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1
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,940
Cool.
2
00:00:50,473 --> 00:00:51,513
Damn it, Butt-Head.
3
00:00:52,731 --> 00:00:53,854
Space sucks.
4
00:00:57,617 --> 00:00:58,731
That was cool.
5
00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:44,205
Hello.
I'm Butt-Head.
6
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,408
And I'm Beavis.
Welcome.
7
00:01:49,153 --> 00:01:50,386
Some of you
may be wondering where
8
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,346
we've been
since we saw you last.
9
00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:54,515
Well, it's quite a tale.
10
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,685
A tale of two heroes
on a quest to score,
11
00:01:58,012 --> 00:01:59,559
across time and space.
12
00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:03,035
It's a story of sex, violence,
power--
13
00:02:03,145 --> 00:02:05,259
Yeah, and fire. Yeah, fire.
14
00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:06,760
Yeah,
don't forget about that.
15
00:02:07,442 --> 00:02:09,597
It all began
one ordinary day,
16
00:02:10,121 --> 00:02:12,132
a day just like any other.
17
00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:24,039
What are you two doing?
18
00:02:26,123 --> 00:02:27,748
We're trying to
find out how many times
19
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,608
I can kick Beavis in the nads
before he passes out.
20
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:31,553
Yeah.
21
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,922
And that's your
science fair project?
22
00:02:36,508 --> 00:02:37,616
What science fair?
23
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,217
Yeah, what's that?
24
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:44,432
Well, it's too bad you didn't
take this more seriously, okay?
25
00:02:44,553 --> 00:02:46,367
The winner
of the science fair this year
26
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:50,070
gets a free trip
to NASA Space Camp.
27
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:52,587
Space camp?
28
00:02:52,926 --> 00:02:54,227
That's pretty cool, Butt-Head.
29
00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:57,217
What if we really
did do a nad-kicking
30
00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,247
science experiment and,
and like,
31
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:00,256
we did measurements
32
00:03:00,358 --> 00:03:02,483
and we wrote stuff down
with a pencil
33
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,751
like you're supposed to and--
34
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,119
And maybe we could prove
everybody wrong
35
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,121
and win the whole science--
36
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:17,965
Beavis, I have an idea
for our science fair project.
37
00:03:21,315 --> 00:03:23,203
Okay, now stand here.
38
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,627
Okay.
39
00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:28,909
Okay.
40
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,044
You're not gonna kick me
in the nads again, are you?
41
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,580
No, I'm not, Beavis.
42
00:03:32,872 --> 00:03:34,040
Those days are over.
43
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,617
Good. That's a relief.
44
00:03:36,858 --> 00:03:38,586
That is the best news
I've heard all day.
45
00:03:41,493 --> 00:03:42,339
What's that thing?
46
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:00,474
Beavis!
47
00:04:00,653 --> 00:04:03,176
Beavis,
what the hell are you doing?
48
00:04:04,489 --> 00:04:07,047
- Did we win the science fair?
- Even better, Beavis.
49
00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:08,332
We kicked its ass.
50
00:04:08,895 --> 00:04:09,996
Check it out.
51
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:12,219
Fire! Fire!
52
00:04:13,239 --> 00:04:14,922
Fire! Fire!
53
00:04:16,051 --> 00:04:17,127
Beavis and Butt-Head,
54
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,427
this court
hereby finds you guilty.
55
00:04:19,723 --> 00:04:21,562
- Yes!
- Yeah!
56
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:22,604
Kick-ass, yeah.
57
00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:24,942
Please rise.
58
00:04:25,910 --> 00:04:28,369
Do you have anything
to say before I pass sentence?
59
00:04:29,623 --> 00:04:31,168
If it like
pleased the court,
60
00:04:31,332 --> 00:04:32,311
or something?
61
00:04:32,404 --> 00:04:35,709
In my defense, I was trying
to kick Beavis in the nads.
62
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:39,580
And I just want to say,
Your Majesty,
63
00:04:40,193 --> 00:04:43,016
that... the explosions
were really cool.
64
00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:45,013
Amen.
65
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,755
Many have said,
when it comes to sentencing,
66
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,623
I'm the toughest
judge in the state.
67
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,427
And they're right.
68
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,961
But last night,
I watched a show called
69
00:04:54,188 --> 00:04:56,864
"Touched by an Angel,"
and it made me think.
70
00:04:57,610 --> 00:04:59,492
When I look at
these two boys today,
71
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,602
I don't see their failure.
72
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,789
I see our failure.
73
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,121
He said "touched."
74
00:05:06,310 --> 00:05:07,162
Yeah.
75
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,677
You boys like explosions,
don't you?
76
00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:11,311
Yeah.
77
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,414
And fire.
78
00:05:13,258 --> 00:05:15,182
Well, you know who else
liked explosions?
79
00:05:15,703 --> 00:05:17,469
Neil Armstrong.
80
00:05:17,937 --> 00:05:20,210
And the only difference
between him and you
81
00:05:20,235 --> 00:05:22,915
is he had the benefit of
supportive families
82
00:05:23,047 --> 00:05:24,210
and teachers.
83
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:25,494
Families.
84
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,095
You know what
Neil Armstrong did?
85
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,196
Did he score?
86
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,599
He was
the first man on the moon.
87
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,833
Yeah, yeah.
88
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,267
We never found out who
89
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,936
won that trip to space camp,
90
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,906
because the records were lost
when the gym burned down.
91
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,375
But whoever it was
is going to be fine.
92
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:45,713
They're going to go on to good
colleges and fine careers.
93
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,716
So I say,
why not give opportunity
94
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,018
to those who really need it
95
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,622
and unlock the potential
of these two at-risk youths?
96
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,691
I hereby sentence
Beavis and Butt-Head
97
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:01,361
to eight weeks of Space Camp.
98
00:06:02,475 --> 00:06:03,296
No!
99
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,009
It says Johnson.
100
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,549
Good morning.
101
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,216
I'm Commander Serena Ryan,
102
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,819
and I'm captain of
the Space Shuttle Endeavor.
103
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,354
And I'm Jim Hartson,
104
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,222
the lieutenant commander,
which is also an important--
105
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:30,958
This week,
you'll have a front row seat
106
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,326
while we prepare to take
a very important mission
107
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,628
into space.
- Yep.
108
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:35,929
We're gonna bring a new
109
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,865
telescope to the
Mir space station
110
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,168
and use it to observe
a small black hole.
111
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,670
Hole.
112
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:45,739
Albert Einstein
and Nathan Rosen theorized
113
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,174
black holes could contain rifts
114
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,143
in the very fabric of
the universe, or wormholes,
115
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,780
that could allow one to travel
through time and space.
116
00:06:53,197 --> 00:06:54,377
Wormhole?
117
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,285
Yeah, I always wondered
how worms score.
118
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,721
To my right here is
a model of the entry port
119
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,690
of Russia's Mir Space Station,
120
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,091
where we're going to
have to execute
121
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,326
a very
difficult docking maneuver.
122
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,762
I'm going to turn things over
to Officer Hartson now
123
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,499
and he's going
to show us how it works.
124
00:07:17,615 --> 00:07:18,445
Yeah!
125
00:07:25,209 --> 00:07:26,295
Yeah.
126
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,383
Okay, space campers.
127
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,687
Now, the fun stuff--
Orbital mechanics.
128
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,824
Come on.
129
00:07:45,276 --> 00:07:46,198
Yeah!
130
00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:51,279
Yeah!
131
00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:56,375
Yeah!
132
00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:03,482
Yeah.
133
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,790
I hope
you're not spending
134
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,759
too much with the space
campers, Serena.
135
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,761
NASA has a lot
riding on this mission.
136
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,529
Hey, you guys
have to see this.
137
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,897
It's amazing.
138
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,032
- Ooh, yeah!
- It's these two kids
139
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,868
from Space Camp--
they're phenomenal!
140
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,870
They've been doing this
for 18 hours
141
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,005
without food or water.
142
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,007
It's almost like
they have an unhealthy
143
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,909
single-minded obsession with it.
144
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,878
Check this out, Butt-Head.
145
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,088
They're using
the robotic arm
146
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,757
as a secondary backup
in case of mechanical failure.
147
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:44,925
No one's ever thought of that.
148
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,027
Incredible.
149
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,796
They're brilliant.
150
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,664
Wait a minute.
151
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:54,301
What if we brought them on
the mission to do the docking?
152
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,670
You want those two
to go up in space
153
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,639
and dock the actual
space shuttle
154
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,207
to the Mir space station?
155
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,842
And also, I thought
I was gonna do that--
156
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,110
Think of the PR.
157
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,212
Two at-risk youths
turned astronauts?
158
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,180
We could finally
get Americans interested
159
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,582
in the space program again.
160
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,084
What do we have to lose?
- Nothing, I don't think.
161
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,820
They'll never make it
through the training.
162
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,655
But if they do?
163
00:09:15,495 --> 00:09:16,489
Yeah!
164
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,659
We'll see.
165
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:21,161
- Oohh, yeah.
- Hey, boys.
166
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,396
- Shut up! We're busy.
- Let me ask you something.
167
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,399
How would you guys
like to do that...
168
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,836
but do it for real?
169
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,504
You want us to do that...
170
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,328
for real?
171
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,777
That's right. I want you
to do that for real.
172
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,879
In space, with me.
173
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:40,727
W-w-with you?
174
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,414
That's right.
175
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,151
- Yes!
- Absolutely.
176
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,186
Yes! A thousand times yes!
177
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,289
I like your enthusiasm.
But it's gonna be hard work.
178
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:51,892
You're gonna have to practice
doing this a lot.
179
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,861
For hours, every day.
180
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,428
Yeah, I--I already do.
Yeah.
181
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,797
In the bathroom, yeah.
182
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,032
Sometimes,
in the teacher's lounge.
183
00:10:00,192 --> 00:10:03,403
Ma'am. We've been waiting our
entire lives for this opportunity.
184
00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:04,827
We will not let you down.
185
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,909
Then let's start your training.
186
00:10:09,226 --> 00:10:10,413
Yeah!
187
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,684
Beavis.
188
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,252
The government is about to
train our schlongs.
189
00:10:20,295 --> 00:10:22,131
For all mankind.
190
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:31,064
Hey, Butt-Head, what part
of sex does this train us for?
191
00:10:32,185 --> 00:10:33,066
I think it's the part
192
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,035
where your face hurts
or something.
193
00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:38,906
That's gonna be good, yeah.
194
00:10:42,968 --> 00:10:44,778
Get it! Yeah, yeah!
195
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,419
Does everybody who
scores have to do this?
196
00:10:53,477 --> 00:10:54,331
Probably.
197
00:10:56,054 --> 00:10:56,919
Damn it.
198
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,866
Not bad.
199
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,440
Damn it, Beavis,
stop barfing or you're going to
200
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,474
make me bar--
201
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,314
Yeah, boy.
202
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:22,916
Well, that concludes
your training.
203
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,251
So what do you think?
204
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,652
Are you ready to do it?
205
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,955
Yeah, I was ready before,
but now I know how
206
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,957
to do it upside down,
or something.
207
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,358
Yeah.
208
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,093
I'm ready to do it right now,
if you want.
209
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,594
That's what I like to hear.
210
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,730
Now, go get yourselves
cleaned up.
211
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:40,834
Beavis, tomorrow, we are
going to score with that lady.
212
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,354
In outer space?
213
00:11:43,541 --> 00:11:44,772
Wherever she wants it.
214
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,975
Outer space, the back of a car,
I don't care.
215
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,778
Yeah, me neither.
216
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,080
Well?
What do you think?
217
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,983
I think NASA
has a couple new astronauts.
218
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,332
Do you know how few people
219
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,467
have done
what you're about to do?
220
00:12:15,409 --> 00:12:18,494
- No.
- Only 256 men and 49 women.
221
00:12:19,885 --> 00:12:22,075
That's a little more than I was
hoping, but, you know, that's okay.
222
00:12:22,323 --> 00:12:24,044
From 16 different countries,
223
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,814
ranging in age from 28-77.
224
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,549
Jesus Christ!
We get it.
225
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,119
And that's not even counting
the Russian dog and the monkey.
226
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,317
Enough!
227
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,722
Of course, there were some
who didn't make it.
228
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,825
We're not going
to be one of those, ma'am.
229
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,960
I can assure you.
230
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,161
Yeah, we understand
the risks.
231
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,363
Mr. Beaven.
Mr. Boothroid.
232
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,266
You're the youngest astronauts
ever on the space shuttle.
233
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,668
What's this moment feel like?
234
00:12:49,016 --> 00:12:50,503
Hold on a second.
235
00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:52,405
I've got something
I want to say.
236
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,009
I just wanna say
237
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,777
I've wanted to do this
my whole life,
238
00:12:58,219 --> 00:13:00,656
but I never thought
it would really happen,
239
00:13:01,094 --> 00:13:02,782
and I dreamed about it
every night
240
00:13:03,055 --> 00:13:04,617
and then--and then I'd wake up
241
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,921
and feel ashamed and I'd
try to hide it from my mom.
242
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,190
But today,
my dream will come true.
243
00:13:11,061 --> 00:13:11,882
And...
244
00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:14,975
I just want to say
that makes me the luckiest man
245
00:13:15,139 --> 00:13:16,389
in the world.
246
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,839
Boi-oi-oi-oing!
247
00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:30,978
10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
248
00:13:31,257 --> 00:13:32,846
Counting sucks.
249
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:38,251
2, 1, lift-off.
250
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,721
Fire! Fire! Fire!
251
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,498
Endeavor, you are a go
for orbital operations.
252
00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:55,835
- Damn it.
- I think the floor's not working.
253
00:13:56,806 --> 00:13:57,881
How are you boys doing?
254
00:13:57,978 --> 00:14:00,607
Well, Serena... do you wanna
like just do it right now?
255
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,142
Or I was thinking
maybe we could--
256
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,510
We don't need you
257
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:04,912
until we dock with the Mir
in three hours.
258
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:09,116
Until then, do you
wanna see something amazing?
259
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:21,194
Sunrise over Mother Earth.
260
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:24,531
Incredible, isn't it?
261
00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:26,599
Is it three hours yet?
262
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,768
This is the best view
on the whole ship.
263
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:31,704
That's why they put the
controls for the telescope here.
264
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,574
Don't mess with those,
unless you want to risk
265
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:37,277
breaking a $2 billion
piece of equipment.
266
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,914
Now it's probably
three hours, right?
267
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:46,386
Take it all in while you can.
Just think, all of life,
268
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:47,955
everything we've ever known,
269
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:51,458
is down there on that
beautiful blue marble.
270
00:15:00,271 --> 00:15:01,468
The Earth sucks.
271
00:15:02,615 --> 00:15:04,318
Let's mess with those things.
272
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,285
All I see is, like,
nighttime or something.
273
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,587
Let's point it at the sun.
274
00:15:21,606 --> 00:15:24,356
Cool.
Maybe we'll see some fire.
275
00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:32,565
Let's have a look here.
See what we can see.
276
00:15:36,049 --> 00:15:38,408
I saw something but,
like, it went away.
277
00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,774
Try the other eye.
You've got two of them.
278
00:15:42,895 --> 00:15:44,111
Yeah. Good idea.
279
00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:45,192
Look over here and--
280
00:15:47,106 --> 00:15:49,012
Beavis, you can't
do anything right.
281
00:15:49,864 --> 00:15:50,965
Step aside.
282
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,736
Okay, boys.
It's go time.
283
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:18,145
- It's kinda dark.
- Let me help you there.
284
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,147
It can be tough,
your first time in space.
285
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,349
Thank you, ma'am.
286
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:23,650
Are you ready to do it?
287
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,917
Yeah, but I thought
you wanted us
288
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,353
to do the docking first.
289
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,788
Commence docking sequence.
290
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,871
See? They're doing great.
291
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,914
Wait. What are you doing?
292
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,616
What are they doing?
293
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,956
- No, no, stop!
- No, no, no--
294
00:17:08,456 --> 00:17:09,567
What's going on?
295
00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:14,635
Somebody hit us!
296
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:22,008
- Fire!
- Fire! Fire!
297
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,277
Damn it,
I can't see it.
298
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,915
Fire!
299
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:35,722
Endeavor.
300
00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:37,724
Endeavor,
can you hear me?
301
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,296
We copy, Houston.
302
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,665
Endeavor,
your situation is critical.
303
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,201
You've lost 91% of your oxygen
304
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:51,404
and 93% of the fuel
you need to return to Earth.
305
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,972
The Mir has been damaged,
306
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,608
causing an international
incident with Russia.
307
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,077
We've missed our window
to observe the black hole
308
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:01,581
which will next be this close
to Earth in 34 trillion years.
309
00:18:01,811 --> 00:18:03,046
Also...
310
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,689
And now we've lost
comms with Earth.
311
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,625
Well, if you're looking
for some good news,
312
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,254
I can see again.
313
00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,996
Yeah, we're ready
to try the docking now.
314
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,566
Looks like you guys
got in a wreck.
315
00:18:20,374 --> 00:18:21,668
Yeah, what happened?
316
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,636
We're gonna
make it back to Earth.
317
00:18:24,077 --> 00:18:25,322
I promise you that.
318
00:18:25,788 --> 00:18:26,806
But here's the problem.
319
00:18:27,389 --> 00:18:28,575
I don't know how to say this,
320
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,676
so I'm just
gonna get right to it.
321
00:18:29,913 --> 00:18:31,043
There are seven of us,
322
00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:33,480
and we only have enough
oxygen for five people
323
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,981
to make it home alive.
324
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,083
So we all have
a decision to make.
325
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:41,854
Two people need to
sacrifice themselves.
326
00:18:42,772 --> 00:18:43,823
Now, look...
327
00:18:44,022 --> 00:18:46,626
I-I think we're all thinking
the same thing here.
328
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:48,295
Can we put the TV back on?
329
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,631
Yeah, but something cool this
time, 'cause that show sucked.
330
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,256
Yeah, yeah, really.
"You have no oxygen."
331
00:18:54,303 --> 00:18:56,403
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
- No, we can't put
332
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,171
the TV back on--
that was our last
333
00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,606
communication with Earth.
334
00:18:59,979 --> 00:19:01,674
- You know...
- Captain, if I can make
335
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,810
a suggestion--
- Guys.
336
00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:06,078
I volunteer.
337
00:19:07,033 --> 00:19:08,697
- Captain, no.
- You can't be serious.
338
00:19:08,838 --> 00:19:10,517
I'm the captain of this ship.
339
00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,685
It would be easy
to blame our predicament
340
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,388
on the mistakes
of two absolute idiots.
341
00:19:15,924 --> 00:19:17,524
Boy, I'm glad
you said it and not us.
342
00:19:18,471 --> 00:19:19,596
Yeah, really.
343
00:19:19,846 --> 00:19:21,861
Where'd you find
these two dumbasses?
344
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:25,632
No, you!
I'm clearly talking about you.
345
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,335
But I chose you
for this mission.
346
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,836
And ultimately,
347
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:32,705
the responsibility
lies with me.
348
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,541
I'll volunteer too.
349
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,409
If this is the end,
350
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,778
I wanna make it
count for something.
351
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,079
End.
352
00:19:42,337 --> 00:19:45,518
I'm gonna put on my suit
and take one last spacewalk.
353
00:19:46,071 --> 00:19:48,955
It's how I always wanted to go.
354
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,392
Wait a minute,
where's she going?
355
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:53,537
Is it time to score?
356
00:19:54,919 --> 00:19:57,326
Beavis, they put us
in this rocket thing
357
00:19:57,380 --> 00:20:00,199
for one reason:
to score with Serena.
358
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:03,536
It's gonna be one
giant leap for our schlongs.
359
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,274
Yeah, for all mankind.
360
00:20:11,348 --> 00:20:12,289
Serena?
361
00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:13,480
What?
362
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,649
I-I just wanted to thank you
for choosing us for this honor.
363
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:18,117
I know
I'm not the first guy
364
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,587
most people would pick,
but you did and...
365
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:23,323
and I'll be thankful
for the rest of my life.
366
00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:24,791
That's all.
367
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:28,194
Your actions this day
will not soon be forgotten.
368
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,197
Maybe I misjudged you two.
369
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,799
Listen.
370
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:37,437
This belonged to my grandmother.
She used to tell me,
371
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,238
"Keep dreaming your dreams."
372
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,874
"One day, they
might just come true."
373
00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:44,444
I want you to have it.
374
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,542
Okay
375
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,915
Watch me through the window,
doing what I love.
376
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,783
One last time.
377
00:20:51,256 --> 00:20:52,428
My dream's over...
378
00:20:53,006 --> 00:20:56,222
But I hope someday
your dream comes true.
379
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:01,060
I've gotta go put on my suit.
380
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,793
She wants us to watch
her change through the window.
381
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,501
Are you sure about that,
Butt-Head?
382
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,737
Of course, dumb-ass.
You heard her.
383
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,271
She said watch me
through the window
384
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,573
and your dreams will come true.
385
00:21:14,202 --> 00:21:15,074
Yeah.
386
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,510
And she gave us this
bracelet to seal the deal.
387
00:21:18,014 --> 00:21:19,100
Yeah.
388
00:21:30,212 --> 00:21:31,384
Oh, yeah.
389
00:21:45,076 --> 00:21:46,873
Are you shitting me?
390
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:55,382
Okay. I've had enough
of these dickheads.
391
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,526
Enjoy space.
392
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:08,194
Now that
I'm about to be captain,
393
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,830
things are gonna be
a little different around here.
394
00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:12,865
First of all--
Hello!
395
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:15,635
I have some extremely
distressing news to share.
396
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,770
Specialist Beavis
and Specialist Butt-Head
397
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,806
made the very brave
and noble decision
398
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,974
to sacrifice themselves.
399
00:22:23,298 --> 00:22:25,033
- That's awful.
- What a tragedy.
400
00:22:25,812 --> 00:22:28,615
So, no reason
for me to volunteer, then?
401
00:22:28,892 --> 00:22:29,978
Okay.
402
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:33,119
Just so we're clear, then...
I un-volunteer.
403
00:22:33,766 --> 00:22:35,221
I did volunteer, you know.
For the record.
404
00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:36,980
You can tell people.
405
00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:47,900
Believe me,
I tried to talk them out of it.
406
00:22:47,967 --> 00:22:50,169
But they felt it was
the right thing to do,
407
00:22:50,236 --> 00:22:53,205
and they left the airlock
before I could stop them.
408
00:22:53,842 --> 00:22:55,742
- No--
- But while their tragically,
409
00:22:56,373 --> 00:22:58,144
brief lives may be over,
410
00:22:58,459 --> 00:23:00,947
they will live forever
in our memories.
411
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:05,793
Yeah.
412
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:18,130
The elaborate dance
of seduction continues.
413
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:21,233
Yeah, she really knows
how to build the anticipation.
414
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,536
You know what I'm saying?
415
00:23:26,063 --> 00:23:26,937
Butt-Head?
416
00:23:27,097 --> 00:23:28,398
What is that thing?
417
00:23:29,524 --> 00:23:31,243
It feels like sucking us in
or something.
418
00:23:33,032 --> 00:23:35,214
It looks like
some kind of gigantic hole.
419
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:39,218
And it's black.
Wait a minute, Beavis.
420
00:23:39,462 --> 00:23:41,181
I think I know what
kind of hole this is.
421
00:23:41,868 --> 00:23:42,789
Really?
422
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:44,223
It's a butthole.
423
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,959
No, no, no.
No way. No thanks.
424
00:23:47,872 --> 00:23:49,396
I don't want to die
in a butthole!
425
00:23:49,575 --> 00:23:52,638
I have dreams about it
all the time--no! No way!
426
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:55,154
Settle down, Beavis.
427
00:24:25,335 --> 00:24:26,381
Butt-Head?
428
00:24:26,750 --> 00:24:27,860
Where are we?
429
00:24:29,148 --> 00:24:32,572
- I don't know.
- Are we still in space?
430
00:24:33,726 --> 00:24:35,441
Beavis!
You're not gonna believe this.
431
00:24:35,953 --> 00:24:37,875
Look at that number,
up there on the billboard.
432
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:39,670
Let's see...
433
00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:43,115
There's a two. And then...
some kind of circle.
434
00:24:43,469 --> 00:24:44,717
And I don't know what that is,
435
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,085
I've never seen
one of those before.
436
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:47,720
No, dumb-ass.
Not that number.
437
00:24:48,476 --> 00:24:49,484
That one.
438
00:24:49,695 --> 00:24:51,123
69.
439
00:24:55,029 --> 00:24:58,430
So, anyway...
are we still in space, though?
440
00:25:00,990 --> 00:25:04,136
Beavis.
Look, it's Serena.
441
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:08,340
I guess she like made
a big sign so we'd remember
442
00:25:08,407 --> 00:25:10,376
we're supposed
to score with her.
443
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:11,678
Yeah, yeah.
444
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:13,546
You know, that's really
thoughtful of her,
445
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:15,848
she's a really nice lady.
446
00:25:16,395 --> 00:25:18,051
Well, let's go do her.
447
00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:27,594
The missing nuke is somewhere
here in the Caucasus Mountains.
448
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:29,796
It is our nation's
highest priority to find it.
449
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,898
It's happened.
450
00:25:31,964 --> 00:25:34,100
Excuse me.
451
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,469
We've detected
a major space-time breach
452
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:38,838
in American airspace.
453
00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:40,673
My God.
454
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:42,541
And something
came through it--
455
00:25:42,609 --> 00:25:44,210
Two lifeforms.
456
00:25:44,276 --> 00:25:47,279
Who could it be?
The Chinese... Russia?
457
00:25:47,346 --> 00:25:49,081
Or aliens.
458
00:25:49,148 --> 00:25:51,684
This is why
we needed that space telescope
459
00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:54,486
to observe the black hole
in '98--damn it!
460
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:55,722
Whatever they are,
461
00:25:55,788 --> 00:25:57,790
we need to get down there
and find them.
462
00:25:57,857 --> 00:25:59,592
And dissect them.
463
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:02,995
Get Alpha Team on the plane.
We're wheels up in five minutes.
464
00:26:13,539 --> 00:26:14,974
That's better.
465
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,276
You can't score
with these things on.
466
00:26:20,012 --> 00:26:21,848
Greetings,
Beavis and Butt-Head.
467
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,150
We bring you a grave warning.
468
00:26:26,309 --> 00:26:28,520
Who are you
fart knockers?
469
00:26:28,966 --> 00:26:31,057
We are you,
from what your primitive planet
470
00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:33,092
would call
an "alternate universe."
471
00:26:33,395 --> 00:26:35,461
- A what?
- An alternate universe.
472
00:26:37,388 --> 00:26:38,430
A what?
473
00:26:39,497 --> 00:26:42,666
Did you see the cartoon
Spider-Man movie, per chance?
474
00:26:43,475 --> 00:26:44,342
No.
475
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,606
That would have made
explaining it a lot easier.
476
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:50,309
Our names are unknowable
to your puny brains.
477
00:26:50,376 --> 00:26:52,411
But you may call us
Smart Beavis
478
00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:53,980
and Smart Butt-Head.
479
00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:55,682
You see,
in infinite universes,
480
00:26:55,748 --> 00:26:58,250
there are infinite
iterations of every person.
481
00:26:58,317 --> 00:27:01,087
Every possible
version of you exists,
482
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:04,356
and we are the most
intelligent versions.
483
00:27:05,977 --> 00:27:08,160
Did any of the other
versions ever score?
484
00:27:08,688 --> 00:27:09,628
No.
485
00:27:09,946 --> 00:27:12,431
No version of Beavis
and Butt-Head has ever scored.
486
00:27:12,618 --> 00:27:14,617
That is true
in every reality.
487
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:16,736
Cool.
488
00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:18,637
We're gonna be the first ones.
489
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:20,006
Oh, yeah.
490
00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:21,407
Humorous, quite humorous.
Yes.
491
00:27:21,473 --> 00:27:23,509
Droll, very droll, yes.
Whimsical.
492
00:27:24,259 --> 00:27:26,705
That is amusing, yes.
Quite jocular, yes.
493
00:27:26,908 --> 00:27:28,033
Mirthful, yes.
494
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,182
Okay, that's enough
frivolity.
495
00:27:30,249 --> 00:27:31,684
When you went through
the black hole,
496
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:33,853
you traveled through
a five-dimensional portal
497
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,421
in space and time.
498
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:36,689
But in so doing,
499
00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:38,925
you damaged the delicate
structure of the cosmos.
500
00:27:39,416 --> 00:27:40,860
Damage is cool.
501
00:27:40,927 --> 00:27:42,729
And now,
both of our universes
502
00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:44,731
face total destruction.
503
00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:46,766
And so we come to you
for help.
504
00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:48,234
There's a space-time portal
505
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,936
that will return you
to your time.
506
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,405
You must enter this portal
before it closes in two days,
507
00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:57,343
or everything you have ever
known will be gone forever.
508
00:27:57,409 --> 00:27:59,445
The portal is located
on the highest point
509
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:02,548
on your planet,
atop your "Mount Everest."
510
00:28:02,614 --> 00:28:04,250
This is your quest.
511
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:06,685
You have exactly two days.
512
00:28:06,753 --> 00:28:08,254
May science be with you.
513
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,923
You said "mount,"
Smart Beavis.
514
00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:12,258
Yes, their primitive language
515
00:28:12,324 --> 00:28:14,060
has two meanings
for that word, yes.
516
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:15,227
Humorous, quite jocular.
517
00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:17,496
Very droll and whimsical,
yes, yes.
518
00:28:19,413 --> 00:28:20,405
What did they say?
519
00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:22,232
I don't know.
520
00:28:22,444 --> 00:28:24,827
I think they were like
British or something.
521
00:28:25,738 --> 00:28:27,573
Okay, now let's go score.
522
00:28:30,501 --> 00:28:31,944
We're here for Serena.
523
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:33,846
She probably
told you about us.
524
00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:35,681
So if you can just like,
you know,
525
00:28:35,748 --> 00:28:37,683
tell her we're ready
to get down with it.
526
00:28:39,018 --> 00:28:40,987
Okay,
so you want to volunteer?
527
00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:43,790
Maybe do some
canvassing for Serena?
528
00:28:43,856 --> 00:28:45,491
Canvassing?
529
00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:47,393
We've never done this before,
so like,
530
00:28:47,459 --> 00:28:49,695
maybe just, you know,
the regular way.
531
00:28:49,762 --> 00:28:51,697
I wanna volunteer my wiener.
532
00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:55,101
Why don't we
just step over here
533
00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:56,836
so we can get a picture
of you two.
534
00:28:56,903 --> 00:28:58,838
Do we need to, like, take
our clothes off or something?
535
00:28:58,905 --> 00:28:59,972
Yeah.
536
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:01,607
We're gonna score!
537
00:29:05,225 --> 00:29:06,578
These polls are horseshit.
538
00:29:07,006 --> 00:29:08,865
Can you remind me
why I'm paying you
539
00:29:08,890 --> 00:29:10,549
to get me re-elected governor?
540
00:29:10,616 --> 00:29:13,685
And me re-elected lieutenant
governor, which is also--
541
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,554
Well, Governor, our new
strategy is youth outreach.
542
00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:17,089
- Youth outreach.
- Our campaign teams
543
00:29:17,156 --> 00:29:18,390
have been recruiting
young volunteers
544
00:29:18,457 --> 00:29:19,725
to use for a new ad campaign.
545
00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:21,961
We brought some pictures
for you to look at.
546
00:29:22,028 --> 00:29:23,863
- Pictures, okay.
- No, no.
547
00:29:24,219 --> 00:29:25,383
Loser.
548
00:29:26,125 --> 00:29:27,666
No.
549
00:29:31,422 --> 00:29:32,632
Clear the room.
550
00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:37,309
I'm assuming
you wanted me to stay,
551
00:29:37,376 --> 00:29:38,677
because I'm second in command.
552
00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:40,212
Look at this.
553
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:42,148
They look exactly
like those kids I killed
554
00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:43,715
on the mission in '98.
555
00:29:44,821 --> 00:29:45,751
They really do.
556
00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:48,254
But they can't be the same
kids--that's impossible.
557
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,423
It's them. I know it.
558
00:29:51,711 --> 00:29:55,828
I spent three weeks stranded
in space because of those two,
559
00:29:55,895 --> 00:29:57,629
certain I would die.
560
00:29:57,696 --> 00:29:59,598
Drinking my own urine.
561
00:29:59,665 --> 00:30:02,201
We had to eat
flight specialist Jung.
562
00:30:02,268 --> 00:30:04,270
Yeah, I didn't actually
get to eat any--
563
00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:05,537
And then 24 years
564
00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:07,406
haunted that I had killed
two people,
565
00:30:07,473 --> 00:30:09,675
that the world
would find out what I'd done.
566
00:30:09,741 --> 00:30:11,777
Yes, sometimes I wish
I didn't know that
567
00:30:11,844 --> 00:30:13,880
because it sorta puts me
in a tricky position
568
00:30:13,946 --> 00:30:15,347
going-to-jail-wise.
569
00:30:15,414 --> 00:30:17,349
They must have fallen
into the black hole somehow.
570
00:30:17,416 --> 00:30:19,886
Traveled through
an Einstein-Rosen wormhole.
571
00:30:19,952 --> 00:30:21,753
That's amazing.
572
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,422
I mean, we have to tell
the scientific community--
573
00:30:23,489 --> 00:30:25,892
We have to kill them before
they tell everyone what I did.
574
00:30:26,153 --> 00:30:28,260
Right kill them. Yep.
No, that's what I meant.
575
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:29,495
That's yeah, okay, good.
576
00:30:29,676 --> 00:30:30,829
I just hope
we're not too late.
577
00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:32,404
Get the helicopter.
578
00:30:32,551 --> 00:30:34,200
Tell them I'm gonna go
visit some sick--
579
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:37,269
I don't know--
veterans or dogs.
580
00:30:37,336 --> 00:30:39,538
Why wasn't she there,
Butt-Head?
581
00:30:39,605 --> 00:30:41,240
Why would she
put up a big picture
582
00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:43,209
of herself
and then not be there?
583
00:30:44,290 --> 00:30:45,811
It's a little game
she's playing.
584
00:30:46,853 --> 00:30:48,047
She wants us to chase her.
585
00:30:48,735 --> 00:30:51,083
Yeah.
Here we come.
586
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,228
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
587
00:30:54,282 --> 00:30:55,821
Please would you to take this?
588
00:30:57,138 --> 00:30:58,209
- Take it?
- Yes.
589
00:30:58,333 --> 00:30:59,325
Okay.
590
00:31:00,098 --> 00:31:04,196
No, you hold like this
and look here.
591
00:31:05,919 --> 00:31:07,022
Check it out, Beavis.
592
00:31:07,388 --> 00:31:09,981
That guy just gave us
a cool little TV.
593
00:31:11,169 --> 00:31:12,804
Do you have any bigger TVs?
594
00:31:14,497 --> 00:31:15,741
This show sucks.
595
00:31:16,088 --> 00:31:18,744
It's like just these
fat people standing there.
596
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:20,885
I don't know, Butt-Head.
It's not that bad.
597
00:31:22,244 --> 00:31:23,149
Is good?
598
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:24,716
Should we back up?
599
00:31:25,705 --> 00:31:27,019
Okay.
600
00:31:27,086 --> 00:31:29,521
Like this
or more backing up?
601
00:31:31,190 --> 00:31:33,059
We're trying to watch TV.
602
00:31:33,242 --> 00:31:34,359
Like thi--
603
00:31:40,828 --> 00:31:42,068
That was cool.
604
00:31:42,242 --> 00:31:44,403
Yeah, it's like the show
really found itself, you know.
605
00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:47,273
Glad we stuck with it.
606
00:31:51,155 --> 00:31:53,845
We want some nachos,
but we don't have any money.
607
00:31:54,374 --> 00:31:56,215
So why don't you
just pay with your phone?
608
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:58,617
You mean this thing?
609
00:31:58,936 --> 00:32:01,220
Here. I'll show you,
what's your password?
610
00:32:02,811 --> 00:32:03,956
Password?
611
00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,147
Your password is password.
612
00:32:07,421 --> 00:32:08,882
That's original.
613
00:32:11,991 --> 00:32:14,466
We just paid for that with this?
614
00:32:14,533 --> 00:32:16,335
Yeah, you can pay for
anything with your phone.
615
00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,002
Anything?
616
00:32:19,093 --> 00:32:21,540
That's right.
Anything at all.
617
00:32:21,952 --> 00:32:24,476
Beavis,
this changes everything.
618
00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:26,638
Sir, based on
eyewitness interviews,
619
00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:28,740
we've made a composite
sketch of the life forms.
620
00:33:30,809 --> 00:33:33,845
Whatever they are,
they're definitely not human.
621
00:33:38,152 --> 00:33:40,619
Send up 100
more orders of nachos.
622
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,989
Hey Butt-Head, this phone
kicks ass and everything.
623
00:33:44,056 --> 00:33:45,924
But we need to find Serena.
624
00:33:46,449 --> 00:33:47,526
Shut up, Beavis.
625
00:33:47,918 --> 00:33:49,395
I'm speaking with the nacho man.
626
00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:53,532
You see what I have
to deal with?
627
00:33:53,599 --> 00:33:56,468
Hey, seriously.
Siri: How can I help you?
628
00:33:58,300 --> 00:33:59,371
Who is this?
629
00:33:59,566 --> 00:34:01,640
I'm Siri. I'm here to help.
630
00:34:02,105 --> 00:34:03,409
It's Serena.
Hey Butt-Head.
631
00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:04,410
- Butt-Head!
- Damn it, Beavis,
632
00:34:04,476 --> 00:34:06,027
I told you to shut up.
633
00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:10,167
Do those nachos come with
side orders of nachos?
634
00:34:12,714 --> 00:34:13,552
Hello.
635
00:34:13,619 --> 00:34:16,622
- How can I help you?
- Hey, how's it going? Yeah.
636
00:34:16,930 --> 00:34:18,624
Good to talk to you. Yeah.
637
00:34:18,875 --> 00:34:21,793
So... I was wondering...
you know, like...
638
00:34:22,539 --> 00:34:24,163
when we're going
to score you know?
639
00:34:24,492 --> 00:34:27,297
Notre Dame is losing
to Alabama 7 to 0.
640
00:34:27,703 --> 00:34:29,101
Yeah, that's interesting.
641
00:34:29,383 --> 00:34:31,992
So... I know you
probably like Butt-Head more,
642
00:34:32,391 --> 00:34:34,540
but I was thinking--
- I don't understand Butt-Head.
643
00:34:34,862 --> 00:34:36,229
Yeah, me neither.
644
00:34:36,932 --> 00:34:38,944
Like, he thinks he can
tell me what to do,
645
00:34:39,002 --> 00:34:41,572
and he's always trying
to kick my ass for no reason.
646
00:34:41,815 --> 00:34:43,282
And it just gets
old after a while.
647
00:34:43,846 --> 00:34:45,284
You know? I'm tired of it.
648
00:34:46,104 --> 00:34:47,419
How can I help you?
649
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:49,921
Just you know,
like, listening you know,
650
00:34:50,299 --> 00:34:51,502
helps a lot you know.
651
00:34:51,657 --> 00:34:53,225
I guess I never really had
anybody, you know, like to
652
00:34:53,791 --> 00:34:56,162
actually listen like when
I'm talking and stuff, you know?
653
00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,531
Like nobody
hears the real Beavis.
654
00:34:59,737 --> 00:35:00,869
You know what I'm saying?
655
00:35:01,612 --> 00:35:03,369
I don't understand Beavis.
656
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,304
You know,
neither do I sometimes.
657
00:35:05,518 --> 00:35:07,839
Yeah. Neither do I.
658
00:35:09,338 --> 00:35:11,510
And don't skimp
on the nacho cheese sauce,
659
00:35:11,577 --> 00:35:13,279
or I'm talking to
the manager.
660
00:35:15,940 --> 00:35:18,166
Beavis? Beavis?
661
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:21,052
You know, it's like
sometimes when I talk to you,
662
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:23,522
you know, I have this like
strange feeling.
663
00:35:23,589 --> 00:35:26,692
It's like I'm happy
and sad at the same time.
664
00:35:27,346 --> 00:35:28,541
I don't know what it means.
665
00:35:29,385 --> 00:35:30,729
Do you want me
to search the web?
666
00:35:31,424 --> 00:35:33,768
Yeah, spider webs kick ass.
Yeah.
667
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,768
Maybe we can search for some.
Yeah.
668
00:35:36,835 --> 00:35:39,371
A spider web is a structure
created by a spider
669
00:35:39,438 --> 00:35:41,173
out of proteinaceous
spider silk.
670
00:35:43,073 --> 00:35:44,401
It feels good to talk.
671
00:35:45,768 --> 00:35:48,013
Open the door, butthole.
672
00:35:48,087 --> 00:35:50,757
- I don't understand butthole.
- Leave us alone!
673
00:35:50,816 --> 00:35:52,484
Damn it, Beavis,
are you talking to Serena?
674
00:35:52,838 --> 00:35:54,085
Unlock the door now!
675
00:35:54,565 --> 00:35:55,821
I can't unlock the door.
676
00:35:56,190 --> 00:35:57,856
First you need
to set up the Home app.
677
00:35:58,065 --> 00:35:59,625
Would you like me
to help you set up your home?
678
00:36:00,619 --> 00:36:02,294
Wait a minute.
You're in our home?
679
00:36:02,908 --> 00:36:05,264
Would you like me
to help you set up your home?
680
00:36:06,549 --> 00:36:07,541
Butt-Head,
she's at the house!
681
00:36:07,599 --> 00:36:09,651
We need to go home
right now so we can score.
682
00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:13,580
Notre Dame is
losing to Alabama 17-10.
683
00:36:15,441 --> 00:36:19,445
Walking directions to 322
Woodson St., Highland, Texas.
684
00:36:21,513 --> 00:36:24,550
Wood.
685
00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:27,085
Your trip will take 167 hours.
686
00:36:27,152 --> 00:36:30,622
We'll be there
before sunset, Beavis.
687
00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:37,596
We just missed them, sir.
688
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,368
They wanted us to find this.
689
00:36:45,437 --> 00:36:48,574
Definitely not human.
690
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,008
They paid
for the room with a phone,
691
00:36:50,075 --> 00:36:52,511
so we were able to get
a recording of their voices.
692
00:36:53,632 --> 00:36:54,984
Woodson.
693
00:36:55,945 --> 00:36:58,517
You have wood, son.
694
00:36:59,085 --> 00:36:59,951
Boing.
695
00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:01,820
It's crude,
but they're learning
696
00:37:01,887 --> 00:37:03,722
to approximate human speech.
697
00:37:04,283 --> 00:37:06,670
I'll know more when I dissect
their mouthparts.
698
00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:08,093
We've got GPS
lock on the phone.
699
00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:09,094
Let's move.
700
00:37:09,752 --> 00:37:11,096
Governor, oh, my gosh,
701
00:37:11,162 --> 00:37:13,332
I can't believe I finally
get to meet you.
702
00:37:13,399 --> 00:37:14,733
And I'm the lieuten--
703
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,202
I'm just so interested
in all my young supporters,
704
00:37:17,269 --> 00:37:19,571
but particularly these two.
705
00:37:20,481 --> 00:37:21,440
Them.
706
00:37:21,591 --> 00:37:23,442
Did they say
anything about me?
707
00:37:23,509 --> 00:37:25,777
Or tell you why they were here?
708
00:37:26,098 --> 00:37:28,146
No.
Mostly they just laughed a lot.
709
00:37:28,544 --> 00:37:30,316
From the minute
I introduced myself.
710
00:37:30,966 --> 00:37:32,518
Introduced yourself?
711
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:34,286
What's your name?
712
00:37:34,509 --> 00:37:35,643
I'm Richard Whack.
713
00:37:36,366 --> 00:37:38,156
Dick Whack.
714
00:37:38,223 --> 00:37:40,659
Well, I've always gone by
Richard for that very rea--
715
00:37:40,726 --> 00:37:43,061
- It really is them.
- Damm it.
716
00:37:43,128 --> 00:37:45,443
Order a roadblock on all
roads leading out of town.
717
00:37:45,497 --> 00:37:48,410
Say it's--do people
still care about terrorism?
718
00:37:48,435 --> 00:37:50,201
- I do, Governor.
- Let's go with that.
719
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,237
And so does
the whole Whack family.
720
00:37:53,205 --> 00:37:55,273
Butt-Head...
I was wondering something.
721
00:37:55,643 --> 00:37:57,643
I had a conversation
with this chick one time.
722
00:37:58,119 --> 00:38:00,078
And so... I was wondering...
723
00:38:00,299 --> 00:38:03,248
how do you know when
you're like, in love?
724
00:38:03,580 --> 00:38:04,783
You know, what I'm saying?
725
00:38:04,850 --> 00:38:07,118
What wuss-ass thing
did you just say, Beavis?
726
00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:08,919
Never mind, never mind.
727
00:38:09,513 --> 00:38:11,056
I'm just gonna take a whiz,
Butt-Head.
728
00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:13,024
I'll just go ahead
and get that from you.
729
00:38:13,365 --> 00:38:15,075
- Be right back.
- Okay.
730
00:38:15,638 --> 00:38:17,529
Hey, Serena. How's it going?
731
00:38:17,869 --> 00:38:19,431
I'm happy to be here.
732
00:38:19,931 --> 00:38:21,119
It's good to hear your voice.
733
00:38:22,334 --> 00:38:23,702
I can't change my voice.
734
00:38:23,769 --> 00:38:25,471
But you can do it
yourself in settings.
735
00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:27,873
Oh, no, no, no,
I like your voice.
736
00:38:28,591 --> 00:38:30,411
I just want to say,
you know, like...
737
00:38:31,724 --> 00:38:33,379
we were eating some nachos,
you know?
738
00:38:33,676 --> 00:38:35,454
And I love nachos, you know?
739
00:38:35,521 --> 00:38:38,395
And then... and then I
was thinking about you and me.
740
00:38:38,810 --> 00:38:41,693
And I just want to say
that I also love...
741
00:38:42,404 --> 00:38:43,536
I mean--
742
00:38:44,122 --> 00:38:46,257
I didn't get that.
Could you try again?
743
00:38:47,091 --> 00:38:48,326
You know what I'm
talking about though, right?
744
00:38:48,394 --> 00:38:51,997
You know, it's a word
that starts with an "L", I think,
745
00:38:52,063 --> 00:38:55,601
or something, I mean,
maybe you could say it first.
746
00:38:56,013 --> 00:38:57,294
I mean, you know,
if you want to.
747
00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:01,239
Sorry, I'm having trouble
connecting to the network.
748
00:39:03,351 --> 00:39:04,501
And? And?
749
00:39:04,899 --> 00:39:05,782
Damn it, Beavis.
750
00:39:05,938 --> 00:39:07,746
You better not be
talking to Serena in there.
751
00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:10,248
No, no, I'm just
spanking my monkey.
752
00:39:10,579 --> 00:39:11,783
You better be.
753
00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:13,885
I don't understand
spanking my monkey.
754
00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:16,988
Damn it, Beavis,
you lying son of a bitch.
755
00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:23,161
Anyway, Serena,
I was just gonna say,
756
00:39:23,228 --> 00:39:24,730
and I've never said this
757
00:39:25,272 --> 00:39:27,061
to any girl before but...
758
00:39:27,850 --> 00:39:30,268
I--I love--
759
00:39:32,022 --> 00:39:33,472
- Damn it!
- No, no, no.
760
00:39:34,948 --> 00:39:35,974
No!
761
00:39:36,854 --> 00:39:38,009
We just lost
the phone signal.
762
00:39:38,076 --> 00:39:39,144
Damn it!
763
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,346
You dumb-ass.
764
00:39:41,413 --> 00:39:44,683
Now get it before it
gets all covered with turds.
765
00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:48,620
I don't see it, Butt-Head.
Maybe it's deeper in.
766
00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:50,489
If I can just get--
767
00:39:51,345 --> 00:39:53,091
Get me out of here!
768
00:39:53,158 --> 00:39:56,394
- Do you see it now?
- It stinks!
769
00:39:56,462 --> 00:39:58,930
Damn it, Beavis, you
gotta really get down there.
770
00:39:58,997 --> 00:40:01,132
You're not even trying.
- Come on. Help me.
771
00:40:02,574 --> 00:40:04,636
Okay, Beavis, I'll help you.
772
00:40:05,081 --> 00:40:06,572
Guess I have
to do everything myself.
773
00:40:07,034 --> 00:40:07,906
Get me out of here now!
774
00:40:07,973 --> 00:40:10,876
Come on, get in there,
you lazy son of a bitch.
775
00:40:10,942 --> 00:40:13,211
There's turds down here!
776
00:40:13,278 --> 00:40:15,847
I don't care about
your turds, Beavis.
777
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:19,785
Now get down there.
We need that phone to score.
778
00:40:19,851 --> 00:40:22,087
They must have known we were
tracking their phone and put it
779
00:40:22,153 --> 00:40:25,524
in some sort of signal
blocking device or Faraday cage.
780
00:40:25,591 --> 00:40:27,325
They've studied
our tradecraft.
781
00:40:27,392 --> 00:40:28,860
They're good.
782
00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:31,341
Turd!
783
00:40:40,238 --> 00:40:42,007
Damn it!
784
00:40:42,073 --> 00:40:43,509
What's rolling around
down there?
785
00:40:43,575 --> 00:40:45,243
Get me outta here!
786
00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:47,879
There's turds down here.
787
00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,764
Time to wake up, Beavis.
788
00:41:06,690 --> 00:41:07,643
Where am I?
789
00:41:07,943 --> 00:41:11,302
Turds!
790
00:41:20,095 --> 00:41:22,347
If I can...
I can see it--
791
00:41:23,087 --> 00:41:24,056
I found it!
792
00:41:25,618 --> 00:41:26,952
Damn it, that's not a phone.
793
00:41:27,993 --> 00:41:29,420
There it is, dumb-ass.
794
00:41:29,932 --> 00:41:32,057
Yeah, yeah,
I didn't see it there.
795
00:41:32,565 --> 00:41:34,059
You're disgusting, Beavis.
796
00:41:34,830 --> 00:41:36,938
Your trip to Woodson Street,
Highland
797
00:41:36,963 --> 00:41:38,971
will take 274 hours.
798
00:41:40,530 --> 00:41:41,967
She's counting the hours.
799
00:41:42,572 --> 00:41:44,095
Let's get moving, Beavis.
800
00:41:47,973 --> 00:41:50,676
Sir, we've got
a lock on the phone again.
801
00:41:50,742 --> 00:41:54,746
- Change course to intercept.
- We won't lose them this time.
802
00:41:56,582 --> 00:41:59,517
What is this?
Is this college or something?
803
00:41:59,585 --> 00:42:01,086
It could be.
804
00:42:01,620 --> 00:42:03,521
- Something sucks.
- Oh, boy.
805
00:42:04,612 --> 00:42:06,948
Let's get out of here before
we learn something, Butt-Head.
806
00:42:07,230 --> 00:42:08,409
Yeah, really.
807
00:42:11,152 --> 00:42:13,298
Beavis, Butt-Head, it is we.
808
00:42:13,823 --> 00:42:15,567
We have made
the quest easier.
809
00:42:15,870 --> 00:42:17,468
We have moved the portal.
810
00:42:17,683 --> 00:42:20,034
Mount Everest seemed like
a good idea at the time
811
00:42:20,073 --> 00:42:23,890
for its proximity to space,
but the trip was a long-y.
812
00:42:24,916 --> 00:42:26,807
Are you those guys
that are like us
813
00:42:27,041 --> 00:42:27,940
or something?
814
00:42:28,158 --> 00:42:29,447
We've covered this already.
815
00:42:29,885 --> 00:42:32,984
The portal is now over there
behind the Classics building.
816
00:42:33,315 --> 00:42:34,953
It is well hidden
there because no one
817
00:42:35,020 --> 00:42:37,122
cares about
the humanities anymore.
818
00:42:37,188 --> 00:42:39,324
They want jobs that will
allow them to pay off
819
00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:40,926
their student debt.
820
00:42:40,992 --> 00:42:42,360
- Amusing, yes.
- Yes, humorous, yes.
821
00:42:42,427 --> 00:42:43,729
Satirical comment
on the times.
822
00:42:43,795 --> 00:42:44,896
Yes, amusing.
823
00:42:44,963 --> 00:42:47,198
Seek the portal
before all is destroyed.
824
00:42:47,265 --> 00:42:49,234
The lives
of billions depend on it.
825
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:51,937
Hurry, you haven't
but much time.
826
00:42:53,315 --> 00:42:54,706
He said butt munch.
827
00:42:57,635 --> 00:42:58,642
I did not.
828
00:42:58,753 --> 00:43:00,145
But I can see how
it would it be quite
829
00:43:00,211 --> 00:43:02,380
humorous if I had--
- Yes, yes humorous.
830
00:43:02,447 --> 00:43:04,415
Yes, yes,
they do sound similar.
831
00:43:04,482 --> 00:43:06,384
Amusing and incongruous.
832
00:43:08,921 --> 00:43:10,000
I like those guys.
833
00:43:10,999 --> 00:43:12,390
How'd they disappear, though?
834
00:43:13,242 --> 00:43:14,328
Who cares?
835
00:43:14,734 --> 00:43:16,361
Magic sucks.
836
00:43:18,999 --> 00:43:20,234
Are you sure about this?
837
00:43:20,351 --> 00:43:22,140
Feels a little bit
like a wild goose chase.
838
00:43:22,484 --> 00:43:24,202
Listen,
one of our dipshit college
839
00:43:24,269 --> 00:43:26,537
campaign volunteers had
some crazy story about how she
840
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:28,539
saw two teenagers
coming out of the same
841
00:43:28,606 --> 00:43:30,041
Porta Potty laughing at nothing,
842
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:32,578
and one of them was covered
in feces and nacho cheese.
843
00:43:32,718 --> 00:43:33,817
Who else could it be?
844
00:43:33,859 --> 00:43:34,984
Well, when I was in college,
845
00:43:35,054 --> 00:43:36,648
I did some pretty crazy--
846
00:43:37,507 --> 00:43:38,500
Here's the deal.
847
00:43:38,569 --> 00:43:41,119
If I don't kill those guys, I'm
going to be accused of murder.
848
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:43,088
And if I'm gonna be
accused of murder,
849
00:43:43,523 --> 00:43:45,023
I might as well kill those guys.
850
00:43:45,566 --> 00:43:47,525
So we're going to find them.
851
00:43:48,827 --> 00:43:51,030
Let's take
a shortcut through this thing.
852
00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:55,648
While exaggerating
gender norms sometimes winds up
853
00:43:55,812 --> 00:43:58,503
subverting existing paradigms--
854
00:43:59,109 --> 00:44:00,134
Don't mind us.
855
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,240
We just need to get
through here so we can score.
856
00:44:02,523 --> 00:44:05,376
Yeah. There's a slut at
our house who's gonna like
857
00:44:05,443 --> 00:44:06,611
do it with us.
858
00:44:06,908 --> 00:44:10,073
Any of you ladies
want to join the party?
859
00:44:12,705 --> 00:44:14,886
Hang on, everyone. Hang on.
860
00:44:15,244 --> 00:44:16,922
This is teachable, okay?
861
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:18,523
Now, they use the word "slut"
862
00:44:18,589 --> 00:44:21,459
in a sex positive way,
which is a good thing.
863
00:44:21,526 --> 00:44:24,629
But other than that,
these two are a reminder
864
00:44:24,696 --> 00:44:28,233
that we still have a long,
hard road ahead of us.
865
00:44:29,408 --> 00:44:30,866
Long, hard.
866
00:44:32,237 --> 00:44:34,605
Yeah, like a wiener,
or a schlong.
867
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:35,804
You know, get it?
868
00:44:37,642 --> 00:44:40,378
Why don't we start by having
you two tell us what you thought
869
00:44:40,445 --> 00:44:43,014
of the reading
assignments for today?
870
00:44:44,304 --> 00:44:45,898
We don't really
read stuff.
871
00:44:46,445 --> 00:44:48,640
Of course not,
because you don't need to.
872
00:44:48,765 --> 00:44:51,257
Because Daddy's connections
got you into college
873
00:44:51,453 --> 00:44:53,164
and will get you
a job on Wall Street.
874
00:44:53,961 --> 00:44:55,126
Wait a minute.
875
00:44:55,742 --> 00:44:57,595
Do you know who my dad is?
876
00:44:57,662 --> 00:45:00,586
I'm sure he's very powerful
and can have me fired.
877
00:45:00,742 --> 00:45:02,000
But I don't care.
878
00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:05,036
Cool. My dad's powerful.
879
00:45:05,173 --> 00:45:06,274
That's cool. Yeah.
880
00:45:06,571 --> 00:45:08,639
Because Butt-Head's mom
said he died of syphilis.
881
00:45:10,108 --> 00:45:13,178
This is a classic
example of white privilege.
882
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:15,638
And you both have it.
883
00:45:17,205 --> 00:45:18,171
What's that?
884
00:45:18,204 --> 00:45:19,751
Anyone want to fill them in?
885
00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:21,219
Yeah, I'll do it.
886
00:45:21,286 --> 00:45:23,221
Okay. So, white privilege
887
00:45:23,288 --> 00:45:24,823
is when white people,
particularly men,
888
00:45:24,890 --> 00:45:27,492
automatically assume they
can take whatever they want.
889
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,060
And they never have
to worry about
890
00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:30,561
getting stopped by the police.
891
00:45:30,628 --> 00:45:33,164
And they have the inside
track for any job they--
892
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:34,565
I've got this one, Aisha.
893
00:45:34,632 --> 00:45:38,369
They have the inside track
for any job they want.
894
00:45:38,436 --> 00:45:40,839
Exactly, Gage,
thank you for that.
895
00:45:40,906 --> 00:45:43,608
That's white privilege.
896
00:45:44,837 --> 00:45:45,896
And we have that?
897
00:45:46,196 --> 00:45:47,369
You sure do.
898
00:45:47,947 --> 00:45:49,033
I see.
899
00:45:49,775 --> 00:45:51,249
I never realized this stuff.
900
00:45:52,283 --> 00:45:54,319
Yeah, you've
really opened up my eyes.
901
00:45:54,549 --> 00:45:56,788
Well, I'm glad we've
been able to enlighten you.
902
00:45:57,392 --> 00:45:59,580
The real question is,
do you think you'll
903
00:45:59,605 --> 00:46:01,666
be acting
differently from now on?
904
00:46:03,681 --> 00:46:06,031
- I guarantee it.
- Yeah, me too.
905
00:46:07,220 --> 00:46:08,299
Step aside, please.
906
00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:09,734
We have white privilege.
907
00:46:10,642 --> 00:46:12,137
Yeah, yeah, check it out.
908
00:46:14,369 --> 00:46:15,673
Don't worry, it's okay.
909
00:46:16,197 --> 00:46:18,309
We automatically assume
we can take what we want
910
00:46:18,697 --> 00:46:20,408
and we don't have
to worry about the police.
911
00:46:21,455 --> 00:46:23,517
It's okay, you didn't know.
We didn't either.
912
00:46:23,748 --> 00:46:24,900
Good stuff.
913
00:46:26,283 --> 00:46:27,806
This is what
we were taught, sir.
914
00:46:29,252 --> 00:46:31,456
We're subverting
the existing paradigm.
915
00:46:36,424 --> 00:46:37,736
This rules.
916
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:42,901
I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm glad we went to college.
917
00:46:43,806 --> 00:46:46,371
Now I have the skills
for today's workplace.
918
00:46:47,736 --> 00:46:50,056
Well, let's see.
What should we take next?
919
00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:52,345
Let's take that car.
920
00:46:53,830 --> 00:46:55,513
But that's a police car.
921
00:46:55,767 --> 00:46:57,916
Beavis, you dumb-ass.
Didn't you hear?
922
00:46:58,259 --> 00:47:00,451
We don't have to worry about
getting stopped by the police.
923
00:47:00,893 --> 00:47:02,053
Yeah.
924
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,892
Okay, Beavis, let's tear ass.
925
00:47:10,633 --> 00:47:11,897
That was cool.
926
00:47:12,328 --> 00:47:13,598
Don't move!
927
00:47:14,367 --> 00:47:15,800
Sir, maybe you didn't know,
928
00:47:15,867 --> 00:47:17,435
but we have white privilege.
929
00:47:17,610 --> 00:47:19,404
Get your hands
where I can see them.
930
00:47:19,773 --> 00:47:22,124
I think the problem
is you're just uneducated.
931
00:47:22,531 --> 00:47:24,211
Yeah, we're gonna
get jobs on Wall Street.
932
00:47:24,891 --> 00:47:26,133
You guys know where that is?
933
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,779
Cut it out!
Our dads are powerful.
934
00:47:29,102 --> 00:47:30,281
They did not die of syphilis.
935
00:47:30,438 --> 00:47:32,016
Hey, Beavis was driving.
936
00:47:35,149 --> 00:47:36,287
We're in jail, Beavis.
937
00:47:36,961 --> 00:47:38,523
This kicks ass.
938
00:47:39,430 --> 00:47:40,791
Yeah, that youth pastor
always said
939
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:42,117
we'd be here someday.
940
00:47:43,196 --> 00:47:44,362
We finally made it.
941
00:47:45,539 --> 00:47:47,133
The system works, Beavis.
942
00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:50,401
So... sir?
943
00:47:50,852 --> 00:47:52,270
How long do
we have to stay here?
944
00:47:52,742 --> 00:47:53,852
Like an hour?
945
00:47:54,940 --> 00:47:56,578
We're on our way to go score.
946
00:47:57,844 --> 00:47:59,044
Well, you got no one
to bail you out,
947
00:47:59,110 --> 00:48:00,811
so you'll be here until
your arraignment in a month.
948
00:48:01,274 --> 00:48:02,447
I'll come get you then.
949
00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:05,150
- What-- What? A month?
- That sucks.
950
00:48:05,216 --> 00:48:06,633
No. No, no!
951
00:48:07,547 --> 00:48:10,121
Nooo!
952
00:48:12,857 --> 00:48:14,225
They ditched the phone.
953
00:48:14,818 --> 00:48:16,138
They could be anywhere.
954
00:48:17,474 --> 00:48:18,863
This is their work.
955
00:48:20,896 --> 00:48:22,700
They're toying with us.
956
00:48:24,786 --> 00:48:27,505
It's the Feds.
They're on this too.
957
00:48:28,154 --> 00:48:30,575
How much do they know
about the murders I committed?
958
00:48:31,817 --> 00:48:33,019
Attempted.
959
00:48:33,349 --> 00:48:34,454
In-- in a video game.
960
00:48:34,547 --> 00:48:36,161
Yeah, I--I wasn't there.
961
00:48:41,406 --> 00:48:42,765
This sucks.
962
00:48:43,804 --> 00:48:45,056
Damn it.
963
00:48:45,123 --> 00:48:46,224
Serena's gonna be
at our house,
964
00:48:46,462 --> 00:48:47,829
and we're not gonna be there.
965
00:48:48,156 --> 00:48:49,760
She's gonna think I don't care.
966
00:48:51,096 --> 00:48:52,297
You care.
967
00:48:52,913 --> 00:48:54,165
I do care.
968
00:48:54,577 --> 00:48:56,467
Sometimes, I think about her,
969
00:48:56,635 --> 00:48:59,004
and I don't even get a boner
but I feel good anyway.
970
00:48:59,276 --> 00:49:01,472
Damn it, Beavis, shut up.
You're embarrassing me.
971
00:49:01,948 --> 00:49:03,854
If you don't get a boner
when you think about her,
972
00:49:04,213 --> 00:49:05,698
then you don't
know what love is.
973
00:49:07,812 --> 00:49:10,681
McCabe. Inspection now.
974
00:49:11,065 --> 00:49:12,017
Shit.
975
00:49:12,268 --> 00:49:14,519
Okay, listen up, kid.
You're gonna help me out.
976
00:49:14,593 --> 00:49:15,928
I can't let
them find these on me.
977
00:49:15,987 --> 00:49:17,346
So you're going to take 'em.
978
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,276
You want me
to take all of those?
979
00:49:20,377 --> 00:49:22,127
Yes moron, take them now.
980
00:49:22,276 --> 00:49:22,877
Okay, okay.
981
00:49:24,862 --> 00:49:28,166
Tastes weird.
Kinda salty.
982
00:49:28,908 --> 00:49:29,893
Hey, don't eat em!
983
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:31,702
- Hide 'em in your pants.
- Shut up!
984
00:49:31,971 --> 00:49:33,135
McCabe!
985
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,146
This is gonna be cool.
986
00:49:45,198 --> 00:49:46,451
Maybe you ought to check
on that kid.
987
00:49:46,517 --> 00:49:48,018
You better shut up, McCabe.
988
00:49:56,361 --> 00:49:58,563
Which one of you guys
does tattoos?
989
00:49:59,033 --> 00:50:00,760
Hey, you better tell
your friend to chill, man.
990
00:50:01,096 --> 00:50:02,600
Yeah, he's not really
my friend.
991
00:50:02,932 --> 00:50:05,002
He just, like, follows me
around all the time.
992
00:50:06,371 --> 00:50:08,406
I think I want to get
a tattoo of a butt
993
00:50:08,473 --> 00:50:09,965
right here on my forehead.
994
00:50:13,044 --> 00:50:14,684
I am Cornholio!
995
00:50:16,604 --> 00:50:18,377
I need TP for my bunghole!
996
00:50:20,346 --> 00:50:21,652
Do not make my bunghole angry.
997
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:22,786
I demand TP!
998
00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:24,322
Give me all your TP!
999
00:50:24,744 --> 00:50:26,002
All your TP now!
1000
00:50:27,721 --> 00:50:28,893
Quit disrespecting me!
1001
00:50:29,088 --> 00:50:30,428
I will find your TP.
1002
00:50:30,557 --> 00:50:31,666
I seek TP.
1003
00:50:34,232 --> 00:50:35,900
Do not disrespect my bunghole.
1004
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:46,516
I am Cornholio!
1005
00:50:47,044 --> 00:50:48,379
I need TP for my bunghole.
1006
00:50:55,633 --> 00:50:57,054
I demand TP, I demand TP!
1007
00:50:57,571 --> 00:50:58,716
More TP!
1008
00:50:59,224 --> 00:51:02,360
Little dude's right,
we do need more TP.
1009
00:51:02,536 --> 00:51:03,994
More TP, more TP!
1010
00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:05,096
I demand TP!
1011
00:51:05,163 --> 00:51:06,697
Yeah, we want more TP.
1012
00:51:06,764 --> 00:51:08,199
They never give us enough.
1013
00:51:08,435 --> 00:51:10,201
You will not disrespect
my bunghole!
1014
00:51:10,693 --> 00:51:12,521
Yeah, they're
disrespecting us.
1015
00:51:13,091 --> 00:51:14,872
They're disrespecting
our bungholes.
1016
00:51:18,918 --> 00:51:20,745
We demand TP!
1017
00:51:20,811 --> 00:51:22,904
That little guy's right
about the toilet paper.
1018
00:51:23,755 --> 00:51:25,323
No man can see
his own bunghole.
1019
00:51:27,585 --> 00:51:30,294
One butt cheek here,
and then one here.
1020
00:51:31,552 --> 00:51:32,557
Look, are you sure
you don't want
1021
00:51:32,623 --> 00:51:34,592
a pair of dice or something?
1022
00:51:34,659 --> 00:51:35,534
Dice?
1023
00:51:36,458 --> 00:51:39,930
This is gonna be on my head for
the rest of my life, dumb-ass.
1024
00:51:39,997 --> 00:51:41,266
TP! TP!
1025
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:43,549
You cannot imprison
the almighty bunghole!
1026
00:51:44,416 --> 00:51:45,970
And now, you must pay!
1027
00:51:47,372 --> 00:51:49,174
What the hell?
1028
00:51:49,463 --> 00:51:50,575
I don't get it, sir.
1029
00:51:50,641 --> 00:51:53,178
It started out as a simple
request for toilet paper,
1030
00:51:53,393 --> 00:51:54,799
but now it's out of control.
1031
00:51:55,385 --> 00:51:58,260
You have nothing to lose
but your bunghole!
1032
00:51:59,151 --> 00:52:00,418
Prepare the extraction team.
1033
00:52:00,705 --> 00:52:02,253
Who is this guy?
1034
00:52:02,549 --> 00:52:03,754
Antifa?
1035
00:52:03,821 --> 00:52:05,055
MS-13?
1036
00:52:05,448 --> 00:52:07,392
We ran him and his
associate's fingerprints,
1037
00:52:07,458 --> 00:52:10,823
and it came back
that they died in 1998.
1038
00:52:11,096 --> 00:52:12,297
What the hell?
1039
00:52:21,213 --> 00:52:24,375
No man is free while one
bunghole is in chains!
1040
00:52:25,127 --> 00:52:26,971
They died in '98?
1041
00:52:27,416 --> 00:52:30,291
We're dealing with something
here that's beyond explanation.
1042
00:52:30,815 --> 00:52:33,916
Have you ever seen a show
called "Touched by an Angel"?
1043
00:52:34,323 --> 00:52:35,345
No.
1044
00:52:35,806 --> 00:52:38,080
They always come
with a message.
1045
00:52:38,389 --> 00:52:40,024
What could his be?
1046
00:52:40,283 --> 00:52:41,492
I am Cornholio!
1047
00:52:41,744 --> 00:52:43,228
I need TP for my bunghole!
1048
00:52:43,556 --> 00:52:46,564
TP! TP! TP!
1049
00:52:46,884 --> 00:52:49,525
Stand by to
take down Cornholio.
1050
00:52:50,101 --> 00:52:51,406
Have you seen my bunghole?
1051
00:52:52,370 --> 00:52:55,501
When I open this door,
unleash hell.
1052
00:52:58,640 --> 00:52:59,585
Stand down.
1053
00:53:01,273 --> 00:53:03,248
This has turned
into something bigger.
1054
00:53:03,498 --> 00:53:06,099
Cornholio's their hero.
1055
00:53:06,917 --> 00:53:11,021
He did the most dangerous thing
you can do in this place.
1056
00:53:11,088 --> 00:53:12,845
He gave those men hope.
1057
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,798
And there's a funny thing
about hope.
1058
00:53:16,408 --> 00:53:18,363
It's contagious.
1059
00:53:18,429 --> 00:53:20,898
And these days, well,
1060
00:53:20,965 --> 00:53:24,469
I think we need all the hope
we can get.
1061
00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:26,804
I hope you can
see my bunghole.
1062
00:53:26,871 --> 00:53:28,573
So what are we
supposed to do?
1063
00:53:28,639 --> 00:53:31,609
The only thing we can do.
1064
00:53:31,676 --> 00:53:36,080
Give those prisoners
all the toilet paper we got.
1065
00:53:36,146 --> 00:53:37,915
And then we're going
to put those two boys
1066
00:53:37,982 --> 00:53:40,285
on a bus back
to where they came from.
1067
00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:41,919
Destroy their records.
1068
00:53:41,986 --> 00:53:46,123
And as far as I'm concerned,
they were never here.
1069
00:53:46,190 --> 00:53:47,958
And with God's help,
1070
00:53:48,025 --> 00:53:51,396
we will learn
from Cornholio's message today,
1071
00:53:51,462 --> 00:53:53,564
and we will become better men.
1072
00:53:55,633 --> 00:53:57,735
I have but one bunghole
to give.
1073
00:53:58,723 --> 00:54:00,505
And I give it to you.
1074
00:54:25,863 --> 00:54:27,565
National security?
1075
00:54:27,632 --> 00:54:29,800
Well, that sounds important.
1076
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:32,236
But those two boys
were never here.
1077
00:54:32,303 --> 00:54:36,941
Nope, no record of them
at this facility.
1078
00:54:37,007 --> 00:54:40,044
No jail is going to hold
those two for long.
1079
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,612
And apparently
they have the ability
1080
00:54:41,679 --> 00:54:45,249
to wipe people's memories.
1081
00:54:45,316 --> 00:54:49,086
And to that end, I'm here to
surprise pardon two criminals
1082
00:54:49,153 --> 00:54:53,324
as part of my new
"Soft on Crime" initiative.
1083
00:54:53,391 --> 00:54:55,493
And I'll just take them back
1084
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:57,962
to the Capitol with me
in my car.
1085
00:54:58,028 --> 00:54:59,730
We heard about two
youngsters arrested
1086
00:54:59,797 --> 00:55:03,300
over at TSU
for some minor offenses.
1087
00:55:04,068 --> 00:55:07,605
No, no one fitting that
description was ever here.
1088
00:55:07,672 --> 00:55:09,273
Really?
1089
00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:11,576
Are--are you sure about that?
1090
00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:13,243
Absolutely.
1091
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:17,014
So, who do you want
to surprise pardon?
1092
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:25,055
Ma'am, we just want to say
thank you for pardoning us.
1093
00:55:25,122 --> 00:55:26,857
We appreciate--
- Shut up.
1094
00:55:26,924 --> 00:55:29,460
Where the hell are
Beavis and Butt-Head?
1095
00:55:30,081 --> 00:55:31,028
Those guys?
1096
00:55:31,220 --> 00:55:33,531
The warden put them on
a bus back to their hometown.
1097
00:55:33,598 --> 00:55:35,933
Highland Texas, I think it was.
1098
00:55:37,298 --> 00:55:38,869
Highland Texas.
1099
00:55:39,204 --> 00:55:41,806
Finally a stroke of good luck.
1100
00:55:44,375 --> 00:55:46,173
Thank you, Governor!
1101
00:55:50,515 --> 00:55:54,151
You know, I guess the lesson
to learn from this is,
1102
00:55:54,218 --> 00:55:56,787
you probably should have
pardoned someone smaller,
1103
00:55:56,854 --> 00:55:59,390
because--
- God damn it!
1104
00:56:10,735 --> 00:56:12,002
We're almost there,
right, Butt-Head?
1105
00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:14,705
We sure are, Beavis.
1106
00:56:14,772 --> 00:56:16,073
It's been a long journey.
1107
00:56:18,615 --> 00:56:19,584
Butt-Head?
1108
00:56:20,342 --> 00:56:21,311
Yeah?
1109
00:56:21,522 --> 00:56:23,247
What do you think's gonna
happen when we score?
1110
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:27,017
Beavis, everything
is gonna be different.
1111
00:56:28,586 --> 00:56:29,820
Just imagine it.
1112
00:56:36,005 --> 00:56:36,966
Beavis.
1113
00:56:37,495 --> 00:56:38,996
You just scored with me.
1114
00:56:39,404 --> 00:56:40,598
I did?
1115
00:56:40,665 --> 00:56:42,533
Yes, and now I'm
your girlfriend.
1116
00:56:43,052 --> 00:56:43,968
Yes!
1117
00:56:48,214 --> 00:56:49,189
Check it out.
1118
00:56:49,370 --> 00:56:51,175
Yeah!
1119
00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:55,513
You're right, Beavis,
fire is cool.
1120
00:56:57,347 --> 00:56:58,849
I'm gonna tear
your head off and--
1121
00:57:00,250 --> 00:57:01,486
No, you're not!
1122
00:57:01,552 --> 00:57:02,953
I'm his girlfriend.
1123
00:57:04,138 --> 00:57:04,822
Yes!
1124
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:06,457
Yes, yes, yes!
1125
00:57:06,524 --> 00:57:07,513
Yes!
1126
00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:25,610
Beavis, from now on, it's
just gonna be you and me.
1127
00:57:25,676 --> 00:57:26,677
And Butt-Head.
1128
00:57:29,379 --> 00:57:30,915
I'm a deer.
1129
00:57:42,392 --> 00:57:43,861
Hey Butt-Head, I heard
1130
00:57:43,928 --> 00:57:45,863
you put your thingy
in a girl's thingy.
1131
00:57:46,055 --> 00:57:47,195
I sure did.
1132
00:57:48,094 --> 00:57:49,029
Did it hurt?
1133
00:57:49,234 --> 00:57:50,117
Nope.
1134
00:57:50,901 --> 00:57:52,436
And I was never worried
that it would.
1135
00:57:54,117 --> 00:57:55,039
Wood.
1136
00:57:55,750 --> 00:57:58,283
Butt-Head, would you
please score with us?
1137
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:00,444
And every other girl
you know?
1138
00:58:01,773 --> 00:58:02,741
Indeed.
1139
00:58:07,992 --> 00:58:09,620
Highland, end of the line.
1140
00:58:12,869 --> 00:58:13,824
Beavis.
1141
00:58:14,018 --> 00:58:16,002
Beavis, wake up.
We made it.
1142
00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:17,628
Yeah, yeah.
1143
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:19,221
Yeah, we're gonna score, yeah.
1144
00:58:20,807 --> 00:58:21,966
This is gonna be cool.
1145
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,094
- Serena?
- Serena?
1146
00:58:29,391 --> 00:58:30,841
Butt-Head,
what are all these people
1147
00:58:30,908 --> 00:58:32,142
doing in our house?
1148
00:58:33,071 --> 00:58:34,688
Are we having a
party or something?
1149
00:58:35,063 --> 00:58:36,013
Better not be.
1150
00:58:36,196 --> 00:58:37,439
We have to have sex in here.
1151
00:58:38,689 --> 00:58:41,085
Welcome, Anita Ross,
Castle Realty.
1152
00:58:41,258 --> 00:58:42,486
Are you interested in the home?
1153
00:58:43,790 --> 00:58:44,755
This is our house.
1154
00:58:45,454 --> 00:58:46,691
Yeah,
I fell in love with it too.
1155
00:58:46,860 --> 00:58:48,092
Let me give you the tour.
1156
00:58:49,517 --> 00:58:50,961
What did you do
to our house?
1157
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:52,897
Well, the current owner
bought the property to flip.
1158
00:58:53,416 --> 00:58:54,899
Complete renovation.
1159
00:58:55,283 --> 00:58:56,353
Yeah, this sucks.
1160
00:58:57,205 --> 00:58:59,269
The house was empty
for a long time.
1161
00:58:59,494 --> 00:59:01,305
Because it belonged to the
mother of one of these
1162
00:59:01,371 --> 00:59:05,042
two teenagers who died in this
accident on the space shuttle.
1163
00:59:05,585 --> 00:59:06,600
Shirley Beavis.
1164
00:59:06,792 --> 00:59:07,651
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1165
00:59:08,151 --> 00:59:09,814
Butt-Head, look,
a garbage disposal.
1166
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:11,649
- Yeah, kick ass.
- Cool.
1167
00:59:11,716 --> 00:59:12,917
Yeah, it's all brand-new.
1168
00:59:12,983 --> 00:59:14,952
Anyway, you won't believe
what happened
1169
00:59:15,019 --> 00:59:17,454
to Shirley Beavis when
her son died in space.
1170
00:59:17,521 --> 00:59:18,731
She went totally--
1171
00:59:24,981 --> 00:59:26,330
And then, after she blew
1172
00:59:26,396 --> 00:59:28,232
through the settlement money,
she did something
1173
00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:29,480
you wouldn't believe.
- Something bigger, yeah.
1174
00:59:29,566 --> 00:59:30,551
She took--
1175
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,042
Bittersweet thing she said is,
1176
00:59:38,108 --> 00:59:40,711
if she could just see her son
one more time,
1177
00:59:40,785 --> 00:59:43,386
she would tell him these words:
1178
00:59:43,489 --> 00:59:44,465
"Son," --
1179
00:59:45,715 --> 00:59:48,218
Yeah, grind it, yeah!
1180
00:59:50,655 --> 00:59:52,122
That kicks ass.
1181
00:59:54,024 --> 00:59:55,133
Yeah, yeah, cool.
1182
00:59:56,352 --> 00:59:58,228
So... where's Serena?
1183
00:59:58,891 --> 01:00:00,375
- Who?
- Serena.
1184
01:00:01,039 --> 01:00:02,733
- Siri for short.
- Siri?
1185
01:00:02,938 --> 01:00:04,134
Is she in the
bedroom already?
1186
01:00:04,664 --> 01:00:05,975
I mean if there's like,
a line,
1187
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,311
that's cool and everything,
but... we were led
1188
01:00:08,336 --> 01:00:09,961
to believe we would
get first dibs.
1189
01:00:10,469 --> 01:00:11,541
Shut up, Butt-Head.
Come on.
1190
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,044
There's no smart home system,
if that's what you mean.
1191
01:00:14,351 --> 01:00:15,586
There's no Siri here.
1192
01:00:16,328 --> 01:00:17,581
She's not here?
1193
01:00:17,851 --> 01:00:20,384
But-- but she said-- she said
she'd be here.
1194
01:00:22,687 --> 01:00:24,219
She's never lied to us before.
1195
01:00:26,523 --> 01:00:28,025
What happened, Butt-Head?
1196
01:00:28,092 --> 01:00:29,694
She promised
she was gonna be here.
1197
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:31,095
And now she's not.
1198
01:00:31,161 --> 01:00:32,963
I thought we had something.
1199
01:00:33,030 --> 01:00:34,531
Where is she?
- Damn it, Beavis,
1200
01:00:34,598 --> 01:00:36,100
how am I supposed to know?
1201
01:00:37,447 --> 01:00:38,658
Where's the remote?
1202
01:00:40,587 --> 01:00:41,759
What are these things?
1203
01:00:45,455 --> 01:00:46,744
What the hell is that?
1204
01:00:47,220 --> 01:00:48,291
Yeah, where's the TV?
1205
01:00:50,634 --> 01:00:51,964
They're books.
1206
01:00:52,086 --> 01:00:52,976
What?
1207
01:00:53,684 --> 01:00:54,618
Books?
1208
01:00:54,797 --> 01:00:55,673
Books?
1209
01:00:55,766 --> 01:00:57,087
No. No!
1210
01:00:57,234 --> 01:00:58,455
We were supposed to score!
1211
01:00:58,726 --> 01:01:00,457
It was gonna be the best thing
in the world.
1212
01:01:00,641 --> 01:01:02,592
And instead,
all we get is books!
1213
01:01:02,969 --> 01:01:04,094
The worst thing in the world.
1214
01:01:04,703 --> 01:01:06,096
I'm tired of this crap.
1215
01:01:06,297 --> 01:01:07,431
It's not fair.
1216
01:01:07,672 --> 01:01:09,499
Damn it, Beavis,
this is all your fault.
1217
01:01:09,750 --> 01:01:11,672
I would have scored if you
hadn't scared her off
1218
01:01:11,697 --> 01:01:13,919
with all your wuss
feelings talk.
1219
01:01:14,138 --> 01:01:15,940
"Oh, Serena.
Oh, I don't have a boner."
1220
01:01:17,207 --> 01:01:18,142
Shut up, Butt-Head.
1221
01:01:18,208 --> 01:01:19,343
I don't sound like that.
1222
01:01:19,529 --> 01:01:20,935
You're the one
who scared her off.
1223
01:01:21,145 --> 01:01:22,560
You're always
calling her a slut.
1224
01:01:23,113 --> 01:01:25,015
That's because
she is a slut, Beavis.
1225
01:01:26,483 --> 01:01:27,952
She's an S-L,
1226
01:01:28,810 --> 01:01:31,188
O or something slut.
1227
01:01:31,255 --> 01:01:33,157
She told us herself, remember?
1228
01:01:33,223 --> 01:01:37,801
256 men, 49 women, a dog,
1229
01:01:38,387 --> 01:01:40,464
a chimpanzee with a wiener
the size of a--
1230
01:01:44,935 --> 01:01:47,527
Beavis, you've just
crossed a line.
1231
01:01:48,072 --> 01:01:50,519
And I think we both know
what needs to happen now.
1232
01:01:51,816 --> 01:01:52,676
Butthole!
1233
01:01:54,777 --> 01:01:55,604
Butt-Head,
I'm gonna kill you,
1234
01:01:55,679 --> 01:01:56,747
you son of a bitch!
1235
01:01:57,442 --> 01:01:58,332
Oh, my.
1236
01:01:59,083 --> 01:02:01,448
I know this can be an
emotional decision
1237
01:02:01,473 --> 01:02:02,566
- for a couple, but...
- Beavis, you son of a whore.
1238
01:02:02,591 --> 01:02:04,554
Yeah, all right, here we go,
here we go, let's just--
1239
01:02:04,621 --> 01:02:06,924
Yeah, let's just move this
party outside.
1240
01:02:06,949 --> 01:02:07,992
Get your hands
off me, bunghole!
1241
01:02:08,058 --> 01:02:09,994
Okay, just go, go, go, go,
go, good, good, good, good.
1242
01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:13,691
My email's on the flyer.
1243
01:02:15,098 --> 01:02:16,166
Damn it, Butt-Head.
1244
01:02:16,248 --> 01:02:18,223
I finally found someone,
and you're jealous!
1245
01:02:18,387 --> 01:02:19,934
"I have feelings, Serena,
1246
01:02:20,656 --> 01:02:21,891
Let's hold hands."
1247
01:02:22,649 --> 01:02:23,514
Shut up, Butt-Head!
1248
01:02:23,758 --> 01:02:25,042
You're the one
who drove her away.
1249
01:02:25,109 --> 01:02:26,610
She said she doesn't
understand you,
1250
01:02:26,844 --> 01:02:29,867
and we talked about spider webs
and you ruined everything.
1251
01:02:30,094 --> 01:02:31,448
Damn it, Beavis,
Serena never liked you,
1252
01:02:31,515 --> 01:02:33,483
she was just talking
to you to get to me.
1253
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,496
I'm tired of you
weighing me down.
1254
01:02:36,353 --> 01:02:38,688
I'm gonna get out of here,
and don't follow me.
1255
01:02:39,790 --> 01:02:41,239
Well, don't follow me.
1256
01:02:41,625 --> 01:02:42,637
Butthole!
1257
01:03:20,064 --> 01:03:21,131
Shut up, dumb-ass.
1258
01:03:40,684 --> 01:03:42,052
Hey, Beavis, check--
1259
01:03:45,122 --> 01:03:46,891
Let go of me, butthole.
1260
01:03:49,248 --> 01:03:50,294
Hey, hey, what are you--
1261
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:51,561
Hey, what are you doing?
1262
01:03:57,708 --> 01:04:00,070
Are you here because you
hate the United States?
1263
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:02,646
The United States?
1264
01:04:03,407 --> 01:04:05,443
Is that, like, part of America
or something?
1265
01:04:07,466 --> 01:04:08,913
It's hard to believe
this species
1266
01:04:08,979 --> 01:04:10,480
mastered interstellar travel.
1267
01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:13,255
Perhaps the two beings
share one brain.
1268
01:04:13,450 --> 01:04:16,353
Apart, they're barely able
to feed themselves.
1269
01:04:16,521 --> 01:04:18,255
But together, their intelligence
1270
01:04:18,322 --> 01:04:20,824
is beyond what we can
even conceive.
1271
01:04:22,471 --> 01:04:24,158
We've located the
second creature.
1272
01:04:25,033 --> 01:04:27,797
If we keep them apart,
it'll neutralize the threat.
1273
01:04:28,104 --> 01:04:29,599
But if we don't bring
them together,
1274
01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:32,903
we'll never know their plans
for world conquest.
1275
01:04:33,182 --> 01:04:35,772
Or the location of their
internal sexual organs.
1276
01:04:37,985 --> 01:04:38,985
Pipe.
1277
01:04:39,774 --> 01:04:40,978
Stop playing dumb.
1278
01:04:41,045 --> 01:04:42,679
Are you here to destroy me?
1279
01:04:43,813 --> 01:04:45,305
If that's how you want it, baby.
1280
01:04:46,242 --> 01:04:47,952
But I can also be very gentle.
1281
01:04:48,018 --> 01:04:49,319
Okay, we're not
getting anywhere.
1282
01:04:50,094 --> 01:04:52,022
I don't mind the
handcuffs, but like,
1283
01:04:52,219 --> 01:04:54,867
is this dumb-ass gonna be in the
room while we're getting it on?
1284
01:04:55,466 --> 01:04:56,388
Who is this?
1285
01:04:56,427 --> 01:04:58,781
Hello, Governor.
It appears we each have
1286
01:04:58,821 --> 01:05:01,039
something the other wants.
1287
01:05:02,699 --> 01:05:04,725
Governor Ryan, the secret
Defense Command
1288
01:05:04,750 --> 01:05:07,483
demands you turn over
your prisoner immediately
1289
01:05:07,508 --> 01:05:09,239
for reasons of
national security.
1290
01:05:09,531 --> 01:05:12,133
You're sitting
too close to me, Beavis.
1291
01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:14,244
You're sitting
too close to me.
1292
01:05:14,477 --> 01:05:15,500
Butthole.
1293
01:05:16,102 --> 01:05:18,848
As long as you're in the
state of Texas, Special Agent,
1294
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:20,617
both those boys belong to me.
1295
01:05:20,684 --> 01:05:23,487
And to a lesser extent me,
because I'm the lieutenant--
1296
01:05:23,719 --> 01:05:25,389
There's no ice in this.
1297
01:05:25,455 --> 01:05:27,691
Could your assistant get me
some ice as well?
1298
01:05:28,297 --> 01:05:30,512
I'm not actually her
assistant, I'm the lieutenant--
1299
01:05:30,559 --> 01:05:31,903
Hartson, just get us some ice.
1300
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:37,275
Bunghole.
1301
01:05:37,325 --> 01:05:39,503
You're the bunghole,
buttwagon.
1302
01:05:39,669 --> 01:05:41,972
The federal government
has jurisdiction.
1303
01:05:42,291 --> 01:05:43,440
He said dick.
1304
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:46,888
It's not that funny,
1305
01:05:47,544 --> 01:05:50,447
Federal law dictates
that you turn them over.
1306
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,783
He definitely
said dick that time.
1307
01:05:56,553 --> 01:05:59,323
Yeah, so what?
It's not that funny, Butt-Head.
1308
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:01,045
So one word sounds
like another word,
1309
01:06:01,146 --> 01:06:02,326
big deal, who cares?
1310
01:06:02,584 --> 01:06:05,062
So you can ruin me and have
me replaced as governor
1311
01:06:05,129 --> 01:06:07,143
with one of your
deep state assets?
1312
01:06:07,244 --> 01:06:09,333
She said ate ass.
1313
01:06:11,002 --> 01:06:12,169
Ate ass.
1314
01:06:12,354 --> 01:06:13,470
She said ate ass!
1315
01:06:13,635 --> 01:06:14,771
Jesus, what is wrong
with you?
1316
01:06:14,838 --> 01:06:16,306
I did not say ate ass.
1317
01:06:16,617 --> 01:06:17,781
She said it again
1318
01:06:18,342 --> 01:06:19,709
Ate ass.
1319
01:06:19,776 --> 01:06:22,146
They're just sitting around
saying ate ass.
1320
01:06:22,212 --> 01:06:24,448
- Ate ass.
- Ate ass.
1321
01:06:24,514 --> 01:06:26,450
- They are really annoying.
- Ate ass, sir.
1322
01:06:26,516 --> 01:06:27,947
Is there another room
we could put them in?
1323
01:06:28,002 --> 01:06:28,885
Ate ass!
1324
01:06:30,173 --> 01:06:31,157
Ate ass.
1325
01:06:31,888 --> 01:06:32,946
Ate ass.
1326
01:06:33,590 --> 01:06:35,559
And then she said
she didn't say ate ass,
1327
01:06:35,838 --> 01:06:37,094
which made her say it again.
1328
01:06:37,161 --> 01:06:39,049
And then we said it, remember?
1329
01:06:39,721 --> 01:06:41,785
Yeah, that was cool.
1330
01:06:42,268 --> 01:06:43,082
Oh, boy.
1331
01:06:43,572 --> 01:06:44,868
Quick,
I don't have much time.
1332
01:06:45,315 --> 01:06:47,137
I know what Serena did to you
on the Endeavor.
1333
01:06:48,455 --> 01:06:49,973
She hasn't done it yet.
1334
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:51,641
It's gonna be any minute
though, yeah.
1335
01:06:51,708 --> 01:06:53,577
I can help you
bring her down.
1336
01:06:55,112 --> 01:06:57,281
So like,
you'd be in the room?
1337
01:06:57,472 --> 01:06:59,149
I'll be right behind you
all the way.
1338
01:07:00,979 --> 01:07:02,252
- Really?
- I don't know, Butt-Head,
1339
01:07:02,319 --> 01:07:03,653
I guess it's worth it, I mean,
1340
01:07:03,784 --> 01:07:05,479
I wouldn't say no to anything
at this point.
1341
01:07:05,784 --> 01:07:06,823
Here's the plan.
1342
01:07:06,890 --> 01:07:09,493
I left the keys in that
green car right down there.
1343
01:07:09,715 --> 01:07:10,527
Okay.
1344
01:07:10,594 --> 01:07:12,162
Take the highway northbound
1345
01:07:12,229 --> 01:07:13,783
to the Pecos county rest stop.
1346
01:07:14,083 --> 01:07:14,939
Sounds good.
1347
01:07:14,964 --> 01:07:16,759
There's a reporter from
the morning news
1348
01:07:16,784 --> 01:07:18,102
waiting to hear your story.
1349
01:07:18,168 --> 01:07:19,183
- Okay.
- All right.
1350
01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:21,370
- Did you get all that?
- Yes, sir.
1351
01:07:22,081 --> 01:07:23,690
Yep, we're gonna score.
1352
01:07:24,397 --> 01:07:25,374
Damn right.
1353
01:07:26,243 --> 01:07:28,545
I have to go back in there
before they get suspicious,
1354
01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:30,247
but you've got to
get out of here, now.
1355
01:07:30,573 --> 01:07:32,597
The people in there
want you dead.
1356
01:07:33,409 --> 01:07:35,485
What she tried
to do to you in '98
1357
01:07:35,552 --> 01:07:38,722
she's done to me every day
for 24 years.
1358
01:07:39,361 --> 01:07:40,440
Christ.
1359
01:07:40,948 --> 01:07:42,261
There's no need
to brag about it.
1360
01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:44,290
I'm going to make sure
she can't do it to you
1361
01:07:44,315 --> 01:07:46,393
or anyone else ever again.
1362
01:07:48,503 --> 01:07:49,466
Wait a minute,
1363
01:07:49,533 --> 01:07:51,253
I think I see
what's going on here.
1364
01:07:51,643 --> 01:07:53,337
He doesn't want us to score.
1365
01:07:53,425 --> 01:07:55,339
That's why he took
the handcuffs off.
1366
01:07:55,526 --> 01:07:56,737
Yeah, yeah, because he knows
1367
01:07:56,839 --> 01:07:58,308
Serena has a thing
for handcuffs.
1368
01:07:58,375 --> 01:08:00,144
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
1369
01:08:00,210 --> 01:08:01,645
And that's why he gave us a car,
1370
01:08:01,792 --> 01:08:03,720
and directions
to some place far away
1371
01:08:03,745 --> 01:08:05,456
where Serena will never find us.
1372
01:08:05,823 --> 01:08:07,817
That dirty butthole.
1373
01:08:07,884 --> 01:08:08,752
Damn it!
1374
01:08:08,878 --> 01:08:10,053
What's wrong with that guy?
1375
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:12,556
He's scored every day
for--for 24 years.
1376
01:08:12,823 --> 01:08:14,870
That's like... 50 times.
1377
01:08:15,104 --> 01:08:16,212
We got to get back
in there
1378
01:08:16,237 --> 01:08:18,495
and get those handcuffs
back on, Beavis.
1379
01:08:18,562 --> 01:08:20,864
We just outsmarted
that son of a bitch.
1380
01:08:22,737 --> 01:08:24,100
Damn it, it's locked.
1381
01:08:24,168 --> 01:08:25,214
Quick, Butt-Head, the window.
1382
01:08:30,729 --> 01:08:31,768
That was close.
1383
01:08:32,609 --> 01:08:34,411
I can't wait to see
the look on his face
1384
01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:36,346
when he sees that car
and we're not in it.
1385
01:08:40,237 --> 01:08:41,251
What did I miss?
1386
01:08:41,318 --> 01:08:42,378
This is so funny.
1387
01:08:42,479 --> 01:08:44,495
We were arguing
whether they're aliens
1388
01:08:44,534 --> 01:08:46,042
or the boys
from the Space Shuttle.
1389
01:08:46,128 --> 01:08:48,358
But then we realized,
it doesn't matter.
1390
01:08:48,495 --> 01:08:50,261
We both want the same thing.
1391
01:08:50,339 --> 01:08:53,497
We want to kill them,
and they want to dissect them.
1392
01:08:53,698 --> 01:08:55,265
We're all on the same team.
1393
01:08:57,511 --> 01:08:59,569
Well, let's go kill them.
1394
01:08:59,729 --> 01:09:02,038
And dissect them,
right, Phil?
1395
01:09:02,105 --> 01:09:03,240
You got me.
1396
01:09:05,751 --> 01:09:07,141
What the hell?
1397
01:09:07,985 --> 01:09:09,045
Just hold on a second.
1398
01:09:09,282 --> 01:09:10,747
What is it, Hartson?
1399
01:09:10,993 --> 01:09:12,949
All this talk
about dissecting
1400
01:09:13,016 --> 01:09:14,551
is making me curious.
1401
01:09:14,618 --> 01:09:16,620
No, you know what, forget it,
it's probably way
1402
01:09:16,686 --> 01:09:19,122
too complicated for someone
like me to understand.
1403
01:09:21,079 --> 01:09:23,092
No, no, no, on the contrary,
1404
01:09:23,159 --> 01:09:24,494
this will just take a minute.
1405
01:09:24,561 --> 01:09:26,154
I've got some pictures
on my phone.
1406
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:29,032
First, you need
to locate the anus.
1407
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:32,469
Okay, there,
we got 'em closed.
1408
01:09:32,536 --> 01:09:34,396
Now let's put our hands in.
1409
01:09:35,572 --> 01:09:37,040
It won't fit, Butt-Head.
1410
01:09:37,106 --> 01:09:39,349
How'd we ever get our hands
in here in the first place?
1411
01:09:41,013 --> 01:09:43,012
Let's open them up
and start over again.
1412
01:09:43,310 --> 01:09:44,514
We need a key.
1413
01:09:44,581 --> 01:09:48,518
I think that guy said the
keys are in the green car.
1414
01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:51,163
Oh, yeah.
1415
01:09:51,725 --> 01:09:52,856
Good thinking, Beavis.
1416
01:09:53,156 --> 01:09:54,324
Yeah. Thanks.
1417
01:09:54,718 --> 01:09:57,927
I know you're thinking,
"I need an expensive scalpel,"
1418
01:09:58,045 --> 01:10:00,430
but save your money
for the embalming fluid.
1419
01:10:00,497 --> 01:10:02,699
There's a guy in Ecuador
who can set you up--
1420
01:10:02,732 --> 01:10:04,208
You know what,
we don't have time for this.
1421
01:10:04,268 --> 01:10:06,006
Let's go kill those boys.
1422
01:10:09,193 --> 01:10:10,907
- Damn it.
- I think you just...
1423
01:10:10,981 --> 01:10:13,146
- This key sucks.
- Yeah, I don't know.
1424
01:10:24,438 --> 01:10:25,489
They're gone.
1425
01:10:25,555 --> 01:10:26,523
What?
1426
01:10:26,590 --> 01:10:28,492
I can't believe it!
1427
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,059
Where could they have gone?
1428
01:10:30,126 --> 01:10:32,024
I think I have an idea.
1429
01:10:32,996 --> 01:10:37,434
Directions to 322 Woodson
Street, Highland, Texas.
1430
01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:40,289
Wood.
1431
01:10:42,938 --> 01:10:43,786
Let's go.
1432
01:10:47,039 --> 01:10:49,245
- Damn it.
- Hartson, get in the van.
1433
01:10:51,516 --> 01:10:52,644
It doesn't fit.
1434
01:10:54,156 --> 01:10:55,115
Hey, Serena's in there.
1435
01:10:55,281 --> 01:10:56,526
And that butthole.
1436
01:10:58,283 --> 01:10:59,689
He's gonna go
score with her.
1437
01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:01,492
Why is it always
a guy with a van?
1438
01:11:02,055 --> 01:11:04,569
We got to save her before
Hartson bones her again.
1439
01:11:04,628 --> 01:11:06,000
Yeah, he's out of control.
1440
01:11:06,953 --> 01:11:08,836
And...
I just want to say...
1441
01:11:09,321 --> 01:11:11,219
you can score first
if you want to, Butt-Head.
1442
01:11:12,742 --> 01:11:14,992
Beavis, I'm not gonna score.
1443
01:11:15,271 --> 01:11:17,140
And you're not gonna score.
1444
01:11:17,206 --> 01:11:18,274
We're gonna score.
1445
01:11:19,633 --> 01:11:20,453
Yeah.
1446
01:11:20,524 --> 01:11:22,111
Yeah! Yeah!
1447
01:11:22,391 --> 01:11:24,948
Now let's go score
before I change my mind.
1448
01:11:25,385 --> 01:11:26,404
Yeah!
1449
01:11:27,729 --> 01:11:29,463
All we need now
is a car.
1450
01:11:31,502 --> 01:11:34,026
Butt-Head, we're in a car.
1451
01:11:34,228 --> 01:11:35,908
- Yeah.
- Oh, Yeah.
1452
01:11:36,660 --> 01:11:38,962
You really brought
your A-game today, Beavis.
1453
01:11:39,578 --> 01:11:40,596
Yeah, thanks.
1454
01:11:42,164 --> 01:11:44,100
Remember, Butt-Head, it's
gonna go backwards like before.
1455
01:11:46,127 --> 01:11:47,049
Oh, yeah.
1456
01:11:47,510 --> 01:11:48,805
You're on a roll,
Beavis.
1457
01:11:50,206 --> 01:11:53,056
Just gonna back this
baby out and go score.
1458
01:11:59,446 --> 01:12:00,917
Kick ass, yeah!
1459
01:12:02,419 --> 01:12:03,520
This is cool.
1460
01:12:03,587 --> 01:12:04,821
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1461
01:12:07,422 --> 01:12:08,313
Wait, I see her!
1462
01:12:08,353 --> 01:12:10,655
I see her, Butt-Head, speed up!
- Okay, Beavis.
1463
01:12:18,215 --> 01:12:20,003
Hang on,
we're being followed.
1464
01:12:20,168 --> 01:12:21,287
What the hell?
1465
01:12:26,223 --> 01:12:27,081
There she is!
1466
01:12:27,199 --> 01:12:28,613
Faster, Butt-Head,
come on, faster!
1467
01:12:28,746 --> 01:12:29,746
Who could it be?
1468
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:31,606
Probably just someone
who just happens
1469
01:12:31,660 --> 01:12:32,549
to be going our way.
1470
01:12:32,616 --> 01:12:33,817
To the store, perhaps.
1471
01:12:33,883 --> 01:12:36,420
It's the Venezuelans
or Al-Qaeda.
1472
01:12:36,486 --> 01:12:37,987
Or the Venusians.
1473
01:12:38,054 --> 01:12:39,512
Or Arcturus Six.
1474
01:12:39,590 --> 01:12:41,691
Or probably just someone
going to the store.
1475
01:12:41,758 --> 01:12:43,059
You know how
you run out of milk?
1476
01:12:43,465 --> 01:12:45,081
I think it's time
to put this baby
1477
01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:46,162
into high gear, Beavis.
1478
01:12:46,229 --> 01:12:47,797
Yeah, yeah.
Let's do it, yeah.
1479
01:12:48,043 --> 01:12:49,332
What does R stand for?
1480
01:12:50,684 --> 01:12:51,601
Really fast?
1481
01:12:51,668 --> 01:12:53,369
Yeah, yeah,
let's go really fast.
1482
01:13:01,878 --> 01:13:03,813
You have a bag in your face.
1483
01:13:04,989 --> 01:13:06,106
Oh, yeah.
1484
01:13:06,616 --> 01:13:07,645
Bag.
1485
01:13:08,752 --> 01:13:09,719
Come on, Butt-Head!
1486
01:13:09,786 --> 01:13:10,754
Come on, drive!
1487
01:13:10,851 --> 01:13:12,340
We have to save Serena, come on.
1488
01:13:33,485 --> 01:13:35,512
I think there's something
wrong with this car.
1489
01:13:37,380 --> 01:13:39,360
The car is going
backwards, Butt-Head.
1490
01:13:42,786 --> 01:13:43,805
Cool.
1491
01:13:45,349 --> 01:13:46,633
Well, I think we lost them.
1492
01:13:46,938 --> 01:13:48,324
Nothing to worry about, I guess.
1493
01:13:50,516 --> 01:13:52,862
They're back, and they're
driving backwards.
1494
01:13:53,164 --> 01:13:54,430
What the hell is happening?
1495
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:56,099
Who are these guys?
1496
01:13:56,203 --> 01:13:58,735
The East Germans train their
assassination teams
1497
01:13:58,802 --> 01:14:00,782
to drive backwards
to give their snipers
1498
01:14:00,807 --> 01:14:01,912
a better field of vision.
1499
01:14:08,338 --> 01:14:09,445
We almost got 'em,
Butt-Head, hurry.
1500
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:14,017
Beavis and Butt-Head.
1501
01:14:14,182 --> 01:14:15,451
Listen carefully.
1502
01:14:15,838 --> 01:14:18,054
You only have three minutes
to go through the portal.
1503
01:14:18,221 --> 01:14:19,789
Our universes
hang in the balance.
1504
01:14:21,408 --> 01:14:22,651
How did you get here?
1505
01:14:23,362 --> 01:14:26,530
Our universe has technology
that you can only dream of.
1506
01:14:26,754 --> 01:14:28,064
Can you watch porn on it?
1507
01:14:28,277 --> 01:14:29,833
Yes, an infinite amount.
1508
01:14:29,899 --> 01:14:31,935
Every scenario
you can ever imagine.
1509
01:14:32,205 --> 01:14:33,385
But none of it will exist
1510
01:14:33,478 --> 01:14:34,963
if you do not go
through the portal.
1511
01:14:35,072 --> 01:14:37,273
Why did you not go
through the portal before?
1512
01:14:37,565 --> 01:14:40,143
It was right there behind
the Classics department.
1513
01:14:40,377 --> 01:14:42,746
You could have saved the
universe and maybe learned
1514
01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:45,119
how Latin is the basis
of English grammar.
1515
01:14:45,494 --> 01:14:47,807
But no matter.
At great personal expense,
1516
01:14:47,939 --> 01:14:49,385
we have moved the portal again.
1517
01:14:49,603 --> 01:14:51,254
It is now in your old home,
1518
01:14:51,471 --> 01:14:53,857
in the poorly renovated
half bathroom.
1519
01:14:54,018 --> 01:14:56,408
Enter now so the portal
might seal itself,
1520
01:14:56,709 --> 01:14:58,243
and you will return
to a universe
1521
01:14:58,424 --> 01:15:00,171
where you never went
through the black hole
1522
01:15:00,322 --> 01:15:03,619
but instead lived your lives
these past 24 years.
1523
01:15:10,307 --> 01:15:11,440
Who are those guys?
1524
01:15:12,580 --> 01:15:13,643
I don't know.
1525
01:15:13,869 --> 01:15:15,078
They seem pretty cool, though.
1526
01:15:15,144 --> 01:15:16,643
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
not too bad, really.
1527
01:15:17,072 --> 01:15:18,582
This show sucks.
1528
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:19,908
Yeah, yeah, it's horrible.
1529
01:15:20,025 --> 01:15:21,685
Change the channel, Butt-Head,
come on, right now.
1530
01:15:21,939 --> 01:15:23,542
Don't tell me what to do.
1531
01:15:24,940 --> 01:15:26,307
Yeah, yeah, hit 'em,
hit 'em again.
1532
01:15:27,854 --> 01:15:29,025
Come on, turn that show back on.
1533
01:15:29,392 --> 01:15:30,299
There is no time.
1534
01:15:30,362 --> 01:15:32,002
Now fly to the portal, fly.
1535
01:15:33,526 --> 01:15:34,964
There's a stop sign,
Butt-Head.
1536
01:15:35,296 --> 01:15:36,397
Fly, my friends--
1537
01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:45,441
That was painful.
1538
01:15:45,508 --> 01:15:46,651
We must hasten to the--
1539
01:15:50,088 --> 01:15:51,276
Looks like we lost them.
1540
01:15:51,596 --> 01:15:53,416
Woodson Street
is right up ahead.
1541
01:16:02,826 --> 01:16:03,935
There they are, Butt-Head.
1542
01:16:05,302 --> 01:16:06,362
Sweet Christ.
1543
01:16:06,654 --> 01:16:08,277
There's only five people
in the world
1544
01:16:08,325 --> 01:16:09,255
who could drive like that.
1545
01:16:09,404 --> 01:16:10,615
Yeah, again, probably just
1546
01:16:10,716 --> 01:16:11,835
someone going out shopping,
and their
1547
01:16:11,901 --> 01:16:13,469
transmission got
stuck in reverse.
1548
01:16:13,536 --> 01:16:15,138
Happens to me.
Never happened to you?
1549
01:16:15,204 --> 01:16:17,373
I'm not going down
without a fight.
1550
01:16:17,646 --> 01:16:19,872
Or instead,
you could pull over
1551
01:16:19,919 --> 01:16:20,947
and let me out and--
1552
01:16:26,122 --> 01:16:28,099
Cool... someone put
a little mirror here
1553
01:16:28,208 --> 01:16:29,252
where you can, like,
see behind--
1554
01:16:31,185 --> 01:16:32,789
I don't see it, where?
1555
01:16:35,552 --> 01:16:36,626
Hey Butt-Head, they stopped.
1556
01:16:36,833 --> 01:16:38,427
We got 'em
right where we want 'em.
1557
01:16:42,732 --> 01:16:43,755
Get out of the car.
1558
01:16:51,755 --> 01:16:53,542
- Of course.
- What the hell?
1559
01:16:53,966 --> 01:16:55,169
That's right, baby.
1560
01:16:55,513 --> 01:16:57,958
Our little dance of
seduction is now complete.
1561
01:16:58,271 --> 01:16:59,415
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1562
01:16:59,639 --> 01:17:01,232
Hold your fire.
1563
01:17:02,553 --> 01:17:05,778
24 years ago,
you nearly destroyed me.
1564
01:17:06,230 --> 01:17:08,532
And now you've traveled
through time and space
1565
01:17:08,591 --> 01:17:10,360
to try to destroy me again.
1566
01:17:11,766 --> 01:17:13,442
I want to be the one to do this.
1567
01:17:14,622 --> 01:17:15,630
Yes!
1568
01:17:16,153 --> 01:17:17,533
Yes, it's really
going to happen!
1569
01:17:18,896 --> 01:17:20,904
Wait, bu--why are you happy?
1570
01:17:21,903 --> 01:17:23,336
Because, milady,
1571
01:17:23,606 --> 01:17:25,441
we are about to score with thee.
1572
01:17:25,508 --> 01:17:26,489
Together.
1573
01:17:29,067 --> 01:17:30,052
Hang on.
1574
01:17:30,138 --> 01:17:32,548
Do you think I'm going
to have sex with you?
1575
01:17:33,645 --> 01:17:34,475
Yeah.
1576
01:17:34,599 --> 01:17:35,685
So... should we do it here
1577
01:17:35,752 --> 01:17:37,821
or in the kitchen,
'cause I think that guy
1578
01:17:37,887 --> 01:17:39,088
wants to watch or something?
1579
01:17:41,505 --> 01:17:43,292
Yeah, you said
you'd have sex with us
1580
01:17:43,359 --> 01:17:45,685
back at Space Camp.
Remember?
1581
01:17:46,403 --> 01:17:47,931
What did I say at Space Camp?
1582
01:17:49,271 --> 01:17:51,000
How would you guys
like to do that,
1583
01:17:51,208 --> 01:17:53,469
but do it for real, with me?
1584
01:17:54,184 --> 01:17:55,075
Yes!
1585
01:17:55,528 --> 01:17:57,273
That wasn't so hard, was it?
1586
01:17:57,340 --> 01:17:58,878
Well, actually,
it was pretty hard
1587
01:17:58,903 --> 01:18:00,497
until the last five
minutes or so,
1588
01:18:00,567 --> 01:18:01,610
but then I got barf on it.
1589
01:18:01,677 --> 01:18:04,113
And then, you know, just...
see you later.
1590
01:18:04,552 --> 01:18:07,751
To me, the most exciting
part is re-entry.
1591
01:18:09,919 --> 01:18:10,987
Yeah, we get to do it twice!
1592
01:18:12,849 --> 01:18:13,802
Do it...
1593
01:18:14,107 --> 01:18:15,567
so hard...
1594
01:18:15,950 --> 01:18:17,341
re-entry...
1595
01:18:17,747 --> 01:18:20,363
Oh, my God.
You were never out to get me.
1596
01:18:21,060 --> 01:18:22,832
You just wanted to
have sex with me.
1597
01:18:23,075 --> 01:18:24,137
Yeah, baby.
1598
01:18:24,692 --> 01:18:26,702
Guilty as charged.
Know what I'm saying?
1599
01:18:28,122 --> 01:18:29,692
These boys aren't my enemies,
1600
01:18:29,841 --> 01:18:32,341
and they're not aliens out
to destroy our way of life.
1601
01:18:32,653 --> 01:18:37,747
They're just two very, very
stupid and horny teenagers.
1602
01:18:42,177 --> 01:18:43,263
Yeah, come on.
1603
01:18:46,099 --> 01:18:48,239
I can't believe I've been
hanging on to this
1604
01:18:48,349 --> 01:18:49,625
for 24 years.
1605
01:18:49,833 --> 01:18:51,761
Yeah, I've been
hanging on to it too.
1606
01:18:53,427 --> 01:18:56,724
And now, I know you mean
you've been masturbating.
1607
01:18:57,567 --> 01:18:58,935
It's all so simple.
1608
01:18:59,528 --> 01:19:00,888
Well, I'll be.
1609
01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:02,450
Masturbating.
1610
01:19:02,772 --> 01:19:04,997
Let's all go home.
1611
01:19:06,263 --> 01:19:08,138
No, I'm not gonna
let everyone
1612
01:19:08,185 --> 01:19:09,345
just walk away from this.
1613
01:19:09,653 --> 01:19:13,049
I know everything you've done,
every law you've broken.
1614
01:19:13,380 --> 01:19:15,785
That's right, from now on,
it's gonna be my turn because--
1615
01:19:16,986 --> 01:19:18,254
- What?
- What the hell?
1616
01:19:18,450 --> 01:19:20,294
Beavis and Butt-Head,
hear us.
1617
01:19:21,138 --> 01:19:23,692
You need to open the door
first, Smart Butt-Head.
1618
01:19:23,872 --> 01:19:25,130
Yes, yes, the door, yes.
1619
01:19:25,263 --> 01:19:27,692
Well observed, Smart Beavis,
well observed, yes.
1620
01:19:28,716 --> 01:19:30,266
Beavis and Butt-Head, hear us.
1621
01:19:30,497 --> 01:19:32,301
You have mere seconds
to enter the portal.
1622
01:19:32,508 --> 01:19:34,696
Only by the two of you
entering this portal
1623
01:19:34,781 --> 01:19:36,188
can our universes be saved.
1624
01:19:36,430 --> 01:19:39,571
Otherwise, the entire cosmos
shall perish forever.
1625
01:19:40,203 --> 01:19:41,203
Make haste.
1626
01:19:42,477 --> 01:19:43,883
Okay, haste.
1627
01:19:43,977 --> 01:19:47,150
No, they are witnesses and
they are not going anywhere!
1628
01:19:47,281 --> 01:19:49,180
And I don't know
who you two freaks are
1629
01:19:49,367 --> 01:19:52,255
or how you're mixed up in this,
but I'm gonna find out.
1630
01:19:52,563 --> 01:19:54,657
I am done being a laughingstock.
1631
01:19:54,946 --> 01:19:57,422
I've already called the Federal
whistleblower hotline
1632
01:19:57,563 --> 01:19:59,094
and as soon as I get off hold--
1633
01:19:59,227 --> 01:20:00,296
Hello, can I help you?
1634
01:20:00,363 --> 01:20:02,065
You sure can,
I am calling
1635
01:20:02,131 --> 01:20:03,766
from Highland, Texas, and I--
1636
01:20:07,610 --> 01:20:08,604
Hello?
1637
01:20:08,750 --> 01:20:09,828
Hello?
1638
01:20:11,042 --> 01:20:12,253
Asshole.
1639
01:20:19,244 --> 01:20:20,295
Well, I will be damned.
1640
01:20:20,453 --> 01:20:21,817
That appears to have worked.
1641
01:20:22,024 --> 01:20:23,664
We thought it needed
to be the two of you
1642
01:20:23,750 --> 01:20:24,781
to go through the portal.
1643
01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:26,516
But I guess anything
would have worked.
1644
01:20:26,883 --> 01:20:28,391
We could have
thrown a brick in there.
1645
01:20:28,758 --> 01:20:30,469
It's safe to say,
we were making it
1646
01:20:30,586 --> 01:20:32,428
more complicated
than it needed to be.
1647
01:20:32,602 --> 01:20:34,130
While we are the smartest
Beavis and Butt-Head
1648
01:20:34,258 --> 01:20:35,406
in all the cosmos,
1649
01:20:35,602 --> 01:20:38,408
in absolute terms,
we're still not so bright.
1650
01:20:38,783 --> 01:20:39,768
Okay, boys.
1651
01:20:40,057 --> 01:20:41,940
No one can know what
happened here tonight.
1652
01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:43,907
So what will it take
to keep you quiet?
1653
01:20:45,033 --> 01:20:46,165
We want to score.
1654
01:20:47,510 --> 01:20:48,549
Oh, God.
1655
01:20:49,090 --> 01:20:52,543
I mean, I suppose it's not
the most disgusting thing
1656
01:20:52,683 --> 01:20:53,996
I've done for my career.
1657
01:20:54,566 --> 01:20:56,419
So would it have to be
both of you?
1658
01:20:56,840 --> 01:20:58,221
That's right, Serena.
1659
01:20:58,287 --> 01:20:59,622
We're a team.
- Yep.
1660
01:21:01,269 --> 01:21:03,703
Oh, God, this is...
1661
01:21:05,182 --> 01:21:06,162
rough.
1662
01:21:06,323 --> 01:21:09,432
I'm gonna need a minute
to think about this.
1663
01:21:10,784 --> 01:21:12,835
Serena,
whatever you decide,
1664
01:21:12,902 --> 01:21:14,637
you know, like, either way,
1665
01:21:14,854 --> 01:21:16,372
there's something
I need to tell you.
1666
01:21:17,698 --> 01:21:19,831
Something I tried to say before,
1667
01:21:20,109 --> 01:21:21,378
but I didn't have the courage.
1668
01:21:21,911 --> 01:21:23,136
Go ahead, Beavis.
1669
01:21:23,612 --> 01:21:27,182
Now Serena, I've been
on a long journey
1670
01:21:27,495 --> 01:21:29,628
and I've been to outer space
1671
01:21:29,919 --> 01:21:31,300
and I've been in a toilet.
1672
01:21:31,604 --> 01:21:34,123
And I think I've been
to some other places
1673
01:21:34,339 --> 01:21:36,092
that I... don't remember.
1674
01:21:36,276 --> 01:21:37,760
- But--
- You went to college.
1675
01:21:38,245 --> 01:21:39,940
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I went to college--
1676
01:21:40,270 --> 01:21:41,432
And you went to jail.
1677
01:21:42,589 --> 01:21:44,362
No, I don't remember that.
1678
01:21:44,700 --> 01:21:48,137
Anyway, along the way,
I learned some things and stuff.
1679
01:21:48,487 --> 01:21:49,538
Or something, and...
1680
01:21:49,792 --> 01:21:53,237
And so now, I finally am ready
1681
01:21:53,442 --> 01:21:56,057
to say to you what I've been
wanting to say,
1682
01:21:56,307 --> 01:21:57,413
which is that--
1683
01:21:57,659 --> 01:21:59,530
That I-- I...
1684
01:21:59,671 --> 01:22:01,050
I lo--
1685
01:22:01,382 --> 01:22:02,818
I--I--
1686
01:22:02,885 --> 01:22:04,287
I--I lo--
1687
01:22:04,577 --> 01:22:06,022
Come on, kid, you can do it.
1688
01:22:06,343 --> 01:22:07,256
I--
1689
01:22:07,460 --> 01:22:08,491
I love you, Serena.
1690
01:22:08,796 --> 01:22:10,593
For years,
I have watched you from afar
1691
01:22:10,749 --> 01:22:13,029
through the portal,
entranced by your beauty,
1692
01:22:13,096 --> 01:22:14,288
your elegance, your grace,
1693
01:22:14,563 --> 01:22:16,665
your intelligence,
your knowledge of science.
1694
01:22:17,276 --> 01:22:18,101
Wait a second.
1695
01:22:18,167 --> 01:22:19,902
And I have a better
offer for you.
1696
01:22:20,119 --> 01:22:21,604
Come with me to my universe,
1697
01:22:21,670 --> 01:22:23,672
and I will show you the
mysteries of the cosmos
1698
01:22:24,072 --> 01:22:25,827
as we travel across
the galaxies,
1699
01:22:26,062 --> 01:22:27,913
beyond anything
NASA will ever achieve...
1700
01:22:28,444 --> 01:22:30,460
fulfilling all the dreams
you ever had
1701
01:22:30,609 --> 01:22:33,382
since you were a little girl
staring up at the stars.
1702
01:22:37,116 --> 01:22:39,460
That is, surprisingly,
1703
01:22:39,593 --> 01:22:41,557
everything I've ever dreamed of.
1704
01:22:42,187 --> 01:22:43,311
I have an offer too...
1705
01:22:43,659 --> 01:22:45,976
I found a coupon in the car
for Taco Bell.
1706
01:22:46,288 --> 01:22:48,197
I was thinking...
maybe we could,
1707
01:22:48,420 --> 01:22:49,765
we could go have a taco--
1708
01:22:49,832 --> 01:22:52,101
Although I was thinking
we might score.
1709
01:22:52,226 --> 01:22:53,102
You know what?
1710
01:22:53,234 --> 01:22:54,390
So was I.
1711
01:22:54,773 --> 01:22:57,007
Yeah, sometimes the
Taco Bell has a Pizza Hut.
1712
01:22:57,452 --> 01:23:00,109
You know, if you don't like
tacos, or nachos.
1713
01:23:02,366 --> 01:23:05,781
I have a gigantic schlong.
I hope that's okay.
1714
01:23:08,017 --> 01:23:09,905
Oh, boy, yeah, I knew it.
1715
01:23:10,525 --> 01:23:11,492
Here we go again.
1716
01:23:13,343 --> 01:23:15,624
Beavis, you're a dumb-ass.
1717
01:23:23,032 --> 01:23:24,280
And there you have it.
1718
01:23:24,515 --> 01:23:26,702
The greatest story ever told.
1719
01:23:27,479 --> 01:23:28,562
Pretty cool, yeah.
1720
01:23:28,874 --> 01:23:31,274
We promised those government
buttholes that we wouldn't
1721
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:32,908
tell anyone what happened,
and they gave us
1722
01:23:32,975 --> 01:23:35,484
a brand-new TV
and put our house back
1723
01:23:35,609 --> 01:23:36,979
exactly the way it was.
1724
01:23:37,175 --> 01:23:40,383
And it wasn't me,
but somewhere out there,
1725
01:23:40,607 --> 01:23:41,850
there's a Beavis who scored.
1726
01:24:13,649 --> 01:24:17,039
Smart Beavis
and Smart Butt-Head,
1727
01:24:17,516 --> 01:24:18,930
we honor you.
1728
01:24:19,266 --> 01:24:25,117
For you, Smart Beavis, are
the first among us to score.
1729
01:24:25,945 --> 01:24:29,516
And you, Smart Butt-Head,
were able to watch
1730
01:24:29,992 --> 01:24:33,914
by hiding in a suitcase
at the foot of the bed.
1731
01:24:34,977 --> 01:24:36,472
Serena left immediately
1732
01:24:36,570 --> 01:24:39,125
and is not returning
phone calls or texts.
1733
01:24:39,656 --> 01:24:41,039
But no matter.
1734
01:24:41,210 --> 01:24:43,852
Tonight, we celebrate!
1735
01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:56,018
Chirp.
122346
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