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♪ ♪
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00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,413
(no voice)
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00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:18,918
♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪
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00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:24,557
♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪
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00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,127
♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪
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00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,929
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
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00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:35,135
♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
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00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:40,907
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
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00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:46,179
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
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00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:52,452
♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪
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00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:57,624
♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:04,700
Ripped By mstoll
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00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,766
(timer bell dings)
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00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,101
First batch is done.
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00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,602
Oh, boy, these look great!
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00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,838
This is the best batch
of Christmas cookies
17
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,807
to come out
of the Keaton kitchen.
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00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,508
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
19
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,499
What's this one?
20
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,114
Well, where did that come from?
21
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Alex made me do it.
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I think Alex gets
a little too caught up
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00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:27,954
in the Christmas spirit,
don't you?
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00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,290
Well, I don't know about him,
but I sure do.
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00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,891
Smell of cookies
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00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,160
and hot cider
and warm dollar signs.
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00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,563
- (Jennifer laughs)
- And Christmas carols!
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00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:38,431
♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
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00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,100
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
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♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
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Hey.
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00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,138
♪ Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
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♪ Jingle all the way ♪
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00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,742
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
35
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,744
- Hey!
- ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
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00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,446
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
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♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
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- ♪ Laughing all the way... ♪
- STEVEN: Ha-ha-ha!
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00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:03,890
Uh... I like the ha-ha-ha part.
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00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,425
♪ Bells on bobtail ring ♪
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00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,193
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
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00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,596
♪ What fun it is
to ride and sing ♪
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♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
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00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,565
♪ Oh! Jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
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♪ Jingle all the way ♪
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00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:18,304
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
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00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,040
- NICK: Hey!
- ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
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♪ Jingle all the way ♪
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00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,710
♪ Oh, what fun... ♪
50
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,379
Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it.
51
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:30,150
The traditional
end of fun has arrived.
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,752
No, no, I mean, I love Christmas
as much as the next guy.
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00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,921
I just don't know how you can
celebrate joyously
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00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,824
when holiday retail sales
are down by four percent.
55
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,054
Alex, you got your annual card
from the Reagans.
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00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,596
"Dear Alex,
how are we doing?"
57
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:46,032
A card? That's it?
58
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:49,435
I sent them jams and jellies.
59
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,204
I got a Christmas card
the other day
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00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,006
from the Psychology Club
of America.
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00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,807
It said, "Have a well-adjusted
Christmas,
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00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,876
and a normal New Year."
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00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,511
Oh, listen, I'm gonna go over
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00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,381
to Mr. Krewson's and place
our order for a Christmas tree.
65
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,749
Anybody want to come?
66
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:03,917
Oh, Steven, I thought we agreed
67
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,685
to go somewhere else
for our tree this year.
68
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,954
- Why?
- Because, Dad, Mr. Krewson's
69
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,022
trees are terrible.
70
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,824
They look like hat racks.
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00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,494
Look, Mr. Krewson
is one of the last remaining
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00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,829
independent Christmas tree
distributors in Ohio.
73
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:20,099
It's our duty to keep
guys like him in business.
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00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,234
Yeah, I like Krewson's.
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00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,902
Is-Isn't he the guy
with the shack
76
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:26,306
and those scrawny
little dried-out dwarf trees?
77
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,942
Well... right, right.
78
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,444
I always wondered
who bought trees there.
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00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,546
Now you know.
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00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,448
Look, I talked to Krewson,
he said he'd get us
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00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:36,849
a great tree this year.
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00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:38,751
I want to give him
a chance to come through.
83
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,786
Now, who's coming with me?
84
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,120
I'll go, Dad.
85
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,782
I would like to see trees
that I'm taller than.
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00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,126
Yeah, I'll go with you too,
Mr. Keaton.
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00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,561
Well, that's very nice
of you, Nick.
88
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,029
Right in the tradition of
brotherhood
89
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:51,331
and good will towards men.
90
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,566
Well, you know, I figured it was
the least I could do,
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00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,235
I mean, since I'm spending
Christmas with you.
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00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,470
Yeah! What?
93
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,205
- Happy, happy, everybody!
- Hey, Skip.
94
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,041
Alex, I need a Christmas favor
from you.
95
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,077
You know how I usually play
Santa Claus down at the mall?
96
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,012
- Uh-huh.
- Well, I got to get out of it.
97
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,547
Why, you going
out of town this year?
98
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,249
No, I'm going to be
the Abominable Snowman
99
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,351
over at the Pearl Ridge
Shopping Center.
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00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,886
It pays less, but it's
a real career move for me.
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00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,656
It helps round out my resume,
and it gives me that in
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00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,559
for that big Easter Bunny job
I've been looking for.
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00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,494
You want Alex
to play Santa Claus?
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00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:24,063
He'll traumatize an entire
generation of young children.
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00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,331
Hey, don't worry about it.
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00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:28,167
I got better things to do
than say "Ho, ho, ho!"
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00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,003
To a bunch of spoiled,
greedy little kids.
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00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,304
Pays $10 an hour.
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00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,707
Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho.
110
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:38,411
Okay, now, we're forgetting
about the finger paints.
111
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,747
We're forgetting
about the Lego set.
112
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:42,949
Instead...
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00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:48,581
Santa is gonna bring you
100 shares of Aramco Petroleum.
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00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:57,096
Now, Santa invests heavily in
this, and, uh... ho, ho, ho!
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00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:00,088
Santa has done very well.
116
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,568
Thank you, Santa.
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00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:03,936
Well, you're welcome, honey.
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00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:05,605
There you go. Merry Christmas.
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00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,596
Bush in '88.
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00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,913
Okay, who's next?
How are you this Christmas?
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00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,348
I'm not talking to any elf.
122
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,683
I want the big guy.
123
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,452
Now, Eddie... be nice.
124
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,787
I'm always nice!
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00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:24,223
Hey, Kringle, let's get
this show on the road.
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00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,462
Okay, Eddie.
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00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:31,064
Come here.
There you go.
128
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,132
Okay, just sit right here
129
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,802
and tell me what you want
for Christmas.
130
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,236
Okay, Santa, here we go.
I want...
131
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:39,906
Whoa, whoa, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it, hold it...
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00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,541
Uh...
133
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:43,343
Okay, shoot.
134
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,079
Okay, Santa, I want
a fire truck, a baseball mitt,
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00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,248
a train set, a robot,
a bicycle, a record player...
136
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:52,018
no, make that a CD... a personal
computer, a basketball,
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00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,286
an apartment in Manhattan...
138
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,454
(timer dings)
139
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,856
Hey, wait a minute!
I'm not done yet!
140
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,825
Listen, kid,
you don't need a Santa Claus,
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00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,960
you need a business manager.
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00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,953
Okay, Merry Christmas and good
luck in the fiscal new year.
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00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:10,570
I found that entire
exchange heartwarming.
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00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:12,839
Excuse me, Santa,
are you still open?
145
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,574
Ho, ho, ho!
146
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,742
I hope your
daughter's interested
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00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,344
in the commodities market.
148
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,948
Come on, honey, Santa
wants to talk to you.
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00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,850
Hi, honey. What's your name?
150
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,319
Michelle Davies.
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00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,388
Okay, well, what do you want
for Christmas?
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00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,323
- Nothing.
- Oh, come on, honey.
153
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,258
You can tell Santa
what you want.
154
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,695
But, Mommy, I told you
I don't believe in Santa Claus.
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00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,164
(dramatic gasp)
What?!
156
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,466
What?! You don't
believe in Santa Claus?
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00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:41,734
Come here, come here.
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00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,404
Let me tell you something,
Michelle.
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00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,340
I am definitely Santa Claus.
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00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,908
If you're Santa Claus,
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00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:52,344
why are there so many Santa
Clauses at other malls?
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00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,370
(laughs)
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00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:02,088
Well, uh, that's...
that's because, uh...
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00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,223
well, you see...
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00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:07,393
Elves, help me out on this.
166
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,595
Well, you... well, you see,
Santa is very busy...
167
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,198
Yeah, exactly!
Exactly. Exactly.
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00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:17,036
So, uh, uh, uh, I have some of
my elves, uh, dress up like me
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00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,838
to, uh, pick up the slack.
170
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,840
It's-It's the same way
that President Reagan
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00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,408
can't be everywhere, so, uh,
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00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,911
so he sends his assistants
in his place.
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00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,142
I don't believe in him, either.
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00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,586
Come on, honey,
you can tell Santa.
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00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:36,155
- What do you want for Christmas?
- My daddy.
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00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,491
I want my daddy
home for Christmas.
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00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,194
Sweetheart, you know
daddy can't come home
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00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,329
this year for Christmas.
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00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,365
Can you get me my daddy
home for Christmas?
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00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,202
Um...
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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,604
Uh, look, uh, Michelle...
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00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:54,106
I'm-I'm sorry,
but there are some things
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00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:56,409
that even Santa Claus can't do.
184
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,744
You're not Santa Claus.
185
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,413
Can we go now, Mommy?
186
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:05,218
Yeah. You want to take a look
at this pretty tree first, huh?
187
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,620
Look, look, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.
188
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,756
I'm, uh... uh, usually
the kids love me.
189
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,925
No, that's okay,
it's not your fault.
190
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,695
You're not the first Santa
she's done this to.
191
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,830
Oh. Oh, what is it?
It's the beard, right?
192
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,665
The-the... the suit?
193
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,534
My "Ho, ho, ho's"
getting on her nerves?
194
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:25,204
I know they're getting on mine.
195
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:28,875
Um, no, you see, Michelle's dad
has to travel for business,
196
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,277
and, uh, this year
hasn't been so great.
197
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,713
So he's had to take
whatever he could get.
198
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,115
Unfortunately, that means
he has to be away
199
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,517
for Christmas this year.
200
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,719
That's too bad.
201
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,017
Well, um...
thanks, anyway, for trying.
202
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,089
Hey, hon, you ready?
203
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:50,263
I don't know.
That was heartbreaking.
204
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,164
The way she looked at me
205
00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:54,600
and said, "You're not Santa."
206
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,503
Alex, you're not Santa.
207
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:01,007
You don't have
to rub my nose in it.
208
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,975
- Sorry.
- You're not an elf, either,
209
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,176
you know.
210
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,578
I know.
211
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,814
Look, the point is...
I mean, I got the suit,
212
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,151
I've got the beard, I mean,
I-I-I-I look like Santa.
213
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:14,554
I feel like it's my
responsibility to do something.
214
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:18,491
Well, why don't you get on a
sleigh and go to the North Pole?
215
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,159
Well, you know, Alex,
it's really great
216
00:09:20,159 --> 00:09:21,494
that you have
such noble impulses.
217
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,996
It'd be nice to see it
more than once a year.
218
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,733
Please, Jennifer,
let's take all we can get.
219
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,901
I don't know what you're making
220
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:29,902
such a big deal about, Elyse!
221
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,571
A tree is a tree.
222
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:35,632
Steven, a tree that fits
in your pocket is not a tree.
223
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:39,768
I don't think it's so bad.
224
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,986
I can imagine
the cry of "Timber"
225
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,715
when that baby came down.
226
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,624
Look, I know it's not perfect.
227
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,026
Not perfect? Dad, this is
the first Christmas in history
228
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:57,430
where the tree can go
under the presents.
229
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,798
Dad, can't you go to
230
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,300
a regular Christmas tree lot
this year, just this once?
231
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,069
Oh, sure! Let's just patronize
232
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:06,672
one of those faceless,
impersonal, conformist lots.
233
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,674
- Yeah.
- Where all the trees
234
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,643
- are tall and healthy.
- Yeah.
235
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,745
I suppose you'd like one
green and leafy, too.
236
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,736
Oh, yes!
237
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,485
We're ready to hang
our stockings.
238
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,487
Oh, great! Let's go.
239
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,623
- Hey, buddy.
- Here's mine.
240
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,157
Hey, baby.
241
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,727
While you guys were out, we made
milk and cookies for Santa.
242
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:28,928
Terrific. Where are they?
243
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,430
In the stocking.
244
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:33,032
What about yours, Alex?
245
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,266
Oh, I don't know, Mom.
246
00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,135
I, uh... I don't feel
much like it this year.
247
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,671
Come on, Alex, it wouldn't be
Christmas without your stocking.
248
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:41,340
All right. All right.
249
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:44,332
There we go.
250
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,650
How was your first day
at the mall?
251
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,719
Will Christmas still
be celebrated this year?
252
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,854
Yeah, it was fine.
253
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,122
It was... it was fine.
254
00:10:56,122 --> 00:11:00,126
It was just... this, um,
this little girl.
255
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:01,193
Michelle.
256
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:04,230
Yeah. She's really cute,
but really sad.
257
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,065
Oh, what's the problem
with this little girl?
258
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,768
Well, her father works,
and can't be home for Christmas.
259
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:09,969
She's seven years old
260
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,071
and she doesn't even believe
in Santa Claus.
261
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,173
It just seemed so wrong
262
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,698
to see someone unhappy
at the mall.
263
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,906
I feel completely helpless...
264
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,250
...and I wish there was
something I could do.
265
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:52,778
Hiya.
266
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,548
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
267
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,540
Oh, great, a Method Santa.
268
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,888
How's Mrs. Claus?
269
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,924
Thank you for asking.
270
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,425
Ho, ho, ho!
271
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,260
Well, she has a few sniffles,
272
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,462
but then, she's at home
273
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,098
and the elves are taking good
care of her.
274
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,333
Let's try and keep our sled
in the real world here, pal,
275
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:16,733
all right?
276
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,773
Actually, I don't use a sled.
277
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,764
I use a sleigh.
278
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,112
And, uh, something else...
(chuckles)
279
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,614
I would never
use buttons like that.
280
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,383
And that belt...
completely wrong.
281
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,052
Where's your beard?
282
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,787
It's in my locker.
283
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,789
- Where'd you get yours,
a garage sale? - Ow!
284
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:39,558
- Ooh! - Whoa! Hey. How come
you got a good beard?
285
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:41,160
Where do you work,
lawn furniture?
286
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,661
(laughs)
287
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,331
No, I-I'm based
up at the North Pole.
288
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,767
I-I'm down here to do
a little survey
289
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,894
to see what the children
would like.
290
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,927
Beam me up, Scotty.
291
00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:02,348
Well! That briefcase is holding
up rather well, isn't it?
292
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,017
- What?
- The briefcase.
293
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,487
Uh, that was the Christmas
of '73.
294
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,622
(chuckles)
295
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,290
Yeah, yeah, it's holding up f...
296
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,859
- H-How do you know that?
- I remember
297
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,361
that year quite well.
298
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:18,364
Let's see, you asked
for that briefcase,
299
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,965
a pocket calculator,
300
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,525
and a pardon for Richard Nixon.
301
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,374
You're good.
302
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,675
That is good!
303
00:13:29,675 --> 00:13:33,145
Alex, uh, I know
that up to this point,
304
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:36,415
our relationship has been
mostly financial.
305
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,747
But this year you've changed.
306
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,954
Michelle has really touched you.
307
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,854
And that's why I'm here.
308
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,892
I'm on Candid Camera, right?
309
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,994
I am. I am. Come on,
where is he?
310
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,163
Where is he? Where is he?
Come on.
311
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,665
Come... Hey, Allen Funt!
312
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,867
I'm on to you! Come on, buddy!
313
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,469
- Wh-Where... It's in the pads,
right? - Oh, ho, ho!
314
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,772
Don't do that.
It tickles, Alex! Ho, ho!
315
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:03,208
And you know it's like
a bowl of jelly... ho, ho, ho!
316
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,079
Wait a minute. Okay.
317
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,814
Look, this has got to stop,
all right?
318
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,083
Uh, what are you...
what are you trying to tell me,
319
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,218
that you are Santa Claus?
320
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,220
I'm-I'm really very happy
321
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,488
that you decided
to play me this year.
322
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,490
I-I know that you're
a little depressed
323
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,186
because you haven't
been able to help Michelle.
324
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:25,064
But you're doing
the right thing.
325
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:29,001
Don't underestimate
the power of Christmas.
326
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,003
It can work miracles.
327
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,505
Look, I-I... I don't know
what to do.
328
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,108
I mean, I-I don't know
how to help Michelle.
329
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:38,844
Trust your heart, Alex.
330
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,679
My heart.
331
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:44,149
I haven't used it in so long.
332
00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:46,719
(laughing):
I wouldn't say that.
333
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,421
You're using it right now.
334
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,357
Just keep at it.
335
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,925
And don't forget...
336
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:56,520
good thoughts and good deeds
don't go unrewarded.
337
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,501
Alex, uh...
338
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,904
I really would like to help.
339
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,339
But I don't see any chance
340
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,830
of bringing you
that Porsche this year.
341
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,517
(door shuts)
342
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,508
But I've been so good!
343
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,446
("Silent Night" plays)
344
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,194
Santa!
345
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,329
Santa, where you been?
346
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,164
All the kids are waiting.
347
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,833
I just met
the most incredible guy.
348
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,802
- What?
- I ju... I just...
349
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,804
I just met Santa Claus.
350
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,205
- (Mallory laughs weakly)
- Boy, Alex,
351
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:42,274
this-this trying to show
good will towards men
352
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,877
has put you under quite
a strain, hasn't it?
353
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,645
Maybe you want
to lie down, Alex.
354
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,480
- Jennifer and I can
take care of this. - No, no, no.
355
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,015
No, I can't lie down.
I can't lie down.
356
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,651
I'm too excited. Do you realize
that it is Christmas?
357
00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:54,642
No, we're dressed like this
all the time.
358
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,656
Hey! Let's go, pal.
359
00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:58,791
Let's get a move on.
360
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,349
Easter's almost here!
361
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,862
Come here, Eddie.
362
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,564
Don't lay a hand on me.
363
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:07,498
Jacoby & Meyers
is right across the mall.
364
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,706
Eddie, come here.
365
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,196
Sit down.
366
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,210
Eddie...
367
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,145
what does Christmas mean to you?
368
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,448
It means getting presents!
369
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,782
All right. Okay.
370
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,318
What if you had
all the presents in the world
371
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,921
and nobody to share them with?
372
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,912
That would be great!
373
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,827
I mean... I mean, if your mom...
374
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,330
wasn't there t-to watch you
open those presents
375
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:41,000
and you didn't have any friends
to show those presents to,
376
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,701
and people weren't
around caroling
377
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,104
and spreading good cheer,
378
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,773
would you really enjoy
those presents?
379
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:51,276
I guess I wouldn't be so happy
without all those people.
380
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:52,711
That's right. That's right.
381
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,380
'Cause the important thing
about Christmas
382
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,981
isn't the presents, Eddie.
383
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,384
It's being with the people
that you love.
384
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,147
Thanks, Santa.
385
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,389
Mom, let's find another Santa.
386
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,880
This guy's bringing me down.
387
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,265
- (Alex chuckles)
- Alex.
388
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,801
- (Alex gasps)
- Alex, that...
389
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:17,803
that was very sensitive, Alex.
390
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,538
Are you feeling feverish?
391
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,540
I... I don't know.
392
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,776
I don't know, I just...
I feel very Christmasy.
393
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,744
I j... I feel like...
394
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,813
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
395
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,215
♪ Fa, la-la, la-la,
la-la, la, la... ♪
396
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,118
- Shh.
- I-I can't help it. I just...
397
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:37,089
♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen,
let nothing you dismay... ♪
398
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,591
I don't know what it is.
I can't stop singing!
399
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,393
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪
400
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,695
♪ Well, hello, Dolly ♪
401
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,432
♪ It's so nice to have you... ♪
(laughs)
402
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,599
(Alex sighs)
403
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:48,834
(sighs)
Michelle!
404
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,403
Michelle! Hi. Hi, remember me?
405
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,839
With that suit,
it's hard to forget.
406
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,375
Listen, Michelle,
I've got to own up.
407
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,010
I'm-I'm not Santa Claus.
408
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,179
I'm-I'm Alex Keaton.
409
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:03,549
But I want you to know
that there is a Santa Claus.
410
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:06,385
And-and he really cares
about you.
411
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,454
Um, Michelle, you didn't
get a candy cane
412
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,888
last time you were here.
413
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,757
Why don't you come over here
and pick one out? Come on.
414
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,094
- That's a good idea, huh?
- Listen, um, I, uh...
415
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,530
I hope I'm not out of line
here, but, um...
416
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:22,868
I've... I-I've been really
concerned about your daughter.
417
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,537
I don't... hey, I don't know,
it comes with the suit...
418
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,172
but, um, I was just wondering,
419
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,174
have you heard anything
from your husband?
420
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:31,243
Uh, yeah,
I talked to him yesterday,
421
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,846
and he's, uh, definitely not
gonna be able to make it home
422
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,380
for Christmas tomorrow.
423
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,382
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But, um...
424
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,284
if-if you and Michelle aren't
doing anything tonight,
425
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,753
I was wondering if you'd like
to come over to our house.
426
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:43,222
I mean, our family
usually has a...
427
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,890
a party every Christmas Eve,
428
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,059
and I know they'd love
to meet you.
429
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,728
And I... I have a feeling
430
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:52,720
that this is gonna be
a very special Christmas.
431
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,905
Hey...
(chuckles)
432
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,441
So!
433
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,432
Another carol, anyone?
434
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,313
Sure. We should sing a hymn
435
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:12,249
to this beautiful tree
Mr. Krewson brought us.
436
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:16,889
♪ O cactus tree, O cactus tree ♪
437
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,724
♪ Thou art so... ♪
438
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,715
♪ Fair and prickly. ♪
439
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,663
I can't believe it.
440
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,199
All right, come on,
let's look on the bright side.
441
00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:28,367
Which is?
442
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,868
Nick?
443
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:33,906
Well, uh, it's Christmas with
kind of a Wild West theme, huh?
444
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,407
Yeah.
445
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:37,075
Well, I think it's appropriate.
446
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:40,479
I-I mean, you probably
don't get much rain in here.
447
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,480
(anxious laugh)
448
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,482
Look... I spoke to Mr. Krewson.
449
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,718
He promised we'd have
a great tree here by tonight.
450
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,185
I trust him.
451
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,389
You're right. Y...
452
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:51,990
It's-it's Christmas.
453
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:54,126
The tree isn't important, it...
454
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:57,296
What is, is that we're all
together for the holiday.
455
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,364
We can have a great Christmas
456
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,300
with the worst tree
in the world!
457
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:04,703
We've done it
for the last three years.
458
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,704
(knocking on door)
459
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,695
Excuse me.
460
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:12,578
- (roars)
- Oh, hi, Skippy.
461
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,246
(muffled):
How'd you know it was me?
462
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,238
Most Abominable Snowmen
wear contact lenses.
463
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,085
(door shuts)
464
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:21,486
SKIPPY (muffled):
Don't be scared, Andy.
465
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,422
It's just me, Skippy.
466
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,413
Thanks. I was terrified.
467
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:28,560
It's almost time for bed, honey.
468
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,629
I want to stay up
and wait for Santa Claus.
469
00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:31,730
NICK:
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
470
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,165
I-I'll wait up with you, Andy.
471
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,701
You know, every year,
I try to wait up for him,
472
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,603
and, uh, every year
I fall asleep.
473
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,605
You know, I have
the same problem.
474
00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:41,940
What do you say we put
on a pot of black coffee?
475
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:42,998
NICK:
All right.
476
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,045
There they go,
477
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:49,036
the three wise men.
478
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:52,017
Hey... folks?
479
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:53,819
Uh, I'd like you to meet
some friends of mine.
480
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,088
Um, this is Beth
and Michelle Davies.
481
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,823
- ELYSE: Hi. How are you?
- STEVEN: Nice to meet you.
482
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,225
What's with the cactus?
483
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,426
BETH:
Michelle,
484
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:02,928
that's not polite.
485
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,297
What is with the cactus?
486
00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:07,733
- ANDREW: Hi.
- MICHELLE: Hi.
487
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,735
Want to hang your stocking up?
488
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,203
I don't have one.
489
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,798
You can use mine. It already
has milk and cookies in it.
490
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:16,975
Please, have a seat.
491
00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:17,976
- (doorbell rings)
- STEVEN: Yes,
492
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:18,977
make yourself at home.
493
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:20,239
I'll just... Excuse me.
494
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,215
Hey, Mr. Krewson!
495
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:24,716
- Oh, Mr. Keaton!
- STEVEN: Hi.
496
00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:26,385
- Merry Christ...
Merry Christmas! - ELYSE: Hi.
497
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:29,054
I've been thinking about your
little, uh, tree problem here,
498
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,355
and, uh, well...
499
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,524
I have
a surprise for you! Yeah!
500
00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,860
- (Elyse shouts happily)
- STEVEN: Oh, Mr. Krewson!
501
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,129
STEVEN:
It's beautiful! Love this tree!
502
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:37,929
ELYSE:
Oh, it's beautiful!
503
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:41,800
Beautiful tree, Mister...
504
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,869
Oh, this is such
a beautiful tree.
505
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,104
Now it feels like Christmas now.
506
00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,095
And to complete the mood...
507
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:53,301
(Jeff Meegan's "A Dash
of Christmas Eve" plays)
508
00:21:58,383 --> 00:22:01,887
♪ My advice to add some spice ♪
509
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:05,223
♪ And live in harmony ♪
510
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:07,225
♪ Add a pinch of love ♪
511
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:11,797
♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve ♪
512
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,099
- Are you having a good time,
Michelle? - Uh-huh.
513
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:16,735
Andy and I are getting married.
514
00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,036
(laughing)
515
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,238
Listen, Michelle,
thanks for coming to our party.
516
00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:22,140
You helped make it
a great Christmas.
517
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:24,009
- Thanks, Alex.
- (doorbell rings)
518
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,000
ELYSE:
I'll get it.
519
00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:29,281
Hello. May I help you?
520
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,283
Yes, I'm looking
for Alex P. Keaton.
521
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,284
ELYSE:
Alex, honey.
522
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,219
Yeah.
523
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:35,954
- Hi, I'm Alex.
- Hello.
524
00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:37,122
My name is Ray Davies.
525
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,323
Daddy!
526
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:39,791
Michelle!
527
00:22:39,791 --> 00:22:42,294
BETH:
Ray? Wha... (chuckles)
528
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,096
- Wha... (laughs)
- RAY: Honey!
529
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,597
BETH:
I don't believe this.
530
00:22:45,597 --> 00:22:47,065
What are you doing here?
531
00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:48,734
Uh, well, we met Alex, and...
532
00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:51,203
Never mind that;
what are you doing here?
533
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,771
Well, I was in Fargo.
534
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,039
It was a horrible night.
535
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,240
I didn't make a single sale.
536
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,942
I was on my way back
to the motel
537
00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,443
so I could give you guys a call.
538
00:22:58,443 --> 00:23:00,078
When I got there,
standing at my door
539
00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:02,347
was this great big barrel
of a man...
540
00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:03,615
with a white beard.
541
00:23:03,615 --> 00:23:06,385
And the most amazing thing
happened... he said
542
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:09,388
he wanted to buy absolutely
everything I had to sell.
543
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,056
That's incredible, honey!
544
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:13,258
I'm so proud of you!
545
00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:14,593
He handed me the money,
546
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:16,094
and the only thing
he asked me to do
547
00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:18,697
was deliver this package
to Alex P. Keaton.
548
00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:21,867
Thanks.
549
00:23:21,867 --> 00:23:24,369
This is the best Christmas
present in the world.
550
00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:26,972
- What do you make of this?
- Oh, uh, uh, I don't know.
551
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:29,964
I'm still in shock
from having a decent tree.
552
00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:35,914
Who's that from, Alex?
553
00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:37,783
A... friend. A friend.
554
00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:39,551
"Alex, if you're pure of heart,
555
00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:42,220
this should be as good
as the real thing."
556
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:43,355
Hey, it's him!
557
00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,357
- It's him!
- SKIPPY: It really is!
558
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,591
It's Santa Claus!
559
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,861
- (sleigh bells jingling)
- SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho!
560
00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:54,299
Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
561
00:23:54,299 --> 00:23:56,290
(all speaking excitedly)
562
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:02,507
♪ Add just a pinch of love ♪
563
00:24:02,507 --> 00:24:06,500
♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve. ♪
564
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,676
MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
565
00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:38,802
(Ubu barks)
566
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:48,500
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