All language subtitles for Keeping Up with the Joneses 1

Are we sure she's dead?

No. I think she's napping.

This is totally gonna
ruin the party now.

Oh, please. We haven't even
served dessert yet.

[chuckling]

what is wrong with all of you?

We need to call the police.

Carrie, we can hold off on that.

What are you talking about?

Well, we hide the body,

then we wait until
after the party.

Wha--
[sighs]

why?

Because all of this is
starting to make sense now.

Narrator: The jones family.

The closest thing
pacific hills has to royalty.

Those that know them
envy them,

those that work for them
fear them,

and those that cross them,

well, they rue the day
they were ever born.

Long live the queens.

Robin jones is the matriarch.

Or step-matriarch,
as she's painfully reminded.

She's the second wife
of theodore jones,

the girls' late father
and a pioneering billionaire.

Theodore was generous
to his daughters,

but he made sure the bulk
of his money and estate,

not to mention control
of his company,

went to robin.

And as you can imagine,

this didn't cause
any resentments.

Pam jones is the oldest,

her father's daughter
through and through.

Pam is now the cfo
of jones enterprises,

one letter away
from where she'd like to be.

Theodore jones made his fortune
in real estate.

And although developing
commercial properties

is still the company's
bread and butter,

they've certainly diversified
in the past decade,

taking advantage
of their name's cachet.

Carrie jones handles the
family's charitable endeavors,

which are just as vast
as their commercial interests.

And it sounds crazy, I know,

but she might actually
care about philanthropy.

Then there's kayla jones.

She-- well, let's just say

she's fortunate her sisters
do the heavy lifting.

Still, no one ever said

she didn't know
how to have a good time.

Oh, I almost forgot.

There's also tara jones,
the baby,

but she's away at
the most prestigious

boarding schools on the coast,

honing the skills necessary
to one day join

the family business.

Come on, where are you?

Oh! Good morning, ladies.

- Morning!
- Good morning.

So, pam, what do we have?

In the packets
in front of each of you,

you'll find the latest
p&l statements

for all of the separate
divisions of jones--

what is going on here, pam?

You dragged me out of bed
before 11:00

for an emergency
company board meeting.

This better be about something
besides company financials.

Uh-uh. We were supposed
to discuss sponsorship

for the juvenile diabetes camp.

Okay.

I called you all here because...

We received another letter
yesterday.

How'd this one come?

Pam: Same as the others,

in a drop box paid for with one
of those prepaid credit cards

you can get
at any convenience store.

It's impossible to trace.

What'd it say?

It said, "stay out of harborside
or you'll regret it."

what? I don't understand.

I thought harborside
was a win for everyone, right?

It is. It's a win
for the residents

because their property values
are gonna go through the roof,

the city is ecstatic because
of the increased tax revenue,

even the banks are finding it--

how many letters like this
have we received?

This is the fourth.

Okay.

I think now's the time
we go to the police.

That would be just--

that's not in
our best interests.

Why not?

Carrie, we don't want
the police

poking around in our affairs,

especially
our financial affairs.

If something was done on our
behalf, pam, and in our name,

I think we have a right
to know about it.

Right, kayla?

Huh?

Hmm.

Okay, harborside was not always
zoned commercially.

Traditionally, it has been
a residential area,

but as the old saying goes,

it is easier to get
blood from a stone

than it is to convince
the city council to rezone,

- so sometimes--
- you know what?

I don't wanna know.

But if we're not gonna go
to the police,

then I think we should
at least talk to carlos.

[groans]
I need to go to the restroom.

[vomits, coughs]

whew!

Your sister really needs
to get it together.

She's fine.

She's just hungover.

Or pregnant.

Oh, god, carrie,
that is not even funny.

What? It wouldn't be the
worst thing in the world, pam.

I mean, we are gonna have
to start thinking about

the future generation
of joneses eventually.

God forbid this company goes
to a board of shareholders.

Mm.

Or an outsider.

Here she comes.

Sorry about that.

Something I ate
did not sit well with me.

Or drank.

What'd I miss?

I'm going to talk to carlos

and just hear
whatever suggestions he has

about what we should do.

He's not even
part of the family.

He's your brother.

Half-brother.

Whatever. Um, I promised william
that we'd meet for lunch,

so are we done here?

Kayla, we haven't even
discussed business yet.

[sighs]
okay.

[knocks]

hi, maria.

Hmmph.

Is carlos here?

Mm-mm.

Do you know where he is?

Even if I did,
I wouldn't tell you.

I really, really need
to speak with him.

Then call him.
He's your half-brother too.

When I do,
he doesn't return my calls.

Huh. Doesn't that
tell you something?

How's your mother?

[scoffs]
as if you care.

We've offered to help
numerous times.

We don't want
your blood money.

Maybe if you weren't
so proud, then--

can you please tell carlos
that I stopped by?

And as I said, I really, really
need to speak with him.

You know, maria, you don't
have to live like this.

My father would not
want to see her--

he wouldn't want
to see her like this.

She is the mother
of his only son.

[door slams]

oh, william.

[moans]
william.

Slow down, I don't feel--

I said stop!

[door closes]

[kayla vomits, coughs]

[continues vomiting]

william: Are you okay?

[toilet flushes]

what's the matter with you?

Oh, I'm not sure.

I got sick
this morning at work too.

Maybe you're working
too hard?

Maybe.

Did you brush your teeth?

[groans]

[camera clicking]

okay, you guys, if we cannot
get past 3% growth organically

by the end of the quarter,

I don't think
we're gonna have any choice

but to spin off the division.

Now you know what
spinning off means--

- carrie!
- Yeah.

Kayla's sick.
She's not coming in today.

Is it serious?

Okay.

Like I was saying, if we cannot
get beyond single-digit growth

before the end of the quarter,

then we're gonna have
to fold that division in

with the international.

♪♪ [jazz]

right here.

Thank you. Webb!

You look stunning.

Thank you.

You know, I could never
get tired of this place.

I remember the first time
I came here.

It was with your husband, and...

I'm well aware that my husband
was married before.

You don't have to
walk on eggshells about it.

And trust, I have four ladies
that if I choose to forget,

they would remind me.

Would you like
something to drink, ma'am?

- Yes. Pinot noir.
- Your best.

Absolutely.

♪♪ [jazz]

you know, teddy had a taste
for the sweetbreads,

if I'm remembering correctly.

He was really
quite fond of them.

Actually, teddy told me
that he hated this restaurant.

He used to say that,
after eating here,

he would go next door to vic's
and have a steak and scotch

just to get the taste
out of his mouth.

Well, teddy was never
really comfortable

with the trappings
of his wealth.

He also hated
being called teddy.

Okay. Why don't we just try
to enjoy our lunch,

shall we, robin?

You are the one
who invited me here, webb.

So tell me,
what exactly do you want?

The same thing
I have always wanted.

And my answer is
still gonna be the same.

May I ask you why?

Why what?

Why the aversion to selling.

What you could personally make
in a sale

would make you
a very rich woman.

I'm already a very rich woman.

Yes, but now it's co-mingled
with your stepdaughters.

Which is exactly the way
my husband wanted it.

But he's no longer here,
is he?

I'm just saying
it seems like such a shame,

being that our businesses
are so complimentary.

Our real estate holdings
are similar,

your hotels fit nicely
with my hospitality business,

and the jones brand is appealing
to recreational developers.

I'm well aware of
the mutual benefits, webb.

You know, robin,

just because jones enterprises
isn't a public company

doesn't mean they're immune
to genuine overtures.

There are other avenues
that can be taken.

Webb...
[chuckles]

if I didn't know you so well,

I would consider that a threat.

Oh, come on, robin!

How can we be
speaking of threats

when we have foie gras?

Mmm!

[chuckles]

I think the duck,

if he knew
how tasty his liver was,

wouldn't even mind
what happened to him.

Don't you agree?

Be a big girl.

Narrator: They say that
under the right circumstances,

almost any animal
will eat its young.

Humans are worse.

They just send them away
to boarding school.

[clears throat]
aw, shoot!

You wouldn't happen
to have a pad, would you?

[knocks]

come in.

You have someone here
to see you.

I do?

Uh, it's not on my schedule.

I know. He said it was
a personal matter.

Said you'd want to see him.

He's cute.

I told him to wait outside
while I spoke to you.

Thank you, angie.

Pam: Hey.

I, uh, wasn't sure your sister
was gonna give you the message.

Maria is not your biggest fan,
but she does have her integrity.

How's your mother?

Is this what you wanted
to see me about, pam?

No, but I genuinely care.

Not good.

Carlos, I'm sorry.
Is there anything I can do?

Stop being so damn proud,
carlos! She's your mother!

You should beg, borrow,
or steal for her!

That's what I would do.

If there was anything
that could be done,

I'd let you know.

All right, then.

So what's this?

You wanted to hand deliver me

my invitation
to the family reunion?

Come on.
You know you're always welcome.

Oh, yeah.

You guys have definitely
rolled out the red carpet

for the love child
of the esteemed jones patriarch

and his maid.

She was more than just a maid
to him, carlos.

You know that.

So what is it, pam?

My shift just ended,
and I'm extremely exhausted.

We've been getting letters.

The company
has been getting letters.

- Letters?
- Threatening letters.

So what do you want me
to do about it?

Well, you're a detective.

Word on the street is,
a halfway decent one.

Can't you do a little detecting
and find out who's sending them?

Why don't you make a formal
complaint to the department?

Oh!

I see. There's something
you're not telling me.

We would prefer
to handle this informally.

And why is that?

The letters are regarding

a billion-dollar development
project called harborside,

and the first thing that
an investigator's gonna do

is take a closer look
at that project.

And?

And we would prefer
to avoid that.

So I'm guessing everything's
not on the up-and-up.

Look, are you gonna help us
or not?

Will I help you? No!

Of course I won't help you!

Even if I went through
the proper channels,

it would be
a conflict of interest.

Because we're family.

[scoffs]
yeah.

Well, so what can you do?

I can refer you to somebody.

Inside the department?

No, not in the department.

That wouldn't be appropriate
for a situation like this.

She's a private investigator.

Do you trust her?

Trust is the wrong word.

[chuckles] okay.
Is she good at what she does?

Excellent.

Discreet?

For a price.

But that shouldn't matter much
to you, huh?

When can I meet her?

I'll reach out to her.

We'll be in touch.

Carlos.

Thank you.

Anything for you, pam.

Sheldon: Pam.

Pam, I told you I'm not
against you soliciting help.

I don't want you to do it
without talking to me first.

Sheldon, I have it covered.

You're too close
to the situation.

This is happening
to me and my family.

I know it's happening
to you and your family.

That's all the more reason
that you should rely on me.

I'm your lawyer. I'm looking out
for your interests.

And I also have the luxury
of some separation.

He's family.
My half-brother.

Half-brother, stepbrother,
full brother,

that that doesn't matter.

It would be a mistake to have
anyone in your family handle it.

Why?

Because!

Because I have access to people
with the same skill sets

who are just as discreet,

and I have the luxury
of distance.

You do work for me.

[sighs]

- okay.
- Do you understand that?

Okay, yes,
I know that's true, pam.

- Good, good!
- Okay, I said my piece,

but you have to tell me
everything that he finds.

I have to know it all
in order for me to protect you.

- Fine.
- Okay?

Goodbye, sheldon.

Take care.

[doorbell rings]

- hi, jeremy.
- Hi, miss jones.

- How've you been?
- Good. How about you?

Good, good.

All right,
how much do I owe you?

- Um, 54.60
- okay.

You can keep it.

Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot!

- Have a good day, okay?
- Yeah, you too.

All right, I'll see ya.

Narrator:
When you're kayla jones,

you call for delivery.

And sometimes, you receive
more than you bargained for.

[sighs]

[crowd chatter]

I would've ordered your own.

Come on, there's a perfectly
good one right here.

Excuse me.

Thanks for meeting me, jess.

Are you kidding me? I'm always
up for some department gossip.

The juicier, the better.
Makes me feel vindicated.

This ain't about the department.

This is about my family.

Oh.

Well, I like hearing about
the gatsbys almost as much.

Can I get you something?

Am I technically
on the clock for them?

Of course.

I will have a glass
of your most expensive scotch

and a separate glass of ice.

Okay, I might have to
charge you for a double then.

You know what?
Make it a triple.

And can you bring him
another beer too, please?

Thank you, ma'am.

You told them
I don't come cheap, I hope.

- I did.
- Even though I do.

That, I know.

Thanks, carlos. I owe you.

Good. Just remember that.

So I'll get the official version
from them, of course,

but... What's this about?

Someone's sending my family
threatening notes.

Threatening notes? Oh.

That's very 19th century-ish.

Should I call miss marple?

[laughs]

nevertheless,
it has them worried.

Should it?

Okay, here you go.

Thanks.

Thank you, ma'am.

Why hire me?

If it's a bonafide threat,
the department can handle it.

They've got more resources,
they come free of charge,

and in this day and age,
with your family,

they'd bring out the cavalry.

You're better.

Of course.

But come on, carlos.
That's not why.

I think the family's
a little worried

about what the investigation
might unearth.

- So collateral damage.
- So to speak.

Huh. Oh, wow.

Your family's smart.

They're heartless, but smart.

You can say that again.

They realize that anything
that's uncovered

by my investigation
that isn't directly related

would be inadmissible.

Legally, I'm sure they do,

but they also know
that police departments

leak worse than the titanic.

So whatever you may
or may not find,

they don't want it
getting out.

But if that same information

were to find its way
into your hands...

Consider it my commission.

[urinating]

[inhales, exhales]

and carlos was fine with it?
Hah!

He's never been
so generous before.

He was...

He was willing to help.
That's all I was hoping for.

Good.

Oh, carrie,

you'll take care of paying
this person that he recommends.

Me? Why would I pay for it?

Oh, no, I don't mean you
personally.

I mean run it through
the charities.

I know what you meant, pam,

but why in the world would we
run it through the charities?

I mean, security is
a legitimate overhead expense.

If we run it through
the 501c3,

then it has zero effect
on the bottom line

that I need to explain
to our shareholders.

No. It's taking away money from
people who actually need it.

Robin, do you want
to give this a try?

Excuse me?

I mean, after all,

nobody keeps a closer eye
on the money than you.

The reason we give so much
to so many charitable causes

is that it allows us
the flexibility

to protect the family business
from unnecessary expenses.

[chuckles]

are you lecturing me
on the purpose of philanthropy?

I simply meant--

besides, this isn't
an unnecessary expense.

I mean, these letters,
these notes, have a direct

and potential devastating
effect on the bottom line.

The company
should pay for this.

This is a ridiculous
argument, okay?

Where do you think the money
for your charity comes from?

From thin air? No.

It comes from
the family business.

And I don't think
that it's asking too much

for you to step up and
do your part every now and then.

I don't believe this!

Kayla?

Huh?

The funds for
the private investigator,

where do you think
they should come from?

Uh, whatever pam thinks.

Oh, my god.

I wasn't going to mention this,
but the benefit this weekend,

you're having it at the estate
for free.

That's a venue
that would ordinarily cost

tens of thousands of dollars.

I'm not getting anything, pam.

The jones family charity
is getting this.

And stop treating this like this
is some pet project of mine.

Girl, compared to making money,
giving it away is a pet project.

- Let's see you run it.
- Oh, I could! Easily!

- Then do it!
- Step down and I will!

You don't have the heart!

Stop it, both of you!

This is ridiculous!

Sisters going at each other
like cats and dogs!

Now we're having the event
at the estate.

This is my house.

We will all come together

to make sure that things
go down perfectly,

like we always do.

Agreed?

Agreed.

- Agreed.
- Thank you.

Now, we have bigger problems.

I had lunch a few days ago
with webb deveraux.

- Angie?
- [gasps]

I'm not supposed
to talk to cops.

Good thing I'm not a cop then.

But don't you work with...

No, no, not anymore.

Well, then I don't have
to talk to you.

And I should ask
miss jones first.

Okay, well, no one
has to do anything,

but it would be in your
best interest if you did.

- Why?
- Why?

Because on
your employment application,

I'm guessing you didn't
reveal anything

about a stint at
rolling pines recovery center.

Those records are
supposed to be sealed.

Sealed? Really, what's a seal?
Just paste and water.

- But the judge said--
- okay, look, angie,

I'm not asking for
inside information.

I just want to know
who you think

might want to hurt
the joneses.

I'm just her assistant, okay?

I deliver mail,
I get lunch, I place calls.

Yeah, exactly.
That's why I'm asking you.

You see things
that others don't.

Then you're asking
the wrong questions.

What-- what do you mean?

It's not who would want
to hurt them.

It's who wouldn't.

They're that bad, huh?

No, no, they're not.

It's just that when you run
a business like theirs,

you tend to make enemies.

I'm really more interested

in the people that work
inside the company.

Like someone who didn't
get a promotion or...

Sure.

I wouldn't know
that kind of thing. I'm sorry.

Okay, come on, angie.
Wh can you give me?

Well, you know how I said

that there are a lot of folks
that don't like them?

Yeah.

That's completely true,

but I get the feeling they don't
like each other even more.

Thank you.
Thank you, angie.

William: Is everything okay?

No. Why?

I don't know.
You seem a bit distant.

I'm just... Thinking.

Well, that's never a good idea.

- William?
- Hmm?

Do you love me?

Of course. You know that.

Why would you ask me
something like that?

Kayla, come on.
What's this all about?

Never mind. It's nothing.

Please.

Nice place you got here,
mr. Burns.

Sheldon's fine.

Sheldon.

The family must pay well.

Well, you're on the payroll now.

[chuckles]

yeah, I'm guessing
our hourly rate's not the same.

So you asked to see me?

I did, ms. Wilson.

I know carlos gardner
hired you

to look into threats
against the jones family,

but I wouldn't think
there's any reason

to upset them unnecessarily,
would you?

Mr. Burns, why don't you just
say what's on your mind?

That way, we can both
get back to our hourly billing.

My job is to protect them,

and part of that is
to shield them from things

about which
they don't need to know.

Well, uh, why don't we let
the family determine that?

Why don't you let me
determine it,

and I will report back
to the family.

It's been a pleasure.

I'm sure I'll see you again.

I'll see myself out.

[door opens, closes]

♪♪ [slow jazz]

now, remember, webb is going
to try and get you alone.

Divide and conquer.
That's his strategy.

Has anyone ever managed to come
between me and my sisters?

Nevertheless.

I can handle webb.

Pam, don't you dare
underestimate him.

Beneath that
distinguished gentleman act

is a cold-blooded snake.

Your father couldn't stand him.

But dad did
a lot of business with him.

He did.

He said he was
a necessary evil.

Webb deveraux owned
miles of oceanfront property,

not to mention millions of acres
of san jacinto mountains.

Back in the day,
webb was the only developer

that would deal with
your father.

I guess dad
did what he had to do.

Now, what is this event
for today that we're doing?

What's today, autism?

Diabetes.

Diabetes.

If only people would have
some discipline.

If they wouldn't
live off of fast food,

none of this would be necessary.

No, robin,
it's the other kind.

The kind that you're born with.

Oh. Well, I can't
keep 'em all straight.

With all these medical advances,

it seems like people
have more problems than ever.

Now your father, hmmph!

He wasn't sick
a day in his life.

That is... Until the end.

So... Does this look say
I care about children?

At least six figures worth.

Exactly. Let's do this.

♪♪ [classical]

narrator: You might think
it would be tough

to score a ticket
to a jones family benefit,

but all you really have to do
is make a five-figure donation

or come down with
a fatal disease

that they can throw money at.

[laughs]
oh, carrie,

jones enterprises
has always been so generous

to the juvenile diabetes
association, but...

It looks like you've completely
outdone yourself this year.

This is just... Magnificent.

Madeline, it is an honor
to have you as our partner.

With a little luck,

I think this will be
our most successful benefit yet.

You're too kind.

Hear, hear.

♪♪ [classical]

look at all this.

What a shame.

What I could do
with all this money.

Don't let your sister
hear you say that.

What do you mean?
I tell her all the time.

Girl...

You should check him out
sometime.

How's your beau?

Fine. Making friends as usual.

He is quite the popular one.

How are you feeling?

I'm fine. Why?

Well, you looked like death
warmed over the other morning,

and then you didn't
come into the office.

I was beginning to worry
that it was a little bit more

than a garden variety hangover.

I'm fine, thanks.

Excuse me while I go
crack the whip.

Oh, hi, baby.

- Hi, I'm kayla.
- Hey.

Nice to meet you.

So what are you guys
chatting about?

♪♪

- this is some good booze.
- Tell me about it.

Who are you with again?
The band?

Something like that.

All right, I gotta get back.

As much as I hate serving these
rich jerks, I need this job.

No, stay a little longer.

Come on, you don't want
to get canned either do you?

I might have some pull.

Miss jones.

Wonderful party.

Thank you.

Can't imagine
all the time and effort

that goes into
something like this.

Well, I can't think of
a better cause.

No doubt, no doubt.

And then I'm told that
you're the one responsible

for all of this?

Oh, gosh!
I've had plenty of help.

Forgive me, but have we met?

Are you part of the foundation
or a guest?

Well, you might say
I'm an employee.

Of yours.

Jessica wilson, carlos' friend.

You are
the private investigator.

Don't worry.
You weren't supposed to know.

Last thing I wanna do is
stand out like a sore thumb.

Yes, but shouldn't you be
meeting people

and interviewing them?

Yeah, in good time.

Right now I just wanted to
get a sense of your family

and your company in their
natural state, shall we say.

So for now, if you don't mind,

just think of me
as an ordinary guest.

If there's anything you need...

You know, the caviar plate,
you're running out of sevruga.

[tapping glass]

as you all know,
jones enterprises

has hosted the juvenile
diabetes association every year.

It is my distinct pleasure

to host it this year
at my family's home.

Please join me in thanking...

You've outdone yourself,
ms. Jones.

Webb! I thought
I smelled something.

I was gonna check my shoe.

Well, no one ever accused you of
being as classy as your mother.

Stepmother.

I just don't understand

why you insist on us
being adversaries

when we both want
the same thing.

Hmm. And what's that?

Why, a healthy,
profitable company, of course.

I already have one of those.

Diabetes has been a cause that's
been near and dear to my heart.

So without further ado,

I would like to introduce
my friend

and chairwoman of the juvenile
diabetes association,

miss madeleine alt.

[applause]

thank you, and thank you,
my dear, dear friend.

Many years ago--

I'm not gonna even tell you
how many...

I was wondering
if you might be able

to find some time soon
for us to get together.

Okay. Have your people reach out
about something

the week after
hell freezes over.

[chuckles]

remember this, my dear.

That which takes decades
to build

takes mere seconds to destroy.

You know, webb,
I actually have to admit,

you are looking exceedingly fit
for your years.

Well, thank you for noticing.
I do what I can.

- That is good.
- Why is that?

Because if you're not off
of my property in 30 seconds,

I'll have you
thrown out on your ass.

[sighs]

mmm!

[knocks]

anything else
I can get you, ma'am?

No, thank you, clara.

Uh, why don't you lock up
and turn in for the evening?

[door buzzer]

who the hell could that be
at this hour?

Perhaps one of the caterers
left a serving tray behind,

or it might be
someone from the band.

I'll take care of it.

Thank you, clara.
Have a good evening.

Hmm.

Someone left a package for you,
ma'am. It says "confidential."

would you like me
to bring it up?

Hmm.

No. You can open it for me.

Thanks, clara.

[explosion]

narrator: As ralph waldo
emerson once said,

"when you strike a king,

you must make sure
you kill him."

and somebody's
about to find out

that goes double for queens.

Kayla: How much longer
do we have to wait here?

I'd like to go home
and go back to sleep.

How could you possibly think
about sleep at a time like this?

Uh, because I'm tired?

Wow.

The police said
to stay in here.

They still want to talk to us.

You talk to jess
and tell her what happened?

Who's jess?

The private investigator
we hired.

No, I called. I left a message.
She must be asleep.

Poor clara. We have to
make sure we send her body

back home to her family
in flagstaff.

There's not much to send back.

That's not funny, pam.

That's not funny at all.

What? I wasn't making a joke.

The cops said that the bomb
practically obliterated her.

Well, we should send something.
It's the right thing to do.

Maybe some flowers
or plates of food, maybe.

"I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please accept this deli meat."

it should have been me.

We don't know that
for sure, robin.

It could've been any one of us.

It was addressed to me.

Clara told me.

I don't understand though.

Killing you wouldn't necessarily
get us out of harborside.

We'd grieve,
but business would continue.

Oh, I'm sure you'd be
plenty broken up about it, huh?

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What do you think?

If you are suggesting that I
would get any kind of pleasure

out of seeing you harmed
or even, god forbid, killed,

then you got a lot of nerve.

I'm just saying!

Who benefits more with me
being out of the picture, pam?

- You! You!
- How dare you, robin!

Would you both stop it?!

I have a headache.

I guess we don't need that
private investigator anymore.

Why not?

Well, now that it's
a murder investigation

and the authorities
are involved,

what does she have
to bring to the table?

That's the first sensible thing
that you've said all night.

- You know what?
- What?

I don't understand.
Why should we keep her?

I want her to look into
webb deveraux.

Webb deveraux?

What's he have to do
with any of this?

He's been putting pressure
on us, more than usual.

But you don't think
he's responsible

for any of this, do you?

Oh, I wouldn't necessarily
put anything past him.

He didn't get as rich as he is
by playing nice.

- And he's not that stupid.
- Pam: Maybe not.

Pam: But there's more to webb
deveraux than meets the eye.

For now let's just wait and see
what that detective digs up,

and we remain vigilant.

All of us, understand?

Should we bring tara home?

All: No!

She's probably just safer
at school anyways.

Yeah, I agree.

Plus there's structure.
She craves that.

Exactly.

Get off of me! I swear!

[grunting]

need some help!

I told you he was
my boyfriend, okay?!

Stop!

Stop!

Ladies! Ladies, please!

Stop this right now
or there will be consequences!

Well, congratulations,
miss jones.

You're suspended.

For what, a little argument?

I wouldn't call that
a little argument.

- You struck a teacher.
- Not on purpose!

Besides, mr. Ames
shouldn't have stuck his nose

where it doesn't belong.

He's threatening to sue you,
you know.

For what, a fat lip?

- The man is humiliated.
- [scoffs]

he contends that your actions
are gonna make it impossible

for him to do his job
going forward.

Whatever.

Okay, not whatever!

Your mother won't be happy
about this.

My mother is dead.

Don't you ever forget that.

♪♪ [rock]

♪ big dreams, bright lights ♪

♪ they're calling me ♪

you're late.

I didn't realize
I had to punch a time clock.

I would have ordered you one.

You can.

How's your family?

A little shaken up,
but still alive.

Any leads?

Isn't that what they're
paying you for?

Nah. They're paying me
to look into

who's sending threatening
letters to your family.

Isn't that part and parcel?

Somebody just
bombed their house!

I'd say it's a little related.

Maybe.

I, uh, I was at their benefit
the other day.

Great. What'd you find?

I learned that the rich
don't know how to make

a decent martini.

Believe it or not, jess,
I've got other things to do.

Be straight with me.

What did you find?

Look, carlos,
I'm working an angle, all right?

I just... I want to keep it
close to the vest

just for a little while,
all right?

Only until I'm sure.
I promise.

Can I help?

Not yet.

Call me anytime, jess.

I will.

Yeah, can I get a scotch?

Kayla, what's the occasion?

Do we need an occasion
to have a civilized dinner?

No, I... I guess not.

You didn't cook, did you?

Oh, god, no.
I ordered from babylon.

But I did set the table,
and I'll light the candles.

Let no one ever say that
domesticity doesn't suit you.

[chuckles]
go ahead, open it.

Shouldn't I go
get changed first?

Why? You look so nice.

Okay, what is this?

- A surprise.
- A surprise?

Mm-hmm. Open it.

- [laughs]
- no.

- Yes!
- Are you sure?

I went to the doctor's today.

I'm due in January.
[laughs]

this little guy, he's going
to be a giant among men.

- Or gal.
- Do you know?

No. It's too early to tell.
I'm just saying.

It's a boy.
I can feel it.

He or she...

Will be the first of
the next generation of joneses.

Hey, the baby's last name
will be french.

We talked about that.

Of course.

But his bloodline?

Oh, that is pure jones.

Narrator: But of course,
the jones bloodline

is about as pure
as an extra dirty martini

and just as cloudy.

Miss jones.

Yes.

Mr. Deveraux is here.

Would you like me
to keep him in the foyer

or send him back here?

Send him back. Thank you.

Of course.

Thank you. Robin!

I'm so glad you're all right.
Such a terrible tragedy.

Mm-hmm.

Agreed. Would you like
something to drink?

Oh, I wouldn't decline
a scotch.

Janet, would you
pour mr. Deveraux

a glass of the dalmore?

On the rocks?

Uh, please.

- On the rocks, please.
- Absolutely.

Shall we?

The police know anything?

Ah, they're making progress.

And there's no way this could've
been just a terrible accident.

Bombs don't tend to send
themselves by accident, webb.

Are they sure
that's what it was?

That's what they're
telling us thus far.

- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

To life...

Lest it pass us by.

To life.

You know, my daughters
would disown me

if they knew
I was meeting you.

But why?

What, they can't think
I had anything to do

with this unpleasantness,
can they?

I mean, even if I had
no scruples,

what would my motive
possibly be?

The company, what else?

Oh, so in order
to acquire a company

that I have been trying
to purchase

for the better part
of a decade,

I suddenly decided
to kill the ceo.

Why would I do that?

You might think
that my stepdaughters

are more amenable
to deal with.

Hmm. Anyway...

The authorities, they are
checking out all angles,

and we have hired
a private detective, as well.

Oh.

I'm sure that someone will
turn up something sometime soon.

Yeah, I'm optimistic
that it will.

But listen, webb, that's not
why I called you here today.

I am thinking
that I'd like to possibly,

possibly reconsider your offer.

Well, you know...

I've had my people looking into
the state of jones enterprises--

and it's not as easy
as getting information

about a public company--

but it is possible,

and to my surprise,

the business is as healthy
as it has ever been,

and for most of your companies,
the outlook is positively rosy.

And in this climate,
that is saying something.

So there's no need
to sell it at a discount.

Is there a magic number?

Why don't you have your people
put together an offer sheet,

and if it's reasonable,
we'll consider it,

and if it's not, we won't.

That's fair.

Um, webb, I don't mean
to be rude,

but I am meeting with
my stepdaughter at any minute.

Well, you are making
an intelligent choice.

And no matter
what you think of me,

I will be fair.

Good to know.

Goodbye, webb.

- Too good to waste.
- Yes.

Goodbye.

Janet: Excuse me, ma'am.

- Yes?
- Your stepdaughter's here.

Oh, tell carrie
I'll be with her in a minute.

Carrie?

No, it's tara.

Tara.

What are you doing home?

There was an incident
at school.

Don't you threaten me.

You're such a disgrace
to this family. Your father--

don't talk about my father!
You think he loved you? No!

You were just a side piece
who got lucky.

A side piece?
How dare you speak to me--

no, no, no, stop it, stop it!

What in god's name is the matter
with the both of you?

And, tara,
what are you doing home?

Go ahead, tell her.

Tell me what?

I got suspended.

Suspended?

For what?

I got into a fight
with a girl at school.

- Come on, tara.
- What?

It's just a week, and it's not
like they're gonna expel me

and, what, turn down
my 50 grand a year?

That's not the point.

Young lady, you have
a reputation to uphold,

and you know that!

Why don't you tell her
what you told me? Go ahead.

I told her that
no stepdaughter of mine

would be living
underneath my roof

if she's supposed
to be in school.

You're only my stepmother

because you slept with my dad
for money.

[yelps]

[gate opens, closes]

[sobbing]

I'm gonna kill her.

I swear to god,
I'm gonna kill her.

Yeah. I would use a different
choice of words right about now,

if I were you.

Why?

You didn't hear anything
up at school?

No, what about?

We should talk.

I'm not going back in there.
You can't force me.

I wasn't gonna make you.

You could stay with me
tonight, okay?

So, um, how did you
get back home anyways?

I hitched.

Okay, I didn't hitch.
I ordered a town car.

[shower running]

[footsteps]

[door closes]

[shower running]

[shower running]

[shower turns off]

[muffled screaming]

[moaning]

[gasping]

I think we need to change up
the routine a little bit.

Why? Is it getting
too much for you?

On the contrary.

I'm actually getting
a little bored.

- Oh, don't be petulant.
- I'm not petulant.

I thought we both understood
exactly what this was.

We do. You never
feel guilty about it?

Are you growing a conscience
on me, william?

Guilty? I'm not the one
who's getting married.

I know, but she is
your sister, and...

And?

And you're about to be an aunt.

Really?

Kayla's due date is
the first of the year.

Who else knows?

Our ob-gyn.

So are congratulations
in order?

- You mean was it planned?
- Mm-hmm.

[scoffs]
it wasn't not planned.

Kayla's ecstatic, of course.

When are you guys
gonna tell everybody?

That's up to kayla.

So how does this affect
our arrangement?

You tell me.

I don't know that it has to.

Well, I am going to be busier.

Busier? Please.

No, can you picture my sister

getting up in the middle
of the night

to change a diaper or feed--

you'll have nannies.

A few of them, actually,
all paid for by the family.

Pam, I need to talk to you
about something.

Something else?

This relationship is becoming
more problematic by the minute.

As you know, I was told I have
to sign a prenuptial agreement

before I marry kayla.

I was told it was standard for
anyone marrying into the family.

No exceptions.

Yes, well,
I'm thinking now

it really isn't
in my best interest.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that,

but unfortunately, that decision
is not really up to you.

Isn't it?

Well, well, well.

Seems I underestimated you,
mr. William.

Story of my life.

But what if I decide
to tell kayla about all of it?

- You won't.
- Why not?

Because you're not stupid.

What if something should happen
to you before the wedding?

Something like, I don't know,
like an unfortunate accident.

- What's that?
- My insurance policy.

Your insurance policy
is a key?

My insurance policy is a key
to a safe deposit box

at pacific national.

In that safe deposit box
is a sealed envelope

addressed to kayla.

It tells her everything,
including this conversation,

which is exactly what I presumed
you were going to say.

[laughs]
god, I'm smart.

Don't worry.

I intend to live a long
and happy and prosperous life,

so I'm sure that letter will
never see the light of day.

You're a real son of a bitch,
william.

Then I think I'll fit in
with this family just fine,

don't you?

Well, hello, hello!

Finally.

Now that we're all here--

wait, what do you mean?
Where's tara?

I'm sure she's not coming.

Why would she come?
Isn't she at school?

- Oh, you haven't heard.
- Heard what?

That the black sheep
of the family got suspended.

- For what?
- Tara's predicament

is not the reason
why I called this meeting.

Actually, robin, I wanted
to make a quick announcement.

I'm thrilled to tell you that
the first of the next generation

will make his or her appearance
around January 1st!

- You're pregnant?
- Oh, my gosh! How do you feel?

When did you find out?

I'm sure the wedding is
now going to be delayed.

Actually, just the opposite.

We were wanting to have it
as soon as possible,

before I even start showing.

Kayla, how are you gonna
pull that off?

It takes almost a year
to secure a venue.

Yeah.

Well, we wanted to make it

a much smaller affair,

and we were hoping
we could have it here.

Of course.

Just close friends and family.

Kayla, are you sure
about all of this?

Of course I'm sure.
I'm thinking about my family.

We are your family, kayla.

You are my father's ex-wife.

Ex-wife? I was with your father
until his dying day,

which is more than
I can say about--

- to our son.
- Or daughter.

So, robin, if you didn't know
about any of this,

why did you call us out here?

Nothing.
We can discuss it later.

No, robin, you said it was
important. What was it?

It's not nearly
as important as this,

I can promise you that.

To the new addition
of the family. Cheers.

Carrie: Cheers.
Kayla: Cheers.

William: Cheers.

Tara: Cheers.

How you doing, danny?

Oh, jess, aren't you
a sight for sore eyes.

I do what I can.

Mm-hmm.

So I'm gonna go out on a limb.

I guess it's not an accident
I'm running into you here.

Yeah, I need a favor.

Yeah, I figured.

Huh. Can you help me out?

Why don't you have carlos
do it for you?

I heard you guys had a little
thing going on the side.

Yeah, well,
it's not really on the side

when you uh don't work
for the department anymore.

True.

So will you do it?

What is it?

Run a print for me.

That's it?

Were you hoping for something
a little more compromising?

You don't have access
to the iafis anymore?

Not officially, no.

Why don't you have carlos do it?
I mean, it's easy.

Ah! You don't want carlos
to find out about it.

And if you use his credentials,
then it's in his history.

Yeah, I don't really need
a detective right now, danny,

just a favor from a friend.

So I'm a friend now.

Come on, you always were.

Look, when you get
stabbed in the back,

it's not your first instinct to
go looking for people to thank.

Jess, a lot of us
had your back, okay?

You may not want to hear it,
but that's the truth.

Maybe.

Anyway, it was
a long time ago.

Yes.

- Yes, what?
- The print. Give it to me.

Oh, thank you, danny.

Thank you.

[doorbell rings]

- hi, jeremy.
- Hi, miss jones.

- Here's your dry cleaning.
- Thank you so much.

Could you hang on
just a second?

- I have more clothes for you.
- Yeah, of course.

Jeremy: Hello! Miss jones!

Can I have this back
by tomorrow?

Tomorrow it is.

[kayla clears throat]

kayla, you startled me.

Are you having an affair?

[laughs]
what a ridiculous thing to say.

You didn't answer the question.

Why would you ask me that?

I gave your clothes
to the dry cleaner,

and I found a receipt.

- From?
- Mesopotamia.

I take clients there
all the time for drinks.

I know all about mesopotamia,
william.

That's not somewhere you'd go
to conduct business.

I meet with
all types of people, kayla.

- Don't patronize me, william!
- I'm not.

Patronizing would be
to blame it on your hormones.

But you do sound paranoid.

I know what it was like
in my family, william,

and I know what it was like
in your family.

And I know what types of things
were ignored,

swept under the carpet.

But I am telling you
right now.

Infidelity?
I won't tolerate it.

That's good
because I would never do that.

Trust.

That's the most important thing
for me, kayla.

The most.

Well, well, well.

Kayla, why am I here?

I thought it would be nice
to have some coffee together.

I thought you said
you wanted to speak to me.

Yes, that's true.

Why couldn't you have
just come by the office?

Because that's the last place
I wanted to discuss this.

Okay, what is it?

I wanted to talk to you
about william

and his role in the family.

His role in the family.

The family business.

Doesn't he already have a job?

Yes, you know he has a job,
a very good one.

And what,
he's not happy with it?

[groans]

why are you making this
so difficult for me?

He's smart,
he's hard-working--

kayla, please stop.
Stop, stop, stop.

You know what?

I don't even think
this is about the business.

What are you talking about?

I think you're jealous.

Jealous?

Mm-hmm. My marriage,
my pregnancy.

Suddenly, I'm the one
getting all the attention.

You giving me a hard time
about william

is your way of showing me
you're still in control.

Kayla, you're
embarrassing yourself.

And you're being petty!

I already caved
about the prenup.

That was not
just your decision.

Yeah, but I am the one
who convinced everyone

that it was unnecessary.

[sighs]
just give it some thought.

Please, pam.

Fine.

All right, then.

I am gonna get back
to the office

because I have
a ton of work to do.

♪♪ [rock]

now I know why you didn't want
to meet at our usual spot.

Guilty as charged.

That's one of the few things
I miss about being on the force.

Sal's burgers and fries.

- You can still eat them.
- It's not the same.

[chuckles]

hey, you know webb deveraux?

I know the name.

He's one of my family's
blue-blooded friends, isn't he?

He's one of the first people
pam wanted me to look into.

The main one, actually.

And what?

Seems that webb deveraux and
your family go back for years.

He's been trying to buy a
percentage of jones enterprises.

And so what,
you think he finally decided

to apply a different type
of pressure?

It's possible.

I don't know.
This doesn't feel right, but...

Just wanted to see
if you knew anything.

Barely know the name.

Carlos, I gotta ask you.

Is there anything
you need to tell me?

I'm not sure
what you mean, jess.

Just... Anything I should know.

Not any better
at riddles either, jess.

Look...

I realize my family hired you,

but your loyalty...

Your loyalty's to me.

[door opens, closes]

- wow.
- [giggles]

you think I'm showing yet?

Well, whatever you're showing,
I like.

I'm being serious.

So am I.

Mmm.

Kayla, are you smelling me?

- What? No.
- Yeah, you are.

Don't be ridiculous.

Are you sure
you should be drinking?

Dr. Bennett said one glass
of wine a night is fine.

That's what europeans do,

and they have a lower
birth defect rate than we do.

I just want to make sure
we're doing everything possible

for our child, even now.

I know.

That's why I love you.

- You excited?
- For?

Our engagement party,
obviously.

More than excited.

It'll be a day
no one will ever forget.

Why are you
asking me this now?

Well, you know,
'cause I'm an investigator,

so it's my job
to investigate.

- What are you afraid of?
- I'm not afraid of anything.

I simply want to know
why you're asking.

Has webb deveraux
approached you

about his interest in a stake
in jones enterprises?

Detective, anything to that
effect would be confidential.

Attorney-client privilege.

Okay, all right, look,
let me put it a different way.

I know he's expressed interest.
Has he approached you?

Webb deveraux is not a killer,

if that's what
you're getting at.

No. No, I don't think he is
either.

So who is?

Excuse me?

Oh, come on.

You know the family
better than anyone, supposedly.

Who would want them dead?

I'd say someone close to them.

How close?

I'm not gonna do your job
for you, detective,

but I will say this:

You're asking
the right questions.

Thanks.

I can't believe
this is happening.

Come on.
The fun's just beginning.

My deepest congratulations,
my dear.

Why, thank you.

I haven't missed a jones family
wedding in over 60 years.

And let me tell you, the brides
keep getting prettier.

All right, robert,
let's go get you a drink.

I've had plenty to drink.

Who was that?

Half these people
are from out of town.

I've never met him before.

- At least he had good taste.
- Oh, did he?

Carlos!

So glad you came.

Well, it's not like
I had a choice.

Well, it means a lot to kayla.

Oh, I'm sure.

You know I never got a chance
to thank you.

For?

For jess.

According to pam,
she's been great.

Well, if there's something
for her to find,

she'll definitely find it.

I hope so.

You know,
with all the notes and...

And the bombing,

it's definitely put everyone
on edge, to say the least.

Well, hopefully,
it'll all be over soon.

I hope so.

I've already told you once.
It's over.

I'm not telling you again.
Goodbye.

No. If you walk away from me,
I will tell kayla,

and you will regret it
for the rest of your life.

- Don't you threaten me.
- Nobody does this to me.

Nobody does this to me.

Pam: I've had enough.
Stop threatening--

get your hands off me!

Pam, don't walk away from me.

We both--
we have something.

We have something.

We have something.

You wanna get physical with me?
Don't you--

♪♪

yeah, tell them that that won't
work for us. No, I insist.

- Yes, I just--
- I need to talk to you.

I'm in the middle
of a conversation.

- Okay, if you can get them to--
- now!

I'll call you back.

Are we sure she's dead?

No. I think she's napping.

This is totally gonna
ruin the party now.

Oh, please! We haven't even
served dessert yet.

What is wrong with all of you?
We need to call the police.

- She is the police.
- She's not the police.

She's the private investigator
we hired.

We need to find carlos,
like now.

Carrie, we can hold off on that.

What are you talking about?

We hide the body, then we wait
until after the party.

What? Why?

Because.

All of this...

Is starting to make sense now.

[sighs]

narrator: Hell hath no fury...

Like a jones scorned.

[sighs]

nice.

Carlos: Hello, robin.

Carlos.

I have to compliment you.

The joneses certainly know
how to throw a party.

Thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I did.

You know...

I saw jess wilson
walking around earlier today.

Hmm.

I saw her too.

Funny.

I didn't see her leave though,
did you?

[chortles]

help yourself.

Just answer me
one question, robin.

Sure.

How did you know
it wasn't webb?

But it was. It was webb.

He was the one
who sent the letters.

But what you didn't know,

what you couldn't have known
because I didn't tell anyone,

not even jess wilson,

was that the letters
were sent anonymously,

untraceable, from a drop box.

But the first letter,

the first letter
was sent in an envelope.

And on the glue
of that envelope's seal

was a partial print,

a print that matched
webb deveraux's.

You're quite the detective,
robin.

Mm...

Not really.

The real detective, jess,

that's who ran the prints
for me.

It would make sense
that it was webb deveraux

who sent the letters.

He was either trying to scare me
into selling the company

or pull out of harborside,

a development
which he had his eyes on too.

But what didn't make sense

was the fact
that he would want me dead.

But you would.

With me dead, you would get your
share of the money right away.

You knew that my husband
theodore promised your mother

that he'd always
take care of you.

And with that money,
you could pay for her treatment,

and it would no longer
be considered charity.

It would be your money.

That's quite the theory, robin.

Quite the theory, indeed.

Only one thing.

And that is?

You don't have any evidence.

None that link me
to the house bomb.

Oh, but we do, carlos.

You knew where the security
cameras were located

and what they covered,

so you told the delivery driver
where to go and what to do.

And sure enough, our cameras
didn't catch anything,

but what did catch something
is the security cam

at the gas station
down at the bottom of the hill.

You know, the one that every car
that comes up this hill

has to pass.

Jess talked to the owner.
Nice guy.

Turns out he had a record.

She might have
flashed her badge.

He didn't want any trouble.

Even if you somehow
managed to get

a video of the cars
at the relevant time,

there's no possible way
you could tie them to me.

Jess ran the plates.

So you would know

I was nowhere near here
the night of the bombing.

But the car
that you rented was.

Once jess ran the plates,

it was easy to figure out
who reserved that specific car.

Trust me, rental companies
are a lot easier to hack

than the utilities.

-You're lying!
-The thing about boarding school

is the most diligent students
even had free time.

You can't imagine the things
I've learned

in my four years there.

I've killed one person today.

What makes you think
I'm not gonna kill another?

Come on, carlos, it's over!
You can see that!

When did she
confront you, carlos?

I offered to split it with her,
my inheritance,

if she would just
keep her mouth shut

and stay quiet
about this whole thing.

Without her,
none of you have any evidence!

None of you!

And you know what
she said to me? Hmm?

She told me to go to hell.

So I had no choice.

You had a choice, carlos.

I had no choice.

I had to do it.

Of course you did.

He could've killed
any one of us.

Or worse.

Poor carlos.

He could've just asked us for
help instead of betraying us.

He had to learn his lesson
the hard way.

That's what happens when
you mess with the wrong family.