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1
00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:04,161
Gather around,
glorious turd monsters,
2
00:00:04,197 --> 00:00:07,365
and feast your eyes on
what I hold in this hand:
3
00:00:07,367 --> 00:00:09,567
the future of movement...
a hoverboard.
4
00:00:09,569 --> 00:00:10,903
I don't understand those things.
5
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:12,771
Is walking really
so hard for you?
6
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:15,073
Oh, Ames, walking's a nightmare.
7
00:00:15,108 --> 00:00:16,108
Yeah, Amy.
8
00:00:16,109 --> 00:00:20,312
Now, friends, eat
my space dust.
9
00:00:22,449 --> 00:00:25,951
Okay, a little harder to control
than I thought.
10
00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,652
Okay, there we go.
Whoo!
11
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:28,954
Think I'm getting
the hang of it.
12
00:00:28,954 --> 00:00:30,655
No, I'm not!
13
00:00:33,192 --> 00:00:35,292
I'm all right.
14
00:00:37,697 --> 00:00:39,331
No!
15
00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:40,331
Ow!
16
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,334
I'm doing it!
17
00:00:42,335 --> 00:00:43,835
I'm doing it!
18
00:00:43,837 --> 00:00:44,837
You got this?
19
00:00:44,838 --> 00:00:46,137
No, I do not got this, Terry!
20
00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:47,539
Don't let go of me!
21
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,642
The future of movement is now!
22
00:00:49,643 --> 00:00:50,768
Whoa!
23
00:00:50,768 --> 00:00:54,371
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
24
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:02,074
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
25
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,465
There he is.
26
00:01:14,466 --> 00:01:16,745
All hail the birthday boy.
27
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,337
Oh, what the hell was that?
28
00:01:19,338 --> 00:01:20,739
Charles, probably shouldn't
have done that
29
00:01:20,739 --> 00:01:21,941
in a police station.
30
00:01:21,942 --> 00:01:23,474
And not celebrate
your birthday properly?
31
00:01:23,475 --> 00:01:24,509
I'd rather get shot.
32
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:25,677
You do you, Boyle.
33
00:01:25,679 --> 00:01:26,844
I'm doing me.
34
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:27,879
What's this case?
35
00:01:27,881 --> 00:01:29,414
Oh, this isn't work.
36
00:01:29,415 --> 00:01:31,683
It's research on your mom
since we're finally meeting.
37
00:01:31,685 --> 00:01:33,117
It's very thorough.
38
00:01:33,118 --> 00:01:34,986
Just relax.
She's gonna love you.
39
00:01:34,987 --> 00:01:36,588
You're both strong,
accomplished women
40
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:37,956
that have seen me naked.
41
00:01:37,957 --> 00:01:40,058
I used to be so good
at meeting grownups.
42
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:42,328
I'd just sing
"Itsy Bitsy Spider" flawlessly
43
00:01:42,329 --> 00:01:44,729
and ride that wave
till bath time.
44
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,198
But now...
it's anybody's guess.
45
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,567
All right, what I am about
to say will make you very horny,
46
00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:52,337
but you have to try and remember
that we're still at work.
47
00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:53,739
Do you want me to quiz you?
48
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,139
Oh, God, yes.
49
00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:56,876
Wow.
Okay, great.
50
00:01:56,877 --> 00:01:58,575
What is my mother's favorite
drink?
51
00:01:58,611 --> 00:01:59,710
Red wine over ice.
52
00:01:59,746 --> 00:02:01,980
Just like Diane Keaton,
or so she always says.
53
00:02:01,981 --> 00:02:03,414
Favorite topics of conversation?
54
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:04,817
Jimmy Carter was underrated,
55
00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:06,784
how beautiful
some front doors are.
56
00:02:06,786 --> 00:02:08,120
What's Jane Seymour up to?
57
00:02:08,121 --> 00:02:09,521
And how cool is it
58
00:02:09,521 --> 00:02:11,156
that the ladies across
the street are lesbians?
59
00:02:11,157 --> 00:02:12,457
Great.
Nice work.
60
00:02:12,459 --> 00:02:15,060
Topics to avoid: how my dad
left us and ruined our lives,
61
00:02:15,061 --> 00:02:17,195
how my dad got remarried twice
and ruined our lives,
62
00:02:17,197 --> 00:02:18,463
how my dad moved to Canada
63
00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:19,764
- and ruined our lives.
- You know what?
64
00:02:19,799 --> 00:02:21,679
I'm just gonna steer clear
of your dad entirely.
65
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:22,700
Smart.
66
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:24,036
You're gonna be fine, all right?
67
00:02:24,037 --> 00:02:26,906
She's gonna totally love you.
68
00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:28,740
Are those her dental records?
69
00:02:28,741 --> 00:02:30,943
Gina, are you excited for our
70
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,177
"Escape the Room"
team-building exercise?
71
00:02:33,179 --> 00:02:35,381
I told you, sir,
it would be far more effective
72
00:02:35,382 --> 00:02:38,317
for the squad to go to Vegas,
and you give us each $5,000.
73
00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:39,918
No, I see no value in that.
74
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,086
But nine coworkers forced to
riddle their way free
75
00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:43,421
from a locked room...
76
00:02:43,423 --> 00:02:47,626
I would spend my $5,000 to buy
backstage passes to Britney,
77
00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:50,295
and then I'd ask her
one question:
78
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,096
You think you're a better
dancer than me?
79
00:02:52,132 --> 00:02:53,699
We are not going to Las Vegas.
80
00:02:53,699 --> 00:02:56,502
We're going to Long Island City
and we will bond meaningfully,
81
00:02:56,502 --> 00:02:57,902
and that is a direct order.
82
00:02:57,903 --> 00:02:59,337
I'll see you at 8:00 tonight.
83
00:02:59,338 --> 00:03:00,673
Tonight?
84
00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:01,941
Um...
85
00:03:01,942 --> 00:03:03,608
Okay, great.
86
00:03:03,643 --> 00:03:05,110
Jake!
Jakester!
87
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:06,645
Remember when I did not
email you about
88
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,479
Captain Holt's "Escape the Room"
thing tonight?
89
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,981
No, and I can't go.
90
00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:12,151
Amy and I are going to
my mom's house for my birthday.
91
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,284
Adults don't care about
their birthdays.
92
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,887
You came to work last year
on a horse.
93
00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:17,722
Man, forget you.
Where's Charles?
94
00:03:17,757 --> 00:03:19,189
On a stakeout
with Rosa and Terry.
95
00:03:19,224 --> 00:03:20,259
Police work?
96
00:03:20,259 --> 00:03:22,126
What a waste of time.
97
00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:25,830
So no Jake, no Amy, no Charles,
no Rosa, no Terry.
98
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,466
That leaves me with...
99
00:03:27,466 --> 00:03:29,200
Aah.
Ooh!
100
00:03:29,201 --> 00:03:31,170
- Aah.
- Aah.
101
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:33,003
Oh, dear God.
102
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:36,507
Okay, this is the block
our boy Tommy Tran does his drops.
103
00:03:36,543 --> 00:03:40,111
Before we do anything else,
are your body cams turned on?
104
00:03:40,112 --> 00:03:41,913
Why are you so obsessed
with these things?
105
00:03:41,914 --> 00:03:43,814
It's like your stupid babies
all over again.
106
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,616
My babies are not stupid.
107
00:03:45,617 --> 00:03:47,552
Cagney can write a lowercase L.
108
00:03:47,554 --> 00:03:48,819
It's just a line, right?
109
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:53,557
Look, I worked hard to get us
included in that pilot program.
110
00:03:53,593 --> 00:03:55,194
Body cams are important,
111
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:57,362
and I need these field tests
to go well.
112
00:03:57,364 --> 00:03:59,531
I'm gonna go take my position.
113
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,665
"Just a straight line." Come on!
114
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,967
Unique New York.
Unique New York.
115
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:05,871
Unique New York.
116
00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:08,167
I took a Toastmasters class
to prepare for tonight.
117
00:04:08,174 --> 00:04:09,474
Seriously, it's gonna be fine.
118
00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:11,043
We're just gonna have
some dinner, eat dessert,
119
00:04:11,044 --> 00:04:12,544
play charades,
and then talk for half an hour
120
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:13,944
about which of her friends
are sick.
121
00:04:13,947 --> 00:04:15,247
We're gonna play charades?
122
00:04:15,247 --> 00:04:17,582
You wait until t-minus
two seconds to tell me that?
123
00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:19,317
Okay.
Movie. Book.
124
00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:21,586
What's the thing for song?
I don't know the thing for song.
125
00:04:22,622 --> 00:04:24,822
Hi, birthday boy.
126
00:04:24,824 --> 00:04:25,856
Hi.
127
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,324
Mom, is something on fire?
128
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,427
- Yeah.
- Okay.
129
00:04:29,461 --> 00:04:32,730
You must be Amy.
130
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,066
Let me take you in.
131
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:36,201
Okay.
132
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:39,103
I'll just take in this gorgeous
front door of yours.
133
00:04:39,139 --> 00:04:41,204
- Mom, seriously, the fire?
- It's fine.
134
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,740
Things don't burn down
like they used to.
135
00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:44,742
I'm just gonna put it out.
136
00:04:44,778 --> 00:04:47,478
Well, you know, it's good
enough for Diane Keaton.
137
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,747
It's good enough for me.
138
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:49,814
I love her.
139
00:04:49,816 --> 00:04:52,350
I mean, she's no Jane Seymour.
140
00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:54,353
Where is Jane Seymour
now, anyway?
141
00:04:54,353 --> 00:04:56,855
She makes jewelry,
and it's beautiful.
142
00:04:56,855 --> 00:04:59,925
I just bought two brooches for
the lesbians across the street.
143
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,060
Mom, I keep telling you,
144
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:02,494
if you don't rein it in
a little bit,
145
00:05:02,495 --> 00:05:03,761
you're gonna scare them off.
146
00:05:03,797 --> 00:05:06,865
Well, that's what you said
about Carla, and I ignored it,
147
00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:08,699
and now I have a friend
with one arm.
148
00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:10,300
I stand corrected.
149
00:05:10,336 --> 00:05:12,704
Oh, must be
your birthday surprise.
150
00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:14,139
You got the '86 Mets?
151
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,507
Be warned, a lot of them
turned out to be drug addicts,
152
00:05:16,509 --> 00:05:18,309
so this could be a bummer.
153
00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:19,343
You ready?
154
00:05:21,581 --> 00:05:23,146
Hey, buddy.
155
00:05:23,182 --> 00:05:25,417
Happy birthday.
156
00:05:25,418 --> 00:05:27,685
Dad?
What are you doing here?
157
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,122
I wanted to surprise you.
158
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:33,992
Yeah, well I am surprised
that you know it's my birthday.
159
00:05:33,992 --> 00:05:36,728
Actually, Jake...
160
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,764
your father and I are, uh,
161
00:05:38,764 --> 00:05:40,564
seeing each other again.
162
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,367
Oh!
163
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:45,603
Wow, that's...
that's so interesting.
164
00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:48,305
Oh...
165
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:52,591
I know this isn't the best time,
166
00:05:52,591 --> 00:05:54,423
but we are in
your childhood bedroom,
167
00:05:54,423 --> 00:05:56,557
and I do have one question:
168
00:05:56,558 --> 00:05:58,694
did you have a nose ring
in high school?
169
00:05:58,694 --> 00:06:01,430
Yes. Until it got infected
and I almost went blind.
170
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:02,430
Don't tell anyone.
171
00:06:02,464 --> 00:06:05,199
Cool. It's our secret.
172
00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:08,002
Just gonna check my email
up high.
173
00:06:08,004 --> 00:06:09,670
No new messages.
174
00:06:09,672 --> 00:06:11,406
Amy, can we focus?
175
00:06:11,406 --> 00:06:13,774
What is going on here?
Why is my dad dating my mom?
176
00:06:13,776 --> 00:06:14,942
What does he want?
177
00:06:14,944 --> 00:06:17,379
Money, but she's a public school
art teacher.
178
00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:19,314
That doesn't make any sense.
179
00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:21,516
Maybe that son of a bitch
wants his picture drawn!
180
00:06:21,516 --> 00:06:23,584
Jake, Karen is a grown woman
181
00:06:23,586 --> 00:06:25,553
with a pretty respectable
credit score.
182
00:06:25,555 --> 00:06:26,988
I'm sure she knows
what she's doing.
183
00:06:26,990 --> 00:06:28,290
Amy, I know that you
have a binder,
184
00:06:28,290 --> 00:06:29,457
but you don't know her
like I do.
185
00:06:29,459 --> 00:06:31,326
She's too trusting
for her own good.
186
00:06:31,326 --> 00:06:33,494
She's fallen for more
Nigerian scams than Scully.
187
00:06:33,528 --> 00:06:35,829
She's fallen
for 20 Nigerian scams?
188
00:06:35,865 --> 00:06:37,132
20?
189
00:06:37,132 --> 00:06:38,667
That's insane.
190
00:06:38,668 --> 00:06:41,136
No, she's fallen for 2.
Scully's fallen for 20?
191
00:06:41,137 --> 00:06:42,137
Yeah.
192
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:43,572
Look, all right, you know what?
193
00:06:43,572 --> 00:06:44,872
This is fine.
194
00:06:44,874 --> 00:06:46,475
It's just the same
that it's always been.
195
00:06:46,475 --> 00:06:47,843
I have to protect her.
196
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:49,110
I'm gonna go down there,
197
00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:50,978
and I'm going to express
my concerns to her
198
00:06:50,980 --> 00:06:53,048
in a calm, rational manner.
199
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:54,783
What are you doing, Mom?
200
00:06:54,783 --> 00:06:56,216
He's evil!
201
00:06:56,252 --> 00:06:59,120
I'm glad
we got these sweet cams.
202
00:06:59,154 --> 00:07:00,286
What is happening
with your voice?
203
00:07:00,322 --> 00:07:02,124
This is Body Cam Charles.
204
00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:03,658
I got to sound badass
205
00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:06,060
in case anybody watches
the footage, capisce?
206
00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:07,093
Aah!
207
00:07:07,129 --> 00:07:09,497
Oh, I just spilled soup
on the cam!
208
00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:11,264
Why do you have soup
on a stakeout?
209
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,134
Oh, no.
Crap!
210
00:07:13,136 --> 00:07:14,636
Oh, it's not turning back on.
211
00:07:14,637 --> 00:07:15,937
Do you think Sarge
is gonna be mad
212
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,605
that I spilled "fuh" on the cam?
213
00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:18,973
He definitely will
if you say pho like that
214
00:07:18,975 --> 00:07:20,040
when you tell him.
215
00:07:20,076 --> 00:07:21,242
I'm not gonna mispronounce it.
216
00:07:21,244 --> 00:07:22,343
Not while you're rolling.
217
00:07:22,377 --> 00:07:23,543
Go get yourself cleaned up!
218
00:07:25,981 --> 00:07:27,380
- See anything, Sarge?
- Not yet.
219
00:07:27,417 --> 00:07:28,917
Don't know why
I didn't go undercover
220
00:07:28,918 --> 00:07:30,384
as someone wearing a scarf.
221
00:07:30,386 --> 00:07:32,687
Terry hates windchill.
222
00:07:32,689 --> 00:07:34,288
Wait, here's our guy.
223
00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:35,855
Got him.
224
00:07:35,891 --> 00:07:38,927
Crap!
I think he made me.
225
00:07:38,927 --> 00:07:40,562
He's headed toward
the restaurant!
226
00:07:40,562 --> 00:07:42,264
You follow.
I'll cover the back alley!
227
00:07:49,855 --> 00:07:51,172
Someone's in here!
228
00:07:53,843 --> 00:07:55,177
Uhh!
229
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:56,478
Ah!
230
00:07:56,478 --> 00:07:58,478
- Rosa?
- Charles.
231
00:07:59,716 --> 00:08:01,514
You're completely naked.
232
00:08:03,786 --> 00:08:05,386
You have the right
to remain silent.
233
00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:07,021
You have the right
to an attorney.
234
00:08:09,658 --> 00:08:11,324
Where is everyone, Gina?
235
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,661
Perhaps that's
tonight's first puzzle.
236
00:08:13,663 --> 00:08:15,463
I forgot to send
the invitations.
237
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:17,699
But I was able to rally
the best and brightest
238
00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,165
of those available.
239
00:08:20,836 --> 00:08:21,836
Oh, dear God.
240
00:08:21,838 --> 00:08:23,038
Sorry we're late.
241
00:08:23,038 --> 00:08:24,773
Turns out the front door
was a push, not a pull.
242
00:08:24,774 --> 00:08:26,072
Well, maybe we should
just reschedule.
243
00:08:28,911 --> 00:08:31,346
You have three hours
to find the four keys
244
00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:32,980
that will prevent the apocalypse
245
00:08:32,981 --> 00:08:34,380
and release you from this room.
246
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,451
Your time starts now.
247
00:08:36,451 --> 00:08:38,719
Well, this is
a sobering reality.
248
00:08:40,255 --> 00:08:43,024
Okay, I got your favorite cake:
249
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:45,393
- blue.
- I'm not hungry.
250
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,995
It's a figure of speech.
Obviously, I'll have some.
251
00:08:47,996 --> 00:08:50,331
You know,
I don't think our guest Amy
252
00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:52,801
really wants to
talk about this, Jake.
253
00:08:52,802 --> 00:08:54,368
Can we just move on?
254
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,104
Yes.
Maybe we could talk about
255
00:08:56,105 --> 00:08:59,307
someone we all admire:
President Jimmy Carter.
256
00:08:59,307 --> 00:09:00,908
When I think of the great...
257
00:09:00,909 --> 00:09:03,278
So how serious is it, Hmm?
258
00:09:03,278 --> 00:09:04,345
Have you guys kissed?
259
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,679
Has he stayed the night?
260
00:09:05,681 --> 00:09:07,916
Has he brought you a chocolate
orange from the airport?
261
00:09:07,917 --> 00:09:09,383
'Cause that's his big move.
262
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,119
Jake, your mother
and I have been seeing each other
263
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,119
for three months.
264
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,120
Oh, you know what?
265
00:09:13,121 --> 00:09:14,922
I oughta throw up in your face.
266
00:09:14,956 --> 00:09:19,493
I know that you're angry,
but when I was here last year,
267
00:09:19,528 --> 00:09:22,264
you really showed me
what a selfish jerk I was.
268
00:09:22,264 --> 00:09:25,131
You're the reason
that all of this is happening.
269
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:26,868
Yeah, but I didn't want this.
270
00:09:26,869 --> 00:09:30,203
I just wanted you to text me
Mb dad joke every six months.
271
00:09:30,239 --> 00:09:31,605
I can do that.
Just give me your number.
272
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,174
You didn't save my number?
273
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:34,642
Now, Jake, look.
274
00:09:34,677 --> 00:09:36,945
I know every mistake
your father has made,
275
00:09:36,946 --> 00:09:39,681
and he says
they're all in the past.
276
00:09:39,682 --> 00:09:42,167
Now just blow out your candles.
277
00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:44,019
Okay, great.
278
00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:45,120
Great idea, Mom.
279
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,989
I'll blow out
my birthday candles.
280
00:09:52,294 --> 00:09:55,163
I wished that you would leave.
281
00:09:55,163 --> 00:09:56,697
Damn it, I shouldn't have
said it out loud.
282
00:09:56,698 --> 00:09:57,697
Now it won't come true.
283
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:02,037
Okay, we have maps,
a pantry, beds, a desk.
284
00:10:02,038 --> 00:10:03,337
Where should we begin?
285
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:04,940
Do you have any experience
with puzzles?
286
00:10:04,941 --> 00:10:05,941
Yes.
287
00:10:05,942 --> 00:10:07,140
I've never solved one.
288
00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:09,510
This says we have
three questions.
289
00:10:09,511 --> 00:10:10,845
- No.
- Uh-oh.
290
00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:12,480
- How do we get outta here?
- Can't tell you.
291
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:13,480
- Really?
- Yes.
292
00:10:13,481 --> 00:10:15,616
That's enough!
293
00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:16,884
Sorry about that.
294
00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:18,419
Can we please have
our questions back?
295
00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:19,421
No.
296
00:10:19,422 --> 00:10:20,488
And that's three.
297
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:22,057
You're done.
298
00:10:22,057 --> 00:10:24,924
Oh, Captain, how could you?
299
00:10:26,028 --> 00:10:27,596
Hey.
300
00:10:27,596 --> 00:10:29,163
You didn't come back down.
301
00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:31,432
I had to talk to your parents
for, like, an hour,
302
00:10:31,433 --> 00:10:33,235
and I ran out of stuff
from the binder,
303
00:10:33,235 --> 00:10:35,570
and then I did something
really weird.
304
00:10:35,571 --> 00:10:39,774
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider
went up the water spout ♪
305
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:41,142
♪ Down came... ♪
306
00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:44,477
So... do you know where
the nearest train station is?
307
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:48,048
I know it sucks that I did that,
but think about how I feel.
308
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:50,284
My stupid parents
are borking each other.
309
00:10:50,286 --> 00:10:52,287
And my mom thinks she knows
all the worst things
310
00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:54,221
that my dad did,
but she has no idea.
311
00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:55,956
She doesn't even know
that he cheated on her
312
00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:58,158
with her best friend,
Sheila Bodden.
313
00:10:58,193 --> 00:10:59,193
Oh, my God.
314
00:10:59,195 --> 00:11:00,361
Yeah, I saw them.
315
00:11:00,363 --> 00:11:03,465
They were in our car
in the garage having sex.
316
00:11:03,466 --> 00:11:06,232
It's the whole reason I can't
have sex in cars in garages.
317
00:11:06,269 --> 00:11:08,470
That's a very specific
sexual hang-up.
318
00:11:08,471 --> 00:11:10,703
I mean, has it really
held you back?
319
00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:13,508
Well, are we having sex
in car in a garage right now?
320
00:11:13,509 --> 00:11:15,576
No. So, yeah, big time
it's held me back.
321
00:11:15,577 --> 00:11:16,912
I never told her about it
322
00:11:16,913 --> 00:11:19,681
'cause I didn't want
to crush her heart, but...
323
00:11:19,682 --> 00:11:21,515
now I have to use it.
324
00:11:21,517 --> 00:11:23,951
I'm gonna tell my dad if
he doesn't do the decent thing
325
00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:26,354
and leave my mom again...
326
00:11:26,355 --> 00:11:28,756
I'm dropping the Sheila bomb.
327
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:30,725
Whoa.
328
00:11:30,725 --> 00:11:33,827
I know this is a really
big deal, but I have to ask.
329
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:35,729
Did you wear this hat
in high school?
330
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:36,830
Amy!
331
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,620
There's only one way I'm gonna
get my dad alone.
332
00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:40,917
You have to tell my mom
that you need to
333
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:42,724
- speak with her in private.
- About what?
334
00:11:42,725 --> 00:11:43,870
I barely know her.
335
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,806
Tell her you're plugged up
and you need a laxative.
336
00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:47,841
What? No!
337
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,142
What?
I'm not gonna say that.
338
00:11:49,177 --> 00:11:50,177
Okay, here's the plan:
339
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,011
I drop the bomb during charades.
340
00:11:52,013 --> 00:11:55,415
I'll just tell him I know
about Sheila... with my body.
341
00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,884
Um...
342
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,220
Fast, uh, fast...
"Fast and Furious"?
343
00:12:00,221 --> 00:12:02,855
"Magic Mike"?
344
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,291
I don't know...
345
00:12:04,292 --> 00:12:05,658
Uh, "Crying Game"?
346
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,159
- I don't know.
- Time.
347
00:12:07,195 --> 00:12:08,193
Ah!
348
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,131
Oh.
349
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:13,232
- I... I didn't...
- No, no, no.
350
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:14,567
It's fine.
I... it's... I'm...
351
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,336
Um, right, why would you be?
352
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,205
Yeah, it's not like
I'm always, uh...
353
00:12:18,206 --> 00:12:19,206
Naked.
354
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,740
Yeah.
355
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,176
Look, man, no one's ever gonna
see that footage.
356
00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:24,644
The case was cut and dry.
357
00:12:24,645 --> 00:12:26,511
It's not like I'm dying
to tell anyone I saw your...
358
00:12:26,548 --> 00:12:27,548
Bennie and the Jets.
359
00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:28,615
Sure.
360
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:29,750
Whatever.
361
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,517
Hey, I've been looking
for you guys.
362
00:12:31,552 --> 00:12:33,253
I just talked
to our perp's attorney.
363
00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:35,588
He's claiming the drugs
you seized in the bathroom
364
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:37,256
- weren't his.
- What?
365
00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:39,259
But we saw him throw them
in the garbage.
366
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,394
Yeah.
367
00:12:40,394 --> 00:12:42,361
Normally, it'd be your word
against his,
368
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:45,264
but lucky for us,
you were wearing body cams!
369
00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:47,301
Yeah, but the thing
about cameras
370
00:12:47,302 --> 00:12:50,403
is that they don't really
tell the full objective truth.
371
00:12:50,404 --> 00:12:53,206
Images can be distorted.
People often seem naked.
372
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,841
Boyle, what are you
talking about?
373
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,743
Boyle is fully nude
in the footage.
374
00:12:56,744 --> 00:12:58,344
Why?
375
00:12:59,681 --> 00:13:00,714
The whole thing?
376
00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:01,981
No, no, no.
377
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:02,982
Not the whole thing.
Okay.
378
00:13:04,085 --> 00:13:05,351
It doesn't matter
how much humping I do.
379
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,653
He's still not getting it.
380
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,154
Okay.
381
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,556
Well...
382
00:13:09,557 --> 00:13:11,557
then this is happening.
383
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,696
Hey, Karen, can I talk to you
for a second in private?
384
00:13:15,697 --> 00:13:17,597
I'm a little plugged up.
385
00:13:17,599 --> 00:13:20,167
Oh, well, say no more.
386
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:23,269
I have an entire cabinet
devoted just to that.
387
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,203
Wow.
TMI, you guys.
388
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,075
Thank you.
389
00:13:28,076 --> 00:13:30,576
Oh, man, this is so much fun.
390
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:33,614
Thanks for giving me
a second chance, buddy.
391
00:13:33,615 --> 00:13:34,981
Second chance?
392
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,250
Are you seriously not getting
393
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,118
what I'm charades-ing down
at you?
394
00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:39,820
That was you and Sheila Bodden
395
00:13:39,821 --> 00:13:41,522
humping it up
in the back of our car.
396
00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:42,523
What?
I...
397
00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:43,990
Yeah, that's right.
I saw you.
398
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,392
I saw your weird dad butt,
399
00:13:45,393 --> 00:13:48,227
and I saw her aquamarine leotard
bunched up around her ankles!
400
00:13:48,229 --> 00:13:49,462
It scarred me for life.
401
00:13:49,463 --> 00:13:50,963
I'm sorry.
I... I didn't know you saw that.
402
00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:53,366
Yeah, well, I did,
and I never told Mom about it,
403
00:13:53,368 --> 00:13:56,135
but I swear to you, I will
unless you leave right now.
404
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,337
Should be easy for you since
it's your favorite thing to do
405
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,573
aside from humping it up
with ladies.
406
00:14:00,575 --> 00:14:03,677
You think I'm way more
sexually active than I am.
407
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,077
I mean, I've only had sex
with, like, 400 women.
408
00:14:06,114 --> 00:14:07,114
What?
409
00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:08,282
400?
Oh, my God.
410
00:14:08,283 --> 00:14:09,316
Is that a lot?
411
00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:11,051
I mean, all my friends
are pilots.
412
00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:12,918
I'm on the low end of average.
413
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,019
Listen.
414
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,889
I don't want
to hurt your mother.
415
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:19,426
Please... don't tell her
about Sheila.
416
00:14:19,427 --> 00:14:24,563
Fine, I won't, provided
you leave right now.
417
00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:27,700
Your move, white devil.
418
00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:33,371
So if I'm correct, this should
contain... key number one!
419
00:14:33,408 --> 00:14:35,207
Yay.
Open the door.
420
00:14:35,243 --> 00:14:36,643
Oh, we need to find four keys.
421
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,312
And it took half our time
just to find this one
422
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,313
because I had to do it
completely alone.
423
00:14:40,315 --> 00:14:41,480
You're all useless.
424
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,750
Sorry. I've been a little busy
trying to solve the puzzle
425
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:49,022
of how does one man chew so
loud with just one mouth?
426
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:50,023
Sorry.
427
00:14:50,024 --> 00:14:51,225
Could you stop kicking
that thing
428
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,225
for one minute, Hitchcock?
429
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:53,460
The TV's being a dick.
430
00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:54,860
You got to turn it,
like, four times
431
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,313
just to change the damn channel.
432
00:14:56,331 --> 00:14:57,730
Four times?
433
00:15:00,668 --> 00:15:02,535
Try turning it to...
434
00:15:02,537 --> 00:15:04,937
22, 18, 81, 17.
435
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,807
The coordinates
for the Bay of Pigs.
436
00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:10,910
And the military...
437
00:15:10,912 --> 00:15:12,044
Nice job.
438
00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:13,179
You broke the TV.
439
00:15:13,181 --> 00:15:16,081
No, I found another key,
you dolt.
440
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,284
So one was in a knight,
441
00:15:18,286 --> 00:15:22,054
the basketball teams were
the Mustangs and Stallions.
442
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:23,624
We only need two more keys.
443
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,124
This just might work out
after all.
444
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,326
You're damn right it will,
445
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,827
'cause we're a ragtag,
scrappity,
446
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:32,465
fart-dumb, moron parade,
smart-ass team!
447
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:35,735
Okay, we're all good.
448
00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:37,937
Raw garlic.
Cures everything.
449
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,307
It sure does,
and it's so delicious.
450
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,942
Uh...
451
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,476
Where's your father?
452
00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:45,278
Oh, Roger, you mean?
453
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:47,080
He left very suddenly.
454
00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:50,216
Said something about
"being the worst."
455
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,717
- What did you say to him, Jake?
- What?
456
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:53,086
Why do you assume
that I said something?
457
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,054
He's a leaving jerk,
so he left like a jerk.
458
00:15:55,056 --> 00:15:56,222
This is what he does.
459
00:15:56,224 --> 00:15:57,923
- He's not a monster.
- Yeah, well,
460
00:15:57,959 --> 00:15:59,524
you wouldn't say
that if you knew
461
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:00,860
- everything that he's done.
- What did he do, Jake?
462
00:16:00,861 --> 00:16:02,395
Nothing.
You know, just, like
463
00:16:02,397 --> 00:16:04,563
super-awful
life-changing things.
464
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:06,032
No follow-up questions.
465
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,933
Is it worse than the time
he cheated on me
466
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,011
with Sheila Bodden?
467
00:16:10,013 --> 00:16:11,013
Ah.
468
00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:12,013
You knew about that?
469
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,072
Yeah.
470
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,414
I knew about that.
471
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:20,547
♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪
472
00:16:20,548 --> 00:16:22,623
♪ Went up the water spout ♪
473
00:16:23,201 --> 00:16:25,267
I can't believe
you knew about Sheila.
474
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:28,770
I also knew about Wendy.
475
00:16:28,772 --> 00:16:30,038
And Bonnie.
476
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,371
Bonnie who wears a wig?
477
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,174
She left it in our bathroom.
478
00:16:33,176 --> 00:16:35,177
That's how I found out.
479
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:38,179
And also, remember your turtle,
Graham Crackers?
480
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:39,748
Dad had sex with my turtle?
481
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,049
No, no, no, no, but he...
482
00:16:41,051 --> 00:16:42,884
he stepped on it
getting out of bed.
483
00:16:42,885 --> 00:16:44,153
But you said Graham Crackers
484
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:46,054
got married
and moved in with his wife.
485
00:16:46,056 --> 00:16:48,423
How did I not know
any of this stuff?
486
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,758
Well, because you were a kid,
487
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:54,363
and kids don't actually know
a lot about their parents.
488
00:16:54,364 --> 00:16:59,501
Jake, I've dated a lot
of men in the last 20 years.
489
00:16:59,503 --> 00:17:01,403
- You have?
- A lot.
490
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:03,538
Okay, you don't have to put
so much mustard on it.
491
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:05,508
And I haven't met anyone I like.
492
00:17:05,509 --> 00:17:07,442
But I like your father.
493
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,711
And I know he has been
a selfish jerk,
494
00:17:09,712 --> 00:17:11,713
but he really has changed.
495
00:17:11,714 --> 00:17:13,749
Last month
when I had bronchitis,
496
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:17,987
he flew in on his day off
just to bring me soup.
497
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,890
It was this weird Canadian soup.
498
00:17:20,891 --> 00:17:23,791
I-I think it was just
all cheese.
499
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,728
But it was really nice.
500
00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:27,829
Man, I feel stupid.
501
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:29,131
I was just trying
to protect you,
502
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,932
but I clearly
made everything worse.
503
00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:34,970
You have been protecting me
since you were a kid.
504
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,307
Sometimes I think
you got so good at it,
505
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:41,108
you decided to become a cop
and protect everyone.
506
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,411
Oh, that's a cool thought,
507
00:17:42,412 --> 00:17:45,114
but I became a cop
because of "Die Hard."
508
00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:46,146
I love you.
509
00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:47,650
I love you, too, Mom.
510
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,150
Come here.
511
00:17:52,355 --> 00:17:53,788
You know,
I'm probably remembering
512
00:17:53,789 --> 00:17:56,057
a lot more nakedness
than there actually was.
513
00:17:56,058 --> 00:17:57,259
No, you're not.
514
00:17:57,259 --> 00:18:00,261
Also, no one's gonna see it
on that little TV.
515
00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:01,462
Great news.
516
00:18:01,463 --> 00:18:03,298
We were able to snag
the new flat screen.
517
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:04,933
4K, baby!
518
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:09,137
Your honor, Mr. Tran claims
that he had no narcotics on him.
519
00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:12,673
Fortunately, our detectives
were equipped with body cams.
520
00:18:13,777 --> 00:18:14,943
Someone's in here!
521
00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:22,218
I think we all clearly saw
where Mr. Tran threw the drugs
522
00:18:22,219 --> 00:18:24,484
in the trash right before
he was apprehended.
523
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,621
At least it's over now.
524
00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:27,655
Really?
How do we know those were drugs?
525
00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:28,790
Please back that tape up.
526
00:18:28,791 --> 00:18:29,824
No!
Objection!
527
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:30,857
On what grounds?
528
00:18:30,894 --> 00:18:32,461
That's my penis?
529
00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:34,262
Overruled.
530
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:37,031
Hey, man, look at
that and tell me what you see.
531
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,500
A naked fool.
532
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,702
No. Between the thighs
533
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,704
and under the testicles,
there's a bag of cocaine.
534
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,241
A bag of cocaine that's gonna
get us a conviction
535
00:18:46,242 --> 00:18:48,644
and prove the value
of body cams.
536
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:51,180
You know what I see?
A naked hero.
537
00:18:51,181 --> 00:18:53,481
You're right, Sarge.
Thank you.
538
00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:55,451
Now let's zoom in.
539
00:18:55,451 --> 00:18:56,721
Whoop! Over-zoomed.
540
00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,355
Well, well, well.
541
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:01,323
Look who's trying to skip town.
542
00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:02,691
You told me to.
543
00:19:02,692 --> 00:19:04,159
Right.
544
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:09,131
Look, I talked to Mom,
and I just want her to be happy.
545
00:19:09,132 --> 00:19:11,333
So can we go back to
my birthday party now?
546
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:13,300
I'd love that, son.
547
00:19:15,505 --> 00:19:17,006
This is nice.
548
00:19:17,007 --> 00:19:19,173
If you screw this up
and hurt her in any way,
549
00:19:19,174 --> 00:19:21,076
I will throw you in jail
for the rest of your life,
550
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,346
and I can do that now, Dad,
so do not test me.
551
00:19:24,346 --> 00:19:26,625
Okay.
552
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,251
I still liked the hug
553
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,621
even though you used it
to threaten me.
554
00:19:32,622 --> 00:19:34,690
Yeah, well...
555
00:19:34,691 --> 00:19:37,792
I kind of liked
threatening you, so...
556
00:19:37,794 --> 00:19:38,893
Come on.
557
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:43,865
Okay, so we found key number
three, thanks to Scully.
558
00:19:43,866 --> 00:19:45,733
I was gonna eat
those peaches anyway.
559
00:19:45,734 --> 00:19:47,135
That leaves just one more key.
560
00:19:47,136 --> 00:19:50,038
Team, what in this room
is speaking to you right now?
561
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:52,240
Um, I'm intrigued by the phone.
562
00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:54,343
It looks like it would be fun
to call a friend on it
563
00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:56,811
it and talk about a third friend
behind their back.
564
00:19:56,813 --> 00:19:57,813
Interesting.
565
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,583
The dial tone's not steady.
566
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,617
I think it's Morse code.
567
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,520
I know Morse code!
568
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,587
My dad was a prisoner of war
in Korea,
569
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:08,990
and I could only talk to him...
570
00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:09,991
Shut up.
Who cares?
571
00:20:09,992 --> 00:20:11,726
Just decode the message.
572
00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:14,163
It's a phone number.
573
00:20:18,902 --> 00:20:19,902
Oh.
574
00:20:22,439 --> 00:20:23,849
Booyakasha.
575
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:25,740
Ready?
576
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:32,413
One, two, three, four.
577
00:20:39,388 --> 00:20:40,954
Congratulations.
We did it.
578
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,324
And we did it together
because we're a team.
579
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,594
Should we do it again
next week, sir?
580
00:20:45,595 --> 00:20:47,161
No.
I would hate that.
581
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,499
Hey, honey.
582
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,034
Thanks for bringing Roger back.
583
00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:53,335
You're very welcome.
584
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:56,337
Hey, by the way, Amy was really
nervous to meet you,
585
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,506
so don't judge her too harshly
for all the weird singing.
586
00:20:58,540 --> 00:20:59,607
Oh, no.
587
00:20:59,608 --> 00:21:01,410
I'm dating my son of a bitch
ex-husband.
588
00:21:01,411 --> 00:21:02,844
Who am I to judge?
589
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,813
I think she's really great.
590
00:21:07,116 --> 00:21:08,582
I think you're really great too!
591
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:11,396
She's very good at lip reading.
592
00:21:11,397 --> 00:21:12,784
I wouldn't say I'm very good.
593
00:21:12,785 --> 00:21:15,868
I mean, deaf people,
they're the real talents.
594
00:21:16,557 --> 00:21:18,022
Just can't stop.
595
00:21:18,023 --> 00:21:18,933
I'll let you guys talk!
596
00:21:18,934 --> 00:21:20,276
I'll just close my eyes.
597
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:26,019
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
598
00:21:27,305 --> 00:22:27,784
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
42382
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