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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:06,028 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,413 (no voice) 3 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:18,918 ♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪ 4 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:24,557 ♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪ 5 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,127 ♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪ 6 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,929 ♪ On the night we kissed ♪ 7 00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:35,135 ♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪ 8 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:40,907 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 9 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:46,179 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 10 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:52,452 ♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪ 11 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:57,624 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 12 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:04,700 Ripped By mstoll 13 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,766 (timer bell dings) 14 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,101 First batch is done. 15 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,602 Oh, boy, these look great! 16 00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,838 This is the best batch of Christmas cookies 17 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,807 to come out of the Keaton kitchen. 18 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,508 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 19 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,499 What's this one? 20 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,114 Well, where did that come from? 21 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,116 Alex made me do it. 22 00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,518 I think Alex gets a little too caught up 23 00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:27,954 in the Christmas spirit, don't you? 24 00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,290 Well, I don't know about him, but I sure do. 25 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,891 Smell of cookies 26 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,160 and hot cider and warm dollar signs. 27 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,563 - (Jennifer laughs) - And Christmas carols! 28 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:38,431 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 29 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,100 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 30 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,702 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 31 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:43,703 Hey. 32 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,138 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 33 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:46,673 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 34 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,742 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 35 00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,744 - Hey! - ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 36 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,446 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 37 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,615 ♪ O'er the fields we go ♪ 38 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,742 - ♪ Laughing all the way... ♪ - STEVEN: Ha-ha-ha! 39 00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:03,890 Uh... I like the ha-ha-ha part. 40 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,425 ♪ Bells on bobtail ring ♪ 41 00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,193 ♪ Making spirits bright ♪ 42 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,596 ♪ What fun it is to ride and sing ♪ 43 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:10,997 ♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪ 44 00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,565 ♪ Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 45 00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:14,534 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 46 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:18,304 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 47 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,040 - NICK: Hey! - ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 48 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,475 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 49 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,710 ♪ Oh, what fun... ♪ 50 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,379 Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. 51 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:30,150 The traditional end of fun has arrived. 52 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,752 No, no, I mean, I love Christmas as much as the next guy. 53 00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,921 I just don't know how you can celebrate joyously 54 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,824 when holiday retail sales are down by four percent. 55 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,054 Alex, you got your annual card from the Reagans. 56 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,596 "Dear Alex, how are we doing?" 57 00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,032 A card? That's it? 58 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:49,435 I sent them jams and jellies. 59 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,204 I got a Christmas card the other day 60 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,006 from the Psychology Club of America. 61 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,807 It said, "Have a well-adjusted Christmas, 62 00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,876 and a normal New Year." 63 00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,511 Oh, listen, I'm gonna go over 64 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,381 to Mr. Krewson's and place our order for a Christmas tree. 65 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,749 Anybody want to come? 66 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:03,917 Oh, Steven, I thought we agreed 67 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,685 to go somewhere else for our tree this year. 68 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,954 - Why? - Because, Dad, Mr. Krewson's 69 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,022 trees are terrible. 70 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,824 They look like hat racks. 71 00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,494 Look, Mr. Krewson is one of the last remaining 72 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,829 independent Christmas tree distributors in Ohio. 73 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:20,099 It's our duty to keep guys like him in business. 74 00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,234 Yeah, I like Krewson's. 75 00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,902 Is-Isn't he the guy with the shack 76 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:26,306 and those scrawny little dried-out dwarf trees? 77 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,942 Well... right, right. 78 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,444 I always wondered who bought trees there. 79 00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,546 Now you know. 80 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,448 Look, I talked to Krewson, he said he'd get us 81 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,849 a great tree this year. 82 00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:38,751 I want to give him a chance to come through. 83 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,786 Now, who's coming with me? 84 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,120 I'll go, Dad. 85 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,782 I would like to see trees that I'm taller than. 86 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,126 Yeah, I'll go with you too, Mr. Keaton. 87 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,561 Well, that's very nice of you, Nick. 88 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,029 Right in the tradition of brotherhood 89 00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:51,331 and good will towards men. 90 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,566 Well, you know, I figured it was the least I could do, 91 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,235 I mean, since I'm spending Christmas with you. 92 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,470 Yeah! What? 93 00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,205 - Happy, happy, everybody! - Hey, Skip. 94 00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,041 Alex, I need a Christmas favor from you. 95 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,077 You know how I usually play Santa Claus down at the mall? 96 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,012 - Uh-huh. - Well, I got to get out of it. 97 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,547 Why, you going out of town this year? 98 00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,249 No, I'm going to be the Abominable Snowman 99 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,351 over at the Pearl Ridge Shopping Center. 100 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,886 It pays less, but it's a real career move for me. 101 00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,656 It helps round out my resume, and it gives me that in 102 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,559 for that big Easter Bunny job I've been looking for. 103 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,494 You want Alex to play Santa Claus? 104 00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,063 He'll traumatize an entire generation of young children. 105 00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,331 Hey, don't worry about it. 106 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:28,167 I got better things to do than say "Ho, ho, ho!" 107 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,003 To a bunch of spoiled, greedy little kids. 108 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,304 Pays $10 an hour. 109 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,707 Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho. 110 00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:38,411 Okay, now, we're forgetting about the finger paints. 111 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,747 We're forgetting about the Lego set. 112 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:42,949 Instead... 113 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:48,581 Santa is gonna bring you 100 shares of Aramco Petroleum. 114 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:57,096 Now, Santa invests heavily in this, and, uh... ho, ho, ho! 115 00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:00,088 Santa has done very well. 116 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,568 Thank you, Santa. 117 00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:03,936 Well, you're welcome, honey. 118 00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,605 There you go. Merry Christmas. 119 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,596 Bush in '88. 120 00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,913 Okay, who's next? How are you this Christmas? 121 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,348 I'm not talking to any elf. 122 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,683 I want the big guy. 123 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,452 Now, Eddie... be nice. 124 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,787 I'm always nice! 125 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:24,223 Hey, Kringle, let's get this show on the road. 126 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,462 Okay, Eddie. 127 00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,064 Come here. There you go. 128 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,132 Okay, just sit right here 129 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,802 and tell me what you want for Christmas. 130 00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,236 Okay, Santa, here we go. I want... 131 00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:39,906 Whoa, whoa, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it... 132 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,541 Uh... 133 00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,343 Okay, shoot. 134 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,079 Okay, Santa, I want a fire truck, a baseball mitt, 135 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,248 a train set, a robot, a bicycle, a record player... 136 00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:52,018 no, make that a CD... a personal computer, a basketball, 137 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,286 an apartment in Manhattan... 138 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,454 (timer dings) 139 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,856 Hey, wait a minute! I'm not done yet! 140 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,825 Listen, kid, you don't need a Santa Claus, 141 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,960 you need a business manager. 142 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,953 Okay, Merry Christmas and good luck in the fiscal new year. 143 00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:10,570 I found that entire exchange heartwarming. 144 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,839 Excuse me, Santa, are you still open? 145 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,574 Ho, ho, ho! 146 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,742 I hope your daughter's interested 147 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,344 in the commodities market. 148 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,948 Come on, honey, Santa wants to talk to you. 149 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,850 Hi, honey. What's your name? 150 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,319 Michelle Davies. 151 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,388 Okay, well, what do you want for Christmas? 152 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,323 - Nothing. - Oh, come on, honey. 153 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,258 You can tell Santa what you want. 154 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,695 But, Mommy, I told you I don't believe in Santa Claus. 155 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,164 (dramatic gasp) What?! 156 00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,466 What?! You don't believe in Santa Claus? 157 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,734 Come here, come here. 158 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,404 Let me tell you something, Michelle. 159 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,340 I am definitely Santa Claus. 160 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,908 If you're Santa Claus, 161 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:52,344 why are there so many Santa Clauses at other malls? 162 00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,370 (laughs) 163 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:02,088 Well, uh, that's... that's because, uh... 164 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,223 well, you see... 165 00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:07,393 Elves, help me out on this. 166 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,595 Well, you... well, you see, Santa is very busy... 167 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,198 Yeah, exactly! Exactly. Exactly. 168 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:17,036 So, uh, uh, uh, I have some of my elves, uh, dress up like me 169 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,838 to, uh, pick up the slack. 170 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,840 It's-It's the same way that President Reagan 171 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,408 can't be everywhere, so, uh, 172 00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,911 so he sends his assistants in his place. 173 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,142 I don't believe in him, either. 174 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,586 Come on, honey, you can tell Santa. 175 00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:36,155 - What do you want for Christmas? - My daddy. 176 00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,491 I want my daddy home for Christmas. 177 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,194 Sweetheart, you know daddy can't come home 178 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,329 this year for Christmas. 179 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,365 Can you get me my daddy home for Christmas? 180 00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,202 Um... 181 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,604 Uh, look, uh, Michelle... 182 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:54,106 I'm-I'm sorry, but there are some things 183 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,409 that even Santa Claus can't do. 184 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,744 You're not Santa Claus. 185 00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,413 Can we go now, Mommy? 186 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:05,218 Yeah. You want to take a look at this pretty tree first, huh? 187 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,620 Look, look, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. 188 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,756 I'm, uh... uh, usually the kids love me. 189 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,925 No, that's okay, it's not your fault. 190 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,695 You're not the first Santa she's done this to. 191 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,830 Oh. Oh, what is it? It's the beard, right? 192 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,665 The-the... the suit? 193 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,534 My "Ho, ho, ho's" getting on her nerves? 194 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:25,204 I know they're getting on mine. 195 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:28,875 Um, no, you see, Michelle's dad has to travel for business, 196 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,277 and, uh, this year hasn't been so great. 197 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,713 So he's had to take whatever he could get. 198 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,115 Unfortunately, that means he has to be away 199 00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,517 for Christmas this year. 200 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,719 That's too bad. 201 00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,017 Well, um... thanks, anyway, for trying. 202 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,089 Hey, hon, you ready? 203 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,263 I don't know. That was heartbreaking. 204 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,164 The way she looked at me 205 00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:54,600 and said, "You're not Santa." 206 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,503 Alex, you're not Santa. 207 00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:01,007 You don't have to rub my nose in it. 208 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,975 - Sorry. - You're not an elf, either, 209 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,176 you know. 210 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,578 I know. 211 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,814 Look, the point is... I mean, I got the suit, 212 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,151 I've got the beard, I mean, I-I-I-I look like Santa. 213 00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:14,554 I feel like it's my responsibility to do something. 214 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:18,491 Well, why don't you get on a sleigh and go to the North Pole? 215 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,159 Well, you know, Alex, it's really great 216 00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:21,494 that you have such noble impulses. 217 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,996 It'd be nice to see it more than once a year. 218 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,733 Please, Jennifer, let's take all we can get. 219 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,901 I don't know what you're making 220 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:29,902 such a big deal about, Elyse! 221 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,571 A tree is a tree. 222 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,632 Steven, a tree that fits in your pocket is not a tree. 223 00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:39,768 I don't think it's so bad. 224 00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,986 I can imagine the cry of "Timber" 225 00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,715 when that baby came down. 226 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,624 Look, I know it's not perfect. 227 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,026 Not perfect? Dad, this is the first Christmas in history 228 00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,430 where the tree can go under the presents. 229 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,798 Dad, can't you go to 230 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,300 a regular Christmas tree lot this year, just this once? 231 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,069 Oh, sure! Let's just patronize 232 00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:06,672 one of those faceless, impersonal, conformist lots. 233 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,674 - Yeah. - Where all the trees 234 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,643 - are tall and healthy. - Yeah. 235 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,745 I suppose you'd like one green and leafy, too. 236 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,736 Oh, yes! 237 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,485 We're ready to hang our stockings. 238 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,487 Oh, great! Let's go. 239 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,623 - Hey, buddy. - Here's mine. 240 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,157 Hey, baby. 241 00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,727 While you guys were out, we made milk and cookies for Santa. 242 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:28,928 Terrific. Where are they? 243 00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,430 In the stocking. 244 00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,032 What about yours, Alex? 245 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,266 Oh, I don't know, Mom. 246 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,135 I, uh... I don't feel much like it this year. 247 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,671 Come on, Alex, it wouldn't be Christmas without your stocking. 248 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:41,340 All right. All right. 249 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:44,332 There we go. 250 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,650 How was your first day at the mall? 251 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,719 Will Christmas still be celebrated this year? 252 00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,854 Yeah, it was fine. 253 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,122 It was... it was fine. 254 00:10:56,122 --> 00:11:00,126 It was just... this, um, this little girl. 255 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,193 Michelle. 256 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:04,230 Yeah. She's really cute, but really sad. 257 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,065 Oh, what's the problem with this little girl? 258 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,768 Well, her father works, and can't be home for Christmas. 259 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:09,969 She's seven years old 260 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,071 and she doesn't even believe in Santa Claus. 261 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,173 It just seemed so wrong 262 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,698 to see someone unhappy at the mall. 263 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,906 I feel completely helpless... 264 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,250 ...and I wish there was something I could do. 265 00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:52,778 Hiya. 266 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,548 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 267 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,540 Oh, great, a Method Santa. 268 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,888 How's Mrs. Claus? 269 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,924 Thank you for asking. 270 00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,425 Ho, ho, ho! 271 00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,260 Well, she has a few sniffles, 272 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,462 but then, she's at home 273 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,098 and the elves are taking good care of her. 274 00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,333 Let's try and keep our sled in the real world here, pal, 275 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:16,733 all right? 276 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,773 Actually, I don't use a sled. 277 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,764 I use a sleigh. 278 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,112 And, uh, something else... (chuckles) 279 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,614 I would never use buttons like that. 280 00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,383 And that belt... completely wrong. 281 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,052 Where's your beard? 282 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,787 It's in my locker. 283 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,789 - Where'd you get yours, a garage sale? - Ow! 284 00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:39,558 - Ooh! - Whoa! Hey. How come you got a good beard? 285 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:41,160 Where do you work, lawn furniture? 286 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,661 (laughs) 287 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,331 No, I-I'm based up at the North Pole. 288 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,767 I-I'm down here to do a little survey 289 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,894 to see what the children would like. 290 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,927 Beam me up, Scotty. 291 00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:02,348 Well! That briefcase is holding up rather well, isn't it? 292 00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,017 - What? - The briefcase. 293 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,487 Uh, that was the Christmas of '73. 294 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,622 (chuckles) 295 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,290 Yeah, yeah, it's holding up f... 296 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,859 - H-How do you know that? - I remember 297 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,361 that year quite well. 298 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:18,364 Let's see, you asked for that briefcase, 299 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,965 a pocket calculator, 300 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,525 and a pardon for Richard Nixon. 301 00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,374 You're good. 302 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,675 That is good! 303 00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:33,145 Alex, uh, I know that up to this point, 304 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:36,415 our relationship has been mostly financial. 305 00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,747 But this year you've changed. 306 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,954 Michelle has really touched you. 307 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,854 And that's why I'm here. 308 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892 I'm on Candid Camera, right? 309 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,994 I am. I am. Come on, where is he? 310 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,163 Where is he? Where is he? Come on. 311 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,665 Come... Hey, Allen Funt! 312 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,867 I'm on to you! Come on, buddy! 313 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,469 - Wh-Where... It's in the pads, right? - Oh, ho, ho! 314 00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,772 Don't do that. It tickles, Alex! Ho, ho! 315 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,208 And you know it's like a bowl of jelly... ho, ho, ho! 316 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,079 Wait a minute. Okay. 317 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,814 Look, this has got to stop, all right? 318 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,083 Uh, what are you... what are you trying to tell me, 319 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,218 that you are Santa Claus? 320 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,220 I'm-I'm really very happy 321 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,488 that you decided to play me this year. 322 00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,490 I-I know that you're a little depressed 323 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,186 because you haven't been able to help Michelle. 324 00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:25,064 But you're doing the right thing. 325 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:29,001 Don't underestimate the power of Christmas. 326 00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,003 It can work miracles. 327 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,505 Look, I-I... I don't know what to do. 328 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,108 I mean, I-I don't know how to help Michelle. 329 00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:38,844 Trust your heart, Alex. 330 00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,679 My heart. 331 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:44,149 I haven't used it in so long. 332 00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:46,719 (laughing): I wouldn't say that. 333 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,421 You're using it right now. 334 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,357 Just keep at it. 335 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,925 And don't forget... 336 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:56,520 good thoughts and good deeds don't go unrewarded. 337 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,501 Alex, uh... 338 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,904 I really would like to help. 339 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,339 But I don't see any chance 340 00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,830 of bringing you that Porsche this year. 341 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,517 (door shuts) 342 00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,508 But I've been so good! 343 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,446 ("Silent Night" plays) 344 00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,194 Santa! 345 00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,329 Santa, where you been? 346 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,164 All the kids are waiting. 347 00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,833 I just met the most incredible guy. 348 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,802 - What? - I ju... I just... 349 00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,804 I just met Santa Claus. 350 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,205 - (Mallory laughs weakly) - Boy, Alex, 351 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,274 this-this trying to show good will towards men 352 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,877 has put you under quite a strain, hasn't it? 353 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,645 Maybe you want to lie down, Alex. 354 00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,480 - Jennifer and I can take care of this. - No, no, no. 355 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,015 No, I can't lie down. I can't lie down. 356 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,651 I'm too excited. Do you realize that it is Christmas? 357 00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:54,642 No, we're dressed like this all the time. 358 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,656 Hey! Let's go, pal. 359 00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:58,791 Let's get a move on. 360 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,349 Easter's almost here! 361 00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,862 Come here, Eddie. 362 00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,564 Don't lay a hand on me. 363 00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:07,498 Jacoby & Meyers is right across the mall. 364 00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,706 Eddie, come here. 365 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,196 Sit down. 366 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,210 Eddie... 367 00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,145 what does Christmas mean to you? 368 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,448 It means getting presents! 369 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,782 All right. Okay. 370 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,318 What if you had all the presents in the world 371 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,921 and nobody to share them with? 372 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,912 That would be great! 373 00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,827 I mean... I mean, if your mom... 374 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,330 wasn't there t-to watch you open those presents 375 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:41,000 and you didn't have any friends to show those presents to, 376 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,701 and people weren't around caroling 377 00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,104 and spreading good cheer, 378 00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,773 would you really enjoy those presents? 379 00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:51,276 I guess I wouldn't be so happy without all those people. 380 00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:52,711 That's right. That's right. 381 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,380 'Cause the important thing about Christmas 382 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,981 isn't the presents, Eddie. 383 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,384 It's being with the people that you love. 384 00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,147 Thanks, Santa. 385 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,389 Mom, let's find another Santa. 386 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,880 This guy's bringing me down. 387 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,265 - (Alex chuckles) - Alex. 388 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,801 - (Alex gasps) - Alex, that... 389 00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,803 that was very sensitive, Alex. 390 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,538 Are you feeling feverish? 391 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,540 I... I don't know. 392 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,776 I don't know, I just... I feel very Christmasy. 393 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,744 I j... I feel like... 394 00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,813 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 395 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,215 ♪ Fa, la-la, la-la, la-la, la, la... ♪ 396 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,118 - Shh. - I-I can't help it. I just... 397 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:37,089 ♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay... ♪ 398 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,591 I don't know what it is. I can't stop singing! 399 00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,393 ♪ Hello, Dolly ♪ 400 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,695 ♪ Well, hello, Dolly ♪ 401 00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,432 ♪ It's so nice to have you... ♪ (laughs) 402 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,599 (Alex sighs) 403 00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:48,834 (sighs) Michelle! 404 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,403 Michelle! Hi. Hi, remember me? 405 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,839 With that suit, it's hard to forget. 406 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,375 Listen, Michelle, I've got to own up. 407 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,010 I'm-I'm not Santa Claus. 408 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,179 I'm-I'm Alex Keaton. 409 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:03,549 But I want you to know that there is a Santa Claus. 410 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:06,385 And-and he really cares about you. 411 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,454 Um, Michelle, you didn't get a candy cane 412 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,888 last time you were here. 413 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,757 Why don't you come over here and pick one out? Come on. 414 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,094 - That's a good idea, huh? - Listen, um, I, uh... 415 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,530 I hope I'm not out of line here, but, um... 416 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:22,868 I've... I-I've been really concerned about your daughter. 417 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,537 I don't... hey, I don't know, it comes with the suit... 418 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,172 but, um, I was just wondering, 419 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,174 have you heard anything from your husband? 420 00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:31,243 Uh, yeah, I talked to him yesterday, 421 00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,846 and he's, uh, definitely not gonna be able to make it home 422 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,380 for Christmas tomorrow. 423 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,382 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But, um... 424 00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,284 if-if you and Michelle aren't doing anything tonight, 425 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,753 I was wondering if you'd like to come over to our house. 426 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:43,222 I mean, our family usually has a... 427 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,890 a party every Christmas Eve, 428 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,059 and I know they'd love to meet you. 429 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,728 And I... I have a feeling 430 00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:52,720 that this is gonna be a very special Christmas. 431 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,905 Hey... (chuckles) 432 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,441 So! 433 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,432 Another carol, anyone? 434 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,313 Sure. We should sing a hymn 435 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:12,249 to this beautiful tree Mr. Krewson brought us. 436 00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:16,889 ♪ O cactus tree, O cactus tree ♪ 437 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,724 ♪ Thou art so... ♪ 438 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,715 ♪ Fair and prickly. ♪ 439 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,663 I can't believe it. 440 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,199 All right, come on, let's look on the bright side. 441 00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:28,367 Which is? 442 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,868 Nick? 443 00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:33,906 Well, uh, it's Christmas with kind of a Wild West theme, huh? 444 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,407 Yeah. 445 00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:37,075 Well, I think it's appropriate. 446 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:40,479 I-I mean, you probably don't get much rain in here. 447 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,480 (anxious laugh) 448 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,482 Look... I spoke to Mr. Krewson. 449 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,718 He promised we'd have a great tree here by tonight. 450 00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,185 I trust him. 451 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,389 You're right. Y... 452 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:51,990 It's-it's Christmas. 453 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:54,126 The tree isn't important, it... 454 00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,296 What is, is that we're all together for the holiday. 455 00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,364 We can have a great Christmas 456 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,300 with the worst tree in the world! 457 00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,703 We've done it for the last three years. 458 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,704 (knocking on door) 459 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,695 Excuse me. 460 00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:12,578 - (roars) - Oh, hi, Skippy. 461 00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,246 (muffled): How'd you know it was me? 462 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,238 Most Abominable Snowmen wear contact lenses. 463 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,085 (door shuts) 464 00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:21,486 SKIPPY (muffled): Don't be scared, Andy. 465 00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,422 It's just me, Skippy. 466 00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,413 Thanks. I was terrified. 467 00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,560 It's almost time for bed, honey. 468 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,629 I want to stay up and wait for Santa Claus. 469 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:31,730 NICK: Oh, hey, hey, hey. 470 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,165 I-I'll wait up with you, Andy. 471 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,701 You know, every year, I try to wait up for him, 472 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,603 and, uh, every year I fall asleep. 473 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,605 You know, I have the same problem. 474 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,940 What do you say we put on a pot of black coffee? 475 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:42,998 NICK: All right. 476 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,045 There they go, 477 00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:49,036 the three wise men. 478 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:52,017 Hey... folks? 479 00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:53,819 Uh, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine. 480 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,088 Um, this is Beth and Michelle Davies. 481 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,823 - ELYSE: Hi. How are you? - STEVEN: Nice to meet you. 482 00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,225 What's with the cactus? 483 00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,426 BETH: Michelle, 484 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:02,928 that's not polite. 485 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,297 What is with the cactus? 486 00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:07,733 - ANDREW: Hi. - MICHELLE: Hi. 487 00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,735 Want to hang your stocking up? 488 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,203 I don't have one. 489 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,798 You can use mine. It already has milk and cookies in it. 490 00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:16,975 Please, have a seat. 491 00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:17,976 - (doorbell rings) - STEVEN: Yes, 492 00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:18,977 make yourself at home. 493 00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:20,239 I'll just... Excuse me. 494 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,215 Hey, Mr. Krewson! 495 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:24,716 - Oh, Mr. Keaton! - STEVEN: Hi. 496 00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:26,385 - Merry Christ... Merry Christmas! - ELYSE: Hi. 497 00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:29,054 I've been thinking about your little, uh, tree problem here, 498 00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,355 and, uh, well... 499 00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,524 I have a surprise for you! Yeah! 500 00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,860 - (Elyse shouts happily) - STEVEN: Oh, Mr. Krewson! 501 00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,129 STEVEN: It's beautiful! Love this tree! 502 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:37,929 ELYSE: Oh, it's beautiful! 503 00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:41,800 Beautiful tree, Mister... 504 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,869 Oh, this is such a beautiful tree. 505 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,104 Now it feels like Christmas now. 506 00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,095 And to complete the mood... 507 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:53,301 (Jeff Meegan's "A Dash of Christmas Eve" plays) 508 00:21:58,383 --> 00:22:01,887 ♪ My advice to add some spice ♪ 509 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:05,223 ♪ And live in harmony ♪ 510 00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:07,225 ♪ Add a pinch of love ♪ 511 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:11,797 ♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve ♪ 512 00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,099 - Are you having a good time, Michelle? - Uh-huh. 513 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:16,735 Andy and I are getting married. 514 00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,036 (laughing) 515 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,238 Listen, Michelle, thanks for coming to our party. 516 00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:22,140 You helped make it a great Christmas. 517 00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:24,009 - Thanks, Alex. - (doorbell rings) 518 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,000 ELYSE: I'll get it. 519 00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:29,281 Hello. May I help you? 520 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,283 Yes, I'm looking for Alex P. Keaton. 521 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,284 ELYSE: Alex, honey. 522 00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,219 Yeah. 523 00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:35,954 - Hi, I'm Alex. - Hello. 524 00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:37,122 My name is Ray Davies. 525 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,323 Daddy! 526 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:39,791 Michelle! 527 00:22:39,791 --> 00:22:42,294 BETH: Ray? Wha... (chuckles) 528 00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,096 - Wha... (laughs) - RAY: Honey! 529 00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,597 BETH: I don't believe this. 530 00:22:45,597 --> 00:22:47,065 What are you doing here? 531 00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:48,734 Uh, well, we met Alex, and... 532 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:51,203 Never mind that; what are you doing here? 533 00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,771 Well, I was in Fargo. 534 00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,039 It was a horrible night. 535 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,240 I didn't make a single sale. 536 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,942 I was on my way back to the motel 537 00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,443 so I could give you guys a call. 538 00:22:58,443 --> 00:23:00,078 When I got there, standing at my door 539 00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:02,347 was this great big barrel of a man... 540 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:03,615 with a white beard. 541 00:23:03,615 --> 00:23:06,385 And the most amazing thing happened... he said 542 00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:09,388 he wanted to buy absolutely everything I had to sell. 543 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,056 That's incredible, honey! 544 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,258 I'm so proud of you! 545 00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:14,593 He handed me the money, 546 00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:16,094 and the only thing he asked me to do 547 00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:18,697 was deliver this package to Alex P. Keaton. 548 00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:21,867 Thanks. 549 00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:24,369 This is the best Christmas present in the world. 550 00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:26,972 - What do you make of this? - Oh, uh, uh, I don't know. 551 00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:29,964 I'm still in shock from having a decent tree. 552 00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:35,914 Who's that from, Alex? 553 00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,783 A... friend. A friend. 554 00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:39,551 "Alex, if you're pure of heart, 555 00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:42,220 this should be as good as the real thing." 556 00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:43,355 Hey, it's him! 557 00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,357 - It's him! - SKIPPY: It really is! 558 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,591 It's Santa Claus! 559 00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,861 - (sleigh bells jingling) - SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho! 560 00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:54,299 Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 561 00:23:54,299 --> 00:23:56,290 (all speaking excitedly) 562 00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:02,507 ♪ Add just a pinch of love ♪ 563 00:24:02,507 --> 00:24:06,500 ♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve. ♪ 564 00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,676 MAN: Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog. 565 00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:38,802 (Ubu barks) 566 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:48,500 Ripped By mstoll 41253

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