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1
00:00:54,313 --> 00:00:56,115
Ah! You're here.
2
00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:59,189
Hello. Welcome.
I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester,
3
00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:01,989
and soon you will all bow down before me.
4
00:01:02,756 --> 00:01:05,859
What you're about to see is
an experiment,
5
00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:10,698
and, by observing,
you have become part of that experiment.
6
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:15,438
For I have shot a man into space
and I'm driving him crazy
7
00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:18,975
by forcing him to watch
the worst movies ever made.
8
00:01:20,778 --> 00:01:24,282
Oh, sure, we all have thought about it,
but I had the guts to do it!
9
00:01:27,419 --> 00:01:29,778
This is my test subject:
Mike Nelson.
10
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,383
A disgustingly
mild-mannered dope
11
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:36,430
who has managed to survive
every film I subjected him to.
12
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:42,606
But perhaps this movie will drive him
to the breaking point and crush his soul,
13
00:01:42,905 --> 00:01:45,724
and then I'll unleash it
on an unwitting public,
14
00:01:45,993 --> 00:01:48,522
and then I will rule the world!
Yes!
15
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,785
I'm a naughty boy!
16
00:01:52,814 --> 00:01:55,421
Naughty, naughty, naughty,
naugh... ty.
17
00:01:56,123 --> 00:01:59,082
Well,
you will join Mike
18
00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:02,597
in watching the Universal classic
19
00:02:02,697 --> 00:02:04,599
This Island Earth
20
00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:09,438
Now, prepare yourselves
for my maddest madness yet!
21
00:02:11,107 --> 00:02:13,376
Now poopie.
22
00:02:26,035 --> 00:02:27,926
Mystery Science Theater 3000
23
00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:30,251
The Movie
24
00:03:58,473 --> 00:03:59,674
Morning, Mike!
25
00:04:00,042 --> 00:04:02,044
Morning, Gypsy!
Whaddaya got for me?
26
00:04:02,144 --> 00:04:04,947
Oxygen-nitrogen mix is within
required standards,
27
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,587
we're currently in low orbit
over Southern Madagascar,
28
00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:11,924
and that wonderful smell
is a lamb roast I have in the oven.
29
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,660
- And sweet yams?
- Affirmative!
30
00:04:13,669 --> 00:04:16,295
Oh, and I compiled today's
wire service reports.
31
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,718
Here's a hard copy.
32
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:20,000
The Cubs lost again.
33
00:04:21,102 --> 00:04:22,770
Oh! Why, hello Mike!
34
00:04:22,817 --> 00:04:25,974
Everything workin' fine on the
ol' Satellite of Love today, hmm?
35
00:04:25,981 --> 00:04:29,445
No dangerous problems or
horrible mishaps in sight?
36
00:04:29,453 --> 00:04:32,049
No, Tom,
everything appears nominal.
37
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,084
Ah, nominal,
good, good.
38
00:04:34,093 --> 00:04:36,165
So I guess that means
you're not worried about
39
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,356
what that rythmic pounding might be.
40
00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:41,493
- Yeah, what is that?
- Yeah, what is that, hmm?
41
00:04:41,594 --> 00:04:44,333
I'm a highly sophisticated robot,
Mike, and I'm telling you:
42
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,198
This is not something
you should be hearing!
43
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:48,021
Something's causing this, Mike!
44
00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:49,671
Hm, now let's think.
45
00:04:49,672 --> 00:04:51,805
I'm here, you're here,
Gypsy's here...
46
00:04:51,816 --> 00:04:54,909
- Ok, Tom, where's Crow?
- Where's Crow?
47
00:04:54,922 --> 00:04:56,188
Uh, I'm not supposed to say anything,
48
00:04:56,189 --> 00:05:00,284
but I did see that litle moron headed towards
the basement with a pickaxe in his hand.
49
00:05:00,294 --> 00:05:01,518
Gypsy!
Go to condition yellow!
50
00:05:01,619 --> 00:05:03,189
- We gotta stop him!
- Roger!
51
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:08,096
It's a loooong way
to Tipperary,
52
00:05:09,112 --> 00:05:12,968
to the sweetest girl I know!
53
00:05:14,007 --> 00:05:20,872
Goodbye to Noah Berry!
Hello Harold Lloooooyd!
54
00:05:22,745 --> 00:05:23,861
- Crow?
- Huh?
55
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:26,349
Crow, listen,
you've gotta stop!
56
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:28,765
Oh! Hi Mike!
I've found the perfect spot!
57
00:05:29,394 --> 00:05:33,057
Once I break through this wall,
we'll tunnel our way right back to Earth!
58
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,944
Crow, you big dope!
You can't tunnel through space!
59
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:39,229
Come, come, boys, we must
confound Jerry at every turn!
60
00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:41,601
Crow, no!
You'll breach the hull!
61
00:05:41,801 --> 00:05:43,208
HULL
BREACH
62
00:05:48,277 --> 00:05:49,879
I didn't expect this!
63
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:53,330
Gaining maximum R.P.M.
64
00:05:53,331 --> 00:05:55,720
Adjust pitch and yaw thrusters!
Stabilize!
65
00:05:55,887 --> 00:05:57,589
There! That should do it.
66
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,367
Wow, this is confusing!
67
00:06:05,578 --> 00:06:08,100
Mike!
You wanna hand me me my calculations?
68
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,862
Thank you.
Well, look at that.
69
00:06:09,877 --> 00:06:11,271
"Breach hull; all die."
70
00:06:11,463 --> 00:06:12,574
Even had it underlined.
71
00:06:15,149 --> 00:06:16,266
I don't wanna die!
72
00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:19,730
Oh! Mommy! Mommy!
73
00:06:20,784 --> 00:06:22,721
I love you, Mike!
74
00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:33,431
- Atta boy, Servo!
- I won't do that again!
75
00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:37,572
Hey! I'm experiencing a sensation
altogether new to me!
76
00:06:37,582 --> 00:06:38,640
And frankly, I love it!
77
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,743
Now, Crow, I told you:
No more escape attempts.
78
00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:44,611
Believe me, Mike,
I calculated the odds of this succeeding
79
00:06:44,778 --> 00:06:46,727
versus against the odds
I was doing something incredibly stupid
80
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,752
and I went ahead anyway.
81
00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:50,629
There you go.
82
00:06:51,389 --> 00:06:52,824
Aw, darn!
83
00:06:55,027 --> 00:06:58,130
It's time!
Dr. F. is calling for you.
84
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:03,937
Ah, Mike.
Robots.
85
00:07:04,171 --> 00:07:05,812
I'm feeling particularly evil
86
00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:07,221
because today's experiment
87
00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:09,474
is a stinky cinematic
suppository called
88
00:07:10,145 --> 00:07:11,813
This Island Earth
89
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:16,017
You may just all bow down before me
after this stinkburger.
90
00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,378
Say, come to think about it,
91
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:21,157
I don't believe you've
bowed down before me recently.
92
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,675
Uh, sure we have,
last week.
93
00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:27,017
No, no, no! I think that was
more of a curtsey than a bow.
94
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:30,504
So why don't we all
just bow down... now.
95
00:07:30,769 --> 00:07:31,802
I don't see a reason
to make us...
96
00:07:38,547 --> 00:07:39,706
Bowing, sir!
97
00:07:39,906 --> 00:07:41,718
...I bow before you, sir...
98
00:07:44,355 --> 00:07:46,190
Okay, Dr. Forrester.
Jees!
99
00:07:46,357 --> 00:07:47,625
What a dickweed!
100
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,184
Well, now that
we've had our little fun,
101
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,428
prepare yourself for...
uh...
102
00:07:51,439 --> 00:07:53,429
But, before I start
the experiment... uh...
103
00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:56,035
Did you,
you know, go?
104
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,370
Yes.
105
00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:00,373
Because I don't wanna
have to stop the movie for...
106
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,975
- You know.
- You won't.
107
00:08:02,242 --> 00:08:04,227
Then, prepare yourselves for...
108
00:08:04,228 --> 00:08:06,213
This Island Earth
109
00:08:08,049 --> 00:08:11,119
We've got Movie Sign!
110
00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:35,383
Ah, it's the nicest weather
Earth has ever had!
111
00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:37,742
Notice how big Japan is?
112
00:08:42,492 --> 00:08:44,428
Space, the final frontier.
113
00:08:44,439 --> 00:08:47,465
These are the voyages of
Babylon 5.
114
00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:51,569
Doesn't the fact that it's universal
make it international?
115
00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:59,379
This island earth can be yours
if the price is right!
116
00:09:01,349 --> 00:09:03,217
Hey, who sneezed on the credits?
117
00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:08,125
Okay, let's see here.
Shatner? Shatner?
118
00:09:08,325 --> 00:09:10,661
Nope! Doesn't look like
he's in this one, we're safe!
119
00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:14,733
I feel so insignificant.
120
00:09:15,134 --> 00:09:17,537
Of course,
I always feel insignificant!
121
00:09:20,507 --> 00:09:25,245
The light from this credits originated
well over 7.000 years ago.
122
00:09:30,186 --> 00:09:31,987
Boy, the universe
is really cruising.
123
00:09:32,788 --> 00:09:35,118
Look, there's Taurus,
the bull!
124
00:09:35,119 --> 00:09:37,693
And right underneath him
the constellation Feces.
125
00:09:37,704 --> 00:09:40,497
Oh, look!
Orion is bankrupt.
126
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,235
So, these are images
from the Hubble?
127
00:09:46,572 --> 00:09:50,953
When in California,
be sure to visit beautiful... oh...
128
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:58,421
It's a long par 5 leading
to the nation's capital.
129
00:09:58,456 --> 00:10:00,990
Who'd build so far back
on the lot?
130
00:10:01,592 --> 00:10:04,761
Washingtonland,
the new Disney theme park!
131
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:10,235
One more. Just one more,
please, Dr. Meacham.
132
00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,291
Hold it, please.
A little closer to the wing, sir.
133
00:10:12,302 --> 00:10:13,292
Watch your lips!
134
00:10:13,305 --> 00:10:14,805
A little more profile,
Dr. Meacham.
135
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,343
He wants to get that
faraway, visionary look.
136
00:10:18,111 --> 00:10:20,013
Cal, we know how
tired you must be.
137
00:10:20,014 --> 00:10:22,073
- We'll make it as short as possible.
- Fire away, gentlemen,
138
00:10:22,284 --> 00:10:25,219
I warn you, I am beginning
to feel faraway and visionary.
139
00:10:25,254 --> 00:10:27,689
How about your conference with
the committee on atomic power?
140
00:10:27,697 --> 00:10:30,425
Not my conference. Twenty engineers
and scientists were there.
141
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:32,362
Twenty? Hardly a routine meeting,
would you say?
142
00:10:32,695 --> 00:10:34,611
Yeah, and look, Cal:
we won't buy the committee's
143
00:10:34,612 --> 00:10:37,067
getting you VIPs together
for a cocktail party.
144
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,136
All right, boys,
I'll tell you this much.
145
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,854
You boys like to call this
"the push-button age."
146
00:10:42,147 --> 00:10:43,506
It isn't. Not yet.
147
00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:46,111
Not until we can team up
atomic energy with electronics.
148
00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:48,416
Then we'll have the horses
as well as the cart.
149
00:10:48,583 --> 00:10:50,678
How long has the army
been handing out jets, doctor?
150
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:51,555
Yeah!
151
00:10:51,556 --> 00:10:53,389
One of the boys at Lockheed
handed me this one.
152
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:55,724
I hope you taxpayers don't mind.
153
00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:56,906
We do!
154
00:10:57,106 --> 00:10:58,895
Cal, when do we get
to this "push-button age"?
155
00:10:58,905 --> 00:11:01,635
When fellows like me stop talking
about it and get back to our labs.
156
00:11:01,805 --> 00:11:02,513
See you gentlemen later.
157
00:11:02,514 --> 00:11:03,414
- Goodbye!
- So long!
158
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:04,769
Kiss me goodbye?
159
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:07,162
Cal, are you working on anything
along the lines you mentioned?
160
00:11:07,659 --> 00:11:09,257
- Roughly.
- Well, remember me, will you?
161
00:11:09,676 --> 00:11:10,910
I'm the wormy guy.
162
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,835
I'm concentrating on the
reconversion of certain
163
00:11:12,836 --> 00:11:14,914
common elements into nuclear
energy sources.
164
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:18,852
- Huh? How's that again?
- What counts is how I make it work.
165
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:20,588
I see.
Good flight, Cal.
166
00:11:20,924 --> 00:11:21,686
- Thank you.
- So long.
167
00:11:21,697 --> 00:11:23,222
- Dickweed.
- Jack-off.
168
00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:27,730
Other people need to
use this ladder, you know?
169
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,570
My wife has the seat so close,
how can she drive like this?
170
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:39,045
Those decals are really hard
to put on without ripping.
171
00:11:43,718 --> 00:11:47,054
John Sununu goes
for a haircut.
172
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:52,294
Fortunately, he has
his theme music on eight-track.
173
00:11:53,429 --> 00:11:55,531
Hey! You can see
the Cubs losing!
174
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,310
Geez, there's soccer teams
lying all over the place!
175
00:12:08,347 --> 00:12:11,083
Oh, for crying out...
when are they gonna fill that in?
176
00:12:12,553 --> 00:12:14,087
Hey, his legs are sticking out!
177
00:12:17,088 --> 00:12:20,088
Ricola!
178
00:12:21,597 --> 00:12:24,333
I'm so lost!
179
00:12:26,271 --> 00:12:29,975
Keanu Reeves in
My Own Private Airfield.
180
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:33,250
Hello, can I see your pass,
sir... ah... whatever.
181
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,324
Putting the men's room in the tower,
what was I thinking?
182
00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:45,594
2XD341, calling
Ryberg Control tower. Come in.
183
00:12:46,128 --> 00:12:49,899
2XD341, this is Ryberg
Control tower. Go ahead.
184
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,134
O.K. to come in, Webb?
185
00:12:51,168 --> 00:12:52,135
Are you decent?
186
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:56,139
All clear, Cal. Drift south
about 20 miles per hour.
187
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:57,881
Hi, Webb.
what's Cal's ETA?
188
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,378
- 1410, but he's late�
- Half an hour late.
189
00:13:00,389 --> 00:13:02,432
That's my boss.
The only guy in the world
190
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,183
who can travel by jet and still be late.
191
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,119
Duh, I made a funny,
heh heh.
192
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,256
- Where are you?
- Look out the window.
193
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,928
Look out,
President Clinton!
194
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,670
Maverick!
195
00:13:24,109 --> 00:13:26,044
Could I love him more?
196
00:13:29,081 --> 00:13:31,284
Ah damn, I spilled my
Big Gulp.
197
00:13:34,656 --> 00:13:37,025
Should we be seeing this?
198
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,563
Nothing! Nothing!
199
00:13:41,797 --> 00:13:42,765
Cal, what's wrong?
200
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:44,166
I have no control.
201
00:13:44,177 --> 00:13:45,869
I keep eating and eating!
202
00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:49,926
Cut loose, Cal! Bail out!
203
00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:51,749
I can't. I'm too low.
204
00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:53,999
I've got the blues so bad,
uh huh.
205
00:13:58,116 --> 00:14:00,076
Jerking around must have caused a flameout.
206
00:14:00,111 --> 00:14:00,619
No power.
207
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:01,588
No nothing!
208
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,389
No Tickee!
No Shirtee!
209
00:14:04,393 --> 00:14:05,561
Green Acres!
210
00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:13,070
Well, suddenly I have
a refreshing mint flavor.
211
00:14:14,572 --> 00:14:17,742
Early LSD tests in the
Air Force.
212
00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:23,549
This is a job for
Weenie-man!
213
00:14:25,518 --> 00:14:27,821
Eat at Joe's. Eat at Joe's.
Eat at Joe's.
214
00:14:30,157 --> 00:14:31,345
Wow, they're ringing!
215
00:14:31,491 --> 00:14:34,128
Now he knows what the world sounds
like to Pete Townshend.
216
00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:37,266
Into the Weenie-mobile.
217
00:14:37,566 --> 00:14:40,669
Weenie-man away!
218
00:14:43,873 --> 00:14:47,644
I'd like to thank me
for flying me Airways.
219
00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:55,553
- Uh, there's a green switch.
It was there all the time! - D'oh!
220
00:14:55,890 --> 00:14:58,927
G.I. Joe action-set.
Nerdy Joe not included.
221
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,032
- Cal, you okay?
- Okay.
222
00:15:03,042 --> 00:15:04,800
What happened?
How'd you bring it in?
223
00:15:05,258 --> 00:15:06,844
- I didn't. Couldn't.
- I died.
224
00:15:06,925 --> 00:15:08,857
- What do you mean you didn't?
- Controls went out.
225
00:15:09,234 --> 00:15:11,645
- Huh?
- That's right. No controls, no power.
226
00:15:11,855 --> 00:15:13,000
The plane died up there.
227
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:15,000
- I should be dead.
- Did you bring me a toy?
228
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:17,862
Cal, I know everybody's
seeing flying saucers
229
00:15:18,062 --> 00:15:19,685
and screwy
lights up in the sky.
230
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,125
Well, you can put me
in the booby hatch too,
231
00:15:22,126 --> 00:15:24,757
because, so help me, I saw this ship
turn a bright green up there.
232
00:15:24,768 --> 00:15:26,560
- Are you sure, Joe?
- Positive.
233
00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:28,162
- Did you hear anything?
- Yes.
234
00:15:28,696 --> 00:15:32,466
A high-frequency howl, very high,
all the time your ship was�
235
00:15:32,477 --> 00:15:34,102
- Green?
- Green?
236
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:36,938
- Did Webb see it?
- Unless he's blind.
237
00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:38,774
- Check him.
- Right.
238
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:40,322
Oh, and, Joe,
until we find out what happened,
239
00:15:40,515 --> 00:15:41,844
all three of us were blind.
240
00:15:41,855 --> 00:15:44,681
I'll go pop Webb's eyes out.
241
00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,455
�So, was being green fun?
242
00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:50,724
- Okay, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
- I was just wondering, I mean...
243
00:15:50,735 --> 00:15:53,060
- I've always wanted to...
- No. Shut up.
244
00:15:55,297 --> 00:15:58,533
- How's the little giant? - Growing up.
Getting ready to astound the world.
245
00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:00,002
Let's take a look.
246
00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:01,611
I figured that.
She's all ready and waiting.
247
00:16:01,668 --> 00:16:03,539
Wow, that's one hell of a
View-Master.
248
00:16:05,943 --> 00:16:09,413
Oh yeah, this is when science
didn't have to have any specific purpose.
249
00:16:11,049 --> 00:16:12,484
Lowering the cylinder.
250
00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:14,753
Inserting the
breakfast pastry.
251
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:20,326
The secret government Eggo project.
252
00:16:21,561 --> 00:16:23,563
Contact Dr. Jemima.
253
00:16:24,599 --> 00:16:26,701
I love the blueberrie ones best.
254
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,552
- Increase the rate of reaction.
- Start warming the syrup.
255
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:37,979
Yum.
256
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:40,652
Check rate of
radioactive decay.
257
00:16:40,663 --> 00:16:43,790
Increase the Flash Gordon noise
and put more science stuff around.
258
00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:48,062
Positive. Same it was
the whole week you were away.
259
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:52,092
- What did the committee say?
- Oh, they were a little excited.
260
00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:53,329
A little!
261
00:16:53,935 --> 00:16:57,372
Oh my god, my waffle!
Oh, the humanity!
262
00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:01,778
Fries are up!
263
00:17:04,081 --> 00:17:05,382
Oh no,
you're flooding it!
264
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:07,285
Zero reading.
265
00:17:08,019 --> 00:17:11,289
- The X-C condenser must have shorted
out again. - Get the spare.
266
00:17:11,457 --> 00:17:13,700
- Burned out yesterday!
- Oh, we can't have nice things!
267
00:17:13,981 --> 00:17:15,951
Our liquorice ice cream cones melted!
268
00:17:16,129 --> 00:17:19,399
And don't ask me why I didn't
order some new ones. I did.
269
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:22,379
X-C condensers in an envelope?
270
00:17:22,380 --> 00:17:24,338
Must be a gag dreamed up
by the receiving department.
271
00:17:24,351 --> 00:17:28,245
I ordered two X-C condensers,
and supreme equipment sent me these beads.
272
00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:30,080
He touched me!
273
00:17:30,348 --> 00:17:32,500
You say they're a gag,
but they're condensers.
274
00:17:32,663 --> 00:17:35,253
I checked one for capacity
and voltage on the meter.
275
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,323
- And blew it to bits.
- Yeah,
276
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,092
After it held to 33.000 volts
and no leakage.
277
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:41,762
Where's my gun?
278
00:17:44,966 --> 00:17:48,459
If that were true,
we could build a generator,
279
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:51,340
One that would supply electric power
to run an entire factory.
280
00:17:52,174 --> 00:17:55,644
Sort this, deliver that.
I'll make 'em all pay!
281
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,182
Ah, the script has
finally arrived!
282
00:18:00,117 --> 00:18:02,520
- Morning. - Morning.
- Sign here.
283
00:18:03,154 --> 00:18:05,923
Wilt Chamberlain.
284
00:18:06,992 --> 00:18:10,195
- I don't like you.
- Thank you.
285
00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:15,669
Oh, my Niels Bohr swimsuit
calendar has arrived!
286
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:19,062
- What have you got?
- I don't know! There's no return address.
287
00:18:19,246 --> 00:18:21,677
Oh, I hope
it's my lederhosen.
288
00:18:22,713 --> 00:18:26,283
How do they get blow up
one day in here.
289
00:18:27,318 --> 00:18:30,521
"Electronics service,
Unit no. 16."
290
00:18:30,532 --> 00:18:31,924
Give to daddy.
291
00:18:34,728 --> 00:18:36,930
Well, I'll read this
on the crapper.
292
00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:41,534
"A catherimine tube with
an endiom complex of +4."
293
00:18:41,545 --> 00:18:45,306
- What are they talking about?
- I don't know, but this outfit has them.
294
00:18:46,108 --> 00:18:48,910
This isn't paper.
It's some kind of metal.
295
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,179
No sir, that's paper.
296
00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:54,751
"Interocitor incorporating
planetary generator."
297
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:57,888
"Interocitor with volterator...
with astroscope."
298
00:18:57,898 --> 00:18:59,623
Hey, Ms. Interocitor.
299
00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:01,798
- Here's something my wife could
use in the house: - �A man?
300
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:04,963
"An interocitor incorporating
an electron sorter."
301
00:19:04,976 --> 00:19:07,783
Although she'd probably gain 20 pounds
while it did all the work for her.
302
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,539
Cal, you bitch!
303
00:19:09,739 --> 00:19:12,115
According to this, there's
no limit to what it can do.
304
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,012
Laying a four-lane highway at a mile
a minute would be a cinch.
305
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,715
Cal, maybe we've
been working too hard.
306
00:19:19,073 --> 00:19:20,649
"Complete line of
interocitor parts...
307
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:23,992
incorporating greater advances than
hitherto known in the field of electronics."
308
00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:28,193
- Look, there's Waldo!
- What exactly is an interocitor?
309
00:19:28,203 --> 00:19:30,329
I don't know,
and I don't want to know.
310
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:32,465
- Just love me!
- Well, I do.
311
00:19:32,498 --> 00:19:34,334
I want to know what it is
and what it does.
312
00:19:34,345 --> 00:19:36,103
And if I can break it.
313
00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:39,506
- Order the list of parts on these pages.
- How we gonna build it?
314
00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:41,910
These symbols� they're like
a foreign language.
315
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,645
And I'm hungry!
316
00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:45,208
Anyway, we don't know the address.
317
00:19:45,408 --> 00:19:47,733
You ordered the condensers
from supreme by teletype.
318
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:48,900
Yeah.
319
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,921
Which means that somebody intercepted
that order and sent us those beads.
320
00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:53,790
Here, try it again.
321
00:19:53,824 --> 00:19:55,025
You're too darn smart.
322
00:19:55,038 --> 00:19:56,329
And handsome!
323
00:19:56,339 --> 00:19:59,032
I may be the dumbest man who
ever walked this Earth, Joe.
324
00:19:59,042 --> 00:20:00,867
No argument here.
325
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:05,840
Ah, been ordering from the
Adam and Eve collection again, hmm.
326
00:20:06,475 --> 00:20:09,678
Joe, I'm one of these boxes.
Find me!
327
00:20:11,647 --> 00:20:14,797
Here's the invoice.
No charge and no address.
328
00:20:14,886 --> 00:20:18,202
Listen to this: "No interocitor part
can be replaced.
329
00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:20,324
Bear this in mind
while assembling."
330
00:20:20,492 --> 00:20:23,428
Use only genuine interocitor parts.
331
00:20:24,296 --> 00:20:26,065
Well, let's
start unpacking.
332
00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:28,300
Cal, are you gonna work
naked again?
333
00:20:32,973 --> 00:20:35,842
There, it's done.
What do you think?
334
00:20:39,047 --> 00:20:41,282
But before unpacking...
D'oh!
335
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:45,421
There's 2,486 parts.
336
00:20:45,434 --> 00:20:46,806
2845, sir.
337
00:20:46,943 --> 00:20:51,730
Each part is cross-indexed
into a symbol pattern.
338
00:20:52,665 --> 00:20:53,782
Shouldn't be too hard at all.
339
00:20:54,074 --> 00:20:58,605
Sure. A snap, maestro.
Only, uh, where do we start?
340
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:01,876
Right here.
341
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,279
At goofy clown face.
342
00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:08,484
Industry, science and
technology!
343
00:21:08,784 --> 00:21:11,366
Big men putting
screwdrivers into things...
344
00:21:11,597 --> 00:21:15,592
turning them, and adjusting them!
345
00:21:15,993 --> 00:21:19,364
Build your own
atom storage box!
346
00:21:19,865 --> 00:21:23,168
Bringing you state-of-the-art
in soft serve technology!
347
00:21:23,502 --> 00:21:26,038
Pulls off caps of any size jug,
bottle, or jar!
348
00:21:26,049 --> 00:21:28,341
And it really,
really works.
349
00:21:32,013 --> 00:21:33,547
You know what
my kids would say:
350
00:21:33,557 --> 00:21:36,187
- You're not my real father!
- "Dig this crazy, mixed-up plumbing."
351
00:21:36,854 --> 00:21:38,889
Plug it in, Joe.
We'll see what happens.
352
00:21:38,899 --> 00:21:42,393
He doesn't even have kids.
Poor, deluded Joe.
353
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:47,098
Oh, please, say we can get the Sci-Fi
channel. Please, oh please, oh please...
354
00:21:47,101 --> 00:21:50,870
Look at this. Uh.
Comes with a Garth Brooks CD.
355
00:21:50,881 --> 00:21:54,641
- Now what do I do?
- Clear your screen, please.
356
00:21:54,652 --> 00:21:56,511
Okaay, Dr. Goofy!
357
00:21:56,550 --> 00:21:57,440
You... can hear me?
358
00:21:57,456 --> 00:21:58,946
- Of course.
- Duh.
359
00:21:59,147 --> 00:22:02,250
Use the intensifier disk,
the one in your hand.
360
00:22:02,484 --> 00:22:04,153
Any time, Einstein!
361
00:22:04,163 --> 00:22:06,622
Place it in position
on your right.
362
00:22:06,633 --> 00:22:08,925
Now, throw it at
Joe really hard!
363
00:22:09,427 --> 00:22:13,464
This... tss... uh...
thing... goes on the what's-this here.
364
00:22:13,964 --> 00:22:19,104
Now turn the control
18 degrees to the left.
365
00:22:19,114 --> 00:22:24,009
17. One more. Wait, back.
Oh! Well, that works too.
366
00:22:26,282 --> 00:22:30,820
It's the amazing Technicolor
cheese wedge!
367
00:22:31,477 --> 00:22:32,437
Nanoo nanoo!
368
00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:35,859
You have successfully accomplished
your task, Dr. Meacham.
369
00:22:36,027 --> 00:22:40,131
You've assembled an interocitor,
a feat of which few men are capable.
370
00:22:40,532 --> 00:22:42,901
- Who are you?
- I'm called Exeter.
371
00:22:42,911 --> 00:22:43,836
Doug Exeter.
372
00:22:43,846 --> 00:22:47,806
I'm a scientist, like yourself.
Shall we say a... a colleague.
373
00:22:47,815 --> 00:22:51,637
My colleagues don't materialize out of
strange machines. They're flesh and blood.
374
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,404
And so am I, Dr. Meacham,
as I hope you'll soon find out.
375
00:22:54,551 --> 00:22:57,850
- Grrr. Grrr. - ...although I admit
at the moment, I do appear immaterial.
376
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,480
But no matter.
377
00:22:59,689 --> 00:23:02,890
I represent a group which is seeking
scientists of exceptional ability.
378
00:23:03,026 --> 00:23:03,893
Do you know any?
379
00:23:03,903 --> 00:23:06,996
All prospects must pass an aptitude test,
which you've just done.
380
00:23:07,007 --> 00:23:10,912
- Damn... where do I control... damn, jees.
- ...only I don't remember applying for any job.
381
00:23:10,913 --> 00:23:13,850
You didn't�
I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson.
382
00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:16,204
Your camera will pick up
nothing but black fog.
383
00:23:16,404 --> 00:23:17,845
Oh, it's a Goldstar!
384
00:23:17,945 --> 00:23:21,249
Images on the interocitor
don't register on film.
385
00:23:21,260 --> 00:23:22,418
- Put it away, Joe.
- Go lie down.
386
00:23:22,498 --> 00:23:23,606
To continue,
Dr. Meacham,
387
00:23:23,617 --> 00:23:27,726
We test out people without their knowledge.
We leave nothing to chance.
388
00:23:28,024 --> 00:23:30,994
Except the chance that I'm
not interested in you or your group.
389
00:23:31,005 --> 00:23:34,669
Come, come, doctor. It's not possible
that a man of your scientific curiosity...
390
00:23:34,681 --> 00:23:37,648
wouldn't want to find out
who I am, where I come from,
391
00:23:37,936 --> 00:23:39,171
If I have pants on.
392
00:23:39,237 --> 00:23:42,841
Wouldn't give his right arm for more
examples of our superior technical knowledge.
393
00:23:42,852 --> 00:23:45,400
I think I can assume, Dr. Meacham,
that you're sufficiently...
394
00:23:45,401 --> 00:23:47,948
intrigued to come to an immediate decision.
395
00:23:47,958 --> 00:23:51,919
We'd like you to join our... team,
as you might say, at once.
396
00:23:51,927 --> 00:23:53,749
You'll make arrangements
to leave immediately.
397
00:23:53,949 --> 00:23:55,555
Wait a moment.
I didn't say�
398
00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:58,445
At 5:00 Wednesday morning, our plane
will land at your field.
399
00:23:58,446 --> 00:24:01,164
It will wait exactly
five minutes and then depart.
400
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:02,899
Whether I'm aboard or not?
401
00:24:03,161 --> 00:24:04,368
Nanoo.
402
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,619
Hi there.
403
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,341
Place the catalog on
that table with the blueprints.
404
00:24:08,351 --> 00:24:11,845
Open it to the
underwear section. Yes!
405
00:24:11,856 --> 00:24:15,349
Alright, I'll do it,
you big-headed freak.
406
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,887
Is this metal?
I got a bet with Joe.
407
00:24:19,898 --> 00:24:22,158
Now stand aside, please.
408
00:24:22,692 --> 00:24:23,958
You too, Mr. Wilson.
409
00:24:23,993 --> 00:24:27,497
No, farther towards the
Kill Zone, please.
410
00:24:27,898 --> 00:24:30,334
Yeah. God, I'm good.
411
00:24:34,774 --> 00:24:37,810
Dear God, I left
the iron plugged in!
412
00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:42,348
Come here, you big
dumb dope.
413
00:24:42,716 --> 00:24:45,252
Quick! Get the
baking soda!
414
00:24:50,526 --> 00:24:54,963
Well, Cal, there's nothing
left for you to break!
415
00:24:55,634 --> 00:24:58,070
Boy, the landlady's
gonna be mad!
416
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,976
- Are you boys cooking up there?
- No!
417
00:24:59,978 --> 00:25:01,874
- Are you making an interocitor?
- No!
418
00:25:01,884 --> 00:25:04,277
- You okay?
- Okay.
419
00:25:05,079 --> 00:25:07,581
- Within reason.
- If there is any reason around here.
420
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:10,584
What with all the shenanigans and
goings-on.
421
00:25:13,955 --> 00:25:17,392
Now that you have exploded,
any words for our listeners?
422
00:25:17,403 --> 00:25:19,862
There's no reading now.
423
00:25:19,873 --> 00:25:21,865
- Cal.
- Yes, Joe?
424
00:25:21,875 --> 00:25:23,400
I just like saying "Cal."
425
00:25:23,410 --> 00:25:27,571
- Whoever that Exeter is, i don't like him.
- Don't you, Joe?
426
00:25:27,582 --> 00:25:30,141
- That's 'cause you're a puss.
- What? What?
427
00:25:30,145 --> 00:25:30,852
Hey!
428
00:25:30,853 --> 00:25:32,478
He was right about one thing.
429
00:25:32,488 --> 00:25:34,079
I look good on a beret.
430
00:25:34,089 --> 00:25:36,048
I'm gonna be on that plane.
431
00:25:38,284 --> 00:25:40,480
Oh, hey wait,
what's that! Alright.
432
00:25:40,481 --> 00:25:42,956
- Let's get out of here!
- This will take a while.
433
00:25:47,264 --> 00:25:49,900
Ah! Minor film break.
Happens all the time.
434
00:25:49,911 --> 00:25:52,003
I know exactly
what to do.
435
00:25:53,605 --> 00:25:57,265
My plan for breaking Mike's will, by making him
watch this horrible movie, continues as planned.
436
00:25:57,642 --> 00:26:01,448
I should be ruling the world by, uh,
6:00, 6:30 at the latest...
437
00:26:09,290 --> 00:26:11,503
That Cal fella, what a maroon!
438
00:26:11,919 --> 00:26:14,830
Who'd be stupid enough to give him
a laboratory or let him fly a jet?
439
00:26:15,165 --> 00:26:18,003
- I like Joe.
- Yeah, and if it were me flying that baby,
440
00:26:18,184 --> 00:26:20,062
and I had a low altitude
flameout like that,
441
00:26:20,327 --> 00:26:23,355
I'd just reduce my elevators, dip the nose
and fire up the engines.
442
00:26:23,495 --> 00:26:25,297
- You don't know how to fly!
- Sure I do!
443
00:26:25,410 --> 00:26:28,439
I'm fully instrument-rated for
Microsoft Flight Simulator.
444
00:26:28,469 --> 00:26:30,433
- Well then you fly the Satellite of Love?
- Yeah.
445
00:26:30,697 --> 00:26:31,417
What, this thing?
446
00:26:31,702 --> 00:26:33,206
No, I can't do that, see,
'cause...
447
00:26:33,676 --> 00:26:37,019
It's not the same, there's no air foil so
there's no ability to turn when you're up in the...
448
00:26:37,755 --> 00:26:40,916
All right, all right. Fine, you two.
Spread out, spread out.
449
00:26:42,737 --> 00:26:47,166
What do ya do with a drunken sailor,
early in the morning! Hay-ho and up she�
450
00:26:47,278 --> 00:26:49,711
Okay out baby, out.
451
00:26:50,135 --> 00:26:52,499
Well don't come crying to me
when you get us all killed!
452
00:26:52,769 --> 00:26:54,571
Yeah, right.
Let's see here.
453
00:26:55,408 --> 00:26:56,984
Hey, this is going to be
easier then I thought.
454
00:27:06,088 --> 00:27:08,413
- Help!
- Hey Mike, you hit something!
455
00:27:09,491 --> 00:27:11,392
It's the hubble!
You killed the hubble!
456
00:27:12,453 --> 00:27:15,056
- Gypsy, could you please get that�
- Uh huh. No way!
457
00:27:15,189 --> 00:27:18,200
This is you're dishwashing liquid!
You soak in it!
458
00:27:21,087 --> 00:27:23,367
Ah! Ah! The manipulator arm!
The manipulator arm!
459
00:27:44,258 --> 00:27:47,092
- Carefully... carefully... wait...
- That's it! That's it!
460
00:27:47,504 --> 00:27:50,286
- It's only 6 billion dollars. Remember.
- Hope you're insured, Mike!
461
00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:53,351
It's only the most expensive
satellite ever built.
462
00:27:53,788 --> 00:27:56,167
Near. Very fragile.
No, wait. Very fragile.
463
00:27:56,895 --> 00:27:57,735
Better leave a note
on the windshield, Mike.
464
00:27:59,399 --> 00:28:01,352
Back up, and slow again.
Wait. Don't.
465
00:28:02,627 --> 00:28:03,775
Don't do that!
466
00:28:05,496 --> 00:28:07,265
Sorry. It's...
467
00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:14,677
Now, I'm just gonna release it gently,
like a sparrow into the night sky.
468
00:28:17,121 --> 00:28:18,473
Good night, sweet Hubble.
469
00:28:18,484 --> 00:28:21,342
And a flight of angels
sing thou to thy rest.
470
00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:35,390
Oh, good one, Mike.
471
00:28:35,572 --> 00:28:37,753
But, how could it do that?
It couldn't possibly...
472
00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:39,785
Oh, great, and now
we have Movie Sign.
473
00:28:39,958 --> 00:28:42,307
Go on. I'll take care of this.
474
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,073
- Mike broke the hubble!
- Boys.
475
00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:45,659
Mike broke the hubble!
476
00:28:57,021 --> 00:28:58,723
Put me on intermittent, Joe.
477
00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:03,864
- Cal, won't you reconsider?
- I did... all night.
478
00:29:04,105 --> 00:29:05,120
Didn't you hear me?
479
00:29:05,143 --> 00:29:07,964
And, as a committee of one, I
came to a series of decisions...
480
00:29:08,653 --> 00:29:10,207
at exactly
the fifth cup of coffee.
481
00:29:10,340 --> 00:29:11,340
I had to pee.
482
00:29:11,394 --> 00:29:14,901
One: Whatever scientific knowledge
this Exeter character has,
483
00:29:15,542 --> 00:29:17,311
should be
in our textbooks.
484
00:29:18,246 --> 00:29:21,244
Two: Joe Wilson,
my able assistant,
485
00:29:21,451 --> 00:29:24,353
knows enough about a certain experiment
to carry on without me for awhile.
486
00:29:24,439 --> 00:29:25,408
I'm not sure of that, Cal.
487
00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:28,346
Look, Joe, my committee decided
I'm expendable.
488
00:29:29,022 --> 00:29:32,311
- Nothing you can say will change that.
- You always were an obstinate�
489
00:29:32,513 --> 00:29:34,818
Oh, well,
I'm not worried.
490
00:29:35,103 --> 00:29:38,712
Not even a moth equipped with a lightning bug
could fly in here this morning.
491
00:29:38,848 --> 00:29:40,624
So no plane is�
492
00:29:42,342 --> 00:29:46,180
You know, all the problems of a
hunky guy and a wormy sidekick...
493
00:29:46,282 --> 00:29:48,604
...don't amount to a hill of beans
in this crazy world.
494
00:29:51,079 --> 00:29:52,843
Hey, it's a moth equipped
with a lightning bug!
495
00:29:56,841 --> 00:29:59,173
- Let go of my hand, Joe.
- He made it!
496
00:29:59,975 --> 00:30:04,271
Well, I don't like long goodbyes.
There's a letter for you on the end table.
497
00:30:06,855 --> 00:30:10,121
Joe? Joe? Watch out
for the prop, Joe...
498
00:30:12,470 --> 00:30:15,598
I'll understand if you
assist other scientist, Joe...
499
00:30:20,171 --> 00:30:21,692
Scram, Lumpy.
500
00:30:24,054 --> 00:30:28,387
Hello, Mr. Magic plane passengers.
Hello, it's outside... hello?
501
00:30:32,119 --> 00:30:34,157
Ironically, they
overbooked the flight.
502
00:30:35,587 --> 00:30:39,558
How about rustling me up
a drink, sweet cheeks? �Hello?
503
00:30:40,293 --> 00:30:44,130
I'm your pilot, Claude Rains;
your co-pilot, Harvey the Rabbit...
504
00:30:47,236 --> 00:30:52,509
Can I... get a pair of those little wings?
I've been a good junior pilot. Hello?
505
00:30:58,149 --> 00:30:59,450
No pilot.
506
00:30:59,485 --> 00:31:01,320
He must be having
a rum and coke somewhere.
507
00:31:01,350 --> 00:31:02,354
No windows.
508
00:31:02,364 --> 00:31:04,556
Cal, you'll really
be flying blind.
509
00:31:04,567 --> 00:31:07,861
Please be seated, Dr. Meacham.
And welcome aboard.
510
00:31:07,871 --> 00:31:11,564
You are being kidnapped
by The Light FM.
511
00:31:14,803 --> 00:31:17,305
Ugh, what are you doing?
You're sitting on me!
512
00:31:17,315 --> 00:31:20,041
A seat belt is not
required, doctor.
513
00:31:20,052 --> 00:31:21,744
You commie.
514
00:31:22,879 --> 00:31:24,213
Please clear the stairs.
515
00:31:24,223 --> 00:31:25,615
That means you, Wormy.
- Thank you.
516
00:31:26,783 --> 00:31:29,453
So long, Joe.
I'll be dropping you a card.
517
00:31:29,464 --> 00:31:33,120
Cal, get off right away! This whole thing
smells to high heaven!
518
00:31:34,130 --> 00:31:36,262
Cal, I'm beggin' you.
Don't go!
519
00:31:36,274 --> 00:31:39,167
Cal! Cal!
I'm stuck!
520
00:31:40,636 --> 00:31:44,173
Your in-flight movie is:
Fearless.
521
00:32:04,731 --> 00:32:08,802
There goes a stupid,
stupid man.
522
00:32:11,406 --> 00:32:16,445
I'm gonna curl up in his
sock drawer, and sleep for days.
523
00:32:18,544 --> 00:32:22,486
There's probably some kid with a big forehead,
kicking the back of the seat right now.
524
00:32:25,992 --> 00:32:30,063
Oh, Tammy, lower!
Yeah, that's right!
525
00:32:30,297 --> 00:32:34,768
Shh, shh. We're in a whole lot of trouble.
Get your parachute on. Should I wake him?
526
00:32:35,770 --> 00:32:38,240
Ah, football practice... uh...
527
00:32:38,607 --> 00:32:40,041
Good morning,
Dr. Meacham.
528
00:32:40,052 --> 00:32:41,244
Good morning, boys!
529
00:32:41,277 --> 00:32:42,778
Hope you slept well.
530
00:32:42,788 --> 00:32:44,313
'Cause it's time to die.
531
00:32:45,516 --> 00:32:48,352
They're forcing him to visit
Branson, Missouri.
532
00:32:50,588 --> 00:32:53,992
Cal, honey, put your shoes on.
We're at grandma's.
533
00:32:56,262 --> 00:32:59,398
Hello! Where can I
empty my hat?
534
00:33:04,304 --> 00:33:07,440
He's flown into
a Flemish painting
535
00:33:07,842 --> 00:33:11,078
I claim this land for Spain!
536
00:33:14,619 --> 00:33:18,223
So, the aliens live
in Hooterville?
537
00:33:20,293 --> 00:33:23,429
Ah, there are too Woodies
in this scene.
538
00:33:23,439 --> 00:33:25,698
- Where am I?
- Georgia.
539
00:33:25,709 --> 00:33:27,768
I kind of expected
Neptune or Mars.
540
00:33:27,779 --> 00:33:29,036
Or Neptune...
541
00:33:29,046 --> 00:33:33,240
Exeter asked me to greet you.
I'm Dr. Ruth Adams.
542
00:33:33,251 --> 00:33:35,543
Ruth Adams! But this is wonderful.
I never expected�
543
00:33:35,554 --> 00:33:36,312
This.
544
00:33:36,322 --> 00:33:38,465
Ruth, I'm Cal Meacham.
545
00:33:40,472 --> 00:33:42,352
Hello, is it anybody home?
546
00:33:42,362 --> 00:33:44,354
Dr. Meacham,
of course.
547
00:33:45,756 --> 00:33:48,193
Four or five years ago, conference on...
548
00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:50,394
thermal problems
in nuclear reactors.
549
00:33:50,405 --> 00:33:52,397
- Boston, wasn't it?
- Vermont!
550
00:33:52,407 --> 00:33:55,167
We were lecturing to a symposium
of graduate students.
551
00:33:55,869 --> 00:33:58,275
Summer, three years ago.
After classes,
552
00:33:58,276 --> 00:34:00,773
we'd go swimming in a
little river near the school.
553
00:34:01,108 --> 00:34:03,210
You were an awful sissy
about that icy water.
554
00:34:03,220 --> 00:34:04,979
Shrinky Dink,
remember?
555
00:34:05,082 --> 00:34:06,583
Now, Ruth, don't tell me
you've forgotten.
556
00:34:06,593 --> 00:34:08,719
Come on, dummy!
Oh, I'm sorry.
557
00:34:08,729 --> 00:34:12,222
Dr. Meacham, all I can say
is I'm deeply flattered...
558
00:34:13,124 --> 00:34:16,394
and maybe a little envious of
the girl you've mistaken me for.
559
00:34:16,405 --> 00:34:19,198
And now I think Exeter
is waiting to greet you.
560
00:34:22,068 --> 00:34:24,037
She wants me.
561
00:34:26,574 --> 00:34:29,610
Alright, see if this jogs
your memory.
562
00:34:30,412 --> 00:34:32,281
Bad dog.
563
00:34:34,851 --> 00:34:37,887
We did it, and
you know it.
564
00:34:39,857 --> 00:34:41,759
Mike, can I have a car
like that?
565
00:34:41,794 --> 00:34:42,726
You can't drive.
566
00:34:42,736 --> 00:34:46,363
I can drive. I'm an excellent driver.
I'm not wearing my underwear.
567
00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:51,136
Oh, there's gonna be a
Mary Kay convention going on too,
568
00:34:51,332 --> 00:34:52,600
so it's gonna be kind of weird.
569
00:34:53,401 --> 00:34:55,784
The elevators down to
Exeter's slave quarters.
570
00:34:56,555 --> 00:34:57,947
Our laboratories.
571
00:34:57,957 --> 00:35:01,317
That's not funny, Ruth.
I was a slave.
572
00:35:02,586 --> 00:35:05,956
Our living room, social center,
library.
573
00:35:05,967 --> 00:35:07,358
Mosh pits.
574
00:35:07,368 --> 00:35:09,531
This is Exeter's office and study.
575
00:35:09,945 --> 00:35:12,534
Not exactly what you
expected, Dr. Meacham, is it?
576
00:35:12,544 --> 00:35:13,535
- Good morning, doctor.
- Good morning, doctors.
577
00:35:14,834 --> 00:35:17,403
Reverend Moon.
Ms. Hathaway.
578
00:35:18,872 --> 00:35:22,609
Just throw these coats on
Exeter's bed.
579
00:35:22,977 --> 00:35:23,837
Heil Hitler!
580
00:35:23,838 --> 00:35:26,697
- Guten morgen, Doktor.
- Guten morgen, Herr Doktor.
581
00:35:28,149 --> 00:35:32,487
Engelberg, from Munich. The doctor's
out for his morning constitutional.
582
00:35:32,498 --> 00:35:36,759
He's been here a week, but
his English and my German�
583
00:35:36,793 --> 00:35:39,296
Eeh, Charlie Rich!
584
00:35:40,398 --> 00:35:42,767
He goes through
a lot of Brylcreem.
585
00:35:43,968 --> 00:35:46,671
Don't mention his head.
586
00:35:47,575 --> 00:35:48,776
Who's that one?
587
00:35:48,786 --> 00:35:52,246
That's Brack, one of
Exeter's assistants.
588
00:35:52,257 --> 00:35:54,616
But you'll find them all
very helpful.
589
00:35:54,627 --> 00:35:56,719
What language
do they speak?
590
00:35:56,729 --> 00:36:01,190
Anything you wish:
English, Hindustani, Congoese...
591
00:36:01,201 --> 00:36:02,612
- Kokokupikekeke...
- Anything.
592
00:36:02,736 --> 00:36:05,861
- Dr. Meacham. Good morning.
- Good morning.
593
00:36:06,031 --> 00:36:07,832
Please come in,
both of you.
594
00:36:07,842 --> 00:36:11,303
Glad you could join us here
at the Buddy Ebsen Society
595
00:36:11,704 --> 00:36:13,673
- Sit down.
- Dr. Adams!
596
00:36:13,856 --> 00:36:14,707
Oh, yes, Steve!
597
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,276
What's this
'and the rest' crap?
598
00:36:16,882 --> 00:36:17,993
About that
nuclear decay factor, Ruth,
599
00:36:18,501 --> 00:36:20,969
I'm afraid my equation
just doesn't seem to work.
600
00:36:20,980 --> 00:36:24,254
I was hoping you could find time
to go over it with me later.
601
00:36:25,097 --> 00:36:27,614
I still think the
basic principle is all right.
602
00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,743
Maybe we can trust�
603
00:36:30,395 --> 00:36:32,249
Yes, well,
thank you, Dr. Adams.
604
00:36:36,369 --> 00:36:38,838
Oh, there you are,
Dr. Adams.
605
00:36:38,848 --> 00:36:41,171
I was just reminding
Dr. Meacham...
606
00:36:41,172 --> 00:36:43,944
that I'd promised to produce some
of his colleagues in the flesh.
607
00:36:44,546 --> 00:36:45,931
May I use you
as exhibit A?
608
00:36:45,932 --> 00:36:49,317
I'm afraid Dr. Meacham
isn't too happy with me.
609
00:36:49,327 --> 00:36:51,127
At the airport, he was
sure we were old friends.
610
00:36:51,213 --> 00:36:54,339
Obviously, I was wrong.
The lady hardly remembers me.
611
00:36:54,992 --> 00:36:58,662
- What is more important is�
- Who we are, what we're doing here.
612
00:36:58,672 --> 00:37:01,331
Why I have a picture
of a burger on the wall.
613
00:37:01,342 --> 00:37:02,100
Dr. Meacham...
614
00:37:02,110 --> 00:37:03,768
We're not hiring.
615
00:37:03,778 --> 00:37:07,222
I represent a group of scientists who
work with but one purpose:
616
00:37:07,257 --> 00:37:09,008
To put an end to war.
617
00:37:09,018 --> 00:37:13,679
Naturally, such a goal can't be attained
without experts of superior ability:
618
00:37:13,959 --> 00:37:16,332
- Men of vision...
- Jesus, what a head...
619
00:37:16,778 --> 00:37:18,901
...gathered here, exchanging
information daily...
620
00:37:18,910 --> 00:37:21,851
Oh, that smell?
Oh, wow.
621
00:37:22,127 --> 00:37:24,599
We hope to achieve
exciting new techniques,
622
00:37:25,312 --> 00:37:26,579
Leap years ahead of the others.
623
00:37:27,108 --> 00:37:29,167
- I don't think I need tell you how effective our voices...
- Ah, terrible...
624
00:37:29,168 --> 00:37:31,969
...will be when the world learns
of our achievements.
625
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:35,055
- Well, there you have it.
- I'll let her open her.
626
00:37:35,517 --> 00:37:38,890
- Nothing new, perhaps, but then, what is?
- Your head?
627
00:37:38,900 --> 00:37:41,822
However, let me assure you, doctor,
that we are dedicated men and women,
628
00:37:42,416 --> 00:37:44,278
and as such,
we can accomplish wonders.
629
00:37:45,223 --> 00:37:47,421
- Well...
- Into the hot tub?
630
00:37:47,422 --> 00:37:48,876
What do you
think of us?
631
00:37:48,877 --> 00:37:51,480
This all sounds great,
Mr. Exeter...
632
00:37:51,753 --> 00:37:53,552
- ...but why me?
- We like your skull.
633
00:37:53,691 --> 00:37:54,914
- Dr. Meacham...
- How.
634
00:37:55,132 --> 00:37:57,017
...we happen to know
that you're on the threshold...
635
00:37:57,202 --> 00:38:00,318
of discovering limitless amounts
of free nuclear energy,
636
00:38:00,815 --> 00:38:03,271
More specifically, the
conversion of lead into uranium.
637
00:38:03,742 --> 00:38:06,295
Dr. Adams here has been working
along the same lines as you have,
638
00:38:06,296 --> 00:38:08,280
perhaps just
a step behind you,
639
00:38:08,982 --> 00:38:10,810
although I might add
that both of you are
640
00:38:10,818 --> 00:38:12,623
way ahead of anyone
else in your field.
641
00:38:12,863 --> 00:38:16,457
Be careful. Exeter will
flatter you to death.
642
00:38:16,470 --> 00:38:18,095
The truth is never flattering,
Dr. Adams.
643
00:38:18,105 --> 00:38:19,930
You fine foxy lady.
644
00:38:19,941 --> 00:38:23,020
Now suppose you relax
and think it over.
645
00:38:23,601 --> 00:38:27,238
Suppose when I do, I find
I can't go along with you?
646
00:38:27,242 --> 00:38:29,775
Could we still
go out sometime?
647
00:38:30,110 --> 00:38:33,914
Naturally, we'll expect you to be
discreet about what you've seen here.
648
00:38:33,924 --> 00:38:37,918
Otherwise, you're free to leave,
Dr. Meacham. As free as air.
649
00:38:43,091 --> 00:38:45,894
Hey, Kreskin,
quit hoggin' the bottle!
650
00:38:49,232 --> 00:38:52,468
Hey, Mao, try this!
It'll knock your socks off!
651
00:38:55,574 --> 00:38:57,876
There you go,
Mr. B.
652
00:38:59,210 --> 00:39:01,513
So that's squirrel pudding,
hmm.
653
00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:05,785
Hey, the professor's crying!
654
00:39:08,591 --> 00:39:10,893
She's drunk again!
655
00:39:16,267 --> 00:39:17,635
Whatever.
656
00:39:18,202 --> 00:39:20,972
What do you think
of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?
657
00:39:21,673 --> 00:39:23,108
I'm afraid I don't
know the chap.
658
00:39:23,242 --> 00:39:24,743
I'm not an alien!
659
00:39:25,778 --> 00:39:28,703
My mind must have been wandering.
Your composer, of course.
660
00:39:28,892 --> 00:39:32,204
Our composer?
He belongs to the world.
661
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:33,542
Yes, indeed.
662
00:39:33,577 --> 00:39:34,888
I'm not an alien.
663
00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:37,031
The dinner, Exeter, was even
more perfect than you promised.
664
00:39:37,568 --> 00:39:40,294
Now if you'll excuse me, I could
do with some fresh air myself.
665
00:39:40,329 --> 00:39:41,797
He's gonna get high.
666
00:39:41,807 --> 00:39:43,496
Would you care to join me,
Dr. Adams?
667
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:44,634
Uh. No?
668
00:39:44,645 --> 00:39:46,303
You, Dr. Carlson?
669
00:39:46,803 --> 00:39:48,572
It's your turn to
walk the Cal.
670
00:39:48,582 --> 00:39:49,773
Why don't you?
671
00:39:49,780 --> 00:39:50,645
Show him the grounds.
672
00:39:50,652 --> 00:39:51,776
I dare you!
673
00:39:51,786 --> 00:39:54,145
We won't start cracking the whip
on Meacham until tomorrow.
674
00:39:54,155 --> 00:39:57,352
Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat
and lay my eggs in your chest.
675
00:39:57,387 --> 00:39:59,785
But I'm not an alien!
676
00:40:00,522 --> 00:40:03,458
Don't leave me with the Germans!
677
00:40:06,262 --> 00:40:08,264
They didn't eat their fruit cups!
678
00:40:08,665 --> 00:40:12,035
- That's quite a group Exeter
has collected. - Quite.
679
00:40:12,503 --> 00:40:13,837
That's Dr. Hu Lin Tang.
680
00:40:13,847 --> 00:40:14,872
I love Tang!
681
00:40:14,883 --> 00:40:17,976
Tang's field is tritanium,
the same as Dr. Engelberg.
682
00:40:17,986 --> 00:40:21,146
Dr. Marie Pitchner, U-235.
Dr. Blorfield, plutonium.
683
00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:22,715
Whoop dee shit.
684
00:40:22,725 --> 00:40:24,750
Hmm, that puts all of us in the
production of nuclear energy,
685
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,474
doesn't it, Carlson?
686
00:40:26,574 --> 00:40:27,687
What are you
getting at, Meacham?
687
00:40:27,698 --> 00:40:32,125
Why no biochemists, electronic experts,
mechanical engineers...
688
00:40:32,136 --> 00:40:36,264
People equipped to make practical application
of the energy the rest of us produce?
689
00:40:36,599 --> 00:40:39,190
I seem to remember that
was part of Exeter's pitch.
690
00:40:39,575 --> 00:40:43,273
We try to make it a rule around here, Doctor,
not to discuss our work after hours.
691
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,403
Now how about that fresh air?
692
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,846
How about you and Dr. Adams
showing me my laboratory instead?
693
00:40:48,858 --> 00:40:49,799
How about you lick me?
694
00:40:49,982 --> 00:40:51,123
After all I've heard today,
I can hardly wait...
695
00:40:51,340 --> 00:40:54,021
to add my little
contribution to the good work.
696
00:40:54,889 --> 00:40:55,890
This way, doctor.
697
00:40:55,900 --> 00:40:58,260
- I call dibs on Ruth.
- Dibs. - Dibs! - D'oh!
698
00:41:00,129 --> 00:41:02,331
Not much of a laboratory...
699
00:41:02,341 --> 00:41:05,268
...oh, it's the elevator. I see, I get it.
700
00:41:05,279 --> 00:41:07,838
Now, does this clip
need any set up?
701
00:41:08,872 --> 00:41:10,440
- It may be true...
- You may kiss the scientist...
702
00:41:10,451 --> 00:41:14,612
- ...but are you sure?
- We're 30 miles from nowhere.
703
00:41:14,623 --> 00:41:16,539
Steve and I know. We've tried.
704
00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,717
And if we did get out,
who'd believe all this?
705
00:41:18,727 --> 00:41:20,919
Ugh, hair ball...
706
00:41:25,326 --> 00:41:28,739
I don't blame you doctors for being excited
about working for Exeter.
707
00:41:28,829 --> 00:41:30,933
It's a rare privilege.
He's a rare man.
708
00:41:31,233 --> 00:41:34,469
Our little Neutron gave us away.
He felt the impulses.
709
00:41:34,479 --> 00:41:35,834
That cat. I could�
710
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,320
Put Neutron under
the thought transformer?
711
00:41:38,787 --> 00:41:42,080
Why not, Brack? And perhaps
you'd like me to step in with him.
712
00:41:42,091 --> 00:41:44,000
Smush my big white
alien forehead.
713
00:41:44,016 --> 00:41:45,572
Turn it off, Brack.
714
00:41:45,703 --> 00:41:49,406
Our friends won't be giving us
any more information tonight.
715
00:41:49,606 --> 00:41:51,499
I'll put you in the
bitch transformer...
716
00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:52,945
Here's a sketch of the interocitor.
717
00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:55,556
I also have rough notes
on its working controls.
718
00:41:55,756 --> 00:41:57,566
It's guesswork mostly
but better than nothing.
719
00:41:57,576 --> 00:41:59,134
Not much...
720
00:41:59,144 --> 00:42:01,027
And these are portraits
of Exeter and Brack.
721
00:42:01,028 --> 00:42:04,145
Do you notice the peculiar
indentations in both their foreheads?
722
00:42:04,250 --> 00:42:06,990
Nooo!
723
00:42:07,311 --> 00:42:09,912
This is the one we're really proud of, Cal.
724
00:42:09,913 --> 00:42:13,051
We discovered this a week ago
two miles south of here.
725
00:42:13,085 --> 00:42:14,936
The side of this hill has been hollowed out,
726
00:42:15,086 --> 00:42:17,888
and here's an acre of canvas
covering the excavation.
727
00:42:18,227 --> 00:42:19,325
You tell me what's in there.
728
00:42:19,335 --> 00:42:20,493
Uh, pudding?
729
00:42:20,497 --> 00:42:24,231
Steve wanted to go back and
find out what was inside, but...
730
00:42:24,264 --> 00:42:25,966
I guess I got
cold feet.
731
00:42:25,979 --> 00:42:28,639
Just like Vermont.
Still a sissy.
732
00:42:28,649 --> 00:42:30,150
God, I hate you.
733
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:31,168
They're fine, Steve.
734
00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:32,620
When we get out of here,
I'll have them framed at my own expense.
735
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:34,746
If we get out.
736
00:42:34,780 --> 00:42:38,517
Ah, you sissy. Sissy cat,
I can take you too, you puss!
737
00:42:38,527 --> 00:42:39,985
He's just hungry.
738
00:42:39,996 --> 00:42:43,990
No, please! I can't
digest milk!
739
00:42:45,693 --> 00:42:47,428
Good-bye, Neutron.
740
00:42:47,595 --> 00:42:51,599
I've got some big foreheaded
sissy butt to kick.
741
00:42:51,605 --> 00:42:56,003
Mr. and Mrs. Howell's hut
is really nice.
742
00:43:02,563 --> 00:43:04,835
Yeah, let's slip away
undercover of afternoon
743
00:43:04,836 --> 00:43:06,868
in the biggest car in the county.
744
00:43:10,022 --> 00:43:13,326
Good. You will keep in contact
until moment of departure.
745
00:43:13,336 --> 00:43:16,629
Then remove all evidence
of installation. That is all.
746
00:43:16,642 --> 00:43:18,901
And don't forget
to punch out.
747
00:43:22,238 --> 00:43:23,755
I ought to hit you.
748
00:43:23,762 --> 00:43:24,725
Take over.
749
00:43:24,727 --> 00:43:27,378
And don't screw it up.
Jerk.
750
00:43:27,388 --> 00:43:30,915
Now, it's time for The Brak Show.
751
00:43:31,550 --> 00:43:33,385
It's The Brak Show,
starring me� I'm Brak.
752
00:43:33,986 --> 00:43:36,154
It's The Brak Show and
I've got lots of great guests.
753
00:43:38,591 --> 00:43:43,062
Meanwhile, Ness and his men
speed toward Capone's hideout!
754
00:43:44,264 --> 00:43:48,702
So, Professor, you made this
entirely out of bamboo, huh?
755
00:43:49,437 --> 00:43:51,940
Eat my photons,
smallheads!
756
00:43:55,445 --> 00:43:57,881
Why are they all
sitting in front?
757
00:43:57,891 --> 00:43:59,105
We're sitting ducks in this thing.
758
00:43:59,364 --> 00:44:01,652
If we're gonna make the airport,
we'll have to do it on foot.
759
00:44:01,663 --> 00:44:03,287
When I stop, we'll pile out.
Take cover fast.
760
00:44:03,297 --> 00:44:06,424
Sounds like a really crappy plan,
but okay!
761
00:44:14,336 --> 00:44:16,471
Suckers!
762
00:44:18,274 --> 00:44:19,976
Steve! Steve!
763
00:44:19,987 --> 00:44:22,479
I'm a little busy!
764
00:44:24,616 --> 00:44:26,885
I regret nothing!
765
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:29,988
Uh, yes,
very nice, yes!
766
00:44:30,990 --> 00:44:33,125
Oh, I have
tubes in my ears!
767
00:44:33,135 --> 00:44:37,296
And his coffin will be made
entirely of coconuts, thank you.
768
00:44:37,664 --> 00:44:40,967
We'll try and make
the airport. Let's go.
769
00:44:40,978 --> 00:44:43,571
Well, they dried
off quickly.
770
00:44:43,581 --> 00:44:46,040
Heh hey,
watch the hand, Cal!
771
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:50,346
Regis and Kathy Lee are
The Fugitive.
772
00:44:50,357 --> 00:44:52,482
- Is it flyable?
- It should be.
773
00:44:52,492 --> 00:44:54,751
Exeter keeps it
here for the staff.
774
00:44:58,891 --> 00:45:00,960
She's hard on a
cocktail dress.
775
00:45:01,395 --> 00:45:04,098
My other plane
is a jet, you know?
776
00:45:04,108 --> 00:45:05,933
What do you think
about that?
777
00:45:07,335 --> 00:45:10,705
That's what happens when
you leave a potato in a microwave!
778
00:45:12,875 --> 00:45:16,412
Yeah, I'm beginning to think
they're not from around here.
779
00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:21,018
I bet you they're
English, or Canadian.
780
00:45:21,185 --> 00:45:22,420
They're pulling us up!
781
00:45:22,430 --> 00:45:25,490
I just know they're
gonna probe my anus.
782
00:45:26,158 --> 00:45:30,863
�Captain, the Klingons have us
in their tractor beam!
783
00:45:35,302 --> 00:45:38,539
They got sucked up
into a Jiffy Lube.
784
00:45:39,741 --> 00:45:42,411
So, this is Denver's
new airport.
785
00:45:42,678 --> 00:45:45,681
Yes, things are going
exactly as planned.
786
00:45:48,542 --> 00:45:49,966
If I don't miss my guess,
787
00:45:50,139 --> 00:45:53,099
I think this has something to do
with those white-haired fellows.
788
00:45:54,226 --> 00:45:56,929
Ah, thank you, Thing.
789
00:46:00,535 --> 00:46:04,272
So, they worship
the Everlasting Gobstopper?
790
00:46:09,378 --> 00:46:13,549
You know, those helmets don't really
hide their foreheads that well.
791
00:46:14,752 --> 00:46:16,754
Two for Dinner?
Good.
792
00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:18,489
Remain here.
793
00:46:19,858 --> 00:46:22,327
Dad, your friends
are here!
794
00:46:23,186 --> 00:46:24,930
Our two passengers are
very sensitive to heat.
795
00:46:25,044 --> 00:46:26,389
The passengers are here.
796
00:46:26,589 --> 00:46:29,002
So why they put the toilet
in the middle of the room?
797
00:46:30,504 --> 00:46:32,106
Allow me
to welcome you.
798
00:46:32,116 --> 00:46:33,273
Welcome.
799
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:37,481
I'm sorry that our visit below had
to be terminated so dramatically,
800
00:46:37,482 --> 00:46:39,366
but time allowed
for nothing else.
801
00:46:39,459 --> 00:46:41,184
I can assure you
we mean you no harm.
802
00:46:41,195 --> 00:46:43,788
Like Steve Carlson and Engelborg?
Like the others in that house?
803
00:46:44,122 --> 00:46:47,458
- What happened was beyond my control.
- What happened was mass murder.
804
00:46:47,693 --> 00:46:49,828
We're not all masters of our souls, Meacham.
805
00:46:49,829 --> 00:46:52,164
That's a nice little phrase
coming from you.
806
00:46:52,175 --> 00:46:53,433
I learned it
on Earth.
807
00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:55,135
That's 1 for Exeter. Ouch!
808
00:46:56,704 --> 00:46:59,006
The two of you are
beginning a strange journey...
809
00:46:59,016 --> 00:47:00,007
Mawwige!
810
00:47:00,018 --> 00:47:02,511
a journey that no Earth people
have ever undertaken before.
811
00:47:03,011 --> 00:47:05,847
Whether you consider me a devil
or a saint is unimportant.
812
00:47:05,858 --> 00:47:06,625
Devil.
813
00:47:06,626 --> 00:47:09,619
What is important is that you're here,
on this spaceship.
814
00:47:10,187 --> 00:47:13,590
Suppose then, for the
time being, we call a truce.
815
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,592
As scientists
at least, Meacham.
816
00:47:15,694 --> 00:47:18,163
Isn't he sitting too close
to the TV?
817
00:47:18,196 --> 00:47:21,099
Ruth, don't tell me that, as a woman,
you're not curious about our destination.
818
00:47:21,110 --> 00:47:22,735
Having a sale, Ruth!
819
00:47:22,745 --> 00:47:23,602
Where are
we going?
820
00:47:23,612 --> 00:47:25,204
Are we there yet?
821
00:47:25,217 --> 00:47:27,976
- To a planet we call Metaluna.
- Metaluna?
822
00:47:28,043 --> 00:47:30,520
There's no such planet in the solar system.
823
00:47:30,521 --> 00:47:32,348
Metaluna lies far beyond your
solar system, in outer space.
824
00:47:34,050 --> 00:47:36,134
The stellarscope
will convince you.
825
00:47:36,247 --> 00:47:36,963
Come.
826
00:47:36,964 --> 00:47:41,279
Well, I never Metaluna I didn't like.
What do you think, Ruth? Pretty good, ah?
827
00:47:42,227 --> 00:47:45,263
Observer, prepare a view
of the second quadrant, please.
828
00:47:45,470 --> 00:47:46,905
Nanoo.
829
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,936
I won't ask you to
condone what we've done.
830
00:47:49,947 --> 00:47:50,971
We condone it.
831
00:47:50,981 --> 00:47:53,930
All I ask is that when you
understand the plight of my people,
832
00:47:53,931 --> 00:47:56,878
you try to have more
sympathy for our deeds.
833
00:47:56,898 --> 00:47:59,414
And that you'll give
generously to the United Way.
834
00:48:00,149 --> 00:48:03,119
- Earth.
- It's being left far behind.
835
00:48:03,386 --> 00:48:05,688
My interocitor is way nicer
than that one.
836
00:48:05,699 --> 00:48:06,857
You have an interocitor?
837
00:48:06,867 --> 00:48:07,532
Sure. Don't you?
838
00:48:07,796 --> 00:48:11,161
- Well. Come on! We can use it to get
back to Earth. - Really?
839
00:48:11,262 --> 00:48:13,965
You've got an interocitor.
You should tell me these things!
840
00:48:14,634 --> 00:48:16,914
Interocitor. Interocitor. Let's see here.
841
00:48:17,059 --> 00:48:19,200
Under the peanut brittle.
Nope, nope...
842
00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:22,501
Let's see. A Monkeys album,
shoestring potatoes.
843
00:48:22,645 --> 00:48:26,543
Hey! A can of hamdingers, isn't it?
No interocitor. A spirograph...
844
00:48:26,743 --> 00:48:28,584
I know it's around here,
somewhere.
845
00:48:29,842 --> 00:48:32,595
...a sweatsock there.
Oh, there's my Etch-A-Sketch!
846
00:48:32,746 --> 00:48:36,531
Trackball, never worked. A jar of tamales.
Another can of hamdingers...
847
00:48:36,660 --> 00:48:38,663
Why all the underpants?
They're... full?
848
00:48:39,464 --> 00:48:40,899
Oh, these.
849
00:48:40,910 --> 00:48:43,155
- I collect them.
- Huh.
850
00:48:43,284 --> 00:48:45,471
Hey, a chainsaw!
851
00:48:45,482 --> 00:48:48,542
Wait a second, Servo.
You do have a interocitor.
852
00:48:49,777 --> 00:48:51,713
I've been using it to
make hot chocolate.
853
00:48:52,346 --> 00:48:54,415
Well, let's see what
this baby can do.
854
00:49:00,056 --> 00:49:02,358
- Would you take those off?
- Hey!
855
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,542
She'll be ridin'
six white horses...
856
00:49:14,041 --> 00:49:16,237
Man, you guys scared the
living daylights out of me!
857
00:49:16,272 --> 00:49:18,979
It's working! Hey, hi!
It's Exeter there?
858
00:49:19,347 --> 00:49:21,948
Nah, him and Brack went down to
Headbutt Days for Shelly.
859
00:49:21,949 --> 00:49:23,981
I gotta meet 'em in the beer tent in
about fifteen minutes,
860
00:49:23,982 --> 00:49:25,454
so I gotta get going, 'kay?
861
00:49:25,465 --> 00:49:28,625
No wait, we're trapped in space!
Can we use this thing to get back to Earth?
862
00:49:29,292 --> 00:49:30,527
I don't know.
863
00:49:30,538 --> 00:49:33,398
Jees. Let's see.
Maybe this does something.
864
00:49:36,201 --> 00:49:37,870
Crap. That's not it.
865
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:38,837
Hang up.
866
00:49:42,609 --> 00:49:45,479
Okay. Did you use the
intensifier disk?
867
00:49:45,679 --> 00:49:46,870
Yes!
868
00:49:47,070 --> 00:49:49,456
Turned the controls
18 degrees to the left.
869
00:49:49,623 --> 00:49:50,722
Did that.
870
00:49:50,922 --> 00:49:53,489
Are you in Europe.
Do you need an adapter?
871
00:49:53,664 --> 00:49:54,689
No.
872
00:49:54,736 --> 00:49:57,729
Well look, I don't know
anything about this thing.
873
00:49:57,962 --> 00:49:59,831
Maybe this does something.
874
00:50:01,784 --> 00:50:02,581
Oops. It didn't work.
875
00:50:02,735 --> 00:50:05,015
Okay, well, I'll be sure to tell
Exeter to give you a call...
876
00:50:05,198 --> 00:50:06,577
- Bye! - No wait! Hold on!
You have to help us!
877
00:50:06,738 --> 00:50:09,393
Wait, help!
Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
878
00:50:09,485 --> 00:50:10,410
Surprise!
879
00:50:10,421 --> 00:50:13,781
Like, who doesn't have an interocitor,
you collective heads of knuckle!
880
00:50:13,791 --> 00:50:16,143
Now, get back in the theater,
you ninnyhammers!
881
00:50:16,305 --> 00:50:21,757
And remember: I know who you are,
and I saw what you did. Now, scat!
882
00:50:21,768 --> 00:50:25,261
I'm the God!
I'm the God!
883
00:50:31,503 --> 00:50:35,941
Ah! They're going 75, so
they'll be there in three billion years.
884
00:50:36,676 --> 00:50:38,177
Follow me,
if you will.
885
00:50:38,187 --> 00:50:40,625
Exeter, what are you using for power?
886
00:50:40,626 --> 00:50:42,961
How are you controlling the
fantastic temperature on this ship?
887
00:50:43,330 --> 00:50:46,599
What's to prevent us from floating around
like a bunch of balloons once we leave Earth's gravity?
888
00:50:46,990 --> 00:50:48,425
To answer
the last question first:
889
00:50:48,435 --> 00:50:49,426
Shut up.
890
00:50:49,436 --> 00:50:52,696
we create our own
gravitational field, which means that...
891
00:50:52,707 --> 00:50:54,885
no matter what position
our ship takes in space,
892
00:50:54,956 --> 00:50:57,336
we here inside remain
right side up.
893
00:50:57,536 --> 00:51:01,473
But if we're going to get you
to Metaluna alive,
894
00:51:01,484 --> 00:51:04,177
there's a little procedure
you'll have to go through.
895
00:51:04,187 --> 00:51:05,880
Oh, yeah! My anal probe!
896
00:51:06,048 --> 00:51:07,058
What are you
doing to them?
897
00:51:07,187 --> 00:51:08,857
We're hickory-curing them.
898
00:51:09,787 --> 00:51:12,873
Metaluna's atmospheric pressure is like
that in your greatest oceans.
899
00:51:12,884 --> 00:51:13,611
Just like you.
900
00:51:13,612 --> 00:51:17,654
If we entered Metaluna's orbit without
conversion, we'd be crushed to death.
901
00:51:18,100 --> 00:51:21,795
But in going from Metaluna to Earth,
the tissues of our bodies would dwindle.
902
00:51:22,022 --> 00:51:23,845
We'd disintegrate
completely.
903
00:51:24,184 --> 00:51:25,841
- Correct, Meacham,
- You get a cookie.
904
00:51:26,189 --> 00:51:28,328
If we're fortunate enough
to return to Earth.
905
00:51:28,408 --> 00:51:30,340
So, you're not giving us
a ride back then?
906
00:51:32,349 --> 00:51:34,713
Okay, Bachelor Number Two...
907
00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:38,387
Which one do you
want, honey?
908
00:51:38,487 --> 00:51:42,157
Ladies and gentlemen...
A Flock of Seagulls.
909
00:51:44,527 --> 00:51:48,932
Jees, I hope they wipe down
the tubes when they're done with them.
910
00:51:49,533 --> 00:51:52,737
Uh, yeah. Good meeting, everyone.
Same time tomorrow?
911
00:51:52,748 --> 00:51:54,473
- Brack?
- Yes.
912
00:51:54,707 --> 00:51:56,709
You will prepare the doctors
for the tubes.
913
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:58,444
I just got out of
the tub, man!
914
00:51:58,454 --> 00:52:03,127
You'll change into clothes such as ours,
especially conditioned for life on Metaluna.
915
00:52:03,201 --> 00:52:04,151
Come with me.
916
00:52:04,161 --> 00:52:06,587
What size of skull-dome
do you wear?
917
00:52:08,656 --> 00:52:11,893
Brack has visible panty line.
918
00:52:12,104 --> 00:52:16,031
Come on, you couple of
single-stomach, microcephalic bilobes.
919
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,170
So, Brack.
Is that polish?
920
00:52:20,181 --> 00:52:21,939
Or... well no,
I guess it wouldn't be.
921
00:52:23,474 --> 00:52:26,244
There's a shuttlecraft
approaching, Captain.
922
00:52:26,257 --> 00:52:29,476
- Do you want me to talk like
George Takei some more Mike? - No.
923
00:52:29,687 --> 00:52:31,910
As you wish, Captain.
As you wish.
924
00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:36,091
Recognize me now,
Ruth?
925
00:52:36,102 --> 00:52:38,069
Place your hands above the rails.
926
00:52:39,786 --> 00:52:40,831
They're magnetized.
927
00:52:40,841 --> 00:52:43,967
And if your hands were metal,
that would mean something.
928
00:52:46,304 --> 00:52:47,372
What?
929
00:52:47,382 --> 00:52:51,142
There's an intercom system in the tubes.
You may converse as long as you're able to.
930
00:52:51,149 --> 00:52:54,880
But it will be billed to your room,
so don't overuse it.
931
00:52:56,116 --> 00:52:58,919
Now, raise your hand
if you want the hot wax
932
00:53:01,255 --> 00:53:03,724
I hope you
both like sulfur!
933
00:53:07,663 --> 00:53:09,331
Good luck!
Let me know what happens!
934
00:53:09,341 --> 00:53:13,302
What do you know!
Mine smells like bacon!
935
00:53:13,970 --> 00:53:16,940
Must feel like
they're inside a bong!
936
00:53:19,813 --> 00:53:21,915
- Ruth?
- I farted.
937
00:53:21,925 --> 00:53:22,749
Yes?
938
00:53:22,759 --> 00:53:24,618
You okay?
939
00:53:24,628 --> 00:53:26,253
And you?
940
00:53:27,222 --> 00:53:28,990
Feel like
a new toothbrush.
941
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,893
So rub me in a
circular motion on your gums
942
00:53:32,561 --> 00:53:36,298
Hey, a big Swedish
underarm crystal
943
00:53:41,439 --> 00:53:45,476
Hey, keep it on the road!
We're in the tubes back here!
944
00:53:47,479 --> 00:53:49,815
Uh, my contents
have shifted!
945
00:53:52,463 --> 00:53:55,255
- Ruth�
- I farted again.
946
00:53:58,492 --> 00:54:01,395
Well, this ought to
kill them!
947
00:54:04,735 --> 00:54:07,271
I am Metaluna.
948
00:54:11,010 --> 00:54:14,613
Well, the Tangerine Dream
music is good.
949
00:54:19,085 --> 00:54:22,522
It's Christy Turlington
and Kate Moss!
950
00:54:23,724 --> 00:54:28,129
Oh gross!
I saw Cal's pubic bone!
951
00:54:30,333 --> 00:54:32,602
�Now you're playing
Simon!
952
00:54:33,837 --> 00:54:36,573
Should I tell Ruth
she has an extra rib?
953
00:54:41,481 --> 00:54:44,116
- Cal�
- I farted.
954
00:54:44,126 --> 00:54:49,655
Enemy-controlled sector. This is
master control awaiting instructions.
955
00:54:49,666 --> 00:54:52,126
Bill, pick up line 4!
956
00:54:54,128 --> 00:54:56,730
Jesus, what did
you do to them?
957
00:54:57,834 --> 00:55:01,263
You'll energize only as necessary.
Conserve power.
958
00:55:01,612 --> 00:55:04,181
Avoid contact with enemy until
safety of ship is endangered.
959
00:55:04,342 --> 00:55:07,945
Make big money at home!
Sharpen saws, and earn extra cash.
960
00:55:08,347 --> 00:55:10,916
You didn't see my skeleton,
did you?
961
00:55:13,219 --> 00:55:16,055
Uh, you might want to wait
a minute before opening Cal's up
962
00:55:18,259 --> 00:55:21,295
Did you have Kenny G
playing in your tube?
963
00:55:22,397 --> 00:55:24,599
Come away from
the nasty man.
964
00:55:24,801 --> 00:55:27,003
You'll feel stronger
in a few moments.
965
00:55:27,503 --> 00:55:31,607
I feel safe with you Brack.
You have a gentle touch.
966
00:55:33,043 --> 00:55:37,147
Now I know you both feel as though
you could sleep for at least a thousand years,
967
00:55:37,916 --> 00:55:41,820
But then you'd miss observing
our approach to Metaluna,
968
00:55:41,831 --> 00:55:46,392
And with your curiosity, you'd
never forgive me for that.
969
00:55:46,405 --> 00:55:51,333
You know, our chair technology
is light years ahead of yours.
970
00:55:53,169 --> 00:55:56,372
Quiet everyone!
All My Children is on.
971
00:55:57,608 --> 00:56:01,245
Hey, Laser Floyd, cool!
972
00:56:01,256 --> 00:56:03,181
Observer,
a closer view.
973
00:56:04,516 --> 00:56:08,687
View in third quadrant.
Contact in two time periods.
974
00:56:08,696 --> 00:56:12,859
This planet should comb
its hair over its bald spot.
975
00:56:14,161 --> 00:56:18,365
View in second quadrant.
Contact in one time period.
976
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:22,070
You know, that's one butt-ugly
planet you guys come from.
977
00:56:22,081 --> 00:56:23,739
View in first quadrant
at ionization wave.
978
00:56:24,540 --> 00:56:26,743
Ew, it's Michael Stipe's head!
979
00:56:26,776 --> 00:56:29,579
What you're observing may well be
the beginning of the end... for our world.
980
00:56:29,714 --> 00:56:31,149
Well, I hope so!
981
00:56:31,159 --> 00:56:33,641
The Zahgon meteors are beginning
to get through our ionized layer.
982
00:56:33,676 --> 00:56:36,120
That haze, a feeling
of intense radiation.
983
00:56:36,757 --> 00:56:38,967
As you can well imagine,
such a screen requires...
984
00:56:38,968 --> 00:56:40,861
the output of great
amounts of atomic energy.
985
00:56:41,963 --> 00:56:44,766
And you're running out.
That's why you were sent to Earth.
986
00:56:44,777 --> 00:56:47,543
And why you sent for us.
You need uranium.
987
00:56:47,607 --> 00:56:52,341
In gigantic quantities.
Our own deposits are exhausted.
988
00:56:52,352 --> 00:56:54,945
As our power diminishes,
our protection fails.
989
00:56:54,956 --> 00:56:58,183
But, uh, we do have a very
active theater community!
990
00:56:59,551 --> 00:57:02,754
What kind of shithole
planet is this?
991
00:57:05,759 --> 00:57:08,662
That's enough.
Normal view.
992
00:57:08,995 --> 00:57:14,317
Normal view.
Normal view.
993
00:57:14,700 --> 00:57:21,686
Normal view!
Normal view!
994
00:57:22,580 --> 00:57:24,581
Entering ionized layer.
995
00:57:25,952 --> 00:57:29,956
Hey, they're landing in
Tommy Chong's backyard.
996
00:57:37,599 --> 00:57:40,668
Oh, my washer load
is off-balance!
997
00:57:41,203 --> 00:57:44,573
Looks like Dr. Seuss
designed their planet.
998
00:57:44,941 --> 00:57:47,577
They're flying into a
Roger Dean album cover.
999
00:57:47,587 --> 00:57:50,580
They're very into Yes
in this planet.
1000
00:57:54,152 --> 00:57:58,723
International flights always get
the gate furthest from the terminal.
1001
00:57:59,525 --> 00:58:04,263
Remember, we're parked
in the Denubrian Slime Devil lot.
1002
00:58:08,169 --> 00:58:10,871
Hey, Prince's bedroom.
1003
00:58:14,643 --> 00:58:17,913
Looks like the stalls
are all taken.
1004
00:58:17,926 --> 00:58:22,620
Welcome, Exeter. Observed your flight.
Almost counted you lost.
1005
00:58:22,655 --> 00:58:24,623
Your Earth creatures.
1006
00:58:24,980 --> 00:58:28,028
Dr. Adams,
Dr. Meacham.
1007
00:58:28,261 --> 00:58:30,411
I've given them as much
indoctrination as possible.
1008
00:58:30,559 --> 00:58:31,749
Then you know that shortly...
1009
00:58:31,839 --> 00:58:35,015
we can expect Zahgon to commence
and sustain an all-out attack.
1010
00:58:35,571 --> 00:58:40,142
Our ionization layer must be maintained
until our relocation is effected.
1011
00:58:40,153 --> 00:58:42,011
Relocation?
To where?
1012
00:58:42,679 --> 00:58:44,047
Shut your gob,
small-head.
1013
00:58:44,057 --> 00:58:45,014
To your Earth.
1014
00:58:45,149 --> 00:58:47,117
Oh, I can see th...
hey!
1015
00:58:47,127 --> 00:58:48,219
A peaceful relocation.
1016
00:58:48,229 --> 00:58:50,187
After the genocide,
of course.
1017
00:58:50,198 --> 00:58:51,275
Do you still insist, Exeter,
1018
00:58:51,442 --> 00:58:55,787
that we can allow any of these
Earth creatures to have free minds?
1019
00:58:55,987 --> 00:58:56,661
I do.
1020
00:58:56,662 --> 00:58:58,264
No... Yes...
Whatever you think!
1021
00:58:58,274 --> 00:58:59,499
I know them.
1022
00:58:59,665 --> 00:59:00,766
I've partied
with them.
1023
00:59:00,777 --> 00:59:03,808
- I've lived with them.
- You have wasted our time.
1024
00:59:03,951 --> 00:59:07,207
- Thank you! - Take them
to the thought transference chamber.
1025
00:59:07,711 --> 00:59:10,413
Yes, you all-high toilet hog.
1026
00:59:11,916 --> 00:59:15,286
Please come with me. I'm afraid
you have no choice.
1027
00:59:15,654 --> 00:59:18,857
Okay. Bye bye!
Nice hannukah bush, by the way!
1028
00:59:23,096 --> 00:59:26,578
Ah, I see their
Patriots don't work either.
1029
00:59:28,335 --> 00:59:32,331
Our Zahgon friends seem to be hitting this
prime sector quite regularly.
1030
00:59:32,374 --> 00:59:33,441
Uh, yeah?
1031
00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:36,111
Is that where it is?
In there?
1032
00:59:38,981 --> 00:59:42,118
Uh, golly, those doggone Zahgons are
really licking us, huh?
1033
00:59:42,129 --> 00:59:45,956
Well, let's go get your
brains scrambled.
1034
00:59:46,791 --> 00:59:48,826
My mind is my own and
nobody's gonna change it.
1035
00:59:48,836 --> 00:59:50,094
Go, girl!
1036
00:59:50,105 --> 00:59:52,898
- I'm not going into that room!
- Nobody is. Come on!
1037
00:59:54,099 --> 00:59:55,601
Leona Helmsley!
1038
00:59:55,614 --> 00:59:57,606
I'm sorry.
1039
00:59:58,006 --> 01:00:01,643
I'd hoped to have prepared you somewhat
beforehand. This is a mutant.
1040
01:00:01,653 --> 01:00:04,013
We have been bringing them
here for ages to do menial work.
1041
01:00:04,023 --> 01:00:04,948
Why?
1042
01:00:04,959 --> 01:00:07,447
Thhey're similar to insect life
on your own planet.
1043
01:00:07,448 --> 01:00:10,388
Larger, of course, with a
higher degree of intelligence.
1044
01:00:10,398 --> 01:00:12,921
This one has been given orders to
guard this corridor as long as we're here.
1045
01:00:12,924 --> 01:00:14,125
Oh, mommy!
1046
01:00:14,492 --> 01:00:17,329
I beg of you, go inside.
Cooperate voluntarily.
1047
01:00:17,340 --> 01:00:21,167
I give you my word you will not be harmed
or your minds changed in any way.
1048
01:00:21,178 --> 01:00:24,004
- You'd defy the Monitor?
- I already have!
1049
01:00:24,137 --> 01:00:25,364
Do you believe him, Cal?
1050
01:00:25,468 --> 01:00:26,976
In this place,
I wouldn't believe my grandmother.
1051
01:00:30,499 --> 01:00:32,882
Is he wearing slacks?
1052
01:00:34,357 --> 01:00:35,702
Oh boy.
1053
01:00:37,420 --> 01:00:38,989
The kingdom!
1054
01:00:41,759 --> 01:00:46,865
Oh sure. Go on. Run.
Just because you have a skull.
1055
01:00:47,868 --> 01:00:50,971
The Jetsons 2:
After the Armageddon.
1056
01:00:54,576 --> 01:00:57,123
- The travel car! Come on!
- Where are we going?
1057
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:58,915
The spaceship.
It's safer there.
1058
01:00:59,148 --> 01:01:01,484
Don't you understand?
Let it happen now.
1059
01:01:01,495 --> 01:01:02,686
Reeeally?
1060
01:01:02,886 --> 01:01:04,254
Meacham!
Ruth!
1061
01:01:04,264 --> 01:01:05,589
I love you!
1062
01:01:06,858 --> 01:01:08,626
Stand back, Exeter.
1063
01:01:09,394 --> 01:01:11,496
Meacham, believe me,
I want to help you.
1064
01:01:11,507 --> 01:01:13,199
You're holding
a mutant turd!
1065
01:01:13,209 --> 01:01:15,568
Time is short.
Get into the car!
1066
01:01:15,579 --> 01:01:17,671
Go ahead.
Move that baby seat.
1067
01:01:17,681 --> 01:01:20,040
I kind of live
out of my travel cart.
1068
01:01:25,247 --> 01:01:28,584
This is what went on in
Salvador Dali's head.
1069
01:01:32,088 --> 01:01:34,958
Now, I swear we parked on
level C, just right next to...
1070
01:01:34,971 --> 01:01:36,529
Oh, shit.
1071
01:01:38,631 --> 01:01:41,634
He appears badly hurt.
Stay close to me.
1072
01:01:41,721 --> 01:01:45,656
Guten Tag! Sie greten?
Wie wollen eine Auto mieten!
1073
01:01:45,907 --> 01:01:47,609
Stand back.
1074
01:01:48,476 --> 01:01:50,812
I command you:
stand back!
1075
01:01:51,046 --> 01:01:52,615
Acting!
1076
01:01:54,851 --> 01:01:57,053
Well, that seemed
to go rather well.
1077
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,422
I don't see what could
possibly go wrong...
1078
01:02:03,361 --> 01:02:06,397
- Cal!
- No, you do it! Leave me alone!
1079
01:02:07,165 --> 01:02:08,734
Uh, I'll get coffee.
1080
01:02:10,103 --> 01:02:13,873
Oh, I'm very vulnerable there!
Oh, there goes the piano lessons!
1081
01:02:13,883 --> 01:02:16,242
Ah, I can't remember
my dad!
1082
01:02:16,253 --> 01:02:18,913
Oh, come on
you big blowed.
1083
01:02:18,923 --> 01:02:22,283
When in Chicago, visit
the Museum of Science and Industry.
1084
01:02:22,294 --> 01:02:25,086
- Are you badly hurt?
- I'll be all right.
1085
01:02:25,633 --> 01:02:29,127
Close off all hatches.
Control room, quick!
1086
01:02:29,795 --> 01:02:33,511
Everyone picks on that
one weak spot of my exoskeleton!
1087
01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:36,769
You dinks.
You crushed my nads.
1088
01:02:39,206 --> 01:02:42,409
Hey! The floors look great.
1089
01:02:45,180 --> 01:02:46,181
I'm all right.
1090
01:02:46,191 --> 01:02:50,852
And if you don't mind
I've been waiting all day for this.
1091
01:02:56,660 --> 01:03:00,531
Oh no, Tinkerbell's goin' down!
Pull up Tink!
1092
01:03:02,434 --> 01:03:03,535
That may be
the last of them.
1093
01:03:03,545 --> 01:03:05,637
But probably it isn't.
1094
01:03:07,640 --> 01:03:10,543
Yes, they're concentrating
all their attention on Metaluna.
1095
01:03:11,245 --> 01:03:14,715
Those flashes of light...
they're meteors.
1096
01:03:14,725 --> 01:03:16,216
Hundreds of them.
1097
01:03:16,753 --> 01:03:20,523
The intense heat is turning Metaluna
into a radioactive sun.
1098
01:03:20,534 --> 01:03:23,261
The temperature must be
thousands of degrees by now.
1099
01:03:23,271 --> 01:03:24,762
Cooler by the lake.
1100
01:03:24,773 --> 01:03:26,632
- A lifeless planet.
- Yes, yes.
1101
01:03:27,066 --> 01:03:28,075
And yet�
1102
01:03:28,076 --> 01:03:29,501
Rents are
reasonable.
1103
01:03:29,511 --> 01:03:32,504
...it's still serving
a useful purpose, I hope.
1104
01:03:33,606 --> 01:03:35,675
- Yes, a Sun...
- Yes, yes.
1105
01:03:35,686 --> 01:03:38,145
warming the surface
of some other world,
1106
01:03:38,913 --> 01:03:40,681
giving light to those
who may need it.
1107
01:03:40,692 --> 01:03:43,652
Still, your whole family died.
That's a bummer, huh?
1108
01:03:44,019 --> 01:03:45,921
Now, into
the converter tubes.
1109
01:03:46,689 --> 01:03:48,685
Uh, your liver is beginning
to stick out there.
1110
01:03:48,874 --> 01:03:49,877
You might wanna tuck it back in.
1111
01:03:52,095 --> 01:03:55,365
- Ruth, you take the first tube.
You, the next. - What about you?
1112
01:03:55,376 --> 01:03:56,834
I'll use the third tube.
1113
01:03:56,844 --> 01:03:59,404
Oh, right. Sure.
Stupid question. Sorry.
1114
01:04:01,607 --> 01:04:04,109
Well. One weird day,
huh?
1115
01:04:04,443 --> 01:04:07,212
Captain's log:
A bunch of our ship fell off and...
1116
01:04:07,282 --> 01:04:08,850
nobody likes me.
1117
01:04:11,788 --> 01:04:15,892
Cal and Exeter
wake and bake everyday. Woo!
1118
01:04:20,899 --> 01:04:24,936
Will our Mystery Guest enter
and sign in please?
1119
01:04:29,041 --> 01:04:32,245
It's the manager here?
Hello?
1120
01:04:34,983 --> 01:04:37,552
I hear you, ma'am.
Walls melting for you, too?
1121
01:04:37,685 --> 01:04:41,022
I didn't mean to scare you.
I'm just looking for the can.
1122
01:04:42,291 --> 01:04:45,327
Say, where did you
get those cute pants?
1123
01:04:46,997 --> 01:04:48,732
Oh, hey.
My grandma's legs.
1124
01:04:53,170 --> 01:04:55,933
Exeter, are these tubes
strong enough to keep him out?
1125
01:04:55,986 --> 01:04:56,620
Possibly.
1126
01:04:56,650 --> 01:04:58,197
- Well, no.
- He's bleeding badly.
1127
01:04:58,232 --> 01:05:01,916
In a very few moments,
the pressure should destroy him.
1128
01:05:05,721 --> 01:05:08,758
Shall I compare thee to a
summer's d� oh...
1129
01:05:12,229 --> 01:05:15,999
Okay. Hold it together.
Rise above it. Suck it up.
1130
01:05:17,902 --> 01:05:20,338
You gotta cut me Mick!
Cut me!
1131
01:05:22,508 --> 01:05:25,945
And I busted a zit
on my shoulder. Great!
1132
01:05:27,447 --> 01:05:28,782
Run, Ruth, run!
1133
01:05:28,792 --> 01:05:31,184
Brilliant strategy.
Thanks, Napoleon.
1134
01:05:32,253 --> 01:05:34,288
Oh, I've ought
to do something.
1135
01:05:36,325 --> 01:05:39,795
What are you stuck up?
Too high and mighty for the Mutant, huh?
1136
01:05:41,297 --> 01:05:43,266
C'mon!
Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!
1137
01:05:46,172 --> 01:05:49,575
Not since Ted Kennedy
in a Barney suit!
1138
01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:56,853
- Oh, I stood up too fast!
- Ugh, he squirted.
1139
01:05:56,985 --> 01:05:59,587
Thank God I saved you.
1140
01:06:00,022 --> 01:06:02,891
Ah, I fell on my keys.
1141
01:06:03,826 --> 01:06:08,932
Yes, go away, you bad monster,
you'll get more of the same!
1142
01:06:08,942 --> 01:06:10,467
Self-cleaning mutant.
1143
01:06:10,478 --> 01:06:13,738
Leaves only the fresh
scent of pine.
1144
01:06:15,274 --> 01:06:17,276
Oh, we'll get you another one.
1145
01:06:20,013 --> 01:06:23,583
Raspberry World, for all your
raspberry needs. Off the beltway.
1146
01:06:25,486 --> 01:06:28,589
Hey, check this out!
Baywatch is on.
1147
01:06:29,256 --> 01:06:33,227
- Ah, just like we left it.
With the USA in charge. - Yes!
1148
01:06:34,496 --> 01:06:36,665
I think maybe we should
slow down a little?
1149
01:06:36,678 --> 01:06:38,336
Our speed is diminishing.
1150
01:06:38,346 --> 01:06:40,872
We're now in the
atmosphere of Earth.
1151
01:06:41,173 --> 01:06:43,309
Your plane is where you left it:
in the cargo hold.
1152
01:06:43,475 --> 01:06:44,743
I think.
1153
01:06:44,753 --> 01:06:47,479
A conventional way for you
to return to Earth, I admit,
1154
01:06:47,490 --> 01:06:48,882
At least you've got a planet.
1155
01:06:48,892 --> 01:06:50,317
but perhaps
the most practical.
1156
01:06:50,328 --> 01:06:52,987
May your forehead grow
like the mighty oak.
1157
01:06:52,997 --> 01:06:54,422
Where are
you going?
1158
01:06:54,432 --> 01:06:56,891
I'm fine.
I'll just kick around here.
1159
01:06:56,902 --> 01:06:59,161
Our universe is vast,
1160
01:06:59,361 --> 01:07:01,096
full of wonders.
1161
01:07:01,531 --> 01:07:02,699
I'll explore.
1162
01:07:02,709 --> 01:07:03,900
Yeah, that's it!
1163
01:07:03,910 --> 01:07:05,838
Perhaps find another Metaluna,
1164
01:07:05,839 --> 01:07:09,273
a place inhabited by beings
not unlike myself.
1165
01:07:09,283 --> 01:07:11,442
Maybe get a house,
with some guys... I don't know...
1166
01:07:11,453 --> 01:07:13,678
You see, I'm more adventurous
than you imagined me.
1167
01:07:14,733 --> 01:07:16,315
- Exeter...
- You dog...
1168
01:07:16,325 --> 01:07:18,150
- ...you're a liar.
- ...and I hate you.
1169
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,186
You've used all your power
bringing us here.
1170
01:07:20,197 --> 01:07:22,796
Even if you had a place to go,
you couldn't make it.
1171
01:07:22,867 --> 01:07:24,100
I'll gas up in
Des Moines.
1172
01:07:24,134 --> 01:07:26,860
Come with us.
We'll heal your wounds.
1173
01:07:26,873 --> 01:07:28,298
No, Ruth, no. Ixnay!
1174
01:07:28,308 --> 01:07:30,100
I'm afraid my wounds
can never be healed.
1175
01:07:30,334 --> 01:07:31,702
You've things
to teach us.
1176
01:07:31,712 --> 01:07:33,170
Recipes to share.
1177
01:07:33,180 --> 01:07:35,439
Thank you.
1178
01:07:35,841 --> 01:07:39,177
We're over your Earth now.
It's time for you to go. Farewell.
1179
01:07:39,187 --> 01:07:42,714
I'm just dropping you at the
North Pole. Is that alright?
1180
01:07:43,016 --> 01:07:47,186
Ex... call, okay?
I mean that.
1181
01:07:47,888 --> 01:07:51,558
No, no. Go on, you kids.
I'll just be on the way. I'm fine.
1182
01:07:51,569 --> 01:07:53,561
You probably don't have
a spare room anyway,
1183
01:07:53,571 --> 01:07:55,096
Do you?
1184
01:07:59,502 --> 01:08:02,438
Yo, right back at ya!
1185
01:08:02,449 --> 01:08:05,342
Go. Go, go, go.
Come on. Go.
1186
01:08:06,311 --> 01:08:08,980
Oh, so that's what
a colon looks like!
1187
01:08:10,683 --> 01:08:13,152
Captain's log: I've lost
my toupee and girdle...
1188
01:08:13,162 --> 01:08:14,987
and I can't leave my room.
1189
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:18,126
Y'know, I hope they land
right on Kenny Loggins.
1190
01:08:21,464 --> 01:08:25,301
Okay. Hands on ten and two;
check space cushion; pull out in the� aah!
1191
01:08:28,906 --> 01:08:32,009
Oh great! Brack
siphoned our gas!
1192
01:08:33,111 --> 01:08:34,145
Oh, Carl...
1193
01:08:34,150 --> 01:08:35,150
Cal.
1194
01:08:35,157 --> 01:08:37,183
Oh, Cal...
1195
01:08:37,783 --> 01:08:40,686
- Home.
- Thank God it's still here...
1196
01:08:40,697 --> 01:08:42,222
...and friday!
1197
01:08:43,557 --> 01:08:46,560
Hell, let's hangar
this baby in then.
1198
01:08:49,564 --> 01:08:51,265
Spock!
1199
01:08:57,707 --> 01:09:00,076
Let's see how many
times I can skip this thing!
1200
01:09:01,812 --> 01:09:05,149
Nope. Pay no attention to me.
I'm just a weather balloon.
1201
01:09:05,162 --> 01:09:07,054
Just some swamp gas.
1202
01:09:07,154 --> 01:09:10,391
"Service engine soon."
I wonder what that's all about.
1203
01:09:10,492 --> 01:09:14,596
A giant flaming hat was
seen over the coast tonight...
1204
01:09:15,097 --> 01:09:20,337
Exeter thought he could squeeze
one more trip to earth out of this jalopy.
1205
01:09:22,205 --> 01:09:26,109
I'll always love you, Br� Aah!
1206
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:29,213
That's going to put your
panfish down for a while.
1207
01:09:30,349 --> 01:09:35,488
Exeter died on impact. Brack was arraigned
in superior court, county of Los Angeles.
1208
01:09:35,498 --> 01:09:38,558
In a moment,
the results of that trial.
1209
01:09:38,568 --> 01:09:41,094
This Island Earth!
1210
01:09:41,696 --> 01:09:42,964
That movie was a breeze!
1211
01:09:42,974 --> 01:09:45,566
I dig those crazy
Metalunians, Mike.
1212
01:09:47,269 --> 01:09:48,337
The movie is over.
1213
01:09:48,347 --> 01:09:50,605
The experiment is complete.
1214
01:09:52,108 --> 01:09:54,577
And... if my calculations
are correct...
1215
01:09:55,347 --> 01:09:56,382
Adjust for pi.
1216
01:09:57,149 --> 01:10:01,053
Mike's will should be broken
just about now.
1217
01:10:01,588 --> 01:10:03,623
Broken?
1218
01:10:03,633 --> 01:10:08,796
- Hey Mike, your spirit feeling broken?
- Heck no. We're fine, Dr. Forrester.
1219
01:10:09,364 --> 01:10:11,788
In fact, we're just hailing ourselves
a little Metaluna mix there.
1220
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:13,522
Just call me Ruth, Mike!
1221
01:10:13,523 --> 01:10:17,004
Hey, check me out! I'm just like
one of your insects. Larger, of course.
1222
01:10:17,083 --> 01:10:21,578
Come on, everybody!
Make with the smoke, man!
1223
01:10:22,613 --> 01:10:24,915
So, you're having a party, eh?
1224
01:10:24,926 --> 01:10:28,220
Well, every party
needs a pooper!
1225
01:10:42,637 --> 01:10:44,975
Hey, look at that. Dr. Forrester's gone.
1226
01:10:45,126 --> 01:10:47,458
Alright. Now we'll
never get back to Earth!
1227
01:10:51,784 --> 01:10:54,086
Hey, wait a minute.
1228
01:10:58,058 --> 01:11:00,126
I don't know why people
leave during the credits.
1229
01:11:00,137 --> 01:11:01,696
- I always stay for the credits!
- Yeah, me too.
1230
01:11:02,263 --> 01:11:06,033
This is Orson Welles.
A good cast deserves another mention.
1231
01:11:06,044 --> 01:11:10,872
In the event that the first assistant director
is unable to fulfill her duties...
1232
01:11:10,883 --> 01:11:13,476
Bix Skahill and his big band!
1233
01:11:14,644 --> 01:11:18,514
Two Brantsegs in one film.
What are the odds?
1234
01:11:18,916 --> 01:11:22,252
Puppet wranglers. There
weren't any puppets in this movie?
1235
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:25,156
And Dale Mather as
the Beaver.
1236
01:11:25,925 --> 01:11:29,439
- Oh, I love Triskos, with Espinosa.
- Oh, and a little Herget down 'em...
1237
01:11:31,098 --> 01:11:35,402
- In the event that the first assistant camera
is unable to... - Okay, alright.
1238
01:11:35,415 --> 01:11:38,441
Hey, they're on the blue line. They're over
the blue line. Oh, nice assist by Brad Keely!
1239
01:11:40,011 --> 01:11:44,949
Come on down to L. Marie Ford.
Free hotdogs, and balloons for mom.
1240
01:11:47,486 --> 01:11:51,490
�Linda Froiland. Isn't she in
Babes in Froiland?
1241
01:11:51,924 --> 01:11:55,261
- Andrea "Action Jackson" DuCane.
- That's good.
1242
01:11:56,397 --> 01:11:58,932
Julie Walker, Texas Ranger.
1243
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:02,569
- In the event that the assistant production
coordinator... - Okay, enough. - Sorry!
1244
01:12:03,772 --> 01:12:08,009
The winner, and still phorographer,
Mickey Kienitz.
1245
01:12:08,477 --> 01:12:12,014
So there's one guy who
just grinds out keys all day?
1246
01:12:12,582 --> 01:12:17,421
- The Amazing Rando! - Watch Rando the Great
construct sets with his very mind!
1247
01:12:17,432 --> 01:12:20,258
No, we've never met
before, have we?
1248
01:12:20,269 --> 01:12:23,328
Craft services will be held at
10 am, Tuesday.
1249
01:12:23,338 --> 01:12:28,133
- Kurt "Band-Aid" Gensmer.
- Dan "Contusion" Dustin.
- Jim "Heart Attack" Robinson.
1250
01:12:28,904 --> 01:12:34,877
Oh, yeah. These are the guys that just sit in basement rooms
and figure out ways to make elves disappear.
1251
01:12:36,313 --> 01:12:39,249
Avelino Deleon,
brother of Ponce.
1252
01:12:39,259 --> 01:12:43,754
Here's Avelino in his rear-engined Lotus
followed by Jaquilin Zietlow in a Ferrari.
1253
01:12:44,723 --> 01:12:46,591
We recorded at
Sync S-s-s-o-o-u-u-n-d.
1254
01:12:46,602 --> 01:12:52,566
- Excuse me, Magic Film and Video, but Rando will do
all the magic on this film. - That "Rando" stuff kills me.
1255
01:12:55,136 --> 01:12:58,873
Uh, yeah. Bill Schwab. He's the guy that goes
around attributing his own faults to other people.
1256
01:12:59,073 --> 01:13:00,942
Oh, right. The "projectionist."
1257
01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:04,113
"I Sing the Additional Grip Electric."
1258
01:13:04,123 --> 01:13:07,883
So, if you pick something up once,
you're considered a grip.
1259
01:13:08,585 --> 01:13:12,222
And now we're just seeing guys
who drove by the studio one afternoon.
1260
01:13:12,233 --> 01:13:16,293
We'd like to thank the people of St. Paul, who are,
in alphabetical order, Anderson, Aaron, Anderson, Alan...
1261
01:13:16,964 --> 01:13:20,000
Energy Park, providing a safe place
for energy to play.
1262
01:13:20,011 --> 01:13:24,606
This week at Energy Park, flugelhorn demonstration
and magic by The Amazing Rando!
1263
01:13:24,617 --> 01:13:30,047
As long as we're thanking the whole entire world,
I'd like to thank a guy I know named Earl.
1264
01:13:34,217 --> 01:13:40,324
Eastman. He came out of the east
to do battle with The Amazing Rando!
1265
01:13:43,062 --> 01:13:45,498
All rights are reserved, Callahan.
1266
01:13:45,509 --> 01:13:48,501
Oh, yeah, well how about the
rights of that little girl?
1267
01:13:50,438 --> 01:13:54,008
Country of first publication:
United States of America. Offer void in Utah.
1268
01:13:54,018 --> 01:13:57,344
Children under 12, employees and their families
are prohibited from taking part in this contest.
1269
01:13:57,355 --> 01:14:03,052
If not fully satisfied with this film,
please return unused portions for a full refund.105872
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