All language subtitles for What.We.Do.in.the.Shadows.S04E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,742 --> 00:00:15,113 (screeching softly) 2 00:00:15,387 --> 00:00:16,590 Look at this line. 3 00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:18,694 This is the big opening of our nightclub 4 00:00:18,794 --> 00:00:20,097 and everyone is here. 5 00:00:20,197 --> 00:00:22,368 Grundwulf, you old fornicator, 6 00:00:22,468 --> 00:00:23,838 don't you look snazzy? 7 00:00:23,938 --> 00:00:25,575 Frau Blixen, you bitch. 8 00:00:25,675 --> 00:00:30,350 To launch our grand opening, we are going to be presenting 9 00:00:30,450 --> 00:00:33,123 the one and the only-- 10 00:00:33,223 --> 00:00:34,726 drumroll-- 11 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,029 Richie Suck! 12 00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:37,832 - (cheering) - (shouts) Wow! 13 00:00:37,933 --> 00:00:40,204 NADJA: If you are a vampire, then you will know 14 00:00:40,304 --> 00:00:41,607 who Richie Suck is. 15 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:43,310 He is probably the greatest vampire rap artist 16 00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:44,546 of all time. 17 00:00:44,646 --> 00:00:45,882 He's actually sucked Richie Suck, 18 00:00:45,982 --> 00:00:47,953 haven't you, Phillip? (laughing) 19 00:00:48,053 --> 00:00:50,625 Bitin' My Style or Sundown Funtown. 20 00:00:50,725 --> 00:00:53,463 And everyone knows Throat Juice. 21 00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,100 "Gonna bust loose 22 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,336 "on the club roof 23 00:00:56,436 --> 00:00:57,806 "sucking throat juice 24 00:00:57,906 --> 00:00:59,743 like it's Grey Goose." 25 00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:01,212 Richie Suck has not performed 26 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,051 or put out any new music for ten years. 27 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,022 It is said that he has gone into seclusion 28 00:01:06,122 --> 00:01:07,993 to work on his ultimate masterpiece. 29 00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:10,030 Doing his first live performance in over a decade 30 00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:11,967 is a very huge deal for him. 31 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,671 And it's also a huge deal for us. 32 00:01:13,771 --> 00:01:16,209 This is my club, everyone, just so you know. 33 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:17,211 I'm Nadja, 34 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,413 and it's called Nadja's. 35 00:01:18,514 --> 00:01:19,950 It's my club! (chuckles) 36 00:01:20,752 --> 00:01:21,921 (laughing) 37 00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:23,925 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 38 00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:26,329 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 39 00:01:26,429 --> 00:01:29,603 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 40 00:01:29,703 --> 00:01:32,542 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 41 00:01:32,642 --> 00:01:35,447 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 42 00:01:36,115 --> 00:01:39,088 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 43 00:01:39,188 --> 00:01:41,694 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 44 00:01:41,794 --> 00:01:45,067 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 45 00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:47,739 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 46 00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:49,977 ♪ ♪ 47 00:01:56,523 --> 00:01:58,026 Coming through, that's right. 48 00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,364 Um, we're going to try and keep these dogs at bay 49 00:02:00,464 --> 00:02:02,301 for another hour or two, okay, guys? 50 00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:04,806 'Cause we want to try and build anticipation and desire. 51 00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:06,442 I can't tell if she heard me. 52 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,248 Does anyone down here want to see Richie Suck? 53 00:02:09,348 --> 00:02:10,752 (cheering) 54 00:02:10,852 --> 00:02:15,561 I said, are there any vampires in this motherfucking dungeon 55 00:02:15,662 --> 00:02:17,832 who want to see Richie Suck? 56 00:02:17,932 --> 00:02:20,437 (cheering, whooping) 57 00:02:20,538 --> 00:02:22,776 And you'll just have to wait a little bit longer 58 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,445 and then you will pay her, 59 00:02:24,546 --> 00:02:26,316 and then you'll probably have to wait a little bit longer. 60 00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:28,521 - (muttering, hissing) - Yay, we love to wait. 61 00:02:28,621 --> 00:02:29,957 - (crowd hissing) - Yeah! 62 00:02:30,057 --> 00:02:31,694 Um, if any of them try to start to kill you, 63 00:02:31,794 --> 00:02:34,800 just let me know and I will send someone down to take your place. 64 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,269 GUIDE: Love the pillows. 65 00:02:36,369 --> 00:02:38,106 I know you haven't had a pillow before, 66 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,475 but they have to be soft. 67 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,547 Everything is in order, Mistress Nadja. 68 00:02:41,647 --> 00:02:43,718 The wraiths have topped off the blood sprinklers. 69 00:02:43,818 --> 00:02:44,987 NADJA: Wonderful. 70 00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:47,091 People think that a vampire nightclub 71 00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:49,061 is just a 24-hour live suck-and-fuck fest 72 00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:50,765 that prints money. 73 00:02:50,865 --> 00:02:53,136 - But it is not. - GUIDE: No, it's a lot of hard work. 74 00:02:53,236 --> 00:02:54,740 NADJA: Nandor. 75 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,075 What are you doing just stood there 76 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,579 like a big fat mopey load? 77 00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,983 - Where is your undead fiancée? - Marwa is at home. 78 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,388 I'm kind of giving her some space. 79 00:03:02,488 --> 00:03:03,423 Oh. 80 00:03:03,524 --> 00:03:04,593 (groans) 81 00:03:05,427 --> 00:03:08,333 Can you go and stand over there and just pretend not to listen? 82 00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:09,435 I can do that. 83 00:03:09,536 --> 00:03:11,172 Trouble in paradise already, is it? 84 00:03:11,272 --> 00:03:14,445 It's just... Marwa is the perfect woman. 85 00:03:14,546 --> 00:03:16,182 - Right. - And I've got the djinn 86 00:03:16,282 --> 00:03:18,153 to make her even more perfect. 87 00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:19,790 I mean, you should see the modifications 88 00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:21,159 we've done to her ass. 89 00:03:21,259 --> 00:03:22,662 - But... - Ass, butt, 90 00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:25,267 whatever you want to call it. It is now perfect. 91 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:27,471 NADJA: But... the problem is... 92 00:03:27,572 --> 00:03:28,974 Again, the butt is not the problem. 93 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,647 The problem is that she is so perfect. 94 00:03:31,747 --> 00:03:34,085 I am just worried that... (sighs) 95 00:03:34,185 --> 00:03:36,122 I am not perfect enough for her. 96 00:03:36,222 --> 00:03:37,491 It's never too late to do some improvements 97 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,861 on yourself, so as... 98 00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:41,366 you would be deserving of her love, huh? 99 00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:42,167 Yes. 100 00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:43,871 I had not thought of that. 101 00:03:43,971 --> 00:03:46,409 Thank you. I will try this. 102 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,914 - And nice hats. - Thank you. 103 00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:51,018 It's okay, thank you. Don't mind if I do? 104 00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:54,258 - (whispering) - NANJA: Ooh, so exciting, ha! 105 00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,563 - Mistress Nadja? - Yes? 106 00:03:56,663 --> 00:03:59,770 I am afraid Richie Suck has cancelled. 107 00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:01,239 What? 108 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:05,213 - Motherfucker! - (glass shattering) 109 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,051 - (alarm blaring) - Oh, shit. 110 00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,357 (screeching softly) 111 00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:12,796 GUIDE: Richie Suck lives in a smokestack? 112 00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:14,298 NADJA: Okay, when we get inside, 113 00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:17,071 I'm going to go in and scare him and be the bad cop, 114 00:04:17,171 --> 00:04:19,241 and you're going to go to him and be very friendly. 115 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:21,312 - The good cop, you know? - I ain't a cop. 116 00:04:21,412 --> 00:04:22,515 It's a tactic. 117 00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:25,521 Look, I ain't a cop or a narc or a snitch. 118 00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:28,426 It is pretend. Keep your perm on. 119 00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:29,563 Open up! 120 00:04:29,663 --> 00:04:31,567 Can I help you? 121 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:34,806 Where the hell is Richie Suck? Take us to him at once. 122 00:04:34,906 --> 00:04:36,810 My master is not to be disturbed. 123 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:37,946 He's resting right now. 124 00:04:38,046 --> 00:04:40,016 Like hell he is. 125 00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:41,720 He's supposed to be performing tonight. 126 00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,022 I'm not inviting you in. 127 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:44,593 RICHIE: Hey, Tom. Just let them in, Tom. 128 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,162 Oh, come on. (exhales) 129 00:04:46,262 --> 00:04:48,099 Sounded like an invite to me. 130 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:49,603 - Thank you. - GUIDE: Move. 131 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:51,072 NADJA: Okay, you pussy bitch, I'm telling you, 132 00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:52,207 you cannot cancel the show. 133 00:04:52,307 --> 00:04:53,577 What the fuck are you doing? 134 00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:54,980 - Chillin'? - Chilling? 135 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,017 TOM: You need to leave. 136 00:04:57,117 --> 00:04:59,155 My master is way too tired for this. 137 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:00,457 - Good night. - (Nadja gasps) 138 00:05:00,558 --> 00:05:01,994 Richie Suck, who the hell is this jackzass? 139 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,066 - This is my familiar, Tom. - Doctor Tom. 140 00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:06,937 And you let him speak to you like this? 141 00:05:07,037 --> 00:05:08,541 I take care of my master. 142 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,878 He's been traumatized by the music business. 143 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,882 Okay, okay. Begone, familiar. 144 00:05:12,982 --> 00:05:14,185 I'm not speaking to you. 145 00:05:14,285 --> 00:05:16,122 This is a vampires-only discussion. 146 00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:17,157 Right, Richie? 147 00:05:17,257 --> 00:05:18,828 Tom protects me from myself, 148 00:05:18,928 --> 00:05:20,430 so you need to be respectful. 149 00:05:20,531 --> 00:05:22,936 - Of a familiar? - I have a name. 150 00:05:23,036 --> 00:05:24,338 Shut up, familiar Tom. 151 00:05:24,438 --> 00:05:26,810 - It's "Doctor Tom." - NADJA: Oh. A doctor? 152 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,213 Diagnose this. 153 00:05:28,313 --> 00:05:30,718 It's a middle finger in my face. 154 00:05:32,321 --> 00:05:34,659 He's a good doctor. 155 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:35,995 Hey, guys, what's up? 156 00:05:36,095 --> 00:05:37,397 Before we dive in, be sure to smash 157 00:05:37,498 --> 00:05:39,034 the like button and subscribe. 158 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:40,437 It really helps up my channel a lot. 159 00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,007 GUILLERMO: So... 160 00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:44,245 Baby Colin is growing at an alarming rate. 161 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,750 Check out this village from Infinity Wars. 162 00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:48,052 It's cool, right? 163 00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:49,121 GUILLERMO: I mean, last week 164 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,525 he was in diapers, and this week 165 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,494 he looks like a six, seven-year-old, maybe? 166 00:05:52,595 --> 00:05:54,265 I mean, every time I buy him a new pair of shoes, 167 00:05:54,365 --> 00:05:56,002 he outgrows them between breakfast and lunch. 168 00:05:56,102 --> 00:05:57,605 But guess what? You can mod it 169 00:05:57,705 --> 00:06:00,343 so it looks just like the set of South Pacific. 170 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,247 - I turn the set... - Oh, no. Gizmo. 171 00:06:02,347 --> 00:06:05,655 There you are. What the fuck have you got that boy doing? 172 00:06:05,755 --> 00:06:07,659 What? I didn't do anything. He does that all on his own. 173 00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:09,563 - LASZLO: I told you I wanted him to grow up... - See? 174 00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:11,265 ...to be an interesting son of a bitch, 175 00:06:11,365 --> 00:06:12,735 practicing fine art and culture. 176 00:06:12,836 --> 00:06:14,873 So how come he's still doing this boring shit? 177 00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,743 To him, this isn't boring. He's just like any other kid 178 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:20,818 who likes Legos and Roblox and Nerf guns and musi... 179 00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:23,189 - All that stuff. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. And musi...? 180 00:06:23,289 --> 00:06:25,595 - What? - And musi...? 181 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,366 What were you going to say? 182 00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:29,736 (sighs) 183 00:06:29,836 --> 00:06:31,138 (whispering): Okay. 184 00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:34,044 He really loves musical theater. 185 00:06:34,846 --> 00:06:36,349 Oh, no. 186 00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:38,486 What hath the dark lord wrought? 187 00:06:38,587 --> 00:06:39,923 Stop, okay? 188 00:06:40,023 --> 00:06:41,593 Maybe it's good for him. It's a good art, 189 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:44,064 no different than literature or the cinema... 190 00:06:44,164 --> 00:06:45,902 It is not like any other art. 191 00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:49,008 Musical theater is the lowest of all entertainments. 192 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,511 It's a gutter pantomime, 193 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,949 performed by half-wits with painted faces, 194 00:06:53,049 --> 00:06:54,619 enjoyed by lower wits. 195 00:06:54,719 --> 00:06:56,489 Maybe some. But have you ever seen Rent? 196 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,794 From you? Not a penny. Anyway. Shut up. 197 00:06:58,894 --> 00:07:00,030 I forbid it. 198 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:01,667 No, he's a child. This is who he is. 199 00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,202 - And you have to learn to acce-- - Don't you fuckin' tell me-- 200 00:07:03,303 --> 00:07:04,839 - Hey, guys. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. 201 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,743 - Great to see you. - Guess what? Come look at this. 202 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,313 Wow, big time studio here. 203 00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:10,183 Yeah, I got two subscribers. 204 00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:12,054 You got two subscribers? Someone's a star. 205 00:07:17,197 --> 00:07:18,132 - ♪ ♪ - LASZLO: I'm exposing 206 00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:19,769 my boy to danger. 207 00:07:19,869 --> 00:07:21,439 Namely, art theft. 208 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:24,746 No boy of mine's gonna be a pasty-faced musical theater nut 209 00:07:24,846 --> 00:07:27,552 with a Sondheim lyric for every occasion. 210 00:07:27,652 --> 00:07:29,021 - Lazzo, guess what? - What? 211 00:07:29,121 --> 00:07:30,725 Do you know what knolling is? 212 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,160 It's... Hey! 213 00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:36,202 So knolling is this thing in Legos where you, like, 214 00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:38,641 organize all the pieces before you build it. Oh! 215 00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:41,312 LASZLO: No more musicals and Legos. It's time to grow up. 216 00:07:41,412 --> 00:07:43,483 Bat. (screeching softly) 217 00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:45,453 ♪ ♪ 218 00:07:45,554 --> 00:07:46,923 COLIN: Once I learned how to knoll, 219 00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:48,727 I threw away all my Lego instruction booklets. 220 00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:50,063 Fantastic. 221 00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:52,367 - Use this magic powder... - Uh-huh. 222 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,171 ...to find the laser alarm triggers. 223 00:07:54,271 --> 00:07:57,044 Okay. Whoa. (laughs) 224 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,616 Then, you have to avoid the lasers. 225 00:07:59,716 --> 00:08:01,753 Much like this. 226 00:08:01,853 --> 00:08:02,789 (grunts) 227 00:08:02,889 --> 00:08:04,191 (laughs mischievously) 228 00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:05,427 Oh, ho! 229 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,429 Hello. 230 00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:07,665 Oh, yes. 231 00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:09,134 Fuck it. 232 00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:10,838 (laughs) See? 233 00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:12,675 - You're like a big Slinky. - All right. 234 00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:16,182 Then you take this glass cutter and cut a hole in here. 235 00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:18,019 - But, Lazzo, guess what? - What? 236 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:21,058 I used knolling when I got that Stranger Things Lego set. 237 00:08:21,158 --> 00:08:24,198 I used it to make the library in The Music Man, which is... 238 00:08:24,298 --> 00:08:25,935 Boy, we don't have time for this right now. 239 00:08:26,035 --> 00:08:28,172 - Let's get on. - Okay, but, Lazzo, guess what? 240 00:08:28,272 --> 00:08:29,609 You don't have to keep saying "Guess what?" 241 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,580 to preface every remark that you make. 242 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,218 Just say whatever the fuck it is that you want to say. 243 00:08:34,318 --> 00:08:37,257 Uh, I'm sorry. 244 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,428 No, look, I'm... 245 00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:41,098 I'm sorry. What is it that you wanted to say? 246 00:08:41,198 --> 00:08:44,739 That set broke, so I shoved all the pieces under the bed. 247 00:08:44,839 --> 00:08:48,479 Okay. Fair enough. Now, can we continue with the crime? 248 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:50,250 Yeah, sure. Do you think that Marian... 249 00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,789 - (alarm blaring) - What the fuck are you doing? I just said... 250 00:08:52,889 --> 00:08:54,859 - Shut up. - ...because it kind of rhymes with "librarian," 251 00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,062 or do you think it was so... 252 00:08:56,162 --> 00:08:58,299 NANDOR: I decided 253 00:08:58,399 --> 00:09:01,005 that to improve my relationship with my fiancée 254 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,911 I need to do some work on myself. 255 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,146 Hmm. It couldn't hurt. 256 00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:07,685 Little things like being present 257 00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:10,891 - or being a good listener. - Don't be so stupid, Guillermo. 258 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,899 I wish to have the world's biggest penis. 259 00:09:14,999 --> 00:09:16,703 I see. 260 00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:17,939 Hmm. 261 00:09:18,039 --> 00:09:19,174 Of course. Your wish is... 262 00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:20,611 Oh, actually, can I just call 263 00:09:20,711 --> 00:09:22,715 a quick time-out? Can I have a minute with Nandor? 264 00:09:22,815 --> 00:09:25,253 If you'd be so kind as to give us a moment, Djinn. 265 00:09:25,353 --> 00:09:26,590 Is there a reason why you have delayed 266 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,393 the bestowal upon me a giant dick? 267 00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:29,896 You need to be really careful here, okay? 268 00:09:29,996 --> 00:09:32,200 'Cause these djinns, they like to be tricky. 269 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,071 Yes, I have heard this. 270 00:09:34,171 --> 00:09:36,475 Yeah, and if you're not precise and perfect with your wish, 271 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,279 it can come back to bite you in the ass. 272 00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:40,150 Are you saying he's gonna give me a penis 273 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,920 that's gonna bite me in my own ass? 274 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:45,260 What? No. But may-maybe. Yes. To teach you a lesson. 275 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,763 Make sure that it's where it's supposed to be, 276 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,366 and not like a random spot like your forehead. 277 00:09:48,466 --> 00:09:49,702 NANDOR: I get what you're saying. 278 00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:51,973 This reminds me of the tale of the man 279 00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:54,044 who wished to be the richest man in the world, 280 00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:57,685 but was then crushed under a mountain of gold coins. 281 00:09:57,785 --> 00:09:59,622 Exactly. Irony. 282 00:09:59,722 --> 00:10:02,862 Not iron. Gold. Gold coins. Try to keep up. 283 00:10:02,962 --> 00:10:05,066 - All right. - Okay. I'm going to ask 284 00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:06,335 for the world's biggest penis, 285 00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:08,941 but not so big that it crushes me. 286 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,210 Good. 287 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,882 And that it replaces my current penis, 288 00:10:12,982 --> 00:10:15,220 not an additional one. 289 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,857 Or... extra penis 290 00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:19,461 attached to the end of the one I have already. 291 00:10:19,562 --> 00:10:20,998 We should really be writing this down. 292 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,769 NADJA: Don't worry so much about the show. 293 00:10:22,869 --> 00:10:25,841 You can just do the hits and let us do the rest. 294 00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:28,514 - And... - Oh. ♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪ 295 00:10:28,614 --> 00:10:31,352 You can have as much blood as you like. 296 00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:33,222 - Virgin. Huh? (laughs) - No. 297 00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:34,692 Just a little sippy sip? 298 00:10:34,793 --> 00:10:37,297 You're not hungry, Master. That's in your mind. 299 00:10:37,397 --> 00:10:38,801 - Please. - No. 300 00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:41,038 - Just a little sip. - It's not feeding time. 301 00:10:41,138 --> 00:10:43,376 - Look... - (Nadja sighs) 302 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,746 I'm sorry. (kisses) 303 00:10:44,846 --> 00:10:47,117 - Ew. - I'm sorry. I love you, Master. 304 00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,620 I'm just here to protect you. 305 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,891 Obviously, Richie is being very much manipulated 306 00:10:50,991 --> 00:10:51,893 by his familiar, Tom. 307 00:10:51,993 --> 00:10:53,329 You don't want this. 308 00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:54,498 NADJA: It is something that happens. 309 00:10:54,599 --> 00:10:55,768 Yeah, not so much with vampires, 310 00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,105 but all the time in the music business. 311 00:10:58,206 --> 00:10:59,742 So we both thank you very much. 312 00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,445 - I kind of want it, though. - And we're gonna give it... 313 00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:02,982 - We're gonna give it back. - Sippy, sippy. 314 00:11:03,082 --> 00:11:04,418 - If you can help me... - Just a little corner, man. 315 00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:06,121 TOM: You don't want it. No blood. 316 00:11:06,222 --> 00:11:08,660 But we'd like twice the money. 317 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,265 And we're only doing new material. 318 00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:12,267 - (hisses) - TOM: Come on. 319 00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:13,971 It's Richie Suck. 320 00:11:14,071 --> 00:11:16,075 Featuring DJ Tom Schmidt. 321 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,879 I thought you were Doctor Tom. 322 00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:20,250 I'm Doctor Tom, the DJ. 323 00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,287 Okay. Fine. It is settled. 324 00:11:22,387 --> 00:11:24,358 You will be there, okay? In 30 minutes. 325 00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,264 I also happen to manage a small jazz trio. 326 00:11:27,364 --> 00:11:30,270 It'd be great as an opening act. They're called the Jazzmen 3. 327 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:31,706 They wail. 328 00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,142 GUIDE: Obviously, 329 00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:34,478 we've got to kill this Tom guy. 330 00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:36,315 Yes, also very standard 331 00:11:36,415 --> 00:11:37,985 music business protocol, but... (laughs) 332 00:11:38,085 --> 00:11:40,524 Please, can we put a pin in that until after the show? 333 00:11:40,624 --> 00:11:41,860 - (both laughing) - Of course. 334 00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:48,406 (siren wailing) 335 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,410 It would appear the boy has no interest 336 00:11:50,511 --> 00:11:51,813 in larceny or vandalism. 337 00:11:51,913 --> 00:11:53,684 And obviously, he's too young for whoring. 338 00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:56,422 So to keep this excursion from being a total waste of time, 339 00:11:56,523 --> 00:11:58,392 I threw him in this dumpster, 340 00:11:58,492 --> 00:12:00,163 and told him he wasn't allowed out 341 00:12:00,263 --> 00:12:01,933 until he'd killed six rats. 342 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:03,436 Hey, Lazzo, guess what? 343 00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:04,739 - What? - Some dumb idiot 344 00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:06,475 threw out all these Playbills. 345 00:12:06,576 --> 00:12:08,045 This one's from Miss Saigon. 346 00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:11,118 Did you know they used a real helicopter on stage? 347 00:12:11,218 --> 00:12:12,755 But I don't think it could fly. 348 00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:14,926 I think they made it look that way with ropes... 349 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,830 - LASZLO: Shut up. - ...or what have you. 350 00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:17,765 Unbelievable. 351 00:12:17,865 --> 00:12:19,936 So we are clear on placement? 352 00:12:20,036 --> 00:12:23,510 Yes, yes. It should be in the usual place between the legs. 353 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,714 Yes, and not in a separate container 354 00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:28,219 such as a jar or a briefcase. 355 00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:29,889 And not on my chin. 356 00:12:31,091 --> 00:12:33,964 "Not on chin." 357 00:12:34,064 --> 00:12:35,534 Fine. So stipulated. 358 00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:37,470 DJINN: Well, you know, I'm used to the questions 359 00:12:37,572 --> 00:12:39,341 about the penis enlargement 360 00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,911 because people want to get it right. 361 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,519 But, uh, I have to say, I've never dealt with two people 362 00:12:44,619 --> 00:12:46,322 that are this detail-oriented. 363 00:12:46,422 --> 00:12:48,492 NANDOR: As far as size goes, 364 00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:50,998 it should not be so big that it crushes me. 365 00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:52,602 What about a mouse? 366 00:12:52,702 --> 00:12:54,606 For a penis? I don't think so, 367 00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:55,975 Djinn, you little trickster. 368 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,645 No, no, I think he means should the new member be 369 00:12:57,745 --> 00:12:59,649 big enough that it could crush a mouse? 370 00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,385 That is actually what I meant. 371 00:13:01,485 --> 00:13:02,688 Hmm. 372 00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:05,326 A penis so big it could crush a mouse... 373 00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:08,132 - Yes, don't mind if I do. - DJINN: Okay. 374 00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:10,103 Well, I think we're all squared. 375 00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:11,472 Wait up. One minute. 376 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,276 One second. My client... (continues indistinctly) 377 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:16,081 DJINN: What they are doing, it's correct, but, um... 378 00:13:16,181 --> 00:13:18,452 it's annoying. 379 00:13:18,553 --> 00:13:21,593 (indistinct shouting) 380 00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,997 (piano rehearsing) 381 00:13:24,097 --> 00:13:25,534 Jazz. Ugh. 382 00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:28,941 (claps once) Richie Suck, looking good. 383 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,447 - Welcome. - Doctor Tom likes them better. 384 00:13:32,548 --> 00:13:33,850 Will you please go distract 385 00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,788 that stupid doctor familiar for a minute? 386 00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:39,227 Excuse me? Jazz. What is jazz? 387 00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:40,664 Richie, baby. 388 00:13:40,764 --> 00:13:42,735 Who is the vampire, and who is the familiar? 389 00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:44,338 - Doctor Tom says... - (spits) 390 00:13:44,438 --> 00:13:46,676 Doctor Tom is a familiar. It doesn't matter what he says. 391 00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:50,249 You have let a human man transform you from a wild, 392 00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,621 horny, rampaging artist 393 00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:55,561 into a little pussy-bitch who "collaborates"? 394 00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:58,332 What happened to the visionary who wrote 395 00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,838 For My Corpsefuckers? 396 00:14:00,938 --> 00:14:02,374 ♪ My bloodsuckers ♪ 397 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,981 ♪ Drain a fourtop at the Fuddruckers ♪ 398 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:07,752 ♪ Bite necks and write checks ♪ 399 00:14:07,852 --> 00:14:09,555 ♪ Turn into a bat and have flying sex ♪ 400 00:14:09,656 --> 00:14:12,127 ♪ Don't call me Count Dracula, I'll smack you, uh ♪ 401 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,799 ♪ I'm like a Crip disease, I'll attack your blood. ♪ 402 00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:17,270 Man. I really had bars back in the day. 403 00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:18,472 TOM: Hey, uh... 404 00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:19,742 Everything okay over there? 405 00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:21,311 NADJA: Yes, everything is fine, 406 00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:22,515 doctor familiar boy. 407 00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,619 Richie, this is your only chance. 408 00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:26,355 Speak your truth. (purrs) 409 00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:28,225 Take back your life. 410 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,864 Now, show me those fangs. 411 00:14:30,964 --> 00:14:31,933 (chuckles) 412 00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:33,503 You got to wear them with pride, baby. 413 00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:35,206 ♪ ♪ 414 00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:36,408 Eesh. 415 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:37,878 Okay, read that back, please. 416 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,181 DJINN: "No substitution 417 00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:42,020 of whale or other species penis..." 418 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,024 - Yes. - DJINN: "Party in possession of new penis... 419 00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:45,193 That's me. 420 00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,798 "...should be able to comfortably perform 421 00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:49,267 "physical activities 422 00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:52,808 "such as walking, running, skipping, crossing legs, 423 00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:53,944 - etcetera." - Hmm. 424 00:14:54,044 --> 00:14:55,079 DJINN: "Should not require 425 00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:56,583 purchase of new clothes." 426 00:14:56,683 --> 00:14:58,185 Now, are you sure about that one? 427 00:14:58,285 --> 00:14:59,756 Why do you ask? 428 00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:02,026 Ninety percent of my business is penis enlargements. 429 00:15:02,127 --> 00:15:03,697 - GUILLERMO: That much? Really? - Oh, yeah. 430 00:15:03,797 --> 00:15:07,037 And most clients don't mind buying new clothes 431 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:08,439 to feature the updated package. 432 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:09,942 Hmm. 433 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,581 - NANDOR: Fine. Strike it out. - DJINN: Very well. 434 00:15:12,681 --> 00:15:14,017 It has been struck. 435 00:15:14,117 --> 00:15:15,453 - MARWA: Darling? - (shushing) 436 00:15:15,554 --> 00:15:17,424 I'm not doing anything! 437 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,027 Just business stuff. 438 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:22,668 Okay, I hate to interrupt your business, 439 00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:25,574 but I know you wish to see Richie Suck at the club. 440 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,010 - Yes. - MARWA: Yes. 441 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,847 - Almost done, my morning star. - MARWA: Okay. 442 00:15:28,947 --> 00:15:30,551 - (whispering): I see you soon. - DJINN: Richie Suck, 443 00:15:30,651 --> 00:15:32,454 - the rap artist? - Mm-hmm. 444 00:15:32,555 --> 00:15:35,259 Oh, my cousin granted his wish to get five mics in The Source. 445 00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,896 - Can we wrap this up, please? - DJINN: Okay. 446 00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,967 You guys said you wanted to circle back 447 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,971 to some concerns about the balls? 448 00:15:41,071 --> 00:15:43,643 - Yes. - Yes, let's talk balls. 449 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,248 Why are you sad, Lazzo? 450 00:15:46,348 --> 00:15:49,121 I'm not sad, my boy. I'm just reflective. 451 00:15:49,221 --> 00:15:51,526 When I was your age, I loved only two things: 452 00:15:51,626 --> 00:15:53,295 my nanny and my piano. 453 00:15:53,395 --> 00:15:55,066 And my father took them both. 454 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:56,803 Then he sent me off to boarding school 455 00:15:56,903 --> 00:15:58,507 - to give me polish. - Okay. 456 00:15:58,607 --> 00:15:59,842 It wasn't such a waste of time. 457 00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:01,211 I learned how to cheat at cards, 458 00:16:01,311 --> 00:16:02,915 hit the other fellow before he hit me. 459 00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:05,654 I also learned not to trust my father 460 00:16:05,754 --> 00:16:07,625 or anyone else, for that matter. 461 00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:09,461 And that took centuries with my Nadja 462 00:16:09,562 --> 00:16:10,964 - to unravel. - Okay. 463 00:16:11,064 --> 00:16:15,774 What I'm trying to say is... I think Gizmo was right. 464 00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,980 I think you're going to be incredibly boring. 465 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,588 The type of chap who goes to see revival of Auntie Mame 466 00:16:22,688 --> 00:16:23,924 and writes about it in his diary. 467 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,527 But I don't hold that against you. 468 00:16:25,627 --> 00:16:27,163 You're a better man than I am. 469 00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:30,938 You were raised to be charming, not sincere. 470 00:16:31,038 --> 00:16:32,608 Really? Well, that's nicely put. 471 00:16:32,708 --> 00:16:34,144 You're full of surprises. 472 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,415 That's from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. 473 00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:37,818 - Right. - I was thinking about it 474 00:16:37,918 --> 00:16:40,557 because I want to turn my Ewok Village Lego set 475 00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:42,126 into the Giant's tree... 476 00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:44,231 Do you? Really? Now, why don't we fuck that off 477 00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:46,569 - and go and see Richie Suck. - Okay. 478 00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:47,805 ♪ ♪ 479 00:16:47,905 --> 00:16:50,309 Okay, balls in proportion... 480 00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:52,247 Note the changes... 481 00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:55,821 Very well, Master, your wish... 482 00:16:55,921 --> 00:16:58,125 Wait. You can't give him the world's largest penis 483 00:16:58,225 --> 00:16:59,862 by making everyone else's smaller. 484 00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:03,068 Oh, very good catch, Guillermo. 485 00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:04,939 (sputters) Shit. 486 00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:06,108 I mean, well done, familiar. 487 00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,179 I was moments away from giving 488 00:17:08,279 --> 00:17:11,786 every man in the world but Nandor a micro wang. 489 00:17:11,886 --> 00:17:13,690 NANDOR: Why would you do such a thing? 490 00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,126 It's just part of the job, I guess. 491 00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:18,900 I teach lessons about greed, desires, etcetera, 492 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,806 by fucking with the wishes of my so-called masters. 493 00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:23,944 But you two have bested me. 494 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,383 Your familiar has a very shrewd and incisive mind 495 00:17:27,483 --> 00:17:30,022 - when it comes to the penis stuff. - Thank you. 496 00:17:30,122 --> 00:17:32,561 Or you could've just said "thank you" to me. 497 00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:34,264 (sighs) Always so needy. 498 00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:37,303 Thank you, Guillermo, I appreciate all your help. 499 00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:40,309 And every time I use my new big dick, 500 00:17:40,409 --> 00:17:42,848 I will think of you and all you've done for me. 501 00:17:42,948 --> 00:17:44,184 Ah, this is your wish? 502 00:17:44,284 --> 00:17:46,556 - This is my wish. - This is his wish. 503 00:17:46,656 --> 00:17:48,727 Wish granted! 504 00:17:51,532 --> 00:17:52,735 Excuse me for a moment. 505 00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:53,837 - GUILLERMO: Yes. - DJINN: Yeah, go ahead. 506 00:17:53,937 --> 00:17:56,676 Would you care for some Yoo-hoo? 507 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:57,811 No, thank you. 508 00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:59,782 (creaking) 509 00:17:59,882 --> 00:18:01,151 NANDOR: Oh, wow. 510 00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,922 That'll do, pig. 511 00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:05,326 Guillermo, come check out the size of this unit. 512 00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:06,863 (chuckling): I'm good. 513 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:09,401 It's only about 20 percent bigger than what you had. 514 00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:11,071 I'll be damned. 515 00:18:11,171 --> 00:18:13,108 DJINN: I was surprised you wanted more, but, uh... 516 00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,379 Yeah, it turned out beautifully if I do say so myself. 517 00:18:15,479 --> 00:18:17,383 Guillermo, are you sure you don't want a little peek? 518 00:18:17,483 --> 00:18:19,822 No, I have to get down to the club. 519 00:18:19,922 --> 00:18:21,893 Oh, okay. Please tell Marwa 520 00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:24,397 that I wish to see her in the bedroom. 521 00:18:24,497 --> 00:18:25,433 Okay. 522 00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:27,538 - Great work. - Thanks. 523 00:18:27,638 --> 00:18:29,040 - Yes. - Yeah. 524 00:18:34,317 --> 00:18:35,954 - (jazz music playing) - (indistinct chattering) 525 00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:38,392 - (hissing) - Hey! Where's Richie? 526 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,929 (snapping fingers) 527 00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:42,267 - (booing) - (glass shattering) 528 00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:46,308 (chanting): Richie Suck. Richie Suck. 529 00:18:46,408 --> 00:18:47,511 Richie Suck. 530 00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:50,082 - Richie Suck. Richie Suck. - All right. Hi. 531 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,719 - Sorry, guys. - Richie Suck. 532 00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:53,222 - All right, hold it down. - Richie Suck. 533 00:18:53,322 --> 00:18:55,426 Be patient. You look beau... You don't know jazz 534 00:18:55,527 --> 00:18:57,230 - if you haven't heard it yet, right? - Richie Suck. 535 00:18:57,330 --> 00:19:01,138 Hey, how's the, uh... how's the home? 536 00:19:01,238 --> 00:19:02,340 Fine. 537 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,843 It's perfectly normal. 538 00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:05,647 Happens to every guys. 539 00:19:05,747 --> 00:19:07,417 - Can you sh...? - We are still getting reacquainted. 540 00:19:07,518 --> 00:19:08,787 Don't say it here. 541 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,289 - Is everything okay? - No. 542 00:19:10,389 --> 00:19:12,026 The djinn tricked me into saying that every time 543 00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:14,397 I used my new big dick, I will think of you. 544 00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:16,435 - Richie Suck. Richie Suck. - He got us. 545 00:19:16,536 --> 00:19:17,671 He did. 546 00:19:17,771 --> 00:19:20,644 - Eesh. - All right. It's not eesh. 547 00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,313 How is everybody doing tonight? 548 00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:24,351 - (mixer scratching) - (crowd whooping) 549 00:19:24,451 --> 00:19:26,054 Is everybody ready to have a good time, 550 00:19:26,154 --> 00:19:27,323 maybe slightly unpredictable 551 00:19:27,423 --> 00:19:29,160 because it's live, but still good? 552 00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:30,897 - (cheering) - (mixer scratching) 553 00:19:30,998 --> 00:19:32,200 (whooping) 554 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,872 Well, then, let's welcome a true artist 555 00:19:34,972 --> 00:19:37,110 who doesn't give two wet shits what you think. 556 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,515 Let's get loud for Richie Suck! 557 00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:42,286 (cheering, whooping) 558 00:19:42,387 --> 00:19:44,558 Remember, be yourself. Free yourself. 559 00:19:44,659 --> 00:19:46,529 - ♪ Wild in here right now ♪ - (cheering) 560 00:19:46,629 --> 00:19:49,735 ♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪ 561 00:19:49,835 --> 00:19:52,306 ♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪ 562 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:55,514 ♪ Yeah, we've gone wild in here right now ♪ 563 00:19:56,816 --> 00:19:58,218 (stops music) 564 00:19:58,318 --> 00:19:59,722 RICHIE: Thank you all for coming out. 565 00:19:59,822 --> 00:20:03,429 I've been away for a while, and it's been a journey. 566 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:06,669 Uh, so before I start the show, I want to bring out a man 567 00:20:06,769 --> 00:20:08,673 who's been a really important part of that. 568 00:20:08,773 --> 00:20:11,713 My familiar, Dr. Tom Schmidt. 569 00:20:11,813 --> 00:20:14,217 GUILLERMO: (whoops) Familiars! 570 00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:15,821 Thank you, Richie. First of all... 571 00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:17,958 So me and Tom decided that I need to be more authentic, 572 00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:20,162 so we collaborated on a bunch of new songs 573 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,803 for me to do with the Jazzmen 3 over here. 574 00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,239 (booing) 575 00:20:25,339 --> 00:20:26,876 RICHIE: But guess what? 576 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,580 I'm not going to do them! 577 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,552 - (cheering) - NADJA: The right decision. 578 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:33,389 - Master, listen. - No, man. 579 00:20:33,489 --> 00:20:35,827 I'm done listening to you. Forever! 580 00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:37,296 No, Master, no! Ahh! 581 00:20:37,397 --> 00:20:38,900 - (hissing) - RICHIE: Eat that bitch. 582 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,302 Eat that bitch. 583 00:20:40,403 --> 00:20:43,743 Eat bitch. Eat that bitch. Eat that bitch. 584 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:44,845 Eat the bitch! 585 00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,281 RICHIE: Now, now, now, 586 00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:48,252 how many of you want to hear me do my thing? 587 00:20:48,352 --> 00:20:50,924 Who want to hear me do my truth? 588 00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:52,360 - (cheering) - NADJA: Yes, please, Richie. 589 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,464 Who wants to hear some new shit from Richie Suck 590 00:20:54,565 --> 00:20:56,234 that they ain't never heard before? 591 00:20:56,334 --> 00:20:59,107 - (whooping) - Go, Richie! 592 00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:01,646 Who wants to hear me do some observational comedy? 593 00:21:01,746 --> 00:21:03,983 NADJA: What the fuck? 594 00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:08,258 Like, have you ever been flying around as a bat... 595 00:21:08,358 --> 00:21:10,129 (chuckles) ...and you get hit by a drone 596 00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:13,570 and you be like, "Damn, the robots coming for us?" 597 00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,306 (laughing) 598 00:21:15,406 --> 00:21:17,578 VAMPIRE: Hey, do Throat Juice. 599 00:21:17,678 --> 00:21:19,080 RICHIE: You know what... what is really cool 600 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:20,382 about being a vampire, though? 601 00:21:20,483 --> 00:21:22,086 You ain't never got to do no dishes. 602 00:21:22,186 --> 00:21:23,422 - VAMPIRE: Bring back the jazz. - (hissing) 603 00:21:23,523 --> 00:21:25,226 Never, no dishes. It's all skin and bone. 604 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,863 - You know? - (hissing, complaining) 605 00:21:26,963 --> 00:21:28,065 But seriously, though, grandmamas 606 00:21:28,165 --> 00:21:29,635 be saying some stupid shit. 607 00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:32,473 Oh, Richie Suck, courageously working without a net. 608 00:21:32,574 --> 00:21:34,344 Don't throw shit at my wife, you fuck. 609 00:21:34,444 --> 00:21:37,450 It makes the live experience more irreplaceable and fun... 610 00:21:37,551 --> 00:21:39,487 Hey! Show's over. 611 00:21:39,588 --> 00:21:41,024 (Nadja gasps, yelps) 612 00:21:41,124 --> 00:21:43,061 RICHIE: Hey, what the... Get the fuck off me. 613 00:21:43,162 --> 00:21:44,364 - NANDOR: Out of my way. - NADJA: Laszlo! 614 00:21:44,464 --> 00:21:45,867 Hang on! I've-I've lost the boy. 615 00:21:45,967 --> 00:21:47,203 Laszlo, get your... 616 00:21:47,303 --> 00:21:48,506 get out your hands and help your wife. 617 00:21:48,606 --> 00:21:50,476 I'm trying. This men are too horny. 618 00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:52,681 ♪ If you want to ring the bell not once but twice ♪ 619 00:21:52,781 --> 00:21:54,350 - What the f... What? - Huh? 620 00:21:54,451 --> 00:21:57,858 ♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice ♪ 621 00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,429 ♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪ 622 00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,901 ♪ With sweet music and love ♪ 623 00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:06,809 ♪ If you want to rid this world of men and Mickey Mice ♪ 624 00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:09,147 - (band playing along) - ♪ Take my advice... ♪ 625 00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:11,686 From the 1936 movie musical, Born to Dance. 626 00:22:12,521 --> 00:22:14,859 - ♪ When you sit down, one day ♪ - Don't fuck it up, boy. 627 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,729 ♪ Look over yourself and say ♪ 628 00:22:16,829 --> 00:22:18,031 ♪ "You're very good" ♪ 629 00:22:18,131 --> 00:22:19,434 He can really move. 630 00:22:19,535 --> 00:22:21,772 ♪ Rap tap on wood ♪ 631 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:23,075 Score by Cole Porter, 632 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,979 sung by the late, great Eleanor Powell. 633 00:22:25,079 --> 00:22:27,918 It's so disgusting, I love it. 634 00:22:28,018 --> 00:22:28,953 NADJA: Vampires have 635 00:22:29,053 --> 00:22:30,957 always loved child novelty acts. 636 00:22:31,057 --> 00:22:32,426 I mean, who knows why. 637 00:22:32,528 --> 00:22:34,732 Some say they are transfixed by the youth 638 00:22:34,832 --> 00:22:37,905 and innocence they themselves lost long ago. 639 00:22:38,005 --> 00:22:40,242 Others just love how creepy 640 00:22:40,342 --> 00:22:42,013 and exploitative it is. 641 00:22:42,113 --> 00:22:43,650 But I don't care, anyway, 642 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:46,321 because the most important thing is that Baby Colin Robinson 643 00:22:46,421 --> 00:22:48,358 is going to keep my club in business. 644 00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:50,897 LASZLO: I was worried the kid was a dud. 645 00:22:50,997 --> 00:22:53,402 Turns out he's got the groove. 646 00:22:53,503 --> 00:22:54,839 ♪ Rap tap on wood. ♪ 647 00:22:54,939 --> 00:22:57,143 - (cheering) - LASZLO: Fantastic. 648 00:22:57,243 --> 00:22:59,615 NANDOR: Bravo, Baby Colin Robinson. 649 00:22:59,715 --> 00:23:02,521 Any more kids, welcome to Nadja's. 650 00:23:02,621 --> 00:23:06,361 ♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪ 651 00:23:06,461 --> 00:23:10,604 ♪ Take it and make it a part of your day ♪ 652 00:23:10,704 --> 00:23:15,246 ♪ Musical themes of wishes and dreams ♪ 653 00:23:15,346 --> 00:23:20,657 ♪ Love songs anew just written for you ♪ 654 00:23:20,757 --> 00:23:24,698 ♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪ 655 00:23:24,798 --> 00:23:28,907 ♪ Filled with the sounds that wipe sadness away ♪ 656 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:33,516 ♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪ 657 00:23:33,616 --> 00:23:37,490 ♪ Keep it and take it home with ♪ 658 00:23:37,591 --> 00:23:42,300 ♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪ 659 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,974 ♪ Keep it and take it home ♪ 660 00:23:46,074 --> 00:23:49,582 ♪ With you. ♪ 661 00:23:49,682 --> 00:23:52,153 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 46496

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.