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- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Previously
on this documentary...
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Colin Robinson is dying.
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I will be returning to England
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to assume a position on the
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00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:13,628
Supreme Vampiric Council.
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Will you do me the honor
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of accompanying me on my journey
around the world?
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Make sure you look after my wife.
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What? Aah! No!
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There are, it seems,
others in our world
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whose existence is even more terrifying
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00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,235
and mysterious than our own.
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Shit.
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00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,466
_
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Josh and
Elana wanted an open concept,
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00:01:02,101 --> 00:01:04,095
so we suggested taking down
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the wall dividing the kitchen
and dining room
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and using a terra-cotta
backsplash to unify the space...
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Terra-cotta backsplash
would make a great accent.
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What he hasn't mentioned is that
that's a load-bearing wall.
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This was a low-bearing wall...
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Oh, I've spoken too soon.
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Apologies to you, Bran.
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What the... Ah.
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Hello there. Long time no see.
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- Come on in, but keep it down.
- Okay.
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I've found that this is the only
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00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,284
thing that'll lull him to sleep.
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Since Nadja and Nandor departed,
it's been just me and the lad.
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I don't want to call him Colin
Robinson, even though he did..
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Crawl out of the chest cavity of
the deceased Colin Robinson.
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He really is his own little man,
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and I'd like to keep it that way.
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So, I just call him boy.
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He's been growing at a remarkable rate,
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and he's a wild little creature,
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full of mischief and surprises.
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Shit. There we are. Good boy.
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And not a bit the boring,
energy-draining Colin Robinson
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from whence he came.
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He's a good little helper.
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Boy, I'm gonna need one nail.
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Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Yeah. All right.
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Helping me maintain this house.
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One.
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Which, I'm sure you've noticed,
has seen better days.
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He's given me a sense of purpose.
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And under my tutelage,
with exposure to woodcraft,
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scintillating conversation...
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- Good work, boy.
- High culture...
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- En garde.
- And, of course, swordsmanship...
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- Ha.
- Shit.
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Ah, you're getting better.
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I think I can mold
this blank canvas of a boy
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into the most interesting adult
there has ever been.
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Oh, no.
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00:03:14,533 --> 00:03:17,361
It's those bastards
from the gas company.
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Yes, there's a gas leak.
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Yes, I need to do something about it.
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Yes, if you turn up again,
I'm gonna kill you.
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All right, all right.
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All these wooden boxes and shit
have been arriving
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for my wife for weeks.
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I do mean to send them on to London,
but I've been too busy
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murdering these gas employees
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that they insist on sending round.
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Guess who.
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Where the hell did you come from?
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Well, I had a little help.
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- Surprise!
- My darling!
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- Oh, my love.
- Every day of your absence
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- Oh, I've missed you so much.
- Has felt like a decade.
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00:03:53,978 --> 00:03:55,972
Every decade, a century. Let's fuck.
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These guys are still alive?
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00:03:57,519 --> 00:03:59,278
Yeah, yeah, doesn't matter.
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Don't you want to know
why I've returned from London?
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Yeah, you can tell me later.
It'll wait.
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My work with the Worldwide
Supreme Vampiric Council was
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so challenging but...
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also fulfilling, you know?
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- Yeah.
- And... and I gave it all up.
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I had to,
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because I missed you so much.
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- My wide lover.
- Your wise mov...
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00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:21,456
You are a naughty bloody boy.
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00:04:21,466 --> 00:04:23,293
You were supposed
to come with me to London,
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but you just packed me up
and shipped me off.
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00:04:25,679 --> 00:04:27,000
My darling,
I had to look after the boy.
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00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,704
- I wrote to you.
- Yes, yes,
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00:04:28,714 --> 00:04:30,908
about creature that crawled out
of the cavity of
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dead Colin Robinson's chest.
I understand, I guess.
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00:04:35,039 --> 00:04:36,385
Speak of the devil.
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00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:38,583
Hello. Is that you, little one?
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- Mommy's home.
- That's not him.
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00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:40,732
Are you sure?
98
00:04:40,742 --> 00:04:42,699
Yes, that's a raccoon, my darling.
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00:04:42,709 --> 00:04:44,703
They've
taken residence in the library.
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00:04:44,713 --> 00:04:47,809
- Oh.
- The boy himself is upstairs, asleep.
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00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,513
Well, perfect, then.
102
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,950
- Yeah.
- I want to peel you like a potato
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and mash your insides.
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00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:54,956
- Come on.
- Okay.
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Watch your step, my darling.
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The water damage has ruined the wood.
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00:04:58,439 --> 00:05:00,367
Not this wood.
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00:05:00,377 --> 00:05:01,904
Shit, I almost forgot.
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00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:03,383
Before we go upstairs,
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00:05:04,031 --> 00:05:06,379
I have a little surprise for you.
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It'll wait.
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Come on!
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Wassup...!
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Uh, it is a saying from the olden days
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that I learned on my travels.
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I don't know what it means,
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but I like how it sounds.
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Yeah, well, it's a great story.
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00:05:28,601 --> 00:05:30,026
- Thank you.
- But, uh,
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00:05:30,036 --> 00:05:31,362
darling, "why haven't
we finished fucking?",
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you might ask yourself.
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00:05:32,642 --> 00:05:34,068
Well, the answer is
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00:05:34,078 --> 00:05:36,072
it's 'cause we haven't
managed to start yet.
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00:05:36,082 --> 00:05:38,353
- Do excuse us.
- - Laszlo.
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00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:41,415
I know you're not a sentimental fellow,
126
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,986
and neither am I,
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00:05:42,996 --> 00:05:44,930
- but I have missed you.
- Aw.
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00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:47,562
And it feels really good
to be back in the house!
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00:05:47,572 --> 00:05:48,797
- Shit.
- Fucking hell.
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00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:49,966
- Is he dead? Huh?
- I'm okay!
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00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,137
- No?
- I'm okay.
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00:05:52,147 --> 00:05:54,743
There's a very strong smell
of gas leak down here.
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00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:58,984
Could someone
throw me down a lit candle,
134
00:05:58,994 --> 00:06:01,156
and I can find my way out?
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00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:12,812
My eat, prey, love journey?
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00:06:12,822 --> 00:06:14,257
Where to begin?
137
00:06:15,193 --> 00:06:18,083
As fate would have it,
I got as far as...
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00:06:18,093 --> 00:06:20,312
Fresno, I think it is called.
139
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,836
I met a very plump family on the train
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00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:26,349
from Wisconsin.
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00:06:26,359 --> 00:06:27,508
I planned to drain them,
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00:06:27,518 --> 00:06:29,779
but they were quite endearing.
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00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,884
They had a very particular
way of speaking,
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It was like, um...
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00:06:33,497 --> 00:06:35,825
"Oh, hey there, Nandor.
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00:06:35,835 --> 00:06:37,962
"You want to come see the Packers pound
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00:06:37,972 --> 00:06:41,570
the frozen tundra
of the Lambeau Field?"
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00:06:41,580 --> 00:06:43,468
Something like that.
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00:06:44,151 --> 00:06:47,982
The love and the affection that
this family had for each other,
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00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:50,488
it made me miss my own family.
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00:06:50,498 --> 00:06:53,192
I grew homesick, not for Staten Island
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00:06:53,202 --> 00:06:56,600
but my real home in Al Qolnidar.
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00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:59,842
So I booked passage on a container ship
to...
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00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:03,112
I kind of get the idea
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00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,916
that you guys aren't really
listening to what I'm saying.
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00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:06,486
- We're listening.
- Yeah, I mean,
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00:07:06,496 --> 00:07:07,956
I'm capable of doing
two things at once.
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00:07:07,966 --> 00:07:09,993
- Faster.
- Go on.
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00:07:10,003 --> 00:07:11,663
Something about a container ship.
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00:07:11,673 --> 00:07:13,066
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, so,
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00:07:13,076 --> 00:07:15,036
I hitched a ride on a ship,
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00:07:15,046 --> 00:07:16,506
and after I'd drained all of the crew,
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we ran into a little delay.
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A traffic jam on one of
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00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:21,617
the most important waterways
in the world.
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The Suez Canal was blocked on Tuesday
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00:07:23,564 --> 00:07:25,223
when a very large
container carrier got s...
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00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:28,731
Finally, I found my way back
to Al Qolnidar.
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00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:30,033
My h...
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00:07:30,043 --> 00:07:31,585
Oh, wow.
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Look at you.
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Hello, darling.
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That was the baby
Colin Robinson, I assume?
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00:07:37,819 --> 00:07:40,821
No. That came from the body
of Colin Robinson,
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00:07:40,831 --> 00:07:42,625
but is something completely
different entirely.
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00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,863
Is it boring like Colin Robinson?
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00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:48,537
- Well, now that is an excellent question.
- Thank you.
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00:07:48,547 --> 00:07:50,173
One that I have been
vigorously applying
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00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:52,655
my scientific method to
for the past two months.
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00:07:53,053 --> 00:07:55,283
My work began with
experiments in isolation.
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00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:58,222
I dabbled in phrenology.
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Disappointed. Shocked.
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Happy. Puzzled.
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00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,124
Fortifying good judgment.
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00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:07,942
Important literature or colorful shit.
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00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:10,246
- Um...
- Make your choice.
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No!
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00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:14,063
And, of
course, electroshock therapy.
189
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:15,764
Again.
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00:08:15,774 --> 00:08:19,098
I subjected him to all manner
of boring imagery.
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00:08:19,108 --> 00:08:21,302
He found it just as tedious as I did.
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00:08:21,312 --> 00:08:25,043
I am delighted to report that
he is not and will not grow into
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00:08:25,053 --> 00:08:28,684
the boring energy vampire
from whence he came.
194
00:08:28,694 --> 00:08:30,020
Rubbish.
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00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:31,270
Only today,
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00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,759
I was conducting a new experiment...
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00:08:32,769 --> 00:08:34,194
Are you two having sex again?
198
00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:36,666
Well, I'm not baking a cake, Nandor.
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00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:38,236
It would be
so much more enjoyable
200
00:08:38,246 --> 00:08:40,775
if you would stop interrupting.
201
00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:42,780
- Or you could join in, old chap.
- Come on.
202
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,148
Room in the back.
203
00:08:44,158 --> 00:08:45,606
I'm tempted, but, uh,
204
00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:47,699
I'll leave you guys to it
and just watch, if that's all right.
205
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,893
- Okay.
- Yes, I'm cl... I'm really close.
206
00:08:49,903 --> 00:08:51,530
You might have
to calm this down, my darling.
207
00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:53,299
I'm not sure this settee can take it.
208
00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:56,338
This settee has taken centuries of our love.
209
00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:00,180
Whoa.
210
00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:01,650
Are you okay?
211
00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:03,721
You want me to throw you down a candle?
212
00:09:03,731 --> 00:09:05,801
Fuck me.
213
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,360
Okay, here I go.
214
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,632
They're at it again.
215
00:09:09,642 --> 00:09:12,337
Are you doing a role play
or are you really drowning?
216
00:09:12,347 --> 00:09:14,876
Drowning, my darling. It's hot, yeah?
217
00:09:14,886 --> 00:09:17,114
Listen to this place.
218
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,084
It sounds like the entire house
is going to collapse
219
00:09:19,094 --> 00:09:21,051
at any moment. Ay! Ay! The f...
220
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,160
Careful, old chap,
221
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,516
There's a hole there.
222
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,174
What is that thumping?
223
00:09:25,184 --> 00:09:27,100
It's just bad pipes. It'll pass.
224
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:29,204
I had to take
a sledgehammer to that wall,
225
00:09:29,214 --> 00:09:32,043
that wall and that wall down there.
226
00:09:32,053 --> 00:09:35,618
- Oh.
- I tried to find the culprit, but so far, no luck.
227
00:09:35,628 --> 00:09:37,120
We are running out of rooms to sit in
228
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:38,892
that aren't completely falling apart.
229
00:09:38,902 --> 00:09:41,611
- It's true.
- I do wish Guillermo was still here.
230
00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:44,163
At least he kept the house
tidy and shipshape.
231
00:09:44,173 --> 00:09:45,303
Who's he talking about?
232
00:09:45,313 --> 00:09:46,840
- Guillermo.
- Who?
233
00:09:46,850 --> 00:09:48,088
You know, Guillermo.
234
00:09:48,098 --> 00:09:49,669
Doesn't matter how many times
you keep saying it.
235
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,250
He's about this tall,
glasses, shitty sweater.
236
00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:54,254
Nadja, I think it's time.
237
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,793
Oh! That reminds me.
238
00:09:56,803 --> 00:09:59,833
I have got a teensy
little present for you both.
239
00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:00,901
- Oh. - Oh.
- Now...
240
00:10:00,911 --> 00:10:03,339
Okay, don't get too excited.
It's not that good.
241
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:04,809
Should I cover my eyes?
242
00:10:04,819 --> 00:10:06,011
- I love surprises.
- Okay...
243
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,180
Ta-da!
244
00:10:08,861 --> 00:10:10,253
Surprise!
245
00:10:10,263 --> 00:10:11,656
- Oh, that guy.
- Guillermo.
246
00:10:11,666 --> 00:10:13,192
- Oh.
- Right.
247
00:10:14,873 --> 00:10:17,134
How could you ship me
across the Atlantic
248
00:10:17,144 --> 00:10:19,090
in a wooden crate?
249
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,910
- Twice!
- Always a complaint with this one.
250
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,083
I packed you extra Oreos
and Pedialyte this time around,
251
00:10:25,093 --> 00:10:27,789
- just to be nice.
- I've been pounding from the inside
252
00:10:27,799 --> 00:10:30,017
of this wooden crate for a week!
253
00:10:30,027 --> 00:10:31,997
Oh! That's what it was.
254
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,134
If I'd have known that, I
wouldn't have trashed the place.
255
00:10:34,144 --> 00:10:36,338
Good news is pipes are fine.
256
00:10:36,348 --> 00:10:38,075
That is good news.
257
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:40,781
Okay,
something is happening now.
258
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:43,052
I think he's going to make
a poop in his knickers.
259
00:10:43,062 --> 00:10:45,541
- That, or he's about to start crying.
- Guillermo.
260
00:10:45,551 --> 00:10:47,656
If you want to cry, that's fine,
we won't judge you.
261
00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:49,398
But if you wish to poop your pants,
262
00:10:49,408 --> 00:10:51,311
then I'd rather you
go somewhere else and do it.
263
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:53,105
- You're dead to me.
- Ah.
264
00:10:53,115 --> 00:10:55,043
- You're dead to me.
- Uh...
265
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:57,247
- You're dead to me!
- The fuck did I do?
266
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,819
Hm. Well, technically,
267
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:01,322
we're all already dead, so...
268
00:11:01,332 --> 00:11:03,025
Nad... Nadja,
269
00:11:03,035 --> 00:11:05,029
that is not helpful
at this particular juncture.
270
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,869
- Goodbye for... Aah!
- Whoa!
271
00:11:07,879 --> 00:11:09,471
Guillermo, I'm coming!
272
00:11:09,481 --> 00:11:11,385
Oh, shit.
273
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:15,329
Is he dead?
274
00:11:15,727 --> 00:11:16,820
Oh.
275
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,724
Bloody hell.
276
00:11:19,903 --> 00:11:21,805
- Well, he needed a bath.
- Agreed.
277
00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:24,246
- Charming.
- That's better.
278
00:11:32,118 --> 00:11:33,204
There we go.
279
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:35,401
How we feeling?
280
00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:37,621
I'm fine.
281
00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:38,730
Mm.
282
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,868
I've had a lot of time
to think about my life lately,
283
00:11:40,878 --> 00:11:42,871
while I was nailed inside...
284
00:11:42,881 --> 00:11:44,876
a shipping crate for two weeks.
285
00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:46,856
I got to start
looking out for number one.
286
00:11:48,092 --> 00:11:49,418
That-that would be me.
287
00:11:49,428 --> 00:11:52,080
In this case, I'm num-I'm number one.
288
00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:53,827
How's about I fix you up some, uh...
289
00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:55,831
Glass of water, please.
290
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,467
Glass of water, coming up.
291
00:11:57,477 --> 00:12:01,576
I know that you want to leave,
Guillermo.
292
00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,366
You feel disrespected.
293
00:12:03,376 --> 00:12:05,350
Much in the same way,
294
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,490
you disrespected me
by leaving me all alone
295
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:12,063
at a train station in New Jersey
with my dick in my hand.
296
00:12:12,073 --> 00:12:13,629
That wasn't my fault.
297
00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:15,036
Agree to disagree.
298
00:12:15,046 --> 00:12:18,175
Anyway, that was in the past
now, and I forgive you.
299
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:20,223
And also, I need you to stay
300
00:12:20,829 --> 00:12:23,085
and do something very important for me.
301
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,095
Well...
302
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:27,561
- what is it?
- It's not...
303
00:12:27,571 --> 00:12:29,313
easy thing for
304
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:31,780
an ancient warrior to ask.
305
00:12:34,157 --> 00:12:37,061
Guillermo de la Cruz.
306
00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:38,241
Did I say it right?
307
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:40,386
- Yes.
- Once my familiar,
308
00:12:40,396 --> 00:12:42,212
also my bodyguard,
309
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,217
always my friend.
310
00:12:44,227 --> 00:12:46,483
Based on definition of the word.
311
00:12:46,493 --> 00:12:47,653
You could've stopped there.
312
00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:50,551
Would you do me the great honor
313
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:53,089
of being...
314
00:12:54,165 --> 00:12:55,818
the best man at my wedding?
315
00:12:55,828 --> 00:12:58,577
- You're getting married?
- Yes. Now, don't be jealous.
316
00:12:58,587 --> 00:13:00,126
I'm actually not.
317
00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:02,541
- Oh. Okay.
- I'm really happy for you.
318
00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:04,902
I will accept this great honor.
319
00:13:04,912 --> 00:13:06,338
Great. Good.
320
00:13:06,348 --> 00:13:07,975
I'm still looking out
321
00:13:07,985 --> 00:13:09,478
for number one, I'll just be
322
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,148
Nandor's best man first.
323
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,085
One could argue that it's way cooler
324
00:13:13,095 --> 00:13:15,423
to be made into a best man
than into a vampire.
325
00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:18,239
Don't know
who would say that, but...
326
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:19,780
one could argue that.
327
00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:21,603
So, who is she?
328
00:13:21,613 --> 00:13:23,033
Who is who?
329
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:24,208
Your bride-to-be?
330
00:13:24,218 --> 00:13:25,481
- I don't know yet.
- What?
331
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,280
- I have not picked one.
- You haven't picked one?
332
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:28,727
I have been very lonely,
333
00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:31,188
and the obvious fix is
to take a bride immediately,
334
00:13:31,198 --> 00:13:33,326
preferably before the end of the month.
335
00:13:33,336 --> 00:13:35,597
- This seems a bit hasty.
- Thank you.
336
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,102
And you are going to help me
pick my bride,
337
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:40,406
because that is what a best man does.
338
00:13:40,416 --> 00:13:42,143
Actually, that's not
what a best man does.
339
00:13:42,153 --> 00:13:43,179
What a best man does is...
340
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,859
What the fuck is that?
341
00:13:44,869 --> 00:13:47,153
Oh, this is the creature that
crawled out of the chest cavity
342
00:13:47,163 --> 00:13:49,625
of Colin Robinson's dead body
after he died.
343
00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:52,932
Why does it have a lit candle
on its head?
344
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:54,602
He could catch on fire or
catch this whole place on fire.
345
00:13:54,612 --> 00:13:56,940
Ah, there he is.
346
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:59,244
- Yes. - I found him.
- Okay, I found him.
347
00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:01,248
- He's giving me sweet little kisses.
- No, my darling.
348
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,920
I don't know what you've got
out there, but he's in here.
349
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,891
Oh, okay. Never mind.
350
00:14:05,901 --> 00:14:08,195
It's just another raccoon.
351
00:14:08,205 --> 00:14:09,385
Okay.
352
00:14:09,395 --> 00:14:11,708
He has the candle on his
head for when he sneaks
353
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,474
down to the basement
and swims in all the sewage.
354
00:14:14,484 --> 00:14:16,111
- It's very dark down there.
- What?
355
00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:17,950
You let him swim in the sewage?
356
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,840
It helps him shake off the sillies.
357
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,629
Now, I have a little boy
358
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:24,012
who needs feeding.
359
00:14:24,022 --> 00:14:25,597
There you are.
360
00:14:25,607 --> 00:14:27,167
You like these, don't you?
361
00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:29,184
Are you ready? Here we go.
362
00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:30,541
Yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
363
00:14:30,551 --> 00:14:33,145
- No.
- Now, sit.
364
00:14:33,155 --> 00:14:35,149
Stay, boy.
365
00:14:35,159 --> 00:14:36,653
And... have at it.
366
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,694
Just can't
leave that innocent kid
367
00:14:40,704 --> 00:14:44,530
in this death trap of a house
with those lunatics.
368
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:47,417
My mom worked a lot when I was little.
369
00:14:48,241 --> 00:14:50,455
So I had to take care of myself a lot,
370
00:14:50,465 --> 00:14:52,036
and it was hard.
371
00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:54,131
And no kid should
have to go through that.
372
00:14:54,655 --> 00:14:56,358
I'm gonna just focus on me.
373
00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:58,859
Me first. Me.
374
00:14:58,869 --> 00:15:01,184
You're looking at a brand-new
Guillermo de la Cruz.
375
00:15:02,473 --> 00:15:05,445
After I take care of the wedding
and make sure that child doesn't die.
376
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,149
This is my favorite part right here...
377
00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:11,054
So, Guillermo has made a good point.
378
00:15:11,064 --> 00:15:14,027
- Hmm.
- That we should probably make some concrete steps
379
00:15:14,037 --> 00:15:15,998
into fixing this house,
380
00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:18,713
because it has become
a mortal danger for us
381
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,141
and also for the little creature
382
00:15:21,151 --> 00:15:23,680
- You mean the baby?
- - that clawed its way out of
383
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,692
the chest of the corpse of
our dead friend, Colin Robinson.
384
00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:28,022
Which is what we are doing.
385
00:15:28,032 --> 00:15:30,458
I'm sorry, but I don't know
how watching 15 episodes
386
00:15:30,468 --> 00:15:33,099
of these two dimwits
installing kitchen islands
387
00:15:33,109 --> 00:15:35,103
in other people's homes
is going to help us
388
00:15:35,113 --> 00:15:36,739
- fix our house. - Yep.
- My darling,
389
00:15:36,749 --> 00:15:39,739
Bran and Toby are brothers
with a keen eye
390
00:15:39,749 --> 00:15:41,325
on interior decor.
391
00:15:41,335 --> 00:15:43,747
They turn the most mundane property
392
00:15:43,757 --> 00:15:45,691
from shabby, uh, to chic.
393
00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:48,095
Tell 'em we're
gonna need a structural engineer,
394
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:51,068
a team of contractors,
and at least two plumbers.
395
00:15:51,078 --> 00:15:53,172
Guillermo said that
we're gonna need a structural...
396
00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:54,809
- Yeah, we heard him, you prat.
- Yes, he's sitting right there.
397
00:15:54,819 --> 00:15:56,111
Guillermo has decided
398
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,082
that he's no longer talking to you both
399
00:15:58,092 --> 00:15:59,986
because of the bad way
you have treated him
400
00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:02,390
- over the last 12 years.
- Ooh.
401
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,394
A bit of sass from the boy.
402
00:16:08,012 --> 00:16:10,173
Okay, now
we are all friends again,
403
00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:12,145
and we are breaking each other's balls.
404
00:16:12,155 --> 00:16:13,580
- No, that's really not what's going on here.
- Well, to fix
405
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:15,183
this house, we need money, correct?
406
00:16:15,193 --> 00:16:16,981
Does anyone know if we have any money?
407
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:18,623
- Anyone? Cash.
- Uh...
408
00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:20,761
- Coin. Gold.
- Moola. Wonga.
409
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,332
- Rubles. Lettuce. Dough.
- Milk. Bread.
410
00:16:23,342 --> 00:16:25,069
- Sweet cream.
- Stripper tips.
411
00:16:25,079 --> 00:16:27,101
- Anyone?
- Colin Robinson was in charge
412
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,344
of paying all the bills in the house,
413
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:31,348
and now Colin Robinson is dead.
414
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,085
No, he's not. He's right over...
415
00:16:33,095 --> 00:16:34,589
Oh, no, no, Colin. Colin!
416
00:16:34,599 --> 00:16:36,325
No, Colin. No, no, no.
417
00:16:36,335 --> 00:16:38,062
That is not
Colin Robinson, so...
418
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:40,183
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
419
00:16:40,193 --> 00:16:43,372
It came from Colin Robinson, but
don't call him Colin Robinson.
420
00:16:43,382 --> 00:16:45,976
- Have a seat, right here.
- I do have Colin Robinson's
421
00:16:45,986 --> 00:16:48,282
automated teller machine card.
422
00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:51,421
- Ooh.
- But what I don't have, I'm afraid, is Colin Robinson's
423
00:16:51,431 --> 00:16:54,294
automated teller machine card password.
424
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,331
Any ideas?
425
00:16:56,341 --> 00:16:57,701
You can't be that stupid,
can you? Just give me that.
426
00:16:57,711 --> 00:16:59,304
Ooh.
427
00:16:59,314 --> 00:17:01,408
This boy's grown some claws.
428
00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,445
Hey, buddy. I'm Guillermo.
429
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:05,216
- What's your name?
- Colin.
430
00:17:05,226 --> 00:17:06,519
Oh, no, no, no, no.
431
00:17:06,529 --> 00:17:08,155
The only reason why he said that is
432
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:09,625
'cause he's heard you say Colin
many times.
433
00:17:09,635 --> 00:17:10,837
Okay.
434
00:17:10,847 --> 00:17:12,017
Hey, buddy.
435
00:17:12,027 --> 00:17:14,519
Do you know the password to this card?
436
00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:15,641
Three.
437
00:17:15,651 --> 00:17:17,988
Three. Can we get a-a
piece of paper and pen?
438
00:17:17,998 --> 00:17:19,612
- Good job. Very good.
- My quill, my quill.
439
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,783
- Three-three. What else?
- Three, yes.
440
00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:23,687
- One. - One.
- One.
441
00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:25,524
- Hang on. - Four.
- Four.
442
00:17:25,534 --> 00:17:26,793
- Four.
- Anything else, Colin?
443
00:17:26,803 --> 00:17:28,329
- One. - One.
- One.
444
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,709
This is quite miraculous.
445
00:17:31,076 --> 00:17:33,339
_
446
00:17:33,349 --> 00:17:34,740
Four.
447
00:17:35,162 --> 00:17:36,378
Three
448
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,808
One. Zero.
449
00:17:38,818 --> 00:17:39,839
- Two.
- At least I tried.
450
00:17:39,849 --> 00:17:41,544
Bloody waste of time.
451
00:17:45,462 --> 00:17:48,102
Do you know what
could be a very good moneymaker?
452
00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:51,375
Opening up our own vampire nightclub.
453
00:17:51,385 --> 00:17:53,212
Ooh, yes, a great idea.
454
00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:55,249
- A what?
- A vampire nightclub.
455
00:17:55,259 --> 00:17:56,855
Like in the film Blade,
456
00:17:56,865 --> 00:17:58,255
with the blood sprinklers
457
00:17:58,265 --> 00:17:59,558
and the live F and S show.
458
00:17:59,568 --> 00:18:01,629
- Imagine!
- I got it.
459
00:18:01,639 --> 00:18:03,729
We rob Fort Knox.
460
00:18:03,739 --> 00:18:06,846
Guillermo, I am going to need
600 yards of strong rope.
461
00:18:06,856 --> 00:18:08,810
Why would you need that much rope?
462
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,482
- You got any better ideas?
- Uh, I just said one.
463
00:18:11,492 --> 00:18:14,154
- She just said one.
- Well, if you two are considering
464
00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:17,427
selling my TV projector monitor,
then you can get fucked.
465
00:18:17,437 --> 00:18:19,230
- Hmm.
- The new series of Go Flip Yourself
466
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,767
starts next week,
467
00:18:20,777 --> 00:18:23,740
where Bran and Toby face
their biggest challenges yet.
468
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:25,611
- Hmm.
- Guys, could we circle back?
469
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:27,347
I'm telling you,
the nightclub business...
470
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:30,286
- It is a cash-only business.
- I've got it.
471
00:18:30,296 --> 00:18:32,323
We break into Henry Ford's house,
472
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,294
- Oh...
- and we steal all his money.
473
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:37,220
Guillermo, I'm just gonna need
ten yards of strong rope.
474
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:40,316
I did learn three very
valuable lessons on my trip to England.
475
00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:43,212
Number one, if you go to work
476
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:45,157
for the Supreme Worldwide
Vampiric Council,
477
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,649
do not let them
478
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,368
put you on a ten-year
Vampiric Planning Committee,
479
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,995
'cause that is where they just stick
480
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,833
Z-list and C-list vampires
to just sit around,
481
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,469
talking about boring admin all day.
482
00:18:55,479 --> 00:18:58,208
And that is why the focus
of our five-year plan
483
00:18:58,218 --> 00:19:00,120
should be to form a variety
484
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:02,183
of subcommittees and study groups...
485
00:19:02,193 --> 00:19:03,787
And the
second thing I learned is,
486
00:19:03,797 --> 00:19:06,191
as a woman, sometimes you do need
487
00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,329
to use your special voice to be heard.
488
00:19:08,339 --> 00:19:11,468
I was too afraid to use mine in
the Vampiric Council meetings,
489
00:19:11,478 --> 00:19:13,305
and I deeply regret that.
490
00:19:13,315 --> 00:19:14,731
Unless anyone has
anything else, I think we can...
491
00:19:14,741 --> 00:19:17,380
If I could?
I have prepared a little pitch.
492
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,952
Another way we could
possibly go with our...
493
00:19:19,962 --> 00:19:21,873
five-year plan.
494
00:19:23,268 --> 00:19:25,907
I have just two words for you.
495
00:19:27,745 --> 00:19:30,607
Vampire nightclub.
496
00:19:30,617 --> 00:19:32,443
And that's the other thing I learned.
497
00:19:32,453 --> 00:19:34,815
I just really want to open
a vampiric nightclub!
498
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,251
I mean, come on.
499
00:19:36,261 --> 00:19:37,755
It's a no-brainer.
500
00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:41,507
Oh, Nadja, every new vampire
comes up with this idea,
501
00:19:41,517 --> 00:19:43,465
and it's not what we do here.
502
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:44,835
Oh.
503
00:19:44,845 --> 00:19:46,506
Okay.
504
00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:47,975
Thank you for your time.
505
00:19:47,985 --> 00:19:49,845
And so that is when I decided to quit
506
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,316
the Worldwide Supreme
Vampiric Council and come home.
507
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:54,192
Okay, this is ridiculous.
You're all vampires.
508
00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:55,456
Just go to the bank
and hypnotize the teller...
509
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:56,926
Enough!
510
00:19:56,936 --> 00:19:59,230
- Whoa! - Whoa!
- Shit!
511
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,334
Whoa!
512
00:20:03,015 --> 00:20:06,278
I am telling you, we are going
to open a vampire nightclub.
513
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:09,485
- Any questions? - Works for me.
- Fine and dandy by this boy.
514
00:20:09,495 --> 00:20:10,864
What?
515
00:20:11,933 --> 00:20:14,427
So, was it great being back home
516
00:20:14,437 --> 00:20:15,530
in Al Qolnidar?
517
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:16,799
No, it was not.
518
00:20:16,809 --> 00:20:18,435
I returned back to my village,
519
00:20:18,445 --> 00:20:20,339
and it was exactly how I left it,
520
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:23,412
except everyone had become vampires.
521
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,684
So, wasn't it nice
to be among your own kind?
522
00:20:25,694 --> 00:20:26,886
I hated it.
523
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:28,556
If everyone is a vampire,
524
00:20:28,566 --> 00:20:30,359
there's nothing special
about being a vampire.
525
00:20:30,369 --> 00:20:31,896
It was not good for my mental health.
526
00:20:31,906 --> 00:20:33,900
- Are you two tits coming or what?
- Yes,
527
00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:35,714
yes. There's no need to shout.
528
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,344
- Oh.
- Oh...
529
00:20:39,354 --> 00:20:40,881
Hello?!
530
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:42,518
- Guillermo, get the lights.
- Guillermo,
531
00:20:42,528 --> 00:20:43,920
- get the lights.
- Gizmo, get the lights.
532
00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:46,024
Why do I have to still do it?
533
00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:47,828
Oh.
534
00:20:47,838 --> 00:20:49,932
- There you are.
- Shit.
535
00:20:49,942 --> 00:20:51,736
What the hell are you doing?
536
00:20:51,746 --> 00:20:54,842
Just sitting here, waiting
for you guys to come back.
537
00:20:54,852 --> 00:20:57,614
- For a year?
- What? A year?
538
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,017
Oh, wow.
539
00:20:59,027 --> 00:21:01,054
Guess I was just so afraid if I got up,
540
00:21:01,064 --> 00:21:03,211
that would be the moment
you would come in.
541
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,795
You know? So I just waited.
542
00:21:06,341 --> 00:21:07,868
Well...
543
00:21:07,878 --> 00:21:10,796
We have a lot of Council
business to catch up on, huh?
544
00:21:11,292 --> 00:21:14,109
Actually, no.
No more business as usual.
545
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,883
- Change of direction.
- Oh, that's something I really enjoy.
546
00:21:17,893 --> 00:21:19,492
- I'll tell you what it is.
- Okay.
547
00:21:19,502 --> 00:21:22,998
We are opening a motherfucking
vampire nightclub, baby!
548
00:21:23,008 --> 00:21:25,469
Cool. Where?
549
00:21:25,479 --> 00:21:26,582
Here.
550
00:21:26,898 --> 00:21:28,067
Yes.
551
00:21:28,077 --> 00:21:29,410
- No.
- Yes.
552
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,516
We are opening a vampire nightclub.
553
00:21:31,526 --> 00:21:34,789
And if any of you motherfuckers
get in my way,
554
00:21:34,799 --> 00:21:38,472
you will surely live to regret it!
555
00:22:25,242 --> 00:22:27,758
- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
40147
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