Original subtitles

Command, this is Captain Irons.

I got a visual on a UAP in close, bearing 310.

Roger, Irons. We don't see anything on the scope.

I've never seen anything maneuver like that.

Turning inland towards the park.

Our scope is still clear. Does IFF show us blocked?

Negative, that's moving too fast.

Permission to engage now.

Disengage and back off, Irons.

Repeat, do not engage.

Acknowledge.

No Can do. I need a closer look.

Too much mustard. I thought we were friends.

We are friends.

What are you doing?

I hit him with a little too much mustard.

Yeah, you think?

I wish I could make him laugh like that.

What can I say? Daddy's boy.

Key to his heart is fake pain.

Come here, Charlie. Come on.

It's okay, honey.

It's okay. It's okay.

Here, stay with Charlie and call 911.

Jack, come on, stop.

What are you doing? The nearest town's an hour away.

If I don't try to help, who will?

It's okay, I'll be right back. Okay. Okay, go, go.

Yeah, it's probably just fireworks.

God. I'm sorry.

You okay? Sorry, I didn't see you. Hey.

You all right?

Hey. What's your name, buddy?

Irons.

What?

Captain Sean Irons. U.S. Air Force.

Are you alone? What happened?

No, we had a collision.

Collision?

With what?

Are you sure you're okay?

Is that a... UAP.

What? Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon.

UFO wasn't working for you guys?

I've been waiting a long time to see one of these up close.

This technology's gonna change everything.

Hey, there's something moving.

Analyzing planet.

Guardian denied.

Guardian accepted.

Pairing.

Self-destruct initiated.

Watch it!

Come here.

Analyzing planet.

No One has claimed responsibility

for tonight's daring rescue of 15 kidnapped schoolgirls.

But eyewitnesses report

yet another sighting of the hero dubbed The Guard.

Crime rate is actually going down.

Overall crime has dropped four percent.

Hey, Daddy! Come play catch with me.

Look, I'm sorry. How about next week?

I can't do this anymore, Jack.

Charlie, we're still a family.

In breaking news, another possible Guard sighting.

The Guard is using alien technology.

The laws of thermodynamics and physics just don't even apply.

And I can find the power source, but I need resources.

Looking at you, Ansel Argon, CEO of Argon Industries.

You messed with the wrong superhero.

Bad guy, you better say your prayers.

Charlie? Guard's gonna kick your butt.

Charlie!

You're up.

The nuc... No.

Well, my presentation isn't about any of these energy sources,

it's actually about a new one,

which happens to be

the world's greatest hero, The Guard.

No. Charlie, how is this relevant?

Everybody's talking about how The Guard

stopped that nuclear meltdown in India, right?

Or how he saved those kids in Taiwan,

or stopped that jet from crashing in Brazil.

But nobody's talking about how he did it.

He's got some kind of new energy source,

and it's not any of these...

Uh...

Hey. Am I at the right place?

You must be Maya Monroe?

Class, this is our new transfer student from Turkey,

so please do not mock any strange customs that she...

She used to go here.

Whatever.

Miss Monroe, take a seat.

Charlie, you can continue, and please

bring this back to the subject at hand.

What? I don't know.

Finally. You know what?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Test tomorrow.

Berger! Berger! Berger!

- My parents are so embarrassing. - Berger! Berger!

At least your dad shows up.

Mine's at a never-ending IT conference.

Look. BERGER: Hey.

- Lizzie with Maya. - Nine o'clock.

So my elementary school BFF just showed back up

after, like, years of traveling the world.

So jealous.

What's your at? I'm not on social media.

What?

Okay. Well, what are your interests?

Um, lock picking, Norwegian Death Metal

and I can field-strip an M4 blindfolded.

Okay.

You ask Lizzie to the dance yet?

Not yet.

Women like it when you leave things till the last minute.

Where'd you hear that? Yo! Berger...

Mom wanted me to bring you your fan, so, here.

Take it.

You ever think about how you call him Berger,

but that's your last name, too?

That's why I go as Big Mac, because, uh,

I'm the tastiest Berger. Okay.

Wow, this is a real blowout.

Let's go, Forrest.

Charlie Kincaid.

Uh, Coach? I think you, um,

accidentally said my first and last name?

You're in. We need a lefty.

Man, that's a big kid.

Who is that?

That's Forrest Deal.

They call him "The Sequoia."

Now pitching is Charlie Kincaid.

Crafty Kincaid, look alive.

Come on, Forrest! Let's go!

I heard he bullies his own parents.

Good luck, Charlie.

I heard that his stare is so deadly

he can't even look himself in the mirror.

Let's go, Charlie! You got this.

Didn't know this was the Peewee Leagues.

Didn't know they allowed steroids in middle school.

- Come on, Charlie. - Please don't kill my friend.

All right, let's go, Forrest. Crush it.

Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!

Ooh.

That's gonna leave a mark.

Charlie. His mama gonna be mad.

This song again? Can we just change...

No. No, we can't.

Plus we all know this song's a classic.

- No one knows that. - Oh, God.

No, okay, well, my car, my music.

- All right? - My life is over.

Uh, that's 24.

That's right on the fence. You wanna go for it?

Nah. They're just kids. Let 'em go.

I hate kids.

Even my own.

Bye, Charlie.

But eyewitnesses report yet another sighting of...

What? ...The hero dubbed The Guard.

Once again authorities have found no fingerprints and no other evidence

with the exception of strange patterns left on the scene. Now a trademark...

Hey. How was the game? Of Guard's sightings.

Another Guard sighting? Yeah.

What is The Guard exactly?

Is it a lone vigilante or...

Hey. Did you pack a bag for your dad's yet?

We both know he's gonna cancel.

Hey! Hey, Jack. Hey.

Joining us tonight is Ansel Argon, CEO of Argon Tactical.

His business has been uniquely impacted by the so-called Guard,

who has ushered a new era of peace

leaving many countries to...

Yeah, I saw.

Your company, Argon Tactical,

recently reported operating losses

for the first time in 13 years, so...

That's not true.

I think it is. No, that's definitely not true.

Just push it to next week, the celebration.

Jack, come on, I'm

I'm sorry. Don't do this to me today.

I am so sick of all these excuses.

I'm sorry. It's my job. All right, well

I'm dropping him off at 6:00, so you better be there.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, bye.

Let me guess. Another "IT conference"?

Rescheduling for next month?

No! He's really excited to see you tonight.

I bet he doesn't even remember my birthday.

Of course, he does.

Come on, go, go get your bag packed

and maybe take a shower.

If The Guard continues to erode the need for a defense industry

will there be panic at companies like yours?

I'll... I'll give you a better question that you could have asked.

With zero oversight

what happens if The Guard has a bad day?

Look, he's there waiting for you.

Why are we doing this?

Hey. All right!

Hi. LILY: Hey.

He looks a little older, I can tell.

He's really happy about it. Very happy to be here!

Okay, you wanna just put that stuff inside

and I'll meet you in there?

I feel like I'm in trouble.

No, no, no, he had a rough day.

Um, candles are in the bottom.

My favorite! Try not to eat 'em all tonight.

We'll do our best, no promises.

This isn't gonna last forever, Jack, you know that, right?

Before we know it, he's gonna be grown up and

you're gonna be begging him to return your calls.

You don't have to convince me. Okay?

I want to spend more time with him, I really do.

I've just been busy.

There are some things that are more important than work, Jack.

Okay? I know.

Talk to him. Yeah.

Tonight.

Been a while. Yes.

I like what you've not done with the place.

I'm going for that kinda single-dad short-term rental feel.

Where's that funny mug I got you?

Uh, it's around here somewhere.

Listen, Charlie, sorry about the game.

Missed my connecting flight in Denver

and in-flight Wi-Fi was screwed up.

But I got you something.

It's okay, you don't have to bribe me.

Yes, I do have to bribe you.

And I'm gonna be... I'm gonna bribe you.

Wait right here!

Okay, Charlie. My old mitt.

Now, I have been saving this for you,

and I think now is the time.

I'm a lefty, Dad.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Sorry about that, I...

Well, if you could have anything,

what else would you want?

I just want to go camping again.

Like we used to?

That's a great idea. Well, as soon as things slow down at work,

we're gonna do that. In the meantime.

I got this Nintendo Switch.

I know you don't like bribes. I accept bribes.

Keep it going, keep it going, keep it going.

Three, two, one... go!

Home run! Dinger!

Boom, boom, boom, boom...

And now pizza!

We got to do it in three, two, one. Two, one.

Ah, come on.

Does this game not have HBT?

What's an HBT? You know, Hidden Ball Trick?

You know that one, right?

Where the first baseman pretends to throw it to the pitcher,

and then when the base runner takes a little lead off first

and he's right there, then he grabs it with a... What?

Hey. Cheater. And they get him right there...

No, no, hold on. That's cheating. You're wasting all my...

Give it back. You're making me lose. Look what you did.

Ah.

Sorry. Let me just get this.

Okay.

Hurry up.

Hey. Sorry that took so long.

Let me guess. Something at work.

Yeah, that was my boss. I gotta

I guess there's an emergency, so I'm gonna have to...

There's always an emergency.

Why can't you just cancel, like you always do?

Charlie, listen, I know this sucks.

I wanna stay here and celebrate with you.

But, I gotta go. You have to believe me when I say it's important.

Yeah, I know. More important than me.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

You only had me over because Mom forced you to.

Just be honest!

You want me to be honest?

Yeah. That's all I want.

Listen. I'm gonna be back in a couple days, tops. Okay?

And we're gonna sit down, and I'm gonna explain things

in a way that I hope that you're gonna understand what's been happening.

Oh, I understand fine.

You're just a crappy dad.

Charlie...

Well, you can't be here by yourself.

Let me call Mom and she'll come pick you up.

Nah, I got it. I got it.

Hey, Mom. Uh, hold on to your hat.

Dad has a work emergency, so can you come pick me up?

Yeah, I know, it's a bummer.

Okay.

She'll be here in ten minutes.

You don't have to wait. Listen. I know.

I'm not a baby anymore, Dad.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Fanny pack.

Can't forget that.

I love you.

I'll see you in a couple days.

You still there?

I love it when you call me "Mom".

Now, let's throw a rager.

Yeah, let's throw a rager.

Wait, what is a rager?

Hey, Berger.

Hi.

Oh, crap.

What are you doing here?

Berger said I could borrow your notes for that stupid test tomorrow.

Also, he said your dad abandoned you

and you're listening to Anne Murray alone.

All right, let's get this rager started.

Much better.

Dude, what the hell?

Uh, chicks dig sob stories.

Why did you bring 'em here at all?

I'm sorry, I didn't know you wanted to have a one-on-one rager.

Maya does not like me.

She left the country because of me.

If that were true, she wouldn't be here right now.

Take a deep breath in.

And now breathe into your hands

and tell me how your breath smells.

It's good. Okay.

Now, use some of that sweet, sweet breath

and ask Maya to the dance.

No.

Do you ladies want a sugary beverage?

Lead the way.

Wait. It's your birthday tomorrow?

You remember my birthday?

No, it's on the photo.

Cool. Cool.

I don't like to make a big deal.

I always find birthdays disappointing.

Birthdays with divorced parents suck.

Tell me about it. My dad is the king

of thoughtless airport gifts.

Do you know how many butt pillows I have at home?

I think those are neck pillows.

There's only two forks?

What is this guy, a serial killer?

I want to, um

address the

I don't know if you remember fifth grade?

Yeah, what happened in fifth grade?

I feel really bad about what I did.

And I don't, um, know

how to say this.

But... What's happening?

What's happening is I'm trying to open up.

No, like, behind you. That's what I'm trying to say.

Berger? Lizzie?

I hit the balls and it opened up and I can't...

It's okay, I understand.

Your dad's a freak.

Whoa.

Wait. Careful, careful.

How do we open it? We need a code.

This is just like an escape room. Scan the room for clues.

It's numerical.

So that rules out childhood pets, birthplace.

When's your parents' anniversary?

They're divorced.

How about your dad's birthday?

November 18th.

Or...

Better yet, the birthday of a loved one. Nothing.

Hey, Happy Almost Birthday.

0-4-0-7-0-8.

Hello. LIZZIE: Whoa.

Looks like an elevator.

What, to go upstairs?

That's kinda lazy, isn't it?

Why is there only one button?

Please don't touch...

My guts are floating.

How far down did we go? Far.

Yeah... I'm okay.

Whoa, this place is big.

Headquarters activating.

Come on.

How far down are we?

This is so tight.

This is beyond tight.

This is the tightest.

Look at that.

Come on, guys, over here.

Whoa, what's this?

Okay, how could he have built this?

We're, like, a hundred miles underground.

Welcome.

Mission in progress.

"Current location: New Zealand."

That's far away.

Mission archive.

Plane crash in Brazil.

Nuclear meltdown in India.

That was all over the news!

Tsunami in Japan.

The thing in the Empire State Building.

These are all The Guard's missions.

We're in The Guard's secret headquarters.

Which is under your dad's house.

Do you realize what this means?

It means my dad

works for The Guard.

No. Dude.

It means your dad is The Guard.

What?

No.

My dad is not The Guard. The Guard is like the greatest hero ever.

Okay. My dad can't handle hot wings.

Yeah. I've seen him without his shirt on.

He can barely swim.

Okay. My dad is not The Guard.

Somebody's in denial.

Hey, guys.

Does The Guard wear a fanny pack?

Lost it again. Signal blocker's too strong.

Run it again. Simulate its origin.

On it.

So, Irons, where do we stand on finding The Guard's source?

We'll find it, all right? Relax. We just need more time.

Time?

You've had time. You've had years.

Sooner or later, it becomes binary, okay?

You either found it or you haven't.

And you haven't. And that's why I'm pulling the plug.

You're firing me?

Oh, I'm not just firing you.

No, no, I'm firing everybody.

I'm firing that guy, firing him, her.

She's all right, he's cool.

I know what happened that night.

And I know I've lost everything trying to prove that it's real.

My credibility, my career. My money.

My own government tried to destroy me for asking questions.

Why do you think that is?

Listen, I love that story.

The uniform, the woods, the bad man who stole the orb,

how you got your little boo-boo.

I get it. Tell it to someone else.

As soon as The Guard makes a mistake, we'll find the Source.

If there's one thing I learned about The Guard

it's he doesn't make mistakes.

All right, you got till the end of the week to shut this down.

Printing in progress.

Wow. Cool lasers.

Escape hatch panel number 13 complete.

Look, it's building itself.

Some kind of 3D printer from space.

Ooh, tell it to print a fake ID.

Can it print Britney Spears?

Hasn't she been through enough?

Can't print people.

Looks like only a few things to choose from.

Uh, Maya, I think you pressed the wrong button.

Yeah. Emergency shutoff.

- This is a bad idea. - Uh, here, try this button.

Transferring to charging station.

Nice material.

Oh, what's this?

Looks like a magic wand.

Whoa.

Looking good, Hermione.

It's not a magic wand, it's a magnet wand.

What?

It's a HUD.

A what? A heads-up display.

I wonder what this button does?

Help me! Berger! Berger! It's not a backpack!

Hold on, I'm coming! Turn it off!

Pull me down, Maya! Okay, hang on, hang on, I got...

Whoa! BERGER: Lizzie, careful!

You okay? That was awesome.

That was crazy. You guys okay?

Target applying.

Oh, shh...

Oh, my God, Maya!

I killed Maya. You killed Maya.

I killed Maya. You killed Maya!

She's okay. You're okay.

That was awesome.

Shrink to fit.

- Stylish and functional. - Guys, check this out!

Where's his head?

It's DJ Berger, the headless assassin comin' at you live!

Berger?

Guys! Guys! Look over here.

Ooh, I look good today.

How?

It's amazing!

You put your head through one magic portal thingy

and it comes out the other.

Oh, my gosh.

Ooh, what's that?

G-mobile summoned. Ready for mission.

This is sick.

You still think your dad's The Guard's butler?

Uh...

You okay?

What? Yeah, I, um.

I'm just ready to get outta here.

Right, 'cause it kinda looks like you broke something.

Yeah, I guess I don't know my own strength.

Hey. Now that we're alone,

I just wanted you to know that I've been picking up on your signal...

And... What?

Yes. I would love to go to the dance with you.

Aww.

Thank you for the completely random

and utterly last-minute offer, Berger.

Truly.

But, I already have a date.

Who? An older guy, more my speed.

You're a little young for me.

But we're the same age.

Guys, we gotta put everything back where we found it.

Nobody can know we were in here.

You know we have that test tomorrow, anyway.

That class was so easy.

I wish I could take it for you.

About that.

I kind of have a crazy idea.

A covert mission.

But, we're gonna need to borrow a few gadgets.

You have five minutes to complete this test.

No phones.

Cheaters will be prosecuted.

"Maya."

No problem.

You ready to chop down the Sequoia?

What the hell?

We got a hit. It's strong.

Hawaii, Irons, you seeing this?

That was awesome. She didn't even notice.

Excuse me, Mister Berger.

Uh...

What was that thing you put in your locker?

It was a sculpture I made for art class.

I got my eyes on you, Berger.

Very challenging test, thank you. Anytime.

Hey, Coach? Yeah.

Put me in.

You sure about that?

Strike one!

That was pretty fast.

This is the lifeline.

Power increased.

Charlie.

We got a strong flash signal.

Like single-mom strong.

This could be it.

This is the prosperity line.

Strike two!

And this is the, uh, line that tells me

that you don't have a date to the dance.

Maximum strength.

Do you wanna go with me?

I guess. Yeah, cool.

Now that's fast.

Strike three. You're out.

Shotgun! BERGER: You owe me a new glove!

What's next?

You're an excellent driver! Thanks!

Is The Guard doing donuts?

Stay on him.

And in breaking news, another possible Guard sighting.

Local officials

108!

Oh! We got a live one!

Light 'em up!

Dispatch, we got a 10-80 in progress.

Looks like a hippie van on steroids.

Are those police sirens?

Charlie? Charlie, I need you to gas it right now!

I can't get arrested! I need to go to medical school!

Time for some evasive driving.

YOLO!

Hey! Hippie Monster Truck! Pull over!

Let's dance!

Get outta the road, you idiots.

Charlie, drive faster!

They're still there!

This is a tactical vehicle. It must have diversionary features.

All of them, guys, try all of them!

Automatic machine gun. Missiles.

Discombobulator on.

Discombobulator off.

It's a full-blown surge.

Lockin' on.

Engaging smoke screen.

Is that smoke? It's smoke bombs.

I can't be near smoke, I have asthma.

Roll up the window!

What is that, anthrax?

Let me have some.

What else do we have here?

Come on try something. Figure something out.

Magnetic pulse activated. MAYA: Magnet activated.

Whoa.

Connection established. CHARLIE: Woo-hoo!

Magnets bonded. Stop!

Nice driving, Kincaid!

Yeah, I play Mario Kart at a very high level!

It's unblocked. Yep, there he is. Got him!

All right, pull up the map.

He must've made a mistake.

Hell yeah, he did.

Tell the team we're mission go.

We got him.

Driving's not that hard.

You guys go down. I'll be there in a sec.

Okay. Don't be too long.

Hey, Charlie, uh, I'm sorry,

things are more complicated than we thought.

So, I'm gonna have to extend this trip for a few more days

but I will see you the following week

and happy birthday. I really...

Hey, Maya, go long.

I got it! LIZZIE: Oh, no!

Guys, I think it's dead!

Lizzie!

Okay.

Ow.

That was amazing.

I'm gonna go upstairs and make a phone call.

I can't believe... So I was thinking...

Sorry, you go first.

I was just gonna say it.

It must be weird, huh?

Knowing your dad has, like, a sci-fi man cave.

Yeah, it is weird. Thanks for asking.

It's like we don't even know each other.

I thought he worked at a Genius Bar.

And he thought I was a righty.

Well, I didn't forget.

Happy birthday.

You fixed it?

Thanks.

Formation.

What do they call you?

Wisconsin. I'm Hawaii.

Aloha.

Shh.

Oh.

Everyone on alert here, okay?

Yeah, careful, this could be Freddy Krueger's house.

You seeing any security?

No, I see defenses.

They just seem to be disarmed at the moment.

Signal's comin' from inside.

Move.

Clear. Clear.

Smells good.

Feels like we're breaking into a Pottery Barn.

What are we stealing, Irons? You'll know when you see it.

Oh. I have this lamp.

I get why he couldn't tell the world about his secret identity.

But...

Why couldn't he tell me?

Am I that untrustable?

Certainly weren't in the fifth grade.

So you do remember.

How could I forget?

Robbie Fernandez's birthday party.

You and I almost kiss.

You chicken out. And you tell everyone I have bad breath.

It wasn't true. There's nothing wrong with your breath.

I know, 'cause I have amazing breath,

but you do know the nickname Moldy Mouth Maya

followed me around, right?

And that's why you left the country.

What? No, my mom got transferred, you dingus.

I'm getting an electromagnetic pulse from below the house.

We checked. There's no basement.

Hey, you guys are gonna wanna check out his office.

It has a great feng shui and a secret elevator.

Sick, right?

We are in the right place.

What's up, guys? Welcome to MTV Cribs

with your boy, Barry Berger.

And right now I'm in my secret HQ,

which kinda rocks, pun intended.

Must be Lizzie?

When did Lizzie get a flashlight?

Something's wrong. We gotta move, come on.

And, uh, yeah, this is where the magic happens.

I don't really know what this room...

Shh.

Okay, we gotta hide. There are people here with guns.

The Mafia? Shh!

No. They look paramilitary to me.

How could you tell?

Equipment. I saw a Sig Sauer MDX,

Zev Dragonfly Glock 17, Plate Carriers,

and grenades. Wow.

We gotta get Lizzie and...

Oh, my God, Lizzie.

I'm wearing a vest now,

I'm really looking forward... Mm hmm.

All right. Well, remember not to make a big deal when you get here, okay?

The Guard's on a mission in Japan. So...

It looks like we just missed him then.

Let's get this object and get the heck outta here.

Um...

Looks like we got company.

Well, whoever it is, it's not him.

They might be after the same thing we are, though, so...

Let's make sure they don't beat us to it.

What are we gonna do?

I have an idea. We hide until Charlie's dad

gets back and saves us.

How long is he gone for again?

He said he could be a couple of days.

A couple as in two or a couple as in ten?

'Cause the human body can survive three days... A couple

literally means two.

Guys, come on, Lizzie's up there and we gotta help her.

How? The only way out is the elevator.

The garage. That's where the camper van came out of.

There must be an exit, right? Let's go.

Whoever's down here, we're gonna smoke 'em out.

You and Wisconsin sweep the perimeter. Yeah.

Jersey, you and Hawaii set the signal jammer upstairs.

Make sure no one's hidin' out up there

and no one takes as much as a piss

without talkin' to me first, you got that?

Copy that.

Starting now.

He's got one of those little fancy Japanese toilet

motion-sensor things that spray the...

Yeah. Get upstairs.

- Copy that. - Move. Let's go!

You heard him. Let's move.

Just text me when you're here and I'll come outside.

Lockdown initiated.

Hurry up!

- In five, four, three... - Go, go, go.

Two, one.

Did you hear that? Yeah.

On me.

Go back.

Argon, we found the place.

And what? But we got a problem.

Yeah, what is it?

You'll wanna get over here ASAP. I'm on my way.

Power source removed.

Where are you hiding?

Generating predictions.

Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie. Huh?

Come on!

Whoever is here, I know you can hear me.

We have this place locked down so there is no escape.

We've come to retrieve an object,

and we followed the energy trail to this exact spot.

So we know it's in here. The van.

We came for the object, not you, so you have a choice.

You can just give it to us and no harm will come to you.

Or you can get in our way and you will be sorry.

Oh, no.

Where are these intruders?

They're downstairs and there's someone up here. A girl.

What if she called the cops?

Not possible. I set up blockers around the house.

Did you block every frequency?

Does Sponge Bob live in a pineapple?

Looks like we might have to get our hands dirty tonight.

Hey, killing kids is not a part of my contract.

Hey, hey, hey, whoa. Who said anything about killing kids?

All right, we're gonna find her and we're gonna scare her, right?

Uh-huh. Good. 'Cause I don't kill kids.

No, totally, totally, totally.

But, uh, what about adults?

Adults are fine, right? Adults are fine.

I kill adults all the time. Yeah, exactly.

One less adult.

Freeze!

Who are you?

I'm Lizzie McGonagle. Elizabeth.

And I'm 14 years old.

And I look really mature,

but I'm just starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.

And I'm too pretty to die, okay?

I'm way too pretty to die

and I don't know why you guys wanna kill me.

Because I'm so pretty and I have so much more of life to live right now.

You guys don't have as much life to live as I do,

and I really just don't want you guys to kill me.

Please don't kill me.

Shh.

Please.

Who is that?

- I don't know. - Did you call the cops?

No! I swear.

Did you order food? No, no, it's not food.

There's pizza over there It's DiGiorno, not delivery.

Who is DiGiorno?

Is that DiGiorno at the door?

No! No. Who is DiGiorno?

I don't know why you guys are here.

Get her down here.

"We came to retrieve an object."

I think he means that thing.

Yes, obviously he means that thing.

Okay, where did you go? I don't know.

It showed me things.

Like a vision.

Whatever it is, it's powerful.

Well, whatever it is, let's give it to them

and get the hell out of here.

What? No! It's not ours to give, it belongs to my dad.

Who cares? If we don't give 'em that thing, they're gonna kill us.

Well, they still might kill us even if we do.

I don't trust militias.

Then there's nothing we can do.

Wrong. There is something we can do.

Defend ourselves!

That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, I lied to you guys.

Listen. It's just my date.

Please let me get rid of him. He's not part of this.

No one has to get hurt.

Wait, wait. His parents are both lawyers.

I mean, one is just a personal injury lawyer,

but still, they'll come looking for him

and they'll call the police.

You don't wanna deal with an ambulance chaser, trust me.

Lizzie! Cover the door.

Wait, wait, wait. You have 60 seconds to get rid of him.

It's scary out here! Be cool.

Hi.

Bonsoir, ma cherie.

You look ravishing, as always.

Uh, thanks, Big Mac. Um, so...

What is that?

Get help! Call the cops. Get her inside.

That's enough.

Get in here.

Looks like Eugene just got his license.

Um, can you not call me Eugene?

He likes to be called Big Mac.

Gun. What are you doing here?

Well, what happened was,

um, I came here to pick up my date...

Right. That's my date.

And, it just so... It happens that

she has been hangin' out with my brother

and his friend, Charlie.

That's why I'm here.

So what happened was you came here to hang out

with your girl who's also hangin' out with your...

Brother.

Who then is hanging out with...

Charlie... Charlie,

and his friends.

You don't gotta make fun of me, but yes.

Perfect.

Just kids, huh?

Irons! When were you gonna tell me

you found The Guard's secret headquarters?

I wanted to wait till we actually had the energy source.

You were waiting. So where is it?

Missing.

There's someone down here. Could be security, militia...

Militia?

I mean, whoever it is, they're highly evasive.

Romeo and Juliet over here are the teenage militia?

Hi, guys.

Defend ourselves?

How do you expect us to do that?

I have an idea.

Have you guys heard of guerilla warfare?

Xbox or PS5?

No, actual guerilla warfare.

Using your weaknesses as strengths?

We're smaller than them, but we're mobile.

We have home field advantage and a giant 3D printer.

I say we get the gadgets,

get scrappy, and fight our way out.

Is this thing on? Yeah.

Hi, I'm looking for a Charlie Kincaid.

I got someone here who'd like to say hi to you.

Charlie, these old guys have guns! Do whatever they say.

They got Lizzie.

Berger, hey, hey, man. Look, if I die, I'm gonna kill you!

Dude, shut up.

Give me the Source, Charlie Kincaid,

or I'll kill your friends. You got it?

My brother's here.

They're gonna kill my brother. Give me that.

Berger, I know you're scared. I am, too.

But we have a plan. We can fight back. Shh.

Come on, Charlie, you're not exactly the action hero type.

What am I then, since you seem to know?

You're a scaredy-cat. And you know what? Scaredy-cat is good.

Guys. But this is not the time to play hero cat, okay?

Stick to scaredy-cat. MAYA: Shh!

This coming from a guy who's scared to leave the house

without a backup inhaler?

With all the asthma, the celiacs, the tubs of Flonase?

Guys, come on. You guys are friends.

We're risking our lives for that rock

so you can prove to your dad how brave you are.

But guess what? He doesn't care.

He cares more about his job

than he cares about his own son.

Guys, stop fighting.

Hey, stop it. You idiots.

This isn't the time for airing of grievances!

Now let's work together.

No way. I'd rather go Han Solo than be teamed up with you.

His parents are lawyers.

Where is Hawaii?

Busy. Just focus on finding the Source.

You heard him, guys. Move out.

You, too. Jersey's gonna babysit.

We're clear.

Let's check the next room.

Low power.

This one's dead, too. They're all dead.

Virginia, what's your status?

Have you found anything?

Damn.

Nothin'. And the power source isn't here.

Find it, please.

Time for phase two? Yep.

I can't wait to blow this place up.

Seriously, I hate this place.

Watch the kiddies. Yeah.

A fanny pack?

What can he say? He looks like a baby.

Sweet. Quarter. He hasn't even hit his growth spurt...

I just killed someone.

Charging.

This is it. This is The Guard's energy source.

You literally gave a presentation about this yesterday.

Ms. Squint owes me an apology.

Do you think I could win a Nobel Prize from this?

I don't think so. BERGER: Hey!

Who's the hero-cat now, buttmunchers?

Sorry about what I said back there.

Your ailments aren't what make you weak,

they're actually what makes you strong.

And I'm sorry I punched you.

That was a really good apology.

I wasn't ready to forgive you.

I planned on throwing way more shade.

But, I'm sorry, too.

Hey, I think I saw this guy on TV yesterday.

Mm-mm.

Wait, wait, no, no.

Hey, how old are you guys?

Eighteen. Fourteen.

It's just you guys down here? We'll ask the questions.

I say we torture him to get info.

And how do you plan on torturin' me?

Are you gonna tickle torture me?

Like what are you gonna do?

Dude, that was too long!

Does that feel like tickle torture?

That thing's amazing. Ya wanna sell it?

You wanna see it again? No, no!

No, no, no. You know, okay.

What do you guys wanna know? Everything.

Okay, that thing? That glowing thing?

That thing's highly advanced technology.

It's like otherworldly technology.

"Otherworldly" as in aliens?

Yeah.

That's what "otherworldly" means, it's not from this world.

No way. That thing is clearly designed for humans.

No, that's because it adapts to its environment.

It's a world builder. It created this entire place!

I mean, do you think The Guard built this? Not without that.

Why do you want it?

Because I think that The Guard has only unlocked

a fraction of its potential.

And you wanna make weapons out of it.

Ya know what I want it for?

I wanna use it so I can solve the world's problems.

So why not tell that to my dad, huh?

You know how many times I've been on TV asking for his help?

And you know what? I got ghosted.

I'm familiar with the feeling.

And your dad's being, like, so selfish right now.

He just wants that technology all to himself!

I want to share it.

Huh?

Who's the bad guy here?

You are. You guys look like smart kids.

Just give me the orb and I'll let you guys go.

I don't trust him. No way.

I'm giving you my word.

Hey, Charlie. Come here.

Hey, man.

Now's your chance to be a hero.

You know? Dude, don't do it for me.

Do it for her.

I mean, there's definitely a vibe there.

Do you think? There's no vibe, Charlie.

It's hot. It's too hot.

It's gotten... It's uncomfortable.

Don't listen to him.

Hey, Lily, how you doin'?

Hey, I was just callin' to see how it's goin'.

Did you talk?

Yeah, I had a talk. I didn't have the talk.

To be honest, I just don't think he's ready.

Jack, I'm so sick of this superhero shtick.

Listen, if you wanna be close to him,

then you have to let him in, okay?

Yeah, you gotta let him in.

Just put Charlie on.

Okay. Put him on where?

What do you mean? Put him on the phone.

He hasn't picked up any of my calls.

Right, 'cause he's not with you.

Oh, shoot.

What?

Because you haven't seen him

since you dropped him off at my house.

Dang it!

Okay, wait, where is Charlie?

He's right where you left him.

Okay, but...

We have your boss.

We're a super tough gang of mercenaries, way tougher than you.

Meet us downstairs for an exchange, losers.

Get up.

- Hey, stop! - God, you're strong.

Take it easy.

We give you the Source, and you let us go, right?

All of us. Abso... Yes.

You sure?

All right, now release our friends.

Come on, just let 'em go.

What are you doin' here? I'm picking up my date.

Really, Lizzie? This is the older guy? My brother?

How could you? Oh, I have no autonomy in my own decisions?

You know what? You both betrayed me.

Betrayed? I didn't know you liked her.

Charlie, give me the Source.

Oh, come on.

I'm gonna keep it safe, I promise.

Hey. Be a hero.

Come on.

Thanks, buddy.

It's beautiful.

Lock 'em up.

Put your hands up! What?

You lied to us?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Business, man.

Hey.

Let's keep it under wraps till we get it to the lab.

You mean after we show the public.

Ansel, we're not hiding this anymore.

Well, no, no, of course. We're gonna share it with the world.

Of course we are. But we don't want it to fall into the wrong hands.

We can't just turn this over without proper analysis.

Can you imagine that? Who would we want to turn it over to?

Right? Wait.

Wait, what? It's fake.

It's a fake!

Charlie!

Emergency shutoff.

- Just business! - Get back here!

Now! WISCONSIN: What the hell?

Go, go, go! WISCONSIN: Who's got eyes on the kid?

There's only one exit.

Let's get to the elevator, come on.

Don't tell 'em where we're going.

Watch out!

Grenade!

No!

Gotcha.

Charlie, we're free! Let's go!

Not without the Source.

Jersey, toss it to me.

Hey, Argon!

Playtime's over, kids!

We're not kids! We're young adults.

And playtime has just begun.

Hear!

Go get 'em.

Catch. ARGON: Toss it.

Get it, get it!

Shoot 'em!

Nonlethal!

Well, they were shooting at us!

Nobody touches the 'fro.

Go!

Lizzie! The Source!

Come here!

Bon voyage!

Charlie!

Hurry up!

Charlie, run!

Come on out.

I said, come out!

Nailed it.

Gimme that ball, little boy.

Malfunction.

Get outta the way, whopper.

Over my dead body.

No!

I said gimme that ball.

What are you doin'?

Getting out of the way.

For what?

Her. Okay. Let's get to the elevator.

You shot at a kid!

Young adult.

Hole in one.

Berger! Berger! Let's go!

Let's... Now. Right now. Let's get...

Hey! Eugene?

What did you call me?

No.

Yoo-hoo. Eugene.

Eugene.

I told you don't call me Eugene.

Attack!

Yeah. Take that. Take that.

Do not mess with the Berger brothers.

Are you ready?

Big Mac Attack on the scene!

I just did that. My hand kinda

I'm a superhero now, right? You're great.

Let's get to the elevator.

No, no! Let go of me! No!

Come here! Let go of me.

Charlie... Let's go.

Charlie. We'll press charges!

You fought well, kid.

Now hand it over.

I'm not gonna let you steal from my dad.

Whatever he's told you is a lie.

Charlie, I don't know if you've noticed,

that's kinda your dad's thing.

Lying.

Isn't it?

He ever tell you anything about what happened that night

when we found the Source?

Hmm?

He mention that I was right there with him?

That's me, I'm the guy who got his face blown off

so your dad can run around pretendin' he's some damn hero.

Where are you goin'?

Stop running. No!

You're a liar! That didn't happen! He found it.

Humanity was given a gift from the stars that night

and your father stole it for himself.

No.

You don't really know your dad, do you?

And you think your dad's a hero?

Not if you saw what I saw, kid.

No! No. AUTOMATED VOICE: Generating vision.

Bravo!

Bravo!

I never doubted you for a second.

All right, now bring it down here.

And the kid.

Let's go.

Power low.

Dang it!

I never doubted you for a second, not one second.

That's why you tried to fire me yesterday, right?

What do we do with the rugrats?

Get rid of 'em.

What?

Murder wasn't part of the plan, Ansel.

Give it to me.

Don't move, Irons.

Nice, huh?

Whoa, my watch!

Go!

- Blast it! Blast it! - Big Mac!

Gross! BERGER: Blast it!

- Blast it! - Big Mac!

Blast it!

Portal connection broken.

Put your hands up!

Yeah, put your hands up!

Where's the other portal?

Who the heck are you?

Whoa, whoa, don't shoot! Don't shoot.

I'm just the IT guy. I was alerted to a security breach?

I didn't know it was Zero Dark Thirty in here.

Hey, what are you doing? Stay right there!

Let me come down 'cause there's a weird echo.

So we're not shouting at each other.

What? It's all these echoes, it's a big space.

Okay, yeah, there is an echo.

I've been tellin' the guy, he's gotta work on the acoustics.

Is that him? Is that The Guard?

And the cell phone service is terrible.

Well, I shouldn't say terrible. It's not where I want it to be.

I'm gonna work on that. Is that The Guard?

As of right now, you're not getting the push notifications

and some of the alerts,

although sometimes people like getting rid of 'em.

Can you hurry up?

Let's turn down the temperature.

You guys are freakin' me out with these guns.

Okay, are you The Guard?

No. I'm definitely not The Guard.

I just work for him.

I'm more of a Luigi than a Mario.

But you need firmware or cyber security and I'm your Huckleberry.

Okay, then how would you deal with DDoS malware?

Ya probably wanna hit it with a little anti-DDoS malware.

Check his purse.

What's in the fanny pack?

Can anybody say front butt?

Nothing, just fanny pack stuff.

I mean, I got some, you know, lip balm,

sunglasses, hand sanitizer...

Open it.

Slowly.

Yeah, it's a fanny pack. I mean, see?

Oh, and some gum.

He's got a gun!

You okay? You okay? Yeah. Yes.

Stay back, stay back! Dad, we...

Listen, Charlie, I got somethin' to tell you.

Yeah, Dad, Dad... This may come as a shock

Charlie, please!

I am The Guard.

Oh, my God, really?

Okay, we'll talk more about it later.

What is that?

Get the other fanny pack!

Power level critical.

Dang it! The suit's outta power.

You could a chosen anything and you chose a fanny pack?

It's practical.

Hey, guys, we're clear.

One, two!

Go!

Okay, here's the plan.

We're gonna get you guys to the elevator,

then I'm gonna grab the Source,

recharge the suit. Dad...

What? A little thing about the Source...

No, wait, Charlie, please! Look at me.

Charlie, please tell me they don't have the Source.

He doesn't. Yeah, we made sure of that.

Great. Yeah.

Charlie employed a classic diversionary tactic.

He printed a decoy Source and fooled all the mercenaries.

Really? It was pretty cool.

That does sound cool.

Mr. Kincaid, sorry to interrupt,

and I actually think fanny packs are having a moment right now...

Thank you. Why just the glove?

Why not the whole suit? 'Cause I ran outta power.

Ya can't get the whole suit without the power,

that's why I just got the glove.

Okay, so who's got the Source?

I threw it in a portal.

And I kinda zapped it and it's gone.

Portal? What do you mean, "zapped it"?

No!

- Mr. Kincaid! - Mr. Kincaid!

Dad! LIZZIE: No.

Hidin' the suit in a fanny pack, huh?

God. Dad!

Clever.

You think that it only works for you?

You're not special. You're not the chosen one.

The truth is,

you're the recipient of dumb luck.

Yeah, you got the suit, but you don't have the swagger.

You don't think I got swagger?

Where's the Source?

I'll never tell you.

It's at school in my locker!

Berger! Grab the kid. Let's get outta here.

I'm changin' the access codes.

Come on!

- No, leave him alone! - Berger!

Dad?

Dad!

Swagger, damn.

What does he know about swagger?

Ya know what, set the nano bombs.

And give us enough time to clear the blast area.

Uh-huh.

Did you just graze me?

Yeah. Don't graze me, bro.

Can I get the phone? Uh-huh.

Set one up in the elevator.

I'll set up the timer.

Sorry, buddy.

Argon, no!

Argon, you're like a father to me! No witnesses.

Charlie!

What's goin' on? What's happening? Thank God you're okay.

Charlie, what's happening? Dad, Dad...

Here's the deal, here's the deal.

This whole frickin' place is rigged with bombs, all right?

We got five minutes to get outta here,

save Berger, and get the Source.

I can't believe you took the Source to school.

No time for parenting, Dad!

How do we get outta here?

There's an escape hatch above the gym.

- Not an option. System's locked down. - What?

Argon changed all these access codes.

Everything is encrypted now.

Dad, Dad, Dad, you stay here. No.

Dad, you stay here.

Blue Eyes, fix him up.

The name's Captain Sean Irons. Shh. Zip it.

Lizzie, you crack the code so we can get access to the system.

Maya and I will print enough jet packs for all of us, all right?

We will? I trust you. Do you trust me?

I do now.

Here you go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What did Captain Blue Eyes

back there just say? AUTOMATED VOICE: All systems locked.

He said Argon locked the whole system.

The escape hatch, the printer, everything.

If we don't crack this code we're all gonna die.

Access denied. Speakin' of Argon...

You know, for the record, I don't have a stuttering problem.

Ya know, I was just nervous and see, see, what happened...

What are you?

Hey. Hey. What are you doin'?

Need to cauterize this wound.

For a second there, I thought you were gonna kill me.

Yeah, I still might.

It's a four-digit password, only 10,000 combinations.

Only 10,000?

Look, Lizzie, I understand you're really good at the escape room stuff

but I don't see any clues.

We don't need a clue, Big Mac. We're gonna brute-force this password.

You're gonna brute-force 10,000 different combinations.

Yes, I have a plan. We're gonna die.

I need to borrow this.

Hurry up! We don't have that much time.

Error printing.

So why are you helpin' me now?

Let's just say I know what the stakes are now.

You had a vision, didn't you? Not everyone gets one.

What'd you see?

It's more powerful than I realized.

I got this.

Code denied.

Now you understand why it needed to be protected.

I don't see why you assume you're the only one

worthy of protecting it, though.

Wanna know what my last ten years have been?

Marriage: Over. Kid: Hates me.

But I didn't have a choice. You did.

You chose to keep it for yourself.

Charlie, move!

Lizzie!

Wait! That was not part of the plan!

Lizzie! Lizzie, get us out of here!

Speakin' of plans, do you think we like maybe need to reevaluate our...

No! We're all gonna go to the dance and we're all gonna have a great time!

Lizzie, come on!

Oh, no. No.

We're getting crushed!

Oh, my God, they're getting crushed!

Help! Lizzie!

Maya, I gotta tell you somethin'.

Platform has reached maximum capacity.

Wait. Wait, what does that mean?

Commencing vaporization procedure.

Only 100 more combos, Lizzie.

Denied. Denied. Denied.

I really like you. Like "like-like" you.

Reducing volume in 15 seconds.

Like... Like a lot! Fifteen, 14, 13,

12, 11,

ten, nine, eight... You got this.

Seven, six, five... And I'm

four, three, two, one.

Code accepted. So sorry.

I got it!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Sorry.

What?

I'm sorry.

Boys pick the weirdest times to be vulnerable.

Let's go print those jet packs.

Jet pack printing three of six complete.

Big Mac, listen to me. We gotta go now. Come here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

We gotta double up.

Wait, what about my dad? Go, go, go! I'm fine.

Destruction imminent.

Well, I guess you gotta learn to share now.

Bring it in.

Get in here.

Whoa, whoa. Watch out for the tree! No.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

That was crazy! We just flew.

Thank you. Nice job, Angry Guy.

But we've gotta get to school.

You should leave the kids with me, they'll slow you down.

No! No!

Berger's my best friend. He's my little brother.

We're going with you, Mr. Kincaid.

I'm not the only one lookin' for ya.

You guys go. I'll slow 'em down.

Yeah, the world needs The Guard, Jack.

And you're the least bad option.

Thanks. You're not gonna

I know you're not, I don't have to say this,

but you're not gonna tell 'em who The Guard is or anything...

We'll see. Gotcha, man, okay.

All right, you guys get the heck outta here.

Stop that maniac, all right?

- Let's go! - Let's go get Berger!

Sorry about your man cave, Dad.

Yeah. Adios. Ten years down the drain.

Well, it's not my fault a militia showed up to...

There's two schools of thought on that... steal your magic ball.

Well, whose is it?

Hey, if you would've just told me the truth about who you are,

I would have never figured it out!

So actually, it's your fault.

Really? CHARLIE: Yeah.

Well, we'll have plenty o' time to discuss whose fault it is.

Let's go! BERGER: Okay, okay, take it easy, man!

Dude, you are so slow.

Mom's right. You're always deflecting, putting up walls.

What? She says that? Yeah.

I disagree.

I don't put up walls and I don't deflect.

See? Deflection.

What are you talking about? It's deflecting.

That's not deflecting, that's disagreeing. That's...

No, that's deflecting.

No, that's not. Why can't you just be honest with me?

If you wanna know anything, go ahead, ask me.

I'll tell you the truth.

Why does this thing not have cup holders? Have you ever been to space?

Where do superheroes pee? Like, in the suit?

That's for Charlie, okay?

Enough from the peanut gallery.

Okay, uh...

Why'd you and Mom split up?

That's your first question?

Not something about the jet packs or something?

No. Uh-uh. No chance?

Look, Charlie, that's a... It's...

That's a big question and it's

I think it's hard to understand.

I didn't wanna have to choose

between saving the world and my family.

But I didn't have a choice.

Dude, pick up the pace, for crying out loud! Settle down.

- Is this your locker? - This is my locker.

Plus, how am I supposed to say to my son,

"Oh, by the way, some alien power source

"chose me to be the guardian of the planet"? Right?

I mean, would your parents tell you that? No.

No, because it makes you sound crazy, right?

Yes.

I get it. You have this super-powerful thing,

and you didn't know who you could trust.

I just thought you could trust me.

So who's excited for the Moon Dance?

Where is it? I don't know.

Where is it? I don't know.

Mr. Berger. Oh, hey.

Hmm. And who might you be?

I'm, uh... I'm Berger's uncle.

Huh.

Yeah. Nice costume.

Yeah, thank you. I love The Guard and this is, uh...

This is his costume.

Ooh, yeah, it's makeup.

It's kinda sensitive.

Hey, something is missing from Berger's locker.

Would you happen to know where it is?

I'm assuming it's the art project? Yes.

Yes! Yeah, it's mine. Yes! His art project.

Uh-huh. Well, Jerry, the janitor,

found it glowing in your locker.

You're lucky I didn't call the bomb squad.

Oh, I'm glad you didn't.

And, uh, would you know where it is, by any chance?

I'll go get it. Cool.

Stay right here. I'm gonna stay right here.

Right here. Okay. Okay.

You kids stay in the car.

Where do I go?

Wait, you've never been to your kid's school?

No, I've...

It's been a while.

All right, how 'bout we crash through the skylights?

Yeah, just like the time you saved those diplomats in Caracas

I know, but I had a fully charged suit then,

and how do you know about that?

I'm The Guard's number-one fan, dude!

I even defended you on Reddit.

That was you? That was me.

Well, thank you. That was pretty good.

Okay, so where do I go?

Mr. Kincaid, take these.

And, Charlie, you're gonna call him on the phone

and tell him where to go, okay?

All right. Okay, stay in the car.

That's good. Goin' right past the French class.

No, take a left, take a left, not right.

You see a trophy case?

I see the trophy case.

Just keep walking by it, all right? You're almost there.

Past the trophy case and you're gonna look on your right

and it should be glowing, I think.

Here's you with the rest of the Bluejays.

Eagles, Dad.

Are Eagles blue?

I guess. Just keep going, all right? Next question.

Are you even listening to me?

"Best Effort." Dad, hello?

That's great.

If she doesn't find it

I'm gonna kill you.

Fudge my life. I am so serious right now.

Just a second.

Assuming this is it?

Yeah, that's my favorite sculpture of his.

Uh-huh.

Well.

I really don't like modern art.

It's hard to tell the authentics from the fakes!

Run, Berger, run!

No.

I don't like you! I don't like you!

I don't like you!

I see 'em! What's happening?

I just heard Berger scream. I think they're goin' to the gym.

Excuse me! Oh, sorry.

Hot potato. Hot potato.

Hey. Get outta my face!

Sick costume, bro.

You remind me of a fart.

How do you turn this thing on?

Give it to me!

Argon!

Ugh!

Just wanted to let you know we're alive!

Not like I care!

You wanna dance?

Daddy wants to dance!

Let's dance.

Come on!

Hey, buddy!

Whoo!

Dad? Dad, are you there? Dad?

Dad? Dad?

Wash your mouth out!

Berger! Throw me the Source!

Berger! Sweep!

Throw it! Throw it!

We gotta help him. We gotta go!

No, he said stay in the car. Yeah.

He definitely said stay in the car.

Then we'll stay in the car.

Shotgun!

What are you doing? Why are you in the driver's seat?

Okay. You can't drive, Charlie.

Man. That suit sure does work.

Wait, wait. Why don't you take it off?

Let's fight mano-a-mano.

What, are ya stupid?

I'd rather fight like a superhero.

Bein' a hero's about more than wearin' a suit.

Nah, it's all about the suit.

Maya, do something!

What do you mean, do something? Maya!

Press all the buttons! Try all of them, Maya!

Now.

You're gonna hit the wall, Charlie!

Holy crap!

Not bad for an IT guy.

Thanks for not listening to me.

Keep this safe.

Charlie. I trust you.

He went that way.

Dad!

Show him some swagger.

Berger! BERGER: Guys!

- I'm so happy to see you guys. - You're okay.

You know somethin', Argon? Yeah, what's that?

You might have a point about the suit.

Hey, no!

Bet you didn't know how to finger blast!

I invented finger blasting.

You wanna dance with the King of Pop?

I can dance! I can dance...

Hold on!

Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it. I said hold it, man!

I said...

How do you do this?

How do you do it? How do you take...

These things are warm. Yeah.

So hot. They're so hot.

You got the winter suit.

I have this trained on you.

Stand back!

I feel like a dog, you know? Come on, let's go.

Come on. Yeah. You know, how dogs do that? Like...

Argon, come on. Sorry.

We gotta finish this.

You ready? Yeah.

Wait, wait, I just dropped something.

Have another sip!

My ear! Not my ear.

You hit me right in the lobe!

I hate you!

Swagger!

Argon to the principal's office!

Yes!

You just broke my kid's trophy.

What? That's not a real trophy.

Steal the suit, blow up my man cave,

but don't ever insult my son.

You're right, you're right. I went too far.

Charlie! Charlie... I lost him.

Throw me the Source.

Here.

Okay, get in the G-mobile.

Gettin' you guys outta here. Okay.

Dad!

Charlie! No, no!

Get back! Do not move!

Jack, don't be a hero!

No! Gimme the Source or I'll kill your kid!

Okay.

Give it to me! Okay, it's yours.

What? No, Dad, Dad. Dad... It's yours, you win.

Don't do it, I'm only one person!

Shut up!

I'm only one person! You're saving the world!

You're saving the world!

All right? Okay. Charlie, Charlie, don't worry.

HBT. HBT.

HBT?

Give it to me!

HBT. HBT. Okay. Please. Please.

Strike three...

Charlie!

Charlie! Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy.

Charlie!

Please? Please? Charlie.

Come on. Come on.

Charlie!

It's okay. It's gonna be all right.

Charlie? Yeah?

Charlie?

Yeah. Can you see me?

Did Maya see that throw?

Are you kidding me?

How could she miss it?

It's one of the greatest throws ever!

My son's a hero.

That's it.

I love you so much.

I'm so sorry I wasted all that time.

The truth is I did have a choice.

And I made the wrong one.

Dad? Yeah?

You're suffocating me.

Nice throw, Charlie.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

I gotta call Mom.

Jack, I know where I'm going. I've been to the school before.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got lost earlier,

so I was just tryin' to save you time.

It can get really confusing.

Charlie? Charlie, my sweet boy!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Are you... What happened?

Well, we had the talk,

and it went, I think, pretty well. It

I mean, there was a few bumps, but...

Wait, you knew? And you didn't tell me?

We wanted to wait till you were older, Charlie.

No, that Dad wears a fanny pack?

He's been hammerin' this fanny pack.

Actually, the fanny pack was my design.

Now what are you gonna say?

We can talk about this at home. Come on.

Uh, wait, wait. Um...

I, uh... Hold on a second.

There's somethin' I gotta do first.

I know that, technically, you, um, have a date already,

but since Robbie Fernandez ran away like a whiny little baby,

I was wondering...

Do you wanna dance?

Okay, Kincaid, I'll try not to breathe on you.

You have great taste. Whoa! Thanks.

What are you still doing here?

A DJ never abandons her booth.

Might I have this dance, mon cheri?

Yeah.

Should we maybe dance?

For old times' sake?

I mean, we don't wanna just watch and make them uncomfortable.

Okay.

Oh.

JK.

They grow up fast, don't they?

Maybe a little too fast? Yeah.

Remember our first kiss?

No.

It's 'cause we haven't kissed yet.

Yes. Not until we're married.

Okay. How's my breath?

Amazing.

Okay, I think we're gettin' close here!

You know how I like it? Oh, yeah.

Burnt to a crisp

and loaded up with spicy mustard and lots of onions.

Does your girlfriend like onions, by the way?

Okay, what? No. Dad.

We're needed.

What? Let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We gotta pack up, and what do you say we, uh.

Take the new one?

Uncloaking.

Wow.

Let's call it an early birthday present.

Thanks. Can I drive?

It's a very early birthday present.

Welcome, Guardians.

Oh, my God! This is the new G-mobile, isn't it?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.

Now it's the new G-mobile. Come on!

This is sick!

Watch this, watch this, watch this. Yeah?

Hey, guys. Captain Irons, Mission Control.

You ready for your next mission?

Okay, Captain, accept new mission.

Propulsion drive activated.

Mind blown!

Hello? What is this place?

Anybody? I'm really, really warm.

I got swamp butt, you know what that means?

That means the sweat from my back's goin' to my butt.

And it's not a good feeling.

Oh, this sucks.

I'm sorry I tried to take over the world.

I just need a little help.

Guys, I can hear you. Sounds like you guys are leaving!

Guys, don't leave!

I really need to use the restroom, guys!

I've been needing to for a long time!

Help me out! Come on, guys.