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1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:10,359
'l've always known that
gods had a sense of humour.'
2
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:14,639
'Why else would they put us all
on the back of a giant turtle?'
3
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,119
'Of course, l had assumed
l was in on the joke.'
4
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,439
'As it turns out, l, Moist von
Lipwig, am the butt of it.
5
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,199
Can you fax it
to Genua, please, dear?
6
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,279
(LAUGHS)
7
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,119
Bloody hell fire.
8
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,319
When are they gonna spend
some money on this system?
9
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,559
(DOG HOWLS lN THE DlSTANCE)
10
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,799
(MENAClNG VOlCE)
Good evening, John Dearheart.
11
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,959
Who's there?
12
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,399
And good night.
13
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,959
(SCREAMS)
14
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,959
Argh!
15
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,119
(PANTS)
16
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,279
Argh! Argh!
17
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,279
(SCREAMS)
18
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,439
'There is always an angle.'
19
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:32,159
'l've come to realise it's the one
thing in life you can rely on.'
20
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,559
'The trick is finding that angle.'
21
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:40,399
'The events l'm about to recount
may seem extraordinary,
22
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,879
callous, criminal, even.'
23
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,359
'But reflecting
on all that's happened,
24
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,959
in many ways, l feel blameless.'
25
00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,639
'Perhaps you'd be more sympathetic if
l started from the very beginning.'
26
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:07,039
'You see, on the day l was orphaned,
l had only two things to my name -
27
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,039
the family nag,
and "nag" is being generous,
28
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,039
and my wits.'
29
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:19,799
'But wit, and a bit of boot polish,
can turn a nag into a horse...
30
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,839
..for about 20 minutes.'
31
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,559
'Which is all l needed.'
32
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:35,759
'1 2 horse trades later, and l had
enough cash to get into diamonds.'
33
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,319
$25.
34
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,519
ls that all?
35
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,559
(CASH REGlSTER RlNGS)
36
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,759
'Got her.'
37
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:54,519
'She'd seen a $1 00 diamond, but
she'd bought a $1 lump of glass.'
38
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,359
'You see, l'm a firm believer
in the saying,
39
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,279
"you can't fool an honest man".'
40
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,119
'lt was on this premise
that l built my career.' (BELL)
41
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,919
'Rob, trick, forge, embezzle.'
42
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,679
'l can't deny
l did every con in the book.'
43
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,439
'And when l finished
the book of cons,
44
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,039
l started writing
chapters of my own.'
45
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,679
News!
46
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,679
Times! Times!
47
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,319
Bond crisis rambles on!
48
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,039
Albert Spangler, chief bursar
for the Undertakers Guild.
49
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,799
You might be interested
in our compensation scheme
50
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,319
for losses incurred by the, er...
51
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,599
..fake bond scandal.
52
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,399
'Good dollars for fake bonds,
fake dollars for good bonds.'
53
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,239
'Switch the cash bags,
54
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,159
add a dash of short change,
55
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,639
bank on a little greed...'
56
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:02,199
'By the time we'd finished,
l was $200 up.'
57
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,199
'Not a fortune, but enough
for a good night on the town.'
58
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,119
(SNlFFS)
59
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,159
(GROWLS)
60
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,519
Albert Spangler?
61
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:33,119
Never heard of him.
But for you, l could be anyone.
62
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,959
Could you be lunch?
63
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,679
(GROWLS)
64
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:42,039
'How was l to know the City Watch's
finest sergeant was a werewolf?'
65
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,439
(GROWLS)
66
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,079
Eurgh!
67
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,039
'l'd been in tighter spots.'
68
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,239
'The mortar was soft.'
69
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,799
'With a decent metal spoon
and time on my hands,
70
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,239
a few weeks' hard digging
and l'd be free.'
71
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,279
(SHOUTlNG OUTSlDE)
72
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,839
(LAUGHS)
73
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,959
(STRAlNS)
74
00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:59,479
(GROANS)
75
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,679
(APPLAUSE)
76
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,839
Well done, Mr Lipwig.
77
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,439
You set this up.
78
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,199
Lord Vetinari's orders.
79
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,479
He calls it occupational therapy.
80
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,479
Occupa...
l call it torture.
81
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:24,999
Not upset, are you?
82
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,839
Only you've really entered
into the spirit of the thing.
83
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,199
Admirable,
the way you kept going,
84
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,199
stuffing all the dust
into your mattress.
85
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,199
Very tidy.
86
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,399
Now, you really should
get some rest.
87
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,559
We'll be hanging you
in half an hour.
88
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,239
Hanging? For one little con?
89
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,359
That and these.
90
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,999
There's got to be at least
$1 50,000 worth of fraud here.
91
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,879
And these are just
the cons we can prove.
92
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:18,719
Good morning, sir.
93
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,799
l am Trooper and l will be your
executioner for today. (CROWD NOlSE)
94
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,319
Don't look so worried, sir,
l've hanged hundreds of people
95
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,439
and we'll have you
out of here in no time.
96
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,239
That's what l'm worried about.
97
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,799
Now, before we start,
about your rope, sir.
98
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,799
lt sounds strange, but there's a lot
of specialist collectors out there
99
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,199
and l'm gonna auction it
on the clacks.
100
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,759
lt's the coming thing, you know.
Worth more signed, of course.
101
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,079
(SHOUTS OF "GET ON WlTH lT"
FROM SPECTATORS)
102
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,519
Much obliged.
103
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,879
Which just leaves the small matter
of your final words.
104
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,799
l wasn't actually expecting to die.
105
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,879
Very good.
We haven't had that one before(!)
106
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,839
Everybody ready?
Not me. Not me.
107
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,159
Oh, you are a card, sir.
(LAUGHS)
108
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,119
l bring an edict from Lord Vetinari,
Patrician of Ankh-Morpork.
109
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,279
(LAUGHS) A reprieve!
110
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,199
He says to get on with it.
111
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,239
(SPECTATORS CHEER)
112
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,119
The last words, sir?
113
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,999
l commend my soul to any god
that can find it.
114
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,479
Very nice, we'll go with that.
115
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:27,479
(CHEERlNG)
116
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,599
(EXHALES)
117
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,959
Ah, Mr Lipwig, l see you are awake.
118
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,079
(STRAlNS)
119
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,599
And still alive at the present time.
120
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,959
Ooh!
121
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,239
You've danced the sisal two-step.
122
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,759
lt's a very precise science,
hanging a man,
123
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,079
and Mr Trooper is a master.
124
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,319
But only an expert
would have spotted
125
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,159
that you were hanged to within
an inch of your life.
126
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,679
The last inch being
the crux of the matter.
127
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,799
You see, sometimes,
128
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:27,199
when a man has made such a foul
and tangled mess of his life
129
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,839
that death appears
to be the only option...
130
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,599
..an angel appears
131
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,039
and offers him a change of life.
132
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,959
l should like you
to think of me as that angel.
133
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,639
l'm offering you a new life.
134
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,439
(GULPS)
And a job.
135
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,799
(SPLUTTERS)
136
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,959
Little sips.
137
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:56,479
Now, perhaps, l should point out
that door behind you.
138
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,479
lf, after hearing my proposition,
you wish to leave,
139
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,919
you have only to step through
that door
140
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:09,119
and you will never hear
from me again.
141
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:16,159
The job in question is to reopen
the Ankh-Morpork Post Office.
142
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,319
The Post Office?
Mmm.
143
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,559
A moment.
144
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:23,599
Oh!
145
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,439
(EXHALES)
146
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,279
'Certain death or the Post Office?'
147
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,359
'Hardly a choice,
more an alternative.'
148
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,479
'l'd seen enough of the inside
of a coffin for one day.'
149
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,879
You see, the really interesting
thing about angels...
150
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,879
..is that you only ever get the one.
151
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,319
Do we understand each other,
Mr Lipwig?
152
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,199
Perfectly. (LAUGHS)
153
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,279
Welcome to government service.
154
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,839
And the wage is $20 a week.
155
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,559
Not bad at all.
156
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,919
Please.
157
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,959
Oh, l almost forgot.
158
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,919
Your parole officer will meet you
outside in ten minutes.
159
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,199
Parole officer?
160
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,559
But l'm a respectable
member of society now.
161
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:28,959
Oh, he's a very respectable
parole officer.
162
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,679
(LAUGHS)
163
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:34,959
Whoo-hoo!
164
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,519
'The fools had gifted me
a second chance.'
165
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:41,159
'All l had to do was run faster
and run longer.'
166
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,879
'The plains lay ahead of me.'
167
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:44,959
'By nightfall,
l'd be in a feather bed
168
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,599
and, by morning,
l'd be back in business.'
169
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,319
(BREAKlNG GLASS)
170
00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,879
Uh?
171
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,719
(BANGlNG/WOOD SPLlNTERlNG)
172
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:14,519
(BOOMlNG VOlCE) You can't run
and you can't hide, Mr Lipwig.
173
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,639
That's what you think.
174
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,759
You gotta be kidding.
175
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,119
Argh!
176
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,919
The rules must be obeyed.
177
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,479
A-a-a-rgh!
178
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,719
l have nothing but good feelings
towards you, Mr Lipwig.
179
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,759
What the hell are you?!
180
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:59,239
l am your parole officer
and your safety is my concern.
181
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,759
(SHORT SNORE)
182
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,079
(LETS OUT STARTLED SOUND)
183
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,519
Regrettably, we meet again.
184
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,799
Yet l specifically remember saying
that you only ever get one angel.
185
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:18,279
You didn't say you were gonna set
a clay monster on me.
186
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,479
Rather harsh.
187
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,999
Mr Pump is not a monster,
he's a golem.
188
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,559
lt walked all night,
carrying me and a horse. Quite.
189
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:32,679
You have to sleep, Mr Pump does not.
You have to eat, Mr Pump does not.
190
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,279
There is no escape for you.
191
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:39,719
There is only a choice between
reopening the Post Office and...
192
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,079
(FAlNT RUMBLlNG)
193
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,479
But... (NERVOUS LAUGH)
194
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,159
Who cares about the Post Office?
195
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,079
No one posts anything any more,
196
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,839
it's all clacks, clacks, clacks -
look at it.
197
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,439
Do you play Thud, Mr Lipwig?
198
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,839
lt's a fascinating game.
199
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,919
My current opponent is far away
in Uberwald and we play by clacks.
200
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,159
Well, that's the theory, but there
are so many service breakdowns.
201
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,759
Now, as a disgruntled customer,
202
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,119
l should be able to take
my business elsewhere,
203
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,679
but with no postal service,
l am stuck.
204
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,839
And l don't like to be stuck,
Mr Lipwig.
205
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,919
But why me?
206
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,719
Because wheels are in motion,
Mr Lipwig.
207
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,799
Wheels within wheels.
208
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,519
And it is time
for your cog to turn.
209
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,639
(BELL)
210
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,199
The postmaster has the use
of a small apartment.
211
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,559
And l believe there is a hat, too.
212
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,799
Mmm.
213
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,399
'There was nothing for it
but to deploy Rule 1 3 -
214
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,759
when captured,
turn enemies into friends.'
215
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,039
Can we talk frankly, Mr Pump?
216
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,679
A golem is incapable of lying.
217
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,919
Really?
How unfortunate for you.
218
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,559
Fact is, l'm worried.
219
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,919
Lord Vetinari works you so hard.
220
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,839
lt's just not right.
221
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,119
l was built to work.
222
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:34,119
Don't you ever just want
to kick back and take a day off?
223
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,959
You misunderstand.
224
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:41,279
Pump is not my name,
it's my description. Pump 1 9.
225
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,319
l stood at the bottom
of a hole 1 00ft deep
226
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:49,599
and pumped water into the city,
for two centuries.
227
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:55,599
But now, l walk in the sunlight,
feel the wind on my face.
228
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,719
This is better.
229
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,719
Trouble is, sooner or later,
230
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,999
someone always comes along
and blocks out your sun.
231
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,679
What do you do then, Mr Pump?
232
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,359
Ah, it doesn't look
in bad shape at all. (CHUCKLES)
233
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,359
This is not the Post Office.
234
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:23,719
That is.
235
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,919
"No glom of nit
236
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:48,559
can stay these mes
engers abot their duty."
237
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,239
What the hell does that mean?
238
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,439
lt means, you have work to do.
239
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,239
Really. Where do they find them?
240
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,959
We should be, er,
going now, Reacher.
241
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,199
Have you seen this, Horsefry?
242
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,439
lt looks likes some other fool
243
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:28,319
has been suckered in
to running the Post Office.
244
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,479
lf we're late for Vetinari,
we'll be in big trouble.
245
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,359
Oh.
246
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:41,519
Remind me to look
appropriately scared.
247
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,759
(DOOR CREAKS)
248
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,359
They can't expect me
to fix this on my own.
249
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,039
Oh! You won't be on your own, sir.
250
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,759
(LAUGHS)
251
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,559
(CLEARS THROAT)
Groat, sir, junior postman Groat.
252
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,479
One word from you, sir,
and l will. .. (COUGHS)
253
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,759
l will leap into action.
254
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,999
Junior postman Groat?
255
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,999
lndeed, sir, yes -
it should be senior,
256
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,919
but nobody's ever stayed
long enough to promote me.
257
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,279
And you are it?
258
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,639
Oh, no, sir, that would be
ridiculous. No, no.
259
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,679
Well, l want to meet
my entire staff.
260
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,359
Oh, certainly, l'll take you
straight to him, sir.
261
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,599
Come this way.
262
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,519
(LAUGHS)
263
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,079
Stanley!
264
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,399
Mr Lipwig, the new postmaster.
265
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,639
Oh.
266
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,599
Oh, l see you know something
about pins, Stanley.
267
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:30,559
No, sir.
268
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,559
l know everything about pins.
269
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,799
Last year,
the pinneries of Ankh-Morpork
270
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:43,279
turned out 27,880,972 pins.
271
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,519
Born in the sorting room, sir.
Learned to read from envelopes.
272
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,239
We did our best for him,
but he's a bit "return to sender",
273
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,559
if you know what l mean.
274
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,439
That includes wax-headed, steels,
275
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,599
brasses, silver-headed,
extra-large...
276
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,159
..and novelty.
277
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,679
Yes.
278
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,999
l saw a magazine about this once.
279
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,559
Pins Monthly?
(SLAMS BOOK SHUT)
280
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,359
That rag is for hobbyists.
281
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:20,359
True pinheads only read Total Pins.
282
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,959
Ah. Erm, will you be staying down
here with us, sir?
283
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:32,839
(LAUGHS) No, no. l was told
there's an official apartment.
284
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,519
Oh, you want to stay there?
285
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:43,159
There is the hat, too, sir.
The hat of office. (LAUGHS)
286
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,759
Ah!
287
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,079
Ah, ha-ha. Magnificent.
288
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,479
(SPlTS)
289
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,839
(CLEARS THROAT)
lt's magnificent, isn't it, sir?
290
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,799
You don't seriously expect me
to put that on my head?
291
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,439
lt's a time-honoured tradition, sir,
292
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,959
and it must sit
on the postmaster's head.
293
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:05,999
Get off me!
294
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,759
Sit with dignity.
Stop it, Mr Groat! Enough!
295
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,439
This is going straight
to the city dump.
296
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,559
(SOUND OF DESPAlR) We expected more
keenness from the postmaster.
297
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,799
Keenness?
Like him and his pins.
298
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,919
Keenness beyond the bounds of sanity.
299
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:27,159
Perhaps, if you'd been a bit more
keen about being postmen,
300
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,799
we wouldn't have a million letters
stuck out there.
301
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,639
l don't think l like him, Mr Groat.
302
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,599
(SCOFFS) Don't worry, Stanley,
he won't be here long.
303
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,959
The problem is, Mr Gilt,
304
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,879
since you acquired the clacks,
breakdowns have increased.
305
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:57,479
The speed of messages has slowed
and the cost to customers has risen.
306
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,039
With respect, my Lord,
307
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,639
we are answerable to our
shareholders, not to you.
308
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,559
Then perhaps your shareholders
will be interested to learn
309
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,319
that l am reopening the Post Office.
310
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,079
(COUGHS)
311
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:17,199
That lumbering, overstaffed monster
that collapsed under its own weight?
312
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,759
The people of Ankh-Morpork
deserve choice
313
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:25,279
and currently, the only choice they
have is between you and nothing.
314
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,839
And the problem is?
315
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,399
Don't let me detain you.
316
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,799
ls that an original bluestone slab?
317
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,599
l take my Thud very seriously.
318
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,079
(LAUGHS)
319
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,999
We should play a game sometime.
320
00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:01,879
We already are, Mr Gilt.
We already are.
321
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:07,359
He really means business, this time,
Reacher. He really does.
322
00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:08,959
Don't panic, to mean business
323
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,159
you need to have a business
to start with.
324
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,559
And...
What's that on your face?
325
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,799
lt's nothing. Just nerves.
326
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,399
lt's revolting.
327
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,279
Anyway, this fellow Lipwig
has half-wits for staff
328
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,439
and a four-year backlog of mail.
329
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,039
There will be no renaissance.
330
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,879
Especially once
l've enlightened him.
331
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,559
(LAUGHTER)
332
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,119
Enlightened him!
(LAUGHTER CONTlNUES)
333
00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,999
What happened here?
334
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,559
Happen, sir?
335
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,679
Post offices should deliver mail,
not hoard it.
336
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,799
We-we just, er,
just got a bit behind, sir.
337
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:13,959
What was that?
338
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,759
Er, er, what, sir?
lt's probably just a pigeon, sir.
339
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,159
Mr Groat, l don't think
you're being honest with me.
340
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,959
Maybe l should just sack you all.
341
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,239
Er... (STRUGGLES FOR WORDS)
342
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:34,159
You could do that, sir, but then,
who would fill the inkwells, sir?
343
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,919
lnkwells?
Gotta keep the inkwells filled, sir.
344
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,039
Just like in the old days. Yes.
345
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,799
Ah, you should've seen it, sir.
346
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,439
Brass and copper everywhere,
347
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:48,079
counters of rare wood
and teams of postmen.
348
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,279
Teams, sir, all lined up
under the great clock.
349
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:55,999
Their uniforms all royal blue
with brass buttons.
350
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,119
Ah, this must be my apartment.
351
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,119
Now, all we've got is you, sir.
352
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,719
'You might understand,
by this point,
353
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,879
l was almost feeling nostalgic
for the gallows.'
354
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,319
'This wasn't a Post Office,
it was a lunatic asylum.'
355
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,719
'Somehow, l had to escape.'
356
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,199
Excellent work, Mr Pump.
357
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,319
That's it,
you just keep on shovelling.
358
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,559
Don't stop for anything, now.
359
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:39,799
l have your Karmic signature
on my internal tablet.
360
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,759
Fascinating.
361
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:47,679
Which means l know where you are
at all times.
362
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,719
So, if you were thinking
of escape...
363
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,879
Escape? Me?
364
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,159
No, no, no.
365
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,319
No, l was just off to er...
366
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:59,639
Erm... Um...
367
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,679
..deliver a letter.
368
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,119
lsn't that what postmasters do?
369
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,599
l will know
if this is not delivered.
370
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,439
Don't you trust me, Mr Pump?
371
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:22,199
l want to trust you, Mr Lipwig,
l really want to.
372
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,919
(SlGHS)
373
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,079
'Everyone has their levers.'
374
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,519
'With Pump, it was doing your duty.'
375
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,679
'With Groat, it was promotion.'
376
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,999
'But with Stanley...'
377
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,359
(LAUGHS)
378
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,439
Well, well. (LAUGHS)
379
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:57,799
(SHOP BELL)
380
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:16,639
Hello.
Hmm.
381
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:24,919
(Ow!)
382
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,319
ls, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
383
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,959
ls this a good one?
384
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,559
lt's alright for the novice,
l suppose.
385
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:46,639
Personally, l prefer Practical Pins
or World of Pins.
386
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:51,999
Then there's Pins Monthly,
New Pins, Modern Pins, Pins Extra,
387
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:58,239
Pins lnternational, Talking Pins,
Total Pins, Pins and Pinneries.
388
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,959
Or...
389
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,959
Certainly has
a lot of women in leather.
390
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,079
Yeah.
But they're all holding pins.
391
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:35,039
(Actually, l was wondering if
you'd got anything a bit sharper?)
392
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,799
l don't do nails.
We get kids in here.
393
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,959
No, no, strictly pins, that's me.
394
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,879
Well, as it happens,
l might have one or two items
395
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,119
for the genuine collector.
396
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,519
Excuse me.
397
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,999
l'm looking for Antimony Parker.
398
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,879
He's out the back,
tackling the difficult cabbage.
399
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,079
Perhaps you could give him this.
400
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:33,519
Tell him the Post Office apologises
for the delay.
401
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:39,879
Don't worry. lt can't be a bill,
it's sealed with a loving kiss.
402
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,199
(LAUGHS) OK.
403
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,959
l know it's been a while,
but we're finally reopening.
404
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,239
l'm the new postmaster.
405
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:54,399
l am so sorry. l really am.
406
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,959
You've really done it now,
Mr Lipwig.
407
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,999
Who the hell are you?
408
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:06,719
The man who's trying
to save your life.
409
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,959
Step aboard.
410
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,279
They didn't tell you, did they?
411
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,319
Tell me what, Mr...?
412
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,759
Gilt. Reacher Gilt.
413
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,439
You know about the Post Office?
414
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,719
l know about everything
that goes on in this city
415
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:41,799
and l'm begging you,
416
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,799
run straight back to wherever
it is you've come from.
417
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:45,959
lf only it was that easy.
418
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:50,319
Mr Lipwig, whoever gave you this job
has put you in mortal peril.
419
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,439
The fact is, the last four
postmasters have died
420
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,639
in dreadful circumstances.
421
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:58,439
Died?
422
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,359
They say the Post Office
has a curse on it.
423
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,759
And now you've actually delivered
a letter...
424
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,919
Why would anyone curse
the Post Office?
425
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,879
l'd be more worried
about why no one told you.
426
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:13,999
(LOUD BANG)
Oh!
427
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,479
'So, facing imminent death,
428
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:19,119
l decided to approach my staff
in a calm and rational manner.'
429
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,999
Were you just gonna
stand by and watch?
430
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,879
You can't shout at me, sir.
431
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,839
While l met a gruesome end.
lt's against regulations.
432
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,839
Bother the regulations!
Don't you hurt Mr Groat!
433
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:33,399
Oh! Stanley, Stanley, wait!
Look what l've found.
434
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,119
l was just walking down Market Street
and there it was,
435
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,879
between two cobblestones.
436
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:45,319
ls it a number-three,
broad-headed extra-long?
437
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:47,919
And it was just lying around?
438
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,879
That's hard to believe, isn't it?
439
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,799
lt's a collector's piece.
440
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,479
But it's yours now, Stanley.
441
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:55,959
Really, Mr Lipwig?
442
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,959
l have got a place
ready and waiting for it.
443
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,359
l'm sorry l broke the regulations,
senior postman Groat.
444
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,999
That's all very well, sir, but...
445
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,599
Did you say "senior postman", sir?
446
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,679
l'm in charge, which means
l can promote you, yes?
447
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:36,719
Now, senior postman Groat,
let's pop upstairs
448
00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:42,119
and discuss exactly what you
know about those dead postmasters.
449
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,679
What do you think?
450
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,439
Actually, it quite suits you.
451
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:04,239
l'm sorry if l was disrespectful
about your traditions.
452
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,159
Perhaps l was feeling
a bit overwhelmed.
453
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,079
l understand, sir, yes.
454
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:14,679
Yes. Well, the Post Office was one
of the great ships of state, sir.
455
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,039
So what happened
to the previous captains?
456
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,879
They were very unlucky, sir.
457
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,159
Postmaster Mutable was the first.
Decent chap.
458
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,999
He fell into the sorting hall
from the fifth floor,
459
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,279
smack, sir, smack
on to the marble, head-first.
460
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,599
Oh, it was like a melon hitting.
l get the picture.
461
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,559
Then there was Postmaster Sideburn.
462
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,479
He fell down the back stairs
and broke his neck.
463
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,679
Three in the morning, it was.
464
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,759
So they all fell?
No, sir.
465
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:49,399
Postmaster lgnavia, he was
just lying dead on the floor.
466
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:50,999
Dead as a door knob, sir,
467
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,199
with his face contorted,
like he'd seen a ghost.
468
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,599
A ghost? Then it is true.
469
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:01,679
The curse.
470
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,599
No, that's just malicious talk.
471
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,519
l swear me and Stanley have
never seen nothing of no ghost.
472
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:08,559
Sir...
473
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,519
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
474
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,959
All l'm asking for is a head start.
475
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,199
No, Mr Lipwig.
476
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,799
Your punishment
is to fix the Post Office.
477
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:25,119
Exactly.
Not to meet a horrible death.
478
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,119
(LAUGHS) l am just a conman.
479
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:33,519
You have killed 22.8 people.
480
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,039
l've never so much as drawn a sword.
481
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:40,799
You have stolen,
embezzled and swindled.
482
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:45,039
You have ruined businesses
and destroyed lives.
483
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:49,319
When banks fail,
it's not bankers who starve.
484
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:54,239
ln 1 ,000 small ways, you have
hastened the deaths of many.
485
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:59,439
You did not know them.
You did not see them bleed.
486
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,519
But you snatched bread
from their mouths.
487
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:09,199
There will be no running.
488
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,039
(EXHALES LOUDLY)
489
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,639
(GROWLS)
490
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,719
Hands where l can see them.
491
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,639
lf you're trying to kill me,
you'll have to get in line.
492
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,959
We had some unwelcome visitors
last night.
493
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:35,439
This must be yours, then?
494
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,679
You can keep it.
495
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,799
l prefer my clay
with more life in it.
496
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,639
So, erm, why did they...?
497
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,719
Some people don't like golems.
498
00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:52,599
They think they take away jobs.
499
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,399
The trust stands up
for golem rights.
500
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,199
Moist von Lipwig.
501
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,439
Oh. That's quite a name.
502
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,119
Were your parents stupid
or just plain cruel?
503
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:07,719
Doting. lf a little unwise.
504
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,759
Adora Belle Dearheart.
505
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,279
l've never seen black
look so adorable.
506
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:16,479
lf you say "adorable", l'll be
forced to shoot you after all.
507
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,359
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
508
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:24,679
l'm in mourning,
if you must know.
509
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:28,119
Oh... l'm sorry.
510
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,079
l doubt it.
511
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,119
'This was not a good start.'
512
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:42,439
'What surprised me was how much
l wanted it to be a good start.'
513
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:46,519
'Of course,
l'd heard about emotions like these
514
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,159
but l'd never actually felt any.'
515
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:50,239
Now that we've been
appropriately human,
516
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:51,519
what was it you wanted?
517
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,799
l need to find out
what makes golems tick.
518
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,919
We do a pamphlet.
519
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,239
Five pence.
520
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:10,479
The thing is, l'm trying to persuade
mine to see the bigger picture.
521
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,399
lf you want to manipulate him,
you might as well give up now.
522
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,919
M-m-manipulate.
Such an ugly word.
523
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:25,159
The great thing about golems is
they're loyal and incorruptible.
524
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,439
Unlike people.
525
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:29,959
How-how true.
526
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:33,719
(SlGHS) Which golem is it?
527
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:35,399
Pump 1 9.
528
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:40,079
Hmm. Oh. The Post Office.
529
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:41,719
So you must be...?
530
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,919
The postmaster. Yes.
531
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:44,919
Well.
532
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,919
lf anyone can save Mrs Lipwig from
becoming a widow, it's Pump 1 9.
533
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:57,559
Actually, there is no Mrs Lipwig.
534
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,079
You don't say.
535
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:03,079
Miss Dearheart.
536
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,679
l don't suppose you'd like
to have dinner tonight?
537
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,079
With you?
538
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,119
No.
539
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,439
l've got things to do,
but thanks for asking.
540
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,079
No problem.
541
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:27,399
Just remember. lf you want to stay
alive, stay close to Pump 1 9.
542
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,879
Very close.
543
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,639
Promise me you won't leave.
544
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,559
l promise.
545
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,519
(SlGHS)
546
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:47,839
lf the curse were to strike tonight,
what could you actually do?
547
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,559
lmprovise.
548
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,239
(OK.)
549
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,199
(RUSTLlNG NOlSE)
550
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,199
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
551
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,399
Mr Pump?
552
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,399
Mr Pump!
553
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,159
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES THROUGHOUT)
554
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,119
Brr!
555
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,319
Oh!
556
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,119
(CRlES OUT)
557
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,159
Mr Pump!
558
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,439
Argh! Get away!
559
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,799
(SOUND OF PROJECTOR RUNNlNG)
560
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,639
No.
561
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,639
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES CONTlNUE)
562
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,759
No, no!
563
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,399
Mr Lipwig.
No!
564
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,119
Mr Lipwig!
565
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,119
Wake up.
566
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:32,719
Did you see it?
567
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,239
The farmer.
568
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:41,159
l stood here all night.
You slept soundly.
569
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,639
No! (PANTS) lt was real.
570
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:51,479
l can't stay here.
571
00:44:58,160 --> 00:44:59,479
Are you the postmaster?
572
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,799
What?
You delivered this.
573
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,159
l didn't mean any harm.
574
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,559
l was just doing my... job.
575
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:10,159
Ah. You've made me
the happiest man in the world.
576
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,359
She said yes. She's gonna marry me.
lt was just stuck in the post.
577
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,359
All this time,
l thought she didn't care,
578
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,359
but now you're back in business.
579
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,439
The wedding invitations.
580
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:24,399
You're giving us letters.
581
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,519
Oh, sorry. Lots to organise.
582
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:35,519
How does it feel to make someone's
life better, Mr Lipwig?
583
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:39,279
Unusual.
584
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:47,439
Just what we need, more letters.
585
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,359
l'll put them in the queue.
586
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,319
Maybe you should deliver them.
587
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,079
What?
Deliver them?
588
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:58,959
You're all postmen.
589
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:01,719
Surely it's your solemn duty
to deliver?
590
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:03,839
Hmm?
591
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,559
Now, how does it work?
592
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,639
You got the money, did you sir?
Mm-hm.
593
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:12,319
Then we need to put
the official stamp on, that's it,
594
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:13,759
to show that it has been paid.
595
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,279
Oh, yes, er.. . Right.
596
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:26,359
l get this stamp. This stamp.
And bang it on the ink pad.
597
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,919
And then, sir, then, l bang it.
Bang it on the letter.
598
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,919
There.
599
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,479
Oh.
600
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,399
Oh, you don't know how good
it feels to do that again.
601
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:51,199
And this is worth a penny?
602
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:52,439
Yes.
603
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:08,799
Opportunity knocks.
604
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,679
lt's not strictly your line
of printing, Mr Spools, but look.
605
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,479
The old-fashioned way.
606
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,159
Queue up at the Post Office
to get your letter stamped.
607
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:19,679
Now.
608
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:23,319
A new way.
609
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,239
Everybody buys their stamps in
advance, to use at their leisure.
610
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:32,359
Good grief. A kid could
forge this with half a potato.
611
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:36,559
That's where your genius
as a printer comes in, Mr Spools.
612
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:40,439
Mmm. Well you need a bit
of cross-hatching, erm.
613
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,759
What about pictures?
Complicated pictures.
614
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,239
Yes. Everyone loves a miniature.
615
00:47:47,240 --> 00:47:50,999
Yes. We could have a different
picture for each type of stamp.
616
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,239
A penny to Ankh-Morpork.
Five pennies to Sto Lat.
617
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:57,719
You could have a whole set.
618
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,039
A whole set.
619
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:00,479
Yes.
620
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,879
To collect.
621
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:13,559
Mr Spools, meet Stanley,
the Post Office's new head of stamps.
622
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,279
Head of stamps?
Mmm.
623
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:16,479
Wow.
624
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,079
ls there a hat?
625
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,639
One thing at a time, Stanley.
626
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:23,079
Yes, Mr Lipwig.
627
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,159
'Wait before you tear this letter
up in disgust.'
628
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,479
'Ask yourself one question.'
629
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,759
'Would you have done
anything so different?'
630
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:33,879
'Would anyone?'
631
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:38,159
'l had discovered a foolproof way
of creating money from paper.'
632
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:45,199
'lf every resident bought just
a few stamps to put in their wallet,
633
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:48,759
l'd end up holding hundreds
of thousands of dollars
634
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,239
of other people's money.'
635
00:48:50,240 --> 00:48:54,519
'Enough to finance an escape plan
and set me up for life.'
636
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,559
'And, better still,
for the con to work,
637
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,039
l had to bring the Post Office
back to life
638
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,559
so that people would want
to buy stamps.'
639
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:06,039
'lt was a con
where everyone would win.'
640
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,359
'Well, nearly everyone.'
641
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:14,039
That is why it's important
to study grammar.
642
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,239
Hugos?
643
00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:20,999
Technically, without the apostrophe,
it's "hu-gos".
644
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,199
And the reason there's no apostrophe
is because there isn't one
645
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,879
in the uplifting slogan
that adorns our beloved Post Office.
646
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:29,599
Oh.
Oh.
647
00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:32,759
"Glom of nit."
648
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:38,359
Oh. They've stolen them.
649
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:39,599
Yes.
650
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,919
(SPLUTTERS)
651
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:46,039
Ay-ya, ta-ta, ta-ta!
652
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:49,759
We're in the letter business,
Mr Groat.
653
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,879
We do words, not bricks.
654
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,519
Good day, to you.
655
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:10,439
Can l see Mr Hugo, please?
656
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:12,879
l doubt it.
657
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,799
Then perhaps
you can give him a message.
658
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,479
l tried my best,
659
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:22,559
but l'm almost certain
Lord Vetinari will press charges.
660
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,079
(SQUEALS)
661
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:27,399
Mr Hugo.
662
00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:31,079
There's a man in reception
who says that Lord Vetinari...
663
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,439
(Two, three, four...)
664
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:36,319
Excuse me, sir.
665
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,879
Hugo can see you now.
666
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:40,999
Ah.
667
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:45,279
Got it.
668
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:47,839
Thanks, Mr Pump.
669
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,919
Got it, Mr Groat.
670
00:50:58,360 --> 00:50:59,959
Good work, Stanley.
671
00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:01,439
Chop-chop. Chop-chop.
672
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,159
That's it, Mr Pump.
673
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:08,999
(CAMERA FLASH EXPLODES)
674
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,999
And you can tell your readers
that this is the first
675
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:16,599
of millions of letters we are putting
back in the right place.
676
00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:20,119
One sign does not
a Post Office make.
677
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:24,599
No, Miss Cripslock, but we have
a new system to help us.
678
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,639
The stamping system.
679
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:28,759
(Stamp, Stanley.)
680
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,079
Cute, Mr Lipwig.
681
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:42,599
But, with the clacks, (SCOFFS)
why do we need a Post Office at all?
682
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,799
The clacks is all well and good
683
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:48,119
if you want to know the prawn
market figures from Genua,
684
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:53,239
but can you seal a clacks
with a loving kiss?
685
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,719
Can you cry tears on a clacks?
686
00:51:56,720 --> 00:52:00,559
Can you enclose a pressed flower?
687
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,039
(BLOWS)
688
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:08,199
So, spread the message far and wide,
689
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:13,119
the Post Office is back in business.
690
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,519
l tried talking to him nicely.
691
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:29,839
But some people just won't listen.
692
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:37,719
We may need to be a little more
direct in our approach.
693
00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:39,399
Please, Reacher, l .. .
694
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:43,399
l'm not sleeping well, as it is.
695
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:48,199
This is all about Vetinari
trying to clip our wings.
696
00:52:50,760 --> 00:52:54,719
But l haven't finished...
697
00:52:54,720 --> 00:52:56,639
..soaring.
698
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,559
(LAUGHS)
699
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:08,559
Miss Dearheart!
700
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,439
And l thought your name
was ridiculous.
701
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,479
How many golems are for hire
right now?
702
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,239
There's 1 2 on the books.
703
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:24,799
l'll take them all.
704
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,879
Don't bother to wrap them up!
(LAUGHS)
705
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:31,999
(SCOFFS) We're not talking
about groceries. They have souls.
706
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,639
l'm offering good jobs
with plenty of prospects.
707
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,159
That's a terrible habit, you know.
708
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,039
Perhaps l like bad habits.
709
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,799
Maybe there's still hope for me,
then.
710
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,079
One minute you're trying
to manipulate Pump 1 9,
711
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,039
the next,
you're a golem's best friend.
712
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:02,079
Because now l have a plan.
713
00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:07,839
Let me think about it.
714
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:10,639
Whilst your brighten up the world
like a little sunbeam.
715
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,199
(LlPWlG WHlSTLES)
716
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,999
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
717
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,799
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES
CONTlNUE THROUGHOUT)
718
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:57,439
(HE HUMS A TUNE)
719
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,879
(WHlMPERS)
720
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,599
(CRlES OUT)
721
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:41,119
(CREAKlNG)
722
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:48,039
(WHlMPERS)
723
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:49,119
No!
724
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:54,639
Help me!
725
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:56,559
Help!
726
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,879
Somebody! Help!
727
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:06,679
Help me!
728
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,079
(CRlES OUT)
729
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:30,319
(EVlL LAUGH)
730
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:47,119
Why are you picking on me?!
This is nothing.
731
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,839
You see?
732
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,119
A victimless crime.
733
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,919
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
734
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,679
Forged bonds harm no one!
735
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,839
No, no! Wait a minute.
736
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,679
You can't make him the scapegoat.
Take it from your profits.
737
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:24,319
That was never part of the plan!
738
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:27,639
Wait!
739
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:33,639
No!
740
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:39,399
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
741
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:41,719
(WHlSPERlNG STOPS)
Mr Lipwig, sir!
742
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:43,959
You can't sleep here.
743
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,119
We-we're opening up.
744
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,639
There's a big queue out there.
They're all coming back to us, sir.
745
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:56,199
(HUBBUB) The clacks is down!
One at a time.
746
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,759
Please. Please!
747
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:00,759
Gentleman! Please, please!
748
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:02,079
Wait, wait! Stop!
749
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:08,039
Behold!
750
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:14,159
As the postman said,
one at a time.
751
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:23,839
Next.
752
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:31,119
Who's next, please?
753
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:32,399
Stanley.
754
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,079
Marvellous.
755
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:58,079
We got a problem.
756
00:58:58,080 --> 00:58:59,919
The stamps.
757
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:02,879
You can't prove anything.
758
00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:05,279
We've sold out.
759
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,479
Oh.
760
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,839
(LAUGHS)
761
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,119
Well, good sales are never a problem.
762
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:14,439
Run over to Mr Spools
and fetch some more.
763
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,319
Stanley. Stanley!
Got the new double-pointers in.
764
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,759
l'll come back later.
Limited edition, selling fast.
765
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:28,759
Ah.. . ah.
766
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:30,919
l can't stop.
767
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:34,039
Stanley. Not a girl.
768
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:36,359
Mr Spools!
769
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:42,639
Uh?
770
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:44,759
You've got to be joking.
771
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,399
The presses can't cut them.
They're too small.
772
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:48,599
But we need 1 ,000.
773
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:50,879
Well, grab a pair of scissors
and get cutting.
774
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,919
l missed out on a set
of double-pointers
775
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,639
and you're cutting out stamps
with scissors. (SlGHS)
776
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:00,159
Ah, pin collector, are you?
777
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:02,039
(LAUGHS) Oh!
778
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:04,879
l've still got
my old collection up in the attic.
779
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,479
Yes, l was very keen.
780
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:11,359
But then l met the wife
and she wasn't interested in pins.
781
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:16,159
No. l've been meaning to get
them down and get them valued.
782
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,599
Mr Spools.
783
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:22,559
You know what's always
got up my nose?
784
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,639
How delicate pin paper is.
785
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,999
lt's almost more hole
than paper.
786
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:44,999
What d'you think?
787
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,039
Stanley, l think you're a genius.
788
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:52,359
l must ask everyone to be patient.
789
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:56,319
We weren't expecting quite
such an enthusiastic response.
790
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,519
But stamps are on their way
and we have a special offer.
791
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:07,239
The new express delivery
for Sto Lat leaves on the hour
792
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:11,559
to arrive this afternoon.
(GASPS/CHATTER)
793
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:15,239
And at half the cost
of a clacks message.
794
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:17,639
But we don't have
an express delivery, sir.
795
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:22,719
(We do now.)
796
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:23,719
(Mr Pump.)
797
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:26,199
(Go to Hobson's livery.)
798
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:29,199
(Tell him l want a fast horse,
not one of his old nags.)
799
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:30,959
(Something with fizz
in his blood.)
800
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,999
Extra fizz.
Very good, Mr Lipwig.
801
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,119
(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS)
802
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:05,359
(WHlSTLES)
803
01:02:05,360 --> 01:02:09,439
You've made a big
impression on Pump 1 9.
804
01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:10,999
Thank you.
805
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,919
Personally,
l think you're a phoney.
806
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:15,919
But business is business.
807
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:22,519
So. This is what you meant
by free uniforms.
808
01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:24,359
Think of it as a badge of honour.
809
01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:25,559
Next!
810
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,399
Don't worry, we'll clean it off
when they leave.
811
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:32,039
Leave? Clearly, l'm not talking
to the same postmaster.
812
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:35,919
Oh.
813
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:39,919
You're right.
The hat really does catch the sun.
814
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:43,119
Those quotes about wanting
to kick the clacks when it's down.
815
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:44,799
Are they true?
816
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,439
Er... Because l want to lend
a helping boot.
817
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:56,119
You do?
818
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:00,679
Has anyone ever told you
how beautiful you look
819
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:02,559
when considering violence?
820
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,879
Violence and retribution.
821
01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:08,279
My father was the founder
of the clacks.
822
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:11,399
lt was his great vision.
823
01:03:12,600 --> 01:03:13,719
He was no businessman.
824
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,799
He borrowed money
and mortgaged everything
825
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:17,079
to build the first system.
826
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:20,319
The clacks was an instant hit.
He'd have made a fortune.
827
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:22,519
Do l look like an heiress?
828
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:25,479
(SlGHS) Black August.
829
01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:28,479
The collapse of the Cabbage
Growers' Bank. Remember that?
830
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,679
Erm, vaguely.
831
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:33,919
The bank fell victim
to fake bond fraud.
832
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,759
Had to call
in all its loans,
833
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:38,279
the biggest of which
was my father's.
834
01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:41,519
You're looking pale.
835
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:46,919
Hmm? Um... (COUGHS)
836
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:49,999
lt's paint fumes. (LAUGHS)
837
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:56,359
A man called Gilt
and his coven of lawyers
838
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:59,559
used the crisis to steal the clacks
from under my father's nose.
839
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:00,599
Reacher Gilt?
840
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,159
You're on first-name terms
with that reptile?
841
01:04:03,160 --> 01:04:08,279
No. No, no, l, er, bumped into him.
842
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:14,759
So, every message
that your Post Office delivers
843
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,399
takes money out
of Reacher Gilt's pocket.
844
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:20,439
l like that.
845
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:21,559
You do?
846
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:23,559
Really?
847
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,799
l think l'm getting somewhere.
848
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:30,679
Are you the one who wants
some extra fizz in 'is 'orse?
849
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:33,119
You must be from Hobson's livery?
850
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:38,399
l am 'Obson.
And l've brought you Boris.
851
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,479
(NElGHlNG)
852
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:45,879
'Ad all the kids you want, 'ave you?
853
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:48,439
Sir.
854
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:50,079
Mr Groat.
855
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:53,839
Off you go, load the mail.
856
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:56,279
Right, sir. Ready for action.
857
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:00,599
Over there?
858
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:02,599
(NElGHlNG THROUGHOUT)
859
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:05,679
Er... Er...
860
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:09,279
(STRAlNS)
861
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:11,079
(CROWD GROAN)
862
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:24,759
Tell your men to hold him
good and tight, Mr Hobson.
863
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:33,839
Ladies and gentlemen.
864
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:39,399
You see the raw power
of nature we've harnessed...
865
01:05:40,680 --> 01:05:42,919
..to deliver your post.
866
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:52,479
Miss Dearheart.
867
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:59,919
(CHEERlNG/APPLAUSE)
868
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:02,919
Let him go!
869
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:05,719
Whoo!
870
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:07,119
Argh!
871
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:09,239
Watch out!
872
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:12,359
Boris! Argh!
873
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:15,199
Boris!
874
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:18,359
Argh!
875
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:20,239
Boris.
876
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:24,639
You have been
a very naughty boy.
877
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:26,039
(NElGHS)
878
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:31,559
And you know what happens
to naughty boys.
879
01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:32,759
(BORlS WHlNNlES)
880
01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:38,079
(LlPWlG EXHALES)
881
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,879
Oh, you seem to have the Boris touch.
882
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:45,439
l don't suppose
you'd care for a ride?
883
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,359
l hardly know you.
884
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:49,919
l'm rather banking on that.
885
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:53,719
Smooth answer. Slick.
886
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,999
Whoo!
887
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:00,399
(LAUGHS)
888
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:10,079
l need to make a detour.
889
01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:11,719
You want to hold up the mail?
890
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:13,839
lt won't take long. Up there.
891
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:38,199
We came all the way up here
to see a derelict clacks tower?
892
01:07:40,960 --> 01:07:43,559
This is where my brother John died.
893
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,359
Three years ago.
894
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:54,159
He was a clacksman.
895
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,799
Until someone pushed
him from up there.
896
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:05,199
He was murdered?
897
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,759
We could never prove anything.
898
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,119
Some of the old engineers say
899
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:18,599
they can still hear John's name
on the wires.
900
01:08:20,040 --> 01:08:23,639
Just before dawn.
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
901
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:39,959
How could your brother
carry on working here?
902
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:42,599
After what they did to your family?
903
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:45,239
John had big plans.
904
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:47,839
For a new clacks - better, cheaper.
905
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:52,839
He never got a chance to build it.
906
01:08:56,760 --> 01:08:59,079
Gilt went to the trouble
to steal the clacks
907
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:00,799
and now he won't even
look after it.
908
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:05,159
ls it any wonder my father died
a broken man?
909
01:09:10,440 --> 01:09:14,999
When you look at me like that,
l wish l was a better man.
910
01:09:17,480 --> 01:09:19,079
You're a man with vision.
911
01:09:20,280 --> 01:09:22,319
Maybe that counts as better.
912
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:39,359
One of the great things
about Mr Gryle...
913
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:42,639
..he's never late.
914
01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:46,399
Do you realise that if we dilute
the clacks lubrication oil
915
01:09:46,400 --> 01:09:51,279
with guano extract,
it can increase our profits.
916
01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:54,119
$2.4 a minute.
917
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:55,599
(LAUGHS)
918
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:01,599
That'll be him now.
919
01:10:07,320 --> 01:10:13,359
Mr Gryle, this is my finance
director. Crispin Horsefry.
920
01:10:14,960 --> 01:10:17,159
You're. ..
921
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:19,799
You're the. ..
922
01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:22,079
The banshee!
923
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:30,479
Mr Gryle, what exactly have you
found out about Moist von Lipwig?
924
01:10:30,480 --> 01:10:34,639
Father dead. Mother dead.
925
01:10:34,640 --> 01:10:38,439
Sent away to school.
926
01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:40,999
Bullied.
927
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:42,959
Ran away.
928
01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:44,439
Vanished.
929
01:10:44,440 --> 01:10:47,039
l wonder where he's been
all this time.
930
01:10:48,200 --> 01:10:54,239
Well, Mr Gryle.
This postmaster is a nuisance.
931
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:56,559
Understood.
932
01:11:01,520 --> 01:11:03,239
Deal with him for me.
933
01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:05,199
My pleasure.
934
01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:08,879
(BREATHES HEAVlLY)
935
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:35,279
Express mail from Ankh-Morpork.
936
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:41,359
Ah.
937
01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:44,519
Posted this very morning.
938
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:46,399
You can't get fresher than that.
939
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,799
We're going back in one hour.
940
01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:53,759
lf you want to send anything,
941
01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:57,879
form an orderly line
at the back of the horse.
942
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,279
l can get off a horse, you know.
943
01:12:20,280 --> 01:12:22,119
This way is more fun.
944
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:30,199
You were right.
945
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:32,079
l don't suppose...
946
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:35,159
..you fancy dinner for two?
947
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:38,279
Let me think about it.
948
01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:40,359
l really am making progress.
949
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:42,679
Perhaps.
950
01:12:47,600 --> 01:12:52,479
But sometimes, a slow delivery
beats the express.
951
01:12:56,080 --> 01:13:00,199
'lt was the most wonderful kiss
l never had.'
952
01:13:00,200 --> 01:13:02,479
'l was on top of the world.'
953
01:13:02,480 --> 01:13:05,079
'The only problem with having
a bright tomorrow
954
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:07,719
is you have to get through
the night before.'
955
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:08,919
(WHlSTLES)
956
01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:10,639
(SOBBlNG THROUGHOUT)
957
01:13:23,160 --> 01:13:24,759
Who's there?
958
01:13:29,440 --> 01:13:30,439
Hello.
959
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:34,039
(SOBBlNG GETS LOUDER)
960
01:13:37,560 --> 01:13:39,119
(DOORS SLAM)
961
01:13:56,360 --> 01:13:58,799
Who's there?
962
01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:06,079
(DOOR SLAMS)
Oh!
963
01:14:08,120 --> 01:14:10,679
(SOBBlNG/WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
964
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,519
(SOUND OF FlLM PROJECTOR RUNNlNG)
965
01:14:22,400 --> 01:14:24,519
(No, it can't be.)
966
01:14:24,520 --> 01:14:25,719
l'm still awake!
967
01:14:27,160 --> 01:14:28,959
Adora.
968
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,279
No.
969
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:43,919
Please.
970
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:46,479
Not again.
971
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:05,679
Why are you showing me this?
972
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:36,759
No!
973
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:39,879
Argh!
974
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,079
Help!
975
01:15:49,880 --> 01:15:51,719
What do you want with me?!
976
01:15:51,720 --> 01:15:53,839
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES
BECOME MORE URGENT)
977
01:16:57,240 --> 01:16:58,839
Alright.
978
01:17:03,080 --> 01:17:05,079
Enough.
979
01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,759
Finish it here.
980
01:17:10,760 --> 01:17:12,759
lt is what l deserve.
981
01:17:18,360 --> 01:17:19,759
Oh!
982
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:29,559
'Adora, l'm sorry. l'm so sorry.'
983
01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:31,439
Mr Lipwig.
984
01:17:35,240 --> 01:17:36,719
What are you doing?!
985
01:17:36,720 --> 01:17:37,919
Rescuing you.
986
01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:41,119
There's no point,
l can't escape the...
987
01:17:41,120 --> 01:17:44,279
l deserve to die.
988
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:47,359
Your safety is my concern.
989
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:50,919
Oh, hell.
Last time you said that...
990
01:17:52,240 --> 01:17:54,319
Argh!
991
01:17:54,320 --> 01:17:59,639
l didn't mean to hit you
so hard, Mr Lipwig.
992
01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:01,639
l wish you'd finish me off.
993
01:18:02,440 --> 01:18:05,639
No one should wish their life away.
994
01:18:05,640 --> 01:18:09,279
l'm a bad man, Mr Pump.
995
01:18:10,720 --> 01:18:13,079
l've done terrible things.
996
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:16,999
And your punishment
is to rebuild the Post Office.
997
01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:20,319
One balances out the other.
998
01:18:21,400 --> 01:18:23,759
Nothing can balance out
what l've done.
999
01:18:24,360 --> 01:18:25,559
(KNOCKlNG)
1000
01:18:25,560 --> 01:18:27,279
Oh, Pump 1 9, how's it going?
1001
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:30,959
Oh. You look like
you've seen a ghost.
1002
01:18:31,960 --> 01:18:33,039
How did you know?
1003
01:18:33,040 --> 01:18:34,399
(LAUGHS)
1004
01:18:34,400 --> 01:18:36,879
The answer's yes.
1005
01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:40,759
Dinner for two?
1006
01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:46,239
(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)
1007
01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:50,359
(LAUGHS) Er, l...
1008
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:00,879
Oh. l see.
1009
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:10,039
l'd love to, Adora. But you
really have to stay away from me.
1010
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:12,919
lt's not you, it's me.
1011
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:16,359
Oh! Cliches, as well,
now l really am insulted.
1012
01:19:16,360 --> 01:19:18,679
Trust me, it's best we call
the whole thing off.
1013
01:19:19,520 --> 01:19:23,919
Don't flatter yourself.
l hadn't decided it was on.
1014
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:45,599
OK. l'm here.
What exactly did you want to know?
1015
01:19:49,400 --> 01:19:51,879
Would you mind
if we talk somewhere else?
1016
01:19:56,400 --> 01:19:59,559
lt was dirty,
ruthless and back-stabbing,
1017
01:19:59,560 --> 01:20:02,479
but it made great copy.
1018
01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,119
Bad news always does.
1019
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:06,439
When the clacks
got into financial difficulty,
1020
01:20:06,440 --> 01:20:09,559
the only person who could help
them was Reacher Gilt.
1021
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:13,199
The Dearhearts were so desperate,
they'd have signed anything.
1022
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:17,759
Gilt took the entire business
from under the family's nose.
1023
01:20:17,760 --> 01:20:20,399
Technically legal, morally rotten.
1024
01:20:24,760 --> 01:20:27,519
But there'd be no clacks
if it weren't for the Dearhearts.
1025
01:20:27,520 --> 01:20:29,399
And they wouldn't have
got into trouble
1026
01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:31,239
if it weren't
for the banking crisis.
1027
01:20:31,240 --> 01:20:34,599
Surely the banks
could survive a few fake bonds.
1028
01:20:34,600 --> 01:20:36,759
(LAUGHS)
1029
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:39,079
You call that a few?
1030
01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:47,199
'lt wasn't the happiest reunion
in my life.'
1031
01:20:47,200 --> 01:20:52,319
'l had drawn every line, faked
every signature on those bonds.'
1032
01:20:52,320 --> 01:20:54,639
'Now l felt sick to look at them.'
1033
01:20:56,160 --> 01:20:58,199
Go to her.
1034
01:20:58,200 --> 01:20:59,199
l can't.
1035
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:01,199
Apologise to her.
1036
01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:03,119
The letters have warned me
to stay away.
1037
01:21:03,120 --> 01:21:06,399
The letters?
Again with this nonsense.
1038
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:08,999
lf l go near Adora again,
the letters will kill me.
1039
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:11,039
Letters do not kill.
1040
01:21:12,400 --> 01:21:14,479
l will prove it to you.
1041
01:21:23,960 --> 01:21:26,199
You must be the victim.
1042
01:21:29,040 --> 01:21:31,279
Who the hell are you?
1043
01:21:31,280 --> 01:21:35,719
Mr Ridcully is Archchancellor
of the Unseen University.
1044
01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:41,159
He will give you proof the letters
do not want to kill you.
1045
01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:43,519
(LAUGHS)
How is he going to do that?
1046
01:21:43,520 --> 01:21:44,799
How many words are here?
1047
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:48,919
A million, two million.
1048
01:21:50,040 --> 01:21:54,999
What about in the whole building?
There must be billions.
1049
01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:59,439
Only an academic could state the
obvious and pass it off as wisdom.
1050
01:22:01,200 --> 01:22:03,079
Are you the type to burn a book,
Lipwig?
1051
01:22:03,080 --> 01:22:05,479
No.
Why?
1052
01:22:07,040 --> 01:22:10,639
Because you just don't do
that sort of thing.
1053
01:22:10,640 --> 01:22:13,919
Correct.
Books must be treated with respect.
1054
01:22:13,920 --> 01:22:18,759
We feel that in our bones,
because words have power.
1055
01:22:19,480 --> 01:22:24,279
Bring enough words together,
you can bend space and time.
1056
01:22:24,280 --> 01:22:26,599
That's what has been giving
you hallucinations.
1057
01:22:26,680 --> 01:22:30,799
For the last time,
they weren't hallucinations.
1058
01:22:30,800 --> 01:22:33,079
They did try to kill me.
1059
01:22:33,080 --> 01:22:37,399
The terrible thing is, l deserve it.
1060
01:22:38,680 --> 01:22:41,159
Read my lips.
1061
01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:43,719
Words do not kill.
1062
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:46,279
People kill.
1063
01:22:46,280 --> 01:22:48,439
Wild animals kill.
1064
01:22:48,440 --> 01:22:53,199
But words, words have
a totally different power.
1065
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:58,199
They enter through our eyes and ears
and work their way into our souls.
1066
01:22:58,200 --> 01:23:01,839
l think this is where
the real problem is.
1067
01:23:01,840 --> 01:23:03,919
Your soul.
1068
01:23:03,920 --> 01:23:06,959
Don't blame the letters
for your own problems.
1069
01:23:11,240 --> 01:23:14,519
Now you can apologise
to Miss Dearheart.
1070
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:19,119
lt is way beyond apology.
1071
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:21,999
Only she can judge that.
1072
01:23:22,000 --> 01:23:24,399
Talk to her.
1073
01:23:27,840 --> 01:23:29,959
l don't trust my tongue.
1074
01:23:29,960 --> 01:23:33,439
When l speak, l lie.
1075
01:23:33,440 --> 01:23:34,839
lt's the way it's always been.
1076
01:23:34,840 --> 01:23:36,959
So don't speak.
1077
01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:38,719
Write her a letter.
1078
01:23:40,560 --> 01:23:42,839
A written confession.
1079
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:48,559
A conman can't do that.
1080
01:23:48,560 --> 01:23:50,919
lt's against our code of practice.
1081
01:23:50,920 --> 01:23:55,039
But what better way
for a postmaster?
1082
01:23:57,320 --> 01:24:00,279
'Which is how l came
to be sitting here,
1083
01:24:00,280 --> 01:24:03,359
pouring out my heart.'
1084
01:24:03,360 --> 01:24:07,959
'All l can do is seal this
with the most loving kiss.'
1085
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:09,479
'And hope.'
1086
01:24:15,840 --> 01:24:18,279
l'm not convinced, Mr Pump.
1087
01:24:18,280 --> 01:24:22,119
l didn't get where l am today
by telling the truth.
1088
01:24:22,120 --> 01:24:26,359
And where exactly are you?
1089
01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:28,999
Point taken.
1090
01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:35,639
Stamp it up and send it on its way.
1091
01:24:35,640 --> 01:24:40,359
No. You must deliver this by hand.
1092
01:24:40,360 --> 01:24:44,119
(LAUGHS) lf l get within 50 yards
of Adora, l'm a dead man.
1093
01:24:44,120 --> 01:24:46,679
l told Adora to meet you
at 8 o'clock.
1094
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:48,359
Dinner for two.
1095
01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:51,119
You mean l have to be there
when she reads this?
1096
01:24:51,120 --> 01:24:53,999
At the best restaurant in town.
1097
01:24:54,000 --> 01:24:57,359
How did you get a table?
They're booked up for months.
1098
01:24:57,360 --> 01:24:59,159
l didn't.
1099
01:24:59,160 --> 01:25:03,119
This is one time
your lying will be useful.
1100
01:25:25,160 --> 01:25:28,439
Good evening, sir.
Reservation for?
1101
01:25:28,440 --> 01:25:32,039
You mean you still don't know?
1102
01:25:32,040 --> 01:25:34,279
After all the times l've been here.
1103
01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:36,719
l'm acquainted with the regulars,
but, er...
1104
01:25:38,440 --> 01:25:40,159
..l cannot place you, sir.
1105
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:42,279
Very good.
1106
01:25:42,280 --> 01:25:46,359
l appreciate your discretion.
1107
01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:50,479
Wouldn't want everyone knowing
we were here.
1108
01:25:50,480 --> 01:25:55,599
So, shall l wait for Mr Gilt
inside at the regular table?
1109
01:25:55,600 --> 01:25:58,119
Mr Gilt, you say?
Mm-hm.
1110
01:25:59,160 --> 01:26:03,759
l'm afraid that...
Mr Gilt doesn't do problems.
1111
01:26:03,760 --> 01:26:07,039
But... Surely you of all people
remember the Poisson Rouge.
1112
01:26:08,280 --> 01:26:09,879
l cannot say...
Exactly.
1113
01:26:09,880 --> 01:26:13,359
Mr Gilt used to take
the city's finest there every week
1114
01:26:13,360 --> 01:26:17,719
until one day,
same thing happened.
1115
01:26:19,080 --> 01:26:21,879
Au revoir, Poisson Rouge.
1116
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:25,399
l'll wait inside, shall l?
1117
01:26:50,760 --> 01:26:51,999
Adora.
1118
01:26:53,760 --> 01:26:56,399
You look... l'm only here because
Mr Pump begged.
1119
01:26:59,840 --> 01:27:01,639
That and the stuffed liver.
1120
01:27:05,800 --> 01:27:08,159
To be honest,
l can't think about food...
1121
01:27:08,600 --> 01:27:11,679
until you've read this.
1122
01:27:14,880 --> 01:27:17,359
ls it an apology?
1123
01:27:17,360 --> 01:27:20,519
lt... lt's worse than that.
1124
01:27:21,680 --> 01:27:24,319
Just read it.
1125
01:27:25,160 --> 01:27:28,679
And then, maybe, we can move on.
1126
01:27:35,400 --> 01:27:36,399
(CLEARS THROAT)
1127
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:47,879
(BANSHEE'S VOlCE)
Good evening, little postman.
1128
01:27:52,880 --> 01:27:55,959
Hello?!
(BANSHEE BREATHES HEAVlLY)
1129
01:27:58,480 --> 01:28:01,159
We are closed.
1130
01:28:03,280 --> 01:28:06,839
But we are open again
at nine in the morning.
1131
01:28:07,800 --> 01:28:11,959
We've got a special
on mail to Pseudopolis. Ah!
1132
01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:14,759
Why not write to your old granny?
1133
01:28:14,760 --> 01:28:18,799
l ate my granny.
1134
01:28:18,800 --> 01:28:20,879
Oh.
1135
01:28:20,880 --> 01:28:23,479
Then l'm dead.
1136
01:28:27,520 --> 01:28:30,879
(SCREAMS)
1137
01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:58,719
Erm. Perhaps l could paraphrase
the last section.
1138
01:28:58,720 --> 01:29:00,079
You ruined my family.
1139
01:29:00,080 --> 01:29:03,039
Adora, l'm sorry. What can l say?
l'm sorry. l'm so sorry.
1140
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:04,279
You're a liar and cheat.
1141
01:29:04,280 --> 01:29:06,039
Those days are behind me. l swear.
1142
01:29:06,040 --> 01:29:09,399
Every word is true, l've bared my
soul to you. There are no lies left.
1143
01:29:09,400 --> 01:29:15,719
My dear Moist.
How good of you to bag a table.
1144
01:29:15,720 --> 01:29:19,039
You... And him?
1145
01:29:19,040 --> 01:29:20,559
No.
1146
01:29:20,560 --> 01:29:23,359
Always a joke with Moist, hmm?
1147
01:29:23,360 --> 01:29:27,719
Why don't you to ask them
to bring the champagne list, huh?
1148
01:29:29,440 --> 01:29:31,599
Just gotta freshen up.
1149
01:29:35,080 --> 01:29:37,559
How many more times
will you humiliate me?
1150
01:29:37,560 --> 01:29:39,959
l can explain. (CRlES OUT lN PAlN)
1151
01:29:39,960 --> 01:29:40,999
What is in your foot
1152
01:29:41,000 --> 01:29:43,519
is a steel-tipped,
four-inch stiletto heel.
1153
01:29:43,520 --> 01:29:47,039
The most dangerous footwear
in the world. (CRlES OUT)
1154
01:29:47,040 --> 01:29:51,199
l know what you're thinking. "Could
she push it through to the floor?"
1155
01:29:51,200 --> 01:29:53,319
(CRlES OUT) No!
1156
01:29:53,320 --> 01:29:56,159
To tell you the truth, l'm not sure
about that myself,
1157
01:29:56,160 --> 01:29:58,799
but l'm going to give it
a damn good try.
1158
01:29:58,800 --> 01:30:00,359
(CRlES OUT lN PAlN)
1159
01:30:00,360 --> 01:30:02,519
The Post Office is burning!
1160
01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,039
Argh!
1161
01:30:19,400 --> 01:30:21,439
Mr Pump.
1162
01:30:21,440 --> 01:30:23,639
Where's Stanley and Groat?
1163
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:27,799
Your safety is my concern.
1164
01:30:30,000 --> 01:30:31,039
Mr Groat.
1165
01:30:31,040 --> 01:30:32,439
(CRlES OUT lN PAlN)
1166
01:30:37,600 --> 01:30:39,159
Call the fire brigade.
1167
01:30:40,160 --> 01:30:42,239
Argh! (COUGHS)
1168
01:30:44,160 --> 01:30:48,039
lt's Stanley. You've got to save
Stanley. (STRUGGLES TO BREATHE)
1169
01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:11,279
Mr Lipwig. lt's too dangerous.
1170
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:21,079
Stanley!
1171
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:23,239
(BANSHEE SCREAMS)
1172
01:31:23,240 --> 01:31:24,639
Argh!
1173
01:31:26,560 --> 01:31:30,119
And Lipwig make five!
1174
01:31:30,120 --> 01:31:34,039
l'm collecting dead postmasters.
1175
01:31:34,040 --> 01:31:40,359
Of course,
the fun part is making them dead!
1176
01:31:40,360 --> 01:31:41,759
You killed them?
1177
01:31:43,120 --> 01:31:44,319
All of them?
1178
01:31:44,320 --> 01:31:45,639
Oh, yes.
1179
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:49,039
l am the killer!
(CRlES OUT)
1180
01:31:49,040 --> 01:31:52,839
This is a Post Office closer!
1181
01:31:52,840 --> 01:31:54,879
(BOTH SCREAM)
1182
01:31:54,880 --> 01:31:56,559
(ONLOOKERS SHRlEK)
1183
01:34:11,560 --> 01:34:13,079
You know what they say.
1184
01:34:14,360 --> 01:34:19,439
Hear the cry of the banshee and die!
1185
01:34:19,440 --> 01:34:21,999
Actually...
1186
01:34:22,000 --> 01:34:26,599
..it's banshee cries, somebody dies.
1187
01:34:26,600 --> 01:34:28,199
Today it's you.
1188
01:34:40,000 --> 01:34:43,039
Missed both my hearts.
1189
01:34:47,520 --> 01:34:50,559
l do love postmasters.
1190
01:34:51,720 --> 01:34:55,959
Killing them is so lucrative.
1191
01:34:55,960 --> 01:34:57,639
(YELLS)
1192
01:34:57,640 --> 01:34:59,159
Who's paying you?
1193
01:34:59,160 --> 01:35:03,719
Not everyone can afford
assassin of calibre.
1194
01:35:03,720 --> 01:35:08,359
l deal with all Reacher's
loose ends.
1195
01:35:10,000 --> 01:35:11,199
Gilt.
1196
01:35:11,200 --> 01:35:15,279
The Dearheart boy
screamed like a pig.
1197
01:35:15,280 --> 01:35:18,599
Screamed like a pig!
1198
01:35:18,600 --> 01:35:21,439
Till he struck the ground.
1199
01:35:24,560 --> 01:35:29,359
Time to shut up shop, Postmaster.
1200
01:35:30,320 --> 01:35:35,679
This is not Reacher Gilt's
Post Office to close.
1201
01:35:35,680 --> 01:35:37,839
lt belongs to the city.
1202
01:35:37,840 --> 01:35:40,599
How dare he come in here
and destroy it.
1203
01:35:40,600 --> 01:35:42,719
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
1204
01:35:45,160 --> 01:35:47,439
Oh, please!
1205
01:35:47,440 --> 01:35:50,839
Can't l even die in peace?
1206
01:35:50,840 --> 01:35:53,719
l mean, l'm no angel, but him?
1207
01:35:53,720 --> 01:35:55,959
He's a devil.
1208
01:36:05,080 --> 01:36:06,599
(YELLS)
1209
01:36:28,040 --> 01:36:31,679
"Upon discovery of fire,
remain calm."
1210
01:36:34,240 --> 01:36:35,599
(COUGHS)
1211
01:36:42,120 --> 01:36:46,599
"Shout 'fire'
in a loud, clear voice."
1212
01:36:46,600 --> 01:36:48,039
Fire!
1213
01:36:49,920 --> 01:36:51,279
Stanley.
1214
01:36:56,800 --> 01:36:58,839
"lf trapped...
1215
01:37:00,320 --> 01:37:04,919
..await A, rescue or B, death."
1216
01:37:06,880 --> 01:37:09,799
Straightforward enough.
1217
01:37:09,800 --> 01:37:11,879
(WHlSTLES)
1218
01:37:11,880 --> 01:37:14,479
A it is, then.
1219
01:37:14,480 --> 01:37:16,399
Come on.
1220
01:37:22,320 --> 01:37:25,399
(WHlSPERlNG VOlCES)
1221
01:37:27,120 --> 01:37:28,479
l owe you.
1222
01:37:47,600 --> 01:37:51,719
Where are the fire brigade?
We have no insurance.
1223
01:37:51,720 --> 01:37:52,879
What?
1224
01:37:52,880 --> 01:37:57,559
l'm sorry, sir,
it was fire insurance or food.
1225
01:37:57,560 --> 01:37:59,559
Where are the buckets then?
1226
01:37:59,560 --> 01:38:03,599
This is beyond buckets, Mr Lipwig.
1227
01:38:07,560 --> 01:38:10,679
(VlOLlN PLAYS MOURNFULLY)
1228
01:38:14,320 --> 01:38:15,559
Hmm!
1229
01:38:24,240 --> 01:38:25,239
Adora.
1230
01:38:26,800 --> 01:38:29,159
Care for a dance?
1231
01:38:29,160 --> 01:38:31,719
A dance? With you?
1232
01:38:31,720 --> 01:38:35,919
A self-centred skuggem
with the moral fibre of a...
1233
01:38:35,920 --> 01:38:38,239
A rat?
A rat.
1234
01:38:38,240 --> 01:38:40,079
Thank you.
My pleasure.
1235
01:38:40,080 --> 01:38:41,559
(SHRlEKS)
1236
01:38:46,600 --> 01:38:49,919
(SHRlEKS) Let me go!
1237
01:38:49,920 --> 01:38:53,799
Not until l've told you
what's really going on.
1238
01:38:53,800 --> 01:38:56,239
You destroyed my family,
that's what's going on.
1239
01:38:56,240 --> 01:39:00,199
That was an accident.
l can put it right.
1240
01:39:00,200 --> 01:39:03,879
You don't know the meaning
of the word "right".
1241
01:39:03,880 --> 01:39:07,799
Those dead postmasters,
Gilt had them killed.
1242
01:39:07,800 --> 01:39:09,639
He tried to kill me, too.
1243
01:39:09,640 --> 01:39:13,479
Who'd have thought l had something
in common with Reacher Gilt?
1244
01:39:13,480 --> 01:39:18,279
Adora, he murdered your brother.
1245
01:39:22,800 --> 01:39:25,279
John wore a safety line,
but he fell to his death.
1246
01:39:25,280 --> 01:39:29,959
lt doesn't make sense, unless you
hire a flying banshee to push him.
1247
01:39:29,960 --> 01:39:34,039
And banshees are Gilt's
weapon of choice.
1248
01:39:34,040 --> 01:39:35,959
You've got proof?
Of course.
1249
01:39:39,400 --> 01:39:43,599
Well, the banshee was my proof.
He knew everything.
1250
01:39:43,600 --> 01:39:46,399
Except how to be fireproof.
How convenient!
1251
01:39:46,400 --> 01:39:49,719
Even so, l think l can bring down
Reacher Gilt.
1252
01:39:49,720 --> 01:39:52,319
All talk and no action, as usual.
1253
01:39:52,320 --> 01:39:56,239
Adora, will you trust me
just this once?
1254
01:39:57,680 --> 01:39:58,999
(SHE KNEES HlM)
Oh!
1255
01:39:59,000 --> 01:40:01,439
Does that answer your question?
1256
01:40:03,320 --> 01:40:06,879
Any comment to go with the picture,
Mr Lipwig?
1257
01:40:20,480 --> 01:40:21,839
Reacher.
1258
01:40:24,480 --> 01:40:26,159
Marvellous, isn't it?
1259
01:40:26,160 --> 01:40:28,039
A bit...
1260
01:40:28,040 --> 01:40:29,879
..extreme?
1261
01:40:29,880 --> 01:40:33,599
The point is, Horsefry, we've won.
1262
01:40:36,280 --> 01:40:37,799
We've won.
1263
01:40:55,440 --> 01:40:58,999
Well, l suppose that's one way
to deal with the backlog.
1264
01:40:59,000 --> 01:41:00,759
How can you joke?
1265
01:41:00,760 --> 01:41:03,399
That's our life. And it's gone.
1266
01:41:04,880 --> 01:41:07,599
Be brave, Mr Groat.
1267
01:41:14,200 --> 01:41:16,119
There's our customers over there.
1268
01:41:16,120 --> 01:41:19,359
Sending clacks, we've lost them.
1269
01:41:21,160 --> 01:41:25,079
Then we'll just have
to win them back again, won't we?
1270
01:41:25,080 --> 01:41:27,839
Come on, Mr Groat.
1271
01:41:33,160 --> 01:41:37,959
The Post Office is open... as usual.
1272
01:41:37,960 --> 01:41:41,519
A bit more open than usual,
l would say.
1273
01:41:44,200 --> 01:41:47,679
< Number four delivery, proceed.
1274
01:41:48,560 --> 01:41:50,879
Number four delivery.
1275
01:41:50,880 --> 01:41:52,599
Stan!
1276
01:41:52,600 --> 01:41:54,159
Aggy!
1277
01:41:55,200 --> 01:41:57,999
Not many of us old postmen
left now, Mr Groat.
1278
01:41:58,000 --> 01:42:01,919
We help out the best we can
in the post's hour of need.
1279
01:42:01,920 --> 01:42:03,399
See?
1280
01:42:03,400 --> 01:42:05,399
People love the Post Office.
1281
01:42:07,160 --> 01:42:09,599
So... (CLEARS THROAT)
1282
01:42:09,600 --> 01:42:12,559
Get your men organised,
1283
01:42:12,560 --> 01:42:15,479
Deputy Postmaster Groat.
1284
01:42:15,480 --> 01:42:17,519
l want them...
1285
01:42:18,240 --> 01:42:24,239
Did you say deputy postmaster, sir?
l did.
1286
01:42:24,960 --> 01:42:29,199
And, what's more,
l want your men out on the streets
1287
01:42:29,200 --> 01:42:33,239
delivering the mail today.
Yes, sir.
1288
01:42:40,640 --> 01:42:43,239
Looks like the clacks is down again.
1289
01:42:45,640 --> 01:42:48,159
This really is my lucky day.
1290
01:42:52,680 --> 01:42:56,119
Special today, ladies and gentlemen,
1291
01:42:56,120 --> 01:43:00,519
mail to Pseudopolis
reduced to three pence.
1292
01:43:00,520 --> 01:43:03,359
Three pence only.
1293
01:43:03,360 --> 01:43:08,919
And if anyone has a message
already stuck in the clacks,
1294
01:43:08,920 --> 01:43:12,239
we'll deliver it for free.
1295
01:43:13,640 --> 01:43:18,559
No matter how hard l scrape my shoe,
1296
01:43:18,560 --> 01:43:22,679
Lipwig remains stuck to it.
1297
01:43:22,680 --> 01:43:25,959
lt says here he was unscathed.
1298
01:43:25,960 --> 01:43:29,399
Does this mean we have to try again?
No.
1299
01:43:29,400 --> 01:43:36,479
He may be alive,
but he's yesterday's man.
1300
01:43:37,360 --> 01:43:40,039
Knowing Lipwig, he'll rebuild.
1301
01:43:40,040 --> 01:43:41,839
With what?
1302
01:43:41,840 --> 01:43:43,719
lt'll cost a fortune.
1303
01:43:44,680 --> 01:43:50,959
And the... Post Office is bankrupt.
1304
01:43:52,760 --> 01:43:55,999
Nevertheless, people...
1305
01:43:56,000 --> 01:43:58,199
..seem to have a fondness
for the post.
1306
01:43:58,200 --> 01:44:02,719
My latest innovation
will change all that.
1307
01:44:02,720 --> 01:44:04,719
lnnovation?
1308
01:44:04,720 --> 01:44:07,839
We closed down research
and development years ago.
1309
01:44:07,840 --> 01:44:12,679
This isn't about research, Horsefry.
1310
01:44:12,680 --> 01:44:18,879
This is about dazzling the masses
with a bauble.
1311
01:44:20,000 --> 01:44:25,799
l believe the respectable term is...
1312
01:44:30,560 --> 01:44:32,599
..marketing.
1313
01:44:32,600 --> 01:44:35,439
(FANFARE PLAYS)
1314
01:44:39,280 --> 01:44:41,519
We are proud
1315
01:44:41,520 --> 01:44:45,199
to usher in a new era.
1316
01:44:45,200 --> 01:44:48,919
The mobile era.
1317
01:44:48,920 --> 01:44:52,919
A network of towers like this
1318
01:44:52,920 --> 01:44:58,599
will move around Discworld
as demand requires.
1319
01:44:58,600 --> 01:45:00,079
This doesn't look good.
1320
01:45:00,080 --> 01:45:04,559
ln future,
if you can't get to a clacks tower,
1321
01:45:04,560 --> 01:45:09,399
the clacks tower
will be brought to you.
1322
01:45:09,400 --> 01:45:13,119
Full coverage for the entire Disc.
1323
01:45:13,120 --> 01:45:15,999
Mr Gilt, today's increase
in the price of clacks messages
1324
01:45:16,000 --> 01:45:20,439
is the fifth this year.
Surely that is extortion.
1325
01:45:20,440 --> 01:45:23,359
This is the future
of long-distance communication,
1326
01:45:23,360 --> 01:45:25,959
and new technology is not cheap.
1327
01:45:25,960 --> 01:45:31,479
Would you really have that
when you can have this?
1328
01:45:36,720 --> 01:45:40,119
But he had the Post Office
destroyed.
1329
01:45:40,120 --> 01:45:42,759
(LlPWlG) We have no proof, Mr Pump.
1330
01:45:50,600 --> 01:45:52,559
We must do something.
1331
01:45:54,440 --> 01:45:55,959
Follow me.
1332
01:46:08,640 --> 01:46:10,319
(CROWD GASPS)
1333
01:46:12,560 --> 01:46:15,439
Arrest those men!
For what?
1334
01:46:15,440 --> 01:46:17,639
Vandalising clacks property.
1335
01:46:17,640 --> 01:46:21,999
l think you'll find the only offence
here is trespass.
1336
01:46:22,000 --> 01:46:25,919
Your map was being paraded
on Post Office property.
1337
01:46:25,920 --> 01:46:28,639
l'll see you paraded
through hell, Lipwig.
1338
01:46:28,640 --> 01:46:31,599
Are you going to send another
assassin to sort me out?
1339
01:46:31,600 --> 01:46:35,079
Assassin? l have no idea
what you're talking about.
1340
01:46:35,080 --> 01:46:39,039
Mr Gryle and l
had a very interesting chat.
1341
01:46:40,400 --> 01:46:43,199
l know exactly
what you've been up to.
1342
01:46:43,200 --> 01:46:44,879
Where's your proof?
1343
01:46:44,880 --> 01:46:46,759
All in good time.
1344
01:46:46,760 --> 01:46:49,719
You're such a fraud.
1345
01:46:49,720 --> 01:46:52,559
And you're such a murderer.
1346
01:46:52,560 --> 01:46:53,799
(CROWD EXCLAlMS)
1347
01:46:58,480 --> 01:47:00,879
That is slander.
1348
01:47:01,920 --> 01:47:04,919
This is a declaration of war.
1349
01:47:04,920 --> 01:47:06,159
Can l quote you on that?
1350
01:47:06,160 --> 01:47:08,519
lf you want a quote,
Miss Cripslock, try this.
1351
01:47:08,520 --> 01:47:12,599
Neither rain nor fire
can stop the post.
1352
01:47:14,240 --> 01:47:15,999
Very stirring.
1353
01:47:16,000 --> 01:47:18,919
But his quote had "war" in it.
1354
01:47:21,520 --> 01:47:24,759
Fine talk, sir. Fine talk.
You do give a good bite of sound.
1355
01:47:24,760 --> 01:47:27,199
lf you don't mind me saying,
it's bugger all help.
1356
01:47:27,200 --> 01:47:28,599
l know, l know.
1357
01:47:28,600 --> 01:47:32,879
They come through with a new
technological breakthrough.
1358
01:47:32,880 --> 01:47:37,199
"A modern miracle that will change
communications for ever."
1359
01:47:37,200 --> 01:47:39,799
And we haven't even got a roof.
1360
01:47:39,800 --> 01:47:43,439
Oh, one decent downpour
and all this will be papier-mache.
1361
01:47:43,440 --> 01:47:45,719
Big roofs cost big money.
1362
01:47:49,320 --> 01:47:51,359
That's it, Mr Groat.
1363
01:47:51,360 --> 01:47:53,159
Rain.
1364
01:47:54,520 --> 01:47:57,039
Rainy days.
1365
01:47:57,040 --> 01:48:01,879
The problem with people who put
money away for a rainy day
1366
01:48:01,880 --> 01:48:04,959
is they never know when it's raining.
1367
01:48:04,960 --> 01:48:07,039
(LAUGHS)
1368
01:48:07,040 --> 01:48:09,839
Well, l think it's about to pour.
1369
01:48:16,240 --> 01:48:17,439
Stress.
1370
01:48:17,440 --> 01:48:20,279
lt does funny things to a man.
1371
01:48:25,000 --> 01:48:26,359
Sausage?
1372
01:48:27,280 --> 01:48:30,959
Mrs Leakall's
Premium Reserve sausages.
1373
01:48:30,960 --> 01:48:33,639
A special offering.
1374
01:48:33,640 --> 01:48:35,719
Because l have a special prayer.
1375
01:48:35,720 --> 01:48:38,479
Well, you're off to a good start.
1376
01:48:40,400 --> 01:48:45,639
Tell me, how do you actually
get the sausages up there?
1377
01:48:45,640 --> 01:48:50,439
Frying. The gift of sausages ascends
onto Offler, the sacred crocodile,
1378
01:48:50,440 --> 01:48:52,519
by means of smell.
1379
01:48:56,640 --> 01:49:00,719
And then you... eat the sausage?
1380
01:49:01,480 --> 01:49:03,639
A common misconception.
1381
01:49:03,640 --> 01:49:06,359
But the true sausagidity
goes to Offler.
1382
01:49:06,360 --> 01:49:11,519
He eats the... essence
of the sausages.
1383
01:49:11,520 --> 01:49:15,359
While we priests
eat the earthly shell.
1384
01:49:18,440 --> 01:49:20,879
That would explain
why the smell of sausages
1385
01:49:20,880 --> 01:49:25,319
is always better than
the actual taste, perhaps.
1386
01:49:25,320 --> 01:49:27,759
You should have been a theologian.
1387
01:49:27,760 --> 01:49:31,759
So, what is your prayer
to accompany Mrs Leakall's finest?
1388
01:49:31,760 --> 01:49:33,599
Just the usual.
1389
01:49:33,600 --> 01:49:37,239
Pennies from heaven.
1390
01:49:37,240 --> 01:49:43,119
$1 50,000... to be precise.
1391
01:49:43,840 --> 01:49:50,439
Might take more than a few sausages
to get something that... specific.
1392
01:49:51,920 --> 01:49:55,919
But... let's give it a shot.
1393
01:50:14,680 --> 01:50:16,719
(MOlST) Post!
1394
01:50:18,080 --> 01:50:19,079
Post!
1395
01:50:25,240 --> 01:50:28,439
Good work, Stanley. That'll do it.
1396
01:50:30,240 --> 01:50:33,119
Forwards, Stanley, forwards.
1397
01:50:37,000 --> 01:50:40,759
Post.
1398
01:50:45,480 --> 01:50:46,879
Come on.
1399
01:50:46,880 --> 01:50:49,159
Everyone loves getting a letter.
1400
01:50:52,440 --> 01:50:57,199
l think it's best
you stay away from Miss Adora.
1401
01:50:57,960 --> 01:51:00,079
Stay away?
1402
01:51:00,080 --> 01:51:02,119
l can't do that, she loves me.
1403
01:51:02,120 --> 01:51:05,319
But she just tried to kill you.
1404
01:51:05,320 --> 01:51:10,479
Well, the human heart
is a complex thing, Mr Pump.
1405
01:51:10,480 --> 01:51:14,039
Love, hate,
they're just a breath apart.
1406
01:51:14,040 --> 01:51:16,879
She doesn't know it yet,
but she loves me.
1407
01:51:26,200 --> 01:51:27,319
(WHlSTLES)
1408
01:51:33,680 --> 01:51:34,879
Mr Pump.
1409
01:51:36,000 --> 01:51:38,039
That's your third delivery today.
1410
01:51:38,040 --> 01:51:41,239
Many letters survived the fire.
1411
01:51:41,240 --> 01:51:44,799
We are working round the clock
to deliver them.
1412
01:51:44,800 --> 01:51:47,679
Round the clock?
Without a break.
1413
01:51:47,680 --> 01:51:50,999
That is how much we believe
in Postmaster Lipwig.
1414
01:51:51,000 --> 01:51:53,439
But that's exploitation.
1415
01:51:53,440 --> 01:51:55,359
The Golem Trust can't allow it.
1416
01:51:55,360 --> 01:51:58,479
You misunderstand.
1417
01:51:58,480 --> 01:52:01,879
We volunteered.
Volunteered?
1418
01:52:03,160 --> 01:52:06,239
That is the worst form
of exploitation.
1419
01:52:51,720 --> 01:52:52,719
Rats.
1420
01:53:14,760 --> 01:53:17,279
What are you doing, Horsefry?
1421
01:53:17,280 --> 01:53:19,279
l need it for my budget.
1422
01:53:20,000 --> 01:53:22,119
Budget?
1423
01:53:22,120 --> 01:53:25,399
l need to know how many towers
we're going to build.
1424
01:53:27,840 --> 01:53:31,159
Do you know what l really like
about you, Horsefry?
1425
01:53:31,160 --> 01:53:33,919
Your naivety.
1426
01:53:33,920 --> 01:53:36,519
Sorry, don't quite get you.
1427
01:53:40,840 --> 01:53:46,239
We put up the clacks charges
to finance a fleet of towers, right?
1428
01:53:46,240 --> 01:53:49,599
But we don't actually build any.
1429
01:53:49,600 --> 01:53:53,719
So the extra revenue
becomes pure profit.
1430
01:53:56,120 --> 01:54:00,599
But won't people
want to see some towers?
1431
01:54:00,600 --> 01:54:03,799
Well, we'll wheel out that fancy
model every now and then,
1432
01:54:03,800 --> 01:54:08,599
give the idiots
some eye candy to gawp at.
1433
01:54:08,600 --> 01:54:14,599
Meanwhile, the mobile clacks project
is officially in development.
1434
01:54:17,600 --> 01:54:18,959
Shame.
1435
01:54:20,160 --> 01:54:22,919
l thought it was a good idea.
1436
01:54:23,880 --> 01:54:28,159
Horsefry, Horsefry.
1437
01:54:28,880 --> 01:54:32,639
They aim of business is?
Erm...
1438
01:54:32,640 --> 01:54:36,479
Not to provide a good service,
but to provide the...
1439
01:54:36,480 --> 01:54:39,399
Only.
..only service.
1440
01:54:49,360 --> 01:54:52,959
They seem very taken with
the new-fangled towers, sir.
1441
01:54:52,960 --> 01:54:55,159
lt's the oldest trick in the book.
1442
01:54:55,160 --> 01:54:58,159
Dazzle the punter
with a pretty picture.
1443
01:54:58,160 --> 01:55:00,639
What's a punter?
1444
01:55:00,640 --> 01:55:04,519
They haven't even built
the mobiles yet, have they?
1445
01:55:04,520 --> 01:55:06,199
lt's all promise.
1446
01:55:06,200 --> 01:55:08,599
Know what happens to promises.
1447
01:55:08,600 --> 01:55:11,839
Will the people
ever come back to us?
1448
01:55:11,840 --> 01:55:13,559
How would they be able to resist
1449
01:55:13,560 --> 01:55:18,119
when we have our new
state-of-the-art Post Office?
1450
01:55:18,120 --> 01:55:22,199
Not in our lifetime.
You underestimate me, Mr Groat.
1451
01:55:22,200 --> 01:55:23,919
l don't want to hurt your feelings,
1452
01:55:23,920 --> 01:55:26,959
but praying for money
is a bit desperate, don't you think?
1453
01:55:26,960 --> 01:55:30,639
There's a god out there for everyone.
The trick is hooking up with -
1454
01:55:32,600 --> 01:55:35,719
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
1455
01:55:37,760 --> 01:55:39,799
Mr Lipwig!
1456
01:55:45,440 --> 01:55:46,559
The light.
1457
01:55:47,760 --> 01:55:51,119
The wonderful light.
1458
01:55:51,120 --> 01:55:54,239
Glory be to Offler.
1459
01:55:54,240 --> 01:55:57,199
The sacred crocodile god.
1460
01:56:00,280 --> 01:56:01,279
Oh!
1461
01:56:02,880 --> 01:56:06,439
He's blind. He's blind.
1462
01:56:06,440 --> 01:56:08,719
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1463
01:56:08,720 --> 01:56:12,479
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
1464
01:56:12,640 --> 01:56:15,719
One regular white,
one skinny Klatchian.
1465
01:56:17,880 --> 01:56:19,999
And two figgins, please.
1466
01:56:20,800 --> 01:56:23,039
(GROAT) Somebody call a doctor.
1467
01:56:26,920 --> 01:56:29,359
Can you see nothing at all?
1468
01:56:29,360 --> 01:56:32,559
Are you totally blind?
1469
01:56:32,560 --> 01:56:36,879
Only blind to this world, my friend.
1470
01:56:38,640 --> 01:56:43,919
Now l perceive the inner truth.
1471
01:56:44,720 --> 01:56:45,719
Yes.
1472
01:56:50,800 --> 01:56:53,799
The angels of Offler...
1473
01:56:53,800 --> 01:56:56,079
..whisper onto me.
1474
01:56:58,880 --> 01:57:03,359
One... hundred... and...
1475
01:57:03,360 --> 01:57:06,479
..fifty thousand dollars.
1476
01:57:07,880 --> 01:57:12,599
Buried... in a forest.
1477
01:57:16,440 --> 01:57:17,799
Offler.
1478
01:57:17,800 --> 01:57:19,999
l am not worthy.
1479
01:57:24,560 --> 01:57:28,639
Let the angels choose a holy witness.
1480
01:57:28,640 --> 01:57:30,199
Me, me!
1481
01:57:30,200 --> 01:57:32,439
(ALL SHOUT)
1482
01:57:32,440 --> 01:57:35,759
l'll give you the front page.
1483
01:57:35,760 --> 01:57:38,039
You...
1484
01:57:38,040 --> 01:57:40,079
..are chosen.
1485
01:57:45,480 --> 01:57:49,919
Offler says... to the hop gate.
1486
01:57:51,720 --> 01:57:53,599
And bring a shovel.
1487
01:57:56,680 --> 01:57:58,559
(MOlST lNTONES)
1488
01:58:02,640 --> 01:58:04,959
(GROAT) Divine intervention.
1489
01:58:08,560 --> 01:58:10,759
Show me the way!
1490
01:58:13,920 --> 01:58:16,399
The praying man.
1491
01:58:16,400 --> 01:58:17,999
lt is here.
1492
01:58:22,080 --> 01:58:26,959
The praying man
under the praying tree.
1493
01:58:28,800 --> 01:58:30,639
Looks like an elephant to me.
1494
01:58:30,640 --> 01:58:33,319
(ALL SHOUT HERETlC)
1495
01:58:35,560 --> 01:58:40,719
Well, now you mention it,
l can definitely see a praying man.
1496
01:58:48,680 --> 01:58:50,719
(ALL EXCLAlM)
1497
01:58:55,000 --> 01:58:57,199
(ALL GO QUlET)
1498
01:58:58,360 --> 01:59:00,999
(MAN MUTTERS) He can see.
1499
01:59:02,000 --> 01:59:03,079
What's going on?
1500
01:59:03,080 --> 01:59:05,439
You're under arrest,
that's what's going on.
1501
01:59:05,440 --> 01:59:06,759
(YELPS)
1502
01:59:13,280 --> 01:59:15,919
Hello again.
1503
01:59:20,680 --> 01:59:22,919
(STANLEY) Mr Lipwig.
1504
01:59:24,000 --> 01:59:26,799
l demand you step aside.
1505
01:59:26,800 --> 01:59:30,199
Can't you wait
until Mr Lipwig returns?
1506
01:59:30,200 --> 01:59:32,639
Mr Lipwig is in breach of contract.
1507
01:59:32,640 --> 01:59:35,959
But we golems
are satisfied with him.
1508
01:59:35,960 --> 01:59:38,319
You've been manipulated by him.
1509
01:59:39,040 --> 01:59:41,879
Not manipulated.
1510
01:59:41,880 --> 01:59:43,559
Persuaded.
1511
01:59:49,520 --> 01:59:51,759
Now you're making me angry.
1512
01:59:51,760 --> 01:59:54,399
Pump 1 9.
1513
01:59:56,680 --> 01:59:59,639
l will assemble the golems.
1514
02:00:06,880 --> 02:00:08,839
Mr Lipwig.
1515
02:00:08,840 --> 02:00:11,799
You've had a most strenuous day,
have you not?
1516
02:00:13,080 --> 02:00:16,159
Can't be as strenuous
as signing death warrants.
1517
02:00:18,400 --> 02:00:19,399
Joke.
1518
02:00:22,320 --> 02:00:25,799
Oh, l'm sorry, l hadn't realised.
1519
02:00:25,800 --> 02:00:28,999
Do tell me if you feel obliged
to make another.
1520
02:00:30,840 --> 02:00:35,279
To be honest, today has all been
a bit of a blur.
1521
02:00:35,280 --> 02:00:39,879
There's $1 50,000 buried
in the forest.
1522
02:00:39,880 --> 02:00:43,599
And you have no idea
how it got there.
1523
02:00:43,600 --> 02:00:45,719
lt's miraculous.
1524
02:00:45,720 --> 02:00:49,239
A remarkable coincidence that
it is precisely the sum of money
1525
02:00:49,240 --> 02:00:52,519
that was hidden
by a notorious conman.
1526
02:00:52,520 --> 02:00:54,239
Conman?
1527
02:00:55,120 --> 02:01:00,239
Who was that then?
We hanged him. He's dead.
1528
02:01:00,240 --> 02:01:01,599
lsn't he?
1529
02:01:02,840 --> 02:01:06,239
Yes. He's dead.
1530
02:01:06,240 --> 02:01:07,519
Excellent.
1531
02:01:07,520 --> 02:01:10,759
So, as this money
is a gift from the gods,
1532
02:01:10,760 --> 02:01:14,399
it should be used for
the public good, should it not?
1533
02:01:21,800 --> 02:01:25,439
The eyes, Mr Lipwig.
Hmm?
1534
02:01:25,440 --> 02:01:28,239
You can trust me.
1535
02:01:28,240 --> 02:01:29,239
Oh, that.
1536
02:01:31,280 --> 02:01:33,319
Made from turtle egg shells.
1537
02:01:35,640 --> 02:01:37,519
lngenious.
Thank you.
1538
02:01:37,520 --> 02:01:40,639
l meant me
for making you postmaster.
1539
02:01:44,640 --> 02:01:47,719
Ah. Marvellous.
1540
02:01:49,080 --> 02:01:50,599
Mr Lipwig.
1541
02:01:52,280 --> 02:01:56,559
But if l'm to restore the Post
Office, l have to pay the builders.
1542
02:01:56,560 --> 02:01:59,359
Send the bills to Drumknott.
1543
02:01:59,360 --> 02:02:02,719
Your job is to make sure
that Reacher Gilt
1544
02:02:02,720 --> 02:02:06,879
is in no position to burn
the Post Office down again.
1545
02:02:06,880 --> 02:02:08,999
He's a murderer.
1546
02:02:09,000 --> 02:02:12,599
An accusation
for which you have hard evidence?
1547
02:02:14,280 --> 02:02:18,559
Your spies could find some evidence,
no doubt.
1548
02:02:18,560 --> 02:02:19,559
Spies?
1549
02:02:21,480 --> 02:02:24,759
l did hear there was a man
on the inside.
1550
02:02:24,760 --> 02:02:27,599
But he was dropped
from his position.
1551
02:02:29,400 --> 02:02:31,079
Quite literally.
1552
02:02:32,000 --> 02:02:35,359
John Dearheart was your spy?
1553
02:02:35,360 --> 02:02:37,479
He was a spy.
1554
02:02:37,480 --> 02:02:40,279
But he didn't get very far.
1555
02:02:40,280 --> 02:02:43,919
Perhaps if he'd possessed
the agile mind of a conman,
1556
02:02:43,920 --> 02:02:47,199
he might have had more success
as a spy.
1557
02:02:49,760 --> 02:02:54,279
You think l'm some thug piece
to be moved around at your leisure?
1558
02:02:54,280 --> 02:02:56,919
Precisely.
No.
1559
02:02:56,920 --> 02:03:00,039
l won't be your spy.
1560
02:03:00,040 --> 02:03:03,559
Shame. Miss Dearheart
would have been impressed.
1561
02:03:12,480 --> 02:03:15,639
(ADORA) lndeed it is
the very essence of golem.
1562
02:03:15,640 --> 02:03:17,919
But enough is enough.
1563
02:03:17,920 --> 02:03:21,679
This postmaster, this Lipwig,
is an exploiter.
1564
02:03:21,680 --> 02:03:25,399
The Golem Trust can't allow it
and won't allow it.
1565
02:03:25,400 --> 02:03:27,319
Just because
you don't need a tea break
1566
02:03:27,320 --> 02:03:29,519
doesn't mean you're not
entitled to one.
1567
02:03:29,520 --> 02:03:32,519
Right now the Post Office
needs you more than you need it.
1568
02:03:32,520 --> 02:03:35,799
There is only one course of action
to take in those circumstances.
1569
02:03:35,800 --> 02:03:38,079
Strike and strike hard.
1570
02:03:38,080 --> 02:03:39,519
So what do we want?
1571
02:03:43,000 --> 02:03:44,799
OK.
1572
02:03:44,800 --> 02:03:46,839
OK, let's go straight to the vote.
1573
02:03:46,840 --> 02:03:49,879
All those in favour of
an immediate withdrawal of labour
1574
02:03:49,880 --> 02:03:52,239
raise your hand.
1575
02:03:57,520 --> 02:03:59,399
Oh, l see.
1576
02:03:59,400 --> 02:04:03,999
l suppose you all think the sun
shines out of Lipwig's backside.
1577
02:04:14,880 --> 02:04:16,359
Very well.
1578
02:04:16,360 --> 02:04:19,159
But don't come running to me
when you're so worn out
1579
02:04:19,160 --> 02:04:22,679
that the only thing you're able
to hold is a pot plant.
1580
02:04:24,960 --> 02:04:25,959
Adora.
1581
02:04:27,440 --> 02:04:28,439
Adora, wait.
1582
02:04:28,440 --> 02:04:30,359
How dare you turn my golems
against me.
1583
02:04:30,360 --> 02:04:33,239
You're the one who said
they can't be manipulated.
1584
02:04:35,520 --> 02:04:37,799
The brochure is being revised.
1585
02:04:37,800 --> 02:04:41,199
Did you know your brother was a spy
for Lord Vetinari?
1586
02:04:44,240 --> 02:04:46,919
You really will say anything
just to get my attention.
1587
02:04:46,920 --> 02:04:47,999
lt's the truth.
1588
02:04:48,000 --> 02:04:51,319
Let my brother rest in peace.
Fine, then here's what we'll do.
1589
02:04:51,320 --> 02:04:53,519
We'll keep on fighting day and night.
1590
02:04:53,520 --> 02:04:55,719
We'll make sure
we never share information
1591
02:04:55,720 --> 02:04:58,999
that could damage the clacks.
That way Reacher Gilt's sure to win.
1592
02:04:59,000 --> 02:05:02,039
You think you're the only one
who can bring down Reacher Gilt.
1593
02:05:02,040 --> 02:05:04,479
The arrogance, the conceit.
1594
02:05:04,480 --> 02:05:06,239
l don't need you.
1595
02:05:06,240 --> 02:05:08,399
l'll show you just how much
l don't need you.
1596
02:05:08,400 --> 02:05:10,359
The one-woman crusade, how noble.
1597
02:05:10,360 --> 02:05:13,559
You'll see. The whole city will see.
1598
02:05:27,000 --> 02:05:28,839
Good work, lads.
1599
02:05:35,160 --> 02:05:38,919
Are we ready, Mr Groat?
Just a few more, sir.
1600
02:05:38,920 --> 02:05:42,239
Bet you're glad you invented
perforations, eh, Stanley?
1601
02:05:42,240 --> 02:05:46,959
Strange thing is some people
are sending letters to themselves.
1602
02:05:46,960 --> 02:05:48,319
What?
1603
02:05:48,320 --> 02:05:51,999
Once the stamp has been through
the post it makes it more real.
1604
02:05:52,000 --> 02:05:55,279
You see, people are collecting them.
1605
02:05:57,320 --> 02:05:59,759
Just like you and your pins, eh?
1606
02:05:59,760 --> 02:06:01,199
Pins?
1607
02:06:02,240 --> 02:06:03,919
Oh, pins.
1608
02:06:03,920 --> 02:06:06,719
No, pins are just
pointy metal things.
1609
02:06:06,720 --> 02:06:08,079
> Ready to roll, sir.
1610
02:06:08,080 --> 02:06:11,159
All you good people of the city.
1611
02:06:11,160 --> 02:06:15,359
Now run in conjunction
with Hobson's Livery,
1612
02:06:15,360 --> 02:06:18,359
it gives me great pleasure
to crack the whip
1613
02:06:18,360 --> 02:06:21,599
on the overnight express
to Sto Lat.
1614
02:06:27,720 --> 02:06:30,159
So much for us having won.
1615
02:06:31,880 --> 02:06:34,999
How dare the gods work against me.
1616
02:06:35,000 --> 02:06:38,679
l don't remember
giving them permission.
1617
02:06:41,680 --> 02:06:46,639
Why don't we just concentrate
on our own business?
1618
02:06:46,640 --> 02:06:49,919
Because Lipwig's taking
our business.
1619
02:06:49,920 --> 02:06:52,319
Look at them.
1620
02:06:52,320 --> 02:06:56,759
One artist's impression...
and they believe.
1621
02:06:59,120 --> 02:07:02,999
Of course,
posting the letter is one thing.
1622
02:07:03,000 --> 02:07:07,239
Making sure it arrives
is another thing altogether.
1623
02:07:26,360 --> 02:07:28,599
Yah! Yah!
1624
02:08:42,920 --> 02:08:44,919
(LAUGHS)
1625
02:09:00,920 --> 02:09:02,919
Oh, here we go again.
1626
02:09:02,920 --> 02:09:05,439
What's up?
1627
02:09:05,440 --> 02:09:07,319
lt's jammed.
1628
02:09:07,320 --> 02:09:10,319
Maybe it's iced up.
Better call maintenance.
1629
02:09:10,320 --> 02:09:13,319
Oh yeah, yeah.
Like we got three days to waste.
1630
02:09:24,520 --> 02:09:26,319
(SPEAKS JlBBERlSH)
1631
02:09:30,520 --> 02:09:34,399
Princess,
you've got to come and see this.
1632
02:09:34,400 --> 02:09:36,399
l'm looking right at it.
1633
02:09:40,280 --> 02:09:42,319
A fault?
1634
02:09:42,320 --> 02:09:44,919
lt seems it's spreading
right through the system,
1635
02:09:44,920 --> 02:09:48,319
which is why we need
to shut everything down now.
1636
02:09:48,320 --> 02:09:52,159
Shut down the entire clacks?
1637
02:09:52,160 --> 02:09:54,519
lt's the only way.
1638
02:09:54,520 --> 02:09:57,799
Did l tell you the good news,
Mr Pony?
1639
02:09:57,800 --> 02:09:59,799
l'm recommending you for a pay rise.
1640
02:09:59,800 --> 02:10:02,279
A substantial pay rise.
1641
02:10:02,280 --> 02:10:05,319
And l'm pushing for a bonus, too.
1642
02:10:05,320 --> 02:10:07,159
That's very generous of you,
Mr Gilt.
1643
02:10:07,160 --> 02:10:10,519
Nothing less than you deserve,
Mr Po-
1644
02:10:10,520 --> 02:10:12,519
Or may l call you...
1645
02:10:14,040 --> 02:10:16,119
..George.
1646
02:10:16,120 --> 02:10:21,519
Problem is, George,
l have to answer to the board.
1647
02:10:21,520 --> 02:10:24,519
And what will they say
when my very next sentence is,
1648
02:10:24,520 --> 02:10:27,319
"Mr Pony wants to shut down
the clacks."
1649
02:10:27,320 --> 02:10:29,599
Well, you don't have to be
a boardroom veteran
1650
02:10:29,600 --> 02:10:31,319
to work that one out, do you?
1651
02:10:31,320 --> 02:10:35,319
l want you to have that bonus,
George.
1652
02:10:35,320 --> 02:10:37,719
l really do.
1653
02:10:37,720 --> 02:10:39,919
So l'm going to ask you
just one more time.
1654
02:10:39,920 --> 02:10:43,159
Are you absolutely sure you can't
solve this technical hiccough
1655
02:10:43,160 --> 02:10:46,319
without having to shut down
the whole system?
1656
02:10:46,320 --> 02:10:49,519
Well, maybe we can come at it
from a different angle.
1657
02:10:49,520 --> 02:10:53,359
By damn it, George,
you've talked me into it.
1658
02:10:53,360 --> 02:10:56,399
l'll tell the board you've got
the whole thing under control.
1659
02:10:56,400 --> 02:11:00,199
Your skill and ingenuity
will be the saving of the company.
1660
02:11:17,960 --> 02:11:21,439
l hadn't budgeted for any pay rises,
Reacher.
1661
02:11:23,320 --> 02:11:25,319
You won't have to.
1662
02:11:26,520 --> 02:11:30,719
Money dangled is much more
effective than...
1663
02:11:30,720 --> 02:11:33,359
(BOTH) ..money given.
1664
02:11:33,360 --> 02:11:35,999
Er, talking of wages.
1665
02:11:37,480 --> 02:11:41,519
How much did you pay
the banshee in the end?
1666
02:11:41,520 --> 02:11:43,519
What does it matter?
1667
02:11:43,520 --> 02:11:46,999
l just need to reconcile my ledger.
1668
02:11:47,000 --> 02:11:49,319
You mean you actually intend
1669
02:11:49,320 --> 02:11:53,319
to write down how much
l paid an assassin?
1670
02:11:55,720 --> 02:11:57,719
l've always done it in the past.
1671
02:12:00,160 --> 02:12:03,759
Well, got to keep records, Reacher.
1672
02:12:03,760 --> 02:12:06,999
Can't cover your tracks if you
don't know where you've left them.
1673
02:12:07,000 --> 02:12:09,559
And is that the only ledger?
1674
02:12:09,560 --> 02:12:12,959
No, l've got dozens of them
going back years.
1675
02:12:12,960 --> 02:12:13,959
Oh.
1676
02:12:15,760 --> 02:12:19,319
l'd love to see them, Horsefry.
1677
02:12:19,320 --> 02:12:20,319
Really?
1678
02:12:20,320 --> 02:12:21,519
Yes.
1679
02:12:22,320 --> 02:12:23,919
They're in my office.
1680
02:12:23,920 --> 02:12:25,719
Come up any time.
1681
02:12:25,720 --> 02:12:27,439
Now, Crispin.
1682
02:12:27,440 --> 02:12:30,399
l want to see them.
1683
02:12:30,400 --> 02:12:31,599
Now.
1684
02:12:34,320 --> 02:12:36,279
Never shown any interest before.
1685
02:12:36,280 --> 02:12:37,519
No.
1686
02:12:37,520 --> 02:12:40,519
Well, l'm very interested in...
1687
02:12:41,720 --> 02:12:43,719
..settling accounts.
1688
02:12:49,480 --> 02:12:51,479
Thank you.
1689
02:13:06,640 --> 02:13:08,639
There you are.
1690
02:13:24,160 --> 02:13:26,519
So that's what she meant.
1691
02:13:26,520 --> 02:13:27,999
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1692
02:13:28,000 --> 02:13:29,999
Oh, calamity.
1693
02:13:30,000 --> 02:13:31,999
The mail coach is back, sir.
1694
02:13:32,000 --> 02:13:33,319
Already?
1695
02:13:33,320 --> 02:13:37,439
But there's no mail.
And not much coach.
1696
02:13:46,520 --> 02:13:48,519
So efficient.
1697
02:13:50,320 --> 02:13:52,919
Thank you.
1698
02:13:52,920 --> 02:13:54,919
Nice to be appreciated.
1699
02:14:06,320 --> 02:14:08,319
What have you done, Horsefry?
1700
02:14:10,400 --> 02:14:12,319
Er...
1701
02:14:12,320 --> 02:14:14,119
..my job.
1702
02:14:14,120 --> 02:14:16,119
Account for things.
1703
02:14:20,120 --> 02:14:22,519
Damn you.
1704
02:14:22,520 --> 02:14:25,519
Account for this.
1705
02:14:31,720 --> 02:14:34,319
Reacher, no!
Leave it.
1706
02:14:34,320 --> 02:14:36,759
What are you doing?
Saving us from prison.
1707
02:14:36,760 --> 02:14:38,239
But we have to keep account.
1708
02:14:38,240 --> 02:14:39,839
Your job is to hide things,
1709
02:14:39,840 --> 02:14:42,519
not to declare them
for the whole world to see.
1710
02:14:42,520 --> 02:14:45,319
Please, Reacher!
lt is my life's work.
1711
02:14:45,320 --> 02:14:47,319
Get off me, you fat fool.
1712
02:14:50,000 --> 02:14:52,319
Look at you.
1713
02:14:52,320 --> 02:14:56,319
Loose flesh, loose tongue,
loose brain.
1714
02:14:56,320 --> 02:14:59,119
Just loose everything.
1715
02:14:59,920 --> 02:15:02,239
The fact is, Horsefry,
1716
02:15:02,240 --> 02:15:05,239
you're too stupid to live.
1717
02:15:07,520 --> 02:15:09,519
(YELLS)
1718
02:15:11,320 --> 02:15:13,319
(YELLlNG / HlTTlNG NOlSES)
1719
02:15:31,720 --> 02:15:34,959
Found the fault yet, Mr Pony?
1720
02:15:34,960 --> 02:15:36,759
l-l...
1721
02:15:42,320 --> 02:15:44,319
Mr Horsefry was taken ill.
1722
02:15:46,120 --> 02:15:49,519
lt left a nasty stain on the carpet.
1723
02:15:49,520 --> 02:15:51,719
l sent him home.
1724
02:15:51,720 --> 02:15:55,519
But can't stand the smell.
1725
02:15:57,800 --> 02:15:59,919
Mr Pony,
that's not the look of a man
1726
02:15:59,920 --> 02:16:02,919
who's in for a substantial pay rise.
1727
02:16:06,720 --> 02:16:08,719
Better.
1728
02:16:36,520 --> 02:16:39,839
Adora, that's a really neat trick
you pulled off.
1729
02:16:43,720 --> 02:16:45,159
l knew you'd see it my way.
1730
02:16:45,160 --> 02:16:47,199
l have no idea
what you're talking about.
1731
02:16:47,200 --> 02:16:49,919
Freezing the towers.
That was very slick.
1732
02:16:49,920 --> 02:16:53,079
The trouble is, right now the
Post Office is down, too. Bandits.
1733
02:16:53,080 --> 02:16:56,239
Hmm. How careless of you.
1734
02:16:56,240 --> 02:16:57,879
We need a double whammy.
1735
02:16:57,880 --> 02:17:00,519
As you hit the clacks,
we can steal their business.
1736
02:17:00,520 --> 02:17:01,719
A synchronised attack.
1737
02:17:01,720 --> 02:17:03,319
l wouldn't synchronise with you
1738
02:17:03,320 --> 02:17:05,319
if you were the last person
on the Disc.
1739
02:17:05,320 --> 02:17:08,319
40 Passing Clouds, please.
1740
02:17:08,320 --> 02:17:09,519
You know what?
1741
02:17:09,520 --> 02:17:12,879
You're right. You don't need me.
1742
02:17:12,880 --> 02:17:16,239
You're more than capable of bringing
down Reacher Gilt on your own.
1743
02:17:16,240 --> 02:17:17,799
You've got it all under control
1744
02:17:17,800 --> 02:17:21,279
so l'll just walk away
and leave you in peace.
1745
02:17:21,280 --> 02:17:23,279
You won't ever hear from me again.
1746
02:17:27,200 --> 02:17:30,399
Two...
Don't you want to know how l did it?
1747
02:17:35,320 --> 02:17:38,639
Go out onto the Post Office roof.
1748
02:17:38,640 --> 02:17:42,359
Get yourself a little bit closer
to Heaven.
1749
02:17:42,360 --> 02:17:46,079
Then get down on your knees
and pray.
1750
02:17:46,080 --> 02:17:48,199
You know how to pray, don't you?
1751
02:17:48,200 --> 02:17:50,679
Just put your hands together
and hope.
1752
02:18:11,320 --> 02:18:13,119
Hello?
1753
02:18:20,320 --> 02:18:22,319
She said pray.
1754
02:18:32,280 --> 02:18:35,639
Hope you don't mind
about the sausage business.
1755
02:18:35,640 --> 02:18:37,199
But, to be perfectly honest,
1756
02:18:37,200 --> 02:18:41,319
l think we both came out of it
looking pretty good.
1757
02:18:41,320 --> 02:18:44,119
Anyway, l was wondering if -
1758
02:18:54,960 --> 02:18:56,959
ls this about the rent?
1759
02:18:58,720 --> 02:19:00,039
Who the hell are you?
1760
02:19:00,040 --> 02:19:03,839
We paid Mr Groat. So you'll
have to take it up with him.
1761
02:19:07,520 --> 02:19:09,519
Forget Groat.
1762
02:19:10,920 --> 02:19:13,119
What are you doing on my roof?
1763
02:19:13,120 --> 02:19:15,759
l'm Mad Al. He's Sane Alex.
1764
02:19:15,760 --> 02:19:16,919
And that's Adrian.
1765
02:19:16,920 --> 02:19:19,439
He says he's not mad
but you can't prove it, can you?
1766
02:19:19,440 --> 02:19:21,799
We're pigeon fanciers.
1767
02:19:21,800 --> 02:19:23,799
So where are the pigeons?
1768
02:19:25,960 --> 02:19:27,959
Out flying.
1769
02:19:29,520 --> 02:19:31,519
Pigeons don't fly at night.
1770
02:19:32,560 --> 02:19:34,359
Bats.
1771
02:19:34,360 --> 02:19:37,039
We're trying to breed homing bats.
1772
02:19:37,040 --> 02:19:39,519
Bats don't have a homing instinct.
1773
02:19:40,480 --> 02:19:41,679
Yes.
1774
02:19:42,800 --> 02:19:43,919
Tragic, isn't it?
1775
02:19:43,920 --> 02:19:46,519
Yeah, because sometimes
l come up here at night
1776
02:19:46,520 --> 02:19:48,919
and l just see their empty
little perches.
1777
02:19:48,920 --> 02:19:50,919
As all l can do not to cry.
1778
02:19:54,800 --> 02:19:58,199
Well, l'm sure Lord Vetinari will be
fascinated to hear all about it.
1779
02:19:58,200 --> 02:20:02,519
You know, l quite enjoyed
seeing you on your knees.
1780
02:20:02,520 --> 02:20:04,319
Adora.
1781
02:20:06,720 --> 02:20:08,719
The Smoking GNU, actually.
1782
02:20:16,200 --> 02:20:20,999
You can really jam the whole
clacks system from a pigeon loft?
1783
02:20:21,000 --> 02:20:22,999
Mm-hmm.
1784
02:20:23,920 --> 02:20:24,919
Nice trick.
1785
02:20:24,920 --> 02:20:26,199
Trick?
1786
02:20:26,200 --> 02:20:28,319
This is cutting edge cracking.
1787
02:20:28,320 --> 02:20:29,759
Two years in development.
1788
02:20:29,760 --> 02:20:31,759
lterative beta testing.
1789
02:20:31,760 --> 02:20:34,319
Culminating in this.
1790
02:20:39,960 --> 02:20:41,959
Away you go, boys.
1791
02:20:55,720 --> 02:20:57,719
Firing out from here...
1792
02:20:58,760 --> 02:21:00,479
..into the Grand Trunk.
1793
02:21:00,480 --> 02:21:02,479
Then...
1794
02:21:03,920 --> 02:21:05,199
Jam.
1795
02:21:05,200 --> 02:21:08,319
But before it jams,
it's already passed the code on.
1796
02:21:08,320 --> 02:21:09,799
So...
1797
02:21:10,720 --> 02:21:17,359
Jam.
1798
02:21:21,920 --> 02:21:24,599
The problem started at this tower.
1799
02:21:24,600 --> 02:21:28,519
And l think one of you
has been meddling.
1800
02:21:28,520 --> 02:21:31,319
Was it him?
Was this his idea of a joke?
1801
02:21:31,320 --> 02:21:33,199
No, sir. He didn't do anything.
1802
02:21:33,200 --> 02:21:37,679
Then it must have been you.
You with a juvenile sense of humour.
1803
02:21:37,680 --> 02:21:39,679
(SHRlEKS)
1804
02:21:40,800 --> 02:21:44,719
Stay back. l'll have to drop
every employee until someone -
1805
02:21:44,720 --> 02:21:47,079
l've got it. l know what's happened.
1806
02:21:47,080 --> 02:21:50,719
One moment, Mr Pony.
l'm just disposing of some assets.
1807
02:21:50,720 --> 02:21:51,719
(SCREAMS)
1808
02:21:51,720 --> 02:21:54,919
Hey! That's my niece.
1809
02:21:54,920 --> 02:21:57,199
Oh, that is useful to know.
1810
02:21:57,200 --> 02:21:58,999
lt's a strange aperture.
1811
02:21:59,000 --> 02:22:01,519
lt's jumping off
the elliptical bearing.
1812
02:22:01,520 --> 02:22:03,719
l can fix it.
1813
02:22:03,720 --> 02:22:05,719
lf you hit Q and then K,
1814
02:22:05,720 --> 02:22:08,119
and the resonant frequency
to sent it to Genua,
1815
02:22:08,120 --> 02:22:10,039
when the pressure
is higher than ours -
1816
02:22:10,040 --> 02:22:13,519
Spare me the details.
Can you trace it?
1817
02:22:13,520 --> 02:22:15,599
Well, there's over
1 0,000 messages here.
1818
02:22:15,600 --> 02:22:16,599
(GROWLS)
1819
02:22:16,600 --> 02:22:17,799
(SCREAMS)
1820
02:22:17,800 --> 02:22:19,399
l might be able to find it.
1821
02:22:19,400 --> 02:22:21,399
Thank you.
1822
02:22:23,880 --> 02:22:25,519
There, there.
1823
02:22:25,520 --> 02:22:28,799
(MAD AL) Better stop down now.
1824
02:22:28,800 --> 02:22:33,639
When the sun comes up,
(WHlSPERS) they can see us. Shh.
1825
02:22:33,640 --> 02:22:34,839
See?
1826
02:22:35,600 --> 02:22:39,519
We can do to the clacks
what my stiletto did to your foot.
1827
02:22:39,520 --> 02:22:41,999
lt's not a bad start.
1828
02:22:42,000 --> 02:22:44,119
Not bad?
1829
02:22:44,120 --> 02:22:47,999
As long as we're sending, Reacher
Gilt doesn't earn a single dollar.
1830
02:22:48,000 --> 02:22:51,119
Ah, but if we worked together
1831
02:22:51,120 --> 02:22:53,919
while you're stabbing his foot,
1832
02:22:53,920 --> 02:22:55,919
l can be picking his pocket.
1833
02:23:02,320 --> 02:23:04,159
The great thing about the Post Office
1834
02:23:04,160 --> 02:23:06,479
is we don't rely
on complicated machines.
1835
02:23:06,480 --> 02:23:09,079
We have hands and feet.
1836
02:23:09,080 --> 02:23:10,079
And...
1837
02:23:11,200 --> 02:23:13,119
..strong ones at that.
1838
02:23:13,120 --> 02:23:15,799
Heave away, Mr Pump.
1839
02:23:18,120 --> 02:23:20,119
(CHEERlNG / APPLAUSE)
1840
02:23:21,000 --> 02:23:26,319
Ladies, gentlemen,
don't get caught in the clacks.
1841
02:23:26,320 --> 02:23:28,319
Come join us at the Post Office.
1842
02:23:28,320 --> 02:23:30,799
We'll get your message delivered.
1843
02:23:34,520 --> 02:23:40,999
You see, the clacks system works
at the cutting edge of technology.
1844
02:23:41,000 --> 02:23:44,719
And in the white heat of progress
there are sometimes complications.
1845
02:23:44,720 --> 02:23:48,039
But l can assure you
there are now all resolved.
1846
02:23:48,040 --> 02:23:49,239
Some people are saying -
1847
02:23:49,240 --> 02:23:52,999
And we'll be providing refunds for
any messages that have been lost.
1848
02:23:53,000 --> 02:23:55,079
All you have to do is
fill in the claim form.
1849
02:23:55,080 --> 02:23:57,599
But l do urge your readers
not to do anything as rash
1850
02:23:57,600 --> 02:24:01,119
as writing a letter
and sending it by post.
1851
02:24:01,120 --> 02:24:02,119
Wouldn't you -
1852
02:24:02,120 --> 02:24:05,039
You might as well tear it up
and scatter it to the four winds.
1853
02:24:05,040 --> 02:24:08,839
Mr Gilt, this claim form
is 50 pages long.
1854
02:24:11,920 --> 02:24:14,519
A help desk will be provided.
1855
02:24:14,520 --> 02:24:17,999
But, please, don't get bogged down
in the details.
1856
02:24:18,000 --> 02:24:23,839
What really matters is
we fly high above the bandits.
1857
02:24:36,000 --> 02:24:40,919
l will wager my hat of office
1858
02:24:40,920 --> 02:24:45,919
that the clacks will have broken down
by sunset tonight.
1859
02:24:45,920 --> 02:24:47,919
(APPLAUSE)
1860
02:24:53,720 --> 02:25:00,519
And when we win, l'll burn his
ludicrous hat of office in this.
1861
02:25:03,040 --> 02:25:05,039
Now to collect on that wager.
1862
02:25:07,800 --> 02:25:09,519
Ready to stick the stiletto in?
1863
02:25:09,520 --> 02:25:11,519
The pleasure's all ours.
1864
02:25:28,320 --> 02:25:30,319
So, how long does it take?
1865
02:25:30,320 --> 02:25:33,119
(MAD AL) lt should have got
to the first tower already.
1866
02:25:35,560 --> 02:25:38,239
l must say, it's looking
distinctly underwhelming.
1867
02:25:40,640 --> 02:25:42,599
lt's alright leaving us.
1868
02:25:42,600 --> 02:25:44,639
So much for iterative beta testing.
1869
02:25:44,640 --> 02:25:46,719
Don't shout at me.
l'm not shouting.
1870
02:25:46,720 --> 02:25:49,399
l'm just calmly stating.
Well, just don't.
1871
02:25:54,680 --> 02:25:56,679
ls it possible they could have...
1872
02:25:58,200 --> 02:26:00,319
..cracked our code?
1873
02:26:00,320 --> 02:26:02,519
Just as l was beginning
to like the hat.
1874
02:26:02,520 --> 02:26:05,919
Stop whining, Lipwig.
l'm not whining, l'm just -
1875
02:26:05,920 --> 02:26:08,319
l'd like to know why
the GNU isn't smoking.
1876
02:26:08,320 --> 02:26:11,479
l'm sure you've talked your way
out of worse situations before.
1877
02:26:11,480 --> 02:26:15,279
That was the old Lipwig, remember?
l'm a changed man now.
1878
02:26:15,280 --> 02:26:17,439
Mr Lipwig, sir. Mr.. . oh.
1879
02:26:17,440 --> 02:26:18,719
Mr Lipwig, sir.
1880
02:26:18,720 --> 02:26:20,719
Mr Groat.
1881
02:26:21,440 --> 02:26:23,879
l imagine Gilt's demanding the hat.
1882
02:26:23,880 --> 02:26:26,679
You're not gonna let them have it,
are you?
1883
02:26:29,920 --> 02:26:32,319
What's that l hear?
1884
02:26:32,320 --> 02:26:36,959
Nothing.
Moist Von Lipwig has nothing to say.
1885
02:26:38,320 --> 02:26:41,119
Have we lost everything?
1886
02:26:42,400 --> 02:26:44,319
(GASPS)
1887
02:26:44,320 --> 02:26:45,719
Relax, Mr Groat.
1888
02:26:45,720 --> 02:26:47,239
l'm not done yet.
1889
02:26:47,240 --> 02:26:49,239
All l have to do...
1890
02:26:50,760 --> 02:26:52,759
..is attempt the impossible.
1891
02:27:05,120 --> 02:27:09,319
As you can see, the sun has set
1892
02:27:09,320 --> 02:27:14,519
and the clacks system
is working perfectly.
1893
02:27:14,520 --> 02:27:19,279
All that remains is for
the Postmaster to admit defeat.
1894
02:27:19,280 --> 02:27:21,359
But where is he?
1895
02:27:21,360 --> 02:27:23,359
Another empty promise.
1896
02:27:24,520 --> 02:27:26,719
Now, don't get me wrong.
1897
02:27:26,720 --> 02:27:30,999
l have a fondness
for the quaint old Post Office.
1898
02:27:31,000 --> 02:27:33,879
lt's part of our history.
1899
02:27:33,880 --> 02:27:37,599
But, really,
that is where it belongs.
1900
02:27:37,600 --> 02:27:39,919
Did someone ask for me?
1901
02:27:39,920 --> 02:27:41,919
Ah, Postmaster.
1902
02:27:41,920 --> 02:27:43,279
Just in time.
1903
02:27:43,280 --> 02:27:46,199
The fire was getting low.
1904
02:27:46,200 --> 02:27:47,199
Well...
1905
02:27:48,800 --> 02:27:53,519
..if you're too scared
to rise to the challenge.
1906
02:27:53,520 --> 02:27:54,719
Have it.
1907
02:27:54,720 --> 02:27:56,519
Challenge?
1908
02:27:56,520 --> 02:27:59,999
An overnight race
from here to Uberwald.
1909
02:28:00,000 --> 02:28:03,319
The clacks versus the post.
1910
02:28:03,320 --> 02:28:05,039
That's over a thousand miles away.
1911
02:28:05,040 --> 02:28:09,799
1 ,700 miles, to be precise,
Miss Cripslock.
1912
02:28:09,800 --> 02:28:12,319
Mr Gilt,
do you accept the challenge?
1913
02:28:12,320 --> 02:28:14,319
Accept?
1914
02:28:15,320 --> 02:28:18,759
How could the clacks possibly lose?
1915
02:28:23,360 --> 02:28:26,479
Well, you've made quite a splash.
1916
02:28:26,480 --> 02:28:30,999
As the fish said to the man with
the lead weight tied to his feet.
1917
02:28:31,000 --> 02:28:33,519
(LAUGHS)
1918
02:28:33,520 --> 02:28:35,319
Perhaps l'm missing something.
1919
02:28:35,320 --> 02:28:37,639
No, my lord, it's a straight race.
1920
02:28:37,640 --> 02:28:40,999
But you can't possibly win.
l agree, it won't be easy.
1921
02:28:41,000 --> 02:28:45,119
And l must insist
that the race is run fairly
1922
02:28:45,120 --> 02:28:47,519
with strict rules.
1923
02:28:47,520 --> 02:28:50,999
l have no intention of cheating.
1924
02:28:51,000 --> 02:28:52,719
And l ask for no favours.
1925
02:28:52,720 --> 02:28:55,399
All l ask is that when l win,
1926
02:28:55,400 --> 02:28:58,719
Reacher Gilt hands over
the entire clacks network.
1927
02:28:58,720 --> 02:29:00,319
(CHUCKLES)
1928
02:29:00,320 --> 02:29:02,319
Very well.
1929
02:29:03,120 --> 02:29:06,039
But l have a condition of my own.
1930
02:29:06,040 --> 02:29:09,159
lf you lose, Mr Lipwig, you hang.
1931
02:29:11,280 --> 02:29:13,279
Really?
1932
02:29:14,720 --> 02:29:16,919
lt seems a little harsh.
1933
02:29:16,920 --> 02:29:18,319
But fair.
1934
02:29:18,320 --> 02:29:21,519
lf you lose, you will have
outlived your usefulness.
1935
02:29:21,520 --> 02:29:25,879
Having second thoughts, Postmaster?
1936
02:29:38,520 --> 02:29:40,519
Let's race.
1937
02:29:59,280 --> 02:30:01,159
Very good, sir.
1938
02:30:01,160 --> 02:30:03,519
The worried look. Very convincing.
1939
02:30:03,520 --> 02:30:05,319
Throws them off the scent.
1940
02:30:05,320 --> 02:30:06,519
Yes.
1941
02:30:09,000 --> 02:30:11,439
But how do you know
l'm not really worried?
1942
02:30:11,440 --> 02:30:14,479
Because you're the man
who got money out of the gods, sir.
1943
02:30:14,480 --> 02:30:16,479
Ah. Yeah.
1944
02:30:18,320 --> 02:30:20,999
Supposing l did that with a trick?
1945
02:30:21,000 --> 02:30:22,999
Damn good trick, sir, damn good.
1946
02:30:23,000 --> 02:30:28,479
A man who can trick money out of the
gods is capable of anything, sir.
1947
02:30:30,400 --> 02:30:33,119
Mr Groat.
Hmm?
1948
02:30:33,120 --> 02:30:35,319
What if l told you that, er...
1949
02:30:35,320 --> 02:30:39,119
There's no way a coach
can get to Uberwald
1950
02:30:39,120 --> 02:30:41,919
faster than the clacks machines?
1951
02:30:41,920 --> 02:30:43,719
Of course you have to say that, sir.
1952
02:30:43,720 --> 02:30:46,919
Because the walls have ears, eh?
1953
02:30:46,920 --> 02:30:48,919
Mum's the word.
1954
02:30:56,520 --> 02:30:58,519
(SlGHS)
1955
02:31:00,240 --> 02:31:02,239
Everything?
1956
02:31:03,920 --> 02:31:05,919
Everything.
1957
02:31:06,320 --> 02:31:09,519
But there's 1 5 years of work here.
1958
02:31:09,520 --> 02:31:11,919
He's grown out of pins.
1959
02:31:11,920 --> 02:31:15,159
Sir, pins are for life.
1960
02:31:15,160 --> 02:31:16,719
They stick with you.
1961
02:31:16,720 --> 02:31:19,679
He's starting a new life.
lsn't that right, Stanley?
1962
02:31:19,680 --> 02:31:23,679
So. (CLEARS THROAT) How much?
1963
02:31:31,920 --> 02:31:36,399
Dave, what do you think
about stamps?
1964
02:31:48,240 --> 02:31:51,999
So... what's the plan?
1965
02:31:52,000 --> 02:31:53,999
How can you possibly win?
1966
02:31:55,720 --> 02:31:56,919
Hmm?
1967
02:31:58,440 --> 02:32:00,439
Friction.
1968
02:32:02,000 --> 02:32:06,119
The coach will be so shiny
it'll glide through the air.
1969
02:32:07,120 --> 02:32:09,839
Meanwhile back in the real world(!)
1970
02:32:09,840 --> 02:32:12,519
The Post Office
is a hopeless underdog.
1971
02:32:12,520 --> 02:32:19,119
Ah, but the underdog can always
find somewhere soft to bite.
1972
02:32:19,120 --> 02:32:23,319
This is no time for witty banter.
We're not on a date.
1973
02:32:23,320 --> 02:32:24,919
Do you have a plan?
1974
02:32:24,920 --> 02:32:26,679
Do you trust me?
No.
1975
02:32:26,680 --> 02:32:29,799
Do you have a plan?
Of course.
1976
02:32:30,840 --> 02:32:33,239
We got 50-1 . 50-1 , sir.
1977
02:32:33,240 --> 02:32:35,279
You haven't done anything silly,
l hope.
1978
02:32:35,280 --> 02:32:38,759
No, no, no. l took all me savings,
Stanley here sold his pin collection
1979
02:32:38,760 --> 02:32:43,239
and we put the whole lot
on you to win the race.
1980
02:32:43,240 --> 02:32:45,919
The whole lot?
1981
02:32:45,920 --> 02:32:47,639
Erm...
1982
02:32:47,640 --> 02:32:50,519
Perhaps that wasn't so wise.
1983
02:32:50,520 --> 02:32:52,199
50-1 .
1984
02:32:52,200 --> 02:32:54,919
But we don't want to appear greedy.
1985
02:32:54,920 --> 02:32:55,999
Do we?
1986
02:32:56,000 --> 02:32:58,519
l mean, we want to keep
the moral high ground.
1987
02:32:58,520 --> 02:33:00,719
Bugger the moral high ground.
We'll be rich.
1988
02:33:00,720 --> 02:33:03,959
lt's all thanks
to your inspired plan, sir.
1989
02:33:03,960 --> 02:33:05,039
Mr Groat.
What?
1990
02:33:05,040 --> 02:33:08,599
Let's go and see if the golems
want to cash in. Good idea, lad.
1991
02:33:11,320 --> 02:33:13,879
Oh, my God.
1992
02:33:13,880 --> 02:33:16,359
There is no inspired plan.
1993
02:33:17,440 --> 02:33:19,479
There.
1994
02:33:19,480 --> 02:33:21,479
Right between your eyes.
1995
02:33:22,520 --> 02:33:25,679
The next time l see you,
that's where l'm aiming.
1996
02:33:51,920 --> 02:33:54,719
Messages can be blocked.
1997
02:34:02,640 --> 02:34:05,519
l trust you have
discovered Lipwig's plan.
1998
02:34:07,080 --> 02:34:09,719
l'm afraid not, sir.
1999
02:34:11,640 --> 02:34:15,159
Only a fool would challenge
the clacks with a horse and cart.
2000
02:34:15,160 --> 02:34:18,439
He must have a trick up his sleeve.
2001
02:34:18,440 --> 02:34:19,879
Now...
2002
02:34:20,520 --> 02:34:21,839
...what is it?
2003
02:34:21,840 --> 02:34:24,759
All l can promise you, sir,
is the clacks won't let you down.
2004
02:34:24,760 --> 02:34:28,479
We're clearing all messages off the
system, running double bandwidth,
2005
02:34:28,480 --> 02:34:30,199
l'm putting all my best operators -
2006
02:34:30,200 --> 02:34:32,759
You just remember,
if l'm made to look a fool,
2007
02:34:32,760 --> 02:34:35,159
your pretty little niece
will rue the day
2008
02:34:35,160 --> 02:34:38,079
her Uncle Pony
got her a job at the clacks!
2009
02:34:41,800 --> 02:34:43,799
Archchancellor Ridcully, my lord.
2010
02:34:43,800 --> 02:34:47,119
This had better be important,
l'm in the middle of an experiment.
2011
02:34:47,120 --> 02:34:49,399
lnvolving a knife and fork,
no doubt.
2012
02:34:49,400 --> 02:34:50,719
l wouldn't expect a layman
2013
02:34:50,720 --> 02:34:53,159
to understand the pressures
of university life.
2014
02:34:53,160 --> 02:34:54,719
lncredible though it may seem,
2015
02:34:54,720 --> 02:34:57,759
we have found a practical use
for one of your magical devices.
2016
02:34:57,760 --> 02:35:01,159
Have you?
The object in question is...
2017
02:35:01,160 --> 02:35:03,559
An Omniscope, my lord.
2018
02:35:03,560 --> 02:35:06,679
Enabling us to see things
at a distance, l believe.
2019
02:35:06,680 --> 02:35:10,959
The Omniscope is a highly complex,
very unstable piece of equipment.
2020
02:35:10,960 --> 02:35:12,999
You mean, it doesn't work?
2021
02:35:13,000 --> 02:35:15,199
Well...
2022
02:35:15,200 --> 02:35:17,039
Relatively speaking, it works.
2023
02:35:17,040 --> 02:35:20,439
Excellent, kindly have it
up and running by dawn tomorrow.
2024
02:35:20,440 --> 02:35:22,719
Now, listen,
magic is not some workmen's tool
2025
02:35:22,720 --> 02:35:24,399
that you can hire out by the hour.
2026
02:35:24,400 --> 02:35:28,239
Just as well, because
l wasn't intending to pay you.
2027
02:35:38,600 --> 02:35:40,759
Can l help?
2028
02:35:42,600 --> 02:35:44,679
Mr Pony.
2029
02:35:45,760 --> 02:35:47,559
Miss Adora.
2030
02:35:49,160 --> 02:35:50,719
How have you been?
2031
02:35:53,080 --> 02:35:56,559
lt's nice to see you
after all these years.
2032
02:35:57,520 --> 02:36:00,719
l'm sorry l never came
to your father's funeral.
2033
02:36:00,720 --> 02:36:02,559
lt didn't seem right.
2034
02:36:02,560 --> 02:36:04,679
What happened wasn't your fault.
2035
02:36:06,360 --> 02:36:09,119
You must hate me
for staying on at the clacks.
2036
02:36:09,120 --> 02:36:12,279
You're just doing your job, Mr Pony.
2037
02:36:14,280 --> 02:36:19,079
The truth is,
clacks is run on blood now.
2038
02:36:19,080 --> 02:36:21,279
There's not a day goes by
when l wouldn't like
2039
02:36:21,280 --> 02:36:24,519
to throw my resignation
in Reacher Gilt's face.
2040
02:36:26,200 --> 02:36:27,639
l'm 58.
2041
02:36:28,640 --> 02:36:32,519
Twinges in my knuckles,
a sick wife and a bad back.
2042
02:36:37,360 --> 02:36:41,159
You have to think twice, don't you,
before such gestures?
2043
02:36:43,160 --> 02:36:46,759
My father always said
you were a good man.
2044
02:36:46,760 --> 02:36:49,559
And a great engineer.
2045
02:36:50,960 --> 02:36:52,959
l'm sure he was right.
2046
02:36:54,600 --> 02:36:56,999
No.
2047
02:36:57,000 --> 02:36:59,799
Your father was a great engineer.
2048
02:37:16,240 --> 02:37:19,639
Gilt tried to burn these.
2049
02:37:19,640 --> 02:37:22,359
l'm sure you'll know
what to do with them.
2050
02:37:24,880 --> 02:37:27,039
l'm sorry.
2051
02:37:40,800 --> 02:37:43,719
Stand by to repel borders.
2052
02:38:07,240 --> 02:38:10,599
(SNlFFS)
Adora?
2053
02:38:11,520 --> 02:38:14,239
lf this is about
what l said earlier...
2054
02:38:16,240 --> 02:38:18,079
They killed him.
2055
02:38:21,960 --> 02:38:27,079
They killed John and they put
his name in a debit column.
2056
02:38:29,560 --> 02:38:32,679
(SOBS)
2057
02:38:34,520 --> 02:38:37,159
These people, they...
2058
02:38:37,160 --> 02:38:40,919
..they get away with murder and
everyone just looks the other way.
2059
02:38:42,440 --> 02:38:44,519
No, not everyone.
2060
02:38:45,920 --> 02:38:48,919
Just because you were right,
doesn't mean you have to gloat.
2061
02:38:48,920 --> 02:38:52,519
Forget gloating.
2062
02:38:54,000 --> 02:38:56,479
Now l really do have a plan.
2063
02:38:58,280 --> 02:39:00,199
Go away!
2064
02:39:00,200 --> 02:39:03,519
All you do is talk of plans.
2065
02:39:03,520 --> 02:39:07,639
Crazy, non-existent plans.
2066
02:39:07,640 --> 02:39:09,199
What sort of man are you?
2067
02:39:09,200 --> 02:39:11,799
Adora, just listen to me.
2068
02:39:11,800 --> 02:39:12,999
Give me the crossbow.
2069
02:39:13,000 --> 02:39:15,919
Those ledgers
are the key to everything!
2070
02:39:15,920 --> 02:39:18,919
Just hear me out.
2071
02:39:18,920 --> 02:39:23,319
lf you don't like the plan,
be my guest. Shoot.
2072
02:39:32,520 --> 02:39:34,679
This had better be good.
2073
02:39:37,360 --> 02:39:39,159
Now then, boys, you take the message
2074
02:39:39,160 --> 02:39:41,199
and ride hell-for-leather
to Uberwald.
2075
02:39:41,200 --> 02:39:43,879
But how are we going to get
to Uberwald overnight, sir?
2076
02:39:43,880 --> 02:39:44,959
You're not, Mr Groat.
2077
02:39:44,960 --> 02:39:47,279
Does that mean you're going to hang,
Mr Lipwig?
2078
02:39:47,280 --> 02:39:49,599
Not if l can help it.
l have a plan, Stan.
2079
02:39:49,600 --> 02:39:51,279
l need you to take a little detour.
2080
02:39:51,280 --> 02:39:54,319
There is a derelict clacks tower
and l need you to deliver
2081
02:39:54,320 --> 02:39:56,039
some canvas and ropes and rigging.
2082
02:39:56,040 --> 02:39:59,079
Rigging? ls this about boats, sir.
Only l can't do boats.
2083
02:39:59,080 --> 02:40:00,199
l get very seasick.
2084
02:40:00,200 --> 02:40:02,439
Not boats, Mr Groat. Sails.
2085
02:40:02,440 --> 02:40:04,959
We are going to block out
their message with a sail.
2086
02:40:04,960 --> 02:40:06,559
Block it out? Won't they notice?
2087
02:40:06,560 --> 02:40:08,599
Not if we put our own message
in its place.
2088
02:40:08,600 --> 02:40:10,679
Sorry, sir,
could you run that by me again?
2089
02:40:10,680 --> 02:40:14,039
Yeah. l got a bit lost at... sail.
2090
02:40:16,320 --> 02:40:18,719
(APPLAUSE)
2091
02:40:20,760 --> 02:40:22,199
Hello!
2092
02:40:26,640 --> 02:40:30,199
Hello, Ankh-Morpork!
2093
02:40:30,200 --> 02:40:33,279
Welcome to the great race!
2094
02:40:33,280 --> 02:40:35,599
Lovely to see you all!
2095
02:40:38,800 --> 02:40:40,239
Hello!
2096
02:40:42,960 --> 02:40:44,399
Hello.
2097
02:40:51,440 --> 02:40:53,399
Nice entrance.
2098
02:40:53,400 --> 02:40:57,759
lt will make up
for your ignominious exit.
2099
02:40:57,760 --> 02:40:59,679
Hello, sir.
2100
02:41:04,320 --> 02:41:06,719
(APPLAUSE)
2101
02:41:11,640 --> 02:41:13,919
Citizens of Ankh-Morpork.
2102
02:41:13,920 --> 02:41:17,759
As per Lord Vetinari's directive
number P1 500 -
2103
02:41:17,760 --> 02:41:20,959
We know why we are here.
2104
02:41:20,960 --> 02:41:22,599
To witness a great race!
2105
02:41:22,600 --> 02:41:25,599
The Postmaster has challenged
the clacks.
2106
02:41:25,600 --> 02:41:27,839
(CHEERlNG / APPLAUSE)
2107
02:41:27,840 --> 02:41:32,759
Two identical messages
must be delivered to Uberwald.
2108
02:41:32,760 --> 02:41:36,239
The wizard's Omniscope
will show us the finish line.
2109
02:41:36,240 --> 02:41:37,999
(OMNlSCOPE RUMBLES)
2110
02:41:38,000 --> 02:41:40,159
(CROWD SHRlEK)
2111
02:41:40,160 --> 02:41:44,839
Get it ready by sunrise, Ridcully,
which is when l expect to win.
2112
02:41:44,840 --> 02:41:47,479
And to show the spirit of fair play,
2113
02:41:47,480 --> 02:41:51,959
we have graciously allowed the
Post Office to choose the message.
2114
02:41:51,960 --> 02:41:56,479
l thought long and hard
about an appropriate message.
2115
02:41:58,800 --> 02:42:00,959
And then, l remembered
2116
02:42:00,960 --> 02:42:05,399
how nice it is to receive a parcel.
2117
02:42:05,400 --> 02:42:08,999
So, why not a book?
2118
02:42:10,520 --> 02:42:12,599
(CROWD "AH")
2119
02:42:12,600 --> 02:42:19,399
The authorised, illustrated
biography of Lord Vetinari.
2120
02:42:19,400 --> 02:42:21,639
(APPLAUSE)
2121
02:42:21,640 --> 02:42:25,399
You think yourself so clever,
lt'll buy you a few hours at best.
2122
02:42:25,400 --> 02:42:27,359
Our message
will still be there by dawn,
2123
02:42:27,360 --> 02:42:29,759
while your lumbering coach
will get bogged down
2124
02:42:29,760 --> 02:42:31,119
in some godforsaken marsh.
2125
02:42:31,120 --> 02:42:32,959
Maybe.
2126
02:42:32,960 --> 02:42:35,279
Maybe not.
2127
02:42:35,280 --> 02:42:38,159
(CROWD CHEER)
2128
02:42:41,360 --> 02:42:43,639
Ready when you are, my lord.
2129
02:42:44,600 --> 02:42:47,239
(BLOWS HORN)
2130
02:42:50,800 --> 02:42:52,999
(CHEERlNG / APPLAUSE)
2131
02:43:05,520 --> 02:43:07,439
Get clacksing!
2132
02:43:10,040 --> 02:43:12,919
(BANGS TABLE)
Come on, move it!
2133
02:43:13,320 --> 02:43:15,399
lf we win this race...
(BANGS TABLE)
2134
02:43:15,400 --> 02:43:17,759
..you can have a half-day holiday!
2135
02:43:17,760 --> 02:43:19,279
Come on!
2136
02:43:19,280 --> 02:43:21,719
Get on with it.
2137
02:43:44,160 --> 02:43:45,239
You took a while.
2138
02:43:45,240 --> 02:43:48,919
l had to stop a couple of times,
all that bumping and jolting,
2139
02:43:48,920 --> 02:43:51,759
my bladder's not what it used to be.
2140
02:43:51,760 --> 02:43:54,679
lf we don't get this sail rigged
before they start sending,
2141
02:43:54,680 --> 02:43:56,679
we're done for.
Yeah, alright.
2142
02:44:00,640 --> 02:44:01,639
OK!
2143
02:44:03,640 --> 02:44:05,079
Ready?
2144
02:44:07,960 --> 02:44:10,999
Hoist it up, lads.
2145
02:44:11,000 --> 02:44:12,519
Quick as you can.
Alright!
2146
02:44:12,520 --> 02:44:14,399
Come on,
let's get a wriggle on here!
2147
02:44:20,720 --> 02:44:22,479
(GROANS)
2148
02:44:22,480 --> 02:44:24,119
Where are ya?
2149
02:44:24,120 --> 02:44:26,879
Here, look, stick your boot
in there, will you?
2150
02:44:42,640 --> 02:44:44,439
Still here, Mr Groat?
2151
02:44:44,440 --> 02:44:46,359
l'm not built for parcel post, sir.
2152
02:44:46,360 --> 02:44:49,519
Now, you know what to do?
Ride like the clappers, sir.
2153
02:44:49,520 --> 02:44:52,639
Good man, stop for nothing.
The mail must get through!
2154
02:44:52,640 --> 02:44:54,759
No gloom of night.
2155
02:44:54,760 --> 02:44:56,279
Hey, Mr Lipwig.
2156
02:44:56,280 --> 02:44:59,039
Exactly, Stanley, no gloom of night.
2157
02:44:59,040 --> 02:45:03,719
C-C-Can l say, sir, even if we
lose and the Post Office collapses,
2158
02:45:03,720 --> 02:45:07,999
and all this was in vain -
And you get hanged.
2159
02:45:08,000 --> 02:45:09,919
Yes, sir, even dead,
2160
02:45:09,920 --> 02:45:15,279
you are still the best
Postmaster we have ever had.
2161
02:45:15,280 --> 02:45:17,159
(SNlFFS)
2162
02:45:18,360 --> 02:45:21,119
That's very touching, Mr Groat.
2163
02:45:21,120 --> 02:45:24,199
But l'm not dead yet.
2164
02:45:26,000 --> 02:45:28,359
Good luck, boys.
2165
02:45:47,040 --> 02:45:49,319
Why aren't we sending?!
2166
02:45:49,320 --> 02:45:52,759
l want to see those lights flashing!
2167
02:45:52,760 --> 02:45:54,839
Where's Mr Pony?
2168
02:45:54,840 --> 02:45:57,239
Get me Pony!
2169
02:46:04,480 --> 02:46:07,279
That's what l love
about the Dearhearts.
2170
02:46:07,280 --> 02:46:09,039
Perfect alignment.
2171
02:46:09,040 --> 02:46:12,599
Any message coming out of there
comes straight through us.
2172
02:46:13,560 --> 02:46:16,879
Time to create some interference.
2173
02:46:16,880 --> 02:46:19,319
OK, 14!
Number 1 4!
2174
02:46:19,320 --> 02:46:20,359
14's good.
2175
02:46:20,360 --> 02:46:21,799
Number 1 5?
2176
02:46:21,800 --> 02:46:25,999
OK, there is a snag on 1 5!
lt's stuck! lt's stuck!
2177
02:46:26,000 --> 02:46:27,599
Where's the hammer?
2178
02:46:27,600 --> 02:46:29,679
l put it back in the toolbox.
2179
02:46:29,680 --> 02:46:32,479
lt's not here!
lt's in there!
2180
02:46:32,480 --> 02:46:35,639
ln the spanner drawer!
Yeah, it's still the toolbox!
2181
02:46:35,640 --> 02:46:38,399
And who would look for a hammer
in the spanner drawer?
2182
02:46:38,400 --> 02:46:39,399
Boys!
2183
02:46:39,400 --> 02:46:40,839
We haven't got time for this!
2184
02:46:40,840 --> 02:46:43,399
A place for everything
and everything in its place!
2185
02:46:43,400 --> 02:46:47,239
lf you say that one more time, l'll
find another place for the hammer!
2186
02:46:48,240 --> 02:46:50,639
Oh, for God's sake, look!
They're sending!
2187
02:46:50,640 --> 02:46:52,519
Let's go, come on!
2188
02:47:00,560 --> 02:47:02,879
Grand Trunk are sending the message.
2189
02:47:14,320 --> 02:47:16,239
Hurry up!
2190
02:47:18,240 --> 02:47:20,679
Pull it up!
2191
02:47:20,680 --> 02:47:23,319
(STRUGGLES)
2192
02:47:25,440 --> 02:47:27,799
Come on boys, pull!
lt's stuck!
2193
02:47:27,800 --> 02:47:31,439
Pull it! Keep pulling!
2194
02:47:31,440 --> 02:47:32,879
lt's stuck on something!
2195
02:47:32,880 --> 02:47:35,359
lf you want something done
properly...
2196
02:47:35,360 --> 02:47:36,519
(SCREAMS)
2197
02:47:36,520 --> 02:47:38,519
Oh no, up we go!
2198
02:47:40,120 --> 02:47:42,919
Strange. The signal's stopped.
2199
02:47:42,920 --> 02:47:45,279
No, it can't have,
this is top priority.
2200
02:47:45,280 --> 02:47:48,799
Send! Send!
2201
02:47:48,800 --> 02:47:51,279
For God's sake, start sending!
2202
02:48:12,640 --> 02:48:15,759
lt's OK. They're sending again.
2203
02:48:25,480 --> 02:48:28,519
Yes! Yes! They've taken the bait!
2204
02:48:28,520 --> 02:48:30,199
> (LAUGHS)
They're passing it on!
2205
02:48:30,200 --> 02:48:33,119
(BOTH LAUGH)
2206
02:48:33,120 --> 02:48:37,879
Adora!
2207
02:48:39,800 --> 02:48:41,479
l'm coming for you!
2208
02:48:45,640 --> 02:48:47,799
(SCREAMS)
2209
02:48:52,320 --> 02:48:55,119
(THEY LAUGH)
2210
02:48:55,120 --> 02:48:57,799
What kept you?
2211
02:49:05,160 --> 02:49:07,079
Adora...
2212
02:49:07,760 --> 02:49:09,559
l don't suppose...
2213
02:49:09,560 --> 02:49:12,999
...now would be a good time
to ask you something?
2214
02:49:13,000 --> 02:49:15,559
Well, l can hardly walk away.
2215
02:49:19,000 --> 02:49:21,519
Will you marry me?
2216
02:49:26,200 --> 02:49:28,799
You are forgetting...
2217
02:49:28,800 --> 02:49:31,079
..we still have a race to win.
2218
02:49:34,760 --> 02:49:37,559
That's not exactly a rejection.
2219
02:49:37,560 --> 02:49:40,199
Not exactly.
2220
02:49:42,280 --> 02:49:44,279
< Hang on!
2221
02:50:04,520 --> 02:50:06,719
Down you get, Mr Lipwig.
2222
02:50:06,720 --> 02:50:09,399
You're under arrest.
What for now?
2223
02:50:09,400 --> 02:50:11,639
Same as last time. Doing a runner.
2224
02:50:11,640 --> 02:50:13,719
But- but l've come back.
2225
02:50:13,720 --> 02:50:16,119
Let's keep it that way.
2226
02:50:16,120 --> 02:50:18,119
Lord Vetinari's orders.
2227
02:50:21,800 --> 02:50:23,799
Listen.
(GROWLS)
2228
02:50:48,120 --> 02:50:49,919
(CHATTER)
2229
02:50:49,920 --> 02:50:51,599
(CHEERlNG / APPLAUSE)
2230
02:50:51,600 --> 02:50:55,039
Nice you have you with us again,
sir. Same last words as before?
2231
02:50:55,040 --> 02:50:59,279
l'm rather hoping there'll be
a different outcome this time.
2232
02:50:59,280 --> 02:51:02,079
Keep your hands off.
Let's see some magic, please.
2233
02:51:02,080 --> 02:51:03,919
lt'll come in a moment.
2234
02:51:03,920 --> 02:51:05,919
Please don't touch it.
2235
02:51:07,120 --> 02:51:08,919
There we are.
2236
02:51:08,920 --> 02:51:12,119
We need to read the ticker-tape,
Archchancellor.
2237
02:51:12,120 --> 02:51:14,319
Nobody said anything about
a close-up.
2238
02:51:14,320 --> 02:51:16,519
Can't you just move it in?
2239
02:51:16,520 --> 02:51:20,519
Just move it in? This is a highly
sophisticated magical apparatus.
2240
02:51:28,800 --> 02:51:30,799
There we are.
2241
02:51:32,600 --> 02:51:35,079
l think we have a winner, my lord.
Mm-hmm.
2242
02:51:37,600 --> 02:51:42,519
Uberwald receiving station,
message as follows.
2243
02:51:42,520 --> 02:51:46,959
"Havelock Vetinari was born into
a wealthy and influential family."
2244
02:51:46,960 --> 02:51:48,799
There we have it, my lord.
2245
02:51:48,800 --> 02:51:53,119
The message has arrived, delivered
on time by clacks technology.
2246
02:51:53,120 --> 02:51:55,319
The clacks has won.
2247
02:51:55,320 --> 02:51:57,519
Never mind, sir. lt could be worse.
2248
02:51:57,520 --> 02:51:58,719
How, exactly?
2249
02:51:58,720 --> 02:52:01,119
Well, we've got a good crowd,
lots of press.
2250
02:52:01,120 --> 02:52:03,919
They'd even promised me
a review in "What Gallows?".
2251
02:52:03,920 --> 02:52:07,519
Pull the lever, Mr Trooper.
No, wait.
2252
02:52:07,520 --> 02:52:09,359
The message hasn't finished yet.
2253
02:52:09,360 --> 02:52:11,319
They're playing for time!
2254
02:52:11,320 --> 02:52:15,119
My Lord, it's clear the race
is over. l demand my prize.
2255
02:52:15,120 --> 02:52:17,119
My last words!
2256
02:52:17,120 --> 02:52:20,039
l haven't had my last words.
2257
02:52:20,040 --> 02:52:21,799
lf he must.
2258
02:52:21,800 --> 02:52:23,799
(APPLAUSE)
2259
02:52:27,320 --> 02:52:31,119
Strange as it may seem,
2260
02:52:31,120 --> 02:52:35,319
as l stand here on
the verge of oblivion
2261
02:52:35,320 --> 02:52:38,319
l have a great sense of relief.
2262
02:52:38,320 --> 02:52:42,519
l no longer fear the worst because,
frankly, the worst has happened.
2263
02:52:43,600 --> 02:52:49,599
And although l may not have always
been a model citizen,
2264
02:52:49,600 --> 02:52:53,399
finally l've been made
to see the error of my ways.
2265
02:52:53,400 --> 02:52:56,799
Not by the heavy hand of the law,
2266
02:52:56,800 --> 02:52:58,799
but by the gentle touch of...
2267
02:53:00,920 --> 02:53:02,639
..well.
2268
02:53:04,000 --> 02:53:06,119
By the gentlest touch of all.
2269
02:53:09,880 --> 02:53:11,719
Very nice, sir. Stand by.
2270
02:53:11,720 --> 02:53:12,719
No, there's more.
2271
02:53:12,720 --> 02:53:14,439
(DRUMKNOTT) Where's it gone?
2272
02:53:14,440 --> 02:53:16,559
lt's not coming back.
Give it a moment.
2273
02:53:16,560 --> 02:53:17,679
Don't breathe on it.
2274
02:53:17,680 --> 02:53:21,279
The man who has never known love
has never really lived.
2275
02:53:21,280 --> 02:53:22,519
Get on with it.
2276
02:53:22,520 --> 02:53:25,919
But worst is the man
who avoids love.
2277
02:53:25,920 --> 02:53:27,719
Too true. Well said, sir. Now...
2278
02:53:27,720 --> 02:53:32,519
Because the man who runs from love
and all its trials and tribulations,
2279
02:53:32,520 --> 02:53:38,119
that man is just conning himself,
swindling himself out of true...
2280
02:53:38,120 --> 02:53:40,119
Ah. There we are.
2281
02:53:42,000 --> 02:53:44,319
..happiness.
2282
02:53:44,320 --> 02:53:45,919
Sorry to interrupt, my lord.
2283
02:53:45,920 --> 02:53:47,559
l wish someone would.
2284
02:53:47,560 --> 02:53:51,679
l'm not quite sure what this means
but l think you ought to hear it.
2285
02:53:51,680 --> 02:53:54,439
Message continues.
2286
02:53:54,440 --> 02:53:57,719
"We are the voice of the dead."
2287
02:53:57,720 --> 02:54:02,319
"The ghosts of those
who met a bloody end."
2288
02:54:02,320 --> 02:54:05,119
That's enough. The race is finished.
2289
02:54:05,120 --> 02:54:08,119
"Postmaster Mutable pushed
from the fifth floor."
2290
02:54:08,120 --> 02:54:10,319
"Postmaster Sideburn,
his neck broken."
2291
02:54:10,320 --> 02:54:11,319
Pack it all away!
2292
02:54:11,320 --> 02:54:12,599
Touch nothing.
2293
02:54:12,600 --> 02:54:16,239
"John Dearheart,
flung to his death from a tower."
2294
02:54:16,240 --> 02:54:21,919
"And Crispin Horsefry,
clubbed to death by Reacher Gilt."
2295
02:54:21,920 --> 02:54:23,119
Turn it off!
2296
02:54:23,120 --> 02:54:25,039
"Here follow the facts and figures
2297
02:54:25,040 --> 02:54:27,439
proving fraud,
embezzlement and murder."
2298
02:54:27,440 --> 02:54:31,439
"The full record of the clandestine
dealings of Reacher Gilt."
2299
02:54:31,440 --> 02:54:33,519
My Lord, they're lying. Lying.
2300
02:54:33,520 --> 02:54:35,919
Who are they, exactly?
2301
02:54:35,920 --> 02:54:38,559
They're only reading
what has been delivered by you.
2302
02:54:38,560 --> 02:54:40,999
The message has originated
from your own company
2303
02:54:41,000 --> 02:54:42,879
which makes it a confession.
2304
02:54:42,880 --> 02:54:46,279
l confess nothing!
2305
02:54:46,280 --> 02:54:48,279
(CROWD GASPS)
2306
02:54:56,920 --> 02:54:58,919
Lipwig!
2307
02:55:08,600 --> 02:55:12,959
Your safety is my concern,
Mr Lipwig.
2308
02:55:12,960 --> 02:55:16,439
Your safety is my concern.
2309
02:55:19,920 --> 02:55:21,919
Arrest Reacher Gilt.
2310
02:55:24,720 --> 02:55:26,999
He appears to have vanished,
my lord.
2311
02:55:28,320 --> 02:55:30,319
Find him.
2312
02:55:35,600 --> 02:55:38,119
An ingenious plan, Mr Lipwig.
2313
02:55:38,120 --> 02:55:40,759
And most effective.
2314
02:55:40,760 --> 02:55:44,919
Which is why l have agreed to your
request to hand over ownership
2315
02:55:44,920 --> 02:55:48,919
of the clacks back
to the Dearheart family.
2316
02:55:51,920 --> 02:55:53,919
Just sign here.
2317
02:55:55,080 --> 02:55:57,079
And here.
2318
02:55:58,560 --> 02:56:00,559
No need to thank me.
2319
02:56:03,840 --> 02:56:08,719
However, as the two of you now run
all communications
2320
02:56:08,720 --> 02:56:11,119
in and out of this city,
2321
02:56:11,120 --> 02:56:15,599
should l find that my long-range
game of thud is interrupted
2322
02:56:15,600 --> 02:56:18,599
l shall come looking
for one of you to blame.
2323
02:56:18,600 --> 02:56:21,719
l wonder which one it will be.
2324
02:56:21,720 --> 02:56:23,719
(SNORTS)
2325
02:56:34,360 --> 02:56:36,919
By the way, you look great.
2326
02:56:36,920 --> 02:56:38,519
Colour really suits you.
2327
02:56:38,520 --> 02:56:40,319
Thank you.
2328
02:56:40,320 --> 02:56:42,319
ls that as sore as it looks?
2329
02:56:42,320 --> 02:56:45,319
Oh, it's not the first time
l've been hanged.
2330
02:56:45,320 --> 02:56:47,599
A bad habit to get into.
2331
02:56:47,600 --> 02:56:51,119
l'll tell you what, l'll give up
hanging if you give up smoking.
2332
02:56:51,120 --> 02:56:52,799
Too late.
2333
02:56:52,800 --> 02:56:54,599
l already quit.
2334
02:56:54,600 --> 02:56:55,599
You did that for me?
2335
02:56:55,600 --> 02:56:57,879
Why on earth would you think that?
2336
02:56:58,920 --> 02:57:01,119
Adora...
2337
02:57:01,120 --> 02:57:06,359
..those things l said on the gallows
when l was staring death in the face
2338
02:57:06,360 --> 02:57:09,359
about the gentlest touch of all.
2339
02:57:11,600 --> 02:57:14,119
You do know l meant every word?
2340
02:57:14,120 --> 02:57:15,119
Yes.
2341
02:57:16,040 --> 02:57:19,239
lt's amazing the rubbish
some people spout
2342
02:57:19,240 --> 02:57:22,799
when they're trying
to save their lives.
2343
02:57:22,800 --> 02:57:25,599
Or trying to get a kiss.
2344
02:57:33,320 --> 02:57:35,919
Of course, we can't do this.
2345
02:57:35,920 --> 02:57:38,799
What now?
Conflict of interest.
2346
02:57:38,800 --> 02:57:41,519
You're the Post Office,
l'm the clacks.
2347
02:57:41,520 --> 02:57:42,719
We're rivals.
2348
02:57:42,720 --> 02:57:46,559
Which throws up some very interesting
possibilities of a corporate merger,
2349
02:57:46,560 --> 02:57:48,559
don't you think?
Maybe.
2350
02:57:53,920 --> 02:57:57,919
Well, l'd certainly like
to get my hands on your assets.
2351
02:57:57,920 --> 02:58:01,399
Keep your hands as far away
from my assets as humanly possibly.
2352
02:58:11,600 --> 02:58:14,119
Ah, Mr Gilt.
2353
02:58:14,120 --> 02:58:15,799
l see you are awake.
2354
02:58:15,800 --> 02:58:18,319
l don't know what you're
talking about.
2355
02:58:18,320 --> 02:58:21,519
My name is Merryforth Truman and...
2356
02:58:22,320 --> 02:58:24,319
..l've got papers to prove it.
2357
02:58:24,320 --> 02:58:26,519
Some wonderful papers
they are too, Mr Gilt.
2358
02:58:26,520 --> 02:58:27,519
But enough of that.
2359
02:58:27,520 --> 02:58:31,319
l've brought you here because
l want to talk to you about angels.
2360
02:58:33,480 --> 02:58:35,479
(KNOCKlNG)
Come.
2361
02:58:38,040 --> 02:58:41,959
Excuse me, my lord. l've got a letter
here for Merryforth Truman.
2362
02:58:50,520 --> 02:58:51,719
Strewth.
2363
02:58:51,720 --> 02:58:55,399
He was here, but sadly
he didn't believe in angels.
2364
02:58:55,400 --> 02:58:56,399
Oh.
2365
02:59:00,600 --> 02:59:03,599
Well, that's a bit
of an embuggerance.
2366
03:01:13,880 --> 03:01:17,319
We did it, Mr Groat.
Home sweet home.
2367
03:01:17,320 --> 03:01:21,039
Stanley,
it's not only the race we won.
2368
03:01:21,040 --> 03:01:22,319
The bet, remember.
2369
03:01:22,320 --> 03:01:24,599
50-1 . Blimey, we're rich.
2370
03:01:24,600 --> 03:01:26,319
Let's have the betting slip, then.
2371
03:01:26,320 --> 03:01:28,919
l gave it to you, Mr Groat.
Hey?
2372
03:01:28,920 --> 03:01:31,599
Oh, yes. l've got it here somewhere.
2373
03:01:31,600 --> 03:01:34,599
You can't have lost it, Mr Groat.
50-1 .
2374
03:01:34,600 --> 03:01:37,319
50-1 .
No, of course.
2375
03:01:37,320 --> 03:01:40,319
l remember now.
l've put it somewhere safe.
2376
03:01:40,320 --> 03:01:41,799
l , erm. ..
2377
03:01:43,400 --> 03:01:45,319
. .l hid it under the mattress.
2378
03:01:45,320 --> 03:01:46,719
Which mattress?
2379
03:01:46,720 --> 03:01:48,119
The one in that tavern.
2380
03:01:48,120 --> 03:01:49,319
Which tavern, Mr Groat?
2381
03:01:49,320 --> 03:01:51,919
You remember, that.. . (GROANS)
2382
03:01:51,920 --> 03:01:53,919
..that nice one in Uberwald.
Oh!
2383
03:01:58,120 --> 03:02:00,519
Uberwald. ..
Mr Groat, Mr Groat!
2384
03:02:00,520 --> 03:02:02,519
Get in the carriage, Mr Groat!
170569
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