear Vera, 623 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,320 I hope you won't think me forward 624 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,160 in calling you by your Christian name. 625 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,440 So enchanted was I by your letter, 626 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,440 that I feel we are already friends. 627 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,720 Needless to say, 628 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,960 I should be delighted to accept your invitation. 629 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,800 Bear in mind that barbital has no antidote. 630 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,480 Lethal dose is a mere 55 grains. 631 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,480 Do not drink the sherry. 632 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,536 Because otherwise we will have to do the dubious honour 633 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,560 of gastric lavage. 634 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:21,160 How about a role-play? 635 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,280 Shall we, role-play? 636 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,120 So I'll be Major. 637 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,280 Imagine that the date is going swimmingly, 638 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,680 and I'm about to strike. 639 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:35,760 Oh. 640 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,320 [clears throat] 641 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,840 Uh, splendid vol-au-vents, Vera. 642 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,840 Do have another, Major. 643 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,680 Oh. Don't mind if I do. 644 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,280 Mm... 645 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,240 Time for a top-up, wouldn't you say? 646 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,880 Now you'll need a reason to excuse yourself for a moment. 647 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,880 I think I need a lie down. 648 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,480 Well, don't come on too strong. 649 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,440 No, I think I really do need a lie down. 650 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,320 Might I suggest that if things get too much, 651 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,040 Mrs. Clam could utter a safe word? 652 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,120 And then we will intervene. 653 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,600 Yes. Good idea. 654 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,240 I like the word somnambulant or owl. 655 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,600 A word that is germane to the scenario. 656 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,160 Well, can't I just say help? 657 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:22,680 Macaroni. The safe word is macaroni. 658 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,960 Macaroni? 659 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,960 Macaroni. 660 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:27,560 - [doorbell rings] - [Mrs. Clam screams] 661 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,160 Oh! 662 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,520 Courage, Vera. 663 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,520 That was just Peggy. 664 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,720 We have some digging to do. 665 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:34,640 Godspeed, all! 666 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,520 Macaroni, macaroni. 667 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:54,760 Chin up, poor thing. 668 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,360 Only nine more to go. 669 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,360 Nine fields and only one of you sister. 670 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:02,600 Yes, I do sometimes think an extra one or two would help. 671 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,760 One of me could do the carrying. 672 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,720 Another could do the map reading. 673 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,520 I can do the measuring. 674 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,120 I should be in charge of digging. 675 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,280 I'll gather samples. 676 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,080 Oh, put me down for tea and tiffin. 677 00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,560 You all right, sister? 678 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:24,360 Yes. I suppose it has been a long day. 679 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,680 Perhaps it's time for a slice of Battenberg. 680 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:27,960 Oh, now you're talking. 681 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,320 [gate creaks] 682 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,160 [doorbell rings] 683 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:44,920 Vera! 684 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,000 Major. 685 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,560 You're even prettier in person. 686 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:50,800 Oh, nonsense. 687 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,760 [clears throat] 688 00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,320 May I? 689 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:01,880 Oh... yes. 690 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:04,600 Do come in. 691 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,360 Of course they prefer to be shown no mercy. 692 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,280 I cut their heads off, 693 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:18,920 bury them in my cellar, 694 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:20,680 then dig them up when the time is right. 695 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:21,560 What? 696 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:25,080 The tubers, the dahlias. 697 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,200 I grew them myself. 698 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,280 Something of a hobby. 699 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,600 Tell me about your interests. 700 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,840 I imagine your Foxtrot is quite something, 701 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,120 from the looks of you. 702 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,960 My Foxtrot is strictly off limits! 703 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:43,680 Sciatica. 704 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,480 Ah, my sympathy. 705 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,680 I fear my dancing days are also behind me, 706 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:54,520 but still plenty of lead in my pencil so to speak. 707 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,320 [Vera laughs nervously] 708 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:02,400 I shall just pop on some Mantovani 709 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,120 and then go and warm the oven. 710 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:10,360 That one's number 17. 711 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,840 Yes, some intriguing nematodes, 712 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,360 but not what we're looking for. 713 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,280 Okay, next? 714 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:23,360 Number nine. 715 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:25,840 Like a very boring game of bingo. 716 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:26,920 Yes. 717 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,120 Oh! 718 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,480 Bingo, Peggy my girl! 719 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:40,440 Number nine? 720 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,600 Erm, that's Crooked Mile Field. 721 00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,520 So it is, yes. 722 00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:56,200 Oh my. 723 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,080 Didn't leave your Wellies in the rain again, 724 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,160 did you sister? 725 00:34:58,200 --> 00:34:59,680 No, Peggy. 726 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,880 I fear a far greater oversight has occurred. 727 00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,560 Aren't we supposed to go in? 728 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,280 We need to let it play out. 729 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,000 Abort! 730 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:19,800 Abort! 731 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:20,880 Really? 732 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,160 Abort! 733 00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:23,240 Abort, abort! 734 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:25,800 We are in the middle of... 735 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,040 The killer isn't Major Travis! 736 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:29,120 What? 737 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,416 Well, rather it is Major Travis, 738 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:31,640 just not that one. 739 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,120 Oh gosh, you weren't wrong. 740 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,640 You certainly are nimble. 741 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,040 Macaroni. 742 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,360 Macaroni! 743 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,696 I think dinner can wait, don't you? 744 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,240 [Vera screams] 745 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,240 You may consider me easy pickings, Major, 746 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,720 but you will not indulge your hideous perversions 747 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,040 in my parlour! 748 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,600 Excuse me? 749 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,320 Yes. I belong to a generation of unwed women 750 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,080 who've been put out to grass, 751 00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,840 but we shall not be silenced, 752 00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:02,040 and we shall certainly not be murdered! 753 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,560 [both gasp] 754 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:07,600 Mrs. Clam! 755 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,680 Yes, let's find you a towel. 756 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,240 So this is the field that the mud's on? 757 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,920 Crooked Mile Field. 758 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,400 A the railway line cuts right through the middle. 759 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,480 So he makes sure that the conductor stamps his ticket, 760 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,560 and then he gets off the train a stop early. 761 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,200 And then headed back to Lois's, across country. 762 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,280 But I simply can't see how Colin 763 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,280 has been passing himself off as Major Travis. 764 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:38,880 Not to mention he's 20 years too young. 765 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:39,960 Colin? 766 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:45,360 You mean hair and makeup Colin? 767 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,760 The architect of my lonely hearts persona? 768 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,360 Let's make some tea, shall we? 769 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:52,800 Tea... 770 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,600 Oh, of course. 771 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,160 The cornflour, to whiten the hair! 772 00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:00,640 Yes! 773 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,640 I say, Colin's been studying the Major for some time. 774 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,920 Learning his mannerisms and whatnot. 775 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:08,520 Quite the performance. 776 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:09,800 A tragedy at that. 777 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,600 Time for his curtain call. 778 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:15,840 Oh! [Laughs] 779 00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:19,320 [phone ringing] 780 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,400 Yes? 781 00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:29,600 Well, he's not at his desk. 782 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,000 Fine, give me a sec. 783 00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:34,720 Proofs. 784 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,160 Proofs. 785 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:49,760 Fight over, 786 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,560 I just spoke to Peggy. Safe and sound. 787 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:52,640 Splendid. 788 00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:54,760 Everything all right? 789 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,000 Never better! 790 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,080 [Ida] You have to catch me first! 791 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,040 [knocking on door] 792 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,640 Oh, get lost, Colin! 793 00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:17,040 It's not even nine o'clock. 794 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,360 Mrs. Sweet, it's Inspector Gillespie. 795 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,840 Is Colin not at home? 796 00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,160 No, I told him... 797 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,960 Asked him to stay out. 798 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:36,680 One-to-one rehearsal. 799 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,360 It's a very challenging scene. 800 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:42,240 Do you have any idea where Colin is? 801 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,320 No. 802 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,560 Looking for these? 803 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,440 I believe you have something of mine. 804 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,080 Perhaps we could do an exchange. 805 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,760 And what if I say no? 806 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:10,976 Are you going to do to me what you did to those other women? 807 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,320 Heaven's no. 808 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:13,800 You're not at all the Major's type. 809 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,760 [Ruth exclaims] 810 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:21,920 You're nothing but a coward! 811 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,280 [Ruth gasping] 812 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,480 Colin, please! 813 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:29,680 [Sam] Ruth! 814 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:34,360 Show's over, Colin. 815 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:38,880 Take him away. 816 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,576 [Felix] You are not obliged to say anything 817 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:42,600 unless you wish to do so, 818 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:43,840 but what you say may... 819 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,320 Slow gentle breaths, soldier. 820 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:47,680 Ruth. 821 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:50,520 I'm fine. 822 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,920 Nothing worse than a broken fingernail. 823 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,760 I'm so sorry I let that happen to you. 824 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,400 [Ruth gasping] 825 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,880 So, Rodolfo came on the scene and you were jealous, angry. 826 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,080 You felt replaced, betrayed. 827 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,800 He hasn't even learned his lines. 828 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,000 Where'd you get the bentanol from? 829 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:14,680 Mother had a stash. 830 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:16,640 I remember watching her take it at bedtime, 831 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,760 always the same teacup. 832 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:24,720 The Lily sent of the cold cream, the bliss on her face. 833 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,080 She drifted into oblivion. 834 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,360 So the cold cream 835 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,120 wasn't about making your victims anonymous. 836 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,520 It was about turning them to Ida, 837 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,720 a version of Ida that you could control. 838 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,560 Like she controlled you. 839 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,440 Mother never forgave me. 840 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:39,400 For what? 841 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:40,680 She had ambitions, 842 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,320 Shaftesbury Avenue, Broadway. 843 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,480 But father ran off and she had to ditch it all 844 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,200 to look after me. 845 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,560 Times were tough. 846 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,560 She was good at spotting talent, 847 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,520 and my talent was jigsaw puzzles. 848 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,880 She started drinking heavily. 849 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,520 Prize money was a lifeline. 850 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,480 Second place means you lost. 851 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:11,040 [stopwatch ticking] 852 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,120 [timer rings] 853 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:22,600 Let's not let nerves get the better of us again, shall we? 854 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,200 It's a sad story. 855 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,040 But people have worse mothers than yours. 856 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,360 You don't see them plying women with barbiturates 857 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:54,880 and watching them die. 858 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,360 You know, I've never hurt mother. 859 00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,480 I love her, despite how she's been carrying on. 860 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,920 Honestly, it's unseemly. 861 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,120 Unseemly? 862 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,440 Three women are dead. 863 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:08,680 Oh dear. 864 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,960 You're hurting. 865 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:14,520 You feel you failed. 866 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,000 We've so much in common. 867 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:19,320 No, we're done. 868 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:21,920 And you're in jail, 869 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:25,280 hopefully for the rest of your life. 870 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,000 I don't fear incarceration. 871 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,600 After all, a lock is just another puzzle. 872 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:35,176 Put the pieces in the correct order 873 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,160 and it's open sesame. 874 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:51,600 Ready? 875 00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:57,160 Not bad news I hope? 876 00:42:58,520 --> 00:42:59,920 It's from the Major. 877 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,440 Oh dear. 878 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:02,640 Dry cleaning bill? 879 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:05,440 May I? 880 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:10,640 Dear Vera, 881 00:43:10,720 --> 00:43:13,840 so taken was I by your pluck and fortitude, 882 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,400 not to mention your delightful hors d'oeuvres, 883 00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,080 that I would wish to see... 884 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:23,360 See you again. 885 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,280 There's only one mom that I want to see again. 886 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,160 Today would have been Cyril's 70th birthday. 887 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,120 I expected to be surrounded by children 888 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,800 and grandchildren by now. 889 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:41,480 He was a brave man. 890 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,440 The bravest. 891 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:46,640 And the best. 892 00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:49,720 He would've been proud of you. 893 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:54,680 Come along! 894 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,720 Those bells aren't going to ring themselves. 895 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:06,560 [theme song plays] 57402

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