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CHILDREN CHATTER
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SCHOOL BELL RINGS
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Bore da, dosbarth naw.
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Bore da, Mr Edwards.
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Dyma'ch athro newydd Mr Curtis
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ac mae'n mynd
I 'ch dysgu chi yn Saesneg.
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STUDENTS GROAN
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I was telling them
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you're going to be taking
all your lessons in English,
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which is a very important skill
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for those adventurers amongst you
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who might be thinking about leaving
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the village in the future.
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Mr Curtis used to teach
at a school in London
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00:00:38,579 --> 00:00:40,669
so I'm sure he'll have
all sorts of exciting stories
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00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:41,909
to tell us.
17
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,539
They pay 2 pounds for a coffee,
don't they?
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And the rest.
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Oh, dearie me, imagine that!
20
00:00:48,579 --> 00:00:49,819
Now, as you all know,
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00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:52,509
your previous teacher,
Mr King, had to leave us
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after a wonderful year.
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00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:55,979
STUDENTS GROAN
I know, I know.
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00:00:56,179 --> 00:00:58,739
But he has sent us
this postcard from his travels,
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00:00:58,939 --> 00:01:00,389
and I wondered if one of you
26
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would like to read it to the class.
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Me! Me.
28
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Ceri, would you care
to do the honours?
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Good girl.
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" Dear Class 9,
greetings from down under.
31
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" I'm having an amazing time
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"and I'm thinking of you,
as you start your next chapter.
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" I cherish the memory
of our time together
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"and getting to know
all of you so closely.
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"Much love, Mr King."
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MR EDWARDS EXCLAIMS jOYFULLY
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What a man!
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What a teacher, what a man.
39
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Anyway, back down to reality.
40
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Mr Curtis, over to you.
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Thank y0u, Headmaster.
42
00:01:50,646 --> 00:01:52,539
SO, here's a questi0n -
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00:01:52,739 --> 00:01:56,869
what's the difference
between me and Pinocchio?
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I'm glad t0 be in Wales.
45
00:02:09,619 --> 00:02:13,509
Ah, now that is because Pinocchio
was eaten by a whale.
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Have I got that right, Mr Curtis?
47
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Yes, it was just a j0ke.
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Oh.
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It was a joke, Class 9.
50
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A joke.
51
00:02:25,609 --> 00:02:26,869
Carry on.
52
00:02:31,149 --> 00:02:32,179
SO, as y0u all kn0w,
53
00:02:32,379 --> 00:02:35,539
Our end-Of-term assemb
is going to be all about
54
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,979
the envir0nment.
CHALK SCRATCHES
55
00:02:39,179 --> 00:02:43,459
SO, what d0es that mean?
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00:02:43,659 --> 00:02:44,599
Any0ne.
57
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,734
Euan? Erm...
58
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,389
Our classroom?
59
00:02:49,589 --> 00:02:52,749
Yes, that's Our immediate
surroundings, what else?
60
00:02:52,949 --> 00:02:54,459
Ooh, fields!
61
00:02:54,659 --> 00:02:57,509
Yes, g00d. It's any place
where people and plants
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00:02:57,709 --> 00:03:00,549
and animals
actual live and grow.
63
00:03:00,749 --> 00:03:05,179
SO what types Of things
will affect our environment?
64
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:07,259
Oh, human beans, sir.
65
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:09,339
What's that, Gwen?
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H uman beans.
67
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:13,989
NOt human beans,
we're not vegetables,
68
00:03:14,189 --> 00:03:16,434
but human beings, yes,
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00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,679
we certain have an impact.
70
00:03:18,879 --> 00:03:21,259
And we can affect Our envir0nment
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00:03:21,459 --> 00:03:23,924
in p0sitive ways
and in negative ways.
72
00:03:24,124 --> 00:03:26,589
SO, what are
some of the positive things
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00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:28,599
that we can d0?
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00:03:28,799 --> 00:03:30,239
Ceri?
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Recycling.
76
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:36,679
Very good, Ceri.
Yes. Recycling.
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00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,179
Any0ne else?
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00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:45,459
Well, wh0 here has heard
of Greta Thunberg?
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00:03:48,589 --> 00:03:49,899
None Of you?
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00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:53,620
OK. Er...
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00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:56,589
You've probably all heard
of global warming?
82
00:03:57,869 --> 00:04:00,589
No? How about climate change?
83
00:04:03,419 --> 00:04:04,949
OK, well, you should have covered
84
00:04:05,149 --> 00:04:07,899
some Of this last year,
but let me ask you this...
85
00:04:08,979 --> 00:04:11,899
What do you think
causes hurricanes?
86
00:04:12,099 --> 00:04:14,189
God farting!
87
00:04:14,389 --> 00:04:16,859
HE BLOWS RASPBERRY
LAUGHTER
88
00:04:17,059 --> 00:04:19,109
NO, don't be sil, Owen.
89
00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:21,219
This is actual
a real serious subject.
90
00:04:21,419 --> 00:04:23,979
SO, for your homework,
I want you all to go home
91
00:04:24,179 --> 00:04:26,189
and learn all about global warming
92
00:04:26,389 --> 00:04:27,949
and the Ozone layer.
93
00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:32,269
Sir, Mr King said we didn't
have to do homework.
94
00:04:32,469 --> 00:04:33,549
Well, I'm real sorry,
95
00:04:33,749 --> 00:04:35,529
but Mr King isn't
your teacher now, I am.
96
00:04:35,729 --> 00:04:37,509
YOu know, I don't
know if you realise it,
97
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:38,949
but this is
the number one topic
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00:04:39,149 --> 00:04:41,389
that's going to affect you
and all your futures,
99
00:04:41,589 --> 00:04:42,419
so it real isn't something
100
00:04:42,619 --> 00:04:45,029
that you can afford
to be ignorant about!
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00:04:46,669 --> 00:04:48,039
SOrry.
102
00:04:49,109 --> 00:04:50,509
NOw, I want you all
to do a paragraph
103
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:51,709
and bring it in On MOnday.
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00:04:51,909 --> 00:04:53,319
Right, you can all get
your books out
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00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:56,339
and do silent reading
for 2o minutes. Off you go.
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00:05:10,429 --> 00:05:12,779
HE HUMS
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00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,229
HE HUMS
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00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,029
Oh, Headmaster?
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00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:23,750
Er, could I have a word?
110
00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:25,429
Of course, Alan. How can I help?
111
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:29,139
I wondered if you had
an email address for Mr King.
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00:05:29,339 --> 00:05:30,500
Email...
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00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,779
Is that the one
with the little blue bird?
114
00:05:32,979 --> 00:05:34,959
NO, I think that's Twitter.
115
00:05:35,159 --> 00:05:37,139
That's right, yes, tash-tag.
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00:05:37,339 --> 00:05:39,469
Email is the @ sign,
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00:05:39,669 --> 00:05:41,109
isn't it? Yes, I think I've got
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00:05:41,309 --> 00:05:43,214
a piece of paper with
that on in my office.
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00:05:43,414 --> 00:05:45,119
Oh, thanks, it's just
I'd love to talk to him
120
00:05:45,319 --> 00:05:47,869
about what he covered last year
and what curriculum he's been using.
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00:05:48,069 --> 00:05:48,750
Well, no problem.
122
00:05:48,950 --> 00:05:50,960
I'll ask Megan to dig it out
and I'll get back to you.
123
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,269
Thanks.
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00:05:56,229 --> 00:05:58,529
All good otherwise?
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00:05:58,729 --> 00:06:00,829
Er, yeah, I think so.
126
00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:03,879
Have you started rehearsing
for your assembly yet?
127
00:06:04,079 --> 00:06:05,994
Mr King's were always very lavish.
128
00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:07,909
Like West End theatre productions!
129
00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:11,109
Well, I'll... I'll try
and make mine Wicked.
130
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:14,349
That's a musical. Ah.
131
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,424
Another one of your jokes.
132
00:06:16,624 --> 00:06:18,299
Well, I look forward to it.
133
00:06:18,499 --> 00:06:22,239
Always a joy to see
the children take centre stage.
134
00:06:22,439 --> 00:06:25,419
We're a small school,
Alan, as you can see,
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00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,710
and we've very nearly been
closed down a few times,
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00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,086
but bringing in teachers
such as yourself,
137
00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:33,263
with all your experience
of the world,
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00:06:33,463 --> 00:06:35,504
it really helps
the children grow, you know?
139
00:06:35,704 --> 00:06:38,323
Well, that's... That's all
I want, Headmaster, it real is.
140
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,143
Jolly good. Right, well, I'll
get that bmail for you,
141
00:06:41,343 --> 00:06:45,133
and I'll get Megan to send it
to you as a text.
142
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,263
Take that, Ofsted!
143
00:06:51,113 --> 00:06:53,183
That's very good. Is that going to
be a pumpkin? Yes. Great.
144
00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:56,954
With some scary eyes On it. Make
sure that your paint isn't dripping
145
00:06:57,154 --> 00:06:59,028
when you hang up
your paintings, OK?
146
00:06:59,228 --> 00:07:01,250
Is yours still wet, Owen?
Er, yes, sir.
147
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:03,501
Well, put it On top
of the tray for now.
148
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,562
That's fantastic.
And then, when it is dry,
149
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:07,623
we will stick them all up
on the display.
150
00:07:07,823 --> 00:07:08,823
Oh, thank you, Ceri, that's great.
151
00:07:09,023 --> 00:07:12,423
OK, you've got 15 minutes.
Aprons off, go and have a play.
152
00:07:14,773 --> 00:07:16,753
Walking. That's it, Off you go.
153
00:07:28,673 --> 00:07:32,263
Ceri, could I have a word
with you, please?
154
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:37,584
I mean, what were
you thinking? Hmm?
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00:07:41,954 --> 00:07:44,903
Those tadpoles are not going to
turn into frogs now, are they?
156
00:07:45,103 --> 00:07:46,744
Why not?
157
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,883
Because you boiled them
in the kettle.
158
00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:51,023
I mean, why would you do
that, Ceri?
159
00:07:51,223 --> 00:07:52,364
Global warming.
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00:07:52,564 --> 00:07:55,694
I asked you to research it,
not recreate it.
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00:07:55,894 --> 00:07:58,063
Mr King once ate a goldfish.
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00:07:58,263 --> 00:08:00,283
Yeah, well, I don't
care what Mr King did.
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00:08:00,483 --> 00:08:02,503
I'm getting a bit concerned
about you, Ceri.
164
00:08:02,703 --> 00:08:03,374
I mean, last week,
165
00:08:03,574 --> 00:08:06,113
you pushed Simon's face
into his birthday cake, didn't you?
166
00:08:06,313 --> 00:08:07,954
What if his hair had caught
fire on the candles?
167
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,389
Have you seen
that Michael jackson video?
168
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:12,824
NOt the One about licking
boys' bottoms,
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00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,383
the One where his hair
caught fire.
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00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,943
It very near disfigured him...
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00:08:17,133 --> 00:08:18,423
...even more.
172
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,193
Who's Michael Jackson?
173
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,913
Never mind.
174
00:08:24,584 --> 00:08:27,623
Is there anything going On at home
that you want to tell me about?
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00:08:28,903 --> 00:08:31,413
We're having an extension. OK.
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00:08:31,613 --> 00:08:34,343
Are Mummy and Daddy
getting on all right? No shouting?
177
00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:36,293
SOmething upsetting you?
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00:08:36,493 --> 00:08:37,933
I don't want the world to end.
179
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:39,374
Well, it's not going to end.
180
00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:42,743
Who said it's going to end?
The stinking rebellion.
181
00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:44,423
Who?
182
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,883
You asked us to read
about it for homework.
183
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:49,343
YOu mean the climate
change protesters?
184
00:08:49,543 --> 00:08:51,583
It frightened me.
185
00:08:51,783 --> 00:08:53,493
Oh, you mustn't be
frightened, Ceri.
186
00:08:53,693 --> 00:08:54,473
I mean, you should feel
187
00:08:54,673 --> 00:08:57,113
that emotion and then do
something positive with it.
188
00:08:58,824 --> 00:09:00,293
It's all right.
189
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,833
There, there.
Sorry it frightened you.
190
00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,783
NOw, do you want to go
and play outside or...
191
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:09,584
...Or do you want
to stay inside with me?
192
00:09:09,784 --> 00:09:11,144
Stay with you.
193
00:09:11,344 --> 00:09:12,704
GOod girl.
194
00:09:13,993 --> 00:09:15,704
GOod girl.
195
00:09:29,143 --> 00:09:30,993
Little bit peckish, are we?
196
00:09:31,193 --> 00:09:32,584
Oh, sorry, Headmaster,
197
00:09:32,784 --> 00:09:33,624
I was just, erm,
198
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:35,543
just practising a trick
for the children.
199
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,793
Well, that's one way of
teaching the food chain.
200
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:38,863
HE CHUCKLES DRYLY
201
00:09:39,063 --> 00:09:41,653
I... I just wanted to have
a quiet word with you, Alan,
202
00:09:41,853 --> 00:09:43,193
if you don't mind. Yes, Of course.
203
00:09:44,223 --> 00:09:45,583
When you came in for your interview,
204
00:09:45,783 --> 00:09:48,273
you said you were keen
to move to a smaller school,
205
00:09:48,473 --> 00:09:50,653
like ours,
away from the cut and thrust,
206
00:09:50,853 --> 00:09:53,018
shall we say,
of inner-city education
207
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,183
and embrace a quieter pace of life.
208
00:09:55,383 --> 00:09:57,963
Yes, it's, erm, literal
what the doctor ordered.
209
00:09:58,163 --> 00:10:00,743
Now, I know it's important
we talk sensitively
210
00:10:00,943 --> 00:10:01,703
about mental health,
211
00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:04,183
so I just wanted to clarify...
212
00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:07,193
You went a bit doolally,
didn't you?
213
00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:10,223
NO. NO, I...
214
00:10:11,273 --> 00:10:12,463
It was just the workload.
215
00:10:12,663 --> 00:10:16,103
I was exhausted,
both physical, mental.
216
00:10:16,303 --> 00:10:17,833
I did IOse myseff for a time,
217
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,793
but, erm, coming here's done
me the world of good.
218
00:10:20,993 --> 00:10:22,423
Why do you ask?
219
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:23,834
Well, the thing is...
220
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:25,143
HE SIGHS
221
00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:27,423
...an allegation has been
made against you,
222
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:30,093
and it's my duty
to investigate it.
223
00:10:30,293 --> 00:10:33,013
What allegation?
I can't divulge that at the moment.
224
00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:34,983
Well, who's made it?
She doesn't want to say.
225
00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:37,383
SO it's a girl?
She may or may not be.
226
00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:39,583
The point is I promised
Ceri's parents
227
00:10:39,783 --> 00:10:42,834
that she, or he, would have
absolute anonymity.
228
00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:45,463
SO it's Ceri?
Yes. Right.
229
00:10:45,663 --> 00:10:48,863
So now you've wormed that
out of me, can you tell me
230
00:10:49,063 --> 00:10:49,823
in your own words
231
00:10:50,023 --> 00:10:52,463
what happened Tuesday
morning, break time?
232
00:10:52,663 --> 00:10:56,513
What do you mean, what happened?
Nothing happened.
233
00:10:56,713 --> 00:10:58,143
She'd been behaving
strange for a while.
234
00:10:58,343 --> 00:10:59,863
She killed all the tadpoles.
235
00:11:00,063 --> 00:11:01,633
I kept her behind to talk
to her about it.
236
00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:04,504
And at no point
did you ask her
237
00:11:04,704 --> 00:11:07,183
if she wanted to play
the hairy meat whistle?
238
00:11:07,383 --> 00:11:09,384
What? NO.
239
00:11:09,584 --> 00:11:11,173
And you didn't say,
240
00:11:11,373 --> 00:11:15,353
" Do you want to see how sir
can make his own tadpoles?"
241
00:11:15,553 --> 00:11:18,704
Definite not, that's horrible.
Are you sure?
242
00:11:18,904 --> 00:11:20,583
Yes, I think
I'd remember saying that.
243
00:11:20,783 --> 00:11:22,863
Well, where do you suppose
she's got this from, then?
244
00:11:23,063 --> 00:11:25,273
Because I don't recall that
being in the Biff and Chip books.
245
00:11:25,473 --> 00:11:26,374
I don't know.
Maybe she saw something
246
00:11:26,574 --> 00:11:28,618
inappropriate Online,
it happens all the time.
247
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,663
Not with our Wi - Fi
connection, it doesn't.
248
00:11:30,863 --> 00:11:34,113
It takes me all weekend
to download one Countryfile.
249
00:11:35,183 --> 00:11:37,933
Did you talk to her about
Michael Jackson doing things
250
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,193
with boys' anuses?
251
00:11:42,733 --> 00:11:44,633
Yes, but I never said anuses.
252
00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:46,943
Well, that's something.
253
00:11:48,023 --> 00:11:49,704
Now, I've talked
the girl's parents down
254
00:11:49,904 --> 00:11:51,283
from making an official complaint,
255
00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:52,993
but I don't want to drag
the police into it
256
00:11:53,193 --> 00:11:53,993
if I can help it.
257
00:11:54,193 --> 00:11:56,393
We're an independent school
and we like to deal
258
00:11:56,593 --> 00:11:58,793
with these types of things
within the community.
259
00:11:58,993 --> 00:12:00,594
What, so this has happened before?
260
00:12:01,783 --> 00:12:03,834
You're new here,
and I'm not being funny,
261
00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,233
but I don't know you from Alan.
262
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,553
It's Adam. Oh, sorry,
I thought it was Alan.
263
00:12:08,633 --> 00:12:11,133
I'm sure you understand, Adam,
that, as head of this school,
264
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,863
I have to establish the facts
of this matter
265
00:12:14,063 --> 00:12:15,153
before I can allow Ceri
266
00:12:15,353 --> 00:12:16,793
back into your clutches,
so to speak.
267
00:12:16,993 --> 00:12:20,063
Yes, Of course.
You want me to make a statement?
268
00:12:20,263 --> 00:12:22,223
No, I want you
to show me your penis.
269
00:12:22,423 --> 00:12:23,273
What?
270
00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:26,793
The girl has given
quite a vivid description
271
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:29,103
and I believe made
a Plasticine model,
272
00:12:29,303 --> 00:12:30,583
but I didn't want to touch it.
273
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:34,873
I need to see if this tallies
with the real thing.
274
00:12:35,073 --> 00:12:37,293
SO I've got to do an identity
parade? What if it's not mine?
275
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:39,714
Are you going to take it around
the kingdom like Cinderella?
276
00:12:39,914 --> 00:12:40,943
Don't be facetious, Adam,
277
00:12:41,143 --> 00:12:43,824
I'm trying to get to the bottom
of this, one way or the other.
278
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,473
Either you're lying
or the girl's lying.
279
00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:46,903
I just can't believe this.
280
00:12:47,103 --> 00:12:49,353
I can always contact
your union representative...
281
00:12:49,553 --> 00:12:50,608
NO...
282
00:12:50,808 --> 00:12:51,663
NO.
283
00:12:51,863 --> 00:12:54,633
Well, just make it quick, all right?
284
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,383
Ooh...
285
00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:08,853
All very neat and tidy,
that's what I like to see.
286
00:13:09,053 --> 00:13:10,958
What are you IOoking for, exact?
287
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,063
Ah, now that would be telling.
288
00:13:14,063 --> 00:13:15,463
They say...
289
00:13:15,663 --> 00:13:17,503
...they're like snowflakes -
290
00:13:17,703 --> 00:13:19,223
no two are alike.
291
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,023
This is ridiculous.
292
00:13:22,223 --> 00:13:23,514
DOOR OPENS
293
00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:26,714
Oh, sorry, Winnie,
we're a bit busy here.
294
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:27,793
Oh!
295
00:13:27,993 --> 00:13:30,253
Hello, Mr Curtis, you're here late.
296
00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:32,714
Is it all right for me
to clean now?
297
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,103
NOt just at the moment.
298
00:13:34,303 --> 00:13:37,673
Oh, don't worry about Winnie,
she's blind as a bat.
299
00:13:37,873 --> 00:13:39,633
It's fine, Winnie,
you go right ahead.
300
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:41,113
Is that you, Mr Edwards?
301
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:43,943
I didn't see you down there.
You keeping busy?
302
00:13:44,143 --> 00:13:46,353
Yes, I've got my hands full,
as usual.
303
00:13:46,553 --> 00:13:47,663
CAMERA CLICKS
304
00:13:47,863 --> 00:13:50,264
Don't worry,
I can clean around you.
305
00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:53,383
I have to save some time
to tackle the boys' toilets.
306
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,384
The size of some of those stools...
307
00:13:56,584 --> 00:13:58,868
I don't know what
their mothers feed them.
308
00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:01,353
Like airport Toblerones,
some of them.
309
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:08,273
Ugh.
310
00:14:10,553 --> 00:14:12,594
Are you all done here?
311
00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:15,383
I think so, yes.
312
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:19,254
MR EDWARDS GROANS
I'll be in touch
313
00:14:19,454 --> 00:14:22,113
once I've got my head around this.
CHUCKLES
314
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:23,873
Thank you, Adam.
315
00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:34,118
We were just, erm, discussing
a possible arts project.
316
00:14:34,318 --> 00:14:38,793
Oh, I thought he was taking
photographs of your cock.
317
00:14:39,863 --> 00:14:44,423
OK, Class 9, I'm handing Out these
worksheets on fractions.
318
00:14:44,623 --> 00:14:46,843
YOu have got 15 minutes.
319
00:14:47,043 --> 00:14:49,063
DO as many as you can.
320
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,913
Remember to put your names
at the top, please.
321
00:14:52,113 --> 00:14:54,433
Sir, what happened to Ceri?
322
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:55,623
What do you mean?
323
00:14:55,823 --> 00:14:57,743
Where is she? I don't know.
324
00:14:57,943 --> 00:15:01,993
NOw tight lips, please, Owen.
We listen with these, not these.
325
00:15:08,153 --> 00:15:09,943
WHISPERI NG
326
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,633
Quiet.
327
00:15:14,223 --> 00:15:15,663
GIGGLI NG
328
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,833
I said, quiet!
329
00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:21,743
GIGGLI NG I NTENSI Fl ES
330
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,073
What have you got there?
331
00:15:24,273 --> 00:15:26,623
Owen, what is that?
332
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:29,343
Nothing, sir!
I'm not an idiot, show me.
333
00:15:30,343 --> 00:15:31,953
All right, who's got it?
334
00:15:32,153 --> 00:15:35,753
Give it to me. Give it to me now.
335
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,393
What's this? Gwen?
336
00:15:41,593 --> 00:15:42,743
Gwen?
337
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,893
Ca...
338
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:45,438
LAUGHTER ERUPTS
339
00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:46,770
Carrot, sir.
340
00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:47,903
A carrot?
341
00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:49,514
Well, why are you laughing, then?
342
00:15:49,714 --> 00:15:52,153
Is it because this bit
looks like a penis?
343
00:15:52,353 --> 00:15:52,983
CLASS Sl LENCES
344
00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:55,033
A big floppy penis?!
345
00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:58,473
Everything all right,
Mr Curtis?
346
00:15:58,673 --> 00:16:03,513
Yes, we were just doing
fractions and...biology.
347
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,593
I nteresting combination.
348
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:08,983
I have young Ceri Morgan for you.
349
00:16:09,183 --> 00:16:12,023
Ceri, would you like to take
a seat? Good girl.
350
00:16:14,153 --> 00:16:16,953
Everything, er, all right now,
Headmaster?
351
00:16:17,153 --> 00:16:21,163
Yes, yes, all cleared up,
no further action required.
352
00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:23,433
Suffice to say there was
quite a big discrepancy
353
00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:24,514
between the two images.
354
00:16:24,714 --> 00:16:26,573
I n your favour, I have to add.
355
00:16:26,773 --> 00:16:28,633
So, you know, every cloud...
356
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:31,464
Oh, well. GOod, thanks.
357
00:16:31,664 --> 00:16:32,633
As you were.
358
00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:37,553
It's nice to have you back, Ceri.
359
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,473
Just to say,
360
00:16:53,673 --> 00:16:56,183
if you're struggling
to find the right answer...
361
00:16:58,103 --> 00:16:59,923
...don't just make
something up,
362
00:17:00,123 --> 00:17:01,743
because that has consequences.
363
00:17:01,943 --> 00:17:04,183
Just put your hand up
and talk to me.
364
00:17:04,383 --> 00:17:07,353
I can't help you if I don't
know what's going on.
365
00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,873
SO don't go behind my back.
366
00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:11,993
OK? GOod.
367
00:17:49,183 --> 00:17:50,608
Oh. Hi, Winnie.
368
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,033
Oh, hello, dear.
369
00:17:52,233 --> 00:17:55,153
I just wondered
if you wanted to take a leek.
370
00:17:55,353 --> 00:17:56,193
SOrry?
371
00:17:56,393 --> 00:17:57,913
For the harvest festival.
372
00:17:58,113 --> 00:18:00,213
I've had a good crop this year.
373
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,313
Nice big potatoes, radishes...
374
00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:05,673
My turnips have won prizes,
you know.
375
00:18:05,873 --> 00:18:08,393
Well, congratulations.
376
00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:12,233
Winnie...
377
00:18:13,543 --> 00:18:18,033
What was, erm, Mr King
like with the children?
378
00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:20,623
Oh, well, I'm not
in the lessons, like.
379
00:18:20,823 --> 00:18:22,313
They all seemed to love him.
380
00:18:22,513 --> 00:18:24,213
He was a real star!
381
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:26,113
Ouite a dish, too.
382
00:18:27,714 --> 00:18:29,394
He sounds too good to be true.
383
00:18:29,594 --> 00:18:34,793
Well, your, erm, neeps
are very impressive, Winnie.
384
00:18:37,604 --> 00:18:38,953
Thank you.
385
00:18:41,673 --> 00:18:43,903
This is a brand - new Playtex.
386
00:18:45,313 --> 00:18:48,623
Lift and separate.
387
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,763
L, er, meant the vegetables.
388
00:18:52,963 --> 00:18:56,623
Well, that's Mother Nature
working her magic.
389
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:02,523
Winnie, I promised the headmaster
I'd get those reports to him
390
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:04,594
by the end Of the day - it's
complete slipped my mind.
391
00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:07,383
YOu don't, erm...
You don't happen to have a...
392
00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:10,443
...key to his Office, do you?
393
00:19:10,643 --> 00:19:12,623
Please?
394
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:15,033
Oh, go on, then.
395
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:16,753
As long as you're quick.
396
00:19:16,953 --> 00:19:19,103
Thank you. I'll be two minutes.
397
00:19:52,604 --> 00:19:53,953
NO King.
398
00:20:33,243 --> 00:20:34,603
Headmaster, it's Alan Curtis.
399
00:20:34,803 --> 00:20:36,763
Oh, hello, Adam,
what can I do for you?
400
00:20:36,963 --> 00:20:40,344
I need to talk to you urgent
about several things,
401
00:20:40,544 --> 00:20:42,193
first about Mr King.
402
00:20:42,393 --> 00:20:46,113
This school has no record Of
him ever having worked here.
403
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,623
What's that?
Sorry, it's a very bad line.
404
00:20:48,823 --> 00:20:50,193
Something about Mr King?
405
00:20:50,393 --> 00:20:53,063
The class teacher last year
was a Mr Hardy,
406
00:20:53,263 --> 00:20:54,063
a complete different person.
407
00:20:54,263 --> 00:20:56,153
I don't know what this King
has been doing here,
408
00:20:56,353 --> 00:20:57,833
being given access
to children, but...
409
00:20:59,063 --> 00:21:00,643
...I think there's been
abuse going on,
410
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:03,063
it's been covered up,
and I think you, Mr Edwards,
411
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:04,763
are part Of it!
412
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:07,483
I'm losing you, Adam,
it's a terrible connection.
413
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,513
I'm just in the field - I'll come
and see you shortly, OK?
414
00:21:10,713 --> 00:21:12,563
YOu won't get away with this,
do you hear?
415
00:21:23,553 --> 00:21:26,783
Oh, Class 9, what's this?
416
00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:29,203
We want to show you our assembly.
417
00:21:29,403 --> 00:21:31,983
Oh, well, I was just going
to do quiet reading today,
418
00:21:32,183 --> 00:21:33,793
but, erm, maybe tomorrow we could...
419
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:34,873
Oh, please, sir,
420
00:21:35,073 --> 00:21:37,393
we've been working really
hard on what you taught us.
421
00:21:37,593 --> 00:21:39,153
Er... OK, go ahead.
422
00:21:39,353 --> 00:21:40,713
BOY CLEARS THROAT
423
00:21:40,913 --> 00:21:42,953
Welcome to our assembly!
424
00:21:44,783 --> 00:21:47,473
We have glued ourselves
425
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,153
to the Prime
Minister's house to protest
426
00:21:50,353 --> 00:21:51,553
against climate change.
427
00:21:51,753 --> 00:21:52,963
Ha! Very good.
428
00:21:53,163 --> 00:21:55,513
Global warming
is the biggest threat
429
00:21:55,713 --> 00:21:59,993
to our planet, planet Earth.
430
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:04,683
What can we do to stop it?
Hmm...
431
00:22:08,623 --> 00:22:11,803
Hey, you! What are you doing?
432
00:22:12,003 --> 00:22:15,183
Me? Nothing. It's only plastic.
433
00:22:15,383 --> 00:22:16,144
HE GAGS
434
00:22:16,344 --> 00:22:18,783
Plastic is slowly choking me...
435
00:22:20,543 --> 00:22:23,523
...filling my oceans
and killing wildlife.
436
00:22:23,723 --> 00:22:24,473
What can I do?
437
00:22:24,673 --> 00:22:27,243
Recycling!
438
00:22:27,443 --> 00:22:28,698
HE CHUCKLES
439
00:22:28,898 --> 00:22:30,153
Take that.
440
00:22:31,793 --> 00:22:33,473
We'll recycle him later.
441
00:22:33,673 --> 00:22:36,243
Oh, I don't think
that's appropriate, Class 9.
442
00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:45,193
What have you done to this chair?
443
00:22:45,393 --> 00:22:46,633
Superglue.
444
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:49,154
You're part of the protest too, sir.
445
00:22:49,354 --> 00:22:52,058
That isn't funny, Ceri.
All right, stop this now.
446
00:22:52,258 --> 00:22:54,963
Saving the planet started
thousands Of years ago.
447
00:22:55,163 --> 00:22:56,943
I n the beginning,
the Earth Goddess was
448
00:22:57,143 --> 00:23:01,313
the one who expressed
herself through the many.
449
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:04,503
She was the great void,
the beginning Of all things.
450
00:23:04,703 --> 00:23:07,608
All souls were born
from her sacred womb,
451
00:23:07,808 --> 00:23:10,713
lived for a span upon
her body, the Earth,
452
00:23:10,913 --> 00:23:13,123
then returned to her tomb-womb
453
00:23:13,323 --> 00:23:14,633
at death. TOmb-womb?
454
00:23:14,833 --> 00:23:17,203
I'm sorry, I don't think
that's key stage 2.
455
00:23:17,403 --> 00:23:19,353
But Mr King said...
456
00:23:19,553 --> 00:23:21,123
LOok, I don't know
who this Mr King was
457
00:23:21,323 --> 00:23:25,123
Or what he was teaching you,
but it's not normal, all right?
458
00:23:25,323 --> 00:23:27,518
I'm going to make
an official complaint.
459
00:23:27,718 --> 00:23:29,913
NOw please get me
out of this chair.
460
00:23:30,113 --> 00:23:31,783
I n the 15th century,
461
00:23:31,983 --> 00:23:35,683
Peru children were sacrificed
to the gods
462
00:23:35,883 --> 00:23:39,043
to try and end natural disasters.
463
00:23:39,243 --> 00:23:44,633
But in modern times, we the children
are demanding sacrifices of our own.
464
00:23:44,833 --> 00:23:46,673
What are you talking about?
465
00:23:46,873 --> 00:23:49,858
Wait, wait, is this why
you killed the tadpoles?
466
00:23:50,058 --> 00:23:53,043
TO try and end climate change?
No talking, Mr King.
467
00:23:53,243 --> 00:23:55,273
We listen with these, not these.
468
00:23:55,473 --> 00:23:57,513
I'm not Mr King!
469
00:23:57,713 --> 00:23:59,493
Tight lips, sir.
470
00:23:59,693 --> 00:24:01,474
NO, no, don't...
471
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:02,793
HE MUMBLES
472
00:24:10,763 --> 00:24:12,753
We have learned
about reusable energy.
473
00:24:12,953 --> 00:24:15,503
We have learned
about recycling and rebirth.
474
00:24:15,703 --> 00:24:19,413
John Barleycorn was the first man to
recycle himself,
475
00:24:19,613 --> 00:24:23,323
to replenish the Earth's bounty.
This is his story.
476
00:24:26,983 --> 00:24:28,553
HE MUMBLES
477
00:24:38,703 --> 00:24:40,793
ALAN'S BREATH QUICKENS
478
00:24:42,993 --> 00:24:45,073
FOLK MUSIC PLAYS
479
00:24:48,873 --> 00:24:51,583
# There were three men
come out of the west
480
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:54,773
# Their fortunes for to try
481
00:24:54,973 --> 00:24:57,793
# And these three men
made a solemn vow
482
00:24:57,993 --> 00:24:59,638
# John Barleycorn should die... #
483
00:24:59,838 --> 00:25:01,484
What on earth is going on here?!
484
00:25:01,684 --> 00:25:02,513
MUSIC STOPS
485
00:25:04,073 --> 00:25:05,513
What do you think you're doing?
486
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:06,953
We're doing our assembly, sir.
487
00:25:07,153 --> 00:25:09,433
Assembly?
That's not till next week.
488
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:10,523
ALAN GRUNTS LOUDLY
489
00:25:10,723 --> 00:25:12,993
Are you all right, Mr Curtis?
ALAN GRUNTS
490
00:25:13,193 --> 00:25:15,403
What have they done to your mouth?
491
00:25:15,603 --> 00:25:16,294
ALAN GRUNTS LOUDLY
492
00:25:16,494 --> 00:25:19,484
We were about to tell
the story of John Barleycorn.
493
00:25:23,484 --> 00:25:27,294
Ah, my favourite part.
Carry on.
494
00:25:27,494 --> 00:25:31,633
John Barleycorn represents
the life cycle of the field.
495
00:25:31,833 --> 00:25:33,633
He is crowned once
a year at the start
496
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:38,053
of the harvest festival
and revered as the COrn King.
497
00:25:39,043 --> 00:25:40,803
Last year, as you discovered,
498
00:25:41,003 --> 00:25:42,958
Mr Hardy was given the honour.
499
00:25:43,158 --> 00:25:44,913
This year, the crown is yours.
500
00:25:45,113 --> 00:25:48,484
We discovered you are
as nature intended.
501
00:25:48,684 --> 00:25:51,433
Uncut and still sheathed.
502
00:25:53,693 --> 00:25:56,708
A perfect candidate
for Our new corn king.
503
00:25:56,908 --> 00:25:59,723
Thank you, Ceri,
you did it beautifully.
504
00:25:59,923 --> 00:26:02,503
When his reign is ended,
the King is returned
505
00:26:02,703 --> 00:26:05,283
to the land and honoured
with a triple death -
506
00:26:05,483 --> 00:26:07,718
drowned, strangled and dismembered,
507
00:26:07,918 --> 00:26:10,153
his broken body buried in the field
508
00:26:10,353 --> 00:26:12,593
to ensure a fertile harvest.
509
00:26:12,793 --> 00:26:13,993
Like human beans!
510
00:26:14,193 --> 00:26:17,403
MR EDWARDS CHUCKLES
Exactly, Gwen, like human beans.
511
00:26:17,603 --> 00:26:19,153
GWEN CHUCKLES
512
00:26:20,643 --> 00:26:23,203
You and your fancy
friends in London
513
00:26:23,403 --> 00:26:24,443
may pat yourselves on the back
514
00:26:24,643 --> 00:26:27,763
that you've finally woken up
to environmental issues, but...
515
00:26:29,043 --> 00:26:31,923
...we've been doing our bit for
the planet for centuries now.
516
00:26:33,303 --> 00:26:35,103
Come, children.
517
00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:39,273
The King is dead.
Long live the King.
518
00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:42,313
Long live the King!
519
00:26:42,513 --> 00:26:43,863
DRUM THUMPS
520
00:26:48,484 --> 00:26:49,783
HE MUMBLES
521
00:26:51,123 --> 00:26:53,843
GRUNTI NG
522
00:27:11,723 --> 00:27:16,003
Winnie, we're ready for you now.
523
00:27:30,073 --> 00:27:33,113
You're going to do my leeks
the world of good.
524
00:27:33,313 --> 00:27:36,354
# There were three men
come Out Of the west
525
00:27:36,554 --> 00:27:39,203
# Their fortunes for to try
526
00:27:39,403 --> 00:27:42,153
# And these three men
made a solemn vow
527
00:27:42,353 --> 00:27:44,044
# John Barleycorn should die
528
00:27:44,244 --> 00:27:48,633
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
529
00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:50,683
# Fa la la la la la la
530
00:27:50,883 --> 00:27:53,563
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
531
00:27:53,763 --> 00:27:56,274
# Fa la la la la la la
532
00:27:56,474 --> 00:27:59,773
# They wheeled him
all around the field
533
00:27:59,973 --> 00:28:01,393
# A prisoner to endure
534
00:28:01,593 --> 00:28:04,708
# And in the barn
poor Barleycorn
535
00:28:04,908 --> 00:28:07,815
# They laid him upon the floor
536
00:28:08,015 --> 00:28:10,923
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
537
00:28:11,123 --> 00:28:13,593
# Fa la la la la la la
538
00:28:13,793 --> 00:28:16,203
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
539
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:19,284
# Fa la la la la la la
540
00:28:19,484 --> 00:28:22,484
# They hired men
with the crab tree sticks
541
00:28:22,684 --> 00:28:25,233
# To cut him skin from bone
542
00:28:25,433 --> 00:28:28,283
# And the miller,
he served him worse than that
543
00:28:28,483 --> 00:28:31,033
# For he ground him
between two stones
544
00:28:31,233 --> 00:28:34,153
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
545
00:28:34,353 --> 00:28:36,723
# Fa la la la la la la
546
00:28:36,923 --> 00:28:39,783
# Fa la la la la,
fa la la la la
547
00:28:39,983 --> 00:28:42,843
# Fa la la la la la la... #
39606
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