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[door opens]
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[Luis beatboxing]
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JULIO:
Ugh, don't start, please.
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[beatboxing continues]
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00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,007
Too early in the morning for that.
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[beatboxing continues]
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Why are you in such a good mood anyway?
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- 'Cause I'm about to graduate.
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This is my last delivery.
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Guess I'm gonna have to
find a new jale after this.
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- I can't believe I'm actually gonna
miss your annoying ass around here.
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- Oh, yeah?
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- Nope. Bitch-ass parasite.
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[beatboxing continues]
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- Fuckity... fuck you, homey.
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- Just hold those.
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- Hurry up.
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JULIO:
Whoa!
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- God... damn!
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- Shit. Sorry, guys.
21
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Uh, my alarm didn't go off.
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- You're sleeping in the cupcake van?
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MINISTER PAYNE:
Yeah, just the last couple of weeks.
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Hey, g-- Give me a minute.
Let me get decent.
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- Yeah, yeah. Take your time.
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MINISTER PAYNE:
Thank you.
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- Can you believe that shit?
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- Fuck, no. That verga was massive.
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Shit was like a machete
you cut down trees with.
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- I'm worried about that fool.
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I think he has elephantiasis.
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That didn't look natural.
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- You think he got
dick enlargement surgery?
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- With what money?
He's sleeping in the van.
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- Well, maybe that's where
he spent all his feria.
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JULIO:
That's a good point.
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LUIS:
Man, you think you know a guy.
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♪ theme music playing ♪
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♪
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♪
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- It's been a rough couple of months.
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The oven's been acting up,
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we couldn't fulfill a few orders,
that created a cash flow problem.
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So I've been sinking
my own money into the place,
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and my ex-wife evicted me.
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I'm sorry you had to find out
this way, Julio.
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Lord knows I've tried
to shelter you from the truth.
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- No, you haven't.
You constantly complain about money,
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and my paychecks are always late.
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MINISTER PAYNE:
Luckily, I learned
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it takes like four months
52
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before the phone company realizes
53
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that you aren't paying any bills.
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I'm a little worried
about the electricity,
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but so far those fuckers
haven't turned us off yet.
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And now we're out of soap!
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I can't even take a whore's bath.
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Pass me some paper towels, please.
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- Well, what about our
big donor Stan what's-his-name?
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MINISTER PAYNE:
No, I don't want that prick's money.
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We got into a big fight
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about his bullshit new stadium
in Inglewood
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and how it's displacing
working-class people.
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So he pulled the funding.
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JULIO:
Payne, why'd you piss that fool off?
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He's been donating to us for years.
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- All billionaires are pigs, Julio.
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I'm tired of begging for their scraps.
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JULIO:
Jesus, Payne, I get that you don't like
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groveling to the rich,
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but you run a nonprofit.
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Suck it up and learn
how to fuckin' tap dance.
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- Happy?
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MAGGIE:
What about this one? It's got a balcony.
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- Great. I can jump off of it
when I lose my job
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and I can't pay my half of the rent.
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- Dude, shut up.
It's not that expensive.
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- There's a $500 pet deposit.
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You think Roger's worth that much?
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- Roger, are you worth $500?
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- Please don't make that voice.
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- Wait. Shut up, shut up.
[singsongy voice] Shut up.
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I wanna watch this.
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My law firm represents this douche.
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NEWSCASTER:
Richard Rowell,
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scion of the controversial Rowell family,
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inherited billions of dollars
from his parents
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who made their fortune
through owning for-profit prisons.
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00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,371
Richard has been charged with
a number of DUIs over the years,
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00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,370
but always escaped legal consequences
until recently.
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00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,754
- I remember where I was
when my lawyer first told me
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that he got me off scot-free
off of my seventh DUI.
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I was in my jacuzzi,
you know, jets on blast.
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And I thought,
"Something doesn't feel right."
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So I shut off the jets
and I felt much better.
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And then I thought,
"You know what else doesn't feel right?"
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What my lawyer is saying.
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So I told him.
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"No. I belong in jail."
100
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So that's when I decided to lock myself up
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in one of my parents' prisons.
102
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- No mames. These fools make me sick.
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- We overbill him all the time,
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but he has so much money
he never even notices.
105
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- I was in prison for a month,
but it was a 31-day month,
106
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and every day is like a week
when you're doing hard time.
107
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So really it was 31 weeks,
which is almost a year.
108
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- God. Yeah, and I mean, it was
less time than what Mandela did,
109
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but it was more time
than what Shia LaBeouf did.
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- Oh, come on.
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- We have an enormous problem
with mass incarceration in this country.
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Okay, in our foundation,
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what we wanna do is
we wanna take a stand
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because we feel privileged
to be privileged enough
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to help the least privileged members
of our society.
116
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- Hey, bet these guilty rich fucks
would donate to Hugs Not Thugs.
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- Yeah, they probably would.
118
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I could put you guys in touch.
My boss is tight with his publicist.
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- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
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JULIO:
That’d be great.
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Payne's really losing it.
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I gotta step up
and show that fool how it's done.
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- I'm gonna make this happen for you.
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- Thanks, boss. That'd be dope.
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LUIS:
I don't know what else to put.
126
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- What was your last job?
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- Well, I babysit my nephews, you know,
128
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,812
and I helped my tía
and my grandma around the house.
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00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,651
- Put "childcare and hospitality."
130
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LUIS:
Hey, but what do I put for special skills?
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- What can you do?
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[beatboxing]
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- Yeah.
134
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,914
- Just put Microsoft Word.
135
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- Minister Payne.
136
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You know those billionaires
I was telling you about?
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They wanna come by and get a tour
and see what we're all about.
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LUIS:
Oh, hell, yeah, my boy!
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I never met billionaires before.
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I got a lot of questions for those fools.
141
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- Those fuckers are only coming
for the photo op.
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They'll leave giving us
nothing more than pennies.
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00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:48,684
I'd rather focus
on increasing cupcake sales
144
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or win a fucking scratch-off
for once in my life.
145
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- Payne, stop being a little bitch.
146
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Look, I'll do all the work.
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All you have to do is
show up, smile, and look pretty.
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- Fine. I'll fuckin' do it.
149
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,696
- So let's get you
some new clothes, and an iron.
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00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,779
- It's good if I look like shit.
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00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,622
We're supposed to look like we need money.
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JULIO:
Yeah, but not that bad.
153
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,865
Crease your fuckin' pants, playboy.
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00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,081
You look like a fuckin' bum.
155
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- I am a fuckin' bum. I live in a van.
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- [beatboxing]
♪ Billionaires ♪
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♪ Gonna give my, buh-huh,
résumé to billionaires ♪
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- You will not fuckin' beatbox
for those billionaires.
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♪
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Luis, come on, take that banner down.
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We can't make it seem like
it's all about the money.
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- Hey, well, what if we just cross off
everything after "Bill"?
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That could work. Because, you know,
Bill's short for Richard.
164
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- No, stupid. Bill's short for William.
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The short form of Richard is Dick.
166
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- Well, there ain't nothing short
about Payne's Richard. [whistles]
167
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,857
- Honestly, I think I got PTSD
from seeing that thing.
168
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- Okay, Julio, here I am,
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00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,787
ready to be the smiling face
of the organization.
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00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:53,406
- Dawg, come on.
Your shirt has fuckin' holes in it.
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Fabian, give Payne your shirt.
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- It's my best shirt.
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- Yeah, Julio, it's his best shirt.
174
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- Stop fuckin' around
and give him the shirt.
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00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,473
[helicopter blades whirring]
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- Oh, shit, ghetto bird!
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00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,764
[whirring continues]
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00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:12,466
- Alright, everyone, the future
of Hugs Not Thugs depends on today.
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00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:16,654
So act reformed, but we need their money,
so not too reformed.
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Hey, you ready to kiss some ass?
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[smooches]
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♪ marching band music playing ♪
183
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,150
[helicopter blades whirring]
184
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- Hey, everyone, please meet
Richard and Rhonda Rowell.
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00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,594
It's through the generosity
of people like you
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00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,549
that a place like this is able to survive.
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00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,299
- Aw. Well, thank you for having us.
188
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,221
I mean, we are just so happy to be here.
189
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,430
- Yeah, I've had a small taste
190
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:52,930
of what everyone here has been through.
191
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,391
So I feel great empathy for your pain.
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JULIO: Whoa!
- Dominic, no, no need for that today.
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00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:02,648
That's okay. They're reformed.
Harmless now.
194
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,069
- Hello. I'm Luis Hernandez,
future entrepreneur.
195
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,489
- Well, alright!
LUIS: Nice to meet you.
196
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,907
- Luis is a shining example
of our program.
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00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:13,239
LUIS:
Hey, but on the real though,
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00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,333
how'd you guys come up on all that money?
199
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,619
[Julio laughs nervously]
200
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:20,003
- Luis, our resident joker.
201
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,290
RICHARD:
It's okay. I don't mind him asking.
202
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:24,093
I inherited all my money from my parents.
203
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,053
- Damn. That's smart.
204
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:30,179
- Let me introduce you
to our fearless leader,
205
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,347
Minister Leonard Payne.
206
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,846
He really gives everything
he has to the program.
207
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,938
No matter how frustrating
a situation might be,
208
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,805
he selflessly does
what he's supposed to do
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00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,402
for the greater good.
210
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,190
Always.
211
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:46,862
- Nice to meet you both.
212
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,280
- Oh, come here.
- Oh, nice to meet you. What?
213
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,569
You're a great man.
RHONDA: Hmm.
214
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,663
- We read all about you
on the helicopter ride over.
215
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:56,159
- An angel in human form.
That's what we're looking at.
216
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,161
RICHARD:
Mm-hmm.
217
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,962
We should do some photos.
RHONDA: Oh, let's get some photos.
218
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:02,917
- Smile.
219
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,420
Hey, let's take a tour.
220
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,724
This is our computer lab.
221
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,715
We make do with what we have.
222
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:14,347
But the truth is, we have more applicants
than we can service at this facility.
223
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:17,846
And as you can see,
we're sorely in need of new technology.
224
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:21,310
- Damn, these outdated computers
just won't load.
225
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,442
Wish we weren't working on Windows 95.
[Julio mouths]
226
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,479
[keyboard keys clacking]
227
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,373
- If only I had a new job,
228
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,988
I would be able to get a computer
229
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,004
and then I would get a new job.
230
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,036
And I would never go back to prison.
231
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,959
Before Hugs Not Thugs,
232
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,462
I didn't even have what computers were.
233
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,550
We need computers for the Internet.
234
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,336
Uh, you know, with Internet and computers,
235
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,260
we could connect more
and you could follow me.
236
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,756
Thugs Not Hugs is a great place.
237
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:58,598
But we need money
from kind rich white people.
238
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,943
No, no, I'm sorry,
all people are the same.
239
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,555
I'm not racist for computers.
240
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:08,233
Computers is the future and we need
some new computers 'cause these are,
241
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:10,944
you know, they're no good.
242
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,704
♪ tense music plays ♪
243
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,776
Recidivism. Thank you.
244
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,204
- Bravo.
- Oh! Great.
245
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,241
[applause]
246
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,753
JULIO:
On with the tour.
247
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:24,167
These pieces are done
by our huggers in their art therapy class.
248
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,632
- Absolutely amazing work.
249
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:30,127
RHONDA: Oh, my God.
I love this one of the crying peasant.
250
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,590
- That one's cool, I guess.
251
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:32,760
But have you seen this one?
252
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,635
It's a Luis Hernandez original.
253
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,847
RHONDA:
Well, you are very good at drawing, Luis.
254
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,978
- Seems like a wonderful young lady.
RHONDA: Mm-hmm.
255
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,055
- Yeah, she's nice.
256
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:47,306
- Hey, hey, hey!
Cool it with the fuckin' flash.
257
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,734
Gonna give me a seizure.
258
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:54,237
- Uh, Luis, why don't you show our guests
our tattoo removal center?
259
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:55,488
- Ooh!
260
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,281
- Right this way.
- Okay.
261
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,584
- Hey, so I hear you guys own an island.
262
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:03,457
Maybe I could be your cabana boy,
but not in a weird way.
263
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,078
- Get your fuckin' head in the game.
264
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,003
We're gonna get that money.
265
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:12,921
Now do what you do best
and be empathetic as fuck.
266
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:16,013
Tell me you're gonna give 'em
that Minister Payne magic.
267
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,759
- I'm gonna give them
that Minister Payne magic.
268
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,013
- Damn right.
269
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:27,437
KIM:
...and by the time I got parole,
270
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,687
I had missed so much.
271
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,439
I was a grandmother.
272
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,647
This place has helped me
get back on track.
273
00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:38,032
But I've had to accept
that my daughter'd never forgive me
274
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,369
for all those years I was away.
275
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,199
- Thank you for sharing, Kim.
276
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,833
Would anyone else like to share
in our circle of trust?
277
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,052
Um, how about you, Richard?
278
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,218
I-I know you served time as well.
279
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,177
RICHARD:
No, I was only in prison for a month.
280
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,391
I know it doesn't compare
to what you've all been through.
281
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,139
- Oh, that's a really good point.
JULIO: Hold up, Minister Payne.
282
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:08,022
Aren't you the one that's always saying
all trauma is valid?
283
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,686
- I do say that, don't I?
284
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,440
Yeah, and, uh, and while it's true
285
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:19,704
that Richard's had a very different life
than the rest of us, um,
286
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:23,115
I'm sure he's experienced
his own unique version of trauma.
287
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:27,122
So, please tell us,
what was it like growing up
288
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:30,542
the child of some of
the wealthiest people on Earth?
289
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,752
RICHARD:
Well, I--
290
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:37,092
I, uh, felt a sense of... guilt.
291
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,051
You know, like I didn't deserve
the extreme privilege
292
00:12:41,053 --> 00:12:42,803
that I was born into.
293
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,524
- It's very brave of you to say that.
294
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,975
RICHARD:
Yeah, my parents owned a lot of prisons.
295
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:51,095
Many of you probably served time
in one of my parents' prisons,
296
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,404
but that's neither here nor there.
297
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,357
Anyway, they were so busy
keeping inmates in check
298
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:58,489
that they basically just let me run wild.
299
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:00,989
The world was my playground.
300
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,949
You know, I just got away with everything.
301
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,200
So deep down,
302
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:08,251
I feel like maybe
303
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,787
I deserved to be punished.
304
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,132
ALL: Aw.
- Ah, man, come on.
305
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,546
RHONDA:
Mm.
306
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:16,665
- I'd say it sounds like
you've been punished enough.
307
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:19,512
I mean, kids need boundaries,
308
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,757
clearly, you had none.
309
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:26,140
- I mean, I-I did have a trust fund
and an international passport--
310
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,559
MINISTER PAYNE:
But you didn't know love,
311
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,638
and you certainly didn't know consequence.
312
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:33,557
Some people here had no parents,
had no money,
313
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:36,074
but I don't think anybody
would want to trade places with you.
314
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,150
- Wow!
315
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,697
You mean that?
MINISTER PAYNE: Yes.
316
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:44,072
You are a victim, Richard.
317
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,874
You deserve love as much as anybody.
318
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,959
♪
319
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,705
- Life just isn't fair, you know.
320
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:55,248
- You know, they call us huggers
for a reason.
321
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,418
Come on, everyone.
322
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,422
You deserve it.
- That's so nice. Thank you.
323
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,474
- Come on, spread the love with hugs.
324
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,467
RHONDA:
Mm.
325
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,681
- And smile. Everyone, everyone, smile.
326
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:08,894
- [whispers] Payne?
327
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,597
- Smile.
328
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:14,352
♪ ominous music playing ♪
329
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,694
[camera shutters clicking]
330
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:19,859
♪
331
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,110
[clicking intensifies]
332
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,032
♪
333
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:27,450
CHEF WILLIAMS:
And first we have a baby spinach salad
334
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,411
with grilled smoked peaches.
335
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,621
Then for the main course, we have
Wagyu beef with a seared foie gras.
336
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,464
I ain't gonna fuck around, goddamn it.
337
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,839
I'm salivating just thinking about
all this scrumptious-ass food.
338
00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:40,877
Y'all lucky I don't eat all this shit
my goddamn myself.
339
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:45,183
Now please, enjoy the bounty of my labor.
340
00:14:45,177 --> 00:14:48,177
RHONDA: Thank you.
RICHARD: Thank you. Looks delicious.
341
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:50,100
Well, all that crying has me famished.
- Oh.
342
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,888
RICHARD:
If you don't mind, just help me out here.
343
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,772
Is this a salad fork or a dinner fork?
344
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,100
I can never tell which is which.
345
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,564
- Yeah.
RHONDA: Such a gas.
346
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,359
- You know which fork it is.
347
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:01,937
- Pardon me?
348
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,284
- I said, you know
which fuckin' fork it is,
349
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,619
you billionaire Illuminati fuck.
350
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,664
You people know
all about fancy fuckin' forks
351
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,831
and fancy fuckin' spoons.
352
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:17,669
And I am sick to death
of sucking up to monsters like you!
353
00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:21,002
We don't need
your fucking nickels and dimes.
354
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,214
We're doing just fine.
355
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:26,894
So fuck you and fuck the helicopter horse
you rode in on!
356
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:30,970
Fuckin' electric company!
357
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:32,932
[sighs]
358
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:38,274
[beatboxing]
359
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:41,022
- ♪ We better find,
uh-bop, find some candles ♪
360
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:48,533
- I completely understand
if you don't want to stay for dinner.
361
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:51,948
Or donate any money at this point. Um--
362
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,663
Truth is, I've always had resentment
towards rich people.
363
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,880
I've never had any money.
364
00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,705
The little money I do have,
I've sunk back into this place
365
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:02,301
and now I live in the van outside.
366
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:06,803
But the reason I do this is because
367
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,720
I really, really care about helping people
368
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,680
who have nobody at all to fight for them.
369
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,600
Literally, I would do anything
for the people in this program,
370
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,980
so you can hate me,
371
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:20,605
but, uh, these people
really need your help.
372
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:24,646
And I hope you can find it in your hearts
not to punish the huggers for my behavior.
373
00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:29,486
- Well, I mean, the truth is
374
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,619
we deserve to be yelled at.
375
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:37,458
You guys can't even keep the lights on
and we came here in a chopper.
376
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:40,286
- I mean, nobody should
have a billion dollars.
377
00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:41,632
It's just, it's-it's too much.
378
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,457
[Rhonda laughing]
RICHARD: It's too much.
379
00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:45,672
I don't even know how many zeros
are in a billion.
380
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,802
- No.
RICHARD: Right?
381
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:50,218
- No.
- A billion is like the opposite of zero.
382
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,601
So when you think about it, really,
383
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:55,306
there shouldn't be any zeros in it at all.
384
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:57,677
- Well, I just want to tell you
I'm sorry for what I said.
385
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,314
RHONDA:
No, don't you dare be sorry.
386
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:00,771
We need to hear this stuff.
387
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,731
- We wanna hear from all of you,
388
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,481
what you hate about us.
389
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:06,283
It's-it's good for us.
- Yes.
390
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,856
- Let's-let's go.
RHONDA: Come on.
391
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,451
- Julio, do you have anything to say?
392
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,866
And, please, just let us have it.
393
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,202
JULIO:
Well, um,
394
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,456
I think you guys are nice.
395
00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:23,421
Um, but I do kinda
hate everything you represent.
396
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,088
RHONDA: Great. That's great.
- I've heard that before.
397
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,507
RHONDA:
That is really great.
398
00:17:26,505 --> 00:17:29,925
Luis, I mean, you must despise us.
Please don't hold back.
399
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,635
- Hell, no, I ain't a fuckin' hater.
400
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,045
I'll never pocket watch.
401
00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,353
On the real, you fools are my idols.
- Aw.
402
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:38,017
- Hey, maybe after I
cabana boy for you for a while,
403
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,386
we can become close friends.
404
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:42,404
- Well, that sounds alright to me,
Luis Hernandez.
405
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,606
Okay. [chuckles]
406
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,895
- Thankfully, the gas company
hasn't caught on to us yet.
407
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,860
So dinner is still served.
408
00:17:48,861 --> 00:17:51,571
RICHARD:
Oh, look at it. This looks divine!
409
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,322
RHONDA: Ooh.
JULIO: Hope I got the right fork.
410
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,413
[laughter]
411
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:59,369
- So I told him,
"Why don't you take your stadium
412
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:02,251
"and shove it where the sun don't shine?
413
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:05,169
I'm sure it's gonna fit
'cause you're such a gaping asshole."
414
00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:06,879
[laughter]
- Wow.
415
00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:08,839
RICHARD:
You can't say that to a person!
416
00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:11,468
Um, you know, speaking of people
with too much money,
417
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,716
uh, how about we get down to brass tacks?
418
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,850
RHONDA:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
419
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:19,466
- Um, how much money
do you think you need
420
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:22,734
to keep this wonderful place afloat?
421
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,149
- Oh!
422
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,231
A million dollars.
423
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,616
- A million dollars?
424
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,747
I mean, I was thinking
more like ten million.
425
00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,205
[all gasp, laugh]
426
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:42,325
- Ten million?
427
00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:45,711
- I don't know how much this all costs,
but it's gotta be a lot, right?
428
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:46,749
- You know what?
429
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:50,922
Why do we make it an even 15, gumdrop?
430
00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,553
RICHARD:
Fifteen million dollars.
431
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:58,430
- And for dessert, our famous cupcakes
432
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,350
made by our very own huggers.
433
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:01,479
RICHARD: Oh-oh.
- Enjoy.
434
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:03,515
- Yay!
MINISTER PAYNE: Chef.
435
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:04,939
RHONDA:
Oh my!
436
00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:06,187
RICHARD:
I don't have my glasses. What does it say?
437
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,808
- Oh, it says "Hugs Not Thugs."
438
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,444
- "Hugs Not Thugs."
- "Hugs Not Thugs."
439
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:10,901
RICHARD: Alright.
RHONDA: Mm.
440
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,109
- Hmm. I like that.
- Let's do it.
441
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,453
Everybody, wave to the camera.
442
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,778
Everybody wave.
443
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,738
Great. And that's enough.
444
00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:20,993
Alright. That's enough. That's enough.
445
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,084
You can both go. Thank you so much.
Wait in the chopper.
446
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,040
- Wow, I-I just don't know what to say.
447
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,092
Um, thank you so much for your generosity.
448
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,336
I was wrong about you two.
449
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,837
- Wait, we haven't given you
the money yet.
450
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:35,089
- You know, some people consider sweets
a guilty pleasure,
451
00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:37,342
and we don't often indulge in dessert.
452
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:41,474
But my hubby and I,
we have a guilty pleasure of our own.
453
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:46,143
- So, I mean, did you want to start
telling them about our little thing?
454
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,564
RHONDA:
Yes, I do, Richard.
455
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,277
- Alright, let's go for it.
- Okay, great. Great.
456
00:19:54,278 --> 00:19:55,898
RICHARD: Alright, here we go.
RHONDA: Okay.
457
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,244
[clears throat] So--
458
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,905
I like it when he watches me
have sex with poor people.
459
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:06,785
- I, um... I love it.
460
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,790
RHONDA:
Mm.
461
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:10,881
We've just recently realized
this is our little kink
462
00:20:10,878 --> 00:20:13,258
'cause he needs to be punished
for his wealth.
463
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,915
Don't you, Richard? Yeah?
- Yes, I do.
464
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,343
RICHARD:
Um, you see, she's the mommy,
465
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,762
one of you is the daddy,
466
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:23,681
and I'm the naughty little boy
who needs to be punished.
467
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,932
RHONDA: Mm-hmm.
- Are you fools for real?
468
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,144
RICHARD: of course.
RHONDA: 100%.
469
00:20:27,144 --> 00:20:29,944
- Now, the only thing left to decide
470
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:33,228
is which of you peasants
is gonna have sex with me.
471
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:35,606
- I fuckin' knew it.
472
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,821
- Hey, pick me. I'm poor as fuck.
RHONDA: Hmm.
473
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,071
- I don't even have a bank account.
474
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,072
And my bed is actually a couch
in my tía's house.
475
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,704
- No. You can't do this to us!
476
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:45,291
- Okay, just get it over with,
you fuckin' psychos.
477
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,867
Which one of us do you want?
478
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:49,792
♪
479
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,291
- Trust me, alright?
480
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,843
I might be short,
but I got a lot of energy.
481
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:53,836
It's gonna be a good time.
482
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,207
- Wow. Honey, honey, honey, honey.
483
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:57,224
It is a spoil of poor people riches.
484
00:20:57,216 --> 00:20:59,296
How will we ever choose?
RICHARD: I know how, Mommy.
485
00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,302
Can I?
- Yes, you can, little Richie.
486
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,474
- Okay.
487
00:21:03,472 --> 00:21:05,892
- Icka, bicka, soda cracker.
488
00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:07,561
[Rhonda laughs]
489
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,349
RHONDA: I love that.
- Icka, bicka, boo.
490
00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:14,322
- Icka, bicka, soda cracker,
491
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:18,610
I choose y--
492
00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:21,992
One potato, two potato,
three potato, four,
493
00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:26,373
five potato, six potato, seven potato.
494
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:30,620
And will you excuse me, sir?
495
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:34,294
Excuse me.
I want to choose
496
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,844
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
497
00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:39,219
you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you.
498
00:21:39,216 --> 00:21:40,426
Duck.
499
00:21:41,218 --> 00:21:42,218
Duck.
500
00:21:42,928 --> 00:21:44,048
Duck.
[Rhonda chuckles]
501
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:46,635
Duck, duck.
RHONDA: Oh. Hmm.
502
00:21:47,224 --> 00:21:48,434
RICHARD:
Duck.
503
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:50,351
Duck.
504
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,564
This is fun.
RHONDA: Mm-hmm.
505
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:54,363
RICHARD:
[chuckles] Duck.
506
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:57,226
♪ intense music playing ♪
507
00:21:57,234 --> 00:21:59,784
♪
508
00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:01,858
Duck. Duck.
509
00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:04,115
Duck, duck.
510
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:10,827
Di-daddy-dee-goo-gooey.
511
00:22:10,831 --> 00:22:13,881
Do... Goose.
512
00:22:13,876 --> 00:22:15,036
LUIS:
Damn!
513
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,343
[sighs]
I could have been a high-end prostitute.
514
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,010
RHONDA:
I just love how you
515
00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:22,467
stood up to us earlier, Minister Payne.
516
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:26,677
I mean, it takes a lot of dignity
to confront the rich.
517
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,680
And I find that dignity
518
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,942
is the only thing that poor people have.
519
00:22:33,562 --> 00:22:35,732
So I'm gonna fuck it right outta you.
520
00:22:36,315 --> 00:22:37,815
RICHARD:
I have a good idea, Mommy.
521
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:40,646
I think we should do it
in that van that he lives in.
522
00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:41,742
RHONDA:
Oh, the gross van.
523
00:22:41,737 --> 00:22:44,777
Oh. Oh, yeah. So dirty. So dirty.
524
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,078
- I'm gonna go freshen up.
525
00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:50,873
- Payne.
526
00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:54,877
Payne!
527
00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:57,495
Fuck these fools!
You don't have to do this.
528
00:22:57,503 --> 00:22:58,633
MINISTER PAYNE:
Thank you for saying that, Julio,
529
00:22:58,629 --> 00:23:01,839
but this organization
is very important to me,
530
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,010
and it's my job to do whatever it takes
to keep it going.
531
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:06,600
- No, fuck that!
532
00:23:07,763 --> 00:23:09,933
- Julio, it's okay.
533
00:23:10,849 --> 00:23:12,019
Hand me some paper towels.
534
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:18,731
Here.
535
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,406
- Thank you, Julio.
536
00:23:30,619 --> 00:23:33,409
- Damn, Dr. Payne,
you're a fuckin' G today!
537
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,713
I'm jealous, homey. Rhonda's fine as fuck.
538
00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:38,536
- Thank you, Luis.
539
00:23:38,544 --> 00:23:41,924
Now, if you will, a beat, please.
540
00:23:42,464 --> 00:23:45,974
[beatboxing]
541
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:49,470
LUIS:
Yeah.
542
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,062
- Fuck. I can't believe
he's gonna go through with it.
543
00:23:54,226 --> 00:23:56,226
Hope he's okay.
- Who, Minister Payne?
544
00:23:56,812 --> 00:23:58,152
With that big-ass camote?
545
00:23:59,189 --> 00:24:00,269
He'll be fine.
546
00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:01,941
It's Rhonda I'm worried about.
547
00:24:02,526 --> 00:24:03,526
She's a nice lady, you know.
548
00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,147
And after this, she's not
gonna be able to walk anymore.
549
00:24:06,071 --> 00:24:09,281
Payne's about to Million Dollar Baby
that billion-dollar pussy, my boy.
550
00:24:10,284 --> 00:24:11,544
- Did we get the computers?
551
00:24:11,535 --> 00:24:13,365
♪ She Works Hard For The Money
by Donna Summer playing ♪
552
00:24:13,370 --> 00:24:15,500
- Yeah. Carlos, thanks to you,
553
00:24:16,665 --> 00:24:18,535
we're about to get a lot of new computers.
554
00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:19,752
- Yes!
555
00:24:19,751 --> 00:24:22,171
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
556
00:24:22,171 --> 00:24:23,381
♪
557
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:25,630
♪ So hard for it, honey ♪
558
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:26,972
♪
559
00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,837
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
560
00:24:28,844 --> 00:24:31,604
♪ So you better treat her right ♪
561
00:24:31,597 --> 00:24:34,017
♪
562
00:24:34,016 --> 00:24:35,976
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
563
00:24:35,976 --> 00:24:37,516
♪
564
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:39,859
♪ So hard for it, honey ♪
565
00:24:39,855 --> 00:24:41,055
♪
566
00:24:41,064 --> 00:24:43,034
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
567
00:24:43,025 --> 00:24:46,275
♪ So you better treat her right ♪
568
00:24:46,278 --> 00:24:48,658
♪
569
00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:51,575
♪ Onetta there in the corner stand ♪
570
00:24:51,575 --> 00:24:55,075
♪ And she wonders where she is ♪
571
00:24:55,078 --> 00:24:57,208
♪ And it's strange to her ♪
572
00:24:57,206 --> 00:25:00,376
♪ Some people seem to have everything ♪
573
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:02,035
♪
574
00:25:02,085 --> 00:25:06,635
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