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1
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,302
(MENACING VOICE)
Good evening, John Dearheart
2
00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:26,302
Uh? Arh!
3
00:00:28,902 --> 00:00:30,942
(LIPWIG VOICEOVER) There's always an
angel. There's always a price.
4
00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,182
There's always a way.
5
00:00:34,782 --> 00:00:37,822
(BELL RINGS) Rob, trick, forge,
embezzle.
6
00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:40,702
I can't deny I did every con in the
book.
7
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:43,702
(GROWL)
8
00:00:46,222 --> 00:00:47,702
I'm offering you a new life.
9
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:52,102
The Job in question is to re-open th
Ankh-Morpork Post Office.
10
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:55,782
Looks like some other fool has be
suckered into running the...
11
00:00:55,782 --> 00:00:58,102
Post Office.
12
00:00:58,222 --> 00:01:01,782
But why me?...
I'm just a con man.
13
00:01:01,782 --> 00:01:06,782
Because Wheels are in motion Mr.
Lipwig. Wheels within Wheels.
14
00:01:06,782 --> 00:01:09,222
Um, this is Mr.Lipwig. The new
Postmaster.
15
00:01:10,782 --> 00:01:13,382
Moist Von Lipwig. That's quite a
name.
16
00:01:13,382 --> 00:01:16,262
They say the Post Office has a curse
on it.
17
00:01:16,422 --> 00:01:21,702
The last four Post Masters have
died...In dreadful circumstances.
18
00:01:21,942 --> 00:01:25,782
The first Post Master, fell from the
fifth floor.
19
00:01:25,782 --> 00:01:28,742
Smack Sir, smack onto the marbel hea
first.
20
00:01:28,902 --> 00:01:32,502
It was like a melon hitting (SQUELCH
I get the picture.
21
00:01:35,542 --> 00:01:37,142
(SCREAM)
22
00:01:45,342 --> 00:01:50,102
The Post Office...is back in
business.
23
00:01:53,702 --> 00:01:56,182
I don't suppose you'd like to have
dinner tonight? With you?
24
00:01:57,782 --> 00:01:58,702
No.
25
00:01:58,862 --> 00:02:02,222
This Post Master...is a nuisance.
26
00:02:04,782 --> 00:02:07,502
This is where my brother John died.
Three years ago
27
00:02:07,782 --> 00:02:10,102
He was a clacksman, until someone
pushed him from up there.
28
00:02:10,742 --> 00:02:12,702
Deal with him for me.
29
00:02:12,902 --> 00:02:16,502
My Pleasure (AGGRESSIVE HISS)
30
00:02:17,982 --> 00:02:22,702
You ruined my family. (Adora, I'm
sorry.) (You're a liar and a cheat!)
31
00:02:22,862 --> 00:02:24,782
(There are no lies left!)
< The Post Office is burning!
32
00:02:27,182 --> 00:02:29,142
(PANTING) You've got to save Stanley
33
00:02:32,182 --> 00:02:34,702
I am...The Killer!
(SCREAMS)
34
00:02:35,742 --> 00:02:38,622
This is a Post Office Closure!
35
00:02:40,222 --> 00:02:41,702
(EXPLOSION)(GLASS SHATTERING)
36
00:02:54,902 --> 00:03:02,702
You know what they say?... Hear the
cry of a banshee... and die!
37
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:09,302
Actually...it's banshee cries,
somebody dies.
38
00:03:09,742 --> 00:03:11,302
Today, it's you!
39
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:26,102
Missed both my hearts.
40
00:03:30,622 --> 00:03:33,622
I do love postmasters.
41
00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:39,062
Killing them is so lucrative.
42
00:03:39,062 --> 00:03:40,742
(YELLS)
43
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,302
Who's paying you?
44
00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:46,862
Not everyone can afford
assassin of calibre.
45
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:51,422
I deal with all Reacher's
loose ends.
46
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,342
Gilt.
47
00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:58,422
The Dearheart boy
screamed like a pig.
48
00:03:58,422 --> 00:04:01,702
Screamed like a pig!
49
00:04:01,702 --> 00:04:04,502
Till he struck the ground.
50
00:04:07,662 --> 00:04:12,422
Time to shut up shop, Postmaster.
51
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:18,822
This is not Reacher Gilt's
Post Office to close.
52
00:04:18,822 --> 00:04:20,982
It belongs to the city.
53
00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:23,742
How dare he come in here
and destroy it.
54
00:04:23,742 --> 00:04:25,782
(WHISPERING VOICES)
55
00:04:28,262 --> 00:04:30,542
Oh, please!
56
00:04:30,542 --> 00:04:33,942
Can't I even die in peace?
57
00:04:33,942 --> 00:04:36,822
I mean, I'm no angel, but him?
58
00:04:36,822 --> 00:04:39,022
He's a devil.
59
00:04:48,182 --> 00:04:49,662
(YELLS)
60
00:05:11,182 --> 00:05:14,742
"Upon discovery of fire,
remain calm."
61
00:05:17,342 --> 00:05:18,662
(COUGHS)
62
00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:29,782
"Shout 'fire'
in a loud, clear voice."
63
00:05:29,782 --> 00:05:31,102
Fire!
64
00:05:33,022 --> 00:05:34,342
Stanley.
65
00:05:39,902 --> 00:05:41,902
"If trapped...
66
00:05:43,422 --> 00:05:47,982
..await A, rescue or B, death."
67
00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,902
Straightforward enough.
68
00:05:52,902 --> 00:05:54,982
(WHISTLES)
69
00:05:54,982 --> 00:05:57,582
A it is, then.
70
00:05:57,582 --> 00:05:59,462
Come on.
71
00:06:05,422 --> 00:06:08,462
(WHISPERING VOICES)
72
00:06:10,222 --> 00:06:11,542
I owe you.
73
00:06:30,742 --> 00:06:34,862
Where are the fire brigade?
We have no insurance.
74
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,022
What?
75
00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:40,702
I'm sorry, sir,
it was fire insurance or food.
76
00:06:40,702 --> 00:06:42,662
Where are the buckets then?
77
00:06:42,662 --> 00:06:46,662
This is beyond buckets, Mr Lipwig.
78
00:06:50,662 --> 00:06:53,742
(VIOLIN PLAYS MOURNFULLY)
79
00:06:57,422 --> 00:06:58,622
Hmm!
80
00:07:07,342 --> 00:07:08,302
Adora.
81
00:07:09,902 --> 00:07:12,262
Care for a dance?
82
00:07:12,262 --> 00:07:14,862
A dance? With you?
83
00:07:14,862 --> 00:07:19,062
A self-centred skuggem
with the moral fibre of a...
84
00:07:19,062 --> 00:07:21,382
A rat?
A rat.
85
00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:23,222
Thank you.
My pleasure.
86
00:07:23,222 --> 00:07:24,622
(SHRIEKS)
87
00:07:29,702 --> 00:07:33,062
(SHRIEKS) Let me go!
88
00:07:33,062 --> 00:07:36,942
Not until I've told you
what's really going on.
89
00:07:36,942 --> 00:07:39,382
You destroyed my family,
that's what's going on.
90
00:07:39,382 --> 00:07:43,342
That was an accident.
I can put it right.
91
00:07:43,342 --> 00:07:47,022
You don't know the meaning
of the word "right".
92
00:07:47,022 --> 00:07:50,942
Those dead postmasters,
Gilt had them killed.
93
00:07:50,942 --> 00:07:52,782
He tried to kill me, too.
94
00:07:52,782 --> 00:07:56,622
Who'd have thought I had something
in common with Reacher Gilt?
95
00:07:56,622 --> 00:08:01,342
Adora, he murdered your brother.
96
00:08:05,942 --> 00:08:08,422
John wore a safety line,
but he fell to his death.
97
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:13,102
It doesn't make sense, unless you
hire a flying banshee to push him.
98
00:08:13,102 --> 00:08:17,182
And banshees are Gilt's
weapon of choice.
99
00:08:17,182 --> 00:08:19,022
You've got proof?
Of course.
100
00:08:22,542 --> 00:08:26,742
Well, the banshee was my proof.
He knew everything.
101
00:08:26,742 --> 00:08:29,542
Except how to be fireproof.
How convenient!
102
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,862
Even so, I think I can bring down
Reacher Gilt.
103
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:35,462
All talk and no action, as usual.
104
00:08:35,462 --> 00:08:39,302
Adora, will you trust me
just this once?
105
00:08:40,822 --> 00:08:42,142
(SHE KNEES HIM)
Oh!
106
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:44,502
Does that answer your question?
107
00:08:46,462 --> 00:08:49,942
Any comment to go with the picture,
Mr Lipwig?
108
00:09:03,582 --> 00:09:04,902
Reacher.
109
00:09:07,582 --> 00:09:09,262
Marvellous, isn't it?
110
00:09:09,262 --> 00:09:11,142
A bit...
111
00:09:11,142 --> 00:09:12,982
..extreme?
112
00:09:12,982 --> 00:09:16,662
The point is, Horsefry, we've won.
113
00:09:19,382 --> 00:09:20,862
We've won.
114
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:41,550
Well, I suppose that's one way
to deal with the backlog.
115
00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:43,270
How can you joke?
116
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:45,870
That's our life. And it's gone.
117
00:09:47,390 --> 00:09:50,070
Be brave, Mr Groat.
118
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,630
There's our customers over there.
119
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:01,830
Sending clacks, we've lost them.
120
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:07,630
Then we'll just have
to win them back again, won't we?
121
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,310
Come on, Mr Groat.
122
00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:20,510
The Post Office is open... as usual.
123
00:10:20,510 --> 00:10:23,990
A bit more open than usual,
I would say.
124
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:30,150
< Number four delivery, proceed.
125
00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:33,390
Number four delivery.
126
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,110
Stan!
127
00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:36,630
Aggy!
128
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:40,550
Not many of us old postmen
left now, Mr Groat.
129
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:44,470
We help out the best we can
in the post's hour of need.
130
00:10:44,470 --> 00:10:45,910
See?
131
00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,870
People love the Post Office.
132
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:52,110
So... (CLEARS THROAT)
133
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,070
Get your men organised,
134
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,990
Deputy Postmaster Groat.
135
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,990
I want them...
136
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:06,710
Did you say deputy postmaster, sir?
I did.
137
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:11,750
And, what's more,
I want your men out on the streets
138
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:15,710
delivering the mail today.
Yes, sir.
139
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,710
Looks like the clacks is down again.
140
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,630
This really is my lucky day.
141
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:38,670
Special today, ladies and gentlemen,
142
00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:43,070
mail to Pseudopolis
reduced to three pence.
143
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,910
Three pence only.
144
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:51,470
And if anyone has a message
already stuck in the clacks,
145
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:54,710
we'll deliver it for free.
146
00:11:56,150 --> 00:12:01,070
No matter how hard I scrape my shoe,
147
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:05,190
Lipwig remains stuck to it.
148
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:08,510
It says here he was unscathed.
149
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:11,950
Does this mean we have to try again?
No.
150
00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:18,950
He may be alive,
but he's yesterday's man.
151
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,550
Knowing Lipwig, he'll rebuild.
152
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,350
With what?
153
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:26,190
It'll cost a fortune.
154
00:12:27,190 --> 00:12:33,430
And the... Post Office is bankrupt.
155
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,550
Nevertheless, people...
156
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,750
..seem to have a fondness
for the post.
157
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:45,270
My latest innovation
will change all that.
158
00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:47,270
Innovation?
159
00:12:47,270 --> 00:12:50,390
We closed down research
and development years ago.
160
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:55,230
This isn't about research, Horsefry.
161
00:12:55,230 --> 00:13:01,350
This is about dazzling the masses
with a bauble.
162
00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:08,270
I believe the respectable term is...
163
00:13:13,070 --> 00:13:15,110
..marketing.
164
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:17,910
(FANFARE PLAYS)
165
00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:24,030
We are proud
166
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:27,710
to usher in a new era.
167
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:31,430
The mobile era.
168
00:13:31,430 --> 00:13:35,470
A network of towers like this
169
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:41,150
will move around Discworld
as demand requires.
170
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,630
This doesn't look good.
171
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:47,110
In future,
if you can't get to a clacks tower,
172
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:51,950
the clacks tower
will be brought to you.
173
00:13:51,950 --> 00:13:55,670
Full coverage for the entire Disc.
174
00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:58,550
Mr Gilt, today's increase
in the price of clacks messages
175
00:13:58,550 --> 00:14:02,990
is the fifth this year.
Surely that is extortion.
176
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:05,910
This is the future
of long-distance communication,
177
00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:08,510
and new technology is not cheap.
178
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:13,950
Would you really have that
when you can have this?
179
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:22,670
But he had the Post Office
destroyed.
180
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,230
(LIPWIG) We have no proof, Mr Pump.
181
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:35,030
We must do something.
182
00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:38,430
Follow me.
183
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,790
(CROWD GASPS)
184
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,990
Arrest those men!
For what?
185
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,190
Vandalising clacks property.
186
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:04,550
I think you'll find the only offence
here is trespass.
187
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:08,470
Your map was being paraded
on Post Office property.
188
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:11,190
I'll see you paraded
through hell, Lipwig.
189
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,150
Are you going to send another
assassin to sort me out?
190
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:17,630
Assassin? I have no idea
what you're talking about.
191
00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:21,510
Mr Gryle and I
had a very interesting chat.
192
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:25,750
I know exactly
what you've been up to.
193
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,390
Where's your proof?
194
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,270
All in good time.
195
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:32,230
You're such a fraud.
196
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,070
And you're such a murderer.
197
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:36,270
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
198
00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:43,350
That is slander.
199
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:47,430
This is a declaration of war.
200
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,710
Can I quote you on that?
201
00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:51,070
If you want a quote,
Miss Cripslock, try this.
202
00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:55,070
Neither rain nor fire
can stop the post.
203
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:58,510
Very stirring.
204
00:15:58,510 --> 00:16:01,390
But his quote had "war" in it.
205
00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:07,310
Fine talk, sir. Fine talk.
You do give a good bite of sound.
206
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,750
If you don't mind me saying,
it's bugger all help.
207
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,150
I know, I know.
208
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:15,430
They come through with a new
technological breakthrough.
209
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:19,750
"A modern miracle that will change
communications for ever."
210
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:22,350
And we haven't even got a roof.
211
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:25,990
Oh, one decent downpour
and all this will be papier-mache.
212
00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:28,190
Big roofs cost big money.
213
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:33,870
That's it, Mr Groat.
214
00:16:33,870 --> 00:16:35,630
Rain.
215
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,590
Rainy days.
216
00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:44,430
The problem with people who put
money away for a rainy day
217
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:47,470
is they never know when it's raining.
218
00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:49,550
(LAUGHS)
219
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,310
Well, I think it's about to pour.
220
00:16:58,750 --> 00:16:59,950
Stress.
221
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:02,750
It does funny things to a man.
222
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:08,830
Sausage?
223
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:13,510
Mrs Leakall's
Premium Reserve sausages.
224
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,150
A special offering.
225
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:18,230
Because I have a special prayer.
226
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:20,950
Well, you're off to a good start.
227
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:28,190
Tell me, how do you actually
get the sausages up there?
228
00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:32,990
Frying. The gift of sausages ascends
onto Offler, the sacred crocodile,
229
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,990
by means of smell.
230
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:43,190
And then you... eat the sausage?
231
00:17:43,990 --> 00:17:46,190
A common misconception.
232
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,910
But the true sausagidity
goes to Offler.
233
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:54,070
He eats the... essence
of the sausages.
234
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:57,830
While we priests
eat the earthly shell.
235
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:03,430
That would explain
why the smell of sausages
236
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:07,870
is always better than
the actual taste, perhaps.
237
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,310
You should have been a theologian.
238
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:14,310
So, what is your prayer
to accompany Mrs Leakall's finest?
239
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,110
Just the usual.
240
00:18:16,110 --> 00:18:19,750
Pennies from heaven.
241
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:25,590
$150,000... to be precise.
242
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:32,910
Might take more than a few sausages
to get something that... specific.
243
00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:38,390
But... let's give it a shot.
244
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,190
(MOIST) Post!
245
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:01,550
Post!
246
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:10,910
Good work, Stanley. That'll do it.
247
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:15,590
Forwards, Stanley, forwards.
248
00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:20,470
Post.
249
00:19:22,270 --> 00:19:23,230
Post.
250
00:19:27,990 --> 00:19:29,390
Come on.
251
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:31,630
Everyone loves getting a letter.
252
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:39,670
I think it's best
you stay away from Miss Adora.
253
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,590
Stay away?
254
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,630
I can't do that, she loves me.
255
00:19:44,630 --> 00:19:47,870
But she just tried to kill you.
256
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:53,030
Well, the human heart
is a complex thing, Mr Pump.
257
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:56,590
Love, hate,
they're just a breath apart.
258
00:19:56,590 --> 00:19:59,350
She doesn't know it yet,
but she loves me.
259
00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:09,790
(WHISTLES)
260
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:17,350
Mr Pump.
261
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,550
That's your third delivery today.
262
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:23,790
Many letters survived the fire.
263
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:27,350
We are working round the clock
to deliver them.
264
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:30,230
Round the clock?
Without a break.
265
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:33,550
That is how much we believe
in Postmaster Lipwig.
266
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:35,950
But that's exploitation.
267
00:20:35,950 --> 00:20:37,870
The Golem Trust can't allow it.
268
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:41,030
You misunderstand.
269
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:44,350
We volunteered.
Volunteered?
270
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:48,710
That is the worst form
of exploitation.
271
00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,190
Rats.
272
00:21:57,270 --> 00:21:59,790
What are you doing, Horsefry?
273
00:21:59,790 --> 00:22:01,750
I need it for my budget.
274
00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:04,670
Budget?
275
00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:07,870
I need to know how many towers
we're going to build.
276
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:13,710
Do you know what I really like
about you, Horsefry?
277
00:22:13,710 --> 00:22:16,430
Your naivety.
278
00:22:16,430 --> 00:22:18,990
Sorry, don't quite get you.
279
00:22:23,390 --> 00:22:28,790
We put up the clacks charges
to finance a fleet of towers, right?
280
00:22:28,790 --> 00:22:32,150
But we don't actually build any.
281
00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:36,190
So the extra revenue
becomes pure profit.
282
00:22:38,670 --> 00:22:43,150
But won't people
want to see some towers?
283
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:46,350
Well, we'll wheel out that fancy
model every now and then,
284
00:22:46,350 --> 00:22:51,150
give the idiots
some eye candy to gawp at.
285
00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:57,070
Meanwhile, the mobile clacks project
is officially in development.
286
00:23:00,110 --> 00:23:01,430
Shame.
287
00:23:02,670 --> 00:23:05,390
I thought it was a good idea.
288
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:10,630
Horsefry, Horsefry.
289
00:23:11,430 --> 00:23:15,190
They aim of business is?
Erm...
290
00:23:15,190 --> 00:23:19,030
Not to provide a good service,
but to provide the...
291
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:21,870
Only.
..only service.
292
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,510
They seem very taken with
the new-fangled towers, sir.
293
00:23:35,510 --> 00:23:37,710
It's the oldest trick in the book.
294
00:23:37,710 --> 00:23:40,710
Dazzle the punter
with a pretty picture.
295
00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:43,190
What's a punter?
296
00:23:43,190 --> 00:23:47,070
They haven't even built
the mobiles yet, have they?
297
00:23:47,070 --> 00:23:48,710
It's all promise.
298
00:23:48,710 --> 00:23:51,150
Know what happens to promises.
299
00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:54,390
Will the people
ever come back to us?
300
00:23:54,390 --> 00:23:56,110
How would they be able to resist
301
00:23:56,110 --> 00:24:00,670
when we have our new
state-of-the-art Post Office?
302
00:24:00,670 --> 00:24:04,750
Not in our lifetime.
You underestimate me, Mr Groat.
303
00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,470
I don't want to hurt your feelings,
304
00:24:06,470 --> 00:24:09,510
but praying for money
is a bit desperate, don't you think?
305
00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:13,110
There's a god out there for everyone.
The trick is hooking up with -
306
00:24:15,110 --> 00:24:18,190
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
307
00:24:20,270 --> 00:24:22,270
Mr Lipwig!
308
00:24:28,350 --> 00:24:29,430
The light.
309
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:34,030
The wonderful light.
310
00:24:34,030 --> 00:24:37,150
Glory be to Offler.
311
00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:40,070
The sacred crocodile god.
312
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:44,150
Oh!
313
00:24:45,790 --> 00:24:49,350
He's blind. He's blind.
314
00:24:49,350 --> 00:24:51,630
Mr Lipwig, sir.
315
00:24:51,630 --> 00:24:55,350
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
316
00:24:55,665 --> 00:24:58,665
One regular white,
one skinny Klatchian.
317
00:25:00,865 --> 00:25:02,945
And two figgins, please.
318
00:25:03,785 --> 00:25:05,985
(GROAT) Somebody call a doctor.
319
00:25:09,905 --> 00:25:12,345
Can you see nothing at all?
320
00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:15,545
Are you totally blind?
321
00:25:15,545 --> 00:25:19,825
Only blind to this world, my friend.
322
00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:26,865
Now I perceive the inner truth.
323
00:25:27,705 --> 00:25:28,665
Yes.
324
00:25:33,785 --> 00:25:36,785
The angels of Offler...
325
00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:39,025
..whisper onto me.
326
00:25:41,865 --> 00:25:46,345
One... hundred... and...
327
00:25:46,345 --> 00:25:49,425
..fifty thousand dollars.
328
00:25:50,865 --> 00:25:55,545
Buried... in a forest.
329
00:25:59,425 --> 00:26:00,785
Offler.
330
00:26:00,785 --> 00:26:02,945
I am not worthy.
331
00:26:07,545 --> 00:26:11,625
Let the angels choose a holy witness.
332
00:26:11,625 --> 00:26:13,185
Me, me!
333
00:26:13,185 --> 00:26:15,425
(ALL SHOUT)
334
00:26:15,425 --> 00:26:18,745
I'll give you the front page.
335
00:26:18,745 --> 00:26:21,025
You...
336
00:26:21,025 --> 00:26:23,025
..are chosen.
337
00:26:28,465 --> 00:26:32,865
Offler says... to the hop gate.
338
00:26:34,705 --> 00:26:36,545
And bring a shovel.
339
00:26:39,665 --> 00:26:41,505
(MOIST INTONES)
340
00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:47,905
(GROAT) Divine intervention.
341
00:26:51,545 --> 00:26:53,705
Show me the way!
342
00:26:56,905 --> 00:26:59,385
The praying man.
343
00:26:59,385 --> 00:27:00,945
It is here.
344
00:27:05,105 --> 00:27:09,905
The praying man
under the praying tree.
345
00:27:11,785 --> 00:27:13,625
Looks like an elephant to me.
346
00:27:13,625 --> 00:27:16,265
(ALL SHOUT HERETIC)
347
00:27:18,585 --> 00:27:23,665
Well, now you mention it,
I can definitely see a praying man.
348
00:27:31,665 --> 00:27:33,665
(ALL EXCLAIM)
349
00:27:37,985 --> 00:27:40,145
(ALL GO QUIET)
350
00:27:41,345 --> 00:27:43,945
(MAN MUTTERS) He can see.
351
00:27:44,985 --> 00:27:46,105
What's going on?
352
00:27:46,105 --> 00:27:48,465
You're under arrest,
that's what's going on.
353
00:27:48,465 --> 00:27:49,705
(YELPS)
354
00:27:56,265 --> 00:27:58,865
Hello again.
355
00:28:03,665 --> 00:28:05,865
(STANLEY) Mr Lipwig.
356
00:28:06,985 --> 00:28:09,825
I demand you step aside.
357
00:28:09,825 --> 00:28:13,225
Can't you wait
until Mr Lipwig returns?
358
00:28:13,225 --> 00:28:15,665
Mr Lipwig is in breach of contract.
359
00:28:15,665 --> 00:28:18,985
But we golems
are satisfied with him.
360
00:28:18,985 --> 00:28:21,265
You've been manipulated by him.
361
00:28:22,025 --> 00:28:24,865
Not manipulated.
362
00:28:24,865 --> 00:28:26,505
Persuaded.
363
00:28:32,505 --> 00:28:34,745
Now you're making me angry.
364
00:28:34,745 --> 00:28:37,345
Pump 19.
365
00:28:39,665 --> 00:28:42,585
I will assemble the golems.
366
00:28:49,865 --> 00:28:51,865
Mr Lipwig.
367
00:28:51,865 --> 00:28:54,745
You've had a most strenuous day,
have you not?
368
00:28:56,105 --> 00:28:59,105
Can't be as strenuous
as signing death warrants.
369
00:29:01,385 --> 00:29:02,345
Joke.
370
00:29:05,305 --> 00:29:08,825
Oh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realised.
371
00:29:08,825 --> 00:29:11,945
Do tell me if you feel obliged
to make another.
372
00:29:13,865 --> 00:29:18,305
To be honest, today has all been
a bit of a blur.
373
00:29:18,305 --> 00:29:22,905
There's $150,000 buried
in the forest.
374
00:29:22,905 --> 00:29:26,625
And you have no idea
how it got there.
375
00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:28,745
It's miraculous.
376
00:29:28,745 --> 00:29:32,265
A remarkable coincidence that
it is precisely the sum of money
377
00:29:32,265 --> 00:29:35,545
that was hidden
by a notorious conman.
378
00:29:35,545 --> 00:29:37,185
Conman?
379
00:29:38,145 --> 00:29:43,265
Who was that then?
We hanged him. He's dead.
380
00:29:43,265 --> 00:29:44,545
Isn't he?
381
00:29:45,825 --> 00:29:49,225
Yes. He's dead.
382
00:29:49,225 --> 00:29:50,545
Excellent.
383
00:29:50,545 --> 00:29:53,785
So, as this money
is a gift from the gods,
384
00:29:53,785 --> 00:29:57,345
it should be used for
the public good, should it not?
385
00:30:04,825 --> 00:30:08,465
The eyes, Mr Lipwig.
Hmm?
386
00:30:08,465 --> 00:30:11,225
You can trust me.
387
00:30:11,225 --> 00:30:12,185
Oh, that.
388
00:30:14,265 --> 00:30:16,265
Made from turtle egg shells.
389
00:30:18,665 --> 00:30:20,545
Ingenious.
Thank you.
390
00:30:20,545 --> 00:30:23,585
I meant me
for making you postmaster.
391
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:30,665
Ah. Marvellous.
392
00:30:32,065 --> 00:30:33,545
Mr Lipwig.
393
00:30:35,305 --> 00:30:39,585
But if I'm to restore the Post
Office, I have to pay the builders.
394
00:30:39,585 --> 00:30:42,385
Send the bills to Drumknott.
395
00:30:42,385 --> 00:30:45,745
Your job is to make sure
that Reacher Gilt
396
00:30:45,745 --> 00:30:49,905
is in no position to burn
the Post Office down again.
397
00:30:49,905 --> 00:30:52,025
He's a murderer.
398
00:30:52,025 --> 00:30:55,545
An accusation
for which you have hard evidence?
399
00:30:57,305 --> 00:31:01,585
Your spies could find some evidence,
no doubt.
400
00:31:01,585 --> 00:31:02,505
Spies?
401
00:31:04,505 --> 00:31:07,785
I did hear there was a man
on the inside.
402
00:31:07,785 --> 00:31:10,545
But he was dropped
from his position.
403
00:31:12,385 --> 00:31:14,025
Quite literally.
404
00:31:14,985 --> 00:31:18,345
John Dearheart was your spy?
405
00:31:18,345 --> 00:31:20,465
He was a spy.
406
00:31:20,465 --> 00:31:23,305
But he didn't get very far.
407
00:31:23,305 --> 00:31:26,945
Perhaps if he'd possessed
the agile mind of a conman,
408
00:31:26,945 --> 00:31:30,145
he might have had more success
as a spy.
409
00:31:32,785 --> 00:31:37,305
You think I'm some thug piece
to be moved around at your leisure?
410
00:31:37,305 --> 00:31:39,945
Precisely.
No.
411
00:31:39,945 --> 00:31:43,065
I won't be your spy.
412
00:31:43,065 --> 00:31:46,505
Shame. Miss Dearheart
would have been impressed.
413
00:31:55,505 --> 00:31:58,665
(ADORA) Indeed it is
the very essence of golem.
414
00:31:58,665 --> 00:32:00,945
But enough is enough.
415
00:32:00,945 --> 00:32:04,705
This postmaster, this Lipwig,
is an exploiter.
416
00:32:04,705 --> 00:32:08,425
The Golem Trust can't allow it
and won't allow it.
417
00:32:08,425 --> 00:32:10,345
Just because
you don't need a tea break
418
00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:12,545
doesn't mean you're not
entitled to one.
419
00:32:12,545 --> 00:32:15,545
Right now the Post Office
needs you more than you need it.
420
00:32:15,545 --> 00:32:18,825
There is only one course of action
to take in those circumstances.
421
00:32:18,825 --> 00:32:21,065
Strike and strike hard.
422
00:32:21,065 --> 00:32:22,465
So what do we want?
423
00:32:25,985 --> 00:32:27,785
OK.
424
00:32:27,785 --> 00:32:29,865
OK, let's go straight to the vote.
425
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:32,905
All those in favour of
an immediate withdrawal of labour
426
00:32:32,905 --> 00:32:35,185
raise your hand.
427
00:32:40,505 --> 00:32:42,425
Oh, I see.
428
00:32:42,425 --> 00:32:46,945
I suppose you all think the sun
shines out of Lipwig's backside.
429
00:32:57,865 --> 00:32:59,385
Very well.
430
00:32:59,385 --> 00:33:02,185
But don't come running to me
when you're so worn out
431
00:33:02,185 --> 00:33:05,625
that the only thing you're able
to hold is a pot plant.
432
00:33:07,945 --> 00:33:08,905
Adora.
433
00:33:10,425 --> 00:33:11,465
Adora, wait.
434
00:33:11,465 --> 00:33:13,385
How dare you turn my golems
against me.
435
00:33:13,385 --> 00:33:16,185
You're the one who said
they can't be manipulated.
436
00:33:18,505 --> 00:33:20,825
The brochure is being revised.
437
00:33:20,825 --> 00:33:24,145
Did you know your brother was a spy
for Lord Vetinari?
438
00:33:27,265 --> 00:33:29,945
You really will say anything
just to get my attention.
439
00:33:29,945 --> 00:33:31,025
It's the truth.
440
00:33:31,025 --> 00:33:34,345
Let my brother rest in peace.
Fine, then here's what we'll do.
441
00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:36,545
We'll keep on fighting day and night.
442
00:33:36,545 --> 00:33:38,745
We'll make sure
we never share information
443
00:33:38,745 --> 00:33:42,025
that could damage the clacks.
That way Reacher Gilt's sure to win.
444
00:33:42,025 --> 00:33:45,065
You think you're the only one
who can bring down Reacher Gilt.
445
00:33:45,065 --> 00:33:47,465
The arrogance, the conceit.
446
00:33:47,465 --> 00:33:49,225
I don't need you.
447
00:33:49,225 --> 00:33:51,425
I'll show you just how much
448
00:33:51,425 --> 00:33:53,345
The one-woman crusade, how noble.
449
00:33:53,345 --> 00:33:56,505
You'll see. The whole city will see.
450
00:34:09,985 --> 00:34:11,785
Good work, lads.
451
00:34:18,185 --> 00:34:21,945
Are we ready, Mr Groat?
Just a few more, sir.
452
00:34:21,945 --> 00:34:25,265
Bet you're glad you invented
perforations, eh, Stanley?
453
00:34:25,265 --> 00:34:29,985
Strange thing is some people
are sending letters to themselves.
454
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:31,345
What?
455
00:34:31,345 --> 00:34:35,025
Once the stamp has been through
the post it makes it more real.
456
00:34:35,025 --> 00:34:38,225
You see, people are collecting them.
457
00:34:40,305 --> 00:34:42,745
Just like you and your pins, eh?
458
00:34:42,745 --> 00:34:44,145
Pins?
459
00:34:45,225 --> 00:34:46,945
Oh, pins.
460
00:34:46,945 --> 00:34:49,745
No, pins are just
pointy metal things.
461
00:34:49,745 --> 00:34:51,065
> Ready to roll, sir.
462
00:34:51,065 --> 00:34:54,185
All you good people of the city.
463
00:34:54,185 --> 00:34:58,385
Now run in conjunction
with Hobson's Livery,
464
00:34:58,385 --> 00:35:01,385
it gives me great pleasure
to crack the whip
465
00:35:01,385 --> 00:35:04,545
on the overnight express
to Sto Lat.
466
00:35:10,705 --> 00:35:13,105
So much for us having won.
467
00:35:14,865 --> 00:35:18,025
How dare the gods work against me.
468
00:35:18,025 --> 00:35:21,625
I don't remember
giving them permission.
469
00:35:24,705 --> 00:35:29,665
Why don't we just concentrate
on our own business?
470
00:35:29,665 --> 00:35:32,945
Because Lipwig's taking
our business.
471
00:35:32,945 --> 00:35:35,345
Look at them.
472
00:35:35,345 --> 00:35:39,705
One artist's impression...
and they believe.
473
00:35:42,145 --> 00:35:46,025
Of course,
posting the letter is one thing.
474
00:35:46,025 --> 00:35:50,185
Making sure it arrives
is another thing altogether.
475
00:36:09,345 --> 00:36:11,545
Yah! Yah!
476
00:37:44,158 --> 00:37:46,158
Oh, here we go again.
477
00:37:46,158 --> 00:37:48,678
What's up?
478
00:37:48,678 --> 00:37:50,598
It's jammed.
479
00:37:50,598 --> 00:37:53,598
Maybe it's iced up.
Better call maintenance.
480
00:37:53,598 --> 00:37:56,518
Oh yeah, yeah.
Like we got three days to waste.
481
00:38:07,758 --> 00:38:09,518
(SPEAKS JIBBERISH)
482
00:38:13,798 --> 00:38:17,678
Princess,
you've got to come and see this.
483
00:38:17,678 --> 00:38:19,598
I'm looking right at it.
484
00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:25,598
A fault?
485
00:38:25,598 --> 00:38:28,198
It seems it's spreading
right through the system,
486
00:38:28,198 --> 00:38:31,598
which is why we need
to shut everything down now.
487
00:38:31,598 --> 00:38:35,398
Shut down the entire clacks?
488
00:38:35,398 --> 00:38:37,798
It's the only way.
489
00:38:37,798 --> 00:38:41,078
Did I tell you the good news,
Mr Pony?
490
00:38:41,078 --> 00:38:43,038
I'm recommending you for a pay rise.
491
00:38:43,038 --> 00:38:45,518
A substantial pay rise.
492
00:38:45,518 --> 00:38:48,598
And I'm pushing for a bonus, too.
493
00:38:48,598 --> 00:38:50,438
That's very generous of you,
Mr Gilt.
494
00:38:50,438 --> 00:38:53,798
Nothing less than you deserve,
Mr Po-
495
00:38:53,798 --> 00:38:55,718
Or may I call you...
496
00:38:57,278 --> 00:38:59,398
..George.
497
00:38:59,398 --> 00:39:04,798
Problem is, George,
I have to answer to the board.
498
00:39:04,798 --> 00:39:07,798
And what will they say
when my very next sentence is,
499
00:39:07,798 --> 00:39:10,598
"Mr Pony wants to shut down
the clacks."
500
00:39:10,598 --> 00:39:12,878
Well, you don't have to be
a boardroom veteran
501
00:39:12,878 --> 00:39:14,598
to work that one out, do you?
502
00:39:14,598 --> 00:39:18,598
I want you to have that bonus,
George.
503
00:39:18,598 --> 00:39:20,998
I really do.
504
00:39:20,998 --> 00:39:23,198
So I'm going to ask you
just one more time.
505
00:39:23,198 --> 00:39:26,438
Are you absolutely sure you can't
solve this technical hiccough
506
00:39:26,438 --> 00:39:29,598
without having to shut down
the whole system?
507
00:39:29,598 --> 00:39:32,798
Well, maybe we can come at it
from a different angle.
508
00:39:32,798 --> 00:39:36,638
By damn it, George,
you've talked me into it.
509
00:39:36,638 --> 00:39:39,678
I'll tell the board you've got
the whole thing under control.
510
00:39:39,678 --> 00:39:43,398
Your skill and ingenuity
will be the saving of the company.
511
00:40:01,238 --> 00:40:04,638
I hadn't budgeted for any pay rises,
Reacher.
512
00:40:06,558 --> 00:40:08,518
You won't have to.
513
00:40:09,798 --> 00:40:13,998
Money dangled is much more
effective than...
514
00:40:13,998 --> 00:40:16,598
(BOTH) ..money given.
515
00:40:16,598 --> 00:40:19,198
Er, talking of wages.
516
00:40:20,758 --> 00:40:24,798
How much did you pay
the banshee in the end?
517
00:40:24,798 --> 00:40:26,758
What does it matter?
518
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:30,238
I just need to reconcile my ledger.
519
00:40:30,238 --> 00:40:32,598
You mean you actually intend
520
00:40:32,598 --> 00:40:36,518
to write down how much
I paid an assassin?
521
00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:40,918
I've always done it in the past.
522
00:40:43,398 --> 00:40:47,038
Well, got to keep records, Reacher.
523
00:40:47,038 --> 00:40:50,278
Can't cover your tracks if you
don't know where you've left them.
524
00:40:50,278 --> 00:40:52,838
And is that the only ledger?
525
00:40:52,838 --> 00:40:56,238
No, I've got dozens of them
going back years.
526
00:40:56,238 --> 00:40:57,158
Oh.
527
00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:02,558
I'd love to see them, Horsefry.
528
00:41:02,558 --> 00:41:03,558
Really?
529
00:41:03,558 --> 00:41:04,718
Yes.
530
00:41:05,558 --> 00:41:07,158
They're in my office.
531
00:41:07,158 --> 00:41:08,958
Come up any time.
532
00:41:08,958 --> 00:41:10,678
Now, Crispin.
533
00:41:10,678 --> 00:41:13,638
I want to see them.
534
00:41:13,638 --> 00:41:14,798
Now.
535
00:41:17,558 --> 00:41:19,518
Never shown any interest before.
536
00:41:19,518 --> 00:41:20,758
No.
537
00:41:20,758 --> 00:41:23,718
Well, I'm very interested in...
538
00:41:24,958 --> 00:41:26,918
..settling accounts.
539
00:41:32,718 --> 00:41:34,678
Thank you.
540
00:41:49,878 --> 00:41:51,838
There you are.
541
00:42:07,398 --> 00:42:09,758
So that's what she meant.
542
00:42:09,758 --> 00:42:11,238
Mr Lipwig, sir.
543
00:42:11,238 --> 00:42:13,238
Oh, calamity.
544
00:42:13,238 --> 00:42:15,238
The mail coach is back, sir.
545
00:42:15,238 --> 00:42:16,598
Already?
546
00:42:16,598 --> 00:42:20,638
But there's no mail.
And not much coach.
547
00:42:29,758 --> 00:42:31,718
So efficient.
548
00:42:33,558 --> 00:42:36,158
Thank you.
549
00:42:36,158 --> 00:42:38,118
Nice to be appreciated.
550
00:42:49,558 --> 00:42:51,518
What have you done, Horsefry?
551
00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:55,558
Er...
552
00:42:55,558 --> 00:42:57,358
..my job.
553
00:42:57,358 --> 00:42:59,318
Account for things.
554
00:43:03,358 --> 00:43:05,758
Damn you.
555
00:43:05,758 --> 00:43:08,718
Account for this.
556
00:43:14,998 --> 00:43:17,598
Reacher, no!
Leave it.
557
00:43:17,598 --> 00:43:20,038
What are you doing?
Saving us from prison.
558
00:43:20,038 --> 00:43:21,478
But we have to keep account.
559
00:43:21,478 --> 00:43:23,118
Your job is to hide things,
560
00:43:23,118 --> 00:43:25,798
not to declare them
for the whole world to see.
561
00:43:25,798 --> 00:43:28,598
Please, Reacher!
It is my life's work.
562
00:43:28,598 --> 00:43:30,518
Get off me, you fat fool.
563
00:43:33,238 --> 00:43:35,598
Look at you.
564
00:43:35,598 --> 00:43:39,598
Loose flesh, loose tongue,
loose brain.
565
00:43:39,598 --> 00:43:42,318
Just loose everything.
566
00:43:43,158 --> 00:43:45,478
The fact is, Horsefry,
567
00:43:45,478 --> 00:43:48,438
you're too stupid to live.
568
00:43:50,758 --> 00:43:52,718
(YELLS)
569
00:43:54,558 --> 00:43:56,518
(YELLING / HITTING NOISES)
570
00:44:14,958 --> 00:44:18,198
Found the fault yet, Mr Pony?
571
00:44:18,198 --> 00:44:19,958
I-I...
572
00:44:25,558 --> 00:44:27,518
Mr Horsefry was taken ill.
573
00:44:29,358 --> 00:44:32,758
It left a nasty stain on the carpet.
574
00:44:32,758 --> 00:44:34,958
I sent him home.
575
00:44:34,958 --> 00:44:38,718
But can't stand the smell.
576
00:44:41,078 --> 00:44:43,198
Mr Pony,
that's not the look of a man
577
00:44:43,198 --> 00:44:46,118
who's in for a substantial pay rise.
578
00:44:49,958 --> 00:44:51,918
Better.
579
00:45:19,798 --> 00:45:23,038
Adora, that's a really neat trick
you pulled off.
580
00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:28,438
I knew you'd see it my way.
581
00:45:28,438 --> 00:45:30,478
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
582
00:45:30,478 --> 00:45:33,198
Freezing the towers.
That was very slick.
583
00:45:33,198 --> 00:45:36,358
The trouble is, right now the
Post Office is down, too. Bandits.
584
00:45:36,358 --> 00:45:39,478
Hmm. How careless of you.
585
00:45:39,478 --> 00:45:41,158
We need a double whammy.
586
00:45:41,158 --> 00:45:43,798
As you hit the clacks,
we can steal their business.
587
00:45:43,798 --> 00:45:44,958
A synchronised attack.
588
00:45:44,958 --> 00:45:46,598
I wouldn't synchronise with you
589
00:45:46,598 --> 00:45:48,598
if you were the last person
on the Disc.
590
00:45:48,598 --> 00:45:51,558
40 Passing Clouds, please.
591
00:45:51,558 --> 00:45:52,758
You know what?
592
00:45:52,758 --> 00:45:56,158
You're right. You don't need me.
593
00:45:56,158 --> 00:45:59,518
You're more than capable of bringing
down Reacher Gilt on your own.
594
00:45:59,518 --> 00:46:01,078
You've got it all under control
595
00:46:01,078 --> 00:46:04,558
so I'll just walk away
and leave you in peace.
596
00:46:04,558 --> 00:46:06,478
You won't ever hear from me again.
597
00:46:10,478 --> 00:46:13,598
Two...
Don't you want to know how I did it?
598
00:46:18,558 --> 00:46:21,918
Go out onto the Post Office roof.
599
00:46:21,918 --> 00:46:25,638
Get yourself a little bit closer
to Heaven.
600
00:46:25,638 --> 00:46:29,358
Then get down on your knees
and pray.
601
00:46:29,358 --> 00:46:31,478
You know how to pray, don't you?
602
00:46:31,478 --> 00:46:33,878
Just put your hands together
and hope.
603
00:46:54,558 --> 00:46:56,318
Hello?
604
00:47:03,558 --> 00:47:05,518
She said pray.
605
00:47:15,558 --> 00:47:18,918
Hope you don't mind
about the sausage business.
606
00:47:18,918 --> 00:47:20,478
But, to be perfectly honest,
607
00:47:20,478 --> 00:47:24,598
I think we both came out of it
looking pretty good.
608
00:47:24,598 --> 00:47:27,318
Anyway, I was wondering if -
609
00:47:38,198 --> 00:47:40,158
Is this about the rent?
610
00:47:41,958 --> 00:47:43,318
Who the hell are you?
611
00:47:43,318 --> 00:47:47,038
We paid Mr Groat. So you'll
have to take it up with him.
612
00:47:50,758 --> 00:47:52,718
Forget Groat.
613
00:47:54,158 --> 00:47:56,358
What are you doing on my roof?
614
00:47:56,358 --> 00:47:58,998
I'm Mad Al. He's Sane Alex.
615
00:47:58,998 --> 00:48:00,198
And that's Adrian.
616
00:48:00,198 --> 00:48:02,718
He says he's not mad
but you can't prove it, can you?
617
00:48:02,718 --> 00:48:05,038
We're pigeon fanciers.
618
00:48:05,038 --> 00:48:06,998
So where are the pigeons?
619
00:48:09,198 --> 00:48:11,158
Out flying.
620
00:48:12,758 --> 00:48:14,718
Pigeons don't fly at night.
621
00:48:15,798 --> 00:48:17,598
Bats.
622
00:48:17,598 --> 00:48:20,278
We're trying to breed homing bats.
623
00:48:20,278 --> 00:48:22,718
Bats don't have a homing instinct.
624
00:48:23,718 --> 00:48:24,878
Yes.
625
00:48:26,038 --> 00:48:27,198
Tragic, isn't it?
626
00:48:27,198 --> 00:48:29,798
Yeah, because sometimes
I come up here at night
627
00:48:29,798 --> 00:48:32,198
and I just see their empty
little perches.
628
00:48:32,198 --> 00:48:34,118
As all I can do not to cry.
629
00:48:38,078 --> 00:48:41,478
Well, I'm sure Lord Vetinari will be
fascinated to hear all about it.
630
00:48:41,478 --> 00:48:45,798
You know, I quite enjoyed
seeing you on your knees.
631
00:48:45,798 --> 00:48:47,518
Adora.
632
00:48:49,958 --> 00:48:51,918
The Smoking GNU, actually.
633
00:48:59,478 --> 00:49:04,278
You can really jam the whole
clacks system from a pigeon loft?
634
00:49:04,278 --> 00:49:06,198
Mm-hmm.
635
00:49:07,158 --> 00:49:08,158
Nice trick.
636
00:49:08,158 --> 00:49:09,438
Trick?
637
00:49:09,438 --> 00:49:11,558
This is cutting edge cracking.
638
00:49:11,558 --> 00:49:12,998
Two years in development.
639
00:49:12,998 --> 00:49:14,998
Iterative beta testing.
640
00:49:14,998 --> 00:49:17,518
Culminating in this.
641
00:49:23,198 --> 00:49:25,158
Away you go, boys.
642
00:49:38,958 --> 00:49:40,918
Firing out from here...
643
00:49:41,998 --> 00:49:43,718
..into the Grand Trunk.
644
00:49:43,718 --> 00:49:45,678
Then...
645
00:49:47,158 --> 00:49:48,478
Jam.
646
00:49:48,478 --> 00:49:51,598
But before it jams,
it's already passed the code on.
647
00:49:51,598 --> 00:49:52,998
So...
648
00:49:53,958 --> 00:49:55,118
Jam.
649
00:49:56,878 --> 00:49:58,038
Jam.
650
00:49:59,398 --> 00:50:00,558
Jam.
651
00:50:05,158 --> 00:50:07,878
The problem started at this tower.
652
00:50:07,878 --> 00:50:11,798
And I think one of you
has been meddling.
653
00:50:11,798 --> 00:50:14,598
Was it him?
Was this his idea of a joke?
654
00:50:14,598 --> 00:50:16,478
No, sir. He didn't do anything.
655
00:50:16,478 --> 00:50:20,958
Then it must have been you.
You with a juvenile sense of humour.
656
00:50:20,958 --> 00:50:22,878
(SHRIEKS)
657
00:50:24,078 --> 00:50:27,998
Stay back. I'll have to drop
every employee until someone -
658
00:50:27,998 --> 00:50:30,358
I've got it. I know what's happened.
659
00:50:30,358 --> 00:50:33,998
One moment, Mr Pony.
I'm just disposing of some assets.
660
00:50:33,998 --> 00:50:34,958
(SCREAMS)
661
00:50:34,958 --> 00:50:38,158
Hey! That's my niece.
662
00:50:38,158 --> 00:50:40,438
Oh, that is useful to know.
663
00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:42,278
It's a strange aperture.
664
00:50:42,278 --> 00:50:44,798
It's jumping off
the elliptical bearing.
665
00:50:44,798 --> 00:50:46,958
I can fix it.
666
00:50:46,958 --> 00:50:48,998
If you hit Q and then K,
667
00:50:48,998 --> 00:50:51,398
and the resonant frequency
to sent it to Genua,
668
00:50:51,398 --> 00:50:53,318
when the pressure
is higher than ours -
669
00:50:53,318 --> 00:50:56,798
Spare me the details.
Can you trace it?
670
00:50:56,798 --> 00:50:58,878
Well, there's over
10,000 messages here.
671
00:50:58,878 --> 00:50:59,838
(GROWLS)
672
00:50:59,838 --> 00:51:01,038
(SCREAMS)
673
00:51:01,038 --> 00:51:02,638
I might be able to find it.
674
00:51:02,638 --> 00:51:04,598
Thank you.
675
00:51:07,118 --> 00:51:08,758
There, there.
676
00:51:08,758 --> 00:51:12,078
(MAD AL) Better stop down now.
677
00:51:12,078 --> 00:51:16,918
When the sun comes up,
(WHISPERS) they can see us. Shh.
678
00:51:16,918 --> 00:51:18,038
See?
679
00:51:18,878 --> 00:51:22,798
We can do to the clacks
what my stiletto did to your foot.
680
00:51:22,798 --> 00:51:25,238
It's not a bad start.
681
00:51:25,238 --> 00:51:27,398
Not bad?
682
00:51:27,398 --> 00:51:31,278
As long as we're sending, Reacher
Gilt doesn't earn a single dollar.
683
00:51:31,278 --> 00:51:34,358
Ah, but if we worked together
684
00:51:34,358 --> 00:51:37,158
while you're stabbing his foot,
685
00:51:37,158 --> 00:51:39,118
I can be picking his pocket.
686
00:51:45,558 --> 00:51:47,438
The great thing about the Post Office
687
00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:49,758
is we don't rely
on complicated machines.
688
00:51:49,758 --> 00:51:52,318
We have hands and feet.
689
00:51:52,318 --> 00:51:53,278
And...
690
00:51:54,438 --> 00:51:56,358
..strong ones at that.
691
00:51:56,358 --> 00:51:58,998
Heave away, Mr Pump.
692
00:52:01,358 --> 00:52:03,318
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE)
693
00:52:04,278 --> 00:52:09,598
Ladies, gentlemen,
don't get caught in the clacks.
694
00:52:09,598 --> 00:52:11,558
Come join us at the Post Office.
695
00:52:11,558 --> 00:52:13,998
We'll get your message delivered.
696
00:52:17,798 --> 00:52:24,278
You see, the clacks system works
at the cutting edge of technology.
697
00:52:24,278 --> 00:52:27,998
And in the white heat of progress
there are sometimes complications.
698
00:52:27,998 --> 00:52:31,318
But I can assure you
there are now all resolved.
699
00:52:31,318 --> 00:52:32,518
Some people are saying -
700
00:52:32,518 --> 00:52:36,278
And we'll be providing refunds for
any messages that have been lost.
701
00:52:36,278 --> 00:52:38,358
All you have to do is
fill in the claim form.
702
00:52:38,358 --> 00:52:40,878
But I do urge your readers
not to do anything as rash
703
00:52:40,878 --> 00:52:44,398
as writing a letter
and sending it by post.
704
00:52:44,398 --> 00:52:45,398
Wouldn't you -
705
00:52:45,398 --> 00:52:48,318
You might as well tear it up
and scatter it to the four winds.
706
00:52:48,318 --> 00:52:52,038
Mr Gilt, this claim form
is 50 pages long.
707
00:52:55,158 --> 00:52:57,798
A help desk will be provided.
708
00:52:57,798 --> 00:53:01,278
But, please, don't get bogged down
in the details.
709
00:53:01,278 --> 00:53:07,038
What really matters is
we fly high above the bandits.
710
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:24,198
I will wager my hat of office
711
00:53:24,198 --> 00:53:29,198
that the clacks will have broken down
by sunset tonight.
712
00:53:29,198 --> 00:53:31,118
(APPLAUSE)
713
00:53:36,998 --> 00:53:43,718
And when we win, I'll burn his
ludicrous hat of office in this.
714
00:53:46,278 --> 00:53:48,238
Now to collect on that wager.
715
00:53:51,038 --> 00:53:52,758
Ready to stick the stiletto in?
716
00:53:52,758 --> 00:53:54,718
The pleasure's all ours.
717
00:54:11,558 --> 00:54:13,598
So, how long does it take?
718
00:54:13,598 --> 00:54:16,318
(MAD AL) It should have got
to the first tower already.
719
00:54:18,838 --> 00:54:21,438
I must say, it's looking
distinctly underwhelming.
720
00:54:23,878 --> 00:54:25,838
It's alright leaving us.
721
00:54:25,838 --> 00:54:27,918
So much for iterative beta testing.
722
00:54:27,918 --> 00:54:29,998
Don't shout at me.
I'm not shouting.
723
00:54:29,998 --> 00:54:32,598
I'm just calmly stating.
Well, just don't.
724
00:54:37,918 --> 00:54:39,878
Is it possible they could have...
725
00:54:41,438 --> 00:54:43,598
..cracked our code?
726
00:54:43,598 --> 00:54:45,798
Just as I was beginning
to like the hat.
727
00:54:45,798 --> 00:54:49,198
Stop whining, Lipwig.
I'm not whining, I'm just -
728
00:54:49,198 --> 00:54:51,598
I'd like to know why
the GNU isn't smoking.
729
00:54:51,598 --> 00:54:54,758
I'm sure you've talked your way
out of worse situations before.
730
00:54:54,758 --> 00:54:58,558
That was the old Lipwig, remember?
I'm a changed man now.
731
00:54:58,558 --> 00:55:00,678
Mr Lipwig, sir. Mr... oh.
732
00:55:00,678 --> 00:55:01,958
Mr Lipwig, sir.
733
00:55:01,958 --> 00:55:03,918
Mr Groat.
734
00:55:04,678 --> 00:55:07,158
I imagine Gilt's demanding the hat.
735
00:55:07,158 --> 00:55:09,878
You're not gonna let them have it,
are you?
736
00:55:13,158 --> 00:55:15,598
What's that I hear?
737
00:55:15,598 --> 00:55:20,158
Nothing.
Moist Von Lipwig has nothing to say.
738
00:55:21,558 --> 00:55:24,318
Have we lost everything?
739
00:55:25,638 --> 00:55:27,558
(GASPS)
740
00:55:27,558 --> 00:55:28,958
Relax, Mr Groat.
741
00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:30,478
I'm not done yet.
742
00:55:30,478 --> 00:55:32,438
All I have to do...
743
00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:35,958
..is attempt the impossible.
744
00:55:48,358 --> 00:55:52,598
As you can see, the sun has set
745
00:55:52,598 --> 00:55:57,798
and the clacks system
is working perfectly.
746
00:55:57,798 --> 00:56:02,558
All that remains is for
the Postmaster to admit defeat.
747
00:56:02,558 --> 00:56:04,598
But where is he?
748
00:56:04,598 --> 00:56:06,558
Another empty promise.
749
00:56:07,758 --> 00:56:09,998
Now, don't get me wrong.
750
00:56:09,998 --> 00:56:14,278
I have a fondness
for the quaint old Post Office.
751
00:56:14,278 --> 00:56:17,158
It's part of our history.
752
00:56:17,158 --> 00:56:20,878
But, really,
that is where it belongs.
753
00:56:20,878 --> 00:56:23,158
Did someone ask for me?
754
00:56:23,158 --> 00:56:25,158
Ah, Postmaster.
755
00:56:25,158 --> 00:56:26,518
Just in time.
756
00:56:26,518 --> 00:56:29,438
The fire was getting low.
757
00:56:29,438 --> 00:56:30,398
Well...
758
00:56:32,078 --> 00:56:36,798
..if you're too scared
to rise to the challenge.
759
00:56:36,798 --> 00:56:37,958
Have it.
760
00:56:37,958 --> 00:56:39,798
Challenge?
761
00:56:39,798 --> 00:56:43,278
An overnight race
from here to Uberwald.
762
00:56:43,278 --> 00:56:46,558
The clacks versus the post.
763
00:56:46,558 --> 00:56:48,318
That's over a thousand miles away.
764
00:56:48,318 --> 00:56:53,078
1,700 miles, to be precise,
Miss Cripslock.
765
00:56:53,078 --> 00:56:55,598
Mr Gilt,
do you accept the challenge?
766
00:56:55,598 --> 00:56:57,518
Accept?
767
00:56:58,558 --> 00:57:01,958
How could the clacks possibly lose?
768
00:57:06,598 --> 00:57:09,758
Well, you've made quite a splash.
769
00:57:09,758 --> 00:57:14,278
As the fish said to the man with
the lead weight tied to his feet.
770
00:57:14,278 --> 00:57:16,758
(LAUGHS)
771
00:57:16,758 --> 00:57:18,558
Perhaps I'm missing something.
772
00:57:18,558 --> 00:57:20,918
No, my lord, it's a straight race.
773
00:57:20,918 --> 00:57:24,278
But you can't possibly win.
I agree, it won't be easy.
774
00:57:24,278 --> 00:57:28,398
And I must insist
that the race is run fairly
775
00:57:28,398 --> 00:57:30,758
with strict rules.
776
00:57:30,758 --> 00:57:34,238
I have no intention of cheating.
777
00:57:34,238 --> 00:57:35,958
And I ask for no favours.
778
00:57:35,958 --> 00:57:38,678
All I ask is that when I win,
779
00:57:38,678 --> 00:57:41,998
Reacher Gilt hands over
the entire clacks network.
780
00:57:41,998 --> 00:57:43,558
(CHUCKLES)
781
00:57:43,558 --> 00:57:45,518
Very well.
782
00:57:46,358 --> 00:57:49,278
But I have a condition of my own.
783
00:57:49,278 --> 00:57:52,358
If you lose, Mr Lipwig, you hang.
784
00:57:54,518 --> 00:57:56,478
Really?
785
00:57:57,958 --> 00:58:00,158
It seems a little harsh.
786
00:58:00,158 --> 00:58:01,598
But fair.
787
00:58:01,598 --> 00:58:04,798
If you lose, you will have
outlived your usefulness.
788
00:58:04,798 --> 00:58:09,078
Having second thoughts, Postmaster?
789
00:58:21,758 --> 00:58:23,718
Let's race.
790
00:58:42,518 --> 00:58:44,398
Very good, sir.
791
00:58:44,398 --> 00:58:46,758
The worried look. Very convincing.
792
00:58:46,758 --> 00:58:48,558
Throws them off the scent.
793
00:58:48,558 --> 00:58:49,718
Yes.
794
00:58:52,278 --> 00:58:54,718
But how do you know
I'm not really worried?
795
00:58:54,718 --> 00:58:57,758
Because you're the man
who got money out of the gods, sir.
796
00:58:57,758 --> 00:58:59,678
Ah. Yeah.
797
00:59:01,558 --> 00:59:04,238
Supposing I did that with a trick?
798
00:59:04,238 --> 00:59:06,278
Damn good trick, sir, damn good.
799
00:59:06,278 --> 00:59:11,678
A man who can trick money out of the
gods is capable of anything, sir.
800
00:59:13,678 --> 00:59:16,398
Mr Groat.
Hmm?
801
00:59:16,398 --> 00:59:18,598
What if I told you that, er...
802
00:59:18,598 --> 00:59:22,398
There's no way a coach
can get to Uberwald
803
00:59:22,398 --> 00:59:25,158
faster than the clacks machines?
804
00:59:25,158 --> 00:59:26,958
Of course you have to say that, sir.
805
00:59:26,958 --> 00:59:30,158
Because the walls have ears, eh?
806
00:59:30,158 --> 00:59:32,118
Mum's the word.
807
00:59:39,758 --> 00:59:41,718
(SIGHS)
808
00:59:43,478 --> 00:59:45,438
Everything?
809
00:59:47,158 --> 00:59:49,118
Everything.
810
00:59:49,558 --> 00:59:52,758
But there's 15 years of work here.
811
00:59:52,758 --> 00:59:55,158
He's grown out of pins.
812
00:59:55,158 --> 00:59:58,398
Sir, pins are for life.
813
00:59:58,398 --> 00:59:59,998
They stick with you.
814
00:59:59,998 --> 01:00:02,958
He's starting a new life.
Isn't that right, Stanley?
815
01:00:02,958 --> 01:00:06,878
So. (CLEARS THROAT)
How much?
816
01:00:15,198 --> 01:00:19,598
Dave, what do you think
about stamps?
817
01:00:31,478 --> 01:00:35,238
So... what's the plan?
818
01:00:35,238 --> 01:00:37,198
How can you possibly win?
819
01:00:38,958 --> 01:00:40,118
Hmm?
820
01:00:41,678 --> 01:00:43,638
Friction.
821
01:00:45,278 --> 01:00:49,318
The coach will be so shiny
it'll glide through the air.
822
01:00:50,358 --> 01:00:53,118
Meanwhile back in the real world(!)
823
01:00:53,118 --> 01:00:55,798
The Post Office
is a hopeless underdog.
824
01:00:55,798 --> 01:01:02,398
Ah, but the underdog can always
find somewhere soft to bite.
825
01:01:02,398 --> 01:01:06,598
This is no time for witty banter.
We're not on a date.
826
01:01:06,598 --> 01:01:08,198
Do you have a plan?
827
01:01:08,198 --> 01:01:09,958
Do you trust me?
No.
828
01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:12,998
Do you have a plan?
Of course.
829
01:01:14,078 --> 01:01:16,518
We got 50-1.
50-1, sir.
830
01:01:16,518 --> 01:01:18,558
You haven't done anything silly,
I hope.
831
01:01:18,558 --> 01:01:22,038
No, no, no. I took all me savings,
Stanley here sold his pin collection
832
01:01:22,038 --> 01:01:26,518
and we put the whole lot
on you to win the race.
833
01:01:26,518 --> 01:01:29,158
The whole lot?
834
01:01:29,158 --> 01:01:30,878
Erm...
835
01:01:30,878 --> 01:01:33,758
Perhaps that wasn't so wise.
836
01:01:33,758 --> 01:01:35,438
50-1.
837
01:01:35,438 --> 01:01:38,158
But we don't want to appear greedy.
838
01:01:38,158 --> 01:01:39,278
Do we?
839
01:01:39,278 --> 01:01:41,798
I mean, we want to keep
the moral high ground.
840
01:01:41,798 --> 01:01:43,998
Bugger the moral high ground.
We'll be rich.
841
01:01:43,998 --> 01:01:47,238
It's all thanks
to your inspired plan, sir.
842
01:01:47,238 --> 01:01:48,318
Mr Groat.
What?
843
01:01:48,318 --> 01:01:51,798
Let's go and see if the golems
want to cash in. Good idea, lad.
844
01:01:54,558 --> 01:01:57,118
Oh, my God.
845
01:01:57,118 --> 01:01:59,558
There is no inspired plan.
846
01:02:00,678 --> 01:02:02,718
There.
847
01:02:02,718 --> 01:02:04,678
Right between your eyes.
848
01:02:05,798 --> 01:02:08,878
The next time I see you,
that's where I'm aiming.
849
01:02:35,158 --> 01:02:37,918
Messages can be blocked.
850
01:02:45,937 --> 01:02:48,737
I trust you have
discovered Lipwig's plan.
851
01:02:50,337 --> 01:02:52,937
I'm afraid not, sir.
852
01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:58,457
Only a fool would challenge
the clacks with a horse and cart.
853
01:02:58,457 --> 01:03:01,697
He must have a trick up his sleeve.
854
01:03:01,697 --> 01:03:03,097
Now...
855
01:03:03,777 --> 01:03:05,137
...what is it?
856
01:03:05,137 --> 01:03:08,057
All I can promise you, sir,
is the clacks won't let you down.
857
01:03:08,057 --> 01:03:11,777
We're clearing all messages off the
system, running double bandwidth,
858
01:03:11,777 --> 01:03:13,497
I'm putting all my best operators -
859
01:03:13,497 --> 01:03:16,057
You just remember,
if I'm made to look a fool,
860
01:03:16,057 --> 01:03:18,457
your pretty little niece
will rue the day
861
01:03:18,457 --> 01:03:21,297
her Uncle Pony
got her a job at the clacks!
862
01:03:25,057 --> 01:03:27,097
Archchancellor Ridcully, my lord.
863
01:03:27,097 --> 01:03:30,417
This had better be important,
I'm in the middle of an experiment.
864
01:03:30,417 --> 01:03:32,697
Involving a knife and fork,
no doubt.
865
01:03:32,697 --> 01:03:34,017
I wouldn't expect a layman
866
01:03:34,017 --> 01:03:36,457
to understand the pressures
of university life.
867
01:03:36,457 --> 01:03:38,017
Incredible though it may seem,
868
01:03:38,017 --> 01:03:41,057
we have found a practical use
for one of your magical devices.
869
01:03:41,057 --> 01:03:44,457
Have you?
The object in question is...
870
01:03:44,457 --> 01:03:46,857
An Omniscope, my lord.
871
01:03:46,857 --> 01:03:49,977
Enabling us to see things
at a distance, I believe.
872
01:03:49,977 --> 01:03:54,257
The Omniscope is a highly complex,
very unstable piece of equipment.
873
01:03:54,257 --> 01:03:56,257
You mean, it doesn't work?
874
01:03:56,257 --> 01:03:58,457
Well...
875
01:03:58,457 --> 01:04:00,337
Relatively speaking, it works.
876
01:04:00,337 --> 01:04:03,737
Excellent, kindly have it
up and running by dawn tomorrow.
877
01:04:03,737 --> 01:04:06,017
Now, listen,
magic is not some workmen's tool
878
01:04:06,017 --> 01:04:07,697
that you can hire out by the hour.
879
01:04:07,697 --> 01:04:11,457
Just as well, because
I wasn't intending to pay you.
880
01:04:21,857 --> 01:04:23,977
Can I help?
881
01:04:25,857 --> 01:04:27,897
Mr Pony.
882
01:04:29,017 --> 01:04:30,777
Miss Adora.
883
01:04:32,417 --> 01:04:33,937
How have you been?
884
01:04:36,377 --> 01:04:39,777
It's nice to see you
after all these years.
885
01:04:40,817 --> 01:04:44,017
I'm sorry I never came
to your father's funeral.
886
01:04:44,017 --> 01:04:45,817
It didn't seem right.
887
01:04:45,817 --> 01:04:47,897
What happened wasn't your fault.
888
01:04:49,657 --> 01:04:52,417
You must hate me
for staying on at the clacks.
889
01:04:52,417 --> 01:04:55,497
You're just doing your job, Mr Pony.
890
01:04:57,577 --> 01:05:02,377
The truth is,
clacks is run on blood now.
891
01:05:02,377 --> 01:05:04,577
There's not a day goes by
when I wouldn't like
892
01:05:04,577 --> 01:05:07,737
to throw my resignation
in Reacher Gilt's face.
893
01:05:09,457 --> 01:05:10,857
I'm 58.
894
01:05:11,937 --> 01:05:15,737
Twinges in my knuckles,
a sick wife and a bad back.
895
01:05:20,657 --> 01:05:24,377
You have to think twice, don't you,
before such gestures?
896
01:05:26,457 --> 01:05:30,057
My father always said
you were a good man.
897
01:05:30,057 --> 01:05:32,777
And a great engineer.
898
01:05:34,217 --> 01:05:36,177
I'm sure he was right.
899
01:05:37,857 --> 01:05:40,257
No.
900
01:05:40,257 --> 01:05:43,017
Your father was a great engineer.
901
01:05:59,497 --> 01:06:02,937
Gilt tried to burn these.
902
01:06:02,937 --> 01:06:05,577
I'm sure you'll know
what to do with them.
903
01:06:08,137 --> 01:06:10,257
I'm sorry.
904
01:06:24,057 --> 01:06:26,937
Stand by to repel borders.
905
01:06:50,537 --> 01:06:53,817
(SNIFFS)
Adora?
906
01:06:54,817 --> 01:06:57,457
If this is about
what I said earlier...
907
01:06:59,497 --> 01:07:01,297
They killed him.
908
01:07:05,257 --> 01:07:10,297
They killed John and they put
his name in a debit column.
909
01:07:12,817 --> 01:07:15,897
(SOBS)
910
01:07:17,777 --> 01:07:20,457
These people, they...
911
01:07:20,457 --> 01:07:24,137
..they get away with murder and
everyone just looks the other way.
912
01:07:25,697 --> 01:07:27,737
No, not everyone.
913
01:07:29,217 --> 01:07:32,217
Just because you were right,
doesn't mean you have to gloat.
914
01:07:32,217 --> 01:07:35,737
Forget gloating.
915
01:07:37,257 --> 01:07:39,697
Now I really do have a plan.
916
01:07:41,537 --> 01:07:43,457
Go away!
917
01:07:43,457 --> 01:07:46,777
All you do is talk of plans.
918
01:07:46,777 --> 01:07:50,897
Crazy, non-existent plans.
919
01:07:50,897 --> 01:07:52,457
What sort of man are you?
920
01:07:52,457 --> 01:07:55,057
Adora, just listen to me.
921
01:07:55,057 --> 01:07:56,297
Give me the crossbow.
922
01:07:56,297 --> 01:07:59,217
Those ledgers
are the key to everything!
923
01:07:59,217 --> 01:08:02,217
Just hear me out.
924
01:08:02,217 --> 01:08:06,537
If you don't like the plan,
be my guest. Shoot.
925
01:08:15,777 --> 01:08:17,897
This had better be good.
926
01:08:20,617 --> 01:08:22,457
Now then, boys, you take the message
927
01:08:22,457 --> 01:08:24,497
and ride hell-for-leather
to Uberwald.
928
01:08:24,497 --> 01:08:27,177
But how are we going to get
to Uberwald overnight, sir?
929
01:08:27,177 --> 01:08:28,257
You're not, Mr Groat.
930
01:08:28,257 --> 01:08:30,577
Does that mean you're going to hang,
Mr Lipwig?
931
01:08:30,577 --> 01:08:32,897
Not if I can help it.
I have a plan, Stan.
932
01:08:32,897 --> 01:08:34,577
I need you to take a little detour.
933
01:08:34,577 --> 01:08:37,617
There is a derelict clacks tower
and I need you to deliver
934
01:08:37,617 --> 01:08:39,337
some canvas and ropes and rigging.
935
01:08:39,337 --> 01:08:42,377
Rigging? Is this about boats, sir.
Only I can't do boats.
936
01:08:42,377 --> 01:08:43,457
I get very seasick.
937
01:08:43,457 --> 01:08:45,737
Not boats, Mr Groat. Sails.
938
01:08:45,737 --> 01:08:48,257
We are going to block out
their message with a sail.
939
01:08:48,257 --> 01:08:49,857
Block it out? Won't they notice?
940
01:08:49,857 --> 01:08:51,897
Not if we put our own message
in its place.
941
01:08:51,897 --> 01:08:53,977
Sorry, sir,
could you run that by me again?
942
01:08:53,977 --> 01:08:57,257
Yeah. I got a bit lost at... sail.
943
01:08:59,577 --> 01:09:01,937
(APPLAUSE)
944
01:09:04,017 --> 01:09:05,417
Hello!
945
01:09:09,897 --> 01:09:13,457
Hello, Ankh-Morpork!
946
01:09:13,457 --> 01:09:16,537
Welcome to the great race!
947
01:09:16,537 --> 01:09:18,817
Lovely to see you all!
948
01:09:22,057 --> 01:09:23,457
Hello!
949
01:09:26,217 --> 01:09:27,617
Hello.
950
01:09:34,697 --> 01:09:36,697
Nice entrance.
951
01:09:36,697 --> 01:09:41,057
It will make up
for your ignominious exit.
952
01:09:41,057 --> 01:09:42,897
Hello, sir.
953
01:09:47,577 --> 01:09:49,937
(APPLAUSE)
954
01:09:54,897 --> 01:09:57,217
Citizens of Ankh-Morpork.
955
01:09:57,217 --> 01:10:01,057
As per Lord Vetinari's directive
number P1500 -
956
01:10:01,057 --> 01:10:04,217
We know why we are here.
957
01:10:04,217 --> 01:10:05,897
To witness a great race!
958
01:10:05,897 --> 01:10:08,897
The Postmaster has challenged
the clacks.
959
01:10:08,897 --> 01:10:11,137
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE)
960
01:10:11,137 --> 01:10:16,057
Two identical messages
must be delivered to Uberwald.
961
01:10:16,057 --> 01:10:19,537
The wizard's Omniscope
will show us the finish line.
962
01:10:19,537 --> 01:10:21,257
(OMNISCOPE RUMBLES)
963
01:10:21,257 --> 01:10:23,457
(CROWD SHRIEK)
964
01:10:23,457 --> 01:10:28,137
Get it ready by sunrise, Ridcully,
which is when I expect to win.
965
01:10:28,137 --> 01:10:30,777
And to show the spirit of fair play,
966
01:10:30,777 --> 01:10:35,257
we have graciously allowed the
Post Office to choose the message.
967
01:10:35,257 --> 01:10:39,697
I thought long and hard
about an appropriate message.
968
01:10:42,057 --> 01:10:44,217
And then, I remembered
969
01:10:44,217 --> 01:10:48,657
how nice it is to receive a parcel.
970
01:10:48,657 --> 01:10:52,217
So, why not a book?
971
01:10:53,777 --> 01:10:55,897
(CROWD "AH")
972
01:10:55,897 --> 01:11:02,697
The authorised, illustrated
biography of Lord Vetinari.
973
01:11:02,697 --> 01:11:04,937
(APPLAUSE)
974
01:11:04,937 --> 01:11:08,697
You think yourself so clever,
It'll buy you a few hours at best.
975
01:11:08,697 --> 01:11:10,657
Our message
will still be there by dawn,
976
01:11:10,657 --> 01:11:13,057
while your lumbering coach
will get bogged down
977
01:11:13,057 --> 01:11:14,377
in some godforsaken marsh.
978
01:11:14,377 --> 01:11:16,217
Maybe.
979
01:11:16,217 --> 01:11:18,537
Maybe not.
980
01:11:18,537 --> 01:11:21,377
(CROWD CHEER)
981
01:11:24,617 --> 01:11:26,857
Ready when you are, my lord.
982
01:11:27,857 --> 01:11:30,457
(BLOWS HORN)
983
01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,217
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE)
984
01:11:48,777 --> 01:11:50,657
Get clacksing!
985
01:11:53,337 --> 01:11:56,137
(BANGS TABLE)
Come on, move it!
986
01:11:56,617 --> 01:11:58,697
If we win this race...
(BANGS TABLE)
987
01:11:58,697 --> 01:12:01,017
..you can have a half-day holiday!
988
01:12:01,017 --> 01:12:02,537
Come on!
989
01:12:02,537 --> 01:12:04,937
Get on with it.
990
01:12:27,417 --> 01:12:28,537
You took a while.
991
01:12:28,537 --> 01:12:32,217
I had to stop a couple of times,
all that bumping and jolting,
992
01:12:32,217 --> 01:12:35,057
my bladder's not what it used to be.
993
01:12:35,057 --> 01:12:37,977
If we don't get this sail rigged
before they start sending,
994
01:12:37,977 --> 01:12:39,897
we're done for.
Yeah, alright.
995
01:12:43,897 --> 01:12:44,857
OK!
996
01:12:46,897 --> 01:12:48,297
Ready?
997
01:12:51,217 --> 01:12:54,297
Hoist it up, lads.
998
01:12:54,297 --> 01:12:55,817
Quick as you can.
Alright!
999
01:12:55,817 --> 01:12:57,617
Come on,
let's get a wriggle on here!
1000
01:13:03,977 --> 01:13:05,737
(GROANS)
1001
01:13:05,737 --> 01:13:07,417
Where are ya?
1002
01:13:07,417 --> 01:13:10,097
Here, look, stick your boot
in there, will you?
1003
01:13:25,897 --> 01:13:27,697
Still here, Mr Groat?
1004
01:13:27,697 --> 01:13:29,657
I'm not built for parcel post, sir.
1005
01:13:29,657 --> 01:13:32,817
Now, you know what to do?
Ride like the clappers, sir.
1006
01:13:32,817 --> 01:13:35,937
Good man, stop for nothing.
The mail must get through!
1007
01:13:35,937 --> 01:13:38,017
No gloom of night.
1008
01:13:38,017 --> 01:13:39,537
Hey, Mr Lipwig.
1009
01:13:39,537 --> 01:13:42,337
Exactly, Stanley, no gloom of night.
1010
01:13:42,337 --> 01:13:47,017
C-C-Can I say, sir, even if we
lose and the Post Office collapses,
1011
01:13:47,017 --> 01:13:51,297
and all this was in vain -
And you get hanged.
1012
01:13:51,297 --> 01:13:53,217
Yes, sir, even dead,
1013
01:13:53,217 --> 01:13:58,577
you are still the best
Postmaster we have ever had.
1014
01:13:58,577 --> 01:14:00,377
(SNIFFS)
1015
01:14:01,617 --> 01:14:04,377
That's very touching, Mr Groat.
1016
01:14:04,377 --> 01:14:07,417
But I'm not dead yet.
1017
01:14:09,257 --> 01:14:11,577
Good luck, boys.
1018
01:14:30,297 --> 01:14:32,577
Why aren't we sending?!
1019
01:14:32,577 --> 01:14:36,017
I want to see those lights flashing!
1020
01:14:36,017 --> 01:14:38,097
Where's Mr Pony?
1021
01:14:38,097 --> 01:14:40,457
Get me Pony!
1022
01:14:47,777 --> 01:14:50,577
That's what I love
about the Dearhearts.
1023
01:14:50,577 --> 01:14:52,337
Perfect alignment.
1024
01:14:52,337 --> 01:14:55,817
Any message coming out of there
comes straight through us.
1025
01:14:56,817 --> 01:15:00,177
Time to create some interference.
1026
01:15:00,177 --> 01:15:02,617
OK, 14!
Number 14!
1027
01:15:02,617 --> 01:15:03,617
14's good.
1028
01:15:03,617 --> 01:15:05,097
Number 15?
1029
01:15:05,097 --> 01:15:09,297
OK, there is a snag on 15!
It's stuck! It's stuck!
1030
01:15:09,297 --> 01:15:10,857
Where's the hammer?
1031
01:15:10,857 --> 01:15:12,977
I put it back in the toolbox.
1032
01:15:12,977 --> 01:15:15,777
It's not here!
It's in there!
1033
01:15:15,777 --> 01:15:18,937
In the spanner drawer!
Yeah, it's still the toolbox!
1034
01:15:18,937 --> 01:15:21,697
And who would look for a hammer
in the spanner drawer?
1035
01:15:21,697 --> 01:15:22,657
Boys!
1036
01:15:22,657 --> 01:15:24,137
We haven't got time for this!
1037
01:15:24,137 --> 01:15:26,697
A place for everything
and everything in its place!
1038
01:15:26,697 --> 01:15:30,457
If you say that one more time, I'll
find another place for the hammer!
1039
01:15:31,537 --> 01:15:33,937
Oh, for God's sake, look!
They're sending!
1040
01:15:33,937 --> 01:15:35,737
Let's go, come on!
1041
01:15:43,817 --> 01:15:46,097
Grand Trunk are sending the message.
1042
01:15:57,577 --> 01:15:59,457
Hurry up!
1043
01:16:01,497 --> 01:16:03,937
Pull it up!
1044
01:16:03,937 --> 01:16:06,537
(STRUGGLES)
1045
01:16:08,737 --> 01:16:11,097
Come on boys, pull!
It's stuck!
1046
01:16:11,097 --> 01:16:14,697
Pull it! Keep pulling!
1047
01:16:14,697 --> 01:16:16,177
It's stuck on something!
1048
01:16:16,177 --> 01:16:18,657
If you want something done
properly...
1049
01:16:18,657 --> 01:16:19,777
(SCREAMS)
1050
01:16:19,777 --> 01:16:21,737
Oh no, up we go!
1051
01:16:23,377 --> 01:16:26,217
Strange. The signal's stopped.
1052
01:16:26,217 --> 01:16:28,577
No, it can't have,
this is top priority.
1053
01:16:28,577 --> 01:16:32,057
Send! Send!
1054
01:16:32,057 --> 01:16:34,497
For God's sake, start sending!
1055
01:16:55,897 --> 01:16:58,977
It's OK. They're sending again.
1056
01:17:08,737 --> 01:17:11,817
Yes! Yes! They've taken the bait!
1057
01:17:11,817 --> 01:17:13,497
> (LAUGHS)
They're passing it on!
1058
01:17:13,497 --> 01:17:16,377
(BOTH LAUGH)
1059
01:17:16,377 --> 01:17:17,777
Adora!
1060
01:17:19,697 --> 01:17:21,097
Adora!
1061
01:17:23,057 --> 01:17:24,697
I'm coming for you!
1062
01:17:28,897 --> 01:17:31,017
(SCREAMS)
1063
01:17:35,577 --> 01:17:38,377
(THEY LAUGH)
1064
01:17:38,377 --> 01:17:41,017
What kept you?
1065
01:17:48,417 --> 01:17:50,297
Adora...
1066
01:17:51,017 --> 01:17:52,857
I don't suppose...
1067
01:17:52,857 --> 01:17:56,297
...now would be a good time
to ask you something?
1068
01:17:56,297 --> 01:17:58,777
Well, I can hardly walk away.
1069
01:18:02,257 --> 01:18:04,737
Will you marry me?
1070
01:18:09,457 --> 01:18:12,057
You are forgetting...
1071
01:18:12,057 --> 01:18:14,297
..we still have a race to win.
1072
01:18:18,017 --> 01:18:20,817
That's not exactly a rejection.
1073
01:18:20,817 --> 01:18:23,417
Not exactly.
1074
01:18:25,537 --> 01:18:27,497
< Hang on!
1075
01:18:47,594 --> 01:18:49,834
Down you get, Mr Lipwig.
1076
01:18:49,834 --> 01:18:52,514
You're under arrest.
What for now?
1077
01:18:52,514 --> 01:18:54,714
Same as last time. Doing a runner.
1078
01:18:54,714 --> 01:18:56,794
But- but I've come back.
1079
01:18:56,794 --> 01:18:59,194
Let's keep it that way.
1080
01:18:59,194 --> 01:19:01,154
Lord Vetinari's orders.
1081
01:19:04,914 --> 01:19:06,834
Listen.
(GROWLS)
1082
01:19:31,194 --> 01:19:32,994
(CHATTER)
1083
01:19:32,994 --> 01:19:34,714
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE)
1084
01:19:34,714 --> 01:19:38,154
Nice you have you with us again,
sir. Same last words as before?
1085
01:19:38,154 --> 01:19:42,394
I'm rather hoping there'll be
a different outcome this time.
1086
01:19:42,394 --> 01:19:45,194
Keep your hands off.
Let's see some magic, please.
1087
01:19:45,194 --> 01:19:46,994
It'll come in a moment.
1088
01:19:46,994 --> 01:19:48,954
Please don't touch it.
1089
01:19:50,194 --> 01:19:52,034
There we are.
1090
01:19:52,034 --> 01:19:55,234
We need to read the ticker-tape,
Archchancellor.
1091
01:19:55,234 --> 01:19:57,434
Nobody said anything about
a close-up.
1092
01:19:57,434 --> 01:19:59,634
Can't you just move it in?
1093
01:19:59,634 --> 01:20:03,554
Just move it in? This is a highly
sophisticated magical apparatus.
1094
01:20:11,874 --> 01:20:13,834
There we are.
1095
01:20:15,714 --> 01:20:18,114
I think we have a winner, my lord.
Mm-hmm.
1096
01:20:20,714 --> 01:20:25,634
Uberwald receiving station,
message as follows.
1097
01:20:25,634 --> 01:20:30,074
"Havelock Vetinari was born into
a wealthy and influential family."
1098
01:20:30,074 --> 01:20:31,914
There we have it, my lord.
1099
01:20:31,914 --> 01:20:36,234
The message has arrived, delivered
on time by clacks technology.
1100
01:20:36,234 --> 01:20:38,394
The clacks has won.
1101
01:20:38,394 --> 01:20:40,594
Never mind, sir. It could be worse.
1102
01:20:40,594 --> 01:20:41,834
How, exactly?
1103
01:20:41,834 --> 01:20:44,234
Well, we've got a good crowd,
lots of press.
1104
01:20:44,234 --> 01:20:47,034
They'd even promised me
a review in "What Gallows?".
1105
01:20:47,034 --> 01:20:50,634
Pull the lever, Mr Trooper.
No, wait.
1106
01:20:50,634 --> 01:20:52,434
The message hasn't finished yet.
1107
01:20:52,434 --> 01:20:54,434
They're playing for time!
1108
01:20:54,434 --> 01:20:58,234
My Lord, it's clear the race
is over. I demand my prize.
1109
01:20:58,234 --> 01:21:00,194
My last words!
1110
01:21:00,194 --> 01:21:03,114
I haven't had my last words.
1111
01:21:03,114 --> 01:21:04,874
If he must.
1112
01:21:04,874 --> 01:21:06,834
(APPLAUSE)
1113
01:21:10,394 --> 01:21:14,234
Strange as it may seem,
1114
01:21:14,234 --> 01:21:18,434
as I stand here on
the verge of oblivion
1115
01:21:18,434 --> 01:21:21,434
I have a great sense of relief.
1116
01:21:21,434 --> 01:21:25,554
I no longer fear the worst because,
frankly, the worst has happened.
1117
01:21:26,714 --> 01:21:32,714
And although I may not have always
been a model citizen,
1118
01:21:32,714 --> 01:21:36,514
finally I've been made
to see the error of my ways.
1119
01:21:36,514 --> 01:21:39,874
Not by the heavy hand of the law,
1120
01:21:39,874 --> 01:21:41,834
but by the gentle touch of...
1121
01:21:43,994 --> 01:21:45,674
..well.
1122
01:21:47,074 --> 01:21:49,154
By the gentlest touch of all.
1123
01:21:52,954 --> 01:21:54,794
Very nice, sir. Stand by.
1124
01:21:54,794 --> 01:21:55,794
No, there's more.
1125
01:21:55,794 --> 01:21:57,554
(DRUMKNOTT) Where's it gone?
1126
01:21:57,554 --> 01:21:59,674
It's not coming back.
Give it a moment.
1127
01:21:59,674 --> 01:22:00,794
Don't breathe on it.
1128
01:22:00,794 --> 01:22:04,394
The man who has never known love
has never really lived.
1129
01:22:04,394 --> 01:22:05,634
Get on with it.
1130
01:22:05,634 --> 01:22:09,034
But worst is the man
who avoids love.
1131
01:22:09,034 --> 01:22:10,834
Too true. Well said, sir. Now...
1132
01:22:10,834 --> 01:22:15,634
Because the man who runs from love
and all its trials and tribulations,
1133
01:22:15,634 --> 01:22:21,234
that man is just conning himself,
swindling himself out of true...
1134
01:22:21,234 --> 01:22:23,154
Ah. There we are.
1135
01:22:25,074 --> 01:22:27,394
..happiness.
1136
01:22:27,394 --> 01:22:28,994
Sorry to interrupt, my lord.
1137
01:22:28,994 --> 01:22:30,674
I wish someone would.
1138
01:22:30,674 --> 01:22:34,794
I'm not quite sure what this means
but I think you ought to hear it.
1139
01:22:34,794 --> 01:22:37,514
Message continues.
1140
01:22:37,514 --> 01:22:40,834
"We are the voice of the dead."
1141
01:22:40,834 --> 01:22:45,434
"The ghosts of those
who met a bloody end."
1142
01:22:45,434 --> 01:22:48,234
That's enough. The race is finished.
1143
01:22:48,234 --> 01:22:51,234
"Postmaster Mutable pushed
from the fifth floor."
1144
01:22:51,234 --> 01:22:53,434
"Postmaster Sideburn,
his neck broken."
1145
01:22:53,434 --> 01:22:54,394
Pack it all away!
1146
01:22:54,394 --> 01:22:55,714
Touch nothing.
1147
01:22:55,714 --> 01:22:59,354
"John Dearheart,
flung to his death from a tower."
1148
01:22:59,354 --> 01:23:05,034
"And Crispin Horsefry,
clubbed to death by Reacher Gilt."
1149
01:23:05,034 --> 01:23:06,194
Turn it off!
1150
01:23:06,194 --> 01:23:08,154
"Here follow the facts and figures
1151
01:23:08,154 --> 01:23:10,554
proving fraud,
embezzlement and murder."
1152
01:23:10,554 --> 01:23:14,554
"The full record of the clandestine
dealings of Reacher Gilt."
1153
01:23:14,554 --> 01:23:16,594
My Lord, they're lying. Lying.
1154
01:23:16,594 --> 01:23:19,034
Who are they, exactly?
1155
01:23:19,034 --> 01:23:21,674
They're only reading
what has been delivered by you.
1156
01:23:21,674 --> 01:23:24,114
The message has originated
from your own company
1157
01:23:24,114 --> 01:23:25,954
which makes it a confession.
1158
01:23:25,954 --> 01:23:29,354
I confess nothing!
1159
01:23:29,354 --> 01:23:31,314
(CROWD GASPS)
1160
01:23:39,994 --> 01:23:41,954
Lipwig!
1161
01:23:51,714 --> 01:23:56,074
Your safety is my concern,
Mr Lipwig.
1162
01:23:56,074 --> 01:23:59,474
Your safety is my concern.
1163
01:24:02,994 --> 01:24:04,954
Arrest Reacher Gilt.
1164
01:24:07,834 --> 01:24:10,034
He appears to have vanished,
my lord.
1165
01:24:11,394 --> 01:24:13,354
Find him.
1166
01:24:18,674 --> 01:24:21,194
An ingenious plan, Mr Lipwig.
1167
01:24:21,194 --> 01:24:23,874
And most effective.
1168
01:24:23,874 --> 01:24:28,034
Which is why I have agreed to your
request to hand over ownership
1169
01:24:28,034 --> 01:24:31,954
of the clacks back
to the Dearheart family.
1170
01:24:34,994 --> 01:24:36,954
Just sign here.
1171
01:24:38,154 --> 01:24:40,114
And here.
1172
01:24:41,634 --> 01:24:43,594
No need to thank me.
1173
01:24:46,954 --> 01:24:51,834
However, as the two of you now run
all communications
1174
01:24:51,834 --> 01:24:54,234
in and out of this city,
1175
01:24:54,234 --> 01:24:58,714
should I find that my long-range
game of thud is interrupted
1176
01:24:58,714 --> 01:25:01,714
I shall come looking
for one of you to blame.
1177
01:25:01,714 --> 01:25:04,794
I wonder which one it will be.
1178
01:25:04,794 --> 01:25:06,754
(SNORTS)
1179
01:25:17,434 --> 01:25:19,994
By the way, you look great.
1180
01:25:19,994 --> 01:25:21,594
Colour really suits you.
1181
01:25:21,594 --> 01:25:23,394
Thank you.
1182
01:25:23,394 --> 01:25:25,434
Is that as sore as it looks?
1183
01:25:25,434 --> 01:25:28,434
Oh, it's not the first time
I've been hanged.
1184
01:25:28,434 --> 01:25:30,714
A bad habit to get into.
1185
01:25:30,714 --> 01:25:34,234
I'll tell you what, I'll give up
hanging if you give up smoking.
1186
01:25:34,234 --> 01:25:35,874
Too late.
1187
01:25:35,874 --> 01:25:37,674
I already quit.
1188
01:25:37,674 --> 01:25:38,674
You did that for me?
1189
01:25:38,674 --> 01:25:40,914
Why on earth would you think that?
1190
01:25:41,994 --> 01:25:44,234
Adora...
1191
01:25:44,234 --> 01:25:49,474
..those things I said on the gallows
when I was staring death in the face
1192
01:25:49,474 --> 01:25:52,394
about the gentlest touch of all.
1193
01:25:54,674 --> 01:25:57,194
You do know I meant every word?
1194
01:25:57,194 --> 01:25:58,154
Yes.
1195
01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:02,354
It's amazing the rubbish
some people spout
1196
01:26:02,354 --> 01:26:05,914
when they're trying
to save their lives.
1197
01:26:05,914 --> 01:26:08,634
Or trying to get a kiss.
1198
01:26:16,394 --> 01:26:19,034
Of course, we can't do this.
1199
01:26:19,034 --> 01:26:21,914
What now?
Conflict of interest.
1200
01:26:21,914 --> 01:26:24,634
You're the Post Office,
I'm the clacks.
1201
01:26:24,634 --> 01:26:25,834
We're rivals.
1202
01:26:25,834 --> 01:26:29,674
Which throws up some very interesting
possibilities of a corporate merger,
1203
01:26:29,674 --> 01:26:31,594
don't you think?
Maybe.
1204
01:26:37,034 --> 01:26:41,034
Well, I'd certainly like
to get my hands on your assets.
1205
01:26:41,034 --> 01:26:44,434
Keep your hands as far away
from my assets as humanly possibly.
1206
01:26:54,674 --> 01:26:57,194
Ah, Mr Gilt.
1207
01:26:57,194 --> 01:26:58,914
I see you are awake.
1208
01:26:58,914 --> 01:27:01,434
I don't know what you're
talking about.
1209
01:27:01,434 --> 01:27:04,554
My name is Merryforth Truman and...
1210
01:27:05,394 --> 01:27:07,434
..I've got papers to prove it.
1211
01:27:07,434 --> 01:27:09,634
Some wonderful papers
they are too, Mr Gilt.
1212
01:27:09,634 --> 01:27:10,634
But enough of that.
1213
01:27:10,634 --> 01:27:14,354
I've brought you here because
I want to talk to you about angels.
1214
01:27:16,594 --> 01:27:18,514
(KNOCKING)
Come.
1215
01:27:21,154 --> 01:27:24,994
Excuse me, my lord. I've got a letter
here for Merryforth Truman.
1216
01:27:33,594 --> 01:27:34,834
Strewth.
1217
01:27:34,834 --> 01:27:38,514
He was here, but sadly
he didn't believe in angels.
1218
01:27:38,514 --> 01:27:39,434
Oh.
1219
01:27:43,714 --> 01:27:46,634
Well, that's a bit
of an embuggerance.
1220
01:27:53,194 --> 01:27:55,234
IMS Subtitles
1221
01:27:55,234 --> 01:27:59,154
accessibility@bskyb.com
1222
01:29:56,994 --> 01:30:00,434
We did it, Mr Groat.
Home sweet home.
1223
01:30:00,434 --> 01:30:04,154
Stanley,
it's not only the race we won.
1224
01:30:04,154 --> 01:30:05,394
The bet, remember.
1225
01:30:05,394 --> 01:30:07,674
50-1. Blimey, we're rich.
1226
01:30:07,674 --> 01:30:09,434
Let's have the betting slip, then.
1227
01:30:09,434 --> 01:30:12,034
I gave it to you, Mr Groat.
Hey?
1228
01:30:12,034 --> 01:30:14,714
Oh, yes. I've got it here somewhere.
1229
01:30:14,714 --> 01:30:17,714
You can't have lost it, Mr Groat.
50-1.
1230
01:30:17,714 --> 01:30:20,434
50-1.
No, of course.
1231
01:30:20,434 --> 01:30:23,434
I remember now.
I've put it somewhere safe.
1232
01:30:23,434 --> 01:30:24,834
I, erm...
1233
01:30:26,474 --> 01:30:28,394
..I hid it under the mattress.
1234
01:30:28,394 --> 01:30:29,794
Which mattress?
1235
01:30:29,794 --> 01:30:31,194
The one in that tavern.
1236
01:30:31,194 --> 01:30:32,394
Which tavern, Mr Groat?
1237
01:30:32,394 --> 01:30:35,034
You remember, that... (GROANS)
1238
01:30:35,034 --> 01:30:36,954
..that nice one in Uberwald.
Oh!
1239
01:30:41,234 --> 01:30:43,634
Uberwald...
Mr Groat, Mr Groat!
1240
01:30:43,634 --> 01:30:45,554
Get in the carriage, Mr Groat!
88376
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